Always
by aterriblebeautyisborn
Summary: After all this time? Always. The friendship of Severus Snape and Lily Evans. (Eventual James/Lily)
1. Chapter 1 Her Name Was Lily Evans

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter. The flashbacks from the Deathly Hallows (The Prince's Tale) contain dialogue by JK Rowling. **

**Chapter One- Her Name Was Lily Evans**

**1997**

The scarlet and gold that smothered the walls of Sirius Black's room seemed to disappear as Severus Snape hurled a book across the room in agitation. His black eyes, normally cold and calculating, had an almost frantic hunger. "This can't be it," Snape muttered to himself, reaching for another worn book. His fingers sifted through the pages violently before abruptly casting it aside with the rest.

"This can't be it," Snape repeated, his voice growing with loud frustration. There had to be something. Anything. With renewed anger, Snape kicked aside a towering stack of old school textbooks. To his astonishment, several papers floated to the ground in the midst of dust. Snape promptly snatched them, his hands trembling in anticipation.

"Useless… Useless..." Snape tossed aside the first few sheets with impatience, letters from various people that he could not care less about. Then he froze, his eyes catching a familiar glint of dark red hair. He would recognize that red anywhere.

It was Lily Evans.

Snape refused to think of her as Lily Potter. The Lily he had known, his Lily, has been Lily Evans. He would never know her as anything else. Before he could linger on the photograph for long, the last two papers caught his eye. He knew that handwriting better than his own. It was a neat script, quite unlike his untidy scrawl. But Lily Evans had been hardly like him.

No, Snape reflected, she had been better.

He studied the letter. He wanted to snarl when he spotted mentions of a life that he had not been included in, but he could not. A more powerful emotion was threatening to overwhelm him.

A teardrop splattered on the signature, and he realized it already had. His fingertips traced the familiar letters that spelled out _Lots of love, Lily_. The rest of the letter already faded away as he absorbed the signature.

Recollecting what little remained of his control; Snape hastily stuffed the last page into his robes. His hands greedily took the photograph and tore it. The half that contained a jovial James and Harry fell to the carpet. He did not need any more reminders of Lily Potter. He only wanted Lily Evans.

Before he could tuck away the photograph, he could not help but gaze upon the face of the woman that he had betrayed. She was laughing. He could remember the first time he had heard her laugh.

Snape closed his eyes.

**1969**

Nine-year-old Severus Snape crouched down in the bushes, unconcerned about the dirt that was staining his already grimy jeans. His attention was focused elsewhere, on the playground. More specifically, on the familiar redhead that he had been watching for nearly a year. She was not like anything he had seen before, yet she was just like him.

She had magic.

Her name was Lily. The one swinging beside her was her sister, Petunia. She was a Muggle that Severus felt nothing but disdain for. Lily was the one that fascinated him.

All of a sudden, Lily leapt off the swing midair, her laughter ringing throughout the playground. Severus usually loathed laughter. He heard laughter when his drunken father thrashed him. He heard laughter when the Muggle children mocked his filthy clothes. This laughter was different. It was…nice.

Severus watched for a few more minutes, tuning out the Muggle's constant screeches. But when Lily's magic became clear once more with the curious flower she was holding, he could not keep silent.

"It's obvious, isn't it?" Severus stood up from the bushes, causing the Muggle to squeal once more. Even though it had been the Muggle who had questioned Lily's magic, Severus's focus was directed to Lily.

"What's obvious?" Lily said, speaking to Severus for the very first time.

Severus had imagined this day, thousands of times, ever since he had first realized the truth about Lily Evans. He reddened slightly as he finally registered their surprise. He had not meant to reveal his hiding place. Despite his embarrassment, his words were eager. "I know what you are."

"What do you mean?" Lily frowned. But she had recovered from her shock and was studying him with wary curiosity. Her sister, on the other hand, had fled to a safe distance.

"You're….you're a witch," Severus said excitedly, watching her face. But as many times as he had pictured her reaction, her actual response was nothing like he had envisioned.

Lily's emerald green eyes narrowed. "That's not a very nice thing to say to somebody." She spun on her heel with a dignified air. He was left standing behind, gaping at the back of her shining red hair.

"No!" Severus called out quickly. Lily paused, turning around with visible reluctance. He was becoming worried; mentally scolding himself for ruining something he had wanted so desperately to be perfect. "You are a witch. I've been watching you for a while. But there's nothing wrong with that- My mum's one, and I'm a wizard." He was babbling on at an incredible rate, saying anything that he hoped would make her want to stay.

The words spilled out thoughtlessly. Severus did not realize how they sounded until he heard the cruel sound of the Muggle's giggles.

"Wizard!" The Muggle exclaimed with glee. It was clear that Severus no longer intimidated her, and she moved haughtily in front of her younger sister. "I know who you are. _You're_ that Snape boy."

Severus flushed as the Muggle continued her proud rant. He stared at the toes of his badly scuffed sneakers, becoming all too aware of the heat of the sun. It felt like a suffocating spotlight on him, and he remembered why he had always preferred the shadows.

"Haven't been spying," Severus retorted defensively when the Muggle had finished blathering. "Wouldn't spy on _you_, anyway. _You're_ a Muggle." The acid in his words could not be missed, and the Muggle's mouth twisted into a scowl.

"Lily, come on," The Muggle promptly seized her sister's arm. "We're leaving."

Lily had fallen quiet during the exchange, but her green eyes had clouded with indignation at Severus's tone toward her sibling. She did not even protest the Muggle's bossiness. Instead, she glowered at Severus and followed.

As Lily and the Muggle walked away, Severus could not help but watch. A sickening feeling lurched in his stomach. He had waited so long for this very day, and he could not have imagined a worse ending.

Despite his disappointment, a tiny flicker of hope remained. Lily Evans was a witch, whether she liked it or not. Once she accepted that fact, he could finally have a friend. Then maybe, just maybe, there would be a glimmer of light in his dark world.

**1969**

Lily avoided the strange boy for nearly a week. She would never admit it to Petunia, but his words had worried her. Strange things kept happening to her that she could not explain. Even if it was really magic, she did not want to be a witch. The witches in the stories she had read about terrified her. They were wicked and hideous and locked princesses up in towers. But on the sixth day, when she slipped down the staircase and ended bouncing back up, Lily decided she needed answers.

Petunia had said that he lived in the last house on Spinner's End. Lily knew the one. It was a grimy brick house, two stories high, with cracked windows resembling cobwebs. Like most of the houses on Spinner's End, it had a dreary feel about it that made Lily shiver.

"Hurry up, Lily. I want to go to the playground," Petunia stood in the doorway of the sunny room that she and Lily shared, tapping her foot impatiently. She had clearly forgotten about the previous encounter with the Snape boy. Petunia had a habit of pushing away thoughts she did not like to think about, such as Lily's supposed magic.

"I can't go," Lily lied, not wanting to meet her sister's eyes. Lying made her uncomfortable, but she didn't have any other choice. If Petunia knew what Lily had planned, she would try to stop her, or worse, tell their mum. "My stomach hurts."

"You shouldn't have eaten so quickly at breakfast," Petunia said in her usual imperious tone. "Didn't I tell you?"

Lily nodded, biting her tongue to keep from protesting. She was relieved that Petunia seemed to believe her, but then again, why wouldn't she? Lily never lied to her. At that thought, Lily felt an uneasy twinge of guilt.

"You should rest. I'll be on the swings if you feel better." Petunia skipped off before Lily could say anything else. That suited Lily, who counted silently to two hundred before leaving the room.

The walk to the Snape boy's house was not far, but was much too long for Lily's liking. Each step brought new questions, and by the time she had approached the end of Spinner's End, she had almost convinced herself that magic really did exist.

Lily was just about to knock on the door when a loud whisper stopped her.

"What are you doing? Don't!"

Lily jumped at the sound of an unexpected voice, immediately lowering her fist. She whirled around to see that the strange boy was lurking in the shrubbery. "Do you always hide in bushes?" Lily demanded defensively, her cheeks pink from frightening so easily.

The boy reddened too, but before he could retaliate, a shrill scream pierced the air. Lily jumped again, but the boy quickly seized her by the hand and pulled her toward the bushes. Just then, the front door swung open.

"Bloody women," A man growled, his footsteps heavy. One glance at the Snape boy's fearful eyes, and Lily knew to be silent. Lowering her head into the thorny leaves, she watched the man without a sound, not daring to shift into a more comfortable position.

He had the boy's smoldering dark eyes and hooked nose, but the differences ended there. The man was good deal rounder with a ruddy complexion. Even from a distance, there was the distinct scent of alcohol, and in his left hand, a bottle swung lazily. "Where is that damn boy?"

Beside her, the boy stiffened. Lily noticed their hands were only a few inches apart and she hesitantly touched his hand as a gesture of comfort.

The boy flinched and Lily, self-conscious, immediately tore her hand back.

The man eventually stumbled back into the house, mumbling incoherently. Neither of them dared to breathe until the door had slammed shut. After a minute of relieved silence, Lily turned to the boy. "Was that your dad?"

There was a shout from inside the house and the boy winced. "Yeah." Then his face transformed into a guarded expression. His dark eyes suddenly flashed, oddly similar to the man with the bottle. There was no trace of fear, only proud defiance. "What are you doing here?"

Lily wanted to question him further about his father. The man she had seen was so unlike her kind father that she could not help but be curious. A second glance at the boy's steely features told her she would regret it. Feeling unexpectedly uncertain, Lily searched for the right words. "I've come to ask you about magic."

The boy's eyes gleamed again, but this time, it was not a motion of defense. It was excitement. "What about it?"

"Is it real?"

"You saw what you did to that flower."

Lily bit her lip to keep it from trembling. Tears were threatening to spill from her almond shaped eyes. "But I don't want to be evil."

"Witches aren't evil," he waved his hand indifferently. "You've been reading too many of those Muggle stories."

His quiet confidence consoled her and Lily began to smile, feeling reassured that being a witch might not be such a terrible thing after all.

"I'm Lily Evans," Lily spoke with sudden shyness, realizing they had not been properly introduced.

"I know," The boy said before catching himself. He flushed again, shoving his hands into the pockets of his ragged jeans. "I mean…I'm Severus Snape."

"That's a funny name. I like it," Lily sank back onto the browning grass, forgetting the apprehension that had followed her the entire way to Severus's house. She tilted her head hopefully, her emerald eyes pleading. "Will you tell me more about magic?"

"Sure," Severus brightened. No longer was he an intimidating boy dressed in strange, tattered clothing. He was someone that Lily instinctively trusted, a friend. "But you learn it all at Hogwarts."

"Hogwarts," Lily echoed curiously. She let the word roll off her tongue, liking the sound of it. "What's that?"

"A school for people like us."

"A school of magic?" Lily could hardly believe such a foreign concept, but as strange as it was, she felt a flutter of anticipation. "Are there really others like us?" Before Severus could reply, her face fell. "But I'm not going to Hogwarts. I'm going to school with Tuney."

Severus shook his head assertively. He did not seem the least bit bothered. "Hogwarts will send you a letter. But not yet."

"When?" Lily asked, feeling a rush of eagerness despite her doubts. For as long as she could remember, she had been following Petunia's example. Schools of magic did not fall into that category.

"When we're eleven."

"But that's not for two years," Lily complained, disappointed. Two years seemed a remote distance, nearly unbearable. "It might as well be a hundred."

"I know," Severus said, his lips twitching in a rare smile. "But I'll teach you everything I know until then. We can do potions and stuff."

Lily perked up considerably and she beamed back at him. "Promise you'll teach me everything?"

"Promise."

Suddenly, two years did not seem so far away.


	2. Chapter 2 The Lie

**Thanks for the reviews! I've been wanting to write this story for a while, so I thought it would be fitting as my first fanfic. I wrote several chapters already, so I'll try to update frequently. I'm writing in all of Snape's memories, but there definitely will be more new material soon.**

**Chapter Two- The Lie**

**1970**

Severus's hatred of sunlight faded when Lily was there. Her presence itself was like sunshine, but not the glaring sort that made him wish for darkness. It was more of a gentle warmth that was contagious. Severus had smiled more in that one year of friendship than he had his entire existence.

That day, the sun was brighter than ever. The golden rays poured into the dirty river, causing a rare sparkle. Dapples of sunlight streamed through the trees that bordered the water and towered above the two. The branches cast shadows that danced in the light breeze, offering a cool protection from the heat.

It was their secret glade.

"It is real, isn't it?" Lily's emerald green eyes were wide and earnest. "It's not a joke? Petunia says you're lying to me. Petunia says there isn't a Hogwarts. It is real, isn't it?"

Severus's dark eyes flickered with amusement. Lily had been asking that same question every other day, when she was not worrying about being in trouble for doing underage magic. "It's real for us." He relished the fact that she listened to his every word. She was the first person that not only liked him, but seemed to respect him as well. "Not for her. But we'll get the letter, you and me."

"Really?" Lily whispered hopefully. She was always torn between logic and desire. It was clear that she wanted Hogwarts to exist, but even Severus understood how unimaginable it was. For him, Hogwarts was almost a fantasy. A fantasy far from Spinner's End.

"Definitely," Severus answered with cool confidence, but that familiar thrill that he often felt when dreaming of Hogwarts surged inside him.

"Will it really come by owl?" Lily questioned eagerly. The part about owls delivering letters was one of her favorites.

"Normally," Severus said wisely. "But you're Muggle born, so someone from the school will have to come and explain it to your parents."

"Does it make a difference, being Muggle-born?"

The question was an innocent one. One that Lily had never asked before. Severus paused; remembering his mum's spiteful reaction when she had found out that her own son had befriended a Muggle-born. Tobias Snape had turned her against all Muggles and she felt nothing but loathing toward them. He knew that she was far from the only one.

"No," Severus lied. "It doesn't make any difference."

It was the first time that he had lied to Lily, but once he saw the worry leave her face, he knew it had been for the best.

"How are things at your house?" Lily asked quietly.

"Fine." Severus's forehead puckered. To Lily, his family might not seem fine, but it was all that he knew. In his mind, it was fine. In one year he would be at Hogwarts.

Lily eyed him for a moment, clearly hesitant. Severus knew she was weighing her words carefully. He tended to be cagey when it came to his family, and Lily never liked to push him. "They're not…arguing anymore?"

"Oh yes, they're arguing," Severus replied, feeling a sudden bitter taste in his mouth. "But it won't be that long, and I'll be gone."

"Doesn't your dad like magic?" Lily asked curiously.

Severus shrugged, looking down. "He doesn't like anything, much." Images of a drunken Tobias Snape flew through his mind, and Severus automatically clamped his fists together, his jaw tightening.

"Severus?"

Severus noticed then his knuckles had turned white. Relaxing his hands, he finally looked back at Lily. His lips curved when he realized she had spoken his name. Sometimes their friendship seemed too good to be true, which would make Severus wonder if it was all a daydream, and believe that the real Lily Evans would not even know his name. When she said his name, Severus knew that Lily really did know him, and had accepted him in spite of it. "Yeah?"

"Tell me about the dementors again."

"What d'you want to know about them for?" Severus asked, already knowing the answer. He was too relieved that she had changed the subject.

"If I use magic outside school…" Lily began.

Severus nearly laughed aloud. If there was one person that would never have to worry about the dementors, it was Lily.

"They wouldn't give you to the dementors for that! Dementors are for people who do really bad stuff. They guard the wizard prison, Azkaban. You're not going to end up in Azkaban, you're too…" His voice trailed off, and he could feel his face heat up. He wasn't quite certain what he meant to say. Good? Good was an understatement. Lily was…

All of a sudden, there was the sound of a branch cracking, as if someone had stepped on it. There was a flurry of movement and Petunia fell forward from the trees. Severus and Lily both leapt to their feet, startled. When they realized who it was, Lily's face relaxed. Severus's did not.

"Who's spying now?" Severus accused "What d'you want?" Over that year, Petunia never let Severus forget who he was or how they had originally met. Whenever they saw each other, her cold eyes would flicker over his shabby clothes disdainfully, before she would promptly burst into giggles. He despised that Muggle, and to have her there, in his and Lily's secret place, made it all the worse.

That day was no different. While Petunia was recovering her breath, her pale, frosty eyes skimmed Severus scathingly, "What is that you're wearing, anyway? Your mum's blouse?"

Severus glared at her fiercely, his eyes darting above venomously. He wished that-

There was the loud sound of a fresh branch breaking. Before Severus's thought could fully process, Lily shrieked. The limb fell and struck Petunia's shoulder. Petunia stumbled back, her face crumpling.

"Tuney!" Lily cried out as Petunia burst into tears. She started for her sister, but she was too late. Petunia had already fled.

Lily bit her lip in dismay. When she turned toward Severus, he could see that her clear green eyes were glistening. "Did you make that happen?"

"No." Severus said too quickly, a guarded expression overcoming his features. He had only thought… He hadn't meant to…. If only that Muggle hadn't…

"You did!" The teardrop that had been threatening to fall stained her cheek. She took a step backward, her watering eyes searching his as if she had never seen him before. "You did! You hurt her!"

"No…" Severus began miserably, feeling just as powerless as he did the first day he had met her. "No, I didn't!"

Lily did not believe him. It hurt more than he thought it would. Feeling helpless and close to tears, Severus simply watched her run off after Petunia. He couldn't defend himself. He wasn't even sure if he had meant to or not.

Severus fell to the grass, hugging his knees tightly to his chest. He suddenly felt very small. The daydream had become a nightmare, and unfortunately, this time it was real.

**1970**

It was their first fight, and the next morning, Lily was still miserable.

Even when she awoke, she was unable to muster her usual enthusiasm when it came to checking off the paper calendar she had made to count the days off to Hogwarts. The bright, crayoned numbers stared back at her sadly.

"I don't know how you can stand that awful boy," Petunia announced much too cheerfully, uncapping a new bottle of nail polish. It was a garish bright pink that Lily would never choose.

"He's not awful!" Lily protested automatically. It felt only natural to defend Severus. He had become her closest friend after all, and Petunia had done nothing but constantly find faults that were invisible to Lily.

Petunia gawked at Lily incredulously, the hand that held the tiny brush of polish freezing. "Lily, you're defending him?"

"No!" Lily exclaimed, but then she faltered. "No… I don't know."

She honestly did not know. There were two Severuses, the one who was her friend and the one who had been hurt too many times. The latter frightened her sometimes. That hurt would transform into a fervent loathing that Lily had never known.

"It's not his fault," Lily said suddenly, the previous day's events replaying in her mind. "You shouldn't have teased him."

"You're saying that it was my fault?" Petunia sputtered. "He hurt my shoulder!"

"It was an accident! He was upset. You saw him, he was just as upset about it as we were." The more Lily thought about it, the more anxious she became. She had a feeling that she had made a terrible mistake. "I have to go. Bye, Tuney!"

"You're not…" Petunia began in disbelief, but it was futile. Lily had already vanished.

Lily was not entirely sure that Severus would be at their place by the river, but she desperately wanted him to be. She hoped that he wasn't too upset. It had only been a day, but she missed their friendship.

When she saw him slouched against a tree, his oversized coat covering him like a blanket, Lily felt her instinctive smile tug at her lips. But then she quickly sobered when she remembered that they were fighting.

Severus heard her footsteps and immediately stood up. His hands were pushed into his pockets as he walked toward her, his dark hair falling into his eyes. Neither of them seemed brave enough to meet the other's eyes.

Once he neared her, Lily finally faced him. She could see that dark circles lined his eyes as if he had not been able to sleep either. Suddenly, she felt extremely nervous.

"Lily, I'm-"

"Sev, I'm-"

They had spoken simultaneously. As they took in each other's misery, they immediately broke out into laughter.

"Friends again?" Lily said hopefully once they had recollected themselves. She flopped down onto the grass, not far from where Severus had been sitting.

He plunked down next to her. "Always," Severus nodded solemnly, but his dark eyes were sparkling.

"Let's never fight again," Lily said with determination, feeling much relief. Fighting with Severus had been horrible, and she had no desire for it to happen again.

"We won't," Severus agreed.

A smile toyed with Lily's rosy lips as she realized that he was just as resolute as she was. Now that that their first fight was officially over, a familiar eagerness was returning. "Will you tell me more about Hogwarts?"

There was a glint in Severus's black eyes and Lily knew that was a yes. They lied back on the grass, their faces both gazing at the sky. It was a brilliant blue, edged with green from the tips of trees that surrounded them. There was not a cloud in sight.

Lily closed her eyes, listening to Severus's soft speech. The streaks of sunlight that managed to spill between trees made her eyelids feel heavy. Only the excitement that was Hogwarts kept her awake.

"Don't forget the owls," Lily cut in suddenly, interrupting Severus's description of the Great Hall.

"I won't forget the owls."

"And Dumbledore," Lily said excitedly. "Is he really the most powerful wizard?"

"That goes without saying."

"And the giant squid. Don't forget to talk about the giant squid."

"Do you want to tell me about Hogwarts instead?" Severus countered, but his tone was light and Lily knew he was not genuinely irritated.

As Severus returned to his narrative of the Great Hall, Lily felt her smile grow. In one year, they would be at Hogwarts, and everything would be perfect.


	3. Chapter 3 The Darkest of the Arts

**Chapter Three- The Darkest of the Arts**

**1971**

The next year passed by even more slowly than the last. With each day, it seemed as if Tobias Snape's mood grew sourer and sourer. It was only hours spent with Lily that made the days tolerable for Severus. When they were not imagining their days at Hogwarts, they were mixing potions at their little glade by the river. Lily constantly worried that being from a Muggle family would make it impossible for her to catch up, so Severus had stolen a crumbling book of potions from his mother, as well as the occasional ingredient.

As much fun as they had brewing potions, Severus wanted to try something new. They were not actually allowed to perform magic, but they could look over spells and memorize the incantations.

All he had to do was find the proper book.

The attic was even gloomier than the rest of the house, with graying sheets draped untidily over battered trunks and disintegrating furniture. Severus cautiously sifted through various articles in the trunk where he had found the potion book, careful to remain quiet. He was forbidden from the attic.

Severus sighed in disappointment, letting an old Prince family album fall back into the trunk. It fell with a loud thump and he winced. Once he was certain that no one was coming upstairs, he continued his investigation. Eileen had prattled on about the prestige the Prince family once had on more than one occasion, rather bitterly. There had to be more remnants of them other than a moldy album.

Severus stood up without bothering to dust himself off. He covered the trunk with a sheet so it appeared just as it had before and began to cross the narrow room.

A moment later, his foot caught on something and he ended up flying across the room. There was a noisy crash and Severus inhaled sharply, certain that he would be caught. He waited, bracing himself for a beating.

But no one came.

Severus went over to inspect what had tripped him. His penetrating eyes skimmed the splintering floor and quickly discovered the source, wondering how he had not noticed the loose floorboard before. It was raised a good half inch above the others. Severus was just about to push it back to its rightful place, but a sudden idea sparked in his mind. With both hands, he started to pry the board loose.

It required more strength than he would have guessed, but at last, Severus had managed to pull the board free. He did not pause to catch his breath, for something unexpected caught his eye.

It was a human skull.

Severus did not flinch. Instead, he calmly took it, turning it over repeatedly in his hands. His fingertips traced a twisted crack and he wondered if it was real or not. Before he could contemplate for long, he realized that the skull was not the only object stashed beneath the floor.

Even an underaged wizard like Severus knew that these items were not typical of the magic world. These were…darker. Darker than he had ever known. Instead of being horrified, Severus was fascinated.

When he had finished poring over a bloodstained mask and a set of lethal looking knives, the true prize was revealed beneath something that oddly resembled dried skin. There were books.

The Darkest of the Arts was the thickest with a cracked leather cover and a barely decipherable title. Severus eagerly delved into the yellowed pages, riveted by the spidery script and gruesome pictures. Curses for the Cursed and Scourge of Shadows proved to be nearly as ghastly.

Severus was mesmerized as he turned page after page, absorbing spells that he could never have dreamed of, even in his darkest of nightmares. He soon learned that Inferi were possessed, dead bodies and that Fiendfyre made cursed fire.

But what captivated Severus the most were the Unforgiveable Curses.

If he knew how to perform them, no one would ever hurt him again. No longer would he be a weakling. He would never again have to cower in the corner while Tobias Snape loomed above, his fists swinging wildly toward him…

Before he could dwell on the power they contained, Severus heard the familiar sound of footsteps. Quickly, he cast the books aside and shoved everything else back in its proper place beneath the floorboard. Once he was satisfied that no one would be able to tell if he had been there or not, Severus stuffed the three books under his billowing shirt and crept down the staircase.

He couldn't wait to show Lily.

"Where have you been?" Eileen Snape demanded when she caught sight of her skinny son leaving his room. Her tired eyes were dark and vacant, but that was ordinary. "I was looking all over for you."

Severus was glad that he had disposed of the books safely behind the flimsy mattress that he slept in. "I was outside. You must've missed me."

Eileen's face tightened visibly, and Severus wondered if she believed him or not. He did not have to brood for long, for Eileen thrust a thick envelope of heavy parchment at him.

"Your letter came today."

For a brief moment, Severus could have sworn he saw a glimmer of pride in those dead eyes. But it dissolved as quickly as it had appeared, and Severus couldn't tell whether he had imagined it or not. She turned around to leave and he stared at the envelope greedily, his thin fingers tracing over the Hogwarts wax seal.

After all this time, it had finally arrived.

**1971**

Lily could hardly keep still. Her legs swung back and forth anxiously while she sat quietly beside Petunia, her almond shaped eyes nearly round as she gawked at Minerva McGonagall in fascination.

Professor McGonagall may have appeared severe with a pair of spectacles perched on her thin nose, but there was a quality about her that Lily instantly liked. She donned robes of emerald green with her raven hair swept back in a precise bun, nearly concealed under a pointed hat. She was every bit of a witch that Lily hoped to be.

"But she can't go!" Petunia cried out suddenly. Despite her insistent tone, her chin was quavering. "I won't have my sister being a freak."

"Tuney!"

"Petunia!"

Lily and Bryony Evans had spoken in unison, their horrified stares perfectly mirrored.

"I told you not to use that word," Bryony scolded, looking immensely embarrassed at her elder daughter's behavior. With her neatly pressed blouse and perfectly arranged auburn hair, it was clear where Petunia had inherited her orderliness. The whereabouts of her escalating condescending attitude, however, were an unfortunate mystery.

Professor McGonagall's piercing green eyes flickered toward Petunia with thinly veiled disapproval. "I assure you, Miss Evans, only the finest freaks are taught at Hogwarts."

Lily held back a giggle. Petunia scowled, not appearing the least bit abashed.

Edward Evans ignored his older daughter's outburst and turned to Professor McGonagall. Beneath his placid demeanor, Lily could detect a note of uncertainty remained. "And this…Hogwarts… It's safe?"

"There isn't any place safer than one with Albus Dumbledore," Professor McGonagall stated with such assurance that it was impossible to question her. Even Petunia didn't dare disagree.

The tension in Edward's face relaxed, and he finally turned to his youngest daughter. His sky blue eyes twinkled behind his polished glasses and Lily knew she had nothing to worry about. "Judging from that enormous grin of yours, I'm sure I don't have to ask, but do you want this, Lily?"

Lily nodded avidly. "I do. I really, really do."

"Then it's settled," Edward nodded after exchanging glances with his wife. The hint of pride in his voice could not be missed. "You'll attend Hogwarts in September."

Petunia huffed.

Lily refused to let her sister spoil this day for her, the very day she had waited two long years for. Her head swiveled back to Professor McGonagall, who gave Edward, and then Bryony, a curt nod before nearing Lily.

"I expect to see you on the first," Professor McGonagall said not unkindly. "Don't be late."

Lily nodded again, this time, solemnly. But even then, she could not keep her lips turned down.

There was a faint popping sound and Minerva McGonagall vanished into thin air.

Even Petunia had the sense to appear astonished. Before anyone could utter a word, she recovered from her speechlessness and leapt to her feet, audacity shining in her teary eyes. "You may be proud to have a witch in the family, but I've never been more humiliated in my entire life." She stomped her foot for emphasis. "It's…abnormal. You're just as bad as that awful boy, Lily!"

"Tuney!" Lily knew her sister had never liked magic, but she had never said such horrid things to her. There were times where she could be scornful toward Severus, but she had never been this cruel toward Lily.

"Girls!" Edward intervened before a row could flourish, his voice unusually stern. "Petunia, I will not have you ruining your sister's day. You should be proud of her achievement."

"Why?" Petunia demanded harshly. "So she can just grab a broomstick and fly to that stupid school?"

"You don't fly on just any old broomstick," Lily interjected, quick to defend the wizarding honor. "They have special brooms. Sev told me-"

"SHUT UP!" Petunia bellowed with more rage than any of them had expected. Latching her hands firmly above her ears, she bolted from the room, leaving the rest of her family to stare after her in shock.

There was a strained silence.

Edward shook his head. "It must be that age," he said cheerfully, obviously making an attempt to lighten the mood. Reaching into his pocket, he extracted a black leather wallet. "Lily, how about you take Severus out for ice cream to celebrate?"

"Thanks, Dad," Lily hugged him tightly, and then her mother before accepting the money. As she walked to Spinner's End, she could feel her elation slowly diminish. She was thankful that her parents were encouraging her to go to Hogwarts, but she could not help but wish that Petunia had felt the same way. Each month, Petunia seemed more and more distant. Lily was beginning to worry that one day, she would no longer have a sister.

At last, she reached the clearing. Severus was there, exactly as she knew he would be, fussing over potions. At the sight of his familiar face, Lily could feel herself brighten and she ran toward him.

"I'm going to Hogwarts! I'm going to Hogwarts!" Lily sang out gleefully before wrapping her arms around him a delighted hug. He was startled for a moment, before awkwardly returning the gesture. After a moment, his grip tightened more comfortably and the hug lasted seconds longer than necessary.

"I told you that you would get in, didn't I?" Severus said rather proudly once they broke apart, as if he had accepted Lily into Hogwarts himself. He was beaming at her. "Now all we have to do is buy our supplies at Diagon Alley and be Sorted."

A new worry was beginning to surface. Lily remembered what he had told her before, many times, over the last two years. "I'll be in Slytherin too, right?"

"Of course you will," Severus said with such ease that Lily had to believe him. Her heart skipped a beat at the thought of next September. She would finally be a real witch.


	4. Chapter 4 Letters and Curses

**Chapter Four- Letters and Curses**

**1971**

Severus and Lily rarely went anywhere other than their hideout by the river, but on rainy days, when Bryony forbade Lily to go outside, Severus would visit.

Severus didn't like Lily's house very much, not that he would ever tell Lily. There was nothing technically wrong with Lily's house. In fact, it was eerily close to perfect. It was sunny, bright, and spacious, with a kind father and warm mother. But that was precisely what was wrong with it. Severus felt awkward, as if he didn't belong there, and it didn't help that Petunia was always there to remind him when he nearly forgot.

Surveying the bedroom that Lily and Petunia shared should have worsened his state of discomfort. Instead, it soothed him. While everything appeared to be pristine and girlish at first glance, an invisible line seemed to divide the room evenly in half, one half decidedly Lily.

Both sides may have had walls that were freshly painted a soft rose color and twin beds with matching floral bedspreads, but a stark contrast remained. One side was cold and the other was not. Petunia's half was an icy perfection, her blankets pulled tightly around the bed so that there was not a wrinkle in sight. Other than a few dull books that lined a shelf, her part seemed devoid of anything personal. Lily, on the other hand, had made it clear which side was hers. A few stuffed animals were affectionately arranged on her lumpy bed while bottles of prettily colored potions dotted her shelf, even more spectacular when the sun would shine through. Photographs of the Evans family on holiday, childish drawings, and a makeshift count down calendar to Hogwarts were plastered neatly over the pale pink walls.

Severus briefly touched a picture that Lily had made, smiling to himself. It was a clumsy sketch of two figures by what he supposed was a river. While there was hardly any difference between two, one clearly had black hair and the other red. He could only assume it was them.

"What book did you find?" Lily's voice snapped him out of his thoughts, and Severus quickly withdrew his hand, his eyes darting toward her. She was plainly impatient.

To Severus's relief, Petunia had been conspicuously absent that day. Lily had informed him that she was off impressing a new boy named Vernon Dursley, so there was no need for hushed voices. Severus removed the worn copy of Curses for the Cursed from his coat pocket. It was the lightest of the three. He felt guilty about waiting to show her the Dark Arts books, but he hadn't wanted to frighten her. In the end, excitement won over uncertainty. After all, he had promised to teach her everything. He would just have to make her understand.

"What is that?" Lily's voice sounded strange.

"Curses," Severus replied, unable to keep the enthusiasm from trickling into his voice. He began rapidly flipping through the pages. "Look! This one makes your enemy's legs wobble until they can't even walk."

"Sev, I thought you said there was no dark magic."

"Well, there can be bad wizards. Just like there can be bad Muggles too. It's not the magic. It's the person." Severus explained, quickly skipping a page with a particularly grisly sketch of a rotting corpse.

Lily was quiet. Only the sound of pages turning could be heard. "If it depends on the person, then why do you have it? You're not a bad wizard."

"To protect myself," Severus said. "And you." He blushed at how it sounded and continued on rapidly. "You've seen my dad, Lily. You've seen what he can do. If I learn these, I'll never have to worry about him again."

Lily frowned and Severus could see the uncertainty dance across her pretty features. "I don't like it, Sev."

"I've only read a few harmless ones," Severus added at once. He could see that he was frightening Lily, and the last thing he wanted was another fight. "Just to be safe."

Lily was silent again and Severus's heart pounded. Finally, Lily offered a small, timid smile and Severus wondered if she had the same fear he did. "A few harmless ones," she repeated, pushing the book back with a shudder. "Just don't show me. I like charms better."

As disappointed as he was with her reaction, Severus felt a rush of relief and gratitude that she had not run away like she had during the tree branch incident. "Should we practice charms then?"

Lily brightened and bounced up. "I wrote a few incantations down. We can go over those."

As she rummaged through the desk that she and Petunia took turns using, Severus's dark eyes swept the surface of the somewhat cluttered desk with mild curiosity. He liked looking at Lily's possessions, guessing which ones were most prized. He caught a familiar shimmer of emerald ink sandwiched between a neat stack of Muggle textbooks. "What's that?"

Lily followed his gaze and reached for the piece of parchment. Her almond shaped eyes became saucer-like as they darted back and forth across the page. "Tuney wrote to Hogwarts?"

Severus peeked over her shoulder, torn between shock and merriment. "Dear Miss Evans, you can't imagine my surprise and delight to see that you wrote. In regard to your request, I regret to inform you that Hogwarts only accepts those with magic. I'm afraid those without would find our school difficult and most likely not enjoy…" Severus read aloud. He bit back a laugh, knowing it would upset Lily. "I can't believe a _Muggle_ was able to contact Hogwarts. There must be wizards working at the postal service."

"I can't believe she wants to go to Hogwarts." Lily sounded hurt. "She never told me. I thought she hated magic."

"So did I," Severus shrugged, still privately amused. He couldn't help but feel smug. Petunia must have been going mad with envy the entire time, eavesdropping desperately on conversations with any hints of magic. "I reckon she was just jealous."

He regretted the words instantly, seeing Lily's anxious expression. She hated to leave anyone out, and he did not want her insisting that Petunia join them. There may have only been a week of summer left, but Severus didn't want to share Lily with anyone, particularly that Muggle.

"Maybe I should talk to her."

Severus shook his head immediately. "You don't want to make her feel worse about it. She obviously feels embarrassed."

"You're right," Lily frowned, still unhappy.

Severus hated to see Lily upset, especially over someone as horrible as Petunia. She needed a distraction. "Let's work on charms."

Like magic, Lily brightened and Severus was satisfied. Hogwarts tended to have that effect on them. He had been worried for a moment that Lily would do something…Lily-like and sacrifice Hogwarts to stay for Petunia, but he should have known better. Severus didn't know what he would do if that happened, but he knew once they were finally at Hogwarts; no one would be able to come between them.

**1971**

Lily's uncertainty returned at dinner, when she finally faced Petunia. It was an ordinary meal with the four of them seated around the table as always, but the tension was thicker than ever. Edward and Bryony were oblivious, chatting cheerfully about their day.

"Can you pass the potatoes, Tuney?" Lily asked hesitantly, having the need to make conversation, as mundane it was.

Petunia paused as if she needed to mull her sister's request over. "Yes." She daintily lifted the bowl. As she handed it to Lily, she whispered rather loudly, "_Freak_."

Lily instantly felt the sting of new tears, but she bravely blinked them away. Their parents did not seem to notice the exchange and were merrily contemplating the idea of a holiday in France next year.

"I don't want to go to France," Lily said suddenly. "Then Sev will be alone." The thought of her friend abandoned in that horrid house almost made the tears fall again. He would be miserable for the entire summer and it would be her fault.

"We're not staying because a _freak_ has separation anxiety," Petunia declared. "I want to go to France."

Edward and Bryony exchanged worried glances.

"Petunia, please stop saying that word," Edward reprimanded with startling sternness. He then glanced over at Lily, his face softening. "And if Severus's parents allow it, he is more than welcome to join us."

This was too much for Petunia. She tossed her napkin dramatically to the tabletop. "I refuse to be seen in public with that…"

"Freak?" Lily offered quietly.

"Freak!" Petunia's face was crimson with anger, deepening by the second. Whether she had heard Lily or not was unclear. "As the only normal one in this family, my opinion counts most."

Edward nonchalantly helped himself to more potatoes. Beneath his calm exterior, Lily could tell that he was holding back a lecture. "Are we not normal now?" he asked mildly, setting the dish back down.

"Obviously!" Petunia crossed her arms defiantly across her chest. "You and Mum are encouraging this…abnormality. It's not normal."

"I think we heard that," Bryony said, as if Petunia was merely repeated the weather forecast. She turned toward her husband, holding a small plate. "More sprouts, love?"

"Sprouts would be lovely," Edward responded much too heartily.

Petunia's face soured. "I know what you're doing you know. You might be ignoring me, but that doesn't change anything. That awful boy turned Lily into a-"

"Stop calling him that!" Lily broke off her sentence in a rare show of anger. Her eyes blazed emerald green fire as her creamy complexion flushed pink. She was tired of Petunia's constant jabs at Severus. It was bad enough that other Muggle children taunted him. He didn't need it from her very own sister too. "Sev isn't awful. He's my best friend. He's loyal, smart, and nice, which is more than I can say for you."

Petunia rose from her chair, but this time it was Bryony who cut in. She held up her hand, signaling for her daughter to sit down. Petunia obeyed with a bitter scowl.

"This has gone far enough," Bryony spoke without a hint of a twinkle in her eyes. She did not bother to mask her disappointment, and Lily suddenly felt ashamed. "What happened to you girls? You used to be such close friends."

There was silence.

"Whatever it is, I suggest you sort it out soon," Bryony continued coolly. "Because your father and I are trying to enjoy a nice family meal."

Lily lowered her head so that a tumble of red hair shielded her face. She didn't want to fight with Petunia. More than anything, she wanted her sister back. The old Petunia may have been bossy and irritating at times, but at least she hadn't been so…cold.

There was a bittersweet feeling as Lily remembered one afternoon at the park when their parents had bought ice cream. Lily had dropped hers and began to cry, but it had been Petunia who had insisted on sharing hers. It had been a sisterly moment, hardly rare then. It may have been only a few years ago, but now it felt like ages.

Now it was as if Petunia hated her.

Without raising her head, Lily's gaze shifted from her plate to Petunia. If Petunia was having any regrets, she wasn't showing them. Instead, she was furiously stabbing her plate with a fork. Lily winced inwardly as she heard the faint screech.

There was still seven days until Hogwarts. Lily decided she would just have to patch things up with Petunia before then. Pleased with her decision, Lily felt her appetite return and quickly polished off her plate.


	5. Chapter 5 Diagon Alley

**Thank you for the reviews. I wasn't sure about continuing this story here, so I'm glad to see that other people seem to like it. While this fanfic is based on Severus and Lily, it's safe to say that the Marauders, as well as a certain gang of Sytherins, become an important of the story, increasingly so during the later years. I would also like to mention that one of my reviewers, x The Woman In The Tuxedo x, also has a Lily/Snape story that I enjoyed reading, so I recommend you take a look at that. **

**Chapter Five- Diagon Alley**

**1971**

Severus detested begging.

Wizard children pleaded for broomsticks and owls. Muggle children wheedled for bicycles and puppies. Severus Snape had to ask for school supplies.

As he finished a gloomy meal of bread and cheese, Severus pondered over the best approach. He had to be careful. There wasn't much time. He and Lily were leaving for Diagon Alley the next day.

Appealing to his mother's pride, or what remained of it, was his most favorable option. He didn't have to worry about his father. Tobias Snape had staggered over to a pub long ago.

Eileen was cleaning up in the kitchen. She always seemed to be cleaning or fiddling around, but regardless of what she did, the grime never seemed to disappear. Severus was accustomed to it and scarcely noticed.

There was a knot in his stomach as Severus waited in the doorway, as stiff as cardboard. Eileen Snape had her moods. Some days, she would be snap out, her tongue sharper than any knife. Other days, most days, she was lifeless, haunting the house with a glazed expression.

Severus didn't know which was worse.

"Mum?" Severus said hesitantly.

Eileen didn't lift her head. She stayed in her position, steadfastly scrubbing the counter, filth seeping into more filth.

"Mum?" Severus repeated, braving a step inside the kitchen.

When she finally looked up, Severus cringed. A nasty purplish blue bruise had spread across her cheekbone. He should have been familiar with the sight, but somehow, this welt seemed shinier than usual. He wondered how he hadn't noticed it earlier.

"Er-" Severus began uncertainly. His mother simply stared at him. She donned a new countenance. It wasn't hysterical fury or one of the walking dead. It was pure sadness. "Mum, did something…happen?"

It was a stupid question. He already knew the answer. He had seen the answer unfold countless times. But that new sorrow, as quiet as it was, was disturbingly profound, and he felt the need to ask.

"Your father doesn't wish there to be any more magic in this family," Eileen said impassively, but Severus could see her dull eyes glisten.

"He doesn't want me to go to Hogwarts?" Severus asked quietly. He, of course, knew that answer as well, but he had assumed his father's desire for him to disappear would overwhelm his hatred of magic.

Something in Eileen's expression transformed at his words. The melancholy was replaced by surprising strength. "You're going," she said with such sudden certainty that Severus was taken back. "I won't have my son, a half-blood Prince, end up like…him."

With that, Eileen crossed the room, her head held high. She paused at a broken cabinet and promptly seized a small porcelain jar that rested beside it in one swift motion. Whisking off the lid, she reached in and withdrew a small leather pouch. "You'll need a wand and such."

Severus stared down at the nearly empty moneybag she had thrust into his hands. He lifted his dark eyes to meet hers. There was a sudden lump in his throat, and he was at loss of what to say. "Thanks, Mum."

"Don't end up like him," Eileen said fiercely. She was now trembling, but her voice remained steady with determination. "Don't end up like me. Don't forget, you're a Prince, half-blood or not."

"I won't." Severus answered, torn between astonishment and an unexpected prick of sadness. There was a sudden attachment that he couldn't explain, and before he could stop it, he felt a twinge of pity. For as long as he could remember, Severus had been detached from his mother. He had simply given up. Mothers were supposed to care for their children, not stand by as they were beaten. While he loathed Tobias, he felt nothing at all for Eileen. Hate was too strong of an emotion where she was concerned.

But now he knew, realizing for the first time, that they shared a mutual misery.

Without another word, Eileen returned to wiping the counter. There was something almost violent in her motions, a power Severus had mistakenly believed she lost.

Severus wordlessly pocketed the money.

** 1971**

The cobbled streets of Diagon Alley swarmed with a spellbinding chaos. Witches and wizards of all ages were everywhere; their arms bundled with everything imaginable, from cauldrons to caged owls to strange sweets that Lily had never seen before. The shops were most captivating at all, their glossy windows brimming with goods that were most certainly not found in Muggle London. There were stores for wands, brooms, potions, and items that Lily didn't even know existed. Even the supposedly more ordinary stores, such as the bookshop, were far more magical than Lily could have ever dreamed of.

"Sev," Lily asked hesitantly, not tearing away her eyes from the scene of delightful disorder. "Where do we begin?"

If Severus was feeling overwhelmed, he was disguising it well. His dark eyes were absorbing the crowd as if it were merely everyday London. "How about Ollivanders Wand Shop?"

Lily's green eyes lit up and she nodded fervently. She had been looking forward to her future wand most of all. Before she could say anything, Edward Evans scurried toward them, looking far from the cool and collected father he was. Lily giggled at his utterly flummoxed expression. "Goblins. Actual goblins," Edward shook his head in disbelief as he distractedly pressed a leather moneybag into Lily's hand. "Those are Gallons."

"Galleons," Lily hid a smile. "Thanks, Dad. Sev and I want to go to Ollivanders first."

"Go ahead," Edward was preoccupied with his surroundings, reviewing the scene with bewildered awe. His gaze finally rested upon Florean Fortescue's ice Cream Parlour. "I think I'll be safe with an…ice cream."

"Alright," said Lily, unable to hold back her smile any longer as Edward wandered off in a haze. "Poor Dad. He barely knew anything about magic until he got here."

"I suppose it's a lot to take it," Severus agreed, his attention already drifting back to the bustling streets.

"He's handling it better than Petunia," Lily wrinkled her nose at the thought. She invited Petunia to come along, but Petunia had only scorned her invitation with a vicious scowl. "Ollivanders now?"

While the rest of Diagon Alley seemed to be bursting with activity, Ollivanders was deserted. Even though Lily knew it couldn't possibly be true, it seemed as if no one had been there for a very long time. Everything was covered in a film of dust, from the lonely display window that held a sole wand resting upon a violet cushion to the thousands and thousands of boxes stacked high in the air, so high that they nearly collided into the ceiling.

"A-are those all wands?" Lily stammered in awe, tilting her head back to scrutinize the piles of boxes.

"Indeed," Was the reply in a voice that did not belong to Severus.

Lily and Severus spun around in unison, finding themselves face to face with an elderly wizard. He would've reminded Lily of her grandfather if it weren't for his penetrating eyes. Eerily pale, almost colorless, they were so wide that they were reminiscent of a full moon on a starless night. As those eyes probed them, Lily couldn't help but shiver.

"Hogwarts, I presume?" The wizard who could have only been Mr. Ollivander asked.

Severus and Lily both nodded.

"Ah, a young Prince," Mr. Ollivander said mistily. Despite his distant tone, his eyes were as sharp as ever as they took in Severus despite. His prying stare didn't falter, not even when Severus took a hasty step back.

Lily turned to Severus questioningly, but he simply shrugged. "My mum was a Prince. I'm a Snape." Obviously uncomfortable with the attention, he gestured at Lily. "She's an Evans."

Lily made a face at him, not wanting those unearthly eyes on her either.

"Fascinating… Fascinating…" Luckily for Lily, Mr. Ollivander didn't dwell on the information. Instead, he proceeded to take their measurements. Lily traded a baffled look with Severus, trying not to flinch as a floating tape measure calculated the distance between her nostrils.

"As you may know, no two Ollivander wands are alike, " Mr. Ollivander was saying with a note of pride as he huddled close to the shelves. "Hmm… Ah yes, don't forget, it's always the wand that chooses the wizard. Results are most powerful that way."

Lily and Severus said nothing. Severus was quiet by nature, especially when others were around, and Lily was simply at loss of what to say. Mr. Ollivander wasn't quite like anyone she had met before.

"Mr. Snape, maple and unicorn hair, nine inches, flexible," Mr. Ollivander handed Severus a wand with a flourish. "As for you, Miss Evans, hawthorn and phoenix feather, eight and a half inches, quite whippy."

They took the wands, but almost immediately, Mr. Ollivander snatched them back.

"For you, Mr. Snape, walnut and phoenix feather, and for you, Miss Evans, cherry and unicorn hair."

This time, the wands were retrieved even more quickly.

Severus found his wand first, or rather, his wand found him. "Ebony and dragon heartstring, eleven inches. Rather unyielding," Mr. Ollivander stated with a fond look at the wand as a shower of silver sparks sprayed across the room.

It took Lily several more tries and soon she was certain that Hogwarts had made a mistake. Mr. Ollivander, however, wasn't discouraged in the least bit and seemed to be enjoying the process immensely. His luminous orbs contained an unknown glint as he scampered from one end of the shop to the other, seizing boxes at what appeared to be an erratic order. While she couldn't make sense of the system, he did this with such resolve that Lily knew it was anything but random.

Severus gave her a small yet encouraging smile as she took a willow and unicorn hair wand, ten inches and three quarters. "Excellent for charmwork," Mr. Ollivander assured her.

Lily's fingers felt warm as gold sparks rained down. Delighted, she watched the gold glitter brilliantly against the dim lighting of the room. As the sparks faded into the air, Lily smiled proudly. When she glanced over at Severus, he looked just as pleased.

The sparkles may have evaporated, but the glow did not. Lily finally felt like a proper witch.

After they paid for their wands and thanked Mr. Ollivander, they ventured across Diagon Alley. At Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions, Lily bought her school robes while Severus waited patiently for the secondhand store. At Potage's Cauldron Shop, they quickly found their pewter cauldrons. At Slug & Jiggers Apothecary, they browsed through various potion ingredients while buying necessary supplies. Each store brought new marvels and delights.

After Lily and Sever had found their schoolbooks at Flourish and Blotts, they decided to stay and peruse the store for a while. Unconsciously, they drifted apart to opposite sides of the store. Lily was deeply engrossed in _Hogwarts, A History_ when she realized that she hadn't heard Severus for quite a long time.

Reluctantly setting the book down, Lily wandered past the shelves and shelves of books, resisting the urge to stop and inspect them further.

Just when she was about to panic, Lily finally caught a glimpse of familiar dark hair. She smiled, immediately relaxing. She should have known that he wouldn't abandon her in the middle of this strange place. His back was faced toward her, and it was clear that a book of some sort enraptured him. Lily tiptoed toward his side, planning to surprise him, when she abruptly halted.

She couldn't make out the title, but judging from the harrowing illustrations on the front cover, it was another Dark Arts book. Lily stood there for a minute, just absorbing Severus's expression. He wasn't simply reading the book. He was devouring it. He was hanging onto every word as if it was life or death. A quiet intensity shone on his face.

All of a sudden, Severus glanced up. Something resembling guilt flitted across his sallow features and he abruptly tucked the book away.

"I was wondering where you went," Lily's voice was higher than she meant it to sound. She coughed uncomfortably. "What were you reading?"

"Just some old books," Severus shrugged, his face now unreadable. Then relief took over and he gave a half-smile. "Your dad's here."

Lily pivoted around just in time to see Edward stumble inside, a silver cage swaying high above his head. A small, snowy white owl was inside. Despite his size, he was causing quite the uproar, frantically whipping his wings back and forth and hooting. The commotion caused several witches and wizards to gawk.

"I thought you might need one of these," Edward sounded pleased with himself in spite of his red face. He swung the cage down so that Lily and Severus could see. "They deliver messages. Did you know?"

Lily laughed and touched a cool silver bar, peeking inside for a better look. The owl's eyes gleamed back at her, a deep gold laced with pale yellow flecks. Despite two years of Severus's stories, she had never seen such an owl close up before, and she could hardly believe she was the owner of one now. "I think I heard something about that." She stole a brief peek at Severus, who looked more than slightly amused. "Thanks, Dad. I've always wanted an owl."

"Marvelous creatures," Edward was saying, appearing more and more like an animated child rather than the successful businessman he was. "And you don't even need stamps!" He paused, glancing over his shoulder hopefully. "Are you finished school shopping?"

When they nodded, he looked almost disappointed. As they trudged outside Flourish and Blotts, the Dark Arts book was forgotten in the midst of stifled laughter and a certain owl's hoots.


	6. Chapter 6 The Second Lie

**Thank you for the reviews! I appreciate all comments. This chapter has the last of The Prince's Tale flashbacks until Year 5. Once again, nearly all dialogue was written by JK Rowling. I thought these prewritten flashbacks were too important to leave out, but I wanted to add my own perspective with thoughts and emotions while staying loyal to JK Rowling's version.**

**Chapter Six- The Second Lie**

**1971**

Hordes of Hogwarts students were crammed into platform nine and three-quarters, but Lily saw none of it. The last seven days had been full of desperate attempts to reconcile with Petunia, but instead of the ice thawing, it had only become frostier.

"I'm sorry, Tuney, I'm really sorry," Lily was careful not to speak too loudly. Their parents were nearby and she didn't want them to know that she and Petunia were still fighting. "Listen-" She tugged her sister's arm as Petunia began to walk away. "Maybe, once I'm there- no, listen, Tuney!" To her horror, Petunia didn't seem to be listening. She plunged ahead anyway, her grip still pleading. "Maybe once I'm there, I'll be able to go to Professor Dumbledore and persuade him to change his mind!"

Petunia glared at her and Lily almost dropped her hand. "I-don't-want-to-go!" She hissed, nearly succeeding in ridding Lily of her grasp. "You think I want to go to some stupid castle and learn to be a- a-"

Lily saw her pale eyes flicker over the scene of squealing Hogwarts students, complete with screeching owls and flowing black robes. It was nearly as chaotic as Diagon Alley. "You think I want to be a-a freak?"

Lily had heard that word constantly over the past two years, but this time it was different, seeing the pure hatred burn in Petunia's eyes. It was at that moment that Lily realized she had finally lost her sister. She could feel her own eyes fill with tears as Petunia pulled herself free.

"I'm not a freak," Lily struggled to regain composure, but she could feel it about to crumble. "That's a horrible thing to say."

"That's where you're going," Petunia's thin lips spread into sickening, self-satisfied smile. "A special school for freaks. You and that Snape boy… Weirdos, that's what you two are. It's good you're being separated from normal people. It's for our safety." She added the last sentence much too quickly, as if she was trying to convince herself.

Lily suddenly felt defensive. Petunia didn't have any right to insult the very people she had tried so desperately to be a part of.

"You didn't think it was such a freak's school when you wrote to the headmaster and begged him to take you," Lily said fervently. She hadn't meant for the words to spill out, but now that they had, she was glad.

Petunia flushed crimson at her words. It was evident that she had never wanted Lily to know about her letter. "Beg? I didn't beg."

Lily's voice was gentler now. "I saw his reply. It was very kind."

Her softer manner had no effect on Petunia, who then spun into a stuttering rage. "You shouldn't have read- That was my private- How could you-"

Without meaning to, Lily's emerald gaze flashed toward Severus. Even though he was standing with his mother, he was watching her. The usual intensity of his eyes seemed stronger than ever and was focused completely on her. Suddenly, Lily didn't feel utterly alone.

Petunia gasped in realization and outrage. She was virtually spitting her words. "That boy found it! You and that boy have been sneaking in my things!"

"No- not sneaking," Lily retorted. "Severus saw the envelope, and he couldn't believe a Muggle could have contacted Hogwarts, that's all! He says there must be wizards working undercover in the postal service who take care of-"

"Apparently wizards poke their noses everywhere!" Petunia exclaimed, causing several witches and wizards to glance their way. Petunia paid them no attention and didn't bother to lower her voice. "_Freak_!"

"Fine," Lily crossed her arms with renewed determination. "I'm done trying, Tuney. I wanted things to be like the way they were, but you…I don't even know you anymore."

"I don't know you either," Petunia snapped brusquely. "As far as I'm concerned, you're not my sister." With those final words, she tossed her fine hair over her shoulder and stalked toward their parents.

Unwillingly, Lily followed, but only to say goodbye to her parents. There was new resolve in her footsteps, increasingly heavy with each stride. From that moment on, she and Petunia were finished.

Lily's irate resolution faltered once inside the Hogwarts Express. As she waited for Severus to finish changing into his school robes, Lily pressed her face against the cool window of the compartment, not wanting the other occupants to see her cry.

The compartment door slid open and she heard the familiar sounds of Severus's footsteps. Lily sniffled as she realized he had sat down beside her. She turned her head to face him. "I don't want to talk to you."

"Why not?" Severus sounded hurt.

His reaction pained Lily, but she couldn't dwell on it. Not when she could still hear Petunia's snarl. "Tuney h-hates me. Because we saw her letter from Dumbledore," Lily blinked back a fresh round of tears.

"So what?"

Lily gave him a blistering look, which she immediately regretted once she saw his face. She knew it was unfair to take her sorry mood out on Severus, but she couldn't help it. "So she's my sister!"

"She's only a-" Severus' s voice stopped, but Lily didn't notice. She was dabbing her eyes discreetly with the sleeve of her robe, hoping that her tears weren't transparent to the others in the compartment. She could just imagine what they must've thought of her.

There was a brief silence and Severus continued when it became clear that Lily wasn't about to respond. "But we're going!" There was elation in his voice that she had never heard before. Lily stopped drying her tears as she took in his shockingly euphoric expression. It was impossible to look at him and not feel her mood lift. "This is it! We're off to Hogwarts."

Lily nodded silently, but by this point, she was unable to smother a smile.

"You'd better be in Slytherin," Severus told her, plainly relieved to see that his friend had cheered up.

"Slytherin?" A voice from the opposite side of the compartment echoed in disgust.

Lily looked up. She had been far too upset to pay much attention to the other occupants, but now that her grim thoughts were evaporating, she couldn't help but feel curious as she observed them.

The one who had spoken was a boy around her age. Despite his disheveled dark hair, there was an overly self-assured manner about him, as if he not only expected to be worshipped, but thrived upon it. His hazel eyes gleamed rather mischievously behind the pair of glasses that rested upon his straight, refined nose. He wore an impish smirk to match, a smirk that might as well have been a warning sign.

There was one other student present. While he had the similar conceited air as the first, his hair spilled across his forehead in smooth ebony silk. Even at their age, there was something undeniably handsome about him, and his striking gray eyes sparkled as if he was fully aware of it. There was a flippant elegance in his demeanor, a quality that was born rather than bred.

Lily instantly disliked both boys.

"Who wants to be in Slytherin?" The first boy continued without a trace of shame. "I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?"

If he was expecting the other boy to smile, he was disappointed. "My whole family has been in Slytherin."

"Blimey," The first replied, unperturbed, "And I thought you seemed all right!"

This caused the second to grin. "Maybe I'll break the tradition. Where are you heading, if you've got the choice?"

The first withdrew an invisible sword and thrust it proudly into the air. "Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart. Like my dad."

Severus snorted.

The hopeful Gryffindor whirled around to face him, his hazel eyes narrowed. The sparkle had been replaced by something potent, but the determination never wavered. "Got a problem with that?"

"No," Severus answered, but his half smile remained. Lily recognized it as one of contempt. "If you'd rather be brawny than brainy…"

"Where're you hoping to go, seeing as you're neither?" The second boy cut in rudely.

This was too much for Lily. Within a second, she was on her feet. Her cheeks pink, she glared meaningfully at both boys before turning to Severus. "Come on, Severus, let's find another compartment."

This seemed to amuse the boys, who promptly began mimicking her haughty voice.

"See ya, Snivellus!"

Lily slammed the compartment door shut, much more harshly than she had intended. She silently fumed as she marched down the narrow corridor, a quiet Severus at her heels. If the other students were just as terrible as those two, then Hogwarts would be a perfect hell.

**1971**

When Severus first saw Hogwarts, it had taken his breath away. Even in the shadows of the night, it had a majestic allure. It loomed above him, spectacular and colossal, with black waters shimmering hauntingly below. Towers were crafted so high that they seemed to pierce the sky, causing the stars to bleed across the inky black. Pinpricks of gold danced before him, glimmering from the tall, arched windows. As intimidating and magnificent it appeared, Severus knew instinctively that it was a place he could at last call home.

Even after the Sorting had begun and Severus had time to absorb the impressive scene that had unfolded before him, he couldn't help but gaze around the Great Hall in awe. The silver shot sky soared above him and the other students, and Severus would have sworn there was no ceiling if he hadn't known better. Candles floated overhead, their flames shivering with the first years' trepidation. There were four lengthy tables filled with students and a fifth, where those who were clearly professors sat. There was an ornate chair in the center of the latter, and seated regally with a silver beard of an astonishing length and an unmistakable twinkle in his clear blue eyes, was none other than Albus Dumbledore.

The only thing that could have stopped Severus from drinking in the exquisite scene was Lily. He was glad to see that her furious temper had lightened, and despite her obvious nerves, her excitement was higher than ever. He didn't want her to be disappointed with Hogwarts. He, however, had not been surprised by the turn of events. Muggles didn't like Severus, and he hardly expected wizards to. It bothered him, but he did it best to push it from his mind. He was away from Spinner's End and had Lily as a best friend. He didn't need anything else.

Or at least that was what he wanted to believe.

"I'm scared," Lily whispered to Severus, her breath tickling his ear. Her emerald eyes never left the Sorting stool as the Hat bellowed, "RAVENCLAW!"

"Don't be," Severus took her hand. It was ice cold, much like his. "You'll be a Slytherin."

"And if I'm not?" The fear in her eyes was plain to see.

Severus didn't want to think about that. It had been a fear of his, rooted deep down for those two years. He knew he would be a Slytherin. He knew it all along. Sometimes he felt as if there was a darkness lurking inside of him, a darkness that wanted vengeance for everything that had happened to him, every bitter strike, every cruel word. That darkness and his ambition to be more, to actually be something, were qualities that were undeniably those of a Slytherin. Lily was none of that... She was better than that, and that was why Severus liked her. But if Lily ended up in another House, there was a chance that she would hate him with the others. He had to lie, for Lily's sake. "That won't change anything."

Lily swallowed hard.

Much too soon, Lily's name was called. Severus let his hand fall limply to his side as he watched her hesitantly approach the Sorting Hat. Even from a distance, he could see that she was trembling.

"Slytherin," Severus whispered just below his breath. "Slytherin."

She had to be in Slytherin.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

The Hat hadn't even waited a moment. Without meaning to, Severus groaned aloud. It was unheard in the midst of cheers.

To his annoyance, Lily was seated beside the rude boy on the train, whom Professor McGonagall had named as Sirius Black. Severus had to smile though, just barely, as he saw Lily come to the same realization. She folded her arms across her chest and turned so that her back faced him.

Severus continued to watch the Sorting in silence, silently seething, as the Gryffindor hopeful did indeed become a Gryffindor. He positively strutted to his House table while rumpling his hair.

His name was James Potter.

Severus hated him.

Finally, it was Severus's turn.

Crossing over to the stool, Severus felt the Sorting Hat fall onto his head, the cool fabric drooping over his forehead. His composure remained intact until he saw Lily's unhappy face. That was when everything changed.

Severus hated himself for sinking so slow, but he would hate himself more if he didn't try. "Gryffindor." His hiss was just barely above a whisper. No one would hear it except for the Hat.

It took much longer for the Hat to sort him. It resembled eternity, but couldn't have been more than a few minutes. The Hat not only seemed to sense his impatience, but relished it as well. "Gryffindor, eh?"

"Gryffindor, or you'll be ashes, courtesy of Fiendfyre." Severus hissed menacingly, but it was more from self-loathing than anything.

"SLYTHERIN!"

Severus cursed. He heard none of the Slytherin cheers and scarcely noticed the blond Slytherin prefect giving him a congratulatory clap on the back. All he saw was Lily's sad smile.


	7. Chapter 7 Defense Against the Dark Arts

**Thank you for the reviews! I wrote ahead so I have a pretty good idea how this story will turn out. I'm more than anxious to post about Year 5, but unfortunately, I rather not rush. **

**Chapter Seven- Defense Against the Dark Arts**

**1971**

Severus had always known that Slytherin was different from the other Houses. On his very first morning, Severus learned just how different.

Four other boys shared his dormitory: Evan Rosier, Owen Avery, Alaric Wilkes, and Blaine Mulciber. Severus had always been quiet, so while the other four boasted loudly about their pure bloodlines, he simply straightened out his robes. He may have been a wizard, but it was obvious to him that he was not one of them.

Despite Severus's best efforts, the attention still managed to land on him.

"Snape. I've never heard of Snape," Wilkes's thin lips pressed together at this observation. His dark blond hair was slicked back, causing his icy eyes to appear even more piercing as they appraised Severus. "You're not a _Muggle-born_, are you?"

Severus remained unflustered. "Half blood. My mum's a witch."

"And your dad?" Wilkes sneered, glancing at the others knowingly. There was a round of low laughter.

Severus should have been used to mocking, but something inside him snapped. They believed they were superior because of blood and blood alone. He was tired of being taunted. Hogwarts was supposed to be his refuge, and he hadn't waited eleven years for more ridicule.

In one discreet motion, Severus angled his wand at Wilkes and muttered, "_Petrificus Totalus_." Wilkes went rigid and fell, his body clattering to the floor.

Severus stared, stunned that it had actually worked. He may have read about curses, but it was the first one he had actually performed. He hadn't expected it to work so flawlessly. Despite his satisfaction, Severus regretted it. The others would only loathe him more and he would have to be on his constant guard. His hopes of a safe haven had disappeared before they had come to existence.

But when he looked up to meet their faces, he found no threat of revenge. There was not a hint of derision, only awe.

"Brilliant," Rosier whispered, his hazel eyes glittering with an unnamed hunger. Avery and Mulciber mirrored his expression.

Rather reluctantly, Severus aimed his wand toward Wilkes once more and murmured, "_Finite_."

Once Wilkes was released, he leapt up to his feet. All traces of his formerly complacent self had vanished, replaced by childish avidity. "You've got to teach me that," he said breathlessly.

Severus gave a slow grin. "Did I mention my mum is a Prince?"

There was grudging respect in all of their eyes. Never before had anyone other than Lily looked at him that way, and there they were, the purest of bloods, clinging to _his_ every word. For the first time in his life, Severus had become a part of something.

It was a new feeling, but one he wouldn't mind becoming used to.

When Severus made his way down the marble staircase for breakfast, he did not lurk in the shadows or duck his head, hoping to blend in with the stone walls. For once in his life, he strode in, surrounded by friends.

Severus smiled to himself. He was suddenly anxious to see Lily's expression.

But his moment of superiority soon diminished. Before he could scan the Great Hall for Lily, the other four had vanished. Severus frowned slightly as he spotted them, flocking around two familiar male faces. He had seen them at the Slytherin table during the previous night's feast.

They were both older, a sixth year and a seventh year. One was a prefect. He had an icy mane of blond hair that streamed down his black robes in a startling contrast, his penetrating eyes pale gray shards of ice. The other was Head Boy. He was darker, tanned with black hair that just barely reached his shoulders. His features were sharp and precise, similar to the prefect's. Both donned noticeable badges, shiny silver and green glimmers against ebony, and a refined poise that Severus envied.

To his satisfaction, both the prefect and the Head Boy rose from the table and left, leaving the four first years visibly disappointed.

Severus took the empty seat where the prefect had been sitting. "Who were they?"

Mulciber gave him a look of disbelief that made Severus's fingers twitch toward his wand longingly. "Really?"

Wilkes elbowed him before helping himself to a slice of toast. He took a bite and swallowed before answering. "The prefect was Lucius Malfoy. The Head Boy was Rodolphus Lestrange. They're pure bloods."

"Not just pure bloods," Avery piped up and was promptly rewarded with another elbow by Wilkes.

"What do you mean?" Severus asked curiously, his dark gaze flickering to where Lucius and Rodolphus had been headed. Rodolphus had already vanished, but Lucius had paused to speak to a prim yet rather pretty fifth year. Her white gold tresses cascaded to her waist, gleaming under the firelight of the Great Hall.

"Let's just say they have friends in high places."

Before Severus could question Rosier's vague statement, a new sight of auburn hair distracted him. He wasn't surprised to see Lily surrounded by a group of first years. People had always liked her vivaciousness. He was pleased to see that despite her new friends, Lily still managed to offer him a smile and a small wave from the Gryffindor table.

Severus gave his familiar half-smile back.

"Who is that?" Wilkes asked, his pale eyes coolly scrutinizing Lily.

Severus simply shrugged. "A friend." He may have not had much experience with wizarding families, but he knew better than to advertise Lily's Muggle-born status to four purebred Slytherins. With a sinking feeling, he realized that it would only end in trouble for her.

**1971**

It was only Lily's first afternoon at Hogwarts, but she loved it. She delighted in virtually every detail from the moving staircases to the lifelike portraits to the ghosts that roamed the castle's corridors. Each step brought a new surprise or a familiar aspect of one of Severus's many tales.

The one feature that she did not like, truthfully hated, was James Potter.

He had already taken to calling her 'Evans'. When he was not tousling his already disheveled hair or swaggering down the halls, James could be found tormenting her.

"Oi! Evans! Find Snivellus yet?"

Lily gritted her teeth, willing herself not to speak. It may have been only the first day, but she had never found anyone more infuriating than him. To her irritation, her new friends, Alice Clarke and Marlene McKinnon, giggled as James swept by.

Marlene was interested. "Who is Snivellus?"

"His name is _not _Snivellus," Lily answered in exasperation. James may have been a good distance ahead, but she could have sworn she heard him laugh. "It's Severus. He's my friend."

"He's not in Gryffindor, is he?" A small crease appeared between Alice's wide, brown eyes as she furrowed her brow. Lily could see that she was mentally reviewing all first year Gryffindors.

Lily shook her head as they made their way to the first floor. They had Defense Against the Dark Arts with Slytherin, which meant it was her very first lesson with Severus. She hadn't seen him all day, with the exception of meals, so she was more than anxious to have a lesson with him. "No, Slytherin."

Alice and Marlene both halted abruptly.

"What?" Lily asked, when she realized they had ceased moving. She tilted her head toward the direction that they had been headed, wondering why they had stopped. "Aren't we running late?"

Alice and Marlene quickly returned to their previous pace. Neither of them wanted to lose points for Gryffindor. Marlene had already lost five when she wouldn't stop chattering in Transfiguration.

"He's a _Slytherin_," Marlene said, as if that explained everything. She crossed her arms nervously, as if the word itself made her uneasy. "Gryffindors and Slytherins hate each other."

"That's stupid," Lily laughed. "I don't care about a silly House rivalry. Sev is my best friend."

"Slytherins are known for being…darker," Alice elaborated, rather hesitantly. Lily could see that she was choosing her words carefully.

"Darker?" Marlene rolled her amber eyes at Alice's tact. Her arms tightened around each other. She shivered, but Lily had a feeling that it was meant for a dramatic effect. "They're bullies. All of them."

Alice's frown deepened suddenly. "Didn't you say your parents were Muggles?"

"Yes," said Lily, bewildered by the sudden subject change.

"Slytherins hate Muggle-borns," Marlene chimed in before Alice could contemplate a more diplomatic response.

"Sev isn't like that," Lily protested with conviction. "You'll see."

She refused to believe an old prejudice, especially one as ridiculous as that. Severus wasn't a bully. He wouldn't hurt anyone for his amusement. He had told her himself that being Muggle-born didn't matter. Without question, Lily trusted her closest friend over anyone else.

Their teacher was Professor Hawthorne. If Dumbledore hadn't informed the school that there was a new Defense teacher, Lily would have never guessed Professor Hawthorne was a recent addition. He was relatively young, in his late thirties, but managed to stand in front of the class with the silent authority of the sharpest centenarian.

Lily scanned the nearly full room for Severus, and was disappointed to see that he was nowhere to be found. Marlene and Alice took their seats and Lily reluctantly joined them. There was an empty desk beside her, and she quickly laid her schoolbook on top, in plain view so no one else would sit there.

It was another minute or two before Professor Hawthorne began to speak. His voice was lower than Lily had expected, gravelly as he plowed ahead in a forbidding tone. While the Gryffindors and Slytherins were watching Professor Hawthorne in avid curiosity, Lily kept shooting frantic glances at the door.

"I can teach you to escape death. Assuming you aren't completely incompetent as wizards your age seem to be. I can only hope that at least one of you possesses an ounce of skill. Even intelligence-"

Professor Hawthorne's voice immediately ceased. There was a lull of silence, unnerving with the mixture of fascination, dread, and terror in the room. The slightest of smiles curled on the professor's thin lips as the door clanged open.

It was Severus.

"You're late," Professor Hawthorne snapped as Lily hastily pushed her books away. "Take a seat."

"Sorry," Severus's dark eyes searched the room, taking notice of the empty seat beside Lily. They darted between an invisible line dividing Gryffindors and Slytherins, and Lily caught a flash of rare uncertainty.

Just as she was beginning to expect him to sit with the Slytherins, he made his way next to Lily. He was looking down, avoiding eye contact at all costs. It wasn't until he was sitting down that he met Lily's green eyes.

"Remind me not to slip on all that grease when this is over," James said in a loud whisper. There were laughs and Severus colored, but said nothing.

Professor Hawthorne's eyes had narrowed into slits. He evidently did not take well to tardy students. "Your name?" He demanded smolderingly.

"Snivellus!" This time, it was Sirius's turn to whisper. Lily bristled.

"Severus Snape," Severus said without emotion. While the rest of the class seemed frightened or delighted in the teacher's souring mood, it didn't seem to affect him in the slightest.

"Mr. Snape," Professor Hawthorne spoke with relish, similarly to a predator taunting its prey. "How can you distinguish a werewolf from a true wolf?"

Lily already did not like the new teacher. She had leafed through her schoolbooks and was quite sure that they weren't learning about dark creatures yet. It was hardly fair to question Severus, especially for something as trivial as tardiness. She gave a sympathetic glance to Severus, but to her astonishment, his dark eyes were glittering with fresh exhilaration.

"Their pupils and snouts differ, and werewolves have a tufted tail."

Professor Hawthorne didn't skip a beat. "What's the difference between an Inferius and a ghost?"

"An Inferius is a reanimated corpse, possessed by a wizard. A ghost is an imprint of a departed soul," Severus sounded almost bored, but the gleam in his eyes never faltered.

There were shudders all around. Professor Hawthorne's tone sharpened into a bark. "What are the Unforgivable Curses?"

There were sudden gasps from the Gryffindor side, but Severus merely smiled.

"The Cruciatus Curse, the Imperius Curse, and the Killing Curse."

Despite his best efforts, Lily could detect the faintest hint of grudging surprise. To her amazement, Professor Hawthorne's lips fully curved. "It appears that I found that one student after all. The wizarding world has regained hope. Five points to Slytherin."

"Five points to Snivellus! Contaminating the wizarding world with his greasy curses," James hissed, but his words were disguised by Slytherin's boisterous approval.

Lily's mouth suddenly felt dry. She knew none of those questions were in their textbook. She didn't turn her head, but she had a very good feeling that if she did, Alice and Marlene would be looking at her knowingly.

But then her eyes returned to Severus. He was placidly writing now, his quill scratching against the parchment at a rapid pace. He wore the small frown he usually assumed when he was in deep concentration. When he noticed that she was looking at him, he gave her brief smile.

Lily smiled back. Alice, Marlene, and the rest of the Gryffindors could believe what they wanted. Lily knew better. So what if he had an interest in the Dark Arts? It only proved that he was clever and eager to learn more, which Lily had always known. Severus was her best friend and Slytherin or not, there was no one she trusted more.


	8. Chapter 8 The Room

**Thank you for the reviews! Sorry, there isn't any Lucius or Bellatrix in this chapter, but they will be making an appearance very soon. **

**Chapter Eight- The Room**

**1971**

Severus missed the days by the river.

He caught glimpses of Lily, laughing with Alice and Marlene, glowering at James Potter, but he had barely spoken to her. He knew Lily wouldn't mind if he approached her. On the contrary, she would welcome it. But he didn't want to talk to her with _them_ there. He wanted only Lily.

In double Potions with the Gryffindors, he resolved to speak to her alone.

It was easier than he expected. Professor Horace Slughorn turned out to have an appetite for prattle that complemented his massive waistline. As he rambled on about his previous students and fondness for crystallized pineapple, Severus raised a cynical eyebrow at Lily.

Lily giggled. "Subtle, isn't he?"

No one else could hear them. His mood already improving, Severus set to work on his boil cure potion. It was a simple task, one that he and Lily had mastered over a year ago with Eileen's crumbling book of potions.

"Do you want to explore the castle after Potions?" Severus asked, peering over at his bubbling cauldron. With a satisfied nod, he added the porcupine quills before stealing a glimpse at Lily. He was almost dreading her answer, expecting her to want to bring a Gryffindor or two along.

To his relief, she didn't. "Let's look around for the secret passages," Lily brightened. "I want to find them all before them," She tilted her head at Potter and Black, who were whispering suspiciously.

Severus snickered. "I doubt they have the brains."

Suddenly, Lily seemed upset. "I don't know, Sev. Potter is really good at Transfiguration. I think I actually saw McGonagall smile. For a second anyway."

"She smiled?" Severus echoed in disbelief. He couldn't imagine the stern witch giving James Potter an approving nod, let alone smile.

"He already turned his matchstick into a needle," Lily said sadly. "No one else could."

Severus hadn't been able to either, not that he was about to admit that now. "It's probably just a fluke. You can't tell from the first lesson."

"I suppose," Lily consented, but her jaw was set determinedly. Severus knew that expression well and restrained a grin. He knew Lily would find a way to master that Transfiguration lesson within a day.

Before Severus could pry further, Professor Slughorn sailed by, his velvet robes swishing against the icy dungeon floors. He had been stroking his monstrous handlebar mustache disappointedly, but when his pale eyes latched onto Severus and Lily's potions, his hands fell to his chest in an enthusiastic clap. "Well done, Mr. Snape and…who might you be?"

"Lily Evans," Lily smiled, reminding Severus of their sun-drenched days by the river. He could feel his own lips turning up. Her smile was contagious.

"Evans. I don't believe I ever had an Evans," Professor Slughorn mused reflectively. "I think I would've remembered an Evans."

"My parents are Muggles," Lily explained easily.

Severus silently groaned. He had been hoping that he could keep that detail quiet for now. Across the dungeon, he could see Wilkes and Rosier perking up. They were watching him.

Professor Slughorn may have been Head of Slytherin, but Lily's lack of blood purity didn't diminish his beam. "I don't doubt you'll be the beginning of a great wizarding line." He squinted his small, prominent eyes for a closer inspection. Her potion frothed merrily, already deepening to a clear scarlet. "I couldn't have done better myself. Ten points to Gryffindor, and ten for Slytherin. Can't forget Mr. Snape here." He clapped his hand against Severus's back and Severus flinched.

Professor Slughorn went on to examine the next potion, but his praise for Severus and Lily continued throughout the lesson. Severus wished he would stop. Wilkes, Rosier, Mulciber, and Avery were all ogling him, conspicuously wavering between horror and glee, while Potter pretended to vomit into his cauldron.

Once the lesson had ended, Severus immediately leapt to his feet. He saw the four Slytherins leaving, but he wasn't fooled. He would have to face them before they confronted him later in front of Lily. "I have to put away my books. I'll meet you outside the Great Hall."

If Lily thought it was a strange request, she didn't question it. She simply smiled her cheery smile and left. Severus didn't dare breathe a sigh of relief until he saw that she had headed for the opposite direction.

The Slytherin common room wasn't too far. A few stairs and a minute or two later, Severus had approached the familiar wall. As soon as he muttered, "Parseltongue," he was granted access to the shadowed realm of Slytherin.

The four were waiting for him, just as he knew they would be. With the green lamps casting an eerie gloom over their pale faces, they appeared oddly solemn. Behind them, the rest of the dim room seemed to fade into darkness. Between their imposing figures and the low ceilings, Severus felt trapped.

"A Mudblood, Snape?"

"Don't call her that," Severus countered, irritable that his prediction had been accurate. He may not have had much experience with other wizards, but he had spent nearly a lifetime silently observing from the outside. He could handle them.

Mulciber crossed his bulky arms and leered at Snape. The other three sniggered. "I'm beginning to think Potter might be right about the grease. Mudbloods are filth."

At that, Severus instinctively withdrew his wand, his temper rising. Mulciber did the same, although his reflexes weren't nearly as sharp.

"We're friends. That's all. She's the only one," Severus said quietly, his wand steady. All he had to do was convince them that he was one of them. That was all they cared about. "It's not as if I'm about to join a Mudblood fan club."

At his use of the offensive term, the others laughed. Severus did not. The word itself felt like a betrayal to Lily. Her face floated in his mind, and Severus's grip on his wand tightened.

"Leave it be, or I'll hex you until you can't see straight," Severus warned, more resentful of himself than anyone. The bitterness was seeping into his tone, threatening to pour out onto them.

After a pregnant pause, Mulciber lowered his wand. "I knew I liked you."

Severus said nothing, but allowed his arm to drop. Even so, his hand remained ready, just in case Mulciber changed his mind. He would have to keep a watchful eye on them.

He had a feeling he would always have to.

**1971**

While she waited for Severus outside the great oak doors of the Great Hall, Lily's eyes wandered over the thousands of paintings that slathered the walls of Hogwarts. There was everything from lazy summer days at the country to dignified portraits of pivotal witches and wizards to still lifes that did anything but remain still.

A shriveled witch concealed beneath a heavy black cloak faced Lily. She bore a shiny red apple, most tantalizing against the shadowy background of greens and blacks. Lily suspected it was poisoned. "Lost, dearie?"

"No," Lily said quickly. Feeling rude, she hastily added, "But thank you."

Before the witch in the forest painting could reply, Severus's voice greeted Lily's ears. Lily was more than grateful.

"Sorry I took so long," Ebony strands had fallen into his eyes, and Severus absentmindedly pushed them away, his dark gaze never wavering. "I was sidetracked."

"You're here now," Lily wasn't bothered, considering it was her that was usually late and she had plenty to keep her distracted. "Where to first?"

"The first floor. We'll work our way up," Severus paused. "I want to find a room."

Lily was more than accustomed to Severus's hazy words. He had used them in his stories of Hogwarts. It contributed to the mystery and suspense. A small smile crossed her lips. "What does this room have?'

"Anything and everything you want."

"Is that all?" Lily teased as they began walking. The marble steps of the main staircase beckoned them, and as they made their way up, Lily felt a twinge of familiar delight. She may have dreamed about Hogwarts for a while, but even though, she could hardly believe that she lived in a castle now, a castle of magic. It was a concept that was difficult getting used to.

Despite her light manner, Severus seemed to seriously consider her question. The faintest of reds tinged his pale cheeks. "Maybe not everything. But close to it."

Lily didn't have time to ponder his words. The step she stood on had suddenly vanished, causing her foot to fall through. Just as she shrieked out in terror, Severus calmly caught her by the arm and helped her up.

"Thanks," Lily was embarrassed, feeling remarkably Petunia-like by her reaction. "I know you warned me about disappearing steps, but I didn't think it would actually _disappear_."

Severus's lips twitched and Lily felt that a hasty subject change was in order before her face became any redder. "Can you give me another hint of about this room?"

"It's there only when you need it."

Lily gaped at him in disbelief. "I can't believe you managed to sound even more vague."

"I do my best," Severus said with a touch of smugness as they reached the first floor.

Lily studied the corridor around her. It was similar to the other floors, and she wasn't sure what she was supposed to be looking for. "So how do we find it?"

"Think about what you require."

"All right. I'm thinking," Lily frowned in concentration. She didn't even know what she required, let alone wanted. Several things crossed her mind. A happier Severus, a nicer Petunia, her hair not to be so red… "Sev, do you know what you want?"

Severus shrugged his thin shoulders, just barely. "Yeah. I think.

Lily didn't press him, but she was curious. Severus could be private, but he almost always told her in the end, when he was ready. It was important not to rush him or he would instantly clam up. But to her surprise, Severus elaborated only seconds later.

"I want to be someone," Severus said finally. The lightness had drained from his voice and was replaced by solemnity. "Someone that people see."

Lily tore away from a rather sumptuous tapestry that had caught her eye. "Sev," Lily said quietly, stepping toward him, wishing that he and everyone else could see that was so obvious to her. "You already are someone."

"Not to people," Severus whispered.

"You are to me," Lily said firmly, intertwining her fingers with his. She felt a sudden stab of resentment toward Potter and Black. Their constant jabs of 'Snivellus!' certainly weren't useful. "You don't need a room to help you."

Severus mustered a sheepish grin, but Lily could see that it had taken him a great deal of effort. "I don't even know how it would work. I just heard some Slytherins talking about it."

"It's only a room," Lily was serious. "You don't need magic to make you someone. You're better than that."

"I suppose you're right."

"I always am," Lily said brightly, hoping that her cheeriness would distract him. His guarded moods had lessened over the two years, and she wanted it to stay that way. She didn't want to see the fathomless ice return to those coal black eyes.

"You wish," Severus teased lightly.

Lily was pleased to see that his grin seemed less forced this time. "Let's do something else instead. Since you're so brilliant, want to help me with my Defense essay?"

"Gladly," Severus hesitated for a moment. "But only if you go over Charms with me."

Lily considered Severus to be an expert at anything magic related. Ever since that first week they had met, he seemed to know everything. He had never asked for her help before. It was a strange feeling, but a welcome one. Lily's cheeks glowed with pleasure as she beamed at him. "Of course! Library?"

Severus nodded. "I think it's on the third floor."

"No vanishing steps?" Lily wanted to know.

This time, there was definite amusement in Severus's eyes. There was not a trace of black ice to be found. "I hope so."

As they departed for the library, there was a new spring in Lily's steps. She had been worried that being Sorted in two different Houses would tear them apart, but evidently, she had been anxious for no reason.

She was too happy with her realization to notice that Severus had glanced over his shoulder, eyeing what could have been the Room with untold longing.


	9. Chapter 9 Mischief Managed

**The first part of this chapter is based on a very brief memory that Snape had in the Order of the Phoenix. **

**Chapter Nine- Mischief Managed**

**1971**

If there was one lesson that Severus was not looking forward to, it was flying.

He wouldn't have minded so much, if it hadn't been for Potter and Black.

Potter was the worst. He boasted relentlessly about his supposed skill on the Quidditch field when he was not complaining about first years not being allowed to bring their own broomsticks. He happily told anyone who would listen, and anyone who pretended not to, that he had a Nimbus One Thousand at home.

"I think I'll try out for Chaser next year," Potter ruffled his hair and then stole a peek to ensure that all eyes were on him. They were, except for Severus and Lily, who were trying very hard to tune him out and were focusing on the castle instead. The sooner Madam Hooch arrived, the sooner Potter would stop talking. "They should really let first years try out. Those with talent anyway."

"That leaves him out," Lily muttered aloud, causing Severus to snort. Unfortunately, Potter didn't seem to hear.

All of a sudden, there was a glint of gold. Several Gryffindors gasped. Even a few Slytherins looked intrigued.

"Nicked it," Potter said nonchalantly. He let the Snitch fly free, only to catch it again a second later. "Maybe I'll try out for Seeker instead. I would be good at that. Yeah… Seeker."

It was clear from his sickeningly dreamy expression that he was imagining the stands filled with red and gold, with banners embossed with his name. Abruptly, he snapped out of it and looked eagerly at Lily. "What do you think, Evans?"

Severus stiffened as Potter spoke Lily's name. He didn't know why Potter and Black refused to leave them alone, but he was losing his patience. Dozens of hexes flooded through his mind, but before Severus could decide on one, Lily responded.

"I think," Lily said rather coolly. "You're going to need a much bigger broom to fit your ego."

Several Slytherins snickered. Even a few Gryffindors chuckled, Black being one of them.

Potter, unsurprisingly, was unfazed. He returned to lazily rumpling his hair and flashed his crooked grin. "Would that be a vote for Chaser then?"

Before Lily could retaliate, a wiry woman with spiky gray hair and startlingly yellow eyes marched forward. Severus jerked in surprise. He had been too preoccupied with his annoyance at Potter that he hadn't even seen her approach. "Everyone, stand next to a broomstick!"

The Snitch promptly disappeared as Gryffindors and Slytherins scrambled to their places. Severus and Lily stood by each other at a safe distance from Potter and Black.

"Hold out your right arm and say 'up'," Madam Hooch instructed in a no nonsense manner.

There was a chorus of "Up!"

Severus was pleased to see that his broom immediately shot up into his hand. The handle was uneven with protruding twigs that pricked uncomfortably at his palm. Other than him, Potter and Black were the only ones who had managed. They were whispering again, snatching glances at him repeatedly. Severus lifted his chin, satisfied by the fact he had accomplished just as much as they had.

"Up!" Lily repeated more firmly. From the way her forehead puckered, Severus knew her mind was furiously sorting through everything she had read and heard about flying. "Up!"

Her broom rolled over.

It took a while, but after much coaching, Madam Hooch was able to continue on with the lesson. She then instructed the students to mount their broomsticks. Encouraged by his progress so far, Severus eagerly clambered onto his broom. Or at least, he tried to. At that moment, the broomstick began to buck.

At first, Severus refused to give up. He had never flown before, and judging from the lesson so far, the brooms seemed rather old and temperamental. Imagining the glee on Potter's face because he couldn't mount a simple broomstick only made him more determined. But then he heard the laughter.

It was a Gryffindor, Mary Macdonald, who had seen him first. Her giggles caught the attention of Potter and Black, who had flown easily twenty feet or so and were circling gleefully around the class. The moment they saw him, they roared with laughter, doubling over their brooms.

There was a whirl of cerulean sky, green grass, and a familiar gold glitter as Severus tumbled backwards onto the manicured lawn. At once, Lily was at his side. "Sev, are you all right?" Her familiar eyes were wide and anxious.

"Yeah. Fine," Severus made a weak effort to brush off his robe as an excuse to hide his red face. He would be bruised in the morning, but the marks on his skin were nothing compared to his stinging pride. He could feel the heat of his guffawing classmates' stares, but by the time he looked up, their attention was elsewhere. Predictably, it was directed once again at the most obnoxious person that Severus had ever met.

"Sorry, Snivellus, I thought you would recognize a jinxed broom. After all, you are the Dark Arts expert," Potter sang out cheerfully, Snitch glimmering triumphantly in his fist once more. Tears of laughter streamed down Black's face, and Severus was astounded and disappointed that he did not choke.

Realization had finally dawned, but just as Severus was whipping out his wand, two furious female voices cut him off.

"JAMES POTTER, SIRIUS BLACK, YOU GET DOWN HERE!" Madam Hooch shouted just as Lily stood up with her hands planted on her hips indignantly.

"YOU CONCEITED PRAT. YOU COULD'VE HURT HIM!"

Despite the situation, Severus felt a rush of affection for Lily. No one else would be so quick to his defense, or as impassioned. He had never seen her so furious.

As Potter and Black reluctantly reached the ground, still in uncontrollable hysterics. Severus held out his wand and chanted fiercely, "_Serpensortia_!"

There were a number of screams as a massive black serpent burst from the end of his wand. Potter and Black stopped chortling as it slithered toward them, its tongue flickering, fangs exposed...

"Enough!" With a quick wave of her wand, Madam Hooch demolished the snake. Her hands were quivering with fresh rage. She seemed too livid to form a coherent thought and was blustering deliriously. "Detention! All three of you! I've never been so- I've never had- Detention!"

Severus tucked away his wand calmly. He knew Lily was frantic for eye contact, but he could not remove his glare from Potter. It said everything he wanted to say, expressing only the purest of loathing.

The hazel eyes glittered back with an unspoken challenge.

From that moment on, it was war.

**1971**

"I don't see why you can't just ignore him," said Lily as she and Severus ambled through the Hogwarts grounds during a late afternoon. It hadn't even been two days since the broomstick incident and already, Severus and Potter had managed to send each other to the hospital wing- twice.

Severus scowled. "So I can just wait for him to jinx me?"

"He'll get bored sooner or later," Lily's voice lowered. "I just don't want you to get in trouble again."

Severus softened at her words. Potter brought out the worst in him. He had been tense the entire day and Lily was pleased to see his face clear at last. "It wasn't so bad. Just the Forbidden Forest with Hagrid."

Lily automatically lifted her eyes toward the direction of the towering trees. Despite the formidable name and shadowy depths, there was something mysterious about it that appealed to her. "What was it like?"

"Not exactly like the forest back home," Severus said wryly.

His answer didn't daunt Lily. Instead, it intrigued her. "I want to go there," she decided aloud.

Severus arched a dark eyebrow. "You do know it's dangerous?"

"Obviously."

"All right then," Severus shrugged carelessly, but she knew him well enough to catch his features light up. "I could do with an adventure."

Delighted but not at all surprised that he had agreed, Lily clapped her hands eagerly together in anticipation. "When?"

"Halloween. Something to look forward to other than a band of dancing skeletons," Severus scoffed.

"That long?" Before Lily's lips could gather into a frown, she paused, not entirely certain she had heard him correctly. "Dancing skeletons?"

"You didn't hear? Mulciber won't shut up about it. Dumbledore booked them for the feast."

Lily pondered the idea for a minute, and then simply accepted it. She was becoming far too accustomed to the endless wonders and eccentricities of the wizarding world. But something else in Severus's words bothered her. "Do you really like Mulciber?"

"He's all right. Why?" Something in Severus's voice changed. A sudden edge appeared, almost defensive. It caught Lily off guard.

"He just seems so…mean. Sometimes he scares me."

At that, Severus stiffened, his jaw visibly tensing. There was something nearly violent in his dark gaze, but not a hint of surprise. As if he had been dreading it. "Did he do anything to you?"

"No, but he keeps hexing Marlene. She hasn't even done anything to him," Lily was too upset to notice Severus's powerful reaction. Images of Mulciber's constant jinxes and Marlene's tearstained face were swirling in her thoughts.

Severus visibly relaxed; not appearing too bothered about Marlene McKinnon. "Oh. As long as he doesn't hex you."

Abruptly, Lily stopped walking. It took Severus a few steps to realize she had halted, and he turned around to see her staring at him in disbelief.

"What?"

"Why does it matter if it's me or Marlene? It's wrong!"

"You're my friend. I don't even talk to Marlene." Seeing her indignant expression, Severus hastily continued. "I'm just glad he's not bothering you."

There was something sincere in the last part that touched Lily. Mollified by his answer, she caught up to him. She knew that Severus tended to be wary about people and showing emotions. Lily decided that he hadn't meant that he didn't care about Marlene; he was just concerned about her. "Sorry, Sev, I didn't mean to jump on you. I was just upset."

"It's all right." A faint smile tugged at Severus's lips.

"Sev?"

"Yeah?"

"What's a blood traitor?"

The strange stiffness returned. Severus's forehead creased as he surveyed Lily cautiously. "Where did you hear that?"

"Mulciber called Marlene one," Lily wrinkled her nose with distaste. "He said it in the rudest way too."

"Some wizarding families think less of others," Severus said slowly. His face was indecipherable, even to her. "You don't have to worry about it, Lily."

Lily could tell that Severus was uncomfortable with the subject. She knew it would be better to change the topic, but a prickle of curiosity remained. "That doesn't sound nice."

"It's like that everywhere. With Muggles too," Severus sounded bitter.

Lily instantly felt terrible. Of course, Severus wouldn't want to discuss status when his own family was the inspiration for idle gossip and contempt. He knew his family's mangled reputation as well as she did.

"I'll race you back to the castle," Lily challenged suddenly, wanting to take Severus's mind away from the twisted world of reality. He may have been eleven, but something in his eyes was much older. It was times like this when it was most noticeable. Childish fun was exactly what he needed.

"We haven't raced in ages."

"Are you afraid I'll win?" Lily's bright green eyes sparkled mischievously.

Severus half smiled. They both knew that he won nearly every time. Lily waited patiently for him to give in.

It only took a minute.

"Fine. On the count of three?"

"One… Two… Three…"

Neither one was surprised to see Severus win by several lengths. Lily was just satisfied to see him smile again.


	10. Chapter 10 The Forbidden Forest

**When I was writing this, I started to write a fanfic from the Marauders' perspective, but I stopped. If I did, it would have to be as long as this one will be, and unfortunately, I don't have time. If I can't write about them, I can at least read, so if anyone knows of a good Marauders fanfic, please let me know. Anyway, thanks for all reviews. They are appreciated!**

**Chapter Ten- The Forbidden Forest**

**1971**

The next few weeks swept by in a glorious haze of lessons and mischief. Severus had discovered he had a natural talent for curses and jinxes. When he was not scribbling down notes and essays, he was mastering new hexes and occasionally demonstrating them with those who shared his dormitory. For the first time, Severus maintained an alliance with boys his age. He wouldn't call them friends quite yet. That term was reserved for Lily.

He saw Lily every day. Not as often as he had hoped, but enough that they remained the best of friends, despite their different Houses. They explored the castle frequently, making new discoveries each day. When they weren't reveling in their freedom, they studied together in the library, helping each other with their assignments. It was almost as perfect as Severus had pictured it.

If only Lily had been in Slytherin.

Other than that, there was only one thorn in his side, and that was James Potter and his friends.

They were called the Marauders now. During the first week, Potter and Black had been gleefully escaping Filch's clutches. The caretaker had been chasing after them feverishly, much to the amusement of the Hogwarts students, spluttering out all sorts of names. One of them had been 'bloody marauders', and to Filch's great displeasure, the boys had proudly embraced the name.

Somewhere in that first month, sickly Remus Lupin had fallen into the crowd. He was a stark contrast from the original two, shabby and quiet without a trace of an oversized ego. Even more disparate was the foolish Peter Pettigrew. Severus guessed that he had become the fourth Marauder only by being unfortunate enough to share a dormitory with the first three.

"Was that you who hexed Potter?"

Severus glanced up from one of his Dark Arts books in surprise, automatically closing the cover at the sight of Lucius Malfoy. The act was unnecessary considering he had quickly learned how to bewitch it to resemble a schoolbook for any prying eyes, but something about the prefect's eerie gray gaze unnerved him. "Ah-"

"Impressive magic." Even as Lucius sunk into the emerald green armchair, he managed to display a note of subtle refinement. Next to the blazing fire, his high cheekbones appeared more pronounced than ever. "Especially for a first year."

"Thanks," Severus replied hesitantly, unsure of where this conversation was headed. Lucius didn't seem to be planning to turn him in. From his low voice and the way he was turned toward Severus, there was something secretive in his manner.

Lucius's icy eyes flitted across the room, resting momentarily on Rodolphus and Bellatrix Black. Rodolphus seemed to be in some sort of intense speech, while Bellatrix merely inspected her fingernails, her long, black hair rippling down her back elegantly. She appeared bored, with her heavily lidded eyes half shut. Severus couldn't help but feel amused that the seventh year had finally found a Slytherin who didn't worship him.

"Poor sod," Lucius said dismissively before returning to Severus. "And how did you learn such curses?"

"I taught myself," Severus said shortly, his grip tightening just barely on the book. He wondered how long this strange interrogation would last.

Instead of questioning him further, Lucius fell into a brief silence. "There are some who would favor such skill."

Severus was suddenly reminded of Rosier's comment on their first morning at Hogwarts. His curiosity heightened. "Such as?"

Lucius just gave a thin smile. "That doesn't matter now."

"And what does?" He hadn't meant for the irritation to seep through, but it did. Clearly.

Lucius leaned forward, his chiseled face staring at Severus intently. It was strangely marble-like, reminding Severus of an ice sculpture that had been painstakingly carved. "Have you ever wanted things to be different? To be recognized?"

For a brief moment, Severus considered lying. But he decided it would be best not to, especially while those shards of gray ice were piercing him. "Maybe."

"Things are changing," Lucius said. "There will come a time when you have to choose a side. It's important that you choose the better side."

"What change? And which side would that be?" Severus demanded, but he already knew the answer to the latter.

From the way Lucius's eyes glinted, Severus had a feeling that he knew as well. Even so, he graced the room with a sweep of his majestic arm. "Look around. You'll find none better than the House of Slytherin. While the others become lost in their twisted sense of morality, those with untainted blood will achieve the greatest deeds of all." Lucius looked at him pityingly. "Your Muggle father may have diluted your blood, but it's clear that your Prince half is dominant."

When Severus's dark eyes flashed at the insult, Lucius's lips twisted into a glimmer of a smirk.

"I can see that I made the right choice. It's better if you forget this conversation for now. Nothing is more vexing than one who cannot keep his mouth shut..."

Before Severus could reply, Narcissa Black came into view, nearing Lucius. Her waist length blond hair swished behind her as she moved, her steps startlingly airy. Lucius's smile deepened as she rested a porcelain hand on his shoulder. "Who's this?" Her voice betrayed a quiet curiosity.

Lucius's smiled flickered back to Severus. "One that someone in particular might approve of someday." His hand clasped hers as he rose from the chair. "I look forward to speaking to you again soon, Severus."

Severus didn't say anything else. He watched them glide away together, hand in hand. When he saw the loving look Narcissa sent Lucius before resting her head on his shoulder, there was a strange ache in his chest.

That was when he realized he wanted that someday.

He stole another glimpse of Rodolphus and Bellatrix. The seventh year girl wasn't even feigning her attention. Her eyes were fully shut now, her long, dark lashes resting serenely upon her high cheekbones. It was almost as if she had fallen asleep. Rodolphus looked quite unlike the haughty Head Boy Severus had witnessed prowling the halls. He appeared desperate, virtually begging for Bellatrix's notice.

At that moment, Severus swore that would never be him. It was only then he realized that Lucius still hadn't answered his question about change.

**1971**

The crisp days of October had crept by slowly, but when Halloween night arrived at last, Lily was elated. She had wanted their adventure to happen earlier, but Severus remained firm, insisting that the eeriness of Halloween would make it much more fun. It was only once they were outside that Lily realized he had been right. There was a terrifying element in the night air that made it all the more exhilarating.

While the other students were fast asleep, exhausted after a lavish feast with giant pumpkins and dancing skeletons, Severus and Lily silently slunk across the starlight-dusted grounds of Hogwarts, hardly daring to breathe.

"_Lumos_," Severus whispered as they neared the border of the Forbidden Forest. "Wands out, Lily."

Lily obeyed immediately. Her hand had been lingering on her wand the entire time, and now she gratefully retrieved it.

"Sure you want to do this?" Severus searched her face anxiously.

"Absolutely."

Severus shook his head. "Gryffindors."

"Slytherins," Lily shot back.

Together, they moved forward.

It had only taken the first step, and already, Lily felt like she was in an entirely new world. The trees were colossal, their heavy branches swaying hauntingly in the cool breeze. Shadows streaked with the pale light of the moon marbled the ground. Strange birds whispered ghostly melodies that blended uncannily with the rustling movement of the unknown. A faint mist greeted them, soon shrouding them completely.

"I see what you meant, about it not being like the one at home," Lily said shakily, trying to soak it all in at once. "It's sort of pretty though. In a creepy way."

Severus was appraising their surroundings as well, his careful eyes taking in each and every detail. "It seems eerier tonight. Which way?"

It looked all the same to Lily. Ghostly and ominous. "Straight."

Blackened leaves crunched beneath their feet as they huddled together, slowly meandering their way through the dagger-like branches. The fog thickened, forcing Lily to strain her eyes.

"Are there…lions here?" Lily asked hesitantly.

"Lions?" The amusement on Severus's face lightened the sinister atmosphere. "No. More like werewolves."

There was a sudden silence.

"There's also unicorns," Severus added quickly. "Hagrid was talking about them. Maybe we'll see one."

"Unicorns sound nice," Lily said much too brightly.

A distant howl pierced throughout the night. It was a menacing sound, teeming with rage and hunger. Lily and Severus exchanged glances. In silent agreement, Severus snatched her hand and they bolted.

Tearing through the Forbidden Forest in the midst of darkness was nearly impossible. Thorns and limbs tugged at Lily's robes as they dived between trees, puncturing her exposed skin. She stumbled over roots, but Severus pulled her up and dragged her along before she could fall. Terror lurked over them, a constant shadow, until Lily suddenly noticed something strange.

Somewhere along the way, they had begun to laugh.

Her heartbeat had tripled. Her hair was a tangled disarray. She had never been more terrified…or more revived. When they had finally stopped, their breaths loud and quick, she saw that it had affected Severus similarly. Gone were his sallow complexion and reserved emotions. His cheeks were flushed and he was laughing. It was different from his usual quiet snicker. She had heard him laugh like that only once or twice, fully free without a lingering reminder to hold him back.

It was only when she heard his laughter that she realized she had missed it.

"That…was…" Severus began, trying to catch his breath. "Excellent."

"Was that really a werewolf?"

"Maybe so. I hope so. Or else I'd feel like a complete prat."

The Forbidden Forest seemed considerably less forbidding after the howl. Their fear dissolved as they continued zigzagging between the twisted brambles and branches. A piece of it remained, thrilling in every mysterious sound. Lily would be the one to squeal out. Severus would simply turn ashen, his face deathly pale against the blackness.

Lily was just about to investigate a hollow tree when something new caught the corner of her eye. That something new took her breath away.

"Sev, come here!"

Severus crouched down beside her, his wand casting a dim light over her shoulders. "What?"

"I thought I saw something," Lily frowned, straining her eyes to see through the shadows. To her frustration, she could hardly see anything at all. "It was silver."

"That might be a unicorn," Severus said excitedly. "The full grown ones are silver."

"I don't think it was a unicorn. It looked like a deer. A doe."

"Does aren't silver, Lily."

"This one was," said Lily stubbornly. "I'll show you."

Before Severus could protest, Lily darted between two withering oaks. The doe seemed to have disappeared as mysteriously as it had appeared, but Lily remained firm. She would find that doe if she had to spend the entire night trying.

"Lily, wait up!" Severus called from a good distance behind her. The sound of his nearing footsteps echoed with the mournful cries of the wraithlike birds. Suddenly, Lily was eerily reminded of her whereabouts. She swallowed, lurching into a stop.

"Hurry up!"

There was a wisp of silver. Lily swiveled around, but it was too late. It was gone.

"Fine, Lily. I believe you," Severus gasped as he finally caught up to her. Beads of sweat dotted his forehead and his dark hair was disheveled enough to rival James Potter. The thought would have made Lily giggle, if she hadn't been so disappointed.

"No, you don't," Lily crossed her arms unhappily, not knowing why the doe was so important to her. "She's gone now."

Severus circled around her, his coal black eyes sweeping the small area. After a brief silence, he motioned to her side. "Maybe that way?"

He most likely thought she was hallucinating or mad, but Lily knew what she had seen. He was humoring her. As nice as the gesture was, it made her all the more determined to prove herself.

"That way," Lily agreed without much hope, unable to keep her lower lip from jutting out into a pout.

The moonlight splashed forest seemed to grow darker with each step. The pearly mist was nearing opaque. By now, Lily was beginning to wonder if she had imagined the doe. In her heart, she was convinced she had existed.

The trees and undergrowth were growing denser and wilder. It was almost impossible to walk through without moving something aside. Lily was about to suggest that they turn back. Only pure stubbornness stopped her, and she returned to pushing away more vines.

"Lily."

"What, Sev?" Lily said rather irritably. "I know we've been looking forever. I know we're most likely lost. I know-"

"Lily," Severus cut her off. "Look."

She followed his eyes, toward his direction. What she saw wasn't the doe, but something, much, much better.

"It looks like the glade!" All traces of Lily's sullen mood disappeared as she eagerly dashed over to the clearing.

It was oddly like their secret place, but with a darker beauty. The trees surrounding it were masked in black shadows, but the star-kissed grass had a faint glow. While there wasn't a dirty river, there was a small stream, its liquid luminous silver in the moonlight. It held the same fresh scent as the glade even though the flowers were unlike anything she had seen before. If Lily closed her eyes, she would have sworn that she was back home.

Severus was gawking at the sky in awe. Lily did the same, and wordlessly, they settled down on their backs as they used to back home and simply gazed at the sky in content silence.

It was the most beautiful sky she had ever seen. It was pure black velvet, scattered with gleaming stars. Lily had never seen stars shine so bright or clear. They almost seemed to dance in front of her. She couldn't tear her eyes away.

"Lily?"

Lily turned her head sideways, finding that Severus had done the same. His dark eyes bored into hers, startlingly solemn again. "Mm?"

"I believe you. About the silver doe."

Lily didn't say anything. She didn't have to stay anything. It was peaceful there, a twisted sort of paradise. They didn't move for a long time. They stayed there, savoring the star-threaded sky and their friendship.


	11. Chapter 11 The Whomping Willow

**Sorry for the delay. I've been sick and busy with school. Thank you for the reviews though! They cheered me up. This chapter is based on Lupin's two quotes about the Whomping Willow incident and about Lily being there for him when no one else was. I decided that meant before the Marauders discovered his secret.**

**Chapter Eleven- The Whomping Willow**

**1971**

As the fiery shades of red, orange, and yellow began to fade with October, a new excitement brewed with the arrival of November.

It was called Quidditch.

Severus was the only one who was not bubbling over with anticipation. Ever since the bucking broom incident, he didn't care much for flying. Especially since Potter never shut up about it.

Severus had other things to look forward to, mainly his and Lily's secret visits to the Hogwarts glade. Sneaking out to the Forbidden Forest was becoming surprisingly easy. They would sit there for hours, watching the stars and talking about anything imaginable. There were a few occasions when they were convinced they were about to be eaten by a wild beast or caught by Hagrid, but such events only added to the thrill.

"Gryffindor will win. We've got Vance and Bones," Potter's authoritative voice rang throughout the Potions dungeon. Severus was becoming irritatingly familiar with the ever-present sound. He distracted himself with his usual way: dreaming up hexes that he would invent someday.

"And we've got Lestrange. Not to mention the better brooms," Mucliber called out superiorly.

Potter was unperturbed. "Like I said, we have Vance and Bones. We don't need brooms to make up for talent. Speaking of brooms, has anyone seen the Nimbus One Thousand Ten?"

Severus gritted his teeth, carefully chopping his cockroaches into perfectly equal slices. It would have to be a humiliating hex. Something that would deflate Potter's massive ego.

"Sev?"

The sound of Lily's sweet voice interrupted Severus's thoughts, and he looked up guiltily. "Yeah?"

"Could you pass me the knotgrass?"

Severus did so.

"Thanks. Can you believe we'll finally be able to see our very first Quidditch match?" Lily said, her green eyes lighting up with animation. She carefully added the knotgrass, her Forgetfulness Potion instantly darkening from translucent lavender to a reddish tinge.

Severus watched her for a minute, silently admiring her brilliance. Lily was the only one other than him who had managed to achieve the precise shade. It was no wonder she was Slughorn's favorite. He then realized that she was still looking at him expectantly. Just as he was contemplating a tactful response, Peter Pettigrew's poor attempt of the potion provided a convenient distraction. Shrieks rang out as the pale lilac fluid exploded everywhere.

"Everyone, really, calm down," Professor Slughorn said rather anxiously. "I just need to figure out how…"

"That's strange," Severus said quietly, noting his classmates' reactions. Bright purple boils freckled their features, resulting in a minor panic.

"What is?" Lily gasped as she suddenly ducked down. Her hair flew above her in a cloud of red, just in time to escape the flying liquid.

"Look at their boils. It shouldn't have any effect-" Severus's voice abruptly stopped as hot potion splashed onto his cheek. His hand automatically flew to his face as he caught sight of Potter and Black cackling in the back of the dungeon, with Lupin shaking his head despite being visibly amused.

"If you've been affected, see me for a Restoring Draught!" Professor Slughorn bellowed over the screams. His face was red with exertion and he was twirling his mustache at a rapid rate.

"Be right back," Severus muttered to Lily, irritated with the Marauders for being the Marauders, and with himself, for being splashed.

When the Potions lesson had at last concluded, the Marauders paraded from the dungeon smugly. Or rather, Potter and Black paraded. Lupin had already fled and Pettigrew remained a good few feet behind, frantically trying to catch up.

Suddenly, Severus was very anxious for Slytherin to win the Quidditch match.

"Do you want to work outside instead of the library?" Lily sounded wistful. "It's such a nice day for November."

Severus didn't care much for the sun sparkling outside, but he knew Lily did. "All right."

Others seemed to have the same idea as Lily, as the grounds were more crowded than usual. As they settled under the shelter of a leafy tree, Severus glanced around to check for a lurking Marauder. The only one he found was Lupin, who was sprawled out comfortably over a grassy patch, reading serenely. Not far away, a group of first years lurked by the Whomping Willow, daring each other to approach the trunk.

Severus had never seen one manage.

"What idiots," Severus commented, taking out his Potions book and quill. They fell to his lap with a heavy thump.

Lily was already leafing through her History of Magic textbook. "Hm?" She followed his disdainful eyes. "Oh. I don't know why they decided to plant a tree that hits back."

"It's Hogwarts," Severus said, as if that explained everything. In a way, it did.

"Someone told me that it was planted this year," Lily mused, drumming her fingers against her chin as she watched the first years.

"Lucky us."

For a while, they worked in peace. Only the scratching of Severus's quill and the sound of pages turning could be heard. Severus occasionally stole a glimpse of Lily, enjoying the way her sharp green eyes flashed intently as they devoured new information.

"Sev," Lily said with dismay, effectively shattering the silence. "What are you doing?"

Severus had been crossing out notes in his Potions book and filling the margins with his untidy scrawl. He laid down his quill. "Working."

"By ruining your textbook?"

"No, by making improvements," Severus lifted the book to provide her with a better view. "I don't know what dunderhead decided you should stir clockwise. It should be _counter _clockwise." When he looked up, he saw that Lily was watching him with a small smile. He suddenly felt conscious. "What?"

"Nothing," Lily shook her head, still smiling. "You're just one of the cleverest people I know."

Severus's cheeks grew hot, and he hurriedly picked up his quill once more. "Oh."

A loud shout echoed through the grounds, followed by several more shrill screams. Lily jumped, startled at the piercing sound. Her elbow jolted into Severus's, causing him to splatter ink across the page he had been editing.

"Sorry, Sev!" Lily sounded distressed as she leapt to her feet. Almost automatically, she inhaled sharply, her pretty face blanching. "Oh no."

Pushing aside the book and quill, Severus pulled himself up, curious. "What's going on?"

Lily didn't answer. She didn't have to. Her eyes were fixed in horror at Davey Gudgeon, a first year Hufflepuff. The Whomping Willow's heavy branches curled around his waist, waving him triumphantly in the air. The blood gushing down his face, glistening like rubies, could be visible even from a few yards away.

"We have to help him."

A wave of alarm surged inside Severus as he gaped at Lily, wondering momentarily if she had gone mad. She would only hurt herself, or worse. He grimaced, not wanting to imagine her fragile body dangling in the Willow's lethal grasp. Severus couldn't understand why she would want to risk her life, especially for someone she scarcely knew. "Lily-"

"I'll-"

But Severus never found out what Lily was planning to do. At that moment, the Whomping Willow released the tiny first year midair. Davey's mangled form flew through the air before landing on the grass with a sickening thud. There were more squeals as Davey groaned aloud.

Someone must have alerted Madam Pomfrey. Severus hadn't even heard her quick steps. In a blink, she was kneeling at Davey's side, fuming loudly. The disapproval on her lined features was unmistakable. "_Honestly_. I've never seen such foolishness…"

Severus refrained from grinning at Madam Pomfrey's words.

"He looks horrible," Lily covered her eyes as the unfortunate Davey Gudgeon was ushered into the castle. "All that blood... How could he be so _stupid_? Why would you ever want to go near a tree that hits back?"

"Madam Pomfrey can fix him," Severus reassured her, but he wasn't too sure himself. There had been an appalling amount of blood. Unlike Lily, he was not concerned for Davey. If the Hufflepuff had been foolish enough to take the dare, then as far as Severus was concerned, he deserved it.

Lily slowly looked up, blatantly uncertain if it was safe to look or not. Her lips were drawn together in a small frown. "Poor Remus. He doesn't like blood either."

That was an understatement. Lupin had cast aside his book and was even more waxen than usual. His face was distraught, his features a combination of nausea and fright. Severus was certain that any moment he would vomit, faint, or both.

"I hope he's all right," Lily said worriedly, wringing her hands together.

Severus wasn't too fussed. After all, Remus Lupin was a Marauder.

"He'll be fine," Severus began to gather his ink-stained supplies. The spectacle had drawn a flourishing crowd, and the noise was beginning to irritate him. "Let's go inside. We'll never be able to study here."

Lily knelt down on the grass to do the same. Her face was still puckered and it was clear that the incident was still fixed on her mind. It was enough to distract her; she was absentmindedly flinging rubbish in her book bag such as dandelions and a broken quill of Severus's. "Oh, Sev, I ruined your book."

"No, you didn't. I can fix it later," Severus wasn't too bothered considering a few ink blots were hardly a disaster compared to his disorderly scrawl. He reached over to pluck a shred of grass from her bag.

When they passed by Lupin, Severus's fathomless dark eyes swept by, as thorough as they were fleeting. There was something lingering among the sickly boy's features. Something resembling guilt. Why it was there, Severus didn't have the faintest idea.

He would uncover that particular mystery. Sooner or later.

**1971**

No one was surprised to learn that the Whomping Willow had become forbidden territory overnight. The news didn't have much effect, considering the next day was the day that everyone had been waiting for. Even Davey Gudgeon nearly losing an eye couldn't dampen their spirits.

The Gryffindor common room was an electrified blur of red and gold. Shouts and cheers echoed throughout the overflowing space. Bodies were anxiously pushing against each other in a frantic race to leave for the Quidditch fields. The avidity was intoxicating. Lily's heart was pounding with excitement.

But something made her halt abruptly, causing clumsy Peter Pettigrew to stumble back. Without noticing Pettigrew, Lily began weaving her way across the room, ducking through a horde of frenzied third years.

"Lily, what are you doing?" Marlene demanded with startling volume as she spotted Lily's hasty departure. She, Alice, and Mary McDonald were already by the portrait hole where Lily had been moments ago.

"Be right there. Go ahead without me," Lily called over her shoulder, continuing to move against the swarm of boisterous Gryffindors. It took longer than she had expected, but finally, she reached her destination. Near the fireplace, Remus Lupin was slumped in one of the squashy armchairs, tiredly transfixed by the flickering flames.

"Aren't you coming?" Lily asked hesitantly, wondering why he had stayed behind. Potter and Black had been the first ones to leave, and Lupin rarely strayed far from their group. She didn't know why it mattered so much, but something about his forlorn figure tugged at her heartstrings.

Lupin slowly turned around to face her. He looked worse than he had the day before. The circles that were constantly etched under his eyes had darkened. "No, I don't think so."

The idea struck Lily as odd. Everyone went to the Quidditch matches. Even Severus. "Why not?"

"Have you ever been the reason for something bad happening?" Lupin hugged his knees tightly to his chest, appearing even smaller as he hunched over.

Lily was silent as she thought back. She could think of several things, but none of them seemed right. The longer she took in Lupin's sad state, the more they faded into insignificance. "Not that I can remember."

"Bad things follow me wherever I go," Lupin said quietly.

"I don't believe that's true."

"It is," Lupin spoke miserably, sinking his chin into his thin knees. "Even when I'm not doing anything, something still happens."

But Lily was shaking her head, refusing to accept his glum tone. "Then it's obviously not your fault."

"It's…complicated. But it is. I bring bad luck to everyone."

"You haven't done anything to me," Lily pointed out, eager to prove him wrong. She couldn't understand what was bothering him, but she didn't want to see him upset. Something about his manner reminded her of Severus when he was in one of his vague moods.

"I'm making you miss the Quidditch match."

"You haven't yet," Lily smiled slightly, satisfied that he couldn't disagree. "We can still make it."

"I don't want-"

"You can't just sit around, waiting for bad things to happen," Lily said firmly, tugging at his arm for him to stand up. As frail as he appeared, he was stronger than she had expected. He hadn't budged an inch. "You make your own luck."

Lupin looked at her strangely before moving upright. Then he smiled back. It was an uncertain smile, but a smile nonetheless. "Let's go."

To Lily's relief, the match had only just started. The masses of red and gold would have been conspicuous even on a rainy day, so she and Lupin had no difficulty finding their seats. Even if the banners had been absent, Lily was sure that she would have recognized Potter's frantic shouting from the castle.

"We were worried that you would miss the match!" Alice finally noticed Lily's appearance as the Gryffindors broke out in a fresh cheer.

"I wouldn't dream of it," Lily assured her, trading glances with Lupin. She was happy to see that his melancholy expression had been replaced with the eager anticipation that everyone else wore.

"FOUL, YOU DIRTY-"

James Potter's voice could be heard throughout the stands.

"And foul! Penalty to Gryffindor!" The announcer exclaimed, echoing Potter's sentiments in a more respectable manner. Lily had a feeling that Professor McGonagall had something to do with it. She was lurking over the sixth year Ravenclaw's shoulder with a rather hawkish demeanor.

Severus had explained Quidditch to her, several times, but it was different, seeing it played out. Lily had never especially cared for football, but Quidditch was the opposite in every way. When she was not shrieking out with the rest, she was holding her breath, anxious to see what would happen next.

"Chaser Vanity with the Quaffle…Dodges a Bludger, damn it! Joking, Professor! Ten points to Slytherin!"

For once, Lily was happy to have Potter drowning out the cheers of the Slytherins. The clamor of the silver and green seemed to be louder with every ten points.

"Vance has the Quaffle… Ohhh. Saved by Lestrange."

There was a chorus of sighs.

"No sign of the Snitch yet. Bones is circling the field. Oh! Longbottom has the Quaffle!" The Ravenclaw perked up.

Sure enough, a figure in Gryffindor colors darted toward a gleaming hoop. He lifted his arm, preparing to aim…and there was a sudden crack. A Bludger had rammed into him. Even from the stands, Lily could see the two Slytherin Beaters' leers. A Slytherin Chaser eagerly caught the Quaffle as it flew from Longbottom's grasp.

"Crabbe and Goyle. No surprise there," The Ravenclaw said sourly. "Vanity has the Quaffle and Longbottom has a broken arm."

"They broke his arm?" Lily cried out in horror.

"That's Quidditch, Evans!" Potter had momentarily paused from his furious tirade. Lily was shocked that he had even heard her. She didn't have time to contemplate; he had immediately returned to his blustering.

"THE SNITCH IS OVER THERE, YOU PRAT. STOP FLYING AROUND IN CIRCLES."

Lily stifled a groan. She didn't know much about Quidditch, but she knew enough from the score and Potter's shouts that the Gryffindor team was doing poorly.

"Another ten for Slytherin," the Ravenclaw muttered, obviously not eager to broadcast the news.

The Slytherins roared with glee, nearly unheard in the midst of Gryffindor grumbles.

"Slytherin Seeker has his eye on the Snitch!" The Ravenclaw continued, barely masking his irritation. "Seeker against Seeker…" Lily's wide eyes never left the two Seekers as they dived together in graceful acceleration. Both arms were stretched out, fingers desperately clawing at the air…

"Damn." There was a heavy sigh. "One hundred fifty points. Slytherin wins the match. Again." The Ravenclaw's crestfallen tone was drowned out by the furious cries of Gryffindors, which blended thunderously with disgruntlement from a staggering amount of Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs.

Lily was no Quidditch fanatic, but she couldn't help but feel more than a twinge of disappointment. She and the rest of the Gryffindors had been so excited… And it was over.

Potter was outraged. He was too absorbed in his rant to ruffle his hair in his usual manner. He didn't stop raving once, not even to catch his breath. Even when they were approaching the castle, his voice remained deafening. "SLYTHERIN SCUM- OF ALL BLOODY-" He let loose a fresh string of curses.

"Potter!"

Professor McGonagall had evidently heard him. Lily only wondered what had taken her so long. "Five points from Gryffindor. I've never seen such poor show of sportsmanship."

"But, Professor! You can't-"

"I assure you I can, Mr. Potter. Don't let me hear you speak that way again."

Potter crossed his arms sullenly across his chest, his chin drooping down. "Once I'm on the team, things will be different."

"Once?" Lily couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at his audacity. She should have been accustomed to it by now, but he never stopped surprising her. She had never met anyone so…infuriating.

Potter brightened at her attention, apparently cheered enough to begin rumpling his hair again. As his hand brushed his dark mop back, it remained just as unkempt as it had been before, unflappable, much like Potter himself when he wasn't sulking over Quidditch. "Once," he confirmed. "I'll make the team next year. Chaser. I'll have the new Nimbus…And the Quidditch Cup…."

"Getting ahead of yourself, aren't you, mate?" Black grinned.

Lily immediately tuned the both of them out. She hadn't forgotten their constant cries of "Snivellus" and she wasn't planning to. She glanced over at Lupin, hoping the loss of the match hadn't brought him down again. To her relief and shock, he was watching the other Marauders with amusement. He caught Lily's eye and shrugged good-naturedly.

Lily simply shook her head, knowing that she would never understand the Marauders. Slipping through the crowd, she hurried off to find Severus.


	12. Chapter 12 The Snowball

**Chapter Twelve- The Snowball**

**1971**

Winter at Spinner's End had never been much. It was still a grimy dreariness, only colder. The snow that glazed the shambles of the house and area around it was a muddy slush instead of a pristine white. A film of dirty ice covered the river, steadily grayer each year. Only the glade itself managed to escape unscathed; somehow it looked almost magical when the snow veiled it.

Hogwarts was fairyland in comparison. Everything was blanketed in a pure, unblemished white. The castle was frosted beautifully with icicles coating the edges. When sunlight streamed through the crystals, they would sparkle brilliantly, causing Lily to smile in delight.

Severus had never cared much about appearances, much less weather, but seeing her smile always made him smile, whether he liked it or not. Therefore, he was becoming fond of winter, especially now that he could stay at Hogwarts for Christmas.

It was the last day before holiday. Lily would be leaving the next day to spend Christmas with her family. Severus was disappointed, but Lily had promised to write while she was away. To make the most of what time they had left together, Lily had decided to torture him.

"No," Severus said firmly. A familiar scowl remained stubbornly intact on his lips. "Absolutely not."

"But you have to," Lily pouted, but her emerald green eyes were sparkling. Tiny snowflakes clung to the thick red hair that tumbled over her shoulders. "We do it every year."

"No. You _make_ me every year."

"Same thing. Please?"

Unwillingly, Severus faltered. Even joking, he hated to see that sad expression on Lily's face. He longed to see her smile again. He could never say no to her for long…

Taking advantage of Severus's hesitation, Lily gleefully dragged him down onto the freshly powdered snow. They toppled over one another gracelessly.

Severus untangled his long, slender limbs from hers, spitting out a mouthful of snow. He was freezing, damp, and covered in snow, but what was most maddening of all, was the fact that his scowl was threatening to crack at any moment. "Lily!"

Lily laughed in response, looking nearly as angelic as the snow angel she was currently perfecting. Snow crowned her coppery hair, forming the convenient halo. "Now you have to make one. I won't leave until you do."

"Then you'll be staying here a very long time," Severus said, unable to keep his lips from twitching.

"I'll sing carols while we wait," Lily warned. She leapt neatly over her snow angel, careful to not smudge it. Once she was in a safe distance, she plunked down in front of Severus, her mischievous expression never wilting.

"You wouldn't."

"Silent night…" Lily began impishly with a wicked gleam in her crystalline green eyes.

Severus sighed, laying down flat against the snow. He stretched out his arms and legs, sliding them back and forth rather stiffly. He would never admit it, but he didn't mind making snow angels. They reminded him of his first winter with Lily. She had pushed him down then too.

"You had fun. I can tell," Lily said once he had finished.

"It wasn't terrible," Severus conceded, rather grudgingly.

That was enough for Lily. She beamed happily at him. "Let's build a snowman next."

"That's pushing it."

"Don't make me sing again."

Severus allowed the tiniest of smiles as he glanced back at the two snow angels. They stood, side-by-side, merely an inch or two separating them. One was ideally crafted, while the other was slightly awkward looking. Yet they both fit, as if they belonged together.

"Sev, do you want me to sing or not?" Lily called out. With her pink cheeks and pearly white smile, she looked hardly capable of such blackmail. But Severus knew better.

Severus hurried, but not before he twisted his lips into a scowl once more. "Fine. We'll build a snowman. A small one."

"We're going to have so much fun," Lily promised cheerily, but the wicked glimmer in her eyes remained, only to narrow with suspicion as Severus hastily arranged a lump of snow. "What is that?"

"A snowman," Severus said.

"That's not a snowman. That's a…snow mouse."

"I said small."

"That's miniscule. It doesn't count."

"Of course it counts," Severus argued irritably. "You never said-" His sentence was cut short as a snowball collided in his face. His mouth closed and then opened again. "Lily!"

"I didn't do it!" Lily protested, her bottle green eyes wide with surprise. She held up her hands as if to demonstrate her innocence. "It just happened."

A second snowball smacked roughly into his shoulder, causing him to stagger backward. Severus frowned, knowing Lily couldn't have done it. That left only one choice…

As another struck his back, Severus instantly whirled around, just in time to catch a glimpse of black. There was a rustle and a faint crunching of snow.

"Potter!" Severus bellowed, withdrawing his wand from his robes. He didn't know why he hadn't guessed sooner. Potter and the Marauders had a habit of turning up when least desired.

There was a muffled laugh. Lily looked alarmed.

"Don't curse us!" Pettigrew stumbled forward, red-faced. His outcry was met by grumbles from the Marauders as they revealed themselves from behind the snowy shrubbery.

"Why are you worried about Snivellus cursing you?" Black asked, raising his wand with lazy grace. "I'm more concerned about him getting his grease on me."

Severus's jaw tightened. It seemed like the Marauders were determined to ruin every moment he had with Lily. He wished they had gone to the Hogwarts glade instead. It was private there.

"Can you just leave already?" Lily said, not bothering to mask her annoyance. Her chin had jutted out indignantly as it always did when her temper was rising. "We weren't doing anything to you."

"You were fraternizing with a Slytherin. And Snivellus…he's just here. Greasy git," Potter said importantly, with his own wand poised at Severus. Just as his lips parted to murmur a spell, there was a sudden _WHAM_. A snowball had smashed into his nose.

Severus automatically turned to Lily, who looked rather guilty with her arm half raised as if she had just flung a snowball. He was unable to keep from chuckling. Even the Marauders began to snicker, with the exception of Potter.

"You threw a snowball at me," Potter sounded awed. He eyed Lily as if he had never seen her before. There was something new in his expression. Something that Severus instinctively didn't like.

"Obviously," Severus said curtly before Lily could say anything.

"All right there, James?" Lupin glanced at his friend with mild concern. Potter's hazel eyes had lost their roguish glitter. They were dreamy and somewhat bewildered as he stared distantly ahead.

Black glared at Lily accusingly. While his elegance remained, the laziness did not. His wand arm had sharpened with a new threat. "What did you do to him?"

"She didn't do anything," Severus interjected, stepping protectively in front of Lily.

"Then why is he broken?" Black demanded. His cool gray eyes darted worriedly at Potter before returning to Severus and Lily.

"If you ask me, he was already damaged," Severus said dryly.

"No one asked you-"

"Let's go back to the castle, Sev," Lily interrupted Black, obviously wanting to prevent a duel. She pulled at his arm impatiently. "It's too cold."

"Fine," Severus longed to hex them, but he refrained. He didn't want to upset Lily, especially before holiday. Even so, he didn't loosen his grip on his wand as he and Lily stepped away. It proved to be unnecessary. The Marauders were otherwise engaged, gathered around Potter with obvious worry. There was a slapping sound and a sudden yelp.

"Sirius! What'd you do that for?"

Lily giggled quietly, but she and Severus didn't speak throughout the walk back to the castle. The light mood had darkened, tainted by the Marauders. Each step renewed Severus's intensifying bitterness. He hated them more than ever, especially for spoiling his last day with Lily.

"At least you didn't have to build a snowman," Lily said cheerfully, tucking a lock of dark red hair behind her ear. Her tone was light, but Severus could detect a hint of disappointment that betrayed her true feelings.

"We can build one later," Severus said reluctantly.

"Really?"

"Yeah," Severus's lips curved slightly at her sudden smile. "Just don't tell anyone."

"You're the best friend ever," Lily said, sounding much happier as she threw her arms around him, pulling him into a quick hug. Severus didn't flinch as he was engulfed in the sweet scent of flowers. He only found himself regretful when she let go.

Suddenly, he couldn't be more anxious to return to the snow. Lily made it all the worthwhile.

**1971**

It felt strange, being on the Hogwarts Express without Severus. Lily wished that he was returning home for Christmas too. But as sorry as she was that he was not there, she was also relieved. It was nice being able to see Severus every day without fresh cuts and bruises. Lily knew that he would have a much happier holiday at Hogwarts, without Tobias Snape.

"Lily, do you want to play next?"

Lily glanced over at the chessboard where Alice and Mary were playing. The truth was, the moving pieces unnerved her. She wasn't a very good chess player and she always felt guilty sending the chess pieces to their death. "Maybe later."

"Does anyone have _Witch Weekly_?" Marlene rattled the paper she was holding with frustration, turning it to a fresh page. "The _Daily Prophet_ is so boring."

"The _Daily Prophet_ is news," Alice rebuked, watching her knight glide proudly across the board. "_Witch Weekly_ is rubbish. Most Charming Smile, really?"

"Why? Do you know who won?" Marlene said eagerly. All traces of boredom had abruptly vanished.

Alice's stern frown was answer enough. Marlene sulked.

Lily scarcely noticed the exchange. Her attention was focused elsewhere. The bold letters of the _Daily Prophet_ leapt out in front of her tauntingly. "Disappearance?"

"It's filler," Marlene explained, crumpling up the paper. "They don't have anything else to write, so they're writing about Thomas Jorkins's mysterious disappearance. Everyone knows that's just typical of him."

"But how do they know?" Lily asked curiously. "What if he really has disappeared?"

"Lily," Marlene said patiently. "Do you know Bertha Jorkins?"

Everyone knew Bertha Jorkins. Even the first years knew to stay far away from the gossipy fifth year. What she lacked in brains, she made up in nosiness.

"Yes."

"She's his daughter. That should tell you everything."

"Oh." Lily still wasn't satisfied, but she said nothing. If she wanted a more thoughtful answer, it wouldn't be from Marlene, who never liked to dwell on anything serious. She would have to talk to Severus.

"I should change out of my robes," Lily mused suddenly. "I don't want to upset Tuney."

Mary scowled at the chessboard before looking up. She was twisting a blond plait distractedly. "Who is Tuney?"

"My sister."

There was a sudden stillness. Alice, Marlene, and Mary all gaped at her. It was silent, except for the chess pieces' tiny shouts.

"You have a _sister_?" Mary asked incredulously.

"Named _Tuney_?" Marlene added before being elbowed by Alice. "Ouch!"

Alice lowered her elbow under Marlene's watchful glare. Marlene made a show of rubbing her arm dramatically.

"Yes. Petunia," Lily responded staunchly, wondering what all the fuss was about. When the others had discussed their siblings, there was never such bewilderment.

Alice's wide brown eyes searched the others. When it became clear that they weren't about to speak, she did. "It's just that you never said. We told you about our families on the very first day." Her tone was quiet and rushed, as if she was worried about Lily's reaction.

"Petunia and I don't talk much anymore," Lily said shortly, feeling remarkably like Severus. She wondered if this was how he felt over all these years, with her pestering him for answers.

"But you're sisters!" Mary exclaimed, her sky blue eyes round and saucer-like. "You have to talk."

"Tuney doesn't like magic," Lily said sadly, recalling their last exchange. There was a painful sting at the memory. Lily had nearly forgotten how much she missed Petunia. "She hates me now."

But Mary was shaking her head firmly. "You'll work it out. She can't hate you forever. After all, she's your sister."

"Rachel and I are best friends," Marlene said helpfully, mentioning her third year sister. She then pulled a petulant face. "Well, when we aren't at Hogwarts. She doesn't want me to embarrass her."

"That's awful!" Alice sounded horrified.

Marlene merely shrugged, looking not the least bit bothered.

"Should I try talking to her again?" Lily asked doubtfully. She could picture Petunia's haughty expression perfectly in her mind. She couldn't imagine her older sister agreeing to have a conversation without the word 'freak' in it. "I tried before, but it…didn't work out."

"Talk to her," Mary said, with the two other girls nodding their agreement. "She has to listen."

Despite her doubts, Lily felt a familiar ray of hope. Mary was right. She and Petunia were sisters. Petunia couldn't hate her forever. Could she?


	13. Chapter 13 Christmas

**Thank you for the reviews! I especially wanted to thank Unidentified Pineapples for reviewing each chapter. It inspires me to keep writing. I also wanted to say that I know I haven't mentioned the upcoming war much except for a few hints, but I wanted to keep the first year somewhat naive and idyllic. I thought it would have a stronger impact that way when compared to their later, less innocent years. **

**Chapter Thirteen- Christmas**

**1971**

Severus had awoken early. Other than him, the dormitory was empty, so he just laid there for a while, staring blankly at the green silk hangings of his four poster bed. When he finally bothered to rise, he noticed that there were two bundles at the foot of his bed.

One was from Lily. It was a box of Chocolate Frogs. Severus had known she would send him something, but he couldn't have predicted the knot in his stomach as he held the box of chocolates. He wished that she was there to share with.

The second package distracted him from Lily. It was one that he hadn't been expecting. It was from Eileen.

It was only a pair of socks. They were perfectly ordinary socks, a Slytherin green. But something about the gesture made Severus stare at the socks for quite a long time. There was an emotion brewing inside him. One he didn't particularly understand or want to. Before the strange feeling could take over, Severus quickly cast aside the socks.

That was when he realized there was a third parcel. One that he hadn't noticed before. There was a note. Severus unfolded it, his eyes darting back and forth across the flowing script that spilled over the expensive parchment.

_I thought this might interest you._

_-Lucius_

Severus slowly undid the coarse brown paper, already knowing it contained a book. It was an old book, with yellowing pages and a tattered binding. It bore the simple title, _The Dark Arts_.

It only took the title to capture Severus's interest.

_The Dark Arts_ was clearly in the same league as the other books Severus had discovered. The curses were different, but the darkness was the same. Each word crackled with power. It was the power that intrigued Severus. He couldn't explain the fascination he had toward the Dark Arts. It wasn't simply satisfying a curiosity. He felt stronger knowing them and less of a weakling. He had spent eleven years cowering before Tobias Snape. Severus swore that would never happen to him again.

Reluctantly, he set the book aside. As tempting as it was to devour it whole, he would have to wait. Something else was waiting for him.

As he left the common room, Severus ignored any hint of guilt. It wasn't as if he had promised Lily that he would never look for the Room again. She had reached that conclusion by herself. Satisfied with that theory, Severus felt his footsteps grow considerably lighter as he approached the staircase. Beginning at the first floor hadn't proved useful last time. He decided that he would begin his search on the seventh floor and work his way down.

There were no other students in sight, but Severus preferred it that way. Hogwarts had never seemed more idyllic as he roamed the empty corridors in serene silence. He went to the seventh floor often and wasn't expecting to find anything. He knew that the Gryffindor common room was behind the portrait of the Fat Lady; he had met Lily outside countless times. The Astronomy Tower, where he and Lily went every Wednesday night, was not far away.

There was nothing out of the ordinary, at least in Hogwarts's range. The suits of armor gleamed magnificently, the tapestries depicted spellbinding scenes, and the portraits babbled on as usual. Severus supposed it was all very nice, but completely useless.

"I just need to find that room," Severus said aloud in frustration, inspecting the mystifying tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy attempting to teach trolls ballet.

"Lost, Severus?"

Severus stiffened at the voice of the headmaster as he slowly faced him. There was something oddly disconcerting about those twinkling blue eyes. He shifted uneasily as those eyes fell upon him. It was as if he could read every thought that Severus had ever had. "No, Professor."

"I trust you'll be at the feast tonight. I've been looking forward to those chipolatas all day," Dumbledore said cheerfully, but his crystal blue gaze remained penetrating.

"Yes, sir."

"Excellent!" Dumbledore beamed, turning around. He paused, looking over his shoulder, his half-moon spectacles glinting in the light. "Often things we look for appear right beneath our nose. Or for that matter, behind it."

Severus spun around, but the mysterious headmaster had already vanished. As curious as he was, he felt relieved.

"Behind it," Severus whispered, his thoughts returning to the Room. Regardless of his unease around Dumbledore, he felt that there was something more behind the cryptic message. His eyes flickered across the tapestry of Barnabas once more. "Behind it."

He whirled around. In front of him was a door. Severus could have sworn that it hadn't been there before.

Severus reached for the handle and twisted it.

It was everything he had hoped for and more.

The Room had transformed into one of pure knowledge. Whether it was light or dark, that relied entirely on the interpreter. It was airy and circular with a glass dome on the ceiling, reflecting the shimmering sky. Shelves lined the walls, bursting with thick books revolving around the Dark Arts. Various Potion materials were sporadically arranged, ranging from cauldrons to rare ingredients. There was an ornately carved table in the center, parchment and quill readily poised.

Severus had to crane his head back to take in the height of the towering shelves. He gaped, for several minutes, greedily absorbing the improbable sight. When he finally recovered, he slowly made his way to the nearest bookshelf, selecting a book at random. To his disappointment, it wasn't nearly as informative as his own books. It was more generic, subtly hinting of darkness rather than spelling out the actuality. He sifted through a few more books before reaching the conclusion that they were all the same. Severus didn't want to read another simplified textbook; he wanted to know it all.

Thoroughly chagrined with his discovery, Severus prepared to give the Room one final glance. His dark eyes then fell upon the table. The parchment and quill drew him in, beckoning him to write. Once he had seated himself in the surprisingly comfortable chair, he picked up the quill.

At first, Severus didn't know what he wanted to write. He only knew that he wanted to. He closed his eyes for a moment, and the ink began to pour.

**1971**

It was destined to be the worst Christmas ever.

From the minute she had stepped onto platform nine and three-quarters, she knew that Mary and the others had been wrong. Petunia's sullen stare told her everything she needed to know. The ride home was silent despite the best efforts of Edward and Bryony.

When Lily awoke on Christmas morning, Petunia was still sleeping, as she did every year. Normally, Lily would rush over to the opposite side of the room and bounce on the bed until her sister stirred. This time was different.

Lily stared at Petunia's sleeping form. She was snoring lightly, as she always did for as long as Lily could remember. "Tuney," Lily whispered hesitantly. When there was not a hint of movement, Lily raised her voice. "Tuney!"

When Petunia finally sat up, her pale eyes met Lily's. For the first time in a while, there was something familiar in those eyes rather than a cold stiffness. She opened her thin lips excitedly, perhaps to suggest that they unwrap presents. Lily hardly dared to believe... But before anything could occur, Petunia seemed to remember her icy terms with Lily and promptly shut her mouth.

Lily's face fell. She should have known better than to hope, but she couldn't help it. "I'll be downstairs," she said softly, not trusting her voice.

Petunia did not say anything at all.

Their parents were oblivious to the tension, happily humming carols and scurrying back and forth.

"Happy Christmas, Lily. There were owls here," said Bryony, unable to keep her bewilderment from showing. She gestured uncertainly at the table. "They brought packages."

"Thanks, Mum," Lily would have done anything to stop her words. Petunia was approaching. From her waspish expression, it was clear that she had heard.

"They flew away," Bryony continued anxious, oblivious to the thickening tension. "Was I supposed to stop them?"

Lily peeked over at Petunia, who had suddenly become extremely interested in the wall. Her watery eyes were staring at it, determinedly tuning out the conversation. "No, Mum," Lily shook her head sadly before inspecting the parcels.

There were Fizzing Whizbees from Marlene. Alice had sent sugar quills and Mary a great big box of Cockroach Clusters. Lily peeked again at Petunia, wondering how she would react if offered a Cockroach Cluster. Despite her unhappiness, Lily had to smother a giggle as she loosened the wrapping of the final packet.

_I know it's not much._

_-Severus_

The item turned out to be a sketchbook. It was a plain book with a dark green cover, full of fresh pages waiting to flourish. As simple as it was, Lily loved it. She could clearly recall an early conversation with Severus, with her explaining that there something peaceful about drawing that made everything bad fade away. She wondered if he remembered as well as she did.

"What's that?" Petunia asked with visible distaste.

Lily hugged the small book to her chest protectively, too stung to realize that Petunia was speaking to her at last. "It's a gift."

Petunia sniffed. "That's one way of putting it."

For the first time, Bryony seemed to notice the strain between her two daughters. She clapped her hands together, much too brightly. "Let's see what Father Christmas brought, shall we? Edward!"

Edward bustled out immediately, looking harried. "Can I make another call first?"

"Work can wait," Bryony said firmly. From the stern expression in her eyes, her husband knew better than to protest. "It's Christmas."

Lily tried to muster the Christmas spirit, but her quarrel with Petunia had spoiled the day before it had even begun. Somehow she managed to paste a smile on her face. It didn't falter for the next hour, even if it did seem a bit forced in the end.

In spite of Petunia, Lily had to admit that everything else was ideal. It was a cozy scene, gleaming of something that was just purely Christmas. Carols were playing in the background, soft but distinct. The tree was beautifully decorated, glistening of red and gold. While the windows were frosted with the reminder of the wintry outdoors, a small fire crackled merrily in the fireplace. Everything appeared as it did every year, and the thought comforted Lily.

"Lily."

Lily's attention returned to Bryony, who was looking at her expectantly. "Petunia has something for you," Bryony nodded in satisfaction toward her eldest daughter.

Lily was too startled to reply. Petunia was woodenly holding out a small wrapped box, unwilling to meet her sister's clear green eyes. "Thanks," Lily said quietly, fully aware that her own gift to Petunia sat untouched by her side.

With trembling fingers, she undid the paper, almost anticipating that the box would be empty. To her surprise, she found a set of professional colored pencils. Lily didn't focus on the irony that Petunia's gift went with Severus's perfectly. Instead, she felt a genuine smile cross her lips. "Thank you, Tuney," she hesitated before handing Petunia the clumsily wrapped gift. "Here's yours."

Lily hadn't known what to give Petunia. Even when they were the very best of friends, Petunia had always been difficult. She was a perfectionist and liked things just so. This year, Lily had given up and settled for a book written by an author she knew Petunia liked.

"It's not going to explode," Lily said impatiently as she saw Petunia gingerly handle the wrapping. "It's a Mug-" she caught herself just in time. "Regular present. Promise."

Petunia remained silent, but Lily was glad to see that she was no longer treating the package as if it were the plague. From the tiny smile that perked up on Petunia's face, Lily knew she had guessed well. Unthinkingly, Lily reached over and hugged Petunia.

Petunia stiffened instantly, but recovered as she returned the embrace awkwardly. "Thanks, Lily."

It wasn't the same, and perhaps it never would be, but for the first time, Lily finally felt that she had made progress.


	14. Chapter 14 The Slug Club

**Thank you for all the reviews! First Year is nearing an end. There should be two or three more chapters after this, depending on which scenes I decide to keep, and then it's back to Spinner's End. Second Year will have more hints of war, but it's not until Third Year that it should become obvious. **

**Chapter Fourteen- The Slug Club**

**1972**

After the students returned from holiday, Severus continued making occasional visits to the Room of Requirement. It was the one place he knew where he could not be disturbed by anyone. While he had deemed the Dark Arts books useless, he found the Room a useful place for his own work. He liked testing out his improvements on potions as well as inventing his own hexes.

Potions were easy. Creation of spells was not. Severus had begun researching the subject, but magic was complicated. For now, he simply jotted down his ideas on a now ragged piece of parchment, cramming notes into the margins. Severus knew better than anyone how dangerous magic could be. He would wait until he was ready.

There was only one person he told about the Room, and that was Lily. She had been startled when he confessed that he had stumbled upon it, but the airy beauty of the Room had quickly distracted her from asking too many questions.

"It's so pretty here," Lily said, tilting her head back to take in the glass dome. "At first I was worried when I saw all those Dark Arts books, but they aren't like that one book you showed me. They don't tell much more than our textbook."

Severus refrained from grimacing. That was precisely why he found those books fruitless. But he didn't tell Lily that. "I told you, Lily. Just because books are about dark magic doesn't mean they have to be bad."

"But why dark magic?" Lily persisted. There was no accusation in her voice. Only curiosity.

"It's important to know," Severus said carefully, not wanting to upset her. "It's better to be aware than ignorant."

"I guess so," Lily said reluctantly. "I just can't imagine ever needing to know about it. The wizarding world seems so peaceful."

Severus said nothing. Lily was a Gryffindor, where blood traitors and Muggle-borns reigned serenely. She knew nothing about the escalating hatred that the Slytherins harbored. It was partially his fault for lying, but he hadn't wanted things to change between them. If Lily knew the truth, she might believe that he was one of them. But he wasn't and he never would be.

"Do you want to go to the glade tonight?" Severus asked as they were leaving.

Lily's face lit up but before she could reply, a familiar hearty voice cut in. Severus's scowl instinctively returned.

"There are my favorite Potions students!" Professor Slughorn beamed with pride. "I was hoping to find you."

Severus cringed inwardly. Horace Slughorn was an exuberant type that never faltered, especially when fawning over a select few. Lily was better at dealing with such, always having a bright smile and a cheeky yet charming answer. Unfortunately, Slughorn had declared them both to be his favorites, showering them with unwanted attention whenever he saw them.

"Hello, Professor," Lily said politely, looking briefly at Severus. He had pressed his lips firmly together, as he usually did when he was vexed. "We were just headed over to the library."

"Don't let me stop you! I just wanted to invite you to a small Valentine's Day party I'm having next Monday. For Slug Club members."

"Slug Club?" Lily managed to echo with a straight face. Severus didn't dare look at her. Something frighteningly resembling a laugh was threatening to overcome him.

"Oh yes. For the rising stars of Hogwarts!" Professor Slughorn's joviality seemed to magnify with every word. His eyes bulged even more prominently as he brushed away any imaginary dust on his brocade waistcoat. "It's a little tradition I have." He proceeded to rattle on a number of names, causing Severus and Lily to exchange helpless glances.

"We'll be there, Professor," Lily chimed in as soon as Professor Slughorn had paused to take a breath. Severus was unable to keep the incredulous expression from taking over his features as he gaped at Lily. He had absolutely no intention of spending his free time with Slughorn, especially on Valentine's Day of all days. Valentine's Day was one of those days that Severus liked to pretend did not exist. There was something so overly done and artificial about it. Something that didn't have anything to do with love.

Professor Slughorn twitched his walrus-like mustache with pleasure. "Good, good. I'll see you then!"

"You had to say yes," Severus complained as soon as the Potions Master was out of earshot.

"What else was I supposed to say? We would have been there for ages if I didn't say yes."

"I know, but," Severus sighed as they made their way down the marble staircase. He couldn't blame Lily. He was furious with himself for not declining. "I can't believe we'll be spending Valentine's Day with Slughorn."

"It's not exactly romantic," Lily teased.

Severus reddened at her words. "That's not what I meant. It's not even a romantic holiday."

"What do you mean?"

"There's something so forced about it, with all the hearts and gushing couples." Severus was finding this topic increasing uncomfortable and he quickly coughed in an attempt to clear his throat. "I _meant _that Slughorn will be worse than ever on Valentine's Day. I can't imagine anything more unappealing."

"You could watch Potter play Quidditch all day," Lily pointed out, a small smile toying with her lips. Whether it was from his blatant discomfort or her words, Severus could not tell. "On Valentine's Day."

"Well, when you put it that way…"

"We'll survive," Lily promised. "It'll be a few hours at the most. If it's horrible, we can always slip out." When Severus remained silent, she hastened to change the subject. "But to answer your earlier question, yes. We haven't been there for weeks."

"Four days," Severus said automatically. When Lily looked at him quizzically, he pretended not to notice, ducking his head down so that his dark curtains of hair hid his face. He didn't want to confess that he kept count. "Midnight?"

"Midnight," Lily confirmed. "Until then, let's do something that I've always wanted to do since our first day."

"What?" Severus asked curiously, envisioning a complicated spell or a new secret place. He couldn't remember anything Lily had told him other than magic itself and he always remembered.

"Hide and seek."

Severus blinked, scanning her face to decipher if she was serious or not. She was. "Lily, hide and seek is for Muggle children."

"We're eleven, Sev. Sometimes I think you forget that," Lily said gently. "You don't have to be serious all the time."

"But staircases move! Rooms disappear!" Severus was desperate, knowing it would have no effect. When Lily's green eyes glittered in that manner, he knew from experience that it was a lost cause.

Lily was unruffled. "That just makes it even more fun."

"Impossible."

"Impossible is fun," Lily said patiently, taking his arm. Her hand was silky smooth and warm against his frigid skin. Severus's protests fell silent as she hauled him into a half run.

"Lily, where are we going?" Severus called impatiently as they awkwardly swerved between a pair of giggling third year ghosts. He couldn't see her face. He saw only the waterfall of red curls streaming behind her, occasionally flying into his face.

"The Great Hall. You'll count there while I'll hide."

"Why the Great Hall?"

"Why not?"

Severus didn't have an answer. Even if he did, it would be useless. Lily had an answer for everything. Despite his grumbles, he liked Lily's vivacious moments as much as her cleverness. She was unlike anyone he had ever known, dragging him along to have fun if she had to. As much as he fought against it, he always found himself forgetting the cold darkness of the world that surrounded them in favor of her golden warmth.

"No running in the corridors!" Filch howled as Lily and Severus swept past him. Instead of slowing down, Severus was startled to see that Lily quickened their pace to a full run. When they didn't slow down, Filch began to follow them, his new kitten at his heels.

"Lily!" Severus complained. He didn't mind being caught by Filch, but he didn't like that heads were turning wherever they went.

Lily didn't answer. She dove around the corner, yanking Severus with her. A moment later, Severus found himself behind a tapestry. She placed a finger to her full lips. "Shhh."

"I wasn't saying anything," Severus said rather crossly, but he clapped his hand over his mouth to keep from snickering. He could tell Lily was struggling to retain her own laughter, and the thought made his lips tremble dangerously. Neither of them dared breathe as the familiar mutterings of Filch breezed past them. "I think it's safe now."

"Good." Even in the darkness, Lily's eyes held a captivating sparkle. "Now you can count."

In spite of himself, Severus grinned back.

**1972**

Lily wasn't looking forward to the Slug Club party, but she wasn't dreading it like Severus. He was huddled close to her, face half hidden beneath a shock of dark hair. As they entered the room, Lily could feel her eyes widening at the sight. She wasn't certain what she had been expecting, but the vision that greeted her was not it.

Professor Slughorn's office was surprising spacious, shrouded in a deep pink mist that seemed to glitter. Everything was lavishly bathed in varying shades of pink and red, from the paneled walls to the decorations to even the thickly carpeted floor. Even the polished silver platters, carried proudly by the strangest looking creatures, bore heart shaped treats.

"What are they?" Lily whispered, not wanting the tiny creatures to hear her and take offense. She had never seen anything like them before. They were spindly with enormous eyes and bat-like ears. All were clad in crisp uniforms of tea towels.

Severus's dark eyes had been probing the room, haunted by a tortured look combined with pure disgust. "House-elves."

"Oh," Lily could remember Severus explaining them to her before. She had imagined them to look more elf-like. "It's not that bad, Sev," Lily said, reaching over to seize a pink frosted pastry from an eager house-elf. "Have an éclair!"

"You're barking mad if you think I'm going to eat that," Severus said, taking in the pink monstrosity with a disdainful arch of his eyebrows.

Lily took a defiant bite as a response. Severus snorted as a gob of icing landed on her nose.

"My Potions champions!" The effusive voice of Slughorn boomed throughout the room as he scurried toward then. He was wearing a red velvet waistcoat for the occasion, topped by a pink tasseled hat. "I see that you've been enjoying the éclairs. Have you met Wendy Slinkhard? Brilliant witch. Top of her year! Or Rodolphus Lestrange? Head Boy! Quidditch Captain! His father is Delphinus Lestrange, you know."

He gestured at a tiny Ravenclaw sixth year and a handsome Slytherin seventh year that Lily recognized. He had been engrossed in a conversation with Slytherin prefect, Lucius Malfoy, but now both were watching her and Severus intently. Lily shot a questioning glance at Severus. At first she had thought the two Slytherins were just curious, but now she was sure that they were observing them.

Severus shifted uncomfortably, not daring to speak as Slughorn plowed through several more names, his face lighting with fresh animation at every background description.

"Rodolphus! Lucius!" Professor Slughorn brightened as he noticed their riveted stares, using a meaty arm to gesture at them to join the trio. "You must meet Severus Snape and Lily Evans. I've never had sharper students!"

"We've met," Severus said shortly.

There was something about the two that made Lily's skin crawl. The combination of Rodolphous's heated gaze and Lucius's icy one sent chills down her spine.

"I'm not surprised," Lucius's steely eyes flickered from Severus to Lily and back to Severus again. "I've met Severus. He displays intelligence that I would expect from a Prince." He paused, his cool stare resting on Lily. "Muggle-born?"

"The beginning of a great wizarding family!" Slughorn said excitedly, clapping an affable hand on Lily's back. Lily hadn't been expecting it and staggered forward. Slughorn didn't seem to notice.

"How…ambitious," Lucius drawled, his lips curling. Rodolphus's did so in an identical manner.

Severus seemed stiffer and stiffer with every word.

"Oh, Rodolphus, I must introduce you to Eldred Worple," Professor Slughorn's chest puffed out as he seized the seventh year by the arm. "The rest of you, enjoy the party!"

"I daresay I will," Lucius seemed amused, his attention fixed on Severus and Lily. He stood there for a while, those terrible slivers of gray ice becoming more and more piercing as the seconds ticked by. "As intriguing as this was, I'll be leaving now."

Lily's mouth fell open indignantly as the icy blond prefect glided away with his customary wintry elegance. She couldn't speak for an instant, fumbling for the appropriate words to say. "He's worse than Potter!"

Severus looked at her incredulously.

"Well, he is! At least Potter isn't creepy."

"At least Lucius doesn't hex me when my back is turned," Severus muttered with great dislike.

"Not yet, anyway," Lily said. A delicate frown still marred her face. "Why was he staring at us? Is it because I'm from another House?"

"It could be because you still have frosting on your nose," Severus said lightly. The heavy burden that weighed down his shoulders in Lucius's presence seemed to have lifted. There was the faintest of glitters in his dark eyes.

Lily turned crimson with fresh mortification. Her hands instantly flew to her nose. Sure enough, her fingers were gooey, laced in pink. "I can't believe you didn't tell me!"

"I thought it suited you," Severus lifted his thin shoulders in a shrug, unbothered. "Are you ready to leave yet?"

Lily glowered at him, rubbing her nose with a bright red napkin. "What would you suggest we do instead?"

"Work on our History of Magic essay, perfect a potion or two, build a snowman," Severus said nonchalantly, but Lily thought she could detect a hint of a smile.

"You're forgiven," Lily said, her emerald eyes lighting up.

"I did promise," Severus reminded her, attempting to sound indifferent. But Lily caught a glimpse of the nine-year-old boy who had leapt out of the bushes, unable to contain his excitement.

It was nice to know that nothing had changed.


	15. Chapter 15 Loyalty

**I realized I made a mistake. Lucius Malfoy is a sixth year- not seventh. Narcissa is a fifth year- not sixth. I ran into some confusion with the Black tree. Bellatrix's birth year is supposedly 1951, meaning she wouldn't even be at Hogwarts, but Sirius stated that "the Lestranges- they're a married couple" were part of Severus's gang of Slytherins at school, so I decided to go with that rather than a year. I apologize for any confusion and I corrected the two times I mentioned it. I want this story to be as, one of my reviewers put it, as plausible as possible, so I'll try my best to prevent any further mistakes.**

**Also, I was thinking about changing the title of this fanfic to "The Prince's Tale" since it was JKR's chapter that inspired this story. "Always" might be too simple, but I like how it's original yet linked to that same chapter. Which name do you prefer?**

**Again, thank you for all reviews. To address some specific ones:**

**cw323bc- Thank you! The story will definitely become darker as the years continue. I wanted the first two years to be somewhat light for a powerful contrast to the later years. There will be more about Severus and the future Death Eaters, and eventually, his time as a Death Eater. **

**Unidentified Pineapples- Thanks for continuing to review! The snowball definitely had some impact on James. He doesn't completely realize it yet and will deal with his feelings in not the wisest of ways. **

**Chapter Fifteen- Loyalty**

**1972**

Ever since the Valentine's Day party, Severus had been expecting Lucius or Rodolphus to confront him about his friendship with Lily. While they didn't approach him, he caught both of them watching him and Lily with veiled expressions on more than one occasion.

It took until late spring.

"I'll look them over later," Severus said irritably. He was attempting to finish his essay on the Hover Charm, but it was nearly impossible with Avery, Mulciber, Wilkes, and Rosier huddled around him, pleading for help on Potions work he had finished the first day it was assigned.

"But it's due tomorrow," Avery complained. "I want to sleep soon. I'm a growing boy."

Severus gritted his teeth as he crossed out his last sentence for the third time. Charms had never been his specialty and he couldn't even focus properly. He should have asked Lily for help. "Look at mine." He fiddled through his stack of parchment and withdrew his smudged essay.

Mulciber peered over Avery's broad shoulder. "I can't read your writing."

As gratifying as it was for all the boys in his dormitory to rely on him, as well as more than a few older Slytherins, Severus was also finding it extremely tiring. "Just give me a minute. I need half an inch more."

An imposing shadow cast over Severus's parchment. The complaints fell silent. Severus glanced up, but he already knew whom the shadow belonged to. It was Lucius Malfoy.

"If you don't mind," Lucius said pointedly, his icy stare resting briefly on each boy. There was a flurry of movement and the rest of the first year boys immediately scattered, leaving Severus alone with Lucius.

Severus didn't speak.

"I was wondering if you thought about what I said," Lucius said, seating himself across from Severus. The warmth of the fire didn't melt his cold stare.

"You told me to forget," Severus answered, his voice betraying no emotion.

"That doesn't answer my question," Lucius sounded amused. "Did you like the book?"

"It was interesting," Severus said tersely before becoming silent once more.

Lucius was quiet too, but unlike Severus, he seemed to be savoring it. "I've seen you with that Mudblood," he emphasized the last word rather sharply, causing Severus to flinch internally. "Others say such filth is beneath you, but I see something else."

"And what would that be?" Severus shot back. Like most Slytherins, he didn't especially care for Muggles. He had grown up under the belief that they were a lower class, and treatment from Tobias Snape and the local Muggle children had only strengthened such conviction. It was how the majority of Slytherins tended to group Muggles and Muggle-borns together that bothered him. He didn't care about Muggle-borns in general, considering it had nothing to do with him. He only cared about Lily. She was different.

"Loyalty," Lucius said simply. "You live in the House of the purest of bloods, yet you haven't let their disapproval sway your allegiance."

"She's my best friend," Severus whispered, more to himself than anything.

Lucius's eyes seemed to intensify as they pierced into Severus. "I respect such dedication. Others will not. In a year or two, you will not be able to be as generous with your mistakes."

"She's not a mistake!" Severus said hotly. "She happens to be-"

"And that will be your mistake," Lucius said, effectively cutting him short. There was something almost regretful in his sculpted visage, something Severus instantly resented. His wintry eyes unexpectedly shattered all contact, darting over Severus's shoulder. "Enough of that. Rabastan!"

Severus had seen Rabastan Lestrange frequently around Hogwarts. The fourth year resembled his brother strongly, but more plainly. His features were decidedly coarser. He had just been entering the common room, but nonchalantly moved toward them at the sound of Lucius's commanding voice.

"Lucius?" Rabastan lacked the cold refinery of Rodolphus and Lucius. He grinned when he saw Severus. "Half-blood, right? Snape?"

Severus managed a brusque nod.

"You would do well to befriend Severus," Lucius said with a slight tilt of his head. "Especially when there are others to lead him astray."

Severus bristled. Rabastan smirked.

"Good luck to you, Severus," Lucius murmured before standing up. A faint yet genuine smile materialized on his lips, only to vanish abruptly.

"Don't mind him," Rabastan said quietly as Lucius drifted off. "He just wants to avoid Bellatrix."

"Do they not get along?" Severus asked, but he already knew the answer. The advantage to being the outsider was the gift of observation. He had seen the way Lucius's thin lips tightened whenever Bellatrix entered the room.

Rabastan snickered. "Rodolphus is his oldest friend. He believes that Rodolphus could do better. Such as find someone who actually acknowledges his existence. Rodolphus won't listen. He's going to ask her to marry him." At Severus's disbelieving look, Rabastan gave a small smile and continued. "There aren't many pure bloods left. Either way, he loves her."

"As she does?" The sarcasm flew from Severus's mouth before he could stop it.

Instead of fury, Rabastan's face only betrayed amusement. "Oh, she loves. Another at least. Dear Bellatrix has slightly higher ambitions than my brother."

Severus was torn between exasperation at more secrecy and utter disbelief. He could not imagine the forbidding seventh year ever loving anyone.

"Your mum is Prince?" Rabastan seemed to have grown bored of gossip. Despite his apathetic tone, he was watching Severus attentively. It was obvious that he did not take the subject of bloodlines lightly.

Severus jerked his head in a curt nod.

"That's respectable," Rabastan said. "Can you believe there are actual Muggle-borns who have the nerve to attend? I'll be glad when things change."

"What do you mean by change?" Severus asked, deciding it was better not to dwell on the first comment.

Rabastan stared at him for quite a long time before answering. "The _Daily Prophet_, Severus. I would start reading it."

Before Severus could answer, Bellatrix Black herself sidled up to them. By conventional standards, she may have been considered beautiful, but there was a dark hunger in her eyes, an almost mad hunger. That and the fact she shared the same arrogant bearing as Sirius Black, repulsed Severus.

"An ickle Prince," Bellatrix said in delight, her pale arm encircling around Severus's. Unwillingly, Severus flinched, causing her to laugh aloud. The fingers on her other hand inched up the arm she was clutching in a spiderlike motion, as icy as her laughter. She then tilted her head toward Rabastan, sounding utterly bored. "Rabastan."

"Bellatrix," Rabastan said cordially. Despite his pleasant tone, Severus could detect a note of something mirroring aversion.

Bellatrix's attention has returned to Severus. "I heard so much about you," Bellatrix breathed, her coal black eyes wide. "_Half-blood_."

With that final hiss, she released Severus's arm as if it was pure filth. This time, Severus made no attempt to mask his distaste. Bellatrix didn't see; she had flounced off, her cold laughter ringing throughout the common room.

"Is she mad?" Severus asked calmly, brushing off his arm as if her cold touch remained.

"Just a bit," Rabastan replied with an air of carelessness. He didn't seem the slightest bit fazed by Bellatrix's display. "Not nearly as mental as a few notable Blacks. Andromeda and Sirius. She's befriended nearly every Muggle-born and he's in _Gryffindor_."

"I'm fully aware," Severus said dryly, a bitter taste lingering on his tongue. "Sirius is friends with James Potter."

Rabastan's face wrinkled in distaste. "The Potters are a disgrace to the wizarding world. They're nothing but a lot of blood traitors. Nearly as bad as the Weasleys."

Severus was just about to agree when Mulciber and the rest returned, rolls of parchment and quills in hand.

"Now will you go over our essays?" Wilkes whined, stifling a yawn. "I can't have another P."

Severus refrained from rolling his eyes. As irritating as they could be, he secretly liked the fact they depended on him. It made him feel necessary…accepted...but also something more complex, more significant.

Instead of brushing them off completely, Severus held out his hand. "Fine."

As Mulciber was eagerly handing over his poor excuse of an essay, Severus noticed that Rabastan quietly slipped away, his footsteps as light as air.

Something was happening. Something that involved the Slytherin elite.

Severus was determined to find out what.

**1972**

Lily was annoyed.

Annoyed was an understatement. She was furious.

For the entire year, she and Potter had been battling each other in two classes. Transfiguration and Charms.

Transfiguration was a nightmare. Her matchsticks may have transformed into needles, but they were never as sharp as Potter's. Regardless of how hard she studied, Potter always seemed a step ahead. It was effortless to him. While Lily found herself constantly buried in her Transfiguration textbook, she had never seen him glance at his book once. He was far too busy dreaming up ridiculous pranks with the other Marauders. It was only Charms that consoled her. It was Potter's most difficult class, and the class where she regained her pride.

But unfortunately, Lily didn't have Charms that day. She had Transfiguration.

"What?" Lily snapped rather rudely when she noticed that Potter was staring at her. She was supposed to be focusing on transfiguring her mouse into a snuffbox, but it was impossible with those hazel eyes watching her.

"When the light is right," Potter began with unmistakable wonder. "Your hair is like fire."

"And your hair is like a rat's nest," Lily countered more harshly than she had intended, ignoring Black's muffled laughter. She was more distracted by Potter's perfectly transfigured snuffbox. Not only had he been the only one to complete the task, but his snuffbox was also elaborately decorated.

"It's because I was flying earlier," Potter boasted loudly. He made a show of stretching out his arms lazily, glancing around the room to see if anyone was watching him.

"First years don't have brooms," Lily reminded him coldly, obviously unimpressed.

Potter's face fell, but only momentarily. His confident demeanor returned before it had fully crumbled. He lifted a superior hand and pointed across the classroom. "Fire Top, your mouse is escaping."

Black suddenly choked on his laughter. Lupin graciously whacked him on the back.

"Thanks, mate," Black wiped away his gleeful tears before returning to his own snuffbox. It was partially transfigured with whiskers and a tail. Even so, it was more progress than Lily had made, who was currently scrambling after her mouse.

Potter received full marks that day. Lily received zero.

"He's horrid," Lily complained to Severus that night as they strolled into the Astronomy Tower. "I've never met a more obnoxious boy."

Severus hid a smile, but Lily caught it.

"It's not funny," Lily crossed her arms with renewed aggravation. "He distracted me. I lost my mouse and McGonagall gave me a zero for the day. I've never had a zero before."

"We can go over it if you want," Severus offered as he began setting up his telescope. "I think I got the hang of it."

"Thanks, Sev," Lily gave him a grateful smile. "You're nothing like Potter, you know."

Severus didn't say anything, but Lily thought she saw a hint of another smile. He buried himself into his telescope, adjusting it for the ideal view of the night sky. "It's not like the glade, is it?"

"Not even close," Lily agreed quietly, feeling strangely calmer as she watched Severus peek into his telescope. He was right. Topmost tower or not, the Astronomy Tower lacked the magic that their starlit clearing did.

The calmness abruptly disappeared as Potter strode in, flanked by his fellow Marauders. Lily hurriedly focused on her own telescope.

The sky was a blanket of black silk, smooth and flawless. The pinpricks of light intensified as Lily peered into her telescope. They were supposed to be studying the stars and planet movements, but Lily preferred having Severus point the constellations out to her during their Forbidden Forest outings. It reminded her of their days leading up to Hogwarts.

As Lily angled her telescope for an improved view of Neptune, she thought she heard Severus mutter something. Just as she looked toward him curiously, there was a shout followed by sniggers. Lily turned her head to see Potter dancing wildly about in astonishing speed.

Lily giggled as a chagrined Professor Sinistra announced the countercurse. Potter stopped, red faced, even in the dim light of the moon. The titters died down at the professor's ferocious eyes.

"Nice footwork, James," Black said loudly to a by now grinning Potter.

Even though Potter had gracefully accepted the humiliation with an easy grin and a quick rumple of his hair, Lily still had to bite her lip to keep from laughing. Her crystal green eyes landed on Severus. He knew perfectly well that he had been caught and shrugged sheepishly.

"That was brilliant," Lily mouthed.

Severus merely smiled his half-smile in return.


	16. Chapter 16 The Silver Doe

**Thanks for the reviews! I decided to keep the title "Always". This story is going to be rather long, so I'm doing my best to update every other day. This particular chapter has a scene that was interesting to write because it parallels a certain bad memory in the future, but in a completely different way. I should also add that I was listening to the song Chasing Cars while writing and Lily's line about forgetting the world was inspired by it. That song seems to fit their friendship well, especially from Severus's perspective with the perfect eyes line, in their younger years. **

**Chapter Sixteen- The Silver Doe**

**1972**

Severus was sorry to see that his first year of Hogwarts was nearing an end. With the strengthening sunshine and the mounting piles of homework, there was no denying that summer was approaching.

"Sev, where would you find a bezoar?"

"A goat's stomach," Severus answered automatically, his dark eyes fixated on the sparkling blue lake. There was not the slightest hint of a breeze; the surface was as clear and smooth as glass.

"I should know this," Lily scribbled down the answer furiously, her quill scratching loudly against the parchment. Her tightly clamped fingers caused it to snap in half. "That's the third time today," Lily sounded annoyed. "_Reparo_. "

"You should take a break," Severus suggested, cautious to sound as diplomatic as possible. Lily had a habit of being exceptionally stubborn. "You don't want to overdo it."

Lily sighed faintly and set her quill down at last. "You're right. I've been studying all week. Even in my dreams."

"That would be a sign of overdoing it," said Severus, noting the dark rings under her emerald eyes. Even with the circles, the sparkle that he was so fond of remained. "You should rest."

"I'll go to sleep early tonight," Lily gave a small yawn. "I feel like Remus."

"Is he sick again?" Severus said curiously. But it wasn't out of concern, but pure suspicion. There was something off about Lupin that bothered him. He couldn't put his finger on it.

There was concern glistening in Lily's eyes, an emotion that Severus resented, especially when it was connected to one of _them_. "It seems like he's always sick. I hope there isn't anything seriously wrong with him."

"He'll be all right," Severus said dismissively. "Do you want to walk along the lake?"

"Okay," Lily agreed. As she stood up, she scanned the grounds surrounding them with a sudden sadness. "I can't believe it's already ending. It seems like we were just Sorted yesterday."

Severus stiffened at the memory. "We'll be back next year. I just wish you could be Sorted again."

"Sometimes I wish that too. Not that I mind Gryffindor. I've made a lot of friends."

Severus silently treaded along. He didn't like the idea of having to share Lily, especially with Gryffindors. A year of being at Hogwarts had only caused him to dislike the self-righteous House even more. It was because of them that Slytherins were looked down on.

"I wish you were in Gryffindor."

"With Potter and them?" Severus gave a humorless laugh. He had never told Lily that he had begged the Sorting Hat to put him in Gryffindor to be with her. It was humiliating enough that he had sunk that low, it was even more humiliating to have been denied.

Lily shook her head with a sad smile. "With me."

Something inside Severus lightened at her words. "Well, we're still friends aren't we?"

"Best friends," Lily's smile became decidedly less sad.

"Nothing can change that," Severus said, relieved that she had brightened a bit. "We survived the year. Now it's back to how we were before. Exactly how we were before." As the realization of his own statement registered, the light feeling fell against in chest in a heavy thud.

Severus became exceedingly aware that Lily was watching him.

"Your dad won't do anything when you go back, right?" Lily asked hesitantly. "Now that you have your wand and everything. I know you can't use it, but he doesn't know that."

Severus didn't tell her that having a wand would have the opposite effect. Tobias Snape would rather beat the magic out of him. Literally. "Probably."

"I could ask my mum if you could stay with us," Lily was unconvinced.

It was an offer that she had made several times, more times than Severus could count. Severus didn't want to think about the pity he would have to endure if he accepted her request, let alone Petunia's reaction. "It'll be fine, Lily."

"If you change your mind…" Lily began.

"Yeah," Severus couldn't smile, but his dark eyes met hers directly. "I will. Thanks."

Lily started to reply, but Severus wasn't listening. He was distracted by a flock of familiar first years ahead. They were shouting heatedly with their wands aimed at one another. His heart sank as he realized it was the four boys from his own dormitory and the three Gryffindor girls Lily had befriended. Severus stole a peek at Lily, poised to divert her path, but it was too late. From the way her emerald green eyes were flashing, it was clear that she had seen the spectacle.

"Lily!" Severus said frantically, searching for a reason to stop her. But Lily was already storming ahead, a whirlwind of dark red hair and swishing black robes.

"What's going on?" Lily demanded once was in hearing range of the first years. The four Slytherins were clustered around the three Gryffindors, all bearing identical expressions of hatred with the exception of a whimpering Alice. Severus lurked behind, not wanting to meet the eyes of the other Slytherins as his best friend prepared to side along her fellow Gryffindors.

"Nothing," Rosier said innocently, even though his wand was inches away from prodding Marlene's amber eye.

"You're such a liar," Marlene spat angrily, her own wand directed toward Rosier's chest. "We were walking and they decided to jinx Alice for no reason at all."

Lily and Severus both glanced at Alice, who was sniffling as she covered her face with her hands. Nasty boils peeked between her fingers. Severus quickly looked away, fully aware that he was the one who had taught Rosier that particular jinx.

To Severus's horror, Lily was reaching for her own wand as she moved in between Marlene and Mary. "Lily, no!" he hissed urgently. She couldn't become involved. He didn't even want to consider how complicated it would become if she became a walking target for Slytherins. He was barely able to keep them away from her as it was.

But Lily didn't listen.

"Let's see what the little Mudblood is capable of," Mulciber sneered loudly. There was a chorus of mocking laughter from the Slytherin side while the three Gryffindors gasped and cried out their indignation.

Severus flinched.

Lily's wand wavered as her green eyes narrowed in confusion. "What?" It was clear that the strange term had thrown her off. Her expression battled between curiosity and dislike, but Severus knew that curiosity would win. He was right. "What does that mean?"

"Snape didn't tell you? Why d'you follow him around then? Hoping he'll give you a potion to wash off that Mudblood filth?" Avery piped up snidely.

Lily instinctively turned toward Severus, her arm falling to her side, wand forgotten. "Sev, what is he talking about?"

Severus still couldn't speak. Something had caught in his throat as he watched everything he had been so desperate to shield from Lily crumble in front of him. He wanted to disappear and not see those almond shaped green eyes staring at him.

"C'mon, Snape, answer the Mudblood's question. Or better yet, hex her," Mulciber jeered, looking at him expectantly. They were all looking at him expectantly.

"Don't be stupid," Lily retorted. "Severus won't hex me." She quickly glanced over to Severus, but when she saw his blank face, her conviction was replaced by uncertainty. "Sev?"

Severus didn't move. He was frozen in place, his dark eyes anguished as they darted back and forth between the Slytherins and Lily's anxious face. He had defended Lily before to the Slytherins, but this time it was different. It was serious. Beneath the Slytherin sniggers, they were watching him carefully. It was as if they planned this very moment. They wanted him to make a choice. It should have been simple. Lily was his best friend and that was all that mattered. But it was never simple, especially with Lucius's words echoing in the back of his mind. If he supported Lily, he supported Gryffindor. Everything he had achieved at Hogwarts, acceptance…respect…it would vanish as abruptly as it had appeared, along with his future. Just as he opened his mouth to mumble a weak response, Lily spun on her heel and fled.

"Run faster, Mudblood!" Mulciber shouted after her. That was when it became simple. The tension building inside Severus snapped and his hand flew to his wand. There was a burst of white light and Mulciber fell to his knees.

"I told you not to call her that," Severus snarled. He didn't wait to watch Mulciber's face swell. He was already running after Lily.

**1972**

Lily didn't stop running until she reached the glade. When she heard the familiar gushing of the stream, she finally stopped, wiping away hot tears. She hadn't realized that she was crying. She hadn't even realized that she was running to the Forbidden Forest. It was a foolish thing to do, especially when she was alone.

All Lily knew was Slytherins were horrible. She may not have understood what the mysterious term meant, but she knew it had been offensive. And Severus had just stood there, barely able to meet her eyes. How could he tolerate such cruel people? People who hexed others for fun? Alice was one of the nicest people that Lily had ever known. She didn't deserve to be hexed.

"Lily."

It was Severus. From his quick breaths, it was obvious that he had run after her. Despite his red cheeks, his face was strangely pallid.

"What does it mean, Sev?" Lily demanded as he neared her, her face still damp with tears. "Tell me the truth. What's a Mudblood?"

The last time she had seen Severus so distraught was after their first fight. He slowly lifted his head, as if it was painful, and met Lily's eyes once more. "It means dirty blood. It's a name for Muggle-borns."

A wisp of a memory was at the back of Lily's mind, slowly forming into something recognizable. She could almost see the clearing at Spinner's End again. She and Severus were sitting cross-legged, her voice anxious. "Does it make a difference, being Muggle-born?" she had asked. Lily could still see every detail on nine-year-old Severus's face. "No," he had said. "It doesn't make any difference."

But it was a lie. It made all the difference.

"It matters, doesn't it?" Lily whispered. "Being Muggle-born?"

"To some," Severus said slowly, and Lily knew it was true. He was looking around now, at everything around them, anything but her.

"It really does make a difference then," Lily tried to sound nonchalant, but her voice cracked. Her throat was tightening and her eyes blinked furiously to keep fresh tears from escaping. She knew it was childish, but she had wanted so badly for Hogwarts to be perfect. She should have known better. Nothing was perfect. Now her idealized view of the wizarding world was darkening before her very eyes.

But Severus was shaking his head fervently. "You're not different. Not to me."

"But I am different. I'm a Muggle-born."

"That doesn't mean anything to me. It does to them." Severus's dark eyes were as intense as ever, searching her face earnestly. "I'm not one of them."

"I know you aren't." While Lily had seen nothing but cold cruelty in the other Slytherins, there was something good in Severus. Something good beneath the secondhand robes and wary demeanor. He was her friend. She wiped her tears with her sleeve. "But why did you lie?"

"I didn't want you to be…scared. I didn't…want you to…hate me," Severus said miserably. "I'm sorry, Lily."

"I could never hate you, Sev," Lily's heart went out to him, recalling the words they had exchanged earlier. "We'll be best friends forever, remember? Nothing can change that."

"Forever," Severus echoed as if he was afraid to believe it. He ducked his head down, causing the dark curtains of hair to fall, masking his face. "And I would never hex you. You know that- I put a Stinging Jinx on Mulciber."

"You didn't have to do that."

"I know."

There was another silence, but this one lacked any tension. The atmosphere seemed to lighten with the deepening sunlight. Even the shady trees surrounding them seemed brighter.

"Let's just stay here for a while," Lily said suddenly, sitting down on the thick grass. She rolled back on her elbows, watching him hopefully. "I don't want to go back there yet. You can tell me about Hogwarts."

"We're already at Hogwarts," Severus pointed out, but Lily could tell he was on the verge of agreeing. There was something so tempting about pretending to be nine years old again.

"I don't care. Tell me about it anyway," Lily leaned back fully so that her back was flat against the grass. "I just want to forget the world. For a little while."

Severus settled down beside her. His body was stretched out opposite of her own, but his head rested next to hers. Lily didn't have to turn sideways to know that he was gazing up at the sky. "What should I talk about first?"

"The giant squid."

"All right."

"Sev?"

"Yeah?"

"Let's try to find the giant squid before term ends."

Severus gave a low laugh. The unexpected sound was music to Lily's ears. "What is it about the giant squid?"

"Is that a yes?" Lily asked, already certain of the answer.

"What do you think?" A rare note of teasing crept into Severus's voice. "We'll find the giant squid. Now can I start?"

"You can," Lily said sweetly as she closed her eyes. With the glow of the sunlight, the gentle trickle of the stream, and Severus's silky voice, the wizarding world seemed a place of light and tranquility once more rather than darkness and division. When she opened her eyes again, there was a wisp of silver. Lily suddenly sat up. "Sev!"

"What now, Lily? I won't forget the giant squid. I won't forget the owls. I won't forget the ghosts-"

Lily lightly batted his arm with the back of her hand impatiently. "Look!"

Severus grumbled beneath his breath, but obeyed. The mutterings abruptly fell silent as he took in the sight before him. "It can't be."

"I knew it," Lily said rather smugly, her emerald green eyes never leaving the glorious picture. It had taken much longer than she had anticipated, but it was worth it. "I knew it."

At the edge of the glade, lingering in the mass of shadowy trees, was the silver doe.


	17. Chapter 17 The Grim

**cw323bc- Thanks for reading and I'm happy you enjoyed it! I apologize in advance for the extremely long explanation, but the silver doe was not a Patronus. I wanted an original way to make the doe significant enough to be their Patronus, which turned out to be more difficult than I thought. This was one of my weaker, less plausible ideas, but I finally decided just to have a silver doe because the Forbidden Forest has all sorts of unknown creatures, so why not a silver doe? Since silver does aren't exactly common, I used it to demonstrate the strength of their friendship when Severus says he believes that Lily saw one, showing they fully trust each other, which sadly won't last. This is a spoiler for a much later chapter but: when Severus first casts his Patronus, I wanted his happy memory to be the day he defended Lily when she was called a Mudblood as opposed to his worst memory when he called her a Mudblood himself. I thought seeing a silver doe that day and the fact his Patronus is a silver doe made a nice connection. Wow, that was long. **

**Chapter Seventeen- The Grim**

**1972**

The dreaded day had finally arrived. Their first year at Hogwarts had ended.

As unpleasant as returning to Spinner's End seemed, Severus found three positive aspects. The first was he finally wouldn't have to share Lily. The second was he would not have to hear Potter's intolerable voice until next term. The last was he would have a much-needed hiatus from the Slytherins. After Severus had jinxed Mulciber and ran after Lily, something had changed.

It wasn't that they hexed him or even taunted him. For the most part, they ignored him until Severus had caught Wilkes telling the episode to Lucius. After that, they treated him with polite caution. Severus should have been relieved for the quiet, but he found that he missed that rare feeling of superiority. He only felt suspicion now.

"This one is mostly empty," Lily said, peeking into a compartment. "Sev?"

"Go ahead," Severus said tightly. From the corner of his eye, he could see Rabastan Lestrange making a beeline for him down the narrow corridor of the Hogwarts Express. "I'll be right back."

As soon as a bewildered Lily shut the compartment door, Severus spun around just in time to face Rabastan.

"My brother and Malfoy want to have a word," Rabastan said silkily as though he had not seen Lily. His voice was much too smooth. It unnerved Severus, but he said nothing. He simply raised an eyebrow, waiting for Rabastan to lead the way.

Severus didn't fidget. Nor did he tremble. He merely pressed his lips together, his dark eyes cold and impassive as he entered the compartment of the Slytherin elite. He had learned long ago how to mask his emotions.

He was by far the youngest present. Rodolphus sat on the left, Bellatrix leering beside him. On the other side, seated primly was Narcissa, the perfect ice queen to the one adjacent to her, Lucius.

"Severus," Rodolphus said coolly. "Please sit."

It was not an option. Severus chose an empty space in the seat furthest from Bellatrix. Rabastan sat across from him, next to his brother.

"We were discussing your incident with Mulciber," Rodolphus continued, with a brief glance toward Lucius. "Excellent Stinging Jinx, by the way."

"Thank you," Severus said, his suspicion only heightening.

"But the question that remains is why? Why Mulciber? There was a perfectly good Mudblood right there," Rodolphus was watching him attentively, searching for any hint of outrage. Severus showed him none.

"Because he's a _half_-_blood_!" Bellatrix burst out. "He shouldn't even be here. He dares to harm a pure blood. He's weak. He's-"

"Right here," Severus said icily, fully aware he was treading lethal waters. Even so, he could have sworn he saw Lucius's lips twitch.

"He has befriended the Mudblood," Lucius cut in. "He stood by her out of loyalty. You out of all people should know how loyalty is valued, Rodolphus."

There was a stiff pause as Lucius and Rodolphus eyed each other. For two that were supposedly close friends, there was an unspoken bitterness.

"Loyalty is valued," Rodolphus said finally. "But you should be aware of your options, Severus. There are others who would appreciate your loyalty far more than that piece of filth."

Severus nearly bristled, but remained expressionless. "Such as?"

Rodolphus carelessly tossed over the _Daily Prophet_ that had been at his side. It fell onto Severus's lap. "Read it." When Severus snatched it up, several faces were glaring up at him from the front page.

Severus quickly scanned the newspaper. It told of disappearances of various Ministry of Magic workers, along with photographs and rough biographies. It seemed mysterious enough, but Severus couldn't understand why Rodolphus was showing it to him. "What of it?"

"There are two kinds of people in this world, Severus," Rodolphus said patiently. "Those who see power and seize it and those who stand idly by, stewing in their own filth. When you defended the Mudblood, you made a mistake. You're a young half-blood, you can hardly be expected to know better," His dark eyes suddenly sharpened dangerously. "But know this, second chances from the proper company are exceedingly rare. Do not make the same mistake twice. If you want a future, it would be best not to demolish it for the sake of mud. If you wish to continue contaminating your presence with your little Mudblood, go ahead. But when it comes down to it, and it will, I strongly recommend that you make the right choice."

There was something sickening yet fascinating about Rodolphus's small speech. While Severus resented any implication Lily was filth, there was something enthralling in Rodolphus's words. There was the reminder of the future, the possibility of something more. Rodolphus was not as perfectly polished as Lucius; there was a fiery fervor that he could not restrain. That intensity was one that Severus understood, the same one he felt when he was learning about the Dark Arts. Above all, Severus was intrigued.

"Lucius has told me about you. I've seen your potential," Rodolphus said, his voice lowering. Instead of softening, there was a violent lilt to his quiet words, a violent lilt that made Severus feel more uneasy than ever. "If you choose the right path, I can promise you that you will be recognized and have the loyalty of the pure bloods. The untainted ones at least."

Narcissa's porcelain complexion was tinged pink. Bellatrix's scowl deepened. Severus knew that Andromeda and Sirius fell into the category of tainted pure bloods, and felt a twinge of satisfaction that even the Slytherin ruling class had a skeleton or two.

As if sensing her discomfort, Rodolphus rested a surprisingly gentle hand on Bellatrix's. She immediately yanked her own hand away, the malicious scowl on her face never faltering. If Rodolphus was disheartened, he showed no signs of it, his sculpted face a steely mask. Lucius, however, noted the exchange coldly, his pale eyes knowing as they roved about the room viciously, only lessening slightly during the brief moment they flickered upon Narcissa.

"Thank you," Severus said finally, quickly thinking. He would have to mull over Rodolphus's words later. Now was not the time. If he agreed now, not only would he preserve his future, but he would also have an improved chance of being able to keep them away from Lily. The Slytherins would be much more inclined to listen to him after he won their respect. Rejecting them now would only sever crucial ties as well as make Lily a target next year. "I want nothing more than to choose the right path."

"Good," Rodolphus's lips curled. There were approving nods all around, with the exception of Bellatrix, who snarled. "We'll be certain to make use of you when it's time."

"And the time isn't now," Bellatrix chimed in rudely. "Leave, half-blood."

Severus was unable to keep his coal black eyes from narrowing, He stood up, knowing it was best to leave Bellatrix's venomous presence as soon as possible. While Lucius had arched a pale eyebrow at Bellatrix's sharp command, Rodolphus sent her a fleeting yet adoring smirk that was instantly met by a fierce look of disparagement from Bellatrix and a snicker from Rabastan. The second Severus had both feet outside, the compartment door slammed shut.

"Snivellus!" A voice even more repulsive than Bellatrix's echoed from across the hall. Potter slowly came to view, his wand cheerfully pointed toward Severus. "Sirius and I were looking all over for you."

"We just followed the trail of grease, actually," Black sneered, his wand ready.

Severus was searching frantically for his own wand but he was too late. Potter had already begun uttering a spell.

"_Stupefy_!"

Severus watched in astonishment as Potter and Black flew backwards, their bodies collapsing to the floor gracelessly. Slowly, he turned around and found his dark eyes meeting the icy gray ones of Lucius Malfoy.

"There is nothing quite like the loyalty of a pure blood, Severus. It would be unwise to forget that," Lucius's eerie eyes flickered over Potter and Black with visible distaste. He tucked away his wand in one smooth motion before returning to the compartment.

After gaping at the compartment door, Severus recovered. Instead of feeling grateful, he felt more curious than ever. There was more than the Slytherin elite were letting on. That much was obvious. Feeling strangely exhausted, Severus calmly stepped over the unconscious bodies of Potter and Black, suddenly very anxious to see Lily again.

**1972**

It only took a minute for Lily to realize why the compartment was mostly empty. The one occupant was, without a doubt, the strangest witch she had ever met.

The seventh year witch was dressed in the same school robes as Lily, or at least Lily thought so. It was impossible to tell with the dozens of glittering beads and spangled shawls that were layered above black. Her murky green eyes bulged beneath oversized spectacles. Lily thought she looked like a giant insect.

"You poor thing."

"Pardon?" Lily said politely.

"I see death," the witch's magnified eyes were enormous as they peered earnestly at Lily. Her voice was misty and drawn out, leaving a tragic impression.

Lily wasn't quite sure how to respond to this. She decided a subject change was in order. "I'm Lily Evans."

"Sibyll Trelawney," the witch said proudly, smoothing out her several layers of gossamer shawls. "Great-great-granddaughter of the Seer, Cassandra. Would you like to know what the Inner Eye sees?"

"Er-"

Evidently that was enough for Sibyll, who suddenly thrust a cup of tea leaves at Lily. Bewildered, Lily inspected her cup uncertainly. "Thank you?"

"What do you see?" Sibyll pressed urgently.

"Tea leaves?" Lily offered.

Sibyll gave a prolonged sigh, leaning forward so that her face was uncomfortably close to Lily's. In an attempt to be discreet, Lily casually shifted back. Sibyll leaned even more forward. "No, what do you _see_?"

"Insects?" Lily guessed, even though she was thinking of Sibyll's saucer-like eyes that were staring at her, rather than the specks that floated in her cup.

There was another lengthy sigh as Sibyll seized the cup back. Lily gaped at her. There was a sudden shriek. "You have the Grim!" Sibyll proclaimed grandly, dabbing her eyes. When her declaration was met by baffled silence, she looked expectantly at Lily.

"I'm sorry," Lily began, wishing that Severus would hurry back from wherever he was. The compartment suddenly seemed very cramped. "What is the Grim?"

"The Grim!" Sibyll repeated. "Suffering, tragedy, death… Need I continue?"

"Please don't," Lily said quickly. She peered thoughtfully into the cup of tea leaves that Sibyll was still holding. She couldn't see anything exceptional about it. "And that's what the Grim looks like?"

"Doesn't it look ghastly?" Sibyll said with relish.

"It looks like an ordinary cup of tea," Lily said. It soon became apparent that was the wrong thing to say from the way Sibyll's face tightened.

"This is not an ordinary cup," Sibyll huffed. "It's the Grim."

"But how do you know?" Lily asked, refusing to believe that her destiny was in a cup of soggy tea leaves.

"I," Sibyll began, her misty tone hardening into one of startling vigor, "possess the Inner Eye."

"Well, the Inner Eye can make mistakes, can't it?" Lily suggested.

"No, it cannot!" Sibyll countered, looking extremely offended.

To Lily's immense relief, the compartment door slid open. Severus strode in, looking paler than usual. Wordlessly, he slipped into a seat beside Lily.

"Guess what, Sev?" Lily said brightly. "I have the Grim."

Severus finally took note of the tea leaves. "Oh, that rubbish? Everyone knows Divination is a load of bullocks."

"I'll be leaving now," Sibyll sniffed haughtily, rising to her feet. "I can see that my Inner Eye is not appreciated." She made a startling impressive figure with her stacks of shawls and necklaces, sparkling as she crossed the compartment. Once her fingers brushed against the door, she turned her head with one last pitying glance at Lily. "You can't escape the Grim."

As soon as the door fell shut, Severus and Lily burst into laughter.

"I'm to die tragically," Lily informed Severus with mock despair once she had recovered.

"Don't you dare leave me alone with the Marauders," Severus said with a grimace.

"I won't," Lily promised, holding up a bag of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. "Want to try these out? Mary gave them to me after she accidentally tasted earwax."

"All right," Severus said, gingerly reaching in an accepting a brown one. "Chocolate, I hope." He popped the jelly bean into his mouth, only for his features to instantly crumple up in pure disgust. "Dirt."

Lily finally managed to restrain her laughter after a full minute. Once she recovered, she ended up with the safe choice of peppermint. To her surprise, the peppermint tasted even better than the Muggle peppermint she was accustomed to.

As Severus swallowed a toffee flavor, Lily immediately began hunting through the bag of multicolored beans, only stopping after she had found a similarly colored one. Her expression of eager anticipation instantly transformed into pure repulsion.

"I thought it was toffee."

Severus choked on his marmalade jelly bean at her disgusted display. "Earwax?" His attempt at sounding sympathetic failed as his lips curved into a smirk.

Lily made a face at him. "Vomit."

Severus sniggered.

They continued on merrily testing out flavors until the door slid open once more. Lily braced herself for Sibyll Trelawney, but it turned out to be Remus Lupin.

Severus's fingers twitched toward his wand, but Lily shook her head. Out of all the Marauders, Lupin was the only one she could endure. He was the only normal one, with the possible exception of Pettigrew when he was not worshipping the ground Potter and Black walked on.

"What is it, Remus?" Lily said with a warm smile. She knew that he would not be there unless he absolutely had to be, and his pained manner only confirmed it.

Lupin glanced at Severus uncertainly before returning to Lily. Even though his words were addressed to both, he spoke only to her, wary of meeting Severus's loathing eyes, which were virtually shooting black fire. "Slughorn asked me to invite you to a Slug Club lunch in compartment C."

"I rather eat dirt," Severus said glumly with a glance at the bag of dwindling jelly beans.

Lily was unable to suppress a sigh. It would be a very long train ride home.


	18. Chapter 18 Tears

**Yay, I reached 50 reviews! Thank you everyone that has been reading and reviewing. It really inspires me to keep writing this fanfic. I was thinking about taking a break to work on my original story, but I hate not finishing stories. **

**Lila Stark- Thanks for the reading and I'm happy that you're enjoying the story! I know I'll be continuing after their school years, but I'm still undecided at what point I'll end it. It will either be back at letter reading scene in the first chapter or at Snape's death. **

**Chapter Eighteen- Tears**

**1972**

It was only the first week back at Spinner's End and Severus was already miserable. Those seven days had passed by slowly and painfully. Severus hadn't seen Lily once. He refused to with his current appearance.

Severus glowered at the cracked mirror in front of him. He was never one for vanity; despite the Marauders' constant taunts, his hair didn't bother him. It was the pity. He didn't want to imagine Lily's reaction when she saw the bruises. He could hide the majority, but his face was another story.

He missed Lily. He missed Hogwarts. He missed magic.

"What are you doing?"

Severus flinched and then hated himself for it. Years of ridicule had taught him to control his emotions, to put on an expressionless mask, but being back at Spinner's End was strangely unsettling. "Nothing."

Eileen scrutinized him skeptically. "Then make yourself useful. The drawing room needs dusting."

Severus's lips smiled, but his eyes did not. He wanted to laugh. The entire house needed more than a dusting. It was nearly in ruins. "Yes, Mum."

As Severus stood up slowly, Eileen's dead eyes never strayed. They peered at him intently with an emptiness reminiscent of endless tunnels. "You haven't seen that Evans girl all week."

"I've been busy," Severus muttered barely above his breath.

"You can't hide forever, Severus," said Eileen, causing Severus's head to jerk up in surprise. He hadn't believed that she knew him well enough to know the truth. The realization made him tense.

But Severus didn't reply. He said nothing at all and dusted the drawing room as he was told. Through the dirty window, he could see a gleam of familiar sunlight and he thought of Lily. He wondered if she missed him.

That night, Tobias Snape arrived home in his usual drunken rage. His black eyes were cold and empty until they flashed with rage as they took Severus in. Even from a distance, Severus was overwhelmed by the putrid scent of filth and alcohol.

"Back from that damn school, are you, boy?"

"I've been back all week," Severus replied quietly, knowing it was be futile to remind his father that he was the one who had been beating him the entire week.

"Watch your mouth, you bloody-"

There was no using running away. There was no magic that could save him, at least not for six more years. Severus closed his eyes as Tobias raised his fists, forcing his mind to be elsewhere. Magic. As soon as he was seventeen, Tobias would never lay a finger on him again. The Full Body-Bind Curse…Tobias wouldn't be able to move.

Severus winced at a heavy blow to his jaw. No, _Petrificus Totalus _wasn't enough. It wasn't nearly enough. It would have to be a horrible curse. One that would make Tobias bleed as Severus was bleeding now.

Somewhere, Eileen was screaming at Tobias, her voice trembling with frantic pleas. Severus couldn't see what was happening; his eyes were shut tightly, trying to drown out reality. Tobias's angry response boomed throughout the house, seeming to echo. The loud thump told Severus that he had struck Eileen down.

Severus huddled in the corner, hugging his knees to his chest tightly, bracing himself as another fist landed in his eye. He wouldn't cry. He dug his fingers into his palms, forcing himself not to cry. Maybe even blood wasn't enough. A curse that would cause unimaginable pain.

The Cruciatus Curse.

It was only these thoughts of revenge that consoled Severus, that fended off any tears of weakness. One day, it would be Tobias cowering in the corner, shouting out in pain. One day, Severus wouldn't ever have to worry again.

That day seemed far away.

He wondered if Lucius Malfoy had ever been beaten by his father. Or Rodolphus Lestrange. Or even James Potter.

No, Severus decided sourly as he prepared himself for another hit, James Potter's parents most likely adored him. The Potters were probably a sickeningly happy family that did everything together. They probably even strutted just like Potter did and mussed up their hair in the same idiotic way. It was a gruesome picture.

He wished Eileen would stop screaming.

Severus's thoughts drifted to a pair of beautiful emerald eyes. He would do anything to see those eyes now. And that smile. Lily Evans had the nicest smile in the entire world. It lit up her entire face, forcing Severus to fight back his own grin. Most of the time, he lost the battle. Not that he minded. It was difficult to care about concealing his emotions with a scowl when Lily was around.

They had never found the giant squid. Perhaps next year.

When it was over, Severus trudged upstairs to his room, oblivious of the blood he was dripping. Everything was beginning to blur, darkening at the edges. He hoped that it wouldn't take long for him to heal. He couldn't see Lily like this. He didn't want to see the tears sparkle in those perfect eyes. He wanted those eyes to light up with pride.

Someday, he would be someone she could be proud of.

Somehow, Severus managed to reach his bed just in time to collapse. He was met by darkness.

**1972**

Lily was worried.

For the first time she could remember, she hadn't seen Severus in over a week. She had checked all of their usual haunts several times each day. He wasn't by the river or the playground or even in his garden. Lily had snuck over to Spinner's End on more than one occasion to peek around the grounds. Each time she would look up hopefully at his window, but the graying curtains never moved.

"We could play cards," Petunia offered. "Or go outside.

Lily was touched. Petunia hated Severus, but she had seen how anxious Lily was. After the first few days of awkwardness, she had grudgingly become a shadow of the beloved sister Lily remembered so clearly.

"Let's go outside," Lily said, not wanting to give up looking for Severus but not daring to reject her sister's offer.

It didn't take long for Petunia to become suspicious. They were over halfway to Spinner's End when she abruptly stopped, planting her hands firmly on her hips. "Oh no, Lily. We aren't going there."

"Just a quick look," Lily pleaded. "Then we can go to the playground."

"The playground is for _children_," Petunia said haughtily, tossing her thin blond hair over her shoulders. "And Mum said she would rather you not go to Spinner's End. It's dangerous there."

"Is not," Lily argued. "And she said 'rather'. That makes all the difference."

"Does not."

"Does too."

In spite of their disagreement, Lily had to hide a smile. It truly was like the old days again. She had never thought she would miss Petunia's bossiness. "I'm going there with or without you, so hurry up and make up your mind."

Petunia scowled and crossed her arms in a typical Petunia manner, but began shuffling her feet along, just as Lily had known she would.

"I don't like it here," Petunia announced a minute later. "It's creepy."

"It's not so bad," Lily said, refusing to admit that Spinner's End frightened her sometimes. Attempting to cheer up Petunia, she gestured at a clump of flowers. "Look, there's petunias over there!"

"They're _dead_, Lily."

Lily decided it would be best to remain quiet. Surprisingly, Petunia stayed silent as well. As they approached Severus's house, she simply pursed her lips, not a single snobbish comment to be had.

Suddenly, Petunia gave a startled cry. "There's a man over there!"

"Shhh! That's Severus's dad." Lily hissed as the familiar figure stumbled inside. She had never met Severus's father before, nor did she want to. She had seen what he was capable of; it was written all over Severus's bruised skin. "Over here!" She gestured toward the shrubbery, but Petunia was shaking her head, fear in her pale gray eyes.

"I can't do this, Lily. I'm leaving."

"Don't be scared, Tuney. He can't hurt us. I have my wand."

"You brought _that _here?"

"Why not?" Lily whispered back defensively. "I'm not supposed to use it, but I rather be expelled than dead."

It was a poor choice of words. Petunia's eyes grew even wider as she stepped back. "That's it. I'm leaving. Come on, Lily."

Lily shook her head stubbornly. "Not until I look for Severus."

Petunia seemed to be fighting an internal battle of sorts as she glanced at Lily and longingly back at the pavement. She took another step back and Lily knew which side had won. "I'll see you at home."

Lily nodded, a sad smile crossing her lips, faint and brief. Within moments, Petunia was running.

Lily turned back to the shrubbery, cautiously making her way through the garden until Severus's window came into view. The dirty curtains remained, untouched from her previous visit. This time, Lily refused to give up so easily. She scanned the browning grass, not lifting her eyes until they had landed on a pebble. With all of her might, she hurled the pebble at the window.

She missed, by quite a lot. Sighing in impatience, Lily grabbed a handful of pebbles. On her fourth try, there was a faint tinkling sound as it collided into the glass.

On her sixth attempt, the dirty curtains swayed.

"Sev!" Lily hissed loudly, hoping Tobias couldn't hear. "Sev!"

"Go away."

Lily couldn't see him, but she would recognize that sullen voice anywhere. As relief washed over her, his words sunk in. They hurt her, but above hurt, she was angry. Angry that he had been home all along and hadn't bothered to let her know he was alive. "No!" Lily said fiercely. "Not until you come outside."

There was a pause.

"Fine."

The anger was slowly bubbling up inside of her as she waited for Severus. It instantly evaporated as he finally came into sight. The furious words she had been longing to say were forgotten. "Oh, Sev."

"It's nothing, " Severus said stiffly.

It wasn't nothing. Lily had seen him hurt plenty of times, but she had never seen him so battered before. He was a mess of black and blue, cuts and bruises splotching his pale skin. Her clear green eyes clouded with tears as she hugged him tightly.

Severus cringed.

"Sorry," Lily immediately withdrew, biting her lip. "Sev, you can't stay here. He's awful."

"I said it's nothing," Severus said sharply. "It's nothing I can't handle."

"Look at yourself!" Lily cried out almost hysterically, upset because he didn't seem to share her concern at all. He would never listen to her, not when Tobias was involved. She didn't understand why he had to act so brave all the time. "You look horrible."

"Thanks a lot."

Lily sniffled loudly. She couldn't help it. Severus was nearly beaten to death by his own father and she couldn't do anything to help him. She had never felt so useless.

"Don't cry, Lily," Severus said at once, his sharp tone softening as he awkwardly patted her back. "It looks worse than it is."

"Can I please tell my mum?" Lily whispered. "Please, Sev?"

Severus instantly dropped his hand. "No, Lily. Absolutely not. You promised you wouldn't."

"I know," Lily said miserably. "But what if he becomes worse?"

"He won't."

Lily sniffled again, wiping away her tears with her hand. He was her best friend in the entire world and she didn't know what she would do without him. Her green eyes looked up to meet his black ones. "Love you, Sev."

The defensiveness in his cold dark eyes relented. "Love you too, Lily."

Unable to stop herself, she hugged him again, but with caution.

"Can we just go to my house so we can clean you up a bit?" Seeing his expression, she hastily added, "How about if I go home and bring back bandages? I'll meet you at the glade."

Lily knew better than to wait for a response. Without another look, she dashed to her house as quickly as she could.

Sneaking inside was easier than she had expected. Petunia and Bryony were arguing in the kitchen. In a few minutes, Lily was able to slip by and gather all the supplies she needed.

Severus was waiting in the glade.

"Sorry I took so long," Lily said breathlessly, emptying her arms. Tubes of ointments, bottles of disinfectants, and boxes of bandages tumbled onto the grass. Severus eyed them skeptically.

"Do we really need all these?"

"Have you looked at yourself?"

Severus's cheeks reddened at the reminder. "It's Muggle medicine. It won't even work."

"Just because it doesn't work instantly like magic doesn't mean it won't work," Lily said, twisting open a bottle of disinfectant. "This will sting a little."

It only took a minute for Severus to howl.

"Stop moving," Lily said sternly, carefully dabbing his cheek. "You're lucky these aren't too deep. Or else you would need stitches."

"Stitches?" Severus repeated in confusion.

"You know, when injuries are deep enough, Muggles sort of stitch the skin together until it heals," Lily explained, meeting his eyes just in time to see the horror dawning on Severus's face. "Honestly, you can read those horrid Dark Arts books without blinking, but stitches scare you?"

"They don't scare me," Severus said quickly. "I was just…surprised by the idea. I can't believe even Muggles would do something so stupid. And those books aren't horrid. They're useful."

"Stitches aren't stupid. Tuney had them before." At Severus's incredulous look, Lily smiled, continuing to work patiently. "A year before I met you. I jumped off the swings and Petunia tried to do the same. Only she wasn't magic so she hurt her knee. That's why Mum doesn't want us to jump off the swings anymore."

"Which you still do," Severus said, his obsidian eyes alive once more with amusement.

"Only sometimes," Lily agreed brightly, sitting back to admire her handiwork. "Done!"

Severus gingerly reached up to touch his face. He winced slightly, but his attempt at a smile was genuine. "Thanks, Lily."

"As soon as you're better, we'll go on the swings again," Lily smiled back. "And before you know it, we'll be back at Hogwarts."

As Lily uttered those words, she suddenly realized how anxious she was to return to school. She missed Hogwarts.

She never had to worry about Severus there.


	19. Chapter 19 The Warning

**Thank you for the reviews and don't worry, I'm definitely planning on finishing this story. As much as I would like to focus on my original work, I hate not finishing stories even more. I've written a lot of it already, so I'm hoping to finish this fanfic this summer. I don't know if I'll manage because it looks like it's going to be very long, most likely over a hundred chapters, depending on what point I decide to end it and which scenes I decide to keep. I was originally planning on having only one flashback or two per year, but I really wanted to emphasize their friendship and have people invest in it. It just makes the ending all the more tragic. **

**I should add that the first scene in this chapter was inspired by a flashback in Lost. I was rewatching it and for those of you have seen it, young Ben and Annie on the swings reminded me of young Severus and Lily. Also, I was rereading this fanfic and I realized that half the time I spell Mulciber incorrectly, so I apologize for that. **

**Chapter Nineteen- The Warning**

**1972**

After the first seven days, summer began to fly by in a whirlwind of sunshine and laughter. While there were more than a few collisions with Tobias Snape, none were as grisly as the first week. He was around less and less, often staying out until dawn. Severus had caught him staggering inside on more than one occasion just as the sky began to bloom with the pink and gold of dawn.

The sky etched with pink and gold streaks now, but with the setting sun. A warm glow cast over the deserted playground. Only Severus and Lily remained, swaying ever so slightly in the swings while they talked.

"I know you said no birthday presents, but it doesn't count, does it?" Lily was saying anxiously, digging her toe in the grass. The movement almost caused her to jostle into Severus. "It's just a picture."

Severus stared down at the drawing Lily had given to him. It was similar to the one in her bedroom, but it was clear that her skill had improved over the years. The figures actually resembled them, other than the basic coloring. His lips curved slightly as his pale finger traced over the figures, slowly and contemplatively.

"That's me and that's you," Lily explained as if it wasn't obvious.

"It's really good, Lily," Severus said quietly, finally lifting his eyes. There was a wistfulness inside of him, an almost sadness. One he didn't understand. "I mean it. Thank you."

"I'm glad you like it," Lily sounded relieved.

That was an understatement. It was by far the nicest present Severus had ever received. It may have been just a drawing to Lily, but to him it was something more. It was obvious it had taken her time and effort. No one else had ever cared enough to do the same. No one else had even remembered his birthday.

"We should go back. It's getting late," Severus said suddenly with a glance at the sunken sun. The sky was darkening to gray, threaded with blues and lavenders. The quiet serenity was slowly disintegrating.

"I don't want Mum to worry," Lily agreed reluctantly. All of a sudden, she began pumping her legs back and forth, causing her swing to move to and fro with increasing speed. Severus watched her silently, his dark eyes following her every motion. Once she was high in the sky, she sprung into the air, her dark red curls streaming behind her. She was laughing.

She looked just as she had the day he had first spoken to her.

"It's like flying," Lily said happily once she was safely on land, her cheeks rosy, emerald green eyes sparkling. Her masses of long curls were tousled from the wind, but such trivial things had never bothered her.

"You've been flying, Lily. On a broom."

"It feels different. Better," Lily insisted, her eyes brightening. "You try it, Sev!"

"No."

"Yes," Lily was already scrambling back onto the swing. As soon as she was seated, the swing began to oscillate. "We'll jump off at the same time."

Severus set aside the picture and unwillingly began swinging his legs back and forth, knowing they would stay there all night if he didn't listen. The wind whipped against his face as he sped up, his swing matching the rate of Lily's.

"One… Two…" Lily began. "Three!"

Severus sighed and leapt off the swing. To his astonishment, he discovered Lily had been right after all. There was something freeing as he sailed into the air, an exhilarating freedom that could only be experienced in one of Lily's mad ideas. Once he landed, he found Lily smiling at him smugly.

"Just like flying," Severus admitted.

"I told you so," Lily twirled around with a childish carelessness that Severus envied, her thick hair spiraling around her, causing it to become even more disheveled.

"You're mad, Lily," Severus said, but he was smiling.

"Tuney tells me that every day," Lily answered airily as they left the playground. "If it wasn't your birthday, I would make you roll down the hill again."

"You pushed me!"

"I fell into you! Anyway, you're stronger than me so that doesn't count. The important part is that you had fun, didn't you?"

When Severus didn't answer, Lily smiled in satisfaction.

"Not everything is bright and cheery, Lily," Severus said solemnly.

"It's not," Lily agreed. "But it doesn't have to be dark and gloomy either."

When they had at last reached the bottom of the hill, Lily threw her arms around Severus in a brief hug. The familiar floral fragrance overwhelmed him as he closed his eyes, memorizing the scent. "Happy birthday, Sev."

"Thanks, Lily," Severus said, reluctant to see her leave. He watched as she skipped ahead before turning around in the opposite direction where the turmoil and squalor of Spinner's End awaited him.

Before moving, Severus studied the picture in his hands once more, a slight smile gracing his lips once more as he eyed the two illustrated figures.

He really was lucky to have Lily Evans as his best friend.

**1972**

"I can't believe I'm going back to Hogwarts in ten days," Lily said excitedly, looking up from the book she had been attempting to read. Focusing on something so mundane was impossible, especially when the world of magic was waiting.

"I can't believe you've spent the entire summer with that Snape boy," Petunia answered from across the room. Her voice was somewhat frosty, but Lily was too absorbed in her dreamy thoughts to notice.

"You would like him if you took the time to know him," Lily said, setting the book aside. "He's the best at Potions. And Defense Against the Dark Arts."

Petunia raised her pale eyebrows and said nothing.

At this point, Lily finally realized something was wrong. She looked at Petunia curiously, noticing her tightly pursed lips for the first time. She had thought things were fine between them, but evidently she had been wrong. "What is it, Tuney?"

"Nothing," Petunia said flatly. "Absolutely nothing."

"Obviously it's something," Lily answered softly, unsure of what to say. "Are you angry at me?"

"Did your magic wand tell you that?" Petunia asked with a slight sneer that surprised Lily.

"Tuney, if you're still upset that you're not going to Hogwarts-"

Petunia's pale gray eyes suddenly flashed with new hostility. "How can I be upset over something that doesn't exist?"

Lily gaped at her in confusion, startled by the sudden change of mood. "What are you talking about?"

"Hogwarts. Magic. Flying brooms," Petunia crossed her arms with an air of defiance. "I don't believe any of it."

Lily couldn't believe her ears. Petunia had been there when Professor McGonagall had explained everything. How could she suddenly doubt magic after Lily had been at Hogwarts for a year? "How do you explain this?" Lily said, reaching over for her History of Magic textbook. "And Eirwen?" She gestured at the snowy white owl that promptly hooted at the mention of her name.

Petunia gave the book a cursory onceover before disdainfully flicking her thin blond hair over her shoulder. "A children's book of fairy tales. And owls are everywhere."

"Owls that deliver letters?"

"Owls can be trained just like any other animal."

"Tuney, we're sisters," Lily was becoming upset. She didn't understand why, but it was important that Petunia believed her. She had to believe her. "Don't you trust me?"

"Not if you're mental."

"I am _not_ mental," Lily retorted hotly. Petunia's condescending tone was a far cry from her usual light remarks of madness. It was as if she truly believed it.

"Then prove it." Petunia said. "Prove it exists."

"How?" Lily was aware she was dangerously close to tears. Petunia was treating her as if she was a stranger rather than her sister. It was like last summer all over again. "I'm not allowed to do magic outside school."

"Convenient," Petunia said coolly, swinging her feet over the edge of her bed. As she slowly stood up, she purposely looked away from Lily.

"Wait!" Lily cried out, casting a quick glance at her wand. Despite the no magic rule, it never left her side. She would have to prove it. She didn't want to lose Petunia for a second time. "I'll do a small spell."

"Fine."

Lily surveyed the room for inspiration. While there was the feeling of unmistakable dread, she was itching for magic. One summer was being to feel like a lifetime. As an idea came to her, she gave a small smile, only to have it wilt a moment later. She didn't want Petunia to accuse her of setting it up. "Let's go outside. Then you'll know it's not a trick. I just need my wand. Nothing else."

"Fine," Petunia said again, her gray eyes narrowed in suspicion as she began to follow Lily. Neither of them said as a word as they left the house, not even when they passed Bryony, who was bustling in the kitchen.

Once they were in the garden, Lily pointed to the flowers, wand readily poised. "Pick one. Any one."

Her eyes still skeptical, Petunia plucked a red rose. A single petal fluttered to the ground, blood red against the shimmering green.

"_Wingardium Leviosa_," Lily chanted with a gentle wave of her wand, oblivious to Petunia's suddenly panicked look. It was the simplest charm she knew. Surely they didn't keep track of such basic spells. She watched in satisfaction as the rose hovered above Petunia's palm. "Now do you believe me?"

To her dismay, Petunia wasn't even looking at the rose. She was gawking at the sky. Lily followed her gaze and blanched at what she saw. A tawny owl was gliding in the air toward them. Its talons bore parchment.

Lily suddenly had a very bad feeling. The rose fell to the grass as the owl swooped down, causing Petunia to shriek out. Lily silently accepted the letter. Her trepidation only doubled when she saw the address.

"Miss L. Evans, The Sixth Tree in the Garden, 5 Queens Road…" Petunia made a strangled sound as she peered anxiously over Lily's shoulder. "How do they know?"

"Exact, aren't they?" Lily said weakly, unfolding the parchment. With a trembling voice, she read it aloud. "Dear Miss Evans, we have received intelligence that a Levitation Charm was used at your place of residence this afternoon at eleven minutes past three. As you know, underage wizards are not permitted to perform spells outside school, and further spellwork on your part may lead to expulsion from said school…" With a great relief, Lily looked up, her quavering hands relaxing. "It's just a warning."

"I thought you were supposed to be expelled," Petunia said indignantly. Her lower lip stuck out in the way it always did when she was disappointed.

"What?" Lily stared at her in disbelief. "I thought you didn't even believe Hogwarts existed."

Petunia's cheeks had flushed pink. Her usually sharp eyes were fixed intently on the grass. It was a most unusual pose for her, but one Lily immediately recognized as realization sunk in. It was guilt.

She suddenly felt very foolish, but it was the betrayal that upset her. For years it had been Petunia watching over her, always the bossy yet protective older sibling. Lily would have trusted her with anything, and now Petunia was attempting to sabotage her. "You did that on purpose! You knew I wasn't allowed to do magic. You wanted me to be expelled!" Her voice sounded oddly high pitched, but she scarcely noticed.

"You shouldn't even be there!" Petunia spat out heatedly.

"You're supposed to be my sister!" Lily said, still horrified at what could have happened. She could have lost Hogwarts forever. "We're supposed to look out for each other. We've always looked out for each other."

"I am looking out for you! You don't belong there. You're not…weird like that Snape boy."

"He's NOT weird! He's my best friend."

"I was your best friend!" Petunia suddenly sounded near tears. Her gray eyes were no longer in suspicious slits; they were wide and glassy. "Before _that boy_ came along and turned you into a freak."

But Lily didn't hear the sadness. She only heard the last word. It only made the betrayal sting worse. "Stop calling me that!" As she stormed away, she looked over her shoulder for one final time. "I'm glad I wasn't expelled. Now I can get away from you!"

If she had stayed a moment longer, she would have heard the rare sound of Petunia sobbing. But she didn't stay. Her brilliant emerald eyes flashing, she stomped inside, brushing away her furious tears.

Perhaps Petunia had been right last year. Perhaps she didn't have a sister after all.


	20. Chapter 20 The Return

**ch-ch-ch-cherry bomb- I really do appreciate how you took the time to write all that. Thanks for letting me know about Snape's birthday. I had no idea that JK Rowling assigned birthdays outside of the books. I'm just glad it wasn't major error, but even little mistakes like that bother me. Also, thank you for pointing out the detail about "chant" in spells. When I think about it, I know the definition, but for some reason I seem to automatically link that word to spells. To be honest, I really didn't think twice about it when writing it down. I'll be more careful in the future. I understand what you mean about ruining the magic because I feel the same way about small details when I'm the one reading.**

**Chapter Twenty- The Return**

**1972**

It seemed like ages since Severus had roamed the halls of Hogwarts, but finally, the day he had been longing for had arrived. He was a second year at last.

The Great Hall was just as spectacular as Severus had remembered. As he seated himself at the Slytherin table, he snatched a glimpse or two of the massive blanket of black sky that stretched out above them. He was irritated with himself for being awed, but he couldn't help it. Hogwarts was everything that Spinner's End was not.

Severus then turned his attention to the Slytherins around him. The majority had sprouted an inch or two. Lucius Malfoy was sporting a shiny Head Boy badge. Bellatrix Black's cackle was noticeably absent. Other than that, everything appeared unchanged.

As the quivering first years poured in for the Sorting, Severus struggled to regain his composure, attaining a look of the bored second year he longed to be. As he smoothed his features in a stony veneer reminiscent of Lucius Malfoy, he caught Lily looking at him. From the way her emerald eyes sparkled, he was almost certain that she knew precisely what he was trying to do and was not fooled for an instant. Instead of being irritated, Severus gave a small crooked grin. He was glad to see that the magic of Hogwarts was working on her as well. The previous week had been filled with tears and scowls, all linked to her quarrel with Petunia.

Severus wished that Lily would cut the loathsome Muggle off already. It was obvious that things would never be the same between them, especially after the stunt Petunia had pulled. She was lucky that Lily hadn't been expelled, or Severus wouldn't have hesitated twice using his wand. Lily was too good for her. Petunia didn't deserve to have those brilliant green eyes twinkle at her, and frankly, Severus was tired of having his time with Lily spent dwelling on the horse-faced Muggle.

His resentful thoughts were then interrupted by Professor McGonagall's voice. The name she had announced caused him to grow even more sullen as he glowered at the mentioned first year. There was a familiar quality about him, a very familiar quality that Severus hated.

His name was Regulus Black.

His posture reflected the same regal bearing that Severus had come to associate with all Blacks, although it was decidedly subtler. He resembled Sirius in the slightest of ways; both brothers had the same silky dark hair. He was undeniably the plainer of the two, lacking his elder brother's handsome features. Instead of Sirius's lazy grin, Regulus was biting his lower lip with an uncertainty that Severus had never seen on a Black. It was a refreshing change.

Severus glanced at the other Black just as the Sorting Hat bellowed, "SLYTHERIN!" Instantly, Sirius scowled his displeasure, but he did not look surprised. Instead, there was only resignation on his handsome face, with a rare yet brief solemnity.

Suddenly, Severus was more than eager to clap with the other Slytherins as Regulus slid into the seat beside him. But instead of applauding the newest Slytherin, he was applauding Sirius Black's disgruntlement. Someone had finally managed to wipe off that hateful smirk.

The Sorting continued on, but Severus's attention was fixated elsewhere. Mulciber and Wilkes were deeply engrossed in a whispered conversation. The hisses weren't clear, but Severus caught one strange word.

It sounded something like Voldemort.

Dumbledore cleared his throat. The rustles and whispers abruptly fell silent, all eyes fixed on the silvery bearded wizard. That was when Severus noticed something was different. A plump blond witch was seated at the end of the staff table, wearing filmy robes of lavender. Severus frowned, not recognizing the merry face, before tearing his dark eyes away.

"Another year at Hogwarts!" Dumbledore beamed, his clear blue eyes glowing. "I'm afraid before we devour a delicious feast, I have a few announcements to make."

There was a sudden giggle, which transformed into several. The Marauders were positively howling. Severus blinked as he took in the sight of Dumbledore's beard. The blond witch wasn't the only change in the Great Hall. The several feet of silver were deepening into a bright pink.

"Albus," Professor McGonagall hissed pointedly. "Your beard."

At last, Dumbledore paused, his half-moon spectacles slipping down his nose as he inspected his beard. When he looked up, his kind blue eyes were twinkling. "Thank you, Mr. Potter and Mr. Black, or should I say, the Marauders?"

The laughter of the Marauders was cut short as Dumbledore's bright blue gaze fell upon them. Severus held his breath, expecting ten points at the very least to be taken from Gryffindor. He wasn't the only one; there was a sudden, unsettling stillness in the Great Hall.

"Excellent magic, but I believe I would prefer purple." With a flick of his wand, Dumbledore's beard had transformed into a brilliant violet. For some inexplicable, maddening reason, the bulk of the students burst into thundering applause. To Severus's disbelief, Dumbledore was clapping most enthusiastically of all. The realization made him scowl. Dumbledore was the headmaster and he was not only permitting the Marauders' childish nonsense, but also encouraging it. Potter's head would be more swollen than ever.

In true Marauder fashion, Potter and Black grandly stood up and bowed while Lupin simply shook his head, smiling. Pettigrew sunk his head into his hands, his face flushed, as Potter and Black dragged him and Lupin up to take their bows.

Severus was happy to note that the Slytherin table had fallen into a sour silence. Only Avery was the exception. He had absentmindedly begun clapping and was promptly stopped once Mulciber whacked him in the head.

"Now where was I?" Dumbledore continued once the Great Hall had quieted down. His smile had only broadened from the disturbance. "Oh yes. I'm pleased to announce that we have a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Professor Caldwell." He gestured at the blond witch at the end, who waved cheerfully.

As Dumbledore's words sunk in, Severus's scowl deepened. Despite the many complaints he had heard about Hawthorne being unpleasant, he had liked the professor and was sorry that he was gone. Hawthorne had been the ideal example of a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, formidable and disciplined. The blond witch in pastels seemed anything but.

After Dumbledore had concluded his speech, the strange word came up again, distracting Severus from his bitterness. Mulciber and Wilkes had begun to speak more brashly, loud above the clatter of silverware. Severus wouldn't have been surprised if the Hufflepuff table could hear.

"Voldemort has the right idea. Why should wizards have to hide from Muggles? It's our world."

"My family agrees with him completely. Muggles and Muggle-borns. They're all the same. It's about time the pure bloods have the power they deserve."

Severus didn't dare ask who Voldemort was. Especially after little Regulus Black piped in. He helped himself to some Yorkshire pudding, feigning nonchalance. Soon, the entire Slytherin table was chattering about the mysterious figure named Voldemort. It didn't take long for Severus to gather enough information to work out that he was a powerful figure in the wizarding world, slowly but surely gathering support for his ideas revolving around blood status.

"The Blacks support him fully," Regulus was saying before a tiny frown gathered on his lips. "Well, except for Sirius. But he's always been a bit odd."

Severus snorted at the last remark.

"Odd? He's a Gryffindor!" Avery sneered, causing several Slytherins to smirk.

"Sirius is an embarrassment. You've proven to rise above him, Regulus. Your mum will be proud," Narcissa said smoothly. As quiet as her voice was, it had the capability of ending all the snickers.

Regulus glowed with pride at the compliment from his cousin. While Sirius was determined to cause controversy and mischief wherever he went, the younger Black seemed much more eager to please. "Thanks, Cissy."

"What happened to Hawthorne anyway?" Avery asked through a mouthful of shepherd's pie.

"Dunno. Who cares?"

"You can be sure I'll be writing to my father about the new teacher," Rosier eyed the blond witch with unveiled disapproval. "She looks like she belongs in Charms."

"What about you, Snape?" Wilkes said, setting down his fork before focusing his full attention on Severus. "Does your mum support Voldemort?"

Severus became aware that Lucius Malfoy was watching them. Carefully woven lies always worked best with the Slytherins. It was better for them to hear what they wanted to hear. It would be suicidal to admit that Severus didn't have the faintest idea since he had just heard the name that day.

"Yes," Severus said at last, his voice cold and rigid, almost daring any Slytherin to contradict him. "She is quite fond of his ideas about Muggles." That was true enough. Eileen despised Muggles.

There were sudden laughs and approving remarks, but Severus scarcely heard them. He shot a discreet glance at Lucius to see if his words had won cool approval, but the Head Boy had already looked away.

Severus wasn't fooled. He was certain that he was still under observation.

He only wished he knew why.

**1972**

"Who is Voldemort?"

Lily's innocent question had a strong reaction, one she had not been expecting. She and the three other Gryffindor girls had only just arrived to their dormitory, still drowsy from the lavish feast. But as soon as Lily had uttered those words, the sluggishness was immediately replaced by tension, with the exception of a bewildered Mary, who was a Muggle-born.

"No one really knows, do they?" Alice said finally. "He's a bit mysterious."

"Then why were the Slytherins talking about him?" Lily asked. When she had approached Severus to say goodnight, she couldn't help but overhear the Slytherins' conversation. Their avidity was a drastic difference from Alice's wariness.

"No one knows much about him, except for his ideas," Marlene said flatly. "He hates Muggles and Muggle-borns. I expect the Slytherins worship him for that."

"I'm sure it's more complicated than that," Alice frowned at Marlene before returning to Lily. "I don't know much about his ideas. My parents try to keep me out of it. I know his beliefs are popular among pure bloods."

"Aren't you a pure blood?" Lily said curiously.

Alice gave a slight smile. "Well, yes. But Marlene and I are considered blood traitors. To them, that's nearly as bad as being a Muggle."

"I think it's stupid," Lily declared, recalling the day Mulciber had called her a Mudblood with a twinge of bitterness. "Blood shouldn't make any difference. Mary is a Muggle-born and she's the best at Herbology."

"Thanks, Lily," Mary, who had been quiet the entire time, finally spoke up with a small smile.

"It shouldn't, but that doesn't mean it doesn't," Marlene said with more solemnity than Lily had ever seen. "My parents think something is coming."

"What do you mean?" Lily asked, a strange sensation of foreboding washing over her. It was disconcerting to see lighthearted Marlene suddenly so grave.

"I don't know," Marlene shrugged, but her expression remained serious. "They don't like Voldemort at all. There's something dodgy about him. I asked my dad and he told me that things will get worse before they become better."

The other three pondered her words in a brief silence. The tension in the air seemed to thicken. Lily shivered, suddenly feeling chilled.

"What does that even mean?" Mary said nervously.

"I don't think I want to know," Alice twisted a lock of dark hair around her finger distractedly. "Let's go to sleep. We have a big day tomorrow."

There was a murmur of relieved agreement. Lily determinedly pushed all thoughts of Voldemort and blood purity from her mind. She focused on tomorrow, wondering what the lessons would consist of and whether James Potter would still be intent on driving her mad. She guessed he would be.

But as Lily curled up on her four-poster bed, the eerie sense of foreboding returned. She tightened the covers around her and closed her eyes, eventually drifting into a fitful sleep.


	21. Chapter 21 The Third Lie

**Thanks for the reviews! I know some people are surprised at the casual talk of Voldemort in the last chapter, so I thought I would try to explain without giving too much away. While writing this chapter and a few upcoming ones, I remembered a particular quote by Sirius in OOTP when he's talking about his family. _"They thought Voldemort had the right idea, they were all for the purification of the Wizarding race, getting rid of Muggle-borns and having purebloods in charge. They weren't alone either, there were quite a few people before Voldemort showed his true colors, who thought he had the right idea about things."_ That quote helped a lot with my view on the war. The few who are fully aware of Voldemort, such as Lucius, would be more careful, but from the way Sirius phrased it, I figured that Voldemort was this exciting new figure who promised pure bloods the power they craved until they realized that his tactics were a bit...strong, around the time people started to panic. As for the second year Slytherins, I couldn't see their parents revealing much about Voldemort and the Death Eaters, since it would look suspicious if they knew too much. That theory comes from Draco Malfoy's quote in the COS when he's annoyed that Lucius refuses to tell him who opened the Chamber of Secrets for the same reason. Again, this is just my view, but I thought I would try to make make sense of it anyway. **

**Chapter Twenty-One- The Third Lie**

**1972**

For the first time in months, Severus slept peacefully. Even the sound of Rosier's loud snores echoing across the dormitory couldn't keep him awake. There were no tainted dreams, poisoned by Tobias's pounding fists or Eileen's shrill screams. It was a dreamless sleep, a sleep that Severus favored.

He met Lily outside the Great Hall after breakfast, his rare good mood soaring even further at the mere sight of her. Before he greeted her, he noticed dark circles under her eyes as well as her tangled mess of curls. She was yawning. "Did you sleep at all, Lily?"

"Hardly," Lily yawned again, rubbing her eyes sleepily. "I kept thinking about…"

Her voice trailed off, her green eyes unusually distant.

"What?" Severus asked, half expecting it to be Petunia. He held his tongue, forcing himself not to scowl. What he was not expecting was her response.

"Voldemort." At his startled expression, Lily quickly continued. "I overheard the Slytherins talking about him. Alice told me he hates Muggle-borns."

"Lily," Severus said with unusual gentleness, even though he was irritated with himself for not being able to keep her from earshot. Ever since Mulciber had called her a Mudblood, blood purity was a sensitive subject to Lily. "You don't have to worry about it."

"But Marlene-"

"What does Marlene know? She's not in my House and even I know how much she likes to gossip. I promise you, Lily. You don't have to worry." Severus's dark eyes searched hers earnestly. Voldemort may have been a mystery to him, but that didn't matter. If a lunatic broke into Hogwarts and started massacring all Muggle-borns, as farfetched as that was, he would find a way to keep her safe. He doubted that he would have to. Lily wasn't just an ordinary Muggle-born, at least not to him.

Lily was quiet, pondering his words. Once her face cleared, she smiled up at him. "I suppose I was overreacting. I'll never understand why blood is so important. It doesn't mean anything."

Severus relaxed, relieved that she was no longer upset and even more relieved that they wouldn't have to discuss Voldemort. That topic would only lead back to Mulciber and the others, and Severus didn't want to be caught in the middle again. He was still undecided on the matter himself. He hated Muggles, but he didn't care a great deal for the Slytherins either. If he was honest with himself, the only true loyalty he felt was to himself and Lily.

"Sev?"

"Yeah?" Severus snapped back to reality.

"It doesn't meaning anything, right?" Lily peered at him, her green eyes suddenly enormous. They were twin pools of emerald, reflecting the slightest hint of doubt. The liquid green suddenly seemed depthless, threatening to drown him alive.

"Right," Severus said automatically as he looked away, feeling uncomfortable again. For some inexplicable reason, he felt a flicker of guilt, but that was ridiculous. If Lily had grown up with Tobias as her father, she would dislike Muggles as much as he did. He decided it would be best to distract her. "But we should hurry or we'll be late. Even if it's Caldwell."

"She doesn't seem so bad," Lily offered as they began walking toward the marble staircase. With the subject of Voldemort forgotten, the usual spring in her footsteps was returning. "At least she looks nicer than Hawthorne."

"I liked Hawthorne."

"That's because he liked you. He hated everyone else," Lily frowned. "He was so mean. I hope Caldwell isn't."

"She doesn't seem capable of hurting a fly," Severus said scornfully.

"I'm sure she's qualified," Lily argued. "Dumbledore wouldn't have chosen her if she wasn't."

"Dumbledore?" Severus's disdain intensified with each word. "Keep in mind that he's also the one who applauded the Maraudersfor disrupting his speech. He's mental."

"I thought it was funny," Lily said quietly.

Severus stopped walking to gawk at her. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "It was _Potter_. You know, tall, dark hair that resembles a pigsty, a swollen head, so swollen, that he can barely manage to hold up?"

"I thought the way Dumbledore handled it was funny. You don't need to tell me how swollen Potter's head is. It's impossible to miss," Lily said, arching an eyebrow as if she couldn't quite make out Severus's cryptic thought process.

Severus felt his tension ease at once and quickly caught up to her. He shot her a quick half-smile. "Maybe you're right about Caldwell."

It was a peace offering. A subtle yet painful one. Severus never liked to admit he was wrong, even to Lily. From Lily's own smile, he could tell that she understood.

Before Lily could say anything, Peeves made an unwanted appearance. Severus and Lily had always done their best to avoid the poltergeist, but their luck had evidently run out.

"An ickle Slytherin and an ickle Gryffindor?" Peeves said gleefully. "PREPOSTEROUS! LUDICROUS!" As he listed other words that went along with 'preposterous' in an obnoxiously singsong voice, he began pelting the two with Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. Severus and Lily had no other choice but to run the rest of the way.

By the time they had arrived to the classroom, they were two minutes late and out of breath. Professor Caldwell looked at them expectantly, her merry expression never faltering.

"Sorry…Professor," Lily managed to say between breaths. "Peeves."

"Ah," Professor Caldwell gave an understanding nod. "Please open your books to the first chapter."

Severus and Lily quickly scurried to a pair of empty seats in the back. Severus could already tell that he disliked the new teacher. The ever-present cheeriness was beginning to unnerve him.

"We'll first discuss the Curse of the Bogies," Professor Caldwell announced, a broad smile still plastered on her face.

Severus was satisfied to see that the dismay on Lily's face mirrored his own feelings. They had already learned about the Curse of the Bogies the previous year. It hardly warranted a discussion.

After Alice Clarke had finished chiming in an extremely long response, Severus turned to Lily. She was resting her head in her arms, her hair spilling over the desk in a waterfall of red. Her eyelids were fastened shut. As much as he hated to wake her, he didn't want her to end up in detention. His eyes never leaving Caldwell, Severus nudged Lily awake. She bolted upright, glancing around in surprise, before recovering.

"Sorry," Severus whispered, his dark eyes dancing with amusement.

Lily made a face at him before returning to her half asleep state.

It didn't take long to make his final verdict. Professor Caldwell wasn't as dense as Severus had originally expected her to be, but she was dull. Hawthorne hadn't been afraid to delve into the darker depths of the subject, but Caldwell clearly censored whatever she had deemed unsuitable for young ears, which was too much for Severus's liking.

The Marauders proved to be restless as well. Midway through the class, Severus noticed Potter's head was bent close to Black's. The two were whispering, occasionally stealing peeks at Professor Caldwell. It was a definite sign of upcoming mischief. Severus stiffened, anticipating that he was their prey.

Fortunately for him, the Marauders had other plans. Those plans consisted of ending the lesson early. A minute later, a Dungbomb was mysteriously hurled toward Caldwell's desk. Two minutes later, the students were excused and Professor Caldwell was no longer smiling.

"I admit it. You were right," Lily said, pinching her nose as they exited the classroom. "That was awful. A roll of parchment on the Curse of the Bogies!"

Severus was just glad that they seeing eye to eye again.

**1972**

Lily stared at the parchment in front of her, absorbing each and every word for the eleventh time. When she was done, she viciously crossed it out with her quill, scowling.

For the past two hours, she had been attempting to write a letter to Petunia. Her anger had whittled down gradually, only to be replaced by guilt. Perhaps Petunia had been wrong to try to trick her into expulsion, but Lily was forced to admit that she hadn't been the best sister either.

Petunia had been right. She and Lily had been best friends before Severus. It wasn't as if Lily had purposely replaced her. She had tried a countless amount of times to merge the two friendships, but each time had failed miserably. Both Petunia and Severus had been so set in their convictions that neither one had bothered to give the other a chance. When Severus wasn't glowering at Petunia, Petunia was glaring back, her favorite word never far away.

But still, Lily reflected. She could have tried harder.

"Guess what, Evans?"

Lily didn't glance up from her parchment, but her grip involuntarily tightened around her quill. She was never in the mood for James Potter, but she especially wasn't today. "You're expelled for throwing a Dungbomb in Defense Against the Dark Arts?"

"No, that old cow never knew what hit her," Potter boasted.

"Oh. Just wishful thinking then," Lily looked up at last, her green eyes narrowing. "What do you want, Potter?"

"I want you to guess, Evans," Potter said impatiently. His grin never wavered while his hazel eyes sparkled impishly beneath his glasses. There was something so alive about him that it exhausted Lily just to look at him. She still hadn't managed to catch up on her sleep.

"I did guess," Lily said through clenched teeth. She couldn't understand his ability to madden her. It was astonishing how a simple grin had the power to make her want to rip her hair out.

"Guess again."

"Do you _want_ me to jinx you?" Lily threatened.

"You wouldn't."

Lily smiled sweetly at him and lifted her wand. Potter stared at her, obviously trying to determine if she was serious or not.

"Fine! I'll tell you myself," Potter said as if it was doing Lily a great favor. His hazel eyes didn't leave Lily's wand until she set it safely down. "I'm trying out for the Quidditch team."

Lily eyed him, visibly unimpressed. "That's it?"

"I did say Quidditch team, didn't I? Not Gobstones?" Potter sounded bewildered. He was clearly wondering why she wasn't jumping for joy at his announcement. Lily couldn't fathom why he had expected her to.

"You did," Lily said flatly.

"But it's _Quidditch_!" Potter said again, emphasizing the last word melodramatically as if it meant everything.

"Which is why I'm not surprised."

"Because I'm an excellent Chaser with a Nimbus One Thousand?" Potter said excitedly, tousling his hair until it was untidier than ever.

"Because you never shut up about it!" Lily exclaimed, louder than she meant to. She quickly busied herself, focusing once more on her letter. She didn't look up again, even though Potter hadn't moved. She didn't even flinch when she heard Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew join him. As they prattled on about Caldwell and Quidditch, Lily's grip on her quill tightened. It was threatening to snap at any moment.

"What are you writing anyway?" Potter said suddenly, snatching the letter away before Lily could stop him. Black and Pettigrew eagerly gathered around him. Lupin stood back, not meeting Lily's eyes.

"Tuney," Potter cleared his throat and then continued in a dramatic voice. "I'm sorry-"

That was the final straw for Lily. Before Potter could react, Lily brandished her wand toward him. "_Silencio_."

Potter opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. He stared at her, thunderstruck, as Pettigrew quickly backed away. Feeling immensely satisfied, Lily snatched the parchment from Potter and crumpled it up. She was only sorry that she hadn't learned that particular spell her first day.

"How did you manage a Silencing Charm?" Lupin sounded genuinely curious, ignoring Potter's furiously waving hands. "We don't learn those until third or fourth year."

"I like Charms," Lily said, feeling considerably more fond of them now that Potter was silent. She gathered her belongings, not bothering to stifle a yawn. "I'm going to sleep now. Goodnight, Remus, Sirius, Peter." She turned to each one with a cheery smile, pointedly ignoring a fuming Potter.

"Aren't you going to undo it?" Pettigrew burst out anxiously, his small eyes surprisingly wide as he stared at his hero. Instead of his usual worshipful gaze, it was pure horror.

Lily shrugged, unperturbed by Potter's predicament. She turned on her heel. "I never learned the counter spell."

"But we have plans to make! Havoc to cause!" Black was aghast. "How are we going to scare Caldwell off if he can't even talk?"

Lily paused to look over her shoulder. "Give him a quill."

Still smiling, Lily made her way up the staircase to the girls' dormitory. When she snuck a final look, she almost burst out laughing. Pettigrew was frantically searching the common room for a quill while Black tried to read Potter's enraged lips. Lupin seemed almost healthy as he watched the scene in amusement, the corners of his lips turning up. He was unable to fight back his laughter as Potter began swatting his wand against Black's arm in frustration, causing red sparks to fly.

Lily had a very good feeling that she would sleep in peaceful silence that night.


	22. Chapter 22 The Other Black

**Thanks again for all the reviews. I feel obligated to say that one of the lines in this chapter, "You don't fool me,_" was inspired by Skins or Lost or another movie or show. I feel like I heard it before somewhere, but I don't remember where. For some reason, that quote stuck with me so I used it in this chapter. **

**Chapter Twenty-Two- The Other Black**

**1972**

The early weeks of September crept by slowly, but Severus didn't mind. While he rarely had any free time, he didn't mind the heaping amounts of schoolwork. Knowledge was essential, especially in the wizarding world. Without it, he was a sitting duck and would most likely amount to nothing.

That was one of Severus's darkest fears. That, and to be like _him_.

Severus's black eyes were cold with fathomless loathing as he observed Potter from across the Great Hall. Surrounded by the Marauders and several others, Potter's head was more inflated than ever. To Severus and Lily's displeasure, he had not only made the Gryffindor Quidditch team, but was also the only second year of the year to make any Quidditch team at all. The result was his already oversized ego swelling up even further.

"I can't stand that blood traitor."

Severus glanced to his side to find Regulus Black seating himself at the Slytherin table, happily diving into the vast assortment of food that made up his breakfast. When Severus didn't reply, Regulus spread a thick layer of jam over his toast and swallowed a bite. "You were looking at Potter, weren't you?"

Severus gave a small shrug of his shoulders in response. "I'm surprised that you don't like him. After all, he is your brother's best friend." His lips curled at the word 'brother'.

Regulus suddenly appeared extremely uncomfortable and set down the remainder of his toast. "We don't get along anymore. Not since Hogwarts. He thinks I'm too much like the rest of the family. Sirius has always been the black sheep. He used to try to convince me to not be like them, but ever since I was sorted into Slytherin, I think he gave up on me."

"Tragic," Severus said coolly. Slytherin or not, Regulus was too much like Sirius Black for his liking. The simple fact that they were brothers was enough to repulse him.

Regulus fiddled with his napkin, obviously at loss of what to say next. He moved onto his porridge, absentmindedly drumming his spoon against the bowl in an irritatingly rhythmic action.

Severus gritted his teeth.

"Sirius complained about you during the summer," Regulus tried again. "He must really not like you. He wanted to set our house elf on you, but Mum stopped him. She told him to if he wanted to use Kreacher to torment students, it would have to be Gryffindors."

"I don't care for him either," Severus said shortly, not especially caring what the Marauders thought of him. He already knew what they thought.

"I could help you get back at him and Potter," Regulus said hopefully, not inclined to give up easily. "I've been reading a lot about hexes."

"What do you think I've been doing for the past year?" Severus answered derisively. He wished the younger Black would leave already. He was not in the mood for Slytherin prattle.

Instead of being offended by Severus's contemptuous tone like he had hoped, Regulus perked up. "Really? What'd you do?"

There was a respect in Regulus's eyes, a rare respect that was not typical of a Black. Severus scrutinized him carefully, wondering if he had been too soon to dismiss him. If his head wasn't brimming with arrogance like his brother, perhaps there was hope for him after all.

"I set a snake on them during the first flying lesson," Severus said offhandedly, purposely leaving the bucking broomstick part out.

"Blimey," Regulus's brown eyes were round with appreciation. "How do you do that?"

"It's not difficult," said Severus, his voice never changing. Despite his apathetic manner, his obsidian eyes had begun to gleam with his enthusiasm for the Dark Arts. He rarely felt such fervency, but the Dark Arts was one of the few things that truly fascinated him. He was just about to launch into a succinct explanation when he noticed that the other Black brother had looked up from the Gryffindor table. His laughing gray eyes suddenly transformed into pure ice as they took in Severus and Regulus. He scowled before turning back to Potter.

Severus felt a flicker of satisfaction.

Regulus, too, had noticed his brother's behavior. "He'll start lecturing me about Slytherins again."

"You are a Slytherin."

"Tell that to Sirius," Regulus rolled his eyes, but Severus detected a note of dolefulness that was strangely similar to the despondent expression Lily wore whenever she discussed Petunia.

Severus suddenly felt very glad that he didn't have any siblings.

Before Regulus could blather on, the other second year Slytherin males joined the table in a mass of flowing black robes. Avery opened his mouth to protest the sight of the mere first year sitting with them, but Wilkes must have kicked him, because he cried out in pain. First year or not, being a Black had its privileges, and being tolerated by older Slytherins was one of them.

"Keep an eye out for Dirk Cresswell," Mulciber told Severus, sounding enormously pleased with himself. Wilkes and Rosier simpered, the three of them exchanging knowing glances. Even Regulus appeared intrigued.

Avery, however, looked bewildered. He had never been the brightest Slytherin, but he seemed to becoming even slower as the days went by. "What happened to Dirk Cresswell?"

"What do you think, Avery?" Mulciber snapped impatiently. "We hexed him. You were there."

"Oh yeah," Avery grinned, causing Severus to reaffirm his belief that certain Slytherins were tremendously fortunate to be pure bloods, especially when they had no other redeeming qualities whatsoever.

While the Slytherins continued to discuss Dirk Cresswell's unfortunate condition, Severus's attention was fixated elsewhere. A familiar figure with a tangle of red hair was leaving the Gryffindor table.

"I'll see you later," Severus said abruptly. "Binns wants to discuss my History of Magic essay." The lie had left his lips, smoothly and effortlessly. He didn't want the Slytherins to know that he favored a Muggle-born's company over their own.

"But you haven't heard the best part!" Rosier protested, sipping his pumpkin juice. "We haven't even gotten to the boils."

"Tell me in Charms," Severus stood up from the table before another protest could sound. As far as he was concerned, the Slytherins could wait.

**1972**

The sky was the clearest of blues, a brilliant azure, laced with fluffy white clouds, pierced with the late afternoon sun shining through. The gentlest of winds ruffled through the grass, causing the green tips to sway. With the slight breeze and the canopy of branches above, the temperature was ideal. Nearby, the lake sparkled invitingly, almost taunting with its cool waters.

It was perfect, except for one small detail.

"Sev, you have to stop moving," Lily said in frustration, looking up from her sketchbook. She was attempting her first portrait, and it was much more demanding than she had expected. She didn't simply want to doodle in a haze of daydreams. She wanted it to be perfect.

Lily was beginning to wonder if perfection was all it was rumored to be.

"I didn't move!" Severus said, his lips twitching ever so slightly. She knew that he found this new seriousness of hers entertaining, and he seemed to revel in testing its limits. It was as if they had temporarily traded places with each other, and both were secretly amused by it.

"Yes, you did!"

"I'll just stop breathing altogether then," Severus said sarcastically, sounding much more like his old self again.

"All right. But try not to faint. Then you really will ruin it." It was becoming increasingly difficult to keep a straight face. Lily's hand was shaking as she muffled her laughter, leading her to draw one eye considerably larger than the other. As Lily took in the picture, her laughter broke free.

Severus took the opportunity to move and inspect her work. At Severus's disbelieving face, Lily only laughed harder. "Thanks, Lily. I'm flattered if this is how you see me."

"It's your fault," Lily insisted once she had recovered. "You made me laugh."

Severus's dark eyes brightened at her words. "I'm glad."

Lily smiled at him, but this time, it wasn't from hilarity. Those two words may have sounded simple, but it meant a lot coming from Severus. He may have closed himself off from rest of the world, constantly concealing his true emotions, but she knew that he genuinely cared about her. "Me too." With both hands, she tore up the parchment to tiny pieces. "I'm done being a serious artist. It's too stressful."

"Good," Severus said, his black eyes still glittering. "I need someone to make me laugh. And someone to talk on and on about nothing at all."

"I don't talk on and on!" Lily protested with a weak attempt to seem indignant. She quickly covered her mouth to keep any giggles from escaping. She would never understand how Severus could stay solemn for so long.

Severus eyed her carefully, his unfathomable eyes never leaving her face. He gently removed her hand from her mouth, revealing a guilty smile. "You don't fool me, Lily Evans."

"That doesn't mean I won't stop trying," Lily teased, tucking a stray strand of red hair behind her ear.

"You wouldn't be you if you did," Severus said, quickly looking away.

"You're smiling!" Lily announced with glee, knowing that gesture all too well after nearly four years of friendship. "You don't fool me, Severus Snape."

"I never could," Severus admitted ruefully, turning back around. Lily lifted her chin in satisfaction as she noted a small yet sincere smile. Whether it was from before or from her last words, Lily couldn't tell.

Suddenly, Lily was inspired by an idea. It was one of her childish, impulsive ideas, the kind where Severus would feign maturity and pretend to be scowl, for a little while at least. He never lasted long. Lily felt around the grass until she found a sharp enough rock.

"What are you doing?" Severus asked curiously.

"Wait and see," Lily said mysteriously, turning to the tree they were leaning up against. It was the tree they always sat by, so it was even more fitting. She studied the trunk for a moment before choosing a suitable spot.

"You do realize you are a witch?" Severus said dryly, sounding amused as he finally grasped what she was doing. He wasn't scowling, but his brow was furrowed.

"I haven't forgotten."

"Then why don't you just use your wand?"

"Not everything needs magic," Lily said softly, pressing the sharp edge against the trunk with all her might. While Severus longed for the day when he could perform magic as he wished, Lily sometimes preferred the Muggle way. After all, she had grown up as one.

Severus was silent for a while as he pondered this. For a long time, he didn't say anything all, but his dark gaze never left her, intense and contemplative. "What are you writing?"

Lily sighed before speaking. Carving into a tree was more tiring that she had imagined. Not only did it require more strength than she had anticipated, but her engraving wasn't turning out as elegantly as she had hoped. She wanted it to last, so it took even more time, cutting into the rugged bark deeply until she was satisfied it wouldn't fade. "You'll have to wait longer than I thought. My hand hurts."

Severus traced his fingers over the patch she had been carving. Rather crookedly, she had spelled out 'S.S'. "I wonder what the rest is supposed to be."

Lily bit her lip to keep from smiling. Even in hushed tones, Severus's sarcasm could never be missed.

"Give me the rock," Severus said suddenly.

Lily obeyed and watched him curiously. To her surprise, he began carving into the tree where she had left off. She had expected him to use a wand.

Severus worked for a while, his hands quick yet meticulous. He must have grown tired, but he never faltered. He wore a small frown, the same frown of concentration he donned when he was deeply absorbed in improving his Potions book. Once he set the stone down, Lily moved in closer, her small fingers sweeping across his handiwork. Beneath the S.S., were the initials L.E. "Good guess, Sev."

"Just lucky, I suppose," Severus said wryly. "That took longer than I thought."

For the first time, Lily noticed that the sky was darkening to an early twilight. She could have sworn that they had just arrived minutes ago. It was strange how time flew by with Severus. "I wish we didn't have to go inside."

"Forbidden Forest tonight?" Severus said with undisguised hopefulness.

Lily shook her head teasingly, remembering how she felt the same eagerness not too long ago. It may have only been a year, but somehow, it seemed far longer. "Let's wait until Halloween. Like last time."

"I was right. It was worth it," Severus regretfully stood up, offering his hand to Lily. Even in the diminishing light, his gaze was more powerful than ever.

"Halloween is my favorite holiday now," Lily said lightly, taking his hand and rising to her feet gracefully.

"I thought Christmas was," Severus frowned slightly as they began making their way toward the castle. Their path seemed almost ghostly with a faint mist beginning to cloud over, the sudden whispering of trees not far behind.

With the strange fog and the eerie creaking of branches, Lily should have felt frightened, but instead, she experienced only an odd calmness. Their constant nighttime visits to the Forbidden Forest erased any fear of a simple walk back to the castle, especially when the sky was not yet a starry black. "That too."

"You can't have more than one favorite holiday. Then it's not your favorite holiday," Severus reasoned.

"Of course I can," Lily said, untroubled by his words. "Oh, and my birthday. That's my third favorite."

Severus shook his head, but she could tell that he enjoyed her pointless chatter, so she continued on. When he was truly irritated, as he generally was with the other students, his face assumed a stony expression, clear of all emotion, with his lips curling in the slightest of sneers.

He never used that expression on her.

Once they had reached the castle doors, she embraced him tightly. When she hugged him, all traces of homesickness faded away. She was nine years old at Spinner's End again, safe in their little clearing. Everything seemed happy there, serene and secluded. Everything else was forgotten. "Goodnight, Sev."

"Night, Lily." There was something wistful in his expression, a sudden unhappiness that Lily didn't understand until she headed in the opposite direction.

As Lily trudged upstairs, her smile remained, only to transform into one of sadness. For what seemed like the millionth time, she wondered why they had been sorted into separate Houses.


	23. Chapter 23 The Beast

**the reader- Thanks for reading! And don't worry, James will redeem himself during the later years. I know he's not a genuinely bad person, but he was known for being conceited in his early years and I want to be as realistic as possible. I don't see him as bad now, more of a spoiled boy who has a crush on Lily and doesn't seem to realize it or understand how to handle it. When I'm writing from Severus's perspective, James will always seem like the bad guy, but that's only because Severus hates him. You'll see a better side of James once Lily gets to know him. I actually like James and Lily together. I love writing about Severus and Lily's friendship, but I wouldn't change anything. Severus wouldn't be nearly as interesting for me to write about if he and Lily had stayed best friends, fallen in love, and lived happily ever after.**

**Chapter Twenty-Three- The Beast**

**1972**

It took until mid-October for Severus to finally have time to focus on his own spells. Researching the invention of magic was a grueling process; especially between being trapped at Slug Club meetings and redoing the Slytherins' Potions and Defense Against the Dark Arts work.

But as Severus studied the page of a book he had taken from the Room of Requirement, his brain seemed to fog over. He found himself mindlessly reading the same words over and over again, not being able to remember a word. With great reluctance, Severus set aside the book. He needed sleep.

He was just about to leave the Slytherin common room when a rolled up copy of the _Daily Prophet_ caught his eye. In bold letters, he glimpsed the headline, _MYSTERIOUS MUGGLE DEATHS MYSTIFY MINISTRY_. Mildly curious, Severus smoothed out the paper and began to read.

It wasn't a very long article and it provided even less information. It was basically the headline spread out in paragraphs, the only new details being that half a dozen Muggles were found dead in London. The rest was pure speculation. Severus was about to cast aside the newspaper in disgust when a second headline stopped him: _DUMBLEDORE FIGHTS AGAINST BLOOD STATUS CRUSADE_. Suddenly, Severus felt wide awake.

_While many celebrated families are supporting the growing pure blood ideals, it's safe to say that Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Albus Dumbledore, is not a fan of the enigmatic Voldemort. _

"_Magic is not determined by blood," said Dumbledore this afternoon. "Hogwarts accepts all students with magic and will continue to do so. We should not embrace discord in divided numbers, but we should fight it as a whole."_

Severus set down the article in contempt. His dislike of Albus Dumbledore was escalating with every mention of him. He seemed to always be spouting off about unity and fairness and other nonsense when he made no effort to follow his own words. Severus had seen how Dumbledore favored the Marauders and the rest of the Gryffindors. He had seen how all the teachers favored them. When a Gryffindor pulled a prank, it was viewed as lighthearted mischievousness. When a Slytherin pulled a prank, it was considered cruel and bullying. If a Slytherin created half the mischief the Marauders did, Severus was willing to wager that Slytherin would have been expelled long ago.

With sudden frustration, Severus hurled the newspaper into the fireplace. As he watched the flames devour the photograph of Dumbledore, he felt a twinge of satisfaction. He didn't stop watching until only ashes remained.

Hatred was a powerful inspiration. Suddenly revived with renewed loathing, Severus returned to his book. Every word became engraved in his mind, the mocking faces of Dumbledore and the Marauders never far behind.

**1972**

On Halloween night, Lily felt that perhaps they shouldn't have gone to the Forbidden Forest after all. Severus had been in a particularly sour mood that week. The Marauders had been relentless with constant jinxes and pranks. Worst of all, they had an uncanny ability to appear out of nowhere. Severus and Lily would be walking along in a corridor, completely alone, when Severus's teeth would start growing at a rapid pace or his hair would turn green. There would be a familiar impish laugh and the Marauders would suddenly come into sight.

From the way the branches cracked beneath Severus's heavy footsteps, Lily could tell that he was still disgruntled over Potter putting a Sticking Charm on his parchment during Defense Against the Dark Arts. Severus had spent minutes attempting to pry his homework from his desk until Black and Potter had been unable to control their laughter. It had taken a very long time for the red in Severus's cheeks to fade.

"Sev, if you're still upset-" Lily began hesitantly, unable to take the silence a moment longer.

There was another vicious crack and Lily winced. "I'm not upset."

"Well, even if you were a little bit, you shouldn't be. You couldn't have known about the Sticking Charm."

"I couldn't have known that Potter would do something?" Severus suddenly sounded bitter. "Because he hasn't done anything before, right?"

At first, Lily was speechless. She knew what Severus was referring to. Potter and the other three jinxed him almost daily, but she knew better than to bring that up.

"If you ask me," Lily said, determined to lighten the moment. "We need a Defense Against the Marauders class instead."

She expected a half smile in return, not his actual reaction.

Severus whipped around to face Lily, his normally pale face flooding with color. His jaw was tense, black eyes flashing with dark fire. At his steely voice, Lily could feel herself flinching. "I don't _need _a class to help me with those idiots. I can handle them by myself."

Lily was dumbfounded. She hadn't meant to offend Severus. He had his peevish moments with her, but he had never seemed quite so fierce as he did just then. "I didn't mean…" Lily began before her voice trailed off, suddenly at loss of what to say. She had been about to apologize, but she didn't feel sorry. She had done nothing wrong.

Severus didn't reply. He huffed and continued walking, snapping branches as they moved. With every step, his breaths grew louder. It didn't take long for Lily to become annoyed. It was unlike him to be so childish, especially for such an absurd reason.

"Will you stop that?" Lily demanded at last, unable to keep the annoyance from out of her voice. "I made a joke. I don't see why you're so upset with me."

"What are you talking about?" Severus's plain bewilderment only exasperated her further.

"You keep huffing," Lily said impatiently as he did so once more. "Stop doing that!"

"That's not me," Severus said, irritable once again. "That's you."

From the dapples of moonlight that lit Severus's face, Lily could see his coal black eyes perfectly, from his pupils to every lash that lined his lids. They met hers, and each pair of eyes bore identical realization and evolving horror.

"Run!" Lily cried out in terror. Despite her words, she dimly realized she was unable to move. Fear was drenching over her in an icy wave despite the hot breaths she felt against her skin. She was powerless…

Severus grabbed her hand and wrenched on it. "_Come on_, Lily."

Somehow, her legs began to move and she found herself hurtling in darkness, trees and shadows whirling past them. All that remained steady were the heavy breaths behind them and Severus's tight grip on her hand.

"What is that?" Lily shrieked out, the fear inside of her pounding with her heartbeat. Images of deadly beasts flashed through her mind, all with fangs bared, venom dripping…

"Hang on, I'm trying to find my wand."

Wands. Lily had forgotten she had one in her midst of dread. She couldn't believe she had been so stupid. Torn between horror and mortification, Lily fumbled for her wand. It was nearly impossible at the speed Severus was dragging her. If only he would stop for a second…

"Don't slow down, Lily!" Severus warned. "_Stupefy_!"

He said the words with such triumph that Lily couldn't help but feel it too. The breathing stopped and it was deathly silent. The fear remained, cold and taunting at the same time.

"We have to keep moving. That won't last long," Severus quickened his pace and Lily was forced to follow.

"What was that?" Lily choked out again, not knowing whether she felt relieved or aggravated at his unnaturally calm voice. While emotions had the power of overwhelming her at times, there was something impenetrable about Severus.

"I don't know! It sounded like a werewolf or something. But from now on, wands out," Severus sounded furious, but it was directed at himself. Lily knew he was mentally cursing himself for not having his wand ready. It wasn't his fault. Their past few visits to the Forbidden Forest had been strangely quiet and they had both been rather lax about their previous precautions. "Over here!"

He yanked her arm again and Lily found herself stumbling forward. Before she could utter a sound of protest, Severus tumbled downward, hauling her with him. It wasn't a long fall, but it was a painful one. Lily fell on top of Severus in a muffled thud.

Severus groaned.

"Sorry," Lily whispered, quickly shifting aside. She didn't have far to go; it was a surprisingly narrow space. Another inch and she would collide into the rough wall. Wherever Severus had brought them, it seemed considerably darker than the rest of the forest. It was nearly pitch black with only the faintest light pouring in from an opening above. "Are you all right?"

"Fine."

"Where are we?" Lily murmured, looking around the darkness. She wasn't sure if she was supposed to use hushed tones, but something about the sudden silence made her compelled to do so.

"A hollow tree, I think." Severus answered. "I was trying to find our way back, but this seems like a safe place to catch our breath. We should just wait here for a while."

He sat down on the ground and Lily gingerly did the same, staying close to his side. Dead leaves crackled beneath their weight. That and their gradually slowing breaths were the only sound.

"I didn't mean to snap at you earlier," Severus said after a while, barely above his breath. He sounded tentative and hardly Severus-like.

"And I didn't mean to panic earlier," Lily said, offering him a small smile. It was futile considering she could hardly see anything at all. Even so, she thought she sensed Severus was smiling back. "Thanks for dragging me along. You would've been faster without me."

"I wouldn't leave you," Severus sounded affronted at the very idea.

"I know," Lily said softly. She glanced up at the opening with concern, instantly feeling very small. "Do you think we'll be able to get out?"

"It's not that tall," Severus said confidently. "Just a little over your height."

Lily felt enormously relieved at the sureness of his voice. She hugged her knees to her chest, studying the blackness that enveloped them. It was nearly as cold as the fear that had not yet drained away completely. "I wish it wasn't so dark in here."

"Sometimes I really do think you forget you're a witch," Severus teased. "_Lumos_."

His wand flickered with light, just in time to reveal Lily's blush.

"I can't believe I forgot about my wand for the second time," Lily shook her head, lighting up her own wand. Seeing the light comforted her and she focused on her wand, not wanting to take in their grim surroundings.

"You were scared. Not your fault."

"But what if something bad happens again and I can't do anything about it?" Lily said rather anxiously, her voice threatening to tremble. She swallowed, forcing herself to steady.

"That doesn't matter. I'll be there," Severus said seriously. "Not that it will happen. You'll find a way. You're Lily Evans. The cleverest witch I know."

Lily hid a smile. "The cleverest witch who forgets she is a witch."

"Only sometimes," Severus's eyes darted toward the opening. "Do you want to leave now? I don't think we're far from the glade. I thought I saw that one twisted tree."

"We'll know the way back from there," Lily nodded in silent agreement as they stood up. She dusted off her robes, tucking her wand inside. Once she was ready, she reached for the opening. To her relief, Severus had been right. She was just tall enough for her fingers to grip the edge.

"I'll lift you up when you're ready," said Severus.

Lily bit her lip, eyeing the opening in barely concealed dread. "Ready."

"Don't worry," Severus spoke encouragingly despite his pallid face. "If you fall, I'll catch you."

"Right," Lily didn't mention that the idea of him catching her with his skinny frame was hardly a consolation.

It was far easier than she had imagined. Once Severus heaved her higher with surprising strength, she was the perfect height to climb outside. She had been worried about slipping down on the slick leaves that bordered the opening, but her concern turned out to be unnecessary, much to her relief. "I'm all right," Lily called once she was safely on the higher ground, exhaling at last. "Do you need any help?"

"I'm fine," Severus hoisted himself up a moment later with surprising grace. He ran a hand through his black hair, brushing away any remnants of dry leaves. Just as he rose to his feet, he plucked something from Lily's hair, flicking it to the ground quickly. "Cobweb."

Lily shuddered as she withdrew her wand. He knew just as well as she did that she hated spiders. Before she could thank him, the startling sight of blood against his pale forehead stopped her. "You're bleeding!"

"Just a little," Severus said carelessly. "We should start moving."

Lily wanted to argue, but closed her mouth just in time. If it was a deep gash, there wasn't much she could do in the middle of the forest. He would need Madam Pomfrey. If they stayed, arguing around, there was a strong possibility that the strange beast would find them. Either way, the sooner they arrived to the school, the better.

Severus had been right about the twisted tree. Wands determinedly out, they were able to meander their way through the forest without much difficulty. Within a quarter of an hour, they had successfully escaped the clutches of the Forbidden Forest.

Lily's eyes were bright as they stepped into the glowing moonlight. She turned to Severus, twin emeralds sparkling despite her bedraggled appearance. "You know… When near death experiences are over, they're actually quite fun if you think about it."

"Lily…" Severus's scowl had returned. "Behind you."

Lily's heart dropped as an eerily familiar huffing sound came into earshot. With growing dread, she reluctantly turned around, feeling suddenly nauseous. She had expected to find a werewolf or some other ravenous beast, but what she found was much worse.

Filch and Hagrid were standing in front of them. Neither one looked pleased to see them. Standing between them, oblivious to a hissing Mrs. Norris, was Fang.

He was panting.


	24. Chapter 24 The Woes of Lily Evans

**Sorry for the late chapter and thanks again for the reviews!**

**Felicia- I know Voldemort was already dark and powerful, but I don't think anyone was aware of how powerful, or at least that's how I'm portraying it in this story. He definitely was more than a simple wizard though. **

**Chapter Twenty-Four- The Woes of Lily Evans**

**1972**

The next night, Severus decided that detention wasn't horrible. Especially when it was with Lily.

Filch had been more than eager to have them cleaning up after one of the Marauders' pranks involving frog brains and screaming first years. Hagrid, however, had relented when he saw the way Lily's eyes lit up once she explained their excursion into the Forbidden Forest. She claimed that she loved magical creatures and had always wanted to see a unicorn, and that she had begged Severus to go with her. Severus, at this point, had protested, but it proved to be unnecessary. Hagrid had already been won over and had gruffly informed Filch that the two would be serving their detention in the Forbidden Forest with him.

Severus knew they were lucky, but he couldn't help but feel more than a twinge of resentment at the hulking figure in front of him. The Forbidden Forest was supposed to be his place with Lily, and he didn't want the gamekeeper ruining that. He already was. Lily was happily chattering away, asking him millions of questions about the creatures he had seen over his years at Hogwarts.

"Centaurs?" Lily was breathless. "What are they like?"

"Bit maddenin' at times," Hagrid chuckled. "Ruddy stargazers."

Severus scowled to himself, tuning out their voices. No longer was he Lily's sole source of information. Lily had given up on finding ways for him to join the conversation. Severus had ignored every one. Even if he had been the type to prattle on, he had a feeling that Hagrid hadn't quite forgiven him for Stunning Fang.

"Did you hear that, Sev?" Lily swiveled around to meet Severus's eyes. "Hagrid says we might see a unicorn foal!"

It may have begun as an excuse, but there was no denying the excitement shining in those emerald eyes. Severus only wished that he had found a unicorn first. He would have if he had known it would make her eyes sparkle.

"Yeh like unicorns?" Hagrid asked him suddenly. Beneath his tangled mass of wild black hair, a pair of eyes scrutinized Severus curiously. "Nev'r thought I'd see a Slytherin hankerin' ter see unicorns."

"They're all right," Severus said flatly.

"Sev isn't like most Slytherins," Lily jumped in quickly. "He's my best friend."

"A Gryffindor an' a Slytherin. That migh' be mos' unusual thing in this forest and I've bin here a long time."

Severus pressed his lips tightly together at Hagrid's response, not liking his reaction any more than everyone else's. After a sullen pause, he spoke up, more defensively than he meant to. "It's not that unusual."

"Yeh see any other Gryffindors an' Slytherins wanderin' around?" Hagrid asked, unperturbed by Severus's tone. "Not sayin' 's wrong. Not all Slytherins are bad."

"And not all Gryffindors are bigheaded prats," Lily said lightly as if she sensed Severus's darkening mood. "Potter is bigheaded enough for the rest of us."

"James Potter? I like tha' kid," Hagrid chortled. "He tried an' hex Alaric Wilkes for jinxin' his mate. Instead made me pumpkins grow twice the size jus' in time for the Halloween feast. Spent all o' September tryin' make 'em grow."

But Lily was shaking her head frantically, causing Severus's mood to lift. "He's awful, Hagrid. He never leaves us alone."

"'Spect he likes yeh," Hagrid said. From the way his eyes crinkled, it was blatant that he was smiling. Severus, however, was not.

"Potter?" Lily's face instantly crumpled into one of disgust. "Absolutely not. That's….disturbing."

This time, the corners of Severus's lips curved. That one expression of pure revulsion made detention worthwhile. Hagrid guffawed, his beard shuddering as his massive chest heaved with laughter.

"We'll see. Now yeh'll hav ter be quiet and stay right here with Fang. Unicorns are usually round here."

He melted into the branches with surprising stealth for a person of his stature, crossbow steady. There was a quiver of leaves, followed by stillness. It was silent except for the sound of Fang's breathing, almost comically familiar in the darkness of the Forbidden Forest.

"I like him," Lily said a few moments later, patting Fang's head. The boarhound promptly rolled over happily, his pink tongue lolling from his mouth. Severus tried extremely hard to ignore him. Mistaking Fang for a monstrous beast was one of his more humiliating mistakes. "He's one of the nicest people here."

Severus only shrugged.

"What's wrong?" Lily asked in surprise, her pretty face creasing in confusion.

"I don't see why everyone is so surprised when they find out we're friends, that's all," Severus said, digging his toe into the dirt. Even though it was to dark to see what he was doing, he looked down, not wanting to see Lily's face.

"Does it matter?" Lily asked gently. "We're opposites."

"You mean you're a brave Gryffindor and I'm a slimy Slytherin?" Severus couldn't keep the irritating from seeping into his voice. There were times when he felt as if he wasn't deserving of Lily's friendship. He didn't need everyone else to remind him.

It made him all the more determined to be worthy. To be someone.

Lily laughed as if his bitter words were utter nonsense. Somehow, hearing that laugh eased the weight on his shoulders. "No, I mean you're the silent type and I never stop talking."

"You talk enough for the both of us," Severus finally looked up, a faint grin on his lips. Just as he was about to continue, a glimmer of gold peeked through the undergrowth, causing him to step closer to Lily protectively. Once again, it turned out to be unnecessary, for a beaming Hagrid sauntered forward, a golden horse-like creature at one side, his crossbow at the other.

"Ohh," Lily gasped aloud, her face glowing with delight Severus averted his gaze, turning his attention to the unicorn, but he couldn't keep his eyes from flickering toward Lily. While he prided himself on restraining his emotions, he appreciated the fact that Lily made no effort to. Her genuine smile was one of the things he liked best about her.

"They turn silver at two," Hagrid gazed at the foal fondly. "This one is new an' all. You can pet 'im if yeh wan'. Both of yeh. Jus' be gentle."

Lily hesitantly reached out, her arm wavering for a moment before her fingertips stroked the lustrous gold coat. "It's like silk! Sev, come here."

Severus had never especially cared for animals. It was Lily who had found a litter of stray kittens and insisted on feeding them every day. It was Lily who had dragged him all over the Forbidden Forest in search of a silver doe. And it was Lily, now, who was talking earnestly to the unicorn in hushed tones as if he was another person, a friend. But if it hadn't been for those large green eyes peering at him, wide and hopeful, Severus would have stepped away. Instead, he found his arm automatically reaching for the foal.

"Go on," Hagrid said encouragingly. "'S safe."

The gamekeeper sounded almost disappointed with his own words.

Severus grudgingly laid his fingers against the unicorn's coat. The delicately chiseled head swerved sideways with surprisingly grace, eyeing him with surprise.

"That's Severus," Severus could hear Lily whisper. "He won't hurt you. I promise."

Severus shook his head to keep from a smile from twitching on his lips. The foal relaxed as Lily continued to speak, and Severus patted him awkwardly. He couldn't quite make out what Lily was saying, but he heard snatches of 'Sev' and 'clever' and 'friend'. The gold coat was softer and sleeker than the finest silk and Severus was almost sorry to withdraw his hand.

"Thank you, Hagrid," Lily gave a sincere smile, looking up at last from the foal. "This was the best detention ever!"

Hagrid's beam hadn't faltered once. At Lily's words, it only magnified, his black eyes merry. His giant chest rumbled again with deep laughter. "Jus' don' go tellin' Filch that."

"We won't," Lily said seriously. Severus nodded, but he was barely listening. He was busy replaying Lily's conversation in his mind. As they began heading back to the castle, he could barely keep from smiling.

**1972**

As the weather cooled with November, so did Lily's mood. She was dreading what everyone else seemed to be excitedly awaiting. With every collision with James Potter, her exasperation only doubled.

"You don't have to worry," Severus assured her as they strode inside the Great Hall. "Gryffindor always loses."

"Thanks a lot!"

"Do you want Gryffindor to win?" Severus asked incredulously, lifting his chin toward a strutting Potter. The match wasn't until the next day, but he was already clad in his Quidditch robes, creating a dramatic show of smoothing them out.

Lily made a face, looking away from Potter. "I want Gryffindor to win and Potter to fall off his broomstick."

Severus paused, mulling it over. He then smiled crookedly as Lily knew he would. "I won't disagree with that."

But as Lily meandered her way through the Quidditch stands the next day, her mood had lightened considerably. Severus was right. Gryffindor always lost. Surprisingly enough, she was looking forward to it. As soon as Gryffindor lost, Potter would stop boasting. Perhaps if they lost badly enough, Potter would never say Quidditch again.

"I wish we didn't have Potions with the Slytherins tomorrow," Marlene said gloomily as the match began. "They'll be impossible."

"They always are after Quidditch matches," Mary agreed wisely. "That and James's ranting. I don't know which is worse."

"Speaking of James," Alice said. "_What is he doing_?"

Lily gawked at the Quidditch pitch. Potter was waving his arms back and forth wildly in the air. He appeared to be mouthing something.

"Lily, I think he's waving to you," Mary peered in for a closer look. "He is!"

"No, he's not," Lily said much too quickly, ducking her head down, hoping her tangle of red curls would mask her pink cheeks. "He could be waving to anyone."

"Gryffindor's new Chaser seems to be shouting something," The Ravenclaw announcer from the previous year said, his curiosity clearly piqued as the Gryffindor Captain, Emmeline Vance, flew to Potter's side and slapped him squarely across the face. "Oh! That has to hurt."

Lily giggled, but her smile soon evaporated as Potter snapped into action. The teasing smirk was replaced by a startling seriousness that she had never seen on him before. He leaned forward slightly, flitting around the pitch with accelerating speed. Lily wasn't an expert on Quidditch, but she had a distinct impression that the speed was unneeded and Potter was just showing off. If he was, he received the attention he so desperately craved. There was a revival in the Gryffindor stands, booming with boisterous cheers and applause.

While the others simply flew around, Potter glided in the air with astonishing grace. A Slytherin was inches away from snatching the Quaffle when Potter swept in, seizing the Quaffle effortlessly. With one swift motion, he hurled it toward the hoop.

"TEN POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR!" The life seemed to return to the Ravenclaw announcer. "THAT WAS BRILLIANT."

The cheers were louder than Lily had ever heard them. But Lily didn't clap. She couldn't move. That had to be a fluke. Potter couldn't possibly be as good as he always claimed to be. It was absurd. It was impossible.

It was a catastrophe.

Two minutes later, Lily cringed as Potter scored again. It should have been the most exciting Quidditch match she had attended, but she was too busy dreading Potter's future behavior. She wouldn't survive the next six years. She would go mad.

"BRILLIANT. BLOODY BRILLIANT. Er…Sorry, Professor!" The Ravenclaw announcer coughed in an attempt to control himself. "All right then, where were we? BRILLIANT."

Lily sank her head into her hands.

"Lily, what are you doing?" Marlene said excitedly, glancing toward her for a brief second. "We're winning! James is amazing!"

Thankfully, Lily didn't have to answer. Marlene's attention was focused on another victory by Potter.

Potter's success seemed to be inspiring the rest of the Gryffindor team. Their movements were sharper, sharpening even further with every ten points scored. It was impossible to miss the broad grin on Vance's face as she observed her team with pride.

"CHASER LONGBOTTOM HAS THE QUAFFLE! EXCELLENT! ANOTHER TEN POINTS!"

"He's such a good Quidditch player," Alice said admiringly.

"If you forget, he'll be more than happy to remind you," Lily replied rather sourly, irritated that Potter had impressed even levelheaded Alice. The Gryffindor common room would be a nightmare.

"James? Oh no. I was talking about Frank."

Lily turned to gape at her, but the mention of the Snitch distracted her from saying anything at all. Her stomach lurched as she caught a flash of gold streak across the Quidditch pitch.

"Slytherin Seeker spotted the Snitch! But that doesn't matter because- SLYTHERIN CATCHES THE SNITCH, BUT GRYFFINDOR WINS THE MATCH!" The Ravenclaw shouted with glee. "BLOODY HELL, THAT WAS AMAZING."

This time, he didn't even have to apologize. Professor McGonagall was clapping along with the rest of the three Houses, a rare smile fixed on her lips.

For the first time in over half a century, Gryffindor had beaten out Slytherin.

And it was all because of James Potter.


	25. Chapter 25 What Lies Ahead

**Chapter Twenty-Five- What Lies Ahead**

**1972**

Snowflakes tumbled down from the sky, whirling in the air with wintry grace. The window was icy, frosted with the raw cold. Severus gazed out rather dully, running a finger across the cool glass. If Lily hadn't left to spend Christmas with her family, they would be outside, making snow angels and flinging snowballs.

Severus returned to his work, a half-smile playing with his lips. His Christmas present to Lily had been a simple necklace. It hadn't been much, just an old silver locket he had found among the Prince possessions over the summer. He had placed a number of basic protection spells on it that he had learned especially for that purpose. To Severus, it wasn't much of a gift. Next year's gift would be much better.

If he ever managed to work it out. Severus grimaced at the page before him. Felix Felicis was one of the most complicated potions he had ever countered. Before he could turn the page, a shadow spilled across the ingredients.

"I never thought you were one to depend on liquid luck, Severus."

Lucius's pale gray eyes were as glacial as the falling snow, a sharp contrast from his ebony winter robes. His Head Boy badge glinted in the weak sunlight, an unneeded reminder of the Slytherin's authority.

Severus bristled, unused to and disliking the flustered feeling that was threatening to crack his controlled façade. "It's not for me."

"You take orders then? How interesting."

"You are aware of a concept called friendship?" Severus retorted. As soon as the words escaped his mouth, he instantly regretted them. Lucius Malfoy was someone he would rather not have as his enemy.

But Lucius merely smiled. It was a frigid smile, but nevertheless, a smile. "I am. In fact, I hope you will consider me a friend someday."

Severus eyed him with open suspicion.

"You don't believe me?" Lucius arched a pale eyebrow with startling approval. "I prefer that actually. No friend of mine would simply take words for granted. Only a casualty. And Mudbloods are casualties, Severus."

"I've had enough of the cryptic talk," Severus said with unveiled irritation. "I know something is going on. I know it has to do with Mudbloods and pure bloods and perhaps Voldemort."

"_Do not say his name_," Lucius hissed with surprising emotion. The cool elegance crumbled beneath fury and something resembling fear. Even though the library was empty, Lucius glanced around surreptitiously to see if there were any eavesdroppers lurking about.

Severus's lips curled, knowing he had struck a nerve. Lucius hadn't expected him to take the straightforward approach, and while Severus favored subtlety, he had to admit that being direct had its uses. "Voldemort then. It's all about him, isn't it? And his pureblood ideas?"

"They aren't ideas, Severus," Lucius said rather stiffly. "They are the future."

"What do you mean? And why all the secrecy? Everyone is talking about Voldemort."

"Didn't I tell you not to say his name? Someone might hear you." Lucius snapped. "Of course they are. Common wizards and witches. They know nothing about him, only what he wants them to know. This, however, is actuality, and discretion is necessary."

Severus scowled at the condescending note in his voice. "No one is even here."

"When it could be your head on a platter, you may risk it," Lucius's stiffness returned, a weak version of his former composed self. "No one is to know of the future. Not yet."

"And what is the future?" Severus asked, his eyes locked with the shards of ice staring before him.

"Pure bloods will finally have the respect they deserve. Muggleborns and Muggles will go where they belong," Lucius's steely gray eyes gleamed with anticipation. "Those who help create the future will be rewarded. Those who do not…will be treated as the filth they refused to clean."

Lucius paused, lowering his voice even further so that it was hardly a whisper. Despite the faint volume, there was something lethal in his words. "You may think you have heard it all before, but you haven't. There may be a few disappearances now, a few killings, but that is all. No one knows what is coming and how drastic it will be. _He_ is capable of great things, greater than any idle gossip can conceive. Not many people will have the opportunities as you will and I strongly advise you to watch yourself."

Severus's eyes darted back and forth across Lucius's chiseled features. It was impossible to tell whether or not the Slytherin was lying, but Severus had an inkling that he was telling the truth. A mixture of foreboding and intrigue crept over him, cold and compelling. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because," Lucius weighed his words carefully before answering, "We've warned you before, but you don't seem to comprehend how significant it is. I want you to choose the side you belong to. Half-blood or not, I see potential in you. I know you'll make the right choice in the end. I meant what I said before. I hope we will be able to form a friendship."

Severus met the pale eyes and studied them for a moment. They were so unlike the sparkling emerald eyes he was accustomed to, yet despite their ice, there was something in them, something powerful. Pure bloods prized loyalty to the handful they believed deserving. Lucius had very few true friends, but he was loyal to those few, or at least he appeared to be. If Severus accepted the rare extension of friendship, he could only imagine how his own future might change. "I hope the same," Severus said finally.

"Good," Lucius seemed to have collected all remains of his polished manner. "And as a friend, I do have one final piece of advice to give you."

"Which is?"

"The Mudblood will drag you down," Lucius said tersely. "The future is sooner than you think, Severus. You can't have both."

"I can," Severus said with an unanticipated sharpness. It didn't matter how many Slytherins bothered him about it. Nothing would take Lily away from him.

Lucius gave a brief smile. "I'm disappointed, but I can't say that I expected to hear anything else. Contrary to what you may believe, I wish you the best of luck, Severus."

"Thank you," Severus said curtly, suddenly wanting nothing more than for Lucius to leave. He didn't want to hear about the dangers of associating with Mudbloods. He would much rather ponder the potential rewards of aligning with the pure bloods.

As if Lucius read his mind, he turned to leave. Severus's black eyes, colder than ever with renewed determination, returned to his book. There was the sound of footsteps and then silence.

Severus's attention returned to the window once more, his gaze still reminiscent of black ice. He wasn't certain how he should feel. Afraid of what appeared to be a grim future? Hate for Lucius and the Slytherins who kept warning him about Lily? Dread of the unknown?

He only knew what he did feel. A rare sense of accomplishment. Out of all the Slytherins, it was him who had caught the attention of the Slytherin elite. It was him who had the opportunity to be someone.

Severus didn't intend to waste it.

**1973**

"You aren't coming, are you?"

Lily wrapped her arms tightly around herself, shivering even though the room was perfectly warm. She wanted to look away, but she couldn't. Her wide green eyes were fixed on Petunia, rapidly blinking away any hint of tears.

The days before Christmas and days after it had been as chilly as the December weather. Lily hadn't made an effort to thaw the ice. She had still been upset, and even more upset when Petunia hadn't apologized. But now, as Lily prepared to leave for Hogwarts, their bickering seemed so senseless. She didn't want to fight anymore. Especially when she wouldn't see Petunia for months.

"No," Petunia said flatly. "I'm not."

It was an odd feeling, eerily surreal. There were no heated shouts or tearful outbursts. It was cold, but it was real.

"Please, Tuney?" Lily whispered, not trusting her voice at a louder volume. She knew that it was dangerously close to cracking.

Petunia turned to a fresh page in the novel she had been reading. "No."

"I know we've fought a lot, but we're sisters. Sisters always fight," Lily said desperately, as if she was trying to convince herself. "But we make up in the end, because we're family."

Petunia didn't look up from her book, but her lips tightened. "You stopped being my sister when you replaced me with that Snape boy and ran off to that awful school."

"I didn't replace you," said Lily, biting her lip with a pang of guilt. "I know I haven't been the best sister, but I'm still your sister. We can't just stop being family."

"Yes, we can," Petunia replied calmly, flicking to another page. "We already have."

"What do you mean?"

"Look at you," Petunia said, finally managing to raise her pale eyes to meet Lily's. "You're not even one of us. You're not even human."

"I am too," Lily retorted, feeling an unexpected jolt. "I'm just a witch."

"Right," Petunia's thin lips twisted into a grimace. "And while you're off playing magic tricks, Mum, Dad, and I live in the real world. You're not one of us and you never were."

"It's just magic, Tuney," Lily said, her small chin quivering. "It doesn't make a difference."

"Really?" Petunia's voice sounded high-pitched as she stared at Lily, her gray eyes watery. "If it doesn't make a difference, then why can I go to Hogwarts?"

"I don't know, " Lily said miserably, her thoughts flickering back to the day when Mulciber had called her a Mudblood. She had asked Severus then if blood made a difference the same way Petunia was asking her now. She dimly wondered if she had worn the same half-pleading, half-demanding expression Petunia wore now.

"It does make a difference," Petunia said with satisfaction. But despite her triumphant tone, her expression was far from content. In fact, she looked as if she was about to cry.

Lily swallowed, not knowing what to say. She looked around the room, her eyes resting momentarily on the two beds, supposedly matching yet one neatly made up and the other a disaster. With sudden resignation, she looked back at Petunia. "I'll miss you, Tuney."

"Don't call me that," Petunia lifted her chin defiantly, all traces of sadness erased from her hard features. Lily desperately searched for any signs of the Petunia that had been her best friend, but found none.

There was something oddly final about the conversation. The finality was what frightened Lily the most. She swallowed again, placing her hand on the doorknob. As she twisted it, she glanced over her shoulder to see that Petunia had returned to her book. "Bye, Petunia."

If Petunia had turned around, Lily would have seen the silent tears streaming down her cheeks.

A lump in her throat, Lily stumbled downstairs, barely aware of where her feet were leading her. Bryony and Edward were waiting downstairs, the car already loaded with Lily's trunk and owl.

"Petunia doesn't feel well," Lily said quietly. To her relief, they were running late, and her parents were too anxious to press her for any further questions.

Lily didn't cry when Edward set down her trunk or when Bryony gave her a misty-eyed hug goodbye. She didn't cry when she boarded the Hogwarts Express, nor when she found an empty compartment, isolated from her friends and everyone else.

But when the train lurched into motion, the tears began to fall.

It felt strangely nice, to cry freely, separate from the rest of the world. But all of a sudden, the compartment door slid open. Mortified, Lily frantically brushed away her tears at the sight of Remus Lupin barging in, looking harried.

"Have you seen a rat? Peter lost-" Lupin faltered, seeing Lily's red-rimmed eyes. "I didn't mean to- I should have knocked-" He shifted uneasily, blatantly at loss of what to say. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Lily shook her head quickly, knowing if she uttered a sound, she would be deadly close to bursting into tears.

"You could sit with us," Lupin offered hesitantly. "James might go on about Quidditch and Sirius might turn your hair purple if he's bored, but they're not bad people."

Lily cracked a smile. There was nothing in the world that would make her willingly share a compartment with James Potter. "I should find Alice and the others, but thanks, Remus." To her surprise, her voice stayed steady. The realization calmed her.

"You're welcome," Lupin gave a small smile in return, visibly relieved that he was not about to see a sobbing girl. "And if you ever need a distraction, ask James about his new broomstick."

Lily shuddered as she rose to her feet, causing him to laugh aloud.

If he wasn't a Marauder, Lily had a feeling that she and Lupin would have been very good friends.


	26. Chapter 26 Langlock

**As always, thanks for the reviews!**

**Chapter Twenty-Six- Langlock**

**1973**

There was nothing more enthralling than watching Lily Evans brew potions. Her graceful motions as she slipped essence of belladonna into her cauldron, her narrowed eyes sweeping across her Potions book, her determined frown playing with her full lips as her forehead creased ever so slightly, all transfixed Severus. Noting her natural skill and delicate precision, he wondered how anyone could doubt her magic. She may have returned from holiday a few days ago, but Severus still felt immensely glad to see her. She didn't belong in the Muggle world. She belonged at Hogwarts with him.

Lily's lips quirked into a smile once she noticed he was watching her. She tucked a stray strand of red hair behind her ear rather distractedly, stealing an anxious peek at her Swelling Solution before granting him her full attention. "Do I have frosting on my face again?"

"No," Severus said quickly, feeling his face heat. He quickly busied himself by returning to his own potion even though there was nothing else to be done. Slughorn had already approved it in his customary jovial manner, awarding him with irksome praise and ten points to Slytherin. "I was just lost in thought."

"Some of us can afford to be lost in thought. Your Swelling Solution is already cerulean," Lily said with a wistful glance at his cauldron. "Mine is still turquoise."

"Stir clockwise instead," Severus instructed, eying the frothy aquamarine liquid. He was pleased to see that she trusted him without hesitation despite the instructions on the board. Her furrowed brow relaxed as her potion simmered with revived energy. The bubbling foam gradually cleared into a clear azure, not unlike the sky on a cloudless day. There was not a hint of unwanted green to be seen.

"Thanks, Sev!" Lily beamed at him as she inspected her cauldron, which now contained a Swelling Solution just as flawless as Severus's. "Sometimes I think I like Potions even better than Charms. It's sort of like a puzzle."

"It does require intelligence. Something most people lack," Severus said with a disdainful glance at Avery, whose cauldron was sprouting out giant puffs of vermillion smoke. "You can bottle fame-"

"Brew glory?" Lily suggested, her emerald eyes twinkling.

Severus nodded solemnly. "And even stop death."

Lily laughed softly, but her eyes grew serious, despite the smile that remained on her lips, small and sincere. "I missed you, Sev. I think I'll stay here next Christmas."

Severus half-smiled, but he was barely containing his elation. He couldn't imagine anything better than Christmas with Lily, especially since it meant she wouldn't be with those Muggles. "Petunia still hasn't written back?"

"I didn't even send the letter," Lily confessed quietly, referring to the roll of parchment, full of blots and crossed out words, that she had spent an entire afternoon and evening working on. "I don't think she'll ever forgive me being a witch."

There was a sadness lingering in her eyes, a sadness that Severus longed to erase, regardless of his resentment toward Petunia. He still couldn't understand why Lily was so upset over her. She was only a Muggle, and a particularly horrible one at that. Why did she need that Muggle as a sister so badly when she already had a best friend?

"I have a surprise for you," Severus said abruptly, having a sudden need to change the subject. "I've been working on it for a while. I haven't tested it out yet."

"What?"

Severus just barely tilted his head toward Potter. Lily's gaze trailed after his, the cloudiness in her green eyes clearing, only to be replaced with sparkling excitement.

"Not that I need a better broomstick," Potter was saying quite loudly. "But still, a professional flier needs a professional broomstick and nothing is more professional than…"

Severus and Lily exchanged irritated glances as Potter droned on. Severus held a finger to his lips, his dark eyes flickering around the room to ensure that no one was watching them. Students were either panicking over their cauldrons or drooling over Potter with sickeningly worshipful eyes. The only exception was Black, who was lurking suspiciously by Avery's still smoking cauldron.

"The Nimbus is the very best broom there is. You can't even compare a Nimbus to a Cleansweep. That's just-"

"_Langlock_," Severus hissed under his breath, wand aimed discreetly toward Potter. Instantly, he tucked it away, turning back to Lily, careful to keep his expression inscrutable.

Abruptly, Potter stopped talking. Lily covered her mouth to keep giggles from escaping as everyone looked up at the unusual sound of Potter's silence. There was only a faint muffled sound coming from his direction.

"What did you do?" Lily whispered in awe.

"Stuck his tongue to the roof of his mouth."

This time, Lily giggled aloud. She was not alone. Other students, mainly Slytherins, were more than slightly amused at the Quidditch hero's predicament. In a few minutes, even Severus was having difficulty in suppressing a snicker as Professor Slughorn inspected Potter.

"Very unusual. I don't think this has ever happened before…" Slughorn sounded baffled, his mustache twitching. "You can't talk at all?"

There was a smothered sputtering sound from Potter. It sounded furious. Severus started to laugh, but quickly covered it with a loud cough. He was not sorry to see that Potter had caught him, rewarding him with a fiery glare.

To Severus and Lily's delight, Potter was sent to the hospital wing.

"I can't believe you invented a spell," Lily said once Potions had ended. They hadn't dared speak to each other until they had left the dungeons in fear of bursting out in laughter. "Isn't that difficult?"

"A little," Severus didn't tell her that it had taken him over a year to learn. He didn't want anything to dull the admiration in those brilliant green eyes.

"You know what we should do?" Lily said suddenly.

"Hmm?"

The admiration transformed into a wicked gleam as Lily gestured toward the window. A thick layer of snow still covered the grounds, pristine and glittering. "Revenge. For last year."

Severus grinned back, his spirits soaring. He knew exactly what she had in mind.

Two days later, Severus and Lily found the Marauders on the grounds, boisterous and oblivious. Lily had looked up a clever little charm that would work perfectly. With Severus silently snickering beside her, she murmured the incantation.

Almost immediately, Lily ducked back behind the snowy beech tree. She and Severus didn't need to peek to know that the charm was effective. The Marauders' noisy chatter had been replaced by bewildered shouts and Pettigrew's whimpers.

"BLOODY HELL!"

"WHAT DID YOU DO, SIRIUS?"

"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. WHAT DID YOU DO?"

"STOP SNIVELLING, PETER. IT'S JUST A FEW SNOWB- OUCH!"

"I have to say," Severus managed between laughs. "I have a new respect for Charms." He felt lighter than he had in days. Lucius Malfoy's words had weighed him down in an almost constant contemplation, but something about Lily's presence made him almost carefree.

"They deserved it," Lily said once she had recovered enough to speak, looking quite pleased with herself. "Especially after this morning."

The laughter died on Severus's lips as the memory of that morning came flooding back to him. The Marauders' had tampered with his pumpkin juice, causing a new boil to appear with every sip. It had taken a number of sips for Severus to discover what had happened. The heavy weight on his shoulders returned, even more burdensome than before. "Let's go inside. It's cold."

If Lily noticed his sudden change in mood, she didn't acknowledge it. As they skulked past the Marauders, she couldn't resist a peek. "Look at their faces!" She quickly covered her mouth, choking back fresh laughter.

Severus did so, amusement twitching on his lips. His sobriety faded somewhat, but was never far away, threatening to bury him along with an avalanche of hostility for the Marauders and everything they had done to him. He was tired of being made the fool. It was their turn now.

"Sev? Are you coming?"

Severus tore his eyes away from Potter and the rest, his grim expression softening as he saw Lily. As long as he had Lily, he knew it would never completely overwhelm him.

**1973**

Lily frowned slightly at her quill. Her hand was beginning to hurt and she was tired of copying notes. It seemed as if Defense Against the Dark Arts was nothing but copying notes.

"Is something the matter, Miss Evans?" Professor Caldwell asked pleasantly. The sound of quills scratching never diminished, but Lily knew that every student's ears' were pricked.

"No, Professor."

"Then I suggest you return to your work."

The cheery smile was nearly as bad as the notes. Lily sighed and picked up her quill once more. Severus shot her a sympathetic look.

_Cornish pixies can be found in Cornwall…_

Lily stopped writing and stared at the board in confusion. She could have sworn it had said Cornwall moments ago. Annoyed with herself, she scratched out the last line and began again.

_Cornish pixies can be found in the dark depths of Professor Caldwell's enormous nostrils…_

Lily's quill fell to the desk as she read what she had just absentmindedly copied off the board. For a good half minute, her eyes darted from her parchment to the board. Every word was accurate. Her gaze then flickered down the rest of the notes and she let out a strange choking noise of muffled laughter. Nearly every other sentence had been edited.

There was a stir in the classroom. There were giggles and whispers, but it was Lily's strangled laugh that drew Caldwell's attention.

"Again, is something the matter, Miss Evans?"

From the corner of her eye, Lily could see the Marauders were watching her. Everyone was watching her. Potter's hazel eyes sparkled wickedly, almost daring her to turn him in. For one second, Lily was sorely tempted to. Anything to obliterate that infuriating cockiness. But as much as she hated Potter, it was only a small prank and she was not a tattletale.

"No, Professor," Lily answered, fighting back an urge to laugh. Quickly lowering her head, she focused on the parchment in front of her. She didn't have to turn around to know that Potter was still watching her, along with Severus.

"Good. Now let's take a short break so we can review what you've copied so far," Professor Caldwell said much too brightly, clasping her hands together expectantly. "Mr. Avery?"

There were more sniggers and the sound of shuffling papers as Avery studied his notes. He read slowly, stumbling over more than the occasional word. "They may not be dark, but they are arguably the most mischievous of creatures. Cornish pixies can be found in the dark depths of Professor Caldwell's enormous nostrils-"

"Excuse me?" Professor Caldwell demanded sharply, her bright smile dissolving as the room crumbled into laughter.

Avery didn't seem to hear her. He kept on reading, raising his voice louder and louder with each word, determined to rise above the commotion. "They fear nothing except the old bat's oversized-"

"Enough!" Caldwell exclaimed with dismay Lily would never have guessed she was capable of, a dull red tinge overcoming her already rosy cheeks. She stormed over to Avery, roughly snatching the notes from his hands, and began reading, her grip tightening on the parchment until it crumpled.

"Does that mean it's wrong?" Avery asked in bewilderment. "I wrote what you said to."

Black shot Avery a look of pure disbelief. "How thick are you?"

Professor Caldwell ignored them. Her eyes automatically flashed to the board. For the first time, she scowled, her voice decidedly higher. "Who changed the notes?"

No one spoke. Everyone was watching her in awe, fascinated by the drastic change of temper. It was an intriguing change from the dull lectures and constant cheeriness.

"Either the one who changed the notes receives detention or you all do," Caldwell warned. Her voice may have been threatening, but Lily detected a note of fear. She felt the tiniest twinge of pity for the professor.

"Fine. You will all have detention tomorrow night. Lines."

There was a chorus of grumbles, but no one dared disagree. For once, Gryffindors and Slytherins were in silent agreement. At last something had livened up the class.

The uneasy accord shattered once class was dismissed. As the black robed students filtered out of the room, there were furious mutters, Slytherins blaming Gryffindors and Gryffindors blaming Slytherins, even though it had been the Marauders' doing.

"Thanks, Evans!" Potter said gleefully as he and his three partners in crime swept by. "I'll dedicate our next prank to you."

Lily grimaced. "Don't you dare!"

She turned to Severus to make a face, but he was watching her with a strange expression, his black eyes cold and unfathomable. Lily frowned slightly at him, not used to him eyeing her that way, as if they were strangers. "What is it?"

"Why didn't you turn them in?"

"Because I'm not Bertha Jorkins."

Severus wasn't amused. "I just thought you were starting to like them." There was a hint of a question in his voice, a question that she thought she would never have to answer.

"Do you really think I would be friends with them? With the way they treat you?" Lily couldn't help but feel stung. "Even if they apologized, you know I can't stand Potter."

There was a sudden light in Severus's eyes, a glitter that seemed reserved just for her. In a blink, he was her best friend again. "Sorry, Lily. I didn't mean to…" His voice trailed off and he suddenly seemed very uncomfortable.

"I know," Lily took his hand, feeling relieved that he believed her. "Let's go outside. Who knows how long we'll be doing lines tomorrow."

As they started for the grounds, Lily watched Severus from the corner of her eye. She was glad to see that he was Sev again, the boy who had told her all about magic and Hogwarts, the boy who had played hide and seek in the castle with her, and the boy who had promised they would be best friends forever.

In the one hideous moment when he had demanded why she hadn't turned the Marauders in, she hadn't known who he was at all.


	27. Chapter 27 When Blood Matters Most

**Thank you for the reviews! I love reading your thoughts on each chapter. This is random, but I thought I would mention that Lily may seem naive and too dependent/trusting of Severus in some chapters, but I promise she won't always be that way. I wanted her to learn the hard way and eventually grow into a stronger person because of it, which will become more obvious as the years continue. I see her as Severus's opposite, similar to Harry, yet more young and sheltered because unlike Severus and Harry, she grew up with a loving family.**

**Chapter Twenty-Seven- When Blood Matters Most**

**1973**

In early spring, a rare hush fell over the Great Hall during breakfast. A flash of red could be seen in the flurry of owls delivering message. There was a thickening tension in the air, followed by gulps and shivers.

No one wanted to be the receiver of that letter.

Severus, however, was not worried. Neither, as it appeared, was the recipient.

"This should be interesting," Sirius Black grinned from the Gryffindor table, taking the Howler with a nonchalance that could only be feigned, if it were anybody else. He glanced at Pettigrew in amusement, who quivered beside him. "Cover your ears, Peter."

Pettigrew cringed.

"He's terrified," Mulciber said authoritatively with a sneer. "You can tell. So much for Gryffindor bravery."

"He's not," Regulus disagreed, causing several Slytherin heads to turn his way. He didn't seem to notice; his wide eyes never left his brother, a variety of emotions playing across his ashen face. Fear and, much to Severus's disgust, admiration, were among them. "He never is."

The entire student population seemed to be holding its breath. Black wasn't just aware of it. He seemed to relish it as his slate gray eyes danced across the Hall, flashing his arrogant grin to everyone in sight, even Slytherins. After toying with the burning envelope for a dramatic effect, he tore it open gleefully with Potter cheering beside him.

"He's even more mad than Bellatrix!" Rabastan said under his breath, causing Narcissa's cold eyes to flash towards him. Lucius gave him a reproachful look.

"SIRIUS ORION BLACK, HOW DARE YOU DISGRACE THE MOST NOBLE AND MOST ANCIENT HOUSE OF BLACK. YOUR BROTHER HAS INFORMED ME THAT YOU'VE NEGLECTED TO CUT TIES WITH THAT BLOOD TRAITOR POTTER. YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO BE TAINTED IN THESE TIMES WHEN BLOOD MATTERS MOST…"

Every pair of eyes landed on Regulus Black. His ghostly white complexion brightened into a dull crimson as he shifted uncomfortably. "Well, she did ask!"

After several more minutes of raving, the letter burst into flames.

"Thanks, Reg!" Black called over from the Gryffindor table brightly, clearly unabashed from his mother's harsh words.

Regulus miserably stared down at his plate.

"You did the right thing, Regulus," Narcissa said coolly. "He's even worse than Andromeda." At her own words, she pressed her lips together tightly, her eyes darting disdainfully toward the direction of her older sister. Despite her Slytherin crest, Andromeda was across the Great Hall, laughing with Muggle-born Ted Tonks. "I'm surprised my mum hasn't sent her a dozen Howlers by now."

"Well, she is more subtle about it," Rabastan said, his distaste matching hers. "But she is still a Slytherin. There may be hope for her."

"The dementors left Azkaban?" Rosier exclaimed suddenly, swiftly ending all gossip. He gripped his copy of the _Daily Prophet _intently, involuntarily crushing the edges. Usually he was engrossed in the newspaper all morning, but the Howler had distracted him from his usual tedious reading of headlines aloud to the table.

Severus's black eyes flashed toward him.

"Let me see that!" Mulciber reached over for the paper, but Rosier moved just in time, frantically scanning the article. Severus craned his neck, but all he could see was the title: _MORE KILLINGS,_ _DEMENTORS DISAPPEAR, WHAT'S NEXT_?

"It doesn't even say where they went!" Rosier said indignantly. "What if a bloody dementor is waiting outside to give me a kiss?"

Mulciber, Avery, and Wilkes found this amusing and promptly began making eerie noises, sweeping their arms around in what Severus guessed was supposed to be an imitation of a dementor's cloak. Avery made loud kissing noises, causing a passing Ravenclaw to stagger back quickly.

While the rest of the Slytherins sniggered, Severus did not.

Nor did Lucius, along with a few older Slytherins, including Augustus Rookwood and Quentin Travers. From beneath his curtains of dark hair, Severus studied them curiously, noting the way both Rookwood and Travers glanced at Lucius, so brief that Severus almost believed he imagined it.

Reaching over for the paper, Severus's eyes searched for Lily, not resting until they landed on the familiar shade of dark red. Even from a distance, her genuine smile was unmistakable. She looked so carefree and innocent, something Severus suddenly couldn't remember feeling. If Lucius had told the truth, she didn't have the vaguest idea of what was to come.

_When blood matters most…_

The Howler's words echoing in his mind, Severus knew he couldn't tell her.

**1973**

"Is it bad?" Mary asked anxiously, twisting a blond pigtail around her index finger at a rapid rate. Her freckled face was scrunched up in concern. "That the dementors have left?"

"It's bad," Alice said grimly, studying the _Daily Prophet _with clenched fingers. "It's very bad."

"If they're not guarding the Azkaban," Lily began slowly, managing to utter the question that had been bothering her. "Then who is?"

She almost wished that Alice didn't insist on reading every inch of the _Daily Prophet_ every day. Just minutes ago, they were laughing aloud at one of Marlene's ridiculous _Witch Weekly_ quizzes. At Alice's discovery, the light atmosphere had vanished, only to become something darker, something heavier.

Alice's eyes were wide as she slowly set down the paper. Her voice was low, but it did little to disguise her worry, unable to mask the quaver. "It doesn't say."

"_What_?" Marlene shrieked, snatching the paper at once.

Lily surveyed the Great Hall with deepening unease. The subject of the dementors and Azkaban seemed to be on everyone's lips. Nearly every student wore the identical expression of disbelief and fear, all except for a certain crowd of Slytherins.

"They're _laughing_?" Lily said incredulously, watching Mulciber, Wilkes, and Avery swoop around the Slytherin table. Regulus, who had been ashen during the Howler, seemed to have recovered and was currently choking on his pumpkin juice. She was gratified to see that Severus was not among them, not that she expected him to be. He was reading the article with a quiet intensity, almost oblivious to the commotion around him.

"They're _Slytherins_," Marlene answered bitterly. "What do you expect? If the prisoners escaped and killed us all, they would find it hilarious. Actually, I take that back. They would be disappointed that they didn't kill us first."

Alice shook her head fervently, but Lily could see that Marlene's words had troubled her. "They're students just like we are, Marlene. Not murderers."

"Yet," Marlene muttered darkly.

"I know Severus wouldn't kill anyone," said Lily loyally, stealing another glimpse of her best friend. In spite of the dire situation, her lips curved at his persistent determination to read the paper as more Slytherins joined in the second years' dementor antics.

"Not you, anyway."

At that, Lily instantly whipped her head around. Alice and Mary both goggled at Marlene in astonishment. "Marlene!"

"What? If you ask me he's just as creepy as the rest of them," Marlene said defensively, crossing her arms with narrowed eyes. "Just look at him!"

"He is not!" Lily protested at once, but when she looked at Alice and Mary, they refused to meet her eyes. All of a sudden, she felt as if she was back home again, arguing with Petunia. Severus was on the quiet side, but that didn't make him evil. She knew Severus better than anyone, and she knew that, beneath the tangle of black hair and shabby robes, he was a good person.

"Fine. Sorry, Lily," Marlene said, visibly shaken by her own words.

"It's fine," Lily said quietly, even though it wasn't. She had already lost Petunia. She didn't want to lose her friends too. Without looking back at the Gryffindors, she caught Severus's eye. She suddenly had a great need to see him. "I have to go. I'll see you in Charms."

As she crossed the Great Hall, Lily tried to push Marlene's words from her mind. Marlene was always blunt, uttering the first thing that entered her mind. It didn't mean anything. In a day or so, everything would be back to the way it was. But as soon as Lily saw Severus waiting outside the double doors, Marlene's accusation was forgotten.

"I suppose you heard about Azkaban," Lily said in a tiny voice.

"Even Avery did," Severus commented with a flicker of a smile. "But we'll be safe here. No place is safer than Hogwarts."

"But what about our families?" Lily asked worriedly. She could just imagine Petunia's reaction when she discovered a flock dementors in their garden.

"Do you really think the dementors will go to Spinner's End in their first minutes away from Azkaban?" Severus snorted. "I pity them if they do."

In spite of Severus's cold voice, Lily couldn't help but feel reassured. There wasn't a hint of doubt to be seen. While everything around them seemed suddenly precarious, Severus remained solid. She trusted him. He was, and always had been, her authority on the wizarding world.

"I hope you're right, Sev," Lily said softly.

"If it makes you feel better, I'll walk you to Charms," Severus offered, a familiar glint in his dark eyes. "I'll put _Langlock_ on every dementor we see."

"My hero," Lily laughed, feeling enormously relieved at once. If Severus was teasing, it could hardly be serious. "I think I'll-"

"_Locomotor Mortis_!"

Severus abruptly fell forward as his legs locked together. Lily caught him before he fell to the floor, swaying uneasily under his weight. Before Lily could ask him if he was all right, his face darkened into rage. "_Potter_."

"Morning, Evans!" Potter said cheerfully, the rest of the Marauders beside him. He grinned brightly at Lily, giving Severus a courtesy glance. "Snivelly."

"Excellent aim, James," Black congratulated him, his cool gray eyes flickering over Severus and his secondhand robes in disgust. The unveiled motion caused Lily emerald eyes to shoot daggers at him as she performed the countercurse. She was more than fed up with the disapproval that seemed to follow Severus wherever he went.

Potter's grin widened. "I always thought so."

"What is your problem, Potter?" Lily demanded as Severus caught his balance and immediately began fumbling for his wand. Lily tightened her grip on her own, poised to take action.

"You don't think I have excellent aim, Evans? Maybe I should practice more," Potter said lightly, holding his wand menacingly toward Severus.

"James…" Lupin said warningly, but Severus's wand was ready. For a long minute, he and Potter glared at each other, wands aimed threateningly at one another.

"Don't, Sev," Lily tugged at his arm urgently. "Just ignore him. He's not worth it."

But Severus didn't listen. His jaw set determinedly, he murmured a spell that Lily didn't recognize. Instinctively, she turned toward Potter. He flew backward and landed on the ground, hard.

Without bothering to stand up, Potter lifted wand arm from the ground and opened his mouth…

"Don't even think about it, Potter!" Lily shouted suddenly, unable to take a minute longer of their duel. "_Expelliarmus_!" There was a scarlet jet of light, causing Potter's wand to fly out of his hand just in time. Lily didn't wait to see his reaction. She seized Severus by the arm and yanked him along. "Let's go, Sev."

She expected to see a half-smile on his face or a faint sparkle of amusement in his dark eyes, but Severus only scowled.

"You didn't have to do that," Severus said once they were out of earshot. "I could have taken care of him by myself."

"That doesn't mean you have to," Lily argued, startled by his reaction. "Was I supposed to just stand there and let him jinx you?"

"He wouldn't have jinxed me!" Severus said defensively. "I was handling it just fine."

"I could tell from the way your legs were locked together," Lily arched an eyebrow. Just as Severus began to retort, she cut him off. "If Potter was jinxing me, would you just stand there?"

"No, but that's different."

"How? We're best friends, Sev. We stand up for each other. That's what best friends do," Lily said in a decidedly lighter voice. "And now it's your turn to help me."

"With what?"

"With a box of Chocolate Frogs. I still have a few left. Meet me by the tree after class?"

Severus shook his head in exasperation, but Lily knew he would be there.

He always would. That's what best friends were for.


	28. Chapter 28 Friends and Enemies

**Wow, a lot more views than usual! I'm glad to see that more and more people are reading this, and I hope everyone enjoys this chapter. Thanks for the reviews! Even though it's pretty obvious, I thought I should mention that the line about black eyes finding green is nearly the same as the one that JKR wrote in The Prince's Tale. I thought it fit in a poetic way. **

**Chapter Twenty-Eight- Friends and Enemies**

**1973**

While the _Daily Prophet_ told of a world fraught with growing suspicion and paranoia of the unknown, Hogwarts was its own little world. The headlines caused an occasional stir, but it was difficult to dwell on something that seemed so far away and unreal, especially when there was a very real and very stern Professor McGonagall demanding an explanation for missing homework.

Severus, however, was an exception. After his conversation with Lucius over holiday, he always made certain to read the _Daily Prophet_. Much of it didn't make sense, but it was slowly trickling into place, into the dark future Lucius had predicted.

"It's raining."

Severus glanced over their History of Magic textbooks to meet Lily's pleading eyes. It was a tradition for them to study the subject together, especially since both of them had a knack for falling half-asleep within minutes of each lesson. After a heavy review of the textbook and combination of their muddled notes, they usually managed passing grades.

They had only studied for half an hour or so, but Lily was beginning to fidget, a telltale sign of boredom. She would never focus now, especially when it was raining. While normal people preferred to stay indoors during a storm, Lily loved to be outside.

Severus shut his book. "Fine."

Lily brightened, slamming the cover of her own book down with a flourish. She promptly hopped up and flung her arms around him. "You're the best, Sev!"

"I know," Severus said, feeling his lips automatically curve at her touch, but he had a feeling he would regret his decision. Even though it wasn't quite nightfall, it was close enough that he and Lily were in unspoken agreement to be silent as they slunk down the marble staircases. There was something about being in a rainstorm during the evening that seemed forbidden.

As they reached the grounds, his regret only mounted. It had only taken him one stride outside the castle and already, he had managed to step into a puddle and drench the ragged hem of his robes.

"Lily, I'm all wet," Severus complained, inspecting his sodden robes with a scowl. "Let's go back inside."

Lily giggled, glancing his way. "It's raining, Sev. What did you expect?"

"Not to be soaked," Severus sighed, know it would be futile to argue with her. Best friend or not, Lily was one of the most stubborn people he had ever known. Especially when one of her impulsive visions set in. It was best to go along with whatever inane idea she had with a glower.

"But that's the fun part!" Before Severus could blink or even pretend to stop her, Lily skipped ahead, her long, red tresses flying behind her.

The sky was already deepening to a murky blue-gray with the dawning twilight, the clouds already thick and leaden. Severus gazed ahead, surveying the empty grounds expressionlessly as the icy rain whipped his face. No one was mental enough to go out in this weather, except for him and Lily. If they didn't return to the castle soon, there was the risk of detention. But somehow, as he watched Lily twirl around in the pouring rain, Severus couldn't summon the least bit of concern.

"Come on, Sev!" Lily cried as she splashed around, mid-pirouette. Even from a blurred distance, he could see that her emerald eyes were sparkling with vivacity. It was odd yet comforting how the last two years hadn't changed her a bit. "Dance with me!"

"Absolutely not," Severus folded his arms across his chest with sudden resolution, shaking his head forcefully. As far as he was concerned, that was pushing things too far. He couldn't and, didn't want to, imagine the Slytherins' reactions if they saw him outside, dancing in the rain. Least of all with the very Muggle-born they seemed to be constantly warning him of. "We'll catch pneumonia."

"You sound like my mum."

Severus's dark eyes narrowed at her teasing words. He dug his fingers sharply into his already crossed arms in a desperate attempt to keep his lips from quivering into the slightest of smiles. "Is that supposed to convince me?"

"Pretty please?"

"You're mad."

"Then be mad with me."

She may have been mad, but Severus had never seen her look so… He couldn't even find a suitable word. Her rain-soaked hair flew around her, the red the only flash of color in the darkening day. The sparkle in her eyes never faltered, mischievous and somehow innocent at the same time. Severus blinked, snapping back to reality, where Lily was holding out her hand expectantly.

In a dreamlike haze, Severus accepted it. Her skin was soft, cool and damp from the rain. A few inches below his height, Lily smiled up at him, a smile brighter than the brightest of days. Even though he had never cared for the sun, it was surprisingly pleasant. As if he were a cold statue finally feeling the warmth of life for the first time, despite the bitter wind that lashed out at him. "Being mad is fun."

Suddenly, Severus didn't care if he looked like a complete prat. He didn't care if anyone was watching them, not even Lucius. All he cared about the moment. He lived for these moments. He would do anything for them not to end. Why did it feel as if they were about to end?

"I love the rain," Lily said softly. "It seems to wash everything bad away. When the sun comes out, it's like a new beginning."

"I don't like new beginnings," Severus answered, feeling a flicker of surprise along with a strange twinge of sadness. It was as if she had guessed his thoughts, but that was nothing new. Lily knew him better than he would ever let anyone. "That means there's an ending. But then again, they do say all good things must come to an end."

"I don't believe that," Lily said with an unexpected solemnity that startled him. Before he could ponder it, her face cleared and she smiled again with sudden inspiration. "Let's spin around faster!"

Severus didn't even pretend to argue. He obeyed, a glint in his dark eyes as they spun around. They had done this before. Many times, and it always ended the same way.

There was something indescribable about the rain that made him feel alive. Something about Lily made him feel alive. They whirled around, faster and faster as the rain pounded down. The sound of raindrops splattering, the distant thunder, and Lily's shrieks of laughter all contributed to the perfect harmony.

They didn't need music.

Severus didn't realize that he had a massive grin on his face until they had fallen down. Neither one cared about the damp ground or the thriving storm or Hogwarts' rules. They simply laid there for a while, laughing until their stomachs ached.

Severus turned his head sideways so that he could see Lily. As if she read his mind, she did the same. Black eyes found the green and their eyes locked.

"I wish we could do this at home," Lily said wistfully. "But Mum would never let me go outside again."

"You're lucky she cares," Severus said with much more bitterness than he intended. He instantly regretted the words as soon as they had left his mouth. He didn't want to ruin the moment.

Sure enough, Lily sat up, the concern glistening in her eyes visible even in the pelting rain. "I'm sorry, Sev… I didn't mean…"

"I know," Severus said quickly. "Not your fault."

"I know it's not the same, but if it makes you feel better," Lily offered hesitantly. "You'll always have me."

The corners of Severus's lips lifted into a small smile. It was one of his rare smiles, free of mocking and sarcasm, that seemed to occur when only she was around. "It does."

**1973**

"Evans!"

A remarkably Severus-like scowl overcame Lily's features. She had been trying to tune out the Gryffindor mayhem for the past twenty minutes, but it was impossible considering the common room was still celebrating the Quidditch match, not giving any hint of ending soon. Not only did she have to cope with several large banners bearing James Potter's name, but now she had to manage Potter himself too? "Potter."

"What're you reading?" Potter asked blithely. To her great displeasure, he took the seat next to her, inching the squashy armchair close so that it was right beside hers. If it were anyone else, Lily would have scarcely noticed, but since it was Potter, it seemed uncomfortably close.

"A book," Lily said shortly, hopeful as well as doubtful that her curt manner would drive him away. But she knew better. Nothing could drive James Potter away. He was worse than a cockroach.

"What book?"

Lily turned a page, her green eyes firmly locked on words she was not absorbing. As long as she focused on the book, she could pretend that irritating buzzing noise did not exist. "Read the cover."

Potter did so, furrowing his brow as he read it. "The Standard Book of Spells? It's a party, Lily. Didn't you see the Quidditch match? I looked for you."

"No," said Lily honestly. Neither she and Severus had been in the mood to see Potter swoop around the Quidditch pitch, especially with Potter's growing fan club taking over the stands. They had snuck off to their glade instead, having an enjoyable time polishing off more Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans.

In spite of herself, she looked up from the book, just in time to see his face fall. Lily almost felt sorry for her rudeness. But then she remembered it was Potter. "But it's Quidditch!"

"Exactly," Lily struggled to burrow herself in the book, hoping he would go away. Perhaps if she closed her eyes long enough, he would disappear.

"I waved to you last time," Potter said suddenly. "Why didn't you wave back?"

Without thinking, Lily set down her book and glared at him, remembering the mortifying experience. She had dearly hoped that Mary had been mistaken, and that he had been waving to someone else, anyone else, but evidently, Mary had been right. "Why would you do that?"

"Because we're friends."

If she were drinking, she would've spluttered out pumpkin juice. She gawked at him, trying to decipher if he was serious or not. "Are you delusional?"

"Okay, maybe not friends. But we could be. If you didn't hang around Snivellus so much. Aren't you worried his grease will rub off on you?"

Lily felt a quick spark of anger. She couldn't believe his nerve. For some bizarre reason, he wanted to be her friend, but was insulting her best friend at the same time? She hadn't known anyone could have been as oblivious and brazen as him. "Don't call him that!"

"But that's his name!" Potter said defensively. He would have been the picture of angelic innocence, if it weren't for the twinkle in his eyes. Nothing would ever disguise that gleam of mischief.

"You know perfectly well that it's Severus."

Potter, as always, seemed ignorant of Lily's furious glare. He swept a hand through his hair, causing it tousle further, untroubled. "I improved it. The greasy git should be thanking me."

"Is that what this is about?" Lily accused suddenly, her face darkening as a new realization occurred. It was all starting to make sense. The sudden gestures of friendship... His brewing feud with Severus… "You hate Severus that much that you want to be my friend?"

For a moment, the knowing smirk was replaced by an expression of pure bafflement. Potter shook his head vigorously. "No-"

"This conversation is over," Lily held up her textbook to block Potter's face from view. She didn't know if he was telling the truth or not, but she knew if she kept talking to him, she would end up slapping him or committing murder.

Infuriatingly, Potter's head peeked over the top of the book, causing Lily to scream inwardly. "Will you come to the next Quidditch match? And every Quidditch match after?"

"No."

"I'll be your best friend," Potter wheedled. "You could be a Marauder. We'll give you a nickname and everything."

"You really are delusional."

Suddenly, a new voice entered the conversation, a small squeak. It was a tiny first year by the name of Dirk Cresswell. To Lily's annoyance, he seemed absolutely thrilled to be in the presence of Potter, his eyes round with worship. "James, I wanted to say congratulations-"

"_Petrificus Totalus_," Potter said casually with a flick of his wand and beamed at Lily, impervious to the loud thud the first year made as he fell to the floor. "Was that a yes?"

Lily stared at him and then at Dirk, horrified and outraged. "He didn't even do anything to you!"

"It was just a little spell," Potter coaxed, his hazel eyes earnest. "He was interrupting our conversation. I was being a gentleman!"

"A gentleman?" Lily said incredulously, not believing anyone could be so egotistic. He was, by far, the most obnoxious boy that she had ever met. "You better hope I never come to a Quidditch match, Potter, or I'll break your precious Nimbus in half!"

The common room party suddenly seemed very quiet. Lily's cheeks felt hot as she realized all eyes were on her. She stood up, pointedly looking away from Potter. Without another word, she went up to the girls' dormitory, where Potter, thankfully, could not follow her.

At least she hoped not. Lily could just imagine him bouncing on her bed at the first light of dawn, demanding that she wake up and watch him play Quidditch. Cringing at the thought, Lily covered her head with a pillow so that no one, not Potter, not anyone, could disturb her.


	29. Chapter 29 The Departure

**It's insane how many views this story is getting lately. Thanks for all reviews! This chapter is another lighter one. The next chapter will be...heavier.**

**littleLaralevin- I haven't decided, but it will either be at the very first scene with the letter or at Severus's death. I like the idea of ending it at the first scene because it's symmetric, but I love the part when Severus wants to look at Lily's eyes before he dies. I know it will be after Lily's death because I'm eager to show how it changes him as well as have his perspective on certain scenes, such as Harry's Sorting. I already have an epilogue planned, but I don't want to ruin it. Maybe I'll end it at the letter scene and use part of his death as the epilogue.**

**the reader- I agree completely. I know I read somewhere that JKR said Snape joined the Death Eaters to impress Lily, and that will definitely be one of Snape's main reasons in this fanfic. Right now, I'm focusing on the being someone aspect and the never having to worry about being abused or bullied. I know I wrote briefly about impressing Lily in an earlier chapter, (18? I think?) but that won't become a major reason, arguably the most significant, until fifth year when Severus worries about James/Lily and hopes to regain the respect she had for him when they were children. James is seen as a hero, whether it's Quidditch or fighting for the Order, which I think would make Snape dislike both even more, just on principle. It's just my idea, but I imagined that he pictured himself as James's complete opposite and hoped to win Lily over that way, which would mean becoming a Death Eater. If that makes sense. And third year will have slightly more jealousy, which should slowly build up. Fifth, sixth, and seventh years are when it will become most intense.**

**ALSO- My username used to be angeoudemon1. I changed it to "xitsrealforusx" because that happens to be one of my favorite quotes. **

**Chapter Twenty-Nine- The Departure**

**1973**

As spring continued, the battle of Defense Against the Dark Arts escalated. Severus could never decide which side he wanted to lose more. As much as Caldwell had butchered his favorite subject, the Marauders were still the Marauders. He did know that watching the vein throb in Professor Caldwell's forehead was mildly entertaining, but then again, she was the only adult, other than Filch, who seemed to call them out on their antics. As long as Caldwell was miserable and the Marauders were sent to detention, he was satisfied.

"She looks like she's going to explode," Lily whispered, her green eyes fastened to the reddening professor in fascination. "Or murder them."

It had been a long lesson for Professor Caldwell. Once she finally managed to undo the Sticking Charm that Potter had set on her chair, Black had set off a few Filibuster fireworks, twice. As soon as Caldwell had succeeded in clearing the room the first time, Black had gleefully set off the second batch.

"I reckon she will do both," Severus murmured back. "I hope she murders them first."

"Sev!" Lily admonished. But then she gave a rueful smile. "Me too."

Severus couldn't help but grin.

Lily glanced toward the gaping spot where Lupin usually sat. Perhaps it was because the Marauders rarely left each other, but it seemed emptier than usual whenever he was absent. Severus felt grim pleasure that he was gone, only to have it vanish at Lily's next question. "I wonder where Lupin is."

"He's taking care of his furry little problem," Potter informed her as if she had addressed him, smirking ever so slightly. Lily stared at him in bewilderment for a second, opening her mouth to respond, and promptly shutting it when she remembered it was Potter.

"I don't know and I don't care," Severus told Lily as if Potter had not spoken, wondering why Lily cared. Lupin's absence in class was not new. Anyone could see why judging from the boy's sickly appearance. Rumor had it that his mother was even frailer, which was why Lupin constantly left Hogwarts to visit her.

But Severus didn't believe it. There was something off about Remus Lupin. There was something off about all the Marauders.

"Oi! Professor!" Potter sang out jauntily, interrupting Severus's sullen thoughts. He rumpled his hair in his usual arrogant manner, causing Severus to sneer. He wondered momentarily if there was a spell that would make Potter's mess of hair fall out. If not, he could always invent one. "Your hair is on fire!"

Severus observed Professor Caldwell's smoking hair with sudden interest. Hair on fire. That was an idea.

"Enough!" Caldwell's shrieked with sudden shrillness, causing Severus and several others to wince. "I've had enough. I'm a good teacher. I don't deserve this!" She held her wand to her hair. The flames vanished, but the hideous burning scent remained and so did her singed hair. She then pointed a menacing finger at Potter and Black. "You…_beasts_!"

"We prefer Marauders," Black chimed in modestly, triggering Caldwell's accusing finger to tremble. It was obvious that she had expected them to cower or repent, but both regarded her with bored expressions. Black even simulated a yawn as he casually leaned back, folding his hands behind his head, blue-gray eyes half closed. But Severus and the rest knew better. The Marauders thrived upon these moments.

"_The _Marauders, actually," Potter corrected him in a much more superior tone.

"Detention! For the rest of the year! Detention!" Any threat was lost in her air of desperation. Nothing could disguise it. The Defense Against the Dark Arts professor was terrified. Severus almost pitied her. Almost. While the Marauders were known for being troublemakers, no teacher had suffered nearly as much as she had.

"You mean we get to see you every day after class?" Black asked with a hint of a smirk, the artificial apathy already shattering. Like Potter, he was savoring every second.

Professor Caldwell stared at him, the realization dawning on her, the horror that twisted her once cheery features only intensifying. With renewed vigor, she slammed her pointed hat on the desk in front of her.

"I quit!"

Potter and Black looked at each other triumphantly, their faces both cracking into identical smirks. That had been their aim all along. Severus's disgust grew as Potter held out his palm expectantly. An awestruck Pettigrew handed over a silver Sickle. Potter pocketed it with satisfaction and turned back to Black. "Remus owes us a Knut. I still can't believe he bet against us."

"Such brains yet such stupidity," Black said sagely. "He'll learn."

Caldwell looked as if she wanted very much to say something, but somehow she refrained. She pursed her lips together, and with as much dignity as she could muster, she marched out of the classroom. Her exit was met by cheers, mainly on the Gryffindor side, but a few Slytherins seemed to have difficulty in restraining themselves.

While the others crowded around a gloating Potter and Black, Severus and Lily used the departure as an opportunity to leave class early and escape Potter's swelling head. "I can't believe she actually quit," Lily marveled as the door fell shut behind them.

Severus quickly looked at her, not liking the expression he saw. He could not keep the contempt from creeping into his voice. "You don't think it's impressive or anything, do you?"

"Of course not," Lily said, the wonder swiftly draining from her features. "They were horrible to her. I'm just surprised they managed."

Severus relaxed at her response. Everyone else seemed to worship the Marauders, except for the Slytherins. The Slytherins simply loathed them because they were Gryffindors. Only Lily seemed to see the Marauders for what they truly were, and despised them for it.

"Leaving so soon?" Professor McGonagall's clipped voice rang out, causing Lily to jump as she and Severus turned around. She was looking at them expectantly, as if waiting for a reason to take off points.

"Caldwell is running for her life," Severus said rather sourly. "Everyone else is still celebrating."

"_Professor _Caldwell, Mr. Snape."

"Potter and Black, Professor," Lily interrupted, knowing that would explain everything. "Professor Caldwell quit."

McGonagall's nostrils flared in realization as she drew herself up to her full height. "Thank you, Miss Evans." Without another word, she swept past them, her chin held high, her steely eyes narrowed.

Severus half-smiled with sudden satisfaction. Hopefully the Marauders would have everything they deserved.

**1973**

Professor Caldwell's departure made the Marauders more renowned than ever. Unfortunately for Potter and Black, they didn't have much time to luxuriate in their escalating fame. McGonagall had made sure of that. To Lily's delight, they were to clean every classroom in the castle, the Muggle way.

Defense Against the Dark Arts became considerably duller without the Marauders' constant pranks, even if the lectures became more interesting. The other teachers took turns teaching and there were far less notes to be taken. Lily would have been anxious about their final exam, but she had Severus as a best friend. He taught her everything that he suspected might appear on the test, with the skill and fervor of a dedicated professor.

Even now, as they lounged underneath the shade of their tree, parchment blowing in the breeze, Lily could not miss the way his coal black eyes glittered with sudden life as he delved deep into his favorite subject. She knew that familiar sparkle well. His eyes used to gleam that way when he was telling her stories about Hogwarts.

"You should be a teacher, Sev. You know more about this stuff than anyone I know."

"Stop stalling," Severus said sternly, but from the way his lips twitched, she could tell that her compliment had pleased him.

"I'm not! I really mean it," Lily protested, but she returned to scribbling down everything she knew about vampires, hoping it would meet Severus's rare approval. He may have been her friend, but when he was tutoring her, he was even more rigorous than Professor McGonagall. "Finished."

Severus inspected her answer, his swift eyes scanning the parchment in a quick yet thorough motion. Lily felt an unexpected twinge of anticipation. Defense Against the Dark Arts was one of her weaker subjects, and Severus had insisted they spend the entire afternoon reviewing until she felt confident. She thought her answer had been decent, but she had been mistaken several times over the past two hours.

"Excellent, Lily!" Severus said, his dark eyes lighting up with pride. "You remembered everything."

Lily exhaled, not even realizing that she had been holding her breath. She beamed at him, feeling a rush of relief wash over her. "I told you, you should be a teacher."

Severus brushed away her compliment, but his lips twitched again. "We should go over jinxes next."

"Break first," Lily announced decisively, leaping to her feet before he could protest. "We've been studying all afternoon."

"That was the general idea," Severus said dryly.

Lily pretended to not hear him and waltzed down to the lakeside without a second thought. Severus had been even more solemn than usual over the past few days, and Lily had decided that he needed a break even more than she did. He would come after her, sooner or later. Lily eyed the lake anticipatively. The water sparkled beautifully, cool and inviting, and it was such a hot day…

"Lily Evans, you get back here!"

Lily shook her head rebelliously, looking over her shoulder to a secretly amused Severus. "You'll have to catch me first!" Without a second thought, Lily kicked off her shoes and swung her legs into the delightfully chilled water, immediately feeling refreshed.

It didn't take long for his cool shadow to loom over here. Lily bit her lip to keep from smiling, the rest of the plot already forming in her mind.

"We still have to go over jinxes and we haven't even started on countercurses."

"Fine, Sev," Lily stood up reluctantly, facing him with feigned resignation. As her lips quirked, Severus's eyes narrowed suspiciously, but he was too late. Lily had mirthfully pushed him in. He let out a strangled shout and disappeared beneath the surface.

Lily giggled, pleased with her work. But as the surface of the lake returned to its former smooth as glass appearance, a sliver of worry trickled down her spine. She crept close to the edge, falling to her knees to where he had been moments ago. "Sev?"

There was no answer. Lily swallowed, wondering if the giant squid had found him. It was her fault if it had. She glanced around nervously before inhaling deeply, unable to keep the dread from surging through her, cold and unbearable. She would have to go after him.

All of a sudden, there was a noisy splash and Severus soared above the water victoriously, only to seize her arm and drag her into the lake with him. In half-fear, half-delight, Lily tumbled into the water with an even louder splash.

Once Lily had finished spluttering, she glared teasingly at him, her red hair swirling around her, completely soaked. Her robes were clinging to her uncomfortably, but she couldn't have cared less. Even in her mock angry state, she couldn't keep her lips from turning up. Her little scheme had worked out perfectly. "I can't believe you!"

"You deserved it!" Severus cried out. "I can't believe you pushed me in!"

"I can't believe you tricked me!"

"Call it even?"

Lily pretended to consider it and without delay, dunked him under the water. When he surfaced, spitting out water with a disgusted face, she smiled angelically at him. "Now we're even."

Severus sent a spray of cold water toward her in response. There was an unusual playfulness in his behavior, an aspect that had become even more uncommon since attending Hogwarts. While Lily had always admired his seemingly endless shrewdness, she liked him best when he let his guard down and acted his age. It made him seem free and, overall, happier. "Now it's war."

Lily shrieked with laughter and valiantly fought back, sending an even more massive splash his way. It fell over him in an icy sheet, causing him to sputter all over again. Once he had pushed the drenched curtains of hair from his eyes, he sent a dangerous look her way, a look Lily knew all too well.

She braced herself just as the lake engulfed her in its frigid waters. When she finally emerged, she glowered at Severus, who was looking rather proud of himself. He looked even more gratified when he took in her disheveled appearance. "You'll pay for that!"

As they became lost in their own mischief, their laughter resounding loudly throughout the grounds, the world around them was forgotten. If they had looked back, they would have seen a flock of Slytherins on one side of their tree, and a band of Gryffindors far on the other.

Both were watching them.

Neither looked happy.


	30. Chapter 30 The Darkest Hour

**I've never had so many views and reviews before! Thank you so much, everyone!**

**Jess- Thanks for the review! You're right, that was exactly my intention. Snape is one of the most complex characters I've come across, so I'm happy to know that you, and hopefully others, understand what I'm trying to portray. **

**I thought I would warn everyone- I wanted Lily and Snape's first two years at Hogwarts to be somewhat innocent and naive with several light and childish moments. Second year ends this chapter and something significant happens, which will have a huge impact on their friendship. There will still be Lily and Sev moments, and quite a lot of them, but they will get fewer as the years continue and be replaced with more angsty ones. There will be arguments and more time spent with their separate groups, but I promise it will be gradual. I don't believe that they were the best of friends with no issues and suddenly Severus cried Mudblood and Lily refused to forgive him. Part of this story is to create an explanation for what happened. And in case it wasn't obvious, this fanfic is canon. Severus and Lily will go their separate ways, Lily will end up with James, Lily and James will die, Severus will be miserable. Sorry for the very long A/N, but I thought any huge Sev/Lily fans hoping for an AU should be warned. For the most part, third year should be pretty safe. **

**Chapter Thirty- The Darkest Hour**

**1973**

The last day of second year was when everything changed.

There had been rumors floating around for the past hour, but no one knew how much of it was true. Everyone was waiting desperately for the evening edition of the _Prophet_, all except for Severus. For once, he didn't want to know. Dread had settled in the pit of his stomach as he stared at his goblet, his black eyes cold and vacant.

While there were hushed whispers all around, the House of Slytherin was the only table that was not shrouded in fear. There was a strange excitement, an eager anticipation. Severus wondered why he wasn't among them. If the rumors were true, things were about to change.

All of a sudden, the colossal doors of the Great Hall creaked open. Severus looked up from the goblet, his eyes flickering to the direction of the new arrival. It was Dumbledore. There had been whispered speculation about where he had been. He had never been late to a feast before. He must have known that every pair of eyes trailed after him, but he glided to his usual seat, unhurried and at ease.

It was only when his eyes regarded the students that Severus noticed a change. For once, the clear blue did not contain a knowing twinkle, a shimmer of kindness. Instead, Severus could detect only sadness.

"People may think it unwise for me to inform such young ears, but I believe otherwise. We are only innocent until so long and its times like these when innocence fades the soonest. In the darkest of times, the truth can be the most precious thing of all. The Minister of Magic, Reginald Doyle, was killed today."

Dumbledore paused, allowing the information to sink in. There was a chorus of gasps and murmurs. Instinctively, Severus glanced toward Lucius Malfoy. Lucius held his gaze, his wintry gray eyes emotionless as they seemed to penetrate into Severus's soul, before he nodded. It was a simple nod, barely discernible, but it told Severus everything he wanted to know.

"He was murdered by Lord Voldemort. Many of you have heard of him, many of you have speculated about his ideals, but I'm afraid many of you are not aware of what he truly is. He is not a simple wizard wanting to make headlines for the sake of blood purity. His murder of Reginald Doyle is a declaration of war against the Ministry of Magic."

Dumbledore's words seem to resound throughout the Great Hall. Each echo grew fainter yet more threatening with the repeated promise of a bleak future. A blanket of fear and panic seemed to fall over the room, an unbearable stillness following it. Severus's eyes then moved toward Lily. She was watching him. The fear in her wide eyes was unmistakable as they peered at him questioningly as if they were begging him to tell her everything would be all right.

Severus looked away.

"Naturally, the Ministry, the wizarding world itself, is in turmoil. I warn you to be wise and take care of whom you befriend. It is our choices that define us. Our choices are not always simple yet the simplest of choices can lead to the darkest of paths."

Dumbledore paused again, and for a minute, those eerily blue eyes seemed to pierce into Severus, just as Lucius's had. In spite of himself, Severus flinched.

"There has never been a time when we have been more vulnerable. Others will want to comfort you, will claim the worst is over. That is a lie. It's said that the darkest hour is just before the dawn, and I fear that dawn is a long way away."

With that, Dumbledore flicked his wrist. Immediately, the emerald and silver, scarlet and gold, azure and bronze, and yellow and black, were replaced by a simple, crest-less black. They were all the same, an attempt to find unity where Severus knew unity could not be found. "Out of respect for Reginald Doyle. I ask you all to raise your glasses and honor his memory…"

Barely listening, Severus halfheartedly lifted his goblet. Even a few Slytherins looked more than slightly uncomfortable. It hadn't been long ago when they were singing Lord Voldemort praises. They had only heard that the Minister was dead. They hadn't known it was murder or a declaration of war. But the rest of Slytherin, the majority of Slytherin, seemed grimly satisfied and even enlivened, even if it was only for a moment or so. The actuality of war hadn't sunk in, and when it did, what did it matter? They were purebloods. They had nothing to worry about. It was much more convenient to fantasize about what rewards untainted blood would bring.

The rest of the feast was tasteless. It was oddly silent at the Slytherin table as the heaviness of war was registered. No one seemed to believe it was safe to speak. It was not a secret that nearly all the Slytherins despised those with dirty blood and would most likely favor Lord Voldemort's recognition over the Muggle loving Ministry. But the formality of war changed things. It was not a simple ploy for blood status. It was one of the most deadly games of all that required cunning and discretion. At an early age, all pure bloods were taught the significance of family honor, the importance of image. They all donned their masks now. Risks were for Gryffindors, easy loyalty for Hufflepuffs. The stakes had doubled and no one dared lose. The knowledge that Dumbledore's crystal blue gaze was near only heightened the tension.

"I have to pack," Severus announced abruptly, unable to take a minute more of the unsettling silence. He suddenly felt nauseous, torn between two sides. There was one side, where, for the first time, he felt like he belonged to, where he had been actually welcomed, where he had opportunities and appreciation. And then there was the other side, where Lily was.

"I don't blame you, mate," Regulus said rather gloomily, glancing around the table in disappointment. Severus had not missed the way his eyes had sparkled with naïve excitement when Dumbledore had announced the war, but it was clear his high spirits were evaporating as each minute passed without a word spoken.

There were barely audible murmurs, but Severus paid them no mind. As he headed toward the Slytherin common room, the ill feeling worsened, but Severus could not deny the tremor of exhilaration that he finally felt. It was as if everything was falling into place for him. He could actually be someone. One day, he would be someone. Everyone would respect him. No one would dare taunt him again. Not Potter. Not Black. No one.

It would have been perfect, if only it hadn't been for Lily.

But he would make them see. He would make her see. She had the magic of a pure blood. He had always known it, ever since he had first seen her on the swings. Severus was confident that he could somehow persuade the Slytherins to tolerate her at the very least, but Lily… Lily would be more difficult. Severus couldn't see her supporting Lord Voldemort. He stood for everything her childish ideals were against.

Severus frowned as he swept through the common room, lost in thought. Lily wouldn't actually support the opposite side, would she? He knew how stubborn she could be, but above anything, she was his best friend. Severus decided it would be best to keep quiet about his talks with the Slytherins, or at very least, not reveal what promises those talks held. For now. Until the time was right.

As he reached his dormitory, he was relieved to see that it was empty. Kneeling down in front of his trunk, he flipped the lid open impatiently, all previous worries vanishing. He riffled frantically through the contents, not pausing until he found the familiar book that had once been a Prince possession.

Images of eyes haunted his mind as he tore through the pages. One pair was a twinkling blue, the other was an icy gray. Those two shades represented two opposing sides. However opposite the shades, both retained a penetrating quality, a quality that unnerved Severus, regardless of which one he favored.

"Where is it?" Severus muttered impatiently. He knew he had seen it before. It had been an intriguing idea then, nothing more. But now it seemed like something much more.

His finger then landed triumphantly on the tattered page he had been searching for. In fading script, the letters spelled out, _OCCLUMENCY_.

**1973**

It wasn't until they were aboard the Hogwarts Express did the life seem to return to the students. There were more divisions than usual, witches and wizards in tightly packed cliques, discussing the future in hushed tones, shooting suspicious glances at those passing by. The bulk of the students may have seen him as enemy. A number of Slytherins may have worshipped him. But all agreed that Lord Voldemort was someone to fear.

The name itself was terrifying. Somehow overnight, an unspoken rule had formed. No one wanted to say the name aloud. It made everything seem too real.

"You-Know-Who is going to kill all Muggle-borns!" Davey Gudgeon was saying rather excitedly. Dirk Cresswell and a few other first years were hanging onto his every word, their eyes round with fear.

Severus stared at them hatefully and they quickly scurried past him and Lily. Lily scarcely noticed. Davey wasn't the only gossiping about Voldemort. The narrow corridor was overflowing with whispers. "Come on, Lily." Severus gestured hurriedly toward a compartment as if he didn't want her to dwell on the conversation they had just heard. "This one is empty."

"Do you really think he wants to kill all Muggle-borns?" Lily asked anxiously once they were seated. She had barely had a chance to talk to Severus since Dumbledore had announced the petrifying truth and she could already think of a million questions that had been brewing in her mind.

"You heard that from the boy who almost lost an eye because of a dare," Severus said disdainfully, but Lily didn't miss how his eyes averted hers.

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Well, not _all _Muggle-borns," Severus said awkwardly, still looking away, his attention riveted to the window.

"Well, that's good then," Lily's voice was rather high-pitched. "Just as long as it's not all of them."

Severus sighed, his dark eyes finally meeting hers with a silent intensity. There was something new yet familiar lurking in the depthless black, a flash of sudden pride that reminded Lily of when she first saw him. "You don't have to worry, Lily. Really. I've been talking to a few Slytherins and they like me. As long as they like me, they won't touch you."

"What do Slytherins have to do with…?" Lily's voice trailed off as realization dawned on her, causing her mouth to fall open in shock. It was as if he had emptied a bucket of cold water on her. She looked at Severus, horrified. "They're working with Voldemort!"

"Don't say his name, Lily," Severus glanced around the compartment warily, as if others were present.

"You-Know-Who then. They're his supporters. His, what are they calling them? Death Eaters."

"Don't be ridiculous, Lily. They're only students," Severus lowered his voice, but continued to speak, rather earnestly in a way that made Lily bristle. "But they're pure bloods. If You-Know-Who succeeds, their families will be the ones with the power."

"Because they support him!" Lily repeated, gaping at Severus, not believing her ears. They were talking about the very people he had befriended, the same people he helped with Potions and ate meals with. She had known that the Slytherins could be rather unpleasant, but she wouldn't have guessed they were… "And you're friends with these people?"

"Friends is too strong of a word, and I told you, they aren't necessarily working for him. They can't help that their blood is pure," Severus said defensively at her accusatory tone. "They can't help that he favors them."

"Just like Muggle-borns can't help being Muggle-born!" Lily swallowed, hearing but not comprehending his words. "You heard Mulciber when he called me a Mudblood."

Severus tensed at the memory. "That's different."

"How, Sev? How is it different?" Lily demanded furiously. He wasn't supposed to stand up for the very people that hated her, that hated all Muggle-borns. It was wrong. Why couldn't he understand that? Why didn't he seem the least bit upset over it?

"I don't know!" Severus nearly shouted, causing Lily to flinch. Severus rarely lost control of his emotions. In their four years of friendship, he had never raised his voice in such a way. For a half-second, Lily was afraid.

There was a sudden silence. Lily was trembling. That couldn't have been fear that she had felt. How could it be? He was her best friend. Her green eyes were glassy with unshed tears as she watched Severus from the corner of her eye. He was quavering too, as if he had frightened himself.

"They're bad news. I think you should stay away from them," Lily spoke up finally, her eyes still glistening. They were pleading, wide and urgent. The Severus that had yelled at her wasn't her Sev. It was if the Slytherins were already taking him away from her.

"I don't ask you to keep away from Gryffindors."

"Because they're harmless!" Lily said. "Well, mostly harmless. I don't trust them. Mulciber, Avery… I didn't like them before, but you heard Dumbledore. Things are about to change. We have to be careful."

"What does Dumbledore know? He just hates all Slytherins." Severus scoffed. "It's better to be on a good status with them. Anyway, they're not all bad."

When Lily said nothing, Severus continued on almost frantically.

"They leave you alone because of me. I'm trying to protect you!"

"I didn't ask you to," Lily cried out in frustration. "If they weren't all bad, you shouldn't have to protect me. Death Eaters or not, they hate Muggle-borns. They hate me. How can you be friends with people that hate me just because of my blood?"

"You're not one of them," Severus said rather desperately. "I see that and they will too."

Lily's eyes darkened at his words, feeling an unexpected pang of hurt. "What do you mean? There shouldn't a 'them'. Being a Muggle-born shouldn't make a difference. I thought you felt that way too."

"I do. With you," Severus was whispering now. "I don't want to lose you, Lily."

Lily stared at Severus for a long time, relieved that he appeared to be the old Severus again, the old Severus before he had been Sorted into Slytherin, before she had even known what a Mudblood was. Almost instantly, she felt ashamed of herself for doubting him. If she couldn't trust him, she couldn't trust anyone at all. "You won't," Lily said quietly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to accuse you. I'm just…scared."

"Don't be," Severus said, visibly relieved that they were no longer arguing. "Whatever happens, we'll survive it. Together."

"What does it mean? The war?" Lily asked in a small voice. The question had been been nagging her relentlessly ever since Dumbledore's speech. If anyone knew the answer, it would be Severus. "What's going to happen?"

"I don't know," Severus said for a second time that day, but this time, she could scarcely hear him. His words left his lips in the faintest of murmurs, barely above his breath. That frightened her more than anything. For as long as she could remember, Severus had always known everything. He always had an answer.

Shuddering slightly, Lily leaned toward Severus, resting her head against his chest, as she had many times before when she was upset, mainly after her quarrels with Petunia. His arms automatically curled around her in a gesture of comfort, and she knew that she could never be afraid of him. Lily shut her eyes tightly. When her eyes were closed, she could pretend they were back by the river, eagerly awaiting Hogwarts. It was nice, for a few moments, to pretend as if nothing would change their world.

Even though she knew it had already changed.


	31. Chapter 31 Bravery

**Thanks, everyone, for the all the reviews! I still can't believe how many I'm getting, considering it wasn't long ago when there would be only two or three. All of your comments have been incredibly sweet and just inspiring, so thanks again. This chapter may not seem like a lot is happening, but I really want this fanfic to show how Severus's feelings developed over the years as well as how he and Lily drifted apart. Even though it's obvious, I feel obligated to say that "The Tale of the Three Brothers" excerpts were written by JKR. I chose that particular story because I like throwing in allusions to the Golden Trio days, and I have plans to use it for another, much later, chapter.**

**To Be Half Of A Whole- Unfortunately, I haven't see it yet.**** I heard it's amazing though. Someone showed me a clip of The Prince's Tale, and I thought it was really moving. Young Lily and young Snape are almost exactly how I imagined them when writing this fanfic. I was disappointed by Snape's Worst Memory in the OOTP movie and I was hoping they would add the Mudblood scene in DH2, but I guess they can't fit in everything. **

**Crystal Twilight- I like James and Lily together, but I love Sev and Lily. Part of me wishes they ended up together too. It was never said, but I'm assuming Snape can't fly without a broom yet since he's only thirteen. I know I have him doing dark magic that's already advanced for his years, but I don't want to overdo it. I actually haven't thought about working it in his flying ability, so thanks for reminding me. I can't see it in his Hogwarts years, so maybe he picked it up when he became a Death Eater? Since Voldemort also flies without a broom, I'm guessing Snape learned it from him or was inspired to teach himself. I'll have to see if there are any theories. **

**the reader- Thanks again! I'm glad you noticed the contrast between before the war announcement and after because that was exactly what I was hoping for. There won't be any drastic changes in the Marauders quite yet, other than an intensifying dislike of Slytherins, especially Snape. Sirius will be affected the most and you will see a somewhat darker side of his personality as Regulus becomes more involved with the future Death Eaters. The others won't be as noticeable until Lily befriends them after she and Severus go their separate ways. **

**Dancing Bananas- Thank you for one of the nicest reviews! And don't worry, I hate not finishing stories. I try to upload a chapter every other day or so, so hopefully this story will be done by the end of summer.**

**Chapter Thirty-One- Bravery**

**1973**

Severus had never been so content to be at Spinner's End. There were no separate tables there, no common rooms and differing colors. For once, Severus was glad to be away from magic. It was as if the war did not exist. It was as if the wizarding world itself did not exist.

For once, he didn't want to concentrate on the future. He didn't want to worry about the Slytherins and seizing opportunities. He didn't want to see Lily's green eyes cloud over with fear at the thought of war, and he especially didn't want to argue with her about it. All he wanted was to stop time and stay in their little clearing, tucked away from the rest of the world.

"How do I look?"

Severus glanced at Lily distractedly without seeing her. He wished he could talk to her. He used to be able to talk to her about anything, even Tobias. But war was a thorny subject with Lily, just as blood purity was, and he wanted to avoid fighting with her again. Either way, he knew what she would say. She would claim that he didn't need the Slytherins to be important and that he was better off without them. She was wrong.

"Sev?"

Severus blinked, focusing on Lily. The daisy chain she had been crafting rested on her head rather lopsidedly. But with the sunlight streaming behind her, lighting her long tresses of dark red, she looked almost angelic. Severus swallowed, but managed to recover his sardonic tone. "Stunning."

"I'm glad you think so," Lily informed him. "Because I made you one too."

Severus stared at her, aghast. "I thought you wanted to take a nap," he said desperately, remembering how she complained that she wasn't used to Petunia's snoring.

Lily giggled at his expression and, much to his horror, lifted up a wreath of daisies. "I will after you try this on."

"I'm not wearing that."

"We're going to match, Sev!"

"We bloody well are not!"

Lily giggled again as she admired the daisy chain rather fondly. A self-satisfied smile played on her lips as her eyes darted back and forth between her work and Severus. "I think it suits you."

"Let's hope it doesn't!"

"You won't try it on?" Lily pouted, a teasing note creeping into her voice. "Not even for a minute."

"Not even for half a minute," Severus promised. "But I have a counteroffer."

"Which is?" Lily looked at him expectantly.

Severus reached for his coat that he had carelessly cast aside. Rummaging through the pockets, he extracted a battered book, almost embarrassedly. He brushed off the cover, wiping away any dust in a weak attempt to improve its appearance, and held it up so she could see.

Lily scooted closer to him, craning her head for a better view. She squinted her eyes in order to make out the faded print. "The Tales of Beedle the Bard?"

"I found them last night in my mum's old things. They're like Muggle fairy tales. I thought you might like them," Severus hesitated, debating whether or not to go further. "I remember my mum reading them to me when I was younger."

Severus was relieved to see Lily's brilliant green eyes light up with anticipation. He had suspected it would be the sort of thing that would interest her. It was innocent enough but contained magic, good magic, with no traces of Dark Arts to be found.

"What sort of stories?" Lily asked curiously. "Snow White and the Seven House-Elves?"

Severus snorted. "No, more like Babbitty Rabbitty and her Cackling Stump."

Lily immediately collapsed into laughter as Severus watched her, mildly amused. "Read that one! Actually, no, read your favorite."

"I don't remember," Severus lied quickly, a faint grin lingering from her silvery laughs. There was nothing more contagious than Lily Evans's laughter.

Lily studied him for a few seconds. Severus steadily met her gaze, but she was not fooled. Almost immediately, she narrowed her eyes in triumph. "You do! Tell me!" She assumed a solemn expression, but her lips were still quivering. "I promise I won't laugh."

Severus's cheeks tinged red, wondering if it was a mistake to bring the book. He liked Lily seeing him as an impressive figure, one that could invent spells. A young boy who still remembered the stories his mum read to them before his Muggle father spoiled everything didn't fall into that category. But as he watched Lily's crystalline eyes sparkle, Severus knew he had made the right decision. "Fine. The Tale of the Three Brothers."

"See? I didn't laugh."

After they settled back with the enormous oak behind them for support, Severus thumbed through the book, doing his best to avoid tearing the crumbling pages. Lily was unusually quiet, silently plaiting a lock of hair as she waited impatiently. Only the sound of pages turning and the gushing of the river could be heard.

"There were once three brothers who were traveling along a lonely, winding road at twilight," Severus paused, glancing briefly at Lily, just in time to see her plait drop. "In time, the brothers reached a river too deep to wade through and too dangerous to swim across. However, these brothers were learned in the magical arts, and so they simply waved their wands and made a bridge appear across the treacherous water. They were halfway across it when they found their path blocked by a hooded figure."

"Why didn't they Apparate?" Lily interrupted, frowning. "Were they old enough?"

"I dunno, Lily. Maybe they didn't feel like it."

"It seems like it would be a lot easier to Apparate then to conjure a bridge," Lily wrinkled her nose in thought. "Do you think it's difficult? To Apparate?"

"How would I know?" Severus said in mock irritation. "Do you want me to read or not?"

Lily swatted his arm with feigned sternness. "Read!"

"And Death spoke to them," Severus began, only to have Lily intervene again.

"Death speaks?"

"Evidently."

"I wonder what he's like," Lily mused with unusual seriousness, only to have it evaporate into a yawn. "I don't think I would like him very much. Even if he was nice. He is Death after all."

"It's a children's story, Lily."

"Sorry, go on."

"He was angry that he had been cheated out of three new victims, for travelers usually drowned in the river. But Death was cunning. He pretended to congratulate the three brothers upon their magic, and said that each had earned a prize for having been clever enough to evade him."

Severus stole another glance of Lily, anticipating another interruption. But she was absorbed, her lips pressed together without any indication of wanting to speak.

"So the oldest brother, who was a combative man, asked for a wand more powerful than any in existence: a wand that must always win duels for its owner, a wand worthy of a wizard who had conquered Death! So Death crossed to an elder tree on the banks of the river, fashioned a wand from a branch that hung there, and gave it to the oldest brother."

Lily rested her head against his shoulder, still not saying a word. Severus continued reading, but was unable to keep the slightest of smiles from spreading.

"Then the second brother, who was an arrogant man, decided that he wanted to humiliate Death still further, and asked for the power to recall others from Death. So Death picked up a stone from the riverbank and gave it to the second brother, and told him that the stone would have the power to bring back the dead."

Severus half-smiled to himself. His choice of the three was the same as it had always been, the wand. He ceased reading for a moment to consider what he would do with such a wand. He could already see the awe written all over Lily's face. The Marauders would never bother him again; not even James Potter would be that thick. All the Slytherins would hang onto his every word, admiration and fear glittering in their cold eyes.

"And then Death asked the third and youngest brother what he would like. The youngest brother was the humblest and also the wisest of the brothers, and he did not trust Death. So he asked for something that would enable him to go forth from that place without being followed by Death. And Death, most unwillingly, handed over his own Cloak of Invisibility..."

When Severus looked at Lily again, he nearly laughed aloud. She had fallen asleep somewhere along the way. But he was glad to see that she was finally resting.

Severus had always thought Lily was pretty, but she had never looked as pretty as she did just then. She was still wearing her garland of daisies, but it was even more crooked, dangling across her creamy forehead. A faint smile curved on her lips, delicate and serene. Her hair was what fascinated him the most. In the shadows, it was a waterfall of dark red, cascading nearly to her waist, but under the dapples of sunlight, there were varying shades from streaks of reddish gold to copper. Without thinking, Severus touched a long, silky curl. It was as soft as it appeared. Realizing what he had just done, Severus abruptly snatched his hand back, his heart thudding more loudly than ever.

Hoping to calm himself, Severus then picked up the book again, careful to not wake her. He had a strange desire to read it for himself. He could almost hear Eileen's voice. It hadn't been dead then.

Those days seemed further away then ever.

**1973**

It was silent at Spinner's End as Lily meandered her way through the prickly hedges. Her new dress, a breezy light blue, was already torn. She hoped Bryony wouldn't notice or she would never hear the end of it. It was safe to say that Petunia would notice and lecture enough for the both of them.

"The Prince name was already ruined when you ran off with a Muggle," Severus's scornful voice filtered through the barely cracked window. Lily became rigid at the unexpected sound. For a moment, she had thought it had been Tobias.

"There's no reason to damage it further," A female voice shot back. "Do you really think I don't know what's happening, Severus? Nothing good comes from associating with them, especially not now."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

There was a sudden slam of a door and then nothing. Lily hesitated as she shifted uncomfortably in the hedges, uncertain of what to do next. She had snuck over to see where Severus had been all day, but she didn't want to interrupt…

"Lily? What are you doing here?"

Lily meekly turned around, feeling extremely awkward, and found Severus was staring at her with a guarded expression. "To see you, of course." Unable to restrain herself, she looked at Severus curiously. "Was that your mum?"

"Yeah," Severus's eyes darkened and he glanced warily over his shoulder as if Eileen Prince was lurking behind him. "She's just scared."

"Of what?" Lily asked as she gingerly lifted one foot over the last bush. Just as she was about to leap onto the browning grass, her other foot caught on something and she flew forward. Severus caught her just before she fell flat on her face. "Thanks!" Lily said brightly, sitting down on the dry grass once she was free of any spiky shrubs. Pretending not to notice the flicker of amusement in Severus's eyes, she inched closer to the wall so that she wouldn't be visible if one of Severus's parents happened to look out the window.

"What's going to happen," Severus shrugged nonchalantly, answering her question as he seated himself beside her. "I don't see why. She doesn't have much to do with the wizarding world since my dad…"

"Oh," Lily said softly. Suddenly a new question popped into her head, the sort of question that refused to relent until it was asked. "Are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Scared," said Lily.

Severus automatically shook his head. "No."

"Are you scared of anything?" Lily asked, instantly regretting the question. She knew the answer even if he didn't confess. She could remember the day she had first went to Spinner's End as if it were yesterday, including the expression on Severus's face when his father had nearly caught them. As fleeting as it had been, it had been one of undeniable fear.

Severus shrugged again, his black eyes fathomless. "Nothing I can think of."

"I'll never understand why I'm the Gryffindor and I'm scared of everything," Lily said thoughtfully, quickly shifting the subject to herself. She didn't want Severus to dwell on his father and become closed up again.

"You're just scared of the little things. Spiders and snakes don't count," Severus replied with more ease. "You're brave when it matters."

"I am?" Lily was doubtful. She didn't feel brave. In fact, she felt quite the opposite. Ever since she could remember, she had always relied on a protective shadow standing over her. First it had been Petunia, and then it had been Severus. Sometimes she wondered if the Sorting Hat had made a mistake.

"Yeah," Severus's dark eyes grew distant, lost in sudden contemplation. "You came over here loads of times when my dad could've caught you. You stood up to Mulciber and the others when they were jinxing Alice Clarke. You wanted to save Davey Gudgeon from the Whomping Willow when everyone else was running away. You were going to jump in the lake after me when I pretended to disappear. You-" Severus seemed to think he had said too much. His cheeks reddened and his tone took a sarcastic turn, his eyes focusing once more. "Are brave, just like a typical Gryffindor, and act before thinking, just like a typical Gryffindor."

"Thanks," Lily said dryly, but her eyes were twinkling. She knew that Severus had meant what he said, and she felt enormously relieved. She wanted to be brave. Despite Severus's low opinion of the House, she wanted to be a true Gryffindor. "I guess the Sorting Hat didn't make a mistake after all."

There was a strange flash of emotion in Severus's black eyes. Lily understood it perfectly; she had felt the same sadness when she had spoken the words. All of a sudden, Lily had a revelation. For what seemed like forever, she had wanted to be in Slytherin with Severus. But she had seen the Slytherins and knew she wasn't one of them, and she knew Severus wasn't either. It wasn't just wishful thinking anymore. Lily knew at that instant they should have been Sorted into Gryffindor together. "Honestly, Sev, I think you should have been in Gryffindor too."

"You're wrong," Severus said with sudden curtness that startled Lily, a shadow crossing his features. Before she could react, his face cleared, his voice considerably gentler. "Do you want to go by the river?"

"Okay," Lily agreed, knowing better than to persist the subject. In spite of his unyielding tone, she couldn't help but doubt his words. There was not one person she knew who was braver than Severus Snape.


	32. Chapter 32 Dinner with a Dursley

**Thank you for the reviews! I apologize in advance for this chapter being so long. I usually prefer to keep my chapters around a thousand words shorter, but I already cut out a lot and I really didn't want to cut out anymore.**

**DearJournal- I'm glad you're enjoying the story and thank you! I don't want to give too much away, but I'm already planning a few moments. I thought it was funny that you said it would add to the tragedy because that's exactly what I thought before I started writing. **

**MermaidGirl34- Thank you so much! It's weird, but I have to be in a certain mood to write. Once I'm in one of those moods, I fly through chapters, so I mainly just have to edit a few scenes every other day. I'm only a few chapters ahead now, so I should probably start writing again. **

**Chapter Thirty-Two- Dinner with a Dursley**

_**1973**_

As a grubby child neared the swings, her sticky fingers outstretched, Severus glared at her. With his fresh black eye, he made a frightening picture. She immediately ran off in the opposite direction, her untidy blond plaits flying behind her. Severus only felt grim satisfaction. The playground was normally deserted, but the few occasions when there were others, Severus's mood would instantly sour. As far as he was concerned, the playground, the very place where he had met Lily was for the first time, was their special place and anyone else was only an intruder.

Severus's swing swayed lazily in the late summer sun, a slight scowl remaining on his lips. He was almost disappointed that the summer was flying by. As much as he hated Spinner's End, he disliked sharing Lily. Before Hogwarts, he had assumed that it would just be the two of them, spending every day with each other, without Petunia around to spy and whine. He hadn't considered that Lily would befriend Gryffindors.

"Sorry, I'm late, Sev," Lily hopped up onto the swing beside him in one smooth motion, breaking Severus's thoughts with a jolt. He had been too lost in reflection to hear her footsteps.

"It's all right," Severus said automatically. "I haven't been waiting long."

"Petunia and I were fighting again," Lily pulled a face, her green eyes darkening. "She spilled orange juice on herself and thinks I did some 'freakish magic thing'. I don't think she'll forgive me and it wasn't even my fault."

"I don't think she's even forgiven you for being a witch," Severus said, regretting his words once he saw Lily's expression. "It's not your fault. She's jealous."

"I wish she wasn't," said Lily. "I miss her sometimes."

Severus said nothing.

Lily suddenly brightened. "I forgot. Do you want to get ice cream? My dad gave me enough money for two."

Severus suddenly felt awkward. He knew Lily was aware of his lack of money, but that didn't make it any less uncomfortable. There was no use protesting. She would beg him relentlessly until he agreed. "Okay."

Lily smiled happily and Severus sighed, waiting for her usual exit. He watched her swing higher and higher into the air until she was soaring into the sky. Once she was at the very peak, she leapt off, landing gracefully to her feet.

"Ready!" said Lily. Her clear green eyes were brighter than ever and her cheeks with flushed with exhilaration. Severus rolled his eyes at her display. It was all he could do to keep from smiling at her.

The ice cream parlor wasn't too far away, especially with Lily's constant chatter keeping away any dull moments. Severus found his mood lifting as Lily insisted that he sample all of her favorite flavors. They left the shop, somewhat full, but still licking two already dripping ice cream cones.

But just outside of the ice cream parlor, Severus's dark eyes landed on a trio of Muggle boys around their age. He unconsciously tensed when he realized they were the same Muggle children who had taunted him when he was younger. "Let's cross the street, Lily," Severus muttered, but he was too late. They had already been discovered.

"Look at what we have here," A boy crowed. His curly blond hair, saucer-like blue eyes, and cherubic face were eerily familiar. Snape remembered his name to be McDowell or McDougal or something of that sort. He was the ringleader of the three. "You're that Snape boy, aren't you? I like what you've done with your face."

Severus didn't say a word. He stared back defiantly, his eyes sparking with the purest of loathing as they pierced into the taunting gaze of angelic blue. He felt only the slightest gratification once McDowell or McDougal looked away uneasily. Severus may have lacked the massive build of Avery, but he took pride that his intimidating stares could rival any threat of a giant fist.

"Do you mind?" Lily said, her cheeks pink with anger. "We were having a private conversation."

"A _private _conversation?" The boy hooted and turned around to face his jeering friends. "Did you hear that? She wants to have a _private _conversation. Got yourself a girlfriend, Snape?"

Severus was still with fury as another wave of mortification washed over him. He didn't dare look at Lily. He didn't want to see pity. He wanted admiration. His fingers twitched longing toward his pocketed wand, but it was useless. Even if McDowell wasn't a Muggle, Severus was still underage.

"Come on, Sev," Lily said suddenly, glaring heatedly at the boys. "Let's go some place else."

His teeth clenched tightly together, Severus didn't protest. He didn't trust himself not to reach for his wand. Every instinct was screaming at him to seize it, but he couldn't. If he was expelled, he would be nothing at all, and that was his worst fear.

"Would that be some place _private_?" Another boy sang out mockingly.

Severus's displeasure only increased when he realized the boys were following them, their taunts ceaseless. McDowell kept jostling into him, in an obvious attempt to bait him. But Severus didn't utter a word, not even when the boy caused his ice cream to splatter over the pavement.

"I never thought I'd be seeing you with a _girlfriend_. I'm sure your whore of a mother would approve. Your drunk of a father? I can't say."

That was the last straw. Something inside Severus snapped and he immediately halted and swung his fist around. But McDowell and the others were too quick. Almost instantly, they all piled on top of him, knuckles pounding into skin. Lily was screaming.

"Get off him," Lily shrieked, furiously kicking at the struggling heap. Severus wasn't much of a fighter and merely thrashed his limbs forcefully against any flailing body that was near him. His elbow resulted in a string of curses, but that was one of his few triumphs. There was a particularly harsh blow to his face, but he didn't cry out. Years of having Tobias as a father had finally taught him something.

"What's going on here?" A man shouted, storming out of the shop behind them as the door banged shut. At first glance, he appeared like the kind, grandfatherly sort, but a second look revealed that he was not someone to trifle with.

The fighting stopped immediately. The boys slowly stood to their feet, all breathing heavily, all considerably bedraggled. Severus didn't remove his glare as he rubbed his jaw, ignoring the blood pouring down from his nose. He was unable to meet Lily's lovely green eyes. The scorching pain of humiliation stung most of all.

"McDowell, Harper, Ainsworth, who're you?" The man nodded in Severus's direction, his coarse features contorted in a grimace.

"Snape," McDowell said, panting. His curly blond hair was tousled and his cheeks were red, but Severus was sorry to see that no other damage had been done. "He lives on Spinner's End."

The man eyed Severus with instant distrust. McDowell saw the opportunity and seized it.

"He punched me, sir. We were just walking along and he attacked us."

"That's not true!" Lily said indignantly. "Sev, tell him it's not true."

Severus didn't say anything, but the enmity burning in his coal black eyes never faltered. He didn't bother to soften his scowl. If he dared use his wand, they would have all been begging for his forgiveness. Severus concentrated on that happier thought now. It was the only way he could control the blistering hatred that was rising inside him, on the verge of erupting.

"Seems innocent to me," the man snorted. "If I see you fighting again, I guarantee it will be your last fight. Now get out of here."

Without showing a hint of emotion, Severus turned around and began to walk away. Lily hesitated, and from the corner of his eye, he could see her stride purposefully toward McDowell. Before anyone could react, she pushed her ice cream into his chest and skipped off, pretending not to hear McDowell's outraged cries.

Severus felt a prick of affection for Lily, but it withered away in his overpowering animosity. He was furious. Not only furious at McDowell, but all Muggles. At that moment, he hated the world and everyone in it. All except for Lily.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Lily demanded once she caught up to Severus.

"Because they're Muggles," Severus said venomously, twisting his mouth in great dislike. He saw her stricken face, and for a moment he felt a stab of regret, but he was too livid to take back his contemptuous words. The hatred that had been slowly building up in him for years was threatening to boil over. "I hate Muggles."

"But, Sev…" Lily's voice trembled and she seized his arm in a futile attempt to slow him down.

"Do you blame me, Lily?" Severus jerked free of her grasp, feeling as if a great load had been lifted from his shoulders as he continued to stomp towards Spinner's End. "Before I was friends with you, they never left me alone. They still don't leave me alone. You see what they do? I _hate _Muggles."

Lily's chin was quivering, but Severus plowed ahead, too incensed to stop.

"Muggles and wizards don't get along. Just look at my mum and dad. Look at me and my dad," Severus gestured to his eye. "My dad hates me because of what I am, because of what my mum and I are. I couldn't defend myself to them. They wouldn't have believed me. They only believe what they want to believe. They don't even believe in magic when it's right in front of them. They see me as worthless and that's all I'll ever be to them. I couldn't even defend myself because of a _stupid_ wizarding law that favors Muggles."

"Not every Muggle is like that."

"Name one, Lily. And your mum and dad don't count. What about Petunia? You said so yourself. You were the best of friends until she found out you were a witch."

Lily began to say something, but immediately shut her mouth. Then she opened it again, her words were soft. "I don't blame you, Sev."

Severus hadn't been expecting that.

"I don't believe all Muggles are bad, but I don't blame you for believing it," Lily said quietly. "We're all human and we all make mistakes. Look at Mulcib-," she caught herself, earning a wry smile from Severus. "Look at Potter. He's nearly as awful as those boys were to you, and he's a wizard."

"Potter is far too perfect to be associated with us," Severus said tonelessly.

"You know what I mean," Lily made a face before her expression grew serious. "Just…don't give up on Muggles. They might surprise you. In a good way."

Severus raised a skeptical eyebrow, but his fury was already waning. It was difficult to stay angry when she was there, looking at him the way she was just then. He had thought she would have been more upset about his tirade, but he had been wrong. He saw none of the horror and outrage that he had dreaded to see, but only kindness, and a slight sadness. No one understood him better than she did.

"Really," Lily said.

"Do you always have to see the best in everyone?"

"Do you always have to see the worst?"

Severus studied her without speaking. There was something lingering in her emerald eyes, something he hadn't seen before. It was pleading, an uncertain hope. It was suddenly clear that she didn't want to see, that she didn't even want to know, how much he despised Muggles. She wanted to chalk it up to an angry outburst. But Severus knew it had been more than that. He had always felt that way. He just hadn't told her quite how much. "Fair enough," Severus said quietly.

Lily looked relieved that the worst seemed to be over. She smiled at him again and everything else was forgotten.

**1973**

"What is _he _doing here?"

Lily frowned slightly at Petunia. She had been intolerable that day, even more so than usual. Vernon Dursley had been invited to dinner and all day, Petunia had been frantically trying to ensure that everything was perfect. Lily had dusted every room at her insistence without a word as well as help polish the furniture, but being rude to Severus was pushing it.

"Because I invited him, Petunia," Lily said, quickly looking at Severus. He was still standing in the doorway, defiantly staring back at Petunia, as if daring her to shove him off. She smiled slightly at him, relieved to see that he had showed up considering she had to beg him until he agreed. She had only met Vernon once for a brief minute, but that brief minute was enough to tell her that he was Petunia's evil half who was worse than the worst of Petunia. "Come inside, Sev."

"Are you _trying_ to ruin my life, Lily?" Petunia howled. As soon as Severus had stepped inside, she ushered them to the nearest room. "Both of you. Sit down. Now."

Lily glanced at Severus and shrugged to show that she didn't have the faintest idea what Petunia was planning, but she obeyed, taking a seat on a pristine cream-colored sofa. Severus, rather reluctantly, did the same, causing Petunia to wince.

"We need rules," Petunia announced, clapping her thin hands together. "I've decided that Vernon will be the boy that I marry someday-"

Lily and Severus both sniggered, causing Petunia to glare at them before continuing.

"And I don't want you two scaring him off. There will be absolutely no talk of," she lowered her voice to a whisper to utter one word before returning to her normal volume. "Magic. You do not attend _that_ school, you do not carry wands around, and you don't do anything abnormal or freakish. Is that clear?" Petunia sighed and scrunched up her face. "Does he have any normal clothes?"

"'He' is right here," Severus said acidly. "And these are Muggle clothes."

Petunia looked at him almost pityingly. "That doesn't make them normal."

Lily decided it would be best to jump in before a brawl broke out. "He looks fine, Petunia."

Petunia said something under her breath that neither Severus or Lily could hear, but whatever she was saying, she didn't finish. The doorbell rang. Petunia nearly fell over her own feet in her attempt to race to the door before anyone else answered it.

Vernon Dursley was even more massive than Lily had remembered. He had a rather pompous manner about him, which Petunia didn't help by twittering around, eagerly at his beck and call. He shook Edward and Bryony's hands rather grandly, sparing only a glance toward Lily and Severus. Lily watched her parents carefully. They were doing well to hide it, but she could tell they didn't think much of Vernon. As they gathered around the table, the realization cheered Lily.

"Why don't you tell us a little about yourself, Vernon?" Bryony said encouragingly once everyone was served.

"I attend Smeltings," Vernon said stoutly, not bothering to wait until he had swallowed his forkful of steak. "My father went there. He says it's the best school in the country."

Bryony smiled at him. "And what do they teach you there?"

"They teach you the value of work," Vernon cut himself another large bite and stuffed it into his mouth without hesitation. "People don't work enough, they have no drive, no brains. No sense of civilization whatsoever."

Petunia beamed at him, both her eyes and his sweeping over Severus in unveiled disapproval. Lily bristled, but before she could say anything, her father joined the conversation.

"What do you mean by that?" Edward asked politely, his eyes flickering to his wife. Their eyes darted back and forth in one of their silent conversations. Vernon was oblivious, of course, and went on stuffing his mouth with steak.

"Just look at the news! Dead bodies every other day! It's madness out there, and for some absurd reason, no one knows anything about it." Vernon swallowed. "If I was Prime Minister, I would make sure that every mass murderer was caught. No, there wouldn't be any mass murders because I would have them all hanged. That would teach them a lesson."

Bryony's smile tightened somewhat. Lily glanced uncertainly at Severus, who was eyeing Vernon with immense displeasure. She had read about Muggle deaths in the _Daily Prophet_, but she had never thought about the Muggle reaction toward them. With a sudden twinge, she realized that the wizarding war would affect Muggles as well.

"Vernon is extremely ambitious," Petunia said proudly with a toss of her thin blond hair. Lily suddenly had an urge to vomit. She had never seen Petunia act so horrifyingly. The fact that it was for Vernon Dursley made it all the more nauseating.

"Yes," Edward said slowly. "I can see that.

"What's that?" Veron asked, jabbing his fork toward the window. "Is that an _owl_?"

Petunia's gray eyes flashed and whipped her head around, the motion followed by everyone except for a bewildered Vernon. A familiar tawny owl was pecking his beak at the glass. "No…No, it's not," Petunia said hastily.

"It is," Vernon said. "I think it's carrying a letter. Huh."

"It's our neighbor's," Lily lied, tossing her napkin down as she leapt to her feet. She deliberately avoided looking at Petunia as she made her way across the room. "They keep owls and train them to mail letters. They're…mad."

"Freaks," Petunia agreed with relish.

Once she was outside, Lily snatched the owl and held him close to her chest until she was safely hidden in the garden, far away from the window. "Sorry about that," Lily said, releasing the owl after she had taken the scroll. "But you really shouldn't let Muggles see you. Especially Muggles named Vernon Dursley." The owl gave her an extremely offended look before flying away.

Lily eagerly smoothed out the parchment. She was nearly positive that the owl belonged to the McKinnon family and sure enough, the letter was from Marlene. But as she read the letter, her high spirits vanished.

_Lily,_

_My dad reckons you're safe, living in a Muggle neighborhood and everything, but I wanted to warn you. I wish somebody had warned me. The strangest group of wizards knocked on our door last night. They were creepy, all in black, with hoods covering their faces. My dad said they were Death Eaters. He sent me to my room so I couldn't hear what they were talking about, but I eavesdropped later when he was telling my mum. I couldn't hear much, but I think they were recruiting for You-Know-Who. My dad said no, of course. I'm guessing they didn't take that too well. _

_He's scared. He's trying to hide it, but I can tell, and that scares me more than anything. I wish I was at Hogwarts again. Alice would have some annoyingly logical explanation that would make this seem silly. _

_Love, Marlene_

_PS_

_If you respond, don't mention what I said. It's not safe. _

Lily bit her lip and read Marlene's message for a second and third time. She would have read it a fourth if she hadn't heard Severus call her.

"Vernon is informing everyone on what his plans would be if he were Prime Minister," Severus smiled humorlessly. He nodded toward the letter. "Who's it from?"

Silently, Lily thrust the letter to him, watching his expression carefully. There was no sign of emotion and Severus handed it back to her.

"I don't know what I should say back," Lily confessed, unable to disguise her own terror. "She sounds really scared."

Severus clenched his jaw and his eyes seemed darker than ever. "You shouldn't say anything at all. It's dangerous."

"But she's-"

"If it's intercepted, you could bring attention to yourself," Severus cut her off. "She's surrounded by our sort. She'll be fine."

"I guess so," Lily said reluctantly, suddenly feeling very foolish. She hated the idea of not writing back, but Severus was most likely right. "Do you think they'll come here?"

"Unless You-Know-Who decides he wants an army of Muggles, no," Severus half-smiled. "Even if they did come, it wouldn't take long for Petunia to scare them off."

Lily smiled weakly, but she couldn't brush away her own concern. She wasn't worried about the Death Eaters coming for her. She was terrified that they would come for her family. Unlike Severus, she had always been close with her parents and losing them, along with her sister, was one of her darkest fears. Petunia may have hated her, but Lily still cared about her. Losing Petunia was…unimaginable. Lily shivered. "We should go back inside."

"Yeah."

"Sev?"

"Yeah?"

Their eyes locked.

Lily was suddenly at loss of what to say. She looked at him and was greeted by an unexpected yet overwhelming wave of gratitude. Everything around them seemed so uncertain, but she was thankful there was at least one reliable feature in her life, and that was Severus. "Thanks for coming."

"You don't have to thank me, Lily," Severus said quietly. "It's like what you said before. It's what best friends are for."

Without thinking, Lily flung her arms around him in a tight hug and buried her face in his chest. He may have been skinny, but he still felt solid. That was one characteristic that she loved most about him. Beneath the scowl, he was the same loyal Severus he had always been and no matter what happened, Lily knew that he would always be there.

"Lily…Can't…Breathe."

"Sorry, Sev," Lily smiled to herself as she released him. When she stepped back, there was a rare light in his dark eyes, flickering as he surveyed her with amusement. "I'm just glad that you're here."

Severus merely shook his head, but even in the dim light of the stars, his faint grin was unmistakable.


	33. Chapter 33 Ambition

**Thank you for all the reviews! I especially wanted to thank littleLaralevin who reviews almost, if not all, every chapter, and Gigi1 and Dancing Bananas for reviewing the first few chapters. It's pretty obvious, but I feel obligated to mention that one of James's lines in this chapter is directly from HP.**

**Gigi1- Thanks for reviewing each chapter so far! I see what you mean about the "It only took a minute", but I didn't want Severus to give in right away. I wanted to show that his first instinct is to be more serious, but Lily is able to draw him out. I picture him being reluctant to do anything childish, but see him eventually caving in because of Lily. I do agree that I could have written it better though.**

**Anonymous- Thank you for saying all that! Don't worry, I love reading long reviews. I saw DH Part 2 yesterday, and I'm actually unsure of which version I'll use of Snape's death, if I use his death at all. I planned to stay strictly to the book, but I do like the "You have your mother's eyes," line because when I was reading HP for the first time, I often wondered why Snape never said anything about Lily. I'll probably write both and see which version I like better. To answer your other review, I remember looking up that interview before I started this story, and that will definitely play a part in this fanfic. I'm not promising that there will be a Lily/Snape relationship, but there will be some thoughts from Lily's perspective. She and Severus are close. She's a teenage girl and he's a teenage boy. It seems logical that the thought would cross her mind.**

**Chapter Thirty-Three- Ambition**

**1973**

Platform nine and three-quarters was bursting with smiling families and tearful goodbyes. Emotional mothers embraced their wriggling children while the fathers proudly watched on. It was a vibrant scene, a scene of a movie that Severus was not a part of. The Hogwarts Express may have been a few feet away, but the spectacle still seemed unreal. Severus watched the joyous families with a mixture of disdain, curiosity, and even a hint of longing. No one would have guessed that there was a war with all the laughter. As he glanced back at an austere Eileen, he wondered what being a part of that colorful scene would be like.

But then he scowled, irritated with himself for the mere thought. If he played his cards right, he would be a part of something much more significant. "I should go, Mum," Severus said, suddenly wanting nothing more than to leave the platform. "Lily is waiting."

"The Evans girl," Eileen pursed her lips and opened them as if she were about to speak, but paused, as if she had thought better of it. "Be wise, Severus. The Prince name doesn't need to be blackened any further."

"I know, Mum," Severus said tonelessly.

Eileen slowly reached out and smoothed his ebony sheet of hair back. Severus stiffened. It was the sort of motherly gesture that he was unaccustomed to. "Be careful."

That nameless emotion was swelling inside him. It was a strange ache, an almost yearning. For what felt like the thousandth time, Severus wondered why Eileen wasn't like the other mothers he saw, the other mothers who loved their children, who would do anything for them, instead of fading in the background behind a shouting father. He nodded curtly, not wanting to dwell on his miserable excuse of a family. "I will."

Having no desire to look at the almost stranger that was his mother, Severus quickly turned away. To his relief, he saw that Lily was waiting for him, just outside the Hogwarts Express, a bright smile already on her face. After the Vernon Dursley incident, Petunia had been even more unbearable, and Severus knew she had been counting down the days until Hogwarts.

"I'm glad to be back," Lily said cheerfully. "I've missed the magic world. I've missed spells, I've missed lessons, I've even missed James Potter!"

Severus gave her a look of alarm, causing her to laugh aloud. It was the same sweet, musical sound that he knew so well, but for once, he didn't have the slightest urge to smile.

"Joking, Sev."

But Severus didn't think it was funny at all.

Lily didn't seem to notice. She sprung ahead, waving and smiling at nearly everyone they passed. Severus could feel his bitterness returning, even more venomous than before. Why did she have to befriend the entire school? Wasn't one best friend enough? "I found an empty one!"

"Snape!"

Severus craned his head and saw Mulciber gesturing at him, flanked by Rosier and Wilkes. Avery wasn't far away, but was preoccupied with making frightening faces at first years. While the first three seemed to have sprouted a few inches in height, Avery had undeniably gained several inches around the middle.

"I better go see what they want," Severus told Lily. He was unable to mask his annoyance that they were interrupting his time with Lily, but he was also satisfied that she could finally see that he had other friends too, that he was important and not an unwelcome misfit. "I'll be right back."

Lily looked over at the Slytherins dubiously, but didn't protest. She forced a smile and nodded. "Okay. I'll see you soon… I guess."

"You will," Severus promised. He waited for Lily to shut the compartment door before joining Mulciber and the rest, an uneasy feeling lingering in the pit of his stomach. "What is it?"

"Nice to see you too," Mulciber said. His voice had deepened over the summer, adding a more mature, menacing effect to his words. "We wanted to invite you to sit with us. If you're not busy with that Mudblood of yours."

Severus tensed visibly at the word. There was a daring glint in Mulciber's eyes, a dare Severus knew better than to refuse. His eyes darting between the compartment door and Mulciber, Severus finally gave a resigned nod. He would just have to make an excuse and leave early. It wasn't first year anymore. He couldn't simply say _Petrificus Totalus_ and win them all over again. It was different now. Every move counted.

"I thought you would," Mulciber grinned, looking much more like the third year he was.

After the train rolled into action, Severus soon learned that sitting with the Slytherins didn't actually mean sitting with the Slytherins. It meant sauntering through the corridors and causing trouble whenever the fancy struck. It seemed idiotic to Severus, but he couldn't deny the satisfaction that surged through him as he glided along the others. While his thoughts kept drifting back to Lily, he couldn't help but feel pleased that the Slytherins had included him. Other than Lily, no one else had.

"First years," Wilkes hissed, his pale eyes glued to a compartment door that was sliding open. "Excellent."

"You first, Snape," Mulciber instructed, the gleam in his eyes returning. Severus felt the uncomfortable sensation of being tested, but he didn't resist. Instead, he moved over by Wilkes. Ambition won over reluctance. He couldn't afford to lose the Slytherins.

But as the tiny first years stepped into the corridor, Severus froze. The nearest one was a girl not much shorter than Lily. He could only see the back of her, but her hair was long and red, swishing just as hers did. It was a more vivid red than the one he knew so well, but it was enough to unnerve Severus.

"Snape!" said Mulciber loudly, causing the first years to look in their direction. Once the redhead turned around, Severus could see that she bore no resemblance to Lily. He didn't wait for his relief to sink in. Raising his wand, he murmured the first hex that entered his mind.

Wilkes and Avery burst out in guffaws as the first year's teeth began growing at an alarming rate. As she cried out in terror, they jinxed the other two first years, who were slowly backing away, all bearing identical expressions of fear.

He should have felt remorse, and it was there, but only a flicker of it. There was nausea, deriving from the disgust he felt from hexing a helpless first year. There was uncertainty, only becoming more muddled with the flurry of thoughts that were threatening to overwhelm him… But another emotion was beginning to consume him, a much lighter one. Severus was glad. He was glad that he was not the one cowering in fear. He was tired of being the victim. He wanted something more. He hated her, he hated them all, for simply living their happy lives with their sickeningly happy families. Severus had suffered thirteen years of fear, so why shouldn't they experience a moment?

Severus then glanced at Mulciber, who was uttering another spell aimed at the now sobbing redhead. As she fell to the floor in a whimper, still clutching her mouth, Mulciber met Severus's gaze. The second their eyes locked, Mulciber grinned.

That was when Severus knew he was truly one of them.

As he and the other Slytherins departed from the scene of crime, the exhilaration of being included suddenly weighed down in guilt. Severus did not feel regret for the first year he had hexed, but regret for Lily. What he had done hadn't even concerned her, but for some inexplicable reason, he felt as if he had betrayed her.

Irritated with himself, Severus shrugged away the unfavorable emotion. It had only been a small hex with no lasting damage. People hexed each other on a daily basis. He had done nothing wrong.

**1973**

After Carolyn Ziff was Sorted into Ravenclaw, Lily stole another glimpse of Severus, for what must have been the hundredth time that evening. After waiting in the compartment for over an hour, Lily had given up and sat with Marlene, Mary, and Alice. As she was leaving the train, he had caught up to her and apologized fervently. Lily had accepted it, but as she watched Severus whisper with the Slytherins, the little doubt that had remained suddenly magnified. She knew she was being sensitive, but she couldn't help but feel that he had abandoned her for them. Mulciber! The one who had called Lily a Mudblood.

Lily didn't understand it. She didn't want to. She wanted Severus to see them for what they truly were. Severus was one of the cleverest people she knew, yet it was everyone else who could see it. Why couldn't he?

"Another year, another feast!" Dumbledore said suddenly, clapping his hands together. Lily turned her attention toward him, noting that he seemed almost tired. The thought saddened her. "But first, a few announcements."

Black groaned loudly, earning a few laughs. Dumbledore smiled kindly at him before continuing. "Since our previous Defense Against the Dark Arts professor has seemed to have…fled, Professor Collingsworth will be her replacement." With an ancient hand, he gestured toward a grave wizard with a rather pinched face. Lily studied him curiously, wondering how the Marauders would handle the newcomer. He didn't seem the type to put up with mischief.

After a polite smattering of applause, Dumbledore listed the rules in a cheerful manner. It was only when he had finished, that a shadow seemed to pass over his face, his twinkling blue eyes unexpectedly serious. "The tumult in the outside world cannot be forgotten. It affects everyone, even those who are safe within the castle walls. Safety precautions have been made, especially for those visiting Hogsmeade."

Despite the promise of darkness in his words, Lily felt a shiver of excitement at the mention of Hogsmeade. The moment the Hogwarts owl had delivered her permission slip; she had immediately run off to find Severus. He hadn't known much about the village, so it was somewhat of a mystery.

The other third years seemed to feel the same way. While they had been initially solemn at Dumbledore's reference to Voldemort, they instantly perked up at the reminder of Hogsmeade.

"My sister says butterbeer is the best drink in the world," Marlene's amber eyes were round.

"Butterbeer?" Black scoffed. "I'll be having Firewhiskey!"

At that, Potter brightened. Lupin sighed. Pettigrew paled. As much as she disliked them, Lily could understand the fascination that the rest of the school seemed to hold toward them. They were unlike any other group of friends she had met. As different as they were from one another, they seemed to complete each other perfectly.

As lavish amounts of a deliciously prepared feast began to materialize out of nowhere, the Great Hall burst into life. The clatter of silverware and lively chatter echoed loudly as the stars shimmered above, all contributing to the magical atmosphere that was purely Hogwarts. All Houses, despite their varying shades, were engrossed in animated conversation, all connecting to their summer and any speculation concerning the war. But as Lily looked around, the war seemed unusually distant. She could almost believe that the walls of Hogwarts could shield them from any lurking evil.

But she knew better.

"Death Eaters came to my house," Potter announced importantly to whoever was listening. "They were recruiting for Voldemort."

There were sudden gasps and fearful glances, but Potter didn't look admonished. "Well, that's his name, isn't it? My dad says fear of the name only increases fear of the thing itself."

No one corrected him, but there were several disapproving and admiring looks sent his way. Lily, however, was thoughtful. As arrogant as Potter could be, he had a point. Lily had never understood why people were so frightened to speak Voldemort's name. As frightening as he was, a name was only a name.

"They came to my house too," Alice chimed in suddenly, in a transparent attempt to shift the subject away from a potential argument. "And Marlene's."

"They didn't come to mine," Black said grimly. "They don't have to."

There was a pregnant pause. The Black family was notorious for their pure blood beliefs. Even Muggle-borns would find that out within their first week of Hogwarts. Everyone in the Great Hall had heard the Howler, with the exception of the first years. It had made it clear where the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black's loyalty laid.

The conversation then took a lighter turn as Mary brought up their new subjects. Lily found herself brightening again. While she was excited to return to all of her old subjects, especially Charms and Potions, she was eager for the electives.

"What subjects are you taking, Lily?" Mary asked curiously.

"Care of Magical Creatures and Divination," Lily answered, nearly giggling aloud at the memory. She and Severus had agreed to each choose one subject for the both of them to take. Hoping to learn more about the Forbidden Forest, Severus had chosen Care of Magical Creatures. Much to his exasperation, Lily had gleefully selected Divination. He was less pleased with her explanation that it seemed the most fun of the choices, after Care of Magical Creatures.

But the reminder of Severus made Lily bite her lip anxiously and she instinctively looked toward him again. This time, she caught him staring back. She smiled hesitantly, relieved to see that even when he was surrounded by Slytherins, he hadn't forgotten about her. A weight seemed to vanish from her shoulders as he gave a small smile back. That was when she knew everything would be all right.

"Me too," Potter said excitedly, bringing Lily's thoughts back to the Gryffindor table.

Lily looked at him strangely for a moment, not knowing quite how to respond to that. She decided to ignore him and focused on Mary. "What about you, _Mary_?"

"Divination and Arithmancy," Mary paused. "But I'm beginning to wish that I chose Care of Magical Creatures."

"I'm sure you can still switch," Lily assured her with an increased effort to ignore Potter. For some odd reason, he was watching her intently.

A sudden commotion from the Slytherin table drowned out the rest of Mary's prolonged reply. Lily looked up to see that nearly all the Slytherins had sprouted identical beards, white and flowing, lengthy enough to rival Dumbledore himself. Even decades older, Lily was amused to find that Severus's scowl was still recognizable.

The Marauders appeared extremely guilty. All four became suddenly absorbed in their plates, not daring to look at one another.

"It seems that the pumpkin juice has been tampered with," Dumbledore said, his crystal blue gaze resting upon the Marauders. Beneath his own beard, Lily was certain there was a smile. "A truly excellent example of an Aging Potion."

The Slytherins looked furious. Lily couldn't blame them, but she couldn't keep her lips from twitching. As her eyes darted back to the Marauders, she noticed that Potter was staring at her again. Unable to take a second more, she glared at him openly. She was satisfied to see that he quickly looked away.

It was a small victory, but nevertheless, a victory. Lily hoped that he would finally leave her and Severus alone. She couldn't think of one person she disliked more than James Potter.

Except perhaps Mulciber.


	34. Chapter 34 The Wrath of Lily Evans

**Thank you so much for the reviews! I still can't believe how many I've been getting lately, but it's been really inspiring, so thanks again!**

**I was reading the HP wiki and I discovered that new background information was released because of JKR's Pottermore. Some of it contradicts this fanfic, such as when Petunia met Vernon Dursley for the first time. While I'm annoyed that it means this fanfic isn't exactly accurate, I actually prefer my idea that Vernon met Severus because Petunia addresses him as "that awful boy" which makes it seem like Vernon had some idea who he was. But that's just my opinion. I do like the idea of the Dursleys and Potters' meeting, and I will most likely write it in. I know I said this story is canon and I'll try to keep it accurate, but honestly, I consider the books canon and I plan to follow the books closely, not what JKR said a few years after they were published. If more information gets released before I finish writing and it doesn't ruin my outline, then I may add it in. Sorry to disappoint anyone.**

** Anonymous- Thanks again for the review! I don't think Snape is all bad, but like you said, I don't think he's perfectly innocent either. To me, he's just someone who has suffered from a bad childhood and I'm try to portray that in his decisions as much as possible. It's funny that you asked that because before I even knew the movie had Snape in the Potter's house, I was thinking of a way for him to find Lily's dead body. I'm not sure how different it will be from the movie yet, but there will be a similar scene. I really want him to see Lily dead and have the actuality of everything he has done sink in. **

**pepe200- Thanks for reading! There will be a significant Eileen scene in the upcoming summer, and it should give somewhat of an explanation. It's really a combination of both, but mostly Tobias. I imagined her to be reserved, like Snape, but with a romantic streak that was enough for her to give up everything for Tobias. While part of it is her personality, I just pictured her to be...defeated after Tobias. She lost her family, her reputation, and similarly to how Snape sees Harry as a product of the woman he loved and the man he hated, I wanted her to see Snape as a reminder for everything she had lost. Beneath that all, I wanted her to have the same pride she had when she was a Prince, before Tobias. Since she gave up on herself, I wanted what little hope and pride she had left to be revolved around Snape. **

**Gigi1- Thanks again for reviewing! I enjoy reading your opinion and I'm happy to see that you like this story enough to review each chapter! Don't worry, Severus won't allow himself to be abused forever. I consider him to be too stubborn/proud to accept Lily's help, but he'll handle things on his own in a few years. **

**Chapter Thirty-Four- The Wrath of Lily Evans**

**1973**

Severus was pleased to find that Professor Collingsworth was a far more suitable Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher that his predecessor. His manner was dour, but Severus found it a vast improvement over Caldwell's unbearable cheeriness. He didn't mind Collingsworth's rigid class structure or his flinty voice when he docked off points. Severus was just satisfied that he seemed to know enough about the Dark Arts to teach the class properly.

The Marauders were less than content.

"A week," Potter declared as they were leaving the classroom. He and the other three were only a few steps ahead of Severus and Lily, and Severus's wand was ready in case Potter or Black happened to turn around. "We'll give him a week."

"What's wrong with Collingsworth?" Pettigrew asked curiously. "I mean besides being scary and giving us all that homework and-"

"He's a git," Potter said, effectively cutting him off.

"That's why? You aren't serious," Lupin answered with as much exasperation as his tired voice would allow. He was looking even more wan than usual, and Severus predicted another absence by the end of the week.

"No, I'm Sirius," Black piped up.

Despite his sickly state, Lupin managed to give him a death stare of surprising strength and wisely decided not to comment. "You can't scare him off just because you think he's a git."

"We'll give him a month then. Just for you, Moony," Potter said brightly before glancing at Black. "More fun for us."

Black snickered. "We'll break him down slowly…"

"Drive him mad…" Potter agreed, rumpling his hair with a flourish as a group of fifth year girls passed by. Severus barely contained a snort, but immediately sobered when he saw the fifth years smile back flirtatiously.

"And he'll be running out of here by October!" Black finished, nodding toward the girls with brief interest before his attention returned to his friends, a slight smirk playing on his lips.

"That is-" Lupin started.

"Brilliant," Potter and Black said together.

"Not the word I had in mind."

Severus glanced down at Lily just in time to see her roll her eyes. When she saw that he was looking at her, she made a face and mouthed, "Can you believe them?"

Severus shook his head, allowing a tiny grin as the Marauders hastened down the corridor. He was relieved to see that Lily seemed to have forgotten all about the previous day. Mulciber had made it impossible for him to leave and a prick of guilt remained. But as they turned around the corner, the sunlight streaming through the castle window lit Lily's face, enhancing her crystalline eyes so that he could see every detail in that liquid green. As Severus's black eyes locked with the emerald, he realized he felt more than slightly guilty.

"Sev?"

Severus blinked, finally registering that Lily had been talking to him. "Yeah?"

"You looked like you were in another world," Lily said, smiling slightly. "What were you thinking about?"

"Just…Divination," said Severus lamely. "I can't believe you had to choose that class. It's absolute rubbish."

"It'll be fun," Lily's eyes sparkled. "I'm actually excited for it. It'll be nice to have a lighter class, especially with the homework load this year. Rebecca Smythe was nearly in tears when she told me about the Transfiguration essay. I don't think I've ever seen Moaning Myrtle so happy."

"Hang on," Severus frowned. "Who's Rebecca Smythe? Actually, never mind that. Who is Moaning Myrtle?"

"Rebecca Smythe is a third year. Ravenclaw? Long black hair?" When Severus gave no sign of recognition, Lily gave a careless wave of her hand. "Oh well, doesn't matter. I could've sworn I told you about Moaning Myrtle. She's a ghost."

"I don't think I've ever seen her around."

"Oh, you wouldn't. She haunts the girls' bathroom."

"She haunts a _bathroom_?"

"Yes," Lily said, a serious expression crossing her face. Severus could scarcely refrain from making a sarcastic remark. "I didn't tell you about meeting her? It was awful. I already late to Charms…"

Lily continued with her story, but Severus was barely listening. He had thought that he and Lily had been virtually inseparable the past two years, but evidently, he had been wrong. It was obvious that Lily had found time to make new friends and have her own adventures. It was as if she had a separate life, one that didn't include him.

"Se-ver-us," Lily sang out lightly, waving a hand playfully in front of his face. "Are you even listening to me?"

"Of course I am," Severus tried to sound insulted at the very idea. But he hadn't heard a word.

"So is that a yes?" When Severus looked at her blankly, Lily sighed. "The Forbidden Forest. I asked if you wanted to go there tonight."

Severus could feel his lips curving as his worries evaporated at her words. Lily wanted to go to the Forbidden Forest with him. Not one of those obnoxious Gryffindor girls, not Rebecca Smythe, not Moaning Myrtle, but _him_. But then, he felt incredibly stupid. Of course, she wanted to go with him. They were best friends. Just because she had found time to make other friends, didn't mean he was losing her. Did it?

Severus pushed back the thought as soon as it had materialized. He would never lose Lily. They would be best friends forever. She had even said so, many times. They had been through everything together. He was always with her when Petunia made her cry, and she was always with him after Tobias made him bleed. He had told her all about the wizarding world, and she had taught him how to make a snow angel. If there was one thing that he was certain of, it was that he and Lily Evans were unbreakable.

"Yes," Severus said with such certainty that it made Lily laugh. He didn't mind. That certain laugh seemed to be reserved for him and he wouldn't have had it any other way.

**1973**

"_Where is he_?"

Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew immediately backed away at the sound of Lily's dangerous screech. In his hurry to inch back, Pettigrew tripped over something and fell to the floor. Lily's blazing eyes narrowed suspiciously and she leaned forward, her hand slicing through the air where he had just been. Almost instantly, her fingers grazed a filmy, almost water-like material. Instinctively, she snatched it, and a cloak, so fine that it was nearly sheer, of silver was revealed.

An Invisibility Cloak. Lily stared at it in disbelief, until she looked up and found herself face to face with James Potter. "Uh, hello there, Evans!"

"_What did you do to me_?" Lily shrieked. Without waiting for him to answer, she went on, drawing the attention of everyone in the common room. On an ordinary day, she would have blushed crimson, but on that day, she couldn't have cared less. All she cared about was killing Potter. "My hair is _green_."

"I think it's lovely!" Potter said with false cheer, but his hazel eyes were anxiously darting around in search of the nearest hiding place. "It matches your eyes and everything!"

"It's not lovely. It's hideous. Turn it back!" Lily demanded, her hands longing to strangle him. She had never felt so…murderous in her life. Potter had pushed her a little more each time they saw each other, and he had finally succeeded in cracking her. She wanted nothing more than to rip off his idiotic smirk and stomp on his glasses until they were smashed into little bits. "Or I'll…I'll hex you."

"Aw, don't be like that, Evans. It was an accident," Potter said earnestly, looking at his fellow Marauders for support.

"ACCIDENT?" Lily exploded. With James Potter, there was no such thing as an accident. Every step he made, he was intent on causing some sort of mischief and even more determined, it seemed, to drive her to insanity.

"He was aiming for Snivellus," Black chimed in helpfully.

Lily's eyes were sparking emerald fire Her cheeks, which had been pink with anger, were reddening to a more lethal shade of fury. Her fingers curled around her wand tightly as she raised it into the air.

Potter leapt backwards in alarm. "Not helping, mate."

Lily stepped forward, jabbing her wand into Potter's chest forcefully. If her hair stayed green a moment longer, she was worried she would end up killing him, and she had no desire to spend the rest of her existence in Azkaban. "Fix it. Now."

"Do you want another color?" Potter asked anxiously. "What about turquoise?"

"Make it the way it was!"

"What's wrong with turquoise?"

"_Potter_."

"Fine!" Potter said, eyeing the prodding wand warily. "But can I try this new spell first? It'll make your hair-"

"NO."

"All right, all right!" Potter flung his hands into the air in defeat. With a casual flick of his wave, he muttered a spell. Lily promptly looked down and was relieved to see that her hair was red again. She had never been so glad to have red hair.

"Thank you," Lily said, her clipped voice laced with sarcasm as she lowered her wand. She spun around and prepared to walk, but Potter's voice stopped her.

"Evans!"

"_What_?"

"Uh, do you want to go to Hogsmeade with me?"

Lily slowly turned around, her heart thundering in her chest. She couldn't believe her ears. She had to be mistaken. It had to be a joke. A truly horrible joke. Her bright green eyes incredulous, she gazed into the chiseled face of the boy she so passionately hated. "Are you asking me out?"

Potter appeared almost tentative. It was strangely unsettling, watching him as he shifted uncomfortably. He looked back at Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew, who were all nodding encouragingly. With a sudden boost of morale, Potter grinned and ruffled his hair. "Well, yeah."

There were so many things wrong with his offer that Lily didn't even know where to begin. She could feel the outrage flooding back. She couldn't believe his audacity. She couldn't believe _him_. What sort of boy practically tormented a girl before asking her out? It had to be a joke. It had to be another successful attempt to annoy her. "You're asking me out after you turned my hair green?"

"Uh…" Potter looked at the other Marauders nervously, but they had all stopped nodding. They remained as motionless and helpful as statues, eyes wide as they gaped at Lily.

"Ever since the _first day_, you've done nothing but annoy me and humiliate my best friend. He can't even walk down a _hall _without you hexing him. You spiked his pumpkin juice twice-"

"Three times," Black whispered.

Potter glared at him, but Lily continued ranting as if she hadn't heard him. "You jinxed his broomstick and nearly killed him. You convinced Peeves to harass him until the Bloody Baron showed up. You locked him in a broom cupboard and he almost missed exams. You put a Sticking Charm on his homework whenever you can, not to mention his seat, and that's not even the beginning of it. I'm not even going to start on the stupid nicknames and the other million ways you annoy me. And after you turned my hair green, _you have the nerve to ask me out_?"

"Yes?" Potter guessed uncertainly, as if he was unsure if that was the right answer.

"NO," Lily shouted with all the rage that had been boiling inside her. "I will NOT go out with you. Leave me alone, leave Severus alone, and NEVER talk to me about Quidditch again."

Lily didn't wait for his response. Without a second glance, she stormed off in a cloud of red and black, her face steaming, her footsteps pounding against the icy floor. But she didn't leave quickly enough because she was just able to hear him say, "I think she likes me!"

Lily nearly screamed aloud. She couldn't believe that the first boy to ever ask her out had been James Potter. She had never been so furious in her entire life.


	35. Chapter 35 Divination

**Thanks for all reviews! **

**Anonymous- That's exactly what I'm trying to show with Lily and Snape's growing love for her so I'm glad it's working. Don't worry, I love reading long reviews. It makes me happy to see that people like this story enough to take the time to write them, so thanks again!**

**MermaidGirl34- I'm glad you enjoyed it! Unfortunately for Lily, you're right. James's efforts to get Lily to notice him will increase over the years. **

** Gigi1- Thank you for saying that! I know a lot of people hate James, but that's one reason why I'm looking forward to writing his romantic relationship with Lily. I see it as a challenge to make everyone understand why Lily chose James. But even though I wouldn't change the ending, I'm sort of dreading it at the same time because, like you, I'm partial to Severus. He's probably my favorite character in the entire series. **

**Chapter Thirty-Five- Divination**

**1973**

A warm breeze ruffled the leaves of the trees around them, gentle and serene. The stars glittered above, spraying across the sheet of jet black. The full moon, a luminous orb, bathed them in a silvery glow, highlighting Lily's scowl.

"Now are you going to tell me why you're so angry?" Severus asked, absently twirling a dry leaf between his fingers. Ever since he had met her for their Forbidden Forest excursion, she had been silently fuming.

Even in the pale moonlight, he could see Lily's emerald eyes flash furiously. "It's Potter," she burst out, as if she could no longer bear to hold it in. "Do you know what he had the nerve to do today?"

The truth was that there were so many possibilities that Severus couldn't even begin to ponder an answer. The Marauders, Potter and Black especially, knew no boundaries. "Did he set your hair on fire after he made it green?"

"No," Lily said, frowning at the memory. "He asked me out."

The leaf crumbled as Severus clenched his fists, but he hardly noticed. James Potter? And Lily? His Lily?

"Obviously, he's just doing it to annoy me. Everything is a joke to him. He embarrassed me in front of everyone!" Lily was saying, her words growing more and more heated as she continued. "I don't know why he likes bothering us so much. We didn't do anything to him!"

Somehow, Severus didn't think it was a joke. No one would ask Lily out as a joke. Not even Potter. Why would he? She was the prettiest, nicest girl at Hogwarts, or at least that was what Severus thought. He was certain that Potter thought that too. He had seen the way that arrogant swine looked at her. At the recollection, Severus dug his fingers into his palms further; his black eyes alight with renewed animosity for James Potter.

"I've never met a more conceited person. He thinks he can do whatever he wants, just because he's good at Quidditch. And people put up with it! No, they worship him. It's disgusting," Lily was raving fervently at this point. Severus had never seen her so worked up. "Why would you ever worship a boy who messes his hair up every five seconds? Why, Sev? Why does he even do that? I want to set _his _hair on fire-arghh!" She let out a strangled cry of frustration.

Severus couldn't keep from grinning. Slowly, he unclamped his fists, scarcely noticing the red crescent-shaped marks or the throbbing pain. Lily hated him nearly as much as he did. That was all that mattered.

"Why are you laughing at me?" Lily crossed her arms indignantly.

"I've just never seen you so angry, Lily," Severus saw her expression and hastily continued. "Not that I blame you. He's a prat."

"He is a prat," Lily agreed. "A stupid prat with stupid hair and a stupid broomstick."

Severus laughed again, and in spite of herself, Lily burst out laughing too. Even the night could not disguise the sparkle in her eyes.

"I sound mental, don't I?"

"Just a bit," Severus said lightly.

"I won't say his name again for the rest of the night," Lily vowed. "And hopefully the rest of the week. Maybe even year!" Her face brightened hopefully at the thought.

"I won't either," Severus agreed quickly. As much as he enjoyed hearing how much Lily despised Potter, he would rather not hear about him at all. Even the mere mention of his name left a bitter taste on Severus's tongue.

"Whoever does first has to jump in the lake!" Lily announced gleefully. "And kiss the giant squid!"

"No!" Severus said instantly, unable to tell whether Lily was serious or not. He wouldn't put it past her. She had a knack for coming up with the most inane ideas and an even more frightening knack of being able to almost always follow through with them.

Lily's lips turned down in a delicate pout. "Just jump in the lake then?"

"No!" Severus repeated even more firmly, his eyes widening in alarm. He had no desire to jump in the lake or to jump after Lily, especially in the middle of the night. He could already imagine how that would end. He would be frantically searching for Lily in the icy black waters, and she would excitedly pop up out of nowhere, squealing, "Wasn't that fun, Sev? Let's do that again!"

"Okay," Lily said seriously. "Whoever says his name first will be tickled mercilessly."

"Whoever even implies Potter-" Severus immediately stopped talking. Lily was smiling mischievously, her fingers outstretched. "That doesn't count, Lily! We didn't start yet!"

Severus would have almost preferred to kiss the giant squid. Almost.

**1973**

"I will never forgive you for this."

Lily opened her mouth to answer, but she could only giggle. She had never seen Severus look so out of place. Perched on a tiny pouffe in the North Tower, his long limbs were cramped together and huddled over the small table. The circular room was heavily scented with a sickeningly sweet aroma with gauzy fabrics draped everywhere, all contributing to the stuffy atmosphere.

"Welcome to Divination." A wispy witch glided into the classroom, her voice dreamy and soft. Her robes reminded Lily of the night sky, pitch black but woven with threads of glittering silver. "Many know me as one of the few true Seers of our time or simply the author of _Unfogging the Future_, but you will call me Professor Vablatsky."

There were expressions of skepticism, mixed in with intrigue. Professor Vablatsky did not look surprised, but merely continued, a knowing glint in her cloudy gray eyes. "I see doubt, but I can hardly blame you. There are more false Seers than true. Divination is a delicate art. I can only do my best to describe it to you. We will begin with Tessomancy."

Her words were met by increased interest and the cynical mutterings grew fewer as the class divided into pairs and collected their teacups. Severus, however, remained visibly unimpressed as he glared down at his teacup, causing Lily to giggle again.

"Maybe you have the Grim, Sev."

"The Grim is not something to be mocked, Miss Evans," Professor Vablatsky said from behind them, causing Lily to flush. She hadn't known that the witch was near. But the teacher did not elaborate and only snatched up Severus's cup. "This is not the Grim."

"I'm so relieved," Severus said dryly.

"Do not take Divination lightly, Mr. Snape," Professor Vablatsky set down the cup, her thin lips twisting in a sad smile. "I can see that it will be significant in your future. More significant than you will know."

There was something about Vablatsky's expression that unsettled Lily, but Severus looked predictably unperturbed. Lily knew nothing as foolish as tea leaves could bother him, even if they had literally spelled out a death threat.

"Maybe he does have the Grim, but you just can't see it through all that slime," Black sounded disgusted. "You can see the grease practically dripping-"

"Let's see your cup, Mr. Black," Professor Vablatsky cut in serenely. The room felt quiet as they watched the frail witch study each of the Marauders' cups. She was silent for a few moments, her misty gray eyes unreadable. "It's always sad to know that even the happiest of times must come to an end," she said finally, her careful gaze scrutinizing each of the four Marauders.

"Does that mean I won't find my Defense Against the Dark Arts homework?" Pettigrew squeaked worriedly.

"I think it's a bit more serious than that," Lupin said, glancing warily at the still witch, unable to conceal his curiosity. But Vablantsky did not offer to expand on her reading and peered into Potter's cup again.

"That doesn't mean there won't be even brighter days to come," Vablatsky said. "I see a red-haired beauty in your future, Mr. Potter. Happiness…"

Potter beamed just as Lily grimaced. He twisted around on his pouffe to look eagerly at Lily. "Did you hear that, Evans?"

"Along with many hexes," Vablatsky finished before Lily could retort.

Lily glared back victoriously at Potter, more than slightly relieved that the professor had added the last part. "Did you hear that, Potter?"

Potter's face fell. Lily turned back to roll her eyes at Severus, but to her surprise, his scowl had deepened as he eyed Potter with fierce dislike. As much as Lily despised Potter, she didn't like seeing the hatred burn in Severus's cold black eyes. It was an expression of such intensity she hadn't wanted to know he was capable of. But as his dark eyes darted back to her, the loathing abruptly vanished.

"Others will be lost in the darkness," Professor Vablatsky was saying, her voice taking a wistful turn as she leaned over Mulciber and Wilkes. "And some will never be found."

"Can you predict who will the Quidditch World Cup?" Potter asked excitedly, his hazel eyes lighting up. "Or the Quidditch Cup at Hogwarts?"

Vablatsky shook her head, her starlit robes flowing behind her as she moved toward the front of the classroom. "I'm afraid Divination doesn't work that way."

Potter refused to be daunted. "Gryffindor, right?"

Vablatsky looked at him pityingly.

Professor Vablatsky was unlike any teacher that Lily had ever had. She would never confess it to Severus, but she couldn't help but wonder if there was a grain of truth in any of the professor's predictions. Part of her wanted to be like Severus and rely on logic, but another part, the childish part of her that had instinctively trusted Severus when he had revealed secrets about the wizarding world, wanted to believe Vablatsky.

"That was a waste of time," Severus complained as they climbed down the ladder. His opinion of Divination had only dropped as the minutes had passed. His ever-present scowl had only faltered once, only to quiver into laughter when Lily had read his cup and proudly announced that he would suffering immensely while facing extreme happiness.

"I don't know," Lily said thoughtfully. "I sort of liked it."

"Her fascinating predictions or the lovely décor?"

"The décor," Lily said with a straight face, leaping to the floor once she was at a safe distance. "I think I'll redecorate my room to match. I hope Petunia doesn't mind."

"Good luck with that," Severus snickered. "Do you want to sit by the lake? We can go over Potions. I think we'll be learning about Shrinking Solutions next."

Lily smiled at him, genuinely relieved that there was not even a suggestion of malevolence in his dark eyes. There was only the familiar gleam she knew so well, the same gleam that he had when he had told her all about magic. "Always."


	36. Chapter 36 The Knights of Walpurgis

**I have issues with writing short responses to reviews if you can't tell. Sorry for the painfully long A/N and thanks, as always, for the reviews! I was able to join Pottermore so hopefully I'll receive a welcome email soon and be inspired to make this story even better. A note about this chapter: JKR said that the Death Eaters were formerly called the Knights of Walpurgis. My version might be slightly different, but they're similar enough groups that I decided to use the same name. Instead of being the exact same group, the Death Eaters from this fanfic sort of evolved from the Knights of Walpurgis, but the Knights of Walpurgis group still exists.**

**nascently- I don't think it's the main reason she went out with him, but I can see it being one reason, or at least see her viewing it as a bonus. I see Lily somewhat like Harry: even though they are basically good people, they're still human. After feeling betrayed by her best friend, Lily probably felt a variety of emotions and I wouldn't be at all surprised if spite was one of them. She may have felt guilt too, but I imagine at least some part of her would be glad to see Severus feel just as hurt as she did the day he called her a Mudblood.**

**ChildlikeEmpress-I usually just answer questions, but I couldn't resist responding to this because I recently thought a lot about it, and as much as I would love Snape to be with Lily and just be happy, I don't think he would be my favorite character if he were. When we were first introduced to him, he was just a bitter Potions Master and I love that we were able to find out that he was so much more than that. The story behind a perfectly happy Potions Master and his happy family doesn't seem as interesting, so maybe that's why they're unable to accomplish it. I like Snape because he's complicated and misunderstood, and just because of his entire story. He lost his best friend/woman he loved because of one mistake and spent the rest of his life paying for it. His love for one person was enough to make him change his ways. If it had all worked out for him, he just wouldn't be the same Snape.**

**bluecanary- This is a ridiculously long reply, but you're absolutely right about Sev and Lily. I'm definitely planning on following through on the victim angle as Severus continues to explore his darker 're also right about Lily. Third year will mainly be the year of her turning a blind eye against Severus's darker side and making excuses for him, but there will be a few disagreements that will become increasingly common, especially during fourth and fifth years. Thanks for the suggestion about the narration. Younger Sev's dialogue is actually one of the more difficult things for me to write just because we're used to JKR's Snape and it's more challenging to picture him as a child. Originally, I was going to have him sound more mature than Lily, but then I decided I wanted him and Lily to sound somewhat similar at first, and use his speech as one example of the Slytherin influence. The more time he spends with the Slytherins, mainly Lucius, he'll become more polished in speech and manner, and more like JKR's Snape. I agree that the Slytherins would be displeased, but like you said, I haven't had time to really show that yet other than the train incident since it's still the first week of third year. I wanted the first two years to show Severus and Lily's friendship at the highest point, without too much backlash to ruin it, which is one reason why I waited until the end of second year for the war. With the war, disgust against Muggle-borns is obviously intensified, and I wanted to use that to strain their friendship and force them to grow up. I don't really want to rush and suddenly have a Slytherin ultimatum. I'm having Severus's skill at dark magic play a role in that as a partial explanation of why they haven't tormented him too much for being friends with Lily, but things will...definitely become more intense. I don't want to explain too much without giving away the story, but don't worry, I promise, it will be obvious that the Slytherins highly disapprove as the year/war continues. I'm trying to slowly build up the Lily/Sev and Sev/Slytherin conflict for an extremely dramatic and angsty fifth year. Ugh, I don't know if I should answer your last question or not, but there will be at least one kiss by the end of fifth year. That's all I can say.**

**Anonymous- Lately, I've been updating at random times because I've been insanely busy, but usually I try to update by 1PM Pacific/4PM Eastern. Last week was slightly crazy, but I'll try to get back to updating around that time every other day, or at least every three days.**

**RoseAngel16- Sorry, but this fanfic is canon. Lily will eventually end up with James and Severus will go on to have a miserable life.**

**Chapter Thirty-Six- The Knights of Walpurgis**

**1973**

The moment Severus shuffled into the Slytherin common room, he was accosted by Regulus Black.

"Did you really make Potter's head swell up to the size of one of Hagrid's pumpkins?"

Severus didn't especially care for Regulus. Along with being unfortunate enough to have Sirius as a brother, he had the fault of being an irritating tag along. While the rest of the old pure blood families seemed to be born with a cool demeanor and elegant poise, Regulus reminded Severus of an overeager puppy that wouldn't shut up.

But a second look at Regulus's awestruck brown eyes reminded Severus why he put up with the youngest Black.

"Frankly," Severus said, his lip curling. "I couldn't tell the difference."

That was an exaggeration, but there was no need to inform Regulus. Severus's itch to hex Potter had only intensified ever since the Quidditch hero had made his feelings for Lily clear. When he had caught Potter and Black hexing Audrey Bertram's head to twice its size, Severus thought it only reasonable to return the favor.

Severus also decided that it was unnecessary to mention that Black had countered with a more than slightly effective jinx of his own.

"Clarence Stebbins told me that a first year took one look at Potter and burst into tears!" Regulus said excitedly.

"I don't blame her," said Severus coolly, but his lip curved further at the image. It would have been a perfect picture, if only Regulus would stop talking. Severus shot an annoyed look at the prattling second year, who was currently spouting off some nonsense about curses.

"I'm going to sleep," Severus announced curtly. He could only tolerate Regulus in small doses. He couldn't understand why he actually enjoyed listening to Lily's chatter when he could barely stand Regulus's babbling.

"Already?" Regulus frowned. "We could play a game. Do you like Gobstones?"

Severus was not in the mood to feign affability. "No."

"Wizard's chess?"

Before Regulus could persist, Severus quickly turned on his heel and headed toward his dormitory, eager to escape before he landed himself in a nightlong tournament. But just as he reached the end of the common room, Rabastan barreled into him.

"Sorry," Severus muttered as he leapt aside, even though the collision was obviously the elder boy's fault. It was unwise to irritate a Lestrange.

But Rabastan didn't say a word. He discreetly slipped Severus a thick piece of parchment and continued on, not sparing him a second glance. Severus paused for a second, watching the sixth year glide confidently across the room as if he owned the entire castle. It was startling how much he resembled his brother in manner.

Severus knew better than to instantly tear into the note. He waited until he reached his dormitory, but was sorry to find that the others were there, clustered together on the floor. But before he could tuck it away, Wilkes's eyes landed on his hands.

"Snape got one too!"

"Got what?" Severus asked hesitantly, unwillingly selecting a spot at the edge of their huddle. He was annoyed to discover that the other four were holding similar looking messages. Since he seemed to be the one with the most run-ins with the elder Slytherins, he had been expecting to be the only one.

"Read it!" Mulciber said impatiently.

Severus was miffed at Mulciber's demanding tone, but he was more than eager to rip open the mysterious parchment. He did so and was disappointed to find that it had become even more mystifying once opened. "'The Knights of Walpurgis'?" Severus read aloud, looking up from the flowing script. "Well, what does it mean?"

"You don't know?" Rosier was incredulous.

"Obviously. That's why I asked," Severus snapped, aggravated that even Avery had the gall to eye him with disbelief.

"The Knights of Walpurgis are one of the most exclusive secret groups," Mulciber said importantly, unabashed pride oozing into his voice as he lifted his chin to an imperious angle. "Usually only legacies are invited. _Pure blood_ legacies."

"Then how did you expect me to know?" Severus folded the parchment into a neat square, satisfied that there was an explanation for Avery's invitation. He knew that Mulciber's heavy emphasis on pure blood was meant to degrade him, but instead, Severus was pleased that he was the only one to be invited due to something other than obligation.

"Your mum was a Prince," Mulciber shrugged carelessly. "I suppose that's why they allowed you. Prince was one of the originals."

"And what do the Knights of Walpurgis do?"

"I don't know," Mulciber confessed with visible reluctance. "It's a tradition we first meet on Halloween night. I expect they'll explain everything then."

"What time?" asked Wilkes curiously. "And where?"

"I don't know," Mulciber repeated sharply. "But they'll find us when it's time."

Despite his ominous words, Severus felt a glimmer of satisfaction, glad that he wasn't the only one in the dark. A second look at the others told him that they were just as uncertain. It seemed that their superior blood status was hardly the advantage that Mulciber so blatantly thought it was.

"But I do know that nearly every Death Eater has been a Knight," Mulciber lowered his voice meaningfully, his slitted eyes flickering to each individual. "You-Know-Who favors them."

A shiver ran down Severus's spine, but he couldn't tell whether it was from trepidation or excitement. The feeling seemed mutual. Features tightened, eyes narrowed, deep in contemplation. There was a sudden stillness, so thick with tension, that the dormitory was nearly unbearable.

"Don't forget it's a _secret _group," Rosier said brusquely, unexpectedly shattering the taut silence as if he, too, could no longer endure it. "That means you can't tell your Mudblood."

Without warning, four pairs of accusing eyes flew to Severus. They were all waiting for him to crack, for a hint of betrayal. He had come so far, but suddenly, Severus was back to where he had begun.

Severus was beginning to wonder if he could have both after all.

"I can keep a secret," Severus said tersely, unable to keep the edge from his voice. His black eyes were cold and piercing as he determinedly met their scathing gazes, as if daring anyone to question him.

No one did.

Severus glanced down at the parchment again, absentmindedly tracing his finger over the engraved lettering. He had a feeling that it was only a matter of time.

**1973**

The first Hogsmeade trip took place in early October. It was even more wonderful than Lily had imagined it to be. The picturesque village boasted a variety of shops, and not unlike Hogswarts, it had the magical atmosphere that Lily had come to love dearly. It was as if the wizarding world sparkled with fairy dust. Everything seemed brighter. It almost seemed to glisten under the shimmering sunlight.

But Lily was unable to fully enjoy Hogsmeade when her sulking shadow had barely graced the village with a faint nod. She glanced briefly at Severus, unable to keep a frown from tugging at her lips. Over the last week or so, he had been even more pensive than usual, refusing to smile even once. Whenever Lily questioned him, his lips would purse and he would shrug the matter away.

"What about a butterbeer, Sev?" Lily said brightly, noticing they were in front of the Three Broomsticks. "I'll pay. Marlene told me it's supposed to be really good."

Severus stiffened. "I don't need you to pay."

"Friends pay for each other all the time," Lily said, instantly regretting her choice of words. From the way Severus's dark eyes flashed, she could tell that he was reliving all the times she had paid for him. "Really, Sev, it doesn't matter. Consider it payment for helping me pass Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"You don't need to pay me," Severus said shortly. "I thought we were friends."

"We are! I only meant…" Lily's voice trailed off and she suddenly felt annoyed that he had to be so difficult. "You know what I meant."

"I don't need your pity, Lily."

"It's not pity. Either you'll accept a butterbeer like a normal best friend would or I'll pour it on your head," Lily said fiercely. "Your choice, Sev."

A brief expression of amusement passed over Severus's features. It had been scarcely noticeable, but Lily was enormously relieved to see that it had been there. "Fine."

"Good choice," Lily said cheerily, pretending not to notice his grumble. She pasted a sunny smile on her face and led him inside.

The Three Broomsticks was already bustling, and a quick survey of the cozy room revealed several familiar faces. Marlene, Alice, and Mary were crowded around one table, contentedly sipping butterbeers. The Marauders were at a corner table, eagerly poring over an astonishing amount of Zonko's products, some of them suspiciously resembling banned items. While there were many others that Lily had seen roaming the corridors of Hogwarts, she was pleased to note that none of them seemed to be Slytherins. She guessed that they were at the Hog's Head. Marlene had strongly advised her to stay away from that place.

A few minutes later, they were settled in a corner table, far from the Marauders, drinks in hand. Simultaneously, they lifted their foaming butterbeers into the air. Before the hot liquid could touch her lips, Lily hesitated, her green eyes watching Severus's reaction intently. As he swallowed, his verdict was impossible to decipher.

"It's good," Severus said grudgingly, but for a moment, his black eyes seemed to twinkle as he observed her untouched drink. "Considering the fact that I'm not spitting it out, I would say it's safe to try it."

Lily made a face at him, but she gingerly tasted her own butterbeer. After the first tentative sip, she discovered that she had an instant liking for the butterscotch-like flavor and promptly gulped it down. "I like it!"

"I can tell," said Severus, his lips twitching.

Setting her drained glass on the table, Lily eagerly sat up, feeling considerably more awake. She clapped her hands together in anticipation. "What do you want to do after this? Zonko's? Honeydukes? Ohh, we have to visit the Shrieking Shack! It's the most haunted building in Britain."

"Nothing with sugar," Severus answered, watching her in mild alarm.

Lily glowered at him. Most of her sudden excitement had to do with Severus's lightened mood. He wasn't quite the same, but at least she could now see an echo of her best friend. "Hurry up and finish your drink, Sev."

But once they were out in the crisp October air, Lily was disappointed to see that Severus had returned to his former state, black eyes distant, lips pressed tightly together in a thin line. She tried to continue with her usual chatter, but it wasn't much fun when he was barely listening to her.

"You're doing it again," Lily told him with a trace of impatience.

"What?" Severus said absently.

"Thinking."

Severus's attention focused on her. "Am I not allowed to think?"

"Not that sort of thinking. A different thinking," Lily said, struggling to find the right words. "Like you're thinking about something that's worrying you. It's like you're not even here because you're too busy thinking of whatever it is that's bothering you."

"You do realize that made no sense whatsoever?" Severus raised an eyebrow.

"I thought it did," Lily frowned slightly, feeling foolish. "Never mind."

"Lily-" Severus began, something in his voice changing. It was no less serious than usual, but there was an almost pleading note. His expression was one that Lily recognized. It was the same one he wore when he had told her about his father, when he, rather reluctantly but so desperately needed, to confess something.

Lily looked at him hopefully. The sooner he told her, the sooner the strange, unfamiliar distance between them would vanish.

But Severus shook his head as if he had thought better of it. "Never mind."

Lily tore her bright green eyes away from him and focused ahead. Their footsteps noticeably heavier, they slowly trudged toward the Shrieking Shack, neither of them able to utter a word.


	37. Chapter 37 The Boggart

**I can't believe I not only reached 200 reviews, but also had over 30 in a three day period. All of you reviewing are amazing, so thank you! A special thanks to those who keep reviewing. **

**Clementine- Thanks for all your reviews! The transformation back to Snape will be when Snape is back at Sirius's house in the letter scene in the first chapter. So far, it's sort of like his flashbacks, which is not the best explanation because of Lily's perspective. The best I can explain it is by comparing it to Titanic, when it had Rose telling the story, but it also showed her story from Jack's perspective. That's actually how I came up with the idea.**

**thereader- Thanks for reading again! Lily's relationship with James will change most drastically during seventh year, but the end of fifth year should have her seeing a new side of him.**

**Chapter Thirty-Seven- The Boggart**

**1973**

As the inevitable meeting of the Knights of Walpurgis neared, Severus grew increasingly anxious. He was not the sort of person who liked surprises. He preferred to stock up on knowledge and be fully aware of his surroundings. He opted for facts and precision, which was one reason why he favored Potions.

Worst of all, he couldn't tell Lily. Severus had always been a private person, but Lily had an unfortunate habit of wheedling out his secrets. Severus didn't trust himself not to tell her nearly as much as he feared what they would do to her if he did tell her. The result was his distant moods and somewhat snappish responses, which didn't go over very well with Lily.

Severus stared absently into the flames of the common room fireplace, renewed uncertainty tugging at his mind. There were moments such as then that Severus was sorely tempted to tell Lily everything. But then reality soaked in. He couldn't risk it. From Mulciber's explanation, the Knights of Walpurgis didn't seem like a typical secret group, especially if Voldemort favored them. Telling a Muggle-born seemed like a death wish for the both of them.

And Severus had a sneaking suspicion that Lily wouldn't understand.

"Trouble sleeping?"

Severus swung his head around and was more than startled to see Narcissa Black float into the room, her sheet of long, icy blond hair swaying with her fluid motions. He hadn't seen much of the youngest Black sister, the quietest of three. She held a certain fascination with the Slytherins; males and females alike seemed to worship her. While her angelic features revealed that she was perfectly aware of the power she held, Narcissa's manner towards all of them was cold. The ice only seemed to thaw when she was with another Black or Lucius.

"Yes," Severus replied honestly, not knowing why he didn't lie.

"I can't either," Narcissa said quietly. "I never can."

There was a brief silence.

"It's the Mudblood, isn't it?" Even from her dulcet voice, soft as she took the seat beside him, the word sounded cruel. As the firelight played with her silvery tresses, Severus could almost understand why the Slytherins were so enchanted with her. But instead of being charmed, Severus felt nothing but defensive for Lily's sake.

Severus didn't answer, but Narcissa didn't seem to notice. "You miss her," she said with something resembling wonder. "You miss things the way they were. They were simpler then."

Severus's hands curled tightly around the arms of his chair. Similarly to Lily, she had an unnerving habit of reading his thoughts. But unlike Lily, she lacked the innocent curiosity of a close friend. Severus didn't know what to make of her.

"I miss him. Lucius."

When Severus glanced at her, she was staring at the fireplace as he had been before her entrance, her pale blue eyes transfixed by the crackling flames.

"The funny part is," Narcissa began, her gaze never wavering. "This is just the beginning. It only worsens from here, doesn't it?"

That had been one of Severus's darker fears, but he hadn't dared voice it. He couldn't think that way. It was irrational. As long as he became someone, everything would be fine. "I don't think so," Severus said, but his answer had been too quick, almost as if it had been wishful thinking.

"Or you don't want to."

Severus tensed further, wishing that the Black sister would just leave. "That's not it."

"I remember when I first met him," Narcissa said reflectively as if Severus hadn't spoken. It was as if she were alone now, speaking to herself. Her voice had taken a wistful turn, an emotion that Severus had not imagined she was capable of. "I hated him then."

"You did?" Severus said incredulously, unable to stop himself. He had seen the way that Narcissa and Lucius looked at each other and he couldn't imagine them ever hating one another.

Narcissa spoke to him, but her blue eyes glazed over, as if she barely saw him. She gave a small, lilting laugh. "I don't think I ever hated anyone more than I hated Lucius. We hated each other."

"I can't see it."

"The first day we met, he pulled my hair and I broke his toy broomstick," Narcissa paused, a faint smile crossing her lips at the memory. "Our families constantly pushed us together. There weren't many pure bloods left, at least pure bloods our age that our families approved of."

For some inexplicable reason, Severus felt dread. But in spite of himself, he also felt a spark of interest. He had never heard Narcissa string so many words together, and there was something oddly intriguing about her. "Then what happened?"

"We grew up," Narcissa smiled wistfully. "He defended me and I finally saw that he wasn't the arrogant boy I had always thought he was."

Severus couldn't understand why, but he had the strange sensation that this story was very familiar. "Oh."

They fell into silence again, but it was a comfortable one that fit their quiet natures.

"Why did you tell me?" Severus asked.

"You needed someone to talk to," Narcissa said simply. "And so did I."

Severus didn't say anything, his heightened suspicion relenting at last. He had a distinct feeling that the Slytherin was telling the truth. They shared a strange understanding, one that he now understood perfectly, and one that he suspected that Narcissa had recognized. They restrained their emotions and treated the world around them coldly, but the few people they were close to, they truly cared about.

"I think I'll try to sleep now," Narcissa rose to her feet with her customary grace, her creamy blond hair still gleaming even as she stepped into the shadows. "Goodnight, Severus."

"Narcissa," Severus said suddenly.

Narcissa turned around. The gentle expression that had crept over her when she had been talking about Lucius had vanished. Her cold veneer had returned, her pretty face devoid of any emotion, any weakness.

"I like Potions," Severus began, unsure of why he was making the offer. "If you have trouble sleeping, I can brew you something that might help."

Narcissa smiled slightly, but unlike the previous times, this one was solely for him. "Lucius was right about you. I would like that."

As pale and airy as a ghost, she melted into the darkness. Severus stared after her blankly, her words replaying in his mind. It wasn't until she was gone that Severus realized that the beginning of the story reminded him of Potter and Lily.

**1973**

Professor Collingsworth may not have been the most cordial of teachers, but there was no denying that there was something fascinating about his lessons. Gryffindors and Slytherins alike were alert in their seats, watching the reserved teacher with avid curiosity.

"Boggarts are shape-shifters. Who can tell me what determines their form?" Collingsworth's narrowed eyes seemed to linger on each individual in the room, cool expectation and disapproval somehow merged together with his scrutiny.

Lily raised her hand, but Alice's shot up first. Collingsworth nodded toward her, expressionless.

"Boggarts take the form of something the victim fears," Alice spoke without skipping a beat. Her rapid words ran together, causing Wilkes and Rosier to snicker, but she paid them no mind.

"Not quite," Professor Collingsworth said without a trace of emotion. "Boggarts assume the form of the victim's very worst fear. In order to defeat it, we use a charm."

As the lecture continued, Lily's attention drifted sadly towards Severus. He seemed more and more distant every day, but she was glad to see that he was not huddled with the other Slytherins. Instead he was focused on the lecture, wearing a slight frown on concentration.

But just then, his coal black eyes met hers, and Lily thought, maybe, just maybe, everything would be all right. He held her gaze for a few more seconds with a startling intensity, his frown slowly turning up at the edges, his steely expression softening.

Lily gave a small, tentative smile in return. She wanted nothing more than to demand what he was hiding, but she knew he wouldn't tell her unless he wanted to. He would only deny it.

"_Riddikulus_," the class echoed in unison, causing Lily to snap back to reality. For some reason, they were standing up. Slightly late, she followed them, but from the way Collingsworth's eyes flashed towards her reprovingly, she was certain that he knew she hadn't been listening.

"When you see the boggart-" Professor Collingsworth began, but Lily froze. They were supposed to confront their worst fears? In front of everyone? She instinctively inched toward Severus, her hands suddenly clammy. Collingsworth seemed to be asking quite a lot of them.

Severus was watching her. "You'll do well," he whispered, close enough that his breath tickled her cheek. "Just remember, _riddikulus_."

Lily swallowed, moistening her lips with the tip of her tongue as she struggled to regain composure. Still trembling, she wondered the room had always been so cold. She didn't even know what her worst fear was, but she knew she didn't want to confront it.

Before the boggart in her mind could take shape, something burst out of the cabinet. Lily blinked, staring at what she supposed was the boggart. Only it didn't look frightening at all. It was a woman, pretty and slim, clad in Quidditch robes of pale blue. In her hands, she was waving a Cup jubilantly, grinning from ear to ear with pride.

"Oh no," Potter moaned in anguish, sounding more distraught than Lily had ever heard him. "France won the World Cup."

Lily didn't know whether to be disgusted or amused.

"Are you serious, James?" Lupin shook his head in dismay, but Lily could see his lips quivering as if he was trying desperately not to laugh. But then he caught himself and suddenly glared at Black, who was opening his mouth. "Don't even say it."

"_Riddikulus_!" A sharp cracking sound sliced through the air, vicious and triumphant, and the Quidditch player tripped, trophy falling from her arms. Potter beamed victoriously, stepping aside for Black.

Lily was expecting something equally as stupid as Potter, but Black's boggart startled her. It was a masked figure, draped in heavy black robes, curiously clutching its left forearm, only to abruptly release it. The pale hands darted toward its hood, slowly lifting its mask…

"_Riddikulus_!" Black bellowed with surprising fury. The cavalier boy who was one of the four masterminds behind the majority of mischief at Hogwarts was nowhere to be found. There was a brief yet almost horrifying expression of hatred, anger, and pain contorting his handsome features, all at once. Before the boggart's identity could be fully revealed, there was a cracking sound.

But Lily could have sworn that she saw the face of Regulus Black.

Lupin's boggart was an odd silvery orb that Lily couldn't quite make out. It puzzled her, but she could see that Severus was eyeing the form with a pensive frown. After Pettigrew took over the boggart, an astonishing likeness of Filch, Lily saw Lupin duck his head while Potter and Black exchanged cryptic glances.

It was Lily's turn. She closed her eyes and opened them to find herself looking at a creature she had never seen before, but somehow, it was eerily familiar. It was veiled under a black cloak, a hood concealing its face…if it had one. With dawning horror, Lily realized it was a dementor, the same creature that Severus had told her about many times. Shuddering, she cried out, "_Riddikulus_!"

Marlene's turn was next. As Lily went back to stand beside Severus, her knees weak with relief, there were sudden shouts and gasps. The eager and slightly nervous atmosphere had instantly transformed into one of pure terror. Lily looked around, still not fully recovered from her own boggart encounter, and paled at the ghastly sight that met her eyes.

It was a human male, or at least, Lily supposed he was. There was something not quite human about him, something almost snake-like. His waxy skin was taut over his twisted features, his slitted eyes crimson with blood… He was so harrowing, that Lily's hand automatically flew to Severus's.

"_Riddikulus_," Professor Collingsworth cut in grimly. He had hurtled across the room so quickly, that Lily had barely absorbed his appearance. With a sharp flick of his wand, the boggart erupted into smoke, translucent and curling, only to evaporate seconds later into nothingness.

"What was that?" Lily asked softly, but Marlene pressed her lips firmly together, shaking her head violently as if she was unable to speak. She blinked furiously, but Lily was certain that she saw a teardrop escape.

Lily scanned the room and she saw that nearly everyone was visibly shaken. Even the Slytherins looked jolted. Even more surprising were the Marauders' reactions. They were all ashen, with Pettigrew quivering. For once, Potter's hazel eyes lacked the mischievous sparkle. He looked…shocked, as if his entire world of Quidditch and jokes had come crashing down.

Lily twisted around to look at Severus questioningly. His jaw was set with grim determination and his black eyes seemed reluctant to lock with hers. "It was You-Know-Who."

It was then when Lily realized she was still holding his hand, so tightly that it was a wonder that she had not cut off his circulation. She dropped it, her emerald green eyes wide as she struggled to digest what she had just witnessed.

"I think it would be best to conclude this lesson for the day," Professor Collingsworth said in his usual detached voice. But when Lily looked at him, she was certain she could see fear in his eyes. It disturbed her. She knew it was only logical that the teachers would fear Voldemort too, but they were adults. Lily had once believed that once grown up, it was impossible to fear anything.

It was disconcerting to see the reality.

"I should see if Marlene is okay," Lily told Severus quietly with another glance at the quavering Gryffindor. "Do you want to come with me?"

Severus's dark eyes flickered from Marlene to the Slytherins. His face was indecipherable as he looked back at Lily, raking a hand through his black hair distractedly. "I can't. I'll meet you later, all right?"

Lily nodded, her throat tight. Somehow, she hadn't expected him to come along. Her heart heavy, she caught up with Marlene, who was flanked by a protective Alice and Mary.

"I couldn't believe I couldn't do it," Marlene's voice was shaking. Tears were now running freely down her cheeks. "But he looked so _evil_."

"No one blames you, Marlene," Mary said quietly.

"I don't even know what he was. I swear he isn't human," Marlene angrily wiped her tears with the back of her hand. "I hate him. I hate this war. I hate feeling this way."

"We all do," said Lily.

It was only then that she realized how true it was.


	38. Chapter 38 The Test

**Sorry for the late chapter, but thanks for all the reviews! James's worst fear won't always be France winning the World Cup, but I really wanted to show how immature he was and show his development into the person that Lily eventually comes to love. A note/spoiler about this chapter- it might seem like the conflict ended too easily in the final scene, but that was my intention. Third year is pretty much the year of Lily making excuses for Severus and seeing what she only wants to see.**

**rannha- Thanks for catching that! Sometimes I do spellcheck and automatically change it without really reading it, so there might be a few more mistakes like that.**

**the reader- Thanks again for the review! To be honest, I wasn't completely happy with Lily's boggart either ( I'm guessing that's what you meant to type.) I thought about it and I wanted to show some similarities with Harry since Dumbledore said that he was more like her than James, so like Harry, I decided to have her worst fear fear itself. Since Severus told her about them and she seemed worried before, I settled on that. I considered making her boggart a dead family member but I thought that and Voldemort would have been too much, especially since I wanted her to focus on Voldemort. **

**stargazer- Thanks for the review! I didn't put Severus's boggart because I think I said before that his (current) worst fear is becoming a failure and I couldn't think of a decent way to show that, or losing Lily, and I didn't want to show a dead Lily because I thought it would make things too...intense between them for now, or it would have Severus too paranoid about losing her and just making distancing things between them more difficult. Also, I want Lily's death, or at least the threat of her death, to be somewhat of a shock for him.**

**misken67- Thanks for the review! I've never seen that movie, but if it's anything like Snape and Lily, then I'm definitely interested in watching it. I love sad movies. **

**Chapter Thirty-Eight- The Test**

**1973**

Halloween morning arrived much too quickly for Severus. While he was more than eager to discover the secrets of the Knights of Walpurgis, a new dilemma had kept him tossing and turning all throughout the night. The previous day Lily had mentioned their tradition of visiting the Forbidden Forest on Halloween night, and Severus had, quite stupidly, forgotten all about it.

There was absolutely no possibility that he could miss the meeting. He didn't know when or where it was yet, but he couldn't risk it. He would just have to explain it to her, the best he could, and hope for the best.

But when Severus saw Lily outside the Great Hall, his resolution faltered and he swallowed nervously, uncertain of how she would react. He had never abandoned her before, and even though he wasn't sure if it qualified as abandonment, he certainly felt badly enough.

"Are you okay?" Lily's green eyes filled with concern when she saw him. The emotion drew another prick of guilt for Severus. "You look like you're about to be sick."

"I'm fine," Severus coughed, glancing around him to ensure there was no Slytherin in sight. "Can we talk?"

Lily looked more worried than ever as she followed him to a deserted corner. The guilt knotted in his stomach uncomfortably. Sometimes Severus felt as if he did not deserve Lily Evans as a best friend, and this was one of those occasions. He had been attempting to act like his usual self, but there had been no fooling Lily. Between his distant self and that night's desertion, Severus had never felt like a worse friend.

Lily deserved better than him. But one day, he would be better.

"Sev, is anything wrong?" Lily asked nervously. "You're starting to worry me."

"Nothing's wrong," Severus muttered, looking around once more before facing her. Her eyes seemed to pierce into him painfully and he quickly dropped his gaze. But somehow, something in those eyes seemed to draw him back in, as they always did, and he met the crystalline green once again. He couldn't help but drink in every miniscule detail of those eyes, and in spite of the anxiety that was swamping his mind, he was reminded of the thought that there was not a shade more beautiful. "It's about tonight. I can't go."

"Oh," Lily looked relieved and then disappointed. As much as he hated to see that particular expression on her face, his heart lifted momentarily seeing that she was nearly as sorry as he was to miss their Halloween tradition. "Why not?"

Severus studied the ground, suddenly uncomfortable. "I can't tell you."

"How come?"

"I can't tell you that either," Severus said rather miserably, digging his toe in the stone floor, doing anything to avoid eye contact. It wasn't safe when he peered into those almond shaped emeralds.

"It's not like I would tell anyone," Lily sounded hurt.

"I know."

"Then why not?"

"I told you. I can't tell you."

When Severus finally met her eyes, he could see that they had darkened; always a danger sign. She folded her arms stubbornly across her chest and adopted an unusually stiff voice. "Well, when you can tell me, you know where to find me."

As she spun around, her red hair cascading down her back, Severus was oddly reminded of their first meeting. But instead of the desperation he had felt then, he felt an unexpected surge of anger. Just because they were best friends didn't mean he had to tell her everything.

Severus's ill temper didn't subside until the sun fell below the horizon. As lavender and blue-gray began to cross over the slashes of fading pink, Severus reluctantly went to find Lily. He most likely would have found her, if he hadn't been Stunned.

When he finally awoke, he didn't recognize his whereabouts. It was dark, almost tunnel-like, with only the faint glow of candles to light the area. The ground beneath him was cold, so cold, that it felt almost damp. Mulciber, Wilkes, Rosier, and Avery were stirring beside him, dazed and mumbling. As Severus slowly gathered his senses, more than slightly irritated that the Knights of Walpurgis had managed to catch him off guard, three hooded figures came into view. Their robes were black, whispering softly as they swept across the icy floor. Dark masks disguised their aristocratic features, preventing any hint of identity. Two mirrored each other in towering height and bulk, but the middle was considerably lean. As he observed them, Severus didn't feel fear. He was intrigued. Those three held the keys to his future.

"I did say that they would find us," Mulciber rubbed his eyes nonchalantly, only to flinch when he noticed the hooded figures.

"Silence!" The middle figure demanded harshly, causing the other four Slytherins to cringe. Severus couldn't move; he simply watched in a mixture of fascination and dread. The mysterious figure may have lacked the burly build of the other two, but it was clear that he had the authority. With the surrounding darkness and the dim candlelight flickering across his mask, he made a frightening picture.

But Severus was not frightened. It had been a single word, but Severus was positive that he recognized the owner. There was no mistaking the way his powerful voice had elegantly caressed the word. It was Lucius Malfoy. As the figure strode closer to them with a purposeful grace that even heavy robes could not conceal, Severus's guess was confirmed.

"The five of you have been chosen to receive one of the highest honors," Lucius said crisply. Even though his chiseled face was masked, Severus could sense those icy gray eyes delving into his soul and nearly shivered. "The highest honor that has been reserved for those with untainted blood, those who demonstrate a gift, a reverence, for the Dark Arts."

A slight frown curved on Severus's lips, but he could deny the sudden thrill of anticipation.

"You will receive the test of the Knights of Walpurgis."

There was an unexpected pause. Lucius seemed to be waiting for their response, but it was as if no one could muster a word.

"Test?" Avery echoed at last. "But I thought we were going to be Knights."

"We are talking about the Knights of Walpurgis. Not Charms Club," Lucius answered coldly. "Being selected for the opportunity itself is an honor. If anyone is lacking the ambition to be something more, the cunning to succeed, I suggest you leave now."

No one moved a muscle. Lucius continued.

"Your test is not a simple question and answer exam. You will be observed. Every accomplishment you manage, every mistake you make, will be accounted. If you show as much substance as promise, you will be initiated one year from today."

Severus would have much preferred an exam. He was a private person, and the idea that the hooded figures would be observing him, was more than slightly unsettling, especially since he had the uncomfortable feeling that they had already been watching him. From the way the other Slytherins were shifting beside them, he could tell that, they too, felt uneasy.

"An entire year?" Mulciber blurted out. Everyone faced him and his pallid face deepened to a startling shade of crimson.

"If you succeed, you will be rewarded beyond your dreams," Lucius went on, refusing to dignify Mulciber's outburst with a response. "I'm certain that I don't have to tell you the glory that awaits those in our inner circle. The few who will achieve in becoming part of that inner circle will find favor with the one who will bring power to those with the purest blood."

Voldemort. Severus shivered, but whether it was from apprehension, excitement, or the cold, he could not tell. He knew that the majority of Hogwarts saw Voldemort as simply a dark wizard, but to Severus, he was something else. The last few weeks of contemplation had led to a realization. To Severus, Voldemort wasn't good or bad. He was extremely clever, and had done exactly what Severus had wanted to. No one had even heard of him until he showed up out of nowhere, and almost instantly, he had become someone. And now he was the most feared wizard in the wizarding world.

Voldemort must have had an opportunity and seized it. Now it was Severus's turn.

"But what are the rules?" Wilkes ventured uneasily. "What do you want us to do? And not to do?"

"That," Lucius said, and Severus was certain that his lips were curling. "Is part of your test."

Severus's dread slowly transformed into grim determination. He would not fail.

**1973**

Lily distractedly twisted a lock of hair around her index finger, pausing to watch the sunlight glisten on the coppery strands. A forced smile remained on her lips and she nodded every so often, barely hearing Mary's voice. The normally quiet Gryffindor was suddenly bursting with chatter ever since Davey Gudgeon had asked her to the next Hogsmeade weekend.

"I think I liked him ever since I started helping him with Arithmancy," Mary confided, her cheeks pink. "He's so sweet…"

Lily nodded again, her mind still focused on Severus. It had only been a day since their quarrel, but it seemed like much longer. She knew that she was most likely overreacting, but she was so tired of Severus's strange behavior. He was so distant lately; it was as if she wasn't even there. He had been acting…just as she was now, Lily realized rather guiltily, with a quick glance at Mary.

"I never thought I would like someone else. I've liked James for the longest…"

Lily was suddenly wide awake. Her head shot up and her eyes flashed toward Mary, almost positive that she couldn't have heard her friend correctly. "You liked Potter?"

"Well, yes," Mary began, looking rather embarrassed. It was suddenly clear that she hadn't meant for that part to slip out.

"But he's an arrogant prat!" Lily said incredulously. "You said so before!"

Mary seemed at loss for words. After struggling to answer for several seconds, she then pointed an accusing finger at Marlene. "Marlene likes Sirius!"

"Mary!" Marlene cried out just as Lily exclaimed, "Marlene!"

"I don't understand why," Lily couldn't stop the frown from forming on her lips as she eyed her two friends in confusion. "I thought we hated Potter and Black. All of us agreed how annoying they were, how they never shut up, how they think the world revolves around them…"

"Have you _seen_ them?" Marlene jerked her head in the direction of the Marauders. There was a sudden dreaminess lurking behind her amber eyes, and Lily wondered how she could not have possibly noticed it before. "Actually, I sort of like James too. I can never make up my mind."

Lily followed her gaze and watched the four disdainfully. Potter was ruffling his hair, as usual, letting a stolen Snitch fly free, only to catch it moments later. Pettigrew was gasping with awestruck eyes, only to choke on a licorice wand seconds later. Lupin was attempting to read a book, struggling to hold it with both hands, while Black Summoned it, looking rather amused at his friend's irritation. "I don't see it. Are you sure we're looking at the same people?"

Mary and Marlene looked at her in disbelief. Lily suddenly wished that Alice hadn't opted for the library. There was no one better to shake some sense into them. How could anyone actually tolerate Potter, let alone like him? It was absurd.

"Is it Severus?" Marlene asked curiously.

"Why does it have to be anyone?" Lily said, feeling suddenly annoyed. "Severus is my best friend. That's it."

"Well, your best friend is coming over here," Mary answered, looking over Lily's shoulder with sudden interest.

Lily whirled around to find that Severus was indeed approaching them. He was walking quickly in their direction, but his black eyes were darting warily over to the Marauders, his wand ready. Lily bit her lip, suddenly wanting nothing more than to work things out with Severus. Perhaps there was something going on with him, but didn't that mean he would need her support more than ever? They had always stood by each other, no matter what. It was unfair of her to stop now.

"Can we talk?" Severus asked as soon as he had reached her, his dark eyes apprehensively searching her face. Circles shadowed his eyes; he looked as if he hadn't slept at all. Even his robes were more rumpled than usual.

Lily looked uncertainly toward the Gryffindor girls. All of them had fallen silent, watching Severus cautiously. While their faces bore no hostility, none seemed ready to welcome him with open arms. "I'll meet you back in the common room."

In unspoken agreement, she and Severus headed in the opposite direction of the Marauders. It was a chilly day and Lily was glad that there was not many outside. Her heart hammered against her chest anxiously. It was one of those few times that she was at loss of what to say to Severus. She was unaccustomed to the feeling, and for that, she was glad. She didn't like it all.

"I wanted to say sorry about yesterday," Severus said quietly.

Lily began to speak, but he quickly shook his head. "Wait. I need to say this. I'm sorry I missed Halloween."

A lump in her throat, Lily nodded, watching as Severus took a deep breath. It was rare that she saw him so uncertain, so unlike the guarded boy that he had been during their first few months of friendship, that he still was with everyone else. It touched her.

"But I'm even more sorry for the way I've been acting. I know I haven't been the most reliable friend lately, and I…" Severus's black eyes locked with hers and Lily believed him. "I'll change that. I promise. It'll be like how we were before."

Lily couldn't hold back any longer; she wrenched him into a hug, inhaling the scent of the dusty leather-bound books that he was so fond of and the same fragrance as the fresh perfume of their little clearing. It was the same scent she had always associated with him, before Hogwarts, when he had been simply her best friend. That was all she wanted. Her best friend.

"You forgive me?" Severus said hopefully.

"I think I already did," Lily released him, only to stand back and smile at him, her green eyes sparkling. "And I'm sorry too. I overreacted."

"We both did."

Lily's smile grew, so wide that her face hurt. But she couldn't stop. Having Severus back was better than Christmas and her birthday put together. "I missed you, Sev."

"I did too," said Severus, a familiar light returning to his dark eyes. "I know it was only a day, but…"

"It seems like longer," Lily finished. "I was just thinking that."

"We could have a belated Halloween," Severus suggested, pushing back a curtain of black hair in thought. Whether it was from the simple motion or their reconciliation, Lily didn't know, but she was glad to see that his dark eyes seemed brighter than ever, glittering with that sparkle that seemed reserved especially for her. "I know it won't be the same, but I thought…"

His voice trailed off, and he looked uncertain again.

"That sounds perfect," Lily said eagerly. "Oh, do you have time for the library later? I was going to ask you about the Slughorn essay."

"We could go now," Severus offered, looking pleased that she was requesting his help.

"Thanks, Sev!" Lily took his hand, suddenly alive with energy now that their argument was forgotten. The tension had evaporated and the strange distance between them had vanished. Now that everything was fine between them, Lily never wanted to fight with Severus again.


	39. Chapter 39 The Bezoar

**As always, thanks for all reviews! Two notes: I know I was updating every other day for a while and I said I would continue to try, but I've been so busy lately. Things should calm down soon, but until then, I'll most likely be updating only twice a week. Sorry! Also, if you see this story as soon as I upload it, you might catch more than a few errors. For some reason, when I look over for any corrections in a word document, I get so used to the words that I skip over mistakes. As soon as I upload it and review it, that's when I catch the most mistakes. So sorry for anyone who sees it right away and has to read through those errors. I always try my best to fix them as soon as possible.**

**ModernDayRapunzel- I'm actually not sure yet. I have an outline of the story, and I don't have anything about Severus's boggart yet, but I'm always adding little things in. It's definitely a possibility. **

**MermaidGirl34- I really do like that boggart idea because it sort of connects with a much later chapter I have planned. If I end up using it, I'll credit you. Thanks for the suggestion!**

**Chapter Thirty-Nine- The Bezoar**

**1973**

Severus shifted his weight from one foot to the other, unable to conceal his impatience. As much as he liked being considered part of the little group of Slytherins, he could not deny that he would much rather be back in the Room of Requirement, studying Occlumency or working on his spells. One in particular was nearly ready and he was quite keen on testing it out…

"Snape! Now!"

Severus's black eyes flickered over to Mulciber in annoyance. Ever since their encounter with the Knights of Walpurgis, the Slytherins had been more than eager to impress. Mulciber had crowned himself the unofficial leader, and between his constant superiority and Quidditch season, it was no wonder that Severus had to bury himself with extra work in order to preserve his sanity.

But it would all be worth it in the end.

"Snape!"

Severus stared at the broomstick in front of him. He was not an expert on broomsticks, but he could see why nearly the entire Hogwarts population drooled over it. It was brand new and sleek, finely crafted, built for speed. Delicate gold lettering spelled out _Nimbus One Thousand Ten_ on the smooth handle. It was nicer than anything Severus had ever owned, had ever touched.

And James Potter's parents had simply given it to him. Even though he had a perfectly good Nimbus One Thousand already.

Severus aimed his wand at the broom, suddenly troubled by a wave of uncertainty. Over the past few weeks, he had gone along with the other Slytherins, teaching hexes to the fortunate and putting hexes on the unfortunate. Seeing the fear that trailed after him was satisfying. But somehow, this felt different. It wasn't a simple Bat-Bogey Hex. Severus could think of several potential consequences, all of them dire. Potter's death was among them.

"Snape! We're out of time! Can you curse the broom or not?" Mulciber's voice rudely broke through his thoughts.

Severus gnashed his teeth, gripping his wand so tightly that his knuckles whitened. Nothing would happen to Potter, except humiliation. It was as Lily always said, Potter was a cockroach and everyone knew cockroaches were impossible to get rid of. Potter was the one who seemed determined to make Severus's every day a living hell. A little humiliation was precisely what he deserved. As the memory of Severus's first flying lesson came flooding back, Severus muttered the curse.

"It's done," Severus said quietly, feeling strangely peaceful.

"Finally," Mulciber seized his arm unceremoniously and roughly pulled him toward the door. "They'll be here for their brooms any minute."

Yes, Severus thought again, it would all be worth it.

It wasn't until he was in the stands that he felt another stab of uncertainty, but it wasn't concerning Potter's fate. It was revolved around Lily. She didn't know anything about the Knights of Walpurgis, his casual hexing strolls with the Slytherins, or even what awaited James Potter. He had rationalized it all in his mind, but an immense load of guilt still weighed down Severus's shoulders. He could already imagine the horror and disbelief darken in her emerald green eyes. She couldn't find out. About any of it. Not until he became a Knight, and perhaps something more. Then she would understand. She would have to. No longer would he simply be the Snape boy who lived on Spinner's End. He would be someone that she would be proud of.

But as Potter's entrance was greeted by a nauseating wave of enthusiasm, Severus was certain that cursing the broomstick had not been a mistake. His lips twisted in disgust as his eyes followed Potter's swift motions. This was the boy who had taunted him from the very first day, hexed him at nearly every opportunity, and fancied Lily. The third offense cut more deeply than the rest and Severus clenched his fists tightly, wishing that a Bludger would come along and strike Potter's overinflated head…

"Why isn't anything happening?" Wilkes turned around to face Mulciber and Snape. "Did you do curse it or not?"

"Shut it, Wilkes. Someone might hear you." Severus's head whipped around surreptitiously to check for any eavesdroppers, but the others, with the exception of their flock of five, were lost in the match.

Mulciber did the same, although his glance was much less thorough. "He did," he confirmed, but suddenly gave Severus a look of great suspicion. "You did, didn't you?"

"Of course I did," Severus said, not bothering to veil his irritation. "Nothing will happen yet. Not until Gryffindor is tied with Slytherin."

"You can do that?" Rosier asked curiously.

"Obviously. It's more dramatic that way." Severus's eyes moved toward Potter, who was embellishing his flying with a variety of complicated swerves and perilous dips, much to the delight of the cheering audience. "Fitting, isn't it?"

His words were met by identical smirks.

"CHASER POTTER SCORES. TEN POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR!"

Severus glared at the silver and emerald clad Quidditch players, willing them to even the score. If they didn't, he would have four very angry Slytherins to cope with. He could have made it so the Nimbus had hurled Potter off the moment he was in the air, but Severus wanted it to sting as badly as possible. Just when the Gryffindor team would need him the most, just when Potter was prepared to play the hero and be showered in glory, Severus wanted him to fail.

"CHASER LONGBOTTOM HAS THE QUAFFLE-"

Severus cursed to himself furiously.

"AND MISSES! SLYTHERIN HAS THE QUAFFLE… DAMN. TEN POINTS TO SLYTHERIN."

Instantly, five pairs of eyes were trained upon Potter. At first, nothing seemed to happen. Severus's heart thudded against his chest, wondering reluctantly if he had made a mistake. But before a Slytherin could accuse him of an error, Potter's precious Nimbus jerked violently.

"Chaser Potter continues to show off his new Nimbus," The Ravenclaw announcer said excitedly. "Notice how smooth it is? Even with Potter's deranged sense of direction, it's smoother than any broom I have ever seen… MAKE UP YOUR MIND, POTTER. LEFT OR RIGHT?"

Potter was creating quite the stir. His broom lurched again treacherously, and Severus was astonished to see that he hadn't been flung forward. Even from the stands, he could see the expression of surprising resolve cross his enemy's features.

"Er-" The Ravenclaw paused awkwardly. "I think his broom has been jinxed. Argh… ANOTHER TEN FOR SLYTHERIN."

The Slytherins around Severus sniggered and cheered, but he couldn't move. His dark eyes remained fixed on Potter. He hadn't thought the arrogant prat would last this long. As Slytherin scored again, Severus twitched uncomfortably. He wished it would end already. Why didn't Potter just fall off? Why didn't Dumbledore or another professor step in?

With another vicious swerve, Potter tumbled over the edge, causing several screams to ring out. Severus's heart skipped a beat, but Potter did not fall to the ground. One hand remained determinedly on the handle, refusing to let go. In disbelief, Severus watched as the Gryffindor Chaser swayed back and forth, gaining momentum. Seconds later, he triumphantly swung himself over, beaming at the roaring crowd.

The Slytherins cursed and, suddenly, four accusing pairs of eyes flew to Severus. But Severus scarcely noticed. He was glaring at Potter contemptuously, his coal black eyes cold with relentless hatred. But lurking beneath the surface of the depthless black, there was another emotion, an emotion that surprised even him. It was one that bordered on relief. But that sentiment died as quickly as it was born as Severus watched disgustedly as Potter rumpled his hair and flashed his smirk around for the enraptured crowd to see.

Severus was suddenly sorry that he had not fallen.

**1973**

"I was at least a thousand feet in the air. If I fell, I would have died. But I knew I could handle it. Professional Quidditch players are used to it..."

Lily rolled her eyes at Severus, wishing that Potter would shut up. He was even louder than usual; his near life death experience had unfortunately boosted his fan base, and even more unfortunately, enlarged his ego. "Have you noticed that each time he tells the story, he adds another hundred feet?"

Severus didn't say anything, but his lips quirked into a faint smile as he sliced his Fire Seeds in a brisk, meticulous motion. "Wait two minutes, not one."

Lily apprehensively eyed her Antidote to Uncommon Poisons. The potion was much more complex than the ones normally assigned, but Slughorn had jovially announced it to be a challenge. While his words were met by grumbles from the rest of the class, Severus and Lily had immediately perked up. An hour later, Lily was no longer feeling quite so perky. "Now?"

Severus hurriedly slashed out something in his textbook and glanced up at the foaming liquid. "Fifteen more seconds."

"That's exact," Lily sighed, peeking over his shoulder to see what he was scribbling. "Why seven Fire Seed halves instead of six?"

"Seven is the most powerful magical number," Severus said simply. "I've found that when instructions suggest six or eight of something, seven has the most potent effect. Lily, your potion!"

To Lily's horror, the antidote was a bright acid green instead of the desired cloudy jade. Quickly, she took her handful of Fire Seed halves and emptied them into her cauldron. "Is it too late?" Lily asked in a very small voice.

"Yes," Severus answered grimly and Lily looked at her antidote in alarm. "The world may end at any moment."

"Sev!" Lily smacked him playfully in the shoulder as his lips twitched into a small smile. "I'm being serious."

"I am too," Severus said solemnly. "Add a drop of belladonna and you save us all."

Lily shook her head but was smiling as she did as she was told, torn between relief that her antidote might turn out decently after all and delight that Severus was in one of his lighter moods. But to her annoyance, she accidentally poured two drops instead of one.

"This is impossible!" Lily exclaimed in frustration, wondering why she was having so much difficulty in one of her top subjects. She tended to be a perfectionist and having a less than flawless potion was pushing her to the edge of insanity. "This antidote is ridiculous. Just shove a bezoar down their throats!"

Severus gaped at her for a second before a strangled laugh escaped. "That would be easier."

"It would!" Lily agreed, immensely fond of the idea. "In fact," she fumbled through her potion-making kit until her fingers latched onto a shriveled, stone-like object. A satisfied smile curving on her lips, she immediately raised her other hand.

Professor Slughorn scurried over; a beam already plastered over his face when he saw that it was her. "Miss Evans?"

"I have the antidote you requested," Lily opened her palm to reveal a bezoar. "An antidote to uncommon poisons."

Slughorn stared at her hand for several seconds, enough time for Lily to wonder if she had made a mistake. The classroom was eerily still and it seemed as if all eyes were on her. As Lily opened her mouth to salvage her grade, Slughorn burst out in laughter, his protruding stomach quavering. "Miss Evans, you never fail to amaze me. You have cheek, my dear, more cheek than any other student I've known. Ten points to Gryffindor!"

Lily turned to Severus, who was watching her with amusement, his own antidote nearly finished.

"I'll remember those words of wisdom," Severus said gravely, his dark eyes twinkling. "'Just shove a bezoar down their throats'."

Lily just smiled, but her smile wasn't from Slughorn's ten points or even Severus's last remark. She was simply happy that Severus had kept his word. Things were just as they had been before. She had her best friend back.


	40. Chapter 40 Quills and Quarrels

**Thank you so much for all the reviews! I feel bad for not thanking everyone individually, but I always try to respond to every question/concern. Also, thanks for the song suggestions. I have a Sev/Lily playlist that I listen to while writing, so I'm always happy to add more songs. If I remember, I'll put it up on my profile later. Sorry for the long A/N. **

**Gigi1- Thanks for all the reviews and congratulations on catching up! I'm glad that you enjoyed the story so far. It's funny that you mentioned that song because when I heard it a few days ago and I thought of Sev and Lily too. About Marlene and Voldemort, I just assumed that the dementor would take the form of her worst fear, whether she knew what he looked like or not. Since it was her worst fear, I guessed that she would instinctively know it was him. I have no idea if that's true or not. I know you're supposed to visualize, but I thought that was just for the riddikulus. Sorry if I'm wrong!**

**bluecanary- Thanks for the tip! I just tried it and it actually helped me catch a few mistakes that I missed, so hopefully there will be less in the future. You're right about Narcissa. Her character intrigued me when she asked Severus for help, and even more when she lied about Harry's death. I really wanted to explore that side of her personality. **

**Vitrikor- Thanks for the review and the song suggestion! I haven't heard it before, but I definitely see the Sev/Lily connection. About your suggestion, I don't want to give anything away, but there will be something similar to what you're saying, something that inspires him to continue after her death and something that gives him peace at the very end. **

**Stargazer- Thanks for the review! And don't worry, I kept that in mind when writing this. I like making notes of the little moments, such as that, so I can reference them later. Since Severus and Lily weren't friends during their sixth year, I wanted Lily to say the bezoar line before, especially when they were on good terms. I wasn't going to say anything, but since it isn't a major part of the story: (SPOILER for those reading) I'm saving the Severus writes in his textbook part for a future, Lily-angst chapter in sixth year when he recalls their better days. **

**Chapter Forty- Quills and Quarrels**

**1973**

"Why didn't he fall off?"

That was the question that the other Slytherins had asked over and over again. The question that Severus was sick to death of hearing. It was nauseating enough that he had somehow managed to double Potter's popularity. He didn't need the constant reminder of it.

"I guaranteed that I could curse the broom," Severus said coldly. "Not that he would fall. I have no control over Potter's cockroach-like tendencies."

"You do realize they're watching us?" Mulciber rebuked, seething. Despite his commanding façade, his dark eyes conveyed a wild paranoia. He was afraid. Just as the rest of them were. "They said they would keep track of our mistakes. That was a mistake!"

"I was there," Severus reminded him, his stomach churning uncomfortably. He had successfully cursed the broomstick, but he had a gut feeling that improving Potter's Quidditch hero status would overwrite that particular achievement. That was a black mark against him.

"And you insist on keeping company with that…" Mulciber's face contorted in disgusted as if he could not bear finish the sentence.

"Mudblood?" Avery suggested helpfully.

Severus dug his fingers into his palms in a desperate attempt to control his temper, but even then, he could not keep away his scowl. It was frustrating. He couldn't curse them or even explain that Lily was different. Things were too fragile and he could not afford to risk everything for one word. "Do you have a point?"

"It makes us look bad," Mulciber said, and Rosier and Wilkes nodded in agreement.

"I make you look bad?" Severus repeated incredulously, indignation rising with his voice. He had enough of Mulciber's warped sense of authority. It hadn't been so long ago that Mulciber had been begging Severus to teach him curses, and suddenly, Severus wanted that power back. "I'm the only one capable of cursing a broom-"

"Which didn't even-"

"I never guaranteed-"

"Stop!" Wilkes cut in, his voice trembling. "What's done is done. Yes, we made a mistake, but we can't just argue about it. Like Mulciber said, they're watching us. We have to make them forget about it."

There was a brief pause, unexpected and tense. Mulciber glared at Severus, and Severus glared right back, neither ready to back down.

"_We_ didn't make a mistake," Mulciber said finally. "_Snape_ did."

"It's just as much my mistake as yours," Severus argued, his temper flaring once more. He was fed up with Mulciber and how he constantly lorded over them. The pure blood seemed to crave the role of leader and recognition of their deeds, as long as everything was running smoothly. The second there was a hint of blunder, he conveniently stepped back and pressed all responsibility on Severus.

"Are we really going over this again?" Wilkes asked disbelievingly. "Take it out on a Mudblood instead of each other. We shouldn't even be talking about this here."

Severus gritted his teeth, refraining from another retort. Wilkes was right and Severus was furious at Mulciber for angering him and even more furious with himself for being so thoughtless. The dungeons appeared to be deserted, but it was undoubtedly foolish to be discussing anything related to the Knights of Walpurgis in open territory. "We can finish this discussion later."

"Where are you going?" Mulciber demanded.

Severus paused and glanced over his shoulder, eyeing the dark haired boy scornfully. "To annihilate every Mudblood I see. Does that meet your approval?" Not bothering to wait for a response, Severus strode purposefully ahead, his contempt heightening with every step. He suddenly hated Mulciber. Not for calling Lily a Mudblood, not for blaming the Quidditch incident on him, but for a sudden realization.

Despite it all, despite his growing resentment, Severus wanted Mulciber's respect. He wanted the snide half-blood remarks to stop. He wanted the reminders of Lily's Mudblood status to end. He wanted all the Slytherins to admire him as they had when he had impressed them on the first day. Above all, he didn't want to be the outsider. There were moments when he felt as if he were one of them, but more often, he felt as if he were not. He was finished with being treated as if he were unworthy. Muggles turned up their noses at him because of his family, all the other Houses loathed him because he was a Slytherin, and even his fellow Slytherins looked down on him because of Lily.

Sometimes Lucius's words seemed to haunt him. There were times such as these that it seemed obvious he had to choose between the Slytherins and Lily. But how could he choose between his future and his best friend? Especially since he couldn't even imagine a future without her?

A frown settled on his face as the crisp air of the outdoors grazed his cheeks. Severus narrowed his eyes, coal black darting determinedly back and forth until they rested upon a familiar gleam of dark red. The corners of his lips turning up, Severus trudged ahead, halting when he had at last reached their tree.

"I'm glad you're here, Sev," Lily smiled at him warmly, her pretty face tilting up at him. "I'm rereading _Hogwarts, A History_. Remember when you told me about the ceiling? I didn't believe you at first."

"I remember."

The memory of those emerald eyes watching him with awe and disbelief, Severus plunked down beside his best friend, the one he knew who would always welcome him no matter what.

Lucius was wrong. He would have both.

**1973**

Lily stared sadly at her pincushion. It was brown and decidedly animal-like with porcupine quills jutting out. To her horror, she realized that it was still squirming.

"Oi! Evans! Look what I did!"

Lily internally groaned at the sound of Potter's voice, instinctively covering her hands over her poorly transfigured porcupine. She winced as the spikes pricked her fingers, but her face quickly hardened into a scowl when she saw Potter's pincushion. Not only was it perfectly transformed, but it also…

"It has a lily on it," Potter said, as if Lily couldn't see for herself. He waved his handiwork in the air so that everyone around them had a view. Lily tried desperately to find a fault of some sort, a porcupine spine, a hint of movement, but found none. She hated to admit it, but when it came to Transfiguration, Potter was better than her, better than anyone else in the class.

"Lovely," Lily said shortly, wanting nothing more than to shred his precious pincushion into pieces.

"Really?" Potter answered eagerly.

"No."

Lily nearly screamed aloud when McGonagall then rewarded Potter an extra five points for his elaborate design. Potter proceeded to turn around and watch Lily, much to her frustration. It was impossible to work with those hazel eyes staring at her in the most obnoxious of ways.

"Your pincushion is moving."

"I know."

"It still has quills on it."

"_I know_."

"Want my help? I'll put a Snitch on it!"

"_No_."

"James," Lupin whispered urgently. "As a fellow Marauder, I feel obligated to warn you that Lily may murder you at any moment if you keep talking to her."

"Don't be thick, Remus," Black interrupted. "He's doing brilliantly. Isn't he, Peter?"

Peter said nothing, but eyed Lily with pure terror. Ever since her explosion about green hair, he had been petrified of her. Lily only wished that Potter felt the same way. Then, perhaps, he would finally leave her alone.

Potter ignored all of them. His eyes were still bright, fixed on Lily. As his mouth opened, Lily knew what was coming and instinctively twisted her mouth in dislike. "Do you want to Hogsmeade next weekend?"

"No."

"What about the time after?"

"No."

"What about-"

"Just stop talking," Lily yanked her pincushion before it waddled off her desk and firmly planted it in front of her. "I can't believe you're actually asking me again after what you did to Severus today."

"But, Evans," Potter said earnestly. "I can't stop my morning jinxes. Snivellus would think I'm ignoring him and it would ruin our relationship. Three years of-"

"Potter," Lily's bottle green eyes flashed at him as she gestured her wand in his direction. "Call him that one more time and I will turn _you_ into a pincushion."

"Aw, Evans," Potter began, but saw her expression and hastily turned around. Whether it was from fear that she would be successful or, most likely, half successful, Lily didn't know.

"I can't believe him," Lily muttered to Mary. "He's the most conceited prat that I've ever met. He jinxes everyone who crosses his path just because he can. Do you know what he did to Severus this morning?"

"I don't know, Lily," Mary said, frowning slightly at her own pincushion that wasn't much better off than Lily's. "But it's not like Severus is completely innocent either."

"What do you mean?" Lily asked more defensively that she meant to, not liking what her friend was implying. "Just because he's a Slytherin-"

"He is a Slytherin, and I don't trust any of them. For good reason." If Mary was at all perturbed by the new edge in Lily's voice, she didn't show it. "But that's not what I'm talking about. You shouldn't hate James for doing the same thing that Severus does."

"Severus isn't a conceited prat!"

"No," Mary said. "But he does jinx people. Just like James."

"For self defense only," the edge in Lily's voice sharpened. "You can hardly expect him to sit back when it's four against one."

"What about first years?" Mary asked, looking up from her pincushion. Her cornflower blue eyes, normally light and dancing, were stony. "I doubt a first year would jinx him first."

"Severus would never jinx a first year."

"He's a Slytherin, Lily. I don't think there's anything that he wouldn't do."

"I knew it," Lily said furiously. Why did everyone have to see the worst in Severus? Why couldn't they see what she saw all along? "Just because he was Sorted into Slytherin does not make him evil, Mary. It's not normal, how everyone treats that House. Not all of them are bad."

"It's not normal for a first year to walk into Hogwarts, knowing more dark magic than most seventh years!" Mary answered, high-pitched. "You're so blind about him. You don't hear the stories about him. About all of them."

"Gossip doesn't prove anything," Lily snapped. "I think I know my best friend better than you do."

"Are you sure that's what you are to him? After all, you're a Muggle-born just like me," Mary said bitterly, her blue eyes darkening further. "You're right. I don't know him, but I know how the Slytherins think, and if you paid any attention at all, you would too. A Slytherin and a Muggle-born can't be friends."

"You don't know anything," Lily spat out heatedly. Suddenly, she couldn't have cared less about pincushions and porcupines. She didn't even care about failing that lesson, or losing points for Gryffindor. She just wanted Mary to stop talking. She didn't want to hear anymore.

As if she had read her mind, Mary sighed, her gaze softening. "I don't want to fight with you, Lily. I just wanted to tell you the truth. As a friend. I don't want him to hurt you."

"Thanks," Lily said finally, offering a tight smile even though her indignation had not completely cooled off. She was promptly reminded of all the little remarks her friends made, Marlene's previous comment about Severus being creepy among them. Feeling suddenly protective over Severus, she felt an uncontrollable need to have the last word. "You don't have to worry though. Sev isn't like them."

"Have you two stopped arguing yet?" Marlene interrupted breezily, seeming much like her former self. "I want to do a _Witch Weekly _quiz while we work and it won't be fun with just Alice."

"That's the thanks I get for helping with your pincushion?" Alice raised an eyebrow. "I'll remember that."

"Just joking, Al."

"Don't worry, we're not arguing. What's the first question?" Lily asked, determined to talk about anything other than Severus and the Slytherins.

As the prattle continued, light and friendly, Lily's smile remained forced. She hated the war. She hated growing up. She thought back at first year when everything had been so new and magical. Even the people had been different, lighthearted, untouched by fear and hatred of the unknown. There had been divisions then, but not nearly as strong as they were now. A wave of homesickness washed over her, and suddenly, more than anything, she wished she was home again, in the little clearing where she had spent most of her days. It was simple and reassuring, something she longed for. There were no Gryffindors or Slytherins, no unspoken rules and unyielding judgment. In that clearing, it was just her and Severus.

And that was what she missed.


	41. Chapter 41 A Rude Awakening

**Thank you for all the reviews! I can't believe I'm at 299, so close to 300. Another thank you to everyone who has been adding this story to their favorites and alerts. It's inspiring to see those numbers go up every day. Sorry for my long A/N. I always feel guilty for only answering people who have questions/concerns/suggestions rather than acknowledging everyone, but I also feel bad for having so much annoying bold font before each chapter.**

**misken26- Thanks for the review! I can understand your view about my chapters being short, but I rather keep them all the same length, around 2000-3000 words, not including A/Ns. I usually have to keep myself from writing more because I really want to avoid turning this into a novel, and even then, I usually cut parts out to keep it from being too lengthy. I don't really consider this a typical story, more a collection of moments that are in order. **

**MermaidGirl34- Thanks for the review! I plan on doing both. His relationship with Dumbledore won't really begin until he asks for his help in protecting Lily, but you'll see it develop especially when Harry is at school. **

**The Bathtub- Thanks for the review! Regulus will join the Quidditch team during his third year, which is fourth year for Sev and Lily.**

**stargazer- Thanks for the review! I wouldn't say all Slytherins are bad. I see them as the more ambitious, self-preservationist type, with more than a prominent few that go overboard. Andromeda was a decent Slytherin, but I only mentioned her briefly. You're right about the "in crowd" and Severus. They are the ones with the power, and that's why Severus is drawn to them. There may be a few other decent Slytherins, but they would be considered outcasts, which is exactly what Severus does not want to be. I don't really blame him either, especially when you consider his history. I'll start mentioning the other adults once Lily and Severus graduate. I looked up the people that were at Hogwarts around their time and Arthur and Molly have already graduated and Tonks doesn't start Hogwarts until after they graduate. Kingsley might make a casual appearance at Hogwarts though, as well as a few other members from the original Order of the Phoenix. **

**the reader- Thanks for the review! Sorry to disappoint, but there won't be a full blown fight quite yet. Third year is mainly the year of Lily being blind and making excuses for Severus. They'll continue to have little disagreements throughout the year. There will be some form of evidence at the very end of the year though, which will lead to one of their biggest fights yet. **

**Gigi1- Thanks for the review! Potter definitely doesn't excel in his other subjects like he does in Transfiguration, but I imagine that he does better than average in his other classes considering that he was able to become an illegal Animagus. I'm not sure if I mentioned it, but Charms is his worst subject in this fanfic just because it's Lily's best subject. **

**IAmTheMessenger- Thanks for the review! I think I heard that song on a Sev/Lily youtube video a while ago. It sounds so familiar. It really captures them perfectly and you're right about the Mudblood scene. I could definitely see it.**

**Chapter Forty-One- A Rude Awakening**

**1973**

The familiar sensation that was purely Christmas fell over Hogwarts with the thickening blanket of crisp, white snow. The castle was decorated for the season, even more lavishly than the previous years, as if Dumbledore was attempting to outdo the dreary outside that constantly fought to darken their world. If that had been his purpose, it proved to be successful. Murmurs of war lightened to chatter of home, family, and presents. Giggles followed wherever mistletoe mysteriously materialized, most noticeably when Potter was around Lily, much to Severus's displeasure. Even Peeves seemed enraptured by the holiday spirit and would gladly tie up a poor unsuspecting first year in shiny wrapping paper or fling a Dungbomb or two while merrily singing carols.

Severus could scarcely keep away the smile that seemed to be relentlessly teasing his lips. Never before had he looked so forward to Christmas. This Christmas would be different. He would be sharing it with Lily without having anyone else bothering them. No Petunia, no Marauders, and no Slytherins. For two weeks, he would not have to watch himself. He could simply be the way he always was with Lily, himself, without worrying about House divisions or war or even the Knights of Walpurgis. He even had a decent gift for her, a small vial of Felix Felicis that he had toiled over for a meticulous six months, seizing every precious second of spare time, which had been maddeningly rare.

"Goodbye, Severus," Narcissa nodded toward him with a slight smile as she swept by, trailed by a cluster of Slytherins, who were anxiously stumbling after with her luggage in hand. One paused to look at Severus curiously before another stepped on his foot in impatience. Severus merely ignored them and nodded back to Narcissa, holding her pale gaze for a moment. He had been supplying her with insomnia potions over the previous few weeks and their strange understanding had remained, developing with her cool approval and rare gratitude.

Severus restlessly drummed his fingers together, waiting for Mulciber and the others to leave. As soon as they were gone, he was free. Or almost. Suddenly, it was as if a bucket of ice had been emptied onto him, chilling him with the realization that he might not be free after all. He had a nasty suspicion that the Knights of Walpurgis would not be on holiday.

But Severus forced himself to brush off his irritating qualms. He was being overly paranoid. He was the only Slytherin staying at Hogwarts. There was no one to watch him, to observe him and Lily. After being on his guard even more than usual for the past two months, he would be able to breathe at last. If only they would just leave already.

"Snape," Mulciber's voice cut through his thoughts. Severus cursed himself for not noticing their arrival and narrowed his eyes when he realized that Regulus Black was among them, looking undeniably uncomfortable. "We were just talking about you."

"Oh?" Severus said calmly, not too perturbed. Mulciber may have been an ally, or even an extremely loose definition of a friend, but he never resisted an opportunity to show off his twisted sense of dominance.

"Black was about to ask you to join him and his dear brother, but we reminded him that his mum is very particular about the company she receives," Mulciber tilted his head, watching Severus's reaction.

"I suppose that's why he didn't ask you then," Severus said stiffly.

"Keep up those witty remarks and perhaps Black's mum won't even notice your diluted blood," Mulciber's lips twisted in a sneer. "But I doubt it. Either way, half-bloods don't qualify. Happy Christmas, Snape."

"You too, Mulciber," Severus responded coolly, unable to keep his black eyes from shooting venom. Mulciber may have spat patronizing jabs at Rosier, Wilkes, and most often, Avery, but his tone still stung. It wasn't the truth about his half-blood status that bothered him; Severus was actually rather pleased that it seemed to be the only insult that Mulciber could devise for him in contrast to the many that Avery inspired, but it was the fact that Mulciber considered Severus to be the inferior.

One day, Severus would be above him, and he would ensure that Mulciber knew it.

Wilkes, Rosier, and Avery muttered their goodbyes, followed by a much chirpier Regulus. Minutes later, the common room was at last empty. An enormous wave of relief toppled over Severus as he hastened toward the exit, only to be replaced almost instantly by alarm. He froze in place. It had suddenly come to his attention that there was one armchair that was not vacant. Its occupant looked very much at ease and not at all eager to leave.

"Hello, Severus," Rabastan said, his lips curling when he saw that Severus was gaping at him. He looked more like his brother than ever, a harsh, imperfect version, but equally as intimidating with the glow of firelight flickering upon his rougher features. "Fancy a game of wizard's chess?"

That was when Severus knew his earlier fears had been confirmed. He was not free. The Knights of Walpurgis had made certain of that.

**1973**

"I dunno why Filch is so bent on getting permission for whipping. All we did was decorate his office with fairy lights. And nifflers."

"So much for the holiday spirit."

Lily tried desperately to tune out Potter and Black. Instead, she focused on the three faces in front of her that were slightly blurred from her watery eyes. As excited as she was to spend Christmas with Severus, she envied her friends for being able to visit their families. All of a sudden, she missed her parents and Petunia more than anything.

"I wish you were going on the train with us," Marlene said wistfully as she flung her arms around Lily. "The Hogwarts Express won't be the same without you."

"I sort of wish I were too," Lily admitted, hugging Marlene back. "But I'll have fun. Severus is staying here after all."

Lily then moved to Alice, pausing as she stood in front of Mary. Ever since their argument in Transfiguration, there had been a slight tension between them. Lily hadn't completely forgiven her for her prejudice against Severus, but with the glittering strands of fairy lights and baubles surrounding them, it was impossible to hold a grudge. Without hesitating for a second longer, she enveloped Mary in a hug. "I'll miss you, Mary."

Mary's smile seemed to brighten and the tension melted away as she returned the hug. As far as Lily could tell, all was forgiven. "I'll miss you too, Lily. You'll get my present on Christmas morning."

"Do I get a hug, Evans?" Potter called out eagerly, his loud voice drawing the attention of nearly everyone in the common room. Pettigrew instantly squirmed once Lily's eyes flashed toward them, conveniently ducking behind Black. The motion, however, was useless considering that his hefty build peeked out on either side of Black's much slighter frame.

Lily decided that it was best to ignore Potter, but even so, she could not resist making an appeal to her friends. "Please take him with you. That would be a present enough."

"I will," Marlene volunteered at once, her amber eyes darting toward the Marauders. "Happily."

"Marlene!" Lily, Mary, and Alice exclaimed in chorus, but were laughing as they did so. Marlene pretended to look annoyed but soon joined them, doubling over as Lupin entered the common room. Her cheeks still pink from laughter, Lily smiled warmly at Lupin. "Have a merry Christmas, Remus!"

Lupin opened his mouth to respond, but abruptly shut it as Potter blocked her from his view as he marched over to Lily, appearing very indignant. A moment later, Lily found herself uncomfortably close to Potter, face to face. "Why does Moony get a Merry Christmas and I don't?"

As much as Potter irritated her, Lily was too caught up in the Christmas spirit for her mood to sour. For the first time, she looked at Potter without spectacles of contempt to distort his image. It had only been just over three years since she had first laid eyes on him, but somehow, little changes of maturation had slipped by without her notice. His childish, rounded features from first year had sharpened; his high cheekbones were more distinct now, similarly to his chiseled jaw line. Only his hazel eyes remained the same, the same glimmer of mischief sparkling. Lily supposed that he wasn't all that horrible to look at, if only he would fix his hair.

"Fine. Merry Christmas, Potter."

"Merry Christmas, Evans," Potter grinned brightly, his entire face lighting up in a way that partially made Lily want to smile back. There was no trace of arrogance, only elation. But all that changed, in mere seconds. A cocky smirk returning, he then pointed upwards. "Mistletoe."

All civil feelings toward Potter evaporated. Lily glared at him, disgusted that she had even considered the possibility that Potter wasn't completely repulsive. Immediately stepping back from the dreaded mistletoe, she crossed her arms defiantly. "Don't push your luck."

"Next year."

"Never."

"We'll see!"

Lily turned back to a very amused Alice, Marlene, and Mary. Arms still folded firmly across her chest, Lily wrinkled her nose in disdain. "I can't believe him," she fumed. "He's so full of himself."

"I think he really likes you, Lily," Marlene said, not bothering to disguise her envy.

"He does not," Lily was horrified. "He's only doing this to annoy me. And probably because I'm the only girl who can't stand him."

"Just stay away from Sirius, will you?" Marlene cast a sideways glance at Black, automatically smoothing her hair. Her effort was futile. Black was otherwise engaged, attempting to cram as many Dungbombs and Stink Pellets as possible into his robes. Once again, Lily was forced to wonder what the others saw in him and Potter. "It's not fair if you have both."

"I don't want either," Lily insisted vehemently, shuddering for emphasis. "Trust me. I will never like Potter or Black. Ever. I would rather kiss the giant squid."

"What about the Bloody Baron?" Alice asked teasingly.

Lily winced. It was a difficult choice. While Hogwarts had taught her that ghosts were different from the kind in Muggle stories and movies, she could not deny the chill she felt whenever the Bloody Baron was near. But compared to Potter's confident smirk, that fear seemed suddenly trivial. "The Bloody Baron. Definitely."

Alice, Marlene, and Mary looked at her in awe and disbelief.

Once they were gone, the common room felt strangely empty. There weren't many who had chosen to stay behind. The brewing war had strengthened ties to families, and as far as Lily was aware, she was the only Gryffindor who had remained. Another ripple of homesickness stirred inside her and Lily couldn't help but wonder what her family was doing at that very moment. Bryony would be baking, Lily decided, her mouth watering at the memory of her mother's baked goods, and Edward would most likely be poring over the newspaper. Petunia was either organizing their room or talking about Vernon. Lily guessed the latter. But as much as she disliked Vernon, Lily wouldn't have minded hearing about him if it meant she were home.

But Lily firmly pushed her homesickness away, reminding herself that she was about to spend Christmas with Severus, her very best friend, and that was hardly something to be sorry about. Perking up, Lily strode toward the portrait hole, determined to leave any sadness behind her.


	42. Chapter 42 The Mirror of Erised

**Thank you for helping me reach over 300 reviews! I was especially glad to see that a few of you like my portrayal of James. I'm not a huge fan of James, but I like him, and it bothers me when people see him as an evil psychopath that was the sole reason for Snape's misery. A note about this chapter- I tried to look up the Mirror of Erised's whereabouts before Harry's first encounter with it, but I couldn't find anything. Sorry if it turns out that it wasn't at Hogwarts during the 70's. I really wanted it to be there because it's somewhat important for a much later chapter. I purposely made Lily's scene similar to Harry's because I like throwing allusions to his years and I want to show the similarity between Lily and Harry. I also copied the quote "It shows us nothing more or less than our deepest, most desperate desire of hearts," because that is the perfect explanation for the Mirror of Erised. Also, there will be a Severus/Rabastan conversation in the next chapter. I originally planned for it to be in this one, but I thought it would fit better on its own. **

**misken- You may have a point about this beginning to turn into a novel. I originally wanted to have only a few short chapters. I can't believe I'm not even halfway done.**

**Anonymous- Thanks for the review! I'm glad to know that you're still reading, but I think you misread the last part. Regulus isn't spying on Severus. Rabastan Lestrange is, and he doesn't idolize Severus in the slightest. If it were Regulus, I agree that it would be farfetched, especially since Severus isn't intimidated by him at all. **

**IAmTheMessenger- Thanks for the review! I haven't seen that picture before, but it's so sad yet beautiful. Honestly, what's difficult for me is to be in the right mood to write and find the time to edit, especially since I write ahead. Sometimes I'll randomly add/delete parts or save certain parts for later chapters. If I'm in the right mood, I can write...a lot, a few of these chapters, in just an hour. As long as I have at least a vague idea of what I want to do, whatever I'm writing just seems to write itself. I'm used to crazy schedules and I carry my iPad with me and write in class/appointments/etc if I'm bored, so that also helps.**

**Stargazer- Thanks for the review! I don't know what year James and Sirius find out about the Lupin being a werewolf, but in this fanfic, they already have. I think I had them calling him Moony around year two with James talking about his furry problem. I'm pretty sure the argument takes place in fifth year because I think it's right after James saves Severus's life.**

**Chapter Forty-Two- The Mirror of Erised**

**1973**

Hidden behind a tapestry, Severus resisted the urge to fidget, hardly daring to breathe. His first day with Lily should have been perfect, but it was tainted by the paranoia that Rabastan's presence had brought with him. Ever since the Knights of Walpurgis had forced themselves into Severus's life, he had been attempting to create the impression that his friendship with Lily was far less important, but it was difficult to follow through with that illusion when it was only him, Lily, Rabastan, and a few others littering the castle corridors. Even now, safely concealed, Severus could still feel Rabastan's sharp eyes on him. He was positive that the younger Lestrange was connected to the Knights, and he was even more certain that his future was withering away before it had even arrived.

The Fat Lady huffed indignantly and Severus knew it was time. He stepped out from behind the tapestry, his edginess subsiding the moment his obsidian eyes rested on Lily's slender figure. The shadows that dappled across the hall suddenly felt like a shield, protecting him from any watchful eyes. It was a relief from that day's earlier rays of sun, which had been nearly as penetrating as Rabastan's unfathomable stare.

"I wasn't sure if you would be here," Lily confessed once she saw him. Severus was pleased to see her beatific smile. It seemed to light up her entire face, and Severus dimly realized that he was staring. "You disappeared so suddenly today."

"I wouldn't have missed it," Severus assured her, quickly skipping over any offer of an explanation. He already felt guilty enough that he had left so abruptly while they had been exploring, but after passing Rabastan twice, the airy halls of Hogwarts had suddenly felt unbearably stifling.

"You're here now. That's what counts. Guess what I found?" Lily whispered excitedly, extracting a small penknife from her robes without waiting for a response. The blade glinted in the pale moonlight that streamed serenely through the window. "I borrowed it from Marlene's things. It will open any lock that _Alohomora_ won't."

Severus shook his head in mild amusement. That afternoon they had come across a locked room on the third floor. Lily's curiosity had soared when they had discovered that no amount of _Alohomora_'s would open the door. He should have known that Lily wouldn't give up so easily. "Third floor then?"

Lily nodded, her green eyes bright.

"Watch it be a broom cupboard," Severus muttered, leading the way, his footsteps quick and silent. Lily shadowed him just as quietly, with the exception of her nails tapping faintly against the knife's blade. "Lily."

"Sorry!" Lily quickly stopped, the noise instantly ceasing. "I'm just nervous. Filch still hasn't recovered from the nifflers."

"Thanks to Potter," Severus scowled. It was just like Potter to do something for the sake of trouble, only to have others suffer his consequences. He would escape, as always, unscathed. It was sickening. It was…

"Sev," Lily hissed loudly. "We're here."

All resentful thoughts of Potter disappeared as Severus studied the door. It appeared to be a perfectly ordinary door. There was nothing exceptional about it. Despite his doubts, Severus raised his wand, knowing he would feel even more foolish if he didn't try. "_Alohomora_."

It remained locked.

"My turn," Lily said cheerfully, inserting the knife. A satisfied smile crossed her features as they heard the victorious sound of a click. The door then creaked open. "There."

Together, they warily entered the room, utterly silent with the exception of their nervous breaths. Severus wasn't certain what he had been envisioning, but what they found wasn't it. It was a dimly lit room, with an eerie, almost haunted feeling. There was a faint, silvery glow bathing the room, as if it were the moon casting its light over them, but there were no windows in view. Ghostly shapes seemed to materialize around the room, their unsettling shadows almost dancing across the walls.

But as Severus neared the items for a closer examination, he was disappointed to find that they appeared to be unwanted remains of the years gone by. There were various articles, some perhaps spectacular once upon a time, but now, undeniably rubbish. Severus's dark eyes flickered over a table that contained a tarnished silver comb, a porcelain doll, and a battered looking box, unable to hold back his disdain.

Suddenly, Severus was unnervingly aware that Lily was no longer beside him. He looked around, hoping to see a flash of dark red hair. "Lily?"

"Over here!"

Her voice bordered between excitement and entrancement. Without hesitation, Severus followed the sound, struggling between his sudden desire to look around what was turning into be a much larger room that he had originally thought and sidestepping the covered paintings and splintered furniture that muddled his path. From the sound of her voice, he had been expecting a fascinating book or perhaps a treasure chest. He had not been expecting to find Lily gazing at herself dreamily in a gigantic mirror. "A mirror, Lily?"

"Don't sound like that, Sev. Stand over here," Lily said, gesturing at him to join her.

Rather reluctantly, Severus obeyed. As he stepped closer, he realized that the mirror was much more magnificent at a second glance. It seemed even taller, with two clawed feet contributing to the majestic feel. The opulent frame glittered temptingly, elegant words engraved into the gold on the crest. "Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi?"

"Don't read it, Sev. Look at it!"

As she spoke, Lily moved away so that it was only a lonely Severus standing in front of the rather imposing mirror.

Severus didn't like mirrors. They reflected what everyone else seemed to see and scorn. They didn't show his capability or ambition; the only two qualities that Severus respected. They only showed a greasy haired boy with tattered clothes and a darker expression that was much too old for someone of his age.

But once Severus gazed into the mystery in front of him, he knew that this mirror was different. It understood him.

"Do you see them?" Lily asked eagerly.

Severus wasn't sure what 'them' Lily was referring too. He saw a 'them', but he was certain that it was not the sort of them that would bring that much elation to her voice.

He saw something much more than a 'them'. He saw himself. He was older in his reflection, and a great deal more handsome. It was as if a sculptor had simply chiseled away his imperfections, revealing a smooth, unblemished visage. But it wasn't simply his improved looks that fascinated Severus. It was the powerful tilt of a strong chin, the spark of wisdom in his dark eyes. The Severus in the mirror had clearly become someone, and others blatantly agreed. There were Slytherins in the reflection, the purest of the bloods, Lucius, the Lestrange brothers, the Black family… Farther away, Severus could see Mulciber and the other boys in his dormitory as well. Every single one eyed him with such awe that rose above Severus's wildest dreams. A certain group of Gryffindor boys lurked in the corner, James Potter most noticeable, a wilted version of the boy that Severus had grown to hate so deeply. Gone were the rumpled hair and arrogant smirk, only to be replaced by fear and desperation. Not far away, there was Eileen, her hardened features arranged in a unthinkable expression of love as she gazed proudly upon her son

But Severus didn't dwell on his glorious appearance, the worshipful stares, Potter's terror, or even his mother. His black eyes were fixed on the girl that stood beside his mirror image, her delicate fingers entwining with his, a wide smile on her beautiful face. Her exquisite emerald green eyes shone with adoration. For once, there was no ragged boy sullying her loveliness. They looked as if they belonged together.

Severus hungrily drank in the image as if he could not bear to look away.

"Sev," Lily said impatiently. "Do you see them or not?"

"I see me," Severus said, unable to keep the awe from filtering into his voice. "I became someone, Lily. Everyone else sees it too."

When he looked up, he saw that Lily was watching him with the same sad smile she had worn during their Sorting.

**1973**

Christmas Day didn't feel like Christmas. It felt lonely. Even the small heap of presents piled in the front of Lily's bed didn't do much to lift her spirits. Instead, she could feel her eyes water as she sorted through the packages. As she read a letter from her parents, with even a small note from Petunia, a large lump formed in her throat and she realized she was dangerously close to bursting into tears.

_Happy Christmas, Lily._

_-Tuney_

To others, the message would seem meaningless, but to Lily it meant the world, an unspoken peace offering, only because of the very last word. After everything, Petunia had embraced the childish nickname that was only used by Lily. She could remember the day that Petunia had so coldly informed her that Lily was to address her by her proper name, and her proper name only. Lily had thought it meant that she had lost her sister forever, but perhaps all could be forgiven.

She wished Petunia were there now. She wished Severus were. They may have been in the same castle, but Lily had scarcely seen him since their discovery of the mirror. Every time she did, he was frantically scribbling down notes or reading a book of some sort. She had thought the holiday would be there time together, but it was as if he no longer had time for her.

Lily didn't finish unwrapping her parcels. Nor did she hurry down to the Great Hall for breakfast to look for Severus. He wouldn't be there. Instead, she found herself scurrying toward the third floor, Marlene's little penknife in hand. There was no uneasiness as she unlocked the door, only determination. Even so, her heartbeat accelerated as she dove neatly between the same broken furniture as she had her previous visit. Suddenly, Lily had the distinct feeling that she was somewhere that she was not supposed to be.

But once she saw the mirror, the uncomfortable feeling faded. Suddenly eager, Lily hastened to the mirror, sinking to the floor cross-legged once centered in front of it.

It was the same reflection as it had been days ago. It was a simple picture, but a happy one. Her family was there, safe and smiling. Bryony and Edward stood behind; beaming just as they had been the day they found out Lily was a witch. In front of them was Petunia and Severus, with mirror Lily in the center. All three of them were younger, looking not much older than nine or ten. Petunia appeared as she had years ago, the protective yet loving older sister that Lily had once known her to be, her hand tightly clutched to mirror Lily's. Severus held mirror Lily's other hand. There was not a bruise or cut in sight. His smile was one of his rare smiles, genuine and free. Lily realized, with a sudden ache, that she missed seeing it dearly.

Not quite understanding why the image affected her so, Lily blinked back tears, unable to keep her hand from stretching out. As her fingers met the cool glass, a teardrop spilled, streaking across her cheek.

"Back again, Lily?"

With sudden alarm, Lily whirled around. Once her green eyes absorbed the intimidating sight of Albus Dumbledore, she leapt to her feet, her heart pounding. She opened her mouth to speak, but to her horror, she could utter no words.

"It's all right," the wizard said kindly, his crystal blue eyes twinkling. His long, silvery beard was even more impressive close up, shining even in the poor light. "You aren't the first to discover the wonders of the Mirror of Erised, and I'm certain that you won't be the last."

"I'm sorry," Lily spoke as soon as she recovered from her speechlessness, speaking far more rapidly than she meant to. "I know I shouldn't be here. There must have been a lock for a reason. But I was curious."

"Curiosity hardly warrants a punishment," Dumbledore said simply. "But we must take heed to where it leads us."

"I miss my family," Lily blurted out. "And how things used to be. It shows me that."

"It's strange," Dumbledore said slowly, studying her intently. "How two such close friends can have such different desires. One craves the past, while the other longs for the future."

"That's what it does then?" Lily asked, her skittishness quickly replaced by her deepening curiosity. She was too intrigued to linger at the sinking realization that Dumbledore had caught her trespassing into the room, not once, but twice. "It shows what we want?"

Dumbledore's eyes slowly moved from Lily to the mirror and then back to Lily, a sudden sadness glistening in the depths of clear blue. "It does something much more. It shows us nothing more or less than the deepest, most desperate desire of our hearts. Desire can be a dangerous thing to possess when we're shown what could be and what could have been. Especially when the consequences are forgotten."

"It can't be that dangerous, can it?" Lily ventured, hardly daring to believe her own bravery at questioning the great wizard that stood before her. "It's only a mirror."

"You would be surprised, Lily, how many hours, days, and even years have gone to waste because of a mirror," Dumbledore said softly. "Desire can be blinding when it is revealed to our eyes."

"Oh," Lily said, frowning slightly in contemplation. "Professor?"

"Yes, Lily?"

"Can I ask…?" Lily paused, suddenly feeling nervous again, as if she were about to cross a line. Wanting but unable to look away, she plunged ahead, saying the words as quickly as she could. "What do you see? When you look in the mirror?"

Dumbledore smiled gently. For a long moment, Lily was convinced that he would not answer. But then he did, his bright blue eyes suddenly indecipherable, his voice strangely distant. "I see something not too different from you."

"Oh," said Lily, wanting to know more but knowing better than to ask.

"Never forget to live, Lily. It's something we all forget to do on occasion, even myself. The past can mean joy or even torment, but both are just as dangerous to be lost in. Remember the former times, but most importantly, remember now."

"I will," Lily nodded fervently.

"Good," Dumbledore said. "Perhaps it would be best that you had some breakfast then? I'm told that Mr. Filch isn't a pleasant person to run into in forbidden territory, and I'm sure you that wouldn't want to miss Christmas breakfast. I requested a personal favorite of mine especially for the occasion. Lemon drops."

Lily stared, but then, her face unexpectedly broke into a smile. Albus Dumbledore had to be the most bizarre wizard that she had ever met, but he was also the most fascinating. While he was strange, he was far less intimidating than she had thought him to be, reminding her a bit of her grandfather. It was a nice reminder to have, especially when she missed her family so badly. "I will. Merry Christmas, Professor."

"Merry Christmas, Lily," Dumbledore replied, the twinkle returning to his eyes. "I trust that you won't be visiting again?"

There was a question in his voice. A question that Lily already knew the answer to. "I won't," Lily said honestly.

She had seen enough.


	43. Chapter 43 Muffliato

**Sorry for the somewhat late chapter. I had an unexpected mini vacation. Thanks for all the reviews! I was glad that a few of you seemed to really enjoy the last chapter. A note about this chapter (SPOILER)- It may seem like Lily forgave Severus too easily, but the subject of him ignoring her will come back again in a few chapters. **

**pepe200- Thanks for the review! There will definitely be a chapter when Severus sees the Mirror again. The image and his reaction will change significantly. **

**MermaidGirl34- Thanks for the review! I'm actually not sure if Lily will see the Mirror or not again. It's currently not part of my outline, but I'm always adding or deleting minor scenes. I know there will be another scene where Lily will see how her heart's desire changed, but in another way from the Mirror. **

**Fanfic- Thanks for the review! James in this fanfic will have his immature moments as an adult, but he'll grow up and be responsible when it matters. I really want to show him becoming the person Lily came to love, so he can't be an immature egomaniac all the time. I'm looking forward to a future scene that shows a more human side of him.**

**the reader- Thanks for the review! I agree that the others would have disappeared. I feel like nearly everyone used Severus, except for Lily. It just makes the story of Snape even sadder.**

**IAmTheMessenger- Thanks for the review! Petunia and Lily will have an...uneasy peace for a while, but there will be one final fight, with maybe a few minor disagreements in between. They won't ever be the friends they were before Severus came into their lives. **

**Stargazer- Thanks for the review! I think Severus will always be important to Lily, even after they go their separate ways. Even after he becomes a Death Eater, I think one of her deepest desires would be to have a happy Sev, but one who never became a Death Eater. I tried to make Lily somewhat like Harry, but more sheltered and connected with her family, so Petunia would still be important to her, but probably not as important. As Lily becomes her own person over the years, her family and friends, even the ones she has lost, will still be important to her, but not as essential. **

**Chapter Forty-Three- Muffliato**

**1973**

Severus's quill whipped furiously across the parchment as the thin stream of ink followed, overflowing the page with hopelessly muddled notes. It may have been impossible for prying eyes to sort out the cramped scribble, but to Severus, it made perfect sense. With a small frown of concentration, Severus narrowed his eyes, pausing for a split second. His brow then smoothed while his quill burst into action, even more rapidly than before.

It may have been only a few days after Christmas, but there was no rest for Severus. Now that he had seen his potential future spelled out for him in the strange mirror, he was more adamant than ever about turning it into a reality. There was no time for snow angels and stargazing with Lily when he could be securing his future with something worthwhile.

At the thought of Lily, Severus felt the increasingly familiar sensation of gut-wrenching guilt. With his revived dedication to what lay ahead, he had barely seen her, but she would understand. Most importantly, she would be proud once she saw what he had been working on. It was Lily who had inspired the idea after all.

But as Severus became aware of the familiar sound of footsteps nearing him, he faltered again, his fingers that clutched the quill automatically tightening. He didn't look up as the footsteps halted in front of him, but even then, he couldn't keep his eyes from drifting up, the raven strands of his hair masking his face. He hastily pushed them back, at last meeting the dark scrutiny of Rabastan.

"You've been busy lately," Rabastan remarked casually, glancing down at the stack of notes. Without a second thought, his slender fingers sifted through the parchment, not bothering to wait for Severus's reaction. Rabastan's words and motions tended to be more familiar than his elders, but instead of pacifying Severus, it only put him on edge, forcing him to search for an underlying meaning, perhaps a hint from the Knights of Walpurgis. "What is this? Homework?"

"My own work," Severus said shortly, not wanting to offer an explanation unless necessary, especially since he was still polishing his spell. Magic was a delicacy. It would have to be perfected before demonstrated.

"You're learning spells outside class?" Rabastan lifted a heavy eyebrow, looking genuinely curious.

"Inventing," Severus was unable to hold back a note of pride that he had captured the older Slytherin's surprise, but even so, he caught himself. "Or at least attempting to."

A small crease materialized on Rabastan's forehead as he squinted his eyes, as if desperately trying to make out Severus's scrawl. Severus had never been so glad to have terrible handwriting. "What type of spell are you working on?"

"It prevents eavesdropping," Severus said, not daring to say much more.

"Interesting," Rabastan mused, setting down the notes, much to Severus's relief. He looked up, a small, enigmatic grin on his face. Misgivings bubbled inside Severus, Rabastan's next words confirming his fears. "Let's try it. Test it on me."

"I'm still working on it," Severus said quickly. He didn't even want to know what Rodolphus Lestrange would do to him if he found out that he had somehow deformed his brother. Any chances of the joining the Knights of Walpurgis would be forever shattered.

From the shiny glint in Rabastan's eyes, Severus could tell that the younger Lestrange's thoughts mirrored his own. "You've been working on it for the past three days. I would guess even longer. Either you have the spell, or you don't."

It was a test. One that Severus could not refuse.

"I do," Severus swallowed, reaching for his wand rather reluctantly. He could feel the blood draining from his pale features as his hand closed around the ebony. His palms were damp and the wand suddenly felt slick between his trembling fingers as he wondered frantically why Rabastan couldn't have asked him the next day or better yet, the day after. He didn't think that an imperfect spell would kill Rabastan, at least he hoped not, but crafting new spells was dangerous, and Severus was a perfectionist.

"What should I expect then?" Rabastan asked, seemingly unconcerned. If he was nervous about Severus inflicting permanent damage, he didn't show it. Instead, Severus felt affronted, or as affronted as his nerves would allow him, at the realization that Rabastan didn't seem to be anticipating any results whatsoever, positive or negative. He looked like a very bored sixth year who merely hoped for a quick show of humiliation to pass the time.

Severus gritted his teeth, suddenly more resolved than ever to succeed.

"A buzzing sound. It should be heard by you and anyone else in hearing distance, if there was anyone else here," Severus answered evenly, at once relieved to find that his quavering movements hadn't affected his voice. "It should…will… muffle my voice."

"All right," Rabastan eyed Severus intently. "Go ahead."

Severus's mouth suddenly felt very dry. Coughing once to clear his throat, he held up his wand, knowing that he had no other choice. If he backed out, the Knights of Walpurgis would be lost to him forever. For some, it may have been now or never, but for Severus, it was only now. "_Muffliato_."

Rabastan's eyebrows suddenly shot up in disbelief, and that was when Severus was sure that the spell had worked. He exhaled, feeling an enormous yet welcome sense of relief. But he couldn't bask in it, at least not yet. He had to be certain.

"Can you hear me?" Severus asked loudly, hardly daring to believe it. It was clear that the other Slytherin didn't like feeling helplessly deaf to his words. When Rabastan gestured at his ears, wearing an irritated expression, Severus was eager to test out the limits. "CAN YOU HEAR ME?"

There was no answer. It had worked. Feeling extremely pleased with himself, Severus announced the countercurse, his spirits high.

"The buzzing noise worked," Rabastan grimaced, rubbing his ears with a slight scowl. "That was annoying."

"Could you hear me at all?" Severus couldn't help asking. He wanted his suspicions confirmed aloud. "Even when I yelled?"

"I think I heard something at the end, but I couldn't understand it at all," Rabastan said grudgingly. It may have been his imagination or wishful thinking, but Severus thought he caught a glimmer of respect in the older Slytherin's eyes. "That's a useful spell. I know others who would say the same."

In spite of himself, the corners of Severus's lips lifted ever so slightly. That was the hint he had been waiting for, but without the thinly veiled threat that he had been dreading ever since he had first discovered that Rabastan would be staying at Hogwarts. This time, Severus was sure that it was respect that he had seen. "Good to know."

"I'm just glad to see that you're spending more time on something worthwhile rather than wasting it all with that Mudblood," Rabastan said slowly, an unspoken question in his voice. He was watching him, not bothering to disguise his undergoing appraisal, looking for, waiting for a sign of weakness.

Severus's fingers suddenly felt icy, frozen to his wand. It wasn't over yet. It was never over.

"I don't see her that much anymore," Severus replied, careful to keep his gaze steady and honest. Even though Rabastan's eyes lacked the penetrating quality of Lucius Malfoy's frigid stare, his mind instinctively echoed all that he had learned about Occlumency. He had to close his mind. That was simple enough. When Tobias's strikes became too painful and the future seemed impossibly distant, Severus found that it was easiest to block out everything. "There are some things worth wasting time on. Mudbloods aren't normally one of them."

The words stung even Severus himself, but he held onto the word 'normally' to dear life. It hadn't been so long ago that he had fiercely defended Lily, but unfortunate realizations had slowly sunk in over that year. It had been foolish, something expected of a Gryffindor, for Severus to proudly announce his friendship with Lily, refusing so ardently to end it. He had even declared her to be his best friend, stupidly hoping that the Slytherins would accept it. Perhaps they would someday, when Severus had become someone. But that day was far away. Severus knew better now. He had to lie.

"What happened to loyalty?" Rabastan asked skeptically, as if he had read Severus's mind. Severus almost winced, knowing that he was mentally reviewing Severus's past behavior, just as he was.

Severus smiled coldly, but as he struggled to keep his mind from whirring, a familiar pair of almond shaped eyes floated back insistently, a glistening emerald green that caused his chest to ache painfully. "I won't lie, Rabastan. She's still a friend, if you can call it that. But my loyalty is reserved for those who deserve it. Certain ties will always come first."

It was a chance, but a chance Severus had to risk. For his sake. For Lily's. He had no intention of ending his friendship with Lily, and it was always better to confess a half-lie rather than the truth. He didn't dare pronounce his hatred for Lily and then be seen laughing aloud with her only days later. As Severus waited for the answer, he could barely keep the tension from seeping into his actions. Careful not to fidget or even look away, he focused on Rabastan.

"I'm glad that you've seen the light."

Slowly, Severus's muscles uncoiled, studying Rabastan's coarse features in shrouded desperation, searching for any indication that the younger Lestrange didn't believe him. If he didn't, Rabastan hid it well. All of a sudden, Severus's future did not seem so unbearably far away.

It was as if the vision in the mirror was coming true.

**1973**

Lily was already feeling better after she had joined Hagrid for a cup of tea, but as she trotted out of his hut to the sight of softly falling snow, new and inviting, she was positively beaming. Homesickness and Severus were forgotten as she tilted her head back, sticking her tongue out in a desperate effort to catch a snowflake or two. As her dark red locks flew behind her in a tangled disarray, Lily decided that snow was just as magical as anything else at Hogwarts. It was able to cover grime and disappointment with a simple layer of glistening white ice.

"Lily!"

She didn't have to turn around to know it was Severus, but she still did, grasping the sight of him trudging toward her rather awkwardly on the frosted grounds. Even from the shrinking distance, she could see the wispy snowflakes flecking his black hair, the gleam in his eyes unmistakable. "Lily!"

"What?" Lily asked shortly, more shortly than she had intended. Snow was not as magical as she had thought it to be; already disappointment was surfacing, refusing to be buried under ice.

If Severus noticed her brusqueness, he didn't comment. He looked oddly elated, as elated as the day they had first arrived at Hogwarts. His black eyes glowed, reminding Lily of smoldering coals, with an unusual broad grin only adding to the fire. "I made up a new spell!"

"Oh," Lily said, unable to think of a suitable response. She should have been glad for Severus. She had wanted him to be happy all along. Even the Mirror of Erised had known it. But as selfish as it was, she had wanted him to be happy with her, not after days of ignoring her.

"What's wrong?" Severus's grin vanished, the light in his eyes dying as abruptly as a candle's delicate flame being extinguished. As upset as Lily found herself to be with him, she felt more than slightly ashamed as she watched his elation water down, his usual solemnity already in place. She had always prided herself on being able to cheer him up, and now she was the reason for spoiling his good humor. "I thought you would be excited."

"I am," Lily forced a faint smile, suddenly wishing that she had feigned at least a little delight. But as her throat thickened with emotion, she knew that she couldn't completely let it go. "I just haven't seen you around. I thought we would be able to see each other more. That's why I stayed here for Christmas."

"We've still seen each other," Severus said, a defensive note creeping into his voice. "At dinner last night."

Lily had wanted Severus to say sorry and for them to return to how they were. She hadn't expected denial. "You were leaving when I got there. With Rabastan." A small frown toyed with her lips as the scene came flooding back to her. She could remember it perfectly, Severus walking beside Rabastan, hardly sparing a glance her way.

"I wasn't aware that we had plans."

"You could have at least said something," Lily said, feeling childish and more than a little stung at the crispness of his tone. Feeling the need to look away in order to recollect herself, she glanced at the wide expanse of blue-gray sky above, unexpectedly wishing that she were anywhere but there. As a tawny owl soared ahead, wings stretched gracefully, she couldn't help but envy the creature. "Instead of just nodding."

"Next time I'll be certain to address you more formally then."

Lily stared at him for a moment, torn between bewilderment and hurt. She hadn't meant to sound accusing, but that was how he had taken it. The sarcasm was a typical Severus defense mechanism, but never with her. She was not a stranger. She was his friend. Lily was suddenly furious at herself as well as him for feeling foolish. She wasn't being paranoid. Something was different. "What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing," Severus said with the same curtness as his previous two answers.

"It's obviously not nothing. You seem really angry at me."

"I'm not."

"Well, I am," Lily said with such resolve that it even surprised her. All the confusion and sadness that had haunted her during the holiday had transformed into anger. If either of them had the right to be upset, it was her. "If you rather see Rabastan than me, then all you had to do was say so. Next Christmas, I won't stay."

Her dramatic exit had been much more efficient in her mind. She tried to stalk off purposefully, but the snow made it difficult. Still, Lily's chin remained high, her eyes fixed on the path ahead. She had only walked a few feet before Severus had caught up to her, almost effortlessly with his long strides.

"Wait! Lily!"

Lily halted, looking at him rather skeptically. But in spite of herself, she didn't want to be angry. Fighting with Severus was even worse than fighting with Petunia. Her mind flickered back to the reflection in the Mirror of Erised. It seemed so childishly simple, yet unimaginably beautiful. Was that too much to ask for? To improbable to ever dream of?

Lily was afraid of the truth.

"I'm sorry. I was just upset that you weren't happy for me," Severus waited for her to speak, but when she said nothing, he continued, more hastily than he started. "The spell I was working on… It was for you. For us."

"What do you mean?" Lily was unable to resist asking, still unconvinced.

"No one will be able to eavesdrop on us," Severus said eagerly, now that he had her full attention. "We can talk all we want without stupid Potter interrupting or…" His voice trailed off.

But Lily knew what he was about to say. It had been one of her unspoken fears, one that she always pushed from her mind the instant it transpired. If she thought it, it seemed too real. "Sev," she asked slowly, not entirely sure that she wanted to hear the answer. "Are you embarrassed by me?"

"What?" Severus gaped at her. "Of course not."

"I'm a Muggle-born. Your friends don't exactly like my sort," Lily frowned to herself, trying to form the words without offending Severus. "When you were with Rabastan, you seemed…different. Like you didn't want to see me."

"Lily," Severus said earnestly. "You're my best friend. I will always want to see you."

There was a long pause, a deathly still silence with only the soft sound of their breaths to be heard, misty white in the wintry air. The cold suddenly felt very much alive and no longer gentle. Lily was numb as she stared at Severus, her eyes anxiously searching his. The quiet intensity that she had been so accustomed to suddenly seemed louder, so powerful, that everything around them seemed to dim. His face was serious, even pleading. She didn't know if she believed him, but she wanted to, more than anything.

"Okay," Lily said finally. "Let's go inside."

And as they walked toward the castle together, feathery flakes of ice sweeping against their flushed cheeks, a light breeze teasing at their snow-entangled hair, Lily was certain that she did believe him.


	44. Chapter 44 Maladies and the Moon

**Thanks for the reviews, favorites, and alerts! One of my reviewers pointed out that it would make more sense for James to save Snape's life during fourth year. I know the popular opinion is fifth, but when I think about it, I'm actually leaning toward fourth too. Does anyone have any thoughts? **

**Also, two of my reviewers have excellent Snape stories that you might want to check out: IAmTheMessenger's _Look At Me_ and Vitrikor's _The Otter, The Doe, and the Time Turner_. I recommend that you take a look. **

** IAmTheMessenger- Thanks for the review! I did see it, probably way after everyone did. I think it's my second favorite, after the very first. I love the excitement of the last movie, but the first one just seemed so magical to me. I was disappointed that they didn't fit in the Mudblood scene in the Prince's Tale scene, but overall, I really liked it. **

**the reader- Thanks for the review! I was actually trying to find out what year it was. It was never said for sure, but the popular theory is fifth year. Some places have sixth year, but I know it was definitely before the end of fifth year because Lily and Sev were talking about it before the Mudblood incident, but I do agree that it makes more sense for it to happen before the Marauders were Animagi. Since it was never stated for sure, I'm guessing it could go either way. I haven't gotten to the end of fourth year yet, so I might switch it because I think I like that idea better, but I also don't want to show James changing too soon. I'll have to think about it.**

**bluecanary- Thanks for the review and thanks for reminding me about the playlist! I keep forgetting but I'll put it up within an hour on my profile. I'll have to narrow it down because I have a lot of songs. I actually have three playlists- pre-Mudblood scene, post-Mudblood scene, and after Lily's death. **

**Stargazer- Thanks for the review! I agree that he would turn around. I think I read somewhere that JKR said that if he had the choice to do it all over again, he wouldn't become a Death Eater. That's actually one reason why I didn't want Severus to see his boggart and have it be a dead Lily. I don't want the possibility of her death to seem too real to him right now. **

**Chapter Forty-Four- Maladies and the Moon**

**1974**

To Severus, there was no subject more fascinating than Defense Against the Dark Arts. While he highly enjoyed Potions for its methodic style and requirement in logic, as opposed to simple wand waving, he found himself enthralled in dark magic for the opposite reason. There was so much unknown about dark magic, so many possibilities, that anything connected to it, even the watered down course of Defense Against the Dark Arts, captivated him.

"Today we'll be learning about one of the most fearsome beasts in the wizarding world," Professor Collingsworth announced gravely, both of his hands grasping his wand so tightly that they were ghostly white. His slitted gaze seemed to rest on each and every student, one by one. When satisfied by his dramatic pause, he spoke again. "Werewolves."

There was a sudden shudder all around the room, but it didn't take long for the students to return to their usual state of boredom. From the corner of his eye, Severus could see that the Marauders were huddled together, murmuring in hushed tones. Unable to keep his face from contorting in a scowl, Severus stared firmly ahead, determined to not award Potter with the audience he so desperately craved. He didn't have to strain his ears to know that the troublesome foursome were back to plotting ways to scare off Collingsworth. He was only surprised that they hadn't concocted a foolproof scheme over holiday.

"For the few who actually completed the assigned reading, how can a werewolf be distinguished from a true wolf?" Collingsworth asked, looking as if he expected more of a response from a hippogriff. Setting his wand beside him, he folded his hands, and waited.

Severus's eyes flitted around the room and sighed as he took in the miserable sight before him. Mulciber's eyes were half shut while Wilkes and Avery played hangman on their notes. Not far away, Avery was snoring peacefully, a small pool of drool escaping his open mouth. The Marauders were still, predictably, clustered together. Potter and Black were whispering furiously while Lupin looked on, appearing too drained of energy to even comment. Pettigrew looked as if he were about to be vomit; he was nearly as waxen as Lupin, weakly shaking his head back and forth. The Gryffindor girls looked utterly clueless, with the exception of Lily, who was frantically riffling through her textbook for answers. Rolling his eyes at the class's ignorance, Severus slowly raised his hand.

"Mr. Snape?"

"Snout shape, tufted tail, pupils…" As Severus continued, his scowl deepening as the murmurs behind him grew louder. Potter was planning something. He knew it.

"Five points if you tell me what the symptoms of a werewolf are when human."

Severus opened his mouth to respond, but was distracted when a loud thud echoed throughout the classroom. Every pair of eyes turned to see a crimson Pettigrew sprawled on the floor. Severus's eyes narrowed with suspicion as he saw Black quickly hide his hands behind his back. He had a gut feeling that the blood traitor had pushed Pettigrew, but why?

"My head," Pettigrew moaned half-heartedly, clutching his forehead as the students huddled around him anxiously. But Severus wasn't as easily distracted. He was watching the other Marauders. He could have sworn that he saw Potter's foot near Pettigrew, and his suspicions were confirmed a second later when Pettigrew yelped out, "My head!"

"Is he all right?" Lily asked worriedly.

Severus only shrugged, wondering for what felt like the millionth time, why Lily cared so deeply about people who didn't even matter. But he was too preoccupied to answer. His eyes drifted back to the pitiful boy as he watched him writhe around pathetically. More than ever, he was not convinced by the dramatic display.

"What is it, Pettigrew?" Collingsworth sounded annoyed. For that, Severus was glad. It was nauseating enough seeing Lily and the other Gryffindor girls fall beside Pettigrew, all donning similar expressions of concern. He didn't need the teacher to add to the scene. What was it about Gryffindors and their insatiable need for attention?

"It hurts," Pettigrew groaned again, still thrashing around. Eyes squinted, face red, it was an unpleasant sight. Severus wished that someone would put him out of his misery.

"He's been seeing things, Professor," Black said earnestly. "I think it's serious."

"Bad pumpkin juice?"

"Dragon pox?"

The students continued to shout out ideas of what may have caused Peter Pettigrew's mysterious malady. Just as Rosier suggested 'poison' much too hopefully, the classroom was flooded in darkness. Pitch black, it was impossible to see anything at all. There was a chorus of screams and a few murmurs of "_Lumos_!" but the room remained black.

"Sev?" Lily asked.

"Here-" Severus began but fell short as Lily's cautiously waving hand whacked him in the stomach. "Ouch."

"Sorry!"

"'S fine," Severus managed.

"Who is responsible for this?" Collingsworth demanded, his cool voice, steady and barely above a whisper, somehow managed to cut through all the shrill shrieks.

It was suddenly very quiet. Pettigrew's whimpers were suspiciously silent.

"Whoever is guilty, and I will find out, will be punished accordingly. Until I undo this nonsense, class is dismissed. Two rolls of parchment on werewolves will be due in the next lesson to make up for this…stupidity."

As the students poured from the classroom, homework complaints were muttered from Gryffindors and Slytherins alike. Severus's eyes remained fixed on the Marauders, his misgivings only doubling. There was something off about the incident in the classroom. It was a Marauder prank, there was no doubt about it, but it lacked their usual flair. It was as if it had another purpose.

Whatever it was, Severus intended to find out.

But a moment later, Severus regretted looking their way.

"Looking for something, Snivellus?" Potter said loudly, his hazel eyes locking with Severus. Black whirled around, a sneer already in place as he took in the sight of Severus.

"It's not like he can see anything with that hair," Black added snidely, wand poised in one swift motion.

Severus silently withdrew his own wand, his contempt matching Black's. He didn't show it, but inside, Severus was seething. Potter… Black… They had no right to judge him. They were the ones who had been born with everything and had merely thrown it away, without a second thought, in typical Gryffindor fashion.

"Don't you two ever shut up?" Lily asked irritably, grabbing Severus's hand. Her soft, warm skin distracted from his anger, but only for a split second. His fingers slowly closed around hers, his heart thudding dangerously. "Come on, Sev. They aren't worth our time."

Potter and Black traded disappointed looks. Lily didn't wait for them to act. She yanked Severus's arm, and he stiffened. Once again, Lily was rescuing him. What would the Knights of Walpurgis say if they witnessed him being saved by a Muggle-born? It was humiliating.

"Another time, Snivelly."

"I'll talk to you later, Evans!"

Severus gritted his teeth at Potter's last remark, but as Lily pulled him along, he was struck by sudden inspiration. How could he have been so thoughtless…so stupid? It seemed so obvious…so transparent that he almost hated himself.

"You okay, Sev?" Lily asked, raising an eyebrow.

Severus nodded quickly. "Yeah. I'll…see you later. I have to do something."

He didn't wait to see her expression. As he fled for the library, he was still marveling at his stupidity. What he had been wondering for the past three years had been there all along. Right in front of him.

**1974**

"It was the worst Christmas ever."

Lily was more than delighted that her Gryffindor friends were back, but she wished that they would stop talking about their holidays. She didn't want to think about Christmas, especially since she suspected that their Christmases had been even worse than hers had been. Snatches of conversations overheard in corridors and classrooms had told her that the Death Eaters had not been on holiday.

"I wasn't allowed to do anything," Marlene continued complaining after she swallowed a bite of steak. "I wasn't allowed to go anywhere. Mum and Dad are so paranoid. Everyone is. It's ridiculous." When she caught their stares, she rolled her amber eyes. "Okay, I know it's not ridiculous. I'm just as scared of You-Know-Who as the next witch, but I thought Christmas was supposed to be a nice little holiday away from everything."

"Right," Alice took a sip of iced pumpkin juice. "Because You-Know-Who is so full of the holiday spirit. I can just see the Death Eaters sitting around a tree, in front of a cozy fire, opening Christmas crackers."

The image may have been funny, but no one laughed. Ludicrous or not, nothing having to do with Voldemort was especially humorous. Lily may have not been as connected to the wizarding world as the rest of them were, but she had seen glimpses of the _Daily Prophet _headlines. Times were getting worse; each day seemed to bring more obscurities, more terror, and more death.

"Lily, your boyfriend is coming here," Marlene sang out, looking pleased that there was a new distraction to gossip over. Before she had left, the boggart seemed to have sobered her permanently, but it suddenly seemed that she had returned to her former ways. There was a gleam in her eyes, the same gleam that had appeared when she had eagerly told them that she had caught Rebecca Smythe snogging Clarence Stebbins in a broom cupboard.

"He's not my boyfriend," Lily said irritably, following Marlene's gaze, not knowing whether to be relieved that her friend seemed happier or annoyed that the source of happiness was teasing her over Severus.

"Touchy," Marlene returned to her dinner, but Lily knew that her attention was still riveted to Severus.

But even so, as Severus approached them, Lily couldn't keep from flushing. She knew perfectly well that she and Severus were just friends, but that didn't stop her from feeling unexpectedly awkward. Lily was aware of the curious glances that she and Severus earned when walking together, their House colors glaring even in the dim hallways, but suddenly, it was as if there was a blinding spotlight pointing them out for all to see. Lily jutted out her chin defiantly at any spectators. As far as she was concerned, it was none of their business.

"Lily," Severus said. "I need to talk to you. In private. It's important."

Lily didn't have to look at Marlene and the rest of the eavesdropping Gryffindors to know that they were exchanging amused grins. Her cheeks flaming, Lily hopped to her feet and followed Severus, chin still held high. Above them, the enchanted ceiling's leaden clouds seemed to thicken. The curls of smoke gray had been present all day, and as foolish as it was, Lily couldn't help but feel that it was an omen of some sort.

"What is it, Sev?" Lily asked curiously once they were outside the Great Hall. Her earlier embarrassment was already fading, replaced by interest as she inspected the rolled up parchment in his hands. From the spark in his obsidian eyes, she knew that it had to be something intriguing.

Severus looked around and shook his head dismissively. "Not here. This way."

They swept by several doors, half of them Lily had never known about. As their footsteps pattered against the marble stairs, Lily was unable to prevent a fond smile from curving. Hogwarts never stopped surprising her. That was one of the things that she loved most about it.

"The Room?" Lily asked in puzzlement when Severus had finally stopped.

"Sort of," Severus said. "But it's different now. You'll see."

It didn't take long for Lily to discover what he meant. Once she stepped inside, she found a completely different chamber from the airy room that Severus used so frequently. It still had the towering shelves of books, but it was darker, with a much more cluttered feeling that most likely had to do with the several books that were already spread out. A small square table stood in the center, two wobbly chairs planted on either side.

Lily glanced down at the book closest to her, tilting her head for an improved view. Her emerald eyes narrowed, a slight frown forming on her lips. She was bewildered by the words that greeted her. "Werewolves?"

"Lupin," Severus said smugly. "He's a werewolf."

Lily stared at him. "You're mad."

She knew that had not been the reaction he had been hoping for, but instead of appearing crestfallen, Severus eagerly moved to the table, unrolling the parchment that he had been carrying. As he smoothed it out, Lily peered around his shoulder, recognizing it to be his moon chart from Astronomy.

"Look," Severus said with uncontained excitement, his black eyes flashing with feverishness from his discovery. The words escaped his lips just as eagerly as they had when he had first told her that she was a witch, his index finger resting on a small sketch of the full moon. "I never kept track of which days he's been absent, but every thirty days seems about right, doesn't it? It makes perfect sense."

When he looked up, he found Lily gaping at him in horror.

"What?"

Lily was still stunned to realize that he was serious. She knew that he loathed the Marauders, but enough to convince himself that Lupin was a monster? Taking a deep breath, she eyed Severus carefully. "Lupin is not a werewolf, Sev. Dumbledore wouldn't allow a werewolf in Hogwarts."

This time, it was Severus's turn to gawk.

"Of course he would!" Severus's face contorted in hatred, a twisted expression that almost frightened Lily. He was virtually spitting out his words now, making no effort to conceal his distaste. "It's Dumbledore. You've seen what excuses he makes for the Marauders. They should have been expelled by now. It's disgusting."

Lily bristled. She had always liked the silvery-bearded wizard, and after seeing him on Christmas, she was even fonder of him and hated to hear Severus's blatant dislike. But that wasn't the issue now. Lupin was.

"I know you hate them. They bother me too. Well, Potter and Black do. Sometimes, even Pettigrew," Lily's voice remained quiet, desperately trying to calm him. If only his scowl would soften. Then she would know that he was still her Severus. "But Lupin isn't that bad. I talked to him before and he doesn't strike me as a vicious killer, once a month or not."

But her efforts remained futile. Lily winced when she saw Severus's darkening expression. It seemed the more she spoke, regardless of what she said as long as it was not outright hatred of the Marauders, the steelier his gaze became.

"Why are you defending him, Lily? Standing there and doing nothing is just as bad, even worse. He's a coward."

"I'm not defending him," Lily said patiently, tucking a lock of dark red hair behind her ear. "I'm being rational. Remus Lupin is not a werewolf."

"Because he's not a Slytherin?" Severus demanded harshly.

It was back to that again. No matter what happened, the House rivalry was never far behind them. It was always there, in the shadows, scarlet and gold, emerald and silver, contrasting sharply even in the darkness.

Lily didn't think she could bear another Gryffindor versus Slytherin conversation. "Because he's not a killer."

"What about the lesson today?"

"What about it?" Lily sighed wearily, more than ready for the conversation to end.

"The second Collingsworth told us we would be learning about werewolves, they started plotting a way to end the lesson. You saw what they did today!"

"I did," Lily admitted. "I've also seen what they do everyday. It's just a coincidence."

"No, they were doing it to protect Lupin," Severus argued stubbornly. "It's what they do. They would do anything to save their own skins, werewolf or not. They always have to be together, whether it's detention or a jinxing spree."

"Is that so bad, Sev?" Lily asked almost desperately, her green eyes wide at the bittern turn his voice took. "That they protect each other? I know they aren't the nicest people, but they're friends. Just like we are."

For a moment, Lily thought he was at loss for words, but if he was, he quickly recovered, his eyes cold. "I don't care about that. I'll prove it to you. Remus Lupin is a werewolf."

"Don't, Sev," Lily shook her head pleadingly. "Why can't you just forget about them?"

"Because," Severus said simply. "You don't believe me."

There was a question in his voice. A question that he was begging to have answered. But Lily already knew the answer, and she knew that it was not what he wanted to hear.

"You're right," Lily said at last. "I don't."

The words felt strange, the realization even stranger. She had always believed him and he had always believed her. Whether it was the existence of magic or the silver doe, they had instinctively trusted each other from the day that Lily had approached him. The new sensation felt wrong. Horribly wrong.

But even so, Lily turned around to leave. Severus didn't stop her.


	45. Chapter 45 The Code

**I'm so sorry that there haven't been any updates lately. I've been dealing with personal issues and vacation. I thought I would be able to update before to warn everyone, but I ran out of time. Things aren't completely normal yet, but by the 19th, I will be updating normally again. Thank you for all the reviews while I've been away! Here's an extra long chapter to make up for it. **

**MermaidGirl34- Thanks for the review! You're right, I should add another Daily Prophet piece soon. Before I was trying to focus on Sev and Lily and their peaceful days, but now that their friendship is somewhat strained, I think more information on the outside world would be perfect. **

**bluecanary- Thanks for the review! There might be a few more slight moments like that, but Lily won't really begin to develop any romantic feelings until after 4th year.**

**Gigi1- Thanks for the review! I can't believe that I didn't catch those mistakes. It's embarrassing, but thanks for letting me know. I'll fix it right after this update. **

**the reader- Thanks for the review! I know the Knights of Walpurgis are technically the same group as the Death Eaters in canon, but in this story, they're somewhat separate. I wanted something to pull Severus away from Lily so I made up a secret group at Hogwarts that would appeal to his darker side. I thought of a few names, but I liked the Knights of Walpurgis because JKR came up with it and it just seemed to fit. You'll learn more about them in the fourth year, but the Knights of Walpurgis are sort of like the pre Death Eater group, similarly to how DA was a pre Order of the Phoenix group, or at least what Fudge feared DA was. They weren't always connected to the Death Eaters, and I don't want to give too much away, but they aren't the same group. They are closely connected to Death Eaters though, since around Riddle time.**

**Anonymous- Thanks for the review! I had no idea but that's so weird. It makes me wonder if JKR did that on purpose. Also, thanks for the song suggestion! Those lyrics match perfectly with Snape/Lily so I'll have to add it. Some of the songs I have aren't my style, but I like how this story is making me listen to new music. **

**Chapter Forty-Five- The Code**

**1974**

Severus didn't have to wait long for the next full moon. For that, he was grateful. He had dropped the subject with Lily and they had acted as if their disagreement had never happened, but Severus was more determined than ever to prove that Remus Lupin was a werewolf. All because of one very good reason.

Lily didn't believe him.

The dark thought had haunted Severus relentlessly, a dreary cloud that hung over him constantly. He would convince her. He would change her mind, and she would never doubt him again. All he had to do was catch Lupin in act.

It was nearly midnight when Severus tiptoed out of the dormitory, feeling enormous grateful for Avery's loud snores to mask the sound of his footsteps. As he entered the common room, he held in his breath, paranoid that Narcissa was awake again. But his potions seemed to have been working; there was no sign of the porcelain blonde. Exhaling, Severus moved from Slytherin territory.

"Where're you going, Sev?"

Severus flinched, mentally cursing himself for being so oblivious to not have seen little Regulus Black huddled in a small ball just outside the common room. "Don't call me that," Severus snapped so venomously that Regulus's brown eyes widened into saucers.

"Won't happen again, Severus. But where are you going? You're not supposed to be wandering around the castle at night."

"I'm fully aware," Severus said brusquely, not bothering to answer Regulus's question. That one question would lead to a million. "Why aren't you inside?"

"I forgot the password," Regulus frowned slightly, his eyes clouding over. "I always forget things. Sirius usually reminds me but since…" His face suddenly darkened. "He doesn't anymore."

"It's Salazar," Severus informed him, not wanting to hear anymore about the Black brothers' feud, or even worse, nauseating stories of brotherly love. Before Regulus could pester him any longer, Severus strode ahead.

"Wait!" Regulus called after him, leaping to his feet rather clumsily. His hair was tousled and his robes were wrinkled, but he didn't seem to care or even notice. He was practically glowing with excitement as he scampered after Severus. "Since I'm already awake, I can go with you. Where are we going?"

Severus halted. Pure blood or not, he had no patience for the youngest Black. He had waited for what resembled eternity for the full moon, and he had no intention of letting anyone ruin his plans, least of all a Black.

"We are going nowhere. You," Severus gestured at Regulus, "are going back to your dormitory while I," Severus pointed to himself, "take a walk."

"Aw, Sev," Regulus wheedled, quickly catching himself once he saw Severus's lips twitch furiously, "-erus, Why can't I go?"

"Because I said so!" Severus snapped again with more harshness. "Go to the common room or I'll hex you and throw you back inside myself."

It was remarkably like kicking a puppy. Regulus stared at him with wide brown eyes, visibly weighing his options. Severus glared back, ensuring that the boy saw that he had no options. Looking disappointed and even a little fearful, Regulus quickly scurried inside. Severus waited for a minute or two before continuing on his way.

As he quietly strolled through the corridors, Severus was beginning to wish that he had planned his night more thoroughly. He had thought it would be easier to search for Lupin's whereabouts in the safety of the night, but perhaps it would be better if he had looked when the full moon first rose in the sky. That way he would see Lupin transforming into a werewolf rather than...a full-fledged werewolf.

Severus swallowed nervously. It was bad enough to run into a werewolf at night, but he was certain that running into a werewolf who hated him was much worse. Severus studied his wand, gaining consolation from it. He knew more curses than the majority of seventh years. He could handle himself.

If Lupin was even at Hogwarts, Severus thought sourly. While he was sure that Lupin was a werewolf, he wasn't sure that he stayed at Hogwarts during his transformation. Perhaps he did visit home after all. If that was true, Severus was wasting his time and Lily would never believe him.

As his contempt of the Marauders grew with every step, Severus gnashed his teeth together, his fists clamped. He hated them. He hated all of them, but most of all, he hated Potter. Hogwarts was supposed to be his, his and Lily's. Everything was supposed to be perfect. But Potter had ruined it, just as Petunia had ruined their little clearing at Spinner's End.

But as Severus was about to turn the corner, the sound of faint murmurs stopped him, pausing his mental tirade. He froze, his back instinctively flattening against the wall, his heart pounding forcefully against his chest. When he recovered, he dared to snatch a peek around the corner. It was the Marauders. Or at least three of them. Lupin was missing.

"Can we just go to sleep? It's not like we can do anything yet."

"Shut it, Peter," Black said in his usual flippant manner. But even so, Severus did not miss how the older Black brother exchanged sideways glances with Potter. Beneath the nonchalance, there was something serious, an almost worry that Severus would not have believed them to be capable of.

"Can we visit the kitchens then? I'm hungry."

"Shut it, Peter," Potter and Black chorused together.

They couldn't do anything yet. What did that even mean? Severus's brow furrowed in contemplation. Were Pettigrew's words even connected to Lupin or was this just another one of their idiotic pranks?

The Marauders fell into a suspicious silence. Severus braved another peek and was astonished to see that Potter had vanished. But that was impossible. Severus would have heard him or at least noticed him walk away. Risking another glimpse, Severus's eyes probed the scene with a growing franticness. But Potter was nowhere to be seen.

Severus suddenly had a very distinct feeling of dread.

"_Petrificus Totalus_!"

To Severus's horror, his limbs snapped together and he fell backward, crashing painfully against the stony floor. His head couldn't move, but much to his disgust, his eyes could see Potter's grinning face looming above him, harrowing and taunting as he whipped off a mysterious silvery cloak. The watery threads seemed to be woven with starlight; even in the faint light of the moon, the strange fluid material seemed to shimmer. An Invisibility Cloak.

At that moment, Severus hated himself almost as much as he hated Potter.

"I thought I heard you, Snivellus."

"Snivelly!" Severus heard Black say. Sure enough, Black's elegantly carved features came into view, Pettigrew's much rounder face beside him. "Eavesdropping, you miserable git? I always knew your nose was big, never thought much about your ears."

If Severus could move, his face would be twisting in hatred.

"But then again, you can't see your ears with all that slime for hair. Do you even wash it?" Black continued, his voice mockingly calm.

"What do you think he heard?" Pettigrew asked anxiously as he backed away, his fingers twitching nervously. Unlike Potter and Black, he seemed reluctant to near an even immobile Severus. The realization made Severus want to sneer.

"Shut up, Peter. He's paralyzed, not deaf," Black barked with surprising ferocity, causing Pettigrew to blanch. There was no carelessness behind his words, no impish smirk teasing his lips. For the first time, Severus could see something lurking behind Black's pale eyes, a resemblance between him and the Slytherin elite, something that went beyond breeding and poise. Something darker.

But then that something faltered.

"Sorry," Black muttered.

Potter's eyes moved from Black to Pettigrew then to Black again. He opened his mouth to speak, but a glance at Severus made his mouth fall shut. Before a Marauder drama could develop in front of enemy eyes, Potter took action. "I think," he said slowly, his grin returning, "That we'll leave Snivelly out for Mrs. Norris to find. Leave a few of those Fanged Frisbees, Sirius."

His words seemed to have the desired effect on the Marauders. The tension was forgotten so quickly that Severus almost wondered if he had imagined it. The color returned to Pettigrew's cheeks as he shuffled closer to the group. Black visibly relaxed and he grinned back at Potter. "A Dungbomb too or is that overkill?"

Potter gave it some thought with a dismissive shrug. "Not enough kill. I say we leave the lot. It'll be like Christmas for Filch."

"Excellent," Black promptly began emptying his pockets. Pettigrew did the same, but much more quickly, seemingly eager to rid himself of all evidence of prohibited items.

While the Marauders worked, Severus's hatred continued bubbling up until he was sure that it was explode. There was nothing more he would have enjoyed than to wrench his wand out and curse them until they begged for his forgiveness. It was just like them to strut around the castle as if they owned the place. They would pay for this. Severus would humiliate them even if it killed him.

"See ya, Snivellus," Potter said cheerfully as he dusted his hands off. "Say hello to Filch for us."

Snickering amongst themselves, the Marauders fled the scene of the crime. Frozen stiff, Severus simply laid there, a whirlwind of fury blazing through his mind, as quick and treacherous as cursed fire. He couldn't believe their audacity. No, that he could believe. He couldn't believe that he had been stupid to land himself in the situation.

There was a distant meowing sound. If Severus could stiffen further, he would have. He knew Fanged Frisbees were prohibited, but they couldn't actually expel him for that, would they?

Of course they would, Severus realized bitterly, he was a Slytherin. They would assume the worst.

"Don't worry, Severus!" A familiar voice piped up. A voice so eager and obnoxious that Severus knew it could only belong to a certain Black. Incredulous, Severus watched as Regulus popped into view. "Aren't you glad that I made you teach me this one?"

Glad was an overstatement, but once Regulus muttered the countercurse, Severus couldn't help but feel a flicker of fondness for the younger Slytherin. He truly was like an obnoxious little puppy, annoyingly loyal and impossible to rid of, but somehow, grew on him.

"We have to leave," Severus said curtly, rubbing his arms with unspoken relief. "I think Mrs. Norris saw me."

Regulus paled. For once, he didn't ask a thousand questions. He didn't even ask one. For that, Severus would be eternally grateful. In silent agreement, they hastened toward the Slytherin common room, leaving all Fanged Frisbees and Dungbombs behind.

"Salazar!" Severus said breathlessly once the wall was in sight. As he continued hurrying toward the common room, Regulus hot on his heels, he uttered the password again and again. "Salazar!"

To his relief, the wall slid open. He didn't dare exhale until they were safely inside the common room, the wall closed securely behind them. He wouldn't be expelled after all. His future wouldn't be ruined. He was safe…

"That was brilliant!" Regulus exclaimed.

All lukewarm feelings toward Regulus immediately dissipated. He sounded far too much like his older brother for Severus's liking. There were many words that their close encounter had inspired, and 'brilliant' was not even close to being among them.

Regulus saw the scowl. His face fell as he shoved his hands into his pockets, his lower lip jutting out in a sulky expression. "I guess I'll go to sleep now. Night, Severus."

Severus knew that he would regret his next two words in the morning, but for some inexplicable reason, the knowledge didn't stop him. "Regulus?"

Regulus perked up. "Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"You're welcome!" Regulus lit up as he beamed at Severus. All traces of his sullen state had vanished as quickly as they had appeared. The bounce returned to his step as he bounded closer to Severus. "Next time-"

There was a limit for everything and Severus had long passed his. "Goodnight, Regulus."

"Goodnight!"

Severus watched him leave, a faint smile on his face that he would never confess to. He hated Regulus's resemblance to his older brother, and he hated that Regulus had saved him from Filch even more. But the truth was, as different as they were, Regulus reminded him a bit of Lily. Both had unfortunate older siblings, that for some reason that Severus would never understand, they both seemed to miss, and both never stopped talking.

There was only one Lily Evans in this world, but Severus had a feeling that there was only one Regulus Black. And that one Regulus Black, Severus didn't mind as terribly as he thought he did.

**1974**

"Evans."

It was _him _again. Automatically, Lily cupped her hands over her partially transfigured tortoise, not wanting to see him gloat, or even worse, offer help. The day she accepted James Potter's help was never.

"Potter," Lily said coolly, wondering why he couldn't have waited until Charms to bother her. She was good at Charms. But the truth was, Potter would still bother her in Charms. He bothered her nearly every second he could.

"Guess what day it is?" Potter's eyes seemed to brighten; immune as always to the edge in her voice. He deflected her rudeness as easily as he usually did, in a infuriatingly confident manner that irked her to no end.

"Thursday," Lily answered shortly just as her tortoise peeked out between her fingers. Lily winced, but Potter didn't seem to notice. He was too busy raking his hand through his hair casually. She knew that he was attempting achieve the same casual flier look he attained just after winning a Quidditch match. But it wasn't working. Lily thought it looked as if he had been caught in a tornado instead.

"No. Well, yeah, it's Thursday. But what day of the month?"

"The fourteenth," Lily glanced over nervously at McGonagall, desperately hoping that she didn't ask to see her progress. Luckily, Marlene was providing a convenient distraction with her own magical mishap; somehow she had managed to make her tortoise sprout brightly colored feathers.

"Of?"

There it was. Lily gritted her teeth and returned to inspecting her notes with much renewed interested. When she dared to look at him between long, dark red tendrils of hair, he was still watching her, an expression of mild impatience crossing his face. "February," she admitted reluctantly.

"Which is?"

"Transfiguration?" Lily asked much too hopefully.

Potter waved his hand carelessly as if he was witnessing typical Lily behavior. There was a familiarity behind the gesture, an implication that he actually knew her. It aggravated her. "Don't be difficult, Evans."

"Valentine's Day," Lily said sadly.

Potter beamed at her. A beam so wide that it made Lily search her mind for a charm or curse, anything to wipe off that horrifying smile. But to her horror, nothing came to mind. "I have a present for you."

"Ugh, what for?" Lily pulled a face, her nose wrinkling at the thought. She quickly stole another glance at Marlene, hoping that the gossip hadn't overheard. Thankfully, the witch was still engrossed with her feathery tortoise and a scowling McGonagall.

"What do you mean, what for?" Potter sounded hurt, or as hurt as James Potter could manage. "It's Valentine's Day, Evans, and you and me…"

"Don't say it," Lily warned, automatically scooting back in her seat. It was only half an inch or so, but it was half an inch more away from him.

"Are meant to be together!" Potter finished rather quickly at her dangerous tone. To her disbelief, he hastily pushed a small cake in front of her. "Here you are! Don't let McGonagall see. I made it especially for you."

Lily stared at it, then at him, and then at the cake again, an expression of clear disgust on her face. The cake was frosted heavily with pink icing, sprinkled with tiny chocolate Snitches. Lily wasn't certain if it would have been more or less revolting with hearts instead of Snitches. "I'm not eating that!"

"Why not?"

"One, I don't fancy detention. Two, I don't fancy you. Three, I don't fancy getting whatever hex you put on it."

"Would I hex you, Evans?" Potter asked, feigning hurt. His hazel eyes were wide and innocent, but the glimmer of mischief remained, the glimmer that instantly made Lily tense whenever she saw it. Feeling even more uncomfortable, she looked away.

"Yes."

"Not on Valentine's Day," Potter persisted.

"If I eat it after class, will you shut up and leave me alone?"

"Spoken like a true romantic."

As soon as Transfiguration had ended, Lily waited after class, suddenly wanting nothing more than to flee for her life. But she had made a deal with Potter, and while Potter was arguably not human, she did not break promises. Not wanting to stay a moment longer than necessary, the second Potter came into view, she bit into the cake. As soon as she swallowed the sponge-like substance, she had a feeling that she would regret it.

It only took a few seconds for Lily to be proven right. Almost immediately, her face began to feel hot and itchy. She didn't know what had happened to her, but she knew that she was ready to strangle a certain Quidditch hero.

"POTTER."

Potter leapt back a few steps, his usual arrogance replaced by pure alarm. It would have been funny, but Lily wasn't in the mood to laugh. She was in the mood to kill.

"Sirius!" Potter said desperately as Lily backed him into the wall behind him, his eyes searching the corridor hopefully for his fellow Marauder to come to his rescue. "What did you do?"

"What does he have to do with it?" Lily demanded, jamming her wand into a squirming Potter's throat. There was no hair rumpling or obnoxious smirking. There were no mentions of Quidditch scores or requests to meet at Hogsmeade. This was a Potter she could work with.

Potter fidgeted, his hazel eyes suddenly darting everywhere but directly into the emerald green that glared at him. He seemed almost embarrassed. "He snitched it from the kitchens for me."

"I thought you made it especially for me," Lily accused, pressing her wand further under his chin. She didn't know why the knowledge bothered her, but it did.

"It sounds better that way."

"It doesn't if this happens."

Potter cringed at the fresh surge of venom in her voice. "Good point. Sirius!"

Black finally turned around and then snickered as soon as his eyes landed on Lily. As he laughed, Lily continued to shoot daggers his way, her wand still firmly jabbed under Potter's chin. After a while, Black recovered, wiping tears from his eyes. "Oh, that was Marlene's."

"Why Marlene's?" Lily asked suspiciously, lowering her wand at last with visible reluctance. Potter made a dramatic show of rubbing his throat but instantly stopped when another poisonous glare was sent his way.

"Because she keeps looking at me," Black frowned as a curious Pettigrew and Lupin fell to his side, both eyeing Lily, both blatantly not brave enough to speak. "And smiling. It's creepy. Like she wants to kill me."

"That's because she likes you, you prat," Lily was nearing her breaking point. She couldn't handle them. She could barely handle Potter alone, but the four of them? Together? They were impossible. They were maddening. They were lunatics. Absolute lunatics.

"Oh," Black brightened, looking relieved and even a little smug. "Is it my hair?"

"I don't have the slightest idea. Whatever you did to me, can you please remove it before I shove my wand up your nose?" Lily asked impatiently, looking away from the curious stares. A blush crept up when she realized that she was nearly screaming.

"I dunno, Evans. I sort of like it. It's festive."

"FESTIVE?" Lily screeched, her hands automatically feeling her skin. There were small boils, increasingly uncomfortable ones, but as far as she could tell, there wasn't anything festive about them, unless…

"You know, with the hearts," Potter gestured toward her face, not seeming to register the fact that Lily's face was growing redder and redder.

"Careful, mate," Black evidently wasn't as oblivious as Lily had thought him to be. "She's going to explode."

Pettigrew dove behind Black with a whimper.

"Undo it now and I'll consider not murdering you four in your sleep," Lily announced, her cheeks pink with anger, sparks of emerald fire leaping from her eyes. She planted her hands on her hips, as if daring them to challenge her.

"Four?" Lupin asked in surprise.

"I don't see you volunteering to help," Lily told him icily. Normally, she didn't mind Lupin, but that didn't keep from the frustration from trickling into her voice. She had always seen him as the reasonable one, or at least the semi sane one, but she had at least expected him to attempt to talk sense into Potter and Black.

"Can't," Lupin said, holding up his hands. "Marauder code."

"You have a _code_?" Lily was outraged, shocked, and in spite of herself, impressed, all at once.

"Of course we have a code. What sort of wizards do you think we are? Rule number twenty-one. You can't undo another's prank unless the executor agrees," Black said. "Or the other three."

"That is the stupidest thing that I have ever heard," Lily declared.

"Rule number one," Potter glowered at Black. "It's a _secret_ code."

"Huh? What did I say?"

The breaking point was dangerously close. Lily took a deep breath.

"How about you agree to undo it and I'll try not to hex you into oblivion?" Lily suggested, her fingers twitching in longing at the idea. Her slim fingers closed around her wand. A spray of red sparks shot out.

The four Marauders glanced at her wand, then at each other, and nodded. Lily sighed, crossed her arms, and waited. Once a sulking Potter performed the countercurse, Lily touched her face, relieved to find that it was smooth and boil free again.

"Aren't you going to say thank you?" Potter asked, his signature smirk returning. It was as if her fury was all a joke to him. The thought angered Lily. Everything was a joke to Potter. She gave him a look of loathing mixed in with disbelief. Without another word, she turned around, still seething.

"How about Slughorn's party?" Potter yelled after her. "Come on, Evans. There'll be butterbeer!"

Lily kept on walking without another look back.

She hated Valentine's Day.


	46. Chapter 46 The Better Wizard

**An update on the 19th, as promised. I'll be updating twice a week again and there will be two more chapters of third year, after this. Thank you so much for helping me reach over 350 reviews! To be honest, I'm still in shock that I have that many considering a few months ago, it seemed doubtful that I would have even two reviews for a chapter. I especially want to thank those same people who review each week. I love knowing that the same people are still reading this story, even though my updates haven't been too reliable lately.**

**(blank)- Thanks for the review! I definitely agree about Sirius and I plan to have it as more of heat of the moment/prank/quick temper thing. I really don't think he wanted Snape dead. I think he was annoyed with Snape following them around and wanted to scare him off for good.**

**Ilysev- Thanks for the review and the song suggestion! When I listened to it, I knew exactly what you meant. It's a perfect Sev and Lily song and fits even more perfectly with a future chapter I have planned. **

** PoohBearGoesGangster-Thanks for the review! To be honest, I'm not really sure because it's from Lily's point of view and he's at the impressing her stage. There will be some scenes in the distant future when James is around authoritative figures, such as Dumbledore meeting with James and Lily in seventh year, James introducing his parents to Lily, etc. I don't think there will be anything about him meeting Dumbledore outside school before seventh year because it's from Lily's point of view so I can't really show that, but I may slip in a mention or two. There will be a scene at the end of fifth year when he meets Lily's parents for the first time. **

**JujuKitten- Thanks for the review and the information! I don't think I've ever heard that but I can sort of see it from the Narcissa/Snape scene at Spinner's End. **

**A- Thanks for the review! Sorry for another long answer but he'll become more aware of his romantic feelings during fourth year, but he won't realize the depth of his feelings until the day he finds out that Voldemort wants Lily killed. I don't want Severus to be completely miserable during his final Hogwarts years. Instead, I want him to be confused/regretful/angry/hurt at Lily, but more determined than ever to become a Death Eater and have the shock really set in once he realizes that he endangered and eventually killed the one person he truly loved. **

**stargazer- Thanks for the review! And thanks for catching the dormitory mistake. I'm annoyed that I didn't see that. Lily is talented, but so are the Marauders, and it just seemed natural to me that their jinxes are difficult for someone even as skilled as Lily to remove. **

**Chapter Forty-Six- The Better Wizard**

**1974**

Severus could understand the intricacies of creating new magic, what power a single word, a single swish of his wand could bestow. He could understand why some potions were stronger with counterclockwise turns and some clockwise, and list ten reasons why in thirty seconds flat. What he could not understand was how Lily Evans managed to make her every motion graceful, even as she ate breakfast.

She was beautiful. The thought occurred to him so suddenly that he scarcely noticed the heat creeping up to his cheeks. But it was true. The sunlight streaming from the enchanted ceiling cast a hypnotic glow on her dark red ringlets. Her green eyes sparkled, more vivid than the most brilliant emerald in the world. Her cheeks were flushed as she threw her head back, laughing, revealing a small dimple in her cheek. Severus wanted to scowl; he hadn't been the one to make her laugh, but he couldn't. Not when she was laughing.

But then Potter leaned across the table and said something that Severus couldn't make out. A few Gryffindor girls giggled, but Severus was gratified to see that Lily was not among them. Even so, a dark look crossed his face as he scrutinized Potter. He had not forgotten about the full moon incident.

The memory sparked a plan, a plan that had been slowly formulating in his head.

Severus turned to Mulciber, still watching Potter from the corner of his eye. He knew that Mulciber would not miss an opportunity to seize the Knights' attention while they were undergoing their test, especially if it meant humiliating Potter and helping Slytherin.

"I have an idea," Severus muttered, his lips curling. He tilted his head meaningfully toward Potter's direction.

Mulciber followed the gesture, a familiar sneer falling into place. "I'm listening."

Severus surveyed the table and then shook his head. It wasn't much of a risk, but he was never one for risks. "Not now."

"After Potions?" Mulciber pressed, still intrigued despite his visible annoyance.

Severus hesitated. Potions and the hour that followed the class was his time with Lily. More often than not, they stayed after the lesson to fiddle with potion instructions, sulking in their failures and reveling in their successes. When Severus perfected a potion, there was nothing better than seeing Lily's green eyes light up with excitement. Even when his occasional adjustments backfired, nothing consoled him more than her gentle smile.

But Severus had a feeling that Mulciber wouldn't understand. "Fine."

Mulciber muttered a response, but Severus wasn't listening. He was watching Lily, his dark eyes tracing her every movement. Involuntarily, he drew in his breath as she stood from the Gryffindor table. His gaze shifted back to the Slytherins as he silently counted out the seconds.

"I'll see you in Potions," Severus said, rising from the table before anyone could question him. But just as he stood up, the _Daily Prophet_'s headline caught his eye: _MUGGLE MASSACRE, MINISTRY MAYHEM_-

Severus frowned, craning his neck, but the rest of the headline was concealed under Wilkes' fingers. It didn't differ vastly from the other headlines that garnered speculative whispers, but something about the first two words bothered Severus, something that knotted uncomfortably in his stomach. Pushing the unwelcome sensation away, Severus left the Great Hall.

Luckily, Lily's red hair was still in view. Severus's much longer stride caught up to her easily. "Lily."

"Sev," Lily tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear and flashed him a quick smile. "Wow, I don't think I've talked to you since Divination."

"I know," Severus said, feeling suddenly regretful. But then he reminded himself that it was all for her. He had spent his spare time trailing after Lupin, or at least attempting to. The sooner he found proof that Remus Lupin was a werewolf, the sooner everything would be just how it was before. "Sorry."

"It's okay. I've been busy," Lily gave a little laugh. "What have you been doing?"

"I invented a new spell," Severus said suddenly, unable to hold back his newest accomplishment any longer. He waited and was pleased to see her delighted expression. It was precisely what he had been hoping for.

"Really? What does it do?"

"It's a curse," Severus said with a touch of pride. "You'll see. On Potter."

The excitement in her features promptly dissolved. Her eyes darkened. "Why?"

Severus gaped at her in disbelief. Lily had pled with him on more than one occasion to end his little war with Potter, but the expression in her eyes was new, something more painful. Severus felt a twinge of betrayal. It was as if she expected the worst of him, that it was his fault that Potter decided to hex him on a daily basis since the very first day of school. Lily dismissed Potter's antics with a roll of her eyes, but when it was Severus, wanting to perform one curse to Potter's hundreds of foolish pranks, she looked at him as if he were transforming into a monster before her very eyes. Severus suddenly wondered why Lily never looked at Potter that way.

"What do you mean 'why'?" Severus retorted snappishly. "You've seen what he's done to me. What he's done to me since _the first day of school_, when I did absolutely nothing to him. Why don't you ever ask _him_ why?"

"Because that's who he is!" Lily exclaimed. "You're different, Sev. I know you and I know that's not who you are. I thought you wanted it to end. It's never going to end if you two keep hexing each other. One of you has to stop eventually. Why don't you be the better wizard and let it go?"

"I thought you hated him," Severus said, much more quietly, wanting nothing more than to hear her say so. He needed to hear her utter those words.

"I'm saying this for your sake."

"You don't think I can handle Potter."

"That's not why at all," Lily's eyes were sad as they halted in front of the Potions classroom. She looked at him steadily; her face earnest while Severus greedily drank in the liquid green. "I just know that you're better than that."

Severus's cold features softened as he digested her words. Lily Evans thought he was better than James Potter, and that was all that mattered. That was all he wanted. Unable to keep his lips from turning up, his face cleared, his voice gentle. "Thanks, Lily."

Lily looked relieved that their squabble was over. Before Severus could say anything else, she stepped toward him and before he knew it, her soft lips brushed against his cheek. "I know you'll be the better wizard."

It was a brief kiss, light and innocent, but even so Severus couldn't move. He stood there, scarcely daring to breathe, at complete loss of words. Lily wasn't reserved with her emotions like he was. She didn't flinch when others touched her. She was carefree with her hugs and he knew that a harmless kiss on the cheek was only natural to her, only a mark of their strong friendship and nothing more. But to him, it was everything.

Lily offered him a tiny smile. "Let's go inside. Slughorn is waiting."

Severus winced at the mention of Slughorn, but even so, he couldn't muster his usual scowl. His skin was still tingling from Lily's touch. He followed Lily inside, his hand moving unconsciously to where her lips had met his cheek.

But as Severus absorbed the delicate fumes of simmering potions, the gentle lullaby of frothing cauldrons, he slowly recovered his senses. Reality had sunk in, stark and unwelcome. But in a few minutes, when the lesson began, it would fade again. Slughorn's exuberance and Potter's mere presence would fade into nothingness and it would be just Lily and him, lost in their own world. Severus may have favored Defense Against the Dark Arts without Lily understanding why, and vice versa for Lily and Charms, but it was Potions when they were on equal footing. Both thrived upon the challenge of the subject and they excelled at it.

But when Severus's cauldron began to boil, he was soon consumed in sudden doubt, the day's headline suddenly flashing back to him, along with Lily's words. For as long as he could remember, there was nothing more he wanted than to be someone. The Knights of Walpurgis had seemed like the perfect stepping-stone. What followed it seemed only logical, necessary even. It was that particular step that troubled Severus because he knew that it had been Voldemort's followers who had been responsible for those Muggle deaths.

He had known before what Voldemort and his followers were capable of, but thinking back at the cold black letters and Lily's sad green eyes, the knot in his stomach grew leaden. But why should he care about a few Muggle deaths? Muggles had done nothing for him except mock him endlessly. And the Ministry of Magic? What had they done? It was the pure bloods that were undoubtedly associated with the dark side that had given him something to strive for. They were the ones who had welcomed him. It was because of them and Voldemort that he would become someone.

The crease in Severus's forehead smoothed out as it all became clear. Rodolphus's words from the previous year echoed in his mind. Two kinds of people… Those who saw power and seized it… And those who stood idly by.

Lily was wrong. The better wizards didn't simply stand by and nor would Severus.

Satisfied, Severus glanced at Lily, feeling almost guilty, his hand reaching for his cheek once more. He caught himself just in time, dropping his hand as if it had been burned, and quickly buried himself in his textbook. It instructed to add caterpillar and then fairy wings, but it made more sense to Severus to add the fairy wings first. Fairy wings tended to be more potent with fewer ingredients in the potion. Even a minute without the addition of caterpillar could have an extraordinary effect.

"Sev?"

Severus froze and slowly turned his head to look at Lily, the almost guilty sensation suffocating.

"What if we add fairy wings first?"

Severus stared at her incredulously. It never failed to amaze him how they could be such different people, but in Potions, they were on the same page. "That's what I was thinking. Fairy wings are temperamental though. It might boil over."

"What do you think? Should we risk it?" Lily held the glittering ingredient above the cauldron with a teasing expression.

As Severus continued looking at her, all doubts, worries, and everything else faded from his mind. It was just he and Lily, and while he longed for the future, he couldn't deny that he was content to just savor the moment. Time never passed in Potions. It could have been first year and he wouldn't have known the difference.

Severus couldn't help it; he grinned back. It was small and reluctant, but nevertheless, a genuine grin. "We'll risk it."

Lily deposited the fairy wings and stirred once, counterclockwise. The nasty greenish foam slowly began to clear, and a bright silvery substance was revealed. Wordlessly, Severus scooped up the sliced caterpillars and allowed them to fall. Together, they watched as the cauldron bubbled. Neither one was surprised to see that the precise shade of clear midnight blue appeared, a shade more blue, more brilliant, than any other potion in the room. But even so, their eyes both sparkled with triumph.

Or at least Severus wasn't surprised. Everything seemed more magical when Lily around.

But as the minutes ticked by, Severus knew what he had to do. He didn't have to turn around to know that the Slytherins were watching him. Dread and anticipation combined in his pounding chest. He would be the better wizard. For himself, and Lily.

**1974**

If it hadn't been for Potter, Lily might have liked Quidditch. He spoiled it just as he had spoiled almost everything else for her. But as she looked around the scarlet and gold of the common room, she couldn't help but feel a flutter of pride for her House. As much as she disliked Potter, she couldn't deny that a larger part of her hoped that Gryffindor would win, even if it meant his victory as well.

"Why are you awake?"

Lily jumped in her spot, startled. She hadn't noticed Lupin's presence. It was four in the morning and she hadn't been expecting to see anyone, least of all Lupin, who looked as if he needed all the sleep he could manage. "Transfiguration essay. I thought I would try to finish it before the match today. Why are you?"

Lupin flinched. "I was…hungry. I just came back from the…kitchens."

"You are a horrible liar, Remus," Lily observed.

Lupin began to respond, but a noisy spectacle interrupted him. Lily watched, wide-eyed, as Black entered the common room, holding Potter unceremoniously by the arms. Pettigrew trailed after, holding Potter's ankles with a disgusted expression on his face. Potter was, unfortunately, conscious and struggling to free himself from Black and Pettigrew's grasps, loudly muttering a string of curses.

"Is it catching?" Pettigrew was asking.

"Is what catching?" Lily said with annoyance as she set down her quill; it was obvious that she wouldn't be able to accomplish any real work with _them _around. "And what are you doing?"

"We're holding our friend hostage, Evans," Black removed a hand to rake his hair back, nearly causing Potter to fall back, headfirst. Without a flicker of concern, Black caught him just in time. "Do you have a problem with that?"

Lily pondered it for a moment and shook her head. "Normally I would, but it's Potter. Go ahead." Retrieving her quill, she pretended not to hear Potter's indignant cry of, "Evans!"

Potter was then dropped to the floor with a thud. He yelped. Lily didn't look up.

"I'm not going."

"Then you can't play."

"Of course I can."

"You have to miss it then."

"_Miss_ Quidditch?"

Lily couldn't help but glance his way. Potter talking about missing Quidditch was something she never thought she would hear. But instantly, she regretted her curiosity and it became clear what Pettigrew was so traumatized about catching. Someone had placed an unfortunate curse on Potter and his toenails were growing at an incredible rate. "What happened to you? That's disgusting."

"Exactly," Black said. "Listen to Evans. Go to Pomfrey."

"But if she can't fix it in time, then I'll have to forfeit the match," Potter said anxiously, more anxiously than Lily had ever heard him. No longer was he the overly confident Quidditch hero. He sounded like a little boy, on the verge of tears. It was as if he were human.

It was a disturbing thought. Lily almost, _almost_, wished that the old Potter was back. This new one was unsettling.

"She'll fix it," Lupin reassured him even though his tired eyes lacked the conviction of his words. "She can fix anything."

"I'm not risking it."

"Evans," Black turned to Lily. "If James goes to Pomfrey, will you go out with him?"

"I will not!" Lily said indignantly, irritated and astounded that nearly every conversation with Potter, no matter what subject, seemed to turn to the topic of a date.

"Would you go out with him now?"

Lily looked at Potter's toenails with visible distaste and shuddered. "Definitely not."

"See that, James? Not is better than definitely not. You have to go to Pomfrey."

"I'm not missing Quidditch!"

The Marauders continued to bicker and Lily returned to her essay. But it was impossible to focus with their growing voices. Finally, she slammed her quill down, unable to take a second more.

"Potter, will you just go to Pomfrey already? I need to finish this."

The Marauders fell silent and all stared at Lily, and then at Potter, and then at Lily.

"Please?" Lily added, in a slightly nicer voice, with a hint of desperation.

Potter was still staring. Then he folded his arms across his chest and glared at the rest of the Marauders, sulking. "Fine. I'll go."

"So you'll listen to her," Black muttered, rolling his eyes. "We're going to have so much fun explaining why we're awake at four in the morning."

"No, we'll just say…"

Lily was more than relieved when their voices faded away. She studied her far from finished essay, suddenly loathing Potter more than ever. She would never be able to finish.

But not much later, Lily was feeling something entirely different.

It happened all at once. One minute the common room was empty, the next, Gryffindors were streaming in, ranting and raving. Lily was unable to stifle a yawn and clapped a hand over her mouth, trying and failing to understand what all the commotion was about. But just then, Marlene came into view and Lily knew that she would have the full story within seconds.

"Did you hear?" Marlene asked, her amber eyes wide. "Potter is in the hospital wing. Gryffindor has to forfeit."

"Oh," Lily said.

She may have disliked Potter, occasionally, more than occasionally, even hated him. He may have pestered her relentlessly during class, pestered her even more relentlessly out of class, he may have even turned her hair green and caused her to sprout heart-shaped boils across her face. But even so, she knew how much Quidditch meant to him. When he had worried about missing Quidditch, he had seemed human, something that seemed unthinkable before. She had scoffed at his obsession many times before, but now she felt differently, something new, something even she didn't see coming. He would miss Quidditch and it was partially because of her.

To her horror, Lily realized that she felt sorry for James Potter.


	47. Chapter 47 Saving James Potter

**Thanks for all the reviews! I'm so glad that so many of you liked the last chapter so much! This is an especially long Lily chapter, actually an extremely long chapter in general, but I thought it seemed fair since the previous chapter had an extra long Severus one. This chapter was one of the more difficult ones because I had two versions for the second part of Lily's POV and I couldn't decide which one I liked better. I wrote a James and Lily version first, but I was beginning to think I had too much James in a Sev/Lily story, so I wrote one with only Lily. I was so close to taking them both out so I would have a regular sized chapter, but then I decided to just use the first one since 1. This will be James' s last major scene for a little while. 2. Severus and Lily are drifting apart and are beginning to have separate lives. Unfortunately for Lily, James is part of her life. 3. It makes a nice contrast to a heavy Sev/Lily scene in the next chapter, and I wanted to leave this one on a light note.**

**Ugh, I'm so sorry for my long A/Ns. I try to only answer questions and concerns to keep them from getting too long, but I have rambling issues. **

**Vitrikor- Thanks for the review! I understand what you mean about James. I actually like James and Lily together, but I love Snape and Lily. I'm dreading the chapter when Snape and Lily are over for good, but as much as I dread it, I'm glad it worked out the way it did. If it hadn't, Snape wouldn't be the character I like so much. **

**IAmTheMessenger- Thanks for the review! I'm glad that you can see the good and bad in both Severus and Lily, because that's exactly what I'm trying to do since I think both of them are partially responsible for the end of their friendship, even though Lily's faults might not seem as obvious as Severus's. And wow, I can't believe this story is that long. I never would have imagined it to be. To answer your question, It's difficult to say because I keep deleting and adding parts, but at least a hundred chapters. I have the school years pretty much mapped out, and they will all have at least ten chapters each, most likely more. I really need to work on organizing their adult years. So far I just have a timeline of things I want to do and little things I need to mention, but other than that, I'm not really sure. I definitely know that Harry's years won't be nearly as long, and they might even be a few years in between each chapter. I'm just planning on having a few significant moments that happened in JKR's book, such as Harry's sorting, seeing Lupin and Sirius again, etc. I would love to have exactly one hundred chapters, but I won't if I have to leave too much out. **

**s- Thank for the review and the song suggestions! Some of those were on my iPod and I never thought of them until you mentioned it. Now it seems so obvious that they're Snape and Lily songs. I heard Don't Speak on the radio a few days ago and it kept bothering me because I couldn't think of what it reminded me of, but now that I think about it, maybe I was just reminded of the entire Snape and Lily story.**

**the reader- Thanks for the review! You're right about the Knights, and it will cause an even bigger strain on their relationship. About Lily's feelings toward James...this is a really confusing answer but I'll try to make it somewhat understandable. As far as she knows, she strongly dislikes James, but I sort of see it as a really childish relationship, that she hates him, and goes on and on about him, and is too caught up in those annoyances and wanting to hate him, that she just focuses on that. Once she sees the more human side of him, she won't be so intent on hating him and will be able to realize that she just might have feelings for him after all. She doesn't really get to see that human side until the very end of fifth year, and even then, he still hasn't fully changed. Before James, she'll have to sort out her feelings toward Severus, and that's going to be a huge part of fifth year. **

**OhDamnMySalvatore- Thanks for the review! It always makes me happy to read about how much people are enjoying this story, so I'm glad to see that you are one of those people. I saw the video and it's beautiful, so thank you so much for offering to dedicate it to me. I wish I could make youtube videos, but I'm technologically challenged. **

**Chapter Forty-Seven- Saving James Potter**

**1974**

For the first time, Severus Snape was something of a hero.

"I can't believe you got rid of Potter," Wilkes crowed, helping himself to a huge swig of Firewhiskey. The normally dignified Slytherin had barely managed to choke down the first few swallows of burning liquid, but seemed to be handling his second bottle much more smoothly, with the exception of his flailing arms. "You won a match for _Hufflepuff_. Did you see the hourglass? We're practically guaranteed to win the House Cup after all!"

Severus said nothing, but even so, a snigger escaped his lips at the memory. The Marauders were so predictable. They were so full of themselves that they strutted around the castle all hours, above all rules. The only challenge had been finding them.

"I was there," Mulciber added icily, scowling at his untouched drink. He was the one Slytherin not enjoying the common room celebration. To Severus's amusement, nearly everyone had overlooked the fact that Mulciber had accompanied him. After all, Mulciber hadn't been the one to send Potter to the hospital wing.

"You were," Severus acknowledged with a slight nod. "You were especially helpful when you waited for me to curse Potter."

Mulciber's nostrils flared. "I would have cursed him if you just taught me the stupid curse."

"You aren't-" Severus began, but Wilkes promptly cut him off with a clap on his back. Severus's eyes could have shot daggers, but Wilkes didn't seem to notice. "Does it matter? Slytherin will win the House Cup and it's all because of us," Wilkes paused, lowering his voice, his words slurring together. "We all know some people will be pleased."

There was a question in his voice, an offer. It had been Severus's doing, but they were all looking at him, wanting to join in on his victory. The thought turned Severus's tongue bitter, but he knew he couldn't disagree. If he pushed them away now, he would never be a part of them. Their loyalty was worth more than one success and he knew that there would be many more successes to come. "I expect they will."

Severus didn't miss how Wilkes, Rosier, and Avery exchanged relieved glances. Even Mulciber looked slightly mollified.

"To next year?" Wilkes proposed excitedly, thrusting his Firewhiskey into the air.

Automatically, Severus clinked his bottle with the others, but didn't drink. Even a harmless sip would have made him much too similar to Tobias for his liking. Instead, his dark eyes flickered across the common room, torn between pleasure and annoyance when he saw that even the older students seemed to be looking his way. He thought it was unwise to advertise their doing, even if it was just to the other Slytherins, but Mulciber had done so the second Gryffindor had forfeited, in his predictably thickheaded fashion. But that didn't matter. For once, they all knew who he was.

"Lestrange!" Rosier murmured, nearly choking on his drink, eyes wide. "Coming this way."

Severus watched in amusement as the four straightened up. Even Wilkes seemed to sober as the older Slytherin came forward. Rabastan Lestrange was hardly as threatening as his brother, but even so, he was a Lestrange, and that was enough to petrify them.

"Rabastan!" Mulciber said heartily as if he and Rabastan were old friends. He fumbled for a drink and polished the bottle with the sleeve of his robe before holding it up clumsily. "Firewhiskey?"

"It's the strangest thing," Rabastan drawled, dismissing Mulciber with a wave of his hand. "I was in the hospital wing and Pomfrey was talking about Potter. She said she had never seen such a curse before. She and Collingsworth are still trying to remove it."

The five third years stared at each other, uncertain of what the appropriate response would be. Wilkes hiccupped.

"Brilliant work, Severus. You'll have to teach that one to me sometime."

Wilkes, Rosier, and Avery gawked at Severus in awe as Rabastan strode away. Mulciber was fuming.

"You told him you made it up? How very Potter of you."

Severus's face remained impassive, but he was unable to keep his eyes from flashing with black fury. It was one thing to be mocked for his half-blood status; it was something entirely different to be compared to James Potter. "I didn't tell him. Rabastan Lestrange is not an idiot. When your fat mouth told everyone what we did, he must have figured it out."

"So he just assumed then? That you're the only one capable of inventing spells?" Mulciber demanded with renewed viciousness. But beneath his angry voice, his blazing eyes, his envy was clear, green and blinding. Severus savored it.

"He knows I invent spells," Severus set his bottle down, preparing to seize his wand if necessary. Already, a dozen curses were flitting through his mind, a dozen defensive spells already there. "He asked me about it during holiday."

"Funny," Mulciber said in a voice that was noticeably higher than his usual low grumble. "I didn't picture Rabastan the sort for charity work. You do know that's why he would pay so much attention to a _half-blood_."

"I may be a half-blood, but I'm still a Prince," Severus said coolly, "Unlike you, I don't have to rely only on blood. I happen to have intelligence, something you seem to be lacking."

"Keep telling yourself that," Mulciber sneered. "At the end of the day, you're just a half-blood."

"You're just angry that a half-blood Prince seems to interest _them_ more than a pure-blood Mulciber."

"Do we have to do this now?" Rosier sounded frustrated. It was clear that he had enough of the Severus and Mulciber struggles that seemed to becoming more and more commonplace as the days counting down to the upcoming Halloween slowly dwindled. "It's ruining the party. Even Wilkes finally took his head out of the _Daily Prophet_ to enjoy it, right, Wilkes?"

"I don't feel so-" Wilkes mumbled, clutching his stomach with a look of alarm. Before anyone could utter a word, he fled, black robes flapping behind him with panicked haste.

"Why did you insist he have a Firewhiskey?" Severus asked Avery with barely concealed disdain, secretly grateful that he did not have to witness Wilkes defiling the common room. "He would have been better off with his butterbeer."

"A butterbeer was boring," said Avery, his plump fists tightening around his own bottle of Firewhiskey protectively at Severus's frosty stare. "It's a party and all he wanted to do was read."

Severus refrained from rolling his eyes, realizing that he had had enough. He may have wanted to become a part of the Slytherin inner circle, and in the morning, he knew that he would still want to, but at that moment, he wanted nothing more than to get away. "Enjoy the rest of the party then."

"Where are you going?" Mulciber said sharply, his eyes latching onto Severus with obvious scrutiny. "You're leaving your own party?"

"Your party," Severus corrected. "You're the one who so desperately wants it."

To his satisfaction, Mulciber's mouth slammed shut. Without waiting for the pure blood to recollect himself, Severus spun around and meandered his way through the sea of Slytherins. If he told them the truth, they would have thought he was mad and laughed him out of the common room. But the undeniable truth was, he had plans to study with Lily, and studying with Lily was far more appealing than a roomful of Slytherins discussing his victory. It may only be an hour or so of dusty books and parchment, but Severus wouldn't have given up those precious minutes for the world.

**1974**

Lily was about to leave the Gryffindor common room when something in the corner of her eye stopped her. There was an internal battle of wills raging inside her. One side was telling her to run away as quickly as possible and the other side, the unfortunate side, was reminding her of her conscience. With a sigh, Lily turned around, hating herself and her conscience.

Slumped in the darkest corner was Potter, looking not at all like his usual self. His rumpled hair was flat and lifeless, his robes were wrinkled and musty, and his hazel eyes were no longer bright. Lily was certain that he hadn't showered once in the week and a half that had passed since the Quidditch match.

"Potter."

"Evans."

"Oh good, you're alive," Lily said with false cheer. "Where's the rest of your motley crew?"

"At the kitchens," Potter said dully. "Nicking food for me."

"That's nice."

There was an unavoidable pause. Potter's eyes were glazed over as if he barely registered her and Lily was busy staring back at him in horror. She had spent nearly three years with a James Potter that she could barely stand, but at least that Potter seemed alive. This one was half-dead.

"Potter," said Lily finally, unable to take a minute more of the quiet she had once craved more than anything. "I'm saying this only because we share the same common room. Take a shower."

"What's the point?"

"To not smell," Lily answered.

They lapsed into another silence.

"I know you're upset about Quidditch, but it's only Quidditch," Lily began. Potter's eyes widened and she was pleased that she finally had a reaction from him. "Yes, I said it," she added impatiently before he could interrupt. "But there will be other matches. Why don't you do something to distract you? Like read a book?"

"A book?" Potter echoed, looking as if she had gone mad. Lily was beginning to think she had.

"I don't know," Lily said helplessly, twirling a lock of hair around her index finger absentmindedly. The coppery strands glinted in the faint rays of sun that had managed to streak through the room, and when Potter said nothing, she focused on the reddish glitter, searching her mind for something to say. "What do you like to do?"

"I dunno."

"You must like something other than Quidditch."

"Well yeah," Potter said slowly. "I like Marauder stuff."

"Do I even want to know?" Lily asked, certain that didn't.

"I dunno."

In a final act of desperation, Lily trained her wand on him. A jet of soapy water shot out at him, drenching him completely.

"Bloody hell! What was that for?" Potter yelped, jumping up in his armchair. His hair was slick, plastered to his face. As he slowly sank back into his damp chair, he peeled it from his eyes, revealing a stony glare.

"To wake you up."

"I am awake," Potter said tersely.

"Then do something. Don't just sit there. At least try to look alive. Turn McGonagall's hair green! Set Dumbledore's beard on fire!" The day Lily never would have dreamed had arrived; she was actually begging Potter to pull a prank. She never imagined that she would help Potter, let alone _want _to help Potter, but Lily didn't want to see anyone miserable, not even an intolerable prat with an overinflated ego. "I don't know, but just do something."

"I did do something," Potter said with a touch of defensiveness.

"What?"

"I put nifflers in Collingsworth's office," Potter paused, "I didn't want to, but Pettigrew reminded me of the bet."

"What bet?" Lily said suspiciously.

"You know, whether Black and I can scare off Collingsworth or not. I had a prank planned out, but I didn't want to do it after the match," Potter frowned again and, for a second, Lily was sure that he was sink into his sullen silence again. "So I got lazy and just put nifflers in his office. He's allergic to nifflers."

Potter paused, misreading Lily's expression, and plunged ahead. As he spoke, he seemed to perk up slightly, his eyes brightening, but only briefly. "I know it wasn't my best, especially since I already put nifflers in Filch's office for Christmas, but I was in mourning! You should've seen Filch's. Filch's was excellent. We put all these shiny decorations everywhere and the nifflers _destroyed _it-"

Lily was still staring at him in disbelief, but she cut him off abruptly, her voice accusing. "You're ruining Collingsworth's career for a bet?"

Potter sensed her dangerous tone. A faint shadow of his old self returned. "Now, Evans, be reasonable..."

"I can't believe I felt sorry for you!" Lily shrieked. "You just do whatever you want, don't you? Do you ever think, do you ever consider, that your stupid pranks might affect others? What gives you the right to decide what happens to people? What if Collingsworth has a family? What if they're starving, and because of you, they won't have any food and they'll all be homeless?"

"What are you talking about?" Potter looked bewildered. "You weren't complaining over Caldwell. You _wanted_ me to do something!"

"That's different. Caldwell wasn't even a good teacher and should have been fired anyway. We didn't learn anything from her. We actually learned a lot from Collingsworth," Lily said, feeling suddenly very defensive of the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. "I wanted you to do something harmless. Something funny. Collingsworth running away, screaming for his life, is not funny."

His old self flickered again, this time, with a barely there smirk. "Maybe not to you."

"If he can even scream," Lily continued, deciding to ignore that particular remark. "Allergies can be really dangerous. What if it's serious? Has he seen the nifflers yet?"

"I haven't heard anything," Potter said hastily.

"I still can't believe you," Lily was shaking her head, even though it was more to herself rather than him. She had pitied Potter? For what? For forfeiting a Quidditch match when there was a war happening, with people dying every day? She was such an _idiot_. "What is wrong with you?"

"What is wrong with me? What is wrong with you?" Potter demanded, sounding suddenly furious. Lily blinked, caught off guard by his outburst, an outburst quite unlike his usual, infuriatingly blithe self. "You can't just walk in-"

"It's my common room too."

"And insult Quidditch-"

"It's stupid."

"And pour water on me-"

"You needed a shower."

"I can't believe _you_-"

"I was trying to help you! For some idiotic reason," Lily said heatedly, realizing that she wasn't angry with him. She was angry with herself, for considering the ridiculous possibility that Potter was a real person with real emotions, for actually taking his depression seriously. "Believe me, it won't happen again. " With that, she turned on her heel.

"Where are you going?" Potter called after her, something in his voice changing, something that Lily did not have time to ponder.

"To fix your stupid mess."

Without another glance back, Lily stormed out of the common room, still seething. She may have wanted him to return to his former ways, but she had wanted a harmless prank or two, something to keep him from looking so miserable. Not for him to scare off Collingsworth just because he could. Collingsworth may not have been the nicest teacher, but he was more than a decent one, and it seemed unfair that he had to leave because James Potter wanted it. Potter couldn't just go around deciding the fates of people. Even in his more solemn state, he was too self-absorbed to realize it.

Lily took a deep breath. She could repair the damage. All she had to do was break into Collingsworth's office and steal the nifflers back.

"Evans! Wait!"

Lily folded her arms firmly across her chest at the sound of Potter's voice and reluctantly swiveled around in time to catch the sight of her worst enemy. He was hurrying, slipping and sliding down the corridor, almost breathless as he skidded to a stop right in front of her. His Invisibility Cloak was conveniently tucked under his arm.

"I'll do it," Potter said without pausing for a breath. "I'll get the nifflers back."

Lily stared at him suspiciously, taking in his disheveled appearance. But in spite of the rumpled robes and still damp hair, he seemed to have returned to being the same Potter she remembered, unfortunately, so well. The sparkle had even returned to his hazel eyes, the same mischievous sparkle that told Lily precisely why he could not be trusted. "No, you won't."

"You won't ever trust me, will you?" Potter asked, injecting just the right amount of hurt into his voice.

"For good reason," Lily scowled at him, a skill she had learned from Severus. She began walking away, but to her complete annoyance, Potter followed. His legs were much longer than hers, and soon he was leading the way.

"Can you stop following me?" Lily snapped.

"I'm not following you," Potter pointed out, turning around and walking backwards so that he was facing her. Lily was amazed at his sudden mood change. He was much too cheerful for someone who had been sulking over a Quidditch match for nearly two weeks.

"You know where I'm going and you're going there because I am," Lily argued with unveiled frustration. "That's the same thing."

"I'm doing my duty as a loyal student of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry to prevent the departure of a beloved teacher," Potter said in mock seriousness. He reached for his hair and ruffled it, a sure symptom that he had been cured. Since it was damp, it stuck up even more than usual, reminding Lily of the porcupine that she couldn't quite transfigure.

"Do you ever shut up?"

"I don't think you want me to shut up."

"And what gave you that brilliant idea?"

"Because you missed me."

Lily ceased walking for a split second to swallow the thought. She continued, but gaped at him; astonished that anyone could be so conceited. Pursing her lips, determined to never speak to him again, she relented only half a second later, unable to let his remark slide. "You're out of your mind, Potter."

"The way I see it," Potter continued smoothly, "You missed me. That's why you tried to help me."

Lily couldn't believe his gall. Every time she thought that Potter couldn't possibly become more egotistic, he proved her wrong. Never would she ever listen to her conscience again. "I helped you because I felt _sorry _for you."

"That's what you think," Potter was smug.

"You've made a miraculous recovery," Lily said, choosing not to tell him that he was about to back into a suit of armor. But Potter, being typical Potter who always managed to escape unscathed, caught himself just in time.

"It's all because of you," Potter told her as he returned to walking normally.

She had created a monster, or rather, resurrected one. Lily knew it would be best to ignore him. Or she would most likely end up murdering him with her bare hands. Amazingly, Potter did not speak again, but a slight grin remained, a slight, knowing grin that infuriated her more than any of his Quidditch gibberish could.

"Over here," Potter gestured toward a door with a tilt of his head, his unwelcome voice interrupting her thoughts much too soon. "Don't bother with your wand. It won't work."

"Then how do we get inside?" Lily asked impatiently, wanting the mission to be over with as quickly as possible. She paced up and down a few steps, feeling restless but stopping to watch as Potter began to fiddle through his robes. He extracted a Dungbomb, a handful of Stink Pellets, a Cauldron Cake, and a jumble of other items. Finally, he withdrew a familiar looking knife from his robes with a flourish. The blade gleamed in the dapples of sunlight that shone through the window, just as Lily remembered it had in the moonlight, not so long ago. "With this."

Lily narrowed her eyes in recognition, eyeing him reproachfully. "That's Marlene's."

"Don't look at me like that, Evans. It's not like I stole it," Potter unlocked the door in one swift, effortless motion, looking her way as he held it open. "She gave it to Sirius."

"And he took it? He doesn't even like her!" Lily didn't move. Instead, her hands remained planted on her hips as she eyed Potter, waiting for a suitable excuse.

"It's a cool knife," Potter said nonchalantly. "Shouldn't we be hurrying?"

"Right," Lily sighed, not wanting to be stuck giving Potter a lecture on ethics. She would only drive herself mad. Surveying the corridor to ensure that no one was in sight, she ducked inside Collingsworth's office.

Collingsworth's office was the sort of place that Lily knew Severus would find fascinating. It was a gloomy place, dimly lit with dripping candles in every odd place. It was obvious that Collingsworth was not a stickler for tidiness as he was for attendance; there were cobwebs tucked in the corners and dust blanketing books. It seemed devoid of all personal belongings, all except for a cluttered desk, which bore his papers and even a small photograph. To Lily's surprise, it showed a younger but still severe Collingsworth, holding a kitten. She nearly giggled at the strange sight, but refrained, not wanting to draw Potter's attention. The less talking, the better off they would both be.

Lily set the photograph down and glanced around the room. There were various articles connected to the subject scattered messily throughout, all mysterious and utterly bewildering. There was a turban, which Lily supposed was cursed or used to strangle an enemy. There was a strange mirror that showed no reflection, only eerie shadows. Lily leaned in closer for a better look and was disturbed to see that the shadows resembled sinister looking human figures. She quickly turned away and found herself looking once more at the untidy desk. Her eyes drifted past a bezoar and she focused on a small tank on the corner of the desk. It contained the oddest little horned creature. Its fist was waving furiously at Lily.

"It's a grindylow," Potter said from behind her. She jumped slightly; she hadn't realized that he had been watching her. "They don't care for humans."

"Oh," Lily wanted to look away from the tank, but there was something oddly intriguing about the water demon. They had learned about grindylows earlier that year, but it was different, seeing one up close. But before she could say anything else, there was a scuffling sensation at her feet, nipping at her ankles. "Argh!"

"Don't scare him, Evans!" Potter quickly knelt down. When he stood again, he was clutching a strange looking creature with a narrow snout. The size and glistening fur reminded Lily of a dog, a very hyperactive dog, writhing and wriggling excitedly in Potter's grasp, snout twitching at a frenzied speed.

"What is _that_?" Lily demanded, reaching down to rub her ankle. But her eyes remained fixed on the creature, wary that it would leap out from Potter's grip at any moment.

"_He_," Potter corrected, "Is Henry. He's a niffler. I thought we were here for the nifflers, to save Collingsworth, to do a good deed, and all that rubbish."

"We are," Lily said quickly, straightening up. She suddenly became extremely aware of the fact that Collingsworth might not categorize their behavior as a good deed if they were caught. After all, they were trespassing in his office and most likely breaking about fifty school rules in the process, and possibly a wizarding law or two. Lily swallowed. "Let's get out of here."

"What about the others?"

"_Others_?" Lily echoed dimly. She remembered him referring to more than one niffler but she didn't like the tone of his voice. "How many others?"

"I dunno, a dozen maybe. A dozen and a half?"

"A dozen!" Lily exploded. "What were you trying to do? Give him a heart attack?"

But Potter wasn't listening. He was on the floor again, peeking under Collingsworth's desk. "They're under here."

It didn't take long for them to gather enough nifflers to fill their arms. Lily was carrying four. Potter had managed six. "We'll hide them in the room in the seventh floor corridor," he said breathlessly. "There's six more so we'll have to hurry."

"_Six_?" Lily repeated. She couldn't believe that Potter had dragged her into the mess, and even more, she couldn't believe that he seemed sincere in helping. But there was no time to dwell on her disbelief. Professor Collingsworth could return at any moment…

And that moment arrived sooner than Lily had dared to consider. As soon as she managed to open the office door, all while juggling four nifflers in her arms, she found herself face to face with Collingsworth. "Professor," Lily said nervously. "I was just-"

The professor merely lifted a hand and opened his mouth to speak, and promptly sneezed.

"Okay, Evans," Potter said from behind her as the door opened. His arms were bundled with half a dozen squirming nifflers and the Invisibility Cloak was folded over his shoulder. "If we stay close together, no one should see…Oh. Professor. I didn't see you there."

"That much," Collingsworth wheezed. "Is obvious."

As Lily and Potter waited for Collingsworth to proceed, Potter moved closer to Lily and discreetly leaned in, his breath tickling her ear. "After this and our many future detentions together, why don't we go to Hogsmeade to celebrate?"

Lily gave him a glare that was somewhere between incredulity and dislike. She had learned a very important lesson that day.

James Potter would never change.

**Congratulations- if you noticed that the office has something inspired by each DADA professor in Harry's time. **

**Fact- IAmTheMessenger mentioned that this story is longer than the Prisoner of Azkaban, without counting A/Ns. That amazes me.**


	48. Chapter 48 Mudblood

**I'm so sorry that I didn't update earlier this week. Something went wrong with my internet and I had to wait for my dad to fix it. I tried to fix it on my own and I ended up making it worse so it took even longer for him to fix because I don't even know what I did. Anyway, thank you so much for all the reviews! This chapter is another long one so hopefully that makes up for having only one update this week.**

**IAmTheMessenger- Thanks for the review! James already likes her, but he sort of changes during sixth year. When he changes for the better in seventh year, he and Lily will become a couple. Lily may have a few random thoughts during sixth year, but it won't be until seventh year that she comes to terms with the fact that she likes him.**

**the reader- Thanks for the review! I'm glad to know that you liked the chapter so much and hopefully you're having a better day today. I agree with what you said about James. I know that Lily cared for Severus, but it seems like they had such an intense relationship with increasing tension and fights. James is a lighter person in general and being around him must have been easier for her, especially during the war.**

**Pigfarts23- Thanks for the review! I know it's hard to split up Severus and Lily, but I really want this story to be canon. I wanted JKR to write a prequel, but since I doubt that's going to happen, I wanted to write my own version of events trying to explain why such two good friends would part ways. I love them together, but one of the reasons why Severus fascinates me so much is because of what Lily's death did to him, and I can't really write about that if they live happily ever after.**

**A- Thanks for letting me know! To be honest, I never really thought about it. I just said the Killing Curse instead of Avada Kedavra because I liked how the Killing Curse had "Curse" at the end, like the first two. As for days I update, I haven't been really following a pattern lately, just updating whenever I find the time, but if I start posting on certain days, I'll make sure to mention it.**

**Chapter Forty-Eight- Mudblood**

**1974**

The Slytherin House was in uproar.

Nearly every member of the House had something to say about the morning post. All except for Narcissa Black. Her head was buried in her hands, with her telltale sheet of blond hair flowing around her. It was rare behavior from the one who acted more like an ice sculpture rather than a living human, but a behavior that Severus could understand. He, too, hid behind his curtains of dark hair more often than not.

Regulus Black, on the other hand, wouldn't shut up about it.

"Mum already blasted her off the tapestry," Regulus said excitedly as if they had not heard the Howler that had burned to ashes just minutes before. "She said Kreacher is in tears," he paused for a moment, looking almost sad. "I hope he doesn't shut his ears in the oven again."

"What an embarrassment. The Black family is one of the oldest, and she just completely tainted it," Mulciber was saying, but it was an obvious that a part of him relished the Black family humiliation. Even the pure bloods thrived on scandal when it involved those who were superior to them, and there was hardly a family more superior than the Noble and the Most Ancient House of Black.

"A Mudblood," Rabastan was laughing, but it was humorless. "And Rodolphus is engaged to Bellatrix. I'm going to be practically related to a _Mudblood_."

"Huh," Rosier said thoughtfully. "That means I'm related to a Mudblood too. She's my second cousin twice removed or something."

With those words, Narcissa drew herself up to her full height, without the slightest hint of emotion. Her blue eyes were as icy as ever. "No, you aren't. As of now, Andromeda is not Bellatrix's sister. Nor mine."

The table was silent. Even Rabastan looked a bit unnerved by Narcissa.

"I'm going to Charms," Narcissa announced haughtily, her narrow chin held high. "If any of you _ever _implies that I'm related to that Mudblood lover, you'll have my house elf to answer to."

Not even the burliest of Slytherins dared to speak. It was eerily silent when Narcissa glided away. The white blond tresses floating behind her would have seemed angelic, if it weren't for the fair strands catching the light in such a way that they seemed to gleam almost angrily. Even when the double doors had finally slammed shut, the table barely picked up to a light prattle. It was as if they were all terrified that Narcissa would storm back at any moment, house elf at her side.

Severus was relieved for the quiet. Finals were approaching and he trying to estimate how much work had to be done. Defense Against the Dark and Potions required no studying. A light review of Transfiguration, Herbology, and Care of Magical Creatures would be helpful. Charms would be a nightmare; he would have to ask Lily for help. History of Magic and Divination…he already knew they would struggle with those together.

Severus's eyes moved across the Great Hall and landed on Lily. It didn't take long for him to catch her eye. He tilted his head casually toward the doors, and she nodded, gracing him with a sunny smile. He stood up to leave, gathering the textbooks he had brought with him, but to his irritation, Regulus did the same.

"Not now, Regulus," Severus spared him a brief glance before looking away, zeroing in on the double doors ahead. His words was brusque, his footsteps quick, his manner dismissive, but somehow, Regulus had managed to translate that into an invitation to follow him.

"But my mum sent me a letter with the Howler," Regulus said eagerly, his legs working double time to keep up with Severus's accelerating pace. "I didn't show anyone. She told me all about Andromeda and that Mudblood. I'm not supposed to tell but-"

"Not now, Regulus," Severus repeated with clenched teeth, not bothering to suppress his frustration. Regulus didn't take the hint.

"There was a family dinner at my aunt Druella's place and Andromeda brought the Mudblood! She's even more mad than Bellatrix! Aunt Druella was so-"

"Regulus, can you tell me this later?" Severus said impatiently, sidestepping the younger Slytherin.

Regulus faltered temporarily to pout but hastily continued to shadow him. "I'm almost finished. Anyway, Aunt Druella was so angry that she set her house elf on the Mudblood. Where do you think Narcissa gets it from?"

"I don't know, Regulus," Severus said rather distractedly as the doors fell behind them. Lily would be there any minute and he needed to get rid of Regulus. A conversation between those two would be disastrous.

"And the Mudblood actually dueled my uncle Cygnus," Regulus was saying, practically bouncing up and down in an effort to seize Severus's attention. "Of course, Uncle Cygnus doesn't really do duels anymore, but Aunt Druella insisted. She said she would cut off-"

Severus could not tolerate the younger Black's blathering for a second longer. He had to get rid of him, before he lost his mind, before Lily arrived. "I don't have time to hear about Mudbloods! I don't care about Andromeda or the fact that she was stupid enough to marry a Mudblood. I'm _busy_, Regulus."

"Oh," Regulus said, suddenly very quiet. He looked down. "Sorry."

A tiny part of Severus almost wished that he hadn't sounded quite so menacing. "It's fine… Just, I'll see you later, all right?" He offered, trying to soften his expression. It was difficult and came across as rather pained looking.

Regulus nodded. "I'll see you around."

Severus exhaled in relief. It was safe.

Or so he had thought.

When he turned around, he found himself gaping at Lily. From her expression, it was clear that she had heard everything he had said. There was a flurry of emotions in her darkening eyes…shock, disbelief, hurt…and it was all because of him. Without a word to him, she bolted.

Severus stood there for a moment, in complete shock at what had just occurred. He cursed below his breath as his words came flying back at him. _I don't have time to hear about Mudbloods… She was stupid enough to marry a Mudblood_. Even in his haze, he could remember the venom that dripped from his voice, smothering that hateful word.

He had to find her.

"Lily!" Severus was half-shouting as he sprinted after her, barely conscious of where they were headed. It was only when he squinted in the harsh daylight that he realized they were on the grounds. A textbook tumbled from his arms, along with a sheaf of notes that flew out, spiraling with a fresh gust of wind. Even if he had the money to order a new book, he would never be able to replace it in time to study for finals. Even so, he didn't falter. "Lily!"

Finally, she stopped running. But Severus wasn't prepared to see the stony expression that she wore so defiantly when she whirled around, her red hair flashing in the sunlight, the coppery glow aflame. Others may have looked at him that way, but not Lily. Never Lily.

"I don't want to talk to you, Severus," Lily said coldly.

_Severus_. His heart sank.

"I didn't mean it, Lily."

"Then why did you say it? Do you realize that you sound just like them now?" Lily crossed her arms, and shook her head, as if she couldn't believe her stupidity in trusting him. Her voice was no longer icy; her usual fire was back, blazing beneath her words, as vivid as her hair. The words were flowing rapidly now and it became obvious to a suddenly queasy Severus that she had been contemplating the subject for quite some time, staying silent while her fears, worries, and grumbles bubbled up. Now they were spilling over, so frantically, it was as if she was incapable of stopping. "Everyone kept trying to warn me. Slytherins and Gryffindors? Best friends? That isn't possible. Slytherins hate Gryffindors." She lifted her eyes to meet his much darker ones, accusation burning. "But whenever they said that, I thought, that's stupid. Even if it is true, Sev is different."

"Lily-"

"But you aren't different," Lily went on as if he hadn't even spoken, not even slowing down to take in his reaction. "It's not all your fault. You tried to warn me. You told me that you hated Muggles. I thought I understood, with your dad and everything. It wasn't your fault that you were so…angry. If it were me, I think I would be angry too."

Severus's throat was dry as she finally paused for air. He didn't know what to say. He didn't even know what to think or even feel. A mixture of emotions was washing over him, maddening and oppressive. Hurt, because she had questioned their friendship. Anger, at himself for giving her a reason to. Confusion, because he didn't even know what was right. The right response, the right side, the right thing to do…. Severus was at a loss.

"But this blood obsession?" Lily continued after she caught her breath, her voice slowing to a more normal speed as she gazed at him steadily. "I don't get it, Sev. I don't get it at all. Why should blood make any difference?"

No longer could Severus bear the painful sting of accusation in those green eyes. It was nearly as intolerable as pity. "There's nothing to get," Severus replied as quickly, as forcefully, as he could. "I'm not obsessed. It's just a word. A stupid, meaningless-"

Lily was unable to keep quiet. "It's not just a word! It's a horrible word that stands for everything that's wrong with the wizarding world. Why would you ever want to be a part of that, a part of them?"

"I'm not one of them!" Severus said much more furiously than he had intended. He wasn't angry with her, or at least not as angry as he was with himself, but he couldn't help it. She wasn't even listening. It was as if she had already made up her mind.

"Maybe not yet," Lily said shortly. "But that's what you're becoming."

There was a cool breeze, and with it, came a frosty silence. The sun that had been so relentless that day, its golden rays warm with the promise of the upcoming summer, seemed to dim as a cloud wafted by, casting a weak shadow over the grounds. From a distance, there was the careless sound of laughter from a knot of first years gathered at the lake edge. Not long ago, it had been them laughing by the lake.

It suddenly seemed like ages.

"Lily, you have to believe me," Severus pleaded, all anger, all defiance draining from his voice. His black eyes searched her face earnestly. He couldn't lose her. Not now. Not ever. Not after all this time. They had spent years chattering about their future together, eagerly counting down the days until Hogwarts. It had been a dream then, a wondrous dream where nothing bad could ever happen, and Severus refused to let that dream blacken into a nightmare.

"Honestly, I want to believe you," Lily's voice cracked in a way that made Severus's heart thud. "You have no idea how much I want to believe you. But I just don't anymore. You're changing, Sev, and that scares me."

"I'm not changing," Severus said frantically, more frantically than he would have ever cared to admit. "I'm still me."

"You don't see it, do you?" Lily said softly. "You don't see what they're doing to you. You're different around them. You're not the same Sev."

It was back to that again. Severus bristled. "But I am the same! You're assuming the worst. Just because I'm a Slytherin doesn't make all my intentions automatically evil. I'm not evil, I'm your best friend."

"The old Sev used to wait for me at the playground at seven o'clock every morning. I know because Tuney told me," Lily sounded distant, smiling sadly as if she hadn't heard him. "Even though I didn't get there until nine. Sometimes even later."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Severus asked, flushing slightly.

"The new Sev," Lily's smile turned bittersweet, "practically ignored me when I stayed at Hogwarts during Christmas especially for him. When you were with that Lestrange boy, you pretended that I didn't even exist."

Severus's stomach lurched with a fresh wave of guilt. He remembered Christmas all too well. He had virtually slaved over his spellwork, lost in paranoia that Rabastan was spying on him for the Knights. He had thought that was past them, but evidently, it was not. "Lily, I told you. I was working on a spell. For us."

"I don't want spells. I want my best friend back."

"Lily-"

But Lily didn't listen. She was back to talking rapidly and Severus had the sickening feeling again, the same sickening feeling that told him that she had been keeping her thoughts from him for longer than he wanted to know. Severus clenched his fists, wondering what had happened to the Lily that had told him everything, within seconds of it happening, even if it meant sneaking to Spinner's End at night and flinging pebbles at his window.

"The old Sev walked with me to class every day. Even if his class was across the castle. The old Sev would stay up all night with me in the clearing. The old Sev would tell me everything, no matter how horrible it was," Lily's voice lowered. "I'm lucky if I see the new Sev at all between classes. The new Sev is always too busy to meet at the clearing, even past _midnight_, for some mysterious reason. The new Sev doesn't tell me anything at all."

Severus couldn't say anything at all. He couldn't muster the words to speak, even if he knew what to say.

"I know you're hiding something. You're hiding something with them and, see, you can't even look at me! Whatever it is, Sev, you can tell me." No longer did Lily sound accusing. She was looking at him imploringly, her emerald eyes pleading. It was an invitation, an invitation to have everything back to the way it had been before.

An invitation that he would have to refuse. It all came down to the Knights of Walpurgis. He couldn't tell her. He had an eerie feeling that they would know. He didn't know what they would do to him, to her, but he did know that he would lose them forever if he revealed their secret.

"I didn't think so," Lily said quietly when he didn't respond. She paused for a moment. "That's not the first time you've used it, is it? The word?"

Severus wanted to lie. He wanted nothing more than to erase the pain in her eyes. But he couldn't. He had lied enough. Too much. Numb, he gave a curt nod.

"You said it matters to some. It obviously matters to you then," said Lily. "After all, you don't have time for Mudbloods."

"I said 'about Mudbloods'. I was tired of hearing about Andromeda and…" Severus realized that he had forgotten the Mudblood's name.

"The Mudblood?" Lily offered.

Severus winced. "I know it sounds bad, Lily. I know I made a mistake. But I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I don't care that you're a Muggle-born. You know that."

Lily sighed. "I have to go."

"Where are you going?" Severus asked nervously. He knew the conversation was far from over. Normally, reading Lily was simpler than studying a Potions book; she rarely made an effort to conceal her emotions. But at that moment, those shards of emerald were a mystery to him.

Lily seemed as if she was unable to look at him. "To study for Transfiguration."

"What about us?" Severus asked, unable to keep the dread from creeping into his voice.

"I don't know," said Lily. "I need to think."

"About what?"

"This."

"You're my best friend," Severus whispered almost desperately.

Lily had swiveled around, but Severus was certain that her eyes had filled with tears. He had caught a glimpse of green, a glistening green, more enchanting than he had ever known. But before she left, she turned back once more.

"I love you, Sev. You're still my best friend. But I just need some time, okay?"

Severus nodded, knowing that if he dared speak, his voice would crack, and the tears would start flowing. Instead, he watched as Lily Evans walked away.

**1974**

Never before had a year of Hogwarts ended so badly. Lily hadn't even wanted to come down for the feast, but Mary, Alice, and Marlene had insisted and threatened to use force. But seeing the green and silver hangings everywhere, knowing that same House that had stolen her best friend was reveling in victory, made everything even worse.

Lily studied her ragged fingernails. Somehow over the last few days, she had picked up the nasty habit of biting her nails. Between studying and worrying about Severus, she was suddenly very glad for the summer holiday.

"Did you hear about the Wolcotts? They rejected Voldemort publically and the Death Eaters _murdered_ them all."

"They didn't just murder them. They tortured them until they begged for death."

"That's what happened to the Hobbes family. They're all dead now."

"What happened to the Bransons?"

"I think they're okay for now, but they won't be for long. The Death Eaters are going after all the important Ministry families."

Lily wanted to cover her ears. She didn't want to hear anything else about the outside world. It was more damaged, more twisted, than anything she had ever known.

"Are you all right, Lily?" Lupin asked, barely audible even though he was in the seat beside her. He was one of the few quiet ones, not joining in the morbid chatter. Instead, he had been silently listening, his chapped lips pressed tightly together as he methodically pushed food around his plate, obviously lacking appetite, just as she was.

Lily looked at him. He may have been a Marauder, but his face, tired and wan, was kind. There would be no teasing from him. "I don't like hearing about the war," Lily confessed in a soft voice so that only he could hear. "I like pretending that it doesn't exist."

Even in a whisper, it sounded childish.

"I do that sometimes too," Lupin said thoughtfully without a trace of mockery. "It's easier that way. But we can't pretend forever or we'll never win."

"You think we'll win the war?" Lily asked, perking up slightly. No one ever talked about winning the war. They only talked about the gory details, their faces grimmer by the day. But the possibility, the realization, that they stood a chance, sparked something inside of her.

"If we all fight, we can't possibly lose," Lupin's eyes twinkled. "I've seen you take on James and Sirius countless times. You can definitely handle an army of Death Eaters. I wouldn't be surprised if you won us the war."

Lily couldn't help it; she smiled back, feeling as if an enormous weight had been lifted from her shoulders. He hadn't said many words, but they had been just the right ones. "Thanks, Remus."

"And I know James would probably hex me to death if he found out I said this," Lupin hedged, looking unexpectedly uncertain. "And I know that it's probably none of my business…"

"It's okay, you can tell me," said Lily, curious. "If he hexes you, I'll hit him with his own broomstick."

Lupin glanced around uneasily. Luckily for him, everyone at the table was still absorbed in speculating what ghastly deed the Death Eaters would manage next. Satisfied that it was safe, he leaned slightly closer to Lily, lowering his voice even further. "It really is none of my business, but whatever happened between you and Severus, I think he really misses you."

Lily's throat tightened and she stared down at her untouched plate, the heaviness returning. She didn't know what she had been expecting, but that certainly had not been it. She never thought any Gryffindor would stand up for Severus, least of all a Marauder. "I miss him too."

Lupin started to respond, but a commotion drowned out his reply. Lily's eyes flashed toward the direction where all heads were turned and found herself gawking at Dumbledore. His flowing beard was covered in strange purple flames.

"I seem to be on fire," Dumbledore said rather jovially, glancing down at his lengthy beard when he realized the entire student population was staring at him. With an unhurried flick of his wand, water gushed out, causing the flames to vanish. His beard seemed unharmed and he returned to sipping his pumpkin juice as if nothing had happened. Laughter followed, and the conversation at the table took a lighter turn.

But Lily was still frowning. There was something so familiar about the incident.

And then she remembered. _Then do something! Don't just sit there. Turn McGonagall's hair green! Set Dumbledore's beard on fire…_ Automatically, her head whipped toward Potter, staring at him in horror. He was watching her, his hazel eyes bright.

He winked at her.

Lily could have screamed at him. She could have given him a thousand reasons informing why he couldn't just walk around, setting Dumbledore's beard on fire. But she didn't. Unable to keep her lips from curving, Lily simply shook her head.

Perhaps Potter would never change, but perhaps that wasn't a completely terrible thing after all. There seemed to be enough change going around already.


	49. Chapter 49 Blood Ties

**Thank you so much for all the reviews! Almost 50 chapters, 400 reviews, and I'm not even halfway done. The last chapter was especially important for three reasons:** **1. In The Prince's Tale, Lily mentions that Severus calls other Muggle-borns Mudblood. So far in this story, Severus has been pretty careful around her and I had to find a way to work that in. 2. Lily mentions that she made excuses for him for years and I thought it was likely they had at least one major fight where she gave him a second chance considering she was so quick to end their friendship after he called her a Mudblood. 3. So far, Lily has been mostly naive and blind when it comes to Severus. Now, she's going to be relying less on Severus, and instead of going to him for answers, she's going to find them for herself. **

**This is more of a filler chapter because the last chapter and the next chapter will be so important, but it does help set up/intensify a certain rivalry that will especially significant during fourth year. Thanks again for reading!**

**Chapter Forty-Nine- Blood Ties**

**1974**

There wasn't a trace of red to be found.

Or at least not the red he had been waiting for. Severus gnashed his teeth in annoyance, but the resolution burning in his eyes didn't cool as they drew in the scene, anxiously searching the area around the Hogwarts Express. She had to be there. Somewhere.

"Are you coming, Severus?" Regulus asked impatiently, glancing over his shoulder. When he saw Severus skimming the crowd, his eyes flitted around, as if trying to capture whatever it was that Severus was looking for. Mulciber and the others had already boarded the train, and only Regulus had stayed behind.

Severus's lips tightened at the sound of the younger Black's voice. It was a rude awakening to reality, the sound reminding Severus that she was not there. Only Regulus. "Of course I am. I just thought I saw something."

He had begun to move forward, but then he caught the very glint of color that he had been so desperate to see. Dark red in the shadows, in the light it contained various shades of rich golds and coppers that gleamed so brilliantly. No one else had hair like Lily Evans.

Forgetting all about Regulus Black, Severus craned his neck for a better view. A tiny Hufflepuff first year stepped on his foot and nervously apologized, but Severus brushed him off impatiently. His attention was focused on Lily and only Lily. She was with those obnoxious Gryffindor girls. The ones that seemed to be everywhere, especially when Severus least wanted them to be.

A flock of Ravenclaws strode in front of him, chattering loudly about their summer plans. Severus may have been tall for his age, but he was no match for the towering sixth years. He scowled, but before he could act, they hurried to the side, joining another group of Ravenclaws.

That was when he saw her again. Catching his breath, he watched as she boarded the train, her hair still glittering; a stark contrast to her plain black robes. Just before she ducked out of view, she turned around. Before he could feign obliviousness, her eyes bored into his. Severus savored the sight of the familiar green, drinking in the emerald depths before he took in her expression. For a moment, she looked stunned to see him, and even a little distraught, but then she offered him a timid little smile before disappearing.

That timid little smile was everything that Severus had wanted. It gave him hope.

"What're you looking at, Severus?"

Severus then realized that Regulus was tugging at his sleeve. Immediately shrugging the Black off, Severus glared at him, annoyed to have been caught staring. It went against the controlled exterior that he had prided himself upon. "Nothing. Are you coming or not?"

"I was waiting for you," Regulus reminded him. "I was calling you and you just stood there with a weird look on your face and-"

"Hurry up, Regulus," Severus interrupted snappishly. "The train won't wait all day."

Regulus's face fell and he scurried ahead. As Severus followed him onto the train, he felt something resembling a glimmer of guilt at his harsh tone but promptly pushed it aside. The youngest Black was always so desperate for a little acknowledgement, a little kindness, that it gave Severus an inexplicable urge to lash out. It was a weakness and Severus despised weakness.

"Regulus!"

Automatically, Severus's face contorted in a grimace. He didn't have to look up to know that it was Sirius Black sauntering down the aisle with his usual arrogant air. Even the one word he had uttered was spoken like a command, as if he expected the world to bow down and obey his every word.

Severus's fingers were curled around his wand, but to his astonishment, Black barely paid him attention, sparing only a brief contemptuous glance his way, His pale gray eyes were on his brother, the expression behind them unfathomable. "I was looking for you," he told Regulus. "You can sit with us."

Regulus's eyes widened. It was clear that his older brother hadn't extended the invitation for quite some time. It was even more clear that Regulus had wanted it for even longer. The realization annoyed Severus. "Really? What about Sev-"

"He's a git," Black informed him coolly as if Severus was not there. "A greasy git that is too busy working his way up to the Death Eaters to find time to wash his hair."

Severus raised his wand but Black was too quick. As if he had been waiting for that very moment, Black trained his wand on Severus in one rapid motion. There was a tense standoff as he and Black exchanged hateful stares, their wands inches away from others' chests. From the cold glitter in Black's pale eyes, it was obvious that the Gryffindor wanted to curse the Slytherin just as much as the Slytherin wanted to curse the Gryffindor. Or nearly as much. Black or not, Severus doubted that anyone could have felt the same surge of hatred that he did. It was coursing through his veins at blistering speed, scorching and unquenchable.

Sometimes Severus resented that hate he felt so often. But now he welcomed it. It made him powerful.

"Sirius, he's my friend," Regulus said edgily, his wide brown eyes looking at his brother imploringly.

A friend. The word sounded strange to Severus's ears. No one had so boldly declared him to be their friend with the exception of a certain redhead. Regulus may have considered himself to be Severus's friend, but the reality was, Severus didn't know how to be a friend. At least not to anyone but Lily, and a hideous suspicion told him that he had already failed there. He was not someone to befriend.

Evidently, Black agreed with him.

"You have got to be joking. _Him_, Regulus? Do you even know what he is?"

Severus watched as Black's lips twitched. Something in his features seemed to darken as a shadow passed over his face, something eerily similar to the night he had snarled at Pettigrew. His wand arm wavered, but before any curses could be uttered, Potter and Lupin appeared.

"Come on, Sirius," Lupin said quietly, shooting a hesitant look at Potter. "It's not worth it."

Black didn't move. Nor did Severus.

"We'll visit Snivellus later," Potter muttered, the sound of his voice itself, as faint as it was, causing Severus's skin to crawl. More hate swelled inside him and his wand trembled dangerously. "Not now. It's stupid now."

It seemed to dawn on Black that they were causing a slight lineup. Students on each side of them were either grumbling or watching the scene with avid curiosity. Most wanted Black to curse Severus, he was a Slytherin after all, others wanted only to see curses fly, the more inventive the better, and the little that remained were annoyed at the traffic and desired nothing more than to sit down.

"Fine," Black said, the loathing in his gray eyes never subsiding as he slowly lowered his wand. With visible reluctance, he tore his scathing gaze away from Severus. "I was leaving anyway."

The dark expression remained and Severus knew it was far from over.

But Severus preferred it that way. When the Marauders struck next year, he would be ready.

**1974**

"I don't see why everyone is so quiet. It's summer. We should be excited!"

The compartment was quiet as Alice, Marlene, and Lily stared at Mary in fleeting amazement before returning to their states of somber contemplation. They had been on the train for only an hour or so, but it was by far the longest train ride that Lily had ever been on. Even Marlene was uncharacteristically quiet and it now seemed that mild Mary had temporarily stolen her place.

"Easy for you to say," Marlene said gloomily, slouched low in her seat, her chin nearly drooping to her chest. "There's no creepy Death Eaters swooping around where you live."

"Death Eaters don't swoop," Alice informed her dully. "That's dementors."

"Death Eaters can swoop," argued Lily, saying anything to keep her mind from turning back to Severus. She had told him that she needed time to think and, lately, it seemed all she could do was think. But it had all been in vain. Lily was more lost than ever.

"Does it matter? Death Eaters, dementors, all of them belong to the same side. His." Marlene lapsed into another sullen silence, joined by Alice and Lily. Thoughts of Severus soon returned and Lily gazed out the window, her eyes distant, not knowing what to believe but knowing what she wanted to.

But Mary wasn't finished with them. "This is exactly what I'm talking about. Yes, there's a war going on, but that doesn't mean we have to be miserable all the time. We should be having fun. Gossiping. James Potter or Sirius Black? Clarence Stebbins or Davey Gudgeon?"

"None of the above," Lily said hastily, quickly snapping out of it at the mention of Potter.

But Mary had been successful; the other two seemed to be perking up and Marlene lifted her chin, her amber eyes brightening. "Sirius, no, James, no, Sirius..." She seemed to be undergoing an internal struggle and gave a heavy sigh of resignation. "Sirius, I guess. And Davey. Definitely Davey. What about you, Alice?"

"I'm with Lily on this. None of the above," Alice said just as quickly as Lily had.

"That's just because you're obsessed with Frank Longbottom," Mary laughed softly, causing Alice to blush deep scarlet. "You have to choose, Lily."

"Sirius Black is self-absorbed, Clarence Stebbins is annoying, Davey Gudgeon is an idiot, and Potter is all the above," Lily said bluntly without skipping a beat. "None."

Marlene rolled her eyes. "You're so blind."

"Better blind than mental," Lily retorted.

"Be that way," Mary tossed her silky blond hair over her shoulder, pretending to give the matter deep thought. A tiny grin curled on her lips and it was obvious that she had already known her answer the second the question had entered her mind. "I choose….James and Davey."

Lily feigned incredulity, but even so, a hint of a smile tugged at her lips. Mary had been right. Pointless prattle was exactly what they needed. What she needed.

"Okay, I know you hate him," Marlene said to Lily with a conspiratorial air that was almost as much of a danger sign as a Marauder smirk. "But I have to ask. It's been bothering me ever since I heard. How did James Potter ever get you to agree to help him scare off Collingsworth?"

"I wasn't helping him!" Lily was horrified. "Is that what people are saying?"

"They were saying," Marlene corrected her. "Sirius Black trying to mimic his mum blasting off the family tapestry made them forget. Mostly. After all, he accidentally set the common room on fire."

"Lovely," Lily said, sinking back to her former slump. It had taken a Marauder to practically burn down the castle for people to stop gossiping about her. No one had said anything directly to her but she had caught more than a few curious stares sent her way. She had chalked it up to imagination, but there was obviously no use in keeping up the wishful thinking any longer. Even though the whispers had died down, her indignation remained, her cheeks burning. "I was only trying to stop him."

"Sure you were," Mary sang out lightly.

"I was!" Lily said defensively, too worked up about the reminder of James Potter's idiocy to recognize the teasing note. "I broke into Collingsworth's office when I found out he was allergic to nifflers." When she noticed all three of them were gawking at her, she quickly continued. "It's not my fault. Potter put them there in the first place. I was trying to clean up his mess and he followed me even though I told him not to because it's Potter and he never listens and we were just about to leave and Collingsworth caught us."

"It's okay, Lily," Alice's eyes were twinkling. "We believe you."

"I would never help Potter," Lily said, emphasizing her every word just in case her rant hadn't sunk in yet. "Or the Marauders. Especially with one of their pranks."

"We believe you!" Marlene said, laughing. "Obviously, we know you wouldn't. You hate them."

"They're not all bad," Lily conceded after a pause. When she looked up, the three girls were staring at her in disbelief. "What? It's not like they're evil or anything. Remus Lupin is actually sort of nice."

"Lily, do you realize what you're saying?" Marlene demanded, blatantly torn between shock and glee. "For the past three years, you've done nothing but talk about how much you hate James Potter."

"I do! Well, not hate. Strongly, _strongly _dislike," Lily could feel herself growing red at their knowing glances. "It has nothing to do with him. Nothing changed. I just realized that people are capable of a lot worse than a few pranks."

The lightened mood drained from the room at her words and Lily winced, knowing their minds were filled with images of _Daily Prophet_ headlines, each drearier than the next. Quickly, she seized a magazine that was strewn open next to her, flipping to the first page that looked particularly cheerful."_Witch Weekly_, anyone? There's an article on dress robes."

But even as they began to pore over the magazine, Lily was reminded again of Severus, a knot twisting painfully in her stomach. People really were capable of a lot worse than a few pranks. There were people worse than the Marauders, far worse.

If only Severus could see that.

If only he could stay away from them.


	50. Chapter 50 The Final Lie

**Thanks for the reviews! I was supposed to update earlier today/last night, but I actually spent a while debating this chapter. I wasn't sure if it said everything I needed it to say and I also couldn't decide if I should keep the last paragraph or not. I originally had another paragraph that was more about Lily, but I liked how it was simple and went with the very first one. In the end, I decided that I was being stupid and kept it how it was. **

**Anonymous- Thanks for the review! And wow, I had no idea that there was a Harry Potter based band. I'm listening to the songs now, so thanks for the suggestion! **

**the reader- Thanks for the review! I agree about Sirius hating Snape more than James. In Snape's memories, James just seemed happy to tease him. Sirius seemed to hate him, especially when he sees him again in Prisoner of Azkaban. I wanted to create a reason explaining his hate other than a childhood grudge, and Regulus has to do with that reason. **

**Chapter Fifty- The Final Lie**

**1974**

It was an ugly summer day.

The sky above was clouded over, thick and gray, casting a dreary gloom over the abandoned playground. There was no children's laughter ringing out, only the restless crackle of dead leaves. There was just enough of a breeze for the two swings to creak ominously as they swayed back and forth, one empty, the other not.

Severus's fingers were clenched tightly to the chains on either side of him, numb to the cold metal, barely noticing that his swing was even moving. His eyes were fixed on the small hill ahead. If Lily came, he would see her there.

He hadn't seen her for nearly two weeks, ever since that brief moment of eye contact outside the Hogwarts Express. Every day he waited for her. He wasn't sure why he waited. He may have been responsible for his share of mistakes, but part of him was still angry with her. Lately, it was as if she only saw the worst in him, as if he wasn't even worth a second glance. Didn't five years of friendship earn a second glance? She didn't have the right to assume he had changed just because of a stupid little word. If she wanted to throw their friendship away over something so meaningless, that was her choice, and it was fine with him.

Except it wasn't fine. As angry as he was, he missed her. Which was why he waited.

It was pathetic and he despised himself for it. But as much as he despised himself, he cared for her even more. After all, she was Lily Evans, the first person to see him for what he was and to accept him for it. She had brightened his dark world with just a simple look his way. She made him smile when he tried to scowl. She made him laugh when he was close to tears. She made him feel something, something even Severus couldn't begin to understand, but it was something light. Something that he refused to let go of.

But when the gray darkened to the black of night, Severus knew that, like the other twelve days, Lily would not be coming. A lump in his throat, he stood up from the swing, shoved his hands into his worn out jeans, and trudged home.

"I was beginning to think you weren't coming back," Eileen said when he walked inside, his heart still heavy. From the tattered rag in her calloused hands, it was obvious that she had been cleaning, not that anyone would be able to tell by the grim state of the house. Severus wondered why she kept trying.

But when his eyes flashed to meet the coal black that made up her eyes, the same coal black that was so much like his, but at the same time, not even remotely alike, he felt a renewed surge of fury. Her eyes were dead. Weak and resigned. Two things that Severus swore that he would never be. He loathed the very sight. "I'm surprised that you even noticed I was gone."

His voice was harsh, even for him, but he didn't bother to soften it. He was tired of the intensifying battle of emotions inside him that never seemed to cease. He wanted to be angry. It was safer to be angry. But there was melancholy, venomous and lurking, that seemed to be constantly tugging at the back of his mind, urging him to give up. To be like _her_. He may have been her son, but he refused to be like her. At that moment, Severus shoved aside all weak emotions; melancholy included, and gladly seized anger.

He was more furious than ever at Lily for making him wait, for making him willing to wait. He was furious at the Slytherins, for showing him that he could be someone, for turning what had begun as a simple want into an unquenchable need. He was furious at the other Houses for believing they were superior only because they followed Dumbledore's twisted code of morality, the same code of morality that allowed the Marauders to exist. He was furious at Albus Dumbledore, everybody's hero, for being blind and accomplishing nothing. He was furious at Tobias for making him afraid, for making him weak. Most of all, he was furious at Eileen, for being there. Suddenly, he wished more than ever that she had left long ago. Then he would have at least had an excuse of not having a mother.

If Eileen knew the rage that was boiling inside Severus, she revealed nothing. Severus thought he saw something seemed flicker behind those empty eyes, but if anything had been there, it had fled. They were just as impassive as ever. "Of course I noticed. The windows are still filthy. " She tossed him the greasy rag that she had been holding. "Clean them. Before _he _gets home."

Severus silently took the rag, but blood was still pounding in his ears. Without another word, he headed upstairs, his movements slow and controlled. Anger may have been power, but restraint was everything. What good was power when there wasn't control to wield it? But once he reached his room, something inside him snapped. Anger had flooded over.

He lunged for the already battered chair in the corner and hurled it against the wall as forcefully as he could, a snarl escaping his lips. With a loud cracking noise, it broke in half, clattering to the floor in splintered pieces. Breathing heavily, Severus stood back, eyeing the fresh indent in the graying wall with satisfaction. It was a scar, bold and permanent.

His satisfaction was brief. He had lost control. He was no better than Tobias.

He hated himself. He hated Spinner's End. He hated his mother. He hated his father. He hated everyone.

All except for Lily Evans. The main cause of his growing misery. It was ironic.

Severus hated irony.

He sat down on the bed, his breaths gradually slowing. His anger was gone. All that was left behind was melancholy. He had thought that he had been able to set it aside, but it was impossible to do so for long. Melancholy was stronger than he had suspected. It followed him, he had inherited from Eileen after all, and it was always there, waiting to drown him if he allowed it.

He wanted to hate Lily as much as he hated them. He wanted to forget about her. But he knew he couldn't. Lily Evans was not only his best friend, but his entire world.

And he had lost her.

**1974**

For the past thirteen mornings, Lily had followed a schedule.

After tossing and turning throughout the night, she would awake at approximately seven o'clock. She would then try desperately to sleep for another hour or two, it was summer after all, but it was hopeless. That hour or two would be spent staring up at the ceiling. Most of those long minutes consisted of wondering about Severus, wondering if that day was the day she should talk to him.

Once she went downstairs for breakfast, Lily would have a cup of tea and mull over what she would say to him, if she were to receive the opportunity. Once a cranky Petunia sat down at the table, Lily would begin to wonder if Severus would even want to talk to her. She was never able to ponder that worry for very long; Petunia's morning grumbles never allowed very much thought.

But the fourteenth morning was different. There had been no tossing or turning, no struggling to steal another hour of sleep. When Lily awoke, she was rested. She dressed as quickly as possible, yanked a brush through her hair, and slipped outside, not bothering with her usual cup of tea. She had had enough. It was time to fix things with Severus. Before they ruined their friendship for good.

It had only taken a few steps for her resolution to falter. She wanted to fix her friendship with Severus, more than anything. But she wasn't certain if it could be fixed. She had given him chance after chance and it seemed like she was always the one being disappointed. Whether he admitted it or not, he was changing before her very eyes. In the middle of the pavement, Lily halted.

But what if they could save their friendship? What if there was one more chance left, and she was throwing it away? Lily continued walking, chewing the bottom of her lip as she did so. It hadn't been entirely Severus's fault. She could have spoken up sooner. They both could have been more honest with each other. Lily's forehead creased at the thought. She had been upset at him for keeping secrets, but she had kept hers as well. She had hid her doubts from him, hid the fact that she had felt sorry for James Potter, the very boy who had tormented him from the first day, and hid the humiliating secret that she had actually tried to _help_ him. She had even hid the truth, that she was beginning to see a Marauder, Remus Lupin, as a friend, in the loosest of terms.

They had both made mistakes. Neither of them had been the ideal friend. But they could change that. Lily knew they could. They had been best friends since the age of nine, since Severus had first told her about magic. She had instinctively trusted him that day, and instinctively, she knew to trust him now. They deserved a second chance. Their friendship deserved a second chance. More certain than ever, Lily quickened her pace.

She was about to move toward the hill, but halfway there, she changed direction and deliberately went the longer way, near the trees that bordered the playground. She had a sudden impulse to surprise him when she saw him. If she saw him. Lily faltered, realizing that she couldn't even be positive that he would be there. But even if he wasn't there, she would find him. She knew all of his hiding spots.

But to her relief, Severus was there. Even from a distance, with his back facing her, Lily knew it was him. He made a funny picture, dark and bleak on the swings, with the sapphire blue sky shining above. Unable to conceal the smile that she had been forcing for days, she tiptoed onto the playground, her almond-shaped green eyes focused on the figure in front of her. Barely holding back a laugh, she willed him not to turn around as she crept closer. Somehow, she managed to reach the swings without a sound. It was only when she slipped into the swing that it creaked, causing Severus to fall off in surprise.

"Hi, Sev," Lily smiled impishly. "Did you miss me?"

Severus scrambled onto his swing again as quickly as he could, a mess of long limbs and tangled black hair. He didn't bother to brush off his jeans or even his palms. He was too busy watching her in astonishment, as if he couldn't believe his eyes.

Lily's smile widened. That told her almost everything she needed to know. "I missed you. A lot."

"I missed you too," Severus finally mumbled, averting his gaze as his pale cheeks tinged with pink. When he looked up, she could see the dark rings that shadowed his eyes, the fresh mark of a blackening bruise on his jaw just barely visible beneath his curtains of hair. "I'm sorry, Lily."

"I'm sorry too," Lily said, her expression suddenly serious, flinching at the sight of the bruise. She should have been there for him. There was a painful prickle of guilt at the realization that she had deserted him when he undoubtedly needed her most.

Severus stared at her in bewilderment, frowning slightly. "You didn't do anything."

"I did. We both did," said Lily, hesitating as she struggled to voice an explanation for why it had taken so long for her to approach him. "It wasn't just because of a word, you know. It was because I've been worried for a while that you're changing, and then you said Mudblood and I thought you really had changed."

"Maybe I am changing," Severus sounded strangely faraway even though he was only inches from her. "But is that so horrible?"

"I like the old Sev," Lily said softly. "He's my best friend."

"I can't promise that I'll stay the same forever, Lily, but I promise you, that you being my best friend won't ever change," Severus was no longer distant. His eyes were focused on her and her alone, genuine and almost hopeful. "When I said that word, I didn't mean it. I wasn't thinking about it. They say it so often…" His voice trailed off. "I know that's not a good reason."

"They're the reason why you're changing," Lily ventured, almost expecting him resort to his defensive ways. But even if he did, she had to say it. Otherwise, it would always be bothering her. "What if someday you start thinking like them? I'm a Muggle-born, Sev. A Mudblood."

When she said those last words, she realized that that was one of her darkest fears. That one day Severus would no longer want to be her friend. That he would suddenly turn his back on her because of her blood status, because of them. She was scared to death of him changing because that might mean that, one day, they would be strangers.

"I don't want you to hate me, Sev."

"No," Severus shook his head so fiercely that it startled her. "I could never hate you. Mulciber, Avery… They mean nothing to me. You may be a Muggle-born, Lily Evans, but you're still a witch, a better witch than anyone I know. You're not a Mudblood and I swear that I would never call you that."

His words were fervent and quick and his eyes glittered with an intensity that she would have never thought even he could be capable of. His face betrayed his every emotion, some she could understand, some she could not. More than ever, she was reminded of the young boy who had first told her that she was a witch. The old Sev. Her Sev.

"I believe you," Lily said softly.

Severus looked relieved. "Friends again?" he asked, his black eyes twinkling. He was smiling. A genuine smile that she hadn't seen in a while, a smile that she had almost forgot existed.

Lily smiled back. She knew that he was remembering the aftermath of their very first fight. They had promised to never argue again. That promise had crumbled, but Lily had a feeling that this one would not. "Always."

There was not a cloud in sight. Only the sun shone above them, bathing the playground in a golden glow. There was the rustle of grass, the distant chirp of birds, whispering their morning song in harmony. The playground was deserted, except for the two occupied swings, grating merrily as they swung to and fro, high in the air.

It was a perfect summer day.


	51. Chapter 51 The HalfBlood Prince

**Thanks for the reviews, everyone! I love reading your thoughts about each chapter so especially thanks for the last chapter. There were even more reviews than usual. I'm glad that so many people liked it because that was one of my favorite chapters to write. **

**I must be crazy, but I started my second fanfic, a Sirius Black one, called _Abomination_. I'll be posting it in a few minutes after I update this chapter. It won't be nowhere near as long as this fanfic, but in a way, it's connected and will share a few scenes such as Sirius's boggart. I really wanted this to be my one and only fanfic, but the idea has been bothering me for a while, so I have to do it, which also means that a Bloody Baron/Helena Ravenclaw, Bellatrix, or a Draco fanfic might pop up soon. Actually, I might post a Draco one shot that I wrote a few weeks ago, but I'm still undecided. I always finish every story I write, but this one is my priority, so the others might not be updated as frequently as this one. **

**me- I can see how James would be seen as the meaner one, but overall, it seemed to me that Sirius hated Snape more, especially after James's death. In OOTP, James was the one tormenting Snape, but it was partially because Sirius was bored and it seemed like James was showing off. James was a bully and hexed a lot of people, according to Lily, and since we never saw him hex anyone else other than Snape, we don't really know how much meaner he was. It's hard to say what happened with the werewolf incident since so little is known about it, but Sirius was so consumed with his grudge with Snape that he put Snape's life in danger. As much as he hated Snape, James was able to see that Sirius had crossed the line and saved him. I don't think that Sirius's intention was for Snape to die, but I think that he hated him enough that he wasn't thinking logically. To be honest, I don't think it's just about Snape. Sirius and James grew up in two completely different households and I see Sirius as darker, the black sheep of the family, more bitter, more capable of hate. While James was taught that blood purity didn't matter, Sirius was taught to hate Muggle-borns. James was most likely doted on by his parents, blood traitors that were extremely different than Walburga Black, and that sort of hate wouldn't come as naturally to him. Oh wow, sorry, this became a lot longer answer than I wanted it to be, but I have this issue with rambling when I get into a topic I'm interested in. **

**A- Thanks for the review! And I think Lily at least suspected Severus's feelings because in one of the scenes in The Prince's Tale it said that she blushed when he was staring at her intensely. I plan to make her suspect it around that time. **

**Chapter Fifty-One- The Half-Blood Prince**

**1974**

Severus huddled over the crumbling pages of one of the old Prince books he had found long ago. While one hand underlined the words as he read them, his other hand held a scrap of bloodied cloth to his nose. It had become somewhat of a ritual for him. After Tobias had struck, after it was all over, Severus would retreat to his bedroom and absorb every syllable of those ancient books. When he was seventeen, he would be ready.

A drop of blood splattered onto the page and Severus frowned. Not from the blood, but from the page itself. It was the chapter about Occlumency, the chapter he had devoured many times, as often as he could. The book stated that Occlumency was one of the most complex arts to master, but Severus found it astonishingly simple. The key to the technique was the ability to clear one's mind. Compartmentalizing thoughts and emotions, bottling them up for as long as possible, and putting up an icy front to conceal them all… Severus had been doing it all for as long as he could remember. Tobias's strikes stung less that way. He may have lacked a Legilimens, but he had Tobias. Less than an hour ago, when he had been enduring his father's beatings, he had been able to empty his mind of everything. No hateful contemplations, no wishful thoughts of Lily…Severus had succeeded. He had felt nothing.

The next step would be to empty the mind of certain thoughts rather than all. That would be trickier to practice, especially without a Legilimens to probe his thoughts. There was no one that he trusted other than Lily, and Severus knew better than to approach that particular subject with her. After all, she had already deemed the old Prince books disturbing, and Severus didn't want to risk her uncovering anything that he didn't want her to know.

Severus scowled, wincing from pain and annoyance. He didn't have time to find a Legilimens. There was a clock that seemed to be ticking faster each day. Severus wanted to be someone and if he were ever to be someone, he would need to be able to guard his thoughts. Some may have sought refuge in knowledge of curses that were capable of physical harm, physical defense, but Severus knew that he could never be someone with a vulnerable mind. The truth had the potential to be the most destructible mechanism of all, especially when the Slytherins were involved.

The doorknob twisted audibly, breaking his concentration. Panicked, Severus shoved the book under his mattress. His timing was flawless. Just as he rocked back into place, the door creaked open. To his surprise, it was Eileen.

His mother rarely spoke to him so soon after a Tobias encounter, but there she was, standing in his doorway. Her hair was no longer severely pinned back; several graying strands had fallen loose and she had not bothered to brush them back. There was a great red imprint on her cheek where Tobias had struck her, and in her hands, a small bottle that contained an unpleasant looking, green liquid.

Eileen noticed him studying the bottle apprehensively. She held it out to him, her gaze averted as if she could not bear to look at him. "If you inhale the fumes, the bleeding in your nose should stop. Dab a little on your eye to ease the stinging."

Severus didn't take it. He was now eyeing her with open suspicion. He knew more about potions than most seventh years, most likely even more than Slughorn himself, and knew of no healing potions that were such a shade of green. "What is it?"

"Something I made up when I was younger," Eileen said with a trace of impatience. "Take it."

Severus grudgingly accepted it. The bottle was warm to touch. He uncorked it and took an uneasy sniff, an earthy scent filling his nostrils. "Dandelion root?"

"Naturally."

"And honey water. With crushed nettles."

Eileen said nothing and Severus took that as a yes. He inhaled again and blotted a somewhat clean corner of his cloth before mopping his eye. Already, he could tell that there was a minor improvement. Eileen had a gift for potions. Perhaps he had inherited his own talent from her. The thought made him feel strange.

She was still there. Severus wished that she would leave. She wasn't moving. Her eyes were flickering around the room, absorbing what the dim yellowish lighting revealed. There wasn't much to be seen, only a bed, a desk, and the chair he had broken, all scarred from the years they had endured long before Severus had been born.

"I'm sorry, Severus, that I wasn't a mother to you."

Severus froze and stopped dabbing.

"A mother that you deserved to have. I must have been such a disappointment to you. I was to many, but no one is more disappointed in me than myself."

A disappointment. Severus could feel the anger churning up inside him. Over thirteen years later of being nothing to him, she chalked it up to disappointment? But even more powerful than his rage, even more frightening, was another emotion, one that he had not expected. Pain.

"When I was young and foolish, I made a mistake. You remind me of it. Can you blame me, Severus? That because of him, that because of you, I lost everything? I was blind and you were, you are, living evidence of it."

Her eyes, the very pair that Severus had deemed dead, were glistening now. He wasn't sure what to think, how to feel. There was that strange ache in his chest, something that resembled longing, but it was more than that. For as long as he could remember, he had wanted a confession, an explanation, and now that he was hearing it, he was at a loss. Many times, he had wanted to confront her, to scream at her, but he didn't want that now. He didn't know what he wanted, but even if he did, he wouldn't have been able to form the words. His voice had left him.

"But in some ways, you remind me of me. You may look like him, but you are a Prince, a half-blood Prince, and don't you ever forget that."

It was the second time she had called him that. Severus swallowed as he remembered that day. It had been her to insist that he attend Hogwarts, regardless of Tobias's threats. It had been a motherly act, the only one that he could recall. It had faded as suddenly as it had come. Emotionally, Severus had renounced her. He had hated her. When he was younger and when Tobias was in one of his rages, he had screamed for her, but she had never came. She had never tried to save him and he had never forgiven her for it. But he was a Prince, just as much as he was a Snape.

"I won't," Severus said quietly, his voice somehow steady.

"I may have lost everything, but you still have a chance. Don't throw it away, Severus. Don't repeat my mistake," Eileen's words were cracking. At that moment, Severus knew that she may have resented him, she may have ignored him, but she still wanted him to succeed. She wanted to have what she did not, what she had lost.

Severus nodded.

Without another word, Eileen left, but he was sure that tears were streaming down her sallow cheeks.

Severus didn't move for several minutes. He stared blankly ahead, conflicting thoughts flooding his mind at whirlwind speed while he absently pressed the bloodied rag against his eye. Suddenly, Severus set the rag aside and silently retrieved the Prince book from under the mattress. Standing up, he moved toward the desk and sat down, promptly seizing a quill. Inside the cover of the worn out volume, he scrawled out, _This Book is the Property of the Half-Blood Prince_.

She would never be a doting mother and he would never be a loving son. He doubted that he would ever forgive her for standing by after all these years. But because of her, he had magic. Because of her, he would have an opportunity to be someone. Because of her, he was a half-blood Prince.

And for that, he was grateful.

**1974**

Lily decided that there was no place more peaceful than the clearing at Spinner's End. At least when Petunia wasn't barging in. Any tension between her and Severus seemed to evaporate in the sun dappled atmosphere. There was an unspoken rule to not discuss their House differences, and they had been fervently following it. Lily never talked about how creepy Severus's friends were and Severus never mentioned how stupid he thought her friends to be. The unspoken rule had been a successful one. It was already late July and there hadn't been one quarrel. When they were in the clearing, it was as if they were the same pair of nine year olds they had once been, best friends and unchanged.

Lily only hoped that it would remain the same once they returned to Hogwarts.

Hands folded behind her head, Lily stared at the stretch of endless blue sky above, not wanting to delve into that particular issue. Her emerald green eyes narrowed as she studied a cloud, grateful for the distraction. "I think that one looks like Slughorn. What do you think, Sev?"

There was a brief silence. Lily didn't have to turn her head to know that there was a slight frown playing on his lips, the same slight frown he wore when he was scribbling down notes in his Potions book. "I can see it," Severus mused. "But that one part sort of looks like Dumbledore's beard… So Slughorn with Dumbledore's beard."

Lily nodded her agreement even though Severus couldn't see her. He had been even more quiet than usual, and while Lily liked gazing at the clouds, Severus would have lost his patience a while ago. On a normal day, he would have been riffling through his old Potions book and perfecting the notes he had made over the course of the year. Unable to keep her mouth closed for long, Lily rolled over onto her stomach, propping her chin into her cupped hands. "So are we going to look for a McGonagall cloud next or are you going to tell me what's bothering you?"

"A McGonagall cloud," Severus said immediately.

"Sev!" Lily reached over to pluck a daisy and flicked it his way. It fell against his cheek and he groaned. "You're lucky that I couldn't reach your Potions book."

Severus sat up with a scowl. "You wouldn't dare."

"I would," Lily said, a teasing glint in her eyes. Severus started for his textbook, but Lily scrambled after it first. He may have been bigger, but she was quicker. With a triumphant giggle, her hands closed over the moth-eaten textbook.

"Give it back, Lily,"

"Will you tell me what's wrong?" Lily made a great show of opening the book, but she frowned when she saw the inside cover. There were a handful of ink droplets scattered across, but Severus's disorderly scribble was still recognizable. "This book is the property of the Half-Blood Prince?"

Severus flushed. "It's a nickname."

"I've never heard anyone call you that before," said Lily curiously. "Just Sev."

"Because I made it up myself," Severus answered with growing discomfort, his eyes darting everywhere except directly at her. "And people don't call me Sev. Just you, because you're…you."

"Oh," Lily said, not registering the deepening red of Severus's cheeks. She flipped the book shut and held it to her chest. "Well, I like Sev better. It doesn't have blood status in it. Now will you tell me what's wrong, Prince Sev?"

"Don't call me that," Severus grumbled, glowering at her. He paused. "You're really not going to let this go, are you?"

"Do I ever?" Lily tilted her head and smiled at him before her face grew serious. "Really though, what is it?"

Severus's expression darkened and with a trickle of doubt, Lily wondered if she had been wrong to press the issue. "Something happened with my mum."

"Oh." Suddenly, Lily was ashamed of her persistent questions. Severus's parents were a difficult subject for him, perhaps the most difficult of all. He almost always talked to her in the end, but she knew that he preferred to do it on his terms, without the pushing.

"We had the strangest conversation," Severus said hesitantly before Lily could apologize, his forehead creasing. "She said that she was sorry for not being a better mother. What's even stranger… I think I actually believe her."

"That's not strange," Lily protested, surprised but glad that he was letting his guard down so soon. She was even more glad to hear that Eileen had finally made an effort. When Severus had first told her about Eileen, she couldn't believe that she was his mother. To nine-year-old Lily, mothers were supposed to be nice and bake treats in the afternoons, not walk away when their child was being hurt. Severus had claimed that she didn't care about him, but young Lily had vehemently protested. All mothers loved their children, and that childish part of her surfaced again. "That's good, Sev! Maybe you'll work things out and you'll be…" Her voice trailed off when she saw his face. "What?"

"We won't work things out, Lily. She can't just wake up one day and suddenly be a mum," Severus said, his eyes flashing. "Not after all this time."

"But if you talked more often-"

"I can't, Lily. I can't forgive her."

"But don't you want to work things out with her?"

"Honestly? Not especially," Severus said with a determined lift of his chin. "I can't forget about the fact that she's done nothing. What if your mum stood by for Merlin knows how long and did nothing while your dad beat you?"

"Oh," Lily said softly. She hadn't thought about it that way. "Sorry."

"It's okay. It's not your fault," Severus shrugged. "Some things are just unforgiveable."

There was a brief silence and Severus nodded his head toward the Potions book in Lily's arms. "I didn't make up that nickname. She did. Prince was her maiden name."

"I thought you couldn't forgive her," Lily asked hesitantly.

"I don't," Severus said. "But talking to her made me realize that I don't hate her. She's still my mum. She's the reason why I have magic. Because of her I'm a Prince, and without her, I'm just a Snape," Severus's black eyes bored into hers and Lily nearly shivered from the intensity. "I would rather be a Prince than a Snape."

Lily thought back to the day when she had first met Severus, when she had first laid eyes on Tobias Snape. Severus had been scared then, and so had she. Even before she knew the horrors that Tobias was capable of, Lily had instinctively feared him. "I don't blame you."

"She invented potions," Severus said suddenly, an unfathomable expression crossing his face. A breeze swept through the clearing, smoothing back his inky strands of hair, but the cryptic look didn't falter. Something in it pained Lily. "I didn't know that before."

Lily searched for the right words, but found none. He looked so confused, almost forlorn, that she would have done anything for him to perk up. She smiled brightly at him, hoping to lighten the mood. "Well, at least we have an explanation for that oversized brain of yours."

"Thanks a lot. Can I have my book back now?" Severus asked, extending his hand as his lips twisted into a crooked grin. But she could see that it was forced. That bothered her.

Lily glanced at him and then at the tall trees that bordered the clearing. Draped in shadows, it looked cool and inviting and absolutely ideal for the plan that was forming in her mind. A wicked smile lit up her face. She knew exactly how to cheer him up. He would protest and gripe, but Lily didn't care. No matter what it took, she would make him smile again. "If you can catch me."

She bolted, her mane of brilliant red hair fluttering behind her, glinting in the streaks of sunlight that marbled the grassy floor. Her skinny legs flew at remarkable speed, even with the airy sundress that was whipping at her creamy, grass stained skin. Severus gaped after her, open-mouthed, but hurtled after her, a flash of blue-black.

"Lily!"

But he was laughing.

This time, it was real.


	52. Chapter 52 The Future

**Sorry for the lack of updates last week. School has been so crazy and I just haven't had time. Thank you, everyone, for reading and reviewing! Also, thanks to those who read my other story. I'll update it once I'm finished with Chapter 53 of this story. **

**Fourth year begins in the next chapter. There will be more fights, more angst, and two particularly significant events that I'm excited to write about. One, all of you know about, the other will be somewhat of a surprise. **

**MoonHead- Thanks for the review! I'm so glad that you like my version of Severus. In some ways, I do relate to him. I understand how he was blinded by his own ambition and made mistakes because of it. Mostly, I just like analyzing characters. I especially like analyzing the flawed ones. When I'm writing, my main goal is to explain why the character made certain mistakes and to have readers understand that character's perspective. I really like doing the flawed characters because it's more of a challenge to make sense of it. **

**A- Thanks for the review! I can't believe I forgot that song existed, but it seems like the perfect Sev/Lily song now that I think about it. I'm still adding to my playlist every day. I took it off my profile because I felt like everyone had seen it, but the real playlist is on my phone, and has almost two hundred songs. It helps me get into the writing mood so I'm definitely keeping it. **

**PureAwesomeness13- Thanks for the review! It's funny that you asked that because I have a note to put it in one of the chapters after the Mudblood scene. It will either be in the "save your breath" scene that directly follows it or another one that's a little after it. I wanted to use the flashbacks that JKR provided, but I also wanted to use a confrontation of my own, so there will be another big confrontation after the "save your breath" one. **

**Jacqueline- Thanks for the review! About the language, Severus is a thirteen year old boy. He's not going to use the same formal vocabulary that he does when he's an adult. In flashbacks, he says " loads," "definitely," and "d'you," which seem pretty casual to me. **

**Chapter Fifty-Two- The Future**

**1974**

Severus could remember his first time in Diagon Alley as if it were yesterday. Everything had been bright and cheery with bustling stores and laughing witches and wizards. Owls had hooted cheerfully above the sound of friends reuniting with old friends. The cobbled streets had been so crowded that they had been nearly impossible to navigate through. It had been so magical that the atmosphere itself seemed to glitter.

But now, everything had changed.

It may have been early August, but there was not a trace of sunlight. The clouds above were thick and heavy and seemed to hang even lower than usual. A strange fog oozed through the air, nearly opaque, creating an unnerving sensation of entrapment. The stores no longer bustled; about half or so were boarded up. There was a decent amount of witches and wizards on the misty streets, but they were no longer laughing. Groups were huddled together, darting suspicions glances at those who had once been their friends. What had once glittered seemed to be haunted by fear.

"What happened, Sev?" Lily whispered, not tearing her green eyes away from the scene. She was clutching her arms nervously, her look of horror unmistakable.

"He happened, Lily," Severus said shortly, moving closer to her as he eyed a scraggly wizard with cool mistrust. The wizard caught his gaze and looked down, hastening his pace as he brushed by. "You-Know-Who."

"But he didn't come here," Lily protested, her nose wrinkling. "Someone would have told us."

"He didn't have to," Severus said. "They ran anyway. They're scared."

He wondered if he should have felt the terror that Lily wore so visibily, that all of them seem to wear, but he did not. Instead, he felt more intrigued than ever by Voldemort. Just the mere thought of him had sent hundreds scurrying away. Severus wondered how it would feel to be that powerful.

"I'm glad that Dad couldn't come with us. I wouldn't want him to see…this. I suppose we should start then." Lily paused uncertainly, obviously not wanting to dwell on their surroundings. She unfolded her list of school supplies with pale, trembling hands, looking nervously around. Severus was secretly pleased when she took a step closer to him, so close that her hair tickled his cheek. "Should we go to Flourish and Blotts first?"

"Fine by me," Severus agreed, sorry to have an excuse to move. He shoved his hands into the pockets of the oversized coat that had once belonged to Tobias. By now, he was nearly immune to the musty scent of stale alcohol and cigarettes that had lingered over the years. Looking over his shoulder to ensure that Lily was still by his side, he led the way.

During their previous visits to Diagon Alley, Lily hadn't been able to stop chattering for more than a few mere seconds. This time, she was oddly silent, the fear evident in her bright green eyes. While she may have been terrified, she refused to duck her head down like so many of the other passing witches and wizards. Her head remained firmly high, as if she refused to give into her fears, something that Severus couldn't help but admire.

At Flourish and Blotts, Severus's eyes were immediately drawn to a grisly looking book on a rather dusty shelf. Before inspecting the book more closely, he glanced warily at Lily. She was scanning the cover of _The Charm of Charms_. She caught his gaze and misread it. "Demetra Vane suggested it to me. She's in Charms Club."

"Charms Club?" Severus scoffed.

"It sounds like fun," Lily said, frowning slightly at him. "I was thinking about joining."

Severus scowled. Lily was one of the most talented witches he knew and she wanted to waste her skills on Charms? There were so many other subjects, so many other _useful_ subjects.

"Charms are just as useful as any other subject. Maybe even more useful," Lily continued as if she had read his mind. "And Flitwick said that I would be really good for the club."

"I don't doubt that," Severus said quickly, disliking the defensive note in her voice. "You're the top of our class. But Charms Club is a lot of extra work. They meet twice a week."

"I'm sure I can handle it," Lily said with such certainty that Severus knew there was no point in arguing. Even though he was far from happy with her decision, he was relieved to see her face soften, a sure sign that her prickliness on the subject had melted away. As he searched his mind for a way to talk some sense into her, Lily's arm grazed his as she reached above, causing all rational thoughts to evaporate. Automatically, he drew in his breath.

"We need that book for Divination," Lily explained, her green eyes narrowing at the shelf as she stretched as far as she could to no avail.

Annoyed with himself, Severus sobered, willing himself to stay in control. It had been the slightest form of contact possible, but his arm still felt electrified from her touch. He didn't fully understand why Lily affected him the way she did. She had always had an effect on him, ever since the first day he had saw her. It was an effect that had been slowly building up throughout the years, bewildering and somehow, invigorating. But Severus did know that he couldn't lose all his senses over something as foolish as a simple arm graze. Grimacing to himself, he tried to push all thoughts from his mind, his usual serious expression flitting into place.

But he couldn't stay solemn for long. Severus watched in growing amusement as Lily stood tiptoe, her fingers frantically clawing for the textbook. Determined as usual, she leapt for the book, the idea of asking for help plainly never entering her mind. Severus waited patiently for a minute or two, but his lips were quivering when he finally extended a hand and effortlessly retrieved two copies. Wordlessly, he offered one to Lily.

Lily made a face at him, but she accepted the book. "Show-off."

"Midget."

"I'm not that short!" Lily said with such indignation, Severus barely held back a laugh. Her cheeks were still pink from jumping up and down and her curls were somewhat wild. Even so, her eyes seemed brighter and more captivating than ever. "You're just ridiculously tall. You're practically a giant. A brooding giant."

"A brooding giant," Severus mused, glancing up at the next shelf where their Herbology textbook was. It was a shelf higher than the Divination one had been. Suddenly, his black eyes were alight with a certain sparkle, a sparkle that could only come from being in Lily's presence. "I wonder how you'll get the rest of your books."

"A brilliant brooding giant," Lily said quickly, following his gaze with a wince. "A very nice, brilliant, brooding giant."

Severus paused and then shrugged, his lips forming a faint crooked grin. "I suppose it's better than 'freak'," he said, handing Lily the Herbology volume.

Lily shook her head vehemently. "No, 'freak' is a compliment. Would you rather be perfect? According to Petunia, Vernon Dursley is perfect."

Severus stared at her. "I prefer freak."

"We're both freaks," Lily said with a slight smile.

There was that smile again, the smile that never failed to make the constant load on his shoulders lighten immediately. Suddenly, the gray and fear that threatened to suffocate the wizarding world seemed to fade away. Diagon Alley seemed to shine once more. In those glorious few minutes, everything was perfect.

It wasn't until they had left Flourish and Blotts that reality sunk in once again, sharp and blinding. Severus then remembered that the real world was something far different from the one he shared with Lily. Reality was cold. It was painful. It was real. Life wasn't perfect. Far from it.

But with Lily, it was so easy to forget.

**1974**

It was quiet.

Too quiet.

"Sev," Lily said suddenly, purposely jostling her swing into his. Severus had been staring blankly ahead, with the same little frown that meant he had been lost in deep thought. "What do you want to be after Hogwarts?"

Severus dug his feet into the ground to keep his swing from swaying. When he stopped, he looked at Lily strangely for a moment. "I told you. I want to be someone."

"And I told you, you already are," Lily said, not at all satisfied with his answer. "Anyway, I was hoping for something a little more specific."

"I don't know," Severus said. "I haven't thought about it much."

"That doesn't sound like you," Lily's forehead furrowed, having the unwelcome sensation that he was lying. It seemed as if he was looking at her without actually seeing her, which was the same feeling Lily had whenever he was hiding something. It was a feeling that she didn't like at all.

"Well, I haven't!" Severus said hotly. He seemed to realize his reaction and took a deep breath. "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. The future just seems more complicated than I thought it would be."

There was something behind his words, something that Lily didn't understand. But she didn't dwell on it. She didn't want to. "I think you'll save the world," she said staunchly.

Severus laughed, but it was humorless. When his eyes met hers, the feeling was gone, and that was enough for Lily.

"You could!" Lily said, warming up to the concept, especially now that her uneasiness had vanished. What had begun as one of her fanciful ideas, courtesy of a wild imagination, now began to take shape in the back of her mind. Severus may have been a great deal grouchier than the traditional heroes she had read about, but she could still picture it. He was endlessly loyal and her very best friend. In her mind, there was no one better. "You could be the one to end the war. You could really make a difference."

"I'm not going to end the war, Lily."

"You don't know that. You could. You're different."

"What do you mean by that?" Severus asked, his eyes narrowed, clearly uncertain whether to take her words as a compliment or not.

"You're a Slytherin and you're best friends with a Muggle-born," Lily said impatiently, astonished that he didn't see it. It seemed so obvious to her. "You're brave. You don't care what the other Slytherins think."

Severus was beginning to look immensely uncomfortable. But Lily plowed ahead, hurried and unstoppable.

"You don't. Not really. If you did, you wouldn't want to be friends with me."

"Well, we know that wouldn't ever happen," Severus said scornfully. "But it's not just about bravery. Any idiot can be brave."

"You're more than just brave," Lily rolled her eyes. "Bravery isn't such a bad thing, Sev, just because it's a Gryffindor trait. You're ambitious too. Better?"

"Much better," Severus shifted in his swing, looking increasingly awkward at the praise. He seemed to realize the sooner that he went along with her plans, the better. That suited Lily just fine. "I'll accept brave too. Without the idiocy."

"Good!" Lily beamed at him, pleased that she wouldn't have to push him into the river later. "Which is why you're going to save the world."

"Fine," Severus said reluctantly with a sigh. "I'm going to save the world. What are you going to do?"

"I don't know," Lily shrugged, realizing that she had put much more thought into Severus's destiny than into her own. She studied the playground for inspiration, even more ideas flashing through her mind at lightning speed. There were so many possibilities, most likely hundreds more that she didn't even know of. In some ways, the wizarding world was still a mystery to her. All she did know was that she wanted to do something that mattered. "Maybe become a Healer. Or an Auror. If the war is still going on, I know that I'll want to help. I want to do something important… Something worthwhile."

"I know you will," Severus said, studying her with even more intensity than usual, his black eyes focused on her and her alone. But Lily was too engrossed in the ideas that were bubbling rapidly in her mind, already beginning to boil over.

"We could work together," Lily said excitedly. "Remember when we were younger? We said we would. And that we would have our own house."

Without warning, Lily's cheeks felt hot. They had been only nine then. It had been a fantasy, childish and innocent. It had only been five years, but the words held a different meaning now. When she saw Severus's face grow ashen, she mentally kicked herself. She hadn't meant for it to sound like that. "Not that we would be married or anything," Lily added hastily. "We could have two houses. Right next to each other. We could be next door neighbors!"

She said the last part with too much cheer. Severus didn't meet her eyes and Lily was sure that she had scared him. Hoping to distract him, Lily began to twist around in her swing, causing the chains to interlace noisily.

"What are you doing?" Severus asked finally, watching her.

Lily didn't stop moving until her swing was fully wound. When she stopped, she said nothing and offered Severus a mysterious smile and nothing more. Finally, she let go, and began to spin wildly about, colliding into a baffled Severus more than once. When her swing had at last come to a stop, she looked his way, unable to abstain from giggling at his expression. "It's fun. Try it, Sev."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because we're not children anymore."

Lily frowned at him. "You sound like Petunia."

"That's disturbing."

"We're fourteen. Not forty. I don't care what people think. When I'm forty, I'm going to still jump off swings," Lily said determinedly. "What's the point of living if you can't even have fun?"

"You sound like Potter."

"That's even more disturbing," Lily shuddered. "Will you try it already? Before I start messing up my hair and talking about Quidditch."

Severus looked alarmed. Immediately, he began twisting his swing around just as she had done before. Lily did the same, peeking from the corner of her eye to make sure that Severus was actually following through.

"Now!" Lily announced triumphantly. She heard Severus mutter beneath his breath, but simultaneously, they began spiraling around. The world swirled around Lily, the shimmer of blue sky above, the shiny glint of metal from the playground, the fresh sheen of the grass around them… It paused every so often when their swings crashed into each other, brief but painful.

"I feel sick," Severus moaned when it was over.

"Let's jump off now," Lily suggested brightly, unaffected by his familiar grumbles. "Then we can practice Potions."

Severus mumbled something inaudible but he obeyed. He and Lily began swinging high in the air, in perfect harmony. As Lily leaned as far back as she could, she relished the sensation of the wind whipping through her hair. There was something freeing about it, something that Lily had always loved, that had remained unchanged over the years. Bryony had forbidden her to jump off long ago. Young Lily had predictably resisted, insisting that it was like flying. She had claimed that it was magic, and that magic would never hurt her.

She had been laughing when she had said those words. It had felt magical, but she hadn't dared believe in magic then. She had considered the concept more than once, but it had been her secret then, a frail fantasy that would crumble the second she took it seriously. The idea had excited and terrified her all at once. But she hadn't dared believe. Not until Severus.

At the highest point, Lily leapt off the swing, fully trusting the magic that swept her through the air. She could feel her heart pounding in exhilaration, the same exhilaration that never seemed to falter even though she had jumped off countless times before. Once her feet had firmly landed on the ground, she was more convinced than ever.

When she grew up, she wouldn't be too old for anything. There would never be a dull moment. Not only for her, but for Severus too.


	53. Chapter 53 A Marauder Welcome

**WARNING- Fanfic won't let me upload this chapter normally (it's showing up as a solid block of text with coding) so I'm not sure how it will turn out. If you can read it at all, there might be a few more errors since it's harder to catch them like this. Hopefully it's readable.**

**Thanks for the reviews! Lily's POV in this chapter is somewhat light, but it is sort of important for far later chapters.**

**LLL- Thanks for the review and song suggestions! I have Remembering Sunday in my itunes and I can't believe that I never considered adding it. It seems so obvious to me now, so thanks for reminding me!**

**MoonHead- Thanks for the review! One of the incidents is the James saving Severus one. There will be the "James Potter fancies you" scene, but that won't be one of the major incidents. I won't tell what the other one is because it's somewhat of a surprise. It's not too original, but it does have an impact on Severus that stays with him for the rest of the story.**

**A- Thanks for the review and the song suggestions! You're right about the piano version. It has so much feeling to it, and is such a Lily song.**

**BlueCanary- Thanks for the review! Even though he's more complex, I would have to say Severus is easier to write. I think that's actually why he's easier to write, because I start analyzing and end up having so much to write about. With any character, especially one that I'm having trouble with, I make a list of their personality traits and try to explain why they are the way they are. I also find similarities between the character's experiences and mine, and write about what I know. Like Severus, I put my own ambitions ahead of others, but I've also made excuse after excuse for a friend, like Lily. Once I somehow connect with the characters, it makes it a lot easier. I also find that music helps a lot, if you listen to a song that has the same mood you want to portray. I hope that helps!**

**Chapter Fifty-Three- A Marauder Welcome**

**1974**

In a strange way, Severus had been dreading this very day for the entire summer.

Hogwarts was supposed to be his refuge. It was supposed to be the magical place that kept him away from Tobias and Eileen and Spinner's End. It still was a magical place, even more fantastic that Severus's wildest dreams had been. But it was also a place of the unknown.

Spinner's End was the most predictable of places. It was predictably grimy and predictably miserable. But even so, Severus favored predictably. He favored control. At Hogwarts, he had no control. If he was being honest with himself, that unnerved him. He had no idea what to expect. With Lily… With the Knights of Walpurgis… He was more than unnerved. He was terrified. He was so close to having everything but just as close to losing it all.

He glanced at Lily. She was still standing with her parents, but even from a distance, he could tell that she was being quiet. The summer had gone well for them, but that was when there had been the briefest mentions of school and nothing more. It would be a tad more difficult avoiding the subject of Hogwarts while they were at Hogwarts.

At the sight of Bryony Evans wrenching her daughter into a hug, Severus abruptly turned away, bringing his attention to Eileen. She was unlike Lily's mother in every way. She was not neat or warm or loving, but as a child, he had wanted her in spite of that.

"You only have a few minutes left," Eileen said suddenly when she noticed that he was looking at her. Her pale, thin lips barely moved to form her words, yet they sounded clear and sharp. Her dark eyes darted toward the sight of Bryony and Lily, and just like Severus, they quickly flickered back.

Nothing had changed since her apology. Severus had barely spoken to her all summer, but looking at her now, he wished that she had tried harder. He didn't want her to be just sorry over the past. He despised himself for it, but he wanted her to _want_ to be a mother. But that would mean Eileen would have to be something more than a ghost, and Severus knew that she could not be fixed. She was already too broken.

Even if she had not been broken, Severus doubted that she would ever come forward. Both of them had the Prince pride. Hers may have been close to nothing, but he knew that the slightest trace of it was there, and that was just enough.

He may have felt more than a glimmer of disappointment or sadness, but Severus didn't show it. He merely looked back at Eileen, his face devoid of all emotion. "I'll see you next summer." Immediately ducking his face down to reach for his trunk, he glanced back, his mask shattering just enough to allow a wave of uncertainty to be seen. "Be careful, Mum."

Eileen didn't say anything, but she was watching him, her forehead creasing.

"With the war and everything," Severus said quickly, irritated with himself for revealing that uncertainty, as brief as it had been. He wasn't sure what had prompted it, but he didn't like it. Before he could do anything else he regretted, he wheeled around and caught Lily's eye, jerking his head toward the Hogwarts Express. Without another look at Eileen, he walked ahead numbly, his steps brisk.

It didn't take long for Lily to catch up to him. He didn't have to turn around to see her face. It wasn't until they had boarded the train that he did so, and her half indignant, half concerned expression was identical to the one that he had painted in his mind. "What's wrong? You practically ran from the platform. I didn't finish saying goodbye to my parents."

"You could've stayed," Severus muttered even though he was pleased that she had been so quick to follow him.

"Obviously I couldn't," Lily said. "I was worried about you."

Severus stiffened, his black eyes cold. When would she stop worrying over him? He didn't want her concern. He didn't want her to see him as the poor Snape boy who was always the victim. He wanted her admiration. He wanted her to see him as something more, something powerful. "Don't be."

Lily narrowed her eyes, her chin jutting out defiantly. "Is this really how it's going to be again, Sev?"

Severus's expression softened. He didn't want it to be. He wanted to go back to Spinner's End, with Lily at his side. He wanted to tell her stories in their little clearing. He wanted to go back to the playground and swing beside her, even if it meant spinning around until he was sick. But before he could even begin to ponder how to phrase his thoughts into a more acceptable form, his mouth slammed close, his eyes chilling again at the sight before him.

It was _them_ again. Those three Gryffindor girls. They disliked him nearly as much as he disliked them. It had always been that way, even since the first week of their very first year. Severus openly glared at them. They had no right to steal Lily away, to become involved. He and Lily were best friends and it was just them forcing themselves in like typical Gryffindors.

"Lily!"

Lily spun around and was promptly attacked by Marlene McKinnon. Severus gritted his teeth as he watched the two girls hug. When they finally broke apart, he was annoyed to see that Lily had indeed moved on, but only to envelope Alice and Mary into even longer hugs. Severus couldn't understand what it was about Gryffindors and their need to hug each other. If Regulus or Mulciber ever hugged him… Severus winced at the thought.

"Sev, do you mind if we sit with them?" Lily asked, looking at him imploringly.

Marlene, Alice, and Mary noticeably went silent. Marlene rolled her eyes, but Lily didn't see. Alice and Mary shifted uncomfortably, and even though their behavior was a tad subtler than the tactless McKinnon, it was still evident.

"I rather not," Severus said coolly. "I told Mulciber that I would meet him on the train."

As soon as he said the words, he wished that he hadn't uttered them. Lily looked wounded, but only for a moment. He didn't miss how she shook her head to herself, as if she had expected it all along. But it was too late. He couldn't make amends, not with those three still there. He would just have to wait and talk to her at Hogwarts.

But with every step that he took, Severus could feel his heart sinking. They hadn't even arrived at Hogwarts yet and the tension was already returning. He didn't understand how it happened. When he was younger, he had thought that the Hogwarts would be perfect, that it was simply a place of magic for those with magic, and it would only bring them together. Instead, it was like it was a poison to them, slowly tearing them apart. They were only at their best when they were at the place that Severus despised the most. At that moment, he hated irony more than ever.

Thoughts of Lily were finally pushed aside when he found Mulciber and the rest, tucked away in one of the back compartments.

"Where have you been?" Mulciber demanded with a withering stare. Summer hadn't treated him well. He may have had cruel features, slitted eyes and a scowling mouth, but even so, he was decently attractive on a normal day. That day was not a normal one. His normally sun streaked brown hair was dark and lank, framing his heavily circled eyes and sickly complexion. Severus's first thought was that Remus Lupin had bitten him.

Once Severus took a seat beside Wilkes, his eyes swept the compartment, and realized that the other three appeared just as poor as Mulciber did. All were nearing Lupin territory, looking thin and wan. Even Avery seemed to have lost a few pounds. For once, Severus felt the most groomed of the five.

"What's with you?" Severus said finally.

"Have you completely forgotten what happens in October, Snape?" Mulciber answered incredulously, looking extremely put out that Severus of all people had the nerve to scorn his appearance.

"I haven't forgotten," Severus said shortly. "I just haven't found the need to worry."

That was a lie, but Mulciber didn't need to know that.

"I'm so glad that you've had a nice holiday," Mulciber said sarcastically as he crossed his arms. Instead of taking his usual superior bearing, he hunched over, his accusing eyes never leaving Severus. "So did we. It's not as if we had to worry about being cast out from our families or anything."

Severus raised an eyebrow, but didn't take the bait. "How would they even know? Isn't this supposed to be a secret?"

Rosier was shivering in the corner, rubbing his arms at a frantic rate as he looked at Severus, his tone bitter. "You forget that we're all legacies. Our fathers were part of this, and now they're part of the pure blood inner circle. They'll know."

"Inner circle?" Severus repeated, finding the words familiar. Lucius had mentioned the same during the previous Halloween. As annoyed as he was that the others clearly knew more, Severus couldn't resist prying. The more information he had, the better. But Voldemort was a delicate subject that required discretion. As he spoke, he was careful to keep his voice casual. "You-Know-Who's?"

"It wasn't always his," Wilkes said, his voice hushed. "The Knights of Walpurgis have been around for ages. _He_ took over."

"But how?" Severus persisted, still keeping the intensity of his curiosity at bay. He remembered that it hadn't been long ago that Voldemort's name seemed to be on everyone's lips. They hadn't been afraid then. They had been excited. Voldemort had been new then, mysterious and enthralling. One day he had been a novelty, the next he was holding the entire wizarding world in the palm of his hand. It was as if it had happened overnight. Others may have wanted nothing more than to flee his power, but all Severus wanted to know was how the wizard had done it.

"I don't know," Wilkes shrugged. "I know the pure bloods have wanted a more powerful role in the Ministry for a while. He came out of nowhere, really, and said all the right words. It didn't take long for him to have the support of every decent family."

"And that's it?" Severus asked dubiously.

Wilkes looked uncomfortable. So did the others. "No one really knows. Well, I suppose our parents do, but it's not as if they would tell us anything. It's too dangerous."

Severus was quiet again, but unlike them, it was not from anxiety. It was pure inspiration that silenced him. With every twisted headline that the enigmatic wizard made, Severus found himself more and more intrigued. He wanted to meet this Voldemort. One day, he would. He would make certain of it.

**1974**

There was something different about Hogwarts. Physically, it looked the same as it always did, but something still felt…off. There was a heaviness in the Great Hall, a tension from summer that had not yet been lifted. Nearly all those from wizarding families had a story to tell, a story that was somehow connected to a Death Eater or Voldemort himself. No one had any idea of knowing what was true, what was exaggerated, or what was entirely made up, but all of them knew that whenever the words "You-Know-Who" were spoken, fear followed.

"Dumbledore looks tired, doesn't he?" Marlene observed.

Lily frowned slightly. She didn't say so, but she had been thinking the same. As the aging wizard spoke, she couldn't help but noticed that his usual cheer seemed more forced than usual.

"He probably is tired," Alice whispered as Dumbledore continued began his usual welcome speech. "After all, my mum says that Finn sends him dozens of owls per day."

"Finn?" Lily echoed curiously.

"Minister of Magic," Alice's lips twisted into a humorless smile. "Or at least for now. We've had two over the summer, but they both resigned. Or at least we think Barnes resigned. Circumstances were suspicious."

"Oh," Lily wished she wasn't so behind on the wizarding world, but on second thought, she was partially glad. She wasn't sure that she wanted to know everything that had happened over the summer.

"Is the wizard at the end our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher?" Mary murmured, twirling a blond plait with her index finger. Lily followed her gaze, her eyes landing on an unfamiliar face at the far right of the High Table.

The wizard was small and gaunt, only a few inches taller than Flitwick, who was seated beside him. He looked terrified to even be sitting there, and was nervously wrenching a handkerchief with trembling hands. Lily's eyes flew back to the Marauders and she shook her head sadly. "He won't last a day."

Sure enough, Dumbledore gestured to the wizard. "Professor Hopper will be our Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. Please treat him with the respect he deserves," he paused, his blue eyes twinkling. "And I've already made sure that he has no allergies to nifflers or any magical creatures for that matter."

A few seats away, Potter looked disappointed. But it was only momentary. He soon went back to exchanging whispers with Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew, his hazel eyes aglow with mischief. All of a sudden, Lily felt a trickle of dread. For the past two years, the Marauders had planned beginning of the year pranks. She hoped that they didn't favor tradition.

Evidently, they did.

When Dumbledore clapped his hands to announce the beginning of the feast, Lily wasn't even surprised to see thousands of electric blue Cornish pixies flood the Great Hall. That didn't stop her from yelping out with the rest as five or six dove for her hair. Unfortunately for Lily, they seemed fascinated by the red.

"I'm going to kill him," Lily told a pixie as she angrily attempted to yank it from her hair. Its hands remained firmly clawed around the lock, and she ended up pulling her own hair- hard. "Ouch!"

She couldn't even see properly. Everything was a bright blue blur of movement. All of a sudden, she felt a hand grab hers. The hand tugged her down and Lily found herself under the Gryffindor table with a pair of hazel eyes gleaming mischievously at her.

"You can see the action better from here," Potter told her as he nonchalantly plucked a pixie from her hair.

"I don't want to see the action," Lily exploded, more annoyed than ever that Potter was too self-absorbed to care or even notice that she was furious at him. "I want to finish my food and go to sleep without pixies pulling my hair."

"Peter?" Potter said, tilting his messy head of hair toward Pettigrew's direction.

With a quavering hand, Pettigrew extended a loaf of bread that he had been clutching to his chest. He didn't seem able to meet a fuming Lily's eyes.

Lily sighed, feeling slightly guilty that Pettigrew seemed so frightened of her. He may have encouraged Potter's ego, but that was hardly criminal. His only offense was being a Marauder, and Lily had a feeling that he just followed along with whatever Potter and Black did. "Keep it." Then she turned back to Potter, her voice returning to its former fury. "I can't believe that you actually-"

"Quiet, Evans," Black interrupted, casting her an annoyed look from over his shoulder. "We want to hear Snivelly scream like a girl."

Lily bristled at the nickname. When she opened her mouth to tell Black exactly what she thought of him, something alarming stopped her. The Great Hall had fallen deafeningly silent, a silence that was somehow far louder than any amount of screams could be. It was eerie. Lily peeked out from under the table and was amazed to see that the thousands of pixies had vanished.

"I've always found that to be a useful spell," Dumbledore said calmly as if an oversized army of Cornish pixies interrupting the feast was an everyday occurrence. His bright blue eyes were sparkling. "And now to the feast? I'm not very fond of cold steak."

Pointedly looking away from Potter and the Marauders, Lily crawled out from the table, along with several other students. After she had straightened out her robes and attempted to smooth her hair, Lily surveyed the Great Hall. Everyone looked disheveled and out of breath. She sneaked a peek at the Slytherin table and almost giggled when she saw Severus. His hair was so untidy that it had almost reached Potter level, and somehow, his livid expression made it all the funnier.

That was when she noticed that everything seemed lighter. The summer tension was gone. Dumbledore no longer looked tired. "You-Know-Who" was no longer the name on everyone's lips. They were laughing now. Hogwarts was Hogwarts again, the same as it had been when Lily had taken her first step inside.

As much as she disliked Potter, she had to admit that he had a knack for lightening the moment. It wasn't until she had begun to laugh did Lily realize how much she had needed it.


	54. Chapter 54 The Dueling Club

**Thanks for the reviews! This chapter is a little later than I hoped for, but school has been even more crazy than usual and I'm still behind. The good news is, Chapter 55 is nearly ready, so you can expect that one later this week. I'll post Chapter 4 of Abomination either this week or next. A note about this chapter- I know the Dueling Club was formed in Harry's second year, but I thought it seemed general enough to have possibly been around before, especially during war times. **

**I noticed the majority of the reviews mentioned James and I'm glad that I (hopefully) haven't scared any Lily/Snape fans away. I love Lily and Snape, but the main reason of my writing this story is to write a possible explanation of what could have occurred. One explanation I really wanted to write was, how could Lily ever end up loving the boy who was her best friend's worst enemy? So, even though I'm sure that some of you would rather have me pretend that James doesn't exist, the fact is, he did exist in canon and he's one of the reasons why Snape turned out to be such an amazing character in the end. Without him, we would most likely have an ecstatic Snape married to an ecstatic Lily, and a very boring Potions Master. Actually, that might make James the bitter Potions Master, which actually might be interesting, but I'm going to stop before I end up writing an A/N longer than this chapter. **

**A- Thanks for the review! That's a good point about Voldemort's appearance. It seems natural that people would talk about it, and even exaggerate it a bit. I'll definitely work in a mention soon, so thanks! About the poster, I didn't notice either until you told me. (Really random, but I thought it was worth mentioning that an ad for shampoo popped up when I clicked the Snape poster.) I like the idea that he's defending it, that his love for Lily was stronger than his animosity toward Gryffindor. I'll make a note to consider it when I'm writing that chapter and hopefully I'll be able to work it in. **

**PureAwesomeness13- Thanks for the review! Lily's not quite up to crush level on James, but her tolerance is growing, for now. She and James will go through a lot of changes, especially at the end of fifth year. I really wanted to show another side to their relationship other than James constantly chasing after Lily and Lily suddenly saying yes one day, and sixth and seventh years will show that. I don't want to say too much, but it's going to take a lot more than a laugh for Lily to develop feelings for him.**

**Chapter Fifty-Four- The Dueling Club**

**1974**

Regulus Black was a person of habit.

He tagged along whenever the older Slytherins were near, just because he was a Black and could. He studied hard in the evenings in the same chair that he always used. He pressed his lips tightly together whenever his brother passed him in the corridor. All in all, Regulus was one of the most predictable people that Severus knew, and he didn't even know him very well.

Which was why he was startled when Regulus announced that he was going to try out for Quidditch.

"But…why?" Severus asked, unable to keep his mouth from twisting in contempt when the sport that was undeniably linked to James Potter was mentioned. Feeling a sudden loss of appetite, he set the toast down, his scrutinizing eyes never straying from Regulus, as if daring him to come up with a half decent excuse.

"Because it's Quidditch," Regulus said nonchalantly, digging into his breakfast of friend sausages. He swallowed a generous forkful. "And fun."

"I didn't even know you played," said Severus, not bothering to hide his disgust. As far as excuses went, that one was far from acceptable.

"I have a brother and I'm from an old wizarding family," Regulus told him, gulping down his pumpkin juice. "You should give it another chance, Severus. You might like it."

Severus's icy look quickly silenced the idea. But for some reason, no number of scowls could turn Regulus against Quidditch. He was firmly intent on the idea. But Severus didn't bother to persuade him. He had other things on his mind, far more important than Regulus's bizarre ideas of fun.

From the corner of his eye, he watched the Gryffindor table. It was only their first day of classes, but he still felt a pang about not being able to talk to Lily. It had been nearly impossible the previous night, with Mulciber watching him like a hawk. Even though he was reluctant to do so, Severus had to admit that it was unwise being seen in the company of a Mudblood when his standing with the Knights of Walpurgis was so fragile.

But that didn't make it any less painful when he caught a glimpse of her laughing with her friends. She had been laughing the night before too. At what had been undoubtedly a Marauder prank. Severus's pumpkin juice suddenly tasted bitter. He may have made a mistake, choosing to sit with Mulciber over Lily, but he couldn't deny that he was the slightest bit angry with her for laughing at Potter's tactics. It may have been only a few mild laughs, but it still stung of betrayal.

It was nearly impossible to think that just a few days ago, it had had been him and Lily in their clearing, lying side by side, laughing until their stomachs ached. But they would work things out, Severus knew they would. He may have made a mistake, but she always forgave him in the end.

"I think my chances for Seeker are decent. I heard Nott is trying out, but he can barely stay on his broom."

Severus nodded absently, but his brow furrowed when he realized that Sirius Black was watching him, his look of revulsion clear as day even at a distance. His pale gray eyes were darting between Severus and his brother while he glowered. Regulus, of course, was oblivious.

Severus glared back.

Potter caught his and Black's stare down, and unsurprisingly, proceeded to make a spectacle of himself. He made a show of waving to Severus and then acted out the steps of washing his hair, demonstrating it slowly as if it were for Severus's benefit.

Severus's cheeks burned and he knew that they had flooded with color. He hated Potter. He was only glad that Lily was unaware of the scene that was unfolding. He loathed seeing the ugly emotion of pity glistening in those emerald eyes. But when he turned back to Regulus, he could see that the youngest Black was no longer oblivious.

"It's nothing," Severus muttered, wanting to change the subject before Regulus could mention it. Regulus's hero worship of the older Slytherins may have annoyed him, but all the same, it made it more humiliating for the boy to see him in a less than flattering light.

But Regulus wasn't so easily deferred. He pointedly looked back at Potter and proceeded to mime combing his hair. Potter began to stand up, looking furious, but Black dragged him back down. When Regulus looked back at Severus, Severus was staring at him in amazement.

"Well, he was in no place to offer you hair advice," Regulus said, shrugging. "I don't think he even knows what a comb is."

Before Severus could reply, Mulciber and the others sat down. All still bore dark circles and waspish expressions, so ferocious that they caused a cluster of passing Hufflepuffs to sprint to their table.

"Why does Potter look so angry?" Rosier muttered, not sounding too thrilled himself. He looked the most awake, with the exception of Avery, who was readily gobbling down his breakfast. But even so, as Severus and Regulus exchanged glances, his eyes began to droop dangerously.

"I don't know," Regulus said finally with a trace of mischievous innocence that was reminiscent of his brother. But Severus didn't scowl at him. He was too astonished. Regulus was the one who never shut up, who never missed an opportunity to score points with the older Slytherins. But there he was, with his mouth shut, and Severus hadn't even needed to look threateningly his way.

For the second time that day, Regulus surprised him.

**1974**

Lily was not having a very good first day back for three very good reasons.

Her Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson had been cancelled. Normally, Lily would have enjoyed having a free period, but it had been cancelled because the Marauders had already succeeding in scaring off their professor at the welcome feast. Before the lesson had even begun! It was a record, a record that Potter and Black had gloated over, all the way back to the common room.

Her second week of school was already spoiled even though the first wasn't even over. Alice had coaxed and coaxed for Lily to watch the Quidditch tryouts with her, only because she wanted to spy on Frank Longbottom. Alice couldn't do so by herself because she had felt that it would be too obvious, and she didn't want to bring Marlene and Mary along because of giggling issues. Only Lily could be relied on to keep a serious, if not frowning, face when it came to Quidditch.

The third and most troubling reason of all was Severus. He had ditched her in favor of Mulciber and the Slytherins, something that her friends had no trouble in mentioning in their long list of reasons why Severus Snape was not someone to befriend. Not only had he ditched her, but he was ignoring her. Lily did feel hurt, but above all, she was furious.

Lily stared at the sign up sheet in front of her. She had been vaguely interested in Charms Club, but somehow knowing that Severus so obviously disapproved of it, had heightened the appeal. Her lips pursing in a determined line, she took the quill and scribbled her signature.

"So you decided on Charms Club then."

Lily spun around. She hadn't noticed that Severus was behind her. At the sight of him, she tensed automatically. "I did."

"You know, there used to be a time when you listened to me about everything."

Lily remembered those days. She had hung onto Severus's every word then, eagerly savoring every detail about magic. She swallowed back her sadness. "Just because we're best friends doesn't mean that I have to listen to you about everything. It's just a stupid club."

"As long as we're still best friends," Severus said with a flicker of a smile, but there was a hint of a question in his voice. The very same question that Lily had been asking herself.

"Shouldn't you be asking yourself that?" Lily was unable to keep the hurt from her voice. Severus was the one in control, the one that could hide behind his mask. Not Lily. She wanted to stay cool and collected, but pure emotion won out. "After all, you're the one who keeps choosing Mulciber over me."

"I didn't choose anyone over you."

His coal black eyes were sincere, but Lily wasn't sure if she trusted them anymore. They had been sincere when he had promised that blood purity meant nothing. They had been sincere when he had sworn that he would never become anything like them. "What about the train then?"

"I didn't want to sit with McKinnon and them."

"They're my friends."

"And I thought we were best friends."

Lily crossed her arms tightly across her chest, unconvinced. Her green eyes narrowed as she inspected the black pair in front of her, desperately trying to find something she could trust. "What about today? I saw you outside the classroom just an hour ago. You didn't even look at me because you were with them."

"That's because I chose you over them, not them over you," said Severus in exasperation. "If I left them to talk to you, that would automatically make you a target because…"

"Because I'm a Mudblood," Lily said shortly, not wanting to hear anything else he had to say about the matter. "I'll never understand why you like them so much"

"It's not a matter of liking, Lily," Severus said quietly.

"No, it's because I'm a Mudblood," Lily repeated, watching as he winced.

"No, you aren't. You're different-"

"How am I different, Sev? Because I'm best friends with the Half-Blood Prince?" To Lily's horror, she could feel her eyes start to blur with tears. She blinked them away, her voice staying steady with growing anger. To her surprise, the power of her voice gave her strength and she could feel herself standing taller. "I'm one of them whether you like it or not."

"You're different because you're…you and…." Severus's voice trailed off. His shield had evaporated, momentarily at least, and he was reddening. "I've never known anyone else like you."

Lily looked at him uncertainly, her moment of strength giving way to confusion. His black eyes were more intense than she had ever seen them, and for a moment, she was overwhelmed. She looked away, feeling uncomfortable. Her cheeks suddenly felt hot. "Oh."

There was an awkward pause.

"I suppose if you're dead set on Charms Club," Severus said hesitantly after a minute or so, his face guarded once more. "I could join too."

Lily looked at him strangely, still tentative after the tense silence, but grateful they had returned to a safer subject. She hadn't been expecting that. But he was making an effort, and that was all she wanted. "Thanks, Sev." But instead of handing him the quill, she crossed out her name.

Severus gave her a questioning look.

"I'm not going to make you join a club that you hate," Lily said. "Let's do something we're both interested in." She scanned the pieces of parchment that were tacked to the wall. "Dueling Club?"

"Are you sure?" Severus asked doubtfully. "I thought you really wanted Charms."

"It was a spur of the moment decision," Lily said honestly, not wanting to delve into what had exactly prompted her to sign up. "If you don't want Dueling Club, there's also Gobstones-"

"Dueling Club is fine," Severus said quickly, taking the quill.

When it was her turn to write, Lily smiled slightly at Severus's signature. It had barely changed since she had first seen his handwriting. The only differences that she could detect were that his letters seemed even smaller and more cramped together than they had before. With a decisive flourish, Lily scribbled out her name beneath his. Her script was different from Severus's, flowing and curly. When her letters slanted, his stood up proud and straight. When her letters rounded, his squared. They varied in almost every aspect, but somehow, they looked right when they were next to each other.

"The first meeting is Wednesday," Lily told him even though the sign was right there. But she had to fill the unsetting silence; it was about to drive her mad. "After dinner."

"I'll meet you outside the Great Hall?" Severus offered.

Their conversation lacked their usual grace. It was unnatural and strained. Lily's carefree smile was a tad more forced and Severus's dark eyes no longer glittered. Instead of their usual close distance, with their hands occasionally brushing into each other, there was a safe gap between them. But as Lily looked back at their unchanged handwriting, she felt a surge of optimism.

"Okay," Lily said lightly. Severus took a step back as if he was about to walk away, but she quickly continued, not wanting him to leave when things were so uneasy. "Do you want to go to the library now? We could go over History of Magic."

For a second, Lily was sure that he would accept her offer, but abruptly, Severus shook his head. "I can't."

"Come on, Sev," Lily wheedled, knowing that she was being silly, but still determined to have a genuine smile, or at least a real emotion, from him before he left. Ever since that awkward pause, he was being even more stiff than usual, and even though his eyes were meeting hers, it was as if he wasn't even seeing her. "Just a few minutes? I'll let you walk me there."

Severus raised an eyebrow as amusement washed over his features. "You'll 'let' me? Look who became Potter all of a sudden."

Lily grinned widely and ruffled her hair in the same manner that she had seen Potter do many times.

"Fine!" Severus said, wincing at the sight. "But a few minutes only. Just…never do that again."

"I won't," Lily promised, hastily smoothing out her hair, but her grin remained. It may not have been the crooked half-smile that she was so fond of, but she had finally managed to crack his thickening armor and catch a glimpse of the old Sev.

All she and Severus needed was time.

She was sure of it.


	55. Chapter 55 Levicorpus

**Thanks for the reviews! A somewhat early update, as promised. **

**IAmTheMessenger- Thanks for the review! There will be several disagreements throughout the fourth year, such as the one in this chapter. I wouldn't really say major because they won't last as long as the one at the end of third year did, but it'll definitely have an impact on their friendship.**

**IlsditJ'aifoule- Thanks for the review and congratulations on your new account! What you said about Regulus, Sirius, and Snape is exactly what I'm aiming for. His hatred for Snape seemed so strong during Harry's years, and I wanted to give an explanation for it rather than just the James vs Snape rivalry. **

**MoonHead- Thanks for the review! I'm glad that you like Regulus, especially since I have a lot of plans for him in the future. The Knights of Walpurgis will be making an appearance on Halloween night, which will either be the next chapter, or the one after, depending if I decide to keep one or not. **

**BlueCanary- Thanks for the review! Severus and Regulus will become friends, even though their friendship won't be as strong as Lily and Snape's is/was. I actually have a lot planned for Regulus. You'll be seeing more of him when Lily and Snape go their separate ways. **

**fanficfan and MermaidGirl34- Thanks for the reviews! When I wrote the last chapter, I was too lazy to check my copy of COS so I checked the HP wiki and it said Lockhart founded it. But since both of you brought it up, I went through my book and Lockhart says: "Now, Professor Dumbledore has granted me permission to start this little dueling club, to train you all..." Maybe the movie worded it differently? But even though it doesn't say so, I think it only makes sense that there was a Dueling Club before Harry's time, or at least something similar. I really can't believe that no one ever started a Dueling Club, or something like it, considering the centuries that Hogwarts has been around.**

**Chapter Fifty-Five- Levicorpus**

**1974**

The rest of September slowly trickled by. It was by far the most strenuous period of all Severus's time spent at Hogwarts. He and Lily managed to survive without a real quarrel, only a few dangerously close disagreements, but it was mainly Mulciber and the others who were making it difficult. They were on edge, taking it out on any unlucky underling that strayed in their path. They were also paying more attention to Severus and Lily's friendship, and unfortunately, didn't miss an opportunity to speak out.

"I swear, Snape, if your Mudblood ruins this for us…" Mulciber swore softly under his breath as they waited for the staircase they were on to finish moving. "I will kill you."

Severus didn't respond, but he couldn't help but wonder how much the Knights really saw. He wondered if it was obvious that he cared so much. He had been more careful than usual, only referring to her as 'the Mudblood' or 'Evans,' but never Lily. The thought made him sick to his stomach, and as the staircase lurched into place, he wondered what Lily would say if she knew.

"I'm going. Dueling Club," Severus added the last bit quickly before Mulciber could object. He leapt off the staircase onto stable ground, but Mulciber's legs were just as long as his were, and the pure blood managed to catch up to him without effort. Severus didn't have to look his way to tell that Mulciber was displeased.

"We don't have much time, let alone any for clubs. We have Mudbloods to curse."

"Mulciber, there isn't anything more you can do," Severus said, as patiently as he could without showing visible signs of wanting to throttle his neck. "A few cursed first years won't make any difference. We ensured a Slytherin Quidditch victory and the House Cup. They can't expect anymore than that."

Severus only wished that he could believe his own words, but he had a hideous hunch that there was no limit to the Knights of Walpurgis's high expectations. He feared their disappointment just as much, if not more, than Mulciber did. He just knew how to hide it.

Even so, Mulciber seemed to relax, but only momentarily, and grumbled underneath his breath as Severus walked away. When Severus turned around the corner, he waited a minute to make certain that Mulciber was not following him. Satisfied, he continued on, his chest heavy.

But when Severus saw Lily, something inside him lightened. The Knights were not quite forgotten, but they were pushed back enough that the lump in his throat dissolved.

"I was beginning to think you weren't coming," Lily said, smiling a tad too brightly.

"I was…held up," Severus replied tightly, and before Lily could question him further, he nodded his head toward the door. "Shall we?"

He ducked into the classroom after Lily, relieved to see that their entrance hadn't drawn much attention. As usual, they were in silent agreement to stand as far away from the Marauders as possible. Fortunately for them, the fearsome four had been too wrapped up in their own antics lately. They were most likely preparing for their next moonlight stroll, Severus thought with a sneer.

Severus knew that Lily had chosen Dueling Club for his sake, but he wasn't too fond of it. Since their Defense Against the Dark Arts professor had already fled, the other teachers had been taking turns instructing that year's class as well as Dueling Club. In Severus's opinion, the majority of the teachers were hardly qualified to teach anything useful for a _real_ duel. For instance, that day, it was Professor Binns teaching. Severus didn't understand how the ghost was supposed to teach them how to duel when he couldn't even remember anyone's names. Severus had been teaching himself all sorts of hexes and curses from the old Prince books, and frankly, whatever they had learned in the few Dueling Club sessions didn't even scratch the surface of what he knew. They were soft, for beginners and the weak. Severus had no use for a simple Disarming Charm, especially when he was working on his own spell that was slightly more complicated and much more interesting.

"Instead of pairing up," Binns cleared his throat before assuming his familiar droning voice. "I thought we would try something new."

It was slightly overdue since it took a minute or two for his words to sink in, but once they had, a few heads popped up with interest. Eyes that were glazed over were suddenly wide-awake. Severus and Lily exchanged curious glances. Professor Binns wasn't exactly renowned for new ideas.

"A demonstration of what we've learned. Any volunteers?" Binns asked, his eyes scanning the now eager students in front of him. Severus felt a flicker of alarm when he felt the ghostly eyes on him. He didn't dare breathe.

"Mr. er- Snodgrass, perhaps?"

Severus sent the professor a death glare, but Binns didn't seem to notice. Potter and Black had snatched up his attention; they had immediately begun waving their hands the second Binns had called on Severus. "And Mr. White?"

Potter sulked, but Black brightened. Without hesitation, he leapt onto the makeshift stage and promptly bowed. Several Gryffindors cheered, but Severus was gratified to see that Lily was not among them. Instead, she gave him an encouraging smile.

Without showing a sign of the anxiety he was suffocating from, Severus made his way onto the stage, feeling as if he were walking a plank. He knew that he excelled in jinxes and hexes, better than any Marauder, but the situation was a tricky one. He couldn't use any of the decent spells he knew because they were considered too dark, and even though he knew he was a better wizard than Black and Potter combined, the Marauders somehow managed to always come out on top.

A humiliation would never do, especially during this critical time.

Severus suddenly noticed his palms were damp. His wand felt slippery in his hands and frantically, he tried to rub it off with the sleeves of his robes.

"Are you so greasy that you can't even manage to hold onto your wand?" Black taunted with visible disgust. "Scared, Snivelly?"

Severus met his eyes and no longer saw the amusement that seemed to be ever present in Black's aristocratic features. Instead, he saw a furious gray stare that smoldered with contempt and resentment, the same stare that followed Severus whenever Black caught him near Regulus. It was then that Severus knew that this was not a simple Marauder ploy for attention. Black may have showed off his impish smirk to everyone in the room, but Severus knew better. Sirius Black was out for blood.

The sickening sensation of walking the plank returned, and Severus was sure that he was about to drown.

But Black was already rash. With his anger and overconfidence, that was sure to give Severus the edge. The thought gave Severus hope, and it was enough to vanish the nauseating feeling. His coal black eyes narrowed as he stared defiantly back at Black, dozens of hexes flashing through his mind. For a half-second, his gaze drifted to his wand, and longingly, he thought of the damage that he was capable of.

"Disarm only. On the count of three," Professor Binns instructed, looking somewhat unnerved by the uncustomary excitement that was filling his classroom. He was unaware of the escalating tension between the two boys and seemed more wary of the cheering students. "One…"

Before the ancient professor had even finished uttering the first syllable, Black slashed his wand recklessly through the air, sending a flash of red light toward Severus. Before he could react or even absorb what had just happened, Severus felt himself fly backwards until he crashed into the wall.

"I said Disarm only!"

Severus's eyes flew open and he blinked, frantically trying to sharpen the blurry shapes around him. Much too slowly for his taste, everything became clear. He stood up rather shakily, his body protesting with a spasm of pain. Severus was sure that he heard a familiar cry of "Sev!" but he couldn't gather the courage to look into the crowd.

There was a flurry of emotion on Black's face. The hatred and resentment were still there, burning more vividly than the rest, but beneath that, was shock, and even a glimmer of horror. Evidently, he was more of a Slytherin than he had thought. But Severus was too set on revenge to notice. He raised his wand, only to have Binns cut him off.

"Mr. White, you're excused."

"But Professor-"

"You may attend the next meeting," Binns said, not unkindly. "But listen to my instructions next time."

Black stalked out, and Potter began to follow him, but Binns stopped him just before they headed out the door. "Mr. Porter, you may take his place. Disarm only!"

Severus gritted his teeth as Potter sprung into place, bowing to the other members just as Black had. Next time he wouldn't be so foolish to wait. He glared at Potter, who readily glared back. But unlike Black's eyes, Potter's hazel ones were positively dancing. He relished the attention far more than his grudge. It was a game to him and nothing more.

Somehow that made Severus all the more angry.

"I repeat, Disarm only. On the count of three," Professor Binns said wearily, obviously regretting his new idea. "One…"

"_Levicorpus_!" Severus bellowed before the ghost could finish.

It was his new spell, one that he hadn't tested out yet. On a normal occasion, he wouldn't have dared, but he was too busy seething from his humiliation from Black. He wouldn't allow Potter to humiliate him.

And to his delight, he saw an astonished Potter lifted into the air by his ankle. As he heard the panicked cries, he felt a twinge of satisfaction. It almost restored his dignity. Almost. With the sound of shattering glass as Potter's spectacles fell to the floor, Severus allowed the tiniest of grins.

"Now really!" Professor Binns said indignantly as Potter struggled to aim his wand toward Severus. But with his poor eyesight and unfavorable position, he failed enormously. A jet of violet light shot out, only to collide into a squealing Pettigrew, whose nose began growing at a frenzied rate.

"Don't worry, Professor, I'm leaving," Severus said, with a scornful look at Potter.

"Not until he puts me down," Potter interrupted, waving his wand through the air again. A flare of sapphire blue light shot out, causing several Ravenclaws to duck down just in time.

"Oh, right," Binns looked flustered. "Mr. Snodgrass?"

"_Liberacorpus_," Severus muttered reluctantly. But even so, he felt a flush of pleasure, even more so as Potter tumbled unceremoniously to the floor. He had finally humiliated Potter.

It wasn't until he saw Lily's face that his victory no longer tasted sweet.

**1974**

"I was there, Sev! Black hexed you, not Potter."

Lily saw Severus sigh and bristled. They had been arguing for the past quarter of an hour, and he was being as stubborn as always, refusing to see why Lily was so upset over the Dueling Club meeting. The logical of why was so obvious to Lily that it made her even more upset. Severus was one of cleverest wizards she knew, but he had an astonishing habit of being blind to the simplest of matters.

"Why does it even matter, Lily?" Severus was no longer restraining his annoyance. "Black, Potter, they're all the same. They're the Marauders and they're arrogant berks that deserved it."

"But they're not all the same," Lily argued, refusing to back down even when she saw his eyes flash. "Black broke the rules. Not Potter. You didn't have to get back at him for what Black did."

"It's _Potter_," Severus snarled more heatedly, his eyes flashing once more. "Of course he was going to break the rules. What was I supposed to do, Lily? Let him humiliate me?"

"No, but you didn't have to sink to their level either," Lily said just as furiously, more at his darkening tone than his words. In their early days, he had rarely even snapped at her, and it seemed like a day couldn't go by without her irritating him. But now, it was Lily who was bothered. "That was dark magic, wasn't it? From the Prince books?"

"It's not dark magic," Severus said with sudden coolness. "It's a spell that I've been working on. It's harmless. I don't see why you're so concerned about what spells I use on Potter, considering _everything_ he has done to me."

"I know what he's done, Sev, but what you did was just as bad!"

"No, you don't know," Severus snapped so harshly that Lily felt her mouth close in shock. "You wouldn't know. You're a Gryffindor. All people have to do is take one look at you, and they love you. And why wouldn't they?"

"Sev…" Lily began, uncertain of the turn that their argument was taking.

"I'm the Slytherin and they hate me for it. They hate me because of what I am, just like they love you for what you are. Do you know what it's like not being able to get through a single lesson without having a Sticky Charm on my seat or having my work tampered with? Do you know what it's like not being able to walk across the grounds without having to search for _them_ just in case they decide they want to hex me for the fun of it? Do you know what it's like being blamed for their damage and having no one believe me just because I'm the Slytherin?"

Severus paused and took a deep breath, looking slightly stunned at his outburst. Lily didn't say anything. She was watching him, pity shining in her eyes.

"Just because my House colors are green and silver, people expect the worst of me, and why shouldn't I give them what they expect?"

"Because you're better than that," Lily said softly. Her emerald eyes were pleading now, begging him to believe it, but he wouldn't look at her. But finally, after what seemed like forever, Severus met her gaze. He looked so much like he had when he had first told her about his parents, that Lily's heart ached.

"Just so you know," Lily ventured when Severus did not speak. "I'll always believe you. Even though your House colors are green and silver."

"Thanks, Lily," Severus said, barely above a whisper. Suddenly, his eyes clouded over, as if his attention was grasped by something behind her. Lily turned around, curious. She hadn't noticed that they had wandered so far into the grounds during their argument. They were near the lake now, but Severus wasn't studying the glassy waters. He was staring at the tree that loomed high above them, its branches wide and majestic even more so with its autumn foliage. The leaves were spectacular shades of scarlet, orange, and yellow that almost gleamed gold in the sunlight. Lily instantly knew what had captured his attention when she saw it.

"It seems like forever since then," Lily murmured.

Severus nodded, his expression unfathomable. "It does."

Lily felt the corners of her lips tug upward as she studied the trunk of the tree. It had only been two years or so, but the S.S. and L.E. they had carved looked much older, yet more crooked and childish than before. Realistically, Lily knew that two years was not a long time, but it felt like they had grown up a lot since then.

She had thought it was Severus who had changed, but maybe she had changed too. She had thought they needed time, but as Lily stared at the initials, she couldn't help but wonder how much more time would have to pass until they were the same children who had carved those initials. Her smile faded. Those children seemed more distant than ever. Maybe they had finally grown up after all, forever changed. Maybe they could never be the way they once were.

But when Lily looked back at Severus, she shook her head to herself, almost fiercely. Maybe they couldn't be those same children, but that didn't mean their friendship had to change. She wouldn't give up on Severus. She couldn't.

She refused to.


	56. Chapter 56 The Seeker

**Thanks for the reviews! I was so, so close to deleting this chapter and going straight to the Knights of Walpurgis. They will be in the next chapter. I feel obligated to say this, but Sirius's commentary was obviously inspired by Lee Jordan's. Also, IlsditJ'aifoule pointed out that Binns always messed up on students' names. I can't believe that I forgot about that quirk of his, so thanks for pointing that out! I'll edit the previous chapter now, so it should be done within 10 minutes of this update. Hopefully that didn't ruin the chapter too badly. **

**MoonHead- Thanks for the review! When I wrote Snape's outburst, I wasn't sure if it was too dramatic for him or not. It seemed a little OOC at first, but I decided to keep it in because of that. I wanted him to lose it a bit to show that he's not the controlled Snape we know, but beneath his mature behavior, he's really just a fourteen year old boy who is tired of being the victim.**

**E- Thanks for the review! I was so close to deleting this chapter, but your review reminded me that I really need a current Slug Club one. I've had a few mentions of the Slug Club in the earlier chapters, but I pushed back a meeting that was supposed to happen in third year like four times so far. The problem is, I have so much stuff I need to write, it's hard fitting it in everything I want to. There will be a meeting in this chapter, and I have another planned for fourth year, but I'm always deleting last minute, so I can't be too sure about that one. **

**NavysGirl- Thanks for the review and the song suggestion! I'm glad that you like what I've done so far with their friendship, especially since my main goal in writing this story was to explain why two such incredibly close friends could have ended so badly. I really want to make sense of Snape calling Lily a Mudblood and Lily's refusal to forgive him.**

**Chapter Fifty-Six- The Seeker**

**1974**

The only thing worse than a Quidditch match starring James Potter, was a Quidditch match starring James Potter, narrated by Sirius Black.

Severus couldn't believe that Black managed to wrestle his way into becoming commentator. He had to have hexed someone or blackmailed or _something_. No one in their right mind would willingly give Black a microphone. Already, the Gryffindor was causing a stir with his antics, and the crowd was eating it up.

Severus never would have even stepped a foot into the stands, if it hadn't been for Regulus. It was the younger Black's very first match, and he had been a nervous wreck since the night before. Even from a distance, Severus could tell that Regulus was still nervous. The day was a sunless one, and his green robes made a stark contrast against the filmy gray sky, making him easy to spot. He looked paler than usual as he hunched over his broomstick, positively tiny compared to the rest of the Slytherin team.

"Let's see," Black said in mock thoughtfulness. "On Gryffindor, we have my best mate, James, as Chaser. Frank Longbottom, Isabella Thorne as the other Chasers. Christopher Spinnet…." He went on listing names until he reached the Slytherins. "And then a dodgy lot of-"

Professor McGonagall made a move for the microphone, but Black ducked down in the nick of time. "All right, all right… Slytherin Captain and Keeper is Rabastan Lestrange. We have Crabbe and Goyle as Beaters, who look like they've already been Beaten too many times, if you ask me. My dear brother, Regulus, as Seeker…"

"Regulus looks like he's going to be sick," Wilkes observed from beside Severus, seeming almost entertained by the fact.

Sure enough, Regulus was no longer white. His face had somehow become a pale green. Severus half expected him to fall of his broomstick, but astonishingly enough, he snapped into action once the match began.

Regulus didn't simply fly; he glided. He made it seem effortless, as if flying was more natural than walking on the ground. It didn't take long for Severus to see that Regulus was an almost Potter level flier, only he didn't add unnecessary flourishes. He certainly was better than Rosier, who had miraculously landed a spot on the Quidditch team for the first time and was clutching his broomstick for dear life.

"Some Slytherin has the Quaffle," Black said dismissively, but as a Bludger came hurling toward Rosier, he brightened. "THAT'S RIGHT, SLYTHERIN, FLY AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN, YOU FOUL-"

"BLACK!"

"Only joking, Professor. Rosier and I are like family… Actually we are family. Disgusting, isn't it?"

"Sirius Black is a disgrace to pure bloods everywhere," Mulciber remarked coolly from Severus's other side, barely audible with the angry Slytherin commotion sweeping over the stands. His slitted eyes were avidly darting back and forth across the Quidditch pitch, as if he didn't dare look away for even a moment.

Severus didn't bother to respond; it went without saying.

"James has the Quaffle!" Black announced gleefully, just as Potter took a dramatic dip into the air and flung the ball an impressive distance. Severus twitched in annoyance when the flash of red streaked through the glittering hoop. "THAT'S MY BOY. TEN POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR! You have to wonder why Evans still won't go out with him. Maybe you just aren't asking her properly, James. I'll do it for you: Evans, will you go out with James?"

Severus knew that it was in his best interest to remain emotionless, but he couldn't keep the hideous scowl from contorting his face. He despised hearing Lily's name coming from the Marauders. They didn't deserve to say it, to act as if they knew her. They didn't know her. Not like he did.

"Just lightening the tension, Professor," Black said smoothly before McGonagall could make another attempt to steal the microphone away. "Slytherin is in possession of the Quaffle. Gryffindor Chaser Isabella takes it from the prat on the Shooting Star. Not bad, Isabella! Hogsmeade this weekend?"

Even from a distance, Severus could see the Chaser beam at Black. Severus's scowl deepened. Black was crossing lines, but he obviously couldn't have cared less. It was one of many reasons why Severus hated the Marauders so passionately. They not only acted as if they owned the world, but it was as if they truly believed that the rest of the world should simply accept it without question.

"Excellent!" Black grinned as Isabella blushed nearly as crimson as her robes. Suddenly, he thrust the microphone toward a red faced McGonagall. "Did you have something that you wanted to say, Professor? Perhaps a few words to the Slytherin scum? You look a little angry."

"Quidditch is NOT the place to arrange dates, Black. Another word not related to Quidditch, and you'll receive detention-"

"Already scheduled it in, Professor," Black hastily took back the microphone, unfazed by McGonagall's crisp tone. "TEN POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR. SLAUGHTER THEM, JAMES!"

Severus decided that in order to preserve his sanity, it was best to tune out Black. He focused on Regulus, just in time to see the Slytherin Seeker dive abruptly down, only to pull up moments later. Severus realized that he was trying to throw off the Gryffindor Seeker. His plan had worked; Spinnet was still hurtling downward.

"We should have interfered," Mulciber said suddenly in a voice that bordered on accusation. "It has to be a Slytherin victory."

Severus gnashed his teeth together and said nothing, not wanting to admit that he had been thinking the very same. He should have hexed Potter's broomstick again…hexed all of their broomsticks. He should have done something.

Regulus dived down again. At first, Severus thought that it was another trick. Spinnet must have assumed the same, because even though he was watching Regulus with narrowed eyes, his broom was motionless.

But then, Severus caught a glimpse of metal. Spinnet saw it too, but it was too late. Regulus's white fingers were already closing over the Snitch. He was grinning from ear to ear.

"Slytherin Seeker captures the Snitch," Black said flatly. "One hundred and fifty points to Slytherin."

But his brother's less than enthusiastic reaction, surprisingly, had no affect on Regulus. He was beaming more widely than ever as he waved the Snitch triumphantly through the air. The hint of sunlight that managed to seep its way through the clouds caught on the gold, making it sparkle. Best of all, in Severus's opinion at least, was Potter's enraged face.

He was suddenly very glad that he had come.

**1974**

Lily had managed to find excuse after excuse when it came to escaping Slughorn's lavish gatherings, but a week after the Slytherin Quidditch victory, finding a suitable excuse was no longer a necessity. Slughorn or not, Lily was relieved to find a reason to leave the Gryffindor common room. It had been gloomier than a morgue since the match, and someone, possibly a Marauder, had decorated the room with black hangings. Someone, definitely a Marauder, had even managed to place an anti-Slytherin slogan across the ceiling.

Even if the Gryffindor was in its regular state, Lily would have been tempted to attend. It was an early Halloween party, and Slughorn tended to go all out for the holidays. Recalling the pink eclairs and twinkling fairy lights of his Valentine's Day party, Lily was more than slightly intrigued to see how Slughorn would celebrate the eeriest night of the year.

"Who will be there?" Mary asked nervously as she walked with Lily down the corridor. It was her first Slug Club gathering, a rather accidental one, since she had received an invitation out of pure chance. She had been failing miserably during the last Potions' lesson, and much to Severus's disapproval, Lily had helped her. Slughorn had only seen the results and declared that they had another budding Potions genius in their midst.

"I don't know," Lily shrugged, not at all anxious. "I've missed the last few. Lucius Malfoy and Rodolphus Lestrange were there once, but they already graduated."

"Good," Mary shuddered. "They creep me out."

Lily was in silent agreement. Lucius and Rodolphus had creeped her out too. As she remembered Lucius's cold gray eyes, gleaming of icy disapproval, she bit her lip, in dire need of a change of topic. "And Severus will be there. I think."

"You think?" Mary prodded gently.

"I don't know," Lily admitted, reluctant to confess anything that would make her friend dislike Severus even more. She already knew what Mary would say, what they would all say. "I haven't talked to him since Potions."

"Oh," Mary looked like she wanted to say something but she refrained. For that, Lily was grateful.

"Regulus might be there," said Lily, eager to change the subject once more even though a glimmer of sadness remained. "I heard Slughorn was talking about how impressed he was with the Quidditch match."

"Oh," Mary perked up. "Do you think Sirius will be there?"

Lily wrinkled her nose, a reflex that seemed to occur whenever a Marauder was mentioned. "Is he especially good at anything?"

"You really don't pay attention, do you?" Mary said with a little laugh. "I know you think he and James are just a couple of prats, but they're actually-"

"Geniuses, right?" Lily made a face as they made their way up the marble staircase to Slughorn's office. They were about halfway there when the ominous swell of violins greeted them, louder and louder which each step. "I don't need to hear it, Mary. They're amazingly brilliant, shockingly handsome, stunningly perfect, geniuses."

"Don't let James hear you say that," Mary teased. "I don't even want to imagine the catastrophic results."

"Believe me, I won't," Lily said wryly, her eyes widening when she noticed that there was a pearly fog oozing by her feet. Mary noticed it too and must have realized that they were nearly there; for she hurriedly began smoothing back her painstakingly arranged blond hair with her bitten down fingernails.

Lily didn't know what she had been expecting when she walked inside the office, but what she found amazed her.

They may have been inside, but immediately, they were greeted by a gust of wind that chilled Lily to the bones. The strange fog that had trickled outside had thickened and was almost opaque, nearly reaching her waist. An eerie purplish light filtered through the cobwebs that shrouded the swaying chandeliers and windows, cobwebs that Lily very much hoped were not real. A ghostly melody echoed across the room, mournful and enticing as dancing couples swept across the cracked marble floor. Hundreds of candles, black as the starless night sky, floated above, their tiny flames flickering hauntingly. There were strange black shapes meandering their way through the candles, and to Lily's astonishment, she realized that they were bats. Actual, live bats.

"I shouldn't even be surprised anymore," Lily said, shaking her head, her eyes still fastened to the ceiling. She was uncertain if she should be wary of the bats, who were flapping their wings menacingly above, their sinister shadows dancing across the walls. "But I don't think I'll ever get used to it."

"I know I won't," Mary was staring too, looking more apprehensive than ever, but a bit awed at the same time. "You know, if I was here four years ago, I would have started screaming the second we walked in."

"I don't know what I would have done," Lily mused, trying not to think that four years ago, she most certainly would not have screamed. Four years ago, Severus would have been by her side. "It's strange to think how much has changed. Sometimes, I almost can't believe magic is real."

"There are my Potions prodigies!" Slughorn's hearty voice could be heard even before he came into view, interrupting Lily's thoughts. Even the most frightening night of the year could not sober Slughorn's spirits, though he had certainly dressed up to celebrate it. A smoking jacket of what appeared to be deep violet surrounded his enormous waist, although Lily couldn't be too sure of the color with the lighting. It had a strange pattern embroidered over the velvet that reminded Lily of spangled spider webs. His eyes were merry and his cheeks were red. "I was just telling my dear friend, Bathilda, that I was expecting you." He took a generous swig of his drink and looked at Lily. "Where is Severus? I rarely see you two apart."

Lily knew that Slughorn hadn't meant any harm, but his words still stung. She forced a weak smile. "I don't know, Professor. I'm sure he'll be here sooner or later."

"Good, good," Slughorn said distractedly, his face twisting in sudden alarm. "Not another bat attack! I must excuse myself, but enjoy the party!"

Lily and Mary watched, wide-eyed, as their plump professor scurried as quickly as he could to help poor Davey Gudgeon, who managed to land himself in yet another unfortunate incident.

"I guess it's going to take more than one invitation for him to notice me," Mary said lightly. "He didn't even look at me once."

"He looked at you!" Lily assured her, even though she wasn't too certain herself.

Mary opened her mouth to respond, but instead of answering, she began to smile widely, her clear blue eyes obviously focusing on something behind Lily. Lily didn't have to turn around to know that it had to be a Marauder. What she didn't know was that there were two. She found herself gaping at Potter and Black in disbelief. "Both of you were invited?"

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Black said dryly as Mary elbowed Lily's side. "Just I was, actually."

"I'm his date," Potter added with an astoundingly straight face before offering Lily his arm. "Want to dance, Evans?"

"No thanks," Lily answered disdainfully, edging away. "You should dance with your date instead. It seems serious."

"Go ahead. I'm just a one night stand," Black's pale gray eyes suddenly narrowed as the corners of his lips curled, his gaze latching onto an unfortunate Ravenclaw fifth year with long curly hair. "Speaking of one night stands…"

He sauntered over to the Ravenclaw, exuding nothing but the utmost confidence and a hint of refined Black poise that he could not rid himself of, no matter how much he tried. They watched, Potter in amusement, Lily in disgust, and Mary in disappointment.

Not the type to remain silent for long, Potter turned to Lily, his hazel eyes bright even in the strange purplish shadows. "Since my date seems to have abandoned me, will you dance with me now?"

"You planned this, didn't you?" Lily said, her distaste growing by the second. Her cheeks were pink now, bordering on red. If she was being honest with herself, Potter hadn't done anything extremely offensive, but there was something about him that just rubbed her the entirely wrong way. Just the mischievous look in his eyes struck a nerve, causing her tense up and lash out.

"And that's my cue to leave," Mary interrupted, quickly backing away. Years of experience had evidently taught her to run when there was a Lily versus Potter interaction.

"Mary!" Lily planted her hands on her hips, indignant that her friend could even consider leaving her alone with Potter. "_Mary_!"

But Mary had already fled.

"I hope you're happy now," Lily said sourly, blinking for a second as a skeleton waiter offered her a tray. She accepted a blood red drink and took a tentative sip. To her relief, it ended up tasting like ordinary pumpkin juice.

Potter tilted his head to the side as if he was seriously considering her words. "I'm okay. I would be better if Gryffindor had won the Quidditch match, but-"

"Don't even get started on that again, Potter," Lily threatened.

"I was making conversation, _Evans_."

"Just stop talking," Lily said irritably, suddenly distracted now that she had caught a glimpse of Severus. He may have only been a few feet away, but he may as well have been in another world. His dark eyes, that had been fixed on her, immediately flickered away when he saw that she was looking his way. Suddenly, he became very absorbed in a conversation that the Slytherins around him were having, Regulus and Mulciber among them.

"'I'll never understand what you see in him," Potter commented nonchalantly as if they were discussing the weather.

"I wouldn't expect you to," she said shortly, annoyed that he was still there and even more annoyed that Severus wasn't there to prove him wrong. "Just because he's a Slytherin doesn't mean I'll stop being his friend."

"Not because he's a Slytherin," Potter said with sudden solemnity that Lily didn't buy it for an instant. "Because he's a git. He's acting like you're not even here just because he's with a few Slytherins."

Lily stiffened. "You don't know him at all."

"I think I know him better than you, Evans," Potter continued without a trace of his usual gloating self. Lily almost wished for his gloating self back. She didn't want to listen to him for a second longer. "Snivellus is not your friend and one day, you'll realize that I'm right."

Lily knew that there were several mature ways to handle an unwanted conversation. She could have excused herself, politely disagreed, or even just walked away. But Lily did none of those things. Before she could even comprehend what she was doing, she dumped what remained of her pumpkin juice onto the front of Potter's robes.

And then she walked away.


	57. Chapter 57 The Initiation

**Thanks for the reviews! Sorry for the late update, but school has been a nightmare and homework keeps piling up. I should be back on schedule next week. I'm glad that I did keep that last chapter since this one is an angsty one. There is no Lily/Sev interaction, but I promise there will be in the next chapter. Severus has an outrageously long section in this one, so long that I decided to get rid of a lot of Lily filler since it just seemed to be dragging on. I did consider separating Severus's part into two chapters, but just kept it as it was. I didn't really want a two part chapter since there will be a three part one coming up later this year. I end up deleting a ridiculous amount of work, so I'm thinking about having another fanfic of the deleted scenes. I'm not sure since I sometimes recycle ideas for later chapters. **

**I'm also considering writing a fanfic for each of the Marauders soon. Definitely not _Always_ sized, but closer to what I have planned for _Abomination_. If I do write them, chances are, I won't be updating them as frequently as_ Always_, especially since I'm not completely sold on the idea on writing from Pettigrew's perspective. _Always_ is really my focus though, partially because I wrote so much already, but also because the friendship of Lily and Snape has fascinated me more than any other part of HP. **

**Diamondsgirl101- Thanks for the review! James won't be a Seeker in this fanfic. Before writing this, I thought he was, but JKR said in an interview that he was a Chaser, so I'm just going with that. **

**IAmTheMessenger- Thanks for the review! You can publish fanfics on Pottermore? I only went on once or twice but I didn't see any sections for that. If there is, then I definitely will.**

**MoonHead- Thanks for the review! And definitely an act. Sirius strikes me as the type of person who is capable of hiding his emotions when necessary and he couldn't just leave out his brother when he was listing all the players, or that would have been too obvious. You'll see more about it later in fourth year, because even though he might be acting casual about it, he's not handling it well.**

**PureAesomeness13- Thanks for the review! You'll be seeing more of serious James in the later years. He won't only be serious, but he'll go through some other changes too. I won't give too much away about that though. **

**PhilosopherStone909- Thanks for the review! I agree that Sirius did not want Snape dead. In this version, his bitterness about Snape and Regulus will build up and eventually, he'll just snap and tell him about the Whomping Willow. I think he just wanted to scare Snape a bit, but didn't really consider the possibility that Lupin would kill him. I sort of see Sirius struggling between his Gryffindor side and his Black side, and in that minute, he loses himself in his hatred and acts out without thinking about the consequences. You'll see a little of that in this story, but there will be a closer look at Sirius's perspective in my other fanfic.**

**Chapter Fifty-Seven- The Initiation**

**1974**

That Halloween was no better than the Halloween before. In some ways, it was worse. At least before, Severus had no other choice but to tell Lily that he wouldn't be there. This time, he and Lily were becoming so distant, that he would have been amazed if he even had an opportunity to speak with her.

They were falling apart. The realization almost made Severus want to drop everything and look for her. But he couldn't. It would be worth it in the end, or at least that was what he told himself. They would just have to hang on for a while, and once it was over and he finally amounted to something, everything would be fine again. No, Severus decided as he thought back to his reflection in the Mirror of Erised, it would be better.

It was nearly sunset. It was almost time, or at least he hoped so. Severus didn't know much more anticipation he could take. He and the others were gathered around in the corner of the common room while the rest of Hogwarts enjoyed the feast, sitting stiffly in a tense silence. Each one of them was lost in their own thoughts, confronting their worst fears, savoring their dearest ambitions. Each one of them was desperately trying to imagine what that night would lead to.

It was impossible to imagine, but it was even more impossible not to.

Mulciber's posture was unnaturally rigid and his arms were crossed tightly against his chest. Wilkes was supposedly reading a book even though he hadn't turned a page in the past hour. Rosier was gazing intently at the fire, and Avery… Severus wasn't quite sure what Avery was doing, but it appeared that he had somehow fallen asleep with his eyes open. The tiniest bit of drool was dribbling down his large chin.

"How will they find us?" Rosier asked suddenly, finally breaking contact with the flames as he turned his head around to face them.

It took a minute for his words to register.

"What do you mean?" Mulciber asked thickly.

"They don't have the password."

Mulciber looked at him in amazement. He seemed to struggle with his words for a moment before leaning in toward Rosier, his voice low. "Do you really think, the Knights of Walpurgis, the very Knights that are connected to You-Know-Who, will not be able to find us because of a common room _password_?"

"You never know," Rosier said defensively.

"We were outside of the common room last year," Wilkes pointed out, edging an inch or two away from Mulciber.

Mulciber was unimpressed at his observation. "We're staying here."

The three turned toward Severus, looking at him expectantly.

As much as Severus hated to encourage Mulciber's power craving, he knew that he could not risk running into Lily. He didn't even want to think about where that conversation would lead to. "I'm staying."

Mulciber raised his heavy eyebrows, startled, but looked pleased all the same.

Before Rosier or Wilkes could protest further, the sound of someone entering the common room caused all of their mouths to slam shut. The someone turned out to be a tiny first year. Mulciber rolled his eyes, but even so, none of them dared utter a word.

But to Severus's surprise, the first year did not depart for her dormitory. Instead, she made a beeline toward them, her stride startling purposeful for one so small. The firelight reflected off her head of creamy blond curls, causing them to gleam a brilliant white. Instead of the anxious look most first years seemed to don when they were near their elders, her large gray eyes were narrowed almost haughtily. As soon as she reached them, she simply raised her chin and nodded authoritatively towards them, her voice sweet and musical. "Follow me."

Severus and the others exchanged glances. Mulciber and Rosier looked incredulous, almost as if they wanted to laugh, but Wilkes's contemplative frown was oddly similar to his own, and Severus had a feeling that he had reached the same conclusion that he had; the first year was no first year at all.

"Wake up, Avery," Wilkes jabbed him roughly in the ribs, causing the bulky Slytherin to jump up, alarmed. "We're going."

"You are?" Mulciber said, unbelieving. "You don't honestly expect that she's- She's a girl! A first year!"

"I do," Wilkes reasserted with surprising firmness.

The girl said nothing, but there was the slightest curl to her lips.

Mulciber muttered under his breath, but as he stood, Severus caught a glimpse of uncertainty. Severus could feel his own dread growing, and with every step they took, it seemed to escalate.

The girl was leading them to the seventh floor. Severus could see that the others were trading looks of confusion, but a nasty suspicion was taking hold. For a moment, his dread wavered, only to be replaced by indignation. Severus knew that he had no claim to the Room of Requirement, but all the same, he had discovered it on his own and worked on his spells in private there. It was his place, one of the few places in the entire castle that was free of everyone. He didn't want to bring _them _there.

Unfortunately for Severus, his suspicion proved to be correct. The girl paused by the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy and paced back and forth. Mulciber and the others stared at her as if she were mad, but Severus was biting his lip to keep from scowling. None of them belonged there.

Suddenly, the door materialized. It may have appeared the same on the outside, but Severus knew that what was behind the door was entirely different.

"Was that there before?" Rosier wondered aloud as the first year's slim fingers closed around the doorknob. With a surprisingly vicious twist, she opened it.

It didn't even look like a room. It reminded Severus more of a crypt than anything else. With a sudden jolt, he realized that it was the same place as before. It had the same cold, almost damp feeling. The same worn stone walls and floor. The same dim glow from the sconces above. He was sure that even the delicate strands of cobwebs that dangled over the torchlight were identical to the ones from before. It was eerie.

Severus suddenly wanted to run, but he couldn't move. He was too fascinated. But before he could further his study of his surroundings, his attention was seized by the first year. She was laughing.

They all stared at her. She threw back her head, her laughter shockingly cold as if they were suddenly bathed in ice water. But as Severus stared, he noticed that her hair began to darken, growing so rapidly that within seconds, it was nearly waist length. But the first year was growing too. She hadn't even been five foot to begin with, but soon, she was taller than Severus. As her height swelled, her face changed with it, the childish roundness giving way to a refined bone structure. It wasn't long before Severus found himself gaping at a manically laughing Bellatrix Black.

Before anyone had a chance to recover from the shock, Bellatrix's wand suddenly lashed out as she fixed it on Mulciber. "_Crucio_!"

Severus had read about the Unforgiveables, but nothing had prepared him for this moment. Mulciber fell to the floor, screaming in what could only be pure agony. The urge to run intensified, but so did his horrified fascination, freezing him to the spot. Severus despised Mulciber. He had despised him since their first year. How many times had he wanted to hex Mulciber for never failing to remind him where he stood? How many times had he dreamed about making Mulciber fall to his knees, about wiping that arrogant glint in his eyes forever? But as he watched Mulciber in growing horror, his limbs twisting in excruciating pain, Severus was no longer sure.

"Did you like that lesson? I didn't think I would be teaching it so soon," Bellatrix said calmly, tucking her wand away as if she had performed something as ordinary as a Summoning Cham. Even in the weak light, Severus could see the sickening delight still glitter in her eyes as she knelt down. She cupped a finger under Mulciber's trembling chin, tilting it up so that his frightened eyes met hers, her voice taunting. "Does the little pure blood still believe that females can't be Knights?"

No one could move, let alone respond. Mulciber somehow managed to shake his head vehemently, which seemed to please Bellatrix; she released his chin and stood up. Severus was relieved to see that the shock that warped the others' faces seemed even stronger than what he was experiencing. It was only magic, he reminded himself, just as they learned at Hogwarts. Except this magic was more real, it equaled power. And wasn't that what he wanted?

"Thank you for the demonstration, Bella."

That was when Severus became conscious that they were not alone.

Three hooded figures stepped from the shadows at the end of the room, nearly gliding as their robes made a familiar rustling sound. He wondered if they were the same ones as the last time; just as before, no hint of identity could be found. He strongly suspected that the one who had spoken was Lucius, but he couldn't be certain.

Anyone else would have heard the hint in the cold voice and immediately obeyed, but Bellatrix wasn't finished. "Let's see what else we have here," she mused as if she hadn't been the one to lead them there, her pale fingers roving over each of the fourth years. "An ickle Rosier, an ickle Wilkes…" As her icy touch met Severus's, she paused, snatching her hands back as if she had been poisoned. "The half-blood?"

"That will be enough, Bellatrix."

This time, Severus was sure that it was Lucius. He was careful to show no sign of recognition and didn't even flinch when he realized that Bellatrix was still eyeing him with great contempt. He merely stared back, a practiced mask of impassivity falling to place.

"All of you have been brought here for a reason," Lucius began smoothly as Bellatrix flounced off to the corner. One of the other hooded figures murmured something inaudible. Bellatrix made no response and simply turned away, the pure disdain twisting her elegant features blatant even in the shadows. The figure may have had no distinct feature, but something in the way Bellatrix responded was distinct enough by itself, so distinct that memories of Severus's first year came flying back. He was almost positive that one figure was Rodolphus.

The third hooded figure was still a mystery. But Severus couldn't focus on that now. Not when his life was about to change.

None of them could speak or even look away. A drop of water would have been deafening in that chilling room. They were hungry for power and spent the past year fantasizing and dreading about that very moment. Even Mulciber, who was still twitching in pain, looked torn between longing and fear. Any moment, their lives would take a turn and be forever changed, for better or for worse.

For a minute, Severus forgot about everything. He forgot about the Marauders. He forgot about Eileen. He even forgot about Lily. He could only hear his heart pound as he gazed into that black hooded figure. Everything that he had ever wanted was nearly at his fingertips. He couldn't lose it now.

"A year ago, you learned that you would be tested, that we would be observing your strengths, your weaknesses. Any failure, any triumph, we would know," Lucius continued, his polished voice emphasizing each and every word. "All of you have failed. You lack skill. You lack precision. You lack common sense."

Severus froze, divided between disbelief and disgust. He was more capable than the others. While they lounged about doing nothing, he invented and perfected spells. While they prattled on about the most useless of topics, he stood back and observed. Just in the previous four years, he had learned more than enough common sense when dealing with the pure blood ways. Severus knew that he had plenty of skill and precision, and even more common sense. He just knew how to keep it to himself while wizards like Potter boasted on and on. But even more than indignation, Severus felt disgusted with himself. He shouldn't have allowed the others to drag him down. He should have risen above. He should have tried harder.

"But above those failures, you have also succeeded," Lucius's face was still hidden, but Severus could just imagine his thin lips curling. Something inside him lightened, giving him hope. He had wanted this even more than he had known. "You show promise, promise that can be cultivated. You show dedication, dedication that cannot be taught. Only born to those of superior blood. The Knights of Walpurgis has decided that these successes overrule your failures."

Severus hardly dared to believe his ears. He was unable to restrain the corners of his lips from tugging upward. He was not the only one; all of them had a trace of a smile, most notably Avery, who was grinning widely, looking rather stupid. Even the dimly lit candles seemed to blaze to life, burning brightly as if they were joining in the celebration.

"We will give you strength that you never had, knowledge that you can't perceive, honor that you can only imagine… The Knights of Walpurgis has its secrets, and when you become one of us, you will be trusted to keep them," Lucius said, suddenly bringing their silent celebration to a halt as his words took a more ominous turn. "If you believe that we are mistaken, that you do not have promise, that you do not have dedication, that you will not be forever loyal to those who are loyal to you, then leave."

A threat lingered beneath his final word as it hung in the air, unchallenged. The smiles faltered. The apprehension returned. No one moved an inch. Lucius may have made it seem like it was a choice, their choice, but everyone in that crypt-like room knew that there was only one choice that could be made.

Satisfied with the silence, Lucius then gave a bored flick of his wand and a small table materialized in front of them. Other than a few dripping candles and a sharp black quill, it was bare.

"The book?" Lucius said with a tinge of impatience. Severus was unsure who his words was directed to, but the third black robed figure quickly revealed a timeworn volume and promptly set it onto the table. Now that he was beside Lucius, Severus could see that the figure was a few inches shorter but slightly burlier. Possibly Rabastan. Somewhat pleased that he had a good idea of their identities at last, Severus then strained his eyes for an improved glimpse of the book. Even at a distance, he could see that the pages were yellowed and crumbling.

"If you truly believe that you belong, then sign your name," Lucius instructed before Severus could ponder the book's presence for long. "But I must warn you, sign only if you believe. Words have a way of haunting us, especially once we break them."

Suddenly, Severus was struck by a wave of uncertainty, even more unexpected than the initial shock of seeing the Cruciatus Curse in action. He couldn't understand why he was so uncertain, but he couldn't brush off the feeling that everything was happening too fast. Perhaps there was a possibility that he was making a mistake. But he couldn't be. He had waited for this; he had waited far too long already. He had been so sure of this all along, he couldn't be suddenly unsure at the very point his life was about to change, could he?

"Severus Snape."

When Lucius Malfoy's formidable voice announced his name, Severus knew that it couldn't be a mistake. Already, he was becoming someone. Four years ago, he had been a simple half-blood. Now, he was someone that those linked to the most powerful wizard of all recognized. Not only recognized him, but wanted him. To be one of them. He couldn't, he wouldn't, back out now. With renewed confidence, Severus strode forward.

The book appeared even more ancient close up. As soon as Severus's trembling fingers curled around the ebony quill, the pages began turning furiously until they suddenly stopped. Severus narrowed his eyes, trying to make out the words. There were names faded into the parchment, barely visible. He recognized a few, Wilkes and Rosier's fathers among them. Another name stood out, somehow more vivid than the rest, one that Severus did not recognize. Tom Marvolo Riddle. The letters were an elegant script, but something about the name, how it remained bolder than the others, bothered him.

His confidence faltered. A flash of green flew through his mind, a certain emerald shade that nearly caused him to drop the quill right then and there. Once again, Severus was overwhelmed by the unsettling notion that he could be doing something terribly wrong. Lucius made it sound so permanent, so drastic. But wasn't that what he wanted? To be drastically changed and forever so?

When he looked up, he met the faces of Mulciber, Rosier, Wilkes, and Avery. They were watching him, their faces white. But beyond their terror, was greed, more prominent than anything. He knew they would plunge ahead and sign without contemplation. It was everything they wanted. Everything he wanted. Why should they succeed while he stayed behind? He was more deserving than them.

Severus then realized that there was no ink. He turned to the hooded Lucius, but the dark figure made no motion. With sickening realization, he tightened his grip on the quill and began to write.

Almost immediately, there was a sting of pain on the back of his hand, and his stomach knotted. It wasn't the pain that bothered him. It was the knowledge. Blood magic had been mentioned in one of the old Prince books. It was the strongest magic of all. While few knew how potent it could really be, with the right spells, it could be binding. He didn't doubt that the Knights of Walpurgis were one of those few. But Severus didn't dare reveal anything, not the painful throbbing on his hand, not the disturbing realization that blood magic was involved. That Lucius's words had not been simply a florid exaggeration. That they were real. Severus merely finished scribbling his name, pausing to absorb the shining red letters. They may not have looked nearly as elegant as Tom Riddle's elaborate signature, but they looked fitting on the page all the same.

Somehow, Severus felt consoled by this. Blood magic was binding, but why would he ever want to rid himself of their favor? The favor of the Knights of Walpurgis, of Voldemort, meant everything for his future.

"Welcome, Severus."

Lucius then clapped an icy hand on Severus's back and Severus knew that he was truly one of them at last.

**1974**

Every so often, Lily glanced over to the Slytherin table. Even the most dignified of the tables was somewhat crazed with the lavish Halloween feast. But even so, beyond the dancing skeletons and the giant pumpkins, there was an empty seat that remained painfully conspicuous to Lily.

She wondered where he was. She hadn't expected him to be there, but a part of her was disappointed that he was not. Not long ago, they had been inseparable. Severus and Lily. Lily and Severus. The two names were linked, whether it was a grimace from a Gryffindor or an outright scowl from a Slytherin. Now, no one seemed even surprised that Severus was hardly around.

Lily hated their pity. She cared deeply for her friends, but when she saw their pitying expressions, she couldn't help but hate them just a bit. She hated their knowing glances that they exchanged when they thought that she was not looking. They weren't even surprised. They didn't even pretend to act surprised anymore. They had been so sure that Severus was not her friend. From the first day, they had refused to believe it.

Lily knew it was foolish, but she couldn't stop believing it. Maybe it was stupidity to them, or just plain insanity, but Lily was sure that, deep down, Severus was the same old Sev. He locked himself farther and farther away, but occasionally, she could sneak past the armor and catch a glimpse. That previous summer, Lily had nearly convinced herself that he was back for good.

It was Hogwarts. How could something so wonderful, so magical, be the reason for their destruction? Lily could feel her eyes begin to blur when she thought back to their younger days, when they had believed that everything at Hogwarts would be perfect. Suddenly alarmed that she was about to cry, Lily blinked back her tears.

When she looked back at Mary, Alice, and Marlene, she felt herself begin to smile. It was almost impossible not to. They were laughing hysterically, cheering enthusiastically as a popular wizarding band began to play. Maybe they were just as ridiculous as Severus as denounced them to be, but they were her friends.

And they were the ones sitting beside her. Not him.

Severus may have had another life, but so did she. With that thought, Lily smiled more widely than ever, her first real smile of the night, and began to cheer with her friends.


	58. Chapter 58 The Task

**I'm so sorry for the lack of updates. I know I said updates would return to normal, but things have just been so crazy and I've been dealing with some personal issues. I'm officially on winter break now and my vacation has been cancelled, so I plan to get a lot of writing done. I promise I'm not going to turn into those writers that suddenly stops updating. _Abomination_ should be updated sometime next week, along with Chapter 59 of _Always_. This chapter is a longer one and has Lily/Sev interaction, so hopefully that makes up for the lack of update last week. Again, I'm sorry, and thank you for all the reviews! **

**MermaidGirl34- Thanks for the review and the suggestion! I'll make a note to add it later when Voldemort appears, because I really like that idea.**

**DIANA-FANofHOTNESS4ever- Thanks for the review! Don't worry about leaving long reviews because I like reading them and I tend to ramble on more than anyone. About the names of Lily's parents, did JKR confirm it anywhere? I searched the usual HP sites when I wrote it and couldn't find anything, but if she did confirm it, then I'll change the names. The only Mark Evans I could find was a Muggle that JKR said had no relation to Lily. Also, thanks for bringing up that Lily should notice it. I didn't think of it, but it inspired me to add it last minute. **

**IlsditJ'aifoule- Thanks for the review! I'm not completely 100%, but I have a pretty good idea of what will happen with Lily finding out Snape is a Death Eater, and you pretty much guessed it. I was unsure for a while how to handle it because JKR said Snape thought Lily would find it impressive, but her accusation of him wanting to be a Death Eater makes her dislike of them pretty obvious. SPOILER- He'll be more and more obsessed with becoming someone for Lily, and once he believes he has finally become someone aka a Death Eater, he will be the one to tell her. I know he's aware of her dislike of the Death Eaters now, but he'll blame her Gryffindor friends for twisting her views and will be confident that he'll be able to persuade her into seeing his side when he's ready. His obsession with becoming someone and the fact that she chose James will also help distort his understanding. Since he hates James so much, I thought it made sense for him to want to be James's complete opposite, but equally, or even more powerful, to win Lily over. I'm actually really excited to write that scene because it'll have a major impact on a certain scene in Harry's years that always got my attention. I hope I didn't give away too much!**

**Chapter Fifty-Eight- The Task**

**1974**

By the time Severus arrived to the Room of Requirement later that week, he was more certain than ever about his decision to join the Knights of Walpurgis. That feeling was only magnified when he was greeted by nods of recognition by the elder Knights, satisfaction swelling inside him. Rodolphus and Bellatrix were thankfully nowhere to be seen, but Lucius and Rabastan were. There were a few other older members present, ones that Severus hadn't known about, that were also current Hogwarts students. Severus wasn't familiar with all of their names, but he knew the prominent ones…Crabbe, Goyle, Travers, Yaxley… Before they had looked down on him for being a half-blood underling, but now, he was their equal.

Severus was unable to keep his lips from curling at the thought.

But the longer he stood there, the uneasier he felt. No one had instructed them not to speak, but shattering the foreboding silence somehow felt wrong. The older Knights remained motionless. They were not wearing hoods, but they might as well have been; their faces revealed nothing, no trace of emotion, no hint of what was to come. It was as if they were waiting for something.

Rosier suddenly jabbed him in the rib with an elbow, not bothering with discretion. Annoyed, Severus looked at him, displeasure evident in his steely black eyes. Rosier simply raised his eyebrows and tilted his head toward the direction of the others, as if asking, is this it?

Severus did not respond, but he hoped it wasn't.

They didn't have to wait to find out. Without warning, Lucius's wand seemed to materialize out of nowhere as he sliced the air toward Rosier rather menacingly. Caught off guard, Rosier shot backwards until he fell against the wall behind him, the sickening sound of bone encountering stone echoing throughout the dimly lit room. With a low groan, he sank to the ground, his pained expression twisting with disbelief at what had just occurred.

"As a Knight and perhaps someday something more, you should be prepared for anything," Lucius said coolly, without sparing Rosier an apologetic glance. His silky voice was barely above a faint whisper, but somehow, it seemed more powerful than the most piercing of screams.

Severus's eyes were alight as he devoured the scene, completely enthralled by what had just occured. The subtlety, the power, the promise of darkness hidden beneath a simple spell…it was perfect. He couldn't have imagined anything better.

Rosier, however, looked far from impressed.

"We'll have none of those Defense Against the Dark Arts demonstrations," Lucius announced with unmasked disdain, his frosty eyes sweeping across the room as if he were hoping to detect any sign of disgruntlement. From the way his spidery fingers caressed his wand, it was clear that whoever ventured to challenge him would end up as bruised as Rosier. "You will never learn that way. Instead, you will learn as you duel."

Mulciber, Rosier, Wilkes, and Avery looked less than ecstatic with the news, but Severus was unable to keep a slight grin from playing on his lips. Finally, he could learn something worthwhile, or better yet, prove that a half-blood Prince could be superior to any pure blood.

"Severus?" Lucius said, lifting his pointed chin toward Severus's direction. "Yaxley?"

It was Dueling Club all over again, but instead of damp palms, Severus only felt a surge of confidence as he moved forward. He wouldn't have to hold back or stick to painfully basic jinxes. He was free at last.

Severus should have at least felt a flicker of apprehension when he faced Yaxley, but he did not see the superior smirk cross the older Knight's hardened features, nor did notice how the wizard loomed above him. Severus was only focused on the pages of the old Prince books that were flashing through his mind. He could see every curve, every slant that made up that elegant script. He knew where the words faded and where they became bold again, and after years of what bordered on obsession, he knew every hex, every curse, that filled those withered pages by heart.

Without waiting a second longer, Yaxley shouted out a curse that Severus did not recognize. But he was ready; the Dueling Club incident with Black had taught him that was essential. With a seemingly casual flick of his wand, Severus blocked the burst of violet light and swiftly uttered one of his own.

Yaxley clearly had not been expecting Severus to block the curse, let alone retaliate so quickly. As if there was an invisible rope around his neck, he fell forward, clutching his throat. He was determined though, more determined than Severus had given him credit for. Between gasps for air, he made a slashing movement with his wand, sending a forceful gust of wind toward him. Severus felt himself being lifted into the air and hurled backwards.

As he tumbled to the floor, Severus dimly realized that the incident was similar to the one in Dueling Club. But instead of dwelling in his humiliation, Severus pushed it aside, and reacted, blood pounding in his ears. By the time he had leapt to his feet, Yaxley was standing again, breathing more heavily than usual. The blond wizard's wand was out, lips moving…

"_LEVICORPUS_!" Severus bellowed before Yaxley could curse him.

Instantly, the sixth year was hauled into the air. Suspended by only an ankle, Severus was pleased to see that he no longer looked haughty. Gone was the cool superiority, only to be replaced by a reddening rage.

"Well," Lucius's voice cut in. "That was unexpected."

Severus had somehow forgotten that they were there. He turned back to face the others, wand still clenched in his hand.

He was not James Potter. He did not need boisterous applause or glowing praise. The expressions on their faces were enough. Rosier, Wilkes, and Avery were gazing at him with, at last, admiration. Mulciber looked dumbfounded. The others were not as open with their emotions, but Severus was certain that he caught a glimpse of growing curiosity and grudging respect.

"What was that last spell?" Lucius asked quite calmly as if they were discussing the weather, but his intent eyes told another story. "I'm not familiar with it."

"It's one I made up," said Severus, realizing that he was fiddling with his wand. Annoyed with himself, he stopped, folding his fingers over his wand so tightly that his nails dug into his palms. He had wanted recognition, and he still did, but the rapt attention that surrounded him was not something that he was accustomed to. He would just have to become accustomed to it, he told himself. Eager to do something other than stand there under Lucius's prying eyes, he glanced back at Yaxley and muttered the countercurse. Yaxley fell to the floor, his face flushed with fury.

"I see that we have chosen well," Lucius said finally, his eyes then flickering over Yaxley. The sixth year at least had the grace to look admonished. "A fourth year, Yaxley? You would do well to learn from Severus."

Yaxley said nothing, but it was obvious that he was still seething.

The rest of the meeting went smoothly for Severus. He was pleased to see that Mulciber had been given a black eye, courtesy of Rabastan. Avery had not fared much better; he would be sporting several bruises by the next day. Wilkes and Rosier had done reasonably well. Wilkes had performed an excellent Bloodcurdling Curse, something that his father was supposedly renowned for, that Severus was quite keen on trying, preferably on Potter.

The Knights slowly trickled from the Room to avoid suspicion. But when Severus was about to leave, he felt a heavy hand on his shoulder. It was Lucius.

"You did well," Lucius said simply.

Severus knew that was high praise coming from him. He knew enough of Lucius Malfoy to know that he did not congratulate just anyone, certainly not those who were beneath him. Careful to keep his satisfaction from showing, Severus merely met the pure blood's eyes, making certain not to fidget. "Thank you."

"Not only on the spell," Lucius continued, his voice lowering. "But on the Mudblood. You haven't been wasting your time with her."

The light feeling suddenly hardened, twisting in Severus's stomach painfully. Lily. He had barely spoken to her for the past few weeks, and when he did, it was to form some pitiful excuse for why he hadn't been around. There hadn't been an official fight, but he knew that she was angry with him. She had practically been giving him the silent treatment since Slughorn's Halloween party, but Severus hadn't dared confront her about the subject. The Knights' initiation had been so soon…

Suddenly, Severus felt very foolish.

"And today, you've shown all of us what you can accomplish without the filth," Lucius was saying, but Severus could barely hear him with thoughts of Lily suffocating his mind. He had to talk to her. He had to fix things. But abruptly, Lucius's next words brought him back to reality. "I have a task for you."

Severus forced himself to push away the pair of emerald green eyes that were haunting his thoughts so that he could focus on Lucius. "What is it?"

"I want you to keep an eye on Regulus Black. It's almost certain that he'll initiated next year, but he was rather close with his…brother," Lucius was unable to keep the scorn from his voice. "I want you to ensure that he follows the proper Black example, and not his brother's."

Watching over Regulus Black. Two years ago, Severus would have deemed the task torture, but he had to admit that the younger Black wasn't quite as annoying as he had originally suspected him to be. Not that he would ever confess it, but Regulus was growing on him. "Consider it done."

"Good," Lucius said, his eyes clouding over. "Narcissa doesn't need to concern herself with another blood traitor."

The last detail was unnecessary. It was not one that a superior told an inferior. It was what a friend told a friend. Severus held his breath, not quite daring to speak in fear of destroying the fragile territory.

"She told me what you did for her. The insomnia potions," Lucius said slowly, his face clearing as his eyes locked with Severus's once more. "Thank you."

Severus had not been expecting Lucius's gratitude. His approval perhaps, but not the genuine appreciation that was in front of him. At a sudden loss of what to say, he managed a small shrug of his thin shoulders, immediately chastising himself at the common gesture. Knights did not shrug. "I didn't mind."

Lucius gave him a small half-smile. It was barely there, but all the same, sincere. "I'm only glad that you made the right choice."

When Severus left the Room of Requirement at last, he should have been glowing with pride. He had not only won the respect of the prestigious Slytherins, but perhaps the most prestigious one of them all, a Malfoy. Not only the respect, but the gratitude. It was as if they were becoming friends.

But all he could think of was Lily Evans.

It wasn't as if he was completely guilty, Severus reminded himself. She seemed to be doing perfectly well without him. Unable to keep his lips from twisting at the realization, he thought back to the many times he had seen her laughing with her friends, without a care in the world. It was as if he had already been replaced.

Severus shook his head fiercely to himself, unaware of the curious glance a passing ghost gave him. Once he was someone, no one would be able to replace him. Lily would be proud to have him as a friend instead of running off with the first Gryffindor she saw.

He would be someone and he would have Lily. In some ways, the two were connected, and he couldn't have one without the other. He would have both. As he walked down the lonely corridor of the seventh floor, Severus was more sure of it than ever.

**1974**

When Severus slipped into the seat beside her, Lily's wistful feelings suddenly transformed into pure indignation. For the past few days, _weeks_, he seemed to be constantly switching. Half the time it was almost as if he was hiding from her, the other half it was to make excuses for his behavior. Today seemed to be the latter, and there he was, sitting beside her in Potions, as if nothing was wrong.

He even looked different. No longer was he huddled over a book, his curtains of limp hair almost blocking his face entirely as he frantically scribbled notes in the margins. Instead, he sat tall, his back almost unnaturally straight. The way he held himself didn't resemble her Severus at all. In fact, with a jolt, Lily realized that it reminded her a bit of Lucius Malfoy. She had expected him to appear at least a little remorseful, but it looked like Severus had been just fine without her.

Lily didn't greet him or even smile. She was tired of pretending. She was tired of acting as if nothing was wrong. Until he provided a decent apology, one that he actually meant, she wouldn't speak a single word to him. Feeling enormously satisfied that she had somewhat of a plan, no matter how weak it was, she didn't look at him again. Instead, she kept her eyes fixed on the board in front of them.

"Wit-Sharpening Potions," Severus scoffed, following her eyes. "If we didn't have so many dunderheads in this class to slow us down, perhaps we would actually learn something useful."

He didn't even _sound_ like her Severus. Somehow, his voice seemed colder, his scorn scathing. Lily said nothing, even though she desperately wanted to point out that the majority of those dunderheads were those friends that he kept hanging around. But she didn't. Severus may have wanted to act if everything was fine, but it wasn't fine. It was far from fine. It was-

"Lily?" Severus asked, his brow furrowing at her silence. "Did you hear me?"

Lily lifted her green eyes to meet his black ones at last and gave him a look that pointedly told him that she had heard him before looking down to study her notes. The look told more than any amount of words could. It was a look that she had learned from Severus.

"Are you giving me the silent treatment?" Severus sounded half-exasperated, half-amused.

Lily was unable to keep from frowning at the tone of his voice.

"I don't know why," Severus began, but paused when he saw Lily's eyes flash. "Well, I know," he conceded, "But you've been around your friends just as much as I've been around mine."

Lily narrowed her eyes at the note of bitterness in his voice. He had no right to be bitter over something that he was responsible for. It was Severus who was always running off in the middle of their plans or forgetting about them altogether. It was Severus who made excuse after excuse, the defensive note in his voice growing colder each day. It was Severus who would look away, as if he couldn't quite bring himself meet her eyes. Not her. "Only because you're barely around anymore. And it's not about that. It's about-"

Before Lily could finish her retort, Professor Slughorn clapped his hands together, his hearty voice resonating throughout the classroom. "Pair up, everyone! The two who whip up the best Wit-Sharpening Potion will receive a slab of Honeydukes' finest!"

She and Severus always worked together without question, but this time, Lily wasn't sure that she was in the mood to pair up with him. As angry as she was, she was more than a little hurt that he hardly seemed sorry at all. She knew that he preferred to keep his emotions to himself, but with her, he tended to be different. Or at least he had before.

Her eyes drifted across the room, searching potential partners. A Slytherin was out of the question; Rosier, Wilkes, and Avery always seemed to sneer when she was around and Mulciber... Mulciber was worse than the other three combined. That only left Gryffindors. Mary was in the hospital wing after being caught in the midst of a Marauder prank, and Marlene and Alice were already at work. Lupin was absent again, and to her horror, Lily realized that she was looking at Potter.

And he was looking right back at her.

"Need a partner, Evans?"

Lily could feel Severus stiffen beside her. She may have been upset with Severus, but willingly partnering with Potter? She wasn't feeling that desperate. "I already have one," Lily said coolly, quickly averting her gaze, not waiting to see Potter's response.

"I'll slice the caterpillars," Severus said quickly, taking by far the most unfavorable task. Lily almost smiled. He couldn't have really expected her to pair up with James Potter, could he? Evidently he had; he was already hard at work, slicing with quick, meticulous motions as if his life depended on it.

Lily couldn't resist peeking at Severus's open textbook that was already flooded with notes that he had made ages ago. His tiny handwriting suggested that they crush the nettles instead of chopping them. Feeling suddenly rebellious, Lily took her knife and rapidly began chopping.

"It will be more effective if you crush them."

Lily went on chopping without a word.

"Lily," Severus said quietly. The previous defensiveness had softened, and something decidedly more human had crept into his tone. He almost sounded apologetic, and more importantly, he almost sounded like the old Sev. "I know I haven't been around as much. But you have to listen to me. I'm doing this for you too."

Lily's knife came down harder and harder with his every word, but struck down most forcefully of all at his final sentence. He may have been sorry, but his excuse had made his implied apology taste sour. He wasn't doing it for her. He was doing it for himself. For some bizarre reason, he wanted to be friends with the Slytherins. She couldn't blame him entirely. She wouldn't want to be alone in her House either. But the Slytherins! Lily didn't know too much about them, but from what she had seen, they were horrible. They looked down on her because of her blood and her blood alone. Shouldn't that have been enough for Severus to walk away?

"Don't bring me into this, Sev," Lily told him, finally breaking her silence, unwilling to swallow another excuse. "This isn't about you getting on their good side so that they leave me alone." Severus opened his mouth to protest, but Lily cut him off. "Maybe that's a benefit, but that's not the reason. You want to be one of them."

Severus's eyes hardened. The defensiveness had returned. "You don't understand, Lily."

"You're right," Lily said, feeling a sudden twinge of sadness. "I don't."

As their cauldron began frothing lavender foam, the two fell into an uneasy silence. Lily observed him from the corner of her eye. He had tensed since her last words, reminding her of the gargoyles that she had seen so often in the castle. His posture was even more rigid than before, his fists tightly clamped together. That was when she noticed there was a peculiar looking cut on the back of his hand, the dried blood a sharp contrast to the ghostly white of his knuckles. It almost resembled a signature. Forgetting all about discretion, Lily craned her neck for a better look, wondering how she could have possibly missed it before.

Severus instantly withdrew his arm.

Lily looked away again, annoyed that he had obviously caught her staring, and even more annoyed with her discovery; things hadn't changed at all. He was hiding things again, if he had ever stopped hiding things.

But when it was time to add the ingredients, Lily was unable to keep quiet a second longer. Everything she had wanted to say over the past few weeks was coming out, whether she liked it or not.

"I know you're the silent type, Sev, but does everything have to be a secret?" Lily dropped the nettles into the cauldron, handful by handful, more roughly that she had intended. She scarcely noticed the few that had fallen outside the cauldron, feeling more irked by the second. "I mean, we used to tell each other everything! I know we're growing up and things change, etc, but does everything have to?"

Severus didn't speak, but silently scooped up what remained of the nettles and deposited them into the cauldron.

"During the summer, everything was fine, and then we come back here, and everything is a mess. It's whenever you're with them. That's when you start avoiding me and being all secretive again," Lily emptied a vial of armadillo bile, becoming more and more absorbed in her tirade. "If you need to keep some secrets, fine, but with you, everything is. You can't be doing it for me, because what you're doing now, is ruining our friendship-"

"Lily-"

"I thought me being a Muggle-born didn't matter. At least not to you. But now it's as if you don't even want to be my friend," Lily added the belladonna extract, finally daring to look at him to see his reaction. Her throat suddenly felt dry. Because if she was being honest with herself, she almost believed that Severus's only secret was that he didn't want to be friends with a Mudblood, at least not as much as he wanted to be friends with the purebloods. He may have been her best friend from the age of nine years old, but she couldn't deny the way he refused to meet her eyes when he was with them.

But Severus no longer resembled Lucius Malfoy. His face still had that guarded look that she was so familiar with, the very look that sent others looking the other way before they noticed the flicker of sadness in his coal black eyes. He looked just as he did the many times before when she had found him after Tobias had. Lily absentmindedly dropped something into the cauldron, unable to keep her hopeful expression away.

She only wanted her best friend back.

But at that instant, the cauldron began smoking. Lily turned her attention to the potion, her forehead creasing. She had gone over Wit-Sharpening Potions with Severus enough times to know that that was not supposed to happen. The small crease in her forehead deepened as the purple foam began to bubble over violently with a hissing sound.

A look of alarm crossed over Severus's features. "Lily, you put in hellebore. Belladonna and hellebore…"

Lily was enough of a Potions student to know how to proceed. She promptly covered her head and ducked down just as the potion exploded, spraying across the room, drenching nearly every witch and wizard in the dungeon, including Slughorn himself.

Everyone, Gryffindors and Slytherins alike, turned to gape at Severus and Lily in astonishment. All of them had to endure the endless praise that left Slughorn's mouth over the years. Never had they anticipated that his precious star pupils would create such a disaster.

"What happened?" Slughorn was mopping his face with a monogrammed handkerchief as he stumbled over, his face ashen as if he had just endured a life altering catastrophe. He was staring at Severus and Lily in disbelief. For once, his booming geniality was absent, and he was no longer twirling his mustache with vigor. Instead he was pulling it out with great tufts. "You? You combined hellebore and belladonna?"

Lily glanced at Severus and immediately plunged ahead. She may have been upset with him, but she knew that it wasn't fair for him to be blamed for her stupidity. "It was my fault, sir, I wasn't thinking-"

"You?" Slughorn echoed again, his voice more faint than before.

Lily nodded.

Slughorn was silent for a moment as he digested this information. Lily watched him nervously, her eyes widening as Slughorn doubled over, his enormous stomach quivering.

"Professor?" Lily asked hesitantly, concerned that he was having a stroke, if wizards could even have strokes. Perhaps some odd wizarding disorder that she wasn't familiar with…

"You!" Slughorn roared and Lily then realized that his stomach was rumbling with laughter. The rest of the students gawked at him. "Lily, my dear girl, you never fail to amaze me. Taking the fall for one of our Marauders' pranks! As if you would blend hellebore and belladonna," he wagged his finger at her. "You can't fool me! Ten points to Gryffindor for loyalty and a good laugh!"

Lily stared after him in shock. She and Severus glanced at each other with equally bewildered expressions, and in unison, they began to laugh. For the first time that day, Potions seemed like Potions again. The rest of the dungeon melted away and it was only them.

"I'm sorry, Lily," Severus said softly once they had recovered, brushing his hair from his face. He didn't seem to notice that it was soaked or that his robes were sodden. His eyes were only on her.

Lily suddenly focused on her own dripping curls, hardly daring to breathe at his next words.

"I never meant for you to doubt our friendship. Muggle-born or not, you're my best friend."

Lily wanted to believe him. She wanted to, so desperately. Severus must have seen her face soften; he continued speaking, his words rapid and unthinking as if he expected her to turn away at any moment.

"I know I haven't been acting like it, but you are, and I just need you to trust me." His voice was barely above a whisper. "You're right, I haven't been telling you everything, but I will, as soon as I can."

He had admitted that he was hiding something. That was a start, wasn't it? Lily studied his expression, her eyes searching his. There was something that verged on desperation in them, something that reminded her of the Sev that had first told her she was a witch. She had walked away then.

She didn't want to walk away this time.

"Okay then," Lily exhaled, offering him a tentative smile. "I trust you."

Her smile became more sure when she saw how unmistakable his relief was. He really did want to be her friend, even though he had his own pure blood companions now. She hadn't realized how much she had doubted him until she felt her own relief.

"Friends again?" Lily asked teasingly. It was becoming an unspoken tradition to end their fights that way, ever since their very first one. She was suddenly eager to have things return to the way they were before, the way they should be.

But Severus didn't grin back. He was solemn again, perhaps even more solemn than usual in a way that made Lily's heart wrench. He nodded resolutely. "Always."


	59. Chapter 59 The Moment

**Thanks for the reviews! I'm sorry for the overdue update and yet another ridiculously long A/N. I wish I had a decent excuse for not updating sooner, but honestly, I've just been lazy. I needed a break from school for a while, and lying around and doing no work whatsoever has been amazing. I didn't completely abandon this story though. I have the rest of this story pretty well mapped out until the end of seventh year, but I really had to think about Severus and Lily's relationship, mainly about 1. how aware Severus should be of his love for Lily 2. the strength of Lily's feelings toward Severus, and whether they are romantic or not. I'm happy to say that I have a better idea of how I'll handle it now. I don't want to say too much, but after the fifth year incident, Severus isn't going to be constantly moping over Lily. It's safe to say that being apart from Lily will...inspire him in some ways, which he will eventually regret.**

**A few people asked for a lighter Lily/Sev moment, and I promise, there will be more of those in the future. Also, I know that I haven't brought up Severus wanting to prove Remus is a werewolf lately, but that will be coming up when they return to Hogwarts after Christmas. I need a deadline to write or I'll get lazy again, so I'm saying this now, there will be an update this weekend. Don't hate me if it turns out to be Sunday at 11 something.**

**MoonHead- Thanks for the review! I don't completely understand it myself. JKR said that Snape thought Lily would find becoming a Death Eater impresssive, but Lily's accusation in the Prince's Tale makes her feelings pretty clear. You would think that someone who is intelligent enough to invent spells that would be able to pick up on that. In this fanfic, on some level, Severus does know. That's one reason why he can't meet Lily's eyes and a future chapter will be about that. His entire life, he's felt inadequate and somewhat unworthy of Lily's friendship, and becoming someone is a way for him to feel worthy. It's not really about dark magic, it's more of him wanting Lily to see people who respect him rather than mock him in front of her. He knows her well enough now to be wary of telling her too much, partially because of her safety, but also because he knows her feelings on the subject. But while his obsession grows, he and Lily become more distant, and at the same time, more blind. I'm going to use Lily's love for James as a reason too. Severus is going to wonder why Lily would ever love someone she so passionately claimed to hate, and that's going to make him question everything. He's not going to be rational about it. Like I mentioned to another reviewer in the last chapter, it's going to make him want to be James's equal but opposite. All of it is unhealthy, but Snape never struck me as a particularly healthy person. Sorry for the essay about that, but I really wanted to explain my view on it. And there definitely will be a few moments this year that show the other side to the Lily/Sev friendship, some happy, some sad. **

**DIANA-FANofHOTNESS4ever- Thanks for the review! I know what you mean about Lily being too kind. When I'm writing her, sometimes I have an urge to hit her. But in the Prince's tale, she said she made excuses for him for years and I wanted her to have a reason to walk away, rather than her suddenly deciding not to forgive him because of one word. To answer your question, I actually wondered about that before. I think Sirius at least thought Lily was attractive. Remus also seems plausible because of what he said to Harry. I think I read an interview somewhere that JKR said he was fond of her, but he would never do anything to hurt James. To me, that still means that he could have had a small crush, and I actually toyed around with the idea of writing that out. If I do write a fanfic from Lupin's point of view, I'll probably add that.**

**BlueCanary- Thanks for the review! I hope things get better for you soon. I'll try to keep the updates going because writing is always a nice escape. I also really love the idea about Slughorn, so thanks for the suggestion. I never thought of that, but it makes perfect sense. I'm not sure when, but I definitely want to use that sometime when Severus is at school. I might even do a scene with Slughorn and Lily too, something about people never being who you think they are, sort of to show why Slughorn liked Lily so much.**

**i. most. certainly. love. you- Thanks for the review! Lily will begin to date, even though it won't be this year. James also will. Severus, on the other hand, not so much.**

**literaturefreak6- Thanks for the review! It's their fourth year, in 1974. **

**DontCallMeCoward- Thanks for the review and congratulations on catching up! I agree that it would make sense for Lily to reach out to Remus, and you will see a Remus/Lily friendship, especially in their fifth year when they are both prefects. Remus will be sort of the gateway for Lily eventually warming up to the Marauders, even though it might not seem that way at first. It's funny that you asked about Lily's romantic feelings and Severus's realization because those are two of the things that I had to think over during my break. I don't want to reveal too much, but Lily's feelings toward Severus will not always be completely platonic. Severus will have a realization moment. I might change my mind, but as of now, his final realization will be after Lily's death. He may have a few less significant realizations related to Lily, and he might brush them away, but the actual realization that he loves her more than his own ambition, more than anything else, and that he made the wrong choice, won't be until after Lily dies. **

** worldnerd12- Thanks for the review! I've never heard that, but it's true, that's sweet of James. I'll look around and see if I can find anything on that and hopefully I can work it in.**

**Chapter Fifty-Nine- The Moment**

**1974**

It was perfect.

The thickly iced ground was a pure white, newly dusted with the still falling snow. Icicles clung to the storefronts of the tiny thatched cottages, and in the faint glimmer of sunlight, they seemed to sparkle brighter than the best diamond that a pure blood could buy. But what was even more impressive than Hogsmeade at Christmastime was how all the worry, all the pressure, that seemed to constantly haunt Severus ever since he had first heard of the Knights of Walpurgis, had somehow faded into the white.

Lily had always been the one to claim that Christmas magic was an entirely different, _better_, magic than anything else. Severus had always scoffed, but looking at the strings of enchanted candles that adorned the trees, and best of all, the wide smile on Lily's face, he almost believed that she was onto something. After all, what else could have made the growing distance between them suddenly disappear? If he hadn't been a good few inches taller, Severus would have sworn that it was first year again.

"Sev, don't look behind you!"

Severus automatically turned around and promptly received a mouthful of snow. "_Lily_!"

"I knew you would look," Lily didn't show a hint of remorse as she wiped her hands clean of any icy evidence. Tiny flakes of snow sprinkled across the front of her robes, but she was too busy grinning at him to notice. "You can't say that I didn't warn you."

Severus tried to scowl, but he couldn't. He absentmindedly brushed a few fingers over his lips where the snowball had smacked into him, but his eyes were on Lily, and only on Lily. She hadn't looked at him like that in ages. It was as if she saw the best in him again, instead of expecting the worse, instead of expecting another excuse.

He hadn't realized how much he had missed it.

"Did I hit you that hard?" Lily surveyed him, her forehead puckering with concern.

"No," Severus said quickly, not wanting to ruin the moment. He may have been surprised by how easy it was for them to fall back into their old ways, but he wasn't foolish enough to throw it away. He wasn't even so sure why he was so startled. They were best friends after all, and even at their very worst, they had still been best friends.

The corners of his lips lifted slightly at the thought. After the Knights of Walpurgis, he hoped to go onto what the others had hinted would be next. Lucius had spoken of choosing the right side, and Severus had every intention of taking the right side. He would be someone, and being someone meant being on the side that favored ambition and intelligence, two qualities that he actually respected. He would rather be a Muggle than live in the world that the other side was so eager to paint, a world of mindless Hufflepuffs, with a few exceptional Gryffindors to lead the way.

Severus had been slightly worried how Lily would take his future plans; those idiot friends of hers were always ready to repeat whatever Albus Dumbledore deemed proper like the dutiful Gryffindors they were. Severus had read the _Daily Prophet._ He had heard the whispers in the Great Hall. He knew perfectly well how badly the majority of Hogwarts wanted the war the end, for Voldemort to founder. Severus also knew that they only wanted him to because they assumed he was evil, just because he went against their brave and noble Dumbledore. Severus was willing to bet that none of them had actually considered the benefits of Voldemort in power. Instead, they would forever choose morality over reason. Which was precisely why he didn't need _them_ poisoning Lily's mind with useless rights and wrongs.

But he knew better now. Even at their very weakest, they were stronger friends than anyone else could be. He wouldn't lose her. She would understand. And more importantly, someday, she would be proud of him.

"Sev, you're officially scaring me."

Severus realized that he had been staring off into the distance. He could feel the warmth of blood rushing to his cheeks as he focused his eyes on her. "I thought I saw something," he lied, with a weak attempt at nonchalance. "Do you want a butterbeer?"

Lily nodded eagerly. "I'm freezing."

Severus knew that she had assumed he had meant The Three Broomsticks, and that was more than fine by him. The Slytherins preferred the less crowded atmosphere of The Hog's Head, and Severus wanted to keep them as far away from Lily as possible.

The pub was stuffed with other Hogwarts students, but a quick survey of the cozy atmosphere told Severus everything he needed to know; no Mulciber or Marauders were lurking nearby. But as he glanced at Lily to suggest a table near the wall, he caught her fiddling in her robes, obviously looking for money.

"Don't," Severus told her immediately. "I'll pay."

"You don't have to do that, Sev."

At the concern in her voice, Severus realized more than ever that he had to. He had found a Galleon that had been carelessly forgotten on the common room floor, dropped by a wealthy pure blood, no doubt. There were dozens of things, more important things, than butterbeer he needed. A decent quill, for instance, or winter robes that weren't so frayed and thin. But as the humiliating memory of Lily paying for his first butterbeer sunk in, Severus pushed those thoughts aside, no longer feeling quite so cold.

"It's all right, Lily," Severus was adamant. "Really."

Her smile was worth the awkwardness it took to buy the drinks. Severus didn't know why he felt so uncomfortable in a place that everyone else seemed at ease. It was a perfectly warm pub, but it was just so _bright_ and polished. He felt painfully out of place, as if everyone was staring at him, wondering why he didn't belong there.

"Thanks," Lily beamed at him as he slid a drink her way. It wasn't quite the smooth action he had hoped for; it stopped midway. She didn't seem to notice and reached across the table, taking a grateful sip as soon as the glass met her lips. "Even though I technically owe you one for the snowball."

"In that case you owe me a dozen," Severus teased, instantly relaxing as memories came hurtling back. He remembered all the times that Lily had thrown snowballs at him and forced him to make snow angels. He even recalled one year that, even though he had a black eye and a cold, Lily had insisted that he come out and play anyway, claiming that the first snow could not be missed.

Lily shook her head firmly. "Actually, you owe me a dozen. I have a theory."

Severus raised his eyebrows and waited for her to continue.

"I think you secretly want me to drag you out in the snow every year," Lily said, setting down her butterbeer. "Not that you'll ever admit it because you're Severus."

"And a Slytherin?" Severus offered, only half-joking.

"And a Slytherin," Lily agreed. "So you rely on Slytherin ways to trick me into making you go into the snow, when really, you want to go, so in a way, you're making me go. Which means you owe me at least a dozen for every year of our friendship, so about…seventy-two."

"I told you that you're a witch," Severus said, not denying her claim with a crooked grin. "That should narrow it down to twenty or so."

"I taught you how to play hide and seek," Lily responded, narrowing her eyes. "Thirty."

"And I taught you how to make a Forgetfulness Potion properly," Severus said without skipping a beat. "Eighteen."

"I showed you how to charm snowballs to attack the Marauders," Lily looked rather smug. "One hundred."

There was something about Lily just then that made Severus falter, something that he couldn't quite put his finger on. It could have been the way her lips turned up with such certainty, always ready to retort with an answer. It could have been the way her eyes flashed emerald in the heat of their playful banter, or it could have the simple fact that Severus knew that she would never give up. As a tendril of dark red hair escaped her ear, falling across her flushed cheeks, Severus swallowed, knowing that it was impossible to win with Lily Evans. "Fine. You win."

Lily arched an eyebrow, looking a little surprised by his sudden surrender. The curve of her lips turned up even further so that they revealed a hint of pearly white teeth. Her smile hadn't changed the least bit over the years, and he found himself staring. "I know."

"I won't be staying at Hogwarts for Christmas," Severus said suddenly, needing a subject change, but cursing himself as soon as the words had left his mouth. Regulus had invited him for the holiday, and because of his task, Severus knew that he wasn't in the position to reject his offer. He had planned to tell Lily, but he wanted the right moment.

The two of them finally getting along for the first time in Merlin knew how long was not the right moment.

"Are you going home?" Lily's face lit up.

Severus didn't know whether to curse himself again or Regulus. "No, Regulus invited me for Christmas. He's been…upset about Black becoming distant with him, so I felt that I couldn't say no."

Something flickered in Lily's eyes and he knew that she was remembering her own sibling troubles. She touched his hand gently, her delicate fingertips resting over his. "That's really nice of you, Sev."

Her voice was soft, her skin even softer. Severus instantly yanked his hand away to seize his butterbeer, gulping down the hot liquid until there was nothing left but foam. Abruptly, he stood up. "Ready?"

Still looking startled, Lily, too, drained her mug and wiped her mouth. "Okay. Where to next?"

Uncharacteristically, Severus was at a loss. Those eyes were distracting. _She_ was distracting. "I don't know. Let's walk around."

His voice was curt. He didn't know why he was suddenly being so distant. Everything had been fine, perfect, just before, but suddenly, he felt out of control. His heart was beating faster than ever. He needed fresh air.

But just as they exited The Three Broomsticks, Severus felt a sudden jolt as their hands collided.

"Sorry," Lily said when he leapt away as if he had been burned.

"It's…fine," Severus swallowed again.

They had only walked a few paces when Lily halted. "Why are you being so weird, Sev? Was it something I said? You know that I don't really expect you to buy me a hundred butterbeers, right?"

"Of course I don't," Severus said automatically.

"Do I have something on my face again? If Potter gave me heart-shaped boils again, I swear-"

"Nothing is wrong with your face," Severus interrupted too quickly.

"Then what is it?" Lily sounded more hurt than annoyed, and more than slightly bewildered. "Because I thought everything was fine between us. Actually, I thought it was better than fine. It was just like before."

She had felt it too. It had been so perfect, and already, Severus could feel it slipping from his grasp. "It was fine," Severus said quietly. "Better than fine. It's just…" He faltered. "I just really missed this

Lily's face softened. "I missed it too."

There was a sudden silence. Severus realized that he was close to her, much closer than he had intended. Her head was tilted up, and with the exception of a few stray strands of red hair blowing across her cheeks in the chilly wind, he had an extraordinary view of her face. He could have count her eyelashes if he wanted to, if he could ever manage to think straight. Suddenly, Severus stepped back. "We haven't been to Honeydukes yet."

Her face was still clouded over in confusion and he mentally kicked himself. She most likely thought that he was losing his mind. "Let's go then."

Severus had always loved Lily. How could he not? She was the first one to have been kind to him, to have accepted him, to have befriended him. Whether it was midnight at their clearing or sunrise at the playground, she had been there for him. She had always had an effect on him, always catching him off guard at the slightest hint of touch or affection. He had held tightly to those moments, memorizing every detail, playing it over and over again in his mind. He had felt awkward then, clumsy and unworthy, but at least somewhat in control.

That weak rein of control was beginning to slip away. It seemed the more that he tried to keep it a hold of it, the more slippery it became. It was as if whatever he had felt for Lily before was slowly becoming magnified.

But that was ridiculous. He was being ridiculous. He just wasn't used to being close to Lily again. Once they fell back into their usual ways, everything would be normal again. He would be in control again. Severus exhaled. He just had to recollect himself.

"Sev, we should build a snowman again!"

Severus glanced down at the pair of bright emerald eyes pleading before him and sighed inwardly, remembering all the times before when they had made the same plea and all the times before when he had relented.

He was delusional if he thought that he had ever been in control before.

**1974**

Lily had grown up with Petunia, and according to Petunia, a great fan of romance novels, there was always a moment.

A moment when the world became silent, when everything faded away, before two people, two people in love, were about to kiss. Lily had always believed that such moments were fictional stories to give hope to those who were stuck with boyfriends like Vernon Dursley.

But Lily was almost sure that the moment had Hogsmeade the day before had been _a moment_.

But that was absurd. That meant that she had feelings for Severus. Or Severus had feelings for her. Lily wasn't quite sure; she had been too busy laughing to pay much attention to Petunia's description. Either way, she knew that she couldn't possibly have feelings for Severus or vice versa. They were best friends. Best friends didn't have moments. It broke rules. Petunia had talked about rules, but Lily hadn't paid much attention to those either.

Perhaps she should have.

"Alice," Lily said suddenly, looking at the dark-haired girl who was sitting across from her. She, Marlene, and Mary had been having a conversation of some sort while the Hogwarts Express carried them further and further away from the castle, but Lily had been too absorbed in her own thoughts to pay much attention. "How did you know that you liked Frank?"

Marlene giggled as Alice went pink. "I don't know. I just knew."

"Right away?" Lily asked curiously even though she was almost sure that she knew the answer. She had been there during the Quidditch match after all.

Alice nodded, still looking embarrassed.

Lily frowned to herself. Alice made it sound so simple. But it had to be simple, didn't it? Either you liked someone that way or you didn't. If she was unsure about it, then obviously she didn't have any romantic feelings toward Severus. Feeling enormously relieved that she had an answer, Lily's mind cleared.

But Marlene wasn't finished with the topic.

"Why are you asking, Lily?" Her amber eyes held a familiar gleam, a gleam that would have put anyone who knew her instinctively on guard. "Do you like someone? It's James, isn't it? I knew it!"

Lily laughed aloud. "I don't like anyone. I was just wondering. Just in general."

Marlene remained unconvinced. "Didn't James like you right away?"

"No." Lily was beginning to wish that she never brought up the subject in the first place. Marlene was fascinated by all gossip, and she seemed especially fascinated by Potter and Black. Nearly everyone was.

Lily, however, didn't like talking about Potter. Not only did he annoy her more than anyone else at Hogwarts, but reviewing the ways that he had previously asked her out was just humiliating. It was as if Potter thought the world was a joke and that she was the biggest joke of all. He always seemed to single her out, just because she didn't fall over him like everyone else. Not for one second had Lily ever considered the possibility that he might actually have feelings for her. As far as she was concerned, he was immune to such human feelings.

Marlene, of course, was jealous of the attention he gave her. She didn't think it was humiliating at all. Lily would have bet a handful of Galleons that Marlene would have been jealous if Potter punched her in the face. Once, Lily had caught her _complimenting_ his Tripping Jinx after she had toppled over in the Great Hall.

Lily swore that she would never become that thickheaded over a boy.

"Well, _I _liked James right away," Marlene announced proudly, as if liking James Potter was something to be proud of. "And Sirius. And occasionally Remus."

"Remus?" Mary was incredulous.

"What's wrong with Remus?" Lily said at once, feeling defensive of the Marauder that irritated her the least.

"What about Peter?" Alice wanted to know.

"_Peter_?" Mary repeated even more incredulously.

Marlene smoothed out her robes with a dignified air before answering, obviously enjoying the fact that everyone in the compartment was waiting for her response. "I admit that Remus is no Sirius, but he seems like he could be the romantic type. And Peter? Alice, I'm not even going to answer that."

"Of course Remus isn't Sirius," Lily said, becoming more and more indignant. "He's actually nice. And he's brilliant. He has top marks even though he's absent for most lessons. And he misses those because he's ill, not because he doesn't feel like working, or because he's off doing a stupid prank…." She stopped when she saw their expressions. "What?"

"You like Remus Lupin, Lily!" Marlene crowed.

"What?" Lily blinked, completely bewildered. "I do not."

"Just listen to yourself," Mary was smiling broadly.

Lily crossed her arms in a feeble effort to shield herself from their gleefulness, but from their faces, she had an unfortunate feeling that she was too late. "I do NOT like Remus Lupin."

Marlene and Mary only exchanged infuriating grins, clearly pleased that Lily liking Lupin meant that Potter was free for them.

Lily was not pleased. Somewhere along the way, she gave up arguing with them and opened up a textbook to study, or at least attempt to. Alice's sympathetic glances were more distracting than helpful, and after a while, Lily turned to face the window, her nose so close that it left an imprint on the frosty glass.

She would have given anything just then to be sitting with Severus.


	60. Chapter 60 Goblets and Guidance

**Thanks for the reviews! A weekend chapter, as promised. I realize that I work better when I make deadlines for myself, so the next chapter will be up by Thursday night. Chapter 6 of Abomination should be posted next week or the week after, depending how far I get on Chapter 62 of Always. I think I'll start making a schedule on my profile for every two weeks rather than a fixed date because I know I most likely won't keep it. **

**James's story will be my next fanfic. I know a lot of you don't like him, but hopefully you'll enjoy reading from the enemy's point of view for a change. He just seemed like the most interesting Marauder to write about because he's so controversial, even though the idea of trying to explain why Peter betrayed his only friends is slowly growing on me. I don't want to start until I've made more progress with this and Abomination, so I'll most likely start it after the Mudblood incident. **

**IAmTheMessenger- Thanks for the review! Honestly, you're right, it would make sense for Lily to be suspicious. I just didn't want to another fight to happen so quickly, and I wanted to focus on Severus becoming more aware of his feelings toward her. Just so it doesn't seem like she's falling back into her automatically trusting ways, I'll slipped in a mention of it in this chapter. **

**worldnerd12- Thanks for the review! All I'll say is- girls talk.**

**the reader- Thanks for the review! James will most likely make his next appearance on the train ride back to Hogwarts, unless I change it last minute.**

**s- Thanks for the review! Severus's parents' deaths have been planned. I won't say anything else except that I'm especially looking forward to writing his father's demise. **

**Chapter Sixty- Goblets and Guidance**

**1974**

The moment Severus heaved his trunk onto the entrance floor of Twelve Grimmauld Place, he wondered again for what had to be the thousandth time, if he was making a great mistake. Not that it would have mattered if he were. Whether he liked it or not, he was staying with the Blacks.

"Kreacher," Walburga Black's lips contorted in a sneer as her disdainful eyes swept over the luggage, clearly unimpressed with her guest's battered belongings. "Take the half-blood's things to his bedroom."

Prince, Severus mentally finished for her as she glided away without another word. He should have been accustomed to being addressed as 'the half-blood', but that didn't keep away the prickle of resentment. He couldn't dwell on it for long; a muttering house-elf came into view and immediately went to work, hauling the trunk up a seemingly endless staircase. Severus couldn't quite decipher his grumblings, but he distinctly heard snatches of "half-blood" and "filth".

"She'll like you at dinner," Regulus promised, finally looking up for the first time. Instead of reminding Severus of an overeager puppy, he seemed to be more of an over obedient, frightened one whenever Walburga's eyes were upon him.

"I doubt it," Severus said honestly, keeping a well-practiced face devoid of any emotion. He doubted even Lily would have been able to detect his bitterness. That abruptly changed when he heard several thuds from above, the unmistakable noise of a house-elf ramming a trunk into the wall, and he was unable to keep from wincing. He hoped that it would survive the trip, and for a moment, he wondered if pure bloods received better service.

It was a stupid thing to wonder. Of course they did.

"She will," Regulus insisted again. "Just mention your friends. Rosier and Wilkes especially. Mulciber is all right, but don't mention Avery."

"What's wrong with Avery?" Severus wanted to know even though he could have listed a number of unfavorable qualities right then and there.

"His family is too new for her. Actually, almost all the families are except for the Malfoys. She's fond of the Malfoys. Maybe you should bring up Lucius," Regulus was thoughtful. "She also likes the Lestranges. You get along with Rabastan, don't you?"

"Yes," Severus decided not to point out that his relationship with Rabastan mainly consisted of the elder Slytherin keeping a watchful eye on him. But even before Severus had even heard of the Knights of Walpurgis, Rabastan had been cordial enough to him. Even though he wasn't quite as polished as Rodolphus or Lucius, he had a frank attitude, at least for the most part, that Severus liked.

"She'll approve of that. And whatever you do, do not bring up Andromeda."

"Why would I bring up Andromeda?" Severus scoffed.

"I don't know. Just don't," Regulus said and then brightened. "I'll show you around."

Even with Walburga lurking around, Regulus seemed more self-assured than ever as he led Severus authoritatively through the shadowy halls of Twelve Grimmauld Place. Whether it was because Regulus was at home or retaining confidence from his last Quidditch match, he didn't know. Instead of eagerly waiting for Severus to acknowledge him, he acted more of an equal, more of a…friend. Severus was surprised to find that he didn't miss the open admiration. If he was being honest with himself, he actually preferred this Regulus. He was even more surprised that he was enjoying himself. Severus had never had any close male friends, unless his housemates counted, or any real friends other than Lily to begin with. It was different, but not entirely terrible, especially since Severus didn't have to worry about his heart pounding or palms sweating.

Severus then caught himself. He wasn't supposed to be enjoying his time at Grimmauld Place. Regulus was a task and nothing more.

But an hour later, as he followed Regulus into the dining room, Severus found himself wondering if all of this was necessary. He had told himself to keep a constant eye on Regulus, waiting for even the most insignificant sign that the younger Black was following his elder brother's footsteps. Regulus had given no such sign whatsoever. He was blatantly his mother's son, often repeating whatever piece of Black history she had told him as he pointed out every other family heirloom.

Satisfied that his task was as good as done, Severus absentmindedly slipped into a seat at the ornately carved table beside Regulus, a table so enormous that it nearly rivaled the House tables in the Great Hall. The delicious scent of a freshly cooked meal was wafting from the kitchen and his stomach rumbled, barely audible. He hadn't realized how hungry he was.

"Snivellus."

Severus's head shot up at the familiar voice. It was smooth and mocking and amused all at once. The horrible sensation of dread and disbelief twisted violently in his stomach as his dark eyes landed on the unmistakable smirk of Sirius Black.

"I thought you were with Potter," Severus said, so taken back that his voice lacked his usual contempt. He hated how weak it sounded, how it demonstrated every bit of apprehension he felt. It was as if he was no different from the first year he was when Potter and Black had jinxed his broomstick.

It was far worse than the flying lesson. He was in Black's territory now.

"I was," Black replied with a calmness that Severus couldn't help but envy. "I'm here now."

"That's-" Severus began.

"Disgusting," Walburga finished for him as she strode in with Kreacher at her heels, the house-elf severely hunched over under the weight of several sterling silver platters. Paying no mind to the struggling Kreacher, she seated herself near the end, the head of the table noticeably absent. Regulus had said earlier that his father worked frequently and would be returning home at a far later hour. "It's disgusting when your own son willingly decides to spend time with the _Potters_."

Severus couldn't have agreed more.

Black's pale gray eyes flashed, but, surprisingly, he said nothing.

"But what else could I expect from my dear firstborn? The same firstborn that was Sorted into _Gryffindor_!" Walburga spat out the word as if it were poison.

Severus helped himself to one the platters that Kreacher had just set down, his lips curling. Regulus gave him an apologetic look, but Severus could scarcely keep from grinning broadly. Day after day, Black had mocked him, and now, it was his turn to watch the show. He had a feeling that it would be one of the best meals in his life.

Black had more willpower than Severus had originally given him credit for. Walburga didn't relent once during the next half hour, brutally tearing apart everything that the mighty House of Gryffindor stood for. He had expected Black to scream back or at least hurl a fork at his raving mother, but Black remained silent, although he was slicing his steak rather savagely.

"And the half-blood that Regulus brought home manages to become a Slytherin! A tainted Prince, more or less a _street urchin_, is a Slytherin. A street urchin instead of my very own son, the Black. Seven centuries of purity. What a waste."

Severus stared at her, too startled to be insulted. He hadn't expected Walburga to know his bloodlines, but judging from the highly prized tapestry that Regulus had shown him, he should have known better. Her eyes caught his and she spared him a daunting glance that plainly told him that she knew everything.

"And don't scrape your knife against the plate! Have I taught you nothing?" Walburga demanded, pausing mid rant to look at her son reprovingly. "You'll ruin the china."

Black slammed the knife down so loudly that the china must have cracked. His controlled façade crumbled as he leapt to his feet, but to Severus's great annoyance, Regulus spilled his goblet at the same time, promptly stealing Walburga's attention.

"Regulus!" Walburga cried out, clearly distraught that her younger son could have committed such a hideous crime. "Kreacher!"

"I'm sorry, Mum," Regulus said quietly, staring down at the splattered tablecloth as a frantic Kreacher began to mop up the mess. "I elbowed it by accident."

Severus stole a glimpse of Black, who was studying his brother with an indecipherable expression. While the dangerous glint in his cool gray eyes had not yet faded, he seemed to be slowly regaining control, his aristocratic features no longer twisting in hatred. Severus followed his gaze, his eyes eventually lowering to the fallen goblet. It had been near his own, he remembered. Too far for the accidental brush of an elbow that Regulus had made it seem.

He had done it for his brother.

The realization troubled Severus. He had a feeling that Lucius may have been right to worry.

**1974**

Christmas was only a day away, but Lily was bored.

She had wanted to go out into the snow, but Severus was gone and Petunia was far too grown up for such childish things. With a dreary sigh, Lily surveyed the clearing, her eyes eventually resting on the lonely snow angel that she had made just moments ago. It looked strange without a taller one beside it.

With that gloomy thought, Lily fell to the snowy ground and slouched back against the tree that she and Severus often sat by. Even though she was bundled up, she still felt a bit chilly and hugged her knees to her chest as she looked around the clearing once more. Something felt wrong about being there without him. It was as if it was a different place altogether. She wondered if he was having a better time at the Blacks.

If that's where he really was. With Severus, it was difficult to be sure. He had seemed sincere enough at Hogsmeade when he had told her, but the more she thought about it, the more she found herself wondering if there was something more to the story. With Severus, there always seemed to be something more, and after The Three Broomsticks, he had acted so strangely… She wanted to believe him as she had some many times before, but it was hard.

It shouldn't have been so hard.

Feeling depressed with that reflection, Lily abruptly stood up. She didn't want to be there any longer.

As Lily shuffled through the snow back towards home, her thoughts turned to Petunia. Her older sister had always been there for her, always willing, sometimes too willing, to offer advice. Granted, they had their difficulties; Petunia's nose always seemed to wrinkle when even the slightest hint of magic was implied. But for the most part, they were friendly with each other, even though it wasn't quite like it was before.

But even if they hated each other, Lily had a feeling that Petunia wouldn't be against offering advice. For as long as she could remember, Petunia had always loved telling her what to do. Bryony had once told her that Petunia used to see her as a younger version of herself, or at least wanted to. Hogwarts was what had made the truth clear; that they were nothing alike.

Lily didn't want to dwell on that part.

Her breaths made tiny puffs of air as her footsteps quickened. It was difficult to move quickly through the snow, especially at her height, but when the familiar house came into sight, Lily ran. She was more sure than ever that Petunia would be able to help. Stomping her feet on the doormat, Lily reached for the doorknob and gave it a firm twist. As soon as was inside, she called out, "Tuney!"

"I'm upstairs," was the annoyed reply. "Stop shouting. I'm trying to read."

Lily quickly peeled off the several layers of clothing that she had donned just hours ago until only a sweater and jeans remained. When she was sure that Petunia's sharp eyes wouldn't be able to detect any evidence of the wintry outdoors, she hurried upstairs to their bedroom, taking two steps at a time. She was out of breath by the time she reached their doorway. "Tuney-"

"I want to finish this chapter. Go away."

Lily knew that there was no use trying to hurry her. She flopped down on her wrinkled bedspread and waited impatiently. Petunia turned a page. As she did so, Lily caught a view of the cover. It was of a girl with long, golden hair that was interlocked in a tearful embrace with a rather handsome boy. Lily continued to stare at the cover, a slight frown deepening as she did so. The couple looked miserable. She wondered if that was what being in love felt like.

"I can't read when you're staring at me," Petunia's narrowed eyes looked up from over the pages of her novel and to Lily pointedly.

"I need advice," Lily said, taking her sister's complaint as permission to speak.

Petunia immediately set aside the book, not bothering to mark her page, and sat up. Her eyes were gleaming, not unlike Marlene's did when she was devouring fresh gossip. "Love advice?"

"No," Lily said, rolling her eyes. "Friend advice. It's about Sev."

Petunia's perkiness instantly dissipated. "That's still love advice. Or stalker advice, I suppose."

"Severus and I are just friends," Lily said with as much dignity as she could muster without angering Petunia. She still did need her help after all. "He's just acting weird and I want to know why."

"He's always been weird, Lily."

"Tuney!" Lily gave her sister an imploring look.

"Fine," Petunia said, but her disgusted expression didn't falter. "What is he doing that's so weird that it's finally making you question it?"

"It's a lot of things," Lily thought back. To her irritation, she couldn't recall anything specific, which should have been impossible considering that she had been pondering the subject for so long. "He's quieter," she said rather lamely.

Petunia sniffed. "That's not new."

"He's busy a lot more now," Lily said thoughtfully. She wanted to say that she was unsure if she could trust him fully, but somehow, she couldn't force herself to say it aloud. "And he's more…jumpy."

"Hmm," Petunia's expression changed into one of neutrality as she considered Lily's facts. "Go on."

"We were talking in The Three…the pub," Lily caught herself before she could say the magic related word. "And everything was like it used to be, but then he got up suddenly and wanted to leave."

"What were you talking about?"

"Snowballs and butterbeer. Butterbeer is… never mind. Oh, and Regulus!"

"Who is _Regulus_?" Petunia demanded, her impartiality vanishing as quickly as it appeared. Her nostrils were flaring, as if she couldn't believe anyone could have the nerve to give their child such a name.

"He's Sirius's younger brother. He's a Slytherin. That's a House," Lily hastily explained. "All of his family is in Slytherin, except for Sirius because he's in Gryffindor even though I wish he was in Slytherin. All of them sort of scare me, but his cousin, Andromeda is nice. I think she married Ted Tonks. He was a Gryffindor. Oh, that's another House. I'm in it. " She stopped, finally taking in a breath. It was an odd change to be saying so much about Hogwarts, but not a particularly bad one.

Petunia, however, remained disgusted. "Lily, your friends have weird names."

"They're not my friends," Lily said. "I barely know Regulus. I think he's friends with Severus though. He's visiting him for Christmas. That's what he told me when he decided he wanted to leave."

"And did you say anything back?"

"I don't remember," Lily bit her lip in concentration. She could picture The Three Broomsticks almost clearly. She was in the pub, drinking a butterbeer, with Severus sitting across from her. What had she said? "I think I said that it was nice of him."

"How did you say it?" Petunia asked, her lips pinched in a small frown.

"I don't know," Lily tried to picture the pub again, but it was becoming blurrier and blurrier. "The way I just said it? How many ways can I say it?"

"Your tone. Your voice," said Petunia impatiently. "Was it like, that was nice of you, or was it like, that was nice of you?"

"Aren't they the same?" Lily said blankly, feeling utterly bewildered. "The second, maybe?"

"Yes," Petunia said after a pensive pause, sounding proud of herself as she gave a decisive nod. "He's in love with you." Then she seemed to realize who she was talking about and she looked disgusted all over again.

"That doesn't even make any sense!" Lily cried out in frustration. "You can't tell that from I just told you."

"Lily, you should really read more," Petunia sounded just as imperious as ever.

"I'll figure it out myself," Lily huffed, rising to her feet. She didn't know what she had been thinking. Petunia may have been clever when it came to books, but she didn't know the first thing about her and Severus. How could she, when she had never even given him a chance?

Lily was annoyed, but above that, she was still confused.

She was more confused than ever.


	61. Chapter 61 A Black Christmas

**Thanks for the reviews! I still can't believe this story has reached over 500. About Severus's POV in this chapter: I was so undecided about keeping this in because this will be a crucial scene for _Abomination_ and I didn't want to ruin it, but it's also crucial when it comes to Severus, so I decided to keep it in the end. It may seem too sudden/out of character on Regulus's part, but for those of you who read _Abomination_, I promise I'll make more sense of it once I write about it there since Sirius's relationship with Regulus is one of the main points of the story. I didn't want to go into too much of it here since it's such a major Sirius/Regulus moment.**

**Also, I know Lily thinks of Lupin as Lupin rather than Remus. That's actually a mistake of mine because I noticed that I've almost always had her address him as Remus aloud. Instead of going back and editing Lily's POVs, I'll have her change it when she starts seeing Remus as a friend instead of just the decent Marauder, which will be during fifth year. Potter and Black, and I guess Pettigrew by default, were purposely done and there will be a chapter when the Marauders and Lily officially go on first name basis.**

**The next chapter should be posted sometime on Monday. As for _Abomination_, I can't promise an exact date, but there will be an update coming up soon.**

**BlueCanary- Thanks for the review! I agree with what you said about Regulus. I think he not only wanted to be someone, but wanted to be a true Black. I have a feeling that Walburga and the rest of his family really messed him up. In my version, he's the overeager little brother that wants to be like the other Blacks because they just seem so impressive. I think I hinted at it only slightly so far, but he's fascinated with the Dark Arts now because he thinks they're glamorous and just...cool. It's not until he experiences it firsthand that he realizes that he doesn't have the stomach for it. If you do end up writing one, you should look at the HP Lexicon and HP wiki. To be honest, I wasn't too familiar with HP, especially compared to others, but those two sites really helped me. I don't think it was ever said but I picture Petunia somewhere between two to four years older. Also, thanks for the song suggestion! I like listening to the oldies when I'm in a certain mood, so that will definitely be going on my playlist.**

**IAmTheMessenger- Thanks for the review! You're right about Regulus and Severus. There is more to Regulus than meets the eye and even though Severus may think he has a good idea of what he's like, Regulus will continue to surprise him. I hope to eventually write about all of the Marauders, but I'm not completely sure if I'll get around to it. Thanks for the fanfic suggestion! I'll have to give it a look.**

**IlsditJ'aifolle- Thanks for the review! There will definitely be a Sirius/Regulus moment in the battlefield in _Abomination_. There will also be a Severus/Lily one in _Always_.**

**Chapter Sixty-One- A Black Christmas**

**1974**

Christmas morning at Twelve Grimmauld Place didn't especially feel like Christmas, but Severus had never been one for the holidays. That had always been Lily. Even so, as he waited outside the broomshed, the frosty air nipping at his exposed skin, he felt an unexpected wave of nostalgia for Spinner's End. After he had met Lily, Christmas had always felt like Christmas there. He wondered what she was doing at that very moment…

"Don't mind my mum," Regulus interrupted Severus's thoughts as he stepped out of the broomshed, a Comet Two-Twenty in hand. It was a nice broom, but nothing compared to the Nimbus that leaned against the wall, still gleaming from being unwrapped just hours ago. Severus may not have kept up with the latest and greatest broomsticks, but even he had to admit that the Nimbus looked rather spectacular. "She's just…careful of strangers."

"Half-blooded strangers?" Severus was not fooled at all by Regulus's many attempts to smooth over Walburga's cutting remarks, the latest concerning the indecency of half-bloods intruding on Christmas morning. Severus hadn't been too bothered because it never took long for Walburga's ill temper to find her eldest son. That morning, Sirius Black had decided that he would rather sleep in and miss Christmas day entirely, much to his mother's wrath.

For once, Regulus didn't make another excuse. He grinned in a way that almost reminded Severus of his brother, but surprisingly enough, Severus didn't feel the familiar stab of resentment. "Especially those. Catch."

Regulus tossed the Comet, and Severus caught it, rather clumsily. He was just grateful that he had caught it at all.

"You can have a turn on the Nimbus after me," Regulus said, his grin widening as he seized his prized Christmas present. "I would offer first, but it would be rude not to test it out for Hurling Jinxes."

"We can't have tainted blood staining Black snow," Severus agreed with a small half-smile. It was startlingly genuine. He may have hated flying because it was something that was associated with Potter, but he couldn't deny that he appreciated the casual offer. It was something that Lily would have done.

"Isn't this cozy."

Simultaneously, Severus and Regulus whipped around to find themselves staring at Sirius Black, who evidently had decided to wake up for Christmas after all. Severus hadn't seen much of Black since he had arrived, and when he had, it was Black shooting him looks of contempt before stalking off elsewhere.

Leaning casually against the wall, Black's expression was just as hateful as Severus remembered, even though he looked a good deal more disheveled. His dark hair, which normally swept over his forehead with infuriating elegance, was tangled, so tousled that it was reminiscent of his beloved Potter. His steely gray eyes remained the same however, as chilly as the air, his voice not much warmer. "My dear brother and the git of Slytherin, making nice just before they swear their allegiance to the mighty Dark Lord. A half-blood, Reg? I would have thought that our lovely Mum taught you better."

Severus froze at the mention of Voldemort. How much did Black know, or at least suspect? From the way that the cool gray eyes were now blazing, Severus could have sworn that Black knew precisely why he had accepted Regulus's invitation. But that was impossible.

"Sirius," Regulus said quietly. It was a plea. A plea that went unheard.

"That's what you want, isn't it? That's what you've always wanted. To make the Black family proud?"

That was when Severus heard the slight slur of his words. He wondered how he had missed the signs, when the same ones showed up almost nightly at Spinner's End. Black suddenly held up a bottle that had been hanging loosely by his side, nodded at them, and took a swig. "Cheers."

"Sirius, you're drunk," Regulus said, sounding worried. "If Mum sees..."

"To hell with her," Black said harshly, breaking free of his apathetic mockery. "To hell with you. And you!" he glared at Severus with renewed vehemence. "Did you actually think that you would turn him into one of you? I may be in Gryffindor, but I'm still a Black, as everyone here is so fond of reminding me. If you think for one second that I don't know, then grease really must be blinding."

This Black was a different Black from Hogwarts, the Black that Severus had once caught a glimpse of during that humiliating _Petrificus Totalus_ incident. This Black was not the one that laughed without a care in the world while he terrorized the world with Potter at his side. This one was darker, a true Black. His words may have slurred ever so slightly, but they were crisper and cooler than anything Severus had ever heard from his mouth. It reminded him eerily of the Slytherin elite, a cross between Lucius's ice and Rodolphus's fire, except it was dripping with bitterness. A bitterness that didn't quite flow with his accusations.

That was when Severus realized that Black didn't hate him because Potter did, nor did he hate him because he simply thought that he would make Regulus into a Death Eater. Black hated him because he was jealous. He no longer had his younger brother following him around. Not only was that same younger brother succeeding where he had so blatantly failed, but also a mere half-blood, the same half-blood that he had scorned since the very first day.

The realization made Severus sneer. "For a Black, you seem rather green," he said, injecting the subtle disdain into his words that Lucius Malfoy so often used. As he heard his voice aloud, he felt a sudden burst of courage, and locked his eyes with Black's. "One of what? A half-blood?"

"Don't you dare deny it," Black said furiously. "You know perfectly well what I'm talking about."

"Fortunately, I don't," Severus turned to a silent Regulus, feeling more like Lucius than ever. "Regulus, your brother seems to believe that you're incapable of making your decisions. Do you agree?"

It was clear. There were two paths lying in front of the youngest Black. One led to opportunity and family honor, the other, to his prat of his brother. Severus was confident in his wording, careful to keep it emotionless rather than angry in fear that Regulus would rise to his brother's defense. There was only a simple question to answer, one that could not be admitted without also admitting that he was not ready to be a Black.

Severus had seen Regulus taste his first victory, when he became Seeker, and from the way his brown eyes had shone, he knew that he was not ready to let it go. Even before Quidditch, Regulus had trailed after the older Slytherins with eager admiration. Severus had listened to his prattle enough to know that he had every intention of following the Black footsteps, and his brother had been foolish enough to virtually guarantee that Severus was the key to achieving all of that. There was not a chance that Regulus would throw that away.

Regulus looked back and forth between Severus and Black, his eyes never daring to stray long enough to meet theirs. He chewed his bottom lip, his grip on the handle of the Nimbus so tight, that Severus was sure that it would break in half. His eyes returned to the snowy ground. "No."

"What?" Black demanded in disbelief.

Something in his tone made Regulus's head snap up. As he straightened up, his defiant brown eyes met his brother's. "I said no. Sirius, I'm tired of you trying to decide my life for me. Just because you ruined yours when you became a Gryffindor, doesn't mean you have to ruin mine."

It became very quiet, as if the unexpected strength in Regulus's voice drowned out the rest of the world. There was not a sound, not even a rustle of movement. It was only when a sudden gust of wind caused the trees to shudder that the eerie silence was shattered.

Black, for the first time since Severus had seen him, had fallen speechless. Something in his eyes changed. Severus didn't know precisely what had been there before, but whatever it was, it was gone now. His already pale face had blanched into a ghostly white, and for a moment, he seemed perfectly sober. "You're an idiot, Reg. A complete and utter idiot."

Severus glanced at Regulus, half-excepting him to retract his decision. But the hurt that crossed the young pure blood's face hardened into cool determination.

"Better that than an abomination."

It was the name that Walburga had screamed at her eldest son just hours ago. It was cold, startling cold for Regulus Black, and Severus couldn't have been more smug. Black's face contorted as he took a step closer, and for a second, Severus was certain that he was going to pummel him, or Regulus, or perhaps both. His fingers curled automatically around his wand.

Instead, Black hurled the bottle into the broomshed door with alarming force. It made a piercing sound as it shattered against the ancient wood, sending shards of glass flying everywhere. Both Severus and Regulus jumped back in alarm, but Black merely observed their reactions with a grim satisfaction.

"Don't say I didn't warn you, Regulus," Black told his brother icily. He then turned to Severus, his face darkening with revulsion. Severus was certain that the loathing that he wore so plainly mirrored his own. "I can't wait for Voldemort to kill you. You don't expect the brilliant Dark Lord to keep a useless half-blood around, do you?"

And with that, Sirius Black walked away.

**1975**

Ever since she could remember, Lily had hated the days that followed Christmas. They seemed unbearably dull and empty without the sound of carols being sung or the shiny glint of newly purchased gifts. Nothing depressed her more than looking at discarded wrappings.

But Lily almost forgot all of that when she opened the compartment door. She was promptly engulfed in a long hug. Once she was released, she found herself smiling back at a beaming Alice.

"Hi, Alice," Lily said, relieved to see that her friend appeared fine. They had exchanged an owl or two over the holiday, but Alice's letters had been frustratingly vague. She hadn't even answered Lily's last reply, which was most unlike her. "How was your holiday?"

"Not the best." Alice's face clouded over and Lily was almost sorry that she had brought up the subject. But she wasn't ready to let it go.

"What happened?" Lily asked with concern. "You-Know-Who?"

Alice nodded tightly. "You know Rebecca Smythe?"

"_Rebecca_?" Lily echoed in horror. She wasn't too familiar with the Ravenclaw since she was in another House, but they had chatted occasionally. She was undoubtedly dedicated to her studies, but she had been as friendly as she was bright, always making sure to smile at Lily whenever they passed each other in the corridor.

"Merlin, no," Alice said quickly, her voice becoming hushed. "But her dad. They live…lived in the same neighborhood as me. Rebecca and her mum were at my house when…he came." Her voice trembled at the last words, and Lily could see that her eyes were glistening.

It wasn't until Lily instinctively brushed away at her own eyes that she noticed that, they too, were watering. She hadn't known Rebecca's father, but she knew Rebecca, and that was enough of a connection for her to feel shock. She had heard of You-Know-Who's victims before, but this was the first time that one was at least somewhat familiar. "Poor Rebecca."

It was real, Lily found herself realizing. She had known it was real, of course. She had been frightened before, but now that she knew someone… They were no longer just names. They were people, people that she knew, people that she could know. Just then, the war seemed more real than ever, unnervingly real. Anyone she knew could die. Even her.

"Mary and Marlene are coming," Alice said quietly, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her robes.

Lily hurriedly did the same.

"Sorry we took so long," Marlene said breathlessly. "What were you two talking about?"

"Nothing," Alice whispered softly.

"Good," Marlene said breezily, evidently not noticing that anything was wrong. "Hi, Lily. Good holiday? Guess what?"

Lily didn't know whether to be annoyed or grateful for Marlene's cheeriness. "It was all right. And what?"

"We have a Christmas present for you. Right, Mary?" Marlene gestured at the other girl. A look of uncertainty crossed Mary's face, a look that made Lily instantly suspicious, but Marlene continued before she could ponder it. "Remus is outside."

"Why?" Lily asked in confusion. But then she remembered the train ride before and it dawned on her. "You didn't."

"We did," Marlene said proudly.

"You did," Mary muttered. "I told you it was a bad idea."

"I don't even like him!" Lily cried out, sounding more upset than frustrated. Thoughts of Rebecca's father kept coming back, and it was impossible for her voice to stay steady. She couldn't believe that Marlene and Mary were still on that subject when there was a war going on.

"Of course you do," Marlene said with much less conviction than before. She was looking rather alarmed at Lily's reaction.

"I don't think she does," Alice volunteered.

"Even if I did, which I don't," Lily added hastily, blinking away any threat of tears. "It doesn't give you the right to tell him. What if I told Sirius that you have a picture of him in your trunk?"

Marlene's amber eyes grew round. "Will you?"

For a minute, Lily was sorely tempted. Marlene had spilled more secrets and spread more rumors than anyone else she knew. But then she sighed, knowing that she wouldn't feel better if she did. It wasn't as if Marlene had done it purposely to cause trouble for her. "No. Just don't do it again."

"I won't," Marlene said, visibly relieved. "I'm sorry, Lily. I just wanted to help."

"I'm sorry, too," Mary added. "Even though I told her not to."

Marlene glared at her before looking at Lily. "Do you want me to talk to him, Lily?"

"I can do it," Lily said quickly, not wanting to know how much more damage Marlene was capable of with her so-called help. Before anyone could protest, she stood up and made her way to the compartment door.

Lupin was waiting in the corridor, looking rather nervous. It was clear that he was on the verge of becoming ill again and Lily's heart went out to him. "Hi, Remus."

"Hi, Lily," Lupin said, his eyes averting hers.

He couldn't even look at her. Lily almost wished that she hadn't let Marlene off the hook so easily. She doubted that Lupin cared if she liked him or not, but he looked so miserable and awkward, that she hated Marlene for putting him in the position in the first place. She decided to be blunt. "I know Marlene may have said something about me, but you know how she is, right?"

"Right," Lupin's voice was barely audible. He had at least raised his head, but his eyes still weren't quite meeting hers.

"It's not that I don't like you. I mean, it's not that I don't not like you. You seem like a nice person, as far as Marauders go," Lily realized that she was rambling, but she couldn't seem to stop. "I do like you, but just not in that way-"

"Lily," Lupin finally made eye contact and to Lily's astonishment, she caught a flicker of amusement. "It's okay. I understand."

"Really?" Lily was hopeful. She could hardly dare to believe that he had understood her when she had barely understood herself.

"To be honest, I never thought you did," Lupin said with a slight smile. "I'm just glad that I don't have to worry about James murdering me in my sleep now."

"Oh," Lily didn't know how to answer that. "Well, that's good. I suppose I'll see you back at school then?"

As if right on cue, James Potter trotted out from one of the compartments. Lily couldn't help but wonder if he had found some way to eavesdrop. Knowing Potter, he most likely had. He proceeded to make his way toward them, rumpling his hair once he did so. Once he was near enough, he slung his arm around Lupin, discreetly pulling him away from Lily as he did so. "There you are, Moony. I was looking all over for you," he paused to flash a grin at Lily. "Evans."

"Potter," Lily said crisply.

"I was just about to go back," Lupin gave Lily an apologetic look. "Bye, Lily."

"Bye, Remus," Lily didn't wait for Potter to embarrass her. She immediately turned around. Just as she slid the compartment door open, she heard him speak, but pretended to hear nothing and quickly ducked inside.

She had survived a Potter encounter, she told herself as she returned to her seat by the window, her mind flickering back to Rebecca Smythe's father. She could survive the war.


	62. Chapter 62 Dreams and Dates

**Thanks for the reviews! I'm sorry that I'm posting this on Wednesday instead of Monday. I had an unexpected road trip, and when I got back, I wasn't completely happy with Lily's POV so I redid it. I'm still incredibly tired so I'm not sure if I'm okay with this chapter or not, I know I'm not too fond of the title, but I didn't want to delay it any longer. I think this is the longest chapter yet, so hopefully that makes up for the delay._ Always_ and _Abomination_ should be updated sometime this weekend. **

**Notes about this chapter which include SPOILERS-**

**1. I know Alice Longbottom was supposed to have been a great Auror and most likely doesn't seem like the Alice portrayed here, but that's partially because it's romance related and partially because I want her to grow into the role, sort of like Neville did. Marlene will also eventually change**

**2. I know some James/Lily fans might not like the fact that James is with someone who is not Lily Evans, but the fact is, James is a teenage boy. He is a popular teenage boy with random fan girls telling him that he's amazing at Quidditch. He's not going to just sit around and wait for Lily to say yes. He also has an ulterior motive, which may or may not be obvious, and will most likely be confirmed in a future Severus chapter if I keep it, but definitely will be in James's fanfic. **

**3. The final Lily/James moment is obviously inspired by Hermione Granger. **

**MoonHead- Thanks for the review! I'm glad that you like Remus because I wasn't completely confident in the way I portrayed him. There will be a lot more of him in fifth year. If it makes you feel better, Sirius will have plenty of girlfriends even though he won't have a lasting relationship. And that's exactly what I thought- whether he likes it or not, Severus is still a boy (fourteen or fifteen, I'm embarrassed to say that I don't know either since I'm horrible at math) and he can't be completely cold all the time. I wanted him to have at least one person after the Mudblood incident. **

**Jess- Thanks for the review! I had a paragraph explaining why Sirius was jealous, but I took it out last minute because I didn't want it to go too much into _Abomination_. I sort of wish I kept it because I liked how I worded it, but anyway, I'll edit in a sentence or two to make it more clear after I upload this. You guessed the summary of it though- Sirius was jealous of Severus and Regulus becoming friends. **

**serenere- Thanks for the review! Sirius and Lily definitely will become close in the later years. I have plans for each of the Marauders to bond individually with Lily, and you pretty much guessed what Sirius and Lily will talk about, mainly their sibling issues. It will be sometime after fifth year, which is when Remus and Lily become friends. Then it will be Peter, Sirius, and finally, James. I'm not sure how prominent Lily/Sirius will be especially after Hogwarts because that's the one part I haven't really mapped out other than a few notable events (Lily and James wanting Sirius to be Secret Keeper will be one), but it will be significant in _Abomination_. I agree that Sirius led an extremely tragic life and what makes it even more tragic to me is that he did eventually find happiness, only to lose it all over again. Losing Lily as well as James is part of his tragedy.**

**Chapter Sixty-Two- Dreams and Dates**

**1975**

_You did well_.

The florid script of Lucius Malfoy still burned in Severus's mind as he silently folded the parchment into a neat square. It was a creamy, undeniably expensive parchment that was a foreign luxury to his fingertips. Yet he would end up discarding it into the flames as if it were nothing more than an old homework assignment.

It seemed like a waste to Severus, but he supposed that someone like Lucius would never have to worry about gold. Someday, he was sure, he wouldn't have to either. With that thought, Severus tossed the note into the common room fireplace.

"That was the Malfoy crest," Regulus piped up suddenly from over his shoulder, causing Severus to privately congratulate his timing. They had only been back at school for two weeks or so, and Regulus had an astounding habit of being able to find him when least desired.

At first, Severus hadn't minded too much. After all, he had wanted to keep a close watch on Regulus before he deemed his task successful, at least to Lucius. That had proved to be unnecessary considering that the Black brothers would no longer look each other in the eye, but Severus had waited all the same. But after the first week, Severus had lost his patience. His toleration of Regulus may have grown while staying at Grimmauld Place, grown to the point that Regulus may even be considered a friend in the loosest of terms, but even so, there was only so much of the younger Black that Severus could take without wanting to curse him.

"That's very observant of you," Severus said curtly, relieved that the letter, as vague as it had been, was already devoured by fire.

"Why is a Malfoy writing to you?" Regulus asked bluntly.

"I wasn't aware that Malfoys weren't allowed to write to half-bloods."

"I'm not saying they can't," Regulus shrugged, unabashed by the ice in Severus's voice. Instead of backing away, he took it as an invitation to take the seat beside him. "It's just unexpected. Is it because of them?"

Severus looked at him sharply, not quite sure who Regulus was referring to, although he had a strong suspicion. "Them?"

"You know," Regulus said impatiently. At least he had enough sense to lower his voice before whispering his next words, "The Knights of Walpurgis."

Automatically, Severus stole a look around the common room to ensure that it was empty. When satisfied, he returned his attention to Regulus, his black eyes flashing. He couldn't believe that a Black, out of all people, would have been so foolish. Regulus wasn't even a Knight yet! He could lose them even before he became one of them. With a jolt, Severus realized that, he too, could lose the Knights if they found out he was discussing the group with an outsider. "What do you know about them?"

"Don't look so shocked," Regulus told him with a frustrating air of nonchalance. "It's not that much of a secret."

"What do you mean it's not a secret?" Severus demanded, unable to keep the edge from his voice. He had sacrificed hours with Lily, not to mention, risked their friendship because he had been stressing over keeping the Knights of Walpurgis a secret, and Regulus, out of all people, was telling him it was for _nothing_?

"Well, it is, but not in certain pure blood families. Least of all mine," Regulus said indifferently as if they were discussing the weather. "When a Black was the one to found the original group, you can't expect my mum to keep quiet about it."

"A Black founded the Knights of Walpurgis?" Severus asked, more annoyed than ever that he was the one asking all the questions.

"Regulus Eridanus Black," Regulus said with a note of pride. "I was named after him. And a few other Reguluses, but he was my favorite because of the Knights. I want to start something like that someday."

"So that's how Black knew," Severus mused aloud, recalling the enraged fire in Black's eyes as his accusations rang freely. He was relieved for the explanation. For a while, he had pondered the idea that Black was somehow spying on him, and finally, Severus could let go of his paranoia.

"Is it true then?" Regulus asked, his eyes wide. "The letter, it was about them?"

Severus nodded, struck by a sudden idea. "I actually have to take care of something for them now. I'll see you later?"

It was a lie. There wasn't another meeting until the end of the week, but Regulus didn't have to know that. He didn't have to know that Lily couldn't focus in the Gryffindor common room with the Marauders causing a fresh round of chaos every fifteen minutes. Nor did Regulus have to know that Lily studied at the library every Wednesday evening and every Wednesday that he could, Severus joined her.

No, Regulus didn't need to know anything at all.

"Okay," Regulus said immediately, still wide-eyed. Severus knew that he wouldn't dare follow him in fear of being caught and putting his future membership in jeopardy. With that satisfied thought, Severus departed for the library.

Lily was in her usual place, near the back, next to a paned window, its glass clouded from the wintry air outside. As soon as Severus caught sight of the familiar head of dark red hair, he felt an absurdly wide smile spread across his face. Ever since they had returned to Hogwarts after Christmas, ever since Lily had ran toward him and enveloped him in a near-suffocating hug, things had been nearly too good to be true. There had not been a single disagreement in those two weeks and Severus had succeeded in acting normal again.

Somewhat normal. Severus reflected as he forced himself to wipe off the stupid grin he was still wearing. Miraculously, his scowl slid into place just as Lily looked up.

"Sev! I'm glad you showed up. I was having trouble with Divination. This dream diary is impossible."

The wide grin was beginning to return, and Severus bit the insides of his cheeks to keep it from showing. Even so, the glitter in his dark eyes remained. Out of everyone she had befriended at Hogwarts, she was still coming to _him _for help. But then he realized what subject she was asking for. The subject he loathed, but had only taken for her. "I haven't even started that yet."

"All right," Lily handed him a fresh roll of parchment, her emerald eyes gleaming. "What did you dream last night?"

Severus was about to open his mouth, but he couldn't help but noticed how bright her eyes were. They seemed too green to be real. It was unnerving. He looked away. "I can't say I remember."

That was far from the truth. He remembered perfectly. She was in it. They hadn't been doing anything from the ordinary, just talking in their clearing, but Severus couldn't bring himself to say it aloud with those eyes peering at him.

Lily looked disappointed, but it only took a second for the sparkle to return to her eyes. "We can always make something up."

That seemed reasonable enough to Severus. He certainly wasn't about to write down Lily Evans in his dream diary. He took a quill and held it above the parchment, poised to write down a long paragraph that he hadn't the faintest idea about. "I was in History of Magic?"

Lily shook her head with a small frown. "That's too boring. You should write something exciting. There was a dragon."

Feeling doubtful, Severus wrote a flimsy sentence about a dragon. He could feel Lily studying the parchment over his shoulder. As she leaned closer for a better view, her silky hair brushed against his cheek. Severus drew in his breath.

"A bloodthirsty dragon."

"Lily, aren't all dragons bloodthirsty?"

"Write it down anyway," Lily insisted, leaning back in her seat once more. "And it was killing all the townspeople. Until you came. And you saved them all."

Severus set down the quill and looked at her, aghast. "I can't write that!"

"Why not?" Lily demanded, looking genuinely bewildered by his strong reaction.

"Because it's stupid. I wouldn't be slaying a dragon. That's what a Gryffindor would do," Severus said. Already, he could see Potter running forward, recklessly swinging a sword about at a giant fire breathing dragon, rumpling his hair as he did so.

"Then what would you do?" Lily challenged.

Severus was tempted to say that he wouldn't be foolish enough to visit a town with a roaming dragon but refrained. "I don't know. I suppose I would trick it somehow. Maybe invent a poison."

"So you would still save them all," Lily pointed out, looking rather smug. "That's what I said. You were the one that assumed that meant slaying it."

Severus didn't pick up the quill. "I'm not a Gryffindor, Lily. I don't want to play the hero."

Lily rolled her eyes and shifted around a few sheets before pulling out one that was partially filled with her familiar handwriting. "Fine. We'll work on my diary for now. I actually remember mine. You were in it."

It was amazing. Just the thought of confessing that she was in his dream made his heart pound, but she was saying it as if it was as natural as breathing. The thought made something inside Severus feel light, but only for a moment. A new thought soon weighed him down.

He couldn't help but wonder if Lily would prefer someone who actually wanted to play the hero.

For once, Severus couldn't listen as Lily rambled on, his eyes absentmindedly fixed on the window to the side. Once again, his mind flickered to Potter. If anyone wanted to play the hero, it was him. The memory of Potter brandishing an invisible sword in the train compartment was too clear. There was no doubt in his mind that Potter would only be too glad to play the hero for Lily. Severus scowled.

But something from the window caught his eye, causing him to forget all thoughts of Potter, at least for the moment. He leaned closer to the glass, his dark eyes scanning the grounds for the origin of the movement. And then he saw it.

There were two shadowy figures. One tall, most likely a seventh year or teacher, and the other, much smaller. But why would they be outside at this hour? It was freezing. With a deepening frown, Severus realized that they were heading toward the Whomping Willow. Shrouded in darkness, the sliver of moonlight was enough to give the enormous tree away.

The moonlight. Severus's eyes flashed to the sky. It was a full moon.

"Step into the moonlight," Severus whispered under his breath, the intensity of his gaze never faltering. The corners of his lips curved up as the figures did so. Madam Pomfrey was soon revealed. But Severus didn't care about Madam Pomfrey. Eyes narrowed, he glared at the smaller figure, willing him to step from behind her shadow.

Finally, he did so, and even from a distance, Severus could make out the unimpressive figure of Remus Lupin.

"Sev? What are you looking at?"

Severus glanced back at her. For a second, he was sorely tempted to point Lupin out. But then he remembered how she had refused to believe him. That still hurt. No, Severus decided. Lupin taking a walk in the moonlight wouldn't be proof enough. He needed to deliver it directly to her. "Just the moon," he lied.

His eyes flew back to the Whomping Willow. To his astonishment, Madam Pomfrey and Lupin were nowhere in sight. He brushed his annoyance away. He had seen them. That much, he was sure of. He would only have to be ready for the next full moon.

"It's pretty tonight, isn't it?" Lily observed, moving her chair toward him for a closer look.

The smallest of smiles played on Severus's lips. His eyes never strayed from the frosty window. "It's perfect."

**1975**

The sun was just beginning to rise over Hogwarts. The castle itself was still shrouded in black, but a faint glow was slowly emerging from the edges, causing it to appear just as magical as the night Lily had first laid eyes on it. The sky had already lightened to a dull blue-gray, marbled with a darkening pink, gilded with the palest of golds.

It would have been pretty, but Lily was too busy sulking to admire it. All she wanted was to crawl back into her warm bed and catch a few more hours of much needed sleep. She did_ not_ want to watch the Gryffindor team practice Quidditch, especially at dawn, and especially when James Potter was only a few yards away. For the past few minutes, she had been doing her best to look the other way, but for some unfortunate reason, her eyes kept drifting back to the field.

"You owe me," Lily told Alice, shivering as a crisp breeze swept past them. She hugged her arms to her chest for warmth, but that didn't keep her green eyes from glaring at her friend accusingly.

Alice sighed. "I know."

Unthinkingly, Lily snuck another peek of Potter. The dim light illuminated his features well enough so that she could see he was wide-awake, completely unfazed by the early hour. But that wasn't unusual. Lily didn't think she had ever seen him tired, with the exception of History of Magic, of course.

What was unusual was the lack of attention he was giving her. Usually, he didn't miss an opportunity to bother her. That morning, he had only offered a mere "Evans" before he had returned to listening to Emmeline Vance lecture the rest of the team, running his fingers casually through his hair as he did so. Even in the gravest of matters, he could always be counted to mess it up.

Irritated that she had spent so long dwelling on Potter, Lily quickly turned back to Alice, who was still eyeing Frank Longbottom rather wistfully. "So when are you going to talk to him?"

"I don't know," Alice said, chewing on her chapped bottom lip. Her fingernails were already ragged from being bitten. "Never?"

"Alice!" Lily was reproachful. "You said you were going to talk to him today. That's why you made me come here. For moral support, remember?"

"I need more than moral support," Alice wailed. "I need a bottle of Felix Felicis."

Lily looked at her in surprise. Alice was the quiet one, always favoring calmness over the dramatic flair that Marlene was so fond of. She seemed the least likely to be panicking over a boy, yet there she was, her words nearly breathless. "You don't need liquid luck. It's not like you're going over there to propose. You're just going over there to talk to him."

"To talk to him," Alice nodded. "Right."

"You can do it," Lily said encouragingly, even though she was having her share of doubts.

Alice nodded again, more forcefully this time. "I can do it."

Lily didn't say anything else. She simply kept her eyes on the now flying figures, not daring to break the delicate silence in fear that she would say the wrong thing and cause Alice to flee. As much as she wanted to go back to sleep, she wanted Alice to be happy with Frank even more.

"I can't believe both of you are already awake."

Lily and Alice looked over their shoulders in unison, surprise evident on both of their faces. As if meeting each other at dawn on the Quidditch field was an everyday event, Marlene nonchalantly took a seat next to Lily, noisily munching on her toast as she did so.

"What are you doing here?" Lily finally asked. Alice had specifically asked her to keep their morning plans a secret because Marlene was such a gossip. Lily didn't blame her; the last thing Alice needed was Marlene talking to Frank for her.

"I like watching cute Quidditch players practice," Marlene shrugged, gesturing at a cluster of girls not too far away. "I'm not the only one. Why are you two here?"

Lily didn't miss how the panic crossed Alice's face. "I couldn't sleep. Alice offered to take a walk with me."

It wasn't a very good lie, but luckily, Marlene was too absorbed in Potter to notice. She swallowed the last bit of her toast, automatically brushing the front of her robes for crumbs even though her eyes never left the sky. "Isn't he adorable when he's flying?"

Lily wrinkled her nose. Potter wasn't adorable on ground, even less so when he was in the air, with the wind tousling his already disheveled hair. But before she could say so aloud, Frank flung the Quaffle into a far off hoop. It was an impressive enough distance that all three girls gasped. Alice was positively beaming.

In spite of herself, Lily found herself enjoying the practice. It wasn't as thrilling as Potter would have sworn it to be, and she certainly didn't plan to wake up early again for it, but it wasn't completely terrible. As expected, Potter was there to keep the practice from becoming too intense. Whenever he hurled the Quaffle into victory, he never failed to grace the others with a lazy grin or a smart remark. He had even managed to cast a Hair Raising Hex on Christopher Spinnet, who was oblivious to his snickering teammates until an exasperated Emmeline had removed it, although Lily was sure that she had seen her lips twitch.

For some reason, Lily wasn't annoyed as she should have been. Granted, she wasn't having a constant giggle fit with the rest of the girls, but she didn't have an urge to jinx Potter back to Platform Nine and Three Quarters either. On the Quidditch field, Potter and his Potterisms just seemed…natural.

But when the practice was over, something happened that didn't seem quite as natural.

Predictably, Marlene was the first to notice.

"_Who is that_?" she demanded with obvious envy.

Lily and Alice followed her narrowed eyes. Lily blinked. One of the squealing girls that had also been observing the practice was currently kissing James Potter. It was difficult to tell who the female was, but from the long plait in the back, it appeared to be Demetra Vane.

"That's…unexpected," Lily said, not really know what else to say.

"I thought he liked you, Lily. Not _her_," Marlene said, as if her sudden dislike for Demetra Vane had to do with loyalty to Lily rather than her own enormous crush on Potter.

"Obviously not," Lily said slowly. She had been sure that his constant pestering for dates had been one of his many ways to annoy her and nothing more, but it was strange seeing her theory verified so…obviously. In a way, it was even more humiliating because it was an even greater confirmation that it had all been a joke to Potter. It was as if he was snogging Demetra to throw it in her face. But Lily forced herself to smile. After all, as long as he was with Demetra, he couldn't bother her, at least not about going out. "They seem to suit each other. Demetra is a Chaser for Ravenclaw, isn't she?"

"I'm going to congratulate Frank on a brilliant practice," Marlene said sourly, not bothering to answer. Without waiting for them to reply, she marched toward the field. Her shimmering dark hair swayed behind her, only emphasizing her confidence.

"I can't believe she can just go up to him like that," Alice said, her forehead puckering.

"She's not the only one," Lily decided with sudden determination. With that, she swiftly yanked Alice to her feet. "Come on."

"Lily, _no_!" Alice dug her heels into the ground, but Lily pulled her forward with strength that she hadn't even known she was capable of. "We can't."

"If you don't do it now, you never will."

"That's okay with me," Alice was on the verge of panicking again. "Really."

"It's not and you know it," Lily told her and Alice didn't say another word.

"Evans."

Potter had apparently paused for air. He was looking more windswept than ever, a beaming Demetra close to his side. It was nauseating; she was actually tousling his hair for him. To his credit, he had lifted his head a notch higher, as if he was trying to prevent her from reaching.

"Potter," Lily said with as much cordiality as she could muster as she dragged Alice along, leaving him and Demetra behind. Marlene was already talking to Frank, twirling her hair around her index finger as she did so. The Chaser was flushing slightly, his face a deep crimson.

"Hi, Frank," Lily said brightly. She elbowed Alice, ignoring the daggers that Marlene was shooting her way. Alice had liked Frank first, and it was ridiculous of Marlene to go after him, Potter and Demetra or not. Especially since Alice was the sort to let such a thing go without a word as long as it didn't cause a fight between friends.

"Hi," Alice mumbled, barely audible.

Frank grinned broadly at her. "Did you see the entire practice?"

Alice seemed to perk up at his question. "I did. Hufflepuff doesn't stand a chance."

Satisfied that her work was done, Lily swiveled around, accidentally colliding into Christopher Spinnet as she did so.

"Sorry," Lily said, feeling her cheeks heat up. "I didn't see you."

"That's all right," Christopher said with a slight smile. "You're Lily, right? Lily Evans?"

Lily nodded, startled that he knew her name since he was a year ahead, and it was his name that was broadcasted over the Quidditch stands, not hers. Feeling more awkward than ever, she nodded again, admonishing herself instantly as she did so. "Right."

"I'm Christopher," he said, as if she didn't already know. "We should have a butterbeer sometime."

Lily's eyes widened. That had been the last thing that she had been expecting. They scarcely knew each other. Well, she did sort of know him, mainly because he was one of the older students that Marlene and Mary liked to swoon over. He was rather nice looking, with a gleaming smile and golden curls, that most importantly, stayed perfectly in place when hex-free.

He hadn't even ruffled his hair once.

"I'd like that," Lily said, regretting her words once she had uttered them. What if Christopher hadn't even been serious? What if this was Potter all over again?

But to her relief, Christopher's grin widened, revealing more rows of pearly white teeth. "What about the next Hogsmeade trip?"

"Sounds good."

"Excellent."

When he strode toward the castle, Lily was still dazed. She actually had a date. Her first date. At least she thought it was a date. Was butterbeer at Hogsmeade considered a date? She couldn't wonder for long. She quickly glanced around to make sure that Marlene hadn't overheard in fear that the entire school would know about it before sundown. Her worry proved to be unnecessary. Marlene had taken Demetra aside and was most likely questioning her to death. Potter, however, was looking at her. Staring was a better word. When he noticed that she saw him, he quickly looked away.

"What is it?" Lily asked, annoyed that he could be infuriating even when silent.

For once, Potter seemed to struggle with his words. He opened his mouth and closed it, only to open it again. "I'm just not used to seeing you without Snivellus dripping slime over your shoulder."

Lily gaped at him for a second before recovering her senses. His voice wasn't light as it usually was. It was snide. "I don't understand you at all. Why do you hate him so much? It can't be just because he's a Slytherin."

"I just know a git when I see one," Potter said smoothly.

"I'm not surprised," Lily said furiously. "After all the time you spend looking at yourself in the mirror, I would be shocked if you didn't."

"At least I look in the mirror," Potter retorted just as furiously. "When was the last time Snivelly did?"

Whether it was the lack of sleep or the final straw, or perhaps both, Lily didn't know. Something swept over her just then and without stopping to think twice, she reached out and acted instinctively, striking Potter's face- hard.

Lily stepped back, horrified at what she had just done.

She had just punched James Potter.

"Lily!" Alice gasped. She was not the only one.

Potter had a hand on his cheek where she had smacked him. There was a great big red mark, but what struck Lily most of all, was his expression. For once, there was not a trace of smug Potterness to be found. He was in shock.

"I'm going back to the castle," Lily said shortly, aware that all eyes were on her, and with that, she turned on her heel. She knew that she should have been ashamed of herself. That she should have been sorry.

But she wasn't sorry. Not the least bit.


	63. Chapter 63 Passion

**Thanks for the reviews! I'm so sorry about the late update. Something happened to my computer and I had to wait for my dad to fix it. It's still not completely back to normal so I'm a little worried that it's going to die suddenly, but according to my dad, that shouldn't happen anytime soon. The good thing is, I can type now so updates will return to normal. Ch 6 of _Abomination_ is pretty much finished, I just want to go over it once more, so that will be updated later today.**

**Also, I noticed a lot of people have been commenting about the Lily and James scenes and I can say I'm relieved that I haven't scared too many people away with them. The first five years will be mostly Sev/Lily, but James will have a much more significant role after the Mudblood incident. **

**Thanks, PeaceLoveHermione, for letting me know that Severus and Lily are definitely 14 and not 15!**

**MoonHead- Thanks for the review! I admit the previous chapter was more of a filler chapter, and there will be more filler coming up, but that's mainly because the spring is going to be pretty intense and I wanted more fluff before all hell breaks out loose. There will be little mentions of Voldemort here and there, but I'm mostly waiting for Lily and Severus to get older since the war will be such a huge part of their lives after Hogwarts. Voldemort will become more prominent in the later school years though, after the Mudblood incident. I don't want Severus to be too aware of who Voldemort before he becomes a Death Eater, if that makes sense, because I rather have him focus on the glory of becoming a Death Eater rather than the actuality, which will later connect to his dislike of Harry's fame. I don't want to reveal too much, but Severus is Severus and not exactly the talking type. Lily will be the one to confront him about his friends in the scene from The Prince's Tale. Unless I miraculously shorten it last minute, that will take place after the three chapter Shrieking Shack incident, which is coming up soon. **

**DescaElement- Thanks for the review and the suggestion! There will definitely be more Sirius/Snape confrontations in the future, and I do like that idea, so I might just use it later for after the Mudblood incident, so thanks again! **

**the reader- Thanks for the review and I'm glad it helped make your day better! I'm the worst at math so I completely understand that feeling. They won't have a date showdown quite yet, but there will eventually be one. I will say that Lily and James will both be dumped this year for the same reason though. About the Animagi, I may slip in a mention or two of the Marauders being secretive, but for now, the main indication will be their use of nicknames during fifth year. Lupin is already Moony, but Prongs, Padfoot, and Wormtail will make their appearances. This is random, but I'm especially excited to write a Lily and Sirius as Padfoot scene that will take place next year. **

** lovelouder94- Thanks for the review! I can't say for sure, but I think it was always a doe. I'm not certain, but I think Patronuses are a seventh year lesson, and by that time, I'm guessing Lily would have already developed feelings for James. **

** almanera- Thanks for the review! I haven't fully decided on Pettigrew, but it will either be 1. insecurity, like you mentioned 2. loyalty, I was thinking about having Lily see that Pettigrew does have his good side in some show of his loyalty toward the Marauders, just for the irony.**

**Chapter Sixty-Three- Passion**

**1975**

It never took long for Severus to realize how much he despised James Potter. And in those rare moments that he did forget, Potter never failed to remind him.

Jaw set angrily, Severus knelt down to gather the scattered belongings that had fallen from his newly split book bag, courtesy of Potter, of course. His laughter, along with Black's, still burned in his mind. But it wasn't Potter that truly bothered him, at least not as much as another.

Himself.

He was a Knight now. He shouldn't have allowed Potter and Black to catch him off guard, to allow them to make a fool of him yet again. Yet Potter and Black always managed, whether it was in the middle of the corridor or outside on the grounds. It was as if they had been specifically brought to Hogwarts to torture him.

But before Severus could ponder how much he deeply hated Potter, he felt a pair of hands cover his eyes, sending his vision into immediate darkness.

"Guess who?" A familiar voice sang out.

"Dumbledore," Severus grumbled, annoyed that she of all people had to see him this way. He really shouldn't have been surprised. Lily had a knack for catching him in the worst moments, just as Potter and Black had a knack for creating them.

"Good guess, Sev," Lily said with a touch of sarcasm that she had undoubtedly picked up from him. Without another word, she fell down beside him and immediately began scooping up the quills and parchment scraps that littered the floor.

Severus paused, watching her from the corner of his eye. At least half a dozen students had passed him without thinking twice, but Lily had helped him without a second thought. He should have come to expect it by now, but still couldn't help but marvel at her. She was truly the best friend that anyone could ever have, and somehow, she was his.

"My bag split," Severus said suddenly, not wanting her to assume that he had been the victim again. It was humiliating enough being the victim without her knowing about it. "It's old. It was my mum's, actually."

Lily's eyes darted to the pitiful looking book bag. She extracted her wand, fixing the gash with a small flick and a quiet murmur. "There. That should hold it."

She knew. Severus could tell, just from a glance at her emerald eyes. And even worse, he could tell that she knew that he knew. He would never admit it, but he liked how Lily would call him out on a lie even when he least wanted it. It meant that she knew him.

But he liked the fact that she knew when to say nothing even more.

"Thanks," Severus mumbled once everything had been collected, his voice barely audible. He found that he couldn't quite meet her eyes just then.

"I promised I would help Mary with her Charms homework, but do you want to go to the clearing tonight?" Lily asked, her expression hopeful. "We haven't been there in ages."

"I can't," Severus said shortly, for once hating that he had a meeting with the Knights that night. For a split second, he was tempted to back out, but he knew that was not an option. Even if he was lying in bed, half-dead with dragon pox, he had a feeling that it still was not an option.

"Oh," Lily said, her face clouding over as if she wasn't quite sure what to make of his reply. Severus knew that his tone had been too curt and he immediately regretted it. She must have not wanted to start a fight, at least not with Mary waiting, because she didn't push it. "Fine. I'll see you later then."

Without another word, she turned around, her hair swirling behind her. The little sunlight that managed to pierce through the window caught on the strands of red, causing them to flash copper. She was angry. The 'fine' proved that. Severus watched her leave, his stomach sinking.

"Lily, wait!"

He had called out the words without thinking, but when she stopped and pivoted around so that she was facing him once more, Severus was only grateful for his carelessness. He easily caught up to her in a few strides, and when his black eyes locked with her green ones, he was relieved to see that they had not completely hardened.

"I have to study tonight," Severus said, not daring to look away from her eyes for even a moment. If he did, he was terrified that when he looked back, they would be narrowed in dislike, or even worse, disappointment. But she couldn't be angry with him. She shouldn't be. Technically, it wasn't a complete lie. He was studying with the Knights after all, if hurling forbidden curses at one another for practice was considered studying. "But the next Hogsmeade trip is coming up soon. We could go to that."

Lily's face brightened before it fell as if she remembered something. "I can't."

"We could do something else," Severus offered, hating the pleading turn that his voice took.

"No, that's not it," Lily bit her lower lip, looking more awkward than Severus had ever seen her. She was never awkward with him. Suddenly, he felt very wary. "I would love to go with you, Sev, but I have other plans."

She was acting odd. But perhaps that was because she was going with her Gryffindor friends and felt guilty. For once, Severus desperately hoped that was it. It was far better than his other suspicion, one he barely dared to consider, even though it was about to tear his mind apart.

"Oh," Severus forced his voice to sound casual. "With Mary and Alice?"

Lily looked away, but Severus could see that her cheeks were flooding with color. The pink should have clashed with her red hair, but somehow, she looked just as pretty as ever. "No. With Christopher Spinnet."

She said the name so low that Severus wanted to believe that he had misheard her, but he knew in his sinking heart that he hadn't. Christopher Spinnet? He had been so busy worrying over James Potter to even consider that others would date Lily. But of course they would want to. Why wouldn't they? Severus swallowed, willing his voice not to give him away. "Next time then."

"Definitely," Lily flashed him a relieved smile. "I better go though. I'm already late."

Severus nodded, not trusting himself to speak again. As he watched her leave, he decided that he would rather be humiliated by Potter a thousand more times than experience what he was feeling at that moment, not that he even understood it. All he knew was that he was pathetic.

He didn't want to be.

He didn't know how long he had been standing stupidly in the corridor, but a third year crashed into him.

"Sorry!" the third year said breathlessly.

Blond haired and blue eyed, the third year reminded him a bit of a younger Christopher Spinnet.

Something inside Severus snapped just then. He was tired of being pathetic. It was no wonder that Lily was running off with Quidditch players when he couldn't even manage to walk down a _corridor_ without being hexed. Who would ever choose a Slytherin weakling over a Gryffindor hero?

Severus had only practiced nonverbal spells during the handful of Knights' meetings, but just then, he decided there was no better time than the present. Eyes fixed on the scrambling third year, he forced himself to ignore the dull ache in his chest and to focus on the spell in mind.

The third year let out a sudden yelp of pain and doubled over.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Severus knew that he should feel guilt. The third year was just a third year after all. He was not Christopher Spinnet and he was certainly not James Potter. But he didn't feel guilty. Yet he didn't feel the glee that Mulciber and the others so obviously felt when they were cursing the weak.

Suddenly, Severus had a strange sensation of déjà vu. As he watched the third year's face crumple in agony, he realized that he had felt the same before, at least somewhat the same, when he had hexed the small red-haired girl in the beginning of his third year. Except then he had felt nausea, along with the smallest twinge of remorse. There was no nausea, no remorse, this time. Only an eerie calmess and the grim satisfaction of a spell well done.

Severus had been the same age as the third year, and yet, when he had hexed the redhead, he had been strong enough to see power and seize it. He had refused to be the victim then. Perhaps, someday, this third year would do the same. Someone had to teach him that life wasn't all sunshine and daisies.

It was painful.

No, Severus felt no guilt. He was only glad that it was not him cringing in pain. That had been him for long enough. As he strode past the third year, he revealed no smugness, no jealousy, and certainly not pain.

He was stronger than that.

**1975**

It turning out to be a nice date.

A very nice date. Lily didn't really know any other words to describe it. Christopher was….nice. He opened doors for her, told her that she looked pretty, and asked questions about her life and offered tidbits of his in return. He hadn't mussed up in his hair once. Nor had he boasted about his Quidditch skills or hexed anyone for his own amusement.

He was what Petunia would have called the perfect gentleman. If he hadn't been a wizard, of course.

"I'm glad we went there," Christopher told her as they left The Three Broomsticks. "I haven't had a butterbeer since the last common room party."

Lily braced herself, waiting for him to mention that the last common room party was celebrating a Quidditch victory. _His_ Quidditch victory. It was inevitable.

But Christopher said nothing.

Lily frowned slightly. She had never known a Quidditch player not to talk about Quidditch. Granted, the only Quidditch player that she really talked to was Potter, if screaming at him for involving her in one of his many pranks was considered talking, but still. It was strange. She knew that Christopher was in a pure blood family of four and that he had a younger sister named Charlotte. She knew that his favorite subject was Arithmancy and that his least favorite was Transfiguration. She even knew that his favorite color was blue.

But in the previous two hours, he hadn't brought up Quidditch once.

"That was when Gryffindor won the match against Ravenclaw, right?" Lily asked. "You were really good in that."

There, Lily thought to herself in satisfaction, not knowing why the Quidditch matter was bothering her so much. Something just seemed….off. She only wanted to be sure that she wasn't falling for the James Potter sort, she decided. Nothing would be worse than becoming attached to Christopher, only to realize that he couldn't shut up about Quidditch.

"Thanks," Christopher said lightly. "Where do you want to go next?"

Lily stared at him in amazement. A simple thank you. Potter would have gone on and on for hours if she had ever uttered those words to him. Christopher had merely acknowledged it with a 'thanks.' It was abnormal. But that was what she wanted, wasn't it?

But for some reason, she couldn't keep from persisting.

"Um, Zonko's?" Lily suggested distractedly. "So do you like Quidditch?"

It was a stupid question, but she was too flustered to think of a better one.

Christopher shrugged as they began heading toward the direction of Zonko's. Lily peered at him from the corner of her eye, impatiently waiting for his response. But he took his time, appearing to give the matter some thought.

"It's all right," Christopher said at last. "It's something to do."

Lily had not been expecting that. She had been expecting him to burst out and declare his love for the sport, but then again, she couldn't imagine him in the Quidditch stands, passionately cursing the opposing team as Potter had their first year. In fact, she didn't think she had ever seen Christopher truly upset, or truly happy, for that matter. He always had that small smile that revealed absolutely nothing but gleaming white teeth.

"Then why are you on the team?" Lily couldn't help asking even though she felt rude doing so. "I mean, certainly you rather be doing something else if you don't like it that much."

"It's not that I don't like it," Christopher replied. "It's just that I don't have anything else that I would rather do."

There seemed something horribly sad in his words. Everyone had a passion, even if it eventually withered away and died. With a twinge, Lily remembered her own fondness for drawing and she realized that she hadn't sketched for a while. Charms had taken over that old childhood pastime of hers. But even so, it had been a passion. Nearly everyone she knew had a passion. Potter, for some bizarre reason, liked Quidditch. Severus, for an even more bizarre reason, liked dark magic. Petunia liked romance and Marlene, gossip.

But Christopher seemed content enough. It was most likely none of her business. Lily let the subject go, and when they entered Zonko's, it was almost forgotten.

Lily may not have been a Marauder, but that didn't stop her from liking Zonko's. Everywhere she turned, it was bright and full of laughter, a stark contrast from the darkening wizard world. As she perused a display of Sugar Quills, she stole a glance at Christopher. He was just standing there, as if he was a father, waiting patiently for his child to finish playing.

"You don't want to look around?" Lily asked, feeling suddenly self-conscious. She had forgotten that he was a fifth year, and in that moment, their small age gap seemed more glaring than ever.

"To be honest, this isn't really my sort of store."

"Oh," Lily said awkwardly. "Let's go somewhere else then."

"Go ahead," Christopher nodded back at the Sugar Quills. "I really don't mind."

Feeling more like a first year than ever, Lily went back to the inspecting the newest products. Even Severus, who claimed to hate Zonko's, would have had fun with her. He would have scowled, of course, until Lily would startle him with one of the many tricks lying about the store. Then they would both burst out laughing and Severus would forget to scowl.

But Lily had a feeling that Christopher wouldn't forget his small smile.

A high-pitched giggle interrupted her thoughts. Lily shifted her gaze and found herself staring at Demetra Vane, who had just stepped foot into the store with Potter seemingly attached to her side. He was grinning widely, and all of a sudden, his bright hazel eyes met hers. Automatically, Lily looked away. For once, she didn't have the slightest urge to strangle him. Instead, she only wanted to leave. She hurried back toward Christopher.

"I'm done looking. Let's go somewhere else."

"Honeydukes?"

Lily smiled a tad too brightly. "Sure."

Outside had never been more welcoming. Lily took a deep breath of fresh air, grateful to be away from Potter and Demetra. She had liked Demetra well enough before, but with Potter…she was just nauseating. Both of them were nauseating. Lily knew that she should have been relieved that Potter was finally leaving her alone, but she still couldn't brush off the humiliation. He had pretended to like her for two years, constantly harassing her whenever he could, whether it was to ask her out or turn her hair green. _Who did that?_

Christopher was first to break the silence. "I don't know if you're having fun, but…"

"No, I am," Lily said, again too cheerily.

Christopher looked pleased, his trademark smile curving on his lips. "Then do you want to do this again sometime?"

At first, Lily was incredulous. He wanted to endure this all over again? She didn't even see the point in dating, not really, if this was what it would be like. Petunia had told her of sparks and stars, but honestly, it was dull. She would rather be in the clearing with Severus. At least she could be childish there without being ashamed of it.

But Petunia was a romantic. Sparks and stars most likely didn't exist. And Christopher was rather good looking. In the afternoon sun, his hair resembled spun gold, and his eyes were a brighter and clearer blue than the summer sky. And most importantly, he was nice. He didn't try to humiliate her every second he could and he certainly didn't go on and on about Quidditch. She hadn't felt annoyed once during their date. Then again, she hadn't felt much of anything, but…

"Okay," Lily said finally, regretting her response the second she had uttered it. But she hadn't agreed to anything official. Maybe it would be months before the next Hogsmeade trip. Maybe Christopher would end up forgetting. Maybe he would end up with Demetra Vane.

What was wrong with her? She should have been happy. Lily didn't even know why she was so desperate to find an excuse. Christopher was a perfectly decent boy. He was better than decent. He was nearly perfect, other than being slightly boring...

Christopher's smile almost seemed to widen. "Good. I'm glad."

Lily couldn't help but wish that she was too.


	64. Chapter 64 The Attack

**In case you didn't read my profile:**

** "I'm not sure how many of you read my profile earlier, but my computer died and I wasn't able to update. My parents bought me a new one, and I have to say, it feels amazing being back and typing with an actual keyboard instead of a touch screen. I was really, really close to giving up on my fanfics because I lost all of my outlines, which pretty much map out every chapter until seventh year. I thought it over, and, honestly, I hate not finishing things. I wrote over sixty chapters so far, and it would just be stupid not to finish. I promised all of you that I would finish Always, and I'm saying it again, I will finish. I'm just upset because I never worked so hard on mapping out a story before, and it just sucks that it was for nothing. I'm going to try to rewrite them this weekend, but I'm not sure how much I'll remember because I had a ridiculous amount of notes and details. I had so many ideas for Always, and I'm really hoping that it still turns out all right. Unfortunately, I also have to rewrite a few future chapters that I wrote, chapters for Abomination and Hero included. Anyway, thank you so much for reading, and especially thanks to those of you who sent me messages encouraging me to continue. I honestly don't think I would be able to finish Always without you."**

**I still need to get a lot of work done on rewriting the outlines, but luckily, I remember what I had planned for the rest of fourth year pretty well, so I'll wait until fifth year to panic. Sorry this chapter took so long to rewrite. I'm not sure if any of you ever had to rewrite something, but it's unbelievably boring and kind of stressful, especially when you can't figure out why you don't like it as much as the original. Anyway, here it is, and there will be an update by next Sunday, if not sooner. I think I'm going to aim for updating every Sunday, at least for now. Again, thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I don't think I would have been motivated to rewrite everything if I didn't have all of you waiting for my next update.**

**almanera- Thanks for the review! I agree with what you said about Pettigrew completely, and James and Sirius. I do think that they could cross over to the bullying side, with what Lily said about James hexing others, but I don't really see them as actual bullies. At first glance, the Mudblood scene makes it seem like James and Sirius were bullies that tortured Snape, but Snape was not completely innocent either. After all, he was the one lurking around and trying to out their best friend as a werewolf. Also, I really love that idea with what you said about the Marauders pranking each other and Pettigrew being more sensitive to it, and I think I might just use it if I do a Pettigrew fanfic, so thanks!**

**TheSecondMessenger- Thanks for the review! I'm really bad at numbers, but I'm going to say Alicia's father. That's what I originally had in mind when writing it, but if that makes him having a child at a ridiculously young age, then pretend I said grandfather. **

**Chapter Sixty-Four- The Attack**

**1975**

It was time.

Severus was tired of waiting. He had waited for this very moment for far too long. Every time he heard the dreaded sound of Potter's laughter or caught sight of Black's knowing smirk, he longed for it a bit more. Even the sight of Pettigrew and Lupin made him grow all the more impatient. Especially the sight of Lupin. Because every time Severus saw the fresh scrapes and bruises that marred the sickly boy's skin, he was reminded of the day when Lily had chosen to believe a werewolf over him.

He would prove it to her, that Lupin was not just the most tolerable of the Marauders, that he was a monster.

Severus's lips snaked into the beginning of a self-satisfied smile as his eyes, even darker in the shadows, focused on the window in front of him. The shining moon was full and luminous, its creamy light pouring through the glass and spilling across the stone floor of the castle. To most people, the full moon was only a monthly event, something pretty to look at once in a while. To Severus, it was a symbol of his future victory over the Marauders.

His eyes then flickered to the door at the end of the blackened corridor. It was a small door, barely discernable in the dead of the night. Even in the daylight, rarely anyone used that door, let alone knew about it. They preferred the massive double doors that led to the grounds. No one wanted to dawdle in the neglected corridor that was barely lit even when the castle was awake and bustling, which was precisely why Severus was willing to bet that Lupin would choose this particular door.

The sudden sound of footsteps caused Severus to duck behind a suit of armor, taking cover in the shield of darkness it provided. If he tilted his head just so and squinted his eyes, he could just make out the outline of the door. There was absolutely no possibility that Lupin could leave without him knowing it.

But the owner of the footsteps caused a snag in his plans, a snag that he had not anticipated.

"Sev? You here?"

Regulus.

Fuming, Severus revealed himself long enough to yank Regulus back into the safety of the shadows. He dug his fingers into the younger Slytherin's arm to inflict a twinge of pain, but the motion did little to lessen his anger. "Regulus, _what_ are you doing here? And I told you not to call me that."

Regulus was irritatingly unaffected by Severus's obvious wrath. "Sor-ry, _Severus_. And I followed you." He stated the confession with such nonchalance, it was as if he admitting to drinking pumpkin juice rather than following a Knight of Walpurgis. "You were being suspicious all day, and I was curious."

"I wasn't being suspicious," Severus snapped.

"Mysterious then," Regulus said, his brown eyes bright. "You kept looking over your shoulder like you were worried that someone was following you."

"It's called caution, and obviously it wasn't enough if you still followed me," Severus said, becoming more and more annoyed by the second, partially with himself and partially with Regulus. He should have been more careful. He should have made certain that Regulus was nowhere in sight. He knew the younger Black well enough to know that he had an unfortunate knack for bad timing.

"Sirius is my brother," Regulus gave a careless little shrug of his shoulders, as if that explained everything. In a way, it did. "Anyway, why do you keep looking at the moon? I kept expecting you to turn into a werewolf or something."

The ghost of Severus's crooked grin returned, slow but certain. Regulus clearly had no idea how close his words to the truth. He opened his mouth to answer, but a sudden sound caused it to promptly fall shut. He could have sworn that he had heard a growl, but that was impossible. It couldn't be.

"Did you hear that?" Regulus piped up.

Panic was rising, but Severus didn't show it. "Stop talking," he hissed so softly that it was barely above his breath. Regulus made an indignant reply, but Severus didn't hear him. He was too busy prying apart his mind for all the werewolf pages that he had consumed over the last few months. To his frustration, he recalled nothing except bits and pieces of Muggle horror films that Lily had forced him to see. Dimly, Severus wondered if there were any silver bullets lying around.

It wasn't supposed to happen like this. Severus didn't know exactly what he had thought would happen, but not this. He had been hoping to follow Lupin, to form an idea of where he went during the full moon. He knew that the werewolf and Pomfrey had headed toward the Whomping Willow before, but that couldn't possibly be the end of it. They had vanished into thin air. Severus needed something more; he needed at least a shred of evidence to prove what should have been the obvious, that Remus Lupin was indeed a monster.

"What is that?"

To Severus's horror, Regulus stepped out into the open, the moon bathing him in its glow like a giant spotlight. Severus was just about to seize the back of his robes to pull him back when Regulus cried out, "Duck!"

Severus obeyed, instinctively covering his head as he did so. A distinct snarling sound grew louder until there was the uncomfortable sensation of something flying right above him, so close that it ruffled his hair.

"Who did that?" Regulus asked, frowning, but even so, he sounded far too calm for just having seen a flying werewolf. Severus craned his neck for a view of whatever had just soared above him, and immediately, he scowled when he saw was it was. It wasn't a werewolf. It was nothing but a Fanged Frisbee. Severus had always disliked the useless objects, but now, he positively loathed them.

"It's coming back!" Regulus exclaimed, hurling himself back until he was pressed flat against the wall as Severus neatly sidestepped the Frisbee. "It shouldn't be doing that. I think it's been enchanted."

"Let's just go then," Severus was already turning around. He was done with Regulus, Fanged Frisbees, and other distractions. He refused to wait another twenty-eight days. He would find Lupin, even if he had to put up with Regulus trailing after him. Regulus may have been a nuisance, but he was also a Slytherin and somewhat of a friend. Severus had a feeling that he would be more than keen to stalk a werewolf.

"Uh, Severus," Regulus's voice sounded strange, almost strangled. "There's more of them."

In the nick of time, Severus crouched down, unable to keep from shooting a look of disdain at Regulus, who was practically hugging the floor. He twisted his head around for a better look at the Fanged Frisbees, and his jaw dropped as he did so. There had to be half a dozen, whirling and twirling back and forth across the corridor at an alarming speed. Severus blinked, but he couldn't deny what was happening in front of him; the Fanged Frisbees would steadily increasing in numbers, and even worse, they seemed oddly attracted to them.

It was Potter. It had to be Potter. And the Marauders. It was them. It was always them.

"Let's go now," Regulus said in a small voice.

"Yes, Regulus, that would be ideal," Severus replied furiously. He should have known better. He was dealing with the Marauders. It was necessary to expect the unexpected with them, to prepare for utter stupidity.

"We could crawl," Regulus volunteered hesitantly.

Crawl. Severus had no intention of crawling. "If only we were capable of magic," he said, unable to ease the venom in his voice. As another Frisbee whizzed by, dangerously close to his ear, he reached for his wand. By now, there were so many Frisbees, hurtling faster and faster, that it was impossible to aim for a specific one. Rather awkwardly, Severus angled his wand and hoped for the best.

But the first spell didn't work. Nor did the second, third, or even the sixth.

"You were saying?" Regulus said far too smugly for Severus's liking. More than ever, he reminded Severus of his brother just then. The resemblance only darkened his mood further.

"Fine," Severus nearly spat out the word. "We'll crawl."

Somewhere nearby, Potter and Black were laughing their heads off. He was certain of it. Next month, they wouldn't be.

Severus would make sure of it.

**1975**

Lily didn't understand when life became so complicated.

She vaguely remembered a time when all she had to worry about was waking up for Transfiguration in time. There had been a short period in first year when Potter called her Firetop, causing Lily to fret over whether Potter would set her hair on fire or not, but that had been nothing compared to this.

Because now, she had to worry about boys.

In some ways, she always had to worry about boys. Anyone who had ever heard of the Marauders had to worry about those four boys in particular. No one could eat a custard cream or pumpkin pasty without living in fear that they would sprout tentacles or grow a second head. Whenever a Marauder was spotted with a telltale smirk, it was an omen far worse than the Grim.

At least then, it hadn't been complicated. The process had been rather simple, actually. Hex the boy who turned your toenails purple, suffer in detention together, and then go your separate ways, with nothing but a slight grudge. There were no mixed feelings, no mind games, and absolutely no mystery. Lily would have gladly grown a second head to have those days back, because whether she liked it or not, now boys and _romance_ were involved.

Boys were the reason why Lily couldn't enter the common room without being paranoid that she would run into Christopher, a boy that she should have been glad to see, but for some unfathomable reason, was doing everything she could to avoid. Boys were the reason why Marlene and Alice were barely speaking, over a determined battle to win Frank Longbottom's heart. And boys were the reason why Lily suddenly went flying back into the corridor.

As Lily looked up to glare at whomever had flung open the door that she had just been about to open, she met a very familiar pair of hazel eyes.

"Watch where you're going, Evans."

That was when she realized that they weren't familiar at all. There was still that enigmatic gleam that she was so acquainted with, but this time, it was not hinting at mischief. Instead, it suggested something more along the lines of hate. As usual, Lily was glaring at Potter, but for once, Potter was glaring right back at her, as if he couldn't stand her just as much as she couldn't stand him.

"I wouldn't have to if you didn't strut around, throwing doors open," Lily retorted, even though she was lacking her usual fire. She was too taken back by his new, decidedly unPotter-like, demeanor. It was unnerving.

Lily didn't know what it was about James Potter, but something about him never failed to make her blood boil. If she was being honest with herself, she knew that he wasn't the worst person in the castle. He may have devoted his life to making hers miserable, but at least he didn't think less of her solely because of her blood status. Even so, Potter managed to infuriate her in ways that Mulciber and the other of his pure blood friends never could. Even something as small as the sight of him rumpling his hair made her want to rip her own hair out. It wasn't reasonable, but Potter had the ability of taking reason out of everything.

"I didn't _throw_ anything open," Potter replied in an equally heated tone. "You were in my way."

"Of course I was in your way," Lily said, quickly recovering when Potter was able to remind her of one of many reasons why she disliked him so passionately. No one else had the nerve to send someone sprawling over the floor and find a way to blame it on the victim. "You're James Potter. Of course, this is your hallway."

"Good," Potter said, even though he didn't seem as pleased as he usually did. His trademark grin was nowhere in sight, and already, his eyes were averting hers. "I'm glad we've got that settled. I'm James Potter, this is my hallway, and you were in my way."

In disbelief, Lily watched as he sauntered on without a second look back. Suddenly, fueled by an outrage that only Potter could be responsible for, she seized her book bag and leapt to her feet, hurrying until she had caught up with his brisk pace. "That was sarcasm, you prat."

"You can have the hallway if it means that much to you," Potter didn't slow down. Nor did he spare a look her way.

"I don't want the hallway!" Lily said indignantly. When he still didn't look at her, she reached out to slap his arm. She hadn't considered his Quidditch reflexes, and automatically, he caught her by the wrist before she could. Suddenly, they both fell into an unexpected stop. Lily was about to threaten him with a jinx if he didn't let go, but before she could, Potter glanced down, looking startled as if he hadn't realized that he still had her wrist in his grasp, and immediately released her.

"Is there something you want?" Potter asked, sounding impatient as if she was the one inconveniencing him. "I have places to be."

"I want an apology!" Lily sputtered, even though she couldn't be certain if that was what she really wanted. She didn't even know what she wanted or why his antics were troubling her so much. She should have been used to them by now. "You can't just go around throwing doors open and knocking people over."

"Why not?"

The simple question caught Lily off guard.

"What do you mean 'why not'? Because you can't! It's just…rude," Lily said weakly, feeling flustered as she struggled to find a better explanation. She could never understand why she could list everything that was wrong with Potter when he wasn't around, but when he was, he managed to throw her off completely. "It's common sense."

It was even weaker than her first reason. How could common sense ever appeal to someone like Potter? Lily wasn't surprised to see his stony front crack just enough to allow his familiar grin to slip through. She was only surprised that he didn't laugh outright.

"Evans, you worry too much."

Lily gaped after him, feeling even more disgruntled as he melted into the crowd. It just figured, when she had to dodge hordes of Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws, that they all seemed to part just for him. It was no wonder that he couldn't be bothered with something as trivial as knocking someone over.

But Potter had struck a nerve. She did worry too much. In some ways, she envied him. Potter acted as if he didn't have a care in the world, at least when he wasn't glaring at her. The thought made her eyebrows knit together in contemplation. Usually, he was more Potterish to her than to anyone else, as if he was determined to annoy her to lunacy. He couldn't be bothered with regular, _human _emotions. He was above that. So why had he been so angry with her?

And there she was, worrying again. Lily sighed. They couldn't all be James Potters. One was enough. Far more than enough.

Forgetting all about Potter, Lily continued toward her destination, the girls' dormitory. Careful not to linger even a second longer than necessary in the common room, she raced up the stairs, not daring to look back in fear that Christopher would be there.

But the moment she entered the dormitory, she regretted it. There was not a hint of the chatter that she had become accustomed to. Instead, it was unbearably silent, as it had been for the past few weeks.

Alice appeared to be absorbed in her History of Magic textbook, far more absorbed than anyone had any right to be. Marlene was propped up on her elbows, idly riffling through the newest issue of _Witch Weekly_, sucking on a Licorice Wand as she did so. Mary was lying flat on her back, blond hair splayed around her, eyes closed.

Suddenly, Lily found that she couldn't stand a second more of it.

"That's it," she heard herself saying aloud. "Marlene, Alice, can you please just work out whatever it is you need to work out?"

"I don't have the slightest idea to what you're referring to," Marlene said in a lofty voice, her superiority promptly shattering with an undignified slurp of her Licorice Wand. Mary snorted, causing Marlene to glower at her.

"Yes, you do," Lily said, eyeing her friend steadily. "Do you even _like _Frank?"

The mention of the name caused Alice's eyes to dart up. Her textbook was still grasped firmly in her hands, but it was obvious that she no longer had the slightest interest in it. Lily decided to take that a sign of progress.

"Of course you would take her side," Marlene said snappishly, shoving aside her magazine rather violently. It tottered at the edge of her bed for a second before sliding over and landing in a heap onto the floor. Marlene made no motion for it and her eyes remained fixed on Lily.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lily asked, bewildered. She had thought that she and Marlene had always got along well. Perhaps she did talk to Alice more often, but that could hardly be helped, when Marlene was flitting from Quidditch player to a group of random people to yet another Quidditch player, gathering all the attention and gossip that she could summon.

"Because she's the quiet one, with something nice to say to everyone," Marlene said, rolling her eyes.

"And why is that so terrible?" Alice sounded hurt.

"It's unnatural. Say what you feel like for once, Alice. Do _something_. You've liked Frank for ages and you've done nothing."

"So that makes it all right for you to go after him?" Lily demanded, feeling even more indignant on Alice's behalf. "You're her friend!"

"You're lecturing me on friendship, Lily? Really?" Marlene lifted herself up into an upright position, hugging her knees to her chest, her amber eyes flashing. "You're the one who constantly ditches us for that Death Eater."

"Sev is not a Death Eater!" Lily said furiously, hating the fact that the subject of Severus was being dragged in yet again. She had thought they were past this, that they had accepted her friendship with him, but evidently, she had been wrong. "You have no right to say that when you don't know anything about him."

"Then why does he hang around Mulciber so much? He's friends with Rabastan Lestrange, and supposedly, Lucius Malfoy," Marlene's chin lifted a notch higher, as if daring anyone to object.

"That's just gossip, meaningless gossip that people like you spread around," Lily was aware that her voice was rising. She knew that she should lower it before anyone came rushing through the doorway to see what all the fuss was about, but she didn't care. Severus was her closest friend and she refused to allow people, especially her friends, to treat him such a way. She couldn't be friends with anyone who did. "He happens to be my best friend, not that you would know anything about what that is."

"Lily, I'm probably the best friend that you'll ever have because I'm the only one who isn't scared to tell you the truth. He's practically a Death Eater already. I know it, Mary knows it, Alice knows it, _everyone _knows it," Marlene paused, looking a little taken back by her own outburst, but all the same, pleased with herself.

Lily waited for Mary, and at the very least, Alice, to deny it. But neither one did. Lily's eyes darted back at them, only to find Alice looking down her textbook and Mary studying the ends of her hair, her cheeks pink. They believed Marlene. That much was obvious. But Lily didn't dwell in the betrayal. She returned her attention back to Marlene.

"That doesn't make you a good friend. It just means that you have a bigger mouth than Potter and considerably less hexing skills," Lily said coolly. For a moment, she felt like Severus, but she wasn't like Severus, not in the least bit. Sure enough, the ice in her voice quickly warmed to much more heated tones as she continued, her eyes blazing. "If you were a good friend, you wouldn't go after Frank when you know perfectly well that Alice likes him. The only reason that you like him at all is because he looks decent on a broomstick. The only person you ever think about is yourself. All you _ever_ do is spread rumors without giving a damn about who you hurt."

This time, it was Lily who was taken back by her own speech. From the corner of her eye, she could see Mary and Alice were staring at her, wide-eyed. Whether they were awestruck by her words or the sparks of fire that were brought with them, she couldn't tell.

"And what should I do instead? Be in denial with my Death Eater friends? Bury myself in books so I can pretend nothing is happening in the real world?" Marlene threw an accusing glance at Mary and Alice. To Lily's astonishment, tears were raining down Marlene's cheeks. She angrily brushed them away with the back of her hand, but the motion was useless. The tears kept pouring. "And for the record, Mary agrees with me. Frank is free."

And with that, she fled. No one followed her. The dormitory was in a stunned silence and it seemed as if no one could move, let alone speak. At least not until Mary spoke up rather hesitantly.

"Alice, I didn't say-"

"Forget it, Mary," Alice said far more bitterly than Lily had ever heard her. She set aside her textbook and stood up, as if she were about to approach Lily. "Lily, about Severus..."

"I don't want to hear it," Lily said so coldly that Alice's face immediately fell. "And if you'll excuse me, I'm going to hang out with my Death Eater best friend."

Before Alice or Mary could stop her, Lily stormed out of the dormitory, more than eager to find Severus. She stood by her original belief, that boys were complicated, horribly complicated. But if boys were horribly complicated, girls were just horrible.


	65. Chapter 65 A Rude Interruption

**Thank you so much for all the reviews, and especially thank you to those of you who encourage me to keep writing. I don't care how many computers of mine die. I will eventually finish this fanfic!**

**There should be another update next Sunday or Tuesday, depending if I have friends visit or not. _Abomination_'s next update should be up before then. I'm deciding if I should combine two chapters or not. I know I said that I was waiting until the Mudblood scene to post _Hero_, but I did start working on it before my computer died. I'm most likely going to rewrite it with my memory of the chapters are still fresh, so there might be an upload very soon, possibly before fourth year in _Always_ ends. I don't know what it is about fourth years, but this is turning out to be a lot longer than I expected. It is nearing an end though. The next chapter is the beginning of the James saving Snape/Mary Macdonald incident arc. Unless I change it last minute, there will be three chapters that take place all in the same day. I was originally going to have the Mary Macdonald incident early, but when I was rereading The Prince's Tale, Lily said James saves Snape "the other night" and the Mary incident happened "the other day," so I decided Mary will keep Lily busy while Sev is chasing after werewolves. Then there will be one more major event, which I won't give away, and then finally, it's the end of fourth year. Hopefully by then, I'll have planned out fifth year. If I have time, I'm going to start rereading this fanfic to see if I remember any of the ideas I lost on my outlines.**

**bluewinterose- Thanks for the review! I'm glad that people appreciate my research because I'm going to have to do a lot of it all over again once I finish fourth year. To be honest, I'm not completely sure if there will be any pleasant Lily/James scenes before fifth year. I know Lily will talk to Sirius and Remus after James saves Snape, but I'm still debating whether she should talk to James or not, mainly because I'm planning for them to have a big scene after Severus calls her a Mudblood and I don't want that to make it less...powerful. I'm glad that I made you a fan of James! He's not my favorite Marauder, but I do like him, and part of this story is to explain why Lily chose him.**

**the reader and MermaidGirl34- Thanks for the reviews! Both of you asked about James and why he's so angry towards Lily and basically it's because he's jealous. He doesn't understand why she agreed to go out with a random Quidditch player that she barely knows and not him. Some of his actions might not be obvious, but I plan to explain why in Hero, so hopefully that will clear things up.**

**almanera- Thanks for the review! It's sort of meant to be repetitive because I want Severus and especially Lily to become frustrated. Lily said she made excuses for him for years, and I want her to be fed up with it. I tried to make it a little different and more intense than the previous arguments since Lily walked away from her friends because they couldn't support her friendship with her best friend, which was the very thing that Severus failed to do. Mulciber and the other Slytherins, Regulus included, will have a more significant role in pressuring Severus about his friendship with Lily during fifth year. Obviously, they know he's friends with her, but they don't know how much he cares about her. Something new with the Knights and Mudbloods is coming up, and that will help make their friendship more obvious and lead to Severus being pressured in fifth year. Right now, they're not being too forward about it because they're focused on the Knights, and they're slightly intimidated by Severus because he's a half-blood who knows more dark magic than they do, and is on better terms with Lucius and Rabastan than they are. I was going to focus on Mulciber using Lily as Severus's weakness in front of the Knights because he's jealous, but I also like your idea of him harassing Lily secretly, so I don't know, I'll have to think about it. I also like the idea of Sirius saving her because it would be perfect for Abomination. Even if I don't have Mulciber harassing Lily during fifth year, the war will make Slytherins vs Gryffindors more intense during the later years. It's safe to say that Lily will definitely be confronted by a Voldemort supporter at least once, and I was actually playing around with the idea of Regulus being the one to confront her. Sirius showing up to save her would be interesting for me to write. I thought you would like to know that Lily will see another side to Sirius very soon, before fourth year is over. She'll sort of warm to him even though he still won't be too fond of her. Even though Lily doesn't take James seriously, James takes her seriously, and I feel like Sirius would be indignant on his behalf. After all, it's his best friend that is constantly shot down.**

**Solastice- Thanks for the review! I really believe that Lily and Snape stopped becoming friends because of who they are, so I'm glad that's coming across well. I mentioned this before, but it didn't make sense to me that Lily would end their friendship over a word, and my goal in writing this story is to explain why. I suppose Voldemort and the war helped develop their differences, but I don't think it created any differences that weren't already there. To me, Severus would have always been ambitious and desire to overcome his past, and Lily would have always been more clear about right vs wrong just because she had a more normal upbringing. Maybe I will write an AU story someday. What you said sounds like something I would love just because it has a new twist, but still doesn't end happily ever after. Once I finish my current fanfics, I'm most likely going to take a break to focus on my original work, but that's far enough in the future so I can't really say anything definite. **

**Chapter Sixty-Five- A Rude Interruption**

**1975**

From under the shade of the beech tree, Severus's eyes darted between the strands of inky blue-black hair that fell in front of his face toward the coppery red ones that were only inches away. He should have been studying the Divination textbook in front of him, but he was finding another subject much more interesting.

The sound of a page turning overwhelmed the rustling of leaves, and Severus's eyes flashed toward Lily again. Predictably, her index finger struck down on the first line, pressing firmly on each word as she read it, as if trying to force herself to memorize it. In about thirty seconds, she would turn back to the page before and let out a sigh of frustration. Severus may not have excelled at Divination, but he knew the subject of Lily Evans very well.

Approximately half a minute later, Lily didn't sigh, but she did make a strangled sound that made Severus seize the book before she could tear out the pages.

"I'll never memorize this in time, Sev. I _hate_ History of Magic," Lily said fiercely. "How can Binns possibly expect us to memorize all these goblin names in less than a week? He's mad."

Lily may have hated History of Magic, but Severus knew that wasn't what upsetting her, at least that wasn't all of it. She had confessed earlier that she had a fight with the other girls in her dormitory, and originally, Severus had been more than pleased with the news. The less Gryffindors around Lily, the better. But the more distressed Lily became, the more irritated Severus was. He couldn't understand why Lily cared about them so much. They weren't her best friends. _He _was.

But he knew better than to say any of that. Instead, he studied the page that had been causing Lily so much misery, a small smile flickering on his lips as he did so. He had had difficulty with the same chapter only the night before.

"You're laughing at me," Lily said accusingly.

"No," Severus shook his head quickly before Lily could whack him with the book. The corners of his lips curved up a notch. "I'll make a bet with you."

"What?" Lily said, still suspicious.

"I reckon I can teach you to memorize this entire chapter in five minutes."

Lily's forehead creased. "If you're talking about illegal dark magic, Sev…"

Severus gave her a pointed look, unable to keep from bristling. She was willing to deny that Lupin was a werewolf even though the facts practically screamed otherwise, yet she so easily assumed the worst of him, the worst of magic. "Not everything I do revolves around dark magic, Lily."

Lily had the decency to look slightly abashed. "I know. I didn't mean… Well, you know. You like dark magic. There's probably at least one book in your bag about it right now."

Severus didn't deny it. "Just because it's dark doesn't make it entirely bad. It can be used for good too."

"Such as?" Lily challenged even though they must have had this very debate at least a thousand times.

"Self defense, or…" There was a sudden gleam in Severus's eyes as he thought of his tongue locking curse. "Making Potter shut up."

Lily gave a laugh and Severus knew that they had treaded past dangerous waters. Good. He had no intention of fighting with Lily, especially when he finally had her to himself. She then sobered as she tucked a loose curl behind her ear, her face grim. "Okay, dark magic or not, getting me to memorize this is impossible, let alone in five minutes."

"That's because you haven't studied my way," Severus said confidently.

"And what is your way?" Lily still seemed doubtful, but Severus was pleased to see, also intrigued. It reminded him a bit of when they were younger and all Lily had was his knowledge of the wizarding world to rely on.

Severus took his quill and underlined a few names, finally drawing a box that captured the first two paragraphs. He was about to make a note in the margin when he realized that Lily was looking over her shoulder, her breath gentle on his cheek. He froze, momentarily at loss of what to write.

"Is your way making my book just as messy as your Potions book?" Lily asked, but she sounded amused.

Severus recovered and returned to writing, attempting to make his tiny scrawl look neater than usual. "My Potions book isn't messy," he said, scowling at her. "It just has a lot of much needed information, which wouldn't even be necessary if the writers weren't such dolts."

Lily was about to respond when she glanced sideways at the still glistening ink, a sudden frown on her lips. "Sev, why are you listing Potions? I'm decent at Potions."

"You're more than decent," Severus corrected her. "Which is why I'm listing Potions."

"I don't get it."

Severus pointed to one of the words in the margin. "Forgetfulness Potion. List the ingredients."

Looking more and more dubious by the second, Lily gave a slight shake of her head and gave in. "Knotgrass, cockroaches, um, wolfsbane…"

As she listed the ingredients, Severus jabbed the end of his quill at each of the names in the first paragraph, each name connected to an ingredient in some way, whether it was similar spelling or pronunciation, or even something as little as the beginning of the first few letters. As he did so, Lily's eyes brightened in understanding to the sparkling emerald that he was so fond of.

"Sev, you're brilliant!" Lily flung her arms around him in a tight yet regretfully brief hug. His cheeks tinged the dullest of reds, but thankfully, Lily was too delighted to notice. "I can't believe you figured out Potions for all of them! That must have taken you forever."

Severus gave a careless shrug of his shoulders, but he was unable to keep an idiotic grin from spreading. Quickly, he ducked his head down, pretending to fuss over his book bag.

"There's no way I'll fail the exam now," Lily crowed. But then something in her voice changed, and without looking up, Severus could tell that she was wearing the little frown that she wore whenever something was troubling her. "Oh no."

"There you are, Lily! You're not an easy person to find."

Severus's head immediately shot up from his book bag, no longer having difficulty in containing his grin. His mouth was overcome by a bitter taste, and he found himself contorting his face as if he had suddenly sampled something exceedingly sour. Sure enough, Christopher Spinnet was standing before them, tall and golden in the sunlight. It was painful to look at him.

But Severus's stomach slowly unclenched when he heard Lily's laugh, and the need to curse Christopher, although still severe, wasn't quite as great. It wasn't the lilting, real laugh that she used when him. It was soft and forced.

"I've just been so busy lately," Lily said in what Severus suspected was supposed to be an apologetic voice, but it came out rather weak.

"What about this weekend?" Christopher prompted, the cloudless sky annoyingly emphasizing the clear blue of his eyes. It was enough to make Severus search his mind for a curse that would swell them shut. "I was hoping we could go to Hogsmeade again."

Lily's face froze and Severus waited for her to decline. It was obvious that she was looking for an excuse. Just as he opened his mouth to offer her one, Lily spoke, her words crushing the small bubble of hope that had formed against his wishes. "That sounds great."

There was always that one curse that Rosier had used on Avery. It had been quite spectacular, really. The eyes would sting painfully, eventually swelling tightly shut, but not tight enough to keep a few tears of blood from leaking out. Severus glanced at Lily, wondering if there was any way that he could sneak his wand out.

Christopher flashed a nearly blindingly white smile. "Brilliant. I have Quidditch practice, but I'll see you later?"

Severus's fingers curled around his wand.

"Of course," Lily said, forcing another smile in return. It was so obviously artificial to Severus, he wondered how Christopher, how anyone, couldn't possibly see it. Reluctantly, he relinquished his wand. It wasn't worth another fight with Lily. Prat or not, Christopher hadn't done anything to Severus, at least not in her eyes. Either way, it was clear from Lily's expression that he wasn't a threat.

And in case the urge to curse the idiot struck again, well, Severus already knew where the Gryffindor common room was.

The former light mood dissipated as Christopher strode off. Lily didn't speak. Her head was bowed down, but Severus could tell that she wasn't reading her textbook. Her green eyes were glazed over, as if she was suddenly lost in thought.

"Hogsmeade," Severus ventured at last, grateful that his voice didn't break. "That sounds…interesting."

"No, Sev. It's the opposite of interesting. It's horrible," Lily burst out. She buried her face into his shoulder. It was lucky for Severus that she did, for he was smiling again, even more stupidly than before, whether it was from Lily admitting that she didn't want to go out with Christopher, or that she willingly touched him yet again, he couldn't say. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that he shouldn't be happy that she was so miserable, but it was difficult to process that particular thought with the warm weight of her head on his shoulder.

"Then why don't you just tell him no?"

"I don't know!" Lily said miserably. "I feel so rude. I should like him, right?"

Severus honestly didn't know how to respond to that. He and Lily were best friends, and it was only logical, _natural_, that she had come to him for boy advice. He supposed that he had anticipated it, or rather dreaded it before, but it was even worse than he had imagined. She couldn't honestly expect him to _encourage_ her to like Christopher Spinnet, could she? Christopher was all wrong for her. Not nearly good enough.

His stomach churned again. He wasn't good enough either. But unlike Christopher, he would be.

At least that was what he told himself.

"I mean he's pretty much perfect, right?"

Severus definitely didn't know how to respond to that.

"Sev?" Lily pleaded, looking up at last. Her emerald eyes were wide and imploring, an even more intense shade of green in the sunlight, and for a second, Severus couldn't speak. His mouth was uncomfortably dry. He swallowed, forcing himself to look away.

"I wouldn't say perfect," Severus said finally. "He always seemed rather thick headed to me." And dull and stupid and arrogant and not close to being worthy of Lily's attention, but he didn't dare utter any of those aloud.

"At least someone other than me thinks that," Lily said, biting her lower lip with a worried expression. "You don't think I'm stupid for not liking him back?"

"Not at all," Severus said sincerely.

Lily looked immensely relieved. "I'll figure out how to tell him at Hogsmeade."

"It shouldn't be that difficult," Severus encouraged, growing slightly more comfortable with the subject of boy advice now that it was heading toward a much more pleasant direction. "You used to tell Potter that every other day."

Lily rolled her eyes. "This is different, Sev. Christopher actually means it. I don't want to hurt his feelings."

Severus looked at her for a moment. Even though Potter didn't show it, Severus was nearly positive that his intentions had been sincere. Potter may have been an idiot with a head twice the size it should be, but he wasn't blind. But Severus didn't contradict her. "If you want, I can meet you there afterwards."

"Thanks, Sev," Lily smiled at him warmly. It wasn't feigned like the one she had plastered on for Christopher, or even like the one he had seen her use with her other friends. It was a smile that seemed reserved just for him. "You're a really good friend."

Severus's heart sunk. A friend.

There had been a time when he had been more than happy to be Lily's friend. He was still happy. Extremely happy. Why wouldn't he be? Lily was kind, clever, loyal, pretty…

Severus rested his chin into his hands and sighed. Whether he liked it or not, he didn't want to be just Lily's friend. He didn't want to be the shoulder that she used to cry on. Well, he didn't mind that part, as long as the tears that she shed were for him and not some other berk on a broomstick.

Not that he would ever make Lily cry. Severus may not have been a glorious Quidditch hero like Potter or dangerously handsome like Black or gold and glowing like Christopher, but he knew Lily Evans better than anyone, and he knew that he could make her happy.

Before Hogwarts, before Gryffindors and Slytherins, before Quidditch players and giggling girls, they had been happy. Just the two of them. They could be that way again, but better than before. Severus was sure of it. He could already see it, the reflection from the Mirror of Erised, gilded and gleaming as it danced before him, even sharper and more enticing than it had been before, when all possibilities, all his desires, were laid out literally in front of him.

Once he became someone, that someone who had once stared back at him from the mirror, Lily would see him in a different light, and then she would see it too.

**1975**

Lily had never been to Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop, and she was quite sorry to have suggested it once she and Christopher had stepped foot inside. It was a place that Petunia would have adored, with lace and other frills, but not Lily. She liked pretty things, just as most of the girls she knew did, but only not…quite so much, especially in such a small space. It was suffocating.

"Nice place," Christopher said once they were seated. "Do you come here often?"

Lily blinked at him, unable to decipher whether he was serious or not. She decided to go for the safe route and avoid commenting. "No, it's my first time."

Christopher nodded.

There was an uncomfortable silence.

Lily toyed with her napkin, wondering what to possibly say next. How did people do this voluntarily, for fun? It was closer to torture than fun. No, it was torture. In her millions of lectures, why didn't Petunia ever prepare her for how awkward dating was? Petunia had only gushed about how wonderful romance was. Never before she ever said, ever hinted, at what a nightmare it really was. Was it some form of twisted payback for Lily going away to Hogwarts when she couldn't?

"So," Christopher said. "You're quiet."

Lily tried to force a smile but it came out as a horribly awkward grimace. If possible, she was at an even more of a loss of what to say. How was she supposed to answer that? It was unfair, really. He was being just as quiet as she was. He had only nodded when she had said it was her first time there. That had been plenty of information for him to work with, plenty more than 'you're quiet'.

"Sorry. Just thinking."

Suddenly, the chime of the door rang out merrily, much to Lily's relief. Because those two seconds when everyone turned around to see who entered were two seconds when she didn't have to worry about what to say next.

But during those two seconds, Lily saw something that made her relief transform into pure indignation. Potter. Potter couldn't be there. Why would Potter be there, with Demetra at his side? When he saw her, his broad grin seemed to widen, and Lily shifted uneasily in her seat at the sight. She had seen that gleeful grin far too many times to count, and she knew what followed it. He was planning something, and since Severus wasn't in the shop, that meant whatever he had planned was reserved especially for her.

"Evans," Potter said cheerfully, far more cheerfully than he had been the last time he had spoken to her, when he had practically ran her over. It was a glaring contrast to the sour frown on Demetra's face, who immediately seized Potter's arm and jutted her chin out defiantly towards Lily, as if daring her to protest.

But Lily scarcely noticed Demetra. She was staring at Potter, nonplussed. She had never considered Potter sane, but now she knew the truth, that he was absolutely stark raving mad. He had gone from stalking her to ignoring her to hating her back to stalking to her. Any second, he would hurl her through _that _door.

With a quick glance at Christopher, Lily wondered if that would be so terrible.

"Potter," Lily said coolly, but she offered Demetra a small smile. "Hi, Demetra."

Demetra didn't smile back. Lily was taken back, and she finally noticed the Ravenclaw's defensive stance. Perhaps they had never been the best of friends, but they chatted once in a while in the corridor or a Herbology lesson. Now she was not only not smiling, but she was glaring at Lily, not unlike Potter had been not too long ago.

It was clear now. Potter was not only insane, but his insanity was catching.

"James," Christopher said with a polite nod.

"Christopher," Potter's grin seemed to cool considerably.

"Come on, James, I want to sit over there," Demetra yanked his arm toward the direction of the back, her voice taking a petulant turn that reminded Lily of a sulky four-year-old.

"Why would you want to sit there? There's a window and everything right here," To Lily's horror, Potter gestured toward the table across from them.

Demetra's frown deepened. "But it's _private _back there."

"Yes, Demetra, but there's a nice view here," Potter said far too brightly, completely ignoring his girlfriend's meaningful head tilt. With a swift tug, he freed himself from Demetra's manicured claws to slide into the chair. He made the movement seem casual and unthinking, but from the way his eyes narrowed for the briefest of seconds, Lily suspected that Demetra was stronger than she appeared.

But then realization struck. Potter was actually sitting there, sitting there as if he had absolutely no intention of moving. He couldn't be sitting beside her, observing her date. That would make possibly the worst date in Hogwarts history ten times worse. Lily clenched her teeth when she caught the glint in his hazel eyes as they flickered towards her, and in that moment, she knew. She knew that he knew she was uncomfortable, and worst of all, she knew that he was enjoying every second of it. "Potter, just sit over there."

"I'm enjoying the view, Evans," Potter said, creating a great show of stretching his arms as if he didn't have the faintest idea that Lily and Demetra were both shooting daggers at him, and that even Christopher was watching him in bewilderment. He simply folded his hands behind his head and sank back into his tiny ruffled chair as if it were the most comfortable chair in the world, completely oblivious to how ridiculous he looked sprawled all over it.

"There is no view, Potter," said Lily sharply. "The window is steamed up."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Evans. I see Honeydukes and Zonko's, and oh look, there's Moony," Potter gave a careless little wave at the fogged up glass, but his eyes still held the ominous gleam of an ulterior motive. "He has a bag of chocolate. I wonder if he bought me some. I haven't had Honeydukes' peppermint fudge in ages."

Lily looked at him incredulously. Before she could respond, she suddenly remembered that Christopher was still there. Wincing, she turned back to her date. "I'm sorry, I didn't…think he would be here. We can leave if you want."

Christopher gave her a strange look, one that she couldn't quite read, that was tinged with disappointment. The disappointment was what threw Lily off the most. He couldn't have really believed that their date was going well, could he? "Do you want to leave?"

"No!" Lily protested, sensing that was the correct answer. Her eyes flashed back to Potter, who was still listing the things that he was seeing in an obnoxiously loud voice. "Potter, can you please just shut up?"

"I was only being polite, Evans. Since you couldn't see the view, I was sharing it with you. Christopher, have you tried the croissants? They're really quite excellent here."

"There. Is. No. View," Lily's nostrils were flaring, her cheeks flaming from anger, deepening further to an alarming shade of crimson when she realized that nearly all eyes were on her, even Madam Puddifoot's. It was absurd. She came off looking like the lunatic when there was one right across from her, smirking as if he had won the Quidditch World Cup. "I don't know why you have to bother me every second you can, but for once, can you just leave me alone?"

"You're being rude considering I gave you a hallway last week," Potter said calmly, giving no sign that Lily had been practically screaming at him just moments before. A fraction of his smirk remained, taunting her. Lily would have strangled him right then and there if everyone in the shop hadn't been gawking at them as if they were an attraction at the zoo.

Demetra cleared her throat, and even Potter jerked his head away from Lily as if he had forgotten that she was present.

"Do you have something in your throat, Demetra?" Potter flashed a charming smile at Madam Puddifoot, who was still watching Lily with a concerned expression. "Could we have a cup of tea here, please?"

Lily rose to her feet, unable to swallow another second of Potter. "Christopher, can we please leave?"

Christopher was still wearing his strange expression, but stood up immediately, just as she knew he would. Unlike Potter, he was a gentleman, the sort that Petunia would rave about. For once, Lily was appreciative that her date was Christopher, and not an unhinged Chaser who seemed to want nothing more but to humiliate her to death. "Of course."

"Bye, Evans," Potter said, as cheerful as ever. "Remember, you push, not pull, the door on the way out."

"Oh, shut up," Lily said crossly, storming past him without another word.

It wasn't until she and Christopher were a safe distance away that she spoke freely, for once, not having any issue of what to say.

"I'm so sorry about that. I can't stand him. I absolutely can't stand him. I hate him. I thought he was becoming less annoying, but now he's more annoying than ever. He has this thing when he has to annoy me. It's his life goal, really-"

"Lily," Christopher interrupted. "Can I say something?"

"Oh, sure," Lily caught her breath. "What?"

"I like you. I like you a lot," Christopher started, but then he paused, looking unusually awkward as he rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes darting everywhere but her face.

Lily sensed there was more, and suddenly, she had a strong instinct to bolt. Miraculously, she didn't, and stood frozen in place while Christopher paced back and forth. At last he stopped, and once he looked up, his blue eyes finally met hers.

"You're nice and everything, but it seems to me that you and James have some issues that you need to resolve. Once you do, I would be happy to grab a butterbeer or something with you again, but until then…" Christopher gave a helpless shrug. "I don't think it's really fair to either of us. Or James."

Lily gaped at him in disbelief. She didn't know what she had been expecting, but whatever it was, it certainly wasn't that. Even a marriage proposal seemed more likely than the words he had just uttered. "What are you saying?"

"What I just said?" Christopher furrowed his brow. "Should I try to reword it?"

"Are you implying that I have feelings for…Potter?" Lily spluttered, her voice rising with her incredulity. "No, Christopher, you don't understand. _I hate him_. Whenever I see him, I want to rip his stupid hair out or smash his glasses to little bits. The only _feelings _I have for Potter are hate and violence. That's it!"

Christopher took a step back. "If you need me to walk you back to the castle…"

Lily took a deep breath, not missing the alarm that crossed his handsome features. Lovely. Another person thought she was insane, and once again, it was all because of Potter. "No, it's fine. I have a friend in the village."

Christopher looked visibly relieved. "All right, then I suppose, I'll see you around?"

"Yeah," Lily said, even though it was obvious that Christopher was dreading that future butterbeer. "I suppose."

He was walking away more quickly that she had ever seen him walk. Lily stared after him, finally realizing that she had been dumped, more or less. She should have been ecstatic that she was free of Christopher, but she couldn't help but feel a stab of disappointment. If she couldn't get along with someone like Christopher, who could she possibly get along with?

Not knowing whether to laugh or cry, Lily headed toward to The Three Broomsticks, where she knew that Severus would be waiting. She wondered if she should tell him the real reason why Christopher had broken up with her, that he believed that there was something between her and Potter. They could have a good laugh about it. Or perhaps not. Severus tended to act strangely when she mentioned Potter, not that Lily blamed him given their history. It would be best not to bring it up at all, Lily decided.

After all, what was the point in bringing up something that was so obviously untrue? Absolutely nothing.


	66. Chapter 66 To Catch a Werewolf

**UPDATES- Since I have three connected stories, I decided to make an update section at the very top and I will continue to do so for each future chapter, so people don't have to search my extremely long author notes to find out when the next update will be. These are the dates they will MOST LIKELY be posted on, so please don't kill me if I'm late. **

**_Always_- Sunday, April 1 (will be aiming for Sundays in general, but I'll be on vacation the week of the 8th, so I'll most likely skip that week)**

**_Abomination_- Thursday, March 29 (sorry, I know I said would update this before, but the good news is that I've planned a very loose outline of Sirius's seven years so you can expect more frequent updates)**

**_Hero_- Friday, March 30 (I need to do some seriously planning, but I have a good idea of the first few chapters, not quite sure how often I'll update this)**

**Thank you, everyone, for understanding about my homework. I finally caught up so you can look forward to frequent updates. Thank you so much for helping me reach over 600 reviews! This chapter is the first of three chapters of the werewolf/Mary Macdonald arc that will all take place during the same day. This first part is a bit slow, but I promise things will speed up in the next chapter. **

**One last note: a reviewer accused me of stealing this story. I did not, even though I almost wish I did, because that means I wouldn't have spent hours on outlines that disappeared with the rest of the stuff on my old computer. I did post the very first chapter of this story on mugglenet a while ago on my old username, but they never accepted my second chapter update for some reason. If anyone runs into this story elsewhere, please let me know.**

**sparklyscrunchies- Thanks again for showing me the typos, and thanks for the review! I actually debated for a while if it was too harsh of Lily to say that about James. I kept it because, while she doesn't mean it, I wanted to emphasize how James can have a definite crazy effect on her. Whether it's dislike or not, there's something always strong between them. About Christopher, I had him be the one to break up with Lily because I didn't want it to be too similar to that earlier Lupin/Lily scene, although I admit Lily got off easily there too. Reading your review makes me want to do a really difficult breakup, so I'll keep what you said in mind. Unfortunately for James and Severus, Lily will have other boys interested in her, so there will be other chances.**

**Solastice- Thanks for the review! I'm glad that you liked the Mirror of Erised chapter because there will be another one after Lily's death, and I'm ridiculously excited to write it, especially since the original was one of my favorite chapters to write in the first place. I'm also really glad that my portrayal of Gryffindor and Slytherin is coming out that way, so thanks for pointing that out. I really wanted to avoid making Slytherin completely evil without any useful qualities, and Gryffindor the House that can do no wrong. I'm definitely trying to have Lily's perspective shift that way, and it should be more obvious in sixth year when she actually becomes friends with the Marauders.**

**Anon- Thanks for the review, and thanks again for pointing out the typos! Demetra is a relative of Romilda Vane, one of Harry's fan girls. I suppose it can't be her mother unless she kept her maiden name, but when writing, I didn't really consider that part, so I'll just say Romilda is Demetra's daughter, and Demetra kept her last name because she ended up marrying and divorcing several famous Quidditch players.**

**Fanficfan- Thanks for the review and the tip! I'll definitely test it out.**

**Confused Reader-  
>1. You say you never thought I would be someone that would steal. You don't know me at all. I'm not the best person in the world, but I'm not stupid, and it would be very stupid for me to steal someone else's work when this story gets as many views as it does. I didn't steal because I don't need to. a.) For some reason I can't explain, I actually enjoy writing this monster of a fanfic. b.) I'm a good enough writer on my own, as you said so yourself, so a quick thank you for that.<strong>

**2. Your claim lacks consistency. You imply that you've been a loyal reader and have been reading for a while (not recent), then you say that we both wrote the same thing as the same time (recent), after you claim that I stole for a story that didn't have reviews at the time (not recent). Choose a timeframe and stick to it.**

**3. You say my story is too good, meaning I must have stolen it, then you accuse me of stealing it from you. Either you think a lot of yourself, or your name is extremely fitting. I'm going with the latter considering one second you're wishing me bad karma and the next good lack details. You didn't even mention your story's name, let alone specify what I stole. Next time, put in a little more effort and at least edit an old story so it at least it looks like I'm copying you.**

**4. I honestly really, really doubt that this claim is real, but if for some reason you do believe that I did steal your story, get over yourself. This is JKR's world, not mine, not yours. There are million stories out there based on it, if not more. I'm guessing there's at least a thousand jealous Mulcibers and Quidditch player crazy Marlenes. It sucks, I know, but that's the downside of borrowing one of the most popular fictional worlds. If you're trying to say that everything I've written is identical to yours, there is absolutely no way. I admit that after seventh year, I'm not completely sure of what will happen even though I have a list of scenes I know I want to write, but I planned out first through seventh years a while ago. I spent hours working out outlines with the most random details, and unless we have some weird telepathic connection, there is not a chance that you wrote the same story as me.**

**Chapter Sixty-Six- To Catch a Werewolf**  
><strong>1975<strong>

The sun had just begun to set. The final golden rays bathed the flushed sky with a dimming glow. Soon the reds and the golds would be painted over with twilight's palette of dusty blues and purples until the most final color of all arrived. It was only fitting, really. When darkness took away the red and gold of the sun, it would take four certain Gryffindors with it. Never again would Remus Lupin be eyed with anything but fear and disgust. Never again would Potter and Black strut through the castle without a care in the world, hexing anyone who crossed their path, and never again, would they be followed by worshipful eyes and cheers when they did so. After all, who would ever want to associate with a werewolf and his gang of marauders?

Yes, black was most fitting, Severus decided with a twinge of satisfaction, a hint of a crooked smile teasing his lips as he continued to observe the window from the corner of his eye. That night was a full moon, and in the morning, Lupin would be expelled. Maybe even Dumbledore would be forced to resign, forfeiting his protection of the rest of the Marauders at the same time. Severus's eyes gleamed at the thought, not even daring to imagine what the Knights would say to that particular accomplishment. It was unlikely, but not impossible. Once Lupin's beastly little secret was revealed, anything could happen. Students would write. Parents would complain. Hogwarts' Board of Governors would have little choice in the matter if there was enough disgruntlement.

Especially if certain families pushed the matter. With the most powerful pure bloods armed with enough ammunition, not even Dumbledore, let alone the Marauders, stood a chance. That was the benefit of being on the right side; never losing. Gryffindors, the rest of the school excluding the Slytherins, really, and even then some, painted everything black and white. They blindly followed whatever they believed to be good just because they were told it was so, even if it meant their end. Severus wasn't stupid. He knew that Voldemort and the Knights weren't good. But that didn't make them wholly evil either. They weren't afraid of making sacrifices and doing what needed to be done. While everyone else was content to go their usual way, ignoring and even fearing opportunity, Voldemort and the Knights not only seized opportunity, but molded it into something that they could be proud of.

They were untouchable.

And he was one of them.

Severus's eyes drifted from the window and back to the handful of Knights that were tucked to the side of the corridor. Sure enough, eyes lowered, feet quickened, and breaths were drawn in as other students scurried by. The few Knights that were there were hardly the most threatening of the group, but even so, the signs of fear that surrounded them were unmistakeable. It was as if their mere presence had an aura of power, a power that Severus couldn't say he disliked.

"Snape, are you in?" Mulciber's impatient voice rudely cut into Severus's thoughts. Without the better of the Knights around, Mulciber had taken it upon himself to act as leader of the moment, prattling on about some elaborate and utterly stupid scheme to terrify a few first years, a scheme that Severus was certain would be met by immediate scorn if the Lestrange brothers or Lucius had been present.

Even so, Severus felt a flicker of alarm at the possibility of missing another full moon, but it was brief, vanishing almost instantly. It was only Mulciber and the lesser Knights; he could handle them easily. All he had to do was end their plans and he would be free to catch a werewolf.

"No."

Mulciber's heavy eyebrows shot up and he quickly glanced around at the other Knights as if weighing their reactions. Evidently, he hadn't believed that anyone would have the audacity to back out, least of all a mere half-blood. "Why not? You have something better to do?"

It was a typical Mulciber tactic, one Severus was all too familiar with. Scoff until the opponent backed down and claim victory. Severus fought the urge to snap back. Instead, he adopted a controlled yet lofty voice that he would have liked to think Lucius Malfoy would have used, Lucius who was respected by all, who could make even Mulciber shudder with his wintry gray eyes. "I suppose you could say I have slightly higher ambitions."

A faint scarlet began to creep up Mulciber's neck, tinging even his ears a dull red. His nostrils flared, even more so when he realized that none of the Knights rushed to defend his precious plan. "I forgot. You're the half-blood Prince," he said nastily. "Care to share what those ambitions are with us lowly pure bloods?"

"Not especially," Severus said coolly, even though a flash of anger sparked inside him in protest. He had heard it all before, but somehow, it stung worse after Eileen had so solemnly addressed him as such, after he had so formally adopted the nickname as his own. He wondered if Mulciber knew that he had written the name in all of his textbooks, but quickly cast aside the thought before his cheeks could burn.

There was a pause. Mulciber seemed at a loss for words. As expected, he didn't suffer from that particular ailment for long. "Then what do you suggest we do instead?"

"Something more challenging than cursing first years. Second years, perhaps," Severus said casually, not flinching at the mocking tone, even though his cool black eyes remained fixed on Mulciber, his gaze never losing its intensity. "Maybe even someone your age if you're feeling especially daring."

There was a chorus of laughter, laughter that startled even Severus. It was not unpleasant, and for once, his fingers unthinkingly whisked away the same strands of black hair that he relied on so heavily to shield his face. His bare face felt almost alarmingly exposed, but he found that he didn't mind nearly as much as he ordinarily did.

Mulciber, however, looked far from pleased, his face contorting as if he had been forced to swallow poison. The color that had rushed to his once pale face was reddening by the second, a near match to the hated Gryffindor scarlet. Thorfinn Rowle's next remark did little to improve matters.

"Snape has a point. It's one thing to curse a first year who's in your way, but to plan it out?" The fifth year gave a little shrug. "It's degrading."

Another fifth year Slytherin, Edgar Gibbons, nodded in agreement, the motion followed by the others, even Avery, until a furious Mulciber jabbed him in the ribs.

"Are you saying that I can't curse someone my age?" Mulciber demanded, rounding on Severus. It was a wise and predictable choice considering that Rowle looked as if he could snap his neck as easily as a wand.

"I'm sure that you could," Severus said delicately. "With the right people."

Mulciber's eyes followed as Severus's pointed gaze rested on each and every Knight present. Another silence ensued, one crackling with tension that, to Severus's amusement, had captivated the others' attention far more than Mulciber's plotting had.

"You've seen me at the meetings," Mulciber hissed at last, his eyes flashing. "You've seen what I can do."

"Against Avery," Severus said simply, enjoying the show as the other Knights, with the exception of a confused Avery, exchanged amused glances. As much as he loathed to admit it, Severus knew that Mulciber was decent, arguably more than decent, at certain hexes. He took enormous pleasure in harming the defenseless, and it showed, his delight strengthening his spellwork, causing magic to blaze from his wand as if it had a life of its own. But at meetings, paired up against Knights that were just as aware, if not more, of dark magic, he played it safe, not wanting to risk a black eye marring his aristocratic features.

"If you want to duel, Snape," Mulciber spat out with a step closer. "We can duel right now."

Severus tilted his head, unable to keep from shooting a look of desperation towards the darkening sky. There was no time for duels. The only way was to make Mulciber feel foolish enough to lower his wand. "A tad sensitive, are we, Mulciber? I never said I wanted to duel. I was only making an observation, as everyone else obviously is."

At that point, Mulciber seemed almost too enraged for words. They may not have said so, but the others' superior smirks and glinting eyes gave away their true feelings. They believed him to be an incapable coward, and Mulciber knew it.

All the blood that had pooled up in Mulciber's cheeks had drained, and his face was even whiter than before, nearly ashen. When he spoke, his voice was surprisingly quiet, but all the more fervent, his thin bloodless lips nearly spitting out each word. "I'll show you all. I'll curse the next Mudblood or blood traitor I see. If that doesn't satisfy you, then I'll do the next one and the next. You'll see. They won't even be recognizable by the time I'm through with them."

The rest of the Knights fell silent, Severus included, as they watched Mulciber stalk off. Until Walden Macnair began to laugh, a disturbing sound, causing a few of the others to join him.

Severus was struck by an unexpected uneasiness, whether it was from Macnair's chilling laugh or Mulciber's speech, he couldn't say. Mudbloods. Muggle-borns. Lily. A sudden dread shot through Severus, but he shoved it away. Lily had told him that she would be studying for her Herbology exam in the Gryffindor common room. She was safe. She had to be safe.

"I have to go," Severus muttered, feeling sick to his stomach. He ducked his head down so that the curtains of black fell in front of his face once again. He didn't brush them back.

Avery, who appeared to be rather lost without a Mulciber to follow, began to trail after him.

"No, Avery," Severus said with an edge that he couldn't quite conceal. "I'm going by myself. Stay here or do something else."

It was rather like directing a dog. Avery stayed. Severus went on, but the sick sensation lurching in his stomach remained.

There were dozens of blood traitors and Muggle- borns around. There was no reason to worry about Lily. She would be safe in the common room. Potter and Black wouldn't even be able to irritate her enough into leaving since they would be too busy lurking around the school, enjoying the moonlight.

The moonlight. Severus's eyes flashed to a passing window and exhaled when he saw that there was still time to reach the hidden corridor and wait for Lupin and Pomfrey. But just as his eyes automatically flew to the next window, as if to reassure himself that the full moon would not be missed, he found himself crashing into someone.

Severus reeled back, miraculously catching himself before he tumbled to the floor. "_Regulus_?"

"Sorry, Severus. Bye, Severus," Regulus said between quick breaths, hurrying past him. He whirled around, facing Severus as he backed away. "Catch you in the common room later, yeah?"

Before Severus could even think of a response, Regulus turned back, his legs carrying him as fast as a walk could be considered. Severus stared after him, completely bemused by what had just occurred. Regulus was not normal, but even for him, his actions had been bizarre. But there wasn't time to dwell on the inner workings of a Black mind. A throbbing pain in Severus's arm from the collision remained, and absentmindedly, he rubbed it.

He hastened his pace. He was almost there.

When he had finally swept by the enormous double doors of the Great Hall, his heart began to pound in anticipation. This was it. After today, he would never have to see Lupin standing behind Potter and Black, looking down as they humiliated him for their entertainment. He would never have to see that apologetic, and ultimately pathetic, look Lupin gave him during the class after.

Potter and Black... They may have been a pair of obnoxious berks who believed that they were entitled to the world, but at least they admitted as much. Lupin was a coward who couldn't stand up to anyone without those two idiots leading the way, least of all to his own friends. He deserved to be expelled, to be shunned from society. He was spineless, as spineless as Severus was at Spinner's End, when Tobias came home and took out his rage on Eileen. There was a time he had winced at the sight, just as Lupin occasionally did, and just as Lupin, Severus would do nothing but stand by and watch. It bothered Severus, how much he and Lupin resembled each other in that way.

It was just another reason why Severus despised him. Because whenever he saw Lupin idly standing by, he saw his younger self, useless and weak as he hugged his knees to his chest, trying and failing to drown out his mother's never ending screams.

Abruptly, he pushed that unwanted memory towards the back of his mind where it belonged, but even so, the hideous scowl that had twisted upon his lips remained. Severus then turned around the corner, prepared to take his old shelter behind the suit of armor. But something new was in his place, something that even he couldn't have foreseen, or rather, someone.

A someone named Sirius Black.

**1975**

The Gryffindor common room was quiet.

Anyone who wasn't used to the common room would have said otherwise. There was plenty of noisy chatter, particularly from the other side of the fireplace, where a cluster of obnoxious third years squealed over a Stubby Boardman poster so loudly that the crackle of flames was inaudible. Even so, it was far too quiet.

Perhaps it was because there was no Potter to question anyone unfortunate enough to be wearing a Tornadoes badge to death until they burst into tears, such as the poor second year who still hadn't had the nerve to stray in the common room long since. Perhaps it was because the rest of the Marauders were suspiciously absent as well, they who tended to be louder than anyone, whether it was basic mayhem or an everyday conversation. Or perhaps it was because Lily still couldn't get used to the silence that should have been filled up with Marlene and Alice's bickering or Mary's swoons over Potter and Black. If Lily was being honest with herself, she almost missed hearing about how Sirius Black's hair could do no wrong.

Lily glanced to the corner of the common room, where Alice was staring at her textbook, obviously making just as much progress as Lily was. Lily looked down at her untouched parchment and bit her lip. She wasn't quite so furious anymore. Actually, she wasn't even angry. Only disappointed. She missed being friends with Alice and the others, but how could she, when they thought so badly of Severus? It felt disloyal to him, to even consider renewing her friendship with them.

Even though Severus's friends clearly thought less of her.

The thought nagged Lily. It had nagged her constantly since she had first told Severus what had happened. His eyes had darkened at first, but when Lily had told him that she couldn't be friends with anyone who couldn't accept their friendship, he had perked up considerably. He seemed more than agreeable to her declaration.

But when it concerned him and his disapproving friends, he was another person altogether. The majority of the time, he would retreat behind his mask, snapping that she didn't understand. Other times he would plead, claiming that it was better that he remain friends with them, for both their sakes. She remembered the desperation in his eyes when he had admitted that he was hiding something, and sometimes, she found herself wondering if there was no escape for him, if he had found out something truly horrible and was somehow being forced to guard the other Slytherins' secrets.

But then Lily would see how he was with them. He would hold his head high, even puff his chest out a bit. She was still sure that he was hiding something, but whatever it was, he was a willing participant in it, no matter how much she wanted to deny it. He wanted to belong. Lily understood that much. She had seen how the other Muggle boys acted around him, and she would have been glad that he was finding his niche, but Mulciber? Rosier? That was where she was completely baffled. She didn't understand how anyone could _want_ to be friends with them. Severus didn't need to rely on the approval of Slytherin pure bloods. He was better than that.

If only he could see that.

Lily drew her knees up to her chest and stared at the merrily dancing flames in front of her. It shouldn't have been so hard. It hadn't been hard before. And that was when Petunia had been around everyday.

"You're Lily Evans, right?"

Lily jerked in surprise at the interruption and looked to her side, only to see a tiny figure in an oversized hooded robe. Not quite sure of what to make of it, she folded her arms protectively across her chest and straightened up. "Er- yes? Who are you?"

"And you're friends with Mary Macdonald?" The figure pressed again in another small whisper.

Lily opened her mouth to response, but she couldn't find the words to answer that. She went for the obvious question instead. "I'm sorry, but who are you?"

"I can't say."

"And why not?" Lily demanded, craning her neck for a better view of the figure's face. To her immense relief, there was no hideously warped monster, only a pair of round brown eyes that belonged to a normal, if not seemingly terrified, boy.

"Because I'm a Hufflepuff," the boy looked around nervously before answering. "I'm not supposed to be here or James Potter will leave me hanging upside down again."

"He hexed you?" Lily was outraged.

"Yeah! And Sirius Black too!" The boy seemed half-frightened, half-delighted by the fact.

Lily wrinkled her forehead in bewilderment, not knowing how to respond to that. She decided to go with the route she knew best, Potter threats. "Well, if he tries to again, tell him Lily Evans will put a curse on him that will make his hair fall out. Permanently."

The boy looked a bit awed by her and took a wary step back.

"Anyway, Potter isn't around. Can you tell me who you are now?" Lily asked impatiently, becoming more curious by the second. Questionably sane or not, the hooded Hufflepuff was a welcome distraction from her thoughts

"Reginald Cattermole," came the barely audible reply.

"Okay, Reginald," Lily swept an irritating lock of hair away from from her face and behind her ear as she studied Reginald, doing her best to soften her expression with a slight smile. "Why are you sneaking into the Gryffindor common room and why are you asking me about Mary?"

Her smile did little to ease his nerves. Reginald shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably, and when he looked up, his hood fell back enough to reveal his scarlet cheeks. Lily waited.

"I wanted to know if she got my note."

"Your note?" Lily repeated, arching an eyebrow.

"Yeah," Reginald mumbled, looking around everywhere but directly at her. "I've been sending her notes."

"What kind of notes?"

"Nothing bad! Just that she looks nice and...that her laugh reminds me of our family ghoul."

Lily stared at him.

"He's a really nice ghoul," Reginald said desperately when Lily said nothing.

"Maybe you should have left that part out," Lily said finally, with as much tact as she could muster. She was having the most horrifying urge to laugh, and not wanting to hurt the boy's feelings, she bit her lip, frantically trying to keep a straight face.

"I guess so," Reginald looked downcast. "Maybe that's why she didn't meet me."

His look of pure dejection was enough to erase any desire to laugh. "Meet you?"

"My last note," Reginald peeked at her and quickly returned to staring down at his feet. "I asked her to meet me. The notes were a secret, but I was going to tell her it was me. And maybe ask her go with me to Hogsmeade. I can go this year!" He seemed very excited at the fact, and as if he couldn't help himself, he looked up again at Lily, waiting to see if she shared his enthusiasm.

Lily's heart wrenched at his hopeful expression. She would have never thought he was a third year; second year would have been pushing it. But even if he were a fourth year, she doubted that Mary would have taken to him. Reginald may have been somewhat endearing, but he wasn't a Quidditch hero or handsome family rebel. He was a Hufflepuff with a head that was far too large for his scrawny body. But there was absolutely no way she could tell him that. It would devastate him. She forced a smile since that was so clearly what he wanted to see, and returned to the original topic. "I don't know why she didn't meet you. She's not here. At least I don't think she is."

"Then where is she?" Reginald sounded worried.

Lily shrugged, not really wanting to talk about Mary or the others. "I don't know. Stalking Quidditch players?"

As soon as she had uttered the words, she wanted to clap a hand over her mouth, not wanting to crush Reginald. But he didn't dwell on it and simply shook his head firmly. "She always goes back to the common room after dinner."

"Oh," Lily said, a bit unnerved that he knew this, but more troubled by the information itself. He was right. Instinctively she turned her head toward the corner opposite of Alice, the corner that Mary had taken ever since the fight in the dormitory. It was empty. She turned back to Reginald. "She's probably fine."

"What if she's not?" Reginald peered at her.

"She is," Lily said more firmly.

"But what if she's not?" Reginald insisted.

"Then why don't you look for her?" Lily was becoming more and more annoyed. She didn't want to think about Mary or Marlene or Alice or even Severus. She just wanted to be able to study Herbology without their faces popping up in her mind. Reginald was turning out to be a lousy distraction.

"I did. I couldn't find her."

Lily sighed. It wasn't Reginald's fault. If he was oblivious enough to think that Mary would choose him over Potter, she could hardly expect him to be aware of their friendship status. With a nod of her head, she gestured towards Marlene, who was perched on an armchair near her sister and a crowd of sixth year girls. To her surprise, Marlene was watching them. When she saw Lily looking at her, she tossed her shiny dark hair over her shoulder and immediately went back to chattering away. "Ask her. She might know."

"I can't," Reginald looked panicked.

"Why not?"

"Not with all those people. And she's Marlene McKinnon," Reginald gazed at her with fearful eyes.

Lily was about to protest, but Reginald did look petrified by the very prospect, and she could understand why someone like him would be unnerved by Marlene, especially when she was surrounded by sixth years. "Fine. I'll ask."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

With that, Lily rose from the armchair and slowly approached Marlene, fully aware that the last time she had said anything to her, it had ended in tears. It wasn't a very good feeling. Seeing Marlene's amber eyes widen and then narrow when she saw her coming did little to help.

"I was wondering if you knew where Mary was," Lily said quickly before Marlene could ask why she was there. She was uncomfortably aware that the handful of girls were watching her with curiosity and amusement, all except for Rachel McKinnon. From her extremely hopeful expression, Lily guessed that Marlene had been ranting on about all of them to her and her sixth year friends.

Rachel gave her younger sister an encouraging look, and was promptly sent a dark one in return. Marlene then looked at Lily suspiciously, and then at Reginald, who was still by the fireplace, wearing his hood. "No," she said flatly. "I don't."

Rachel sighed.

"Okay then," Lily flushed and immediately turned around, suddenly wanting nothing more than to leave the common room, even it meant searching for Mary. She strode quickly back to the chair where Reginald was waiting with wide eyes. "Come on, let's go find her."

Reginald gulped, looking more nervous than ever. "Okay."

Lily led him out of the common room, debating whether or not to tell him that he was drawing more attention to himself by huddling over, especially when he practically glued himself to her side. In the end, she kept her mouth shut. She did, however, wince when he tripped over his robes outside the portrait hole and went flying forward.

"Wait."

Lily, who had just finished propping up Reginald, whipped around at the sound of Marlene's voice. "What?"

"If you're going to look for Mary, I'm coming with you," Marlene held her head high in defiance, as if daring Lily or Reginald to protest.

Lily remembered their last conversation more vividly than ever, shame creeping to her cheeks when she recalled how she had made Marlene burst into tears. Even though she still was far from happy with what Marlene had said, she hated hurting anyone. Certain that it wasn't a good idea, she glanced over at a visibly terrified Reginald, feeling only doubly sure when she took him in. "The more of us there are, the more likely we'll get caught," Lily pointed out.

"I don't care. And if you think I'm going to let you wander around at night with some creep in a hood that doesn't even fit right, you're out of your mind."

It was such a Marlene thing to say, a display of friendship hidden beneath a superficial insult. It was a show of friendship that Lily hadn't expected to see again, and she cracked a smile. To her surprise, Marlene offered one in return, a timid little smile that was a far cry from her usual toothy grins.

"Marlene, meet Reginald," Lily tilted her head towards the Hufflepuff.

"Pleased to meet you," Reginald managed with a squeak.

Marlene eyed him doubtfully.

"He's not dangerous, or anything," Lily said quickly, flicking back Reginald's hood so that it didn't droop quite so ominously over his face.

"Just in disguise," Reginald piped up. "I'm in hiding. From James Potter!"

Lily took over before Reginald could blurt out anything else, suddenly wanting nothing more than to get their mismatched search party over with. "Where should we look first?"

"Mary is on the ground floor most," Reginald seemed to be growing braver by the second. "When she's not on the seventh."

Marlene shot Lily a questioning look, as if asking _are you sure he's not dangerous_?

Lily forced a tight smile. "The ground floor then."

She had a feeling that it would be a very long night.


	67. Chapter 67 The Debt

**UPDATES-**

**Always- 5/13**

**Abomination-**

**Hero-**

**(Abomination and Hero will be updated once I'm back on track with Always) **

**I am a horrible, horrible person. I am so sorry for yet another late update and yet another outrageously long A/N. I wish I had a decent excuse, but I really don't. I was planning to update before I went on vacation, but I wasn't satisfied with it and I wanted to be more sure of it before I posted, especially since this is such an important chapter. When I came back, I just wasn't inspired to write at all. I have times when I can't type fast enough and I'll write page after page, and I have other times when I can't write at all. This time, unfortunately, was the latter, and I just couldn't write anything I was happy with. I was questioning everything I previously wrote on this chapter and going crazy, trying to decide if some of the characters were too OOC or not. I'm still not completely happy with this chapter, but I think it's because I struggled with it too much and rewritten it too many times that I'm pretty much sick to death of it. The next update will be on time, I PROMISE. I'm just excited to be writing something else other than this chapter, and again, I'm sorry for the delay. This is by far the longest chapter yet, about as twice as long as some of the recent ones even after I cut a good amount out, so I hope that helps make up for it. I know it's one that a lot of you have been looking forward to, so I hope I pulled it off. **

**A few of you mentioned Mary Macdonald, and yes, she is the same person as Mary Cattermole, at least in this fanfic. I've known she would be for a while, but I recently realized that canon Mary Cattermole is a brunette and this Mary Macdonald is a blonde. It's a small detail, but one that still bothers me, so I'm going to say that Mary became depressed and dyed her hair by DH, considering she's going to be the sole Gryffindor survivor of her year.**

**Also- I'm assuming that pretty much all of you know this by now, just from my spelling: I'm an American, meaning I'm not too familiar with English slang. I'm also under twenty, so I'm even less familiar with English slang in the 70's. If anyone knows any words that were popular in the 70's, or are still popular today, feel free to let me know. Insults to describe James Potter, mainly from Severus's perspective, would be especially helpful because I feel like I've been saying "berk" too much, and if that word was never used in England, I'm officially embarrassed. A quick thank you to An Admiring Reader for letting me know about "already". I'll make a note to remove it when I edit this entire fanfic, which I'll definitely be doing sometime in the future since I also need to get rid of a few glaring typos. **

**A NOTE ABOUT THIS CHAPTER- **

**While writing one particular scene, I realized that one aspect was similar to a COS scene. That was not my intention, and I promise that it's going to go in a different direction. **

**I'm still not 100% if Severus seems too OOC (mainly the Sev/Sirius scene), but I decided that 1. he's still a teenager, so he's not going to be the completely in control Snape we know in HP, even though he desperately wants to be. He'll slowly become that Snape, but he won't fully be until Lily's death. 2. I already stated it in the chapter, but without spoiling too much, it's a new experience for him, one he has been looking forward to, considering how many times that the Marauders humiliated him, so I thought it would be only natural for him to get a bit carried away. I also wanted to provide Sirius with a good reason to why he possibly would have thought it would be a good idea to send Snape running after a werewolf. I really wanted to show that neither one is completely evil, they're both at fault, and it was mainly their emotions and rivalry that got the better of them, so I hope that is clear when you read the chapter. 3. I was also unsure about the last scene with James, but I decided to keep it in because of what Dumbledore said to Harry. I wanted Severus to be a little confused rather than scoff the idea completely, mainly to make the James/Severus relationship more complicated. Even though he'll try to tell himself it was just for James's benefit, the realization that James saved his life will continue to haunt him, especially during two much later chapters.**

**fanficfan- Thanks for the review! I did intend to write "berks" because that's supposedly a British term. I'm not sure if it's actually used or just an American misconception. If it is, I'm sorry, and I blame the internet. **

**sparklyscrunchies- Thanks for the review! Honestly, you're probably right that it would be more of a subconscious thing, but the Lupin/Severus similarity was so glaring to me, that I couldn't resist pointing it out. I'll work to make Severus less overly self-aware in the future. Even though I tried to make up for Severus admitting to their similarities by showing it was an unwanted reminder and he hates Lupin because of it, I agree that it's still difficult to imagine him acknowledging it, even to himself. About your second comment, you're also right about Severus being unfair. Part of my intention was to show that Severus isn't exactly logical when it comes to the Marauders. It may seem weird and hypocritical to anyone else, but Severus doesn't see it that way because the difference between Severus and Lupin is that Severus doesn't want to be spineless anymore. This will be addressed again, mainly going back to Rodolphus's words in an earlier chapter, about those who seize power, and those who idly stand by. Part of the earlier paragraph about the Knights and seizing opportunity relates to it. Severus joined the Knights because he wants to take action. He doesn't want to be the spineless follower that Lupin is. He wants to forget about who he once was, and Lupin is just a reminder of it. **

**DIANA-FANofHOTNESS4ever-Thanks for the review! To answer your questions: 1. The last chapter showed how Reginald was following Mary around for a while and was aware of her habits. I figured someone like him would easily be able to overhear the password or find out in some way. I think the Fat Lady lets anyone in, as long as they have the password. Anyway, your review inspired me to slip in an explanation in this chapter, just in case anyone else was curious about it. 2. Severus and Lily are in their fourth year, and yes, it's nearing an end. 3. The beginning of the chapter started with the sunset. It was mentioned Severus had been listening to the Knights talk for a while. The issue was that he didn't have time to hex first years, not that he was running out of time before. I'm pretty sure that I never specifically said that the moon was already out because I wanted to keep it vague since I wasn't sure how long it takes the moon to rise or when werewolves transform. I did have Severus think of the moon and automatically look towards the window, but I didn't say anything about it being out already, so it wasn't like he was staring at a full moon the entire time. Again, I was vague about it, so sorry for the confusion. 4. The hexing first years plan was all Mulciber, not the other Knights. Like I mentioned in the chapter, there were only the lesser Knights present and Mulciber has a bit of a power issue, and was trying to take charge. It was mainly him talking. It wasn't really that they thought the other Knights would be proud of it, it was more of they were bored and Mulciber wanted to take action, because as Severus observed, he likes harming the defenseless. It wasn't until Severus called him out that they realized it wasn't the most impressive idea. Those particular Knights aren't the brightest of the group (one of the Knights I mentioned is a Death Eater that accidentally kills another Death Eater in DH) and that should become more obvious the more Severus is around them, which will be a lot more beginning next year, **

**blank- Thanks for the review! There won't be a Triwizard year because I have too much to fit in as it is. There's so much I want to write, even with an outline, I sometimes worry if I'll be able to fit it all in.**

**WiccaWordsmith- Thanks for the review! I know Lockhart will make an appearance at the very least, sooner or later, I just haven't decided when. I'm pretty sure he's younger than Severus and Lily, so if he's featured at Hogwarts, it will be during their final years. **

**Thank you for the reviews, and especially thank you to those of you who review every chapter. I don't deserve your loyalty after this month late post, but I hope that you won't give up on me.**

**Chapter Sixty-Seven- The Debt**

**1975**

Nearly anyone would have been apprehensive about staying in a dark, unused corridor alone, with only cobwebs and a tarnished suit of armor as company. The few that did not would have been at least unsettled, if not terrified, to suddenly find themselves with their enemy's wand at their throat. From anyone, a slight jump, an ashen face, even a curse or two, would have been the natural reaction.

Sirius Black was plainly not just anyone.

He clearly knew it too. It was obvious from the wicked little smirk that never left his lips, even though Severus's wand was only inches away. Shrouded in shadows, his haughty, undeniably Black, features were just barely visible, betraying the lineage he had so rashly thrown away. Even his slouched against the wall position could not conceal the refined elegance that came from being one of the oldest pure blood families.

Somehow, it made Severus loathe him all the more.

"Snivellus."

It was rather astonishing, how much hatred Black was able to muster in that one little word, especially considering his nonchalant mask didn't show any signs of cracking. With his half-closed eyes and casually crossed arms, he looked as if his only trouble in the world was boredom.

"Black," Severus said coldly, his grip tightening on his wand at the horrid nickname. Even so, a flicker of a small smile played on his lips. For once, the odds were even. For once, he had a fighting chance, _more_ than a fighting chance. He was going to enjoy this. Hadn't he waited for this moment since first year? "How does it feel to be alone and wandless?"

"It would be much more pleasant without that hook you call a nose in my face," Black replied with maddening calmness.

Severus took a step closer, unable to resist taunting the cornered Black. "I can't say I'm surprised you're alone. Lupin looked quite ill when I last saw him."

"You could always send him a card," Black replied neutrally. "Just wipe off the slime before you send it."

Severus ignored him and continued on. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that Lupin was just waiting to be discovered, but the temptation for revenge against Black was too great. He had been the victim for far too long. It was Black's turn now. "Pity you haven't caught what he has. I could do without you once a month. Is that why Potter and Pettigrew aren't around? Pettigrew was hungry and Lupin shared a bite?"

Black said nothing, but to Severus's satisfaction, he no longer looked quite so smug.

"Or maybe they're with him, enjoying the moonlight," Severus said, purposely pausing after the last word for emphasis. "Fresh air can be so invigorating."

Black's pale gray eyes flashed and Severus knew he had him.

"You would do well to watch yourself, Snivelly," Black said quietly, new menace in his voice. "You have no idea who you're dealing with."

"A Marauder?" Severus sneered, his grim amusement sidetracking him for a second.

But a second was all Black needed. In one fluid motion, Black had his own wand ready, the movement so quick that Severus didn't realize what had happened until he saw ebony aimed at his chest. "Unfortunately for both of us, I'm also a Black."

Severus cursed his stupidity, and by then, his long fingers were clenching his wand so tightly that his knuckles were white. It was fine, he told himself. They were on even footing now. He wasn't a Marauder. He wasn't a coward. He was a Knight of Walpurgis. It was _better _that his enemy was armed.

Severus must have let his surprise show, for Black let out a humorless laugh. "Bellatrix taught me that little trick when we were younger. She taught me a lot of things. Things that include knights and meetings." Just as Severus had done moments ago, he allowed a tense silence to unfold, a ghost of his smirk returning.

"Is that supposed to mean something to me?" Severus said at last, his mind flickering back to his initiation. He could see the crumbling pages of the book as clearly as the night he had signed his name in it with his own blood. Blood magic. Severus pressed his lips together. He had a strong sensation that he had to steer away from the subject, and quickly. That was easier said than done, but he could manage it. Sirius Black may have been a Black, but he was a Prince.

"I think you know perfectly well what it means."

"What I think?" Severus echoed with another sneer, seeing an opportunity to turn the tables and delve into less dangerous topics. It was time to awake the infamous Black temper. "I think you're jealous."

"Jealous," Black repeated, sounding incredulous. "I prefer my hair clean and grease-free, thank you very much."

Severus refused to let the insult sink in and plunged ahead. Black may have grown up learning how to shield his emotions, but running around with Gryffindors had caused him to slip on more than one occasion. Severus had learned enough to know precisely where to strike a nerve. He licked his suddenly dry lips and leaned forward. "Your family hates you, they've always hated you, except your brother, and now even Regulus can't stand the sight of you."

His words had begun slow and calculating, but as he watched Black's face, they spilled out quicker than he desired, almost trembling from the adrenaline that pounded in his veins. Severus had longed to be on the other side, the inflictor, for what seemed like forever, and now he was.

He relished it.

Black's face was white. "You don't know what you're talking about."

Not even a snide insult or a quick comeback. It was obvious that Black hadn't expected his words, from anyone, least of all him. Severus took that as a sign to continue, secretly relieved that the Knights of Walpurgis were as good as forgotten- for now. "And Regulus chose me over you. You're no longer needed as a brother because you're just a pathetic excuse of a Black who can't even manage to get Sorted in the right House. Gryffindor? You're no Gryffindor, just as you aren't a Slytherin. No one wants you, Black. You're a-"

"Shut up," Black said with such ferocity that reminded Severus of the night he had shouted at Pettigrew. His gray eyes no longer reminded Severus of shards of ice; they were blazing with such fiery hatred that it threatened to burned him alive. It was disturbing yet fascinating to see the contempt that twisted upon his handsome features until he looked like another person altogether, a hideous one. "_Shut up, Snivellus_."

For a second, Severus was certain that Black would lunge forward and strangle him with his bare hands. A sudden fear shot inside him, unexpected and unwelcome, and Severus almost wondered if he had gone too far. He shoved the thought aside. He didn't care. Black had humiliated for over four years, insulted him at every opportunity. How many times had Black and the others mocked his appearance? Hexed him under the guise of a lighthearted prank? Ridiculed his friendship with Lily? He had seen the tears of laughter roll down their faces far too many times. It wasn't enough; it wasn't even close to enough.

This time, it was him who had the upper hand.

Severus clung to his wand, refusing to let it tremble as he kept his voice steady. "Planning to curse me, Black?" Severus taunted, just as Black had taunted him so many times before. "Isn't that what a Black would do?"

For what seemed to be a long time but could only be seconds, Black said nothing. The final remnants of his mask had crumbled, and he seemed to be going through an internal battle of some sort as he clenched his jaw, gnashing his teeth together. Finally, a small smile appeared on his lips, slow but certain. "The Whomping Willow."

The three words left his mouth so low that Severus wasn't certain if he had heard them correctly. "What?"

"The Whomping Willow, Snivellus," Black sounded genuinely irritated by his stupidity, which irritated Severus all the more. "If you're so curious about Remus, go there. Press the knot at the base with a stick, and you won't lose an eye like that Gudgeon git almost did."

Severus didn't move. It was impossible to decipher whether Black was lying or not. It was impossible to decipher his expression at all. The hate was still there, that much was recognizable, as well as a knowing gleam that unnerved him.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because watching you trying to follow us around, as entertaining as it was at first, is getting old. It's obvious you won't figure it out without a little guidance," Black said, returning to a shadow of his old self, smug little smile and all.

Severus's eyes darted to the window. Lupin and Pomfrey must have gone another way, for the moon was already high in the air, a glorious silvery orb. He may have missed following them, but there was still enough time to gather evidence. Wand still out, Severus slowly backed away, regretting that there wasn't time to duel Black. It wasn't often that a Marauder was alone.

Black looked amused at his precautions. "Happy full moon, Snivelly."

Severus's fingers slowly curled around the doorknob, and still not daring to turn away from Black, he heaved it open. There was a low, drawn out creak, and Severus slipped between the crack.

He would curse Black another day. First, he had a werewolf to catch.

The night air greeted Severus with a biting gust of wind that was especially frigid with only his threadbare robes as protection. At first, he welcomed it and the sudden alertness it brought. Each crisp breeze only electrified his suddenly high spirits instead of dampening them, the taste of triumph already sweet on his tongue. Each step brought him closer to Lupin, to revealing the werewolf's secret.

But as the faint outline of the Whomping Willow came into view, monstrous even from a distance, the cold began to sink in. Eyes never leaving the branches that already seemed to be swishing rather viciously, Severus was soon wrapping his arms around himself, gathering all the useless fabric he could. The suspicion that Black had a trap in store for him was stronger than ever.

But Lupin and Pomfrey had vanished by the Whomping Willow, Severus reminded himself. He might as well follow Black's suggestion. Even if he was being set up, he was certain that Lupin's disappearances and the Whomping Willow were connected. He would just have to confront whatever Black and the other Marauders had planned and then figure out where Lupin disappeared to. He wasn't too concerned. After all, Black was still in the castle and Lupin was off doing whatever it was that werewolves did. That left only Potter and Pettigrew, which might as well just have been Potter, considering Pettigrew was always too busy cowering with his Cauldron Cakes to lift his wand. With that realization, Severus felt a surge of confidence and hastened his pace.

Almost too soon, he had arrived.

The Whomping Willow stood in front of him, even more enormous up close. Wand in hand, Severus halted, slowly pivoting around in place, his breaths audible, eyes sharp. He half-expected Potter or Pettigrew or some sort of magical object to attack him. When nothing popped out, he waited a minute longer.

But no one came.

Severus faced the Whomping Willow once more, hand still frozen on his wand. Ignoring his growing misgivings, his eyes then searched the massive trunk greedily until they rested upon what he assumed to be the knot. A slight frown settled on his lips once he realized that Black had not made that part up either. After staring for a long minute, he slowly raised his wand, shivering as he did so.

He couldn't, wouldn't, back out now.

Grimly, he levitated a nearby twig, feeling his heart drum against his chest as he guided it toward the knot. He held his breath and waited for the moment of truth, even though he was almost sure that Black had lied. Somewhere in the castle, Black was laughing. He had to be. Severus's lips tightened at the thought.

The Whomping Willow froze.

Black had not lied. The truth did little to comfort Severus, and feeling more uneasy than ever, he scrambled into the gap in the roots, not daring to wait for the Whomping Willow to come alive once more.

Severus was instantly swallowed by darkness. He stood unmoving for a few moments, amazed that it had actually worked. Once he recovered his senses, he edged to his left, a cautious hand out. His face was contorted in a grimace, almost expecting to brush against a tuft of werewolf hair. To his relief, his fingers brushed against an unmistakable dirt wall. He then lifted his wand with his other hand, and whispered just below his breath, "_Lumos_."

He found himself in a tunnel, a potentially endless one at that since it was impossible to tell where it ended. As far as he could see with his lit wand, it was just dirt walls, which seemed to grow unnervingly narrower the further they went. After that, it was all black.

Severus couldn't help but wonder if it was all just an elaborate prank set up by Black, but then he thought back again to his Pomfrey and Lupin sighting.

Lupin had to be there.

The realization did not console Severus. Wand out, he inched forward, half certain that a werewolf would come running forward any second. But that was ridiculous, he told himself firmly. Even Dumbledore and Pomfrey couldn't be so blind toward Lupin that they would allow him to roam freely and possibly escape. He had to be caged up, or behind a gate. A few solid gates, Severus decided, with giant padlocks that even Hagrid couldn't break.

That wasn't quite so alarming.

His trepidation returned when the tunnel began to rise. After several long minutes, possibly even more, of continuity, the change unnerved him. Severus forced himself to continue, even though he was beginning to feel sick, whether it was from the damp, earthen scent of the walls, or the unknown, he didn't know. He was starting to wonder if catching Lupin was worth it.

Severus halted, about to give up. Before he could, an image of Lily's sad green eyes floated in front of him.

_"You don't believe me."_

_"You're right. I don't."_

The memory was just as painful as it had been the day Severus had told her that Lupin was a werewolf. She hadn't believed him. He was her best friend, and she still hadn't believed him.

Severus resumed walking.

The tunnel began to twist. Severus followed it, more determined than ever. Even a slight stumble over a stone or root didn't faze him. He would make Lily believe him.

Severus suddenly blinked, a frown forming. He was almost sure that there was a faint glow of light ahead, but he couldn't tell if the darkness was playing tricks on his eyes. He continued moving and the light, still dim, grew brighter.

Severus froze, a new sound distracting him momentarily from the light. It was the sound of someone running. He strained his ears and he could just barely make out the loud mutter of someone cursing.

Potter. Potter had followed him. Potter, the hero, with his disheveled mop of hair and shiny new broomstick, Potter, who would do anything to save one of his best mates from being found out. Severus ignored Potter's voice as the corners of his frown lifted up in a small smile of pure satisfaction. Potter was too late. He continued moving.

Once Severus was close up, he could see the light was coming from a door of some sort. It wasn't the usual, everyday door with a knob to twist open. Instead, it resembled a trapdoor, small and square, only it was vertical. Lupin's cage must have been on the other side of the door. Severus strained his eyes to find a latch, but if there was one, it remained cleverly hidden. He dug his fingers in the crack and pulled.

It budged, but barely.

"Snape, where the bloody hell are you?"

Potter was closer now, too close for comfort. Severus struggled with the door, frantically trying to pull it outward as he watched for Potter from the corner of his eye. It was difficult, with only one hand, but he wasn't foolish enough to lower his wand arm.

"Snape! What the hell do you think you're doing?" Potter hissed as his form came into view, barely discernible in the weak lighting, but Severus didn't need better lighting. He would have known that hateful voice anywhere. Automatically, his face contorted in hatred and his fingers twitched.

"Stay out of it, Potter," Severus snarled.

The door was loosening. Severus could hear it rattling. He could just barely see Potter reach for his wand. He stopped jiggling the door.

"I'm sorry about this, actually I'm really not, but that's beside the point..." Potter began.

In perfect timing, Severus whipped around and blocked Potter's nearly blinding flash of blue light. He refused to be beaten by a Marauder twice in one day. "_Expelliarmus_!"

A jet of scarlet light sent Potter's wand flying from his hand. With a slow grin, Severus approached him, his own wand poised. He had imagined this moment since the very first day on the train. He suddenly wasn't sorry that he had missed cursing Black. Cursing Potter would be so much more satisfying.

"Snape, you idiot, I'm trying to save your life," Potter said, a new panic entering his voice. "Look, if Remus knows we're right outside, he can probably break that door down. You trying to break the hinge off didn't help matters."

"You admit it then," Severus said, refusing to give into Potter's desperate tactics. He was too busy drinking in the moment as if it were the world's best butterbeer. Potter could be melodramatic as he wanted, but Severus wouldn't buy it. He knew better. Potter was too foolish to be afraid of anything, even when it was right in front of him. "Lupin is a werewolf."

"Are you mad?" Potter said incredulously. "What part of 'he can break that door down' did you not understand? We have to go!"

"You expect me to believe that a werewolf is wandering around the other side of this door, just waiting to kill us?" Severus gave a humorless laugh. Potter may have been a Gryffindor, but he didn't believe for one second that the Quidditch player would have put his life in jeopardy to chase after him. There were only two choices, really. Either Potter was conspiring with Black to pull off some elaborate prank, or he was there to prevent him from gathering proof. Either way, Severus refused to participate.

"I was sort of hoping you would, yeah," Potter said, lowering his voice again but uttering his words so quickly that Severus barely understood him. "I don't know what Sirius told you, but he's not in a cage or anything. He doesn't need to be because no one is even supposed to be here. Werewolves' senses only strengthen when they're near humans. They go mad and lose control-"

"I'm aware that you're acquainted with werewolves, Potter." Severus cut in harshly. He was just about to test out a particularly fascinating curse he had read about in the old Prince books when something stopped him, something that sounded like sniffing. It was a harmless sound, hardly detectable, but there was no denying it, it was there. Severus didn't move. Nor did Potter.

There was a low growl. It no longer sounded harmless.

Severus's wand remained targeted at Potter, but he didn't dare act. While his mouth longed to utter a hopefully permanent curse, his instincts were screaming at him to not move a muscle. Instincts won over desire. He stood there, palms growing damp as the growling grew louder. Severus swallowed. He hadn't wanted this. He had wanted to catch a glimpse of the werewolf, but not this way. Dumbledore was an imbecile. A complete and barking mad imbecile. Who kept a werewolf behind a trapdoor that didn't even lock properly? Who actually _admitted _werewolves as students in the first place?

A sickening sound of crunching wood cut into Severus's thoughts. As chips of rotting oak sprayed out, revealing more light, Severus's eyes locked with Potter's and was promptly overcome by two startling realizations.

Potter was genuinely terrified.

Potter hadn't been lying.

"Run!" Potter bellowed at him, shattering his paralyzed state. Potter or not, Severus obeyed, his legs flying as fast as he could manage, his heart thundering in his chest. As he felt the beast's hot breath on his back, his mind flew back to one of his Forbidden Forest adventures with Lily. It had only been Fang then.

Now it was a werewolf.

Potter was a few feet ahead. Severus struggled to keep up, but he hadn't had the hours of Quidditch practice that Potter had, and to his horror, he could see that he was fading. A new wave of panic flooded over him, suffocating his already burning lungs. He couldn't die. Not yet. He hadn't even done anything yet. He had accomplished nothing. Nothing could be possibly worse than dying as a nonentity. Severus ignored his protesting body and forced his legs to move faster. He refused to be killed, especially by Lupin. It would be almost as humiliating if it were Pettigrew. For a strange moment, Severus had a bewildering urge to laugh.

Severus wasn't quite sure what happened next. One second he was frantically trying to keep up with Potter, the next he found himself tripping over a root and tumbling forward. He landed face down. For a moment, he stayed there, stunned at what had just occurred.

"Come _on_, Snivellus."

Severus felt Potter seize him by the arm, roughly hauling him upward.

Potter had come back for him. _Potter_, of all people.

Severus didn't have time to process the thought. As Potter yanked him forward, Severus couldn't resist stealing a peek over his shoulder. The second he had, he wished he hadn't. No illustration, magical or not, could have prepared him for the sight, as dim as it was, of a werewolf seeking blood, his blood. The snapping jaws held fangs that were sharper than any knife, glistening even in what little light there was. The eyes were a strange red, wild and merciless, the pupils bringing an unexpected flashback of his first Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson with Hawthorne.

He had hated Potter then too.

Potter hurled something into the air, the motion cruelly forcing him back to reality as if he had been showered in a bucket of icy water. Instinctively, Severus ducked down, doing his best to not slow down.

"What are you doing, Potter?" Severus demanded, almost tempted to slow down if it meant he was able to aim a hex his way. Only Potter would choose to empty his pockets in the middle of a crisis.

"Saving our lives!" Potter flung another object into the air, its stench almost causing Severus to choke.

"With Dungbombs?" Severus coughed, amazed at the Gryffindor's stupidity. His eyes were stinging, already blurring with forming tears, and Severus angrily brushed them away with the back of his hand. If Lupin didn't attack them first, they would end up suffocating

"And Fanged Frisbees. I think it's working. We're almost there."

To Severus's disbelief, Potter was right. He could no longer feel the werewolf's heated breath, but the still audible snarls kept him from turning around. They kept running, and as they did so, Potter kept emptying his pockets. A few minutes later, the light from above was visible, light from that _stupid _full moon.

"Go ahead," Potter told him quickly. "I have a few Stink Pellets left."

He was a Gryffindor, playing the hero until the end.

And Severus was a Slytherin, a self-preservationist who would waste no time with self-sacrificial proclamations. He climbed without protest.

Fresh air had never been so sweet. Severus inhaled deeply, hardly able to believe that he was still alive. He looked down at himself and inspected his soiled robes with a wince. That was when he realized that he was still clutching his wand to dear life. It was no wonder his hand was throbbing. His fingers slowly uncurled, and rather gingerly, he flexed them back and forth.

Potter suddenly surfaced, looking a great deal more disheveled than usual, with his already tousled hair sticking up all over the place as if he had just survived a tornado. His expensive robes were no longer spotless. It was difficult to tell if the grimy cloth or his face bore more dirt. Most noticeably of all, his usual grin was absent.

"It should be safe now," Potter said, glancing back at Whomping Willow that had sprung back to life. He removed his glasses and tapped them with his wand before slipping them back on, the sparkling glass looking quite mismatched with his smudged face. "He won't be able to follow us."

"_Safe_?" Severus choked out in disbelief. "Were you not there? As long as that thing is here, no one is safe."

Severus had seen Potter ecstatic. He had seen Potter without a care in the world. He had seen Potter in a dangerously pensive mood, possibly contemplating his next prank. But never had he seen him furious.

"_He _happens to be one of my best mates," Potter said angrily, his hazel eyes flashing. "_You _would have been safe if you hadn't been thickheaded enough to look for him. Who goes _searching_ for werewolves?"

"Who _protects_ them?" Severus shot back. "And it was because of your other best mate that I was there in the first place!"

Potter fell quiet, and after a long pause, he looked away. "I know."

Neither of them said another word until they had reached the castle. As they were about to depart their separate ways, Severus to the dungeons and Potter to the seventh floor, Severus hesitated. There was something lingering at the back of his mind, something he couldn't forget.

"Potter."

"Yeah?"

When he turned back, he already looked less shaken and more like the usual Potter that Severus was accustomed to, but still not quite the same. Even though he hadn't withdrawn his wand, his eyes were fixed on Severus, suspicion evident.

Severus was suddenly very sorry that he had said anything at all, but he wouldn't give Potter the satisfaction of a weak 'never mind'. He was more than tempted to look away, but he forced himself to meet Potter's eyes. "When I tripped, you came back. Why?" Severus couldn't bring himself to utter the words 'save my life' aloud. When Potter said nothing, he continued. "You could have gotten away without worrying about... Lupin."

Potter looked at him in amazement. "You actually thought that I was going to let you die?"

Severus stared at him. Of course he had. He hated Potter and Potter hated him. He couldn't understand why Potter was looking at him in such a way. It wasn't as if he was the noblest wizard there was. It was Potter who hexed him whenever his back was turned after all.

"I wouldn't have gone back for you," Severus said finally, not quite sure why he had said it.

Potter's hazel eyes were unreadable. "Then I feel sorry for you."

Severus felt a burst of anger. He didn't want anyone's pity, least of all Potter's. Before he could retaliate with a nasty retort, a third voice joined the conversation.

"Isn't this my lucky day?" Filch drawled out, the lamp in his hand bathing them in an uncomfortable yellow glow. Right by his feet was Mrs. Norris, looking far too pleased with herself as she swished her tail.

Severus shot Potter a dark look as if to blame their capture on him, even though he knew it was really his fault. But running into Filch wasn't what was bothering him, not even if that particular incident brought the possibility of a hundred detentions.

What was bothering him was that Potter had saved his life. The one he had hated, absolutely despised, more than anyone else at Hogwarts, had risked his life to save his. It was almost funny, in a twisted, ironic way. The golden boy, the one who everyone would undoubtedly miss, had nearly died for the dark one, the one who lingered in the shadows far too much and buried himself in dark magic, the one who no one would miss.

Except for Lily.

It was a stupid risk, a stupid sacrifice, one that Severus couldn't understand. Potter had done it to save his own skin, to play the hero. Of course he had. But as many times as Severus repeated it to himself, he couldn't deny that even he couldn't be certain of it.

He owed Potter. The notion was absurd, sickening, but even so, relentlessly nagged him, poisoning his mind with loathing and disgust as he was ushered upstairs, feeling as if he were being marched up to the guillotine. No matter how hard he tried to push it away, the knowledge remained. Potter had saved his life. It was a debt that Severus couldn't repay, a debt that he had absolutely no intention of repaying. Potter didn't have the right to step in and be the hero, not after everything he had done.

It changed nothing.

Potter had tortured him for nearly four years, yet he had saved his life. That particular accomplishment would erase the torture in anyone's eyes, but not Severus's.

Instead, it made him hate Potter all the more.

**1975**

There had been a time when Lily had thought that was no group stranger than the Marauders.

That was before she had become part of the search party for Mary Macdonald.

While the Marauders, as different as they were, somehow made sense together in the most bizarre of ways, her little group with Reginald and Marlene did not. Lily couldn't be precisely sure how much time had passed, but she did know that it felt uncomfortably long, especially with Reginald's tendency to bring out the awkwardness in an already awkward situation. Lily sensed that Marlene was on the same footing as she; they were on shaky ground already and neither one wanted to risk offending the other. Any words, as few as they were, that were exchanged were necessary and unnaturally polite. As they meandered their way through the dim halls of Hogwarts, Lily remained quiet, wordlessly listening to Reginald and Marlene's loudly whispered exchange.

"It was easy," Reginald was informing Marlene, appearing disturbingly like a young James Potter as he puffed out his tiny chest. In the past hour, Reginald had grown decidedly more comfortable with Marlene, his high squeaks gradually increasing to incessant babbling. Both Lily and Marlene had been forced to hush him on more than one occasion. "People never notice me. It's like I'm invisible. I just had to stand by the portrait and listen for the password."

Even in the moonlit corridor, Lily could see a familiar gleam surface in Marlene's eyes, a gleam that usually meant she was sensing a new opportunity. The brunette witch suddenly swung a cordial arm around Reginald and leaned forward in a confidential manner that was almost laughable considering their height differences. "If you heard the password, then you must have heard other things."

Reginald screwed up his face in confusion. "What things?"

"_Things_. Like who's snogging who," Marlene said breathlessly, sounding more like her old self than ever, as Reginald's face turned crimson.

Lily fiddled with her wand. She had known that it would be highly unlikely for Marlene to give up her love of gossip, but she didn't care for the reminder of their fight, and the even more unwelcome reminder of Marlene's accusations against Severus. "Let's get back to searching," Lily said suddenly before Marlene could corrupt the poor Hufflepuff. "We've almost finished with the ground floor. Where to next?" She had been looking mainly at Reginald when she uttered the words, but even so, she caught a glimpse of Marlene's guilty expression.

Reginald quickly sobered, although the color in his cheeks remained as his forehead crinkled, appearing suddenly deep in thought. "Maybe we should search in order. The dungeons, and then we can move our way back up."

"We're going to end up searching the entire castle, aren't we?" Marlene moaned, looking pained by the very thought.

"We could split up to save time," Lily suggested.

Neither Reginald nor Marlene seemed too keen on the idea.

"Never mind then," Lily had to admit that searching alone in the dark castle was less than appealing. "Let's just check the Great Hall before we go to the dungeons."

"You don't think she's there, do you?" Marlene sounded baffled.

"No, but we might as well look. We'll feel stupid if she's been there the entire time," Lily said, even though the idea that Mary would be in the deserted Great Hall was sounding more and more unlikely by the second.

Marlene still looked reluctant, but didn't protest. There was another uneasy silence as they headed toward the Great Hall, one that was forgotten when Reginald tripped over the dragging hem of his robes once more. As if the dormitory fight had never happened, Lily and Marlene glanced at each other, fighting smiles as they helped Reginald onto his feet.

"Thanks," Reginald said breathlessly.

The small group continued on their way, Reginald always a stride or two behind even though it was obvious he was walking as fast as he could. Lily sympathized, all too familiar with his ordeal after years of struggling to keep up with Severus's much longer legs. Even so, she had to admit that it was a nice change, having someone shorter around, even if that someone was as odd as Reginald.

Marlene was first to reach the enormous double doors of the Great Hall, but she halted, a rare look of uncertainty on her face.

"What's wrong?" Lily asked as she came into a stop beside her.

"I don't know," Marlene bit her lip. "I just don't want to open the door. What if she's dead? I don't want to see a dead body."

"Marlene!" Lily was horrified. "Why would you even say that?"

"Well, if she's been in there this entire time, then she probably is," Marlene said, wrinkling her nose. "I can't hear anyone moving in there, can you?"

"You wouldn't even be able to hear anyone," Lily objected, appalled enough not to realize that this was their most natural exchange in days, morbid topic or not. "The doors are too thick. Anyway, she's probably not even there. She's most likely back at the dormitory, reading _Witch Weekly_."

"_I'll_ open the door," Reginald said with such startling authority that both girls' heads jerked in his direction, their eyebrows shooting up in surprise. Neither Lily nor Marlene protested as the Hufflepuff stepped forward, using both hands to heave the door open.

The doors of the Great Hall swung so often during the day that Lily usually paid them no mind. But it was night, and there were no chattering students or clinking goblets. Only silence. The door groaned to life as it was pulled open, a seemingly endless, undeniably eerie creak that was almost deafening as it shattered the former stillness.

"I wish I were in the dormitory reading _Witch Weekly_," Marlene muttered, and Lily knew she wasn't imagining the suddenly ominous atmosphere.

"Hurry up," Reginald told her, and Marlene, looking astonished that she was being ordered by a Hufflepuff half her size, instantly obeyed, and scrambled inside, Lily at her heels. Reginald followed, and there was another sinister groan as the door shut behind them.

Lily could feel new goose bumps spring upon her arms as she gazed around their surroundings. The Great Hall was another place altogether in the dead of the night, a much less welcoming one than the noisy golden one she had eagerly drunk in the night of her arrival. It was unbearably still with its rows and rows of empty seats, draped in shadows, glistening with moonlight that poured in from the windows and from the sky above. Lily couldn't help but glance at the enchanted ceiling, and when her emerald eyes caught sight of the full moon shining most brightly of all, she froze, a small sigh escaping her lips.

She knew where Severus's thoughts would be that night.

"Let's go," Lily said, not wanting to stay with the full moon glaring so obviously above. Severus may have been quiet about Lupin being a werewolf, but she knew the matter was far from forgotten. Severus never forgot anything. He clung to everything, the good and the bad, until it burned in the back of his mind and tormented him to death, not that he would ever admit it aloud. He was the sort to keep silent and keep his cards close to his chest, even if it tore him up inside. There was a time when he had showed her his cards.

"_You don't believe me."_

"_You're right. I don't."_

Lily felt a stab of guilt at the memory when she remembered the pleading glimmer in his coal black eyes. Was it her fault that Severus was keeping secrets from her? He had been the one to come forward about his werewolf theory, and she had immediately rejected the idea, and walked away.

Lily didn't regret her words. She didn't believe that Remus Lupin was a werewolf, and she wouldn't have said otherwise, even if it meant erasing the stricken look in his eyes. They were best friends, and it may have been naïve, but Lily was still a firm believer that best friends should tell each other everything. It had worked for them in the past. It was only when Severus had begun hiding things that a distance between them started to form, and things had begun to fall apart.

No, Lily, didn't regret her words. But she did regret walking away.

But should she? The question had formed so suddenly in Lily's mind that it startled her.

"_Why can't you forget about them?"_

"_Because you don't believe me."_

It wasn't fair. The revelation startled Lily even more than the question. Severus couldn't cling to something that was ruining their friendship just because she didn't believe him. He had been upset, but what gave him the right? They both had the right to believe in whatever they wanted to believe in, and he couldn't be angry with her just because she didn't believe the same as him. Lily _liked _Lupin. She _liked_ Alice, Mary, and Marlene. And she didn't believe James Potter was a hundred percent evil. Conceited, immature, rude, and perhaps a bit idiotic, but not evil.

Yet Severus would always manage to scowl when they were mentioned, usually with the addition of a disparaging remark.

It wasn't fair, Lily thought again. Why could Severus disapprove of them, but she couldn't disapprove of his friends? Why could he so easily dismiss her beliefs about dark magic, when he couldn't accept her refusal to believe that Lupin was a werewolf? Lily was struck by the sudden realization that Severus reminded her, just then, of Petunia, of all people.

Petunia had been the one who wanted Lily to follow her example, to believe everything she did. Petunia had been the one who pushed away Lily when she had rejected her older sister's opinions on Severus. Petunia had been the one who had refused to even listen to Lily's own thoughts.

Lily loved Petunia. She loved Severus too. She hadn't realized quite how much until then, but she was sick, sick to death, of being told what to do, of being ignored. She had put up with it for far too long, and from that moment on, she wouldn't do it any longer.

She would be a new Lily Evans. A new and improved Lily Evans.

Pleased with her decision, Lily felt an enormous weight being lifted from her shoulders, and she smiled to herself. That was when she realized that Marlene and Reginald still hadn't responded. She glanced over her shoulder, feeling her smile already slip from her lips when she saw them.

"What are you looking at?" Lily turned around fully, looking up, just as they were.

And then she saw it.

There was another difference in the Great Hall that night, one that Lily found herself wondering how she could have possibly missed it. She hugged her arms across her chest, instinctively stepping closer to Marlene and Reginald. There was a message slashed across the double doors, the massive letters carved so crooked and mismatched that it made it even more unsettling.

_THE KNIGHTS ARE WATCHING YOU. MUDBLOODS, YOU'VE BEEN WARNED. _

Mudbloods. Slytherins. Severus. Lily's teeth dug into her lower lip as a fresh round of unpleasant memories rained down, flooding her mind against her will; the many occasions that the Slytherins had carelessly hurled out the word, the day Mulciber had called her one, the day that even Severus had let the word slip… Lily banished the thought as the metallic taste of blood forced her back to reality. Severus had said that he hadn't meant it. She believed that much.

"What does that even mean?" Lily said finally, her eyes fixed on the message. The word 'mudbloods' stood out as if it were bold, but when she blinked, it wasn't any different from the rest. She lifted her gaze, lingering a moment on the first part, before looking towards the others. "Who are the Knights? Marlene?"

Marlene was ashen. "I don't know."

"But you have to know," Lily insisted, torn between fear and frustration, even though a distant part of her knew that Marlene most likely did not. But Lily didn't care. She only wanted answers. "You know everything that goes on this school."

But Marlene was shaking her head. "I know gossip, Lily. Useless gossip. Like Jacqueline Clearwater is secretly in love with Amos Diggory even though everyone knows he's too busy shagging the entire seventh year female population, and Dirk Cresswell was secretly selling Auto-Answer Quills until Potter and Black found a way to alter Anti-Cheating Quills, and they started selling those too, in Filch's office of all places…" Marlene's voice trailed off. "I don't know anything about this. I would have told you. Or Alice. Or Mary…"

Her eyes suddenly filled with panic as they met Lily's. Everything else suddenly seemed trivial, and was forgotten. Neither of them had believed that anything truly bad could have happened to Mary, not at Hogwarts, but at that moment, anything seemed possible.

"Mary's a Muggle-born," Reginald said quietly as if they hadn't known.

Before Lily or Marlene could respond, the familiar creak of the Great Hall doors echoed loudly, causing all three to jump. In unison, Lily and Marlene reached for their wands. Reginald dove for cover under the Hufflepuff table.

"Don't curse me!" A familiar voice cried out, panicked.

Lily exhaled, her knees weak with relief as she lowered her wand at the sight of Alice. That was when she realized her hands were quivering. "You scared us."

"I scared you?" Alice said incredulously, her face a deathly white. "I thought both of you were going to hex me to death. And who is hiding under the table?"

Marlene reluctantly set her wand down as well, and glanced over at the Hufflepuff table with visible irritation. "Reginald, get out from there. It's Alice, not a Death Eater," she then looked back at Alice, her eyes hardening. "What are you doing here?"

Lily had forgotten all about the battle over Frank Longbottom, but the unmistakable coolness in Marlene's voice made it impossible not to remember. From Alice's face, it was clear that she had needed no such reminder.

"Your sister told me I should find you. She thought Mary was in trouble," Alice answered in an equally chilly manner, folding her arms across her chest.

"Can you two deal with this later?" Lily couldn't quite keep the impatience from her voice. "We need to find Mary. Especially after _that_." She nodded her head toward the sign.

Alice's eyes followed her gesture and then they widened. "Who wrote that?"

"The Knights," Marlene responded. "Obviously."

"Yes, Marlene," Alice rolled her eyes. "But who are the Knights?"

"I don't know and I don't care. I just want to get out of here," Marlene said, stiffly crossing her arms in a manner that was identical to Alice. It was almost comical, but Lily couldn't laugh. "Let's get finding Mary over with."

No one disagreed with her, even though Alice looked sorely tempted to. As Reginald crawled out from underneath the table, Lily's eyes flickered back to the engraved sign, once again resting on the taunting 'mudbloods'.

It was such an ugly word. Lineage couldn't dirty blood. She had just as much magic as anyone else at Hogwarts. Lily knew that. She honestly did. Even so, she couldn't deny the sickening feeling that twisted in the pit of her stomach. Lily had heard the word before, several times, but somehow, it was worse, seeing it spelled out right in front of her. She didn't want to be that ugly word.

For the briefest of moments, Lily was ashamed, and she couldn't help but resent herself for it. There was no reason to be ashamed. She couldn't help who she was born to, and even if she could, she wouldn't have changed it for the world. With that defiant thought, she spun on her heel and hurried over to the double doors to join the others.

"The dungeons then?" Lily asked once they were outside the hallway, needing to break the tenser than ever silence. She was met by an unenthusiastic nod from Alice and a shrug from Marlene. Reginald's chin barely moved, but she took that as another nod. They were afraid. She couldn't blame them. Hogwarts was supposed to be the safest place in the wizarding world, but at that moment, it seemed just the opposite.

They were most likely harmless, Lily told herself as they began their descent down the darkened stairs. Whoever the Knights were. A handful of misguided students, at least she _hoped _that they were just students, that were overexcited by the war. She had seen such students plenty of times. The majority of a time it was a pure blood Slytherin with an oversized ego that could rival Potter's.

Lily gripped her wand more tightly as her doubts came flooding back. The knowledge that they were approaching Slytherin territory did little to comfort her. The Sorting Hat had made a mistake. She didn't belong in Gryffindor. Perhaps she didn't even belong in Hogwarts. She wasn't brave. Her hands were trembling, her palms clammy. Her heart seemed to thud just a bit louder with each step. She was almost tempted to suggest that they turn back, and after another minute, she opened her mouth to do so.

At once, Lily shut it, furious with herself. She couldn't turn back. She belonged in Gryffindor, in Hogwarts. She refused to give a few arrogant pure bloods the satisfaction of her doubt, especially when Mary was in possible danger. Perhaps she was afraid, but she was only a coward if she gave into those fears. Perhaps the old Lily Evans had been a coward, but the new one would not be.

Lily could almost hear Severus's scoffs, chalking it up to Gryffindor dramatics, but she knew better. It wasn't just about being brave, about being a true Gryffindor. Mary was her friend, just as she was Severus's. If it had been Lily who was in potential danger, she knew that Severus wouldn't hesitate to come after her.

If it was just about being a Gryffindor, Severus had more in him that he would ever admit, Lily reflected, the thought bringing a tiny smile to her lips.

"Do you hear that?" Marlene asked in a hushed voice, freezing momentarily.

Lily was unable to keep from frowning as she and the others came into a halt as well. "Yes."

If she strained her ears, at least. There was the sound of muffled laughter.

"What idiots," Marlene sounded disgusted, her distaste causing her voice to raise a notch or two. "It's a wonder that Filch hasn't heard them."

"Who is it?" Alice seemed far less repulsed and far more worried. Even in the feeble glow of her lit wand, her pale face was just visible enough to reveal new creases in her forehead forming as it puckered in thought.

"Slytherins, probably," Lily said softly as she fought to keep her voice steady. "Their common room is nearby. Are you okay, Reginald?"

The Hufflepuff hadn't spoken for quite some time. His head had been bent down while he carried the ragged hem of his robe to keep from tripping on the stairs, but now that they were on the flat stony floor, his eyes were still lowered. Reginald finally looked up at last. "I think we should hurry."

"You don't think…" Marlene began, but she didn't have to finish her sentence. They all had arrived to the same conclusion, all trading panicked looks at once. In an unspoken agreement, they continued their way, hastening their pace, not daring to speak. Their feet pattered hurriedly against the dungeon floor, barely discernable under their heavy breaths. As they scurried toward the sound in a maze of corridors, Lily's fear began to swell, along with new frustration. She hadn't realized quite how many dungeon doors there were until that very hour.

"It's coming from that door," Reginald whispered finally, pointing a finger ahead. Alice's wand gave just enough light for the rise and fall of his chest to be silhouetted against the darkness. He must have been tired, but he hadn't faltered even for a second. Lily's eyes followed his outstretched arm just as a new wave of unmistakable laughter could be heard.

It was an unused dungeon, one that Lily doubted she had ever seen before. She studied the heavy wooden door that couldn't have been any different from her Potions classroom door, but at the same time, seemed alarmingly taller.

"Are we sure she's there?" Alice said quietly, voicing Lily's doubts. "What if she's not and there's a group of angry Slytherins waiting for us?"

"We came all the way here," Marlene narrowed her eyes, but it did little to disguise her fear. "We're going in."

"But is that really the most practical-"

"I think I see her."

Three pairs of eyes shot back towards the door. Reginald was lying flat on his stomach, eyes peering under the slim space beneath the wood.

"I can't tell what's happening," Reginald's voice small.

Before he could continue, Lily fell to her knees in the spot beside Reginald and craned her neck for a view. She couldn't see anything but a pair of shoes moving about, a pair of very familiar shoes that she had complained countless times about them being carelessly tossed on the floor. Mary's shoes.

"It's her," Lily confirmed grimly. A new voice kept her from hearing their replies.

"_Innuo_."

Lily stiffened as another pair of shoes came into view, a pair that appeared to be rather expensive, gleaming without a single scuff. She didn't have to see the shoes or even hear the voice to know who the owner was. The way the hairs on the back of her neck suddenly prickled with instant dislike was enough of a hint. She had an immediate urge to shudder.

It was Mulciber.

There was another chorus of cruel laughter.

"Make her eat some more potion ingredients!" An unfamiliar voice jeered.

"She looks green already," Mulciber said disdainfully. "I don't want her to vomit again. This place is already disgusting. _Innuo_."

There was a frustrated pause.

"_Innuo_," Mulciber said more forcefully. "A Mudblood should be taught to bow properly before her betters. _Innuo_."

Lily couldn't stand to watch for another moment, even if all she could really see was just shoes. Feeling sick to her stomach, she leapt to her feet. From Marlene and Alice's eyes, she could tell that they had heard Mulciber just as well as she had.

"I don't care about getting expelled," Marlene said in a fierce whisper. No longer did she look terrified. She looked enraged. "I'm going to _innuo_ him."

There was a short pause.

"What is _innuo_?"

Alice furrowed her brow. "Dark magic. I think it's sort of like the Imperius Curse, a weaker form of it, at least. It doesn't control the mind the way _imperio _does, but it has an influencing effect, more of a strong suggestion."

Lily and Marlene stared at her.

"What? It was in one of the restricted books. I was doing extra credit for Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"You don't need extra credit," Marlene informed her coolly.

"Yes, but I've been having a lot of free time lately," Alice said through clenched teeth. "Are we really going to argue about this now? We can't just burst in through that door. We need a plan. Maybe one of us should find McGonagall-"

Before she continue, there was a rattle of wood. Lily's eyes darted back to the door.

"Reginald, _no_."

But the door was already creaking open with a surprisingly vicious tug. Lily's instincts were shouting at her to bolt, but she knew there wasn't a choice. Reginald wasn't even holding his wand properly. How could a tiny Hufflepuff holding his wand upside down hope to defend himself against a potential army of Slytherins?

But to Lily's relief, there wasn't an army of Slytherins waiting behind the door. What she saw was much, much worse.

There were only three Slytherins lounging around in battered looking chairs, a far better number than an entire army. All were facing the most troubling sight of all, Mary, while Mulciber stood smugly a few feet away, fingers tapping against his wand. But even in the half-second that Lily spared her way, she could see that it wasn't the same Mary that devoured Sugar Quills and swooned over Black. Her blue eyes that normally sparkled were strangely, horribly vacant.

Mulciber's face went from shock to annoyance to pure amusement in a matter of seconds as the three Gryffindors and a Hufflepuff fell into a stop before him in a rather uncertain silence. In those few seconds, it seemed as if either side was at a complete loss of what to do next. Lily's heart was pounding furiously in her chest, but that seemed to be the only thing moving. There was a surreal stillness that was somehow even worse than curses being thrown, that reminded Lily of a Muggle painting.

But then Mulciber laughed, a sincerely amused laugh. The painting sprung back to life, and everything was horribly real once more. "Such a typical Gryffindor entrance. The blood traitors come bursting in, dragging in dirt."

His dark eyes examined each of them until they rested on Lily, and Lily suddenly felt she was no more the first year she had been when he had first called her Mudblood. At that moment, she couldn't see Alice bristle beside her or Marlene clench her wand. She couldn't even see the other Slytherins abandon their chairs, slowly nearing her with far too gleeful grins. All she could see was her own anger.

Lily hated Mulciber, more than Potter, more than her cowardliness, more than she had ever hated anything. She hated that he had cursed poor Mary for just being a Mudblood. She hated that he thought he was above everyone because he was a pure blood. She hated that he had made her question her own worth. She hated him for taking Severus away.

Lily hadn't known she was capable of so much hatred until that very second. Mulciber raised his wand, but Lily was ready.

"_STUPEFY_!"

"_LEVICORPUS_!_"_

Lily ducked just in time, and that was when all hell broke loose. The three other Slytherins were no longer laughing as sparks flew from their wands. From the corner of her eye, she could see Marlene and Alice, and was relieved that they were no longer standing around uncertainly. They were in action, throwing back jinxes just as quickly as the others.

At first, Lily was certain that it would end badly. It may have been four against four, excluding an incompetent Mary, but they were Slytherins. She had heard the rumors, unfortunately, too many times. But then it became obvious that they were more evenly matched than she had assumed. Mulciber and a Slytherin Lily recognized as Owen Avery were the only fourth years. The two others were third years, who may have been a great deal burlier than Reginald, but seemed only slightly more intelligent than Avery.

They could win this, Lily realized in shock. They actually stood a chance, more than a chance.

Lily didn't dare revel in her relief as she noticed a burst of violet light headed her way. "_PROTEGO_. _STUPEFY_."

"What do we do?" Avery called over to Mulciber as he was backed into a corner by a triumphant Marlene.

Mulciber had barely escaped Lily's jet of scarlet light, gritting his teeth as he tumbled to the side. "Do I have to tell you how to do everything, Avery? When you see a Mudblood, for Merlin's bloody sake, HEX THEM. _LEVICORPUS_!"

"_Protego_," Lily blocked Mulciber's hex, glancing over her shoulder, hoping to catch sight of Reginald or Mary. Not daring to waste a second more, she slashed her wand his way. "_Petrificus Totalus_!"

For once, Lily wanted Filch to arrive. He managed to turn up in every other occasion, but the one time that she needed him to, he didn't. It was unfair, really. During all those times she had sneaked out to the Forbidden Forest with Severus, it had seemed that the smallest creak would send Filch running their way. Her resentful thoughts of the caretaker vanished when she finally caught a peek of Reginald and Mary. He was attempting to drag the dazed Gryffindor into safety.

There was a blinding, hot pain that struck her shoulder like a thousand knives. Lily flinched, unable to keep from letting out a cry. Her eyes flashed at Mulciber's snigger, and while the pain may have faded, his gloating had not. The sheer satisfaction in his eyes angered her, and without hesitation, she blurted out the very hex that he seemed so fond of, "_LEVICORPUS_!"

She had been lucky. He was too preoccupied in his private celebration to react quickly enough to her actions. Mulciber's sickening smile slipped away as he was hoisted into the air. His wand fell to the floor with a clatter.

"I'll be taking that," Lily informed him haughtily with a victorious smile.

"AVERY!" Mulciber bellowed, swaying back and forth rather treacherously from his unfavorable position. Already, what little blood remained in his complexion seemed to be draining away. His ghostly features were twisted so grotesquely that he looked far more ugly than any Mudblood in his mind could be. With a violent swing, he reached out as if to seize Lily, who neatly sidestepped him just in time. "Get me down."

"Can't," Avery said lightly with suspicious cheer. "I'm hexing Mudbloods. Just like you said."

"FORGET WHAT I SAID, YOU-"

"_Silencio_," Lily couldn't deny the pride that surged inside her as Mulciber's rude curses fell silent. She was certain that Mulciber had never dreamed that a mere Mudblood would have the nerve, let alone ability, to hex him. Perhaps he would have a new view on Muggle-borns when he recovered.

But even without the Silencing Charm, Lily wouldn't have been able to hear him. There was a crashing noise, and Marlene's boisterous cheers took over dungeon.

"Did you see that Body-Bind? Perfect aim," Marlene was beaming as she flipped her glossy hair over her shoulder, casually stepping over a frozen Avery. Her bright eyes suddenly widened into saucers, and at the same time as Lily, she seemed to realize that Alice was still battling the two third years. She hastily scrambled over.

Lily's eyes darted toward them and back at Mary and Reginald, uncertain of whom to help. Just then, Alice sent one of the third years flying back into the wall, solving the dilemma. Wincing at what must have been a painful collision, Lily went for Mary and Reginald.

Reginald was snapping his fingers in front of Mary's freckled face. When he noticed Lily was near, he glanced at her, and Lily could see that his features were contorted in worry. "I think she needs the hospital wing."

Lily observed Mary's empty eyes, and a wisp of a memory flickered in her mind, a memory of one of the many Marauder antics she had witnessed over the years. Struck by sudden inspiration, she aimed her wand at Mary's face. "_Augmenti_."

A burst of icy water sprayed from her wand and Mary spluttered.

"Lily!"

"Sorry," Lily had the strangest urge to smile, and immediately fought it back. Now that Mary seemed somewhat all right, she started to move toward Marlene and Alice, but realized midstep that they had just finished Stunning the last of the Slytherins.

"I wouldn't have Stunned him if he hadn't tried to Stun me first," Alice said with a guilty look. "He's only a third year. I'm a head taller."

"He might be a third year, but he's still a Slytherin," Marlene sniffed as she struggled to smooth her mussed hair and robes. Appearance was immediately forgotten as her eyes lit up. "Mary!"

The glazed expression may have left, but it was instantly replaced with a new confusion as Marlene and Alice flew forward to envelope Mary into suffocating hugs. Lily couldn't blame her. She wasn't certain about the after effects of the curse, but Alice and Marlene's sudden cordiality would have bemused anyone who had been living in the Gryffindor dormitory the past few days.

"Um, aren't we fighting?" Mary blinked.

"Not anymore," Marlene clarified, looking over at Alice to make certain. "At least I don't think we are. After all, I did save you just now."

"You saved me?" Alice looked indignant. "I think I saved you!"

"Details," Marlene rolled her eyes, dismissing Alice's words with a casual wave of her hand. "Anyway, I decided that you can have Frank Longbottom."

Alice opened her mouth, and then shut it, and then opened it, only to shut it again. Then she simply shook her head and gave a small smile. "Thanks."

Lily still hadn't said anything. The old Lily would have rushed in to join the hugs, but the new Lily wasn't sure if she was quite ready to set aside everything just yet, especially without clearing the air. She had forgiven and forgotten too many times before, and before she could give in, she needed to think first. Instead, her eyes swept over Mary, trying to refrain from gasping at the cuts and newly forming bruises that covered her arms and legs. "We should get you to the hospital wing."

But Mary shook her head with surprising firmness. "I'm fine. Really."

"Have you seen yourself?" Marlene said incredulously, nearing her for a closer examination. "You look awful."

"Do you remember anything at all?" Reginald cut in.

"Sort of. It's blurry, but coming back to me," Mary narrowed her eyes as she peered down at an extremely anxious Reginald. "Who are you?"

Reginald seemed to have lost all his former confidence. Miraculously, he seemed to shrink a few inches as he muttered his name. "R-Reginald C-Cattermole."

"He helped save you," Lily put in, smiling slightly at Reginald's grateful look.

"Oh," Mary still looked confused, but shrugged, evidently deciding that it wasn't worth questioning over. "Thanks. Shouldn't we be going before Filch comes in?"

"If he ever comes in," Marlene muttered in annoyance. "It would have been useful to send them all in detention. But then I wouldn't have cursed Avery."

"It is strange," Alice absentmindedly tucked back a tendril of hair that had fallen loose during the duel, a faint frown of contemplating crossing her face. "We were rather loud."

"He must be busy," Marlene perked up, her eyes lighting up with the possibilities. "I wonder who's in trouble this time. Remind me to find out first thing in the morning."

"Right. We should be going. Before _they_ wake up," Alice gestured at the three motionless Slytherins, still seeming distracted. "We should go to McGonagall. Or Dumbledore."

"No."

They all gaped at Mary in amazement.

"Are you mad?" Marlene demanded as if she couldn't believe her very own ears. "Why not?"

"I don't want to," Mary still looked rather sickly, her chin wobbling as if she were perilously close to tears, but her voice remained firm. "I don't want any of you to say anything at all."

"Let's discuss this later," Alice said reasonably, pointedly looking to the side as a third year began to stir. Reginald nervously edged away.

Lily suddenly remembered that she was still holding Mulciber's wand, a rather short blackthorn creation. Looking over at him, she met his furious eyes, and reluctantly, moved a few steps closer. Her body, that had seemed so light during the moment of victory, was now weighed down in exhaustion at the mere sight of him.

She didn't want to hate Mulciber anymore. She certainly didn't like him, but she didn't hate him. It was too tiring to hate him, and just a bit frightening. She couldn't understand how he, how anyone, could hate that much, perhaps even more, all the time. As she eyed his mouth, that was still moving with what Lily supposed was many curses, she almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

"I'm not going to break it," Lily said calmly, setting the wand onto the floor nearby in a spot that was visible to him. "But you'll have to do wash it off when you get down. After all, you wouldn't want Mudblood filth on it."

Mulciber's lips stopped moving, but his eyes never left hers, burning more contempt than she would have ever thought possible.

Lily shivered, wondering if she had made a mistake.

She shook her head to herself. She hadn't.

After all, she was a new Lily Evans.


	68. Chapter 68 The Aftermath

**-I'm not promising any future updates quite yet because I'm moving and I really don't know how busy I'm going to be over the next week or two-**

**Thank you so much for all the reviews! I know I promised I would post on the 13th, but I forgot it was Mother's Day, which slowed me down a bit, and I was also toying around with a last minute idea of having Remus admit to Lily that he was a werewolf, and I even wrote a pretty long scene with it. I liked that Lily would be keeping her own secrets from Severus, but in the end, I decided to stick with the original plan to save it for a later chapter because it just seemed like it was too soon for the both of them. Also, a quick thank you to Snarky64, who not only sent me a list of British slang that would have been used in the 70's, but for also confirming that "berk" was used, which means I don't have to go back right now and make a million edits.**

**I'm so glad (and relieved) that so many of you approved of the last chapter because I was nervous about the reaction, especially the final James and Severus scene. I admit I'm also a bit nervous about this chapter, the third and final part of the werewolf arc, since it involves Dumbledore and Remus (both of whom I haven't had much experience writing) and a cranky Sirius. As of now, there will most likely be three more chapters of fourth year left, the next chapter being the flashback scene from the Prince's Tale. I know fourth year has been dragging on, but the following years should go by quicker. I'm not sure if I ever said so, but since I've been asked many times before: I am pretty much positive that Always will end at the letter scene in the first chapter, but there will be an epilogue following it. I still don't know how many chapters it will be, even less now since my old outlines are gone, but I think it's safe to say that it's going to be over a hundred. I can't be too sure because I'm always changing things around and, with the exception of a few scenes that I know I want to write, I only have up to Lily's death really planned out.**

**Also- PeaceLoveHermione informed that it's been a year since I first started this story. That amazes me, considering I was so certain I would finish before summer ended. **

**The Curse of Normality- Thanks for the review! I know you didn't ask a question, but I just had to say that I was extremely relieved when I read the final part of your review because that was exactly what I was trying to portray, so thanks for letting me know. **

**Solastice- Thanks for the review! Similarly to the reviewer above, I have to say I was also relieved when I read your review, mainly the parts about hate, Slytherins, and how every character has flaws since that's what I'm aiming (and sometimes struggling) to show. I really see the war as a clash of beliefs and backgrounds, rather than good versus bad. I want to show that the dark side isn't evil just to be evil. Instead, I want to focus they have their own reasons and beliefs, and eventually Regulus will most likely be the main character who demonstrates that. You're right about Lily. She doesn't understand Severus's feelings, and I think, if she did, she would have been more understanding about the Mudblood situation.**

**IlsditJ'aifolle- Thanks for the review! I think she did, but I wasn't positive. I just knew before writing that there was no way I would be able to fit it in, so I never bothered to check. **

**almanera- Thanks for the review! I was especially pleased that you approved of Sirius because I know you're a Sirius fan, and I wasn't certain if I made him react too quickly or not. I agree that Lily was soft, and sometimes, writing Lily for that very reason frustrates me. I do see some similarities between Lily and Hermione, namely being Muggle-borns with loving parents, at least I assume Hermione has loving parents, even though we never saw too much of them. For those two reasons, Lily is also naïve, but she will also grow up, more so than Hermione. I always imagined that fighting in the First Wizarding War was more traumatic than the Second, so Lily will have to deal with death more than Hermione did, including the deaths of both her parents. She won't become as hardened as Severus, and for the most part, she will try to avoid stooping to Mulciber's level, but she will change, she will make mistakes, and eventually, when it comes down to it, she will do what needs to be done when fighting in the war, even though I can't say she'll be entirely happy about it.**

** Snarky64- Thanks for the review, and again, thank you so, so much for sending the list! You won't have to worry about Remus and Severus because I agree with you on both matters. About Severus- I'm glad that you approve of my Snape because sometimes I worry he's too emotional, but then I remember he is the man who changed his life after he lost the one person he ever loved. I agree with what you said about the movies. When I read Snape's lines, I picture Alan Rickman, perfectly in control. I was never planning to have him emotionless during his later years, just better at hiding his emotions and seeming in control, but reading what you said reminded me that he isn't always that way, so another thank you for that. You pointed out that Snape made the weak choice, and I agree, that's actually one reason why I enjoy writing his perspective. For some reason, I love writing about how he is convinced that he's becoming stronger and a better wizard, when in reality, he's weak. Over the next few years, you'll see him become weaker, angrier, and more blinded. There's a few very emotional Snape scenes I'm looking forward to writing, especially one that takes place after seventh year, and another being the first time he sees Harry, so I hope you enjoy reading those. About Lupin- he may have been quieter about it than James and Sirius, but he was strong. Truthfully, I didn't really think about how strong until you brought up the Fenrir, and I'll make a note to eventually include that. I admit he's on the weaker side now, and he will continue to struggle with his weakness of standing up to James and Sirius (mainly going by the prefect quote he told Harry), but you will eventually see a stronger side of him, especially during seventh year and after Hogwarts. He'll become...independent, which will cause James and Sirius to keep the Secret-Keeper switch a secret from him.**

** sparklyscrunchies- Thanks for the review! I already said something similar to the reviewer above, but you're right. When I said perfectly in control, I meant he would still have emotions (for him to still care about Lily, he would have to) but for him not to show it. You and another reviewer pointed out that he does lose control in front of people, several times, and many people confuse the movies and the books, and both of you are right. He is far from perfectly controlled, and I have a habit of picturing Alan Rickman talking whenever I think about Snape. I'm planning on reading the books before Snape ages too much in this fanfic, so hopefully I'll be able to portray adult Snape more accurately. He'll still be more controlled than fourth year Snape, but definitely less than I was originally planning him to be. By twice in one day, I meant the Snape/Sirius scene when Snape has him at wandpoint and Sirius manages to get his wand out and escapes any chance of being hexed. I'm not sure if that's technically considered being beaten, but I figured that Snape would take it personally. About the Triwizard Tournament, you're probably right. I just knew there was absolutely no way that I could fit one of those in and I was too lazy to look it up.**

**Chapter Sixty-Eight- The Aftermath**

**1975**

Dumbledore's office was unlike any other room Severus had been in. It was nice, even nicer than Regulus's home had been, but in an entirely different way. It lacked the formality of Twelve Grimmauld Place. There was no stiff furniture or family heirlooms, all of which had seemed purposefully placed to intimidate and impress any visitor. There was no dark paneling or heavy silk drapes that secluded the place from the rest of the world. Instead, the circular room was a startlingly airy space, the walls lined with high arched windows and portraits of previous headmasters and headmistresses. Just as there had been in Twelve Grimmauld Place, there were mysterious instruments throughout the area, much less lethal looking, but all the same, obviously brimming with magic. Instead of promoting awe and fear, the objects in the office only inspired curiosity; a bird in a golden cage that Severus was certain was a phoenix the most curious of all. For a moment, he forgot himself and stared at the magnificent scarlet and gold plumage.

"Spectacular creatures, aren't they?" Dumbledore said conversationally as if Severus was just joining him for tea.

Severus jerked his head back to the claw-footed desk in front of him, abandoning his curiosity the instant Dumbledore had spoken. A guarded expression fell into place as he met the bright blue eyes for the first time. He pressed his lips tightly together, refusing to take part in Dumbledore's pitiful excuse of small talk.

"They are as faithful as they are fascinating," Dumbledore continued in a quite pleasant manner. "Even in the darkest of times, they'll never leave your side. It's difficult to find that sort of loyalty in our human friends."

Severus eyed the headmaster suspiciously. Only minutes after a gleeful Filch had discovered them, McGonagall had shown up, demanding to know what all the fuss was about. Surprisingly enough, Potter hadn't offered an elaborate excuse and a nauseating smile. Instead, he had insisted that they see Dumbledore in his typical James Potter knows best fashion, leading to a predictable yet still disappointing revelation.

McGonagall had known about Lupin.

The realization had disappointed him more than he had thought it would. McGonagall may have been Head of Gryffindor, but after lesson after lesson of no-nonsense lectures, Severus had always believed her to be somewhat reasonable, as reasonable as a Gryffindor could be. It turned out that she, like Dumbledore, had her favorites, even if she did know how to hide them better, and that, she too, had played a part in securing Lupin's secret. The moment Potter had hinted, rather obviously, at what had just occurred, she had seized them from Filch's clutches and led them straight to Dumbledore.

But unlike McGonagall, Dumbledore was hardly a surprise. Severus didn't need to search his ancient face for any hint to his thoughts, not that he would find anything if he did. Potter had seen the headmaster just before him, and he knew precisely what the Gryffindor had told him, a disgustingly embellished heroic tale with a slimy villain and a handsome Quidditch Chaser who had played the role of savior.

"Severus, would you care to tell me about tonight's events?" Dumbledore said at last, not unkindly, as he folded his hands on his desk, his eyes never leaving Severus's face.

Severus gave a small humorless laugh, almost amused at the elderly wizard's attempt to act neutral, to act as if he hadn't already made up his mind. Severus would wager one of the old Prince books that Dumbledore would have an award dedicated to Potter in the trophy room by dawn's first light. But that didn't trouble Severus, at least not exceedingly. Now that he knew the details of Lupin's arrangement, it would be easy enough to reveal the werewolf to a much more impartial audience. "Does it matter? I'm sure Potter had plenty to say."

"I'm curious to hear your version."

"My version," Severus echoed, no longer able to keep the incredulity from seeping into his tone. Dumbledore had no right to pretend that he was about to play fair, that Severus's version even mattered. As far as Severus was concerned, Dumbledore didn't even have the right to be seated in the headmaster's chair, not after he had allowed a _werewolf _to walk the halls of Hogwarts. "Let's see. Sirius Black wanted to get me killed, Remus Lupin did try to get me killed, and James Potter shoved his oversized head in it like he does with everything else."

Dumbledore's face did not change, but his voice took a distinctive grave turn. "What, precisely, was Sirius Black's involvement?"

"Potter didn't tell you that, did he?" Severus asked, his sharp eyes narrowing. He was at least gratified to have an opportunity to show Dumbledore that his precious Potter was lying to him. "You can see what they're doing, can't you? They'll do anything to protect each other."

Dumbledore simply looked at him, his penetrating gaze so unnerving, Severus struggled to empty his mind, a vague outline of the Occlumency chapter in the Prince books burning in his memory. It was difficult, much more difficult than usual, and his anger won out, angering him all the more.

"Loyalty is not a crime, Severus," Dumbledore's eyes flickered briefly to the phoenix. "On the contrary, it's something to be admired. Surely, you've felt loyal to someone before."

Severus froze, and during that split second, he was certain that Dumbledore knew- knew about the Knights, Lily, everything. There was something quite disconcerting being on the opposite side of those eerie blue eyes. Severus pushed his paranoia away, determined to empty his mind for once and for all. Dumbledore couldn't have known, and if he did, he couldn't prove it. It was unbelievable, really. When Potter was caught in the midst of a lie, the wizard just prattled on some nonsense about loyalty, and managed to turn it around on _him_. Well, Severus refused to let that happen. He was the victim. Not Lupin, not Black, and certainly not Potter.

"As we were discussing," Dumbledore prompted. "Sirius Black's involvement?"

Severus realized that his mouth was twisting unconsciously in a scowl. His dark eyes met the discomfiting blue as he injected just the right amount of challenge into his voice, just daring Dumbledore to even excuse Black's actions. "He told me to go to the Whomping Willow. He told me how to get into the tunnel."

"And why did he desire for you to go there?" Dumbledore did not rise to the bait.

It was incredible. Severus knew that Dumbledore was a hypocrite, a fool, and a complete and utter lunatic, but even he hadn't known that the headmaster could be so blind. How was he supposed to explain the inner workings of a Black mind to a lunatic, and a psychotic Black mind at that? "Because Lupin is a werewolf," Severus sputtered. "Because Black thought it would be funny to see me dead. Because he's Sirius Black."

If Dumbledore noticed his rudeness, he didn't acknowledge it. Instead, he plowed ahead, his voice never losing its infuriating calmness. "And then you went to the tunnel."

"Yes."

"After he instructed you to."

"Yes."

"After you believed there to be a werewolf."

"Yes," Severus snapped, disliking where the conversation was headed, disliking the fact that Dumbledore seemed to have the most irritating habit of making him lose all control, from even just the simplest of questions. Especially from the simplest of questions. "Is there a problem with that?"

"There is no problem, Severus, other than the obvious one," Dumbledore said so placidly that Severus had an impulse to fling one of the various artifacts throughout the room directly at his face, if only to see that obnoxious tranquility crack for even a second. "I was merely checking the facts."

"This isn't my fault," Severus said suddenly, his black eyes flashing.

"I never said it was."

"You brought a werewolf into this school," Severus added accusingly, furious that Dumbledore still had no change in reaction.

"I did," Dumbledore acknowledged.

"You had no right to do so!" Severus's voice was rising, and somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that he shouldn't lose what little control that remained, if any remained, and that it would be unwise to do so in front of the headmaster, but he was too furious to care. While Lucius Malfoy's composure was something Severus aspired to, Dumbledore's seemed to have the opposite effect, giving him a strong desire to throttle the ancient wizard.

"Perhaps not," Dumbledore agreed, and Severus blinked, stunned at the agreement. "But it is my opinion that Remus Lupin had every right to be a student at Hogwarts."

"He is a _monster_," Severus said hotly, quickly recovering now that there was something to disagree about.

"He is a boy," Dumbledore corrected mildly, but as he spoke, it was as if he had unexpectedly aged another half-century. The pronounced lines and grooves that made up the elderly wizard's face seemed to multiply and deepen, and what remained of the knowing sparkle in his eyes was noticeably absent. Severus had never seen him look quite so old as he did just then. "A boy who had no choice in his situation. He was bitten at a young age for a wrong that he did not commit. Because of his father's actions, he was doomed to a very painful and lonely existence. I invited him to Hogwarts because I believed he deserved a life."

Dumbledore paused when it became clear that Severus would not say anything.

"For the better part of the year, he is Remus Lupin. All except for twelve, occasionally thirteen, nights. On those twelve nights, he can't help who he becomes. Have you ever suffered, Severus? Because of another's actions, for something you could not control?"

Once again, there was the uncomfortable feeling that Dumbledore knew far too much. Severus bristled, wondering just how much the headmaster knew about his family. Not that it would change anything if he did. Dumbledore could pretend that he knew him, but he didn't know him. No one did.

Except for Lily, perhaps.

"It's not the same," Severus said grudgingly. "It didn't involve werewolves or possible deaths of students."

"Is that so?" Dumbledore grew quiet and Severus withheld the urge to fidget. "I had the most peculiar meeting today."

Severus furrowed his brow at the unexpected subject change, and suddenly, he was certain that they weren't talking about Tobias, at least not any longer.

"He was a boy who couldn't have been much older than you," Dumbledore continued. "He told me that he had something important to tell me, that he had made a mistake. He was afraid, understandably so."

Severus didn't move.

"Do you know what he told me, Severus?"

Severus numbly shook his head.

"Nothing at all. That was when the something odd occurred," Dumbledore said, his cerulean eyes intent. "When he began to speak, he coughed up blood instead."

Severus's pulse began to race. Blood magic. The Knights. It had to be. He had known that the blood of the most prestigious pure bloods wouldn't dare to rely solely on trust. They weren't fools, not like the one sitting across from him. Severus may have felt a twinge of dread, but a flicker of pride was also present, and he suddenly wondered who had been foolish enough to attempt to betray the Knights.

"I advise that you be cautious in choosing the people you befriend," Dumbledore was watching his face closely. "There are others who don't require a full moon to perform monstrous deeds."

"I don't need your advice, _Professor_," Severus said so sharply that the portraits began to stir.

"Perhaps not," Dumbledore was regretful, not seeming to notice the yawns and grumbles that surrounded them.

"Is that what you're going to tell all the parents who complain?" Severus accused with such contempt that it dripped into his each and every word. "Advice and a sob story?"

"No," Dumbledore became decidedly more solemn. "There will be no parents because it is my request that you remain silent about tonight's events."

"Why?" Severus demanded, shocked and slightly alarmed that even Dumbledore had such nerve when it was him who had the upper hand. After all, he was the one who had not only caught a glimpse of a werewolf, but had also caught Dumbledore in the less than favorable position of sheltering one. "So you aren't suspended as headmaster? For keeping a transformed werewolf on school grounds?"

"I'm afraid that it's not me who is at risk," Dumbledore said, drumming his fingertips together as he gazed down serenely at Severus. "After all, I am not keeping a transformed werewolf on school grounds."

Severus stared.

"I'm assuming you noticed how long that tunnel was?" Dumbledore's manner was quite cordial again, and he even _smiled_. "You and Mr. Potter must have had quite the run."

Severus was silently fuming, his anger causing heat to rise in his cheeks. His fingers were curled so tightly around the arms of his chair that they were white from the strain. It was impossible to remember the victory that had tasted so sweet on his tongue just hours earlier. He was too aware that he was losing this particular battle. It wasn't supposed to be this way. He wasn't supposed to be the one who cracked, yet there he was, shaking from pure outrage, while Dumbledore merely watched.

"No, I ask that you to keep Lupin's lycanthropy a secret for his benefit. He had no control over what happened tonight."

"And what about those who did?" Severus spat out. "Potter and Black?"

"That is for me to discuss with them and Professor McGonagall, just as I am discussing your situation with you and Professor Slughorn."

"Slughorn?" Severus repeated. "What does he have to do with this?"

"_Professor_ Slughorn. He is your Head of House, is he not?" Dumbledore looked almost startled that Severus had even asked such a question. "You're not entirely innocent, Severus. You, too, left the castle after curfew."

Severus gnashed his teeth angrily together, becoming more irate by the second. He may have been practically mauled by a werewolf, yet all he received was a lecture and a request. _Request_. He knew just as well as Dumbledore did that it was not a request. It was a carefully worded demand. It had been adequate enough, the pleasantries, the feigned curiosity, the casual hint of the Knights, the possibility of punishment… but it was less than what he would have expected from one of the so-called greatest wizards. It was so obviously transparent that it sickened him.

Even so, it was enough to concern him. Dumbledore had some idea of the Knights, that much was obvious, but the question was how much. He was in dangerous territory, and unfortunately for him, there was too much at stake. Hogwarts… The Knights… He could lose everything.

"Your secret is safe with me, _Professor_," Severus snarled, livid as he leapt to his feet, unable to stomach a second longer. He saw no reason to stay, not after Dumbledore had won his little game. Severus was more than tempted to hurl the chair he had been sitting in toward the window, or better yet, Dumbledore, but he refrained.

"Goodnight, Severus," Dumbledore's piercing eyes remained fixed on him, and they became merry once more. "Oh, I nearly forgot to offer my congratulations. Professor Slughorn tells me that you and Miss Evans are at the top of his class once again. I must say, you did wonders with your Wit-Sharpening Potion. For the future, I'll have to remember to use daisy roots instead of ginger."

Severus gaped at the beaming headmaster in astonishment and promptly caught himself. He then snapped his mouth shut, and pivoted around without another word or glance back, his sallow complexion tinged with a dull red that seemed to be deepening by the second.

It had all been for nothing. Months, _years_, of observing Lupin, of dreaming of revenge, had been for _nothing_.

Severus stormed from the office, a flurry of black robes swirling madly around his legs as he swept through the third floor corridor. He didn't know how his night could possibly become any worse.

But it did, just minutes later.

"Come along, Black," Professor McGonagall's sharp voice caused Severus's head to shoot up. While he had been with Dumbledore, the Transfiguration professor had evidently left to fetch Black. How she had known with Potter staying predictably silent, he didn't know. All he knew was that the boy who stood just a few steps below McGonagall was responsible for nearly killing him.

Severus rounded around the corner, steeling himself for the inevitable encounter. He wouldn't curse Black. He couldn't, he reminded himself firmly. Not with McGonagall right there. That would only lead to his own demise. He wasn't a simple-minded Gryffindor who acted on instinct. He was a Slytherin, who was cunning enough to formulate a plan before striking.

It was more difficult than he had imagined it to be. Severus had told himself to avoid all eye contact with Black, but that did little to help matters. Even without looking, he _knew_ that Black was there. He could see that hideous little smirk as clear as day.

"I suggest you head straight to your common room, Mr. Snape," McGonagall advised him crisply. "You can't afford any trouble."

Trouble. All the Marauders had ever given him was trouble, that git with the silky hair and tailored robes who stood just inches away, the most trouble of all. Severus refused to acknowledge the professor, but as he began to pass by Black, he couldn't resist.

Their eyes locked.

Severus's eyes were coal black, and Black's, a pale icy gray. They shouldn't have looked anything alike, but in that one moment, they were identical in the one emotion that they contained.

Hate.

It was a pure hatred, with flames of enmity that could never be put out. Not even time could destroy that blazing emotion, and time never would.

Dumbledore may have interfered with this round, but it wasn't over.

It was far from over.

**1975**

The next day was an unsettling one due to two factors.

The first being the sign in the Great Hall. Lily had nearly forgotten about it. Attempts to convince Mary to go to Dumbledore, or at the very least, McGonagall, had occupied her mind. It wasn't until a first year had burst into the common room, screaming bloody murder that she had remembered the crudely carved words. It was much like when the war was first announced, with small flocks of friends huddled closely together, whispering their fears and exchanging their speculations. Everyone wanted to know who the Knights were. Nearly everyone had some sort of idea, but it seemed as if no one was certain. Only a handful of Slytherin pure bloods seemed certain of anything, and that was the fact that they were untouchable, born so high that no danger would dare approach them.

The second factor was perhaps even more disturbing than the threat that hung over Muggle-borns. It was the separation of the Marauders.

For as long as Lily could remember, the Marauders had been the Marauders, mismatched yet perfectly matched at the same time. There was Potter, of course, who wore a constant toothy grin while he paraded down the halls of Hogwarts without a care in the world. He seemed to believe his charming smile, not that Lily thought he had a charming smile, could be the solution to anything and everything. More often than not, Black seemed like a darker, if not slightly subtler version of Potter, complete with the looks, the arrogance, and the irritating nonchalance. But even he had his moments, as rare as they were, when he was as far from Potter as could be. His eyes would darken and his features would iron out until any trace of a smirk was erased and replaced by the smooth mask of startlingly solemnity. During such moments, he would not look anything like the Marauder who had a nasty habit of shutting Mrs. Norris into the nearest suit of armor available, and instead, he would resemble one of the infamous Blacks that even Lily had heard about. And then there was Lupin, who sharpened the contrast between the Marauders quite a bit more. Quiet Lupin, who would patiently read while the others were plotting, arching an eyebrow whenever an idea was particularly ludicrous. He never missed a lesson as long as he wasn't too ill, and even took _notes _while Potter and Black discreetly tampered with the other students' work. He was clever, just as clever as the two ringleaders, yet you would never hear him telling the rest of the world such a thing. Finally, there was Pettigrew, perhaps the most baffling of all. He wasn't handsome or clever or even particularly talented, at least that Lily knew of. When he wasn't watching Potter and Black with worshipful eyes, he was munching on some sort of snack that was lifted from the kitchen. Unlike Lupin, he didn't seem capable to muster even an eye roll in front of his beloved heroes.

Yet they all fit, falling flawlessly together in the enigmatic puzzle that made up the Marauders. They had an uncanny knack to be frightening telepathic at times. Lily had witnessed more than one occasion when Potter and Black's eyes would light up with inspiration for a new plan before exchanging silent looks of approval. They would end up carrying the prank out perfectly, every time, with never a word said. Lupin was undeniably on the same wavelength as the two, and whenever chaos was about to ensue, he had the astounding ability to duck beneath his desk with his book in the nick of time, his eyes never leaving the page. Pettigrew may have been a few seconds slower on the Marauder sixth sense, but nevertheless, it was there, and he was always ready to back up any inane plan. Everyone, teachers, students, and ghosts alike, had grown accustomed to the four walking, or in Potter's case strutting, down the halls, eerily synchronized at times.

They were inseparable.

Which was why the current circumstances was so alarming.

It had first become obvious during breakfast. With the exception of mornings of Quidditch practice, the Marauders always, _always_, sat together. It was an unspoken rule of some sort. But that particular morning, Potter, Lupin, and Pettigrew had been seated at one end, unusually quiet, not even glancing over at the newly repaired doors like everybody else seemed to be doing. Lily hadn't even noticed Black's absence until a disappointed Marlene had said something. It was then when they realized that he was there, just on the opposite end of the table, alone.

"He looks sad," Marlene said, resting her chin in her open palms, a thoughtful expression crossing her face. "Maybe I should cheer him up."

Privately, Lily thought Black didn't appear like the abandoned puppy Marlene seemed to be seeing in the slightest. On the contrary, he seemed cool and collected, as if sitting by himself was an everyday occurrence. A sudden, rather violent, screech of a knife scratching against his plate quickly told her otherwise, and everyone within hearing distance, including Lily, jumped at the painful noise.

Black calmly lifted a forkful of sausage to his lips as if the rest of the Gryffindor table, with the exception of Potter and Lupin, was not gawking his way. It was only after he swallowed that he seemed to notice the attention, and instead of blushing to the roots of his hair like any normal fourth year would have done, he merely raised his pumpkin juice and nodded rather mockingly toward the rest of the table before sipping.

"Poor Sirius," Marlene gave a dreamy sigh.

Lily remained determinedly quiet. She had barely said anything at all. Wanting some time to reassess her friendship issues, she had been the first of the four to walk down to breakfast. She hadn't had much time; almost as soon as she had sat down, they had joined her. Much like the broken Marauders, their little group had been much less talkative than usual. Mary had been quiet ever since the previous night and Alice had never been much of a talker, at least compared to Marlene and Mary. That left only Marlene to carry on the conversation, who wasn't making much progress.

The problem wasn't that Lily was still angry with them. She wasn't. But Lily wanted to change. The old Lily had never wanted to fight. She would crumble the second a 'sorry' was uttered and forget about it until the very same fight occurred again. It had been a cycle, with Petunia, with Severus, and now with Marlene, Alice, and Mary. She didn't want to be that Lily anymore. She really did want to be a new Lily, a stronger Lily.

She just didn't know how.

Automatically, Lily glanced over at the Slytherin table, but Severus was absent. She felt a sudden rush of disappointment, mixed in with relief. She hadn't quite figured out how the new Lily should react when she saw him. She didn't want to hurt his feelings…

And there she was, being the old Lily again. Lily absentmindedly tapped her fingers against her goblet of pumpkin juice in a fit of annoyance. She had to stop worrying. The old Lily worried. She didn't have to tell Severus anything, and certainly not a proclamation of her new Lilyness. All she needed to do was grow a backbone. And worry less.

Feeling much more new Lily-like already, Lily straightened up in her seat. It was only then that she realized that her eyes had drifted to Mulciber, who was openly glaring at her. Quickly, she returned her gaze back to the trio of Marauders.

Potter looked tired. Tired was an understatement. He looked worse than he had after his first Quidditch loss, with dark circles and rumpled robes. Even his hair appeared sadly limp. From the angle he was sitting, it seemed that he was very determined to ignore Black, and the realization, for some bizarre reason, saddened Lily. Potter and Black may have been the duo from hell, but they had been best friends, perhaps just as close as she and Severus were, and there was something oddly miserable about seeing them apart.

Lupin suddenly rose from his seat, murmuring something only Potter and Pettigrew could hear. Lily did not miss the fleeting look Lupin sent Black's way, one that Lily understood too well. She had felt it when Severus had caused the tree branch to fall on Petunia when they were nine, had felt it again when she had first heard him utter the word Mudblood, and felt it each time when she saw him with the other Slytherins, appearing nothing like the Severus she had once known so well.

Sadness. Disappointment. Loss.

As the double doors fell shut, Lily leapt to her feet, knowing what she had to do. After all, it had been Lupin who had spoken up to her about Severus just the year before, and the new Lily acted instead of uselessly mulling over what to do. "I have to go."

Marlene said something, but Lily pretended not to hear. Instead, she kept walking, feeling the heat of three stares on her back as she wove her way through a cluster of Ravenclaws. She nearly collided into Demetra Vane in the process, but jumped out of the way not a moment too soon. Even so, Lily still received a nasty glare that puzzled her for a second before brushing it off. Her mind was focused on Lupin, and luckily, she caught up with him only a few feet outside the Great Hall.

"Remus!" Lily called out, a step or two behind.

Lupin turned around and Lily was suddenly speechless, her newfound certainty already disintegrating. She had only known the feeling of losing a best friend all too well, and the shattered expression on his face had sent her running before she had thought twice.

She wished that the new Lily thought twice.

"Um," Lily said rather stupidly, her cheeks coloring. "Hi."

Bewilderment washed over his tired features, and Lily couldn't blame him. "Hi."

Frankly, Lily didn't know how the situation could become any more awkward, so she plunged ahead, her nervousness causing the words to leap from her mouth as if she had been put under a Babbling Curse. "I noticed, well, everyone noticed, that you and Black are…on the outs, and I was wondering if you ever needed someone to talk to… It's just that I've sort of been there, a lot, and there were times I wished I had someone to talk to, but never had, so…"

Lily fiddled with a strand of hair, praying that Lupin would step in and save her from her rambling. Thankfully, he did.

"Thanks, Lily," Lupin's voice was barely audible, but the corners of his lips twitched in a faint smile. She could tell he meant it, and approaching him no longer seemed like a dreadful mistake, only an awkward one.

Lily gave a grateful nod, not daring to open her mouth again. She prepared to turn around before any further damage could be done, but Lupin spoke again, startling her.

"Can I ask you a question?"

Lily gave a slight shrug of her shoulders, the surprise evident. "Go ahead."

"What did you do?" Lupin seemed to be struggling, just as Lily had, but unlike Lily, his trouble seemed to be forcing the words out. "In your situation?"

The question threw her off. She had been expecting something more along the lines of, "Did James slip Prattling Powder in your pumpkin juice?" A slight frown of contemplation came to rest on Lily's lips as her mind replayed bits and pieces of the various arguments that she and Severus had had over the years, when during each one, he seemed to slip away a little more each time. But even in their darkest hours, Lily had to admit that she had refused to let him slip even further than he already was. The second he showed a flicker of regret, the moment a resolution seemed possible, she had seized it. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew their issues had never been fully resolved, that Severus was becoming more and more entangled with the Slytherins, that his fascination with dark magic was growing, but the fact that he had apologized had seemed like enough. She had seen what she wanted to see without seeing if it was ever really there. If she was being honest with herself, it was because the mere thought of not being friends with Severus was terrifying. The thought that they would never lie on their backs side-by-side, naming cloud shapes and pointing out the stars, terrified her. Alice, Mary, and even Marlene, they were all good friends, but Severus was….Severus.

Things had to change. Half the time it seemed as if they were tiptoeing around each other in fear of fighting, the other half it seemed as if some form of doubt or uncertainty was in the way. Maybe things had appeared better after they made up, after they pretended they could be nine years old again, but the feeling never lasted for long. As quickly as the day after, the conflict would surface once more, and everything would seem even worse than before. Maybe there were still those times, an occasional moment, when everything was real again and Lily could almost swear that they were back at Spinner's End, but those moments had grown fewer and fewer by the year.

To Lily's horror, she realized that she couldn't even remember the last time she had really talked to Severus. There had been that time when had helped her with History of Magic, and it had been a rather enjoyable time, but it had been long overwritten by avoiding eyes and a growing distance.

"I forgave him," Lily said finally when she remembered that Lupin was still waiting for her answer. Her throat suddenly felt very dry, causing her voice to crack at the end, and she quickly coughed in a weak attempt to cover it up. It wasn't until that very moment that she had realized that things with Severus were far, far worse than they had been during the worst of their fights. There was something horrifying about realizing how long it had been since they had talked, really talked, and how she was just discovering it now.

A shadow fell across over Lupin's face, darkening his bruised features. "I don't think I can do that."

"Why not?" Lily couldn't explain the sudden flame of dread that flickered inside her.

"I want to," Lupin said slowly, and once again, he seemed to be searching for the right words. "But how can you be friends with someone you can't even trust anymore?"

Lily studied his grave face, but even as she did so, her mind flew back to Severus. Did she trust Severus? It seemed as if all he did was hide secrets from her, so how could she? But on the other hand, he was her best friend, how could she not? Lily knitted her eyebrows together. "I don't know."

"That's the trouble," Lupin stared down at the muddy shoes that peeked out from beneath the torn hem of his robes. "I don't know either."

"He's been one of your best mates since first year," Lily reminded him, dread continuing to bubble up in her veins. "Can one mistake really change that?"

"Yes," Lupin looked up, his pale eyes meeting Lily's, the seriousness in them giving Lily a jolt. "I think it can."

There was a pause.

"I feel disloyal even thinking it," Lupin confessed. "Sirius…James, Peter, they've all been there for me. Even in the times they should have abandoned me, they stood by my side. I had some…difficulties before Hogwarts, and Sirius was the one who seemed to understand the most. I don't understand how he could have done what he did. I don't know if I can forgive him, but I don't think I can just turn my back on him either."

Lily had never heard Lupin say as many words as he did, let alone in one breath. He looked more troubled than ever, and she was struck by an overwhelming urge to hug him. She couldn't begin to imagine what Black could have done, and she was not entirely sure that she did want to know. "Remus," Lily swallowed the lump in her throat. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but…what did he do?"

Lupin was quiet for a very long time. He looked away, and when he looked back, Lily could see his forehead creasing. "I don't think he meant to do it. I honestly don't think he did. But Sirius, sometimes, he just acts out without thinking, and with Snape-"

"Snape," Lily couldn't help but interrupt, flinching slightly as Lupin uttered the very name she had been thinking of. "What does Severus have to do with this?"

The blood drained from Lupin's face, and he looked even more unwell than before. For an alarming second, Lily was certain that he would collapse right then and there. Nervously, she glanced around, hoping there was someone in sight. "I don't think I should have mentioned that."

"Remus, what did he do?" Lily demanded.

Lupin took a deep breath, and when he spoke, his voice was not at all shaky like she had excepted it to be, but surprisingly determined. "Did you know there's a tunnel underneath the Whomping Willow?"

Lily blinked at the sudden turn the conversation seemed to be taking. "No."

"It leads to the Shrieking Shack," Lupin said. "Which is not the safest place to be."

"Because it's haunted?"

Lupin gave a weak smile. "I suppose you could say that. Well, Sirius ran into Snape last night, and from what I heard, they said a few words to each other. Sirius wasn't thinking clearly and thought it would be...a good prank to tell Snape how to get to the tunnel. And you know Snape."

"He went," Lily's heart sank, furious and just a bit hurt that he hadn't told her, or even asked her to come along. First year Severus would have, without question. But then she remembered that she hadn't seen him at breakfast. There was a sudden note of alarm in her voice. "Is he all right?"

"Yes," Lupin said quickly. "When James found out what Sirius did, he went after Snape and got him out just in time."

"Potter?" Lily echoed, not bothering to hide her incredulity.

"He's not as bad as you think, Lily. Arrogant, yes, with a one track mind, yes, but he's a good person." Again, Lupin's voice didn't waver. Instead, it came out clearer and stronger than anything else he had said before. "He wouldn't let someone just die. Even if that someone is Snape."

"Die?" Lily choked out, stunned at the word.

Lupin appeared to be immensely uncomfortable as he shifted from foot to foot. For a while, he seemed to be looking at everywhere but directly at Lily, but at last, his eyes locked with hers, and what she saw, was pure solemnity. "I meant what I said, Lily. It's not a safe place to be."

Lily shivered. It was impossible to doubt him. She wanted to ask more, but she didn't want to distress him further, especially when he seemed to be on the verge of fainting. The original subject seemed to be a safer option. "It's like you said, Black wasn't thinking clearly."

"I don't think he meant to, but he still did it," Lupin said. "I know it might not sound reasonable, but it's one of those moments that you can't just forget about and move on from."

"Everyone has moments when they make mistakes," Lily had no idea why she was defending Sirius Black, but for some inexplicable reason, she couldn't let the Marauders fall apart. They had to return to normal, at least what was normal for them. If they couldn't, how could she and Severus? "You need to talk to him."

Lupin looked unconvinced.

"I'm serious," Lily insisted, knowing with a sinking stomach that she had to follow through with her own advice. "Just be completely honest. You'll never be able to work things out if you don't even know what to work out."

"I don't even think he wants to work things out," Lupin whispered.

"That's ridiculous," Lily said, trying to sound encouraging. "You've been friends since the beginning of first year. Remus?"

Lupin's eyes had widened at an alarming size and he seemed to be staring over her shoulder in panic. "I have to go."

"But, Remus-"

"I'll see you later. Thanks, Lily!"

Before Lily could even blink, Lupin was tearing down the hallway. Bewildered, she turned around and was immediately faced with what had caused him to flee- a very disgruntled looking Sirius Black.

For a second, Lily could see an indefinable emotion flicker in Black's pale gray eyes as he watched Lupin recede from view, but any feeling that was there had fled just as quickly as the sickly Gryffindor had. He moved on.

Lily was not yet finished with the Marauders. She still couldn't understand why it was so important to her, but it was. The group had become a fixture at Hogwarts, and seeing them apart threw everything off balance. Lily needed that balance back, because without it, nothing seemed quite right, certainly not her and Severus. If Lupin wouldn't talk to Black, _she_ would.

"Black!" Lily pasted a cheery smile on her face as she scrambled in front of him, blocking his way.

"Out of my way, Evans," Black grumbled rudely, pushing past her as if she was nothing more than a ghost. Lily was left standing behind, feeling very indignant.

He continued walking, but Lily fought to keep up with him, refusing to let him slip from her grasp. "Black, could you just stop for one second- for Merlin's sake!" Without thinking, she withdrew her wand and slapped it against his arm in an effort to seize his attention.

It was much like poking a dangerous beast with a stick. The instant she had, Lily regretted it. Somehow Black looked much more frightening by himself than he did when he was with the Marauders. As he, with perturbing slowness, turned around to eye her with a deadly expression, Lily gulped, wishing that he didn't look quite so fierce or tall as he did just then.

"Did you just hit me with your wand?"

Lily hesitated and saw no point in denying it. "Maybe?"

"Try that again and I'll show you what it's really for," Black said in a voice so frosty, Lily didn't dare protest. Satisfied that she had fallen silent, he continued on his way once more, leaving her behind without another thought.

But not for long. Lily refused to give in. She had given in too many times before. She would fix the Marauders, whether he wanted her to or not. She coughed, clearing her throat before she spoke in what she hoped was her most authoritative voice.

"SIRIUS ORION BLACK, YOU STOP WALKING THIS INSTANT."

Lily couldn't help but be mildly impressed with herself. For someone who was on the smaller side, she sounded quite threatening, threatening enough to cause Black to stop in his tracks. Quickly, she replaced her triumphant smile with a scowl that was very similar to one she had seen many times before.

"Talk to Lupin. And Potter. And Pettigrew."

Black swerved around to face her, and out came a lethal snarl. "What?"

"I know what happened," Lily hastily continued when she saw his eyes flash. She stood up as straight as she could, frantically trying to look a tad more intimidating, but it was futile considering she didn't come up much higher than his chest. "And I know you miss them just as much as they miss you."

"I'm perfectly fine without them," Black said coldly. "Better than fine. Marvelous. Now if you get out of the way, I can move on and continue this perfectly fine day."

But Lily didn't move, refusing to be daunted. She placed her hands purposefully on her hips and stared him down. "Don't pretend that you don't care."

"Don't pretend that you know me," Black retorted. "Do you even know what happened? What really happened, and not some vague story that Remus told you?"

Lily remained silent.

"I didn't think so," Black said with grim satisfaction. "If you did know, I reckon you wouldn't be nearly as eager for me to talk to them."

In a way, it was similar to talking to Severus when he was in one of his nastier moods, scowl and all.

"That won't work on me," Lily said suddenly. "What you're doing."

"And what am I doing?" Black remained unimpressed.

"Trying to sound as awful as you can because you don't think you deserve forgiveness. Maybe you did mess up, but if you don't try to fix things, you'll have messed up even more. Stop pitying yourself and talk to them."

Now, it was as if she had pounded the beast with a stick. Black was the very picture of fury. His eyes had narrowed into slits and Lily could almost see puffs of smoke escape his nostrils. But when he spoke, it was a low and controlled hiss. "This doesn't involve you, Evans. Stay out of it."

With that, Black turned on his heel and stalked out. Her mouth falling open slightly, Lily stared after him in disbelief, having no idea that she had been capable of inciting such a reaction in him and thought better of going after him. She had given her advice. Now, she knew, it was her turn to follow it.

She would be honest with Severus. Not that she had technically lied, but there was more than one occasion when she had pretended there was nothing wrong at all. The next time he mentioned his friends, she would tell him exactly what she thought of them. When he continued to keep secrets and fend off her questions with lies, she wouldn't accept them. When he made more excuses, she wouldn't back down. Even if his eyes flashed in the way they usually did when he was truly angry, she still wouldn't back down. He had done what he wanted, and she would do the same. Lily would finally be her own person. Not Petunia's little sister or Severus's best friend. Just Lily.

It was time to find Severus.


	69. Chapter 69 The Real Moment

**DISCLAIMER- The flashback from The Prince's Tale contains dialogue by JK Rowling.**

**UPDATES-**

**Always- 6/23**

**Abomination- 6/19**

**Hero- TBD**

**Thank you for all the reviews! I'm so glad that everyone seemed to approve of the last chapter, because that one I was extremely nervous about. This update took longer than I planned 1. because I was moving and it took forever for me to find my HP books, which I needed for this chapter. 2. I started a novel, and I always get really excited and write a lot whenever I begin a new project. **

**I'm also nervous about this chapter, and I know James may seem a bit...strange in a scene here, but his story should clear things up.**

**TheSecondMessenger- Thanks for the review! I remember looking that up and the precise time werewolves transform, but everything I found was pretty vague. I wasn't sure if werewolves become increasingly sick before the full moon and then recovered, or if it takes a while longer. I'm pretty sure Lupin missed the day after when he was taking the Wolfsbane Potion, but again, I'm not positive if that's a werewolf side effect or a Wolfsbane side effect. Technically, I think he should be in the hospital wing for at least a day after the transformation, but for timeline purposes, I had him in the Great Hall. I do wish I thought about it more and made Lily visit the hospital wing because even a mistake as small as this one bothers me, especially since I want this fanfic to be as accurate as possible. I'm tempted to go with Lupin somehow managed to work up the miraculous strength to get out of the hospital wing in order to mope with a distraught Potter and Pettigrew, but in all honesty, I really do think you're right. **

**Solastic- Thanks for the review! I agree with what you said about Dumbledore. I do see him as a basically good person, just very...focused on the greater good, and willing to do what it takes to achieve it. I'm also glad you mentioned the scene when she refuses to forgive Severus, because when writing the last chapter, I wrote a line about Sirius to put in when I get there. This story is actually becoming darker than I thought it would be. I didn't really consider how dark until I started writing, but that just makes it more interesting for me to write. I never read all of Hamlet, but the parts I read, I enjoyed. I do think of Shakespeare occasionally when writing, just because of his tragedies. I mostly think of Macbeth when writing Severus, just because he lost everything due to his ambition.**

**life1428- Thanks for the review! I checked the years they started school on the HP wiki and the HP Lexicon again, and according to both of those, Regulus started Hogwarts in 1972, a year after Sirius. **

**BiscuitFace- Thanks for the review! Severus did give her Liquid Luck, and no, she hasn't used it- yet. **

**Chapter Sixty-Nine- The Real Moment**

**1975**

Severus had dragged himself down to breakfast far later than usual. Having no desire to mix with more people than necessary, he had purposefully waited until he was certain that the majority of the crowd had thinned out. Even then, he resolved to only grab a piece of toast to satisfy his grumbling stomach and leave as quickly as possible. He didn't want to see Potter or Black or Lupin or Pettigrew.

He especially didn't want to see Lily.

He couldn't. After the original argument about Lupin, the argument that had changed everything, Severus had only been able to move forward because he had told himself he would prove it to her soon enough. Nearly every time he caught a glimpse of those almond-shaped green eyes, he would remember how they looked when Lily had said she didn't believe him, and he would remind himself that she would in the end. It wasn't his hatred of the Marauders that had ultimately led him to the werewolf. It was her.

He didn't know how he would be able to look at her now.

Even if he had wanted to break his word to Dumbledore, if he were willing to risk the Knights and Hogwarts and everything, Severus knew in the back of his mind that it would make no difference. He had no proof, unless he wanted to take Lily down to the Whomping Willow during the next full moon, which wasn't even an option in his mind. He had absolutely no intention of returning to that hellhole, let alone taking Lily there.

Which left him exactly where he had been in the beginning.

Nowhere.

Miserably, Severus stared down at his untouched toast, the strands of his blue-black hair falling further until they nearly concealed the entirety of his face from any curious eyes. Even so, his eyes darted through the gaps, unconsciously searching the Gryffindor table for Lily, his heart hammering wildly against his chest.

She wasn't there. Severus hadn't expected her to be, he had planned it out so she wouldn't be, but the bitter taste of disappointment was undeniable. Abruptly, Severus dropped his gaze, his pulse, slowly but surely, returning to its normal rate. He knew fully well that she wouldn't be returning to the Great Hall anytime soon, but that didn't keep his eyes from drifting toward the pair of double doors, half-hoping, half-dreading to catch a glimpse of rich dark red hair or a flash of those emerald eyes.

"You won't find anything there," Regulus's familiar voice caused Severus to snap back into reality, and he promptly jammed a hefty bite of toast into his mouth in an attempt to look like he had been doing anything but staring longingly at the doors in an undoubtedly pathetic manner.

The younger Slytherin plunked down beside him, and he swallowed, doing his best to remain indifferent. "And what would I be looking for?"

"The same as everyone else," Regulus said with an undeniable smugness that disconcerted Severus. "You know, what everyone is talking about."

Instantly, the blood began to drain from his cheeks. Severus hadn't even fully processed Regulus's words, but he was vaguely aware that his face was contorting in a hateful grimace, his pulse racing once more but for an entirely different reason, a reason that was far darker than his foolish anxiousness of seeing Lily.

Potter. Potter had told. Not the real story, of course, but a wildly embellished tale spun of heroism, darkened with the introduction of a beast, a rather stupid beast at that, a rather stupid beast that the hero had so bravely, so _nobly _saved. Severus's eyes darted around the Great Hall, his gaze weaving in and out of the four tables, and he wondered how he could have possibly missed their stares before.

The story was worse than pure fabrication. If it had been pure fabrication like the millions of tall tales Potter boasted on about, Severus could have handled it. But this was worse, far worse, because the worst part, the very worst part, was real.

James Potter had saved the beast's life.

"Severus?" Regulus waved a careless hand in front of Severus's face, and the Great Hall gradually came into focus, painfully sharp in Severus's eyes. "Can you hear me? You look like you're about to _Avada Kedavra_ someone."

"I can hear you," Severus spat out between clenched teeth, not denying Regulus's observation.

"Aw, don't be like that, Sev. It _was_ brilliant, but you're not the only one who missed it."

And then suddenly it became clear that he and Regulus were talking about two entirely different subjects. He was being paranoid. The rest of the Great Hall wasn't staring. They were carrying on with breakfast, as usual, even if the chatter did seem a bit more hushed than usual.

Slowly, Severus relaxed, exhaling as his fingers uncurled so that they revealed tiny crescent shaped marks in his palms. Once his breathing rate had returned to normal, he turned back to Regulus, and for the first time that morning, he gave the younger Slytherin his full attention. "Regulus, what are you talking about?"

"The sign!" Regulus looked extremely put out at Severus's blank look. "In the Great Hall! The one everyone is panicking about!"

Severus gave him a questioning look, furrowing his brow as he did so.

Regulus seemed more miffed than ever, and in an extremely dramatic fashion, he set down his goblet of pumpkin juice with a loud thud. "The sign. It was across the Great Hall doors. Everyone is panicking about it."

"Yes, Regulus," Severus said dryly. "I gathered that much. What did it say to make them panic?"

"Oh," Regulus brightened. "There were great big letters that said 'the Knights are watching you, Mudbloods, you've been warned'."

Severus stared at him. There was something about the excitement that sparkled in Regulus's eyes, the proud posture as he recited the words so perfectly, the eager and rather obvious anticipation of Severus's reaction….

"Regulus," Severus said slowly. "Did you write it?"

For a long second, Regulus looked as if he didn't know whether to deny it or proclaim it loudly from the rooftops. His face cleared, and thankfully having enough sense to glance around surreptitiously before leaning forward, he beamed. "Yeah. Don't you think the Knights will be impressed?"

Severus stared at the younger Black once again, sorely tempted to club him over the head with his goblet. "No, Regulus, I really don't."

"But why-"

Severus cut off the indignant response. After his night, he was not about to feign patience. It was because of idiocy such as this that Dumbledore had managed to accomplish everything he could have possibly hoped for in their little office meeting. "Do you really think, Regulus, that a group that is notorious for its secrecy would be thrilled that you announced their presence to everyone? To _Dumbledore_, out of all people? You, who isn't even an initiated member? Why would they be impressed by a _sign_? A sign that doesn't have a hint of subtlety or thought…"

Severus's voice trailed off when he realized that Regulus no longer sat quite so tall in his seat. On the contrary, he was looking very panicked.

"Severus," Regulus said in a small voice. "Do you think they'll find out?"

"You better hope they don't," Severus said darkly. And then he remembered the night before, with Regulus's strange exit. "I suppose that's what you were doing last night."

"I ran into Sirius," Regulus mumbled, hanging his head down. "He caught me. "

Severus couldn't help but wonder how that little encounter had gone. Not well enough, or Black would have been too busy in the hospital wing to attempt to send him to his death.

"Severus," Regulus said again when Severus didn't speak. "Are you going to tell them?"

Severus had already considered it. It couldn't harm his standing with the Knights, even if he couldn't be certain that it would help it, especially since Lucius had been the one to ask Severus to keep an eye on the younger Black, for Narcissa's sake. But even if Severus could be certain, for some odd reason, he didn't have the urge to tell. Perhaps it was because he feared ruining his relationship, or potential one, with Lucius. Perhaps it was the knowledge of all the benefits a Black owing him a favor could bring. Or perhaps it was because, in the strangest of ways, Regulus had become somewhat of a friend to him.

"No," Severus said at last. "I won't."

Regulus looked immensely relieved and before he could utter a thank you or some other certain to be awkward reply, Severus rapidly stood up from the table.

"Transfiguration essay. It's due tomorrow," Severus muttered as a goodbye.

He hadn't even managed a full stride when he heard Regulus call out his name. With a scowl, he turned back to face him, fully annoyed that he hadn't been able to walk a good enough distance to feign deafness. "What now?"

"I heard Carrow and Jugson talking in the dormitory," Regulus started off uncertainly and promptly sped up at Severus's visible impatience. "They were with Avery and Mulciber last night."

Severus stiffed at the last name.

"They were laughing about a Mudblood, the Macdonald girl, something about _Innuo_."

"I don't see why I should care, Regulus," Severus said coolly, despite the dread that was building up inside him, twisting his stomach uncomfortably. He knew perfectly well who that Macdonald girl was, and he had a nasty suspicion of where this conversation was headed.

"Well, then they were complaining about your Mudblood. Evans," Regulus seemed to be watching his face far too closely for his liking. "From what I could tell, she and her friends walked in, and there was a duel."

"A duel?" Severus echoed, careful that his voice betrayed no emotion.

"Yeah, or duels, I suppose. Both of them were going on about it for a while. Apparently, Mulciber is really angry about it. Evans did a _Levicorpus_ on him."

Severus was frustrated. Frustrated that Lily had to be _such_ a Gryffindor at times, that she didn't have the better sense to blend in the shadows, especially when Mulciber was involved. But as frustrated as he was, there was also a twinge of pride. She had humiliated his enemy, and with _his_ curse. Far too soon for his liking, the pride dulled and fear took its place. If she wasn't a target before, she certainly was now.

"I just thought I would warn you," Regulus said somewhat awkwardly at Severus's silence, clearly wondering if he had made a mistake. "I mean, we both have people we care about on the other side, right?"

It was an unexpected question with a lie that was ready on Severus's tongue. Regulus wasn't just a Slytherin. He was a Black. A future Knight. There were no friends in the Knights, not really, just equals, useful acquaintances. But just then, there was a glimmer in Regulus's wide brown eyes that oddly reminded him of a pair of emerald that were never far from his mind.

"Right," Severus said finally, his truthfulness surprising even himself.

Perhaps Regulus was a better friend than he had given him credit for.

Before Regulus could say anything too heartwarming, he quickly moved on, continuing toward the exit of the Great Hall, and eventually meandering his way into the maze of hundreds, possibly thousands of corridors that made up Hogwarts. He needed to contemplate the situation in peace.

Mulciber hated him, and for that reason, had most likely already hated Lily more than any other Mudblood. The fact that she had cursed him would have caused that hate to spiral. He knew Mulciber's style; the Slytherin obsessed until he succeeded.

Severus would just have to dim that obsession.

Forgetfulness Potion, Severus decided. A few drops would do the trick, at least until he found a better solution. Summer was approaching, and quickly, and he could only hope that a new Mudblood would have raised Mulciber's wrath by then. Unless he made the effects more permanent...

He had never performed a Memory Charm before. It was risky though. Not just because of Dumbledore and Hogwarts, but all the Knights. He would have gladly welcomed expulsion compared to any punishment the Knights had for betraying their own.

Severus paused at a window, lifting his head briefly to glance at the morning sunlight. Perhaps if he found a way to make the Forgetfulness Potion itself more permanent. It would certainly be less risky than performing a full Memory Charm.

Before he could comprehend the matter any further, a familiar voice around the corner stopped him in his tracks, an even more familiar name capturing his full attention.

"-Lily."

"I don't talk about Evans. That much."

"James, you talked about her enough to your girlfriend that she _dumped _you."

"She did not. It was completely mutual. And I don't see what this has to do with anything. I'm not bloody talking to him."

Severus stood there on the other side of the wall, gnashing his teeth as he turned his wand repeatedly over in his hands. Potter had no right to speak Lily's name, let alone the way he was. He couldn't understand why his temper was boiling when the conversation had confirmed only what he had already known- James Potter fancied Lily Evans.

But with every word they said, his anger seemed to swell, rising into two red spots on his face. He was glad that Black was no longer one of them. He was glad that Potter was sounding far more bitter than Severus had ever heard him. He was glad that they were miserable. But it still wasn't enough. He wanted nothing more than to hex them all into pieces

But he couldn't. He couldn't face Potter. Not yet.

He was a coward.

**1975**

Lily was no longer worried about confronting Severus.

She was furious.

He was avoiding her. There was no doubt about it. Much to her frustration, he wasn't in any of his usual haunts, let alone the normal ones that everyone went to. She had ducked in every room and hallway she had come across, hoping to catch a glimpse of his dark head or surly frown. But she never did. Severus Snape was simply nowhere to be found.

Lily let out a long dreary sigh, pausing for breath by the Grand Staircase that unfurled rather impressively onto the main floor, its sprawling steps of massive marble providing the perfect resting place. She fell into a slump to the side as she racked her mind of where Severus could possibly be hiding. It didn't take long for her to realize that she was staring at a painting of what appeared to be a lovers' quarrel, and in unison, the couple stopped their bickering long enough to send her identical indignant glares.

Lily didn't have the energy to move so she turned her head, tuning out the wizard's rude remark. A second later, she wished she had, for an unfortunately familiar figure collapsed down heavily beside her. She groaned silently to herself.

"Fancy seeing you here, Evans."

Lily was about to retort something how stalking was illegal in the wizarding world, but his bedraggled appearance stopped her. Somehow, his hair seemed even more limp than before, and even the way he had said her name had sounded dull and toneless. Biting back the "go away, Potter" that was on the tip of her tongue, she reluctantly allowed the last word to slip out.

"Potter."

He didn't say anything else in return, and she wondered why he had sat down beside her, if he wasn't planning on going about his usual route of annoying her to death. Strangely enough, he seemed content just to sit there in silence, his eyes drooping tiredly behind his glasses. It was clear that if Black had listened to her, which she somehow doubted, it hadn't gone well.

"I heard about Black," Lily said cautiously. At the name Black, Potter seemed to tense, and Lily was uncomfortably aware that his hazel eyes were riveted to her face, as if studying her every feature. There was suddenly an urgent need for her to fill the silence, and she hastily continued. "How you aren't…talking. Sorry."

It surprised her, how much she actually meant it.

Potter seemed to relax, and he made a small movement with his shoulders that Lily guessed was intended to be a shrug. "I haven't seen you around with Snivelly."

His careless words had struck a nerve. Even though Lily knew better than anyone that she and Severus were in delicate territory, that didn't keep her eyes from flashing at the nickname. No matter where he was, regardless of the situation, Potter always, _always_ had to be the superior one. "Why do you always do that?"

Potter, much to her aggravation, looked bewildered. "Do what?"

"Even when I try to be nice, you're just so…." Lily flung her hands into the air helplessly, searching for the appropriate word. But there were no words, not enough words, to describe the boy sitting beside her. She finally settled on the one that could arguably sum up all adjectives. "Potter."

"Well," Potter said offhandedly. "That is my name."

Lily shook her head in exasperation, even though she was secretly relieved that they had something to talk about, even it was just the age-old argument. Anything was an improvement over that awkward silence. "I suppose it's nice to know some people won't ever change, even if that person is you."

Her words had been light, but to her surprise, Potter grew solemn, a shadow crossing over his tired features that made Lily wish that she had stuck with lecturing him after all.

"Everyone changes," he said seriously, and Lily could detect a note of bitterness beneath his words that deepened with each syllable. "You, your worst enemy, your best mate… We just don't realize it at first."

"You haven't," Lily pointed out again uncertainly, not quite sure how to handle a pensive James Potter.

At that, Potter offered her something that resembled a wry grin, much to her relief. "Maybe I will someday."

Lily waited for a brilliant smile or a twisted remark to follow, but nothing came. Unsure of what to do, she rested her chin in her hands and stared ahead, unaware that he was doing the same. "I somehow doubt it."

"You wound me, Evans. I could change," Potter paused, and with a touch of his old flippancy, he added, "But then again, why would I want to?"

Lily, strangely grateful for the old Potter, for he was much easier to talk to, opened her mouth to respond, but a strange crinkling noise stole her interest. She peeked over and saw that Potter was reaching into his robes, a familiar gold foil that could only belong to a Honeydukes chocolate bar in his hand. Before she could look away, he caught her gaze. "Want half?"

Lily was about to decline. It was James Potter and the proper thing to do was to reject him immediately without thinking twice. But she was already sharing a stair with him; she might as well share a chocolate bar. And her stomach was growling, _and_ Honeydukes was the best chocolate there was. It would have been an outrage to decline. "Okay."

If he was surprised, he didn't show it, much to Lily's relief, and promptly broke the bar neatly in half, handing a piece to Lily.

"Thanks."

It was partially melted, but all the same delicious and somehow comforting, seemingly warming her from her toes up. Lily eagerly sunk her teeth into the rich chocolate for another bite, savoring the taste as she swallowed. "Peppermint is my favorite."

"Mine too."

Lily froze, aghast by the information that Potter so casually delivered. She forced herself to relax, supposing there could be worse things than sharing Potter's favorite chocolate. His hair, for instance.

For a minute or two, it was silent, with only the sound of foil wrappers being rumpled. Potter was the first to speak. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and turned his head toward Lily.

"So what's wrong with you?"

"Pardon?"

"You're sitting on the stairs, eating chocolate with me," Potter pointed out matter-of-factly, not seeming at all offended by his own words. "You didn't even ask me if it was poisoned."

Lily shifted uncomfortably. She didn't want to talk about Severus. Especially not with Potter. Even the thought seemed traitorous. "Maybe I just felt sorry for you. Losing a best friend and all."

"Maybe," Potter brushed off her words far easily that she thought he would, even though she was almost positive that his hazel eyes darkened. It was difficult to be certain; the chocolate seemed to have perked him up a bit. "Or maybe you lost yours too."

"I didn't lose him," Lily said far too quickly, and from the knowing glint in Potter's eyes, she knew that he knew enough. She gave in. "Well, not yet. I just need to talk to him first. An honest conversation. And tell him exactly what I think."

"I don't see why that's so hard for you," Potter bit off another piece of chocolate. "You tell me what you think every day."

"I do not," Lily found herself protesting.

"You tell me when I'm being a berk, an idiot, a prat, an arrogant prat, moppet…."

"Muppet," Lily corrected automatically.

Potter looked as if he couldn't have cared less. "Do I need to continue?"

He was right. It was almost laughable. She was able to tell her worst enemy exactly what she thought of him without a second thought, but she couldn't manage to be honest to her very own best friend. There was something very disturbing in that knowledge.

"No," Lily said quietly. "You don't."

"Just tell him." There was another crinkling sound as Potter crumpled the Honeydukes wrapper into a tiny ball. He then smoothed his hair back and cleared his voice theatrically. "'Snivellus, you're a greasy git that is in desperate need of a hair potion. Or Balding Curse. Your choice'."

It was unbelievable. He could never resist a jab. Even when Severus wasn't even there. For a moment, Lily wanted to ask him why he had done it, why he had saved a boy he so clearly disliked.

But she didn't. She knew what his answer would be- a puffed-up remark about how it was nothing, while not so subtly slipping in details that proved it was anything but. She knew what the answer really was- he may have been annoying, arrogant, and a million other things, but he wasn't completely heartless. A bully with an inflated head, perhaps, but not heartless. Lily may have seen Potter at his worst, or at least what she hoped was his worst, but even so, she had never expected him to willingly let someone die. Lily didn't understand how anyone could, and with the possible exception of a few notable Slytherins, she didn't think anyone she knew would.

Instead, Lily decided to turn the subject back on him, and even though she did her best to swallow her anger, she couldn't keep the sting from her words. "And is that what you're going to tell Black? To use a hair potion?"

"First of all, Sirius has more than enough hair potions to supply the third wizarding world," Potter raised his hand and began ticking off fingers. "Second of all, I don't have to tell him anything. He already knows I'm bloody furious with him. Third of all, what _is_ with you and Sirius? You brought him up twice now, and I don't even want to know what you and Remus talked about."

There was an edge of frustration in his voice that startled her. Lily straightened up. "I just think it's stupid to throw away a friendship-"

But to her astonishment, Potter cut her off, looking far angrier than Lily had ever seen him, his hazel eyes practically sparking in such a way that she clamped her lips together, falling quiet. "You, Evans, don't get to lecture me about my friends. You're the one who can't even talk to _Snivellus_-"

"_Stop calling him that_," Lily exclaimed far more loudly than she intended to, more than baffled at the sudden mood change, and even more fed up with the nickname. "I wouldn't expect you to understand. We've been best friends since before Hogwarts. It's complicated-"

"Oh, it's complicated?" Potter hooted, as his voice took a mocking turn as it rose a notch louder to match hers. "Tell me, Evans, what's so bloody complicated about it? People grow up. They change. Did you ever think that if you can't even talk to him then maybe, just maybe you're not the best friends you thought you were?"

His words threw her. Not even Marlene had been so blunt with her. "You don't know anything, Potter," Lily spat out, but her voice was trembling. It was a weak response. She knew it was, but she couldn't manage to utter a reply. She couldn't even _think _of a reply.

"You're so blind," Potter continued, not even seeming to hear her response. "You can't even see when he's being a git, even when it's right in front of you. Do you even know him at all?"

Lily opened her mouth, and once again, Potter went on before she could even think of an answer.

"And don't give me rubbish about five years ago. I'm talking about now. Do you know where he goes at night? Do you know who his friends are? His friends who actually talk to them? Do you know what they're aiming to be, what he's aiming to be? That pillock is the reason why I lost my best mate so you better make bloody sure before you answer."

Potter finally stopped, his breaths heavy and quick. Lily was gaping at him in astonishment, hardly aware that her eyes were beginning to glisten from the threat of tears.

Potter had the decency to look slightly admonished. "Evans-"

"You're a git, Potter," Lily managed, making no effort to mask her distaste as she jumped to her feet. "An absolute git."

And with that, she spun on her heel and fled, Potter's words echoing in her ears every step of the way.

Lily was barely conscious of where she was running. She only wanted to run away from him, but his words kept following her. She had known she and Severus weren't the same, but he had only made it that much clearer. Horribly and painfully clear.

She couldn't it put it off any longer. Lily fell to a stop to a catch her breath, and feeling the cool air whisk against her cheeks, she realized she was in the castle courtyard. She had to find Severus. No more excuses. No more waiting on stairs and sharing chocolate with the enemy.

"Lily?"

Lily blinked, almost certain she had imagined the voice. But then she saw him, the very one she had been looking all over for when she hadn't even been looking for him. It had to be a sign of some sort, didn't it?

"Where have you been?" Lily managed, still gathering her breath. "I've been looking all over for you."

Severus shrugged his thin shoulders, and Lily couldn't help but notice how the rings under his eyes seemed to be darker than usual. "I dunno. Around."

_Do you know where he goes at night_?

She didn't.

Severus stuffed his hands in his pockets and started to walk, mentioning her to follow, but Lily didn't move. She stood there, frozen and motionless, knowing that she had to talk to him. She couldn't postpone it any longer. There were no more excuses, and she knew it.

"Wait," Lily found her voice again, but it was not anything like the furious tirade she had planned as she roamed through the castle that morning, searching for him. It was hesitant. "Severus, wait."

Severus halted, and far too slowly, he turned around to face her.

"Can we talk?" Lily pleaded, unable to keep a hint of desperation from seeping into her voice. The new Lily was supposed to be brave. There was no new Lily. There was just Lily, and Lily was terrified. How did one start to be honest after four years?

He was staring at her, looking quite concerned, and most likely wondering if she was losing her mind. "Yeah."

"I mean, talk," Lily said, forcing herself to meet his dark eyes. "Really talk."

Severus was looking more and more uneasy as he took an unexpected step toward her. The troubled crease in his forehead was even more evident up close, and Lily was suddenly overwhelmed by a new wave of uncertainty as her heart wrenched. She knew he cared about her. Perhaps he could be hypocritical at times, and waspish at even more, but he still cared, and she didn't want to ruin what they had.

Lily was sorely tempted to run.

"Lily, are you all right?"

But she wouldn't. Maybe there was no new Lily, but that didn't mean just Lily couldn't be brave too.

"No," Lily said slowly, lifting her head up. "I'm not all right. Where do you go at night?"

Severus's face seemed to shut down. His eyes narrowed ever so slightly, and his jaw clenched visibly. "What are you talking about? What does that have to do with anything?"

"And what about your friends? The Slytherins. Don't you think it's weird that I've never talked to most of them? I don't even know some of their names!" Lily was vaguely aware that she was sounding hysterical, but she had finally managed to start talking and she wasn't about to stop now. "Don't you think that's weird, Sev?" she heard herself asking again. "You've met all my friends."

Severus was avoiding her eyes.

"Look at me," Lily demanded with unexpected strength that caused Severus's eyes to flicker toward hers in alarm. "I know I brought this up before, and I know what you're going to say. I'm going to say it now, because do you know how many times I wanted to say something and couldn't? I can't even talk to you anymore, Sev!"

"And that's my fault?" Severus said defensively.

It was that defensive tone that usually had her backing down. She had worried about upsetting him, about hurting his feelings before, but now she knew better. If they were best friends, they had to survive the cuts and scrapes in order to heal instead of pushing past them.

"Yes!" Lily cried out in such a way that it startled both of them. Abruptly, she dropped her head as a minute of uneasy silence unfolded. It was a warm spring day, nearing summer, but she suddenly felt chilled. She waited it out as long as she could, digging her toe in the grass before forcing herself to jerk her head up and face him again. "I don't know. Maybe it's both our faults. We both pretend like there isn't anything wrong when we know there is."

"You agreed you didn't want to fight anymore," Severus said tersely and the clouds above them seemed to thicken. "You _agreed_."

"Yes," Lily said, wincing at the way he stressed the final word. She could still remember their very first fight, when they promised to never fight again, Perhaps that had been their first mistake. To be stronger, they needed to fight. "But is pretending like nothing is wrong really better?"

A gust of wind blew past them, causing the leaves to rustle.

"You're just like Petunia," Lily said suddenly, struggling to recover the thoughts that had been haunting her for the past few days. She had stewed about it long enough, but horrifyingly enough, her mind was frustratingly blank.

Severus looked at her incredulously.

"Wait," Lily said hastily, her memory beginning to surface. "You're just like Petunia because both of you look out for me. Both of you try to protect me and you decide things for me. I'm not a child, Sev. I'm your friend. I need you to treat me like one."

"I'm trying to protect you because you are my friend!" Severus burst out, the strands of his black hair blowing wildly about his face, as if emphasizing his anger. His already sallow complexion seemed to have drained of any of the color that remained, but his black eyes were more alive than ever, practically sparking in the sunlight.

"I don't need you to!" Lily couldn't keep the annoyance from her voice, her indignation giving her all the more power. "And we both know there's more to it than that. Are you telling me that you're with the Slytherins almost constantly so they leave us alone? Be honest, and just admit it. Don't ignore the question, Sev. For once, admit it. Please."

Severus gave a tiny jerk of his head.

"I didn't think so," Lily said softly.

There was another silence, one more nerve-wracking than the last.

"You're hiding something. You said you would tell me-"

"I can't," Severus was shaking his head. "Lily, I'm sorry-"

"Stop saying you're sorry," Lily interrupted, gaining momentum with her every word. "I'm tired of Petunia, of you, of everyone telling me what to do. You're sharing secrets with the Slytherins, sneaking around the castle, doing Merlin knows what, and I don't even know what else, because you _won't tell me_! You know, I don't even know when we talked last time. Talked without pretending anything was wrong. And yes, part of it is my fault. I keep making excuses for you and I kept avoiding a fight just as much as you. But the other part, Sev, that's all you. Do you know how many times I tried to find you? How many times I tried to find out what was going on with you? You always ignore the question or ignore me." Lily paused to catch her breath. "I don't understand why everything has to be a secret. I don't understand why we can't just tell each other everything, like we used to. I'm not saying that I want you to drop everything for me and ignore everyone else. I think it's okay that we do have our own friends, it's _good_, actually, but the second I say I have to study with Marlene, you make," Lily paused as Severus's face contorted. "Yes, you make that face!"

"I'm not making a face," Severus argued, his face immediately clearing. He lost his usual scowl and was looking more wary than usual after her outburst. "I just don't understand why you want to hang out with them. I thought we were supposed to be friends. Best friends?"

Lily withheld the urge to scream. After all that, he still didn't understand. He couldn't see how hypocritical it was. If he could have his own friends, then why couldn't she? And why was he complaining about her friends as if he had never seen his own?

"We _are_, Sev, but I just don't like some of the people you're hanging around with!" The second Lily had hit that topic, she knew she couldn't slow down. "I'm sorry, but I detest Avery and Mulciber. _Mulciber_! What do you see in him, Sev, he's creepy! D'you know what he tried to do to Mary Macdonald the other day?"

Lily took another deep breath, resting back against a pillar as she peered up, desperately trying to read his face. Strangely enough, he reminded her more than ever just then, of the boy who had told her that she was a witch. He no longer looked like the collected Slytherin she had seen striding down the halls, or even irritated, as he had minutes before. Instead, there was that same desperation he wore when she had walked away from him at the playground. It was as if he was beginning to realize that she was truly upset, and they were having an argument, a real argument, and that it might not work out perfectly in the end after all.

"That was nothing," Severus finally muttered, rather weakly. "It was a laugh, that's all-"

Lily, her heart still pounding from her outburst, retorted without hesitation. It was nice, being brave. She didn't have to hold anything back. "It was Dark Magic, and if you think that's funny-"

"What about the stuff Potter and his mates get up to?" Severus challenged, his desperation transforming into something darker.

"What's Potter got to do with anything?" Lily said, puzzled and more than a little annoyed that he had cut her off mid rant.

"They sneak out at night," Severus said, as if daring her to defend them. "There's something weird about that Lupin. Where does he keep going?"

"He's ill," Lily said, still wondering how they had managed to switch topics so quickly. "They say he's ill."

"Every month at the full moon?"

And then it became clear. What Severus was doing at night and why Potter was aware of it. He just couldn't drop it. After all this time, he still was obsessing over it, and even worse, he hadn't given her the slightest mention of it.

"I know your theory," Lily said frostily, her mind flicking back to the memory of a distraught Remus Lupin, and recalling his tired eyes and sad smile, she felt extremely protective of him. "Why are you so obsessed with them anyway? Why do you care what they're doing at night?"

"I'm just trying to show you they're not as wonderful as everyone thinks they are," Severus said, his dark eyes fixed on her.

Lily was suddenly aware that they were standing uncomfortably close, her chest only inches away from his. For some odd reason, the memory of Hogsmeade surfaced in the back of her mind, when that moment had taken place, if it had been a moment at all. She had written it off then, but from the intensity of his gaze, she couldn't so easily this time. Heat flooded her cheeks, and she tore her gaze away, despising the fact that she blushed so easily.

"They don't use Dark Magic, though," Lily said, changing the subject hurriedly as she lowered her voice. "And you're being really ungrateful. I heard what happened the other night. You went sneaking down that tunnel by the Whomping Willow, and James Potter saved you from whatever's down there-"

Never could she have anticipated the intensity of Severus's reaction. His face seemed to blacken before her, a scowl that seemed to swallow his entire features, warping it until it was almost unrecognizable. It nearly frightened her. She had seen such fury rise in him before, but never because of her.

"Saved? Saved?" Severus repeated in a splutter, his voice rising, black eyes wild. "You think he was playing the hero? He was saving his neck and his friends' too! You're not going to- I won't let you-"

The fear disappeared, only to be replaced by pure indignation. After that entire monologue of her having enough of him and Petunia bossing her around, he had the audacity to say that? Lily narrowed her eyes into shards of emerald that seemed to spit fire. "_Let _me? _Let_ me?"

She echoed his words in an impressive half-shriek that startled her and immediately sent a wave of alarm over his features.

"I didn't mean- I just don't want to see you made a fool of-" Lily had never seen Severus struggle so much with his words. A few beads of sweat dotted his brow as the hatred continued to twist upon his features. He stiffened and his next words seemed to require even more effort. "He fancies you, James Potter fancies you! And he's not….everyone thinks…big Quidditch hero..."

And there was the mention of Potter again. Lily arched an eyebrow, her thoughts automatically going to Potter nearly shouting at her not an even hour before. If Severus had been there, he certainly wouldn't be going on with his delusions about Potter fancying her. But she didn't dare, because then she would have to explain the chocolate, and Lily couldn't really explain that to herself. Instead, she decided to step in and end his misery.

"I know James Potter's an arrogant toerag," Lily said coolly, not from the topic, but more from him being able to ignore her eruption and changing the subject to James Potter. "I don't need you to tell me that. But Mulciber and Avery's idea of humor is just evil. _Evil_, Sev. I don't understand how you can be friends with them."

Strangely enough, Severus seemed to calm at her words. His shoulders slackened and his face was smooth again. Even his eyes looked as if they had lost their fire, and the exhaustion in his features was more evident than ever. He unexpectedly tilted his head toward the open courtyard, and Lily gave a silent nod of agreement. The two trudged ahead, their hands occasionally brushing against each other, and Severus began to speak.

"Look, Lily, I agree," Severus began as he pushed back the curtains of his hair to reveal more of his startlingly earnest face. "I know things aren't the way they used to be. I _know_ it's my fault."

Lily looked at him skeptically.

"I deserve that," Severus acknowledged. "I- can't promise that I'll tell you everything. But I will try. I'll make more of an effort. We could start tonight. We could go to the clearing again, if you want."

Lily was quiet.

"And- I won't try to be Petunia. I never meant to," Severus continued hastily.

"I believe that," Lily gave a small, unintended laugh.

"I- just care about you. A lot. You're my best friend," Severus added the last remark a little defensively.

Lily stared at him, wondering if her words had finally sunk in after all. His face seemed sincere enough, but there was something still nagging her. "And what about my friends? And Mulciber and Avery?"

"Mulciber-" Severus paused, looking as if he was about to begin a speech, but ultimately deciding against it. "They aren't my friends."

Lily opened her mouth to object, but Severus continued swiftly.

"I'm not saying I don't want to hang out with them. I do. Sort of. I'm a Slytherin and they're Slytherins, and in a way, we do have common interests," Severus said slowly, raising his eyes to lock with hers. "They come from important families, Lily. It's better for my future if I stay on their good side."

"Spoken like a true Slytherin," Lily said dryly.

Severus smiled slightly for a moment, a crooked little smile that was just _Severus_. "They're…I don't know. But they're not my friends, not like you and me. You're…my best friend, Lily. You know that."

He added the last bit with that earlier desperation. Lily felt a lump in her throat. She had planned out, or at least tried to, what to say and how to act, especially if he put up a fight. She hadn't given much thought of what to do when he agreed.

"And you can see your friends too," Severus said quickly, appearing as if the words took him great effort. Lily was tempted to point out that she didn't need his permission, but she thought her earlier speech had made that quite clear already.

He was saying everything she could have hoped he would say, everything she had thought she wanted. She should have been happy, but there was something missing, something unrelenting that ached in her chest and turned over in the pit of her stomach. It was as if there was something still troubling her.

"Okay," Lily said at last.

There was a flame of hope in his eyes that caused guilt to prickle at her skin.

"We'll go to the clearing," Lily went on. "And talk. But not tonight. You look horrible, Sev. Did you even sleep at all?"

A look of relief, tinged with the faintest disappointment, crossed his face, but he managed a hoarse laugh.

Lily didn't know if she was being entirely fair. She had said what she had wanted to say, and Severus had apologized and promised to do better. It seemed as if he had been waiting to hear something more, perhaps their traditional "Friends again? Always" line. But that, Lily felt, would send out the wrong message, that everything was fine and all would return to normal.

Because it still wasn't fine, and Lily didn't want it to return to normal. Somewhere along the way, normal had stopped being about honesty and laughter, and had given way to lies and tension. Words wouldn't save their friendship, but perhaps actions would.

Severus had said things would change. Now she had to see if they would.

And that was when Lily knew what was wrong.

She had always believed him before. She had always been so eager to have things the way they were, she had simply jumped back in, practically blinded. She knew it had been stupid, but it was Severus.

Lily was suddenly aware that Severus had sent a small, uncertain smile her way, and she, rather weakly, returned the favor, her heart sinking as she did so. As of now, there was nothing wrong with the moment. It was nearly perfect.

But that was all it was. A moment. It was fleeting, and soon, perhaps tomorrow, perhaps a week, part of her was certain that everything would return to the hideous normal. Petunia had been wrong. Moments weren't a time before the beginning of a great romance. They were a time, an unfairly short amount of time, when everything was glossy and perfect until it began to crack, and eventually shatter into pieces.

Just like her gut feeling told her that she and Severus would.

That was what was precisely wrong. She didn't believe him. She was waiting for the moment to end; she was _expecting_ it to end. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew it wasn't supposed to be that way, but in her mind there was no choice. This way, she and Severus stood a chance, as slim as it was. The other way…that was unthinkable.

It was childish, and it was stupid, but a distant Severus was better than none at all.


	70. Chapter 70 The Woes of Severus Snape

**UPDATES**

**Always- 7/16**

**Abomination- complete, just need to edit before I post**

**Hero- TBA **

**Thank you so much for the reviews! Another late chapter, but like I told a reviewer, I would rather be late posting a chapter I'm satisfied with than a rushed one. In the future, I'll try to be more realistic with the dates, but my schedule is somewhat unpredictable. I'm currently editing Abomination, and that will be posted as soon as I finish. I know I promised that a ridiculous amount of times, but like I said before, Always is my priority. **

**I was a bit wary about this chapter because even though I planned it a while ago, the main event that takes place in it just seemed too sudden to me. I thought about it for a while and I decided that no matter what, it's going to seem sudden, and there's really no way to prepare for it. I hope I wasn't out of character because that was something I really struggled with when writing this particular chapter.**

**And yes, a certain scene at the very end was unintentionally inspired by a scene in DH Part 1. When I started writing it, I realized it was sounding very familiar and I think I was subconsciously thinking of DH when I came up with the idea. **

**Snarky64- Thanks for the review and for letting me know about Remus!**

**MoonHead- Thanks for the review! I know you're a non-James fan, so I'm glad that you approve of how I'm starting the James/Lily relationship. I know I should most likely include more war news, but this story has a war going on for 7+ years. JKR only really wrote about it for three books. I'm doing my best to stretch it out and keep it vague for now so it doesn't get too...tedious. That way, I can focus on the Sev/Lily relationship because there won't be many Sev/Lily scenes after the Mudblood scene. During the sixth and seventh years, and years after, I'll really go into detail. It's funny that you made the environment suggestion because l've been reading Gone With the Wind, and it really made me realize that I should add more description, so thanks again and I'll try to work on that. **

**Lilysnape77- Thanks for the review! There will be a Sirius/Regulus confrontation in Abomination. **

**life1428- Thanks for the reviews! I understand what you mean about reading and relating to the characters because I often find myself relating to them while writing. Don't apologize for the long review, and I hope everything works out with your friend. **

**sparklyscrunchies- Thanks for the review and for letting me know about the typos! I'll fix those as soon as I upload this chapter. I'm also glad you like Regulus because you'll see a lot more of him, especially in the later years. **

**Happy Camper- Thanks for the review! It is somewhat difficult to write the James/Lily scenes, just because this is a Severus/Lily story. My main struggle is balancing it out and trying not to scare off my S/L readers. Half of this is Lily's story, and explaining how she fell in love with James is a huge part of that, so the difficulty is really doing that justice, especially without turning this into too much of a James/Lily story. I do have a pretty clear idea of how I want their romance to go, the trouble is just making it understandable, especially for Sev/Lily fans. It is easier to write the Sev/Lily scenes just because I'm more acquainted with writing them, but I do enjoy writing the James/Lily parts, even if they're a bit trickier. I actually prefer Lily and James as endgame, but I prefer Sev/Lily's story, if that makes sense. If Severus and Lily had ended up together, I wouldn't have been fascinated by their story and inspired to write it. James, in his own way, just makes the story better/more tragic, and I think it would have been a lot less interesting without him. So basically, I like Lily and James as endgame, but I love the tragedy of Severus and Lily.**

**The Phoenix's Keeper- Thanks for the review! People have told me that his birthday is January 9th, and while it sort of bothers me because I want this story to be as plausible as possible, my main goal is to follow what was written in the actual books, not what JKR said a few years later. **

**Anna- I said before that the updates are when I'll most likely post, but nothing is definite. I rather be satisfied with a late chapter than upload a rushed one. **

**Chapter Seventy- The Woes of the Half-Blood Prince**

**1975**

There was something terrible about waiting.

It hadn't been long since Regulus's sign, no more than a few days, but it was long enough. The Knights of Walpurgis had remained silent, and that was enough to unnerve Severus. Regulus was eager to believe that he had gotten off scot-free, but Severus had a sinking feeling that told him otherwise. From what he understood, the Knights were, in a way, a practice ground for the higher leagues, a way to ensure that the kin of the pure bloods weren't completely green before being thrust into the real world. He had a disturbing hunch that there was a lesson ahead, and that they would all learn it the moment they let their guard down.

"When is the next- ah, what do you call it?" Mulciber demanded suddenly at the Slytherin table, forcing Severus to push away any thoughts of the Knights to the back of his mind. "When we see the-" Mulciber crumpled his face in confusion and lifted his hands over his head as if he were dramatically lowering a hood.

Fortunately, only their little group seemed to be in earshot, but that made their reaction no less severe. Simultaneously, Wilkes and Rosier dove toward him to clap their hands over his mouth, while Avery looked on rather curiously. Severus became extremely absorbed in his dinner plate.

"What is wrong with you?" Rosier spoke in a deadly hiss. "Are you trying to invite Dumbledore to the next meeting?"

"Meeting!" Mulciber crowed excitedly in his customary booming voice. His eyes had lit up as if he had just made an important discovery, and there even seemed to be color in his cheeks, color that emphasized his rare, if not disturbing, delight. "That's it. When's the next one at?"

"Shut up," Wilkes's eyes were darting all around the Great Hall in a fit of paranoia. "Just stop talking."

"Oh," Mulciber said in a loud whisper. "Is it a secret then? I forgot."

Mulciber was forgetting a lot of things. Severus wouldn't have said that his improved Forgetfulness Potion had backfired. In fact, it was quite the opposite. His concoction was doing so well, that Mulciber had become a downright idiot, giving even Avery a run for his money. It would have been amusing, but Severus didn't have the faintest idea of when it would wear off, and it was beginning to make him edgy. He preferred to have all the information, instead of cluelessly waiting in the dark.

"Does he seem...off to you?" Avery muttered to Severus, his eyes still fixed on Mulciber.

Severus gave Mulciber a courtesy glance, only to find that the Slytherin was currently using the wrong end of his knife in an attempt to slice his mashed potatoes. He shrugged. "Not especially."

"Not...stupider?" Avery pressed as Rosier snapped at Mulciber to put down the knife.

Severus found his words humorously ironic and stifled a laugh. "No. Just more upfront about it."

Avery nodded, looking extremely serious, and returned to shoveling down the roasted chicken on his plate. Severus let out a breath that he hadn't realized he had been holding. He didn't want to know what would happen if they discovered he was behind Mulciber's ailing mind.

But even if they did, it was worth it. Lily may have said that she didn't need his protection, but she didn't know the first thing of what some of the Slytherins were capable of. Perhaps that was partially his fault, but Severus didn't especially care. Lily barely came up to Mulciber's _chest_. The burly Slytherin could have crushed her with his bare hands, at least if he wasn't so partial to the nasty curses that lined the pages of the Restricted Section of the library. Severus would be damned if he didn't do anything to help Lily, and he knew that she would do the same for him.

He knew it far too well, he reflected bitterly, quickly brushing away memories of the times she had stepped in during a humiliation, whether it was Potter and the Marauders, or the Muggle boys in the town square. It wasn't fair that she insisted that she didn't need his protection, but she would never listen when he said the same. He was a Slytherin. He was a _Knight_. He was willing to bet that he was better off than her and the rest of the glorious House of Gryffindor put together.

Severus knew the truth. Lily still saw him as the useless little boy who met her on the playground with scrapes and bruises. She saw him as weak. Perhaps he had been once upon a time, but not anymore. She would see the truth someday; he would make sure of it.

Until then, there was nothing else to do. Why Lily wanted to see her Gryffindor friends was beyond Severus's comprehension. They most likely did nothing but pine over _Potter_ and his merry little band of imbeciles, when they weren't giggling as if they had been hit too many times with a Cheering Charm. But if Lily wanted to see them, that was fine with Severus. More than fine. He had his own plans, plenty of his own plans, and even if he didn't, they were just a couple of thickheaded Gryffindors. _He _was Lily's best friend. _He_ was the one she cared about. _He _was the one who had a Lily smile that seemed especially reserved for him. Not them.

Why did it matter that things between them still weren't completely normal? That the distance between them seemed to lessen only slightly after Lily's grand outburst? It was Hogwarts, where tensions ran high and wizarding war headlines lined the _Daily Prophet_. Things could hardly be expected to be completely normal. Once they were back home, away from the wizarding world, away from any interfering Gryffindors, Severus knew that things would return to the way they had been before.

He just had to be patient.

With that thought, Severus stole a glimpse of the Gryffindor table, his eyes instinctively moving toward Lily, not unlike a moth to a flame. She was not giggling with Marlene McKinnon, nor was she gazing after Potter like he half-expected her to be.

She was looking at _him_.

Their eyes locked, and Lily smiled, _his_ smile.

Unthinkingly, Severus half-smiled back.

A hand on his shoulder brought him back to reality. Severus almost let a nasty retort slip through, but in the nick of time, he saw that it was Professor McGonagall. Somehow, in that moment with Lily, he hadn't noticed the Slytherin table fall silent.

"Professor Dumbledore would like to see you in his office," McGonagall said, her voice clear and crisp. Severus glanced at Mulciber and clamped his mouth shut. If Dumbledore wanted him, then he very well couldn't not go, but it wouldn't do the decrepit fool any good. He couldn't prove that it was him who tampered with Mulciber's pumpkin juice.

As Severus stood up, he could feel almost the entire Great Hall's eyes on him, including Lily's. He acted as if he saw none of it, and without a word, he followed McGonagall, his eyes fixed on severe bun at the back of her head.

"You don't have to take me there," Severus said brusquely once they were out of earshot. "I know the way, _Professor_."

He bit back the harsher 'remember' that he was so tempted to say. He knew it was foolish, that he shouldn't have expected anymore from a Gryffindor, least of all the Head of House, but the tiniest sting of betrayal remained. If there was any teacher that he thought could withstand the Marauders, it had been McGonagall, and she had failed.

But to his surprise, McGonagall didn't turn around or even reprimand him for his poisonous tone. She merely continued on her way, and only spoke to utter the password, 'licorice wand'. After the gargoyle had sprung to life and the staircase had at last came to a unceremonious halt, she finally acknowledged him.

"I believe you can manage the rest, Mr. Snape."

Her voice was not unkind, and she spoke in a manner that Severus couldn't quite understand. It was only then that he began to consider the idea that he was not there because of Mulciber after all.

He should have been relieved, but instead, blood began to pound in his veins, his heart hammering against his chest in painful repetition. Not knowing, Severus decided, was far worse than knowing.

It only took the sight of Dumbledore at his desk for an unwanted chill to ripple down his spine, followed by the immediate sensation of déjà vu, a sensation that he strongly disliked. Everything seemed to be as it had been the night of the full moon. The delicate silver instruments were arranged on the polished mahogany as they had been before, stacks of parchments lay untouched beside a handsome quill, and the phoenix looked as if it hadn't even twitched a feather in Severus's absence.

"Severus," Dumbledore greeted him, and Severus couldn't help but notice while the ancient wizard's spectacles sparkled, his eyes did not. On the contrary, he looked rather grim, the only stark difference in the room.

"Professor," Severus couldn't quite manage the sarcasm that the word in his mind demanded. He was too busy being consumed by a new fear. What if Dumbledore had proof that he was connected to the Knights? What if it was all over before it had really begun?

"Did you enjoy your supper?"

The question took Severus by such surprise that it took a moment for his annoyance to sink in. After annoyance had struck, the simple pleasantry took on an entire new meaning, and Severus couldn't help but wonder if Dumbledore was making a connection to the _Last Suppe_r, implying that it was his last supper at Hogwarts. Did Dumbledore even know who Da Vinci was? Severus didn't care if it was rude and ignored the question altogether. If he was about to be expelled, he saw no point in delaying it. "Why am I here?"

For the second time, Dumbledore did not resemble the great wizard that was on everyone's lips. Instead, he looked like a very tired and very old man. He looked human. He took his time to answer, enough time that Severus was about to repeat the question in fear that the headmaster hadn't heard him.

"You're here, Severus," Dumbledore began finally, his voice heavy. "Because I received news today. Unpleasant news. It pains me to say this, but I've always believed in matters such as this that it's best to be direct."

This was it. He was about to be expelled. Severus braced himself, but his eyes told another story. They were glaring at Dumbledore, daring him to announce the verdict. It wasn't over for him, not by a long shot. He would find another way to be someone.

"Your mother has passed on."

It took a seemingly endless amount of time for the words to sink in, but once they had, a bleak comprehension struck a stillness through Severus's bones. Everything in the office seemed to fade except for Dumbledore's echoing words, and gradually, the glowering black eyes lost their light, dimming into something more vulnerable. He felt a sudden lump lodge in his throat.

Eileen hadn't been the ideal mother. What she had been could hardly be called a mother. Severus had always known that. What he hadn't known was that there would be unfathomable pang in his chest when he found out she was gone, a feeling of inexplicable grief.

But he couldn't crumble now. He refused to. If he fell to pieces now, he was paranoid that he would never be able to pick them up. He struggled to ignore the images that were flooding his mind, images of Eileen handing him the pouch of coins to buy school supplies, of Eileen telling him that he was still a Prince, even with his father's blood, and instead, Severus stared into Dumbledore's pitying blue eyes and focused on the hatred he felt, boiling inside him. He didn't need anyone's pity, least of all Dumbledore's, and for that, he hated the ancient wizard more than he could ever have thought possible.

"It was _him_, wasn't it?"

He emphasized the word with more loathing than he knew he felt, refusing to even utter the title aloud. He was willing to bet that Dumbledore knew about his family life, and from the way those penetrating blue eyes were absorbing him now, it was undeniable. Of course, Severus didn't know how much Dumbledore knew, but he was certain that he knew enough to know that Tobias Snape was no more a father than Eileen Prince had been a mother. Tobias had killed any chance he would have had of a normal life, of a happy life, and now he had killed Eileen.

"Not directly," Dumbledore said quietly. "She took too much of a Sleeping Draft."

She had finally given up after all. Severus was startled. Not by the news, but by his reaction. Unconsciously, he had been expecting it. He hadn't known he had been expecting it until that very moment. Every year, she had seemed to crack and splinter just a bit more, and with the memory of her dead eyes planted firmly in his memory, he wondered how she had lived as long as she did.

"Even in death, those we love, those who love us, never leave-"

"Don't," Severus cut Dumbledore off abruptly in a voice colder than he had ever heard himself speak. "Don't.

"Severus-"

"Don't." Severus said again, and already, the coldness was thawing, giving way to a smoldering anger, its flames swallowing him and threatening to burn and destroy everything in sight. Anger at Tobias for being a monster, anger at Eileen for abandoning him, for never being there in the first place, and most of all anger at Dumbledore.

Severus hadn't chosen his parents. He hadn't asked for a monster for a father. He hadn't asked for a ghost for a mother either. He had never asked for _anything_. He had never stood a chance; he had never had a choice, just as Dumbledore had claimed Lupin hadn't. Yet Dumbledore had never stepped in for him. No one had stepped in for him.

No one had stepped in for Eileen either.

Severus's voice was rising, and he fought fiercely to keep it steady, but it was futile. No longer did he sit still. He couldn't have been still, even if he wanted to. He was trembling from the swell of emotions he had constantly tried to forget existed, but could never quite manage. "You don't know how it was, what she went through. What we went through. Don't give me _rubbish _that she loved me. She loved no one, except my dad, and he killed her. He _destroyed_ her."

He was vaguely aware that he was shouting, but Dumbledore made no mention of it, made no attempt to calm him down. He only continued to watch Severus with a silent understanding that infuriated Severus all the more. The professor may have known all the facts, but that didn't mean he understood. He couldn't. He hadn't grown up in Spinner's End. He hadn't seen his mother fade before his very eyes. He most likely had had a blessed childhood, praised from the moment he said his first spell, not unlike a certain Potter. He probably had been a top Quidditch player too.

"I knew Eileen Prince," Dumbledore said in a tired voice causing Severus to jerk his head up. "I knew her for the seven years she was here. She may not have made the best choices, and she suffered for those, immensely, but she was a mother, Severus. Despite her pain, she cared-"

"Cared?" Severus said incredulously. "She could barely even look at me."

"And did you ever wonder why?" Dumbledore asked simply.

"Because she never loved me," Severus meant it as a sarcastic reply, but the truth struck him harder than he had anticipated, and it came out far weaker than he had intended.

"It's because of that that I am quite certain she did," Dumbledore said gently. "She loved your father. You admitted as much yourself. But as much as she loved him, he caused her a great deal of pain. You're a product of that love and that pain. Because of that, I believe that she could not help but care for you."

"You don't know _anything_," Severus hissed, pouring every ounce of venom he could into his voice, waiting to see the wizard's reaction, wanting to see him fall apart, just as he was about to. "You knew my mother, and you did nothing, but for that werewolf, you risk everything. Everyone talks about how great and powerful you are, but you are nothing but a _hypocrite_."

But the reaction he received was not the one he had desired.

There was no sharp reply or even a flash of anger. A fleeting shadow had crossed over the old headmaster's worn features, with only a glimmer of sadness remaining in his eyes.

"I never claimed to be great."

Severus could say nothing, but continued to eye him with unspeakable hatred.

"If you ever are in need of my help," Dumbledore said softly. "You only need to ask."

"Your help?" Severus spat out, finding his words again at the outrageous suggestion. "The last time I went to you for help, you ended up _blackmailing _me to save a werewolf, the very werewolf that nearly killed me. I almost die, and all you care about is that Potter saved the day. You care about no one unless their colors are red and gold. Why would I _ever _ask you for help?"

Dumbledore only watched him with those sad blue eyes.

"Even if I lost everything," Severus said coldly. "I would never ask you for help. _Never_."

He didn't wait for Dumbledore to dismiss him. He didn't even wait for his words to register. Everything was a blur, a red angry blur, as Severus leapt to his feet, rage blazing down the back of his neck in a stifling heat. While doing so, his elbow carelessly knocked down one of the many mysterious objects that lined the headmaster's desktop, but Severus didn't even grant it a second glance.

Even when he stormed back into the airy halls of the third floor, the suffocating heat didn't leave him. Severus was struck by a sudden urge to destroy it, to destroy everything. He wanted to tear the paintings from the walls and hurl them onto floor until the canvas splintered. He wanted to yank down the intricately threaded tapestries and trample them until they were indecipherable. He wanted to topple over the many suits of armor that lined the corridor. He wanted to-

"Sev!"

Severus went rigid at the unexpected sound of Lily.

"Sev!" Lily spoke again urgently. "Are you all right? What happened?"

Severus looked at her. He took in the delicate features that made up the familiar face. The small, straight nose, the full lips that always seemed to be curved up with a hint of a smile, the normally laughing green eyes, the green eyes that had never known what he had always known. They had never felt the anger that he felt now, never had the hatred that he knew would never leave him, never experienced the loss that he feared would haunt him forever. They knew nothing but happiness, and the realization caused something inside him to snap.

"Sev, you're scaring me." The eyes were crinkled in concern now. "Did he expel you? We can fight this. We'll go up to Dumbledore's office now and…"

Lily was tugging at his arm, but her words went unheard. And suddenly, inexplicably, Severus broke. He pushed her away.

"Leave me alone."

He didn't scream the words. Instead they came out in a lethal whisper that somehow, made it all the worse, and the second he saw the shock and hurt in those green eyes, he felt a flicker of regret among the flames of rage.

He couldn't see Lily. Not now. Not when everything was falling apart in a senseless mess. He had been so sure that he was no longer weak, but underneath that anger, he was just that and nothing more. Unable to look at those eyes a moment longer, Severus swept away, deaf to any reply that she had made.

**1975**

It was about to rain.

Lily drew her knees up to her chest, hardly aware that she was shivering from the chill that haunted the air. It may have been cold and eerie, especially without the usual students chattering about as they adjusted their telescopes, but the Astronomy Tower was oddly comforting. It was almost like being in the clearing, but the clearing held too much Severus.

The Astronomy Tower was a place of her own.

It was as if she had discovered a new place altogether. She had never really looked at the Astronomy Tower, not with the others there. Her eyes had almost always been on her parchment, and whenever she looked up at the heavens, she had always looked without seeing, before methodically writing it down. Without moving bodies to fill up the space, the circular room danced with shadows with each passing cloud, darkness disguising the timeworn stone and the spidery cracks in between in a blanket of black. But without the clouds, when the sky was clear, the room was bathed in starlight, glistening in such a way that it reminded Lily of the silver doe.

The silver doe. It felt so long ago. Lily could remember how she had argued with Severus during that first year, insisting that she had seen such a creature. He had believed her in the end. It had been a simple time then. They had believed each other, and that had been the end of it.

Lily was beginning to wonder if the silver doe had existed after all.

She remembered seeing it. Just as she remembered that simple time with Severus. But both memories seemed impossibly distant, incredibly unreal. That part of her life seemed like a fantasy, a dream that she had finally woken up from. Now she was in the real world.

Hogwarts may have been a far-off place that sheltered them from the war, newspaper headlines and scraps of parchment their only connection to it. But even though the days of Muggle disappearances and nights of Voldemort recruiting seemed to be in another world entirely, that didn't keep its blood from trickling into the world of Hogwarts. Slytherins and Gryffindors had never been the best of friends, and Lily doubted that Blaine Mulciber had ever been an angel to begin with, but what had begun as childish rivalry had cooled and hardened into something darker.

Lily wasn't completely oblivious. She had noticed how the word 'mudblood' was increasingly hissed in the halls. She had seen how the harmless little jinxes from first year had leapt to spells found only in the realm of dark magic. The real world was harsh. Blood mattered and friendships ended. Wars were fought and people died. It was cold and it was cruel, but it was real.

"_It is real, isn't it?"_

"_It's real for us."_

Severus hadn't lied to her then. Hogwarts was real, just like the war, just like them. But back then, Lily hadn't known what real was.

Real was when the moment ended, and seeing the expression in those dark eyes as he snapped at her, Lily was almost certain that it had. In that moment, he hadn't been Sev, or even Severus. He had been just another Slytherin, one that she had never seen before.

She hadn't even been able to summon her former strength. She had been too stunned. Severus wasn't the perfect best friend, but he was hers, and his behavior had been ridiculous, even for him. He was a hypocrite with a tendency to be overprotective and overbearing, but he wasn't cruel. Not like them. Not to her.

He had promised that he would make more of an effort, and Lily hadn't expected him to keep it forever. She just hadn't expected him to break it so soon.

There was a creak and Lily tore her eyes from the sky in alarm, desperately hoping that it was not the Bloody Baron, who she had heard, lurked up in the Tower more often than not. But ghosts didn't creak, and Lily relaxed, assuming, rather hoping, that she must have imagined it.

But the floorboards groaned again, as if insisting that she hadn't.

Lily's muscles tautened, and for the first time since arriving, the Astronomy Tower felt as sinister as it looked. She couldn't move, nor could she look away from the door and the thin line of light that appeared just below it. She sat there, frozen and waiting in the darkness. Was it just her imagination or could she hear the ominous rattle of the Bloody Baron's chains nearby?

The door opened, and Lily sprung into action, seizing her wand just in case it happened to be one of the many monsters that she was dreaming up in her mind. But to her immense relief, it was Severus. The relief lasted only a split-second, and once his earlier words had sunk in all over again, Lily straightened up, doing her best to appear intimidating and untouchable. After all, she had found the Astronomy Tower first. _He _was the one intruding.

But as she searched his face, she could feel her resolve slowly begin to disintegrate, revealing a new layer of confusion. She didn't understand. She didn't understand how he could change so quickly. One day he was swearing that they were best friends, the next he acted as if he despised her. Surely even the Slytherins couldn't have held that much power over him.

"I didn't know you were here," Severus said at last in what Lily supposed was an attempt of an apology. His awkwardness was now visible, destroying the impassive ice in his eyes. He ducked his down, as if unable to meet her eyes. "I'll go."

And that was when Lily saw something that she couldn't understand how she had missed before. Severus didn't hate her. He was upset. It troubled her, how quickly she had assumed he had, how she had expected he had. Part of Lily wanted nothing more than to place her hands on her hips and to demand for him to tell her what was wrong. But the better part of her knew Severus. If something was bothering him, truly bothering him, he would have to tell her on his own terms. An order would only receive sullen guardedness and a cold retort. A careful plea was the solution.

"Sev," Lily said softly, her bright green eyes earnest as she tilted her head imploringly at him. "Can you please tell me what happened? If you've been expelled, we can fix this-"

"I haven't been expelled," Severus said curtly.

"Oh," Lily let out the breath that she hadn't realized she'd been holding.

"My mum died."

The ice had returned. He said the words carelessly, in a cold manner that would have shocked anyone, that would have had most raising their eyebrows in disapproval. Anyone except Lily. She knew better, and beneath the fierce glare in those coal black eyes, she could see something else, faint but certain, and she knew that Severus was hurting.

"Oh, Sev," Lily didn't know what to say, what she could say. Instead, she simply wrapped her arms around his stiff frame. At first, he seemed to grow even more rigid, but slowly he relaxed, and Lily could feel his arms tighten around her. He buried his face in her mess of red curls and there was the sound, low and hoarse, of a muffled sob.

Never before had Lily seen Severus Snape cry. She had seen him with a black eye, bleeding knees, and the most gruesome of bruises. She had seen him being pushed around by the Muggle boys, and she had seen him fight back and lose. She had always been the one to cry, never him. She had felt each and every scrape as if they were her own, and even though it had never been her blood, Severus had been the one to comfort her in his usual grudging way, every time.

And now, he was turning to her.

Lily didn't dare speak. She knew if she did, it would make Severus all too aware of the moment, and she feared he would go running out the door. There was more than one question nagging her mind, but she wouldn't allow herself to ask them.

Finally, they broke apart and Severus stood back, rather awkwardly. He lowered his head, purposefully causing his limp locks of hair to come forward, acting as a shield for his red-rimmed eyes.

"I shouldn't care," Severus whispered almost forcefully, as if trying to convince himself.

"Of course you should," Lily said gently. "She's your mum."

The 'was' lingered between them, but neither dared to correct her words aloud.

"Lily," Severus spoke in a voice that was similar to his usual, but not quite there. "About earlier…"

But Lily was already shaking her head. "Forget it."

"I didn't mean-"

"I know."

And she did know. Perhaps there was a ticking clock on their friendship, but standing there in the Astronomy Tower, not even inches away, it was so easy to forget. The rain had just begun to fall, and listening to the comforting pitter-patter against the stone, Lily forgot all about moments.

"Do you remember when we danced in the rain?" Lily asked suddenly, a faint smile touching her lips. A cool breeze swept through the open space, sending droplets flying their way. Her cheeks were moist from the drizzle, but she didn't move to dry them. Her eyes were only on Severus.

He nodded tightly.

They stood there in silence, watching the billowing clouds gather and thicken in the darkening heavens. The stars were hidden, and no longer did bright silver flood the room. Only a weak light from the moon remained, partially obscured by the blanketed sky, but refusing to be fully dimmed.

"Lily-"

"Yeah?" Lily glanced back at him. Strands of ebony clung to his damp face, his complexion undeniably alabaster in the lighting. Without the curtains of hair to veil his features, his eyes looked suddenly enormous, the intensity burning quietly in the coal black even greater than usual. He no longer resembled the Severus that walked with Slytherins, and instead, he looked very young, as young as the Severus she had seen when she had first approached Spinner's End.

"I don't want to lose you too."

Looking at him, Lily couldn't help but wonder if there was hope for them after all. They couldn't possibly end. Perhaps they wouldn't always be the nine year olds they had always been, but that didn't mean they wouldn't be together. They were Severus and Lily, Lily and Severus, and the world would have been a twisted place if they were broken apart.

Maybe they weren't as young as they had been before, but Lily was struck by an urge to pretend to be. She took his hand, similarly to how she had done three years before, but instead of her playful demand, her voice was a quiet plea. "Dance with me?"

For once, he didn't protest. It hadn't begun as a dance. Not really. They were barely swaying, a far cry from the last time. But as the seconds ticked by, the closer they became toward that Severus and Lily, the Severus and Lily that Lily wished with all her heart they could be again. But time had aged them, just as the overhanging war had. This time, there was no careless spinning or laughter rolling down their cheeks, but as the rain grew heavier, their motions became lighter and Severus less reluctant. He twirled her, and when Lily came whirling back, she could almost swear that she saw a new spark in his eyes.

But it had faded as quickly as it had come alive. They slowed down, but surprisingly, Severus didn't leap back immediately as Lily half-expected him to. She rested her head against his chest. He was solid, as solid as he usually felt, but she wondered if he was breaking inside. Automatically, Lily thought back to her own mother. At the prospect that there would be a time that she wouldn't see Bryony's warm smile, Lily felt something form in her throat. She stiffened, and Severus must have sensed it, for he released her and she could feel the chilly air rush all around her.

At the sudden awareness of their previous position, Lily felt an unexpected warmth rise in her cheeks, even more conspicuous in the frigid tower. To her horror, she realized it was a blush, and quickly she looked away, thankful for the shadows. She couldn't understand why she was blushing. It was just Severus. They had shared hugs and held hands a million times, most likely even more, and while he had always been rather strange about it, Lily had never been shy. Hugs between friends were only natural to her.

And then she remembered the glint in his eyes the day she had confronted him, and she shifted her feet uncomfortably at the memory. He had been so intense then, so _possessive_. It was almost as if he had been jealous. But it was Severus. He didn't have much, but what he had, he tended to be possessive of. It didn't mean anything, Lily decided, and it certainly didn't mean what she had heard Petunia say before. Severus didn't care about her that way. The idea that Severus Snape fancied someone was mad. It was absurd. He was _Severus_.

And as for her blush, she was most likely coming down with a fever. He was just Sev, her best friend Sev, and there was the end of it.

Relieved that she had reached a verdict, Lily stole a glance at him, and her awkward thoughts were forgotten. He wasn't facing her. He had moved, and his thin hands were clutching the railing tightly, ghostly white in the darkness. Lily studied his profile and was overcome by a wave of affection for the gangly figure that had stuck by her side throughout the years, and a final wave of pain for his sorrow, that stayed with her and tore at her heart.

"I love you, Sev," Lily said softly.

He turned around quickly and when his dark eyes met hers, there was a glimmer that took a hold of her heart again.

"You're my best friend," Lily said, venturing near the railing rather timidly. Once she was beside him, she gripped the cool metal, her hand only inches away from his. "…And I know that doesn't mean much right now, but you'll always have me. And I know things are a mess, but it will get better. Everything will be okay. It might not seem like it, but it will be. Really."

She didn't know if those were the right words to say. She didn't know if there were _any _right words to say. But she did know that she wanted Severus to know that he wasn't alone. To know that he was loved.

Wordlessly, Severus moved his arm and rested his hand over hers. It was one of the rare occasions that he initiated contact, but Lily understood. The motion said everything he wanted to say but couldn't.

And for the rest of the time they stood there, neither said a word. The only sound came from pouring rain, and Lily found that she didn't mind sharing the Astronomy Tower after all.

**Again, I hope I portrayed Severus's reaction accurately. I've never lost a parent, and writing this chapter was really something I struggled with because I can't imagine going through that pain. Severus's relationship with Eileen made it even more complicated, and I couldn't decide if was realistic for him to cry or not, but in the end, I kept it in. **


	71. Chapter 71 Reason

**UPDATES-**

**None listed because I'll be on vacation and I'm not going to even try to predict an update.**

**Thank you for all the reviews! I know I'm a lousy updater, but please don't give up on me. It may take me a decade, but I will eventually finish this story. I just realized I passed the Deathly Hallows word count (not including A/Ns), so there's no way I can stop writing now, especially since this is the end of fourth year, which means I'm FINALLY about halfway done with this fanfic.**

**Also- I know it's not the best chapter title, but I had chapters with titles connected to the three other Houses, so I felt obligated to have one for Ravenclaw. **

**jazzy2may2- Thanks for the review! This story is canon. Lily and James will end up together, Lily will die, and Snape will be miserable. Honestly, when it comes to James, I think there's two versions of him going around. The James that JKR didn't reveal much about and the James that's the villain in fanfics that, in my opinion, has sort of gotten out of control. We saw a glimpse of James when he was fifteen, and yes he was a bully, but what he was at fifteen doesn't determine who he was for the rest of his life. I don't think we know enough about James to decide what type of man he was, but we do know that he changed before he ended up with Lily and that when it came down to it, he put his family's life before his. Yes, he didn't change much when it came to Severus, but as Sirius said, Severus didn't wait to hex James, and considering James was with Lily at that point, I believe it. I don't believe James became perfect overnight, or anything close to perfect at all, but I believe he did grow up, and in doing so, he became a better person. Part of this story is to explain why Lily came to love James, and in this and Hero, you'll see that he really did change and he's not the same boy he was before. As for Severus, it's difficult to say because we don't know enough about his years at Hogwarts. We know that he befriended the wrong people and called Lily a mudblood. Maybe if Lily had forgiven him and chose him in the end, he wouldn't have become a Death Eater, but we don't know for sure. The main issue isn't that he's ugly when he's angry, it's that he and Lily have two different backgrounds and two different sets of beliefs, and it's coming to the point that Lily can't look the other way. Unlike Severus, she grew up with a very distinct idea of good versus evil, and in her head, Voldemort and the Death Eaters are evil and nothing else. Severus is her best friend, and he wants to become a Death Eater. She has made excuses for him and she'll continue to make more, but when he calls her a mudblood, Lily will realize that she's finally lost him and that he's becoming what he always wanted to be. In this fanfic, Severus won't be softening anytime soon. He'll become angrier, bitterer, and more hateful, and continue to go against Lily's beliefs. Even if he suddenly became handsome, I can't see Lily falling in love with someone like that. Severus and James both changed, but unfortunately for Severus, James changed first.**

**sparklyscrunchies- Thanks for the review! I'm glad it wasn't too much of a shock. I have at least five other parents to kill off by 1981, so things will definitely be getting gloomier. **

**HelloIt'sTrianna- Thanks for the review! I know you didn't ask a question, but that was one of the most touching reviews I've ever received, so I had to thank you personally. I always wanted to be the sort of writer that could get to people. I remember reading the Prince's Tale for the first time and feeling a million different emotions. It really just got to me, and ever since then, it's been my goal to have the same impact on people.**

**IlsditJ'aifolle- Thanks for the 700th review! And no, I really didn't. In the beginning, I considered myself lucky to get two reviews for a chapter, and I still remember being so excited over my first one, so I'm amazed that I'm over 700 now. **

**VanillaMostly- Thanks for all the reviews! To answer your question- after fifth year, it's the end of Severus and Lily. There will be several encounters, but sixth and seventh years will mostly be about Severus's growing obsession with the Dark Arts and Lily befriending the Marauders/falling in love with James. Severus may try to reconcile with Lily at first, but pride, anger, resentment, etc will win out. About the Knights of Walpurgis, I don't know if there's anything about them on Pottermore yet, but there are a few articles floating around the internet. JKR's working name for the Death Eaters was the Knights of Walpurgis, so I took the name from that and decided to make it a pre-Death Eater type thing. I was dreading the new information being released on Pottermore, just because there would be a risk that this story wouldn't be considered canon anymore. Personally, I mostly consider the books canon, not random information that comes out years later. If any new information fits in with what I have planned, I might write it in, but if it contradicts something in this fanfic, I'm not going to worry about it. **

**Klixxx- Thanks for saying that! I am planning on finishing this story and unless something happens to me, I will eventually finish it. It's just been difficult finding time to write, so I can't promise my updates will be on time. As for James and Lily, I enjoy writing them, but I wouldn't want to write another story about them. Part of Hero will explain the James/Lily relationship from James's perspective, and after year five, Lily and James will be a huge part of Always, so I feel like it would be too repetitive to write an entire new seven year story featuring them. After Always is finished, I will most likely be done with fanfiction. As amazing as JK Rowling's world is, it's not mine, and I really want to work on something of my own. Also, thanks for your other review, and I'll be happy to take a look at your story. **

**Chapter Seventy-One- Reason**

**1975**

Over the next few days, the sharp pain in Severus's chest had deadened into a dull and constant ache. He didn't know if the pain had truly faded, or if he was just becoming more accustomed to it, but he did know that he couldn't think about it. Thinking about Eileen reopened wounds that hadn't fully healed, and sliced them to the point that Severus had to wonder if they would ever stop bleeding.

He shouldn't have cared. He shouldn't have had a gaping hole in his life, especially since there hadn't been much to fill the hole before, but he did. And it hurt.

It made him weak.

But what was worse than the pain was the pity. At meals, he could feel Dumbledore's hateful blue gaze on him, prickling unbearably at his skin. During lessons, his teachers were careful not to badger him about preparing for examinations as they did for everyone else. Slughorn had even pressed a small bottle of Felix Felicis in his palm, "for a bit of luck" after a brief reminder not to use it during exams, even though Severus, for the very first time, had made a barely acceptable potion rather than an extraordinary one. And then there was Lily, who had barely left his side since the night in the Astronomy Tower.

Ordinarily, Severus wouldn't have minded her presence. Being with her was being himself, something he couldn't be with others. But Severus couldn't, didn't want to, be himself. He wanted to be someone stronger, someone more powerful, someone who hadn't lost a mother, and there were times he could be. He had enough practice with Occlumancy. He could push away his thoughts.

But then he would see Lily. He would see her sympathetic green eyes, her understanding smile, and then the hardened Severus would come crashing down. He was just ordinary Severus Snape, the boy who had cried on her shoulder about his dead mother, the boy who Lily loved- as a friend.

At the time, it had been enough for him. It was still Lily's love, and even though they had known each other for over five years, there were times when the sunlight would catch on Lily's face, as if casting a spotlight on her glorious smile, and Severus couldn't help but gawk at her as he would wonder why she would ever want to be friends with someone like him. She was grace to his awkwardness, bravery to his shrewdness, and light to his dark. For every smile she made, he had a dozen more scowls. Why would someone who could have the world ever love him?

Yet she did. While his dimly lit world slowly fell to pieces, she was the patch of light that remained steady. She was the only one left who cared about him, if Eileen had ever cared about him at all. After all, Severus reflected with a grimace, they were best friends.

There was nothing wrong with being Lily's best friend. He _wanted _to be her best friend, and if he would have most likely hexed whoever was her best friend if he wasn't. But Severus didn't want to just be Lily's best friend. It should have been enough, but it wasn't. Severus wanted more.

And that was the difference between them, perhaps the most distinct one of all. Lily was good, she saw the good in everyone, and she was content with it. Severus wanted everything. He wanted it all. The world had scorned him, and he was counting the days to when he would be able to scorn it right back.

Severus wasn't stupid. He knew how the world worked. People like Lily didn't end up with him. They ended up with people like _Potter_, people who had dozens of trophies and an adoring audience that followed wherever they went. He had seen the way others looked at him. To them, he wasn't someone Lily could love. He was just an obligation, one of the many good deeds on the Gryffindor to-do list. It angered Severus, but as a hot flush would reach his neck, the cool rush of determination would follow. Someday, when he was someone, it would be someone better than Potter, someone who didn't need trophies or an audience for the world to know he was great. They would just know.

Voldemort, Severus decided, was someone great. He hadn't demanded the world's attention the way James Potter did. He was simply granted it. He had done very little, said even less, yet even the most respected wizards and witches didn't even dare to speak his name. That was power.

All of a sudden, there was a flash of scarlet light, and Severus felt pain as he had never felt it before. Tobias's fists and a particularly nasty incident with a broken bottle paled into nothingness. It was as if his body was being pelted with unrelentingly bullets, but with bullets, it was over. It must have been only seconds, but the searing pain that Severus felt seemed as if it went on forever.

"That," Severus was vaguely aware of Bellatrix Black's voice, "Was an example."

Consciousness flooded in as the red blur gradually sharpened into the familiar stony walls of the Room, at least the Room when the Knights took over. Somehow, in those seconds of agony, he had forgotten a meeting was taking place. Severus pressed his hands against the cool floor, grateful for something solid, as he lifted himself up to his feet. It was then when his eyes met the dark ones of Bellatrix, and he glared at her heatedly. He knew he could never say the words he wanted to say just then, and the knowledge hurt nearly as badly as the pain.

"And that was a marvelous example," Rodolphus said, his eyes glowing even in the shadowy space. He was alone in his reaction. There may have been awe among the rest of the Knights, but it was overwhelmed by a swelling trepidation. Bellatrix rarely used a curse just once, and now that she was playing around with Unforgivables, no one wanted to even breathe around her.

Bellatrix didn't turn her head or give the smallest hint of acknowledgment to Rodolphus's compliment. The pleased smile that had lit her lips like a deadly flame just moments before was replaced by fury that seeped into her every step as she paced back and forth in front of the Knights. "We take pity upon the half-blood, give him opportunities that a _pure blood_ would envy, and he has the nerve to _daydream_."

When he swallowed, his throat was raw, and Severus dimly realized he must have been screaming. He didn't have to look back to know that Mulciber was gloating.

"I am beginning to lose my patience-" Bellatrix was screeching at this point. There was a cough at the last word and before anyone could blink, Bellatrix whipped around, wand already out. "_Crucio_."

This time, it was Walden Macnair. There should have been a sickening feeling in the pit of Severus's stomach at the sound of the anguished screams, and there may have been a wave of nausea, but Severus's mind was elsewhere. The longer he stared at Macnair's writhing limbs, the more he wondered if he had sounded that cowardly, appeared that pathetic. From the persistent ache in his throat, he had a horrifying suspicion he had, and just then, Severus could hardly bear to look at Macnair. He wanted nothing more than to cover his head and drop to his knees. He would have done anything to silence the agonizing cries, but somehow, Severus did nothing. He stood there, tall and unflinching from the outside, as he struggled to block the sound out, frantically gnawing the insides of his cheeks as he did so.

And then it was over. Before Bellatrix could curse another, Lucius stepped in.

"I believe they've seen enough examples," Lucius spoke up, visibly and audibly unimpressed. "I'm assuming all of you now know what a Cruciatus Curse is?"

There were several hasty nods, no one quite daring to speak as long as Bellatrix still had a wand in her hand.

"What's the matter, Lucius?" Bellatrix taunted. "Don't have the stomach for pain?"

"Only your theatrics," Lucius said dismissively.

"How dare you-"

"Enough," Lucius cut her off harshly, his pale gray eyes narrowed enough to cause Bellatrix's mouth to fall shut. "It's nearly dawn. This is the last time all of us will meet, until next year, and we don't have the time. Gibbons, your timing needs work. Rowle, precision. Avery…" He seemed to be at a loss for words when concerning Avery.

"Time for what?" Mulciber spoke up suddenly.

"I beg your pardon," Lucius said stiffly.

"You said we don't have the time," Mulciber said, looking very nervous when confronted with Lucius's death stare. He was slowly recovering from Severus's special Forgetfulness Potion, and while he still wasn't quite his old self, he seemed to have picked up on a few things, such as he and Severus did not get along and that Bellatrix was not someone you invited to tea. But then there were moments, such as just then, when he was still an imbecile. "Time for what?"

Bellatrix's aggravation was immediately transformed into amused pleasure as a small smile played on her lips. "Go on, Lucius. Tell them."

Lucius was appeared to be very annoyed and Severus couldn't quite blame him. He was not only being questioned by a mere fourth year, but also being hassled by Bellatrix. But somehow, when he spoke, it was the cool, polished voice he used so frequently, the very one that Severus envied. "Time for triumph. Your final examinations are approaching and it would be a pity if you failed. As I was saying-"

But Severus barely heard him. His attention was still fastened on the uncomfortable exchange. Even though Lucius hadn't flinched while saying the words, Severus had a feeling that the former Slytherin wasn't telling the entire truth. Even as he spoke, he seemed less at ease as he had been before, unconsciously clutching his forearm. The suspicion continued to nag Severus, even when Lucius had finished his speech and divided them into pairs, commanding each set of two to duel one at a time. It was only when Mulciber had nearly hit him with a Regurgitating Hex that Severus snapped out of it, just in time to send a decent hex of his own.

As Mulciber hopped wildly about as if he was walking on hot coals, arms waving, there was a gurgle of approving laughter from the fellow Knights. As satisfying as it was, it wasn't enough to make Severus forget his earlier, painful humiliation.

"_SERPENSORTIA_!"

"_TARANTALLEGRA_!"

The duel didn't end as dramatically as Wilkes and Yaxley's, in which the former had ended up unconscious for a good quarter hour, and even though Severus was annoyed that Mulciber had managed to evade the worst of his wandwork, he was relieved that he had, for the most part, remained unscathed, with Lucius announcing it as a draw.

By the time the Knights were allowed to depart, Severus's muscles were still aching and he was more exhausted than he had felt all year. He was just about to follow Rosier out the door when Lucius mentioned him over. Reluctant and intrigued, Severus did so.

"I heard about your mother."

Severus was startled at Lucius's bluntness, and the subject itself, and the moment the words had sunk in, Severus's lips tightened and his frame grew stiff. He didn't want to discuss Eileen with anyone, least of all Lucius. He was only grateful that Bellatrix and Rodolphus seemed to be having some argument at a safe distance away. He didn't think he could handle Bellatrix mocking Eileen just then.

"I was sorry to hear it," Lucius went on. "She may have been a disgrace to her family, but she was the last of the Princes. The Princes had always been good friends of the Malfoys."

Severus was terrified that his voice would crack when he spoke. The words tumbled out just above his breath. "I didn't know that."

Lucius gave him an appraising look. "You don't know much about the Princes, do you?"

"No," Severus said truthfully, and then he wondered if Lucius would have been as cordial to him if he hadn't been half a Prince, if the Princes and the Malfoys hadn't been so well acquainted.

"It's a shame," Lucius answered. "There was a time that the Princes were as renowned as the Lestranges and the Malfoys. Or nearly. They donated a wing to Mungo's when it first opened, and a library to the Ministry, but I wouldn't advertise that part if I were you."

In spite of himself, Severus felt a spark of an interest. "What happened to them?"

"Your mother," Lucius gave a humorless laugh. "She ran off with a Muggle, and Nicholas and Carlotta never had a proper heir to replace them."

"But they're dead now?" Severus hated himself for asking, especially since he already suspected the answer.

Lucius looked at him strangely. "Quite some time ago. The way Walburga Black likes to tell it, they died of heartbreak, but according to the sane, it was dragon pox."

"Oh," Severus said dully, feeling the small glimmer of hope extinguish. But his suspicion returned, and Lucius noticed it.

"I'm telling you this, Severus, because I want you to know that you came from a great family. Your mother already tarnished the name, but there is no need to blacken it entirely."

"I don't know-" Severus began.

"The Mudblood, Severus. People have been talking again. I seem to remember telling you that you can't have both?"

"And I seem to remember you telling me that you respected my loyalty," Severus shot back so quickly that he stunned himself.

Lucius's lips pressed together in a thin line. "Do you really expect a Mudblood to understand loyalty? To appreciate the ties that pure bloods form? I am telling you this because the Princes and the Malfoys shared an amity that lasted for three centuries. Their blood runs in your veins, as well as mine. _That _is loyalty."

Severus was silent.

"If you stay with the Mudblood, out of loyalty for a friendship that hasn't even lasted a decade, then you are as foolish as your mother and will end the same as she did."

Severus opened his mouth to give an angry retort, but Lucius cut him off.

"Don't be foolish, Severus. What I said before, about us being friends someday, has not changed. In helping Narcissa, you helped me, and I consider this returning the favor. You have a chance to make the Prince name great again. Don't ruin it."

"I won't ruin anything," Severus said fiercely.

"That's all I ask."

Knowing he was being dismissed, Severus turned around, his footsteps even heavier than before. He had heard what Lucius had said, but he hadn't listened. He would have it all. He would have Lily and he would be someone, a someone Eileen would have been proud of.

A son she would have stayed for.

**1975**

For the rest of Hogwarts, it seemed as if a shadow had finally passed over, taking away a great weight from everyone's shoulders with it. The previous weeks had been crammed with extra homework assignments and midnight study sessions in the common room, and for the first time in a while, students were able to complete a sentence without yawning. Everyone seemed to be alive with chatter, bubbling on about examination results and holiday plans as they piled onto the train. Everyone except for Lily.

Lily stood alone in the back of the crowd, her anxious eyes darting back and forth between the train and the platform. She couldn't help feeling the tiniest bit pathetic as she did so. She was almost certain that Severus would be sitting with the Slytherins as he had been, the pitying look in Alice's eyes had confirmed that much, but even so, Lily couldn't bring herself to board the train just yet.

Severus may have been struggling to bottle up his emotions as he usually did, but even he couldn't manage to disguise the melancholy look in his eyes. It was a new expression, one that somehow reminded her of the boy she had first met, but at the same time, made him seem suddenly older. He hadn't opened up to her again as he had the night on the Astronomy Tower; on the contrary, he seemed determined not to mention it again, but there were still moments when pure Severus would shine through his toughened façade. A grateful smile, a mock scowl, however little the gestures were, it made Lily think that perhaps there was hope for them after all.

Which was why she stayed. Maybe older Severus wouldn't have expected her to wait for him, but younger Severus, best friend Sev, would have been crushed if she left. Oh, he would try to hide it, that much Lily knew, but back then, Severus's face had been actually decipherable. For the most part.

"Lily?"

Lily let out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding at the sound of Severus's voice. Turning around, she spotted the familiar lanky figure steadily approaching her. His hair was a touch too long, his robes a tad too short, but somehow that made him all the more endearing to her. "I was beginning to think you would miss the train."

"And miss seeing my dear father?" Severus said the words carelessly, but the sudden bitterness that dripped into his voice flustered an already edgy Lily. He must have noticed because when he spoke again, it was in a decidedly more neutral tone. "I was held up."

Lily immediately recognized the way his eyes averted hers, and instantly, felt a surge of anger that startled even her. It was bad enough that the Marauders, namely Potter and Black, bothered Severus on a near daily basis, but his mum had just _died_. Somewhere in the distant back of her mind, she knew that the Marauders could hardy be expected to know, but emotion won over rationality. She swallowed her indignation. "I didn't know if you wanted to sit with me," Lily said hesitantly, and seeing Severus lift his gaze, she hurriedly continued. "It's okay if you want to sit with…them. I won't be upset."

The tiny half-smile that she knew so well tugged at the corner of his lips. "If you don't mind, I would rather sit with you."

Any uncertainty she had before evaporated right then. Lily beamed at him. "Good. We better hurry up or there won't be any seats left."

Knowing Severus was right behind her, her feet suddenly felt lighter, and as she hauled her trunk onto the train, there was a new bounce in her steps. That bounce slowly deflated as the search for an open compartment became desperate.

"There's only one seat open over here," Lily said, crestfallen. "Maybe we won't be able to sit together."

"No, we will," Severus assured her with such resolution that Lily couldn't protest.

Her indignation returned when she peeked in a compartment and discovered the Marauders' territory. Even if the four boys hadn't been present, the hoard of sweets and Zonko's products that were strewn all over the cushioned benches would have been a dead giveaway. Lily had spotted them boarding the train just before Severus had arrived, but of course, they had arguably one of the best compartments all to themselves.

Lily turned back, knowing that if Potter caught her peeping in on him, she would never hear the end of it, but as she did so, a mischievous smile crossed her lips. If the Marauders messed with Severus at every possible opportunity, then she didn't know why she couldn't return the favor once in a while. Slipping her wand out, she aimed it at the compartment door

"_Defigo_," Lily whispered, tucking the wand back into her robes. She felt a pinprick of guilt for locking Lupin and Pettigrew in, but she did her best to brush it away. Potter and Black had gotten themselves out of far worse scrapes quicker than a blink of an eye, and her locking charm was nothing compared to some of the stories she had heard.

"Lily!" Severus called out suddenly. "Over here."

Before anyone could catch her at the scene of the crime, Lily scrambled over toward Severus, feeling extremely pleased with herself.

But once she entered the compartment, her satisfaction soon gave way to bewilderment. Never before had she been greeted by such a random assortment of people, people who had obviously been late to the train and forced to share quarters. There was Tiberius McLaggen, a rather gruff Gryffindor that Lily recognized to be one of Christopher Spinnet's friends, who was idly flicking through a Quidditch magazine. Beside him, looking her way, was Ravenclaw Brandon Davies, whose handsome looks and Quidditch captain status had inspired more than a few crushes. Across from the Ravenclaw was a timid looking Hufflepuff who was determinedly staring at the floor as she toyed with the end of her plaited hair. Lastly, there was a tiny Ravenclaw that Lily was certain she had never seen before. With the enormous triangular charm that hung around his scrawny neck, miraculously without snapping it, and what appeared to be some sort of crown on his head that was made up of foreign objects, it would have been impossible not to have remembered seeing him.

"Hi," Lily blinked, and was promptly returned by a round of unenthusiastic nods and mumbles, all except for Brandon, who politely returned her greeting. She quickly squeezed into a free seat beside the Hufflepuff before Severus could, leaving him with the only one available, the one beside the bizarre Ravenclaw. His eyes, which had been darting suspiciously around the compartment, settled on her in a death stare. Lily smiled brightly at him, knowing perfectly well what sort of sarcastic remarks that were flying through his head.

It was quiet except for the faint sound of pages turning from Tiberius's direction, and the much louder crumpling noise from the Ravenclaw as he made a fruitless attempt to smooth out a rumpled newspaper. Feeling fidgety already, Lily looked at Severus, who merely arched an eyebrow, plainly saying after her seat stunt, she deserved to be bored. Lily stuck out her tongue and Severus's eyebrow went even higher, and she could practically hear his disdainful voice going, "Really?"

Lily let out a sigh that she hadn't meant to utter. To her surprise, Brandon shot her a sympathetic glance.

"The famous Lily Evans, right?"

Lily blinked again, not quite sure that she wanted to hear the answer. She could think of a number of explanations for his words, and none of them were good. The girl who was dumped by Christopher Spinnet. The girl who accidentally transfigured McGonagall's desk into a pumpkin. The girl who was known for acting as a complete lunatic whenever James Potter was around… Lily flinched. "Famous?"

"You're all Slughorn talks about during Potions," Brandon explained.

"Oh," Lily felt her cheeks heat up and she quickly gestured at Severus. "I'm really just lucky to have Sev help me out."

Instead of looking pleased at the recognition, Severus's scowl deepened, even more so when Brandon glanced at him.

"I'm surprised I haven't seen you in Slug Club," Brandon remarked, focusing back on Lily when it became clear that Severus was not about to join the conversation. "You're a shoo-in."

"Well," Lily could feel herself flushing again under his intense gaze. "I've only been to a few meetings, but usually something comes up…"

She could feel herself faltering. Lily wasn't especially fond of Slug Club meetings, especially when Slughorn put the spotlight on her, but truthfully, she would have attended more if it wasn't for Severus. Slughorn could be exhausting, but he was a good teacher, and it wasn't as if he intentionally tried to make her uncomfortable. Lily genuinely liked him, but Severus was determined to avoid all meetings like mad. The knowing twinkle in Brandon's sea green eyes only made her feel guiltier, and Lily found herself becoming very interested in studying her fingernails.

"You aren't missing much. They're always the same," Brandon gave a sideways glance at Tiberius. "Of course, Tiberius disagrees. We were arguing about it earlier."

"The theme changes," Tiberius said without glancing up from his magazine.

"Right. The theme," Brandon looked as if he wanted to roll his eyes. "But really, you should go once in a while. The connections you make can be dead useful in the future."

"We'll be dead in a week," a new voice piped up. All eyes turned on the peculiar Ravenclaw as he dropped a thick magazine onto his lap with a heavy thump, causing the Hufflepuff girl to jump. Lily craned her neck to read the title, but the blood red letters were partially obscured by the Ravenclaw's fist, allowing her only to see one word- _WHO?_

"Care to elaborate there, mate?" Brandon quirked an eyebrow.

"You-Know-Who is building an army of Crumple-Horned Snorkacks," the Ravenclaw said very seriously. "They're very powerful, you know."

Lily had never heard of a Crumple-Horned Snorkack and was doubtful such one existed, but even so, she glanced at Severus for confirmation. Severus was staring at the Ravenclaw with pure disdain, as if he was too disgusted to even form a reply. That answered her question.

"I think You-Know-Who would go after more…notorious creatures and not the…lesser-known ones," Brandon said, obviously taking great pains to remain diplomatic.

"That's what You-Know-Who wants you to think!" The Ravenclaw was impatiently ruffling the magazine pages. "Crumple-Horned Snorkacks can be highly dangerous! There's an article right-"

"Are you really discussing whether or not You-Know-Who is building an army of Crumple-Horned Whatnots?" Tiberius interrupted, and as he set down his own magazine, he looked nearly disgusted as Severus. "Look, I'll save you the time. You-Know-Who isn't going to waste his time, going after nonexistent creatures."

"I doubt You-Know-Who is going to do anything, to be honest," Brandon said, suddenly looking thoughtful.

"I wouldn't say anything," Tiberius disagreed. At the realization that all eyes were on him, he straightened up self-importantly. "There's been some debate about the giants moving. And the dementors have already left. The _Prophet_ thinks it's connected to You-Know-Who."

"The _Prophet_ thinks a lot of stuff," Brandon said dismissively. "You can't just believe at everything you read. Look at the facts. What has You-Know-Who done?"

"Kidnapped Muggles, murdered Muggles, made Muggles disappear," Tiberius ticked off his fingers, looking annoyed at being interrogated. "Not to mention-"

"Made the entire species of Great Winged Whipplewisps go extinct," the little Ravenclaw chimed in helpfully.

Tiberius did not look thrilled with the support. He stared at the unwelcome intruder with disbelief. "Who _are_ you?"

"Xenophilius Lovegood," the Ravenclaw offered a tiny hand, clearly oblivious to his dislike.

Tiberius did not accept it.

"Well, Xenophilius, he said the facts," Tiberius rolled his eyes, causing Xenophilius's hand to droop rather sadly. "Great Winged Whippelwisps are not facts."

"And neither is what you said," Brandon broke in. "All of it is rubbish. Rumors and gossip. The fact is that You-Know-Who has done nothing you can prove. People are scared, waiting for something to happen, but nothing is going to happen."

Lily couldn't keep quiet a second longer. "He's been recruiting people to join him. You heard Dumbledore. He murdered the Minister of Magic."

"That doesn't make him the world's next villain," Brandon said with patience that irked Lily. "It's just politics. So what if he wants to gather supporters? He has his own ideas and the Ministry feels threatened by it. Do you know who owns the _Daily Prophet_, Lily?"

Lily admitted that she didn't.

"The Ministry. They don't want to lose power, so they keep making up stories so no one will want to follow You-Know-Who. Every time something happens to a Muggle, they blame him."

"And the Minister of Magic?" Lily pressed, not at all convinced.

Brandon didn't look bothered. "Doyle was old and there's also the matter of his family curse."

"But Dumbledore-"

"And Dumbledore is even older. Can anyone really explain his logic? There were no witnesses to Doyle's death. Just the Ministry report."

Lily's mouth opened, but no words came out. Everyone else had seemed so certain about Voldemort that she had never dreamed to question it. For some inexplicable reason, something in her wanted nothing more than to shake the calm certainty on Brandon's face. All her worrying, all everyone else's worrying, couldn't be for _nothing_, and searching her mind, she found something. "What about the killings? Not Muggle killings, wizarding families. Like the Smythes."

"Every leader has a handful of supporters who tend to get carried away." Brandon didn't look the least bit ruffled. "I would be surprised if You-Know-Who even knew about it. He hasn't even been seen in months. He hasn't said a word since the pure blood proposal, yet everyone thinks he's running around, slaughtering every Muggle he comes across."

He appeared to have an answer for everything. Tiberius, who had fallen speechless, seemed to have recovered, even though he was eyeing Brandon with great dislike. "I'll say this much. If this is a war, it isn't much of one," he said with a chuckle, causing Brandon to join him. "There hasn't been a killing in ages."

Lily was appalled by the boys' behavior. Even if the war was only a cruel picture that the Ministry had painted, though she wasn't quite ready to believe that, she didn't find it very funny. Maybe it was just a waiting game with Voldemort, but waiting, she felt, was the worst part of all. No one knew what they were waiting for, and for Brandon and Tiberius to just _laugh_, was something she found horrible.

It seemed that the others were in unspoken agreement. The Hufflepuff girl, who still hadn't uttered a sound, looked greatly distressed, with Xenophilius bearing a near identical expression, although his was still tinged with indignation from earlier. Severus's reaction was the most curious of all. To others, he would appeared rigid and unmoving, but Lily saw the way his quivering knuckles paled, and she knew there was a chance he would lash out if Brandon and Tiberius didn't shut up soon.

But to her relief, the two boys soon fell silent, evidently not having much else to say to one another. Feeling restless once more, Lily stole a second look at Severus, and judging from his still wooden posture, she gathered that he wasn't feeling particularly chatty. She tried to strike up a conversation with the Hufflepuff, but the other girl seemed too self-conscious to speak with four other pairs of ears listening, and all Lily had really found out was that she was a Muggle-born named Susan Post who liked the violin.

Lily rested her head against the corner of the compartment, concentrating on the gentle hum of the train as it chugged forward. Stifling a yawn, her eyes fastened on the mysterious symbol on Xenophilius's chest. It looked vaguely familiar and she wondered if it was worth asking about, but as her eyelids grew heavier, she decided it would require too much effort. One second she was watching the sunlight reflect off the charm, casting a shimmer on the ceiling, the next she was being shaken awake.

"Lily. We're here."

Sleepily, Lily rubbed her eyes, wincing at the movement. Her neck was sore from being at an uncomfortable angle for so long, and her throat was dry, desperate craving some iced pumpkin juice. Blinking, she absorbed the suddenly empty compartment. "Where is everyone?"

"They just left," Severus said tonelessly. "I was waiting until last minute to wake you up."

"Oh," Lily felt considerably more awake at the stony look on his face. As she stood up, she struggled to find something to say, but came up with nothing. What could she say? Severus was miserable to be home once more and she couldn't very well blame him. He had every right to be, and any platitudes or subject changes would be transparent, and Lily felt, insulting.

Wordlessly, they gathered their luggage, and with every peek Lily took, his face seemed to have hardened just a bit more. It wasn't until they passed a certain compartment that it changed as Severus took a double take.

The Marauders didn't appear to be handling their prison well. They had apparently given up on magic and resorted to violence. Lupin was banging his fists against the glass while Potter and Black seemed to be attempting to pick up and ram a very reluctant Pettigrew into the door, who was flailing his arms about and doing everything to keep them from doing so.

For the first time since Eileen's death, Severus laughed. It was low and hoarse, as if he hadn't uttered such a sound for a while, but it was still a laugh. When he looked back at Lily, his eyes widened at her half-sheepish, half-proud smile. "You did this?"

Lily gave a noncommittal shrug, but her cheeks were flaming.

Beside Potter's broad grin, his reaction would have hardly been considered a smile, but for Severus, it was practically a beam. Lily couldn't quite remember when she had seen him look so pleased, and that realization promptly erased any prickles of guilt.

Her lightened conscience lasted only a second. It was then that Lupin's pleading eyes met hers. Feeling suddenly very sorry, Lily tilted her head toward Severus and shook her head. Lowering his fists, Lupin gave a resigned nod, and much to her surprise, a tiny smile as if he understood.

"Come on, Severus," Lily said suddenly, briskly turning away from the compartment before the other Marauders could spot her. Knowing Severus would rather stay and gloat, she seized his arm before he could protest.

"What was that about?" Severus demanded as he reluctantly began to follow her. Her stride was no match for his, and a second later, it was him leading the way with Lily being dragged along. "You and Lupin?"

"Nothing," Lily said automatically, relinquishing her grip on his sleeve. Her little stunt had the one purpose of giving Potter and Black a taste of their own medicine, and she plainly refused to argue with Severus about Lupin because of it. Before Severus could continue to grill her, she hastily changed the subject. "What McLaggen and Davies were saying earlier, do you think it's true?

If Lily hadn't been studying his reaction so closely, she would have missed the slight shake of his head. "You can't rely on everything the _Prophet_ says, but you would have to be a dunderhead to write off You-Know-Who completely. If Davies isn't scared, then why can't he even say his name? Maybe You-Know-Who hasn't done anything yet, but that makes him all the cleverer."

"Oh," Lily said, not liking the impressed note in his voice.

Severus didn't seem to notice. Even as they left the train, he was still talking about Voldemort. Davies's quick dismissal of the dark wizard had obviously bothered him, and now that Lily had been the one to bring it up, it seemed that he was finally letting the chagrin that had been steadily building up over the past few hours spill over. "He's waiting for his moment, that's all. It doesn't mean anything that he's disappeared. He'll come back when he wants to, and when he does, no one will be laughing it off then."

There was no denying the new spark in his eyes or the way excitement sped up his voice. It was oddly like the day he had first told Lily that she was a witch, and Lily didn't feel any happier about his short speech than she had that day. Not wanting to hear another word about Voldemort, she scanned the rest of the platform. "Do you see my parents anywhere?"

At the reminder of their current situation, Severus became sour again. "No."

"You're coming with us, right?" Lily asked, eager to have him perk up once more.

Severus looked startled. "No. My dad will probably be here."

Lily didn't miss how he refused to meet her eyes. An image of a lonely Severus being last to leave the platform popped up in her mind, and instinctively, she straightened up, her voice becoming more authoritative as she did so. Whether he wanted to or not, Severus was leaving with her. "He won't mind if you have dinner at my house, will he?"

The innocent question was purely for his benefit. She knew that he knew that she was just aware of the reality as he was. Tobias was not coming and Tobias couldn't care less about his son's whereabouts. When she saw Severus hesitate, Lily hurried on. "You'll hurt my mum's feelings if you don't. My dad can drop you off after. He won't mind."

"I can walk."

"So you'll come?" Lily brightened.

Severus looked unconvinced, but at her response, his features smoothed out, no longer appearing quite so severe. The faintest of smiles crossed his lips. "You're not going to drop this are you?"

"Not until you say yes," Lily wheedled.

"You know I'm going to have to go back sometime," Severus said quietly, and the shadow that seemed to haunt his face so regularly these days settled back in.

Lily thought his words over, determined to end the conversation on a hopeful note, regardless of how dire it seemed. "Well, when you do, you can always come back to my house. Or the clearing," she paused and flashed him a small grin. "It doesn't matter where because you'll be seeing me every day."

Severus opened his mouth, no doubt to insist that he didn't need a caregiver, when Lily cut in. "Don't waste your time trying to get rid of me, Sev. We're best friends, remember?"

The slight smile that had wilted before now sprung back with new life.

"I remember."


	72. Chapter 72 Back Home Again

**Always 9/19**

**Abomination 9/13**

**Hero 9/22**

**Thanks for the reviews and sorry for the wait! I know I've been lousy with updating lately, but I plan to update all three fanfictions over the next two weeks. These two weeks are going to be my least busy ones for a while, so I'm hoping I'll get a lot of work done for future chapters too. **

**I'm very unsure of what the reaction will be to this chapter, mainly because of Lily's perspective. I've been slowly working it into fourth year, but I think this is the first time that I'm really addressing a certain something, so I don't know if the majority of you will hate me or not. Happy reading!**

**Seventy-Two- Back Home Again**

**1975**

The last house on Spinner's End had never been picturesque.

Even in the earliest memories of Severus's childhood, so faraway that they were really only made up of screaming figures and alcohol laced breath, it had resembled something that belonged in an old Muggle horror film. Even back then, the bricks had been grimy and the streetlamps had constantly wavered from a dull flickering yellow to an empty black, so maddening that Severus had once flung a rock at the nearest one. As the years crawled by and the pile of empty bottles grew, the grass became browner and the house shabbier. Even though Eileen seemed to always be busying herself with a rag or a broom, it had made no difference. The last house on Spinner's End had fallen from salvageable to ruined beyond repair. No amount of polish and soap would bring it back to its tarnished glory, just like nothing would bring Eileen back.

Eileen had never been there. Not really. Severus could recall more than one bitter occasion when he had been no more than four or five, tugging on his mother's sleeve, begging for her attention. She had almost always brushed him off then. It was only when Tobias struck that she would come alive, screaming until Severus was certain the windows would crack. Eventually, the screams would fade into strangled sobs, and she would fall to her knees as she wept. Perhaps a tear or two had been for Severus, but to him, her cries were worthless. She had never tried to stop Tobias. Not really.

But if Severus searched his mind long enough, he thought he could remember a different Eileen. The Eileen who had read him stories from Beedle the Bard. It was blurrier than the rest of his memories, and he couldn't even be sure if it had really existed, or if it was just a figment of his imagination, but he thought he could see her smile. It hadn't been like Lily's smile, laughing and never fully leaving her lips. It had been a small smile, rather crooked, much like his own. But if that Eileen had existed, she had died, long before her ghost had, and even though she hadn't truly lived for years, now that she was gone, Spinner's End was even emptier than it had been before.

It had always been empty, dark, and cold, but before Lily, it had been all Severus had ever known. He had noticed that the other houses were newer, of course, but it hadn't been until his first visit to the Evans' house that he had truly realized how different his own home was. Severus could still picture that afternoon as if it were yesterday. The sunny kitchen, Mrs. Evans humming a cheerful tune, his mouth watering from the scent of an apple pie baking in the oven, Lily's sparkling green eyes… And most of all, he could recall the feeling he had felt when he had returned home, the sudden lightness inside him coming down with a hard thud.

As Severus trudged inside, just returning from his dinner at Lily's house, that feeling struck him all over again. He couldn't understand why it did. He had known what he would be returning to, but somehow, he had underestimated the misery that lined the walls and sullied the windows. Eileen had never succeeded at keeping the house tidy, but without her, it seemed to have grown even filthier, and there was no denying that the bottles that littered the floor had doubled since Severus had last been home.

Before making his way up the staircase, Severus hesitated, straining his ears for any sign of life. Once satisfied that Tobias was away, he felt himself relax and moved on, his trunk clunking behind him.

His room was unchanged, albeit slightly dustier. The air was stale, and as Severus struggled to open the one window, he noticed the final wisps of a cobweb fluttering pathetically in the cool nighttime breeze, the same cobweb that had been forged the day he had left for Hogwarts. Not bothering to wipe it away, Severus's eyes drifted across the room, absorbing the few possessions that he had. Even his frayed blanket, so old that its original color had faded to an ancient gray, was precisely where he left it; crumpled on the mattress.

It was too quiet. Severus had always favored the quiet, but just then, he found it deafening. The sound of a fly buzzing around the room was enough to drive even the sanest of wizards barking mad. Suddenly, he found himself wishing more than ever that he had accepted Lily's invitation to stay longer. It had been a real offer too, not a meaningless formality. Her cheeks had been far too pink for it to be meaningless.

But what it did mean, Severus didn't know.

Severus sank to his knees and slipped a hand under the battered mattress, feeling around until his thin fingers latched onto something familiar. Carefully, he withdrew a paper from underneath. He had been cautious when he had first tucked it under, but even so, he smoothed out any invisible wrinkles that may have formed on the sheet.

It was the picture that Lily had drawn for his twelfth birthday. He had insisted on not having a present, and she had insisted that it didn't count, that it was just a picture. Little did she know that it was one of his most beloved possessions, if not his only one.

It wasn't just a picture. Not to him. He had memorized every detail of that picture. He knew where the lines darkened, and where they softened. He knew where the colors just barely spilled into one another, and where the faintest of eraser marks could be seen if he squinted hard enough. Even after being away for months, Severus didn't have to look to know how far the red-haired girl and the dark-haired boy were from one another. His thumb and index finger could match that slim amount of space precisely.

Severus didn't know how long he sat there, staring at the two figures in the drawing, his fingers absentmindedly following the slight indentions from Lily's pencil. His mind was elsewhere, torn between fantasy and memories until they all blurred together. He replayed Lily's words, any he could remember, wondering, rather hoping, if there was something he could have possibly missed, despite the fact he had gone over them so many times before. Last year, he would have hated himself for bothering, but something that year had changed, especially over the last few weeks. There was something undeniably different between him and Lily. He just didn't know if it was good or bad.

There were three options, Severus decided, the first being that she had noticed his feelings and was embarrassed by them. To Severus's sinking heart, that seemed to be the most likely one. The second was that Lily felt the same as he did. That option felt more like a wish than an actual possibility. The third and final option was that Lily was oblivious and he was just being paranoid. To Severus, that was also plausible, even though he was skeptical that even he could be that overly analytical.

Severus was still debating between the first and third possibilities when the thud of approaching footsteps interrupted him, an unwanted reminder of reality.

He didn't have time to think. He could only act. Severus lifted up the mattress, and even in his great hurry, he took care not to crease the drawing as he shoved it under. The mattress had just fallen down with a thump when the door opened.

It was Tobias. Of course it was Tobias. Severus didn't know why he was so startled. After all, it wasn't as if there would be anyone else stopping by. Still, he couldn't help but gawk at the man who had fathered him. It was too early for Tobias. He should have been in the pub, spitting curses at the bartender and guzzling down drinks.

"You're back."

"Yeah," Severus felt the hatred surface again, along with a sudden chill. One look at those cold dark eyes, and the Knights of Walpurgis, Hogwarts, Lily…it was all forgotten. He was seven years old again, nothing but a coward.

Tobias was slouched against the doorway, the stench of his evening's activities overpowering. "I s'pose you heard about your mum?"

He was slurring. Seven-year-old Severus broke, and the Knight that had thrown hex after hex took his place, strong and defiant. "That she died?" Severus said harshly, straightening up as he met his father's eyes. "I gathered that much."

"I should have guessed," Tobias sneered, even though it seemed to lack his usual zeal. "Your people are nosy little gits, aren't they?"

"Better than drunken ones," Severus said automatically.

It was a stupid mistake, one he had just enough time to realize before he felt the sting of Tobias's fist. It wasn't enough to send him sprawling back, but it was enough to jolt his senses.

"You don't look at me like that," Tobias demanded with such venom that he almost seemed sober. His words, as furious as they were, didn't blend together in an intoxicated garble. "This isn't my fault."

Severus knew that it was time to back down, not needing to look twice to know that he didn't stand a chance. He may have been tall for his age, but Tobias was taller, and a good deal burlier. One well-aimed fist would be enough to send him flying. The logical response was to retreat, and his survival instincts were screaming it. But anger won over self-preservation. Eileen had caved in too many times. _He _had caved in too many times. This time he wouldn't, not without a fight.

"No," Severus stood his ground, and as he stood there, shaking, his hand grazed his robes, just waiting to snatch his wand. "It's not your fault at all. It's not your fault that she couldn't stand to see your face for another day. It's not your fault that she chose _poisoning _herself over being in the same house as you."

There was another strike, one more forceful than the last. His jaw was on fire and though his eyes stung with the threat of tears, Severus refused to let them fall. He wasn't finished yet. His eyes met Tobias's. Severus could feel his wand through his robes, and for a quarter of a second, he almost withdrew it.

It would have been so easy. He could have just aimed the wand at Tobias's chest, muttered an incantation, and it would have been him twitching on the floor, begging for mercy. It was tempting, alarmingly tempting, the answer to his hell literally at his fingertips.

But he refrained.

Severus wanted to be great. He wanted to succeed without another look back at Spinner's End. To do so, required an enormous amount of patience. If he lost Hogwarts, he lost everything, including all hope of a golden future. He couldn't be Tobias, giving into his every violent urge without even considering the consequences. He would wait until it was time.

And when it was time, Tobias would have to face the consequences of his thoughtlessness. He would never dare to lay a finger on him again. It would be _him_ living in a shadow of fear, anxiously anticipating his every move. If he didn't drink himself into a stupor first.

Tobias was watching him through slitted eyes, as if he knew what his son had just been considering. Still trembling, from anger rather than pain, Severus opened his mouth, his wand arm limp at his side. He knew better than to act, but the rage simmering inside him wasn't ready to accept defeat just yet. There were so many words left to say, words that he wanted to lash out with all his rage, hoping that they would scar Tobias forever.

But they wouldn't. Severus knew they wouldn't. Tobias was a monster, and monsters bore their scars as badges of honor. Words would only fuel his fire, and there were only so many times that Severus could be burnt while he was powerless. There was nothing he could do or say, at least not yet. If he wanted to win the war, he would have to sacrifice this battle. He closed his mouth.

Tobias seemed to relax and the tension that had been building during the silence boiled over with his next words. "Don't act like you cared about her," he hissed. "You never did anything for her. You and your damned _people_."

Severus remained silent.

"_Magic_," Tobias spat. "What is the bloody use of it if you can't do anything with it?"'

He moved toward Severus, and inwardly, Severus cringed, preparing himself for the blow. Miraculously, it never came. When he opened his eyes, he could see Tobias staggering out of the room.

**1975**

Lily had made the trip to the little clearing at Spinner's End many times. She knew where the sound of rushing water began and where the shadows of overhanging trees ended. Every rock, every branch, was embedded firmly in her memory, and she was certain that if she ever cared to try, she would be able to find her way with her eyes closed. But somehow, even with all the countless times she had meandered her way through the undergrowth, she couldn't ever recall feeling the way she did just then.

It was uncertainty.

She had been uncertain before, of course, but it had always followed something else. Excitement, anger, guilt, worry…uncertainty had always underlined those, whether it was wondering if they were still arguing, or dreading what condition she would find him in, at least then, she had had some idea of what she would find.

That day, Lily didn't have the faintest idea of what would happen.

The time when everything was simple was faraway. Now it seemed as if everything was a tangled, maddening mess, with her and Severus right in the middle of it. There were occasions when they were the best of friends, when she was positive that they were invincible against the world. There were others when she would shake her head in disbelief and wonder when things had fallen apart.

And ever since the night in the Astronomy Tower, or if she was being completely honest with herself, the day at Hogsmeade when the moment had occurred, there was another category of occasions. It was an undeniable, even more bewildering addition that was made up of awkward moments, tense silences, and avoided eye contact. Even the smallest thing, such as a brush of an arm, would send them spiraling in an electrified stillness, bringing a new self-consciousness with it, that made even her breathing seem too loud.

She knew Petunia would laugh and call it love. Lily referred to it as madness. She didn't understand what was happening with her and Severus, but regardless of what it was, it had absolutely and completely _nothing _to do with love.

Admittedly, when they were younger, Lily had always imagined that she and Severus would marry. It wasn't that she had had those sorts of feelings for him, but she simply couldn't imagine being with anyone else. No one else would listen to her babble on for hours and no one else would even attempt to answer all her questions. Romantic love hadn't really occurred to her back then. She just knew that marriage was supposed to be with someone you liked to spend time with, and there was no one she had liked spending time with more than Severus.

Feeling two red spots blossom on her cheeks at the memory of those naïve musings, Lily brushed away the past with a small shake of her head. These days, she could only imagine Severus being married to his Potions book. They were close friends and nothing more, but how was she supposed to be friends with someone that she couldn't even _breathe_ around?

Lily had the sudden urge to bolt. She wanted nothing more than to run home, bury her head under her pillow, and pretend that she was nine years old again. Back then, her only problems had been struggling to persuade Petunia to take her to the playground and trying to force down enough vegetables to satisfy her mother. There had always been the occasional taunt about her red hair, but Lily would have gladly endured it all over again if it meant that she wouldn't have to be fifteen. Why hadn't anyone warned her that growing up was so complicated?

Just beyond the cluster of trees was the glade. Far from ready, Lily hesitated, taking one step back. But as she did so, a twig beneath her feet cracked. It may as well have been a gunshot. If Severus was there, he certainly would have heard her. She couldn't hide now.

What was _wrong_ with her? It was Severus. Why did she feel the need to hide from him? It wasn't as if he was James Potter. He was her best friend and she was being absurd, not to mention rude, by wanting to avoid him. Still, Lily wavered. Something was keeping her from entering that clearing.

And she already knew what that something was. It was different in the clearing. She and Severus never could hide behind their House colors there. They were real there, and Lily didn't think she was ready to discover what real was.

There was a rustle of leaves and before Lily could run, Severus appeared.

Feeling like a deer caught in the headlights, Lily mustered a faint smile. "Hi."

"Hi," Severus echoed. He didn't smile back, and instead, his forehead crinkled, as if he was unsure of what to make of her strange behavior.

Lily was fumbling for something to say, anything but the weather, when Severus turned his head. It was a slight movement, but it was just enough to reveal the beginning of a telltale bluish purple mark. Catching his mistake a half-second later, Severus abruptly swung his head back into its former place, but it was a half-second too late. Lily had seen enough.

All uncertainty was forgotten, and Lily scampered to his side, her horrified eyes scrutinizing the massive bruise. Automatically, her fingers reached out, but Severus wriggled away in the nick of time.

"It's nothing."

"Hold _still_," Lily scolded, ignoring Severus's muttering. Her eyes never strayed from the damage that discolored his jaw. To her relief, it was far from the worst of the many injuries she had seen over the years, but it was enough to cause her to fume. "We'll need some ice for- I can't believe he would- You would think he would-" Consumed by her outrage, she couldn't even finish a thought, let alone a sentence.

"It's nothing," Severus said again, sounding very much that he wanted nothing more than to drop the matter altogether. It had the opposite effect he desired. For once, Lily wanted Severus to be angry too. She didn't want to see his head droop or his eyes fall to the floor. She wanted him to fight the situation.

"It's not nothing, Sev! He's your dad!"

"A very loose definition of one," Severus acknowledged.

Lily had been pacing, but at Severus's calm remark, she stopped very suddenly, her head whirling to face him, waves of long hair flying behind her. The dapples of sun that had managed to seep through the trees caught onto the coppery strands, causing the dark color to gleam redder than usual. "How can you just stand there and take it?"

"And what do you suggest I do, Lily?" Severus no longer looked quite so placid. "Kill him?"

"No!" Lily exclaimed, her indignant feelings toward Tobias turning to Severus. They had had this argument before, plenty of times, but they usually consisted of her pleading. Never before had she had actually yelled at Severus over it. This time, however, was different. Eileen was dead, and she had stupidly thought that Tobias would have shown remorse for the way he had treated his family, or at the very least, give Severus his space. She hadn't expected to see a bruise, not the very first day back. "Do what I've been telling you for the past six years. _Tell someone_. My parents-"

"No," Severus's voice was much quieter than hers, but far more commanding. "No."

"They could really help," Lily insisted, her eyes imploring. "I know you think they're just Muggles-"

"That's not true," Severus said automatically.

"But they're good people, and they'll want to help you. You could stay with us. They won't mind. I know it," Lily was prattling on, she knew she was, but she didn't dare give Severus room to argue. "We even have a spare room. It's not very big, but-"

"No."

"You are being completely unreasonable," Lily cried out in pure frustration.

"And you are being unreasonably optimistic," Severus retorted, his eyes flashing. "Your parents will just call some-"

"Muggles," Lily provided icily.

"Muggles," Severus repeated without a trace of shame. "And what will they do? Nothing. I'm a fourteen year old in a rubbish neighborhood. They won't give a _damn_. I'm almost fifteen, Lily. After that, two more years," he took a breath. "Just two more, and I'll be gone. I won't ever have to see him again. Just please, _please, _don't tell anyone."

There was a new desperation on his face, one that made Lily reluctantly relent.

"You know I won't," Lily said softly. "But I wish you would."

Lily didn't want to argue, and it was plain on Severus's face that he didn't want to either. In silent agreement, the subject was dropped, and together, they took the few remaining steps to the clearing, twigs and leaves crunching under their feet as they did so.

It looked as it did every summer. To adult eyes, it would have appeared to just an ordinary glade, nothing remarkable. To nine-year-old Lily, it had been a place of magic. She could still hear Severus's soft voice painting her mind with pictures of Hogwarts, of the wizarding world, and somehow, the magic of his stories would trickle into the lush grass and clear blue skies. Even the dirty river seemed to sparkle as she would eagerly drink in Severus's tales. When he spoke of magic, young Lily had been certain that _anything_ could happen. At any moment, a unicorn could materialize in the trees, or a dragon could soar above in a trail of flames.

While teenage Lily wasn't expecting a dragon to pop up anytime soon, she was pleased to see that, at least to her, the magic hadn't left the clearing. Dewdrops clung to the grass, glistening in the morning sunlight. The faintest of breezes swept by, leaving behind a feeling of serenity. The fragrance of flowers and something else lingered in the air. Lily couldn't put her finger on what the something else was, but it was so achingly familiar that she simply thought of it as her childhood, and nothing more. She inhaled as she tilted her head back, marveling at the unchanged view.

Severus couldn't be bothered with something so pointless. He had knelt down, already rummaging through the hollow that resided among the roots. It was small, but it kept dry during rainy days, and it was hidden, therefore marking it an ideal place to hide their childhood treasures.

"An old Potions book, your rock-"

"Lucky rock," Lily insisted firmly, going over to inspect for herself. Peering over his crouched frame, she wrinkled her forehead in thought. She couldn't quite remember how or why it had earned the name, but she did remember being very adamant about it, at least when Severus had argued about it.

Severus rolled his eyes, showing that he remembered that particular squabble as well as she did. "Your _lucky_ rock, first year's Potions kit, a bracelet-"

"I forgot I left that there!" Lily said excitedly, immediately recognizing a birthday present from years ago. Without having to be asked, Severus held it over his shoulder and Lily eagerly slipped it on. "I thought I lost it," she said, admiring the tarnished silver as she turned over her wrist.

Severus was less impressed with her prize. Not bothering to look back, he continued to investigate the hollow, shuffling the objects around. He withdrew one item that he didn't name, and after inspecting it for a half-second, he hastily shoved it back. The glint of metal was enough of a giveaway for Lily. It was an old watch, a broken one that he had worn rather proudly when he was younger even though it had never fit him properly and always seemed in danger of slipping away. Lily had a feeling that Severus was very mortified of the memory, but even so, she noted how he still couldn't bring himself to discard it. There was something endearing about the gesture that brought a smile to Lily's lips.

"Some books, pencils, and papers. Mostly yours, I think," Severus cleared his throat. "My quill-"

"Lucky quill," Lily teased, unable to resist as the memory of an agitated Severus searching his bag on the train resurfaced.

"It's not lucky. I just use it because…of habit," Severus sounded annoyed, but Lily thought she could detect a note of embarrassment in his hurried voice. "Anything sound appealing?"

"I think I'll draw today," Lily said thoughtfully. "You?"

Severus raised himself from the hollow, and once he had straightened up, he nodded toward a book in his hand. "I'll read."

They settled down together in their usual place beneath the branches of their tree, nothing more needing to be said. Severus seemed to have no trouble in focusing. A minute or so after his back had slouched against the rugged trunk, he turned a page, his breaths slow and even.

Lily, on the other hand, was finding it difficult to concentrate. Her mind kept returning to Tobias, and involuntarily, her grip tightened, making it a wonder that her pencil didn't snap in half. For the longest time, her paper remained blank.

Slowly but surely, the clearing began to work its magic, and Lily found herself lost in its spell. For a while, there was nothing but the quiet trickle of the river, the rustle of the leaves around them, and the soft melody of the birds above. Her pencil moved rapidly. She didn't know what she was drawing, nor did she especially care. She was drawing, and that was all that mattered.

Her previous worries now seemed laughable. Nothing had changed between her and Severus. Everything was precisely as it had been four summers ago. It had been ridiculous to worry.

But then Lily looked up.

It was an unconscious move, an instinct really, one that she hadn't thought twice about. She may have looked up dozens of times in that hour without knowing it, but it was that time when her eyes locked with Severus's, and time seemed to stop.

Lily couldn't say how long they stayed that way, lost in the moment. Abruptly, it ended, with them simultaneously tearing their eyes away from one another and hastily returning to what they had been doing before.

While her eyes remained firmly fixed on her drawing, looking without really seeing, her pencil stopped scratching against the paper. She didn't dare look over at Severus, but she couldn't hear any pages turning from his side, and the thought cheered her, but only slightly.

Forcing herself to ignore him, Lily turned her attention back to her work, and for the first time since the pencil had been in use, she saw what she had been doing. She blinked, but there was no denying it. The dark curtains of hair, the lanky frame, the tiny frown of concentration…it was all undoubtedly Severus.

The sounds of the river and the birds faded, and all Lily could hear was her pounding heart. She didn't know who she had been trying to fool. It wasn't the same.

It wasn't the same at all.


	73. Chapter 73 The Wish

**This is xitsrealforusx. I recently changed my username to aterriblebeautyisborn. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet, so don't be too surprised if I switch back to my old one. I also made a tumblr: 1652steps, so feel free to follow me. I haven't started using it yet, but I'll probably end up reblogging HP and other things, as well as keep you posted on how the next chapter is coming along.**

**Thank you so much for the reviews! I'm so, so sorry that this is so late, but I was sick for a while and all the reading/writing I had to do just piled up. I'm going to take a break from trying to plan updates for a while because it seems like whenever I think I'm going to be able to write, I end up having last minute plans. I'm going to do my best to hurry up with the next chapter, but school is getting busy for me again and I still haven't caught up.**

**This chapter is one I've been nervous about for a while, and I…really have no idea what the reaction will be. I know there will be some people who are unhappy with it, but I thought a lot about it, and I decided to go through with it. I feel like it provides more of an explanation for the drastic change in Snape and Lily's relationship. The second half of Severus's POV was especially difficult because I wanted to do it just right, and another reason why it took so long to post was because I had to write multiple versions of it until I decided on one I was satisfied with. I realize Lily's POV is pretty short in this chapter, but Severus's part contains the main point of this chapter, and I wanted to focus on that. It's still a long chapter, so I hope that makes up for it.**

**ALSO- I was looking at my notes and realized that I forgot to write in the part of how Sirius and James made up after the werewolf incident. I can't believe I forgot it, especially since I had that Marauder scene on the train, but I was focusing on Eileen's death. Anyway, that scene will be in Abomination, possibly Hero (I really need to decide what I'm putting in that fanfic so it doesn't become too repetitive), and I'll most likely have a mention of it in Always to clear up any confusion.**

**sparklyscrunchies- Thanks for the review and for letting me know about the typo! Now that you've mentioned it, Lily almost forgetting it did seem odd, so I removed the sentence. I'm happy you liked the picture mention. It will make a few more appearances over the years, one being similar to what you said, except at in his desk at Hogwarts.**

**VanillaMostly- Thanks for the review! I don't want to give too much away, but you mostly guessed it.**

**MoonHead- Thanks for the review! I'm still in disbelief that it's been over a year. I still remember being so sure I would finish this story in one summer… I was so delusional then. Fifth year will start in chapter 74 or chapter 75, depending if I choose to keep the a certain event that is mentioned in this chapter, or skip ahead to Hogwarts and write a brief description of it. I'm leaning toward chapter 74, but I won't if it seems too rushed while writing. It will definitely be shorter than year four.**

**Phoenix'sKeeper- Thanks for the review! I think I made a note about that, in chapter 67 or 68. As small as it is, it's still a detail that bothers me, so I'm going to pretend that Mary eventually dyed her hair because 1. she's in disguise or 2. she eventually goes dark after all her friends in Gryffindor die.**

**Chapter Seventy-Three- The Wish**

**1975**

The female population was a mystery to Severus Snape.

Firstly, there was their abnormal Potter-like tendency to fixate on hair. They always seemed to be touching their hair. Whether it was brushing their already silky locks, dramatically flicking it over their shoulders, or simply just twirling it around in pure boredom, they would not leave it alone. Severus could not understand the fascination with hair. He himself never bothered to spare his own hair more than a glance in the mirror, and even though it didn't stick up all over the place as if he had just finished a Quidditch match à la James Potter, he thought it was perfectly fine.

Secondly, there was the female tendency to find everything adorable. Miniature objects, furry creatures, anything pink, was promptly labeled as adorable. Not just labeled, but _s__quealed_. Loudly. Severus couldn't remember finding anything particularly adorable, and ever since he had heard Mary Macdonald screeching on about how sweet a baby dragon would look, with another chiming in how lovely it would be to cuddle one, he had doubted the sanity of girls everywhere.

And then, of course, there was their _giggling_. Severus had issues with giggling. It was an unnatural sound that didn't belong in human nature. He didn't mind the occasional small laugh, but most girls seemed to speak in high-pitched giggles alone. They didn't seem to realize that it not only made the conversation awkward, but it also resulted in violent urges worthy of a lifetime imprisonment in Azkaban.

Lily was none of those things. She played with her hair occasionally, mainly when she was lost in thought, but she didn't start fussing over it constantly in the middle of a conversation or panic when grass and twigs found their way to her long locks. Severus had to admit that she had a weakness for animals, most likely baby dragons too, but she didn't show any particular fondness for pink, which was clearly the unforgivable of the two. And while she may have technically giggled once in a while, it wasn't really a true giggle in Severus's eyes. It was a soft laugh more than anything, not the meaningless titters that most girls seemed to be so fond of throwing in between every other word.

To Severus, Lily Evans wasn't a girl. She was simply Lily, and he loved her for that.

So absorbed was Severus in his thoughts that he didn't notice the extremely impatient owl pecking its beak at his window. By the time the persistent rapping against the glass had finally sunk into his awareness, the ruffled owl looked as if it had been through a war, its midnight black feathers in a frightful disarray.

The window was stuck, and Severus, already being annoyed that the creature had disturbed his precious reverie, was feeling murderous by the time he had managed to wrest it open. Even though he was quite _obviously_ attempting to open the window, the owl hadn't stopped trying to capture his attention, and had resorted to constant pecking and wing flapping. But as annoyed as Severus was, it paled in comparison to the owl, who indignantly bit his finger the second Severus had removed the bundle, and flew out with a huff, not even pausing to smooth out its still mussed feathers.

Severus cursed, half-wishing that there was something he could hurl after the owl. He glanced down at his stinging finger, carelessly wiping the blood off his jeans, not bothering to give it any more of his attention. Whatever the owl had brought in was far more deserving of it.

Before Severus could tear open his letter, something else unexpectedly made its way through his open window, causing him to jump. Just as his mouth opened to curse all over again, Severus digested what the something else was. To his amazement, there was no ordinary owl bearing parchment. Instead, there were two doves, as white as freshly fallen snow, carrying a sealed envelope between them. As they deposited their package on the window sill, they cooed, lingering long enough for Severus to shoo them away with his wand.

Now there were two envelopes on the sill. The one the doves had delivered was noticeably finer, most likely the finest parchment that Severus had ever touched. The creamy material was as smooth as silk, the wax seal an elaborate B, the unmistakable Black crest. Warily, Severus broke the seal, half-expecting it to be cursed.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cygnus Black request the pleasure of your company at the forthcoming marriage of their daughter Narcissa to Mr. Lucius Malfoy, son of Mr. and Mrs. Abraxas Malfoy," Severus read aloud, his voice trailing off.

He stared at the invitation for a long time. A half-blood being invited to a wedding as prestigious as the Black/Malfoy union was no ordinary event. Even a wealthy pure blood wouldn't be able to take such an invitation for granted. A flush of pleasure heated Severus's cheeks, tinting them a dull red. Every long hour spent in the Room of Requirement, every bruise received during the practice duels, and even all the arguments he had with Lily about where he was…it was all worth it. He was on his way into the inner circle.

Feeling considerably lighter, Severus ripped open the next letter. The parchment wasn't as exquisite as the wedding invitation, but it was still obviously expensive, monogrammed with the initials R.A.B. in flourishing swirls.

_Sev(erus),_

_Go to the wedding, PLEASE. My mum and Aunt Druella are driving me mad. You can stay at my place whenever you want, the sooner the better. I'll be forever indebted to you._

_-Regulus_

The letter put his lightened mood on pause. Had he really been invited, or had Regulus secretly managed to wrangle him an invitation for his own sake? Severus pondered it over, and finally, with great relief, decided that it must be the former. He was on cordial terms with both Lucius and Narcissa, and he doubted that even Regulus would be able to sneak him an invitation if they didn't truly want him there.

Satisfied once again, Severus stuffed both letters under the mattress and hurriedly leapt to his feet. Even though he wouldn't mind seeing Regulus, he wouldn't stay for more than a day, and that was only to witness the wedding. He couldn't leave Spinner's End, not when everything was beginning to fall into place.

And by everything, he meant Lily and him.

For once, Severus didn't eye the peeling wallpaper and moth eaten curtains with his usual bitterness as he made his way towards the front door. Even as he stepped outside, he was blind to the browning grass where only weeds seemed to thrive. His mind was only on Lily Evans.

Severus had loved Lily right from the beginning. Maybe he hadn't noticed how her hair shone in the sun, or how pretty she looked when laughed with her face alight, but he had loved her in his own way. He could remember his first afternoon in the clearing, staring at Lily, utterly enchanted, wondering why someone like her wouldn't mind being around him. Not only did she not seem to mind him, she seemed to enjoy his company. Every so often Severus would look nervously around at the trees, just waiting for Lily to make an excuse to walk away. Back then, he had been the laughingstock of the Muggle children and Tobias's favorite punching bag. Not even his own mother would listen to him.

But Lily did. Lily Evans was the first person who ever listened to him, who made him feel important. To everyone else, he was just that Snape boy. He had accepted it then. He had believed it. But Lily had made him realize that he could be someone. When she was looking at him intently with her bright green eyes, nine-year-old Severus forgot all about how ridiculous he looked wearing Tobias's much bigger hand-me-downs. When Lily looked at him the way she did whenever he spoke, he could have been wearing robes from Twilfit and Tattings.

She had lost that look for a while, long enough for Severus to wonder if he had imagined it in the first place. It had been replaced by disappointment or worry, or even the occasional burst of anger. But that summer, the look had returned.

It wasn't quite the same look, Severus reflected, noting the familiar cluster of trees ahead with a tripling heartbeat. But there was something oddly familiar about it, something that reminded him of the one he constantly tried to hide. He couldn't place the time when his own love for Lily had taken a turn for the insane, but after the last few weeks, it no longer seemed quite so insane. The way she kept stealing glances at him, a habit he was unfortunately all too familiar with, made the mad idea that she could someday feel the same for him not so mad after all.

He had just passed the trees. The glade wasn't much farther. Severus swallowed a newly formed lump in his throat, his lightened spirits crashing hard with a painful thud. There may have been something new about the way Lily looked at him, the way a faint blush would rise in her cheeks when their eyes met, but it was possible, more plausible, actually, that it could be for another reason.

Severus almost wished it was. He could handle entering that clearing, containing his feelings for Lily under a scowl, knowing that whatever he wanted to happen was never going to happen. It may have been painful and exhausting, but it was safe. He had been following that routine for the past few years, and for the most part, he remained unscarred. As much as Severus despised following that routine, he dreading breaking it even more.

Severus had always prided himself on Potions, for being able to run measurements and ingredients through his mind, contemplating if the textbook version really did have the best match. In Muggle schools, it had been arithmetic. It was much like Potions, all you had to do was follow the formula.

But for...this, there was no formula. There was no certain result. Just then, he was feeling more like Peter Pettigrew, certain to fail and cause an explosion. Severus had never been very good with emotions, and love, he decided, was the very worst of them. Lily was his best friend, and at that moment, he didn't have the vaguest idea of what he would say to her.

Severus wasn't James Potter, always having an oh so witty remark to charm all witches within hearing distance. Nor was he Sirius Black, a wicked grin ready on his lips, certain to make the next approaching female swoon. He wasn't even Remus Lupin, who was decent looking enough, when he wasn't sprouting werewolf hair, and managed to attracted his share of girls by being the simply being the most, if not only, civilized Marauder.

At this point, _Peter Pettigrew _had more hope than he did.

Wiping his damp palms against his jeans, Severus gritted his teeth and moved forward. He would be fine. All he had to do was regain control. He was a Knight of Walpurgis, for Merlin's sake. He could talk to a a girl. Especially when that girl was his best friend.

Lily was under their usual tree, writing furiously in an old notebook, scraps of parchment scattered all around her. Even as Severus approached her, no more than a few feet away, she didn't seem to notice, her eyes flicking back and forth on the page, a constant stream of ink spilling across yellowed ivory.

She still hadn't heard him. How was it possible that she hadn't heard him? The twigs beneath his feet were like gunshots. Severus was at a sudden loss of what to do next. His mind was blank. What would he have ordinarily done? Sat down beside her? Made a snide remark?

No. Lily was Lily, not a Hufflepuff. Was sitting down too forward? Too...Potter-like? Severus settled on clearing his throat.

Lovely. He was Albus Dumbledore now.

Just as Severus was realizing the stupidity of what he had just done, Lily's head popped up. "Hi, Sev," her voice was warm. "I hope you don't mind, but I was being you today."

His throat was dry. "Me?" He managed, fully aware that he sounded like an idiot.

With a rueful grin, Lily held up his, or rather, Eileen's fifth year Potions book. "You know, scribbling cryptic notes, complaining about the prat who allows this rubbish to be printed. Magic Books, Inc. I checked."

Severus snorted, already relaxing once they had entered the familiar territory of bashing school Potions books. He never ran out words to say there. "That's an original name."

"It has original instructions," Lily tossed the book at him, and much to his relief, he somehow caught it. "Check page three hundred and ninety-four."

Grateful to be dealing with a distraction that was one he was very much acquainted with, Severus did as he was told once he had plunked down beside her. What he saw made him almost forget all about his earlier troubles.

"Toad blood?" Severus exploded when he saw. "What sort of _idiot_ still uses toad blood? Everyone knows salamander blood is more effective. _Everyone_." He continued on, raving about wizards being stuck in the sixteenth century. It was only when he moved onto muttering that they should really have wand restrictions that he heard Lily snickering.

"It's not funny, Lily," Severus grumbled even though he was struck by the urge to laugh with her. "We shouldn't have to learn this rubbish."

"You should see your face, Sev. It's like they wrote something really insulting."

"It _is _insulting!"

Lily just kept laughing.

"I'm glad you find my outrage so amusing," Severus said, but his lips were twitching. Darkly, he added, "Whoever wrote this should be burned at stake."

"Normally, I would say that's a little harsh, but I know that you remember the third year reading on Wendelin the Weird even better than I do."

Severus only scowled in response, but apparently for Lily, it was enough confirmation. She beamed triumphantly at him as a breeze wafted through the clearing, causing the leaves to shift just enough to let a sliver of sunlight trickle through. The result was pure angelic, and Severus found himself staring at her. Quickly, he tore his gaze away and cleared his throat once again. With growing desperation, he searched his mind for something suitable to say, something that would make him look more impressive than a tongue-tied ragamuffin in dire need of a cough drop.

"I was invited to a wedding today."

It didn't quite leave the imposing image that Severus had hoped to create, especially since he had said it a tad too hurriedly. Lily's look of bewilderment only made matters worse. Feeling his face heat up, Severus hastily salvaged what he could. "The Malfoy and Black wedding. Lucius and Narcissa."

Instead of looking awed or even the slightest bit curious, Lily looked as if she didn't know what to make of his words. "Oh."

Her mouth was set in a firm line, a gesture that Severus was becoming annoyingly familiar with, and from the way she was biting her lower lip, he could tell she was choosing her words carefully. He felt a stab of irritation. He knew Lily was less than fond of the Slytherin pure bloods, but it wasn't as if he was announcing that he was practicing dark magic at the Malfoy Manor. It was a _wedding_. With flowers and white dresses and whatever else weddings included. Severus didn't know much about weddings, but he did know that Malfoy and Black were two of the most respected, if not the most respected, surnames in the wizarding world. Even Lily knew that.

"I suppose I can understand why you would want to go," Lily said after a pause.

Severus blinked. From the way she had obviously mulling over his invitation, he had expected her to demand answers. To demand to know why it was so important to him, why he would want to go to a pure blood wedding. As he felt his muscles slowly uncoil, he realized he had been preparing for a fight. "You do?"

"Sort of," Lily bit her lip again. "It's the Malfoy and Black wedding, after all."

She wasn't finished. He knew she wasn't finished. She didn't have to say anything, but already, the air was thickening with the tension of an upcoming argument. It was a suffocating sensation that left the taste of metal in Severus's mouth.

"I'm not thrilled about it, I mean, but I think I understand. All the 'important' people are invited. I imagine every Slytherin is dying to go. Personally, I wouldn't want to go, and I wish you didn't either," Lily gave a rueful smile. "But you were always important to me, so I'm glad others are realizing it now. Even though I think they were stupid not to in the first place."

There was an emphasis on 'stupid', one that Lily clearly couldn't help adding despite her attempt at understanding. But it fell to deaf ears. There was another word that had seized Severus's attention. A much more interesting word.

_You were always _important_ to me_.

It struck Severus like a lightning bolt. As he repeated the sentence to himself, he failed to notice Lily's smile slip. Absentmindedly, he ripped a blade of grass from the earth, and only when it was halfway shredded, he realized that Lily was sitting waiting for him to reply.

There was no accusation in her eyes, nothing lurking beneath the emerald depths that occasionally gave Severus the uncomfortable feeling that she was just waiting for him to make a mistake so she could pounce on him. Her face was as open as it had been before she had even learned of the existence of dark magic.

"I don't know if they do," Severus suddenly heard himself confessing aloud, his earlier doubts resurfacing all over again. "It's possible Regulus pulled some strings."

Severus couldn't understand why he was telling her the truth, why it was so much simpler to be himself with her, instead of the person he constantly aspired to be. More than anything, he wished he could be someone impressive in her eyes, someone whose name was spoken on everyone's lips with unsaid awe. Severus may have been a Knight of Walpurgis, but with Lily, he might as well forget the armor, for she always managed to find the chinks.

Lily never bothered with armor. Her pensive seriousness had softened, and he could see the emotions playing across her face as if they were words spelled out on parchment. She was struggling with something.

"Do you really think Regulus Black is able to make _Lucius Malfoy_ do something that he doesn't want to do?" Lily said finally.

Severus hunched over and hugged his knees tightly to his chest, twin curtains of black falling in front of his eyes. "No. I don't know if I'll go. I don't even know what they do at weddings."

At that, Lily laughed. "They exchange vows. That is the point of a wedding, Sev."

"Not that," Severus's cheeks burned. "I know that part. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"Well," Lily said thoughtfully, twirling a dandelion between her fingertips. "I've never been to a wizard wedding before, but there will probably be dancing."

Instantly, Severus could feel his panic rise in his throat. "I don't dance."

"You mean you don't know how," Lily gently corrected, appearing wholly unconcerned about his anxiety. Lifting the dandelion so that the white fluff hovered near her lips, she closed her eyes, her forehead puckering in thought. After a moment, she let out a soft puff of breath, sending the seeds spiraling in the wind.

"I danced with you before. I don't dance _anymore_." Wanting very much to change the subject, Severus watched the dandelion seeds drifting in the air. Lily had always been superstitious. He could still remember the day she had forced him to wish on a dandelion for the first time. He had scoffed then, a proud skeptic even at the tender age of nine, but he had secretly made a wish in the end. "What did you wish for?"

"I can't tell. Then it won't come true. You know that," Lily said, matter-of-fact. "Anyway, that's different."

Feeling as curious as he had the first time she had said those words to him, Severus took a moment to absorb what she had just said. His forehead creased. He had known that dancing was usually more elaborate than their spinning in circles until they collapsed in the grass routine, but he hadn't thought it was much more different than their solemn swaying in the Astronomy Tower. But he didn't want to bring up that night. Not now, when everything was so close to perfect.

"To start off with," Lily was saying, "I was leading."

"Fine," Severus said edgily, wanting very much to drop the subject. "I can't dance."

As soon as he had spoken, he regretted it, already digging his fingers into the grass in an effort to cling to the ground before Lily could pry him off. As he did so, Lily leapt to her feet, brushing the dirt from her grass-stained knees.

"Then today is your lucky day. I'll teach you."

It sounded even worse than it had in his head. Severus remained firmly planted on the ground, arms crossed as a further show of defiance. He wouldn't budge an inch. Not even a millimeter. Those green eyes would have no effect on him. None. He wouldn't let them. "No. Absolutely not."

"Come on, Sev. We both know you're going to give in eventually," Lily wheedled. "We might as well skip the threats and denials."

"You're mad, Lily Evans. Barking mad."

"Back to threats it is," Lily said with a dramatic sigh. Her eyes darted around for inspiration, and when they lit up, Severus knew she had found it. "Don't make me push you into the river."

Severus, too, stole a glance at the dirty river. Even with the sun sparkling on its waters, it looked far from inviting, a disconcerting shade of gray. "You wouldn't."

"I would."

And Severus knew it too.

"If you tell anyone about this," Severus warned, watching Lily's features twist into a mischievous expression worthy of a Marauder. "I'll push you into the river."

"Understood," Lily's eyes were dancing. She beckoned him to stand up, her hand extended out. Her skin was pale, her wrist delicate. At a first glance, it appeared harmless enough, but Severus knew it was more than capable of pushing him into the water. Unwillingly, Severus's fingers entwined with hers.

Immediately, a shiver ran down his spine. As he stood, he rubbed his free palm against his jeans with as much discretion as he could, hoping frantically that it would wipe away any sweat.

"Now put your arm around my waist."

Severus gulped, and not trusting his voice, he mutely lifted his arm and curved it towards her.

"When I said around, I meant you actually have to touch my waist," Lily sounded amused.

She wanted him to touch her? This, somehow, felt different from the many hand grabs or hugs that they had shared over the years. Something so simple seemed alarmingly terrifying. Not daring to believe what was occurring, Severus did as he told. He then found himself facing Lily, a generous space between them, as far as the grasp around her waist would allow.

"Now step closer," Lily instructed importantly, but a second later, she no longer looked quite so sure of herself. Her eyebrows knitted together as a wave of nervousness fell over her features, as clear as day. "I should warn you. I have two left feet. Petunia should really be the one doing this, well, if you two could stand each-"

"No," Severus cut her off, shaking his head quickly, and hesitantly, he gave a half-smile. Her behavior was oddly similar to his own, only with more babbling. The realization made the weight on his shoulders lighten. "This is fine."

To his relief, the corners of Lily's lips turned up as well, and she visibly relaxed, setting a hand on his shoulder. Her touch was warm, but light, and Severus found himself wondering what had been so terrible about dancing. "Good. Take my other hand now."

The next two minutes passed in a daze for Severus. He barely heard Lily's footwork instructions, let alone the twigs snapping beneath their feet. All he could register was the fact that his arms were around Lily. He was dancing with Lily Evans. They were so close, he could have kissed her right then and there...

"Ouch!"

Severus leapt away as if he had been burned. He was so careless. He and his stupid feet. Feeling himself stiffen all over again, Severus forced himself to look at Lily. Opening his mouth to apologize, another sentence altogether came flowing out. "_This_ is why I don't dance."

His voice was far from chivalrous. Instead, it came out as a hiss, as if he was spitting out venom.

"Don't you think you're being a bit dramatic, Sev?" Lily raised an eyebrow. "I stepped on your foot at least twice and you didn't say anything."

"I didn't feel-" Severus started, feeling suddenly mortified over his reaction. His shoulders drooped down. "I'm sorry."

He was relieved to see that Lily accepted his pitiful apology with a small smile. "We'll call it even. Agreed?"

"Agreed," Severus nodded, trying and failing to mask his relief. Before she could take his hand again, he scrambled towards the safety of the tree, knowing it would be much more difficult to object with her touch. "But I'm still finished with dancing."

"We only just started!" Lily protested indignantly as Severus plopped down, hands already planted on her hips. "You can't give up now. You just need a little practice. That's all."

"I'm not giving up," Severus argued. "I'm not the dancing type. I'm the potions type. Or the curses type."

"Or the making excuses type," Lily muttered, sending him a dark look.

"At least I'm not the endlessly optimistic type," Severus shot back defensively. "You're beginning to remind me of a Hufflepuff, Lily."

When Lily's green eyes sparked, he knew he was in trouble. No Gryffindor would take being compared to a Hufflepuff lying down, and that included Lily. Before he could brace himself, she lunged at him, and much to his horror, he knew exactly what was coming.

"No! Lily!"

But he was too late. Before he could blink, he fell back against the grass, defenseless against Lily's tickling fingers. Severus pressed his lips together, determined to fight against any laughter that would escape. But Lily was persistent and surprisingly strong, and laughter soon won out. It was hoarse and low, but it was real. After several long seconds, he managed to turn the tables on Lily.

Severus loathed being tickled. He loathed laughing uncontrollably. He loathed the stomachache that followed it. It was awkward and juvenile and entirely pointless, but just then, he forgot all about that. He didn't know why he had sunk so low, why he was behaving in a way that would make him soon long for a Memory Charm. He wasn't being himself. But that was how it had always been with Lily. With her, he forgot everything, his trepidation, himself... All there was was the moment.

It was as if they children again.

Lily squirmed beneath him. She wasn't even trying to fight him off anymore. She was content with just laughing, her hair scattered out all around her like a distorted halo. Severus stopped tickling, and instead, just looked at her.

And then there was a moment, and they were no longer children.

The laughter died on Severus's lips as he loomed above Lily, his palms planted on either side of her. His breaths were beginning to slow, but beneath his chest, his heart pounded. Black eyes locked with green. In the marbled sunlight from above, they were twin emeralds, clear, sparkling, and utterly bewitching. She was no longer giggling, but there was a slight smile curved on her lips as she stared at him with a look of wonder.

For once, Severus didn't think. He acted.

He lowered his head. A moment later, his lips brushed against Lily's in a gentle, albeit slightly clumsy, kiss. Her lips were soft, softer than he had imagined, softer than he had constantly thought about whenever she spoke to him.

And that was when Severus realized what he had just done.

Horrorstruck, he jerked back in alarm, blood pounding in his ears. He didn't see the sudden spark of curiosity in Lily's eyes. He only felt his humiliation. He had kissed Lily. His Lily. He was so _stupid_. He could have survived, not having Lily love him the way he loved her, but wrecking his friendship with Lily altogether...

That was unforgivable.

Never again would they laugh freely with one another, leaving all troubles behind them. Never again would they lie back on the grass, side by side, confessing their innermost thoughts. Never again would Lily unthinkingly take his hand, no doubt prepared to lead him on some inane adventure she had planned.

At least not with this _mess_ hanging over them.

He was about to be sick.

What they had, it had been perfect in its own imperfect way. And of course, of course, he had been the one to ruin it all. All of a sudden, he was struck by a memory of a younger version of himself, looking rather scornfully at the dandelion that Lily had excitedly thrust in his hands.

_"You have to make a wish. It's a rule."_

_"It's a stupid rule."_

_"Please, Severus?"_

He remembered the way she had looked just then, the sun shining on her face paling in comparison to her eagerness. With a great show of reluctance, he had let out a huff, quickly casting aside the dandelion as soon as the deed had been done in fear that he, Severus Snape, had been caught doing something so foolish.

_"Did you even make a wish?"_

_"Not telling."_

But he had. After he had seen the way she was looking at him, how could he not? Lily could have taken all the dandelions for herself, made all the wishes in the world, but instead, she had given it to him. A scraggly looking boy that she barely knew. She had been his first friend, his only friend, and in that moment, he knew he didn't want to lose this strange girl who flew off the swings and insisted dandelions were magical.

And so he had wished it.

He should have known better, and as his wish fell apart in front of his very eyes, Severus couldn't help but curse the nine-year-old version of himself, the version of himself that had stupidly believed that there was a possibility that he would always have Lily.

"Sorry," Severus muttered, reality flooding over him like a nauseating nightmare as he leapt to his feet. "I...have to go."

"What?" Her voice sounded strange. Not that he had to wonder why. He had practically attacked her. He was only surprised that she wasn't sprinting for the trees or whipping her wand out for a Restraining Charm.

Severus couldn't bring himself to look at her. He was looking everywhere but directly in those brilliant green eyes, the brilliant green eyes that he knew would contain disgust. While he knew he had made a mistake, he didn't think he could take seeing it spelled out so blatantly in those eyes. Not when they had held admiration just minutes ago. "Lucius Malfoy's wedding, remember? I have to pack. Regulus invited me to stay at his house."

It was mortifying. He couldn't even finish a full sentence.

"You're leaving? For how long?"

So she wanted to be certain. Severus was suddenly ready to vomit. More than anything, he wanted to leave. He didn't want to think about returning to the clearing. "The rest of summer. I was going to tell you, but..."

His voice trailed off, unable to finish the flimsy excuse.

"Well, have a nice time," Lily said tightly in a way that tore at Severus's heart.

He gave a short nod, not even bothering to attempt working together a decent sentence. Nothing could salvage this disaster. With one last look at Lily's sandals, he turned away.

And like a true coward, Severus Snape fled.

**1975**

There had to be a mistake.

Lily Evans was not prefect material.

She had barely passed Transfiguration, and had done even worse in Divination. She was always late to Herbology. She had never managed to write on parchment in a straight line, at least not until she had secretly swapped her ink for a pot of Scrivenshaft's Just Like Magic! No-Mess Ink that was usually reserved for much younger wizards and witches. She couldn't even _kiss_ a boy without making him run for dear life.

Lily sadly stared at the gleaming badge in her hand, and with a sudden burst of inspiration, shoved it under her pillow, determined not to think about it until September. Then she could figure out what went wrong and why she had somehow gotten the badge over Alice Clarke, who had certainly never needed a bottle of Scrivenshaft's Just Like Magic! No-Mess Ink in her entire life.

Now that she had settled that problem, the real issue was glaring. For the last few days, Lily had desperately thrown her attention at anything that didn't concern forests, kissing, or Severus. She had obsessed over nonsense that never would have bothered her before, such as the fact that her bedroom furniture was not symmetrically arranged with Petunia's, or at least it hadn't been until she had persuaded her sister to help her move it. But Lily was running out of things to distract her.

It was time to face what had happened in the glade. Lily flopped onto her impeccably made bed, a trick that had successfully taken an hour of her time as well as Petunia's to master, and rolled onto her elbows, already deep in thought.

So Severus fancied her. Or he had at least fancied her before they kissed. Lily had begun to suspect as much, but it was strange, having it confirmed. Severus wasn't just her best friend. He was Severus, and it was difficult to imagine Severus Snape fancying anyone. He was the type to scoff at love and curse the poor girl who had been thickheaded enough to think otherwise.

But Lily couldn't imagine Severus ever cursing her. Oh, he might threaten to, but nothing would ever come of it, that much she was certain of. He may have been rather prickly to the rest of the world, but he had always been almost...sweet to her, even if he was a bit strange about it. There weren't many boys who spent hours making Felix Felicis for their friends, and even fewer who would dance in the rain. Yes, the more Lily thought about it, the more she became aware that she had been horribly, horribly blind. There hadn't been just a few telltale moments throughout the last few years, there had been hundreds.

Lily didn't know how to feel about it.

She liked Severus, and before he had bolted, she had to admit it had been a rather nice kiss. She wasn't a snogging expert, considering it was her very first kiss, but it was nicer than she expected it to be, and surprisingly less awkward.

But did that mean she fancied Severus? Lily didn't find him as bad looking as Potter had pronounced him to be. Perhaps he wasn't traditionally handsome, but she had always thought he looked rather nice when he smiled, even if his nose was a bit large. She couldn't say that she had fantasized about kissing Severus, though she would have been lying if she had said that the thought had never crossed her mind. It was just that Severus was...Severus, and wasn't their friendship complicated enough without throwing a star-crossed romance in the middle of it?

_Romance. Severus._

Lily groaned. It was clear that their friendship would never be as it had been before. She couldn't imagine talking to Severus without looking at his lips and wondering if it the kiss had been really that awful for him that he had to run away to Regulus Black's house. The very house that Sirius Black also inhabited.

Severus really had been desperate to get away from her, Lily realized with a turning stomach. She wished that he had said _something _to acknowledge what had just happened, even if that something was _it's not you, it's me, let's be friends_. Even that would have been better than running away to enemy territory.

Boys, Lily decided, were a mystery.

And who better to unravel the mystery than Petunia?

Suddenly fueled by a flicker of hope, Lily dashed downstairs to where she had last spotted Petunia.

She and Petunia had been getting along especially well the last few days. Fired by her eagerness to find a distraction by anything, she had fallen into Petunia's own obsessive habits, straightening up around the house and such, things she would ordinarily never do unless her mother reminded her three or four times. Petunia had even loaned her a few romance novels that Lily had done her best to avoid until now.

Petunia was reading again. She even _read_ neatly, sitting up straight with her ankles crossed. Lily preferred to throw herself over the cushy chair in the corner, her legs carelessly strewn over the side. She couldn't imagine sitting for long in such a proper position for long, let alone to read.

Petunia's cool gray eyes flickered over her book, and even the pages she was holding up couldn't mask the way she warily eyed Lily. "You don't want to press more flowers, do you? We're running out of room."

"No," Lily assured her, slightly taken back.

"Or bake anything. The kitchen table is full-"

"I just want to talk," Lily said, flushing at the evidence of her maniac state. Even Petunia was exhausted by the last few days' activities, and they were things she normally liked to do.

"Oh," Petunia was visibly relieved. Talking didn't end up in dirty dishes. And then she looked curious and wary all over again again. While she and Lily were on civil terms these days, sometimes even sharing a quick laugh, they didn't talk much, at least not about anything serious like Lily's grave manner was implying.

"About...boys."

"Oh." Petunia sounded decidedly more intrigued.

Feeling that the moment couldn't become any more awkward, Lily took the plunge, vowing not to waver. She took a deep breath.

"What happens when a boy kisses you and runs away?"

Lily had expected a demand for more details, or perhaps an _oh, Lily__,_ that would be followed by advice that came out sounding more like commands. What she never would have predicted was the look of pure outrage on Petunia's face. Her sister's nostrils flared as she leapt to her feet. "That Snape boy? I knew it! How dare-"

"No, no, not him," Lily said hurriedly, not wanting Severus to be a victim of a smack from a broomstick or frying pan, even though she privately thought it would be well-deserving. Secretly, she was a little touched at Petunia's surprising reaction. A few years ago, she had been exhausted by Petunia's overprotectiveness, but now, it was oddly pleasant having it back, actual evidence that Petunia still cared about her in spite of magic.

Looking slightly disappointed, Petunia sat back down onto the sofa and primly smoothed out her skirt. Any evidence that she had been ready to breathe fire seconds ago had promptly vanished. "Then who?"

"No one you would know," Lily was beginning to wonder if this little chat had been a mistake.

"Lily, I'm your_ sister_. I have a right to know who my flesh and blood has been snogging-"

"Remus Lupin!" Lily said quickly. Then she blinked, unsure of where that had come from.

"Remus Lupin," Petunia repeated, wrinkling her nose. "That's a weird name."

"Right," Lily didn't want to dwell on her lie. "Well, we've become friends, and I think he might fancy me, or he did-"

"Does this Remus Lupin come from a good family?" Petunia interrupted. "What does his father do?"

Lily was startled when she realized that even if she wanted to answer, she couldn't. For being the Marauder she was most friendly with, she knew the least about him. "I don't know...?"

Petunia tut-tutted. "You really should make sure of these things. I can't have my sister just snogging anybody. It reflects-'

"Tuney!" Lily cried out with a sudden note of desperation. "Forget about his family. He kissed me and then he ran away. _What does that mean_?"

Petunia gave her a pitying look.

"Right," Lily's heart began to sink. "That's what I thought."

**I just realized that there has been over 2,000 views for this month, and I haven't even updated this story since September. I feel like a terrible person right now, and once again, I'm sorry that this is so late. Thank you for not giving up on me and I'll do my best to post the next chapter soon.**


	74. Chapter 74 Helga's Hill

**Thanks for the reviews! This chapter is an intro to year five so it isn't exactly action packed, but there will be more happening in the next chapter. The main point of this chapter is to explain why there's been less and less war news over the last two years, mostly because I wanted to focus the first few years on Severus and Lily without making Voldemort's plans too clear because, like I said before, I don't want Severus to be too aware of what he's getting into. **

**A lot of you were surprised that I did the Severus and Lily kiss, so I thought I would explain further. In the Mudblood scene, Severus says "filthy little Mudbloods like her" and Lily calls him "Snivellus." In my version, Severus and Lily may argue, but regardless of how angry they can be at each other, I can't imagine them addressing each other as such. I needed something drastic to change their relationship, something that would give another reason for behaving so strongly against each other. I also wanted to make it more painful for Severus by showing that there was a possibility he could have had the woman he loved, if he had done things differently. I'm not promising a relationship, but I needed something that was just enough to throw them off. **

**TPK- Thanks for the review! Don't worry, I wasn't really serious about Mary dyeing her hair, but I'm planning to go back and edit this fanfic when I'm finished, and when I do, I'll most likely change her hair color and make someone else be the girl with blond hair in Snape's memory. Like I said, it is a minor detail that will most likely keep annoying me until I do change it, but it's not enough to make me want to reupload and edit each chapter right now. I'm pretty sure your email remains private. I, too, am paranoid about giving out my personal information online so I made a separate email. I haven't received any spam**

**Klixxx- Thanks for the review! I know I need to write Hero, but I really need to finish planning out that and Abomination so it doesn't become too repetitive, and I just haven't gotten around to doing so. I will update it eventually, probably soon because I'll need a break from the Severus and Lily tension. Sorry for the unhelpful response, but I'll do my best to update as soon as I can!**

**Chapter Seventy-Four- Helga's Hill**

**1975**

Platform nine and three quarters had changed.

There were still the frazzled mothers and their wide-eyed children, the smallest ones wistfully watching as their older siblings climbed aboard the smoking, scarlet steamer. There were still the cries of friends rushing out to embrace each other, as if they hadn't seen one another for years rather than one measly summer, muffled by the indignant hoots of owls being set down too hurriedly in their cages. And of course, there was still him, alone at the back of the platform, silently taking in the scene.

On the surface, it was all the same, but Severus had never been one to merely accept what was on the surface. He had always been an observer of the world rather than actually part of it. He didn't belong there, not with all those loving families, and he knew it just as well as he had the first time he had stepped onto the cracked concrete of the platform.

But Severus preferred to be alone. That way he could stand back and freely examine the scene before him. After years of practice, he had a developed a talent for delving deeper to pinpoint the details in a way not many could. Dabbling with spell creation and potion refinement had only increased his appreciation for subtlety. Which was precisely why Severus saw what everyone else was blind to. He saw the way those frazzled mothers fiercely clung to their offspring's hands, much like a tigress protecting her young, instead of allowing them roam about the platform and play. He heard the note of relief in the voices of friends calling out to friends, not missing how it lined their still shell-shocked faces. Nor did he miss how their quick hugs of excitement had transformed into ones of comfort and mutual fear. Even the owls had fewer to protest because students no longer abandoned their belongings with ease. There was something about fear that made you clutch tightly to what little you had.

Yes, Severus decided with determined set of his jaw, the platform had changed with the rest of the wizarding world.

It was their fault, really. Had they truly believed that Voldemort was gone? That the war was some story that had once lined the pages of everything from the _Daily Prophe_t to the _Quidditch Report_? Severus had heard the excuses they made, growing in numbers and foolishness each month that Voldemort didn't appear. Their earlier fears had crumbled far too quickly in favor of the desperately wanted relief. They had overreacted, they had claimed. Voldemort had had his brief moment in the spotlight, but now it was over. He wasn't about to take over the wizarding world. Perhaps he was a murderer, but he was also a madman with delusions of grandeur. No wizard had that much power. Not even Dumbledore.

The recruiters had dwindled down until they had vanished altogether in the early summer. It should have made witches and wizards everywhere uneasy, but instead, they had rejoiced, believing that it was confirmation for whatever power Voldemort had held, it was gone. The streets of Diagon Alley and such that had bustled until fear had skulked in, leaving only a cold shell behind, thrived once more. Even the mentions of 'You-Know-Who' in the papers had diminished until they were all but replaced by filler that consisted of exploding pumpkins and book signings at Flourish & Blotts.

Only one scar from Voldemort's emergence into the wizarding world refused to heal, and that was the thickening tension between pure bloods and Muggle-borns. Among the certain elite, there had always been a flickering dislike bred by pride. Voldemort had ignited that flickering flame and transformed it into an inferno. The most affected pure bloods made no secret of their disgust, and in return, the Muggle-borns made no effort to conceal theirs.

Other than the more than occasional clash between the two groups, the wizarding world had slowly started to return to what it once was. Hardly anyone had paid attention to the rapid increase in Muggle murders or the fact that the dementors were still gone. It was far better, far easier to believe that everything was a coincidence. Murder was an unpleasant matter, but crime was unavoidable, especially in the Muggle world. Even so, it was a definite improvement over the other possibility. The possibility that had become a reality.

Voldemort was a real threat.

He had remained absent for the last two years, ever since the death of Reginald Doyle, fueling the fire that wizards like Brandon Davies had foolishly started. If Voldemort was a real threat, he would have taken over the Ministry by now. They would all be dead. They didn't realize that there were other methods, and that they were playing right into his hands. It was their lack of appreciation for subtlety that had lulled them all into a false sense of security. And that was precisely what Voldemort had wanted.

Severus had been at the Malfoy wedding when he had heard the news. It had been an absurdly grand affair, everything dripping in silver and white with the occasional splash of emerald, from the enchanted doves to the jeweled goblets to the one of a kind Malfoy necklace that hung around Narcissa's white throat. He could still see the beatific smile on her face, and as Lucius bent down to tenderly kiss his bride, Severus clearly remembered wondering if that ever would be Lily and him someday.

It had happened after the ceremony. Severus's mind was still on Lily, as it had been for his entire time with the Blacks. Regulus had been jabbering on about a cherub stealing his cake when Severus's attention had suddenly shifted to the recently married Bellatrix and Rodolphus. They were a drastic contrast to the bride and groom, with Bellatrix moodily sipping her champagne, feigning deafness to Rodolphus's pitiful attempts at a conversation, at least until she grew bored of that and ended the matter entirely by emptying her goblet onto Rodolphus's lap. Even when she had stalked out, Rodolphus had gazed after her with a look that could only be described as pure adoration.

Just as Severus was swearing, once again, that that would never be him, it had happened.

Rabastan had burst in with news that Voldemort had returned, the grand finale to a dazzling display at Helga's Hill, a newer area that was known for its high population of Muggle-born couples, higher than any other village in England. Or at least it had been before a blazing firestorm of Fiendfyre had swept through, roaring and merciless. Homes had burst into flames within minutes, most of the Muggle-borns dying with them. The ones that had managed to flee were confronted by an overwhelming flood of Death Eaters, dementors, and giants. No one had even known for certain that the giants had allied themselves with Voldemort until after.

Severus had read at least five different versions of the event. All reported Voldemort had appeared in the midst of smoke and flames and ongoing destruction, his face said to be a terrifying mask of the utmost indifference as Muggle-borns screamed all around him. Even the flames of the cursed fire had seemed to bow before him as the night grew quieter. A symbol that had been dubbed the Dark Mark by the papers had lit the starless sky, a spectacular and formidable sign that the dark wizard had returned and was greater than ever.

Only a handful had survived that night. All that remained of Helga's Hill was now ashes.

If he was being entirely honest with himself, Severus had been unsettled by the news. He may have relished hexes and curses more than the average Hogwarts student, but that was nothing. It was to defend himself and doing only what had done to him. He had suffered. Why shouldn't they suffer? Why shouldn't he be able to show them what the world truly was like? Severus wanted them to feel the pain he had felt, to swallow the bitter taste of humiliation that never seemed to leave his tongue.

But that didn't mean he wanted them dead.

It was every wizard for himself, Severus had reminded himself. He could achieve greatness or be dragged down with them, and in the end, it was for the greater good. The wizarding place was filled with arrogance and stupidity. Every day, wizards like James Potter strutted around, blind and unappreciative of what the world could really be. Voldemort would change that. Out of the ashes, he would carve a new world, a better world of pure blood values. Helga's Hill was a necessary sacrifice for that world to exist.

Sometimes Severus wondered if he truly believed that.

And with that final thought, he suddenly realized that he was staring at Lily.

He hadn't even been looking. His eyes had sought her through the sea of black robes as if by instinctual habit. He hadn't seen her since the terrible day at the clearing. Selfishly, he had hoped that once news of Helga's Hill had struck, she would immediately write to him. He had volunteered to play the utterly pointless game of Quidditch with Regulus on more than one occasion, just so he would be outside to catch the first glimpse of Lily's owl.

Her letter had never come.

She hadn't noticed him; her back was to him. Severus almost hadn't recognized her at first. Her dark red hair had been long, falling nearly to her waist, ever since the day he had first caught sight of her, but now it was cut to her shoulders. Even so, it had to be her. He had memorized that precise shade of red, and he would have been easily able to tell it apart out of a thousand other shades. No one had hair like Lily.

She was talking to Alice Clarke. Jealousy bubbled inside Severus as he continued to stare at her, longing and dislike mingling on his sallow features. Lily turned her head just enough so he could catch a fleeting glimpse of her face. Already, he missed her long hair, but he couldn't deny that the new cut suited her. With the shortened sleek strands highlighting the fact that she had lost the childhood chubbiness in her cheeks, she looked decidedly more mature.

And alarmingly more intimidating.

The train whistled. Hurriedly, Severus swung around before Lily could see him. He had lingered on the platform for Lily, unable to wait to see if their friendship stood a chance, but looking at the more grown up Lily, he couldn't help but think that she had already moved on.

**1975**

Lily had seen Severus.

And Severus had seen her. And walked away.

Of course, she hadn't done much better, Lily reflected as she fell into a stop before the prefect carriage. Still, she was unable to swallow her disappointment, along with a new emotion. Anger. Perhaps she was a terrible kisser, but that didn't mean Severus had the right to ignore her. They had been best friends for six years, for Merlin's sake. Surely he owed her a hello or wave, or in a much more Severus manner, a curt nod.

_Or perhaps it wasn't because of the kiss_, a terrible voice taunted her from the back of her mind. Perhaps it was because they were at Hogwarts again. Voldemort's recent appearance would no doubt renew the Slytherin enmity of Gryffindors and Muggle-borns, and she knew Severus well enough to know that he wouldn't cut off ties with them. Not when they held the keys to what he believed to be his only future.

Lily suddenly felt sick to her stomach and fiercely shook her head to herself. Severus wouldn't do that. She knew Severus and she knew that he wasn't one of them. So what if they had an awkward moment in the clearing? That didn't erase their history. To him, she was a best friend, not a Mudblood. Lily knew that in her heart. They only had to survive this rough path.

"Evans."

Automatically, Lily stiffened, her stomach lurching all over again. The voice may have been different, but from the way it pronounced her name, she knew it could only be one wizard. There was no one else who could manage to sound as proud as a Quidditch World Cup winner, and at the same time, as impish as a little boy plotting to steal an extra dessert. There was no one else who could make her skin prickle with the mere enunciation of her surname. Feeling as if she was about to face her execution, Lily slowly turned around in the narrow corridor of the Hogwarts Express. "Potter."

She had grown a bit over the summer, but he had sprouted up. His face looked older, his voice more mature, but his hazel eyes remained the same, as mischievous as the day he had gleefully christened her 'Firehead'.

"You look-" Potter began, swallowing nervously, but Lily didn't notice. Her eyes had latched onto a glimmer in his hand, and just like that, all her senses were immediately lost. All she could hear was the blood pounding in her ears as the horrifying realization played over and over again in her mind.

Potter was a prefect. She already shared a common room and a schedule with him, leaving only a few, annoyance-free hours to herself, but Lily could see those precious hours quickly slipping away before her very eyes. Instead of meeting Severus at the library, she would be patrolling the corridors with Potter. Whenever she made a mistake, there would be Potter right there, chuckling in his obnoxious way. Lily could already hear his laughter, and faintly, she heard herself choke out, "_You're a _prefect?"

Potter looked distinctly uncomfortable. "Well-"

Potter was an authority figure. He would be able to boss around the rest of school, subtracting points whenever the desire struck him. Wasn't it enough that he already did the former without a badge? He had nearly every first, second, third, and fourth year hanging onto his every word, not to mention some of the older students. This was the boy who jinxed whoever whenever he wished. The boy who enjoyed transfiguring Slytherins' quills into frogs during what he considered to be a dull Potions lesson. The boy who nearly blew up the Forbidden Forest during an impromptu fireworks celebration for Sirius Black's birthday. Who in their right mind would give _James Potter_ a prefect badge?

"How did you become a prefect?" Lily made no effort to disguise her horror. "Not that I know why I became a prefect. I know I'm not prefect material, but at least I don't hex people whenever I feel like it."

She could feel herself pale at her own words, not even realizing how rude they were. Oh, Godric. He was going to create an army of demonic first years to terrorize the school, wasn't he? Lily could already see the tiny Gryffindors lined up, marching down the halls with Potter leading the way, hexing anyone who didn't support Puddlemere United.

"You hex me whenever you feel like it," Potter pointed out in a much more subdued tone.

Still reeling from unpleasant images of tiny, messy-haired first years wearing James Potter badges, Lily blinked, too distracted to notice the change in his voice. When it became clear she was supposed to answer, Lily blinked again, shifting uncomfortably at the strangely intense way his eyes were fixed on her. "You're different."

She hadn't meant anything by it, but Potter seemed thoroughly pleased by the prospect. His chin lifted a notch. "I am?"

Lily didn't know where his glee was coming from, nor did she like it, but she didn't know how else to respond. She couldn't quite take back what she said, not when it had slipped out so carelessly. "Yes."

"I'll take that as a compliment," Potter was restored to usual self, hair rumpling and all, even if his voice did sound oddly deeper.

"You take everything as a compliment," Lily muttered, but she was relieved to see the more familiar Potter. She knew how to act around him and his boastfulness. The quieter version unnerved her more than she would have liked to admit.

"That's because it usually is with me," Potter's smugness was already grating on her nerves.

Lily was already turning away, her voice several degrees cooler. "I think I've heard enough."

"Wait! Evans!"

Not in the mood to banter with Potter, Lily faced him once again with a pointed expression on her face, one that she had picked up from Severus, that suggested it would be in his best interest to hurry.

"I think you're prefect material," Potter mumbled in a manner that was as unPotter-like as could be.

There it was again. The Potter that Lily didn't quite know how to talk to. She stared at him with a look of confusion, not really understanding where it was coming from. After all, Potter was usually too busy complimenting himself to offer reassuring comments to anyone else. It had to be a trick. A way to lower her defenses so he could find some way to embarrass her. Lily folded her arms across her chest. "Thank you?"

Potter cleared his throat. Was it her imagination or did she detect a hint of color in his cheeks? Impossible. "It's just that I'm usually right about these things. In fact," he seemed to brighten, returning to the Potter she loved to hate. "I'm always right about these things."'

That was enough for Lily. If Potter thought that she would put up with his egotistic monologues for an extra hour or two each day, he was barking mad. Deciding right there and then to make it clear, Lily drew herself up to her full height, which pitifully, didn't come up above his shoulders. But what she lacked in height, she made up for acid in her suddenly sharp voice. "Unlike you, I'm going to go to the prefect section, where I'm supposed to be."

"Evans-"

"Bye, Potter."

Her hand was already on the nearest door. She quickly ducked into the compartment before he could respond, willing him not to follow, not that she really expected him to. Potter dodged responsibility like a cat evaded water.

The compartment didn't look any different from the others, only roomier. From the near empty space, it was clear that Potter wasn't the only prefect shirking his duties. Only two other prefects remained. Brandon Davies and...

Lily found herself gaping at the other occupant. "Remus? You're a prefect?"

Lupin looked immensely grateful for the interruption, but even so, a dull flush colored his cheeks. He looked down, averting his eyes from hers. "It surprised me too."

"Oh, not that," Lily said hurriedly, hardly daring to believe her good fortune. She had a sudden urge to dance around the compartment in glee. There would be no Quidditch lectures during patrols. There would be no army of corrupted first years wreaking havoc all over the castle. There would still be freedom from James Potter. She was saved. "I'm glad that you are. You have no idea how glad. I was only surprised because I thought Potter was the other Gryffindor prefect. I just saw him with a badge. I can't believe he let me think he was..."

"Oh," Lupin gave a tired smile that made Lily wonder if he had managed to sleep at all during the summer. With his underfed frame and worn robes, he reminded Lily a bit of Severus, having a certain quality that made her want to throw her arms around him as if he were an abandoned puppy. "He nicked it from me the second he saw it. I think he and Sirius are using it to scare first years."

Lily stared at him in dismay, wondering why he wasn't more alarmed. While she was privately glad that Potter and Black were back to being best friends; it was too unnatural having them not be, the image of the troublesome duo lording prefect powers over everyone was far more terrifying that any fears that had entered her mind when she thought it was only Potter to worry about. Lupin saw her expression and hastily continued.

"'Scare' is a harsh word. I meant it's a joke. A game, actually. The first years love it..." Lupin's voice trailed off.

Lily exhaled, forcing a tense smile as she slid into the seat across from him, though it was one of the last things she felt like doing. Not that she blamed Lupin. She knew better than anyone how difficult it was to stand up to a best friend, and Potter and Black had a particular talent of twisting words and swaying minds, especially when they worked together. Either way, Lupin was right. The first years would love it. The younger wizards looked up to Potter and Black with a mixture of terror and adoration, and being unfortunately too familiar with the latter, Lily knew by the time she hunted them down, they would have moved onto a new scheme.

"If we were at Hogwarts, I would dock points," Brandon said briskly. "People like Potter and Black are the reason why we need prefects in the first place."

"With prefects like you," Lupin broke in calmly. "James and Sirius won't need to worry."

The affront was surprising, the defensiveness was not. From what Lily had seen, the Marauders were fiercely protective of one another. Even Pettigrew seemed to grow a few inches taller whenever a fellow Marauder was insulted, and Marlene had once told Lily that she had witnessed Pettigrew attempting to jinx Mulciber for a snide remark about Black.

Mulciber had jinxed him first, but not again, not after the other three Marauders had struck back.

It was this loyalty that touched Lily, who was eyeing Brandon with ice in her eyes. She had subscribed to the _Daily Prophet_ over the summer and knew all about Helga's Hill, a long letter from Alice only confirming what she had read. It was skeptics like him that had mocked the people's fear, convincing them to put it aside. If they had been on guard, perhaps more would have survived.

"You're a _prefect_," Brandon was sputtering at Lupin. "I know they're your mates, but you're supposed to be above their idiocy. You out of all people should know what they're capable of."

"Really," Lily cut in coldly, his words from their previous journey on the Hogwarts Express still burning in her mind. "I would have thought that it's all rubbish. Rumors and gossip."

Brandon's face paled.

"The fact is," Lily leaned forward, feeling oddly powerful. "That Potter and Black have done nothing you can prove."

Brandon wisely did not respond. Lupin was watching them with a strange expression, but said nothing.

The trip was an awkward one. Lily and Lupin had both taken stabs at conversing with one another, but it was difficult to continue any conversation with Brandon glaring at both of them, clearly intent on killing anything that resembled a tolerable train ride. It was only after the Head Girl stepped in, informing them of their responsibilities after distributing copies of _The Prefect's Handbook_ that he seemed to perk up, leafing through the pages to chime in his own advice. When Lupin finally announced that he would start patrols and that it would be pleasant to have company, Lily had heartily volunteered, a second too hastily.

The remainder of the journey was surprisingly enjoyable. Whether it was still the shock of Helga's Hill or a coincidence, Lily didn't know, but the train was strangely quiet. If Potter, Black, and Pettigrew were brewing mischief, they were doing so in a safely concealed place. Instead of confiscating Fanged Frisbees or lecturing first years as Lily had imagined, she and Lupin simply talked.

He was surprisingly easy to talk to, with a subtle sense of humor that she hadn't noticed before. Lily learned that he was a half-blood; his mother was a Muggle-born and his father was a pure blood. He was an only child that had always longed for a brother. From the way he spoke, Lily had a feeling that he had a lonely childhood, and it was obvious from the way his eyes twinkled when he mentioned the Marauders that they had become the brothers he had always wanted. When he spoke of them, they didn't seem like the obnoxious, larger than life prats without a care in the world. They seemed like they were actually people, people that she could grow to like.

Until she remembered they were the Marauders.

"James isn't as bad as you think he is," Lupin was saying when he saw the frown return to Lily's face.

"Did he tell you to say that?" Lily caught the undeniable look of guilt as it crossed over his features. "He did, didn't he?"

"Well, yes," Lupin faltered at the knowing flash in her green eyes. "But that's not why I'm saying it. James... Sirius and Peter too... I can't imagine better friends. I know you think James is conceited git, and he can be, but that's not all he is."

And that was when Lily changed the subject, even though it looked as if Lupin wanted to say something else. They didn't mention Potter or the other Marauders again, and instead, they entered the safer topics of lessons until it was the final few minutes of the trip.

"Hopefully, we don't have to do rounds with him," Lupin muttered as they hurriedly left a scowling Brandon behind in the prefect carriage, trunks in hand.

It would have been as painful as patrolling the halls with Potter, and if she was being entirely honest with herself, most likely worse. Lily wrinkled her nose at the thought and set her trunk down. "Should we meet outside the portrait of the Fat Lady after curfew then?"

Lupin nodded, giving her a quick smile as he darted down the corridor, no doubt to rescue his badge from the clutches of Potter and Black. Lily felt a flicker of worry as she remembered his tired eyes and hollow cheeks, hoping that the prefect duties wouldn't be too much for him. As he disappeared into a crowd of Hufflepuffs, she gathered her belongings and continued on.

She didn't see Severus again until the Sorting. One moment she had been half-listening to Marlene recounting her holiday in whispered breaths as Pamela Shunpike was Sorted, the next, her eyes had somehow drifted over to the Slytherin table and were locking with his.

Their eye contact lasted a fraction of a second. Severus quickly ducked his head down as if nothing had happened, and Lily didn't know if she wanted to hex him to pieces or cry. All her previous worries were resurfacing, and Lily was beginning to suspect that their rough patch was really a rift that was splitting wider and wider with every hour that passed.

The feast was one of the quieter ones, making the clatter of silverware seem more boisterous then ever. It was the first years who did most of the talking. The older students retreated into their cliques as they had when the war was first announced, exchanging frantic whispers between bites. Even Marlene was considerably quiet. Now that it was obvious that she was one of the only ones who was eager to retell the events of her holiday, she, at least, had the grace to fall silent, a faint blush tinting her cheeks as she finished her steak.

A delicate clinking sound caused a sudden hush to fall over the Great Hall. Instinctively, all eyes turned toward the headmaster. For the first time since the feast had begun, Lily looked at Dumbledore. He appeared nearly as tired as Lupin did. His clear blue eyes, normally merry and so full of life, held an unmistakable sadness.

"Most of you have heard about the events that took place on Helga's Hill," Dumbledore's eyes flashed, and for a moment, the sorrow had been replaced by anger.

There was an uncomfortable stillness in the Hall. Helga's Hill was the hippogriff in the room. No one wanted to think about those Muggle-borns. No one wanted to think about Voldemort and his return, and that his return was not a return at all, for he had never truly been gone. He had been watching their every move, just waiting for them to find peace once more, before he shattered it forever.

"I ask you to remember Helga's Hill and to honor the memory of those who have suffered," Dumbledore continued after a careful pause. "Honor their memory by knowing that there is an evil in this world that we must fight. Honor those who died before Helga's Hill. The six families that suffered just as the many that did five days ago."

Lily stole a look at Severus. There was in a vehement look in his eyes as he stared down Albus Dumbledore that reminded her of whenever he spoke of Tobias. He had schooled his pale face into the picture of brittle guardedness, but Lily knew that expression well enough to know that he was seconds away from snapping.

Lily didn't want to see him like that. She looked away.

"I ask you to learn from this. Voldemort will not allow himself to be forgotten, not as long as he is alive."

There was a sound in the Great Hall as if the Houses of Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff had all gasped at once. Even the Slytherins couldn't mask their surprise. Dumbledore plowed on as if he didn't notice. His voice was hushed but clear, and with his every syllable, there was a growing power that seeped in, an unspoken command for attention that transfixed each and every one of them.

"Others have paid the price for our ability to forget so easily. Don't push away his memory as if he never existed. When you do, you push away the memories of those he has led to tragedy. Remember what Voldemort has done, and remember that he will do it again, unless we all stand together."

There was not a single whisper in the Hall. It was deathly silent. Heads were hung low in respect, eyes facing down in shame. Lily shivered.

"Remember we must fight, and most of all, remember Helga's Hill."

The somber mood that had trailed in with each and every one of them was heavier than ever. Surprisingly, there was no Marauder prank, nothing to ease the tension. The light didn't return to Dumbledore's eyes as he went through the usual procedure of outlining the rules. Even when Lily stood up reluctantly to lead the first years to the common room, she could feel her stomach knot all over again, feeling as if her every step was weighed down.

But she couldn't think about that now. Whether she wanted to be or not, she was a prefect now. Forcing herself to clear her mind of Voldemort and Severus, Lily made a rather pathetic attempt to seize the first years' attention, throwing her arm to her side in a laughable half-wave. "First years. Over here."

Of course, Potter had been the only one to hear. He gave her a pitying look, and instead of hearing the chuckles she braced herself to hear, he only gave an earsplitting whistle that made her hands fly to shelter her ears. "Oi! First years!"

He had succeed in not only getting the Gryffindor first years' attention, but everyone else's. Even Dumbledore was looking over at them with a look of curiosity and possible amusement. Lily could feel the warmth of a flush reaching her face, but predictably, Potter didn't seem to notice, let alone care.

"Follow Evans," Potter gestured carelessly at Lily and then at Lupin. "And Moony."

Lily didn't know whether to thank him or give him an exasperated remark. A thank you would have been more fitting, but far too awkward. Instead, she settled on silence, stoutly ignoring him as she and Lupin gathered the first years. A timid giggle startled her, immediately sending a wave of self-consciousness to fall over her, but as the giggles grew and the pointing began, Lily realized that Potter hadn't done anything.

At least not to her. The Marauders had struck after all. The Slytherins were plainly struggling to stand, but none could do so, due to what appeared to be a powerful Sticking Charm on their robes. The giggles were drowned out by enraged shouts and swearing. Mulciber's face was flushed an angry red, and as he pulled at his robes, there was a distinct tearing sound that made Lily cup a hand over her mouth before her own laughter could spill out.

For the first time since entering the Great Hall, it felt like Hogwarts again.

But then she saw Severus again, and her lightened mood promptly evaporated. After multiple occasions of being a victim to Potter's Sticking Charm, he had easily been able to free himself. His attention, however, was not on his fellow Slytherins, nor was he fuming over Potter as he normally would have done. He was looking at her, and when he saw her looking back, his eyes didn't dart away as she had expected. Instead, he held onto her gaze almost desperately as if he couldn't bear not to. The intensity unsettled her, and this time, it was Lily who broke their eye contact, quickly returning to ushering the first years away from the livid Slytherins.

Severus was no longer ignoring her. Lily felt that it should have made her happy, but all it did was make the unwanted weight return to her shoulders, heavier than it had been before.


	75. Chapter 75 Empty

**Thank you so much for all the reviews! It makes me so happy to know that people are actually reading and enjoying this story. This update is long overdue. I'm sorry it took so long. I'm a terrible procrastinator, and because of that and my endless amount of homework, it is becoming increasingly difficult for me to sit down and write. Again, I'm sorry for the long delay, and I promise the next one will be out sooner!**

**sparklyscrunchies- Thanks for the review! The links don't show up for me but I searched them so I think I found the ones you were talking about. I haven't seen them before and they made me laugh, so thank you for showing me! It's eerily similar to how I pictured it in my head. About Helga's Hill, I admit I cheated a little. It was supposed to be another chapter but I combined that with the wedding so I didn't have to do another summer chapter because it felt like it was dragging on too much. **

**almanera- Thanks for the review! You'll definitely see more of Severus's dark side, especially after the Mudblood incident. His perspective will become more distorted with his bitterness. I like what you said about his possessiveness because I agree completely, so I'll try to keep that in mind. **

**Chapter Seventy-Five- Empty**

**1975**

The first few days of school were far more demanding than his previous years, but Severus welcomed the distraction. If he hadn't been focused on the theory of the Vanishing Spell or mastering the art of _Silencio_, then he would have to think, and the very idea of maneuvering his way through the twisted tangle of anxiety and longing that plagued his mind was enough to make him feel sick to his stomach.

The Knights were only half the trouble. The destruction of Helga's Hill nagged his mind more than Severus would have cared to admit, and he couldn't help but wonder how much the elder Knights had known. Of course they had known Voldemort was far from finished, but had they known that that would be the day that the dark wizard would strike? Had Lucius known that dozens of Muggle-borns were screaming to their deaths as he had kissed Narcissa on his wedding day? Severus knew he was not a kind person. He was meticulous, logical, but not kind. The world had hardened him too much, but not enough for him to drop the matter entirely.

The idea of being so close to murder perturbed Severus. It wasn't just Babbling Curses and Tripping Jinxes anymore. It was life and death, with the consequences far more grim than a detention with Filch. There was no power greater than the power at Voldemort's fingertips, and while there was a tiny thrill at just the thought of what it would be like, to have all that power, it faltered when he acknowledged his discomfort.

Severus saw no reason why others shouldn't suffer. In the real world, people suffered. He himself had done more than his fair share of suffering. But the many curses that he had dreamed up were a far cry from murder, especially murder in the brutal fashion that had been immortalized on Helga's Hill. Voldemort and his circle were on another level altogether, and Severus was beginning to question whether or not he could ever be one of them.

Severus shook his head furiously at the thought, sending inky strands of hair flying in front of his eyes. He could be one of them and he would be. He had seen the other Knights. Nott, Avery, Mulciber... He knew where they were planning to end up. If they had what it took to graduate to Voldemort's inner circle, then so did he. Just because he had a Muggle for a father didn't mean he was less worthy. Either way, Severus told himself, it wasn't as if Voldemort and the Death Eaters were senseless killers. They were fighting for a cause in a war and war meant casualties. What had happened on Helga's Hill was unfortunate, but necessary, or else Voldemort wouldn't have wasted his time. He was cleverer than that. Much cleverer. Severus scowled at himself. If he was ever wanted to succeed in belonging with the elite, he wasn't about to do it by being so weak.

And then there was Lily. Lily complicated everything. It was quite a talent, really. One girl who barely came up to his shoulder was able to muddle his world more than Voldemort and the rest of the wizarding world put together. Just a glimpse of those green eyes was enough to send his world spiraling. Ever since their return to Hogwarts, his world was more jumbled than ever.

At the thought of Lily, Severus instinctively lifted his gaze to steal another peek of the pretty red-haired girl. It wasn't as if he had followed her. So what if he had already known that Lily and her friends often met up in the sunlit patch of the courtyard between classes? That didn't mean anything. He had always been fond of the tree that he was leaning on. It was a decent tree. Tall with leafy branches. He couldn't have cared less that it offered a generous view of Lily. After all, if she didn't want anything to do with him, then that was just fine with him. He didn't want anything to do with her either.

If only he could believe that.

Lily had never acted the way she was acting now. Severus had known that his moment of recklessness would result in damage, that Lily would no longer look at him the same way, but that didn't make it any less painful. It hurt, the way she was acting. It tore his heart whenever he saw her, whenever he _thought_ of her. She never talked to him. She hardly ever looked at him. Unlike him, she didn't seem to be suffering in the slightest. While he was alone the majority of the time, she was always surrounded by others. Those Gryffindor girls and _Lupin_. Severus almost snarled at the mere thought of the werewolf. It wasn't enough that the monster had nearly killed him. He had to steal Lily too.

It was as if he didn't exist.

He had to talk to her, Severus decided, watching as Alice Clarke whispered something in her ear. Before Potions. He didn't think he would be able to stand watching Lily brew concoctions with another, least of all a Gryffindor. Slicing caterpillars while debating whether or not hemlock was a superior replacement for belladonna was something they had done since their earliest days by the river. Severus couldn't lose those idyllic moments. The moments when the only sound was the simmering cauldron and Lily would look over and smile,_ his_ smile, and Severus would know that everything was all right between them.

For once, Severus didn't care who saw or what they thought. He needed those moments and he refused to let them go. With that thought, he stomped across the courtyard toward the huddled group that he had been secretly eyeing, his legs moving rigidly in determination. He saw the surrounding Gryffindors shoot suspicious glances his way, but he didn't flinch.

Alice nudged Lily, who turned around just as he was approaching. As her green eyes widened, Severus was struck by the horrifying realization that this was another mistake. He wavered, having the sudden urge to bolt in the opposite direction, but it was too late. He was already there.

"Lily," Severus said gruffly, the sun beating down from the sky above uncomfortably hot on his neck. "I need to talk to you."

Just then, Lily Evans was impossible to read. She stood very still, a flurry of emotions crossing her face, so fleet that Severus couldn't even decipher one. For a terrible moment, he was certain that she would shake her head. But then, much to his relief, her chin quivered in what he supposed was a nod.

"I'll be right back," Lily glanced over her shoulder with one final look at the Gryffindors. At least the Macdonald girl was absent. Severus didn't think he would be able to stand her giggling. Marlene McKinnon's eyebrows were so high that they nearly collided into her hairline, and Severus made no effort to hide his own dislike, his lips twisting into the beginning of a scowl that faltered only when Lily moved toward him.

As they turned their backs to Lily's friends and made their way across the courtyard, Severus couldn't help but notice that even the way they walked was different. Ordinarily, they walked close enough that their fingers brushed occasionally, but now, there was a substantial distance between them, wide enough that Potter could have come barreling through on his Nimbus One Thousand, leaving both untouched. The gap troubled Severus, but he made no effort to close it. That would be Lily's choice.

"What is this about?" Lily demanded once they were at a safe distance from everyone. The closest ears belonged to a pair of Ravenclaws, who were far too absorbed in a fierce round of Exploding Snap to even glance their way.

Severus bristled, his voice ice to her fire. He hadn't planned out what he would say, but Lily's tone sparked his usual defenses. Grateful for his height advantage, he thrust his shoulders back in a Lucius Malfoy fashion, doing his best to appear composed and in control. "I think you already know."

Lily folded her arms across her chest, unshaken by his coolness. If her assertiveness had been directed to anyone but him, he would have been proud of her, but it was to him, and for that, Severus's eyes narrowed, his facade already threatening to fall.

"No, Severus. I don't know. Do you know why?" She didn't skip a beat. "Because you never tell me _anything_."

She spat out the last word, causing Severus to take a step back in surprise. Lily was angry. He suspected that she had been disgusted with him, but not angry. He could feel the familiar defensiveness surfacing all over again, wanting to lash back, and just then, all his collectedness was forgotten. If anyone had a right to be angry, it was him. Maybe he had kissed her but she was the one who was able to move on so easily and act as if their friendship had never existed. That was worse than anything he had ever done.

Feeling supremely satisfied with his reasoning, Severus pulled himself together. "How am I supposed to tell you anything when you're ignoring me?"

Lily's crossed arms fell to her sides, her jaw dropping with them as she eyed him incredulously. "You started ignoring me first!"

So she had seen him on the platform. Guilt lurched unpleasantly in his stomach and there was a voice in the back of his mind that was telling him that Lily was right, but he couldn't surrender. Not yet. After days of agonizing over Lily, Severus couldn't give in so easily. He decided a change in tactics were in order, hurling another accusation her way. "At least I didn't start hanging around the enemy."

Instead of defending herself or admitting that Severus was the one in the wrong, Lily did neither. She looked at him blankly. "What are you talking about?"

"Lupin," Severus pronounced his name as if it were the world's greatest crime as he lifted his chin almost as a gesture of triumph, just daring her to deny it. "I keep seeing you with him."

"Lupin is a prefect too!" Lily shot back. "I have to do patrols with him, and even if I didn't, he's not my enemy."

That stung. There had been a time when all of his enemies had been hers. But Severus moved ahead, not allowing himself to dwell in his weakness again. There were far more important questions to ask. Far more troubling ones. "And what about Potter? I saw you laughing at his stupid prank."

"Grow up, Sev," Lily said with an irritation that vexed him all the more. She turned away from him, plucking a leaf from an overhanging branch, and began shredding it absentmindedly. "I wasn't laughing at you."

"You were laughing at my House," said Severus with purposeful sharpness. He wouldn't let her distract herself. Not while they were having this talk, the very talk he had dreaded and longed for what felt like eternity.

It worked. What remained of the leaf plummeted to the ground as Lily abruptly swung around, her green eyes flashing in a way that jolted Severus. "I was laughing at Mulciber."

"I don't understand," Severus said shortly, more to himself than Lily as he began wildly pacing back and forth in angry frustration. "I don't understand what happened. I don't understand why you're _befriending_ these people. You _know_ what they did to me."

"Just because you hate them doesn't mean-"

"That's exactly what it means!" Severus shouted, causing Lily to jump back in surprise. He was vaguely aware that the two Ravenclaws had paused their game and were eyeing Lily and him curiously, but he didn't care. They didn't matter. He and Lily did. "I'm your best friend. Not Lupin. Not Potter. When Mulciber called you a Mudblood, I hexed him for you. When Potter wouldn't leave you alone, I hexed him too. I almost got myself _killed_ trying to-"

His voice trailed off, and his face was very white.

"Trying to what?" Lily asked suspiciously once she had recovered.

"Never mind," Severus muttered. All of a sudden, he was overcome by a new flood over hatred. It clawed at his insides, begging to be unleashed. Hate for Dumbledore. Hate for Lupin. Hate for Potter...

"I didn't ask you to do any of those things," Lily interrupted his thoughts, her face hardening into someone he didn't recognize. Severus found that he couldn't look at her just then, and he turned his head away.

"You didn't have to."

That sentence revealed more than Severus had intended, his face the very image of bitterness and desperation intertwined. He hadn't fully comprehended it until that moment, but that was why he was so angry with her. It was always him. He was the one who was always trying. Not Lily. Lily was content with people like McKinnon and Lupin. Something in him longed for the safety of hatred, but he couldn't hate Lily. He could never hate Lily.

His words had left a pause, stifling and strained. Neither witch or wizard could bear to look at each other as two pairs of eyes, one black and one green, darted everywhere but directly at each other. Unconsciously, Severus began to fidget with a frayed thread that was dangling from the sleeve of his robes.

"You ran away, Sev," Lily's voice grew softer. At the unexpected gentleness, Severus let the sleeve drop and met her eyes. No longer was she was a stranger. She was Lily. "You left me for an entire summer without saying anything."

"I said I was leaving, didn't I?" Severus said weakly, but he knew it was a losing argument, as did Lily, who didn't even bother with a response. As they fell into another tense silence, Severus suddenly felt ashamed. No matter what had occurred between them, he shouldn't have left. He didn't even know how he would feel if Lily did the same to him.

"It's my fault," Severus said finally. "I made a mistake."

"Oh," Lily said with an unreadable expression.

She still wasn't speaking to him. Not really.

"I'm sorry, Lily," Severus said, and when she still said nothing, he could feel his voice begin to crack. Never before had he had such a fear that he would lose Lily. She was slipping away. "Lily, please. You're my best friend. What happened didn't change that. At least not for me."

He held his breath as he waited for her response, dreading to hear her contradict him. His world was shuddering violently, the ground underneath his feet threatening to cave in at any moment. If it did, Severus hoped that it would swallow him whole.

"It didn't for me," Lily said finally.

The world stood beautifully still. Severus could feeling himself start to relax. Maybe, just maybe, there was hope for them after all. He only had to make certain that Lily wasn't disgusted by him, that she didn't run away because she was worried about her supposed best friend pouncing on her the moment she let her guard down. Nothing would be worse than Lily believing that he was just another Potter. "I just want things to go back to the way they were."

Once again, Lily's face was inscrutable, and Severus could feel himself beginning to panic. He opened his mouth to speak, just as Lily did.

"I-"

"You-"

Severus could feel himself redden. "Sorry. Go ahead."

"I do too," Lily said simply.

And with her words brought a crushing disappointment and a wave of relief. She wanted to be friends. That was all. Severus knew he should be grateful that Lily was willing to have anything to do with him, and he was, but it did little to alleviate the fresh pain that was gushing from a wound that he feared would never heal.

"But you have to talk to me," Lily said with a firmness that startled him. "No more running away or lying or making excuses. Just the truth. Please?"

It sounded reasonable when she worded like that, but Severus knew it was the impossible. Already, there were so many things that he couldn't tell Lily. For his sake, for her sake, for the sake of their friendship.

"All right," Severus said weakly, knowing that he had no other choice. "The truth."

At that, Lily smiled at him, and that smile almost made him forget the ache in his chest. "Let's meet after dinner, okay? We can catch up. I've...missed you."

"I can't."

The two words caused something to splinter between them all over again, and quickly, Severus caught himself. Lily had said the truth, but the truth wasn't the simple, glorified thing that she made it out to be. It was full of nasty details that no one wanted to hear, least of all Lily.

"Slughorn wants to meet me about tutoring first years," Severus said so easily that he almost believed himself. "It wasn't my idea, of course, but you know how he is."

"Oh," Lily gave him a sympathetic smile. "Well, then tomorrow?"

She believed him. Of course she did. He had promised after all.

"Tomorrow," Severus agreed, somehow feeling worse than he had before.

Lily looked as if she were about to hug him, but to his disappointment, she refrained. "I should go back, but I'll see you in Potions. We're still partners, right?"

_Always_. The word was on Severus's lips, but he couldn't bring himself to say it. The other times they had exchanged that word, everything had felt right and perfect, but just then, it felt anything but. "Right," he said hollowly.

And rather awkwardly, they parted. As she glided away, Severus made no effort to disguise his stare, the slightest of frowns settling on his lips.

He should have felt satisfied over the discussion. Lily had forgiven him and they were friends again. Maybe it was his fault for lying. Maybe it was hers for being so forgiving. But something had happened between them and the words of reconciliation that they had so frequently said to each other, even more frequently as the years went by, were no longer as satisfying as they once had been.

They were empty.

**1975**

Even the classrooms felt different.

Lily couldn't tell whether it was because of Voldemort, or simply because there were now OWLs to consider, but something had changed that year. There was a new tension that made time pass almost unbearably slow. The easy laughter that had once helped the minutes fly by was absent, replaced by the monotonous sound of quills scratching against parchment. The highlight of her afternoon had, sadly, been Peter Pettigrew causing a minor catastrophe by shattering a bottle of acidic ink.

It would be a long year.

Lily rested her chin in her hands, staring off into a distance. She knew she should be scribbling down all the notes she could. Transfiguration tended to be her trickiest subject, and Potter being practically a genius at the subject didn't help matters, but she couldn't muster up the concentration required. Her mind was running through her endlessly long list of tasks she had to do and she was beginning to panic.

There was that essay for Potions, the properties of moonstones. That one would be easy enough. The essay for Astronomy, however, that was another story. How on earth would she manage to write an entire roll of parchment devoted to Jupiter's moons? Especially when her star chart had mysteriously vanished. And then there was the issue of patrols. And Severus. Lily had to fit him in somehow. Especially since they had just made up. She didn't want to risk another fight.

"Miss Evans, would you care to share with the rest of us what is so fascinating about the back of Mr. Potter's head?"

Immediately, Lily bolted upright, her face flushing. She could feel all eyes pinned on her, including a pair that could only belong to a smirking Potter's.

"Don't be embarrassed, Evans. I've always been rather fond of my hair myself."

"A bit of an understatement, mate," Black chortled.

Lupin raised an eyebrow. "Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?"

"I dunno," Pettigrew said, frowning. "James is the one with-"

"When you're finished discussing Potter's hair," McGonagall cut in dryly. "You may divide into pairs and begin practicing."

Lily's cheeks were still warm, but the Marauder jabbering had eased the tension in the classroom and brought a sense of familiarity to replace it. For the first time since the year had begun, class felt normal. Conversation slowly started to trickle throughout the room, eventually gushing into the regular chatter, and Lily began to perk up. It was only when her eyes fell back on the tawny owl in front of her that she slumped back down again.

Alice saw her face and was sympathetic. "You can do it. You already know the theory. All you have to do is concentrate."

"Alice, you've been in the same Transfiguration class as me for the last four years," Lily said patiently. "We both know that this owl isn't going to end up as a pair of opera glasses."

"You're stalling," Alice reached over to pluck Lily's wand and pressed it into her friend's palms. "Just try it."

Reluctantly, Lily's fingers folded around the wand. She eyed it distrustfully. "Fine. But don't blame me if it turns into a Hungarian Horntail."

Before she swished her wand, she was careful to glance towards Potter. After all, she partly blamed him when it came to her trouble in Transfiguration. Perhaps she wasn't a natural at the subject, but in her defense, it was impossible to concentrate when _he_ was there, waving his latest accomplishment proudly in the air that he, of course, had mastered on his first or second attempt. If that wasn't enough, he would suddenly pop over to inspect whatever misshapen catastrophe was on her desk. Maybe he never purposely insulted her work, at least he hadn't since he had gotten over calling her 'Firehead,' but just the knowledge that his hazel eyes were focused intently on her, most likely cooking up some horrible scheme, was enough to rattle Lily.

It was unnerving, it was bewildering, but it was Potter.

He hadn't even picked up his wand yet. He was far too busy in his Marauder huddle. She was close enough to hear snatches of their whispered conversation, but not enough to make any sense of it. From the repeated mention of "parchment," she could only guess that they were plotting to transfigure all the parchment in the castle into Chocolate Frogs. Hopefully she wouldn't be the prefect patrolling when they did so.

Satisfied that Potter's attention was elsewhere, Lily scrutinized the owl in front of her, trying desperately to concentrate, but her mind kept floating elsewhere. There were simply so many things on her mind that she couldn't bring herself to worry about one measly spell. Unenthusiastically, she sliced her wand through the air, wrist turning just as McGonagall had demonstrated. Immediately, what had been an owl was transformed into a pair of ballet slippers.

"Well," Alice said brightly. "At least it's not a Hungarian Horntail."

Lily silently chewed on her lip, still studying the slippers. What did ballet slippers have to do with opera glasses? She certainly hadn't been expecting opera glasses, but she had expected something that wasn't so...wrong.

"It's not that bad," Alice said consolingly and quickly converted the slippers back into a ruffled looking owl. "Your movements were fine. I think you just need to be more positive. Do you want to try again?"

"You can go ahead," Lily said quietly. What was wrong with her? She had to concentrate or she would never finish anything. She willed herself to do so, trying desperately to clear her mind of everything that didn't involve owls and glasses, at least for the next forty minutes.

To her relief, the rest of the hour went by surprisingly smoothly. Lily hadn't succeeded in a pair of opera glasses, but she had managed a magnifying glass, which both she and Alice agreed was a definite improvement, at least until Potter had brandished an exquisitely embellished pair of glasses that impressed even McGonagall. Glancing down at her magnifying glass, Lily had felt queasy all over again.

"I'm worried about her."

Lily followed Alice's gaze, pausing in the middle of stuffing her textbook into her book bag. Mary was hunched over as if she was trying desperately to become invisible, arms firmly crossed. She was, or at least she had been, an avid reader of _Witch Weekly_, with her blond hair always painstakingly arranged to mirror the glamorous witches that lined the pages. Now it hung limply around her tired face as if she hadn't bothered to brush it for days.

"She hasn't been the same since...well, you know..." Alice hesitated.

But Lily didn't waver. Her face clouded over, eyes darkening. "Mulciber."

She had seen him around the castle. He and a number of other Slytherins didn't seem affected by Voldemort's return, at least not in the same way as everyone else was. If anything, there seemed to be a new spring in his step, a new glee in his ever-present sneer. In some sickening way, it was as if he thrived on everyone else's despair.

A chill trickling down her spine at the thought of Mulciber, Lily called out to the petite blonde before she could scurry away. "Mary!"

Resembling a frightened deer more than anything else, Mary instantly jerked around, her face complexion pasty. It was only when she registered Lily's features that she relaxed, though it wasn't enough for the color to return to her cheeks. "Oh. Lily."

She wasn't the Mary she had been before. The Mary who could have been a little too frivolous at times, who smiled constantly and laughed freely, at least when she was finished being shy. But even shy Mary hadn't looked as terrified as this Mary.

Something about her wide-eyed expression made Lily soften her voice. "Do you want to go to the lake with us?" she asked, plastering a much too cheery smile on her face in an effort to make Mary smile back.

She didn't. Instead, the timid girl looked edgier than ever. Looking nervously around the room, Mary shook her head quickly, ducking her head down to avert her eyes from Lily's. "I can't."

"Oh. Well-"

Before Lily could finish, Mary cut her off. "I have to go. I'll see you later?"

She didn't wait for a response. Before Lily could even open her mouth, Mary skittered away. Lily turned to Alice, bewildered. Concern puckered her forehead.

"Has she been this weird with Marlene?"

"Marlene," Alice said dryly as they exited the classroom. "Is too busy with Sirius Black."

"Black?" Lily stopped in her tracks for a moment, instantly ashamed of herself for missing this new development. She had been so wrapped up in her issues with Severus that she had been neglecting her other friends. She had vaguely noticed their absence, course, but hadn't put much thought into it.

"It's not your fault," Alice said as if she had read Lily's mind. "You've had other things to worry about. Speaking of that, were you ever going to tell me what happened with you and Severus?"

Lily felt her stomach knot up at the name. She hadn't told anyone about the kiss, with the exception of the edited version to Petunia, but looking at Alice's warm brown eyes, she wondered if that had been a mistake. The knowledge that Severus thought their kiss was a mistake and regretted was just so...humiliating, but Lily knew that Alice wouldn't tell a soul. It would be nice, for once, to tell someone the whole truth about her friendship with Severus.

But she couldn't.

Admitting she had doubts about their relationship felt disloyal. Even confiding in a person other than Severus felt disloyal. It was as if she was replacing him. Lily knew it sounded unreasonable when she worded it like that, but she already knew how Severus would react if he found out she was confiding to Alice, especially about him. There would be anger and defensiveness, but there would also be hurt, and it was because of that hurt that Lily didn't utter a word.

"There's not much to tell," Lily said finally when it became clear that Alice wasn't willing to drop the matter. "We had a fight."

"Let me guess," Alice hoisted the strap of her book bag up just before it could slide off her shoulder. "He's upset that you're too Gryffindor and you're upset that he's too Slytherin?"

The matter-of-factness in her voice caused Lily to wince. She knew that it hadn't been Alice's intention, but her friend's abridged version had a degree of truth in it, and that was enough to ruffle her. "Have we become that predictable?"

"A little."

"It's different this time," Lily said slowly, weighing each word before she spoke. "It's not just about his friends and mine. I don't think it ever was. It's just that he's not...a talking sort of person, and he's even worse about it here, so naturally..."

Alice didn't say anything. She merely looked at Lily, making Lily feel nervous about her own words.

"So naturally, we argued," Lily finished halfheartedly.

She wished Alice would say something. Lily was already beginning to wonder if she had revealed too much. It wasn't out of loyalty to Severus anymore. For her own sake, Lily didn't want anyone to know how fragile their friendship had become. It had been cracked and mended so many times that exposing all the chips made it seem as if it was beyond repair.

"Can I ask you something?"

Lily disliked that question. Nothing good ever came from that question. It was not only a question itself, but the question that followed it that always led to uncomfortably sticky matters. Worst of all, she couldn't object. No one ever objected to that question, except for perhaps Severus, who would have no trouble at all voicing his scorn.

"Go ahead."

Alice's forehead creased as her eyebrows knit together. She was so obviously trying to find a tactful way to word her question that it was making Lily even more uneasy. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to," Alice hedged.

Absentmindedly, Lily reached for a lock of hair to twirl around her finger before she remembered that it had been cut. Quickly, her fingers flew to her shoulders for a few strands to distract herself as she waited for Alice to continue.

"Do you want to be friends with him because you want to or because it's a habit?"

"Of course I want to be friends with him!" Lily said hotly. The question had caused her to stop walking altogether, nearly causing a gaggle of Ravenclaws to crash into her. Barely digesting their dirty looks, Lily sprang into action, walking more hurriedly than she had before.

"Sorry!" Alice faltered, clearly taken back by Lily's powerful reaction. "I only meant... People do grow apart. I barely speak to my first best friend. It was Rebecca Smythe."

"_Rebecca_?" There was nothing wrong with Rebecca, except for the fact that Lily hadn't seen her and Alice exchange more than a few words in all of their time at Hogwarts. The knowledge bothered Lily more than she cared to admit. When Alice only nodded, Lily scoured her brain, hoping to find something to prove that she and Severus were nothing like Alice and Rebecca.

"Well, it's different," Lily said lamely. "Sev and I are different."

Alice looked far from convinced and Lily couldn't blame her. She could have dropped the argument right then and there, but something inside her refused to let that happen. She couldn't let Alice go on believing that she and Severus had grown apart. Lily didn't understand precisely why it was so important to her or why her eyes were beginning to water. She had to make Alice believe it. She had to believe it.

"He's the one who told me about magic, Alice," Lily started at last, wondering how she could possibly explain her friendship with Severus in the form of words. There was so much to say, so much she couldn't. "We told each other everything. During the summer, we would see each other every day and we could talk for hours. I...lost Petunia because of magic. Sort of. Sev made me realize that I wasn't just a freak."

Her voice had trailed off. Her words sounded shallow, even to her own ears. Lily took a deep breath and tried again. "He thinks he needs me. He pretends he doesn't, but I know he does, and maybe he does need me. The truth is I need him too."

If there was anyone at Hogwarts who would understand, it would be Alice. Alice had always been the insightful one, the empathetic one. But as Lily looked imploringly at Alice, she could tell that the other girl didn't understand in the slightest.

"I hope for your sake that it is different this time," Alice said finally.

"It will be," Lily said with more certainty than she felt. It was better than admitting the truth: that sometimes she felt that her friendship was Severus was like a ticking bomb. Because admitting that meant she would have to think about what would happen when time ran out, and that was the last thing she wanted to do.

The rest of the way to the lake, neither girl said a word.


	76. Chapter 76 The Question

**I can't believe I'm at 806 reviews! Thank you to everyone reading this. **

**Klixxx- Thanks for the review! I listened to the song as I finished this chapter, and I definitely understand the Lily vibe. Thanks for telling me about it.**

**Chapter Seventy-Six- The Question**

**1975**

It was cold.

But Severus didn't dare shiver. Doing so would be a sign of weakness, and weakness was not tolerated by the Knights of Walpurgis. Instead, he clenched his teeth, willing them not to chatter as Wilkes's had done. Ribbons of blood were still streaming from the other Slytherin's temples, and Severus was beginning to count the seconds until he blacked out.

The Room was always a drafty, miserable place when the Knights took over, but this time, it resembled an ice chamber even though the crisp red and gold of autumn had not yet faded. Idly, Severus wondered if the temperature could change with the original user's desire. The self-satisfied curve of Bellatrix's lips told him as much. It didn't surprise him. After all, it was Bellatrix who delighted in creating the most impossible of situations, just so she could punish them for their failures.

From the corner of his eye, Severus could see Wilkes sway as if his knees were about to buckle. Just as Severus thought he would recover, he faltered again, tottering over onto the stony floor with a loud thump. None of the lesser Knights dared to move an inch, much less look down, but Severus just knew that Mulciber was fighting to conceal his mirth.

"As I was saying," Lucius graced Wilkes's crumpled form with a look of pure disdain and nothing more. "Loyalty is essential. Those who are born of tainted blood cannot begin to understand the ties that our kind has formed."

Severus could control his facial movements, but he couldn't keep his heart from beating furiously in his chest in response to Lucius's words. He was tired of the thinly veiled reminders of his birth and the more obvious jabs. He was a Knight, wasn't he? He was just as good as any of them, and he was certainly better than what some of the most celebrated pure blooded couples produced. Namely Sirius Black. Severus nearly sneered at the thought.

"Ties that have been forged since the very beginning of the wizarding world. The Blacks, the Lestranges, the Selywns, the Princes..." Lucius's eyes fell on Severus for a moment, and at the sign of acknowledgment, all of Severus's silent raging came to an end. "And the Malfoys, of course."

Bellatrix sniffed.

"Dumbledore dismisses these ties. He and the blood traitors...they are unable to appreciate what we have because they know they are not worthy. You, however," Lucius paused to study his audience. No longer were their faces devoid of emotion. They were eager, obviously drinking his words as if it was the world's finest pumpkin juice. The corners of his lips just barely curled and there was a gleam in his eyes that reflected his entertainment. It couldn't have lasted more than a fleeting second, but it was enough for Severus to realize that their reaction was everything Lucius had wanted it to be. "You have all proven yourselves worthy of your names. It's certain that Salazar's ambition will serve you well. I don't doubt, that in time, you'll have everything you could possibly desire."

The room no longer felt quite so cold.

"Or you will, at least, if the blood traitors fail," Lucius added as if it were a sudden afterthought, but there was a sharpness in his eyes that contradicted any suggestion of spontaneity. Severus looked away. "You are aware of what is happening? Doyle... Dumbledore... They speak of honor and equality, but in reality, they only want what is rightfully ours. Diagon Alley, Hogsmeade, Hogwarts... There was a time when all of it was ours but now you can't walk in without running into a _Mudblood_. They couldn't care less about what they're doing to our world as long as we are the ones who are powerless. They drag this world down with their filth."

Lucius's words had quickened with contempt, but abruptly, he stopped. The room was silent, tenser than it had been even when Bellatrix's wand had been at Rosier's throat. Lucius had heightened their interest. Before they all would have sided with Voldemort, there was no question about it. Even Avery wasn't that stupid. Favoring him over the eccentric Dumbledore was a duty, but it was just that, a duty. There was no true passion behind it. While some had already felt strongly about the matter, most were merely going along with their parents' beliefs, not thinking twice about it. Lucius's words had stirred something in all of them. No one liked the blood traitors and Muggle-borns, and they certainly didn't want them parading around like they owned the place. Not when it should have been the pure bloods doing all the parading.

Lucius's voice sounded again, but this time, it was a deadly whisper. "But the Dark Lord... He wants to preserve what our families have stood for since the beginning. It's not just about creating a better world. It's about taking back what should be ours."

There was a promise of glory in his words that echoed in their movements, igniting the greed within. Unconsciously, the younger Knights began to straighten up, eyes glinting with new resolution. Mulciber was positively smirking. Severus could practically hear their thoughts processing. Voldemort had generated a widening gap between pure bloods and and Muggle-borns, and while the pure bloods liked reminding the Muggle-borns that they were different, that they were inferior, they liked their prizes even more. Severus was beginning to understand why Voldemort's followers, the mysterious dark cloaked figures that lined the pages of every newspaper in the wizarding world, were so devoted. Voldemort didn't merely want to cleanse the wizarding world of anything he deemed filthy. He wanted power to carve the world into something he saw fitting, and to obtain the power, he struck a nerve with the worthy ones, making them want to support him. They were dedicated because they believed that his way was the only way to the true greatness that they all craved.

Because it was the truth, Severus reflected, his lips tightening. Perhaps other wizards such as Dumbledore had the skills to achieve greatness, but Voldemort was the only one who was strong enough to carry them out. He was the only one with a spine.

"I'll leave you with that thought," Lucius said simply. "You may leave."

Not a word was uttered as the other Knights began to trickle out of the room, slipping into the shadowy darkness of the seventh floor one by one, but Severus remained in place. There had been something appealing in Lucius's speech, something about how he had been included, something about how he was now considered one of the better ones. He wasn't just the son of a miserable Muggle drunk. He was a Prince, a descendant of one of the most prestigious families in wizarding history. The knowledge that a Malfoy had recognized made him stand up just a bit taller, but even so, he was unable to bask in the praise.

It should have been the Helga's Hill incident that was nagging the back of his mind, or perhaps the previous morning's mysterious Muggle massacre at King's Cross that had sent both worlds spiraling into a bewildered panic. If Severus was honest with himself for long enough, those incidents did bother him, but that wasn't what was keeping him from walking out of the room.

It was Lucius's speech.

The words had been pretty enough, but it was the glimmer of satisfaction in Lucius's eyes as his audience nearly salivated before him that bothered Severus, a glimmer that was not unlike a master congratulating his dog for behaving precisely as it was supposed to. There was an amusement in it that Severus was all too familiar with. He saw it in Potter and Black, in the Muggle boys, in his own father, and that was what woke him up from what felt like a very long dream.

The others hadn't noticed, and why would they? They were pure bloods, all from reasonably wealthy and respected homes. They were delusional enough to think that they were significant, that Voldemort would welcome them without question solely because of their birth status. Severus knew them well enough to know that they already had their futures painted out in bright colors and gilded frames. They had drooled over Lucius's words as if they were Pettigrew in Honeydukes, too blinded by glory to realize that they were being mocked to their faces.

Severus wasn't James Potter. He couldn't be won over by just a stroke of his ego, and he certainly hadn't put up with duel after duel for this treatment. It had already been two years, and Severus refused to be ordered around like a house-elf and indulged like a child whenever his superiors felt the need to inspire good behavior. He wouldn't be easily molded into the ideal puppet, not when he wanted to be the one pulling the strings. For him to know if he ever would be, Lucius had to answer just one question. Gritting his teeth with determination, Severus eyed Lucius, willing himself to move forward.

The same instincts that told him to cover his head when Tobias was near were screaming at him to walk away, but it was the instincts that told him to fight back when the Muggle boys mocked him that won. Severus didn't leave the room. Instead, he glanced over at Bellatrix and Rodolphus, relieved to see that they were occupied in what appeared to be a heated discussion, obviously distracted. Just as he looked back at Lucius, the older Slytherin's eyes lifted from Wilkes's still form and saw that Severus was watching him. Giving Wilkes's body a firm kick, he stepped over the nuisance and greeted Severus politely as if he had just spent the last hour hosting a dinner party rather than terrifying his underlings into silence. "You have a question, Severus?"

Severus knew he should have left right then, but he couldn't. He needed that answer. It had been two years, and other than the occasional word of acknowledgment, what had changed? Lucius ordered him around just as he did with the other idiots, Bellatrix still eyed him as if he were scum, and Rodolphus barely registered his existence. The only aspect of his life that had really changed after becoming a Knight was the life that should have been separate from it. Yet those two lives kept colliding, refusing to stay apart. He could barely stay awake in class, he scarcely had time to finish his homework, and he couldn't even have a conversation with his best friend without lying to her.

"Did you know about Helga's Hill?"

The question slipped out before he could stop it, but Severus didn't curse himself. He was too focused on Lucius's reaction. He already knew that Lucius had known about the Helga's Hill plot. He had suspected as much for a while, so the information itself didn't interest him, but the way Lucius would deliver the information did.

Lucius looked only amused.

"I assume anyone with the capability to read knows," Lucius paused. "That requires intelligence so I suppose that leaves out Mudbloods."

The amusement irked Severus even more than it had before, strengthening his resolve. When he spoke again, he was no longer careless, and his black eyes were considerably colder. "I meant before it happened."

Lucius looked at him sharply. "That's a dangerous question to ask, Severus."

Severus only waited.

"Have you ever wanted something, Severus?" Lucius gave a half-smile, but the amusement was gone, his eyes a steely gray once again. His silvery blond hair and sculpted features glowed starkly against the darkness of the room, and the effect should have been angelic, but it reminded Severus of the devil more than anything else. "Of course, you have. You're a half-blood in Slytherin. Half a Prince, but nevertheless, a half-blood. Every day, you're surrounded by pure bloods. Pure bloods with mothers who weren't half as foolish as yours."

Lucius may have been casual in his manner, but Severus was fully aware that he was treading dangerous waters, capable of drowning at any second. That knowledge was what kept him from lashing back. He kept his clenched fists at his sides.

"Yet you're here," Lucius continued, his eyes meeting Severus's for the first time. "You passed the test of the Knights of Walpurgis. There may have been some unpleasant things that you had to do, but you were aware of the outcome that awaited you if you succeeded. Perhaps you haven't realized this, Severus, but life itself is just another test."

And there it was, the answer to Severus's question. In a way, it was honesty, honesty twisted in such a cunning way that it was a far cry from the so-called truths that Dumbledore and the Gryffindors believed to be pure and simple. The answer was there, under layers of derision, recognition, and suggestions of success, and that was just enough to strike a nerve in Severus.

It was just the answer Severus wanted.

"I would advise you to not ask any questions in the near future," Lucius's eyes flickered over to Rodolphus and Bellatrix, but only briefly. His voice lowered. "It will require patience, but some believe that patience is what tests loyalty. Loyalty is what he favors above all. Don't forget that, Severus."

_He_. Lucius had murmured the word so softly that it was just below his breath, but it was enough to send a chill running down Severus's spine. He studied the pure blood in front of him, half-expected to see another look of amusement, but there was something in Lucius's expression that Severus couldn't quite name that made him think that the older boy had been sincere when he expressed hope that they would be friends someday. It made Severus wonder how Lucius had handled being in his situation less than a decade ago. It was almost as if there was a similarity between them, if such a similarity was even possible.

The thought was almost laughable.

"Is that all then?" Lucius's voice returned to its normal volume just as Bellatrix sent a suspicious look their way. If she was searching for anything she could use against him, she would find nothing; Lucius's face was no easier to read than a slab of marble.

Severus gave a curt nod in response, knowing that the conversation was over. Lucius turned away, and he did the same, not wanting to linger in the same room as Bellatrix any longer than absolutely necessary.

It had gone better than he had hoped, Severus decided as he returned to the seventh floor corridor. Lucius hadn't humored him or dismissed him outright. In the end, he had treated him almost as if he were an equal, a friend. Perhaps his words were less pleasant to hear than his earlier speech to the Knights, but they were real, and that was what Severus wanted. He knew by now that reality was an ugly truth, and there was something that told him that the older Slytherin was aware that he would not be fooled, that perhaps reality would not always be so dreary for him if he made all the right choices. That was what made Severus believe him.

As Severus made his way through the seventh floor, he began to contemplate his future plans. He would continue on as he had originally planned, with the Knights. After all, he was right where he needed to be. The meetings provided access to the more powerful pure bloods, and eventually, the most powerful wizard of all, Voldemort.

Voldemort was the better side, the winning side. Severus had every intention of being on the winning side, and there was no place higher than Voldemort's inner circle. He would be one of them someday. Severus just knew it. He didn't care what it took. He would do it. For nearly fifteen years, his life had been a miserable waste, but as far as Severus was concerned, his future would change all that. It would make all his suffering worthwhile.

"Wait, I think I heard something."

Those six words sent Severus reeling back. In his eagerness, he had grown careless on his way back to the dungeons, not bothering with his usual precautions. The word _stupid_ resounding in his head like a foghorn, Severus ducked around the corner in one quick step, not daring to move a muscle until the voice passed. That was when he realized that he recognized the owner of it, and all of a sudden, a rare smile crossed his lips.

Lupin. There had to someone else there, but Severus knew it couldn't have been Potter or Black, because there was no possibility that either of them could have stayed quiet for so long. Pettigrew then. Severus's smile widened as his fingers curled around his wand. Finally, _finally_, he could have a moment of vengeance. Ever since the fourth year full moon disaster, he had been longing to get rid of the bitter taste on his tongue, and now, he had his opportunity at last. Lupin would pay for making Lily believe him, for making Severus lose yet again.

"I'll look. Go ahead to the third floor. I'll meet you there," a new voice said, promptly dashing all over Severus's hopes before his very eyes. He suddenly felt sick to his stomach.

_Lily._

At first, there was outrage that she would be strolling around with the werewolf after curfew, but the thought was quickly replaced by a cold rush of panic when Severus realized that the corner led to a dead end. There was nowhere to hide, not even a tapestry.

His palms were beginning to damp and his wand felt slick in his hands. Lily couldn't find him. If she did, she would ask questions, and Severus didn't have the answers to those questions. Never before had he been in such a horrifying situation. Hours and hours spent with the other Knights were nothing compared to this moment. He was completely and utterly powerless. There was a wand in his hands, but it may as well have been a twig from Spinner's End, for he couldn't use it on Lily.

But what if he didn't have a choice?

His face twisted painfully, revealing every emotion that was at war with his mind. If it was anyone else, there were dozens of spells that he could have chosen, but it wasn't anyone else, it was Lily. Because of that, Severus could do nothing but press himself against the wall and pray that she didn't peer around the corner.

He could hear her footsteps. They were just barely audible, but to his ears, they were deafening. Silently, Severus raised his wand, but even in the shadows, he could see that it was shaking horribly. A second later, he could hear the rustling of her robes. She was closer now. Any moment she would arrive...

Severus stared at the wand in his hand, and before he could change his mind, he lowered it.

The footsteps stopped.

Severus didn't breathe.

She was there. Severus could sense her, just inches away. All of a sudden, he was struck by the strangest urge to fall to his knees. He wanted to give up. What had happened to them? What had happened to _him_? He had almost used magic on the one person who truly cared about him, just to save himself. Only a few years ago, it would have been Lily giggling beside him, and now he was hiding from his best friend because he couldn't face her.

And the footsteps sounded again, but this time, they were growing fainter.

He was safe.

For a while, Severus didn't move. He stayed in the shadows, wand still clutched tightly in his white hands. He should have been relieved that Lily hadn't seen him, but somehow, he felt even worse than he had before.

**1975**

A chorus of books slamming and footsteps racing out the door filled Lily's ears, but she didn't see any of it. Her eyes were on the roll of parchment in front of her, staring at the scarlet lettering that rudely glared back at her. It may as well have been a death sentence, for in all of Lily's time at Hogwarts, she had never received a failing grade.

As the chatter of students began to dwindle, Lily's eyes flickered to the note at the bottom of the page. Her eyes were blurry so she could barely read it, but she didn't have to. She had spent the past hour of class staring at it in disbelief and she knew the precise curl of the handwriting by heart. In Professor McGonagall's tidy script, bright red letters spelled out a firm _see me_ after class.

She was a failure. An absolute and utter failure.

"Do you want me to wait outside?"

Lily barely heard Alice's voice. Not trusting herself to look up, she shook her head, hoping that Alice wouldn't insist on staying. To her relief, her friend didn't protest. A few seconds later, she finally heard the door shut, and she was the only one left.

Feeling as though she was about to face to her own execution, Lily gathered her books and walked to McGonagall's desk, her footsteps heavy. The older witch was still seated, hand moving rapidly as she dipped a slim quill into a pot of ink and scribbled down a note. Making no indication she had heard Lily, Lily began to debate whether she should clear her throat or not, when the professor finally set her quill down and raised her face to meet Lily's.

"Don't be so dramatic, Miss Evans. It may be a failing grade, but I assure you, it will be your last one."

Her no-nonsense manner made Lily feel slightly better, but it wasn't enough for her to keep her fingers from drumming nervously against the spine of a textbook in her arms. "Is there any way I can make it up, Professor? I can redo it or I can do extra credit or-"

"I've arranged for you to have a tutor," McGonagall said briskly just before Lily could become desperate enough to offer her eternal servitude. "Just to review the last chapter with you. It's essential that you master the material because you'll be seeing it again in future chapters."

Lily managed a tiny nod, trying to summon some optimism. She had never needed a tutor before and McGonagall setting one up for her was rather humiliating, but she tried not to dwell on that part. After all, she knew better than anyone that she could benefit from some extra help in Transfiguration.

"I suggest you meet as soon as possible because it's your first OWLs year, and we'll be moving through the book faster than your previous years..."

McGonagall was still speaking but Lily couldn't hear her. All she could do smile weakly while she secretly began to panic at the prospect of moving faster than they already were. It was like Muggle school and math all over again, but at least she had Petunia then. Lily bit her lip. Petunia had actually been the reason why she somewhat understood math. Maybe a tutor would help her after all. Maybe if the one session went well, they could meet again, and she could somehow survive another year of Transfiguration.

"..And I would like for you to strive for an E," McGonagall finished, causing Lily's eyes to widen in alarm. McGonagall, of course, didn't miss it. "Yes, an E, Evans. I know you're capable of it. You are planning to continue to take Transfiguration next year?"

She didn't need a tutor. She needed a miracle. Lily opened her mouth, struggling to find a tactful way to word that no, she would not be taking Transfiguration next year, and on the contrary, she was counting the days until sixth year, when she would never have to worry about hiding her work so a gleeful Potter wouldn't be able to see, but she failed to make out a single word.

McGonagall took her silence as a yes. "You'll need an E then. I've already asked Mr. Potter to assist you-"

"Potter?" Lily choked out in disbelief, not quite trusting her ears. _James Potter_ was supposed to be her miracle? Yes, he was obnoxiously good at Transfiguration, but he didn't even know how use a _hairbrush_. He couldn't be a tutor. Surely McGonagall was mistaken. Surely she wouldn't be that cruel.

McGonagall looked annoyed at the interruption as she peered down the spectacles that were perched on her thin nose. "Yes, Potter. Is there a problem?"

Lily didn't know how she had missed it, but it suddenly became clear that McGonagall hated her. There was no other explanation. Obviously she had never been the best Transfiguration student, but did that really warrant using Potter as a punishment?

"It's Potter," Lily blurted out.

McGonagall stared at her, her eyes unblinking.

Lily shifted her weight uncomfortably as she searched her mind for a more suitable excuse that would appeal to the professor. There was nothing. After four years and almost two months of being her student, Lily knew next to nothing about McGonagall. It was no wonder that she despised her enough to send Potter after her. All Lily knew was that the Head of Gryffindor liked cats, tartan, and Quidditch.

Quidditch.

"And he has Quidditch!" Lily said triumphantly. "I couldn't possibly ask him to give up practice for me. Gryffindor is counting on him, Professor."

"I had no idea that you were such a Quidditch fan, Miss Evans. Your loyalty to the House team is inspiring," McGonagall said dryly. Was it Lily's imagination or were her lips twitching? "But you'll be relieved to know that Potter was delighted to be of service and assured me that it would not interfere with practice."

Lily hugged her books to her chest, already frantic. Of course he would be delighted. Nothing would delight Potter more than a private session of watching her fail. He would most likely manage a new nickname for her too. "But-"

"Potter is an excellent Transfiguration student, Evans. He has managed spells from the seventh year course list, and frankly, he could use the busy work. If he puts Mrs. Norris in another suit of armor, Filch will have both our heads."

Lily's lips parted, so flustered that no words could come out. There were a thousand things that she wanted to say, but none seemed likely to sway McGonagall. She could only stare in shock as the professor's head bent down once more to study her parchment. Without looking up, she held up a tin. "Biscuit?"

Suddenly numb, Lily shook her head. Realizing that the teacher couldn't see her and feeling extremely stupid about it, she managed a faint "No thank you."

"That will be all, Miss Evans," McGonagall's quill began to scratch against the parchment. It was then that Lily realized that the matter had already been decided and that she had no choice but to leave. Despondently, she slowly made her way to the door, feeling as if there was no way that her day could become any worse.

"Chocolate?"

And just like that, it already had. Lily froze mid step, the door to the Transfiguration door creaking noisily as it shut behind her. She didn't know why she was even surprised to see James Potter slouched lazily against a tapestry across the hall, looking as if he owned the castle. Of course he was waiting for her. As if he would ever miss a chance to gloat. As Potter held out a bar of Honeydukes chocolate, Lily eyed it as if it were poisoned. With the way her day was going, it most likely was.

"Where did you get that from?" Lily asked suspiciously. After all, she was the one who had posted the Hogsmeade dates on the Gryffindor noticeboard, and she knew them better than anyone else. The first trip wasn't even until November first.

"Stole it," Potter said casually, unwrapping the chocolate for itself when it became clear that Lily wasn't about to take it. "From a first year. He wouldn't shut up about how his mum sent it to him, so naturally," he paused to take a generous bite. "I nicked it."

"You stole chocolate from a first year," Lily echoed his words, watching Potter devour the chocolate with a look of pure revulsion. She couldn't believe that this was to be her tutor. A chocolate thief who stole from _first years_ who were half his height.

"Don't look at me like that, Evans. He only cried for a little while."

"You're horrible," Lily said flatly, and with that, she moved on. There were only a handful of days that she could tolerate Potter without wanting to rip her hair out, and unfortunately, that day was not one of them. She wanted nothing more than to be by herself and mourn her paper with the package of Bertie Bott's she hopefully still had stashed in her trunk. She tried not to let the fact that she liked peppermint chocolate much better than jelly beans bother her.

To annoyance, she could hear Potter scrambling after her. "For Merlin's sake, I was joking. Evans, slow down!"

Lily stopped, only because she knew he wouldn't leave her alone until she did and he was creating quite the scene. Already, a group of fourth year Slytherin girls were looking at her and Potter coldly, one making a snide comment about Gryffindor barbarity. Lily ignored their whispers and turned to Potter, who was completely oblivious to the tactics of female warfare.

"A joke," Lily repeated coolly.

"Yes, a joke. You do know what a joke is, don't you?" Potter winced when he saw her expression. "Never mind, of course you do. And you have such a lovely sense of humor too."

Lily only stared at him, feeling oddly like McGongall. To her surprise, she realized that if she was McGonagall, then Potter was her. His usual bravado had faltered under the scrutiny of her gaze and he was looking anywhere but directly at her, rubbing the back of his neck as he did so.

"Look, I got it myself. I went to Honeydukes last night-"

"The first Hogsmeade visit isn't until this weekend," Lily cut in, deciding that she quite liked being McGonagall-like if it made Potter squirm.

Potter looked at her incredulously, looking genuinely offended at her words. "Do you honestly think I wait around for official Hogsmeade visits?"

Lily relented. "No, I suppose not."

"Thank you. For a minute I was worried about my reputation," Potter made a show of rumpling his hair in an extremely lazy fashion. To Lily's annoyance, she could see one of the Slytherin girls began to smile before another elbowed her in the ribs. "Anyway, I saved you one. I figured you could use it after I saw your paper-"

"McGonagall showed you my grade?" Lily was affronted, forgetting all about the Slytherin girl.

"'Course not. I looked when she was distracted," Potter said as if it were the most natural thing in the world. For him, it probably was, and that infuriated Lily. He lived entirely in his own world in which he could do no wrong.

"You can't just look at people's grades," Lily informed him. "They're personal."

"I was curious," Potter brushing aside the lecture before it could even begin. "And I brought you back chocolate to cheer you up. Which you didn't thank me for."

"Which you ate in front of me," Lily retorted at once, but her mind wasn't fully paying attention to the conversation. It was still processing the knowledge that Potter knew about her failing paper and still hadn't gloated about it. Even stranger was the realization that he hadn't even brought up his own grade in Transfiguration. It was almost as if there two Potters. The usual obnoxious Potter and the almost decent if not bizarre Potter.

"I have another!" Potter said defensively, rummaging through his pockets at once. For a moment, he looked as if he was about to frown, but his face promptly cleared as he proudly brandished a bar of chocolate. "See? Happy fail day. You like peppermint, right?"

Lily eyed the half melted bar. The foil was torn in the corner and she could already see the chocolate beginning to ooze out, much to her disgust. "No thanks."

Potter looked genuinely disappointed, but before Lily could see it, he recovered and shrugged, slipping the chocolate back into his pocket. "So when do you want to meet?"

For a second, Lily couldn't speak. She had just barely accepted the fact that Potter had put the melting chocolate, ripped foil and all, back in his pocket when she finally registered his words. Meet. For a tutoring session. He had to be joking. It was Potter. There was no possible way that he was taking this seriously, that he actually wanted to make plans to meet in a library full of books when he could be practicing Quidditch or torturing Filch.

"Look," Lily decided to try a different tactic before she found herself in the middle of a Marauder prank. She forced a polite smile, struggling to conceal any murderous urges she might have. "I don't know exactly what McGonagall told you, but this is all just a big mix-up. I don't need to be tutored and you probably misunderstood her. I'm sure there's a first year or two that would love your help but-"

"You are a bloody awful liar, Evans," Potter observed. "This is why you're not a Marauder."

"I suppose the fact that I would rather dunk my head in a cauldron of Stinksap than be one has nothing to do with it."

"Charming, Evans. You've been hanging around Snivelly too much. Soon you'll start forgetting to shower."

Lily shot him a death stare.

"Fine!" Potter held up his hands in defeat. "I'll leave Snivelly out of this if you just give me the benefit of the doubt."

"The benefit of the doubt," Lily echoed skeptically.

"Yeah," Potter said. "You know, a chance to-"

"I know what giving the benefit of the doubt means," Lily snapped more harshly than she had intended.

For the first time, Potter looked genuinely irritated, and for the first time, Lily didn't blame him. "You know, Evans, I didn't plan this. McGonagall asked me to do you a favor. You might not believe it, but I'm trying to help you out."

Lily wasn't quite ready to believe that, but she did feel slightly abashed at her behavior. Perhaps it was all part of an elaborate prank, but he hadn't done anything yet to deserve being snapped at. He had actually been alarmingly nice in his own twisted Potter way. "I'm sorry-"

"Apology accepted," Potter waved a careless hand. "Just give me fifteen minutes. If you still think I'm wasting your time after that, you can tell McGonagall and get yourself a new tutor."

"What's the catch?" Lily was instantly suspicious again.

"For bloody sake, there is no catch!"

"No ulterior motive?"

"Marauder's honor," Potter said solemnly, but his eyes told another story altogether. They were a bright hazel, dancing with the promise of mischief, and already, Lily was wondering if she should run when she still had the chance.

"Why don't I believe you?"

"The benefit of the doubt, Evans," Potter wheedled. "Not that you have much of a choice."

She supposed he was right, especially with McGonagall was involved, and truthfully, she still felt a little guilty over her flare up. Lily slowly twisted a lock around her finger and studied it for a moment, looking up when she felt that she could not stall any longer. "Fine. You win. What about Wednesday?"

Absentmindedly, Potter raked a hand through his hair, his forehead wrinkling. "I can't."

"Thursday?" Lily tried again.

"I can't that day either."

Lily couldn't keep from glaring at him.

"It's not my fault. I can't help it that Filch is incredibly fond of me."

Lily took a deep breath, willing herself to be more patient. Patience would be required for the sake of her sanity. She tried again, trying to sound as composed as she could manage. "Friday then?"

"That's Halloween. What about Saturday?"

"Saturday is Hogsmeade. I was supposed-" Lily stopped when she saw the glint in Potter's eyes. "No. Absolutely not. You're not tutoring me in Hogsmeade."

"What's wrong with Hogsmeade?" Potter said, the very picture of wide-eyed innocence. "We can go to the Three Broomsticks first. Butterbeer is beneficial to the mind. Then we can go to Honeydukes for chocolate because chocolate is also-"

_"We're not going to Hogsmeade!"_

Aware that everyone in the corridor was now staring at them, Lily flushed, not knowing why Potter always managed to make a fool of her, even when he was doing nothing. Turning around so that her back was to the hallway, Lily faced him again. "I gave you three days, Potter. Choose one. Choose Saturday, if you like, but we'll meet at the library like normal people. You do know what normal is, don't you?"

Potter let out a long dramatic sigh, looking extremely pained. "All right, Evans. I'll sacrifice my Saturday Hogsmeade trip for you."

"Like you don't go every weekend as it is."

Potter's grin returned "You know me too well."

He was looking at her. Of course he had looked at her before, but this somehow felt different. His smile was different. For some inexplicable reason, Lily suddenly felt unbearably awkward and she found herself staring at the toes of her shoes. "Just don't get detention," she muttered, not knowing what else to say. It was strangely difficult to talk to Potter when she wasn't lecturing or threatening him.

If Potter noticed the change in her behavior, he didn't show it. His grin only broadened at her words. "I wouldn't dream of depriving you of my presence," he said grandly. With a flourish, he spun around, a new spring in his steps that made Lily think that he must have had too much chocolate. "Nice day, isn't it, Snivellus?"

And with those final words, Potter sauntered off. Lily didn't understand the dread bubbling in her chest or why she whirled around at the name in such a panic. She didn't understand why her heart was beating so rapidly or why she felt the same sickening feeling she had whenever she failed to turn in a homework assignment on time. It was guilt, she realized. But that was ridiculous, she told herself. She had done nothing wrong.

Severus didn't seem to agree. It was written all over his face, which was a mottled red. He had been standing there in perfect earshot, for how long, Lily didn't know, but it had been long enough for him to hear enough. His eyes somehow seemed darker than usual just then, practically sparking as they bored into Lily's bright green gaze.

"That looked cozy," Severus spat out, his face sour.

There was no reason for her to feel guilty. There was no reason why he should be angry. Lily knew it, she really did, but just looking at him made her feel worse. It was then that she realized that it wasn't only guilt that was troubling her. It was the way her arms automatically crossed, the way her chin jutted out defiantly the moment she saw him. She had been preparing herself to argue with him without realizing it. Somewhere along the way, it had become a reflex. The sudden comprehension made her feel even more nauseous, and suddenly, she was overwhelmed by a wave of tiredness.

She didn't want to do this. Not now.

"I'm not in the mood, Sev."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Severus retorted.

"I'm having a really bad day and I don't want to fight with you," Lily explained as patiently as she could, but even to her ears, her voice sounded strained. She knew Severus well enough to know that he wouldn't drop the matter unless he had the answer he was looking for.

"At least you have your Saturday date to look forward to," Severus said curtly.

Lily bristled, but she could feel her cheeks grow hot. There it was again, that horribly awkward feeling between them. She adjusted the books in her arms, doing her best to look busy so she wouldn't have to meet his eyes. "It's not a date. It's a tutoring session that McGonagall insisted on after I failed an essay."

"And I suppose McGonagall picked out Potter to be your tutor."

"As a matter of fact, she did!"

"How convenient."

That did it. Lily's eyes flashed. She didn't want to fight. She hated fighting with him, but she hated the way he had just spoken to her even more. She had heard him use that disparaging tone with other Gryffindors, with every other House but his, and now he was using it with her.

"I'm telling you the truth, Severus, but even if McGonagall didn't ask Potter to tutor me, I still have every right to talk to him."

Severus opened his mouth to respond, but Lily cut him off. The advantage of having the same argument year after year was that she could predict his answers before he even thought them himself. "And don't you dare say I should hate him because you two can't stand each other. You know perfectly well that I despise Mulciber's crowd nearly as much as they despise me and I don't see you avoiding them."

"That's different," Severus managed at last, his voice sounding strangled. "We aren't even friend-"

"Maybe you aren't really friends, but we both know that you're with them a lot more than I'm with Potter," Lily said. Feeling that she had made her point clear, she tried to soften her expression. "Look, Sev, I can't talk about this now. I have three essays and Divination reading to do, not to mention, I have to figure out what I did wrong on this Transfiguration paper. Do you still want to meet at the library tonight?"

She didn't expect him to say yes. In all honesty, part of her wanted him to say no. She had a feeling that he wouldn't forget about Potter for a while, and she had no desire to go to the library and hear about how wretched James Potter was and how he had obviously been hit on the head with a broomstick too many times.

Severus shoved his hands into his robes, suddenly looking awkward. "I can't. That's why I came to find you. ...Slughorn asked me to tutor again."

There was something about the way that his eyes refused to meet hers that made her frown. The image of Severus tutoring first years didn't seem quite right. In fact, none of his behavior seemed normal. It hadn't for a while. He was lying to her. For a moment, Lily was sure of it.

"Who are you tutoring?" she asked as casually as she could.

Severus didn't hesitate. "Timothy Burke."

His eyes met hers again. They were the same coal black as they always had been. They were studying her now, and instantly, Lily felt ashamed of herself. She had read him wrong, something that never used to happen, and what was even worse, she had believed that he was lying to her. Lying to her over tutoring first years. Why on earth would anyone lie about tutoring first years? It was no wonder that she and Severus were fighting all the time when they were so suspicious of one another.

"Oh, that's nice," Lily tried frantically to read his face to see if he knew she had been quizzing him, but his expression was impossible to decipher. Just then, she longed to see the crooked half-smile that had once seemed reserved for her more than anything, but his lips remained firmly pressed together in a flat line.

There was a terrible pause.

"I better go. I'll talk to you later?"

Lily started to touch his arm as she ordinarily would have done, but in the nick of the time, she caught herself. Feeling her face flame once more, she pasted on a bright smile, hoping that he hadn't noticed the moment of awkwardness.

Severus only nodded without looking at her, and Lily moved away, not knowing why her throat was tightening as if she was about to cry.


	77. Chapter 77 Visualization

**Thanks for the reviews! I'm sorry this is so late. I've been so busy and, honestly, not really in a writing mood because I've been worried about a family member who was sick and is just starting to get better.**

**There's an exact quote in here from GOF. You'll most likely know it when you see it, but I feel obligated to make a point of giving credit to JKR for it. **

**This chapter has more James/Lily. There will be more Severus/Lily coming up. I know there hasn't been a lot of them this year, and that's to show that they are drifting apart, but I'm not a horrible person and there will be at least one nice scene between them before the Mudblood incident that's coming up. As of now, the Mudblood scene will take place in a three chapter arc, similarly to the James saving Severus chapters, but I may change it later. **

**SiriusandJames- Thanks for the review! This story will only be told from the perspective of Snape and Lily, but my other story, Hero, will later connect to Always, and it is told by only James, so you'll eventually see his side of the story.**

**Mizamour- Thank you so much for what you said! It means a lot to me and it's reviews like this that inspire me to keep writing, so thank you.**

**Chapter Seventy-Seven- Visualization**

**1975**

There was something oddly different about being the one in disguise. Something better.

Much better.

As Severus stared at the soon to be initiated Knights, he didn't bother to hide a smug little smile, knowing perfectly well that his heavy dark hood guarded his features from view. After all, it had only been a year ago when he had been one of them, small and insignificant. As he continued to drink in their bone-white faces and their feigned bravado, another wave of supreme satisfaction washed over him. There would be no surprises for him this time, no agonizing wait for the unexpected, and that knowledge and the gratification that it brought suddenly made it all worth it.

Regulus was the only soon to be Knight who wasn't huddled over, his fear only a flickering flame just waiting to be extinguished. He may have lacked the height of the others, but he made up for it in pride, standing as straight as he possibly could, not even shrinking when the words began to flow from Lucius's mouth, as smooth as silk and just as slippery. Even the shadows of the Room couldn't disguise the excitement in his bright brown eyes.

Looking at him and then the much taller and much paler Selwyn who stood beside him, Severus suddenly felt proud of the younger Slytherin for one fleeting moment. Regulus was his closest friend after Lily, his only other friend other than Lily, and it was his friend who was the only future Knight who didn't appear to be a a complete and utter embarrassment. With that thought, Severus's self-satisfaction grew. After all, he had played what he felt was an essential role in ensuring that the youngest Black chose the right path instead of the rocky and utterly misguided road that his older brother had trampled all over. It was because of him that Regulus Black had a future.

"You are witnessing the birth of a new era," Lucius was saying. "Whether you're with the select few, the better few, or among the disgraced, there is no escaping it. I am giving you a choice."

From the way he spoke, it was as if he made a generous offer, but they all knew better. There was no choice at all in the matter, regardless of how gilded his words could be.

"You are the ones who have been chosen to aid the better side. Stay with us and you will have a say in the matter. Centuries from now, it will be your names that will be celebrated. You will be honored beyond your wildest dreams. You will play a role in shaping this world." When Lucius stopped, all breathing stopped with him. All eyes were on him, silently pleading him to continue the glorious future he was scripting for them. Instead, his upper lip only curled in distaste. Whether it was from their near drooling mouths or his next words, it was impossible to tell. "Or you could choose to ignore this opportunity. You will be a part of this better world, there is no escaping it, but you'll have no part in its creation, in its greatness. You'll only be answering to it."

A curtain of silence fell over the room, draping it in tension as Lucius abruptly stopped talking. All eyes were on the table that had suddenly materialized with a lazy flick of his pale wrist, the same table that had held the same ancient book that Severus had signed only a year ago. The reflection startled Severus. Had it really only been one year? After all the lies and anxiety, Severus had felt as if he had aged a lifetime.

"Only those who will remain loyal to the cause should bother," Lucius said, his voice barely above his breath but somehow deafening at the same time. "If not, then leave."

There wasn't the faintest of movement in that still room. It was as if there was a sudden fear that even breathing would imply betrayal.

"Excellent," Lucius's thin lips lifted in a barely there smile. "Alexander Wilkes."

The second Wilkes was the much sturdier built brother, despite being one year younger. Severus had never spoken to the other Wilkes, but he had seen him around the Slytherin common room enough to know that he was the brawn of the family while his brother was the brains. Even now, Severus could see that there was little thought behind the Slytherin's movements. The quill was in his heavy fist before his feet had fully reached the table.

"Septimus Flint."

This one wasted even less time than Wilkes had. One moment he was scurrying towards the table with a greedy glint in his eye, the next he was strutting back as if the world had just been handed to him on a silver platter.

In a way, it had been.

Regulus was the final name to be called.

Rather stiffly, he walked to the table, as if he was doing his very best to refrain from bouncing up with glee. His willpower faltered when he saw the quill, and slightly too quickly, he took it. Severus expected to hear the familiar scratching of blood against parchment, but not a sound was heard.

Severus narrowed his eyes. Perhaps it was just the candlelight, but he was almost certain that Regulus's hand was shaking.

It was as if time had stopped, but then the scratching came and Regulus returned to his place, his brown eyes no longer quite so bright.

The initiation continued as if no one had noticed Regulus's hesitation, and perhaps they hadn't, but Severus had, and the information continued to trouble him, even when the initiation ceremony had ended and the Knights were beginning to depart. It was only when he felt a hand on his shoulder that Severus knew that he wasn't the only one bothered.

"Severus. A word?"

A little resentful that he was aware that he was not in the position to say no, Severus nodded tightly, wheeling around with a dreaded slowness. Of course Lucius hadn't missed Regulus's moment of uncertainty. Since he was the one who was asked to keep an eye on Regulus, Severus had a sickening feeling that he would be the one to pay for the young Black's mistake.

Lucius didn't appear furious, but the most frightening thing about him was that he rarely did. He wasn't Rodolphus, nor was he Bellatrix. There was no foghorn warning of incoming rage, and when it did come, it didn't resemble an inferno. He was subtler than that, his wrath easily veiled behind a gracious smile and handshake. Severus had seen him in action. One moment he could be shaking your hand, the next he could be cutting it off.

"I fear Sirius Black's poison is more infectious than I originally believed it to be."

Severus braced himself.

"Look after Regulus, would you?" There was a genuine annoyance that Lucius did not bother to hide. It was a change from his normally too polished veneer. "See that the Gryffindor brat doesn't interfere."

Severus gave a stiff nod. "Is that all?"

"Watch the new ones. They tend to talk too much and times are especially...delicate," Lucius laughed, but it was humorless.

And that was the end of it. Severus could scarcely believe his luck. As he slipped into the seventh floor corridor, he felt the strangest urge to smile. It wasn't a punishment. Far from it. Out of all the Knights, he was the one that Lucius had trusted. In the darkening age of Voldemort, trust was more difficult to find than a vat of unicorn blood, and he, the only half-blood, had earned it.

"Bloody girls. They're mad. All of them."

The grumbling voice was just barely audible, but so very nauseatingly familiar. Severus froze in the middle of the corridor, his eyes wildly darting back and forth before landing on a tapestry of an ancient woodland. He moved a tad too quickly, skidding as he did so, but thankfully, he did not fall. He dived behind the heavy fabric and was immediately greeted by a thick cloud of dust. Quickly, Severus slapped a hand so that it covered his mouth and nostrils, willing himself not to sneeze. Just as he did so, he heard the footsteps of Sirius Black.

It was strange how everything seemed far too loud when he was in hiding. The faintest rustling over his robes, his quickening breaths, his escalating heartbeat... Severus was expecting Black to yank the tapestry back at any moment.

But the moment never came. After hesitating, he stole a peek from behind and caught sight of Black's receding back. He had gone undetected, and Black was still there, alone.

It was a little too perfect.

Severus owed him. Ever since he had nearly cost him his life, ever since the_ first day_, no one deserved a taste of their own medicine more than Sirius Black, except for perhaps Potter. Lucius's orders made justice even more necessary. After all, Black couldn't interfere with Regulus's future if his tongue was cursed off.

If only they were in the Forbidden Forest, Severus's mouth twisting contemptuously at the very thought. Then he could leave Black to the werewolves and see if the Gryffindor was still so quick to defend the beasts in the morning.

Black's footsteps were fading. Severus's wand was ready in his hands. It was now or never.

He needed it to be now.

"_Incarcerous_!"

Immediately, ropes sprang around Black, catching him mid stride and causing him to totter for a few seconds before he spilled over onto the stone with a painful thump. Black craned his neck, and when he saw Severus, the realization that the tables had finally turned sank in. Animosity darkened his features, his normally laughing mouth suddenly cruel. He gritted his teeth as he struggled against his bonds with a renewed effort, paying no mind to the pain it must have caused him as he fought against the rope. He was the picture of wrath, a wild animal captured, deranged and vicious all at once.

He looked like Bellatrix.

"Snivell-"

"_Langlock_. I hear enough of your voice in Potions."

Severus moved towards his target. Taking his time, and feeling immensely pleased with himself as he did so, he finally arrived, looming over Black mockingly as he did so. Being a Knight of Walpurgis filled him with a new power, a new strength. If only Black hadn't cast aside everything that had been handed to him. If he hadn't, perhaps he would have learned that subtlety was more effective than the thoughtless attacks that he and Potter so often pulled. There was no planning, no cunning behind their methods. It was a great show to them, nothing more, with Severus as a victim to boost their stardom.

Suddenly, Severus no longer felt quite so light with victory. Bitterness weighed him down.

"_Densaugeo_."

As he stared down at the unmoving Black, the darting gray eyes mirrored his loathing. Severus should have been ecstatic at the sight. Of course, there was some glee present. It was inevitable, seeing the helpless Black the way he was, his once handsome face deformed by his teeth that were threatening to rival the size of those of a walrus. But whatever glee was there, it failed to match the loathing that churned inside him, the same loathing that never seemed to truly leave him. It was like a terrible poison, contaminating his veins and polluting his mind until there was nothing left but the venom itself.

The realization made Severus all the more determined to return the favor.

He raised his wand.

"_Expelliarmus_!"

Before he could react, a jet of scarlet light sent his wand flying from his hand. Severus's head whipped around just in time to see Potter gaping at Black. Potter the hero, with a nose for glory, never more than a moment away from an opportunity to show the world how _brave_ and _noble_ he was. It was disgustingly predictable.

"Merlin, you look bloody awful," Potter said casually, and then he grinned widely. "Although it's a tad better than what you usually look like."

Black opened his mouth to answer, and when his tongue failed him, he gave what sounded like a strangled half-laugh.

While Potter and Black carried on with their beloved reunion, Severus dove for his wand, but Potter lunged forward and grabbed it just before his fingers could fold over the precious ebony.

"Miss me, Snivelly? Rude of you to invite Sirius and not me. _Diffindo_."

Black's ropes promptly fell apart, but Severus scarcely noticed. His eyes were latched onto his wand. It was in Potter's hand, taunting him.

"Give it to me, Potter, or I'll-"

Potter's hazel eyes flickered with amusement as if it were all some great big joke. "Or you'll...what? Get grease on me?" His laughter was searing. "You're nothing but a slimy git who doesn't even know how to turn on a shower. _Engorgio_."

Instantly, Severus could feel his nose begin to swell. He couldn't move. He just stood there, shaking with pure rage.

"It's not that hard, if you think about it. Step one, step into the shower. Step two, turn the faucet. Step three, use soap. _Furnunculus_."

Potter was still speaking, but Severus couldn't hear him. He only heard the previous day's words ringing in his head, over and over again like a wretched record.

_"You know me too well."_

But Lily didn't know Potter. She didn't know how vile he was and she certainly didn't know that what he was doing at that very moment. When would she even have time to get to know Potter?

As he could feel boils sprouting painfully across his skin, all Severus could see was red. His eyes blazing with malice, he took a step forward and raised his arm in what was meant to be a threatening gesture. Unfortunately, the threat was lost when the weight of his nose became too much for him to bear, and he found himself forced to hold it up with both hands.

"I don't know why you're being so dramatic, Snivelly. I see no difference." Potter glanced at Black who was wildly pointing, whether it was his teeth or tongue, it was difficult to tell. "Right. I think it's time to visit dear old Pomfrey."

Severus opened his mouth, but nothing legible came out. Only a string of furious sounding babbling. He saw their laughter in their eyes, and that laughter was scorching. No doubt they would walk away with their heads held high, and in the morning, all of Hogwarts would know that Potter and Black had humiliated him once again.

And if Dumbledore heard, well, that would make no difference. The ancient wizard would manage to twist their actions around to the point that they were not only acceptable, but praiseworthy. He would claim that it was House pride or something equally as nauseating so that they would earn some shiny prize, or at the very least, points for Gryffindor.

It was disgusting, but it was Potter and Black.

He hated them for strutting around the halls as if the stones had been especially set down for them, for being worshipped for their idiocy and arrogance, for being all the more idiotic and arrogant because of it, for being friends again as if it was the simplest thing in the world, and most of all, Severus hated them for existing.

As the weight of his nose grew heavier, his knees wobbled, and Potter and Black evidently decided that they had grown bored with their entertainment.

"Goodnight, Snivellus!" Potter said, and carelessly, he tossed Severus's wand over his shoulder. It clattered behind him. Potter then left, a cackling Black beside him as if Severus had done nothing to him because there was nothing Severus could to do him. He was impenetrable and could not be scarred, not the way Severus had been.

And then it was just Severus, standing in the corridor, alone with his hate and an oversized nose.

**1975**

He was there early.

He wasn't supposed to be there early. He wasn't supposed to show up at all. He was supposed to be emptying his pockets at Zonko's and stuffing his mouth at Honeydukes.

There was something terribly wrong about James Potter willingly being at the library on a Saturday afternoon.

Yet there he was, books and parchment neatly spread out all around him. It was as if he had thought ahead and took the time to contemplate what they might need for a successful tutoring session, which was even stranger than him being in the library in the first place.

Her eyes widening at the sight of the extra quills, all tidily lined up in a row according to color, Lily's teeth tugged at her lower lip uncertainly as her gaze shifted to Potter. He was the image of the ideal student, utterly captivated by a rather thick book. As he read, Lily couldn't help but notice the strangest little details about him. She saw how he casually rested the side of his head in his palm, how his fingers absentmindedly raked through his dark hair as his eyes devoured the words, how his glasses had slid down his thin nose until they threatened to fall onto the yellowed page, how he was so absorbed that he didn't push them back up or even seem to notice...

It was just Lily's luck that he chose that particular moment to look up, his rumpled hair even more rumpled than usual. Hazel eyes met green, both pairs unusually wide, Potter startled to see her staring, and Lily flustered at being caught.

"Evans. Nice to see you showed up," Potter said, recovering almost instantly, sounding what Lily could only describe as nonchalant. Before Lily could open her mouth, his head bent down as he returned to studying the page in front of him.

Feeling extremely rattled, Lily slid a chair out, wincing as it loudly squeaked against the wood floor. She didn't know what she dreaded more, Madam Pince running out or Potter looking up. Potter, she decided immediately. Madam Pince, in the worst scenario, would only murder her. Potter would meet her eyes and then there would be that unsettling awkwardness that followed.

Lily could handle Potter. She had spent the last five years surviving what could only be politely referred to as antics. She knew precisely what to say when his head was too swollen for his broomstick, and she knew precisely how to threaten him when she caught him convincing first years that the key to escaping detention was to hug Filch because he was really only a kindly old man beneath his stony exterior.

But this Potter was an entirely different story. She didn't know how to speak to a studious Potter, a serious Potter. It was disconcerting.

"I didn't expect this," Lily finally said, nodding towards the heaps of books and parchment that surrounded them. Her eyes suddenly grew round as she spotted a stack of index cards, her mouth dry. Had he made _flashcards_? Having only brought her textbook and wand, she felt horribly unprepared.

"Hm?" Potter lifted his head from his hand, his arm dropping onto his newly turned page. When he saw where her gaze was directed, his forehead creased. "Oh, that. That was here when I got here."

Lily gawked at him, not quite digesting what she had just heard.

"I reckon it belongs to that kid over there," Potter gestured at a tiny Slytherin who was watching them rather timidly. Once he saw Potter pointing, he quickly leapt behind a bookcase. "Unless I have something on my face and he thinks it's funny."

"You _stole_ his table?"

"It's the best table in the library. One of a kind view," Potter gave a careless wave of his hand towards the massive window to the side of the table before he slipped his glasses back into their proper place. Automatically, Lily's head turned to follow his gesture, and at the sight of the manicured green, the glinting hoops, she sputtered.

"The _Quidditch pitch_?"

"And what would you prefer? A field of flowers?" Potter bristled.

This was the Potter she could speak to, the Potter she would never run out of things to say to. "That would be an improvement," Lily fired back. "A Quidditch pitch? Honestly."

Potter still looked quite affronted by her tone. His hazel eyes narrowed as he folded his arms across his chest. "Don't insult my field."

"Your field?" Lily's eyes landed on the book that he had been so avidly studying. Now that his arm had moved, she could see that the pages were not filled with text as she had assumed they would be, not unless you counted a miniature caption below the pictures of Quidditch players zooming about on rather ancient broomsticks. Now she was outraged. "That's not even a Transfiguration book!"

Potter glanced down at the book and back at her, his lips forming an ironic little smile. "Well observed, Evans. It's not a Transfiguration book. I'm beginning to wonder why you need a tutor."

"Oh, shut up, Potter," Lily said furiously, more furious at herself for not having anything more clever to respond with. She could feel her cheeks heating up from an unfortunate mixture of embarrassment and anger.

"You break my heart, Evans," Potter made a dramatic show of clasping his chest. He then reached over to pluck a quill from the row, not even seeming to notice how his hand jostled into the surrounding ones, promptly scattering the once orderly line. He twirled the quill between his fingers, his hazel eyes sparkling with what Lily suspected was amusement. "Now do you want to master the art of Transfiguration or not?"

She was reaching her Potter limit. There wasn't much more she could take. Panic was rising in her throat. Her last chance had been Potter. _Potter_. She hadn't quite realized it until that moment, but she had actually believed that there was a chance, as slim as it was, that he could, or rather, would help her.

"I'm beginning to think 'not'," Lily said icily. "Did you even give any thought to this at all?"

Her voice had come out harsher than she had intended, but instead of being offended, Potter lifted a finger, looking suspiciously pleased. "That, my dear Evans, is exactly your problem. You think too much."

There were a million retorts she could have made to that, but Lily forced herself to keep them to herself. The tiny flame of hope sparked once more. Potter irked her, yes, but he was also, inexplicably, a Transfiguration mastermind, not that she would ever confess that to him. If anyone could think of a miraculous solution, it would be the boy who managed to transfigure Mrs. Norris into a rat in his third year. "And what do you suggest I do?"

"Close your eyes," Potter instructed.

Already, her doubt was returning. Reluctantly, Lily obeyed, keeping her eyelids open just a fraction. After all, she didn't trust Potter even with her eyes wide open.

"Clear your mind."

"Mind cleared," Lily lied.

"Visualize."

There was a pause. When Potter didn't continue, Lily frowned, unable to disguise her impatience. "And then what?"

"That's it."

"_That's it_?" Lily's eyes flew open as she exploded, revealing emerald sparks of fire. "You're telling me that the only advice you have is to close my eyes, clear my mind, and _visualize_?"

"Well, yeah," Potter said, backing his chair away as discreetly as he could as if he was in the presence of a madwoman. It was then that Lily realized that she had jumped to her feet in the midst of her wrath.

"This isn't funny, Potter," Lily reluctantly sat back down. She could feel herself becoming dangerously close to tears, hysteria bubbling up all over again, about to boil over in what she already knew would be a humiliating display. "This isn't one of your stupid jokes. This is my Transfiguration grade. If I don't learn this, I'll never be able to learn the new material, and if I don't learn the new material, I'll fail. I'll be stuck in fifth year Transfiguration for...for..." Lily searched her mind for what seemed like an appropriate amount of time. "Forever."

She thought that she had disguised the tremor in her voice, but Potter, who had begun to look nervous in the beginning of her outburst, looking positively alarmed by the time she had finished, nearly out of breath. "Hang on," he mumbled as he fiddled through his pockets.

If he pulled out a Fanged Frisbee, she would kill him.

"There!" Potter said with a note of triumph as he retrieved a squashed piece of parchment. He smoothed it out on the table in front of them. "Do you see this?"

Lily furrowed her brow, her eyes shifting to Potter and back to what appeared to be a perfectly ordinary, perfectly blank square. "...It's a piece of parchment."

"It _looks_ like a piece of parchment," Potter corrected her. "But you have no idea what mischief it's capable of."

Lily stared at him. "Right."

Potter's eyes lifted over her shoulder, momentarily distracted. Lily glanced over toward the direction and felt an enormous wave of relief fall over her when she spotted what had seized his attention. Finally, a voice of reason. Lupin would help preserve her sanity, and hopefully, make some sense out of whatever stunt Potter was trying to pull.

Potter nodded him over. Once Lupin was close enough for Lily to inspect him, she was glad to see that there was a little color in his ghostly complexion. Even the dark circles that constantly haunted his eyes seemed somewhat erased. It was a considerable improvement from when she had last seen him.

"Hi, Remus," Lily said, trying to mask the extent of her gratefulness for his appearance. "Feeling better?"

"Much," Lupin seemed genuinely pleased that she had asked, though slightly embarrassed, his eyes averting hers for a moment before returning to meet her gaze. "I'm sorry about canceling patrols."

"Don't worry about it," Lily couldn't help but smile at him despite Potter's presence. "I'm just glad that you're okay."

Potter cleared his throat.

"Oh!" Lupin looked momentarily sheepish. "I didn't mean to interrupt. I just needed to pick something up from James."

"It's right here," Potter told him importantly as he took great care in refolding the parchment that he had shown Lily. Once it was a neat little square, he held it out to Lupin, who took it and tucked it into his robes with an equal amount of caution.

Lily stared at both of them.

"Something the matter, Evans?" Potter cocked an eyebrow.

"You came all this way for a piece of parchment?" Lily asked Lupin, purposely ignoring Potter. "A blank piece of parchment?"

"Well, Moony here has obviously mastered the art of visualization," Potter grinned before Lupin could reply.

That was the final straw for Lily. She had wasted enough time, time she didn't have. She took her unopened textbook into her arms as she rose to her feet. "Goodbye, Potter. Remus."

"Wait, where are you going?" Potter sounded baffled.

"To study. McGonagall will expect me to learn all of this by Monday's class and you obviously aren't taking this seriously," Lily said frostily. She tried to catch Lupin's eye so he would know that she wasn't irritated with him, but he was studying a nearby bookshelf a little too intently, obviously pretending that he wasn't about to witness a scene.

"Evans, come on."

Lily spun on her heel, dark red hair spiraling around her.

"Evans!"

She walked a little louder than necessary, frustration seeping into every step. It was her fault, really. She had been foolish enough to think that maybe, just maybe, Potter would be willing to be serious. But that was fine. She had met with Potter and that would satisfy McGonagall. She could teach herself everything. All she had to do was read the book, work out the wandwork, and focus. It wouldn't be that difficult.

Three hours later, Lily found that it was just that difficult.

As she sat on her bed, she stared at her textbook in defeat. She truly was that hopeless. Three hours. One hundred and twenty minutes. And she had made no progress whatsoever.

Lily didn't understand it. It was all there. She had followed the instructions, word by word, and she was absolutely certain that she was doing everything correctly. Gnashing her teeth, she reviewed the directions again, even checking her wrist to make sure that it was held in the precise way as the illustration. It was.

She glared at the bottle of perfume that was propped up on the pages, willing it to turn into a hummingbird. Hurling it across the room was sounding more appealing by the minute, but she had secretly borrowed it from Marlene's side of the room, and she wasn't willing to wreck her friend's possessions, regardless of how annoyed she was with her constant swooning over Sirius Black, or the even more disturbing fact that their dormitory now boasted a picture of him on the left of Marlene's four poster.

Feeling pathetic, Lily drew her knees to her chest and rummaged through her mind, hoping to think of someone who might be able to help her. Her first thought was Severus. Things hadn't been quite the same between them, ever since that horrible summer day, but underneath it all, they were still best friends, weren't they? Lily was certain that Severus would be willing to help her, and he had always had a knack for helping her in her trickier subjects.

Then her face fell. She hadn't seen him all day. They hadn't even run into each other at breakfast.

Her next thought was Alice, but Alice was finally making progress with Frank Longbottom, and the two were going to Hogsmeade together. Along with a circle of friends, but all the same, it was definite progress. Lily didn't know when she would be back, but she didn't have time to wait, nor did she want to ruin Alice's happy aftermath glow.

Nearly everyone would be at Hogsmeade, Lily reflected. Potter and Lupin were the only ones she had seen in her year that hadn't. It was safe to say that Lupin hadn't felt up to it; his face had still been rather gray, improvement or not, but Potter... Potter had no reason to stay, other than to help her.

Lily's knees flopped down as she readjusted herself into a crisscrossed position. She straightened her back, head held high like she was in that torturous ballet class with Petunia again.

_Close your eyes._

Lily shut her eyes, wand readily poised.

_Clear your mind._

That one was a bit trickier. There were simply too many thoughts swirling around in her head at once, and the photograph of Black grinning roguishly from across the room certainly wasn't helping matters. After a few minutes of struggling, Lily felt reasonably confident that her mind was as clear as it would ever be.

_Visualize._

A perfume bottle being smashed against the wall was awfully inviting... Frowning, Lily pushed the thought away and emptied her mind once again, all except for a perfume bottle. She saw it perfectly in her mind, crystalline bottle, vivid violet liquid that looked rather poisonous, sticky sweet floral fumes leaking from the bottle...

And then she saw it being transformed into a hummingbird. In a split second, it stopped being a perfume bottle and it was transfigured into a tiny winged creature, its feathers a shimmering emerald even in the yellowed dormitory lighting. Automatically, Lily sliced her wand through the air in a zigzagging motion.

There was the sound of wings fluttering and Lily opened her eyes.

And then she screamed.

She instantly regretted doing so. The hummingbird that had been hovering less than a quarter inch from her nose immediately zoomed towards the wall farthest from her.

"Sorry," Lily apologized even though she felt rather ridiculous speaking to a newly transfigured hummingbird. "I just hadn't expected it to work. My Transfiguration spells never work."

And then it hit her.

It had worked. She had done it. She wouldn't fail Transfiguration. She wouldn't have to repeat fifth year Transfiguration.

And it was because of Potter.

More than mystified by this information, the tiniest of smiles fought its way to Lily's lips.


	78. Chapter 78 Padfoot

**Thank you so much for all the reviews! I've had over 100 new ones since the last chapter which is definitely a record. A few of you mentioned that most of you were in the same class, so thank you to that class! I'll try to answer all of your questions/concerns, but it may be a little confusing because the majority of you are guests under the name 'Guest' or 'Anonymous'. I'm sorry if I accidentally skipped your question. If I did, feel free to ask it again. A lot of you mentioned that you are liking James for the first time and that makes me so happy because I'm really trying to show why Lily chose him in the end. **

**Two notes about this chapter-**

**1. I'm not sure if dogs are allowed at Hogwarts, with the exception of Fang, but since they aren't mentioned in the letter and we never see any students with dogs, I decided to go with that theory. **

**2. I feel obligated to mention that Lily's perspective includes a shameless reference to Atonement. I sometimes name characters after characters in books I like and when I remembered I named Mrs. Evans Briony, I was inspired to write the first part. **

**sparklyscrunchies- Thanks for the review and for letting me know about the typos! I considered the idea of James planning out the lesson, but in the end, it felt like it was too soon for him. Right now, I feel like he's in the stage that he doesn't really understand what Lily wants but thinks getting her attention is the best way to get him to like her, even though it hasn't been working for the last five years, which is why he acts the way he does in the Mudblood scene. I'm planning to have a James/Lily confrontation after that scene that will make him more...aware. As for the Slytherin kid, I probably should have had Lily gone back. I started to make it that way at first, but the scene was turning out a different way than I originally planned it to be, so I went back and made him disappear from view so Lily could be more easily distracted by Potter. I'm not convinced that she would be so easily distracted, so I may fix that when I go back to edit. **

**PLH- Thanks for the review! It's nice to know that people like this story enough to keep checking for updates! Severus does notice James and Lily a little in this chapter and there will be more hints of it, but I'm focusing on building it up for the future. What you've seen of his jealousy is almost nonexistent compared to year six and especially year seven. His jealousy is a major part of his story during those years. He's already a darker character, but it's nothing compared to what he will be, especially once he becomes a Death Eater. While writing, I've been trying to show that Severus is not a reasonable person. He has a way of twisting reality in a way that everyone else is to blame, and jealousy of Lily/James is part of that and is part of the foundation for the hate that drives him to become a Death Eater, or at least it is in his eyes. Though I think jealousy really does play a role in that, I feel that, most of all, it is bitterness with himself for losing Lily, mainly because his worst memory is not of Lily romantically involved with James, but losing Lily's friendship. Unfortunately for Severus, he won't be able to admit that to himself for a while. **

**Sunaya- Thanks for the review! I love knowing that this is a story that people can actually stay up all night reading because I love books that made me do that. You're in luck, there is a Sirius scene in this chapter. Well, sort of. **

**Sirius27- Thanks for the review! You will definitely see James/Lily's first kiss. Sirius running away from home will be mentioned briefly, as will his motorbike. There will be more of a focus on that in Abomination. There will also be an Amortentia chapter and you'll know what Severus and Lily both smell. There will also be a Patronus chapter that will involve Severus, Lily, and James. I don't want to ruin it so I won't say anything else. **

**Anonymous- Thanks for the review! This story will be canon. Lily will end up with James, Lily and James will die, and Severus will be miserable. **

**Laura- Thanks for the review! Petunia has a good memory so it's safe to say that she'll remember some of Lily's words when she finally meets James, especially since she'll be hearing more about James. **

**Love- Thanks for the review! When starting this story, I planned it out for a while and made a lot of notes, an outline, and a timeline. Unfortunately, I lost those notes but I made a weak version. If I'm unsure of something, I'll usually look it up in the HP wiki. **

**Anonymous- Thanks for the review! I'm not positive that there will be a Rosmerta/James/Sirius scene in this fanfic, but I'm guessing I'll probably have at least one once Lily becomes closer to the Marauders. **

**Anonymous- Thanks for the review! The doe is not a JKR fact. I don't remember what she said, but I remember trying to search her interviews when I first started this story to make sure that it didn't clash with anything. In my version, Lily's Patronus is a doe, not just because of Severus, but because it's a happy childhood memory of a time when everything was simple before she was forced her to grow up and realize that people, even best friends, change. Severus's is a doe because his only happy memories are of Lily. His worst memory was the day he lost Lily, so I wanted his best memory to be of the day that he chose her. James and Lily are more complicated so I'll try to explain my version the best I can. Severus's Patronus is a doe because, in the end, his love for Lily is all he is has. It makes sense that his Patronus depends on hers. I feel like Lily and James, however, are…healthier people. Their happiness doesn't depend on one person. Even after she falls in love with James, Lily's life doesn't revolve around his and James's doesn't revolve around Lily's. I don't want Lily to have a doe for a Patronus just because James has a stag, and vice versa. I want her to have her doe for her own reasons, and I want James to have his stag for his own reasons as well, and I want those reasons to eventually complement each other. Their Patronuses represent them, and I want their complementing Patronuses to be evidence that, in spite of their differences, they have traits that tie them together and balance each other out. That was really long, sorry, but hopefully that clears it up. **

**Anonymous- Thanks for the review! Petunia did say that Lily turned teacups into rats, and maybe I will add a scene in the future. I'm not sure how seriously to take her words though because she was upset when she said them and it wouldn't make sense for Lily to do so every summer, especially when she is underage. **

**Anonymous- Thanks for the review! While I do want to write some of the same scenes for Always, Abomination, and Hero, I'm mostly saving that for the important ones that involve the main characters, or else it would be too repetitive. The Howler was in Abomination and it will be in Hero, and putting it in Always seems like it would be a little too much. I don't have Abomination and Hero planned out like I do with Always, but I'm planning to have a lot of new scenes, some with Lily and Severus.**

**Anonymous- Thanks for the review! I think Lily's blush in the Mudblood scene is open to interpretation, but I always got the impression that it was because of Severus looking at her, not an implication of her feelings for James. I just looked it up on online because I'm too lazy to search through my book, so I apologize if the quote is inaccurate, but it says : "'I'm just trying to show you they're not as wonderful as everyone seems to think they are.' The intensity of his gaze made her blush." It says that his gaze made her blush, but because he was talking about the Marauders, I suppose you could argue that his gaze made her blush because she secretly thinks James isn't as horrible as she says he is and they both know it. Personally, I don't think it necessarily implies her feelings for Severus, but I think it implies that, on some level, she is aware that Severus feels something for her and she knows that's why he is so obsessed with showing her that James and the Marauders are horrible, and she is embarrassed and uncomfortable because she doesn't know how to handle it. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I've often wondered why Lupin never mentioned Lily/Severus's friendship to Harry. Just because it's Lupin, I think he felt that it was not his place to say. I think he knows that Snape wouldn't want Harry to know and I think, regardless of their differences, he would respect that wish. I know he mentioned Snape's jealousy of James's Quidditch skills which Snape obviously wouldn't want Harry to know, but that just seems less significant. Telling Harry that Snape and Lily were best friends and Snape was in love with his mother is another level altogether. I don't think Sirius would feel the same, and he never told Harry, so honestly, I don't know. It's possible that Dumbledore asked them not to tell and it's also possible that they didn't want to bring it up because Lily/Severus's history is connected with their own, and it doesn't exactly reveal their finest moments. **

**Santana- Thanks for the review! There will be more Slughorn/Lily, there is an upcoming scene with them that will strengthen their relationship. Right now, Lily is just Slughorn's favorite student, but I want to make Lily more significant to him. I don't want to say it will be like a father/daughter relationship because it won't be quite that deep. I would say stronger than McGonagall/Harry but not quite on a Dumbledore/Harry level. It was only Lily, or the reminder of Lily, that was able to get Slughorn give up his memory, so in my opinion, it is Lily and Lily's son that make Slughorn choose to fight at last. Like you said, he's such a self preservationist and in order for him to overcome those instincts, it needs to be something powerful. I want Lily to be the one to originally inspire that idea to be brave in Slughorn, and if I show it in this fanfic, I want Harry to sort of make it happen because he failed to do so when Lily was still alive. **

**Sunaya- Thanks for the review! I don't remember what I said before, but I remember being more nervous about the James/Lily scenes because so many people feel so strongly about that couple, whether it's for them or against them, and it's challenging to do them justice. I favor Severus/Lily a little just because I love writing the darker moments and it comes more naturally to me, but I also love the challenge of James/Lily and I do have fun with their conversations. Even if I hated writing them, which I don't at all, there would be substantial James/Lily scenes because I want this story to be about Lily too, not just about Severus, and James is a huge part of her story. I'm still not sure how much of their relationship I will show after Hogwarts, or Severus's relationship with the Death Eaters for that matter, but the important scenes will be there. James and Lily won't date until year seven, but I suppose you could call year seven the year of James and Lily because there will be a lot of James in Lily's perspective. I want to show how James finally grew up and how Lily fell in love with him and why she chose him in the end. **

**Sunaya- Thanks for the review! I haven't really mentioned Regulus's feelings about James, but you'll see more about that eventually. The Regulus/Sirius story is not over, and in some ways, it will connect to Regulus's friendship with Severus. After he becomes a Death Eater, you'll see him grow up a lot. I'll explore this more in Abomination, but Sirius still sees Regulus as a brother. He may not want to, but that is why the reason why he is so…upset/unreasonable/angry/etc when it comes to Regulus. As for the map, it was definitely finished after they became Animagi because their nicknames are on the cover, and both happened during fifth year. It's more Marauder business rather than Lily/Severus so I haven't focused on it, but I wanted to make little references to it. This chapter has a not so subtle reference. If you're asking this because I showed the map before I showed their Animagi forms, it is not necessarily the order that they occurred in, but the order than Lily and Severus are revealed to them. This may not be right, I should really look it up again, but in my mind, I see the Marauders starting their map and working on becoming Animagi at the same time, but the map not being completely finished for some time after, but they add to it and perfect it as they go. **

**Sunaya- Thanks for the review! There will be a few Lily/Snape interactions after Hogwarts. I'm not saying they're going to meet for drinks at the Three Broomsticks, but it's a war and they're on opposing sides, so there's bound to be a conflict. **

**SeverusSnape- Thanks for the review! A huge part of this story is explaining your concern: how could Lily possibly go out with James, the very boy who made her best friend miserable? I'm not saying you'll love James, but I hope by the time I finish this story, you'll be able to understand why Lily was able to. Yes, James does start the scene that ends their friendship, but I wouldn't say he is a huge reason why Lily and Severus stopped being friends. Severus may see it that way, but they drifted apart, and the fact that Severus called Lily a Mudblood shows how much they drifted. In this story, at least, they have different backgrounds and different ideas of right and wrong, and as they grow up, they're forced to face their differences. I'm not saying Lily is innocent because she's not, she has her flaws, but Severus isn't just the tormented best friend. He has his flaws too, and it's because of their flaws that their friendship falls apart. They're just too blinded in different ways, and I think if they had been honest with each other and themselves, there is a chance that they could have remained friends. **

**Jenna- Thanks for the review and for recommending this to your class! Amortentia will be mentioned in sixth year. During Harry's years, there will be a lot of references to JKR's books that you'll see from Snape's perspective. **

**Jenna- Thanks for the review! He's already had one girlfriend that Lily knows about, but yes, there will be more after fifth year. The relationship between James and Lily will change a lot after she confronts him after the Mudblood scene. I haven't decided if he'll find out about the Lily/Severus kiss yet. **

**Nina- Thanks for the review! Lily will date more, at least once she and Severus are no longer friends. JKR did say she was popular like Ginny and boys will ask her out, though that doesn't mean she'll actually go out with as many as Ginny did. I want her to have at least one semi serious boyfriend/crush before James that does not include Severus or Christopher. **

**Lily- Thanks for the reviews! There will be at least one scene with McGonagall snapping at Pettigrew. I wouldn't say James would automatically be part of the Slug Club, though it is likely, just because Draco is a Malfoy and he wasn't. **

**Lily- Thanks for the reviews! I never officially decided what Christopher was to Alicia Spinnet, but I guess I would say uncle. **

**Anonymous- Thanks for the review! It is unlikely that Lily also gave Slughorn a bezoar, but it was a shameless HP allusion that I couldn't resist. **

**Phoenix- Thanks for the review! I'm sorry, I tried before, I'm absolutely horrible at predicting my future updates. Whenever I think I'll have time to write, something happens, or I won't be inspired at all. I haven't been updating my profile or tumblr, so I can try to do that more and let everyone know of my progress. **

**Tia- Thanks for the review! I know a mirror will be make an appearance, but I don't know if I'll actually show Sirius and James using the mirrors in detention in this story. In Hero and Abomination, definitely. James and Lily will both lose their parents, and that will affect them both, James particularly. **

**J- Thanks for the review! Bellatrix was born in 1951 according to the family tree that JKR drew. That means she would have started Hogwarts in 1962 or 1963, depending if she was born after September. Sirius starts in 1971, which means according to those numbers, she was not at Hogwarts. Sirius, however, mentioned that the Lestranges "a married couple" were part of Severus's gang of Slytherins at Hogwarts. People have said that JKR has made conflicting timelines before, I don't know for sure because I never looked up all the dates and compared them, but it's understandable if she did make a mistake. I chose to follow Sirius's words rather than a number that can get easily confused, especially since that number is mentioned outside of the books, because following the books is my priority. **

**J- Thanks for the review! I have not forgotten career advice and I'm strangely excited to write it just because I loved that chapter in OOTP. There will definitely be a career advice chapter in Hero but I want to work in a mention of James's meeting in this story.**

**Perfect- Thanks for the review! Andromeda was born sometime between 1951-1955. I agree it is weird (and awkward) that Lupin went to school at the same time, but as he was younger and in a different House, I doubt they saw each other often.**

**Guest- Thanks for the review! Severus may be oblivious sometimes, but he's smart enough to know that Lily wouldn't find hexing an unsuspecting first year that impressive, so yes, he currently avoids hexing others when she is around. That may change after fifth year. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I think it's safe to say that James would never willingly step foot into Madam Puddifoot's unless there was something inside to motivate him. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I don't remember what I said before about the Marauders' feelings towards Lily. Like you said, I agree Sirius would have thought she was pretty and I do think it is possible that Lupin may have had a crush on her in their early years, just because of the person she is. I read that JKR said that he did not compete for her and that's what makes me think it is possible that he did have a small crush, just because JKR avoided the question and worded it so carefully instead of flat out rejecting the idea. If he did, I definitely don't think it was anything close to what James and Severus felt. I think it would be more of a oh she's pretty and nice, I kind of like her sort of thing, at least until he realized the extent of James's feelings. I think James made himself pretty clear before any real crush could develop. Again, this is just my opinion. I have no idea what goes in the mind of JKR. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I was considering writing a one shot or a small collection from Regulus's perspective, but I won't until I get some serious work done on my current fanfics.**

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I told another reviewer something similar above and rambled for way too long about it so I'll summarize- Lily is currently Slughorn's favorite student but she's not as close to him as she will be in the future. I don't want to ruin it completely, but Severus's tutoring lie will not be forgotten.**

**Chapter Seventy-Eight- Padfoot**

**1975**

Severus had never quite acknowledged the power behind words until the rise of Voldemort.

He had known how potent a spell could be, and how a contract could be even more so, but he had underestimated the ability of the press. He had always thought they were an unfortunate collection of ragtag vultures, their sharpened claws latching onto even the smallest scrap of a story with fierce determination until it was something jolting, something captivating, and most of the time, something that was an utter waste of parchment.

Severus still did, of course. How could he not? The headlines varied from questionable to absolutely absurd. One day, Voldemort was supposedly responsible for the death of a ninety-five year-old Ministry official, the next he was spotted purchasing a Nimbus in Diagon Alley. There was nothing solid about their articles, except for the numbers, and the wizarding world had become such a spiraling turmoil overnight that the numbers of disappearances and deaths were often unreliable, only furthering the madness. No one seemed to notice that those numbers would decline and rise in every other article. They only seemed to see what those numbers represented, and then they would panic.

But it wasn't even the power of chaos that caught Severus off guard. It was the power of allurement. He had always seen reporters as clumsy idiots, but their take on war was giving him an entirely new appreciation for the way they could twist and twine their words until they crafted something glorious from a mess of blood and horror. Even he had to admit that the enormous photograph plastered over the cover of the _Daily Prophet_ was a rather glamorous one. Taken at some event of some sort, four figures representing three of the most prestigious families were captured together, the essence of refinement and authority. Lucius and Narcissa stood together in icy perfection, a perfect contrast to the dark beauty of Rodolphus and Bellatrix.

_The Future Faces of the Pure Blood Promoters: Proud of their Family or Tied to You-Know-Who?_

The title should have instigated horror, and perhaps it did at the other tables, but all anyone in Slytherin could talk about was the fact that four recently graduated students were all over the most popular newspaper in the wizarding world. Severus had scoffed at them at first, but the more they spoke, the less he scorned them. It was when Regulus brought up a very good point that he stopped sneering altogether.

"That could be us all over the _Daily Prophet_ someday, right, Severus?" Regulus said eagerly as he followed Severus from the table, brandishing the newspaper in the older boy's face so frantically it was as if he was trying to swat away a possessed fly. "Don't you think?"

Beneath his curtains of dark hair, Severus's eyebrows lifted, but only slightly.

"I've been in the _Daily Prophet_ before but only mentions and stuff in captions. And that's just when I'm with my family so it doesn't count. I want to be important for just being me."

He was unrecognizable from the boy who had paused before signing his name in a blood contract, whose hand had trembled the entire time. His hands still shook, but this time, it was from pure excitement. Severus glanced down at the younger Slytherin, and seeing how certain his brown eyes were, Severus could feel a flicker of interest in his declaration. He didn't show it.

"The _Daily Prophet_ speculating about your ties with the enemy isn't supposed to be a good thing, Regulus," Severus told him coolly.

"Oh, I already know Cissa and Lucius are furious, but I don't see why," Regulus shrugged, unabashed. "The _Daily Prophet_ speculates everything now. Tomorrow it will be the driver of the Knight Bus. Either way, it doesn't matter. Everything Lucius said is coming true."

"Which part?" Severus said dryly.

If Regulus picked up on his lack of enthusiasm, he didn't show it. "About being honored. Once this is over, everyone will know that he was one of the main people involved. Maybe he'll be the new Minister of Magic. Maybe_ I'll_ be Minister of Magic one day. Do you think there's a chance?" He looked at Severus hopefully.

"Maybe if you ever learn to keep your mouth shut."

"You're beginning to sound like my brother," Regulus muttered, and at Severus's dark look, he hastily amended his words. "Only before breakfast. He's not a morning person."

"I gathered that much," Severus said tightly. "I have to go to Potions now."

Regulus looked startled by his abruptness, but then brushed it away, evidently accustomed to the curt tones of Severus Snape. "I'll see you later then. Bye, Severus."

Severus didn't respond.

It wasn't Regulus's fault that he had brought up Sirius Black. It had been weeks since a Ravenclaw prefect had found him in the corridor in all of his grotesque glory, and Severus still wasn't quite over it. The fact that Madam Pomfrey hadn't been able to fix Black's tongue without his assistance had lifted the bitter taste from his mouth, but only until she had told him rather firmly that she wouldn't be against carrying him to Dumbledore's office if necessary. Severus already knew how that story would end. He had lived it once and had no desire to do so again.

It had been Black who had laughed in the end. Black, who laughed at him in every class they shared, who mimicked holding an enormous invisible nose every time he saw him. Black, who he would see in only a few minutes. Gritting his teeth, Severus heaved the door to the Potions dungeon open, and it swung with an ominous creak.

He was gratified and sickened to see that Lily was there early as well, a feeling that accompanied him nearly every time he saw her now. It was only when she lifted her head to smile at him that the pleasure took over, bringing the lightest of warmth to his face, until his heartbeat returned to its regular rate and the nauseating sensation became noticeable once more.

"We're working on the Draught of Peace today," Lily informed him, wide eyes peering at him expectantly as she rested her chin in her hands. It was the same look he had seen so often, yet something wasn't quite right. And there it was. Hidden in the depths of emerald green was a glimmer of uncertainty, uncertainty that was caused by him.

Severus swallowed and he quickly busied himself with unpacking his book bag. Ripping his gaze away her eyes was as difficult and painful as a Muggle bandage. "Fascinating."

"Drop the bored act, Sev. I know you're even more excited than I am. I saw you scribbling all over the page in the last class."

He couldn't talk to her. He couldn't even look at her. At the same time, he couldn't help talking to her, and he certainly couldn't help looking at her. When he looked at her, he didn't see Lily Evans. He saw every precise detail and when he drank it in, he couldn't stop. He was fascinated by the tilt of her head, the curve of her cheek, the slant of her nose, the sweep of her eyelashes, and the warmth in her clear green eyes when she looked at him and smiled, _his_ smile, the smile that was somehow still there after everything they had been through.

She was somehow managing to act as though everything was fine between them, but to Severus, it wasn't fine. On the surface, they appeared to be the same pair they had always been: a skinny dark-haired boy and a laughing green-eyed girl. But underneath the light words and the pretty smiles, the ground between them was still trembling, threatening to collapse beneath their feet, and preparing to swamp them in its darkness once it sank.

Severus wondered if Lily was feeling the same desperation he was, the same desperation that occurred when one was about to drown and was painfully aware of it, of the truth. That there would be no rescue, no hope, that there was only the excruciating wait. He wanted to ignore the quaking ground, the excruciating wait, the knowledge that someday there would be an inevitable moment when they would have to be honest, something Severus didn't even know anymore, something that he didn't want to know. When he looked at her, he no longer saw the pretty girl who had accepted him in spite of what he was. He was reminded of the ugly boy who had become too greedy and tried to steal what he couldn't have.

Her.

It would be easier to walk away, to ignore her altogether, to forget the truth, that something that had once been so perfect was forever tarnished. But he couldn't walk away. He needed her too much.

"Sev?"

Severus lifted his eyes from the table to see those almond shaped eyes watching him. The pain was worth it, just to see her looking at him that way. In spite of himself, he gave a crooked half smile.

"You're right," he admitted. "I am."

Their eyes met, and for the first time that day, Severus didn't look away. He held onto her gaze as if it were all he had left in the world.

Thankfully, Slughorn interrupted, ending the moment and returning Severus's sanity. Abruptly, he dumped his quill into his pot of ink, paying no mind to the splatters that now flecked his parchment. He didn't understand what had just occurred or how he had let it occur or why he was fighting to keep a tiny grin from his lips, but he couldn't allow it. He couldn't afford to be weak and dwell on what he had done that day in the clearing because then he would never be able to focus on his future, and a golden future wasn't just for him, he told himself. It was for him and Lily because if there was any way that Lily would look at him with the same admiration she had when he first told her about Hogwarts, it would be by being someone better than who he was now.

"Five points to anyone who can tell me the telltale scent of the Draught of Peace?" Slughorn's voice boomed, forcing Severus to focus. He would be fine if he just managed to set his mind on the subject. After all, he couldn't ruin Potions. There was a process involved, logic in every step, from stirring the cauldron to measuring the proper amount of belladonna. Everything had a reason.

Unfortunately, when it came to him and Lily, there was very little that could be explained by reason.

Lily's hand shot up before Slughorn had even finished the question. The professor lit up, but before he could call on his prized student, Black interrupted, not even bothering to raise his hand.

"Ask Snape, Professor," his face showing only angelic innocence. "He has a nose for Potions."

Potter snorted and Black elbowed him in the ribs. The display went unnoticed by Slughorn who eyed a seething Severus and gave a jolly laugh, blind to the Slytherin's murderous glare. "So he does! Do you have the answer, Severus?"

"Lavender," Severus said between clenched teeth. "And the occasional mint."

"Well done!" Slughorn clapped his plump hands together. "Five points to Slytherin."

But Severus wasn't willing to give up without a fight. Not again. "Why don't you ask Lupin what the most significant ingredient is, Professor? I'm sure he's well acquainted with this Potion given his stressful nights."

From the corner of his eye, he saw Lily's eyes narrow at him, but he barely registered it. All he noticed was that Black was no longer quite so smug. In fact, he looked furious, as did Potter. Even Pettigrew had his arms crossed, the picture of fierce loyalty.

"Mr. Lupin?" Slughorn asked, completely oblivious to the commotion that was unfolding before him.

Lupin was huddled over in his seat, but when Slughorn said his name, he straightened up and looked at Severus calmly, not a trace of resentment to be seen. "Moonstone," he said steadily. "Powdered moonstone."

"Excellent," Slughorn's round stomach quivered with his glee, the shiny brass buttons of his waistcoat threatening to pop off as he turned, narrowly missing Mary Macdonald's cauldron as he did so. "Five points to Gryffindor."

He spoke for another few minutes, but Severus didn't listen. He was still fuming. Not from Black, but Lupin. Black's cruel reminder was nearly forgotten, but Lupin's simple answer still burned into his mind, refusing to cool. Black and Potter at least acted as terrible as they were, but Lupin...Lupin just sat by as if he had done nothing wrong, unruffled by Severus's words.

But Lupin had something wrong. He was a monster. A _werewolf_ who had nearly killed him. He wasn't innocent and he had no right to pretend to be, to sit in that classroom and act as if Severus's words had no effect on him.

As they began to work, Severus could feel his anger seep into his movements, boiling hot in his veins. He measured everything as painstakingly as he usually did, but when he used his knife, he used more force than necessary. His noisy thuds caused a few wary students to back away, but he didn't even notice, dumping his carefully measured out powdered moonstone into the cauldron.

"You're going to ruin your draught if you keep that up," Lily observed.

"I won't."

He couldn't talk to her. Not when he was like this. Mechanically, he stirred the cauldron, his eyes never leaving the viridescent liquid.

"Are you ever going to tell me what you have against Lupin?"

Severus's stomach clenched at the very name. "I already did. You didn't believe it."

"I don't," Lily acknowledged. "But you hated him before that."

"I hated all of them." _And you did too_, he added silently.

"Can't you just ignore them?"

"Don't you have a potion to be working on?"

"Why, am I bothering you?"

His eyes made the mistake of darting up, and silently, he cursed himself. He opened his mouth to tell her that he needed quiet, he needed to concentrate, anything but the truth, that even when he was furious at her, even when she was at her very worst, he would have gladly taken that rather than having her not at all. But when he found himself looking in those curious eyes, he found that he couldn't lie.

"No."

Lily's lips turned up in a faint smile. For the second time that day, he found himself starting to smile back, but just then, their fingers brushed against each other as they both reached for syrup of hellebore. It was electrifying and it was horrible. As if he had been burned, Severus's hand shot back. It was then that he noticed Lily's face and he couldn't quite read it.

"As I was saying," Lily continued, her voice a pitch higher than it had been before. He could hear the thick liquid being sloshed around as she stirred her potion. "Can't you ignore them? This isn't going to end if you keep retaliating."

"Worried about Lupin?" Severus kept his eyes locked on his own cauldron, a new tightness in his chest. "Or is it Potter now? He is your Transfiguration tutor, after all."

"_Was_ my Transfiguration tutor. You know perfectly well that I haven't met him for tutoring since."

"Hm."

"You're being extremely quiet today," Lily said after it became clear that Severus wasn't about to contribute any further to the subject.

"And you're being unbearably loud."

When Lily didn't respond, Severus nervously looked up, dreading the sound of her silence. She had always been the one who had been able to decipher the fine line between his true and false sneers. A year ago, she would have known, but this year had become more complicated.

But the second he looked up, Lily blew some sort of powder at him, her palm cupped just below her lips. It clouded his mind and burned his nostrils, promptly causing him to sneeze.

"I told you, Sev," she said, calmly capping a vial just before she set it down next to him. "Retaliation never ends the war."

Severus couldn't have answered her, even if he hadn't been sneezing. He managed to glance down at the pristine powder and widened his eyes slightly. She had managed to create an admittedly less powerful but still effective sneezing powder in under two minutes.

And as she walked over to present her vial to Slughorn, Severus could only stare after her, utterly mesmerized.

**1975**

One of Briony Evans's most prized possessions had been a vase.

It hadn't been a Ming or even a Nymphenburg, but to Lily's mother, it had been priceless. After all, it had been passed down from mother to daughter for generations. Lily distinctly remembered Briony showing her and Petunia the painted porcelain, fondly telling them that when she was a young girl, she liked to imagine her predecessors admiring the same vase.

When Lily was seven years old, she had broken it.

Petunia had helped her glue together the pieces, or rather Petunia had glued together the pieces while a young Lily had tearfully watched, but in spite of Petunia's meticulousness, the vase had never been the same. The cracks were still visible, and though she remembered her mother comfortingly stroking her hair, she remembered the sadness in her eyes even more clearly. After all, having a vase that was almost the same was not the same thing at all. And while no one dared uttered the words aloud, all three of them knew it.

Her friendship with Severus reminded Lily of that vase.

Whenever Lily dared to think that maybe, just maybe, things were returning normal, something happened to remind her that the cracks were still there, that though their friendship could be put back together, the cracks would never be erased. When that reminder occurred, Lily would feel as queasy as she did the day she watched in horror as chips of porcelain shattered over the floor.

It was the incident in Potions class that still bothered her, even days later. It had been the slightest brushing of her hand against Severus's, something so small that it was almost comical. Yet Lily couldn't erase the horror on Severus's face when it had occurred, the immediate recoil. It had taken her back to the day that they had shared that kiss, the terrible kiss that had started everything.

Lily hated this. She hated overanalyzing every detail, details that she wouldn't have even noticed a few years ago. She missed being able to carelessly throw her arms around Severus whenever the urge struck instead of being overly cautious of her every motion. She felt absurd, like she belonged in one of those hopeless articles in _Witch Weekly_. Instead of being disappointed that Severus was becoming even busier with his tutoring, Lily actually found herself relieved because being away from Severus was safer than being in his presence.

Lily hugged her arms to her chest as she studied the smooth surface of the lake. The weather was nicer than it had been for weeks, the sun lifting the grays from the sky and coloring them over in a palette of cheery blues. She wasn't the only one outside that day, but from what she could see, she was the only one who wasn't enjoying it. She was the only one alone, and the realization made Lily feel strangely lonely.

There was a familiar laugh that suddenly caught her attention. Lily shifted her gaze from the lake to an enormous beech tree where Potter lurked, along with Lupin, Pettigrew, a handful of girls, and...a dog? Lily blinked at the large black creature, not quite absorbing what met her eyes. She blinked again. There was no denying it: it was a dog and a very cheerful looking dog, as its tail wagged furiously with the attention of a flock of squealing girls. Curiously, Lily moved closer.

"What a gorgeous dog!"

"What's its name?"

"Is it a he or a she?"

At this, the dog gave what sounded like an extremely indignant bark. Potter and Pettigrew seemed to find this hilarious as they doubled over laughing, and even Lupin snorted. Just as Potter opened his mouth to speak, his hazel eyes landed on Lily, who instantly flushed at being caught obviously eavesdropping. But Potter easily skipped over any awkwardness and brightened at the sight of her.

"Evans! Over here!"

That was usually a sign for Lily to run far, far away, but this time, she went to him. She had done her best in avoiding Potter since their tutoring session as she still felt extremely embarrassed over what turned out to be a mortifying mistake. After all, as far as she was concerned, it was the first time in her history with Potter that she had been the one to make a mistake, and the knowledge nagged on her whenever she saw him.

It was time, Lily decided, to apologize. Once she did, their slates would be cleared, and they would be free to continue on their separate ways. Until Potter created some catastrophe, as he usually did. Then she would have no choice but to intervene. Even though she couldn't quite admit it to herself, a part of her sort of missed intervening.

Potter's eyes widened a fraction at her lack of argument, but he recovered by the time she had approached him, his grin widening. The other girls, three Gryffindors, two Ravenclaws, and an odd Hufflepuff, all glared at Lily in equal dislike.

Suddenly extremely aware that her presence was unwanted, Lily focused her attention to the dog at her feet. Its black hair was shaggy, but in the sun, it shone like bright silk. "I didn't know you had a dog."

"Meet Padfoot," James nodded down at the dog.

"James rescued a stray," a Gryffindor Chaser, Isabella Thorne, gushed as she peered over at Potter with wide doe eyes.

Lily was startled by the information. Potter didn't seem like the type to take in stray dogs. "That was nice of you," she said, kneeling down to give Padfoot a pat. As a lover of animals, she had always wanted a pet, but Petunia had claimed allergies. She glanced up at Potter as her fingers slid through the dark hair. "I've always wanted a dog. He's adorable."

To her surprise, Potter looked quite panicked by her words. Immediately, he began to sputter, shaking his head furiously as he did so. "Him? No. Not adorable. He has fleas."

At that, the crowd of girls quickly began to back away. Padfoot clearly wasn't having any of it, and he growled at Potter, earning a laugh from Lily.

"Evidently he's clever too," Lily had barely finished uttering the words when Padfoot promptly leapt onto her robes and licked her the cheek. She nearly fell over from the impact, but she didn't care, nor did she noticed the muddy paw prints that now sullied her robes. For the first time in days, she was living in the moment, _enjoying_ the moment, without thoughts of Severus weighing her down.

"Enough of that!" Potter said a little too loudly as Lupin and Pettigrew both burst out laughing. He tried to grab Padfoot, but the dog easily slipped through his arms, and leapt around to face him in one swift motion. Potter glared at him and Padfoot responded with a taunting bark, tail still swishing.

"Moony, if you catch him, I'll do your Muggle Studies essay."

Lupin gave him a disbelieving look. "Is that supposed to convince me?"

"Wormtail, if you-"

"You're on your own, mate," Pettigrew was still chuckling.

"_Wormtail_?" Lily interrupted incredulously.

"What?" Potter said defensively, looking suspiciously wide-eyed and innocent. "He likes it."

Lily glanced at Pettigrew to see his reaction, and strangely enough, he seemed to stand up just a bit taller than he had been before. In fact, he seemed more certain of himself than Lily had ever seen him, though the tips of his ears were tinged red. When he saw Lily's dubious face, he jumped in. "It's a, ah, family nickname."

"Only we're allowed to call him that because he's like family," Potter explained, not taking his eyes off Pettigrew. "And because you're family, Wormtail, it would be very brotherly of you to take Padfoot for a walk."

"We're already outside," Pettigrew said, and then suddenly, realization seemed to sink in. He blinked, glancing at the dog rather uncertainly and then back at Lupin. "Oh. Right. Moony?"

Sometimes Lily wondered if Lupin was truly a Marauder, taking in account that he was actually normal, but the glint that appeared in his light brown eyes just now erased any doubts. It was a knowing glint, mischievous and bright, something that only a Marauder could possess.

"I might as well," Lupin said slowly, his gaze falling to Potter. "Like James said, it's the brotherly thing to do, and since he feels so strongly about family, then I suppose he won't object to cleaning the dormitory for the rest of us. Right, _Prongs_?"

Lily had heard only one word. "_Prongs_?"

"It's another family nickname," Lupin said solemnly, but Lily could have sworn that he was fighting to keep a smile at bay. "A reference to his more diabolical qualities. So, what will it be, James?"

Potter gave a careless shrug of his shoulders. "Fine," he said a little too agreeably. "The dormitory will be cleaned."

"And you will do the cleaning?" Lupin didn't hesitate, choosing his words with obvious care. His sharp gaze reminded Lily a bit of McGonagall, and even she almost started to squirm. "Not the house elves, not first years, and not the Quidditch team?"

Lily had thought these precautions were rather ridiculous, even for Potter, until she saw his petulant face and to her disbelief, she realized that he had been seriously planning to do just that. He looked like a child just then, a sulky child who had been caught redhanded.

A child with a foul mouth, Lily quickly amended. Potter was swearing under his breath. Padfoot, whose ears had been twitching during the entire conversation as if he had been listening, suddenly let out a strange bark that almost sounded like laughter.

"Merlin," Potter glared at Lupin. "You're worse than my mum."

"She told me your stories. Maybe Lily would like to hear some-"

"Fine!" Potter cut him off hastily, instantly piquing Lily's curiosity. "I'll clean the dormitory by myself."

Lupin eyed him for a long moment and shook his head to himself. "I'll believe it when I see it."

Padfoot gave a bark of agreement.

"Oh, shut it, Padfoot," Potter muttered. "Or I'll have McKinnon dog-sit you."

Clearly, the dog didn't like that, his ears flattening with a snarl. Lily was just about to demand to know what precisely was wrong with Marlene, but Padfoot distracted her with an excited bark as something new caught his attention. Lily looked around, expecting to see another animal or perhaps someone with food, but all she saw was a group of sixth year girls. A moment later, he was tearing after them.

"This is going to be a long day," Lupin mumbled as he set out on a half-hearted jog to follow the dog. Trailing behind was Pettigrew, looking even more reluctant.

"So, Evans," Potter said casually, causing Lily's head to whip back. She had nearly forgotten he was there. "How about Hogsmeade tonight?"

"I'm a _prefect_. I'm not going to sneak out to go to Hogsmeade with you," Lily said with fresh annoyance, and seeing his lips part, she added hastily. "Not that I would even if it were an official visit. Anyway, don't you have cleaning to do?"

Potter was unperturbed by her words. "Not tonight."

"You just said you would," Lily pointed out exasperatedly, though the source of her displeasure was at the sudden gust of wind that blew strands of dark red hair over her face. As she brushed them away from her eyes, she could see Potter watching her, looking amused, whether it was from her hair ordeal or the prospect of cleaning, she couldn't say.

"No, I didn't."

"You said you would clean the dormitory. Yourself. Not the house elves, not the Quidditch team, and not the first years."

"Yeah," Potter agreed, and at that, a devilish grin quirked on his lips so easily that Lily had the impression that he had holding it back for quite some time. "But I didn't say when."

Lily gaped at him.

"Unfortunately for Remus, he forgot to set a deadline. The way I see it," Potter gave a thoughtful pause as he ruffled his hair. It was a lazier motion than usual, but the effect was the same. He looked as though he had a nasty run-in with a hurricane. "I have the rest of my life to clean the dormitory. Maybe I'll have an urge to do so in ten, maybe twenty years."

"You're horrible," Lily was shaking her head, but to her horror, she found a tiny smile beginning to surface. She shook her head a little more firmly, but the motion was no longer directed at Potter, but to herself.

"Horribly brilliant?" Potter suggested hopefully.

"Horrible," Lily confirmed. She glanced over at Padfoot again, who was victoriously escaping the clutches of Lupin and Pettigrew. It seemed as if he was putting on a show for the sixth years, his twists and turns increasing with the squeals of the girls. "How will you hide him? If McGonagall finds out, she's going to murder you."

"Concerned about me, Evans?" Potter grinned at her. The sun was shining on his face, and for the first time, Lily noticed that his eyes had flecks of gold.

"No," Lily said flatly. "Just your dog."

Potter winced.

"But you won't tell on me."

It wasn't a question.

"No," Lily said after a while. "I won't."

She needed to hear the answer aloud because it was the same question she had asked herself the second she had seen the dog. She was a prefect and he was Potter. The logical response, the sane response would have been to go straight to a professor, but she hadn't, and if she was being entirely honest with herself, she had never seriously considered it. She just didn't know why.

Her answer had quashed their easy banter because whatever was between them just then, as inexplicable as it was, it went deeper than insults and hexes, jokes and threats. The safety of all those things was gone, leaving both uncomfortably exposed. As a silence unfolded between them, Potter fiddled with his glasses and Lily suddenly found her feet to be strangely fascinating.

"You-"

"I-"

They had spoken the same time. Immediately, Lily flushed and looked away, not seeing that Potter was looking, for the briefest of moments, just as uncertain.

"Sorry," Potter said, running a hand through his hair again though it lacked his usual flair. It didn't make his hair stick out all over as his fingers ordinarily did. Instead, he almost seemed to be nervously flattening it down, but this was Potter, and the Potter that Lily knew was never nervous.

Words were stuck in Lily's throat and she found that she couldn't say anything at all.

"I just wanted to say," Potter started when she didn't speak. He paused, clearing his throat. "You did well in Transfiguration today."

Lily waited for a punchline to follow, but it didn't come. She dared to steal a look at his face, and surprisingly enough, he looked as though he meant it. There was no hint of teasing in his expression, only an awkward sincerity. The realization that Potter could be nice, even after what she had done, made her feel worse than ever.

"Thanks."

She was such a coward.

She didn't want to be. She refused to be. She was Lily Evans. She had faced a beast in the Forbidden Forest, braved Mulciber and his gang of Slytherins, and had survived Transfiguration. She could tell Potter the truth, and if she didn't work up the nerve now, she never would be able to.

"Not just for saying that," she added quickly, studying her toe as she made circles with it. "But for tutoring me. I thought you were just joking around..."

"I know," Potter said. "You told me that to my face. Very loudly."

His voice was as casual as if he was discussing the weather. Lily looked up again, feeling her cheeks heat up as she did so. He was looking right back at her, unwavering. "Right. Sorry about that. But what you said really helped me, so...thanks for that."

There. She had done it. She was no longer a coward. Yet there was no great sense of relief. She was still there, feeling hopelessly clumsy and trapped, and not quite understanding why. This was the same boy who had tormented her with obnoxious nicknames and jinxed baked goods, the same boy she had never had any trouble fighting back. Now she could barely complete a proper sentence around him.

"You're welcome."

Potter was smiling to himself. It was the same cocky smile he wore whenever he won a Quidditch match, whenever he was causing trouble, whenever he was planning some great joke.

"What?" Lily asked defensively, beginning to feel as if she was the great joke this entire time.

"You're apologized to me," Potter sounded rather gleeful, effectively ending the moment. "And thanked me. Twice."

"You don't have to sound so happy about it," Lily snapped, annoyed with herself as well as him because for a frightening moment, she had almost forgotten who James Potter really was.

"I'm not _happy_," Potter was no longer looking quite so amused. Instead, he sounded just as defensive as she had seconds ago. "I just think it's...funny."

"_Funny_?"

Even Potter could see that this words had led him through a hazardous zone. He rubbed the back of his neck, hazel eyes darting anxiously to the distant Marauders and back at her. "Not funny! That's not what I meant."

Lily was too irritated to speak, already planning to stomp off. Potter seemed to recognize this familiar pattern of behavior and he took a step closer, as if to stop her.

"Look, why don't we go to Hogsmeade and talk-"

"Are you actually doing this right now?" Lily demanded, whirling around on him, eyes flashing. "Maybe you can't comprehend this, Potter, but I am _angry_ with you. Furious, really. Honestly, is _everything_ a joke to you?"

"Well, you can't blame a bloke for trying!" Potter nearly yelled back, somehow picking up some of her temper.

At that, Lily prepared her mind for a fiery tirade, but when she opened her mouth, her words startled her. "I don't even know why..."

"Why, what?" Potter looked at her warily.

She couldn't explain it to him when she couldn't even explain it to herself, and even if he could, he didn't deserve her explanations. She had found him and apologized, just as she wanted, and as far as she was concerned, she would never have to speak to him again.

"Never mind," she spat, her voice regaining its steely edge. "It doesn't matter. I'm leaving. Goodbye, Potter."

"Fine," Potter's stony expression mirrored her own. "Go ahead."

Lily spun around again, still fuming. She still had plenty to say to Potter, but it was too late, she had announced her exit, and she felt that it would ruin the effect if she didn't leave just then. She had nearly reached a nearby tree when she heard his voice.

"Evans?"

He was quieter this time, so quiet she almost thought she had imagined it. If it hadn't been for that change in his voice, Lily never would have turned around. But his voice had been that quiet and Lily did turn around.

And when she did, she found him looking at her, hands shoved in his pockets, seeming rather sheepish.

"Not a joke."

He gave her a smile again, but it wasn't his usual confident grin, the one that could make her blood boil and her mind swirl. It was a crooked smile, barely there but real, and it was that small smile that made Lily return it with a tiny one of her own.

She wasn't aware of it, but it was still there when she walked away.


	79. Chapter 79 Prophecies and a Plot

**Thank you so much for the reviews! I can't believe that 1. I have over 1,000 reviews 2. I received even more reviews than last time, which is the highest I've ever received for a chapter. All of you are amazing. Thank you. **

**I'm so sorry this is late. I really thought I would be able to post this yesterday, but I was sick and I slept pretty much the entire day. **

**Three notes-**

**1. There's a slight reference to the OOTP in Severus's perspective.**

**2. It may seem like there's not much action in this chapter, but I promise, it's building up to action in the next chapter. **

**3. A reviewer requested that I save my author notes for the end of the chapter. Since I've been getting more reviews to answer, I agree that it's been looking more cluttered, so I'll start doing it with this chapter. I would like to keep my thank yous and chapter notes before the actual chapter, but I'll save my responses for the end.**

**Chapter Seventy-Nine- Prophecies and a Plot**

**1975**

The branches of the trees outside were bare, stark and black against the pale gray sky. The glass of the window was cloudy with frost. If he cared to press his fingers against it, Severus knew it would be like ice. He longed to be out there, out in the bleak snow, with the frigid wind tugging his hair and lashing out at his cheeks. It was harsh and lonely outside, but that was the world, harsh and lonely.

He would have taken that loneliness over the Divination classroom, where the perfumed air was thick and heavy as it hung over the rich upholstery and gleaming crystal balls. It was stifling, and the merrily crackling fire did little to help. His forehead was damp and the back of his neck was uncomfortably sticky.

Severus's eyelids were heavy, and as he leaned back in his overstuffed armchair, he could feel them beginning to close. Lily's impatient voice snapped him out of his dreamlike haze.

"I can't see anything at all."

"Break it," Severus suggested, his voice lacking his usual edge. Between his slightly foggy mind and Lily's bright green eyes, he was finding it difficult to concentrate on being his usual sardonic self. "At least you'll have something to write about then."

"After you," Lily made a face at him. It was a childish face, something that should have made her look unattractive, but to him, she was still irritatingly beautiful. "I thought we were done with crystal balls in third year. This is worse than tea leaves."

"I don't think we ever finish crystal balls," Severus said. "We're just expected to make more detailed predictions."

Lily blanched.

"Don't worry about it," Severus told her, forcing himself to sit forward before he could begin to drift off again. "I doubt it will be on the OWLs. Or at least, that much of it. Vablatsky said it will mostly be dream interpretation."

"Another dream diary," Lily said, not sounding enthused. After all, their dream diaries hadn't been that spectacular either. With a painful tug at his heart, he remembered how they had invented their dreams together. "Did you finish your History of Magic project?"

Severus shook his head, not especially liking this discussion. Ordinarily, he had very little trouble with homework, usually able to finish it all with little effort and excellent grades. This year, however, was proving to be more challenging than he had expected. Meetings with the Knights had piled up, and he had been working on creating a new spell, something even better than _Levicorpus_. That left little time to spend on his ever growing stack of homework. There was something very insignificant about his assignments, about writing about the history of the Silencing Charm or the eating habits of flobberworms. He couldn't understand why the teachers were pressing them to study mindless things when there was a war happening, when they could be learning something more useful, but even his Defense Against the Dark Arts class was a disappointment. What they studied in those lessons didn't even compare to what he learned with the Knights.

Severus knew better than to say any of this, and he only listened as Lily prattled on about her famous witch. He hadn't even chosen a famous wizard for his project, so he sat there quietly, hoping that she wouldn't ask who he had selected.

But of course she did. She was Lily and she always asked about him. Not to mention that it was one of the safer subjects that they could discuss without shoulders stiffening and faces flushing. Homework was becoming a painfully popular topic between them.

"Sev?" Lily was looking at him expectantly.

Severus's eyes darted around the room for something to distract her, and to his relief, he found it. Vablatsky was watching them intently, eyes narrowed. It gave him the uncomfortable impression that she had been listening the entire time.

"We should get back to work," Severus mumbled, nodding over to Vablatsky.

Lily's eyes widened, and quickly, she picked up her quill and began scribbling. Anyone would have thought she had been struck by an idea, and from the intensity in her eyes and the way she bit her bottom lip, they would assume it was a rather fascinating one. But Severus knew her better than that. He liked to think that he knew her better than anyone, and he knew from the way her fingers dug into her left palm that it was desperation that had struck her, rather than brilliance. He knew without looking that her parchment would contain a sentence that related to the question, a paragraph or two about something completely irrelevant such as the history of crystal balls, in a vain effort to take up space, and the rest would be doodles of flowers and bubble letters because she had either given up or had been taken over by boredom.

Severus knew this because he was well acquainted with her routine to feign knowledge in Divination because feigning knowledge was better than having Vablatsky come over and ask questions that they didn't have answers to. Which was why he had a routine of his own. Underneath his parchment was a textbook, but it wasn't _Unfogging the Future_. It was the sixth year Potions book.

Severus was only a fifth year, but he had memorized all of the potions in the book long ago. It had been the first Potions book he had ever read. There had been a time when it had been the most difficult book that he had read. Severus remembered when he had first flicked through those dusty pages. He had been enchanted by what he had found, but that enchantment had been quickly replaced by indignation when he read that it instructed the reader to use pixie wings instead of fairy wings. _Everyone_ knew that pixie wings were unpredictable. After that, it had become a puzzle to him, figuring out what was wrong, or at least lacking, in those instructions. Sometimes it amused him, other times it frustrated him, evidenced by many of the cross outs on the pages, but after years of examining every word, he had finished before ever entering the sixth year

Yet he couldn't bring himself to leave it in his trunk until sixth year began and it became mandatory to bring it to class every day. Somewhere along the way, it had also become a notebook to him, illegible nonsense to anyone else's eyes, but to Severus, it made perfect sense. In the margins, he managed to squeeze in ideas for spells and the groundwork for creating them, and he told himself that he kept it because he liked having all of his notes in one place, but if he ever cared to be entirely honest with himself, it was because he couldn't bring himself to throw it away.

There were very few things that Severus let himself become attached to, but that book was one of them. If anyone had cared enough to ask if he was proud of his work, he would scoff, but the truth was, every time his fingers brushed against the black scrawl on the pages, he would feel a flicker of pride at what he had accomplished, at what the Half-Blood Prince had accomplished.

He felt that pride now as he turned the pages before settling on the one that held directions for making an Elixir to Induce Euphoria. He had massacred that one, but he didn't dwell on his masterpiece for long, not when the real masterpiece was beside it, packed in whatever empty space he could find. It would be even better than _Levicorpus_, and he wouldn't be so foolish to use it aloud in front of an audience. It still burned him whenever he saw another use it, when he saw nearly everyone using it. It had taken James Potter to do so against a Slytherin, and suddenly, it was the latest trend of Hogwarts. Sometimes it was nearly impossible to walk in the hallways without being rudely hoisted into the air.

Severus knew he should have felt a touch of satisfaction that his invention was the hex of the year, but James Potter had tainted it. Only the Knights knew who the true inventor was, yet everyone seemed to associate that hex with Potter, his hex. They seemed to forget it was he who used it on Potter first.

"Sev," Lily hissed loudly.

Severus's quill froze, and he glanced up at her, scarcely noticing the inky strands of hair that had fallen in his eyes. All he could see was Lily.

"She's watching you again. You should put away that book."

He had a habit of charming the cover to match the textbook to the one he was currently supposed to have, and that day was no different. The fact that Lily had realized this didn't bother him. The fact that Vablatsky's gray eyes had hardened to steel as she watched him did. There was something in the way they seemed to peer through his soul that was eerily familiar.

It was pure Dumbledore, Severus realized. If those eyes were bright blue instead of pale gray, he would be convinced that they belonged to the headmaster.

She wasn't the headmaster though. She was only a professor who taught the most useless subject of all. Oh, she looked the part, Severus would give her that, but she was a fraud because they were all frauds. Magic itself had its own logic. Spell creation had taught him that. Divination lacked all logic, all order. There was no system for creating predictions, and that was why Severus had little faith in the art.

Instead of ducking down shamefully, trying to at least pretend to be working, Severus stared straight back at Vablatsky. The Divination professor didn't flinch, nor did her stare falter.

"Sev," Lily said urgently. "Do you think this looks like a moon?"

Severus knew perfectly well that Lily only saw what he did in the crystal ball that they were sharing, and that was loads of fog. She was trying to distract him from Vablatsky before he landed himself in trouble, and the knowledge irked Severus.

"No," he answered a little more tersely than he had intended. He didn't need her to save him. He could take care of himself.

Lily's eyes darkened, an indication that she had received his message crystal clear. Without another word, her head bowed down, and she began to write once more. Immediately, Severus felt a stab of regret. but he couldn't say anything, not there in a classroom of people. He already knew that it looked odd that they sat together, and he wondered how long the Slytherins would believe the excuses he gave them.

Severus couldn't count how many times he had been tempted to speak to Lily during the rest of the hour. Whenever he opened his mouth, he promptly clamped it shut again, and glowered. It wasn't his fault. Perhaps he didn't need to be quite so curt about it, but it didn't involve her, and sooner or later she would have to learn that he could handle his own battles.

The lesson passed slowly. Peter Pettigrew had somehow managed to cause his crystal ball to roll, and just before it smashed, Potter had caught it in a heroic dive that made the Gryffindors clap and the Slytherins roll their eyes. Severus automatically looked towards Lily, expecting to see her do the same, or at the very least, wrinkle her nose in dislike, but he saw none of that.

He saw Lily studying her parchment a little too intently, especially since the rest of the class's eyes were on Potter, but that wasn't what bothered him. It was barely there, and Severus wondered if he was imagining it, but he thought he could see the slightest of smiles.

And then it was gone. It had been so little, so brief, that Severus was certain that he had imagined it after all, but it continued to nag him until it was time to gather their books and leave.

"Lily," Severus said slowly.

When she looked at him, he was certain that she hadn't smiled. She was Lily, the Lily he had known when he was nothing more than a drunkard's son, running around in an oversized smock because he didn't want to see himself wearing his father's clothes, and he knew without a doubt that the Lily he knew would never smile at James Potter.

She was still looking at him expectantly.

"Mr. Snape," Vablatsky's voice sounded from behind him before he could utter a sound. "A word?"

Severus was overcome by a wave of loathing for the professor, but Lily only smiled at him tightly. He could read an unsympathetic _I told you so_ plainly in her eyes. "I'll see you later."

He could only manage a nod. Just before the door shut, he could see her catch up to Alice Clarke. As the door slammed, it rang with a note of finality, and it was only then that Severus was able to turn around to face the professor.

Severus didn't say anything. He only crossed his arms firmly against his chest, dark eyes shooting sparks of defiance. He knew what was coming. He had lived through it too many times. He was a Slytherin, and not even a Black or a Lestrange, who were born with silver spoons in their mouths that gleamed brightly enough to make the rest of the world forget the snide comments and cruel smirks. He was only Severus, that Snape boy, with ragged robes and hair that needed cutting. People expected the worst of him, so they treated him as if he had done the worst. Lupin ran around as a werewolf at night, Black used said werewolf as an attack dog on students, and Potter was...Potter. But it was Severus who had to stay behind, and all because he had glared at a teacher.

His heart pounded its objection in his chest, but his mouth remained silent. He wouldn't give the professor any more ammunition to be used against him. He knew better now.

"Mr. Snape."

Professor Vablatsky's silvery gray eyes were still fixed on him, but they harbored none of the resentment that Severus expected to see. Nor did they reveal any kindness. They were simply there, piercing, and though Severus couldn't feel anything prodding at his mind, his defenses immediately flew up.

"Professor," Severus said, allowing the faintest hint of mocking to escape. He wanted to see something in those eerie eyes, any flash of emotion, but he did not.

"A warning," Vablatsky said simply and Severus waited. "It often ends badly for those who do not respect the art of Divination."

Severus's mouth twisted into an ugly scowl. It was a new approach, one that he couldn't say that he liked. It was bad enough that the teachers could turn a blind eye towards undeserving students, but to indulge in the same behavior? They were no better than the Marauders, children dressed up as adults. "Is that a threat, Professor?"

"No," Vablatsky said, and for a moment, he almost thought he saw an emotion in her gray eyes, but when he tried to decipher it, it vanished, and he wondered if it had been there at all. "But I advise you strongly to heed my words. I see that you have no regard for the Sight, Mr. Snape, and I see that you will continue to have little respect for it. I am sorry for that."

"I'm not," Severus spat, his eyes flashing furiously. "Is that all, Professor?"

The professor hesitated. "Yes. That will be all."

There was no detention. No loss of points. Only an inappropriate threat disguised as a weak lecture. Severus let the door fall noisily behind him, relishing the loud thump. He hoped that it startled her.

Respect the art of Divination. The very thought was laughable. As if he could respect stupidity, especially with questionably sane teachers going about, spewing dramatic nonsense. He stormed down the corridor, wand out, ready to lash out at anyone who interfered with his path.

It was only when Severus reached the Slytherin dungeons that he realized what the emotion in Professor Vablatsky's eyes, if it had existed at all, had been.

It had been sadness.

**1975**

It had been a long day. By the time the bloody red and orange streaks of the setting sun had faded to the dustier tones of purple and blue, Lily found herself to be in an extremely poor mood, the mouthwatering scent of deliciously prepared food that flooded the Great Hall doing little to lift her spirits.

Across the table, Potter gave her a cheeky grin. Lily was quick to send him a dark look in return.

"Did something new happen?" Alice asked, sliding gracefully into the seat beside her, just in time to catch the exchange. "Or was that just for the sake of tradition?"

"Tradition," Lily confirmed, perking up a little at the appearance of her friend. Like many others that year, Alice had been agonizing over the forthcoming OWLs, but unlike the others, she had taken matters into her own hands, signing up for any club that held even the most minimal connection to a subject that would be on the exams. That left little time for Lily to see her, and when she did see her, Alice was either in class or passed out on her four poster, hardly visible with stacks of books and papers surrounding her. "How was...Charms Club?"

"Charms Club," Alice confirmed with a nod, helping herself to the platter of roasted vegetables. "It was all right, I think. I'm still worried about my Cheering Charm. I don't know if it's just me, but it feels like my Cheering Charms make the person a little...mad rather than cheery."

"Why do you say that?" asked Lily, wrinkling her forehead as she tried to recall the Cheering Charm lesson from third year, scanning her mind for any mad incidents. None came to mind.

Two red spots colored Alice's cheeks, her eyes falling down as she suddenly became extremely interested in her plate. "I cast the charm and somehow Davy Gudgeon became convinced he was a bird."

Lily bit a lip to keep her laughter from spilling out. Unfortunately, it was that moment that Alice decided to lift her eyes, and she didn't miss it, her flush deepening.

"It still worked!" Alice was defensive. "He was very cheery."

"But he thought he was a bird," Lily said as solemnly as she could manage.

"He did," Alice was forced to admit. Her head sank into her hands, hiding her face once more. "And then he tried to fly. Without a broomstick."

At that, Lily lost her struggle to remain serious. She promptly burst into a fit of giggles.

"It's not funny, Lily!" Alice exclaimed, indignation forcing her head to snap up. "I feel awful. He's in the hospital wing. He has a broken arm now."

But even that little bit couldn't stop Lily from laughing. Her ribs were already beginning to ache and her face hurt from smiling, but it was nice. It seemed as though she hadn't felt that way for a long time. Somewhere in her fits of giggles, Alice joined in, and soon enough, both girls were doubled over, tears threatening to stream down their cheeks.

They were creating quite the disturbance, and with blurry eyes, Lily could see Marlene glance their way and look back just as quickly, as if she hadn't seen them at all. That sobered Lily, and it seemed to have the same effect on Alice, for she stopped laughing too.

"Don't worry about it," Lily said quietly. "It probably didn't have anything to do with your charm. You do remember that this is the boy who went up to the Whomping Willow in first year? His mind works in strange ways."

Alice brightened. "Do you really think so?"

Lily nodded, taking a sip of iced pumpkin juice. "Just don't practice your Cheering Charms on me."

Alice smiled, but it was forced, and Lily knew why. She stole another look at Marlene, but Marlene didn't look their way again.

That hurt. They hadn't technically had a fight, but they were drifting away, and that brought a bitter taste that was even more difficult to swallow. Ever since Mulciber had cursed Mary, Mary had wanted very little to do with anyone, becoming an entirely different girl from the one who used to shriek over Stubby Boardman and giggle over any boy who glanced her way. Though Lily and Alice had both tried to include her, she had been determined to slip away, and she did just that. The hole in their group had loosened the glue that had held them all together, and after Mary, it had been Marlene.

Marlene hadn't changed. Not really. She had simply grown up, or rather, she had thought she did. Since seeing Black, she had won the approval of the seventh year Gryffindors, and tended to hang around them when she wasn't hanging over Black. She hadn't cut herself off from the group completely like Mary, and in the dormitory, she was still friendly, but an uncomfortable gap had wedged in between them, a prickly reminder that things weren't quite the same anymore.

But there was still Alice, and Lily was grateful for that. At the thought, she suddenly realized that a very familiar pair of black eyes were fixed on her, almost accusing.

And there it was again. The guilt. She knew Severus had been watching them, watching as she and Alice had laughed as if they were best friends. Lily cared about Alice, she truly did. Alice was a good friend, clever, kind, and always willing to listen. She wasn't curt, cold, and cynical, with a fascination with dark magic, but she wasn't her best friend either.

That was Severus. It was still Severus, and Lily felt, that even if he drifted away like Mary and Marlene, it would still, in a way, always be Severus. He had known her longer than anyone else, other than her own family, of course, and they had told each other secrets that no one else would ever know. That sort of thing stayed with you forever, even if that person didn't.

Lily didn't want to hurt him, but what was she supposed to do, never laugh with anyone else again? She was the one who wanted to make plans to meet and he was the one always rejecting them because he was busy. To be fair, it was because he was tutoring, not because he was running around with the Slytherins, but it still bothered her. It was as if he wanted to avoid being alone with Lily for even a moment because he was paranoid that she would throw herself at him the second that he did.

With that bitter thought, Lily thrust her fork into her steak more forcefully than she had meant to. It screeched against the plate, causing all eyes at the Gryffindor table to turn her way. Her cheeks flamed, but she pretended not to see them, and merely continued on, cutting up her steak.

"Are you all right?" Alice asked, concern evident in her brown eyes. "You seem to be out of sorts today."

"I'm fine," Lily said, barely concealing her irritation and she disliked herself immensely just then for feeling that way. It wasn't fair to Alice, and she knew she wasn't being fair, but she couldn't help but wonder why it was Alice asking and not Severus, the one who was supposed to be her best friend. "I've just had a long day. I was trying to study in the common room and a few first years were having a Chocolate Frogs race."

"I'm sorry," Alice sounded genuinely sympathetic. "You should go to the library. I found a hidden little corner there and no one bothers me. You should use it. It's..."

But Lily stopped listening. At the mention of Alice's secret study spot, she was reminded of Severus's own hidden place. At first, she wondered if he still went there, but that thought was replaced by a more alarming one. How did she not know? How did she not think about it before? Had she been that self-absorbed?

She should have been angry with herself, but instead, she was light with hope at just the possibility that something so simple could be to blame for their deteriorating relationship. If so, there was a chance that she could fix this mess. It wasn't too far fetched, Lily reasoned rather desperately. She had been blaming Severus for avoiding her, but perhaps she hadn't been making the effort she thought she had been. She would try harder, she resolved. One more time. She would be a less self-absorbed Lily. A Lily who-

"Lily? Are you listening?"

Lily winced as Alice's hand flew in front of her face, fully aware that she was doing a horrible job of becoming less self-absorbed. Frantically, she scanned her mind for the last scrap of the conversation that she recalled. Secret study rooms. Right. "I'm listening. It sounds...useful."

Useful felt like safe word.

Alice blinked, looking startled. "I suppose. I never thought of potatoes as being useful before."

Perhaps not. Lily grimaced, but a new idea struck her, one that set her tiny spark of hope alight. She glanced over at Severus, craning her neck as discreetly as she could in hopes of seeing his plate. She estimated that he had another two or three minutes left, but he was unpredictable, so it was better to be safe.

"I'm sorry, Alice, but I have to go," Lily said hurriedly, pushing away her plate.

This time, Alice's worry was mixed with confusion, her eyebrows knitting together. "Are you sure that you're all right, Lily?"

"I am," Lily assured her. "I'm behind on my History of Magic project, so I'm a little panicked right now."

"Oh," Alice's face cleared, the clouds replaced with an encouraging smile. "You'll do fine. Good luck!"

Her expression was so sincere that it was impossible for Lily to feel any worse. She was trying to be a good friend, Lily tried to reason with herself. Only not to Alice.

That made her feel only more terrible.

Still, she saw Alice much more than she saw Severus. There weren't many opportunities to speak to Severus alone, and she could hardly pass up the very first opportunity she had since deciding to be a less absorbed friend. With that thought, Lily scurried to the Great Hall, lingering just outside the doors while she scouted out a suitable place.

The tapestry, Lily decided. She and Severus had hidden there in their first year before when they had been trying to avoid Filch. It was in a prime location, certain to be where Severus would be headed. Satisfied, she tucked herself under, safely concealed behind the heavily embroidered fabric and a thick layer of dust. One green eye popped out of the shadows, searching for a sullen figure in frayed robes.

This time, Severus wouldn't be able to avoid her, even if he wanted to.

Lily shifted impatiently as a Ravenclaw couple strolled by, their fingers intertwined and heads close together. The dust was causing her eyes to itch and her nose was scrunching up with the threat of a sneeze, but at the familiar sight of Severus, the urge to sneeze was forgotten.

She was pleased to see that he was alone. After all, she wasn't about to leap from behind the tapestry with Mulciber right there. On second thought, the idea was rather appealing, especially if she managed to scare him. Lily tilted her head, studying Severus. She hadn't noticed it before, but there was something new in his stride, a new confidence. It wasn't a brazen confidence that he oozed like Potter, but a quiet kind, so subtle that it was easily missed, but undeniably, it was there.

Lily was so distracted by this new realization that she nearly missed him. In the nick of time, she jumped out in front of him, hoping to startle him like old times, though he would never admit to actually being startled.

In the next fraction of a second, Lily became conscious of two things. The first being that she had, after all, managed to startle him, and the second being that it was he who had succeeded in startling her more than she could have ever startled him.

"Watch the wand, Sev," Lily said lightly, as if everything was all right, but it wasn't all right because there was a wand at her throat and the wand was being held by her best friend. Her best friend who looked so fierce just then, dark eyes somehow cold and blazing at the same time, as if he were capable of just about anything. There was something horrifying about this moment, and for a strange, unbearable second, she was certain that she wanted to cry.

"_Merlin_, Lily," Severus cursed below his breath as he lowered his wand. It was only then Lily was able to breathe again. His shoulders sank with unwinding tension, tension that she hadn't even notice take over. "I thought you were someone else."

"A little dramatic for a reflex, don't you think?" Lily swallowed the lump in her throat, a smile that was a few shades too bright on her face.

At that, he seemed to stiffen again, but to her relief, he slipped his wand into his robes as if he had sensed her discomfort or perhaps it was because of his own. "There's a war going on, Lily. You can't be too careful."

"Even in Hogwarts?" Lily asked incredulously. She understood why Muggleborns like Mary had to be careful, but Severus? Severus was a half-blood and he seemed to get along with his Slytherin friends just fine. A little too fine for her liking.

"Even in Hogwarts."

He looked away from her when he said it, and Lily couldn't understand why. She wanted to take his hand in hers, as she would have easily done years ago, but she knew better now and kept her arms pressed to her sides, not quite trusting them.

"Are you going to tell me why you were hiding behind a tapestry?" Severus asked finally.

Lily blushed, feeling extremely stupid, especially at his clipped voice. Until she looked up. That was when she saw the amused glint in his dark eyes, something that she had felt that she hadn't seen in ages. "I wanted to talk to you."

"About what?" Was it her imagination or had he become even more rigid? Lily hoped with all her heart that he wasn't thinking about the day of the kiss. She hadn't meant to remind him of that day.

"Christmas," Lily said quickly. She wasn't certain exactly what she had planned to say, but securing more time with Severus was a start. "You'll be staying at Hogwarts for the holiday, right?"

He was looking at her strangely.

"Because I was thinking about staying and I thought it would be nice if you stayed too. Because we haven't seen each other because you're always busy with homework or tutoring," Lily paused with a sudden burst of panic. Now it sounded like she wanted to relive that kiss. "Just because we're friends!" she added hastily. "And friends should spent time together because that's what friends do..."

Her voice trailed off. Her prattling was becoming worse, and even more terrible than her useless prattling was that it was useless prattling to Severus. How had there been a time when she had spoken so easily around him? She would have given anything to have those days back.

"I'm staying here," Severus said, rescuing her from her embarrassment. He was still looking at her strangely, but he didn't seem to be on the verge of running off. An unfamiliar light glimmered in his eyes, so intensely, that Lily could feel its heat, and it seemed to warm her own cheeks. She started to look away, but just in time, she caught herself and forced her gaze to remain connected to his.

"Good," Lily smiled brightly at him. This time, it was natural, sincere with relief that she seemed to be making progress with him. "I'm glad. Well, I'll just be off then."

And before any awkwardness could follow and spoil the moment, Lily hurried away, feeling enormously pleased with herself. Her hopefulness was so great that she nearly forgot all about the expression on Severus's face when he had held a wand at her throat.

**I was half-asleep when I answered these and there were a lot to answer, so I'm sorry if I missed one and i'm sorry for any typos. If I did, feel free to ask again. **

**Nina- Thanks for the review! I'm actually working on two novels right now. They're extremely different so I like switching back and forth depending on my mood. If one ends up being published and if you do end up buying one, I hope you enjoy it as much as this story! **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! Sirius and the dog having the same name will be addressed later. I wanted James to call him Padfoot because I wanted to show exactly how bold/reckless the Marauders can be. I'm not certain, but I always got the impression that Trelawney, the superstitious, and the younger and more impressionable were the ones terrified of the Grim, just from the way the assistant spoke to Harry about the death omen book, sort of how some people see black cats as bad luck in the real world while most are skeptic about it. I have a feeling that there wasn't much worrying about the Grim when Trelawney wasn't teaching. **

**Fuschia- Thanks for the review! You will be seeing more Order members. I haven't decided exactly who because life after seventh year is still pretty vague for me. I have a general idea of where I'm headed with a few scenes that I definitely want to write, but other than that, I'm not sure so I don't want to promise anything, and yes, Filch is somewhat new. I may have forgotten that detail when writing. **

**Lena- Thanks for the review! The family member is doing much better, thank you for asking. **

**Sirius- Thanks for the review! I've been so unpredictable with my updates, but thank you for checking every day! I've been trying to keep people posted with vague date estimates on my tumblr and profile. You're right, this will be over 100 chapters. At the rate I'm going, I'll probably be writing this for the rest of my life. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I never stated how Bellatrix and the others get into the Room of Requirement, so don't feel stupid. I have a few ideas in my mind, but honestly, I never chose one. I may write about it when Severus is a Death Eater or a teacher at Hogwarts.**

**Lizanne- Thanks for the review! I'm not positive on who will be present for the conversation about Voldemort, but I know Petunia will hear it from Lily at the very least because, like you, I got the impression that she knew about him before. **

**Marina- Thanks for the review! I had no idea that I was in the top S/L fics. That amazes me, and thank you, I definitely won't stop!**

**Lizanne- Thanks for the review! I'm glad you're liking Regulus because he's someone who has always interested me. I considered writing from his POV before. I may do a one shot or a mini version of Abomination in the future. I definitely won't rush! It will be a while before I finish. I'm glad you and your friends are enjoying this story! Thank you for reading it! Lately I've been updating once a month, but I'm going to try to return to updating every two weeks. I try to post updates on my profile and tumblr, but they're not always accurate. **

** - Thanks for the review! You will see Severus inventing Sectumsempra, and you're right, there will be a lot of angst in year six. It is possible that I will mention what Sirius smells in Amortentia. I'll have to see if it feels right when I'm writing. I'm not positive, but the way I see it, James being a stag represents pride (what he always had), power (leading the Marauders, Quidditch team, and just his overall natural ability to be the leader), and nobility (what he eventually becomes). I hope that clears things up!**

**Sunaya- Thanks for the review and for being my 1001th reviewer! There will be a Sirius/Dumbledore scene after the werewolf incident in Abomination. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I'm not exactly sure how it works in the wizarding world, so this is just my interpretation. When Lily jumps off, she's using the same magic she used before she knew she was a witch, the same magic that Harry does when he grows his hair back and vanishes the glass in the first book. I think Harry's is a different category because he used it against a Muggle. I don't remember if he was actually aware of what he was doing and continued on or not. I would have to reread the scene. **

**JPLE94- Thanks for the review! I agree, I don't think Lily would allow herself to be "stolen". I think James/Lily was always inevitable, as long as there was something to motivate James's change. I don't like the idea that James changed just because he wanted Lily to love him because that makes him seem like a weaker person than he really is. In this story, there will be two significant reasons. Also, the Divination teacher will make future appearances. She does in this chapter and she will in Hero and Abomination. As for Snape finding Lily's body, I want to research it before I confirm anything. I do think it is possible that Snape would know of Lily's death just because he's a Death Eater and in the inner circle. Again, I didn't research it and I would like to reread the scenes before I say anything definite, but thanks for letting me know. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I have been neglecting Quidditch, and I'm sorry for that! I just have so much to write as it is. I can say that there will be a LOT more about Quidditch as James and Lily grow closer. Year Seven will be the year of James and Lily, and James and Quidditch are a package deal. I think it's safe to say James will be captain, though I would love to write his reaction if he didn't. Severus will also learn about James and Lily's wedding. As for everyone knowing everything in the wizarding world, all I can say is magic?**

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I didn't know there was actually a similar story, but that's why I'm trying to avoid Lily/Severus fan fiction. I know if I see a few similar things, I'll want to change everything, which is impossible because there's so many fanfictions out there. Thanks for letting me know!**

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I do think that a part of Lily notices Severus's intense gazes. The Prince's Tale scene with Lily's blush confirms that for me, but others probably have different interpretations. **

**Amalie- Thanks for the review! There will definitely be reactions to James and Lily. I'm particularly excited to write that chapter. There will also be at least a minor Slughorn reaction to the Snape/Lily falling out. **

**James 3 lily- Thanks for the review! I also believe that James and Lily loved each other and, like you, I believe that's one reason why Harry has his ability to love and why JKR emphasized it. I also agree that she wouldn't be happy at all with Severus, and I rambled on about it for a while below, but you managed to summarize it perfectly. **

**sparklyscrunchies- Thanks for the review! I agree, having a dog in the open was bold, but like you said, that's exactly why I wanted to do it, especially with naming the dog Padfoot. I really wanted to show how reckless/confident the Marauders could be because that's one reason why I find them so intriguing. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I'm not sure if Doris Purkiss will make an appearance, but it's one of those little HP references that I would love to fit so, so it's possible!**

**Guest- Thanks for the review! It is entirely possible that Felix Felicis will make another appearance. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I wrote an extremely long explanation below for why I think Lily forgave James, but if you don't feel like reading the entire thing, I start talking about it in the last quarter. I will also say that Lily was very young when she said those words in that particular chapter and this was before Severus really went dark and James changed for the better. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! Honestly, I don't think Lily fully accepts Severus's hatred of Muggles. I think she understands why he does, which is why she doesn't push it, but it's just another one of those things that pushes them apart. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! In this story, the Marauders become familiar with Severus's spells because he uses them in public, or at least he did with Levicorpus. Which is why he'll use a nonverbal Sectumsempra on James in the Mudblood scene. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! It is difficult to understand why Severus called Lily a Mudblood. I don't think it was just one reason and I think it's something I can only answer by continuing to write. I already know what's going to build up to it, so I just hope I end up doing it justice because I know that's the big question that everyone wants the answer to. One reason I wrote this story is because I wanted the answer to that question myself, so hopefully it makes some sense of it when I'm done. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! This is a touchy subject so I'm going to avoid going into detail, but Harry Potter or not, I think Tobias and Eileen are a very real couple. I think Eileen stayed with him for the same reasons that other women stay with abusive husbands. I've never dealt with an abusive husband so I'm not going to pretend that I know exactly how they feel, but I will say that the story of Tobias and Eileen isn't over. You'll hear more about them at the end of seventh year. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! JKR did mention that Lily could have grown to love Severus, so I'm playing with the idea of possibility. I'm not saying her feelings are 100% platonic, but I'm not saying she has a crush on him either. By kissing her, Severus gave her the idea that they could be something more, and she is confused by it. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I'm not positive how JKR wanted it to be, so keep in mind, this is just my interpretation. The way I see it, they are all pure bloods, but they differ in prestige and wealth, sort of how the Malfoys are a prominent family but the Weasleys aren't that influential though they are still pure bloods. It reminds me a lot of old money/new money in real life. The Blacks are one of the oldest surviving families (if not the oldest, I have a hard time believing that they would boast about seven centuries of Blacks if there was another older family around), therefore one of the most respected. Same with the Malfoys. In my mind, most of the others are newer and less wealthy (not including the Potters), and therefore, they are considered less prestigious. Because Lily goes to Hogwart, she is becoming aware of how the system works. She may not see them as important in her eyes, but she is aware that they are important in the eyes of the wizarding world. Petunia was able to guess it was Severus just because he's the boy she's most often around and she knew of his feelings before, or at least she suspected them. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I read that interview and that's exactly what I'm trying to portray. I don't think Lily is aware of it and I don't think she understands it, but I think she definitely feels something for James, which is why she keeps arguing with him. If she truly disliked him, I think she would ignore him altogether, like she does with Mulciber. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! Severus does notice James and Lily and he will continue to notice them. I think a lot of people may have suspected that Severus liked Lily, at least in their younger years, just because she's pretty and friendly and he was always possessive and paying a little too much attention to her. I think James especially noticed because of his feelings for Lily. I think he took it out on Severus because of that, though I'm sure Severus felt the same way. I think James did hex others before fifth year, just because Lily accused him of hexing anyone who annoyed him and just because he could.**

**Fan- Thanks for the review! That's a difficult question, but I think Lily would have eventually ended up with James, but I do think Lily would have chosen Snape first, just because JKR said that Lily could have developed romantic feelings for Snape if they remained friends and Snape was an important part of her life before James. It mainly depends on Snape's obsession with dark magic, but honestly, I feel like he's just too…damaged for her and that a falling out would be inevitable. If the Mudblood incident never happened, I think something else would have come between them. Not necessarily dark magic, but it's just who Snape is. I don't think his obsession with Lily would ever fade, and I think he would be increasingly intense about her. I think Lily would find it necessary to end their relationship, though I believe that it would be extremely difficult and painful for her to do so, and I think that's part of the reason why she didn't forgive him. I know a lot of people resent Lily for that, especially that means her involvement with James, but I don't see it as betraying Snape. Snape wasn't a good person. His redeeming quality was his ability to love, and it is a selfish and unhealthy love. Because of that love, some people tend to believe that Lily is horrible for not loving him back and for loving his enemy instead. I think a lot of people forget that Snape's extreme love for her and his desire to change sides was a result of Lily's death. He needed Lily to die to change. I do believe that he loved her before her death, but I also believe that he loved her much more after her death, or at least, he wasn't able to realize the depth of his love for her until after. Without the loss of Lily, Snape had no motivation to change, and he would still be blind and want all the wrong things. It's not even his obsession of dark magic. It's just who he is. He craves power and recognition and cares about little else, and what he does care about, he cares about it in extremes. Lily wouldn't have been happy with that, and I think it's unfair of people to expect her to remain with Snape just because he loves her. Maybe it's because I've grown attached to Snape while writing him, but sometimes I also find it difficult to accept the idea that Lily was able to love the very boy that tormented her best friend, but when I look at it from a perspective other than Snape's, I understand it. Snape wasn't a victim of James. He was an enemy. He hexed James and James hexed him back. Yes, James tended to be be especially hard on Snape, but Snape was no angel. He designed Sectumsempra "for enemies" and Sectumsempra is dark magic, and we know that Snape's love for the Dark Arts was well known, meaning he would be capable of other dark spells. James didn't do dark magic. Yes, he hexed people, but he grew up and stopped (not including Snape, because 1. Snape fought back 2. Lily didn't know much about it and I'm considering this from her perspective) so I understand why Lily felt that she was able to move towards James, and I don't blame her for it. I don't think it was easy for her and I think it's likely that she felt guilty when they first started dating, but I think she was able to recognize that James was just a kid then and that Snape wasn't perfectly innocent either. She realized that Snape wasn't going to change and that the Snape who called her a Mudblood wasn't the same person she originally became friends with, and it's difficult to feel loyal to someone that you don't even know anymore. That's why I think she would have been able to move past James's history and fall in love with him. Without changing Snape's character entirely, I don't think it's possible for him to ever have a healthy love for Lily, and I feel that she and James would be happier, just because they're healthier people. Wow, this was incredibly long. I'm sorry for rambling on so much, but I love analyzing books too much and a few people asked similar questions so I thought I would share my thoughts. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! Don't worry, you'll definitely see more of a happy Sirius. Keep in mind that you've seen him in Always when both Severus and Lily dislike him or annoyed by him. In year six, Lily will become closer to the Marauders and you'll see a much lighter Sirius. If you read Abomination, he'll also start becoming a much happier Sirius, thanks to James and the other Marauders. And yes, James will have another girlfriend before Lily. This probably seems stupid, but I try to avoid too much Marauder/Mary/Marlene/Alice/Lily scenes because it seems just too convenient that there's four boys and four girls and I don't want to pair them up with each other. Sometimes I think I should have gone with three or five Gryffindor girls, but three felt too few and five seemed too much. That's why I usually have Sirius chasing after older girls (though he currently is with Marlene) and poor James has been focused on Lily for the last five years, at least for the most part. Remus and Peter aren't quite there yet, but they will have their own love interests. I'm not sure how much it will be mentioned in here, but you'll definitely hear about crushes and such in Hero and Abomination.**

**Sad- Thanks for the review! I do think Lily and James were truly in love. I think their Patronuses suggest that they're each other's perfect match, and like you said, I think Harry was born to a happy family.**

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I would love to say what they smell in Amortentia, but I think once I do, I'll start giving away everything. For James, you'll see his reaction in Always which will hint to it, but you most likely won't know exactly what until Hero. I'm not 100% certain with Sirius. If it feels right while writing, I'll include it in the scene. **

**Guest- Thanks for review! I don't want to spoil too much, but Lily will see at least one of James's parents at least once. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! Sorry, I didn't read them because I'm trying to avoid reading Snape/Lily/James fan fiction. I have a good idea of where everything is headed and I know if I see a story that has any similar ideas, I'm going to panic and feel obligated to change it.**

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I do think that Snape and James hexed other behind Lily's back. I don't think Lily was completely oblivious, but based on what Lupin said, I don't think she knew the full extent of it either. Because James's hexing Severus set the Mudblood scene in motion, I feel like she wouldn't be happy at all with the idea of James hexing Severus, no matter what he did, and I think it's possible that she didn't know about it, but I also think that she would have some suspicions. She knows Severus, she knows he hates James, and she knows what he's capable of, or at least she will know. She also knows James isn't the type to not fight back, so even though I think both Severus and James may have tried to shield that fact from Lily, I think Lily knows them better than they realize and I think that she would expect some animosity between the two. **

**Big fan- Thanks for the review! There will definitely be happy scenes between James and Lily! I really want to show why Lily loved James, and I think showing their lighter scenes will be a nice contrast to Severus's growing hatred. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I have no idea, but the most logical explanation that I can think of is that they weren't the same frames. I'm guessing that they were basic frames that looked the same, but James's were an expensive brand and Harry's were cheaper. As for the Dursleys, I'm guessing Petunia had something to do with Vernon picking Harry up every year, and that has to do with Dumbledore's original letter. **

**Confused- Thanks for the review! I love hearing that James and Lily are growing on people because that makes me feel like I'm doing something right. When I first began writing this, I admit I felt confused too. I always liked James and Lily, but I was really taken by the Severus and Lily story. The Severus and Lily story will always be one of my favorite parts of HP, if not my favorite, but writing this made me come to the same conclusion: they never would have worked out. They're just too different.**


	80. Chapter 80 Happiness, Wrath, and Other

**Sorry to keep you waiting and thank you so much for all of the reviews! Every time I see a new one, I feel like James Potter after he's won a Quidditch match.**

**A chapter note- there is a reference to OOTP here, which would be really obvious, even if it wasn't in italics, but I felt compelled to mention it anyway. **

**Also- one reviewer noticed that James called Lily "Lily" in a previous chapter. That's a mistake I make a lot while typing and I missed it when checking for typos, so I'm sorry for that and if it happens again. I promise that Lily being called "Lily" by James when it does officially happen will not go unnoticed by Lily and the rest of the Hogwarts population.**

**Chapter Eighty- Happiness, Wrath, and Other Things**

**1975**

The clouds that had been gathering over Severus ever since that one summer day, thickening and darkening with every day that went by, were beginning to weaken. Sunlight was beginning to pierce through that heavily veiled sky. It wasn't glorious and golden yet, not like it had been before, but he could feel its warmth starting to return to him, and he no longer felt quite so numb.

"Are you all right, Severus?"

Regulus's voice was an unwelcome intrusion, but Severus couldn't even muster up his usual scorn. He was too preoccupied thinking of other things. Much more pleasant things, such as the color of Lily Evans's eyes. It wasn't that he hadn't thought of such pleasant things before. He had. Many times. This time, however was different. For the first time, he could think about such things without feeling obligated to push those thoughts away. They weren't followed by guilt and the sickening realization that it would never happen, that Lily would never see him the way he saw her. This time, there was none of those things. Only a strange light feeling that made him feel as if he had been hit with a Cheering Charm too many times.

With a start, Severus realized that he was_ happy_.

"It's just that you're smiling," Regulus said timidly when it became clear that Severus wasn't about to answer him.

Severus snapped out his daze, having no difficulty in summoning his irritation this time. He glared at the younger Slytherin from the armchair in the corner of the common room that he hadn't left all morning, suddenly feeling much more like himself than he had all week. "Did you want something, Regulus?"

Regulus was visibly relieved by his snappishness. "Can I borrow that book on Legilmency you mentioned?"

Severus eyed him warily, reluctant to hand over one of those precious Prince books. It was an old family belonging, but that wasn't what gave him the urge to guard it much like a dragon with a hoard of treasure. It was the knowledge that it contained. Though he was what Severus would loosely consider a sort of friend, Regulus was still a Slytherin. A Black Slytherin, making him doubly dangerous, and Severus was reluctant to hand over the few advantages that he had. "Why do you want to learn Legilmency?"

Regulus shrugged. "Reading minds sounds fun."

"Ask me again when you think of an adequate reason," Severus said, settling back in the emerald cushions with his Potions book and quill. His eyes were fastened to the page, but he could still feel Regulus hovering, making it extremely difficult to focus.

"C'mon, Severus," Regulus pleaded. "You can borrow any of my books. There's some good ones that belonged to Regulus Eridanus Black. He was the one who founded-"

"The Knights of Walurgis. You told me," Severus said distractedly, mentally reviewing Regulus's offer. Perhaps he had been too quick to dismiss him. Access to any Black books, and the Blacks were certain to possess several times more than the measly three Prince books he had. The idea of hundreds of dusty old books, brimming with dark magic, just waiting for him to open them, was tantalizing, and Severus could feel his fingers twitch longingly. "On one condition."

"What?" Regulus was eager.

"I can borrow as many as I want."

"Deal," Regulus agreed readily.

Severus closed the cover of the textbook. He set the quill aside but tucked the book under his arm, refusing to part with it for even a moment. "Let's go."

They had only walked a few steps when Regulus found it necessary to start a conversation, much to Severus's annoyance, who wanted nothing more than to be left in silence so he could be free to return to his earlier thoughts. "Are you ever going to tell me why you're so happy lately?"

"No."

"You've been weird all week," Regulus continued with a small contemplative frown. "If you won't tell me, can I guess?"

"No."

"I'll guess," Regulus went on as if he hadn't heard Severus. "You don't have to say anything. I'll know."

"You don't have that Legilmency book yet, Regulus," Severus turned around to shoot the younger boy a warning look, wondering if loaning the book was such a good idea after all.

"I'll still know," Regulus gave him a bright smile. "No one in my family ever likes to tell me anything because I'm the youngest, so I have to be good at guessing, or I'll never know anything. Ready?"

"No."

"Is it Knights related?" Regulus stepped in front of Severus to keep him from moving and peered too closely at Severus' face for his liking, his small frame somehow managing to take up the entire entrance to the dormitory.

Severus brushed him away so that he could enter. Undaunted, Regulus trotted in after him.

"That's a no," Regulus decided, leaving Severus to examine Avery's poster collection, which varied from scantily clad witches to Quidditch teams to angry looking wizards. "Is it Quid- no. I forgot. You don't like Quidditch. Which is a shame. We _massacred_ the Ravenclaws and you missed it. I think we have a shot at the Cup this year."

"I wish you had massacred the Gryffindors," Severus said darkly, kneeling down in front of his trunk.

Instead of murmuring in agreement or making promises of a future Gryffindor slaughter, Regulus was suspiciously silent, causing Severus to look up, and he discovered that Regulus was no longer studying the posters, but him. Severus's eyes met his, and as they did, a slow smile began to spread across Regulus's face, a smile that Severus instinctively did not like that made him think that he had underestimated the younger Black. "Is it Evans?"

Severus froze, his hand on the trunk.

"I knew it," Regulus crowed. "That was going to be my first guess, but I wanted to torture you a bit. Must be the Black in me."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Severus said icily. "I only talk to Mudbloods when I-"

"Have a use for them?" Regulus rolled his eyes, abandoning the posters to lurk over his shoulder like an irritating parrot that never could shut up. "I've heard you say that before, but it's funny how Evans is the only useful Mudblood around. She's the only one I ever see you talking to."

He had been careless. Severus had been caught and he knew it. It was written all over his face, no matter how desperately he tried to conceal it. He thought of the wand in his robes, and if it came to it, he would draw it out. He would have the advantage of surprise if he timed it right. A Memory Charm wouldn't draw any attention if he was careful enough...

"You can breathe now," Regulus gave him a funny look. "I'm not going to tell anyone. I thought that went without saying. We are friends, aren't we?"

He said it so easily, the way Lily had, and when Severus met his eyes for the second time, the color wasn't anything like the green that haunted his mind, but they betrayed a naive frankness that was almost identical to the eyes that plainly said so many times before, _we are best friends, aren't we?_ as if it were the simplest thing in the world.

Severus paused, feeling an unexpected wave of shame. It left a bittersweet taste in his mouth. "Yeah," he said finally. "I suppose we are."

"Are you going to tell me what happened then?" Regulus asked cheerfully, clearly not suspecting that he had just been seconds away from a Memory Charm. For someone who had grown up in one of the most notorious wizarding families, he could be surprisingly innocent at times.

"There's nothing to tell," Severus said as he distractedly began emptying his trunk, and he meant it. There was nothing he could say, nothing that could describe the way he felt when Lily smiled at him from across the room. Nothing had happened between them since the day she had startled him outside the Great Hall, but at the same time, everything had changed. He remembered it clearly, even days later, the way her eyes had looked back at him.

There had been no revulsion. It had been a plea, the same plea that he had wanted to express for so long but could never quite manage to. Her sudden nervousness around him mirrored his own feelings, and it made him think that maybe, just maybe, Lily was beginning to see him in a new light.

Christmas would change things. For the better, he was certain. Hardly anyone had stayed behind before the war, and because of Voldemort, that small number had dwindled to nothing. It would be just them. No Slytherins. No Gryffindors. No James Potter...

"Then why are you smiling again?"

Regulus's voice grounded him to reality again. For years, Severus had been surrounded by nothing but the harsh reality of the world, and he had loathed it. Everything was a cruel reminder that _life wasn't fair_. There were the few blessed ones, followed by the pitifully average and the oblivious, and the lastly, the unfortunate. Nothing good happened to the unfortunate ones, and when it did, it was fleeting. It was even more cruel that way, having something good, something perfect, at your fingertips just for it to slip away before your hand could close around it. It was the universe's way of taunting him with what he couldn't have, as if it wanted him to know precisely how much he could have had if only he had been given another life.

Lily was dangerous. She made him forget what real was. Lately, he felt like he was a moth to a flame, dazzled by the beauty of the flickering light, nearly forgetting that fire burned, and when it did, it was deadly.

He couldn't forget. It was tempting, so tempting, but he couldn't lose himself in this deluded happiness or else he would be just as oblivious as everyone else. Severus knew that forgetting didn't help, because forgetting was impossible. The moment reality came back to haunt you, it hit you hard, and all you were was a fool with a ghost of a memory, cursing yourself for what could have been if only you had done something else.

Now that Lily had given him another chance, he wouldn't throw it away. He couldn't, even if he wanted to. But he wouldn't allow himself to dwell in this happiness because he still had work to do, a future to secure.

"I'm not," Severus said, and he no longer was and no longer felt the urge to. He had emptied everything from his trunk, or nearly everything. Reaching inside the bare trunk, he carefully felt around the edges until felt the board loosen.

"A false bottom?" Regulus said incredulously.

"If you tell anyone, I'll test page seventy-eight on you," said Severus, handing over the Prince book.

It took a minute for Regulus to flip to the page and digest the information, and to Severus's satisfaction, he blanched. "I definitely won't be telling anyone."

"Good," said Severus with a faint smile, already stuffing all of his possessions back into the trunk, but while he did, he felt an unexpected surge of regret. It didn't matter if Regulus told anyone because he would find a new hiding place for the books when he was alone.

Regulus may have been a friend, and somewhere in the back of his mind, Severus knew that he wouldn't tell anyone, at least not intentionally, but it didn't matter.

Trust was just another luxury that he couldn't afford.

**1975**

"I never said that we were in a relationship-"

"You _implied_ it."

"-And if you want to get technical, a relationship doesn't even have to be limited to two-"

"Everyone knows that it's_ implied_."

"You can't go around relying on implications. Don't you think the world would be a much more simple place if everyone went around saying what they thought instead of going by-"

"Don't you _dare_ claim that you didn't know."

"Look, I'm trying to enjoy my toast and it's bloody difficult to do when you have a madwoman yelling at you across the table. "

A silver fork went flying over the Gryffindor table, narrowly missing Sirius Black's head. Nearly everyone inched away from Black, looking alarmed and not wanting to be caught in the crossfire, all except for Potter who continued on chortling and Lupin who only turned to the page of a book he was reading, his forehead furrowing as if he had only heard a slight commotion and nothing more, at least nothing that was worth looking up. Lily winced at the noisy clatter, and quickly looked away when she caught sight of McGonagall swooping in, stern-faced in a flurry of emerald green robes.

"I wish you were coming," Alice told Lily in a low voice that was nearly unheard. "It's going to be a long train ride home."

Lily didn't miss the wary look Alice sent Marlene's way. Just that morning on her way to the Great Hall for breakfast, Marlene had caught Black kissing a seventh year Hufflepuff, and had promptly made sure that everyone in the school knew about it before a single sip of pumpkin juice could be swallowed. It was fifteen minutes into the meal and she showed no signs of slowing down.

"I was a little sad not to be going home for Christmas," Lily confided to Alice, she, too, stealing a peek at a fuming Marlene who was being led away by McGonagall. "But I don't envy you in the slightest."

"I don't envy me, either," Alice said sadly.

The table's attention was momentarily shifted from Marlene and McGonagall to that morning's mail delivery as the flutter of feathers filled the room. Lily hadn't subscribed to any of the wizarding newspapers and magazines because there always seemed to be a few floating around the common room and dormitory. The only letters she received were letters from home, usually accompanied by a package of baked goods and little things her family had put together, but she had just received one last week. Which was why Lily was surprised to see her a tawny owl settle down in front of her, a pale blue letter tied to its feathered legs.

"What did you get?" Alice asked with interest, setting aside her new copy of the _Daily Prophet_.

"I'm not sure. It looks like Petunia's stationery," Lily frowned a little as she removed the envelope. She had thought she had recognized it as the same stationery that her sister had received on her last birthday, and the handwriting, so neat that it could rival a typewriter, confirmed it.

"She's probably disappointed you aren't coming home for the holiday," Alice suggested. "Maybe she wants to change your mind."

Lily almost smiled at that. Her sister may have stated her opinions on certain matters, such as Severus, without a trace of shame, and very loudly too, but she wasn't the sort to express her disappointment in a letter. If she was disappointed, it would be carefully covered up in sulkiness until it was almost unrecognizable. But Lily said none of this and only tore open the envelope.

It was a short note. There was no motherly reminders to wear a coat or helpful suggestions such as make friends that were familiar with the concept of bathing, as there ordinarily was, and there was certainly no embellished stories of her life, followed by not so subtle hints that the Muggle world was the much more superior place to be. There was none of that, only three brief sentences, followed by her signature, and those three sentences made Lily's heart thud and her world suddenly tilt sideways.

_Don't listen to Mum and Dad. Come home. Mum is ill._

_-Petunia_

Stricken, Lily showed it to Alice, unable to utter a word.

"Oh, Lily!" Alice bit her lip. "I'm so sorry."

"What does 'ill' even mean?" Lily set down the letter, feeling shaky. "Is it the flu or is it...something..." She couldn't even bring herself to voice any of the various sicknesses that were flying through her mind at lightning speed, each one more horrible than the last. There was an image of a frail Briony lying in a hospital bed, as pale and worn as the sheets beneath her, coughing weakly...

"I'm sure it's nothing serious," said Alice, interrupting her unfolding fears, and though she was obviously trying to console Lily, her voice betrayed a shred of doubt that only heightened Lily's nerves. "You said that your sister is the worrying sort?"

"She is," Lily knew that, but she wasn't ready to settle down yet, and nervously, she wrung her hands. "Once she wanted to take me to a hospital when I scraped my knee."

"See!" Alice sounded more confident in her theory. "It may be something minor. Not anything that soup and rest won't help."

Alice's answer was logical, and given Petunia's history, it seemed more likely that not that her sister had blown something out of proportion. There had been the time she had been convinced that she was dying of pneumonia, the time that she had thought she had a fractured an ankle, and then of course, there was the paper cut incident that had launched a thousand tears, as their father had jokingly remarked.

"You might be right," Lily admitted slowly as the memories eased the tension in her shoulders, but only slightly. She didn't fully believe it, but she needed something to cling to, something to keep herself from thinking of Briony on that hospital bed. "I'll still go, of course, but I won't panic until I'm there."

Or at least she would try not to. Lily stuffed the letter in her robes, not wanting to see the handwritten letters glaring back at her.

"On the bright side," Alice remarked a little too cheerily. "You can sit with me on the train and listen to hours of why Sirius Black deserves to die."

Lily groaned, but it wasn't at the idea of being a witness to Marlene's tirade that caused the sick sensation of dread to build up in the pit of her stomach. It was the realization that she would have to tell Severus that she would be leaving. In her panic over her mother, she had forgotten about what it would mean to visit home.

There wasn't a choice. She cared about Severus, she really did, but as much as she wanted to stay with him, she _needed_ to see Briony. She wouldn't be able to fully relax until she was certain that it wasn't anything serious, and if it was and she didn't go, she would never be able to forgive herself.

Severus had to understand. He would understand, Lily was certain, but she knew that it wouldn't erase the guilt that was twisting in her stomach. She had been the one to take the first step into repairing their friendship, and now, she was the one who was taking it two steps back.

"I should tell Severus," Lily murmured, her eyes unconsciously drifting over to the Slytherin table. She could see his familiar dark head bowed over a book,_ his Potions book_, Lily thought, as he scribbled notes, his toast untouched.

"You sound worried," Alice observed carefully.

"I am."

Alice hesitated. "I don't understand why you're friends with someone you're..." Her voice trailed off.

Lily's eyes returned to Alice, her eyebrows knitting together in confusion. She watched her friend shoot an uneasy look towards the Slytherins, and the bewilderment was replaced by indignation. "I'm not scared of _him_. I'm scared of hurting his feelings. He can be...sensitive sometimes."

Alice looked as if she had regretted saying anything at all. "I'm sorry, it's just that..."

"What?" Lily felt the familiar surge of an emotion that she was well acquainted with when it came to Severus, and that was pure defensiveness.

"I wasn't going to say anything, but people are talking. Him, Mulciber, Wilkes... All of them. There's something creepy going on with them. "

Alice looked so blatantly timid that Lily softened her voice, but she was shaking her head fervently. "I know they're creepy, but Severus isn't like them. He can be a little...dark sometimes, but he's not a future Death Eater like Mulciber wants to be."

Alice looked as if she wanted to say something but couldn't, but she didn't have to, because her expression said it all.

"That's what people are saying?" Lily said incredulously. "That Severus wants to be a Death Eater?"

"I don't think they see Severus as the sensitive type," Alice said cautiously.

Lily shook her head again, and for a moment, she wanted to laugh at the very idea, but she didn't. Instead of the fiery passion she often felt when the urge to protect Severus arose, she felt something cold and resolute settle inside of her. "They're wrong. I know him better than they do."

Alice didn't protest. "You have been friends with him for a while."

"I have," Lily acknowledged with a twinge of sadness. Seven years was a long time, but did the seven years count when the last three had been wasted doubting each other?

"Just...take care of yourself."

"I will," Lily forced a smile and Alice picked up her new issue of the _Daily Prophe_t. She didn't want to delve any deeper into the subject. Severus wasn't a future Death Eater, she knew that much, but there were moments when he frightened her. Not because she thought he could hurt her, but because there was an intensity in his eyes that burned a little too brightly sometimes, when he had been lashed at too many times and he lost himself trying to fight back.

She couldn't see his eyes now. They were intent on the page before him, but she knew that gleam would be there, smoldering. She studied him, willing him to look up so she could catch his eye.

"I need to burn that stupid book," Lily mumbled to herself in frustration as she watched Severus's quill fly across a page.

"Did you say something, Lily?" Alice asked distractedly, still focused on her paper.

"Er, no," Lily barely heard her. It was at the time that Severus decided to finally look up. His eyes had flickered towards her for a moment before returning to the book, as if it were an unconscious habit, but then he seemed to register that she was staring at him, and he looked again, this time, his gaze not straying. A dark eyebrow arched questioningly.

Lily simply tilted her head towards the doors of the Great Hall in response.

He glanced down at his book.

Lily narrowed her eyes.

He narrowed his eyes back.

Lily smiled sweetly.

He shut his book and Lily called it a victory.

But it was a bittersweet victory. That silent battle was evidence that her decision to stay behind for the holiday had been a step towards the right direction, that the pieces were beginning to be glued back together, and Lily only hoped that that wouldn't change even after she told him she was leaving. But that very worry was absurd because one holiday shouldn't have made a difference. Not in a friendship that was over seven years old.

The dread was bubbling up in her stomach. It would matter to him. No matter how many times she told herself that it wouldn't make a difference, she knew that it would, and she hated it. Lily hated this guilt, feeling as though she was abandoning him, when she should have been focused on her mother. But she had told Severus that she would be staying at Hogwarts, so maybe it was her fault after all, and she couldn't very well blame him for making her feel that way, could she?

"I'll see you in the common room," Lily told Alice reluctantly as she rose to her feet.

"Evans," Potter called before she could leave. "Want to sit with us on the train?"

Lily glanced at him, and in spite of herself, she almost smiled. He looked ridiculous, grinning widely with a glob of jam on his nose, his hair stuck up all over the place more so than usual, as if he had been struck by lightning in his sleep. "No thanks," she said coolly. "I think sitting with Black right now is the equivalent of a death wish."

"Oh, McKinnon? That's nothing. She'll have to wait her turn if she wants to kill us. There's a good number of people ahead of her."

"Congratulations, Potter," Lily said, the corners of her lips finally turning up. "You just made sitting next to you sound even more unappealing than it already is."

"Would chocolate make it more appealing?" Potter brandished a bar of Honeydukes chocolate. _Peppermint_, Lily thought automatically though she couldn't see the flavor.

"I don't think there's room for me, your ego, and your endless supply of chocolate," Lily told him lightly, causing a few laughs and a snort from Pettigrew.

"I suppose we'll just have to do without you then," Potter said, unwrapping the foil, and as he did so, his smile never dimmed. "Sorry, Evans, but my chocolate comes first."

Lily merely shook her head and tossed him a napkin as she swept past him. "Wipe your nose, Potter. That's a prefect order."

She heard him say something behind her, but it was lost in Black's laughter. To her surprise, when the doors shut behind her, she wasn't left with the urge to scream into her pillow as she usually was after a conversation with Potter. There was a pleasant warmth instead that almost made her forget about Briony and Severus.

Severus.

Lily hadn't seen him leave the Great Hall, but there he was, waiting outside the double doors, nearly concealed behind a suit of armor. He looked rather eerie, shrouded in the shadows, and Lily felt her stomach knot up all over again.

"I almost didn't see you," Lily said, wishing that he would step out from the darkness.

Severus gave a half-smile, unmoving. "I like my privacy."

She had already known that. Lily felt the note in her pocket as if it were burning hot, and she winced, wishing that the train wasn't leaving so soon, that she would have an extra day to tell him, or even a few more hours. She could have handled a few more hours.

"Lily."

"Yes?" Lily met his black eyes and found a familiar warmth there, one that she had thought no longer existed.

"Are you going to tell me what was so urgent?" He sounded almost amused. No, Lily decided. He sounded like Sev again. The Sev she hated to leave behind. The Sev she hated to disappoint because he had already had too many disappointments and now she was about to add another to the list.

"Oh, right," Lily said, and she exhaled, deciding it was best to say it all at once. It would be better that way, much like pulling off a Muggle bandage. "I have to go home for the holiday. I'm sorry."

He stared at her and Lily winced, nearly shivering from the ice in his gaze that had frozen over, killing anything else that had been there before. His posture had become strangely rigid. "Fine," he said, his voice chilling considerably with the rest of him. "Is that all?"

He was more convincing that he used to be. It was enough to spark hurt in Lily that mingled with outrage that he could have spoken to her so dismissively, but there was still a part of her that knew better, that knew underneath a thick layer of ice, he was hurt too. He may not be showing it now, but she knew that Severus Snape still cared about her too, that he wanted their friendship to survive just as much as she did. "I wish I could stay, but I don't have a choice because-"

"Don't bother," Severus said curtly before Lily could explain, and the ice had thawed, but instead of the amused warmth, it had melted into hot anger because no matter how much he struggled, he could never be that unfeeling statue that he so obviously wanted to be, not with her, and that comforted Lily, until she had heard his next words. "You made it clear that you rather go with _them_ than stay with me."

"That's not what it is at all!" Lily cried out, appalled, but there was also frustration, and she didn't understand why her Gryffindor friends had suddenly become part of the conversation. She had talked to Alice during breakfast, but surely that wouldn't be the reason why his eyes were flashing angrily-

"I saw you flirting with Potter just now."

"_Flirting_?" Now Lily was furious too. "I told him to wipe his nose because he had jam on it. How slaggy of me."

"What I don't understand is why you waited so long to tell me," Severus continued on as if he hadn't heard her, pacing back and forth and shaking his head. "Did you think it was funny to make me think that..."

His voice trailed off, and suddenly, he looked horrified as he stopped and stared at her.

"Of course, I don't think it's funny!" Lily said hotly. "I wanted to stay. I _want_ to stay, but Petunia wrote-"

"So it's because of _Petunia_?" Severus echoed incredulously. "Why Petunia?"

"Why not Petunia?" Lily was offended by his tone. "She's my sister."

"She abandoned you when she found out that you're a witch."

Lily flinched, but it was at the implication in his words that he had not, that he had always been there, that bothered her even more. "You know that's not true."

"She called you a freak more times than I can count, Lily."

Lily knew that better than he did, but she also knew that Petunia, in spite of some of the things she had said, hadn't meant them all. Petunia didn't invite her along wherever she went as she used to and Lily didn't follow her around, whether she had been invited or not, as she did before, but that didn't matter. In the end, they were sisters, and if they needed each other, Lily felt that they would be there for one another without question, and no amount of magic would change that.

Still, It hurt, having him say aloud her fears and worries that she had once told him in confidence, that she had once tossed and turned about at night so anxiously, and it sparked a new defiance in her.

"You know it's more complicated than that," Lily said angrily. "You're just upset that that I'm close to someone who isn't you."

Severus grew very white and Lily suddenly realized that she had gone too far.

"I didn't mean that."

"Just go, Lily," Severus said irritably.

"Sev-"

"I said, GO."

He had shouted the last word at her, and it made her jump back and she nearly collided into the marble stairway. Lily's green eyes were round, and in the back of her mind, she could hear her conversation with Alice, her own voice distant.

_"I'm not scared of_ him_."_

But that didn't explain why her heart was beating frantically in her chest, why her hand was hovering above the wand in her robes.

For a long, painfully silent moment, Lily stared at Severus, at his wild eyes, at his white face, and his rapidly rising chest, and without a word, she turned around and left, and as she did, she couldn't help but wonder if, in the end, Severus would be there for her too.

**loveislouder94- Thanks for the review! There will be an epilogue where Severus finds closure. It may be in the afterlife or not. Like you, part of me wishes that Severus and Lily could have had a happy ending, even though I know I wouldn't have been so fascinated by them if they did have one. I feel like Severus and his fans deserve to have some sort of closure after 100+ chapters of suffering, but I have to wait until I write it to be certain because I want to make sure it feels canon. To be honest, I didn't even know there was a button to send PMs to reviewers until recently, but I want to continue posting them on the story because other people have said that they read them and a lot of people who review are guests that I can't even PM. **

**dollarbanks- Thanks for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed it because I love analyzing characters. Some people are taken by the characters' strengths, but I usually find their faults most fascinating. **

**James 3 lily- Thanks for the review! What you said is pretty much what I'm trying to portray with Lily and James. I'm not saying that she was in love with him the entire time and in denial about it, but in this story at least, I think there is always a spark between them that makes me feel like they secretly find it fun to fight with each other.**

**JPLE94- Thanks for the review! I think Lily was able to influence Severus a tiny bit. She loved him and because she loved him, he loved her, and that stayed with him. I think her influence was less effective than James/Sirius in his younger years because Severus's main issue was inferiority and he was constantly surrounded by future Death Eaters who provided him with a way to overcome that when he lost Lily. Sirius was damaged too, but he didn't have Severus's inferiority issues. I would have to think about this, but I think his main issue, or at least one of his main issues was resentment towards his family, and in Hogwarts, like Severus, he found himself surrounded by people who provided him with a way overcome that, but unlike Severus, those people were against Voldemort. I'm sorry this update took over two weeks, and yes, American.**

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I'm glad you enjoy the notes because it's fun to write them when I'm taking writing breaks.**

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I don't think this chapter was faster or happier, so I'm sorry for that, but there will be a happier one coming up soon! **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I'm so honored that you and your friends discuss this because I do that with books/shows that I get really into so it's just nice to know that someone is doing the same thing to something that I wrote. **

**Colonel fubster- Thanks for the review! Three of those will happen this year. **

**Nina- Thanks for the review! I definitely won't stop writing Always. I've gotten this far so there's no way that I'm going to give up on it now. I'm not sure when I'm updating Abomination and Hero because Always and my novels are my first priority, so I like to work on those when I'm ahead of my writing schedule. I'm working on two novels but the general idea of the one I made the most progress on is sort of similar to this story and I say that just because I really like exploring the psychology of characters, and similarly to Severus's change, the novel is about how someone became the someone she is known for. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! You see an explanation of Marlene and Sirius in this chapter, but it was very brief because I'm waiting to write about it in Abomination and I'll probably have Sirius mention in front of Lily in a later chapter. Yes, he was growling at Marlene, and in Always, it seems like he was bored with her and that they were never really together in his eyes, but it will go deeper in Abomination because I wanted to have something resembling a relationship for Sirius that wasn't really a relationship to explain why he's just not built for relationships instead of just being a stereotypical attractive guy, if that makes any sense at all. **

** Fan- Thanks for the review! I'm glad I didn't scare you off with my incredibly long reply, and wow, you must have been one of my first readers because I updated every few days in the very early days. Thank you for staying with this story for so long! I've been taking summer classes so unfortunately I don't get a vacation, which is why I've been so horrible with updating. I have a lot more work than I do during the school year, and usually when I'm done, I just want to sleep and not think about the fact I have to wake up early and do it all over again. The good news is that my friends are starting to leave for school again, so that means the free time that I have that I usually end up spending with them will be spent on writing. **

**sparklyscrunchies- Thanks for the review! I'm happy to say that there will be at least one more happy Sev/Lily scene before the Mudblood scene because I'm dreading to kill their friendship. I was curious about the potions book too, so I can promise there will be a scene that explains it. That's one reason why I wanted Mary to not recover so easily. Sometimes I feel like Hogwarts is a place that's too shut off from the rest of the world, and I wanted Mary to be evidence that the war is real, that people are changing, and that Hogwarts can be affected too. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! It seems like every year gets longer. This year will be on the long side, but not as long as year four, because that was extremely long. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I'm not sure James deserved to be Head Boy in general, but in this story, I'm basing it on the fact that he changed during seventh year. To me, that means maybe not initially, but he eventually did in the end. I'm not sure if I said it yet or not, but the Slytherin prefect is Wilkes. I should slip in a mention of Severus being annoyed by that. Rodolphus and Malfoy were, in this story at least, and Rodolphus was Head Boy sort of like how Draco was prefect. I don't know if Dumbledore or the Heads of Houses are responsible for choosing, but Rodolphus is a leader type, was from a prominent family, had high marks, was highly respected by the Slytherins with a bright future, making him someone that Slughorn would have loved. Rodolphus dislikes Muggleborns, but his character in this story is smart enough not to advertise it. I do think Dumbledore would have seen right through him, but because Rodolphus has favorable qualities that would make him a decent Head Boy, I think Dumbledore turn a blind eye and hope that responsibility would benefit Rodolphus while keeping him busy and simultaneously letting Dumbledore keep a closer watch on him. I don't have any major plans for Christopher Spinnet, but he'll most likely turn up again, in Always and Hero. After all, Lily's love interest isn't likely to escape James's notice.**

** Guest- Thanks for the review! I always thought it was strange that Harry didn't ask more about his parents, especially since he was so fascinated by his father. It probably would have given too much of the plot away to hear his parents' story because going into James/Lily would lessen the shock factor of James's appearance in the Mudblood scene and just the entire James/Lily/Severus story.**

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I'm excited for seventh year too, especially for Severus's Death Eater initiation. I almost wish I could write a huge story on Regulus. I think the actuality of killing someone is much different from what Regulus has in mind, and he's going to change a lot. Regulus's death will definitely have an emotional impact on Severus, and that's something he'll struggle with too. I'm not sure how Sirius finds out. I may write a few scenes for Abomination and see which I like best. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I've toyed around with the idea of Remus having a girlfriend. I was deciding between one relationship that ended painfully because of his secret or none at all, but I'm not sure. His love life or a lack thereof will be mentioned eventually, in two different conversations with Lily. There may be other mentions too, but I have two planned out. **

**Shocked- Thanks for the review! James calling Lily "Lily" was an accident. I'm sorry! I type it sometimes out of habit, but usually I catch it. When he calls her Lily for real, it won't go unnoticed by Lily. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review and sorry to keep you waiting! You don't have to worry because I won't give up on this story. Even if it takes me years, I'll still eventually finish. I almost gave up one time because my computer crashed and I lost everything, but I couldn't do it, and if that didn't stop me, nothing will.**


	81. Chapter 81 Sorry

**An update on time! Thanks for the reviews! I hope this chapter isn't backpedaling too much, but I thought Snape and Lily, not to mention Snape/Lily fans who have been following this for 80+ chapters, deserved to have one (sort of) nice moment before the Mudblood scene. And I admit, I had to write it for me too. **

**I'm pleased to say there's also another big James/Lily scene, so hopefully there's something for everyone in this chapter. Which is good because it's getting close to the Mudblood scene (which I'm just beginning to panic about writing because it's probably the most important chapter in this entire story) and I think both Snape/Lily and James/Lily fans will want to kill me after it. **

**Happy reading!**

**Chapter Eighty-One- Sorry**

**1976**

_Hemlock._

Severus stared at the word on the page before him, his forehead crumpling in confusion as his eyes darted to the paragraph above, the ink still damp. It took longer than it should have, but finally, realization sank in and he crumpled the parchment into a ball before chucking it. Rather stupidly, he had mixed up a Strengthening Solution with an Elysian Elixir and the result was a muddled combination of the two.

It was useless. Useless. Useless. Useless.

His quill snapped in his clenched fist as the word echoed in his mind like an obnoxious Muggle record. Severus hadn't even noticed that his fist had been clenched and the noise startled him. A fresh wave of irritation fell over him. He didn't like being startled. He preferred a sense of routine. He liked seeing pieces fall into place the way he expected them to be, the way he carved them out to be. He wasn't being ridiculous. He was being reasonable. Any rational person would have been annoyed by their quill suddenly breaking or their best friend abruptly changing plans...

Severus slammed his textbook shut, but even as he did, his eyes instinctively went to the library window, wanting to spot a flash of dark red among the swirling white. He was greeted with emptiness. There were no students awkwardly running in the snow, cheeks pink from the cold and eyes bright from a nice holiday, and there was certainly no Lily Evans heading his way, just as overly cheery as the rest of them, pleased to have spent a holiday with a family that came straight out of a Muggle film rather than her gloomy friend who had barely slept since the day he had screamed at her to leave.

There was still anger there, resentment at what she had said, but there was also guilt, cold and piercing. Severus knew Lily and he knew that there had to be a reason, that she wouldn't just decide to stay one day and leave another, not when she knew that he was looking forward to it and he had a feeling that she had been looking forward to it too, but he hadn't let her explain because, quite frankly, he hadn't wanted an explanation.

He still didn't want one. He didn't want to hear a meaningless string of words, not when they meant that Lily couldn't stay. That holiday had been the one bright light in his dark world and she had extinguished it before he had been able to fully register its presence. He had reacted, perhaps badly, but it was the natural thing to do, what anyone would have done.

And perhaps he had reacted even worse to her suggestion that he didn't want to be close to anyone else, but he had every right to._ She_ was the one always going on about Mulciber and the others, always demanding to know why he insisted on spending time with them.

Severus knew all of this and he told himself it repeatedly, but the guilt wouldn't budge. It remained, just another scar to add to his collection.

Maybe Lily was right. Maybe he didn't want anyone else to be close to her. Was that so terrible? What he and Lily shared, it was golden and it was perfect. No one would be able to understand it, not even if Severus tried to spend a thousand years explaining it. No one else would be able to understand the story of how a green-eyed girl as warm and bright as the afternoon sun came to befriend the somber boy who had had nothing but his own dreary world. No one else would be able to understand because Severus barely understood it himself. The connection they had was inexplicable, but it was there, and he could feel it, and he didn't need anyone else tarnishing that beautiful perfection. He had every right to guard it close.

A flash of movement from the corner of his eye disturbed his thoughts, and immediately, Severus's eyes flew to the window, his heart already beating rapidly in his chest.

They were here. She was here.

Severus stood up from his seat, and for a few seconds, he wavered, a fragment of him sorely tempted to pick up his textbook and forget all about a certain red-haired girl.

But the rest of him broke, and cursing himself as he did so, he went to the bin and picked up the messily wrapped package he had determinedly thrown out earlier and had promptly avoided eye contact with ever since. The paper wrapping, really just a few pages he had torn out from the _Daily Prophet_, had already been sloppy, but two hours in the bin had made it even more wrinkled. Severus tried to perk up the string bow that held it altogether, but it was fruitless, and irritated with himself for ruining it and even more irritated with himself for caring, he left the library, textbook in one hand, the package in the other.

He ran.

There were no witnesses and he would deny it until the very end, but somewhere along the way, Severus had burst into an awkward sprint, barely conscious of what he was doing until he had skidded to a stop, his breaths heavy.

When he saw Lily walk into the castle, he forgot all about his pounding heart or his embarrassing huffing, at least until a moment later when it all sank in, and that was when he became horribly conscious of how ridiculous he must have looked. Scowling, Severus decidedly to discreetly shrink back into the shadows.

Before he could, her eyes had somehow found his, and she looked at him, not angrily as he would have expected, but questioningly. Severus swallowed. Before he could decide on the next appropriate action, Lily said something to Alice Clarke and began to move towards him.

Panicked, Severus searched his mind for the right words to say. Nothing felt right. Nothing could have expressed the turmoil that was reeling inside of him.

"Hi."

Hi. That was a good start. Perhaps he should follow her example. Numbly, Severus nodded. "Hi."

Lily suddenly looked as awkward as he felt.

"I'm-"

"I'm-"

They had spoken at the same time, and in unison, they clamped their mouths shut, warily eyeing each other.

"I'msorryaboutwhatIsaid," Severus said in such a rush that it was barely intelligible, but he wanted to get those words out before they were lost inside of him forever. A part of him protested at this apology, but that part was silenced when Lily's lowered gaze lifted to meet his.

"Me too," Lily said softly. "I mean, I'm sorry about what I said too. I shouldn't have said it that way. It was rude."

But entirely accurate, Severus mentally filled in the pause, and wondered if her thoughts mirrored his. He couldn't read her just then. Her forehead was furrowed and her nose wrinkled, as if she was contemplating something serious but was deciding just the right way to phrase it. He just didn't know what, and that set his nerves on fire all over again.

"I wish you had let me finish," Lily began at last, and automatically, Severus felt his annoyance flare.

"Petunia asked me to come home because my mum was ill."

His annoyance evaporated, only to be replaced by something much worse: shame. It creeped into his cheeks and weighed his head down, causing his chin to droop. Severus couldn't think of a time when he felt more foolish.

"Lily..." He wavered, at a loss of what to say.

"She's fine, I think. She seemed fine. A little more tired, but she was walking around and everything," Lily said a little defiantly that made Severus wonder how fine Mrs. Evans really was. He wanted to ask, but at the same time, he did not. Did Lily even want him to ask?

"I didn't know," Severus said weakly. "You didn't tell me. You should have told me."

"I tried to. You wouldn't let me finish. If I had known you would react the way you did, maybe I would have started out with 'my mum is ill,' but honestly, do you really think I should have to worry about that? Worry about phrasing things the right way to prevent my best friend from yelling at me to go away?"

Best friend. She had still called him her best friend. It was inappropriate timing, Severus knew it was, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Something inside of him lightened. Not trusting himself to speak, he gave a brief shake of his head.

"I just wish...you had been around, Sev. You're my friend and I could have used one."

She was looking at him pleadingly, as if begging him to understand, to talk to her, and Severus felt a flicker of panic. He had been able to talk to Lily before, grudgingly at times, but always, in the end, he had crumbled. It had felt surprisingly nice then, easy, as if nothing was off limits between them. But now, Severus felt himself stiffen. There was so much he couldn't say to her, even more than what he could say, and suddenly, he felt as if he were in a prison cell and she was on the other side of the bars. A few inches away, but impossible to touch.

As he looked at those green eyes, he had a sudden urge to break down, to confess everything. To confess to being a Knight, to inventing hexes, to cursing people he had never even spoken to, to almost cursing his friends, to almost cursing _her_, to having feelings for her, feelings that went beyond friendship so that they could finally, finally put an end to this ridiculous, never-ending dance.

But he didn't. Severus knew the thin line between fantasy and reality, and he knew it well. He knew the moment that he gave into his fantasy, of being able to tell Lily everything, that would be the moment that it would end, and he would be trapped in a reality without her.

He didn't want that.

"I'm sorry," Severus said at last.

And he was sorry this time, so sorry, that he couldn't tell Lily everything, that maybe he would never be able to tell her everything. He had plans for himself, plans for them, and even if they worked out as gloriously as he had written them out, he didn't know, even then, if he would be able to tell Lily everything.

If he handled it carefully enough, he thought he could persuade her, to see that Voldemort was the right way, the only way, that being a Death Eater was much more impressive than anything James Potter aimed to be, but that was the key word. Carefully. It wasn't like Hogwarts anymore. He couldn't just tell her everything he knew the second it sprang to his mind. It would always be like this, walking on eggshells, and the sudden realization ignited a sadness deeper than anything he had ever known. Severus felt overwhelmed by the unexpected emotion, and it must have showed on his face because Lily gently touched his hand.

"It's all right," she said. "I'm not upset about it anymore."

But it wasn't all right. In the few seconds that Lily's fingertips were on his skin, Severus didn't want to be a Knight. He didn't want to be a Death Eater. He wanted to be nine years old in that clearing with Lily again. Looking at her, Severus had the strangest sensation that she might disappear, and he had an even stranger urge to hug her tightly to his chest to keep her from slipping away.

He didn't, of course. He merely held out the package he had been limp at his side. "Happy Christmas."

Lily stared at it.

"It's late, I know," Severus said gruffly, his eyes falling to the floor. Strands of dark hair fell with them, shielding his face, and he didn't make a motion to move them. "I wanted to give it to you in person."

He decided that it was best not to mention that there had been several occasions when he had been tempted to not give it to her at all, that he had nearly hurled it out of the window out of spite.

"Sev." He could hear the smile in her voice, and it made him look up, not wanting to miss the sight. "You even tied a bow."

"Just take it," Severus said, determined to sound even more gruff, but her reaction had brought a faint smile to his own face, and warm cheeks to go with it.

"Wait," Lily told him, kneeling down to fiddle through her trunk. "I have your present too."

Hers ended up being wrapped much more nicely than his, although a few imperfections remained, such as the lopsided bow, and Severus liked it even better for it. He knew Lily well enough to know that Lily wouldn't allow a Christmas to slide by without a proper gift, fight or not, but he hadn't expected the lump in his throat that came with it.

"At the same time?" Lily proposed.

Severus nodded.

They began at the same time, but Severus's gift to Lily was revealed much faster, due to Lily's almost violent tendency to tear through wrapping paper in a matter of seconds.

"This is gorgeous, Sev."

Severus paused his delicately unwrapping process, so meticulous that it avoided tearing even a fragment, to look at Lily. She was holding up the emerald green scarf he had found the Hogsmeade village, studying it admiringly, and the second he saw her, Severus instantly wished he had gone with something more impressive.

"I know it's not much," Severus said. "I know emerald is a Slytherin color, but it's the color of your eyes, so I always think of it as a Lily color."

Immediately, he had felt that he had revealed far too much, and busied himself with fidgeting with the ribbon of his own present that was still a mystery.

Lily was already wrapping the scarf around herself. "I love it."

"It's just a scarf," Severus was still feeling rather embarrassed over the entire thing and wanted to move on, quickly, especially before she could ask how he could afford it. "It's not even magical."

But Lily refused to let it go. She somehow managed to grab hold of his wandering gaze, that seemed able to look anywhere but directly at her, and firmly, she held it, her own eyes suspiciously bright.

"It's perfect."

For some odd reason, Severus almost believed her.

Lily was blinking rapidly and nodded at him. "Well, open yours or I'll do it for you. I swear, Sev, you're slower each year."

"Just because I don't demolish the wrapping doesn't mean..." Severus's voice trailed off as he finally saw what it was. He had known it was a book, that had been obvious at first glance, but he hadn't expected the vivid orange letters that spelled out_ Kirkpatrick's Koncoctions_.

"It has the very worst instructions," Lily boasted. "I should know. I looked through every Potions book at Flourish & Blotts. You're going to have a field day with it. That's why I brought you a new quill too," she gestured at the elegant black quill that Severus hadn't noticed.

Severus touched the cover. The grinning wizard in the absurd robes that he could have sworn were _glowing_ should have repulsed him, but all he could do was marvel at Lily. Only she would think that finding the worst Potions book in existence was the perfect present for him, and it was, he realized.

Lily misread his silence. "You can exchange it if you want. I won't mind. I saw a copy of _The Intricacies of Potion-Making_ and the shopkeeper was telling me-"

"Lily," Severus interrupted, and this time, it was he who sought her gaze. "It's perfect."

Lily blinked. "Oh."

Her eyes were bright again, and to Severus's alarm, she sniffled. Before he knew what was coming, she flung her arms around him in a hug. He froze, stunned by what was happening, and even more stunned by his reaction, which was to hug her back. Tightly. He forgot all about the fact that they were in the Great Hall, that others could have been watching, that Slytherins with sharp eyes could have been watching. He forgot about the rest of the world entirely and merely drank in what was happening, closing his eyes and struggling to memorize every detail of this moment. The warm weight of Lily's arms, the floral scent she always seemed to carry with her, the...

"We're being a bit ridiculous aren't we?" Lily mumbled into his shoulder, causing Severus's eyes to fly open, and it was then that he snapped out of his dreamlike haze and was conscious, too conscious of the reality of the situation. He remained wide-eyed and still, hardly daring to breathe.

"Just a bit. Yeah."

Much to his regret, Lily let go, quickly wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her robes, and looked up at him, obviously embarrassed. "I'm sorry," she said. "It was a horrible holiday. Vernon still hates me and I don't think Mum is fine and I kept thinking of you being here..." she hesitated, offering him a tiny, brave smile. "I'm just glad that we're okay again. Really glad."

It was closer than they had been in ages. It should have been perfect. She was there, smiling at him,_ hugging_ him, but there was still something there, something lurking over them, between them, that wouldn't left a hollowness in Severus. He wanted to continue to drink in those eyes and replay what had just occurred over and over again, but that hollowness was just as powerful, and he stood there, feeling that strange sadness all over again, hearing her words without really hearing them at all.

"I'm glad too," he said, not knowing what that something that stood between them was and not realizing that it was himself.

He wouldn't.

Not for a long time.

**1976**

James Potter was scandalized.

Scandalized, Lily thought, was an understatement. Looking at his face, one would think he had caught her wearing one of Slughorn's velvet waistcoats with some of McGonagall's tartan while dancing around like a lunatic, swinging a bloody ax after a murderous rampage. He had completed neglected his morning pumpkin juice in favor of gaping at her like a codfish.

"That's a flattering expression," Lupin said dryly.

Potter shut his mouth, but not for long, because he was Potter after all. Not even looking at Lupin, his hazel eyes narrowed at Lily from behind the thin black frames.

"You can't wear green to a Quidditch match, Evans. Where's your team spirit?"

Lily fingered the warm scarf that she was bundled up in, the same scarf that Severus had given to her for Christmas. She had been wearing it a lot lately, and not only because the grounds were still frosted with snow. Seeing it was a reminder that maybe Severus was beginning to change, or rather, return to his old self. The self that didn't need impressive magic, that knew she would have been even happier with something simple. The thought made her feel lighter whenever it entered her mind. It was one worry less than the worries that seemed to be piling up lately. But, of course, Lily couldn't tell Potter that.

"Why do you care, Potter? Slytherin isn't playing and you won't even see me out on the field."

Her voice was flat. She hadn't meant it to sound that way, but she wasn't in the mood to banter with anyone, least of all someone who looked as if he had a dozen too many Sugar Quills that morning and was practically bouncing off the walls. She wasn't in the mood for anything, except for maybe returning home to keep a closer watch on her mother.

Briony had said she was fine. To anyone else, she would have seemed fine, and at first Lily had been quite annoyed with Petunia. She had expected, well, dreaded, to find their mother sick in bed, but Briony Evans was bustling about in the kitchen as she usually did, smiling and laughing as if she hadn't a worry in the world.

But then Lily started to notice the little things. How Briony went to sleep earlier than she had before, how the sleeves of her blouse were a little looser, how there seemed to be a bit more gray streaked in her hair. It continued on for the rest of the holiday, barely noticeable, and Lily had begun to think that maybe they were all just coincidences. She wanted to believe it because the idea that there was something seriously wrong was too horrible to even consider, but she couldn't quite manage to fully accept it, especially with Petunia rolling her disbelieving eyes at her.

There was nothing she could have done over holiday, and Lily knew there was nothing she could do now, even if she were back home, but there was something incredibly frustrating at being so far away from her mother, something that made her feel even more powerless.

"But I'll know," Potter said very seriously, or as seriously as he could manage with the dangerous sparkle in his eyes, that in spite of herself, made her forget all about the weight on her shoulders. He gave off a sense of invincibility, as if there was nothing that the world could throw at him that he couldn't manage to turn into a triumph, and looking at him, Lily's worries suddenly felt ridiculous.

"And it'll bother me immensely," Potter continued, eyes brightening at her sudden attention. "It'll distract me and right when I'm about to throw the Quaffle to break the tie, I'll think of you in green, and then that's it. I miss and the match is over. How does it feel, Evans, to be responsible not only for my humiliation, but all of Gryffindors'?"

He jabbed an accusing finger at her, and with it, were dozens of equally accusing eyes that were huddled around him.

"I don't even know where my Gryffindor scarf is," Lily told him desperately, not wanting to start up a war with the James Potter fan club. They were vicious and rather psychotic, especially when they gathered around on a Gryffindor Quidditch day.

"Why didn't you say so?" Potter looked at her strangely. "Wallis, grab my scarf from Violet."

"Do you mean Veronica?" A tiny first year piped up and Lily winced at the sight of him. His mop of curly blond hair had been styled à la Potter and he was wearing glasses that seemed to be lacking actual glass. In fact, she realized, many of the younger students were.

"Right. Veronica."

Looking incredibly pleased with himself, the first year hopped up and scampered off. Lily arched an eyebrow at Potter. "Veronica?"

"I could have sworn it was Violet."

Lily was strangely annoyed by this information. "You're terrible."

"Would you like a Support Gryffindor badge?" A second year with spiky black hair chimed in, brandishing a scarlet and gold flashing button, much like the half dozen that were pinned to his robes. "Or a Support James Potter badge?"

"Yes, Evans," Potter was grinning rather wickedly at her, evidently enjoying this little interruption. "Would you like a Support James Potter badge?"

"Oh, shut up, Potter," Lily said irritably and shook her head at the second year, refusing the urge to chase after him and straighten his Potter-ized hair. "I'm surprised you're not with them, handing out autographed souvenirs."

"Is it my fault that everyone wants to wear the James Potter scarf?" Potter leaned back in his seat, his grinning widening, but it didn't inspire the strange feeling that his little smile once had. "It's my lucky scarf too. I was wearing it when I hexed Yaxley, you know, that giant seventh year? He was-"

Lily didn't want to hear any more of this. The smugness of him had triggered a familiar feeling of revulsion that both comforted and disappointed her, and her brief moment of serenity had ended. She didn't want to sit here, not at the Gryffindor table, not with him, and she certainly didn't want to attend a Quidditch match and watch the greatness of James Potter in action which she would undoubtedly hear about for the next few weeks. "Forget the scarf. I don't want it."

Potter blinked.

"What's wrong with my scarf?" He asked, a little bewildered by her sharp voice. "It's a nice scarf."

"Yes, I heard," Lily said tersely. "_Everyone_ wants to wear it."

"Yeah, they do," Potter was looking more confused by the second.

Lily stood up just as the first year returned, triumphantly waving a scarlet scarf above his head, which still wasn't at any impressive height given his small stature. "Then let someone else have it because I don't want it."

"Evans, don't you think you're being-"

Lily was already halfway to the door, her shoulders tense once more. She didn't hear her surname again and she smiled grimly to herself. Good. Maybe he was actually thinking for once. Maybe he was-

"Evans."

Or maybe he was right behind her. Lily internally groaned at the sight of him, stupid scarf in hand.

"I think I may have handled that badly," Potter said.

Lily gave him a look of disbelief.

"All right," Potter said, raking his hand in his hair, though it seemed to be out of pure frustration than anything else. "I did handle it badly. Will you just take the scarf?"

"No."

"I'll lose the match if you don't."

"Good."

"_Please_ take the scarf?"

There was something suspicious about him, or at least something more suspicious than usual. Lily studied him, her eyes narrowing as they darted between his not quite innocent enough hazel gaze and the scarf in his hands. "You hexed it. Didn't you?"

"What?" Potter spluttered, and Lily knew she had been right.

"You hexed the scarf," she said incredulously, unsure of why she was so startled. It was the natural thing for him to do, far more natural than him being a gentleman who offered her a scarf for the sake of being a gentleman, and that was when Lily realized that she wasn't surprised that he had hexed it, but she surprised at herself because she hadn't suspected it sooner. It was so _obvious_.

"I didn't-"

"_What did you do to it, Potter_?"

"It wasn't going to do anything to you!"

"I knew it!" Lily said a little too loudly, causing all eyes to look their way, and she should have been mortified, and any other day she would have been, but not now. She was too angry with herself for being too naive with Potter out of all people, Potter who might as well have had MISCHIEF stamped on his forehead.

"Well, I did hex it. But I took it off before I gave it to you," Potter mumbled.

"Right."

"Really! That Violet," he hesitated and corrected himself. "_Veronica_ girl kept asking me if she could wear it, which is perfectly understandable, I suppose, because I am on the Quidditch team-"

"Just get on with it, Potter," Lily said irritably, not especially wanting to hear about Veronica.

"I would if you let me finish, Evans," Potter shot back. "As I was saying, I thought her name was Violet so I thought it would be funny to, you know..."

His voice trailed off.

Lily looked at him expectantly.

"To turn her violet."

"_What is wrong with you_?" Lily demanded, but looking at him, at his sheepish expression, she could feel her anger begin to fade, and taking over was unfortunately the strangest urge to laugh. She tried to school her face into a furious one, not wanting Potter to see her lips twitch. "That poor girl. What did she ever do to you?"

"She was being a little too insistent about the scarf."

"So you decided to make her _purple_?" Lily was losing her internal battle. No longer feeling confident in her ability to fight off the incoming giggles, she coughed loudly. She didn't know why it was funny. It wasn't funny. This Veronica was most likely just another unfortunate soul who had made the mistake of crossing James Potter's path. She didn't deserve to be turned purple, and Lily knew that, she really did, but... Oh, Merlin. She was going to laugh again. She coughed again, trying frantically to muster some proper outrage. "What were you going to do to me? Turn me into a lily?"

Potter's eyebrows shot up. "That's actually-"

"Don't you dare."

"I probably could-"

"Don't even think about it."

"Are you _laughing_?"

"No," Lily said quickly. "Absolutely not."

"You are," Potter sounded pleased and awed all at once and he seemed to stand up even taller. "Don't even try to deny it. Who knew Lily Evans had a secret appreciation for the art of mischief?"

"You're hallucinating," and to her great relief, horror that he had caught her amusement which would no doubt result in terrifying ego swelling side effects, sobered her and she no longer had the urge to double over. Lily straightened up, looking a little more solemn than necessary. "There was just something in my throat. That's all."

"I'm just relieved to see that you have a dark side after all. It doesn't make the rest of us ordinary humans look so bad," Potter was clearly enjoying this far too much and Lily felt that a subject change was overdue.

"I mean it. Don't think about it. Or I'll turn you into a Quaffle, though knowing my Transfiguration skills, you'd end up as a cockroach."

Potter paled a little at that, but surprisingly, was nice enough not to agree. "You're not that bad, Evans."

"Not as bad as I was. That visualization-" Lily blinked, catching herself before she could continue prattling. "Stay on topic, Potter. I was lecturing you."

"Yelling at me, actually," Potter glanced worriedly at the door. "Look, I have to go soon or there won't even be a match. I didn't hex the scarf. If you don't believe me, watch." He took the scarf and quickly looped it around his neck. "See? Not purple and not a lily."

Lily was still dubious. He may have looked normal, or at least no more abnormal than he usually looked, but trust and Potter were two things that should never go hand in hand. "Why is this so important to you then?"

"I dunno," Potter shrugged, and for a quarter of a second, he looked down, but he perked right back up. "I wouldn't want you clashing with the décor or anything."

"Right."

"And I suppose," Potter looked suddenly uncomfortable. "It would be nice if you wore it."

Lily's forehead wrinkled, not understanding what that meant.

"But mostly the décor," Potter said quickly. "And see that group over there?"

He gestured at the growing group of devoted Gryffindor fans, decked out in red and gold, badges flashing and lion banners waving.

"They'll eat you alive in the stands."

"Oh," Lily said, eyeing their festive, pre-victory dance and automatically taking a step away which equaled a step closer to Potter. They were inches away from each other, close enough that she could see the flecks of gold in his hazel eyes, and if she wanted to, she could have easily reached out and touched him.

Or hexed him, she quickly told herself. It was an ideal hexing distance.

"So, Evans, would you do me the honor of wearing my scarf?"

His tone contracted his words. It was confident and teasing, but there was something uncertain about the way he held it out, something that made her forget all about the irritating Potter who never shut up about his greatness, something that permitted Lily to smile slightly.

"I suppose I don't fancy being eaten alive."

She had expected him to shove the scarf at her and rejoin his pre-victory party. She did not expect him to reach over and wrap the scarf around her himself and she certainly didn't expect him to do it as carefully as he did. For some inexplicable reason, Lily didn't exhale, strangely nervous to even breathe as she felt his fingers brush against her hair, adjusting the material under her chin.

"There," he smiled at her, a brilliant James Potter smile, and it was only then that he melted into the sea of red and gold.

Lily stared after him, absentmindedly touching the wool material. She felt like a bulky snowman with two thick scarves layered over one another, and the logical solution would have been to rip off Potter's because there was no reason she should have been wearing his scarf. She barely even tolerated him, and even though she felt human and didn't sense any feathers or horns sprouting, it was Marauder property, and chances were, it was jinxed.

But it was surprisingly comfortable, feeling like an enormous marshmallow, and the scarf smelled rather nice too, like freshly cut grass and something she didn't recognize that was strangely familiar in a way. It was odd, that feeling, but Lily decided that she liked it.

Which was why she didn't take it off and why she was still wearing it two hours later, when the Gryffindor Seeker's hand clasped over the Snitch and Potter did a victory dive on his broomstick, followed by elaborate twists and turns that had the stands roaring in delight.

But Lily was pleased to say that she was one of the few people who hadn't been among them. She hadn't even smiled at the display.

Or at least, she hadn't that much.

**the dark god- Thanks for the review! I agree, from what Lily and others have said, James did hex other people. I do think that he grew out of it by seventh year and stopped hexing people for the fun of it, not including Snape, just from the Remus/Sirius/Harry conversation in OOTP. **

**sparklyscrunchies- Thanks for the review! I didn't think of it before, but I agree, it does feel weird that Severus would feel comfortable emptying his trunk out in front of Regulus, and I wish I considered that before. When I edit it, I think I'm going to edit that part a little because it doesn't feel right to me, so thanks for pointing that out. I do have a Pottermore account but I've only been on it once or twice. I'll have to go on again. Thanks for letting me know about Lupin because I didn't know she put up a bio. On some level, I do consider Pottermore canon, just because it's JKR's world, but my main concern is following the books. When little details from Pottermore don't match up or don't follow what I have planned, it sort of annoys me, but I decided when I first heard about Pottermore that I wouldn't stress about it. If any new information fits into the story, I'll work it in, if it doesn't, I won't panic or try to switch it around just to make it work. Thanks for letting me know about the typos. I'm getting worse at catching them because I tend to fix them in my mind, even when I read aloud. I think I'm might look for a beta, or at least I will later when the story is done and I make all my changes. My earlier chapters are much shorter and I want to make them longer, but I don't know if I actually will or not. About my novel, I have no idea, but I'm happy that you're interested in it. I've read that you shouldn't mention fanfiction to your publisher so if I actually get it published by a real publisher, I might not be able to. If I can't get it published, I'll do it through Amazon and I'll most likely post something about it on my profile. I'm not too concerned about privacy because I plan to use a pen name no matter what because I'm weird about my writing and I sometimes find it difficult to even post here. I'm glad to hear that you and your sister discuss this story! It just makes me weirdly happy to know that people are interested in my work enough to actually want to talk about it. I hope both of you enjoy this chapter.**

**JPLE94- Thanks for the review! Unfortunately for Severus, he does stay at home. I didn't think of that, but I like the idea of Severus looking at Lily's house, and I definitely want to do a scene with that, so thank you for the idea! **

**Fuchsia- Thanks for the review! I think I started writing this just before the DH Part 2 movie came out. I wanted to do a prequel as soon as I read The Prince's Tale because I had so many ideas and I just wasn't finished with Severus and Lily. I wanted to forget about it and write some of my own work, but when I have an idea that I want to write about, it drives me crazy until I actually write it. Other than the fact that I feel obligated to finish this because I've promised I would to so many people, I think I've written the now 80+ chapters because it's just one of those things that I need to write. In my mind, there's still so much more to tell to the Severus/Lily story, so until I write it all down, I know I won't be able to move on. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I hope you're not too disappointed that I mostly skipped Christmas. Initially, I was planning to do a real Christmas chapter, but when I started, it felt like too much of a filler chapter because Severus really didn't have anything to do except stress and angst, and Lily, aside from a small scene with Petunia, mostly dealt with stress and angst too. **

**Nadia- Thanks for the review! I also feel bad for Petunia at times. I honestly think some part of her always cared about Lily, even in the end, though I do think that she also resented her, which is understandable for the reasons you said. I get the impression that she felt guilty over resenting Lily, which is also why she was so bitter over Harry anything, but again, that's just my feeling on the subject. There's not much known about Lily so it's hard to say, but I would say she's somewhere between Snape/Sirius and James. From what we know, she didn't have a terrible childhood, but I don't think she was doted on like James was because 1. she didn't come from older parents who considered her their miracle child 2. she didn't come from a wealthy family 3. she had Petunia. I think we see Lily's life as the perfect one just because we're used to Severus and his miserable one, but I actually see her as pretty normal. This is really just my idea, but I've always felt like her parents were the type to be loving but firm. In my mind, I don't see them getting away with some of the stunts that James would get away with his parents, but I definitely don't see them having a Walburga Black fit. And honestly, while I do think a lot of it has to do with her environment, I would say part of it has to do with her nature, just because of nature vs nurture. **

**Teresa- Thanks for the review! I think a part of Lily is jealous, though she is incapable of realizing it. Both James and Lily will have relationships before they date each other. Lily definitely will realize that she likes being around James and his nature and there will be a time that she misses it a lot. I'm glad that you enjoyed the werewolf scene. Technically, I didn't have a summer vacation because I spent it all taking classes, unfortunately. I would have loved to spend the summer writing.**


	82. Chapter 82 Remus

**Thanks for the reviews! I'm sorry this took longer than I expected. I wasn't able to write because of family, and when I was finally able to, I got excited by a story idea and had to write it. **

**I only did a brief scan for typos so there may be more than usual. I wanted to post this as soon as I could because I thought I made you wait long enough, but I'm going to scan this again and hopefully find and fix any glaring mistakes. I sort of wanted to wait for when I was finished to do this because I know I'm going to have to go back and edit everything anyway, but I decided that I could really use a beta for future chapters. I have less time to write, which means less time to edit, and to be honest, I'm terrible at catching my own mistakes. This is my first fan fiction, so I don't really know how the beta system works, but if you're interested, please PM me. **

**Also- a few people have mentioned that the breaks in between chapters are making it more difficult to recall the previous chapter, so I thought I would do a quick recap for this and future chapters.**

**Ch 81 Recap- Lily returns from holiday. Severus apologizes. They exchange Christmas presents and hug. James can't believe Lily has the nerve to wear green to a Quidditch match. He insists that she wear his scarf. Lily is happy.**

**Chapter Eighty-Two- Remus**

**1976**

There had been another massacre.

It was much smaller than the one of Helga's Hill, one family only, but the shock that it left behind was no different. Severus, along with the rest of Hogwarts, had read the paper that morning. It had told all about the demise of the MacDougal family, how their bodies were left hanging in the windows for the world to see their shame, how they, one of the oldest pure blood families, had dared to turn their backs on the Dark Lord.

Everyone had known who the MacDougals were. They were the ones who never ran out of words to say, and sometimes it felt like, the only ones who had the nerve to say anything at all. They donated their massive fortune to help the cause and they weren't afraid to let the rest of the world know it.

The Gryffindors called them brave. The Ravenclaws and the Hufflepuffs agreed.

The Slytherins, along with Severus, thought they were idiots.

It was war. It wasn't a game of chess where the pieces could easily be put back together. You lived or you died, and when you died, you didn't come back. That was it. He didn't understand how the MacDougals, how anyone, could be so foolish to put their lives in jeopardy for a cause they never stood a chance of winning in the first place. Hadn't they known that it was only a matter of time before they lost for good?

"It's so sad," Lily was saying as she poured a carefully measured vial of moondew into the cauldron. In spite of his annoyance at her words, Severus had to resist the urge to smile when he saw her unconsciously nod to herself in approval as the liquid began to foam. It was something that he would have done, something that Lily often teased him about, and he liked seeing this similarity in Lily. It reminded him that, as different as they were, those differences were forgotten over Potions. When they worked together, he often felt they were the same person, automatically dividing up the work and making adjustments without having to even clarify to each other.

"They had _children_. They were so _happy_."

Severus's frown deepened and he no longer had the urge to smile. It was moments like these that he was forced to remember that he and Lily weren't the same after all. With endless amounts of homework and Knights meetings, he wasn't able to see Lily often, so he appreciated these quiet hours dearly. What he didn't understand was why Lily did not.

Oh, he understood that Lily was sensitive about these things, but it had been an hour, and all they had talked about was how sad and tragic the MacDougals were. Didn't she know that the MacDougals were just another number to add to the growing list? That if she crumbled over every single death that she might never be able to put herself back together again? The MacDougals were a casualty, just like the others, though they did have a little more attention because they were oh so brave and noble.

_They were probably Gryffindors_, Severus thought sourly as he dumped in a fistful of shredded spleenwart.

"Spleenwart?" Lily peered over at him, her eyebrows knitting together in bewilderment. "Are you all right, Sev?"

"Perfect," Severus muttered.

"You haven't been yourself at all today. Is it because of the MacDougals?"

"No," said Severus shortly, his face darkening at yet another mention of the family. "It's not because of the MacDougals."

"It's okay if you're shaken up about it," Lily prodded gently. "I think everyone is."

"I'm not shaken up about it," Severus said curtly.

"It's-"

"Really," Severus cut her off before she could delve into a heart to heart, and as he did so, his eyes automatically flickered to the Slytherins. The last thing he needed was for Mulciber to overhear that he was having a breakdown over a blood traitor family and needed to be comforted by a Muggleborn, but thankfully, the pure blood was occupied with his bubbling over cauldron. When Severus's gaze returned to Lily's suddenly understanding green eyes, he felt a stab of annoyance. She didn't understand him, at least not then, and he found it irritating that she was so certain she did.

"I don't think it's sad," Severus suddenly had the need to clear the matter up, but the moment he had spoken, he wished he hadn't, because he saw Lily's face.

"You don't think it's sad," Lily pronounced carefully as if she couldn't understand what she was saying. "That a family with two children was brutally murdered?"

He didn't want to fight with her, not when she was looking at him like that, but Severus didn't know if it was her tone or the words itself, but his annoyance magnified with the need to defend himself.

"I don't think it's sad," Severus corrected her. "That two parents with children thick enough to broadcast their opinions when people are disappearing or dying got what was obviously coming."

Lily's cheeks were reddening, as scarlet as dragon blood and just as potent. At this unmistakable danger sign, Severus immediately inched back. "You don't think people should fight for what they believe in?"

He knew what she wanted him to say, what he was supposed to say, but he couldn't. Severus couldn't spit out the words that the foolish half of the wizarding world, that _Dumbledore_, expected him to swallow. He didn't want to, and he didn't want to indulge Lily like she was a child learning to decipher the difference between black and white because the world wasn't black and white. It was gray and it was bitter, and for some reason he didn't understand, he wanted her to know it. No, he _needed_ her to know it.

"If it means their lives, I don't."

"So you would rather sit back and do nothing?"

Her sudden coldness had mirrored his. It unsettled Severus and he busied himself with pushing back a curtain of hair that promptly slipped back over his eyes.

"At least I would be alive. You won't be able to do much good if you're dead."

"It's better to do a little good before you die than to do nothing at all and live," Lily told him fervently.

Severus laughed, but it was humorless. There had been a time when he had appreciated her idealism, and had viewed it as he viewed the sun, distant but able to feel its pleasant warmth, though he had no intention of going near it. But that day, in that hour, the heat was stifling.

"You're a regular Godric today, Lily."

Lily opened her mouth to say something, but then she clamped it shut and quickly shook her head before opening it again. "I don't believe you."

Severus tightly stirred the cauldron, its frothy lavender liquid darkening to a deep violet. Technically, it was finished, but he didn't look up and was grateful that his hair masked his tense features. "This should be interesting."

His voice was a degree cooler than necessary, but he wanted her to stop. For both their sakes.

"I don't believe that you don't think it's sad," Lily swallowed. "I think you want to believe that. I think you want to be this cold, heartless person because it's easier for you, but whether you like it or not, Sev, I know you, and I know there's good in you, and I know that you wouldn't be able to sit back and do nothing. Not when it mattered."

Severus's chin jerked up and he looked at her; he couldn't help it. As he did so, his forehead creased. From the intensity in her eyes, in her voice, he couldn't tell if she truly believed what she was saying or if it was what she wanted to believe.

Lily had seen the best in him from the very beginning, even when he had known it wasn't there, but when he was younger, he would look into those green eyes and he would believe it. Sometimes he thought he could still believe it. After all, it was because of her that he knew he would be someone, because without her, he wouldn't have felt the need to be.

But Severus knew, deep down, that someone wasn't the person she thought he was. The person she thought he was didn't exist because no such person could have existed. Not in this world. He could already see his younger self puff out at her words, but he felt as if something inside of him was deflating.

"You're wrong," he muttered, barely audible for his own ears.

Lily looked at him questioningly, but Slughorn's thunderous voice took over the sound of simmering cauldrons and panicking students.

"Since most of you are finishing up," he glanced around the dungeon, not batting an eye at Avery's burnt off eyebrows or the Marauders' suspicious snickering. "I would like to remind you that meetings for career advice are near. If any of you wish to pursue Potions, I require an E on the O.W.L.s, not that that will be difficult for some of you."

His smile broadened when he looked toward Severus and Lily's direction

"Also," Slughorn continued. "If you have any questions concerning a career in Potions, I'm happy to be of service. Merlin knows that the wizarding world could use a good potions maker. Of course, the Diagon Alley apothecary carries excellent potions. The owner, Florence Walcott, was a former student of mine. You may recognize the name from an article that was featured in last month's _Potions Periodicals_. The lovely girl won an award for her Scourgifying Serum and mentioned me in it."

At this his massive chest puffed out, but there was no room for annoyance, for Severus was too busy mulling over the idea of career advice. He had already read the notice posted in the dungeons, but he hadn't been too interested. He already knew what his plans were and he didn't need a_ professor_ to tell him hackneyed advice.

The reminder of O.W.L.s was a little more disconcerting, but he wasn't too concerned. He knew more about the Defense Against the Dark Arts than any of the professors that had taken turns attempting to teach the subject and certainly more than the halfwit newcomers who did occasionally show up. Potions came just as naturally. Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures would require some last minute brushing up, but nothing too serious. He was reasonably confident about Transfiguration, though that would require a bit more studying. History of Magic... He would need to do quite a lot of reading for that. Charms would be painful.

At the thought, Severus looked at Lily, who was chewing on her bottom lip anxiously.

"I don't know what I'm going to tell McGonagall," she said, turning his way when she felt his eyes on her. "I don't know what I want to do tomorrow, let alone the rest of my life."

Severus felt a great sense of relief that their earlier discussion was forgotten. He remembered their conversation a few years ago as clearly as if it were yesterday, and at the realization that she hadn't mentioned becoming an Auror since, his relief grew considerably.

"You'll think of something."

Lily made a face. "That's weirdly optimistic, coming from you."

"I'm not a pessimist."

Lily snorted. "What would you call it then?"

"Realist."

"Reality is depressing these days..." Lily mused softly and Severus's jaw tightened. "But really, Sev, what do you picture me as?"

"I don't know," Severus searched his mind, eager to find something that would steer Lily far, far away from being an Auror, but it had to be just the right thing, and everything seemed far too ordinary for her.

"Very helpful," Lily rolled her eyes and rested her chin in her hands, peering up at him in a way that made him strangely nervous. His palms felt damp and he quickly occupied himself by beginning the cleaning process. "You must have some idea. You've known me longer than anyone else here."

He had, but he didn't mind hearing her say it because, sometimes, watching her with Alice Clarke or Lupin, he wondered if she had forgotten.

Severus shrugged. "Dragon slayer?"

"Maybe when you become a therapist for Muggles," Lily shook her head to herself as she vanished the leftover liquid in their cauldron. She glanced over at him, wand still out. "What do you want to do?"

"I'm still considering my options."

The lie came to his lips, so easily that he felt a pang of regret. He could feel all his earlier tension fall back over him, more powerful than before, and his shoulders stiffened, the container of nightshade he had started to put away frozen in his fists. But it wasn't a lie. Not really. Not when he would tell her the truth someday.

"You could be a professor," Lily suggested. "For Potions. Or the Defense Against the Dark Arts. Then Dumbledore could stop bringing in lunatics to teach us."

"A professor?" Severus was aghast. Was that what Lily saw him as? Someone painfully dreary, whose idea of entertainment was assigning homework? But then he saw Lily's lips twitch.

"Joking, Sev. You can breathe now," Lily laughed, clearly amused by the entire idea. "Can you imagine you being a professor? You would torture your students to death."

"I wouldn't be that bad," Severus argued, but he could feel his own lips beginning to twitch too.

"You would slaughter them if they didn't know the difference between a hippogriff and a hippocampus."

"In that case," Severus said darkly. "They would have deserved it."

There was nothing left to clean up now. Students were already starting to leave. Lily hesitated, and suddenly, Severus knew that she hadn't forgotten their earlier conversation. Not in the slightest.

"I wasn't wrong."

If Severus had known what to say, he wouldn't have been able to say it. Not with the lump in his throat.

Lily looked at him sadly, as if his face had said everything.

"I wish you would believe me," she tucked her Potions book into her bag and hoisted it over her shoulder. "Bye, Sev."

He found his voice again. He knew she was waiting to hear something, but this time, he didn't know what it was.

"Bye, Lily."

When he looked up, she was gone, but the empty distance he had felt even when he was beside her remained, growing wider with every second that went by.

**1976**

Lupin was unusually quiet.

After a lot of patrols, Lily wasn't quite sure how many, but she knew there had been a lot, she was beginning to feel like she knew Remus Lupin, and while he was the quietest of the four Marauders, he wasn't this quiet. No one was.

Except for maybe Severus.

As they turned around the corner, Lily stole a glance at his profile, trying not to think about Severus because thinking about Severus was much like attempting to climb out of an endless pit. It was perfect timing. The moonlight that poured into the window ahead splashed onto him, revealing the determined set of his jaw, the little frown that refused to part from his lips even when he flinched. Something was troubling him. That much was clear.

Lily bit her lip contemplatively. They still had an hour left. An hour was a long time, especially when it was passed in silence. She didn't want to pry and she didn't know if he wanted her to ask about it, if it was rude to suddenly bring it up, but she didn't know how much more of this she could take. She didn't like seeing Lupin this quiet. It stirred something inside of her, something that Lily realized with a start was concern.

It wasn't about whether she should or ask or not. It was that she _wanted_ to ask. She wanted to know what was wrong and she wanted to help him find a way to fix it. As if he were Severus or Alice. But if it had been Severus or Alice, she would have asked already. They were friends and that was what friends did.

Did that mean she and Lupin were friends? Lily took another peek at Lupin, mulling the concept over. Friends with a Marauder. The idea seemed incomprehensible, but truthfully, sometimes she forgot he was on the top four of Filch's most wanted list. Lupin was too...normal to be a potential future inmate at Azkaban. He was nice too. And clever. And funny and serious without being obnoxiously too much of either. He was easy to talk to, and they had talked quite a lot during these patrols. He also listened to her. Not in the way Severus did, but in his own way, that still let Lily know that he was truly listening, that he cared about what she was saying.

With another jolt, Lily realized that she cared too. She liked patrolling with Lupin. She liked talking to him and she liked hearing what he had to say. He had a quiet sense of humor, dry in a way that reminded her of Severus's though not quite as dark, that made walking back and forth an empty corridor worthwhile. She enjoyed spending time with him. She wanted to spend more time with him because somewhere along the way, Lupin had stopped being merely the most tolerable Marauder and had become a real friend.

Like Severus. Though no one was quite like Severus because he was-

This time, Lily caught herself, and she winced. She was annoyed with herself, but she couldn't help it. Severus had been a part of her life for too long for her to simply stop thinking about him. His name kept floating into her thoughts, and they shouldn't have been, not when everything was fine between them. They had made up, and while there were a few moments of uncertainty, all right, more than a few moments of uncertainty, they were best friends, though being best friends with Severus lately was much like being best friends with a person who barely there. Even when he was there, he wasn't, not really...

And then it dawned on Lily. She was being Severus. She didn't want to be Severus. One Severus was just the right amount of Severus in the world.

Which is why Lily stopped thinking. She did what she wanted to do all along and acted. Turning towards him, she asked softly, "Remus, are you okay?"

Remus. She had called him that for a while, but in her thoughts, he was always Lupin. A Marauder. Surname basis only. Yet it had never fit right. Something had seemed off. Remus suited him better.

And Remus looked at her, surprised as if he had forgotten she was there. Looking back at him, Lily saw his wan face, his tired blue eyes, the greenish yellow bruise on his jawbone that he claimed was from Potter sneaking a Bludger into their dormitory, and she suddenly became extremely aware of how little she knew about him.

"I'm fine. Just tired. That Bludger kept me up."

He laughed a little too heartily, but there was very little humor behind it, and his eyes darted around her as if they couldn't quite look directly at her. The movement was so familiar, though the eyes were blue, not black, that it caused a wave of sadness, tinged with resignation, to fall over Lily.

"You're a terrible liar," Lily observed quietly.

His eyes widened in alarm, but she plowed on before he could panic any further. She didn't want to push him into a corner and insist on answers. She already knew how well that went, and she didn't want to ruin this, this friendship if that was what it was, with Remus. It was still new and glistening, and she didn't want to tarnish it. Not yet.

"You don't have to tell me," Lily said gently. "But if you ever do want to talk, just know that I'm here."

He looked at her again in surprise, but there was also confusion, as if he didn't understand her words. When the meaning finally registered, all false cheer was pushed to the side and forgotten. There was sadness, but it was genuine, and for that, Lily was grateful and felt a rush of relief that she didn't understand.

"Thank you."

His face was sincere now, sincerely tired, sincerely pained, but what stood out most of all was the sincere gratefulness that mirrored her own, and Lily knew she had made the right choice.

"It's career advice," Remus said after a moment of hesitation.

Lily hadn't expected him to say anything more, and what she was expecting the source of his trouble to be, she didn't know, but it certainly wasn't that. She waited for him to continue, and when he didn't, she took a stab at the subject. "Is it because you don't know what you want to do?"

Remus gave her a funny smile. "Something like that."

"Well, no one knows what they want to do," Lily told him, racking her brain for something useful to say. After all, Remus was the only one these days who seemed willing to confide in her, and she didn't want to break his trust. "I don't have any idea."

But Remus was shaking his head. "You're different."

Lily blinked, bewildered by these two words. "How?"

"You have options."

He said this matter-of-factly, but there was a resignation beneath his words that troubled her. She didn't want to see him give up. There was something pitiful in it and though she didn't know a tremendous amount of information about Remus Lupin, she knew that he wasn't pitiful.

"So do you," Lily argued hotly.

Remus opened his mouth and then hesitated. He looked as if he wanted to say something, but he couldn't. He licked his suddenly dry lips, looked away quickly, and then looked back at her, his eyes unable to meet hers.

"Sometimes I think I don't have a future."

As soon as the words had left his mouth, his eyes grew wide, as if he had said something that he shouldn't have, but he didn't have time to dwell on it, because Lily took over, her green eyes flashing.

"Of course you do!" Lily protested indignantly, upset that Remus didn't see what she saw, that he was better than this. She didn't understand why he was so troubled, but if he didn't have a chance at a promising future, then no one did. He was one of the few people in their year who had the right combination of brains and sanity, and while there were some students who were undeniably bright, they were also the students who would be fired within the first hour of working, namely Potter and Black.

"You're one of the most brilliant students in our year," Lily continued passionately. "You've practically been teaching our entire class Defense Against the Dark Arts because there isn't a professor who can handle the job-"

"Meaning James and Sirius," Remus's lips were twitching.

"That too. And I'm not the only one who sees it. Dumbledore does too or else he wouldn't have made you a prefect," Lily said, and at the words, she could feel her cheeks warm. "I still haven't gotten the hang of it."

"That's not true," Remus said automatically.

"Right. Who was able to make those second years hand over their Fanged Frisbees? That blond one threatened to bite me when I tried to to take them."

Remus looked as if he was holding back a laugh and Lily felt a surge of triumph at this progress. "That was nothing."

"It was something," Lily disagreed.

"Just basic blackmail," Remus shrugged, though the corners of his lips remained turned up. "Something every Marauder should know."

"You can add Marauder to your resumé. No one would refuse you then."

Instantly, Lily regretted her words because it was evident that she had said precisely the wrong thing. As if she had dumped a bucket of water over a lit candle, the light in Remus's eyes was extinguished so quickly that it was as if it hadn't been there at all. In its place was a wistful sort of seriousness. "Maybe."

"Look," Lily said coaxingly, eager to make him smile again. "I don't know what I want to do either. We can go over brochures if you want."

Remus was far from convinced. "I don't know."

"You don't have to make a final decision. It's just to narrow it down," Lily tried to sound encouraging as she could without shaking his shoulders until he was able to acknowledge that he was wrong, that he had a future. "And you would be helping me a lot."

"All right then," Remus relented, and this time he smiled, but it was a sad smile, and Lily didn't understand why.

She didn't have time to determine why Lupin was so convinced of his gloomy fate because a moment later, there was the sound of pounding footsteps, a clear indication that someone was heading towards them and quickly. Lily glanced over at Remus, raising a questioning eyebrow as she began reaching for her wand. He nodded, already withdrawing his own.

Lily felt a flutter of nervousness. They occasionally ran into trouble in rather small doses, but nothing before came hurtling at them out of nowhere. Usually, trouble came from students who did everything they could to avoid them until a sneeze or giggle gave them away, and even those scenes were rare.

She didn't know what she had been expecting, a troll or a dragon maybe, but it certainly hadn't been a harried Filch, who was wild-eyed and wheezing as he went straight for Remus, seizing the front of his robes.

"_Where is she_?"

Remus was too stunned to respond and Lily, who had leapt back in alarm at the sight of Filch, was instantly at his side.

"We don't know what you're talking about," she said as firmly as she could though she felt quite the opposite when she saw Filch's eyes flash towards her.

"Right," Filch growled. "You're one of those boys. One of those...hell raisers."

He jabbed an accusing finger at Remus.

"Marauders," Remus clarified though it came out muffled; Filch's grip appeared to have tightened.

Lily knew better than to vex Filch on a good day and especially on that day which was evidently one of his terrible ones. She tried to sound cordial, as if they were old friends who had happened to run into each other, but unfortunately, she wasn't Potter or Black and her voice came out rather defensive.

"He's also a prefect," Lily said sharply. "And he's been with me, patrolling."

Filch slowly turned his head her way, his steely gaze piercing right through her in a way that made her want to gulp.

"Maybe if you could tell us what happened," she continued a little more hesitantly, and her hand, still wrapped firmly around the wand that hung down at her side, tightened. "We could help you."

Silently, Filch released his clutches and Remus quickly stepped back in case the cantankerous caretaker decided to change his mind. Filch didn't seem to notice and reached inside his coat pocket, revealing a fistful of parchment squares splashed with bright emerald ink. With a shaking, withered hand, he held them out to Lily.

"_Read them_."

His voice was low and rather ominous, more of a growl, really, and Lily decided it was best not to argue. Looking down, she cleared her throat and began reading the first square.

"Take twelve paces north and twelve paces west,

There you'll find a portrait of Sir Cadogan,

The beginning of your quest,

To find Mrs. Norris,

Fondly, the students you like best."

The invitation for trouble, the horrible poetry, the inane idea of stealing an unbalanced caretaker's cat, the same one he was notoriously attached to, the same one that Marlene McKinnon swore she heard him murmur a _lullaby_ to while writing a petition to chain up students... It was genius in a truly twisted, truly terrible way.

It had James Potter written all over it.

"My cat," Filch said, his eyes bulging as they glittered with rage. "They've kidnapped my cat."

Remus was taken over by a coughing fit that sounded suspiciously like laughter. Filch threw him a death stare and started towards him. Before he could commit murder, Lily read another, her voice quivering before she was halfway through.

"'Help me, Filchy,' says the cat,

'You'll find me in the tallest tower,

Hurry up because it smells rather sour.'"

"It sounds like the Astronomy Tower," Remus suggested a little too helpfully.

This time, it was Lily who looked at him suspiciously, and she wondered just how much he knew. Most likely everything, she decided. The Marauders were strangely telepathic at times. With each other, and maybe the rest of Hogwarts in general. That would explain their uncanny ability to pop out of nowhere in just the nick of time for trouble.

Filch's death stare was smoldering now, as if he had reached the same conclusion as Lily. His breaths were still heavy, whether it was from running or anxiety over Mrs. Norris, she couldn't tell. She felt a flicker of pity for him, but that pity was succeeded by alarm as Filch rounded on Remus.

"Don't you think I checked the tower?" Filch's hunched shoulders were trembling from rage. "But you already knew all about that, you nasty little-"

Lily hastily continued reading, skipping to the last parchment square and raising her voice a notch louder than necessary in an effort to distract the caretaker.

"We lied, of course we aren't done,

Go to the Great Hall and leave a box of Honeydukes chocolate,

Because we're hungry and where else would be the fun?

If it's peppermint, you're in luck,

Mrs. Norris will be waiting in a suit of armor,

Where she will be quite possibly stuck."

Her voice had begun to quaver at the mention of chocolate, and by the mention of peppermint, it was her turn to smother a laugh with a coughing fit, which frustrated Lily, because it shouldn't have even been necessary. While Filch was...Filch, he also, quite clearly, cared a lot about Mrs. Norris. Taking her away was cruel. It was idiotic. It was...

She was going to laugh again.

She was a horrible person.

It wasn't her fault. Filch looked so fierce, the poems were just too terrible, and the idea was so pointless, so absurd, so needlessly dramatic. Any normal juvenile delinquent would have taken the cat and be done with it, but no, the Marauders had to go one step further because Sirius Black was bored and James Potter had an insatiable need for chocolate.

"It appears that they ransomed your cat," Remus said sympathetically, patting Lily's back when she began to choke. "But on the bright side, I'm sure they'll return her once you pay."

"In _chocolate_," Filch sneered.

Lily recovered, just barely, but didn't dare speak. She kept her lips firmly pressed together, tilting her head down so that a curtain of dark red hair hid the smile that kept threatening to return.

"Rumor has it that you took a box from those first years just the other day," Remus said innocently.

"They were leaving wrappers around," Filch snarled.

"Was it peppermint?"

Filch didn't say anything. His disgusted face said it all.

"That's a nice coincidence, isn't it then?" Remus said a little too brightly.

There was silence. Filch looked at him and looked at Lily, clearing wondering if he could get away with a double murder in the corridor. Remus casually crossed his arms, the wand in his hands glinting in the moonlight.

Filch gave him a look of pure hatred. "I'll be speaking to the headmaster about this."

"You should," Remus nodded seriously. "Can't have kidnappers running around the castle."

Filch sputtered as he took a step back. When nothing understandable managed to leave his cracked lips, he spun around, and as he began to storm away away, his coat flapped furiously with his enraged footsteps. Lily and Remus both watched in silence as the hunched figure grew smaller and smaller until he disappeared altogether.

"That wasn't funny," Lily told Remus, still eyeing the corridor, wary that Filch would come running back.

"Obviously," Remus nodded in agreement. "There is nothing funny about a stolen cat."

"Filch was really upset."

"Distraught," Remus said gravely.

Lily finally tore her eyes away, and when she saw Remus, she saw that his blue eyes were bright. All his troubles were forgotten with just the reminder that mischief was never far away. Just as hers were, Lily realized, but she didn't feel surprise at this. She felt only a warm glow that creeped to her cheeks.

"Don't tell Potter I laughed."

Remus gave a small smile and she could tell that he understood.

"I wouldn't want to offend him. He takes his poetry seriously."

Lily smiled back, but this time, it was her turn to do so sadly. It wasn't Remus that made her sad and that was precisely what was so sad about it. She didn't understand why it was so easy to be with him, this new friend, than it was to be with her best friend, the one she had known for years.

The same friend who couldn't stand Remus.

Severus had his friends and she had hers. She had told him that herself. There was absolutely no reason she should have felt the guilt that suddenly came down on her in a heavy weight, but she did, and she hated it.

"We should turn in," Lily said finally. "I don't think anyone will be out for long, not with an angry Filch around."

Remus looked at her strangely, but didn't protest. Lily was glad because, suddenly, she felt extremely tired, tired of confusion, tired of guilt, and tired of trying to sort out everything in a neat pile that only seemed to become more muddled every time she touched it. Everything that she had forgotten during that hour came flying back at her, twice as vicious.

Severus had said he was sorry, and that should have been the end of it, but it wasn't.

She wanted it to be the end of it. Why wasn't it the end of it? Lily didn't understand it, she didn't understand why the heaviness refused to leave, why the emptiness that came with it only seemed to grow deeper and deeper. She didn't understand why, when everything was technically fine between them, why it wasn't really fine because it still wasn't normal. If it was normal, it wouldn't be like this, whatever _this_ was. She was still Lily and he was still Severus, and she didn't understand why they couldn't be Severus and Lily again.

Most of all, Lily didn't understand why it had to be so hard.

**Good news! The chapter itself was 5,856 words (before any last minute changes) and my review responses are only 5,762, so technically, as bad as this looks, the chapter is still longer. If you're one of the guests trying to find your review, I wish you luck.**

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I finally did some research and JKR didn't specifically say that Lily's complementing Patronus means soulmate (unless I missed that interview), but that "the Patronus often mutates to take the image of the love of one's life (because they so often become the 'happy thought' that generates a Patronus.") This goes against my original idea of James having a stag for his own reasons and Lily having a doe for hers, meaning they are each other's perfect match even before being in love, but again, that was just my personal interpretation. You're right, Death Eaters cannot cast Patronuses, but JKR confirmed that Severus is an exception to this rule. **

**JPLE94- Thanks for the review! I agree with everything you said about Snape wanting to stay at Spinner's End because of Lily. It makes sense that his love of Lily would overpower any hate he feels for his father. And yes, I will write about Snape's father's death. It's going to be an important part of his story.**

**Guest- Thanks for the review! Sirius was with the rest of the Gryffindors, but I decided to keep him out of it to let James and Lily have a moment without any interruptions.**

**Guest- Thanks for the review! You will see much more of James/Sirius and the other Marauders in year six and seven. Years 1-5 were Severus/Lily, but after year five, Lily will grow closer to the Marauders. Sirius and Lily will definitely become good friends, and I have a moment planned for that in year six. I think Lily will find out in year six, but I may change it if it doesn't feel right because that was one of the details I was unsure about. I can't say how Lily will find out exactly, but I promise it won't be with an overdramatic love declaration from James. Abomination and Hero… I've been so lazy when it comes to them. I have character plans in my head and certain scenes that I'm excited to write about, but I'm only on year one, which makes it so much harder. I know that the next Hero chapter will be about the invisibility cloak and the next Abomination chapter will be about the rest of the Marauders becoming friends, but I don't know when I'll actually write them. Always is much easier for me to write because I'm about halfway through so I feel like I'm making progress and it's impossible to stop, though I admit for a minute last week I was so tempted to end it at the Mudblood scene, but I couldn't do that to myself and everyone reading this because it would be such a cop out and all the time I spent writing this would be for nothing. **

**Fuchsia- Thanks for the review! Unfortunately, none of my friends even know this fanfic exists. Most of them don't even know that I like to write. I'm weirdly private when it comes to my writing and sometimes I'll get nervous even when posting a chapter here. Showing my work to someone I actually know terrifies me. **

**Nina- Thanks for the review! Technically, I can edit recent chapters for the typos, and when people do point out a few glaring ones, I'll take care of those, but what I meant is I'm not going to drive myself crazy searching for them until I edit in the end because I'm already going to have to go through it when I finish. I'm planning to extend early chapters, rewrite poorly written scenes, check for continuity errors, that sort of thing, when I finish and I want to wait until I finish so I can do it all at once and get a better idea of what changes need to be made. Right now there's a few moments that are cringeworthy, especially in the first few years, that I really want to fix, but who knows, maybe when I'm in year seven I'll hate everything and want to change it all. At least that's what I plan to do. I don't know if I'll actually be able to do it when I finish. Just thinking about going over what will be around… half a million? words is kind of freaking me out. **

**Jenna- Thanks for the review! Sadly for Snape, he does realize that Lily is right, but Snape being Snape, he'll do so when it's too late. Slughorn is described in an unflattering way, but that may change when Lily's perspective changes because I'm trying to write how they see him rather than how I see him. I hope you do eventually grow to like James! He still hasn't grown up, but he's going to change a little in year five, though he won't be fully matured until year seven, and even then "mature" will be a stretch. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I'll try my best to explain but it's not really logical because Lily isn't really logical when it comes to James. She doesn't like having the same taste in chocolate as James because they have something in common, and in that time, she sees James as someone she can't stand, someone who is unlike her in every way. She sees him as arrogant boy strutting around the castle who isn't nearly normal enough to be human, so when she finds out they have something in common, even something as insignificant as chocolate, it throws her off. She can't explain to Severus that she sat down, had chocolate, and was able to freely talk to James when she has difficulty talking to her best friend because she doesn't even understand it herself. I hope that clears things up. **

**A- Thanks for the review! Lily doesn't think that James was seriously asking her out or that he liked her, at least not until Chapter 78. She thinks the previous times were him trying to annoy her, but that chapter is the first chapter that Lily thinks that his offer is genuine and that he is being sincere. It's not really that she thinks he likes her, but it's the first time that she knows that he's not trying to mess with her, along with the possibility that maybe he does like her. If she was honest with herself and took the time to think about it, I think she would realize that James really likes her, but she doesn't want to think about it because thinking about it means she may feel something more for him. The last time he asked her out was that Ch 78 scene and he won't ask her out again until the Mudblood scene. Right now, I don't think Sirius understands what James sees in Lily. I don't think he necessarily dislikes her because there's too many people he dislikes more, but she's the girl who is constantly turning down his best friend, who his best friend never shuts up about, who always seems to be with Severus, and she doesn't even have a proper appreciation of mischief. So right now, I feel like Sirius doesn't have many reasons to be a fan of Lily, but that will change in sixth year. I don't know when I'm updating Abomination or Hero next but I probably should soon because this is getting ridiculous. **

**Sirius27- Thanks for the review! The Marauders started calling each other by nicknames sometime this year, though they called Remus 'Moony' way before that. **

**PLH- Thanks for the review! Fortunately for Lily, Severus was too preoccupied to notice the scarf. Lily is very thick when it comes to James because I don't think she wants to understand James. There will be more about James/Lily in the chapter after the Mudblood scene and Lily will become a little less oblivious. I didn't specify how Severus was able to afford the scarf, only that he didn't want Lily to ask him. I have a few ideas in mind, none that are really Lily approved, and I'll probably mention it the next time Severus needs money. **

**JPLE94- Thanks for the review! I had no idea that would get even close to 1,200 reviews. When I started, I would get two if I was lucky. I remember getting zero reviews for a chapter, at least for the first few days, and I remember being so disappointed. **

**sparklyscrunchies- Thanks for the review! Everything you said is what I was trying to show, so I'm so glad it worked! I googled the image number so I'm pretty sure I found the right one and that comic is adorable. That's exactly how I picture James and Lily in that scene. You're right, it should be 1976. I'm terrible with years, so I'm glad you told me, or I would have been going on with 1975 for the rest of year five. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I did get Briony from Atonement. I like using names from books for random Harry Potter characters, such as Septimus in Regulus's year, who is named after Septimus in Mrs. Dalloway. I do think the story of James and Lily is a tragedy, but not as tragic as Severus and Lily, but that is mainly because of my personal idea of tragedy. Some people would consider the happiness of James and Lily and the possibility for continued happiness more tragic, and I do agree, that it is tragic, but I find Snape more tragic, mainly because he did it to himself. James and Lily were able to find happiness, though for a short amount of time, and they died together. Some would say that it is more tragic that they died together, but I think that there's some relief that they did, that they were never separated. Severus was separated from the one person he loved in life and death because of what he did to himself. Because of his own flaws, he drove Lily away, and played a role in her death. After that, he has no one left but himself, the very person who was responsible for everything, and Harry, the living reminder of what he lost. To me, it doesn't get much more tragic than that. I agree, JKR's stories are so much deeper that the average adult book today. That's an issue I have while writing my original work. I want to create all these characters that have their own stories, their own flaws, and it's so difficult to work in everyone and make everyone seem so lifelike. I admire her tremendously for that. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I'm doing my best to mention everything but the problem is there's just way too much to mention so it's impossible to fit in everything, especially when I'm trying to focus on Severus and Lily. I would love to write more about Slughorn parties, Quidditch matches, Charms, DADA, Transfiguration, etc and I'm doing my best to work in the occasional scene and mentions, but honestly, I can't fit in everything so, unfortunately, some things will be neglected. While planning out the year, I try to spread everything out and mention everything once or twice, but with everything else, I don't think it's possible to do more than that. This is already bigger than most of JKR's books and I'm about halfway done, so I don't even want to think about how big it would be if I tried to do everything. There's going to be an important Lily/Slughorn scene soon so that's why you haven't seen much of him lately. I haven't talked much about Charms, Transfiguration, DADA etc because 1. I don't writing about the lessons too much unless it's something for the plot because JKR did most of that in HP and I want to write more about the things that she didn't talk about, such as Severus/Lily, the Marauders, and the other characters, but mainly Severus/Lily and why they fell apart. 2. I already have a lot going on and when I'm trying to narrow it down to 12-15 chapters a year, lessons and Quidditch (at least until year seven) are usually the first to go. I thought I did mention the upcoming OWLS, but if I did, it was brief because there will be more about in the upcoming chapters. There hasn't been a McGonagall scene after Lily's Transfiguration progress yet, but I think there will be a brief appearance in an upcoming chapter, if it works out with what I have planned. I'm not sure if I mentioned James's Charms and Potions levels. I may have mentioned his Charms, so I'm hoping this doesn't contradict anything, but in my mind, he's better at Charms than Lily is at Transfiguration and he's on a Harry level in Potions just because I would like him to have something else in common with Harry. Sorry for the lack of Lupin, but I knew there would be another big Lily/Lupin scene at the end of year and I was waiting for this chapter. A few people have mentioned having issues with getting used to waiting for updates/recalling everything, so I think I'm going to start putting recaps in the beginning after the chapter notes. I hope this helps! I'm not 100% when James will meet Lily's parents because I've switched it around a few times.**

**Guest- Thanks for the review! Patronuses are beyond NEWT level, but I really want to do a chapter about them, so I'm going to try to work it in. Originally, it was going to be in one chapter, but I think it's going to make more sense in two chapters, but it depends if I go the lesson route or not. If I do go the lesson route, it's going to be a Moody/Unforgivable type thing when it's not exactly conventional teaching material.**

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I think Harry's sense of humor comes from James, as well as his Quidditch ability, and though he's not near the Marauder level, he does seem to have a tendency to go to the Forbidden Forest a lot, considering it's supposed to be forbidden to students. There's some moments in HP that I think are definitely James, such as Harry not wanting to kill Pettigrew (though Lily probably wouldn't want to kill Pettigrew either), his determination to rescue Sirius in POA and OOTP, the way he stands up to Malfoy, defends Hagrid, DA etc. If I ever get to writing Hero, I definitely want to do some moments that parallel Harry's scenes. I do think Harry is more rational than James and that James is the more extreme/careless version of Harry, but the way Harry just decides to walk around the castle at night, sneaking dragons around, visiting giants, that to me, is definite James, though Lily is evident in his worrying. I can't see James being worried over something as minor as being caught with an illegal baby dragon. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! It is possible that Lily could have read Hogwarts, A History, but unlike Harry, she didn't need to. Harry didn't know anything about the magical world, but Lily had Severus. I do think if she ran into a copy of it, she would think oh that's interesting, and wouldn't mind glancing through it, but I also think she would have showed Severus and Severus would have eventually taken over, telling her what he thought the most important things were to know while being secretly irritated that Lily wants to look at a book when she has a magic expert right next to her. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! That's an interesting question. My automatic response was no, but as the years continue, resentment of Muggleborns will intensify, so maybe I'll have a chapter about Lily worrying about being a Muggleborn and James being a pureblood. After all, her best friend called her a Mudblood, so it seems natural that she has at least some concern over it. I think after Severus calls her a Mudblood, she's going to be more conscious of her blood status, at least for a little while.**

**Strawberry- Thanks for the review! I don't think there was a definite number so I think I just made one up.**

**Strawberry- Thanks for the review! There was no definite timeline, so this was just my interpretation of events. I don't know what JKR will put on Pottermore, if she'll put anything at all. In this story, Voldemort shows up as someone as the pure bloods like because he supports pure blood privileges. Originally, they don't know how psychotic he is and no one knows (except for his inner circle) why the dementors left or that he's responsible for them. I talk about this mainly in Abomination, but Sirius hates Severus because Severus is doing everything that he was supposed/born to do, and though he doesn't necessarily want it, he doesn't understand why it comes so easily to Severus when he spent his life struggling to the same. After second year, it becomes more about Regulus. James doesn't really hate Snape. He dislikes him the same way a little kid dislikes someone, mainly because Severus is everything that James is not and Severus is always around Lily. I don't think, at least not now, that James truly hates anyone. I think he's naive at times because he hasn't been exposed to the darkness Sirius and Severus have, which is why he doesn't understand why Severus can simply stand back and let someone die. Unlike Sirius and Severus who sometimes are much older than their true ages, James is just a kid. He grew up listening to his father's stories (at least in my version) so he's sort of living in his own world that's black and white, where good wins every time. **

**Strawberry- Thanks for the review! I'm definitely a Snape fan, but I'm a Marauders fan too. I tend to write Snape scenes first because I started out that way, but I do feel more comfortable writing about Snape, just because we know more about him and Lily is somewhat of a mystery. **

**Strawberry- Thanks for the review! I don't think I have an otp, but HP wise, I'm probably most fascinated by Severus/Lily. I'm glad you're liking James. In an afterlife, I don't think Lily would leave James because according to what JKR said about Patronuses, he's the love of her life. I think she would forgive Severus and I think she would love him in her own way, maybe just as much as she loves James, but just in a different way that isn't romantic. **

**Strawberry- Thanks for the review! Petunia is two years older than Lily. **

**Anonymous- Thanks for the review! That's a good question. I think their personalities play a role in that. Severus sees the worst in people and Harry is naturally more optimistic. I'm guessing this had an impact on the way Muggles treated them. Though Harry wasn't popular before, I don't think he would have been treated as badly as Severus, just because I can't see him sneering at everyone who passes him by and also because the Dursleys were more respected than the Snapes. Severus also knew about magic from the beginning and was able to establish a difference between Muggles and wizards early on. He dislikes Muggles because they treated him poorly, so in my mind, I see him constantly telling himself how horrible they are while reminding himself that he has magic, he is superior to them. Harry isn't like that at all. I think part of that has to do with the fact he didn't have eleven years of comparing the two, of seeing how his Muggle father treats his magical mother as Snape did, but mainly because it's not in his nature. He may have grown up with the Dursleys, but he's still James and Lily's son, and I think that is definitely important. **

**Anonymous- Thanks for the review! I'm pretty sure Petunia was talking about Severus because she says she overheard the "awful boy" talking about dementors, and that's the scene that was shown in The Prince's Tale, Petunia eavesdropping while Lily and Severus discussed dementors. She does speak to Vernon as if he knows Severus, but I can see her telling him about him, just exploding and telling all about Lily and how that awful Snape ruined her, sort of like she exploded when Harry found out about magic. **

**Strawberry- Thanks for the review! James will definitely improve his girl knowledge because he can't get much worse in the early chapters. He does act like it doesn't bother him, but mainly I think that he's confused more than anything. He doesn't understand why Lily wouldn't want to go out with him, and I think at some point, Lily was right, it did turn into kind of game for him. He was serious about asking her out the first time, but though she said no, he enjoyed getting a reaction out of Lily because it meant she was paying attention to him. Whenever he does ask her out, she gets upset, and her attention is on him and only on him, not Snape. I would say he always sort of liked Lily though he's rather oblivious about what that means, but I think Ch 78 is when he realizes that he's serious about it, so maybe about the same time as Lily. I may change that when I write Hero though, but I think I'll be sticking to that.**

**Strawberry- Thanks for the review! I may do a scene when Lily helps James out with Charms, though he's not as hopeless as them as Lily is at Transfiguration. About Sirius, I answered it in a review above.**

**Stawberry- Thanks for the review! Lily will eventually find out about the Animagi. **

**Strawberry- Thanks for the review! I've never heard that before, but in my mind, I can't see Severus envying the Marauders' friendship in the early years just because he had Lily and I think he would see his relationship with Lily as far more meaningful than the Marauders, but then again, I could be wrong, especially if JKR said that he saw himself with the Marauders in the Mirror of Erised. **

**Strawberry- Thanks for the review! If Lily's boggart had been a dementor, Lupin probably would have told him, but then again, Lupin kept a lot from Harry. James's boggart will definitely change. His was ridiculous but that was why I wanted to write it. James was sheltered and he didn't really have any fears in his early years. He didn't have to deal with the real issues that his friends had. Originally, I was unsure about Severus's boggart. I thought it would be a dead Lily and I didn't want him to face it because I thought the idea that she could possibly die would make him a little too aware about the Death Eaters and I wanted him to be blinded for a while. A while ago, I finally decided on his boggart, and I'm happy to say that you will see what it is sometime during Hogwarts. I won't say what it is, but I can say it's slightly more important than a Quidditch team losing a match. **

**James and lily- Thanks for the review! I really like the idea of having a James and Lily moment each Halloween and I wish I would have thought of it sooner. I'll try to work at least a small scene every Halloween in Hero, if I ever get around to writing it. Thanks for the idea!**

**Strawberry- Thanks for the review! I don't know how big the Quidditch stands are but in my mind, they're big enough that Snape would be able to easily spot Lily. The Slytherins were upset because James didn't fall. In their minds, Snape failed and that was all that mattered, especially because it affected them too. **

**Strawberry- Thanks for the review! The Snape scene comes before the James scene because I usually write from his perspective first, excluding one chapter. In that way, it is a coincidence. Unless I have to do it like I did with one chapter, I'll continue writing Snape first and Lily second. If James happens to run into Snape, then he'll make the first appearance. I'm happy to know that you won't stop reading! I'm not too worried that the Snape/Lily fans will stop reading. If they do, I'll be a little disappointed, but I've always known that some people don't like canon, so I won't be offended. I admit that I do love reviews, but I'm not doing this story for them. I started out writing this because I couldn't stop thinking about it and I know that it's going to keep nagging me until I finish them. **

**Strawberry- Thanks for the review! James has stopped asking Lily out for a little while. While he was originally serious about asking her out, it became sort of like a game to him, as I mentioned in a review above, because honestly, as thick as he can be around Lily sometimes, I can't see James Potter as this oblivious moron who goes "Evans, go out with me!" every time he sees her and means it completely. I think Lily's right, it is a game to him, but Lily thinks he's doing it to annoy/embarrass her. James does it because he really does like Lily. I don't think he understands why, but likes getting a reaction out of her because that means she's paying attention to him. Don't worry about asking questions! I enjoy answering them because I don't talk about HP in real life so it's nice being able to talk about it online. **

**Strawberry- Thanks for the review! I spell it as Briony. I did get it from Atonement. For HP characters, I tend to choose unusual names from other books. Lily will become a lot less oblivious when Severus is out of the picture. **

**Strawberry- Thanks for the review! We don't know much about Lily except that she's a lot like Harry. We know she was excellent at Charms and Potions, but we don't know if she was as smart as Hermione. Hermione was able to guess that Lupin is a werewolf, but Hermione is the type to investigate until she has answers. My version of Lily is a little more self absorbed than Hermione. She's too busy stressing over Severus and her friends to investigate a Marauder. Until now, she likes Remus better than the rest of the Marauders, but he's more than a class acquaintance than a real friend, so she just accepts it for the same reason as everyone else does. In fifth year, she becomes a lot closer to Remus, so it's safe to say that she's going to start paying more attention to him. As long as James is with Lily, I don't think Severus is capable of reaching an understanding with James. If he does feel any happiness towards them, I think it would be after Harry comes to Hogwarts, but honestly, I really doubt it. Snape is one of the most fascinating characters in HP, if not the most, but he is not a saint. His love for Lily is a selfish, unhealthy love that reminds me a bit of Heathcliff. I can't see him being happy that James makes Lily happy because it means that he's not the one making her happy. **

**Strawberry- Thanks for the review! If I do go the class route with the Patronus chapter(s), I think it will most likely be in DADA because it would be something that isn't typically taught and Flitwick, being a teacher at Hogwarts for as long as he has, would be less likely to go off course. **

**Pity pops- Thanks for the review! Don't worry, there will be plenty of opportunities for James and Lily to have detention together. I would have to review the chapters to see how far along Severus and Lily are, but honestly, I doubt she would have told him at all just because it would have been easier not to. **

**Pity pops- Thanks for the review! Does Pottermore publish stories? I've only been on a few times and that was when it first came out. I have a very loose idea of what will happen after seventh year, really just a list of scenes that I want to write. I can't believe it's been 80 chapters, but what I really can't believe that it's been 80 chapters and I'm not even at the Mudblood scene yet. I'm glad you're enjoying the story!**

**Strawberry- Thanks for the review! I'll eventually mention a James/Lily birthday. I should have sooner, but there's just so much to write that it's hard to fit in everything.**

**Strawberry- Thanks for the review! It is a little early for Sirius to be drunk, but I've known people to be drunk at 14, and Sirius has more issues than all of them put together. **

**Strawberry- Thanks for the review! I do have writers block sometimes. Music helps me a lot. For this story, I have a few Sev/Lily songs that some reviewers helped me put together that I listen to, or if I'm really stuck, I read/answer reviews. That usually makes me excited to write and then I get annoyed that it's physically impossible to write everything at once. I've managed 80 chapters because I have so many people reading this and I don't want to let them down, but I think I would still keep writing even if no one read it at all because I need to finish it for myself. I know it's going to keep bothering me until I have it finished. When I first got the idea, I knew it would be a lot of work (though I didn't know it would be this much work) and so I tried to forget about it, but obviously, that failed miserably. **

**Strawberry- Thanks for the review! I don't think JKR mentioned it, but the wizarding world doesn't seem to have too many options, and those two seem like the most normal ones. At least that's why I chose Auror or Healer. I talk about this in a chapter you haven't read yet, so I won't say too much, but Severus knows Lily doesn't like Voldemort, but he thinks he can persuade her. The thing with Severus is that he overestimates himself greatly. He always says he knows Lily better than anyone else, and maybe he does, just because he grew up with her, but in my mind, he has his own version of Lily on a pedestal. A lot of the time, he sees what he wants to see. I think it's possible that Voldemort invited Lily because of Snape, though I don't know if he asked Voldemort or somehow made Voldemort think it was necessary. Alice (I think it was Alice, I would have to look back and see) told Lily the rumors because she's Lily's friend. Other people didn't tell Lily because she's a friend of Severus, making her involved, and I've found that people don't like talking to the ones involved in rumors. They prefer talking about them. But then again, I don't know what chapter this was, so I could have just picked someone at random. **

**Strawberry- Thanks for the review! I don't know who I would pick. Severus is a little intense and I wouldn't want him staring at me all the time, so that makes me think James, but I hate sports so I don't think I would be able to handle all the Quidditch talk. I suppose that means I have to choose between a stalkerish love and sports, and while neither of those options appeal to me, I think I would go with James and resign myself to a long life on the Quidditch stands. **

**Strawberry- Thanks for the review! I actually don't know if Lily ever finds out the entire truth. I may have a Marauder confess, but I'm still undecided. **

**Strawberry- Thanks for the review! Snape wouldn't have wanted to tell Lily about the werewolf scene because there's nothing for him to show off. James saved his life. Regardless of everything that happened, James went back and saved him and he can't forget it. There's not a chance that he's going to admit to Lily what happened because he looks like an idiot and James looks like a hero. And also, Dumbledore hinted that he knew about the Knights to keep him silent, but because James saved his life, I can't see Severus saying anything, even if there had been no mention of the Knights, just because of the way he reacted with Lily brought it up. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter!**

**Pity pops- Thanks for the review! You will see much more of the map in the future.**

**Strawberry- Thanks for the review! I don't have a Petunia/James advice chapter planned, but I'm always adding/deleting scenes, so it's a possibility. **

**Pity pops- Thanks for the review! Originally, it was at the 3 hours being 120 minutes was a typo that a reviewer pointed out, but mentioned that it was fitting because I mentioned Lily was terrible at math before, so I decided to keep it in.**

**Pity pops- Thanks for the review! I guessed on Lupin's parents. I don't know why, but I always assumed that his mother was a Muggle and his father was a wizard, so it was canon to me. **

**Guest- I'm doing my best to avoid reading any fan fiction until I finish writing because I don't want to unconsciously steal anything or see something I have planned and drive myself crazy trying to change it. Once I finish, I would be happy to read some suggestions, so thanks for the offer!**

**Strawberry- Don't worry about the reviews. They don't delay me because I like answering them when I have writer's block and seeing the number goes up guilts me into working. I said I would post around the 18th, possibly a few days earlier or a few days later because I really didn't know when I would be able to write. I wasn't able to write much while my family was visiting and when I was finally able to write, I was excited by a new story and that sort of took over.**


	83. Chapter 83 Career Advice

**Thank you for the reviews, and t****hank you to my beta, sparklyscrunchies, who made this chapter possible!**

**Sorry for the delay. I was a few days late sending this to my beta because I couldn't decide if the Slughorn scene was too OOC or not. ****A reviewer gave me the idea a while ago (I don't remember who the reviewer was, but if you're still reading this story, thank you) and it stayed with me, so hopefully it turned out okay. **

**Also, a reviewer, AimeeMayFord13, made some fan art of the chapter that has Lily and Severus dancing in the rain. The link won't work on here, but if you google Always-405513517 you should be able to find it. This is the first time someone has ever drawn something that was inspired by something I've written so I'm ridiculously excited right now. Thank you again!**

**Ch 82 Recap- An anti-Voldemort wizarding family is massacred. Severus and Lily argue during Potions about it. Lily tells Severus he's not the heartless Slytherin he wants to be. Lily and Remus talk during a prefect patrol. Remus is upset about the upcoming career advice because he believes he doesn't have a future. Lily tries to convince him otherwise. Mrs. Norris is kidnapped and held for ransom. **

**Chapter Eighty-Three- Career Advice**

**1976**

Career advice was a waste of time.

Severus didn't need to sit down with a professor to discuss his path. He had already set his in stone, and though they may not have seen it yet, so had everyone else.

The Slytherins were the most obvious. The pure bloods with brains would end up in the Ministry, as would the pure bloods without them. They would support Voldemort, of course, and when the war was won, they would be rewarded. The half-bloods were trickier. The clever ones who had formed all the right connections had potential to join the pure bloods. The half-bloods who weren't so clever, well, they might as well save everyone's time and themselves the humiliation and move to the Gryffindor table where they were avidly studying leaflets on Muggle Relations.

And the Gryffindor table was where it became more interesting.

James Potter would be an Auror. Or a professional Quidditch player. It depended on which would provide him with the most attention, Severus thought with a sneer. If he was an Auror, he would consider himself a hero, but if he was a Quidditch player, he would have fans flocking him wherever he went.

Quidditch player, it was, Severus decided, at least until his head became too fat for his broomstick. Then he would be an Auror during his mid-life crisis, but by then, the war would long be over, which would unfortunately be best for Potter's sake. He may have been a hero on the Quidditch field, but in the real world, with the real war, he didn't stand a chance. His bravado and false sense of invincibility was a formula for instant death.

Black didn't have a chance of a real future either, not like he did. Severus couldn't resist a satisfied little smile at the thought. Everything was a great big joke to the pure blood. He would have no plans. Maybe Black would have a few golden years of laughing and making the world laugh with him, but that would end the moment the war ended with Voldemort's victory, if not sooner. No one liked a blood traitor, and certainly not one who had tarnished one of the most prestigious families in the wizarding world history.

Lupin's future was even more dire. Everyone else may have been living in a perfect little bubble of sunshine and laughter, but Severus did not, and he knew what was in front of all of them, that _Remus Lupin was a werewolf_. But that didn't matter, not anymore, because it would be Severus who would be having the last laugh. Dumbledore may have been mad enough to accept a werewolf, but the rest of the world would not. Lupin would be in the streets at the end of seventh year, at least until one of his friends took him in like a stray dog.

And Pettigrew. Pitiful Pettigrew. He had nothing. Without the other three to carry him, he was nothing. He would no longer be able to stand in his friends' shadows as he had throughout the years, their glory shielding him from harm and blinding all eyes to his flaws. Once the first three Marauders fell, that would leave Pettigrew and only Pettigrew. He would have nowhere to hide and everyone else would see what Severus saw, and that was a hopeless, useless-

"Snape," Wilkes's voice interrupted him. "You have career advice yet?"

Severus refrained from grimacing. Though Mulciber, Wilkes, Rosier, and Avery knew just as well as he did that their futures lay with Voldemort, that hadn't kept them from gleefully recounting the oh-so-clever lies they had told Slughorn or would plan to tell Slughorn at their meetings. While Severus worked silently on improving the Potions book that Lily had given him for Christmas, they didn't seem to notice that they were making it extremely difficult to concentrate, laughing far too loudly as they congratulated themselves.

"No," Severus said shortly.

"When?"

"At three."

And three o'clock was much too soon for him. In only minutes, he would have to pack up his things and depart for Slughorn's office on the sixth floor and spend Merlin knew how long listening to the professor babble on about crystallized pineapple.

"Don't bother him," Mulciber instructed Wilkes. "He's far too busy with his Potions homework."

Severus eyed Mulciber with a mixture of caution and resentment, knowing that the other boy couldn't be finished yet. For someone like Mulciber to realize that his intrusion was unwanted would make him far too likable, and was therefore impossible.

"Which is strange, isn't it?" Mulciber's lips twisted into a mocking smile. "That you always have so much homework? I thought you had a Mudblood to do yours for you."

"If you had eyes, Mulciber," Severus said coolly, though he felt a twinge of regret at the story. Not because he had lied to Mulciber, but because of what that lie consisted of. He knew it would hurt Lily if she found out, but she didn't understand. Words were just words, and sometimes, they were the only weapons he had. "You would see this isn't my Potions textbook."

He clung to his mask as a silence unfolded. Mulciber knew something. What he did know exactly, Severus couldn't tell, but all he knew was that Mulciber knew too much or he wouldn't have been wearing that stupid cocky grin. Quickly, Severus searched his mind, replaying his last few encounters with Lily, but with the exception of class, he was always cautious not to be seen with her where the Slytherins were likely to be, and even so, he had adopted the habit of using _Muffliato_ as a precaution. He struggled to think of anything that would hint that the others suspected his true feelings for Lily, but aside from Regulus, there hadn't been mentions of her for a while. Unless Regulus himself had said something. Deliberately or not, it didn't matter, because it would end the same way. It would be his word against Regulus's, and though Regulus was younger and less skilled, he was still a Black, and Black trumped half-blood any day.

But Lucius and the older Knights wouldn't simply rely on words, would they? They would need evidence, and they would find none. Severus had been too careful for that, and when he wasn't, he always had an excuse ready.

Though he and Lily had hugged in the Great Hall. _Hugged_. But would Mulciber wait that long if he had seen? If Regulus had told? He wasn't the type to wait and take the time to plot his attack. He was far too greedy for that. It had to be a suspicion, nothing more, or perhaps even boredom, and for his sake, and Lily's, Severus hoped dearly that was all it was.

"I want a Mudblood to do my homework," Avery announced suddenly, ending the silence.

Mulciber's eyes sparked and Severus knew what he would say before he uttered the words because Mulciber was just that transparent. "That's not a bad idea, Avery. Since we're all friends here, Snape, why don't you get your Mudblood to do our homework?"

With Mulciber, insults happened to be the best weaponry.

"I didn't realize you were incapable of threatening a Mudblood," Severus said with a casualness that he did not feel. "I'll remember that for our next meeting. I'm sure Malfoy will have a suggestion."

Mulciber's eyes hardened, but he remained silent, and Severus knew he had won that particular battle.

"I should go to my meeting," Severus said, standing up before the Slytherin could pursue the subject, Potions book in hand. "And Mulciber? A simple Boils Jinx ought to do it."

He could feel Mulciber glaring at his back from behind, and in spite of his glee, Severus's heart was racing. The conversation had been a little too close for comfort, but it would be fine. He would be fine. He would just have to be even more careful. Perhaps if he worked out another spell, something similar to _Muffliato_, but for prying eyes...

Severus was still in deep thought when he arrived at Slughorn's office. He glared at the closed door, annoyed that he was there so soon when all he really wanted was a quill and his old Potions book. His fingers were twitching, just aching to scribble down the ideas that were overflowing his mind, and before he could change his mind, Severus knocked on the door once, hoping that Slughorn wouldn't hear and he would be allowed to slip away to his hiding spot on the seventh floor corridor.

He waited only a few seconds before stepping back, preparing to make a run for it, when the door flew open, causing his stomach to sink.

"Severus, m'boy!"

Slughorn greeted him with a clap on the back, still clad in the purple embroidered waistcoat with bright brass buttons he had worn during Potions that day. Severus stiffened at the unwanted touch, but Slughorn didn't seem to notice, smiling broadly as he gestured for the younger Slytherin to sit down on a plump chair by the fireplace.

"I was beginning to think you forgot where my office is," Slughorn said lightly. "I never see you at my parties these days."

Severus sat down, his back still rigid. "I've been busy, Professor, studying for the O.W.L.s."

"Understandable." Slughorn looked disappointed, but only for a second, quickly bouncing back with some prattle about a gift of French chocolates from the Beauxbatons headmistress. He didn't seem to notice that Severus's eyes were boring a hole through the wall behind him.

It wasn't that Severus detested Slughorn. He didn't. While the professor talked far too much about his precious Slug Club for his liking, there was still the unforgettable matter that Slughorn had deemed _him _worthy of belonging, even when he was a lowly first year with no real idea of reality, just a strange ability to determine the precise amount of belladonna necessary for a superior Sleeping Draught.

Even so, Severus couldn't bring himself to like the professor. Slughorn was too loud, too bold, but more importantly, too much of a buffoon. He was too busy living in his own world of velvet and pocket watches to see that his own Slytherins were laughing behind his back at his foolishness. Sometimes Severus would look at Slughorn, and with his booming geniality and ridiculous waistcoats, he would wonder how someone so oblivious had ever been proclaimed a Slytherin.

Severus was wondering that now. Studying the gold box of chocolates that Slughorn was currently extending to him, all formed in ridiculously detailed shapes varying from seashells to what appeared to be a double for Merlin or Dumbledore, Severus couldn't tell which, it was difficult to hold back a look of disdain.

"No thank you."

"Now where were we?" Slughorn settled down in an armchair opposite of Severus with a folder stuffed with a heap of parchment, looking as comfortable as Severus was uncomfortable. He popped a chocolate in his mouth, closing his eyes as if to savor the taste. When his eyelids lifted at last, he spoke. "Ah yes, I have everything right here."

Severus watched in silence as Slughorn shuffled through the parchment on his lap. His eyes were growing colder with every second that ticked by, but Slughorn paid no mind as he happily murmured to himself. "Excellent as expected. O in Defense Against the Dark Arts, E in Transfiguration, E in Herbology, O in Potions, of course..." He suddenly looked up. "Now Severus, have you been considering anything in particular?"

Unlike Mulciber and the others, Severus had no desire to play along. He wanted this to be quick and painless, but even more, he wanted something to shake that expectant smile from Slughorn's face. "Not especially."

"No?" Slughorn's eyebrows knotted together, perplexed that one of his star pupils wasn't on the same page as him. "Is there a certain field that holds your interest?"

"No."

Evidently that hadn't been the answer that Slughorn had been hoping for; he looked absolutely crestfallen, but quickly, he recovered. "I was hoping you would be interested in continuing to study Potions. Alchemy, perhaps. You could discover a universal solvent! If that doesn't suit you, I've found teaching to be a rewarding experience. I do have connections in Durmstrang and it's lovely there in the spring-"

A professor. Lily had said the same, and though she had been joking, it was too close to home for his taste. Abruptly, Severus stood up.

"I'll have to think about it. Is that all then?"

He was already moving towards the door in an awkward haste.

"But you won't think about it, will you, Severus?" Slughorn said when Severus's fingers touched the doorknob, and this time, there was no jolliness. His voice was soft, but to Severus's ears, it was deafening. "Because your mind is already made up."

Severus stopped, his hand falling to his side. He had never heard Slughorn use that particular tone. It was a resigned tone that contained a note of sadness, but what vexed him further was the awareness it carried. It made him wonder if he had underestimated the professor all along. Suddenly, he wanted nothing more than for Slughorn to return to waxing lyrical about crystallized pineapple. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"We both know you're cleverer than that, Severus."

He sounded regretful now, but Severus missed it, his defenses already flying up, mind automatically clearing. He turned around to face Slughorn, his features guarded though his eyes were blazing. "Did Dumbledore ask you to talk to me?"

Slughorn gave a little laugh, but for the first time, it was humorless. "He didn't have to. You don't think I know what goes in my own House?"

Severus was shaking his head furiously, whether it was to himself or to Slughorn, he didn't know. "You don't know anything."

"I know more than you realize."

Severus didn't say a word, but he jutted his chin out defiantly, daring him to continue.

"I know you and a certain few have developed a fondness for hexing other students," Slughorn said. "And each other, but only at night, it seems. Funny how all of you seem to wake up with bruises and such. One would think you were practicing for something."

He had underestimated him after all. They all had. Slughorn wasn't a fool. He was a Slytherin to the bone, perhaps even more of a Slytherin than they were considering he had deluded them all. This realization threw Severus off. His defenses were already shaking, and frantically, he fumbled for words. Anything to give him the advantage.

"I assume you haven't questioned Potter or Black about their fondness for hexing other students," Severus spat out. It was weak, more out of habit than anything else, but he wasn't ready to mention the latter half of Slughorn's statement. That part would have to be handled carefully, and with the thousand worries suddenly plaguing his mind, he couldn't find the focus that it required.

"Mr. Potter and Mr. Black are not in my House," Slughorn paused as he shifted uncomfortably in his cushioned seat. "And they don't seem to have a tendency to hex Muggle-borns."

At the mention of Muggle-borns, Severus sputtered. Slughorn was too close now. The panic that had been rising had lodged itself in his throat and nothing coherent could be made out.

"You and Miss Evans, Severus, work wonderfully together, and I would be sorry to see that ruined."

He had gone too far. The Knights were one matter, and as touchy as it was, the matter of Lily was another.

"You have no right," Severus finally managed weakly, and Slughorn continued on as if he hadn't heard him. Perhaps he hadn't. His eyes were hazy now.

"I had a student once. He had a past, but he wanted a future. I could see that something...wasn't quite right, but I turned a blind eye. I didn't want to see it."

He wavered, twiddling his thumbs.

"He reminds me a bit of you. He was excellent at Potions. He made up concoctions that I never even dreamed about." Slughorn hesitated again. "I would have liked to see him as an alchemist or a professor too."

"And what happened?" Severus challenged, already sensing where this story was headed, and finally, seeing an opportunity to seize the upper hand.

"He made a different choice."

He hadn't said anything, but in a way, he had said everything, and that enraged Severus.

"You have no right," Severus repeated, his voice loud now, though it trembled with pure fury. "You can't make these accusations. You can't imply that I am- that we are-"

Slughorn held up his hand, but Severus thought he could detect a flicker of fear in the professor's eyes. "I don't want to know anything, Severus. I'm only here to tell you that you have a future and it would be a pity to waste it."

He hadn't expected that. He had expected more accusations. The fear in Slughorn's eyes had ignited a power in Severus, and it remained, still scorching without anything to burn. He stared at Slughorn, his mouth opening. When nothing came out, he spun around on his heel, seizing the doorknob.

"And Severus? Don't forget to take a pamphlet."

Severus didn't look back as he slammed the door behind him.

**1976**

Lily was already outside McGonagall's office. She was still fifteen minutes early, but in her mind, she was far behind. She had sunk to the floor long ago and bits of parchment were messily strewn all about her in various piles.

"Curse-Breaker. No," Lily began to put the pamphlet in the smallest pile which was barely even a pile considering there was only one leaflet there, but her hand wavered. Did she want to be a Curse-Breaker? She had never particularly wanted to be a Curse-Breaker, but she couldn't say that she _didn't _want to be a Curse-Breaker. Biting her lower lip in intense concentration while she scrunched up her nose, Lily finally deposited the parchment into the maybe-but-leaning-towards-no stack, which was only slightly smaller than the maybe-but-leaning-towards-yes stack.

"That's an attractive face."

She stiffened when she heard the voice, and slowly, Lily looked up. Somehow she had been too engrossed in her future to hear the pounding of loud footsteps, the telltale sound that a swaggering James Potter was approaching, and while she and Potter were on _uncertain _terms these days, he was a distraction either way, and she couldn't allow herself to be distracted.

"Go away, Potter," Lily told him firmly. "I need to concentrate."

But this was Potter and Potter never listened. He only looked at her, a funny smile crossing his lips as if he were thinking _poor Lily is obviously mad if she wants to deprive herself of my wonderful presence _before he flopped down beside her. "So, Evans, what are we doing?"

"_We_ are doing nothing," Lily clarified and pointed to herself. "_I _am deciding my future and _you_," she gestured to him, "are going to walk to the kitchens and hassle the house-elves for pumpkin pasties."

"That's only on Thursdays. Wednesdays are reserved for you," Potter informed her, making himself a little too comfortable as he helped himself to a pile. Idly, he began flipping through them. "Herbologist, wandmaker, security troll trainer? Merlin, Evans, what is this?"

"My future," Lily told him heatedly, seizing the parchment from his hands and tidying it up before setting it down to its original place. She felt oddly like Petunia, but she needed to do something with her hands to keep them from fidgeting. She could feel Potter staring at her with disbelieving eyes, and not wanting to look up, she busied herself with straightening up the other stacks. The corners fell neatly together much too quickly, but she pretended not to notice and continued on fussing.

"Yeah, I caught that part, but _security troll trainer_?"

"It was in the maybe-but-most-likely-not pile," Lily said defensively, and in spite of herself, she looked up, feeling her face flush as she did so.

"All right," Potter looked intrigued. "Where's your definitely not pile?"

Lily pointed at the lonely brochure.

"_Quidditch referee_?" Potter hooted when he saw it.

"Quidditch player too," Lily said, though it was more for herself than for him because she needed to know that she had made _some _progress after hours of poring over career options. "But there wasn't a leaflet for that."

Potter was already leafing through another stack, his eyes narrowing. "Which one is this? Dragonologist, magical creature caretaker, _St. Mungo's Welcome Witch_?"

"Oh," Lily made a face at the last one. "That one is the wrong pile. Put that one in the most likely not one."

"Most likely not?" Potter looked at her incredulously. "I'm putting that in the definitely not. In fact, I think you need a lot of readjustments."

"Don't-" Lily stopped and watched in indignation as he set down the parchment boasting a happily waving witch on top of the Quidditch referee leaflet. "Potter, put that back right now."

It was much like commanding a dog that refused to listen.

"You're not going to be a bloody Welcome Witch at St. Mungo's."

"How do you know that?" Lily said furiously as she snatched the leaflet back and placed it on its original pile, making a point to do so neatly, but any hope that Potter would follow her example was lost when he promptly stole it back, not seeming to notice that he sent parchment scattering everywhere.

"One, because you didn't stay here for seven years to say hello to every berk who manages to transfigure his ears into saucers, and two, you can't even say hello to _me _let alone some berk who manages to transfigure his ears into saucers."

"I don't say hello to you because that would give the impression-" Lily huffed as she tried to grab the leaflet from Potter. "That I want to talk to you."

Potter held the parchment high above his head, waving it tauntingly at her, and Lily shifted from her cross-legged position to sit up on her knees in a renewed effort to grab it. Just before her fingers could close around it, the parchment darted away, and impatiently, she seized his wrist.

"Give it back, Potter!"

"Find a new career, Evans."

"What on earth are you two doing?"

The third voice caused both Potter and Lily to freeze mid-wrestle. Sometime during their exchange, McGonagall's office door had opened, exhibiting an extremely irritated professor, and peeking over her shoulder, a snickering Black. Slowly, Lily's eyes shifted from McGonagall to Black and finally to herself before realizing that both of her hands were on Potter, who was grinning broadly, seemingly amused by the entire situation.

Instantly, Lily's arms fell to her sides and, resisting the urge to glare at Potter as she was far more mature than that, she prepared herself to speak, searching her mind for _something _that would explain why she, a prefect, had resorted to violence. The only thing that came to mind was _Potter_, which wasn't as eloquent as Lily would have preferred, but it made more sense than anything else. Surely McGonagall would understand. Surely-

"I'm sorry, Professor, but Evans was all over me."

"_Excuse me_?" The notion of being a mature prefect who was above threats and glares was promptly forgotten as Lily stared daggers at him.

"Don't blame her though," Potter continued earnestly, blind to Lily's deadly gaze. His own eyes were wide with innocence as he looked imploringly at McGonagall, though a mischievous spark remained, a spark that was impossible to extinguish. As he ran a hand through his hair, it stuck up in haphazard angles, suddenly making him look far more devilish than angelic. "Clearly, it's impossible to expect anyone to resist the Potter charm."

"_Potter charm_?" Lily sputtered. "You can't be- Professor- He's-"

"Calm down, Evans. It's all right if you're speechless. I tend to have that effect on people."

"Enough," McGonagall cut in, though Lily thought she caught a glimmer of amusement in her eyes and felt both relieved and betrayed. "Unless you wish to help Filch polish the silver, you will _both_ be quiet. Black and I are nearly done. And Potter, stop fussing with your hair."

The door shut.

"Well, if you're ready to stop messing around, I think I can resolve your dilemma," Potter was evidently oblivious that Lily was turning a bright shade of red. To her horror, he grabbed her neatly divided piles of parchment and gathered them all together in a giant muddled mess, not even bothering to straighten them out so that the corners matched up evenly.

"Give those back," Lily was losing her patience, as well as precious time. Not bothering to rely on lengthy Muggle antics, she reached for her wand.

"Hush, Evans, you're distracting me," Potter told her as he began sorting through the leaflets, carelessly tossing the unwanted ones aside. Lily watched in disbelief as they floated to the floor. "Wandmaker, no, they don't get enough sunlight. Healer, that's not going to happen."

"Why couldn't I be a Healer?" Lily demanded in spite of herself.

"You don't like seeing people get sick," Potter didn't look up. "Remember when Davey Gudgeon ate all of those custard creams and he-"

"Oh, right," Lily was already turning a pale shade of green. Nausea knotted her stomach. "Don't remind me."

"Told you. Same for Mediwitch. As for the Ministry jobs..." Potter took a handful and threw them to the side, and though she was still horrified and annoyed, there was a certainty in his actions that Lily envied. "That sort works with my dad and they're the most boring people you'll ever meet. You're not one of them. Except..."

He held out a leaflet with an air of confidence.

"An Auror?" Lily said skeptically when she read the black curling letters. She had thought about being an Auror before, when she had first heard of it, though it hadn't been much more real than her days of wanting to be a princess or a pirate. Back then, fighting the dark seemed like the most natural thing in the world, but the reality of it, was, well, petrifying. She had told Severus that it was better to do a little good than none at all, and she had meant it, but speaking up for the cause like the MacDougals had was one thing. Throwing herself onto the battlefield and coming face to face with Dark wizards, with _Death Eaters_, was something else entirely.

"An Auror," Potter confirmed with a nod.

Lily frowned as she tried to picture herself dueling with a Dark wizard. She couldn't. She was only fifteen. She may have argued with Petunia that fifteen was practically an adult and she didn't need reminding to do the dishes thank you very much, but thinking of it, imagining herself in a duel to the death with a giant hooded figure, she realized that she didn't feel grown up at all. She was still a kid. With that thought, she felt a wave of panic, and she swallowed.

"This isn't one of your jokes, is it?" Lily asked slowly when he didn't smile.

"You aren't screaming at me, so no."

"But why an Auror?" Lily was still bewildered and a little bit panicked, but even so, there was a prick of curiosity that kept her from returning to the parchment that still peppered the floor, that made her forget all about wandmakers and Curse-Breakers.

"I dunno," Potter shrugged, but when he saw that she genuinely wanted to know, he straightened up, strangely serious. "You just seem like you would be good at it. You get top grades-"

"Except in Transfiguration. And Divination," Lily felt another surge of alarm at the reminder of those two subjects and the O.W.L. exams that awaited her.

"You're improving in Transfiguration. And Divination doesn't count. And half the time you manage to figure out what Sirius, Remus, Peter, and I are planning even before we do anything. Understanding the mind of a genius-"

"Madman."

"Irrelevant, but either way, it takes skill. You held your own against Mulciber and that lot-"

"That was terrifying. And how do you know about that?"

"Marlene. So what if it was terrifying? You still did it. Why did you do it?"

His eyes were watching her intently, and for once, Lily didn't have the urge to look away. She sat there in the corridor, oblivious to the two Ravenclaws that sashayed by, their giggling growing louder when they passed Potter. She was too busy replaying that night's events in her mind, and thinking back, that night's Lily didn't feel like the Lily she felt like now. That Lily had been far braver.

"Helping Mary was more important," Lily answered slowly, and it wasn't until she uttered the words that she truly believed them. The relief she had felt when it was over, when Mary was all right, well, as all right as she could have been, when Mulciber was hanging in the air, powerless, outweighed any fear that she had experienced before.

"See?" Potter said simply as if he knew her thoughts, and looking at him, Lily couldn't help but wonder if he did. "You're an Auror."

Her green eyes were still fixed at him, trying to decipher the mystery that was Potter, because for a boy who breathed mischief, who played Quidditch by day and tormented Filch by night, who wasn't like her in any way, he could be strangely observant sometimes, as if he knew her better than she knew herself. For some inexplicable reason, this didn't bother Lily as it should have, and instead of feeling a far more sensible emotion such as horror, she felt only a desire to make sense of it.

It was Potter who was the first to break eye contact. For a second, he looked down, shuffling his feet uncertainly, but when he looked back up, he was in full Potter mode, even rumpling his hair with extra gusto.

"And most importantly, you would be with me. Imagine that, Evans, three more years of training together after Hogwarts, and after that, we would have..." Potter wrinkled his brow in mock contemplation. "I suppose a lifetime."

Lily stared at him with a rush of gratefulness that he had managed to turn the strange moment into more familiar territory, though an odd sense of disappointment that she didn't understand surfaced with it. "I think I'll go with training security trolls."

It was then that she realized that she was close to Potter. Very close. Their arms were in easy brushing distance. Lily's forehead puckered, silently wondering when that had happened, why it had, how she had possibly not noticed it before, when the door opened. At the sound, Lily and Potter sprang apart.

"-And I want you to do some serious reconsideration. Running around on a Muggle motorcycle and wreaking havoc on Muggle villages is _not _a career, Black.

Black sauntered out, his gray eyes glinting with suspicious glee. At the door was an extremely exhausted looking McGonagall.

"Padfoot," Potter greeted his friend heartily, making Lily blink at the name. "What did you decide on?"

"Used car salesman for Muggles," Black grinned broadly, holding up his Muggle Studies textbook to a page brimming with photographs of battered looking automobiles. "Can't wait to tell my mum. She'll be ecstatic."

McGonagall's nostrils flared. "Evans, get inside."

At that, Potter drew his wand, and with a little flick, the leaflets flew into a neat stack on the floor. Pocketing the wand, he reached down, and with a grand flourish, he presented them to Lily. "Don't forget. Three more years and a lifetime."

"Three more years with you is a lifetime," Lily informed him with a face, but she accepted the bundle of parchment, and gestured to it, her lips turning up into a slight smile. "And thanks."

It hadn't been because he had picked up the mess of leaflets for her, because if he hadn't come along, there wouldn't have been a mess of leaflets to pick up in the first place. No, it was because he had known something that she hadn't, and because of him, she finally knew it too.

Potter's hand that had been preparing to run though his hair dropped to his side at her words. "Er- You're welcome."

And hugging the packet of parchment to her chest, Lily walked inside, leaving a slightly stunned Potter behind, and for the first time since career advice had been announced, she didn't feel a burst of panic. When McGonagall shut the door, she didn't have an urge to bolt, and instead, straightened up.

McGonagall took a seat and motioned for Lily to do the same. "Do you have any idea of what you would like to do, Evans, and before you say anything, please warn me if it involves the Muggle automobile and/or hair products."

Lily blinked. "No, actually, I was thinking about becoming an Auror."

McGonagall was visibly relieved. "I think I can manage that. Biscuit?"

"No thank you," Lily felt a sudden jolt of uncertainty. Did she truly want this? To become an Auror? Potter had made it sound simple, but in McGonagall's, sitting up in the stiff chair, it seemed strangely, almost frighteningly, real.

It wasn't as if she had any other truly appealing options, but more importantly, something Potter had said struck a nerve with her.

_Why did you do it?_

To help Mary, she had said. But even if she hadn't known Mary, if Mary hadn't been one of her friends, she would have wanted to help her. She wouldn't have been able to stand back and do nothing, and she didn't want to stand back and do nothing. Lily wanted to fight.

She wanted to be an Auror.

Or at least she wanted to be an Auror more than she didn't want to be one.

"Let's see. You'll need to take Defense Against the Dark Arts next year, obviously. You have an E in that, very good. An Outstanding in Potions, no issue there either. And Transfiguration..."

Lily held her breath, and when McGonagall looked up, there was a rare smile on her lips.

"Your Transfiguration grade has improved a great deal. If you continue to make progress and put in some additional hard work, I think you'll be able to receive an E, which will be necessary if you're serious about becoming an Auror."

Lily could have hugged her.

"That's just the beginning," McGonagall saw her expression. "It will be a lot of work. You'll need five N.E.W.T.s at the very least. Once you graduate, you'll have to be accepted into a three-year-long training program, and even after that, it's not a guarantee. The Ministry doesn't accept new Aurors often, and especially these days, they're very particular."

Lily bit her lip. In her mind, the great battle had been deciding what she wanted to do with her life. She hadn't considered the possibility that once she decided what that was, there was a chance that she wouldn't be able to do it.

"I do think, however, that you are capable of it, Miss Evans," McGonagall finished.

She had to be, because realizing just how slim her odds were made Lily want it even more.

"Thank you, Professor," Lily smiled distantly, her mind already at work, attempting to calculate just how much time would have to be spent on Transfiguration. Perhaps if she bribed Potter with enough chocolate, he would forget their one and only session in his deliriousness, and manage to tutor her before the O.W.L.s. After all, his method had done wonders for her grade, as unconventional as it had been, though she didn't fancy the idea of having to ask him for help. His ego would undoubtedly swell at the knowledge that she not only needed his guidance, but wanted it, and at that thought, Lily's eyes suddenly bulged.

"Don't thank me yet," McGonagall warned. "One year into training and you'll be wishing you were the St. Mungo's Welcome Witch. Do you have any questions?"

Of course she had questions. Mainly concerning her sanity and the realization that she had been tempted, more than tempted, to ask James Potter for his assistance. But Lily forced herself to push that disturbing matter aside, and somehow, she managed to remain planted in her seat long enough to ask a few more questions about the training program. After another ten minutes of McGonagall advising what other subjects to take, her distress was nearly forgotten, replaced by new eagerness, and when she rose to her feet, Potter was tucked away in the back of her mind.

Lily Evans, Auror.

It had a nice ring to it.

**taylah-wright-it-down- Fangz for the review! If you want to be Tara Gilesbie, at least do it properly and call me a prep.**

**prydain- Thanks for the review! I will write beyond the seven years, though I'm not sure what exactly because I don't have after year seven planned out except for a list of scenes. I know I won't do as many chapters per year as I'm doing now, but I think I'm going to have them flow together until Lily's death. After her death, I think I'm going to do just random moments of Severus during Harry's time at Hogwarts, such as Harry's Sorting because I really want to write that from Severus's perspective. It will end at the scene in Sirius's room, the same scene in the first chapter, though I think I will do an epilogue. **

**Pity pops- Thanks for the review! I agree, I think JKR's portrayal of discrimination in the wizarding world is in, some ways, a reflection of the real world. I like how she did that because it shows that magic or not, they're ****still human, they still have their problems, problems that can't be fixed by magic.**

**Guest- Sorry, I wish I could recommend you one, but I can't think of any. I've been avoiding Marauders era fanfiction for a while because of this story. You could always try looking through the fanfiction communities. I'm sure they have a canon one for Snape/Lily.**

**JPLE4- Thanks for the review! I don't think Lily will accept the reality of Snape until the Mudblood scene. In my mind, that's the moment that she realizes how far he's gone/why she ends her friendship with him. I don't think it was just because of the word Mudblood, but the meaning behind it. There will be at least one scene that has James/Lily seriously discussing Snape. The Mudblood scene is going to be such a huge moment for them that I wouldn't feel right having James/Lily easily move past it, especially since they both have a history with Snape. Remus really is a terrible matchmaker. The main reason is I wanted him to become a friend to Lily, not just James, and I don't think Lily would taken him as seriously if he kept bringing up James. I also think, on some level, he knows that James has to grow up a bit first. **

**Guest- Thank you so much for saying that! The review was rude, but I'm not taking it too seriously because their story is a rip off of My Immortal, which is possibly the worst thing ever written. **

**Fuchsia- Thanks for the review! Some of them were HP fans, but they mostly grew out of it, which I think is sad because I see HP as something for all ages. I think a lot of it has to do with them never really being huge book people to begin with. I've always loved reading and I can reread books dozens of times without it getting old. I think it's actually nice to return to a familiar book. They were never like that.**

**Nina- Thanks for the review and the offer! I really appreciate it. Unfortunately, it's not just the typos. It's mainly rewriting entire scenes. I don't think I've ever felt one hundred percent happy with anything I've written, but some of the early chapters are just...bad to me. I used to update every other day and it really, really shows. If I ever do take a break from writing, I'll announce it, so don't worry about me randomly disappearing. If there's no possible update in my profile, that means I don't know when I can post it or I just forgot. **

**AimeeMayFord13- I don't mind at all! It's so weird/exciting to see a drawing that was inspired by your work, but thank you for doing it, I love it, especially Severus's expression. **

**GA- Thanks for the review! A little late, but I meant this week. ****A beta is an editor who checks for typos, makes comments/suggestions, tells if you if anything is truly terrible, that sort of thing. **


	84. Chapter 84 The Blood Traitor

**Thank you so much for all of the reviews! I can't believe I'm at over 1,300 and I can't believe that this story is longer than any of the actual HP books. I don't think I would have been able to write that much without knowing all of you are reading this, so thank you again!**

**And thank you to sparklyscrunchies for editing this chapter!**

**Ch 83 Recap- Severus and Lily have their career advice meetings. Slughorn reveals that he knows more than he lets on. Severus is angry. Lily, with the help of James, decides that she wants to be an Auror. Lily is happy. **

**Chapter Eighty-Four- The Blood Traitor and the Mudblood**

**1976**

Severus hadn't told anyone what had happened during his meeting with Slughorn. The way he saw it, everything was in an extremely precarious position that had to be handled with the utmost delicacy. Slughorn, Lily, Dumbledore, the Knights, Voldemort... From afar, it looked like a hopelessly tangled web that could only become more twisted, but that was just what it was; a first impression and nothing more.

Severus didn't trust first impressions. He preferred to examine everything close up so that he knew precisely where every line was. That way, he could see that they weren't technically knotted together, but that a very fine space existed between every one of those lines, that a careful balance of shrewdness and vigilance kept them from colliding. Severus could also see that even the slightest of errors would cause the web to easily snap and jumble altogether, which was why he had no intention of telling anyone.

The Slytherins were unpredictable. Severus had heard the Sorting Hat trill on about their cunningness and ambition just as much as the rest of the school, but for the descendants of some of the most elite pure blood families of the Wizarding world, they could be surprisingly thickheaded. The last thing Severus needed was an overconfident Mulciber arranging some grand confrontation with Slughorn, involving the rest of the Knights and ultimately Dumbledore, especially when it would somehow backfire on him, the only half-blood.

Even worse than the idea of telling the Slytherins about what happened was telling Lily, because Lily knew nothing at all. She was still living in the pretty world that Severus had painted out for them, where he was one of Slughorn's favorite students who had racked up an astonishing amount of tutoring hours, where the fact that she was a Muggle-born didn't have an effect on him, where they were the same best friends they had been years ago, where he wasn't a Knight, but he was merely Severus, Severus who could quite possibly open an apothecary with her someday, where they would mix potions and laugh in a world where the sun never set and the war never existed.

It was best to remain silent and let it die, all while keeping his cards close to his chest. Slughorn wouldn't tell anyone. Of that much, Severus was certain. The professor had proved to be a Slytherin, too much of a self-preservationist, for that. He had no proof but plenty of fear, the ideal combination. If he had planned to involve Dumbledore, he would have done so already, and he wouldn't have dared approach Severus himself. No, Slughorn had wanted this to be dealt with quietly, and for that Severus was grateful. If he continued to play it safe, the final embers of Slughorn's suspicions would eventually cool, and everything would continue on as it had before, in its seemly twisted but technically orderly fashion.

Feeling satisfied that his decision had worked out for him thus far, Severus left the Transfiguration classroom, his thoughts now focused on the roll of parchment on Vanishment that McGonagall had just assigned. With that and his essay on Jupiter's moons for Astronomy, not to mention finishing up his star chart, he expected that he was in for yet another sleepless night.

"I'm going to the library," Severus told the Slytherins who were still clustered outside the door. The sooner he went to work, the better, especially if another Knights' meeting happened to pop up at the last minute.

Mulciber's thin lips parted, and Severus was ready for another half-blood jeer, or at the very least, a condescending remark about how the noble art of tormenting Muggle-borns was far more important than passing Transfiguration, but it never came.

"All right," Mulciber said agreeably. "We'll see you later."

Severus stared at him. As did the others, and when Avery opened his mouth to say what they were obviously all thinking, Mulciber elbowed him in the ribs.

"Shut up, Avery. We have work to do. Snape can join us later."

"Right," Severus said, but his dark eyes were narrowed. Mulciber didn't just agree with anyone, least of all him. For a moment, Severus's certainty wavered, but he pushed it away. Mulciber could plot all he wanted, but he was wasting his time as far as Severus was concerned because there was nothing that he would be able to find.

He didn't look back as he moved towards the staircase, but his ears remained sharp, listening to the Slytherins' voices until he could no longer hear them. As he started to climb the stairs, he caught a final glimpse of them, huddled together, whispering, and it unsettled him, enough for him to wonder if it would be better to return and play the part of the dedicated Knight.

No, it was too late for that, Severus decided. If he turned back now, it would only look as though he had something to hide. He continued moving, his footsteps heavier than they had been before.

Once Severus began nearing the third floor, he noticed that there was a trail of yellowed parchment spilling down the first few stairs. The little frown that seemed to be with him more often than not these days deepened, and his eyes followed the parchment until they found the owner of it at the very top, a tiny Hufflepuff.

Severus wanted to turn around immediately. One brief glance was enough to tell him that the Hufflepuff was _perky_, something that he himself rarely, if ever, experienced on a normal day, and certainly not that day. He didn't feel as though he could stomach any cheerfulness, not with what felt like a darkening cloud hanging over his shoulders, but unfortunately for him, the Hufflepuff spotted him and it was over.

"Will you sign my petition for longer library hours?" the Hufflepuff said excitedly, unable to wait a moment longer. He was close to bouncing with barely restrained energy, and when he held out an enormous, white fluffy quill to Severus, it trembled with his eagerness.

Severus took another step, bringing him to the Hufflepuff's eye level. He looked vaguely familiar, a fourth year, Severus knew that much, though with his scrawny frame, he could easily pass for a second year. Even so, much to Severus's frustration, he couldn't place him exactly.

At least not until the Hufflepuff realized who he was speaking to and paled, quickly mumbling something about not wanting to disturb him. He slowly backed away, parchment rustling, and the movement was so familiar to Severus that he instantly recalled the Hufflepuff's name.

Reginald Cattermole.

Or better known as the young half-blood who seemed to be found at the heels of Mary Macdonald more often than not. Mulciber, who had a rather morbid obsession with Mary after last year's incident, had gleefully pointed this out, seizing every opportunity he could to hex the Hufflepuff for being a blood traitor.

Reginald was a blood traitor. And Severus was a Knight.

Severus was at the top of the stairs now too, Reginald still gawking at him, still clutching his parchment to his chest. He didn't try to run. He didn't even try to defend himself. He knew just as well as Severus how this would end, that he never stood a chance to begin with.

Severus's hand felt for the wand that was in his robes, and slowly, his fingers curled around it. It wouldn't be difficult. He had done it before.

Reginald's eyes were round. He was still quivering, but this time, it was with fear, something Severus noted with a twinge of pride, along with something else he couldn't name. He wondered why Reginald didn't give up when he was obviously so afraid. Perhaps Reginald was a half-blood, and though he was merely a Hufflepuff, there could have still been a future for him, or at the very least, he would be able to walk in the halls without being levitated in the air by Mulciber. All he had to do was renounce his friendship with Mary.

The Mudblood.

It should have been easy. It wasn't easy. For an instant, Severus had an overwhelming urge to shake the younger boy by the shoulders and demand to know why he hadn't given in, why he hadn't at least pretended to in the eyes of the Slytherins. It wouldn't have been difficult for him to hide the truth. A lump formed in his throat. Reginald was still waiting, his Adam's apple visibly bobbing. He reminded Severus of someone. He just couldn't think of who, and it nagged him more than it should have.

But then, Reginald shifted, crossing his arms protectively over himself, just waiting for the blow. Suddenly, the truth struck Severus, more violently and horrifying than anything else, and he no longer felt anything like the powerful Knight, destined for glory. He felt sick to his stomach.

"Get away from me," Severus hissed, pushing Reginald aside so that he could move somewhere far, far away from...this. The Hufflepuff stumbled back, but Severus scarcely noticed, and he thrust his wand back into his robes. Without looking back at Reginald, he hurried, and it was only when he was at a safe distance that he realized his heart was racing in his chest.

It was stupid. He was stupid. He should have hexed the Hufflepuff and have been done with it. What if Reginald had told? What if someone had seen?

_Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

Severus was still cursing himself when he turned around the corner, no longer eager to study and even less eager to return to the staircase. That was when things became decidedly more complicated.

Lily.

He had known that he would see her eventually, that there was no avoiding it, but he hadn't expected to see her so soon. He didn't want to see her, not now when he obviously wasn't thinking straight. There was no doubt that she would ask about his meeting and he wasn't in the mood to continue building up their gilded world of lies, not when the gold was already beginning to rub off.

Severus felt a jolt when her green eyes landed on him, piercing right through him. Without a moment of hesitation, he murmured, "_Muffliato_."

That was taken care of, but he couldn't relax, not yet. Quickly, Severus scanned the corridor, instinctively on the lookout for any Slytherins. There were none, not even a first year, but still, his guard remained up. It was too dangerous for it not to be. Especially now.

"Are you okay, Sev?" Lily was frowning when she reached him. "You look a little...funny."

Severus realized that he had balled his hands into fists. Reluctantly, he loosened them, and automatically, his fingers found their way to the back of his neck. He rubbed it uncomfortably as Lily moved closer, stepping into the sunlight that filtered through the window. It caught on the red of her hair, causing some strands to glitter like copper while the others flashed like flames. When she tilted her head up to peer at him more closely, it shone on her face, highlighting the bright green of her eyes. He found himself staring at her and her sunlit face, and just then he forgot about everything else and wondered how anyone could doubt her magic.

"Severus?"

Severus blinked and the spell was broken. It all came rushing back. Feeling the heat rush to his face, he looked away from her, and briefly, towards the window. "I'm fine. The sun was in my eyes."

"Oh," Lily didn't sound at all convinced and Severus knew that it was time to flee. He wasn't ready for any questions. Not now. He started to take a step, but he made the mistake of meeting her eyes once more, and he faltered, just as Lily spoke.

"How did your meeting with Slughorn go?"

It was his own fault. Severus cursed himself for what was beginning to feel like the thousandth time that day.

"It was useless. Just as I predicted."

His tone held the right amount of scorn, but that wouldn't hold off Lily. He knew that it wouldn't hold off Lily. Her determination was one of his favorite and least favorite things about her.

"There had to be something," Lily prodded gently. "I don't think Slughorn would let you off without giving you an idea or two."

Severus barely refrained from grimacing at that. She was a little too close to the truth for his liking. "Not really," he lied. "At least nothing worth my time."

"You don't have any idea what you want to do then?"

He saw the glimmer of disappointment in her green eyes. It stood out, bright and undeniable. He hated it, more than anything, and the resolve in him that never really disappeared resurfaced. Someday, she would know the truth, and when that day came, she would no longer look at him with disappointment.

"No," Severus lied again, and this time, it left a bitter taste on his tongue.

Her forehead creased and she looked at him strangely. Something new flickered in her eyes, and Severus could tell that the wheels of her mind were turning rapidly. She knew something was off and she was trying to work it out. He had failed.

"Well," Severus corrected himself with a weak little laugh that stung his ears. "I do have a few things I'm considering, but I want to look into them first."

"Oh," Lily's face did not change and he decided that it was time to change the subject, and quickly.

"What about you?" Severus tried to make his voice sound natural but he forgot what natural was. He turned his mind back to his brief encounter with Lily before breakfast that morning, when he had actually been successful in walking away before any prying had begun. "You said you were excited about something."

"Oh," Lily said again, but the word sounded entirely different, her face lightening up with it. There was a flicker of resentment in him at the awareness that this new light had nothing to do with him. "I've had a revelation. I know exactly what I want to do with my life now. Guess."

The resentment struck again, but this time, it was stronger.

"Security Troll Trainer," Severus said dryly when he realized that Lily was still waiting for him to venture an answer.

"Funny. No," Lily didn't skip a beat. "Auror."

Severus's world suddenly lurched sideways, his stomach sinking with it.

"I know it's a lot of work. Once I'm finished with Hogwarts, I have to do a three-year training program, and that's even if I qualify..." Lily was still talking, but the words were an incomprehensible blur. He could barely hear her at all. His mind was far louder.

"You can't be an Auror," Severus said suddenly, his voice strangled.

A look of bewilderment crossed over Lily's face, settling in a little frown. "Why not?"

Because Aurors were for people like Potter. Because Aurors were the enemy. They were the ones who fought against Voldemort, against his followers, against him, someday. Because Aurors were the ones who died, who would all die, when Voldemort would win the war.

A Muggle-born was bad enough. A Muggle-born Auror was _suicide_.

His world was still spinning. His mind was screaming at him all these things, repeatedly and vividly, and he could only gaze at Lily in horror. He didn't know what to say, if he could say anything, to make her possibly understand the images that were gushing through his mind, threatening to flood it over.

"It's dangerous!" Severus managed finally, and instantly, he searched his mind for anything that could word it. "It's difficult!"

He knew that was the wrong word. He knew it before Lily's eyes flashed and her lips moved.

"_Difficult_?"

"What are you saying, Sev, that you don't think I can handle it? McGonagall thinks I can. Even _Potter _thinks I can."

And Severus's world suddenly stopped tilting, and when it stopped, it became very still.

"What does Potter have to do with any of this?" Severus demanded. The stillness had broken. Something ugly and poisonous was taking over, scorching as it twisted his face, his mind, and his words. The more he looked at her, at her too-pretty, too-calm face, he could feel its venom become more potent, clawing at his skin and simmering in his blood.

"He was helping me figure out what I wanted to do," Lily said, her face flushing. She may have looked uncomfortable, but it was nothing to what Severus felt, and because she was unable to feel what he felt, the hideous sensation only became more hideous. He was no longer the gangly boy lurking over her shoulder, but the monster who loomed above her.

"Potter is the_ enemy_, Lily. We don't like him, remember? We don't ask him to help us with crucial, life changing decisions."

"I didn't ask him but that's beside the point-"

"He used to dip your hair in ink in Potions and that's before he learned how to charm it different colors. He jinxed your shoes to make them squeak all day, just to annoy you. He stole your sugar quills and replaced them with sour ones. He Transfigured your textbook into a spider when he heard you say you hated them."

Severus was becoming breathless now, not from the steady stream of words that were spewing from his mouth one after the other without pausing, but from the surge of inexplicable emotion that was still poisoning his insides, that made his teeth gnash and his eyes blaze. He shouldn't have to be listing this. She had been there through it all, and what Potter had done to her was _nothing _compared to what Potter had done to him.

Potter was the enemy. The enemy. He couldn't understand why Lily couldn't see that, why she was standing right there with a straight face, claiming that Potter had _helped_ her. It made him want to snatch his wand and destroy everything in sight until everything was as damaged as he felt.

Potter wanted her. He had never tried to hide it. He wanted Lily, but Lily was his. Severus's. She was the only thing he had, his only true friend, and he wouldn't give her up, not to Potter, not to anyone. He couldn't.

"That was all in first year, Sev. People change," Lily saw his expression and quickly backpedaled. "Not that I'm saying he did. I don't even know why we're talking about this. Potter doesn't have anything to do with this. He gave me the idea, I admit, but-"

"_Clearly _he's been hit on the head with a broomstick too many times," Severus spat the words savagely.

"Because he thinks I would actually be good at being an Auror?" Lily's anger was still there, but her hurt was also evident. He could see that in spite of her indignation, she was studying him, trying to decipher if he really meant it. She still cared about what he thought. The knowledge was what allowed him to breathe again, short, fast breaths that matched his rapid heartbeat. The monster that had taken over was leaving, but with it, was his power. He was desperate now.

"But why an Auror? There's so many things you could do," Severus felt disturbingly helpless now. "A Charms professor, a potions inventor, anything that doesn't involve you risking your neck."

"Don't you get it? That's the point, Sev!" Lily's indignant voice held a new note of frustration as it went up a notch. Severus wanted to scan the hallway again, but her gaze held him there, pinning him like a butterfly. "I want to risk my neck! I want to help people. I want to do something meaningful. I want to make a difference. I don't want to sit behind a counter and make potions when people are dying."

She was still looking at him, her face plainly asking if he knew her at all, and the trouble was, he did know her, and he did know that she was serious. She was still Lily, the Lily who once taught, or rather, forced him to play pirates and princesses, who insisted on being the good princess who saved the wicked pirate in the end, much to a younger but still cynical Severus's distress. He had believed he could change her, perhaps convince her to see that Voldemort was the right side once he gained enough power, but looking at her, at the determination in her green eyes, Severus was no longer certain.

"I understand," Severus said, and it was perhaps the most honest thing that he had said to her for a while. He did understand that she couldn't sit back. What he didn't understand, after all these years, was why.

He didn't want to. Just like he didn't want to understand why he had let Reginald go.

"I have to write my essay," Severus continued before she could say anything else because he wouldn't be able to hear anything else. Not just then, and perhaps, not for a while. He felt sick again, sicker than he had felt before. "I'll talk to you later."

"Sev-"

He couldn't speak. Not even to tell her goodbye.

He left her there in the corridor, staring after him.

**1976**

"Wasn't Stubby Boardman engaged to one of the Spellbound witches? Why has he been spotted with Cassiopeia Warbeck?"

Marlene's eyes lifted from the various robes that had been thrown over her bed to gape at Lily in alarm. Though Marlene had been spending decidedly less time with the older Gryffindors ever since she and Sirius Black had parted ways, she and Lily still weren't particularly close, especially since Lily had made it clear that she didn't feel comfortable sneaking into the boys' dormitory and replacing Black's Chocolate Frogs with real frogs as an act of revenge. Even so, Marlene evidently knew Lily well enough to recognize that laying back with a copy of _Witch Weekly _while being surrounded by textbooks was not typical Lily behavior.

Or at least she thought she did. When Lily glanced over at Marlene, waiting for her question to be answered, she felt a pinprick of annoyance at the brunette's gawking. She was suddenly tired of others' expectations of her. Just because she was a prefect didn't mean she couldn't skip homework in favor of lounging about with a mindless magazine. Maybe she _liked _the mindless magazine. And so what if she and Alice had made fun of the very same mindless magazine more than once? That didn't mean she couldn't change.

After all, it felt like everyone else was.

"Stubby Boardman," Lily prodded again, reaching over to pluck one of the jelly beans from a pack of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. She rolled it over in her mouth before venturing a bite. Hmm. Marmalade. At that safe flavor, she relaxed.

"He was," Marlene said, still looking at Lily uncertainly, a faint crease forming as her eyebrows knitted together. "They broke up ages ago, when she had an affair with one of the other Hobgoblins."

"Oh. Bad luck," Lily said sympathetically, popping another jelly bean into her mouth, and immediately, she recoiled in disgust. Spinach. "And he's with Cassiopeia now?"

"That's what they're saying. I think he deserves someone better. Cassiopeia's only famous because of her great-grandmother. She's just using him for more fame," Marlene said in a voice that clearly implied that she would be someone better and that she would never dream of using Stubby Boardman solely for his fame.

"Hm," Lily studied the picture of the black-haired singer and smiling witch. Their fingers were intertwined. "They look happy together though, don't you think?"

For a moment, Marlene looked severely tormented, as if she wanted nothing more than to snap that Lily was wrong, that Stubby Boardman did not look anything close to happy beside the Warbeck hag, but somehow she fought the urge.

"Lily," Marlene said carefully, taking a deep breath. "Do you really care about Stubby Boardman and Cassiopeia Warbeck?"

Lily really didn't. She knew she didn't, but somehow, focusing on the wizarding couple's life seemed far more appealing than focusing on her own just then. Annoyed with herself, she tossed the magazine to the floor and groaned. "What am I doing?"

"Obviously not your Vanishment essay," Marlene observed, the concern that had clouded her face earlier already erased from her features.

"I can't do this," Lily said, staring at her books in defeat. Homework was steadily piling up with every day that drew them closer to the O.W.L.s and her head felt as if it was about ready to explode. She had tried to study, she really had, but every time she cracked open a book, the tiny black print seemed to blur together, and her thoughts went elsewhere. It had seemed easier, an hour ago, just to slam the book shut, but now it felt indescribably stupid.

"Just do what I do," Marlene said with a little shrug, returning to inspecting her robes now that she was certain Lily's sanity had been restored. "Wait until last minute until you have no choice but to write. Then you'll do it because the only other option is failing."

Lily gaped at Marlene. "That's a horrible idea."

"It works for me," Marlene said, untouched by Lily's criticism. "I've managed to scrape by every year."

"I can't scrape by," Lily moaned. "I need an E."

This time, it was Marlene's turn to stare. "Oh," was all she said, but with that single word was an unspoken, _I'm sorry_ along with an undoubtable sense of relief that she was not Lily Evans.

Lily then realized something strange, that she still didn't know what Marlene had decided, if she had decided on anything, as a career. Even if they didn't go to Hogsmeade for butterbeers or pass notes during History of Magic anymore, it was unlike Marlene to keep anything to herself, especially something as important as her life plan.

"Marlene," Lily said curiously. "Do you know what you want to do yet? For a career?"

Marlene suddenly became a little too absorbed in her robes. "You're procrastinating again, Lily."

"No, I really want to know," Lily insisted, rolling over onto her elbows to face the other girl properly. She could tell that Marlene was hiding something, and that was far more intriguing than Stubby Boardman, and certainly more than her essay.

"It's confidential."

"I'll share the rest of my Bertie Bott's with you," Lily wheedled, shaking the bag for an extra effect. She could see Marlene's amber eyes fix on the multicolored jelly beans as they rattled tantalizingly.

"Aren't those Alice's?"

"Is that a no?" Lily asked, silently vowing to buy Alice a new package on her next trip to Hogsmeade. Though Alice had said she could help herself, Lily had a feeling that it didn't mean devour half the bag and use the rest to bribe their roommate.

Marlene paused. After a moment's consideration, she crossed her arms and eyed Lily with a serious expression. "I want all the chocolate ones."

Lily considered it. It would hurt, but she could handle it. She was too curious not to. "Deal."

Marlene extended her hand. Lily obliged, passing over the bag.

"I want to be a Witch Watcher."

Lily's face went blank.

"It's not that ridiculous," Marlene said defensively. "I know everyone thinks I should be doing something stupid like designing robes, but my mum is one and she thinks I would be good at it. And McGongall said she thinks I could do it if I brought up my Muggle Studies grade." She paused to catch her breath and Lily seized the opportunity to jump in.

"It's not that I think it's ridiculous. But...what _is _a Witch Watcher?"

"Oh," Marlene's face relaxed as she became her usual animated self. "I forgot your parents are Muggles. It's a department in the Ministry of Magic. They track down fugitives. It might seem farfetched that I could do something like that, but..." Her voice trailed off, and in a rare moment of uncertainty, she stole a look at Lily's face.

Lily knew the feeling. She had felt it herself when she had told Severus her plans for the future.

"I think you would be brilliant at it," Lily told her firmly.

Marlene brightened, her amber eyes lighting up. "Really?"

Lily nodded. "You track down gossip faster than anyone. Fugitives should be nothing for you."

"Thanks, Lily," Marlene looked genuinely pleased by this. She hesitated. "And I heard you and Alice talking. I think you would be a good Auror."

"Thank you," Lily said with a faint smile. There was nothing wrong with Marlene's words. They were nice words. Yet something about them troubled her.

After that, they returned to work in an amicable silence, Marlene sorting out her robes in an effort to decide which made her waist look smallest, and Lily, to her Transfiguration textbook. In spite of herself, Lily still couldn't concentrate, and to her annoyance, she found herself reading the same paragraph for the fifth time minutes later.

She couldn't do this. Not because it was Transfiguration. All the information was in her textbook, and while piecing it together would be a headache, it was still doable. After a few terrible hours, she would be able to finish her paper. No, it was Severus who was still on her mind, keeping her from her work.

All she had wanted was some support. _Marlene _had been supportive, the same girl who had been distancing herself from them whenever the older Gryffindors were around, though these days, she seemed genuinely regretful of her behavior. Either way, it didn't matter. Marlene had never been anything close to what Severus was, yet she was the one who had said the right words. Severus had said the worst possible thing.

"Difficult," Lily muttered in disgust. She was still waiting for that apology, and dreading it at the same time, because, sometimes, it felt as though their friendship was built on apologies.

"Did you say something?" Marlene called from across the dormitory.

"Just reading aloud," Lily lied, turning the page without reading it. It wrinkled with her rough fingers, and angrily, she flattened it, though it wasn't the page she was furious with. It was Severus.

Difficult. Did Severus really think she wasn't capable of being an Auror? Maybe she wasn't clever in the same ways as him, meaning she wasn't a prodigy when it came to Defense Against the Dark Arts, but she was just as good as he was when it came to Potions, and it was _she _who tended to explain Charms work to him. He had no reason to claim that she couldn't handle it, especially since _he_ was the one who couldn't even handle finishing a conversation.

But Lily didn't think it was just about Defense Against the Dark Arts. There was something deeper that nagged her, and no matter how many times she tried shoving the very idea back to the deepest recesses of her mind, it kept surfacing, just for a split second before she was able to push it aside, but that split second was all it took. Just then, it was enough to overcome her anger, replacing it with a shakiness that threatened to make her entire world collapse.

She knew what Severus's friends thought of her. They saw her as a Muggle-born and only a Muggle-born. A Mudblood. The word seemed to burn into her thoughts, and for a moment, Lily allowed to herself to wonder about the same fear that had haunted her all those years ago.

Maybe it did, after all, make a difference.

She felt like she was betraying herself, her family, at the very thought, but that didn't keep the doubt from creeping in. Some students came from families with _centuries _of magic flowing through their veins and they wore this knowledge as if it were a badge of honor. Lily saw the way they looked at her. It was if she was beneath them. It bothered her, more than she cared to admit, but not as much as it did when she saw Severus warily scan his surroundings whenever he was with her. More often than not, she told herself that it couldn't possibly be true, that her own best friend wouldn't be ashamed of her, but other times, like that very moment, she allowed herself to wonder that if that was what it was all along.

She couldn't think that way. It couldn't have made a difference, Lily told herself. She did just as well as any pure blooded Slytherin in Potions, and if one went by Slughorn's praises, better. Mary was the best in their year at Herbology. Avery, a pure blood, was most likely the worst, and not only in Herbology. Logically, Lily knew that it didn't make a difference. It didn't make any sense if it did.

Even so, when Lily returned to reading, she could still feel the thought lurking at the back of her mind, refusing to be forgotten**.**

**JPLE94- Thanks for the review! In my mind, the Marauders don't bring Padfoot out often, but he'll make another appearance. It's safe to say Lily hasn't forgotten about him either.**

**Guest- Thanks for the review! My first thought is that it's a little creepy, but then I remember James has been in the same House as Lily for five years so it's not like he's secretly watching her from afar. He's with her more often than not, and since he likes her, it seems natural than he pays attention to her. **

**GA- Thanks for the review! I think Lily and James will call each other by their first names sometime during sixth year, but I'm not positive because I want to wait for the timing to feel right rather than trying to force it in.**

**JPLE94- Thanks for the review! It was driving me crazy because I was glancing through the reviews and trying to find the review that suggested it, but I somehow missed it. Thank you for suggesting the scene!**

**Guest- Thanks for the review! Technically, you're right, James would think "poor Evans," but it was just personal preference that made me change it to Lily last minute because it's Lily thinking of what James would think and it felt weird to have Lily call herself by her surname, even though she knows James calls her Evans.**


	85. Chapter 85 Sacrifice

**Thank you for the reviews! Especially thank you to my beta, sparklyscrunchies, who caught an embarrassing amount of mistakes in this chapter. **

**I'm sorry for the delay. Like I said, I've been busy with school, and I had to rewrite a scene at the end of the this chapter. I wasn't expecting it to be ready so soon, especially since I sent it so late, so thanks again, sparklyscrunchies!**

**Four notes (minor spoilers):**

**1. The Color Change/Growth Charm originally happened to Harry in his year five. I said this before, but I like throwing in allusions to Harry's year, especially Harry/Lily or Harry/James ones.**

**2. I'm not a chess expert, but I wanted to throw in some shameless chess symbolism in the chapter, so sorry if I made any terrible mistakes.**

**3. My beta actually gave me the idea for Lily's section. I was worried about how realistic her reaction to the Mudblood scene would be, and she suggested that experiencing discrimination could make the word more hurtful to Lily.**

**4. It means a lot to me that some of you are actually excited to read this chapter and keep checking for updates, but please don't take it out on my beta. I sent the chapter to her about two days ago, technically one because I sent it in the middle of the night on day one. She not only corrects my mistakes, but she writes comments and ideas that make the chapter a lot better. That takes time (or it should, she somehow manages to get it back to me the next day or two even though she has other things to do besides proofread my work) and it takes me some time to fix everything and make any new changes that I think of. Anyway, thank you again for actually wanting to read this, but I take entire responsibility for the delay, and I apologize again for it. **

**Chapter Eighty-Five- Sacrifice**

**1976**

The knight slid across the squares of polished ivory and black with a smooth certainty. With its painstakingly carved details, it looked almost real, a shadowed silhouette against the greenish glow of the lake and the flickering firelight from the fireplace. Already bored with the game, Severus turned his attention to the brewing storm. If he strained his ears, he could hear bullets of rain piercing the surface of the lake above the dungeon.

_Thump._

Severus's head swiveled back, his eyes falling down to the board, where his knight had been unceremoniously toppled over by a pawn, and then lifted to the beaming face of Regulus.

"You overestimate yourself," Regulus said smugly, popping a Honeydukes truffle into his mouth.

Severus scowled. He hadn't wanted to play wizard's chess. In his mind, there were far more useful things to be done, such as thinking about the new spell he was working on, something that would make _Levicorpus_ look like child's play, but Regulus had refused to stop pestering him until he had agreed. If he was being entirely honest with himself, he hadn't minded as much as he had pretended to. He liked the idea that Regulus seemed determined to be _his_ friend rather than Mulciber or Rosier's, or he had, at least, until he had made that stupid mistake.

"Cheer up," Regulus said, holding out the gold foil-wrapped box over the board. "There's still some double chocolate raspberry left."

"Don't mind if I do," a new voice entered the conversation as a pale hand reached for a truffle. Both Severus and Regulus looked up to see Mulciber shove it into his mouth, causing Severus's scowl to deepen. Mulciber swallowed, making himself at home as he draped himself over a stiff armchair. "Delicious."

Neither Regulus nor Severus said anything. Severus glanced around Mulciber's slouched form, expecting to find Avery, Wilkes, or Rosier lurking nearby, and was startled to see that they were nowhere to be found. Mulciber rarely went without them, and sometimes Severus privately thought that Mulciber saw them as his entourage.

"I'm surprised to see you here, Snape. You don't seem as fond of our humble abode as we are," Mulciber said, waving a careless hand at the ornate stone carvings that made up the walls and the elegant, high backed, leather chairs.

"I see him here," Regulus said mildly. "Quite a lot, actually."

Severus nearly forgot about his annoyance, caught off guard by Regulus because they may have been friends, but they were also Slytherins, and Slytherins didn't stick their necks out for one another. Self-preservation trumped loyalty. Quickly, he recovered, steely eyes fixed on Mulciber.

"You must not be looking very hard, but then again, you're not here much yourself, are you? It must be difficult to find time in between detentions."

Mulciber's teeth flashed. Something in the gesture reminded Severus uncomfortably of Lupin. The werewolf. Had that night only been a year ago? Beneath his expensively tailored robes, Mulciber was a predator, just as the werewolf had been, practically salivating as he prepared to sink his teeth into his next victim.

"I like to think of myself as loyal to the cause," Mulciber said, the implication in his voice so clear that it couldn't even have been missed by Avery. Then again, Severus thought with disdain, Mulciber had never been one for subtlety.

"And I like to think of myself as clever enough not to get caught," Severus answered coolly. He wouldn't be Mulciber's victim. Not that there was anything to be a victim of. Because Mulciber may have been a predator, but he may as well have been one without teeth. Sooner or later he would discover that blood wasn't enough to make him formidable, and Severus longed to see the day.

"Er, champagne truffle, anyone?" Regulus said a touch too brightly. He was ignored by both Severus and Mulciber, who were too busy shooting daggers at one another.

"Enlighten me, Snape, what have you done that would warrant you getting caught?"

"You've seen me hex just as many Mudbloods as the rest of you," Severus informed him, his dark eyes blazing, the hatred in them visible even with the strands of hair that had fallen into his face. He didn't push them back, though he wanted to. He felt that just the very movement would be read as self-consciousness, and he couldn't afford to show a weakness.

"Just as long as you remember that's what they are," Mulciber said, his lips twisting into a thin smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Mudbloods."

Severus froze at the word. Things with Lily had become more…tense since the day she had told him that she wanted to be an Auror, the day that had caused the thinning ice beneath their feet to crack. They hadn't talked since, not really, unless hellos and homework counted. Whenever he caught a glimpse of her dark red hair in the halls, he could feel a lump in his throat, along with the familiar sensation of a frown about to surface, just before he turned away. He didn't want to see her and fall apart as he had before, but Mulciber couldn't possibly know any of that. He couldn't know what Lily meant to him because Severus couldn't understand it himself.

"I wouldn't want you to be confused considering your father is a _Muggle,_" Mulciber added with relish, and at the familiar jab, Severus almost relaxed in spite of his rage. This wasn't about Lily. It was about Mulciber's boredom. It was after curfew and since he couldn't resort to tormenting the Muggle-borns for his entertainment, he had resorted to toying with his favorite half-blood. It was irritating, but he had to admit it was an improvement over the the Mulciber who had let him go to the library without a word because at least this Mulciber was predictable.

Extremely predictable considering he went for the half-blood and ignored the pureblood altogether. It didn't matter that Regulus was half his size or knew only half as many spells as Severus did. Regulus was a Black and therefore he was untouchable. Severus's expression became more sour at the thought.

"I'm going to sleep," Mulciber announced as he stood to his feet. He seemed to sense Severus's displeasure and his smile widened because of it, self-satisfied and mocking all at once. Plucking another chocolate from the box, he bit into it savagely. "Have a good night."

Mulciber was gone, but the unpleasant sensation that always seemed to linger around him remained, stifling. The table was silent except for the sound of restless chess pieces. Severus was still seething as his thoughts took a more murderous turn. Regulus idly toyed with one of Severus's captured bishops.

"He's never in a good mood, is he?"

Severus gave him an incredulous look, not bothering to justify it with a reply.

"Don't listen to him," Regulus set down the bishop and raked a hand through his hair distractedly. "The Mulcibers have always been dodgy. My mum reckons that Alistair Mulciber ran off with a Mudblood. Not that they had much to ruin. Their manor is in _Merlin Ridge_."

Severus had never even heard of Merlin Ridge, but he assumed it was better than Spinner's End, and the thought left a bitter taste on his tongue. As if Regulus could read his thoughts, a flush overcame his pale face, and he hurriedly continued.

"Not that that's important. You know my mum. She's…strange about-"

"Regulus."

"Yeah?"

Severus nodded at the chessboard. "It's your turn."

"Oh," Regulus said, relieved. "Right. Knight to D4."

The knight tossed its head, its mane fluttering almost as though it was real hair. Severus watched as it moved and felt a flicker of jealousy. Regulus's chess set was much like everything else he owned: elegant, expensive, and old enough to prove that his family had been around for a while. It had to be two or three centuries old, at least, but it was impossible to guess from its pristine condition.

Even his _chocolate _was expensive. Severus had been to Honeydukes enough times to recognize that it was Honeydukes finest, the kind that was kept behind the glass to silently mock the ordinary, who would never dream of wasting a Galleon on chocolate, not when a few Knuts could supply a decent chocolate bar.

But Severus didn't want decent. He wanted more. The hand that had been supporting his chin fell to the table heavily and Severus clenched his teeth.

"Bishop to B5."

The bishop moved. Regulus's brow furrowed.

Severus tapped his fingers against the polished wood of the table. He would have it all. He just had to be patient. Patience and strategy won the war, or at least it would for his. He was already rising in the Knights' circle. Sycophants didn't surround him, singing him an endless song of praises, but Severus saw the way that the others looked at him whenever he was paired up against them. They had stopped scoffing at him long ago. With a wand in his hand, Severus was a worthy opponent. If he played his cards right, he would still be one, even off the battlefield.

He scrutinized the miniature battlefield in front of him. Casualties had piled up on his side and Regulus's, narrowing down his options considerably. Suppressing a grimace, Severus made a move, pretending not to see that Regulus's white was overpowering his black.

Regulus's face was still as he studied the board, but Severus could see the knowing sparkle in his eyes. Just before he made his move, he glanced at Severus, unable to hold back a small grin. "Care to make a wager? I could use someone to do my Charms essay for me."

"I've seen your Charms papers," Severus said, his lips twitching in spite of himself. "I would be better off turning in nothing at all."

"That's only if you win," Regulus told him with a pointed look at the board.

Severus scowled at him. "Just play."

Rooks and bishops were dragged from the board and, in spite of himself, Severus found himself frowning in concentration. He didn't play often, but after his unexpected loss of the knight, he was determined to win. His eyes narrowed as he studied the squares of ebony and ivory intently, and then he saw what had to be done.

"Are you sure about that?" Regulus asked, his eyebrows flying up when Severus made his move.

Severus's eyes didn't leave the board. "I'm sure."

Chess was much like war itself. Patience didn't win the war. Sacrifice did. It hurt, making a sacrifice, but once it was made, the reward was far greater than the pain. In silent determination, he watched as he sent his queen to her end. Regulus winced in sudden realization, and a slow smile curled on Severus's lips.

"Checkmate."

**1976**

This was not Lily's best day.

In Charms, James Potter had spent the lesson flicking bits of parchment at her. Lily had been so distracted that she managed to mix up the incantation for her Color Change Charm with a Growth Charm, causing Flitwick to nearly burst into tears. If that wasn't enough, Potter apparently hadn't been flicking bits of parchment to annoy her, but to inform her that her shoelaces were untied, something that she hadn't noticed until it was unfortunately too late.

In Herbology, Davey Gudgeon had not only managed to send himself, but also her, flying into the Devil's Snare that was reserved for the first years' lesson, forcing a very put out Professor Sprout to "distress" her precious plant with light. Lily hadn't even finished catching her breath when Sprout had sentenced her and Davey to detention.

If that wasn't enough, on her way to detention, she had the unfortunate luck of running into Peeves, who had recently picked up the delightful habit of chucking Stink Pellets at whoever was in sight, which luck would have it, had been her. When Lily had finally arrived at detention, Filch had recognized the odor immediately, and had promptly interrogated her for fifteen minutes before thrusting a rag into her hands and gesturing rudely at the trophy cabinet.

She had just finished polishing, and, of course, with the way her day was going, Lily couldn't have simply gone straight to bed, and forgotten all about her horrible day. No, she had to turn around the corner and see Cassiopeia Lofthouse and Cressida Bulstrode heading her direction, looking as immaculate as they always did.

Cassiopeia and Cressida may have been in the same year she was, but Lily didn't think she had ever said a word to the two Slytherins, and them to her, in their five years together. Whenever she saw them in class, they would be huddled together and giggling, and even though she couldn't hear what they were saying, Lily could tell from their snide looks that it wasn't anything that she wanted to listen to.

Lily expected them to do as they usually did, hold their heads high, noses turned up, perhaps giggle dismissively, but nothing more. What she hadn't been expecting was the single word that somewhere in the back of her mind she knew she should have expected all along.

"Mudblood."

Lily could feel the blood rush to her cheeks as they passed by her, staining them red, and before she could think twice, she heard herself saying, "Pretentious cows."

She heard their footsteps stop. It was eerily silent just then. Lily's heart was beating rapidly, and she wondered if she had made a mistake. Maybe the more practical thing, the better thing, to do would have been to walk away without saying anything all, but in spite of her sudden nerves, she was glad. Glad that she hadn't walked away with her head hanging low. She wouldn't give them the satisfaction.

"What did you just call me?" Cressida demanded, and when Lily turned around, she could see that both girls were no longer giggling. They were glaring at her, their perfectly manicured fingers curled like talons, impatient to strike.

"I called you a pretentious cow," Lily said with more calmness than she felt. She had never called anyone a cow before, let alone a pretentious cow, and while she felt oddly powerful with adrenaline surging through her veins, she also felt slightly uncomfortable, as though she had stepped into a pair of shoes that were slightly too big.

"And what gives a_ Mudblood_ like you the right to call me anything?"

Her nerves were forgotten. Lily was furious, but as furious as she was, she laughed, a shaky sound that hurt her ribs. "Can you hear yourself? Do you realize how ridiculous you sound?"

Cassiopeia arched a slender, impeccably plucked eyebrow. "I realize that it may be _difficult_ for someone like you to keep up, but you are aware that there's a war happening?"

"I'm aware," Lily said stiffly.

"Then," Cressida continued for her friend, in an exaggerated patient voice that would have been more appropriate for a three-year-old, "Surely you can work out the rest."

Lily was trembling now, not from fear, but her own indignation. "I know you live in your own little world, where you constantly need to put down others just to remind yourself how great you are, but the real world doesn't work that way. The Muggle-borns have just as much magic as you do-"

"And we're all friends and everything is lovely. Do you really believe that?" Cassiopeia asked, and when she saw Lily's face, she and Cressida prevented her from answering as they dissolved into peals of laughter. "Oh, darling. That's just precious."

Their amusement irked her even more than the implication she had the brain capacity of a toddler. Lily bristled, drawing herself up higher as her green eyes flashed. They had no right to treat her that way, just based on blood and blood alone. She was a witch, just as they were. Only she was a prefect too.

For a moment, Lily wondered how they would react if she assigned them detention. She was amusing herself with the idea of seeing Cassiopeia and Cressida polishing silver under the scrutiny of Mrs. Norris when the laughter stopped abruptly.

"It's a war," Cassiopeia's voice hardened, revealing no trace of her former mirth. "And when we win, we'll have what is rightfully ours. The magic that you _Mudbloods _stole. Now run along and try not to get your filth everywhere."

And just like that, the adrenaline that anger had summoned was gone, leaving Lily feeling unexpectedly vulnerable. It was the truth in their words that had caught her off guard, because after her day, her hair was tangled, robes filthy, and there were most likely more than a few Stink Pellets clinging to both. She wouldn't be surprised if there was a smudge or two of polish smeared across her face.

And they, they, of course, looked flawless. Cassiopeia with her elegant dark curls and full red lips, and Cressida with her perfectly in place creamy blond hair that gleamed even in the dim, candlelit corridor. Both of their clear complexions seemed to shimmer, no doubt from some absurdly priced beautifying potion, and a delicate cloud of perfume seemed to hover above them that Lily childishly wished she could say smelled horrible, but it was actually quite nice.

Standing there, in the same robes as they were, that seemed to fit them as though they were custom made, which they most likely were, Lily felt every bit as disgusting as they thought her to be, and she hated it.

"Let's go, Cass," Cressida looked as though she had suddenly become bored, as though the same words that shook Lily were nothing more than the previous week's weather report. "I want to show you the necklace Mummy sent me. It was my great-great aunt's. Amortentia was named after her because of the effect she had on men."

Cassiopeia's thickly lashed eyes widened in obvious envy, but Lily snorted, grateful for the distraction, though she knew it wouldn't last long.

"No, it wasn't."

"Excuse me?" Cressida's dainty nostrils flared.

"It was named after the Roman god of love and much earlier than your," Lily paused, feeling her confidence return to her, slowly but surely, "great-great aunt was. Amortentia has been around since the Dark Ages. You don't listen to Slughorn, do you?"

Cressida opened her mouth, but Lily plunged ahead. "Then again, why would you need to? You're a pureblood. Of course you know it all already, _darling_."

And before they could take away the small flicker of pride that had suddenly lit up inside of her, Lily moved on, her head held high, leaving the two young Slytherins staring after her, speechless. It was only when she was certain that they were far behind that she allowed herself to slow down. Stopping in the middle of the corridor, Lily crossed her arms tightly across her chest, not wanting to return to the dormitory just yet. She didn't want to be surrounded by people. Not when she felt dangerously close to crumbling.

The only person Lily really wanted was to see Severus. She didn't want him to tell her how it didn't matter, how they were best friends and blood didn't make a difference, not to him. She wanted to see him and she wanted to know, just from his face, that as strange and twisted as things had become between them, that underneath it all, he still saw her as Lily. Not Muggle-born. Not Mudblood. Just Lily. The girl who had taught him to fly off the swings once upon a time.

He had always been a bit strange. That was partially why Lily had always liked him. He was Severus. No one else was anything like him. But every time she saw him, he seemed to grow just a little stranger, and this strangeness didn't have anything to do with his inability to make a straight snow angel or his reluctance to laugh in front of others. It was a strangeness that kept him from her rather than drawing her in as it had before, and for the second time, Lily allowed herself to wonder the horrible thought. Maybe Cassiopeia and Cressida, Mulciber and his gang, maybe they were right. Maybe there was something different about her and maybe that was why Severus didn't meet her eyes as easily as he did before.

For a few terrible seconds, Lily thought she would be sick right then and there in the corridor. She fell against the wall, sinking to the floor, as her mind replayed memories, some from that day, some from that day all those years ago.

_"Let's see what the little Mudblood is capable of."_

_"Snape didn't tell you? Why d'you follow him around then? Hoping he'll give you a potion to wash off that Mudblood filth?"_

_"And what gives a Mudblood like you the right to call me anything?"_

And then Lily wondered if Hogwarts was a mistake. She hadn't been fully part of the Muggle world for a while, but she still remembered her life before she knew of magic. She hadn't been extraordinary, but she had been normal, and normality was better than disgust, wasn't it?

"Hi Lily."

Lily inhaled sharply at the unexpected sound, but relaxed when she saw it was only Remus. Her relief was quickly replaced by awkwardness when she remembered that she was sitting on the floor, in dire need of a shower and a change of clothes.

"Hi Remus," Lily could feel herself flush.

"Are you all right?" Remus was studying her with visible concern.

Quickly, Lily dusted her robes off and stood up. "Fine!" She pasted a bright smile on her face. "What are you doing here? You don't usually patrol here."

"I…heard a rumor that there were some Slytherins causing trouble down here," Remus averted his eyes as he tucked a square of parchment into his robes. Something about it was oddly familiar, and Lily's forehead creased, sifting through her thoughts as she struggled to place it. He caught her gaze. "Something the matter?"

"No," Lily blinked as she focused back on reality. "I just finished detention. I was going back to the Gryffindor Tower."

"Me too," Remus said lightly. "I'll walk you there."

They were quiet, Lily in her thoughts, and Remus in his. Vaguely, Lily was aware of where they were, but she barely saw the stone steps beneath her feet. She was too preoccupied rehashing what had just happened, Cressida's laughter, Cassiopeia's venom, and worst of all, her cold shame. She could still feel its icy fingers on her spine.

It didn't matter, Lily told herself fiercely as she shivered.

But what if it did matter?

She didn't want it to.

"Have you ever felt like a freak?" Lily asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

Remus's lips twitched into a faint smile. If he was startled by her bluntness, he didn't show it. "Occasionally."

There were a million things she could have said. She could have told him how Petunia had called her one ever since the day McGonagall had showed up on her doorstep. She could have told him about Mulciber or Cassiopeia or Cressida. She could have told him all about her doubts, but Lily only heard herself saying, "I don't want to be one."

And she didn't. She didn't want to be a Muggle-born. She didn't want to be anything. She only wanted to be herself, but what if that was all she was? Just a Muggle-born?

"I don't think you are one," Remus assured her, and then he hesitated. "Lily, if this is about blood purity, don't listen to that rubbish. If you don't believe me, just ask Sirius. He'll write you a novel."

"I believe you," Lily said automatically, and she could tell from Remus's expression that he knew she wasn't fully convinced, and she relented. "Okay, I know it shouldn't make a difference, but logically, how does it even make sense? I don't think I stole magic, at least not intentionally, but how can I be normal one day and a witch the next? Not to mention, genetically, it doesn't add up-"

"You're forgetting that magic isn't logical," Remus said before Lily could confuse herself further. "It's magic."

Lily frowned at that.

"You were born with magic, just as we all were," Remus gave a small shrug of his shoulders, along with a crooked smile. "The only difference is that it came as a bit of a surprise to you."

Lily mulled this over. She had always thought of being normal one day and a witch the next, but she hadn't been normal, not really. Before meeting Severus, her grades hadn't set her apart and she hadn't had any more friends than the average nine-year-old girl, but she had stuck out in her own way.

There had been the time that she had been called up to do a math problem on the board, one she didn't know how to solve, and the chalk kept turning into dust whenever it touched the board. Her teacher had been forced to give up when Lily had finally gone through an entire box. Then there had been that time that she had left her favorite doll behind at the fair, the same doll that she had insisted that she wouldn't let go of even though Petunia had warned her that she would. She had left it on the Ferris wheel because she had needed both hands to cover her eyes, and though she _knew_ she had left it there on the cold metal carriage, it had been waiting for her on her bed when the Evanses had returned home.

Remus was right, Lily realized with a jolt. Magic had always been a part of her. She just hadn't realized it until Severus.

"You win," Lily relented. "I was born with it just like everybody else. But that doesn't mean it doesn't make a difference to other people."

"No," Remus said after a pause, and his eyes darkened. "It doesn't."

They didn't speak the rest of the way to the Tower.

**I was half asleep when I answered these, so sorry for rambling/typos/nonsense.**

**JPLE94- Thanks for the review and sorry for the confusion! Snape looking at Lily's house is also a good idea, so thank you again for inspiring that! Career advice was in late March/early April, so I think of this chapter being sometime in late April/early May. I'll try to mention months more to make it less confusing. Right now, I don't think Severus needs a rock at his head. He needs a boulder. **

**NatheRiver- Thanks for the review! Unfortunately, yes, the fight is coming up soon.**

**Janice- Thanks for the review! I can definitely see Caroline in Marlene, and like Caroline, Marlene will eventually mature a little. Sorry for the lousy prediction for this update, but I'm hoping I'll be more accurate next time. **

**GA- Thanks for the review! I don't know why Lily calls them by their surnames, but I've always found it odd. I don't remember if she calls any of the Marauders by their surnames in the books, but I know she called James "Potter" and it felt weird to have her on first name basis with them and not with James, even though it feels weird that she calls them by their surnames too. I think it's because James is her enemy (I use that word loosely) that she secretly enjoys fighting with (though she doesn't realize it) and using his surname is a way to separate herself from him and remind herself that they're not friends. The rest of the Marauders are "enemies" by association, though no longer Remus. Don't worry about it and to clarify: Reginald reminded Severus of himself when he was abused by Tobias. He didn't want to deal with the fact that he being just like his father or that he once was like Reginald, so he panicked. And thank you for getting your friend to leave a review! Her review is definitely important because every time I get a new one, I get this ridiculously big smile on my face.**

**James and lily- Thanks for the review! I actually did start writing a chapter of Hero on Halloween in honor of his death day, but I felt sick, fell asleep, and never finished it. I should probably finish that soon. To answer your questions: 1. The thing with Snape is that he is an expert on Lily, his version of Lily. He sort of has this idealized image of her in his mind that's fixed. He doesn't really see that Lily is changing and becoming someone who wants to fight Voldemort, who will fall in love with James, and who will eventually become brave enough to sacrifice herself for her son, mainly because he doesn't want to see it. When she says she wants to become an Auror, he focuses on James because he doesn't want to think that Lily is capable of changing. He wants to blame James because it's easier for him to do. That's partially why he was felt so sick in the end of his section. He's finally starting to realize that Lily is changing, though he can't understand why, because she's changing into someone who is against everything he believes in. 2. I wouldn't say Lily has forgiven James. I think she's starting to realize that he's human and is capable of doing good, but I do agree, I think she's forgotten of just how cruel he was to Severus. I think she's able to forget because she was tormented by James when she was younger, but in an annoying young boy likes a girl way, not in the cruel way that he treated Severus, and also because it's been a while. She's not around Severus as much so she doesn't see that James wouldn't hesitate to hex him, though I think she's also becoming aware that Severus wouldn't hesitate to hex James either. Basically, I think Lily sort of assumed that he's growing up, which is also why the Mudblood scene will affect her relationship with James. That being said, I can understand it, though my first thought is that it's not entirely fair to Severus. When I think about it, it's unfair of Severus to expect Lily to be fair when he's in a group that hates Lily and he's lied to her about it countless times. If you ignore that and base it on Lily's knowledge alone, yes, I do think it's somewhat unfair because even though Severus is distancing himself from her, you could argue that forgetting about some of his most painful moments is worse. Honestly, as they get older, I think Lily and Severus become more and more unintentionally unfair to each other. They're both focused on their own worlds to truly consider each other. If they weren't so self absorbed, Lily would have probably figured out that Severus wants to be a Death Eater a long time ago, and Severus would have figured that power is not the best way to score points with Lily. 3. I'll copy what I told a reviewer above: Reginald reminded Severus of himself when he was abused by Tobias. He didn't want to deal with the fact that he being just like his father or that he once was like Reginald, so he panicked. 4. Regulus is in this chapter! He's been busy hanging out with the other Knights and fantasizing about his future as a Death Eater. 5. Oh wow, I think the last time I mentioned Pettigrew was in chapter 80. I mostly mention him less because Lily is the one who has the most collisions with the Marauders. She sees James the most since James makes it that way. She also sees Sirius because I see James and Sirius as best best friends and the rest of the Marauders just best friends (sorry for the elementary school description but that way the simplest way I could think of describing it) and Lupin recently started making more appearances because he's a prefect and Lily's friend now. Pettigrew sort of falls behind, which is what I'm also trying to portray: he's constantly overshadowed by the Marauders, which affects him badly. That being said, I didn't mean to neglect him that much. I guess I kind of forgot about him too, so thank you for reminding me. He'll make a brief appearance soon. 6. I wrote you a novel. I'm so sorry. **

**Melissa- Thank you so much! It is difficult balancing schoolwork and Always, especially since I'm working on my other stories too. I found a technique that normally works for me- write 2,000-5,000 words a day, but when I have a lot of papers, I won't let myself write until I finish and when I do, I usually want to sleep for a week and forget that my laptop exists. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! Sadly, James isn't in this chapter (unless you count a really brief mention of him) but he'll make an appearance sooner or later. **

**almanera- Thanks for the review! I'm excited to write the scene because it's the moment I've been waiting for for the past two years, but I'm dreading it because it's the end of Severus and Lily, and also, it's just terrifying to think about writing. Thank you for saying that, and I hope I don't disappoint you and everyone else who has been looking forward it. **


	86. Chapter 86 The Five Signs

**Thank you for the reviews and the homework support! I'm sorry this is so late. I've been busy getting ready for Christmas, and then Christmas happened, and then my internet stopped working.**

**Ch 85 Recap- Severus and Regulus play chess. Mulciber is Mulciber. Lily runs into two Slytherin girls who call her a Mudblood. Remus tracks down Lily with the help of the Marauder's Map.**

**Chapter Eighty-Six- The Five Signs**

**1976**

May was a time of sunshine and flowers. Carelessness and laughter. Severus gazed out of the library window, his mouth twisting in contempt at the sight. It was nearly June, and instead of making every minute count, other fifth years were squandering precious study time with a break by the lake.

Severus returned to his Charms paper, but in spite of himself, his dark eyes darted again to the window. He could almost see a younger version of himself and Lily splashing each other, but he quickly squashed that memory. He didn't belong there, not with the others, not in that golden day. He belonged in the dark shadows of the library, where he was doing something far more important than frittering away their hours by the lake.

Not that the Charms paper itself was important. The Summoning Charm was useless compared to _real _magic they could have been learning. Even the counter-jinxes they were studying in Defense Against the Dark Arts, counter-jinxes Severus had learned his first year, were more useful.

But it had to be done. Severus refused to fail, even if that meant failing something as unimportant Charms. He wouldn't be a useless Davy Gudgeon. No, when he finished Hogwarts, the Ministry would consider themselves lucky to have him. If a collection of Outstanding O.W.L.s wasn't enough, being one of Voldemort's earliest supporters would be. A satisfied little smile curled on Severus's lips, and once again, he congratulated himself on securing himself a position among Voldemort's circle so early in the game.

"Hi, Sev."

At the sound of Lily's voice, Severus didn't look up right away. He stared hard at the parchment in front of him, studying the still-wet ink, his hand tightening around the quill he was still holding. He swallowed, struggling to collect himself, and a moment later, he was ready.

"I didn't think you would be here," Severus said, suddenly grateful that he had chosen a distant corner. "I thought you would be there. With _them_."

He pronounced the word with unintentional venom, more from habit than anything else. Lily noticed; he could tell from the way she smiled sadly at him, as if she were all too used to it by now.

"I was looking for you," Lily answered as her fingers absentmindedly traced the surface of the table he had taken over. He saw her eyes linger on the page of his Charms textbook, and much to his annoyance, they widened slightly, as if she had been expecting _A Million and One Ways to Torture Gryffindors and Other Innocent Bystanders _instead of an ordinary schoolbook. She lifted her eyes from the page to flash him a rueful smile. "And I knew you wouldn't be out there. It's actually nice outside."

Severus snorted, but something inside lightened at the words, and he forgot all about his annoyance. He hated himself for it. He hated the influence she had over him, the way she could sway his emotions with just a smile and a few words. "Why were you looking for me?"

Lily nodded at the chair opposite him, now fidgeting with a stray thread on the sleeve of her robes. "Can I sit?"

"Go ahead," Severus said, finding it strange that she had asked when before a Jelly-Legs Jinx wouldn't have stopped her. He wondered when they had become the sort of friends that felt obligated to play around with formalities, when not so long ago they had been the kind that would shove each other into a lake without remorse.

Lily sat. Severus looked down.

"I just wanted to talk," Lily said after a lengthy pause. "We never talk anymore."

At that, there was a surge of regret because it was the truth, followed by more annoyance, and Severus bristled. He didn't like what she had implied, and where the conversation was headed. Perhaps the Knights were taking up more and more time, but it wasn't as if she was all alone and miserable. She seemed perfectly content with discussing lifelong plans with _Potter _of all people, and that was when she wasn't strolling around the halls with Lupin at her side. Next she would be giving Black prank suggestions and chomping down pastries with Pettigrew.

Severus realized she was waiting for him to speak, and he felt another prickle of irritation. "So, talk."

Lily's green eyes flashed. "I'm trying, Sev. The least you could do is do the same."

And then Severus truly did feel regretful because he didn't want to push Lily away further. Not when she was already slipping through his fingers. "Fine, but first…" He reached for his wand. "_Muffliato_."

When he set down the wand on the desk with a gentle thud, he could see that Lily was staring at him, her expression unreadable.

"What?" Severus asked defensively.

"Is that really necessary?"

"Did you want the entire library to overhear our conversation?" Severus retorted, not liking how his every move was met with judgment. It was as though she had deemed him guilty without even a consideration of his innocence, though what he was being accused of still wasn't quite clear. That unsettled him most of all.

"No one is even here!" Lily said, throwing her hands in the air, gesturing at the area around them. "Congratulations, Sev, you found the one place in the library no one will ever go to. It's freezing, it's dark, and the books are covered in dust. What section are we even in?"

"Legal."

"Which doesn't relate to any subjects and is too boring for even the overachievers, meaning no one will come here," Lily observed. "Well done."

Severus's eyes darkened and he could feel himself stiffen. "And by talking, you meant a lecture on my antisocial habits. Fine. I don't like people. I never have. We've been friends for years, Lily. A little late, aren't we?"

Lily looked as though she was sorely tempted to smack him over the head with his Charms textbook, but somehow she restrained herself. Severus was expecting her eyes to flash again, for her to shout, but neither occurred. It was silent again.

"You still did it," Lily said quietly.

"Did what?"

"_Muffliato_."

"Oh," Severus said, a little awkwardly.

"Why?" Lily asked, her voice still soft, though it was stronger this time. "No one ever comes here. What are you so paranoid about?"

And Severus found himself wishing that she had shouted. It would have been preferable to this, having her green eyes stare at him, silently probing. He shifted uncomfortably in his chair, and he nearly wondered, not for the first time, what it would feel like, to tell Lily everything. He had trained himself well; the moment the thought began to form, he banished it from his mind, and it was as if it had never been there to begin with.

"Nothing," Severus said finally. "I like my privacy. That's all."

Severus knew Lily didn't believe him, and he knew that she knew he was aware of it, just as much as he was. They stared at each other in silence, both conscious of the lie that hung between them, conscious that they were each thinking of it, but neither one dared to say anything at all.

"The Slytherins," Lily said finally. "They're becoming more…intense about blood purity.

It was precisely the worst thing she could have said.

"It's war, Lily." Severus said with a coldness that wasn't directed at her. "What did you expect?"

Lily blinked. "I was only warning you to be careful."

"I don't need you to remind me that I'm a half-blood," Severus said, because he didn't, not when there was Mulciber, who would never let him forget it for a moment. "Anyway, I'm not the only one who needs to be careful."

"Why?" Lily said with a humorless laugh that bothered him. He didn't understand why until he realized the bitter sound could have been from his own lips. It didn't fit the Lily he knew. "Do you think Potter is going to hit me over the head with a broomstick? He wouldn't risk scratching it."

"No." Severus's annoyance was darkening to anger. He disliked the way she refused to take him seriously, and when he spoke again, it was with more intensity. "Because of Lupin. He's a monster."

Now it was Lily's turn to look irritated. "You're actually warning me about _Remus_? Look around you, Sev, your friends are the monsters. They think they're better than everyone just because they're pure-bloods, and no matter how much you hang around them, you're not going to be one. You said so yourself, Sev. You're a half-blood, and it doesn't matter how much you follow them around, that isn't going to change in their eyes. I don't know why you would want to be around people who think you're inferior just because of your dad."

"Why not?" Severus snapped sharply. She had gone too far, bringing up _him_ here, the one place where he could pretend Tobias Snape did not exist. "Everyone back in Spinner's End thought the same, and I don't see you going on about how evil they are. Being pure-blood doesn't make them monsters, just like being a Muggle-born doesn't make you a saint."

"I never said that I was-"

"What gives _you _the right to judge anyone? You want to talk about monsters? First of all, there's Potter, who's tried to make my life a living hell since the first day of Hogwarts-"

"I know-"

"No, Lily, you don't know," Severus said harshly, and on his tongue was the familiar taste of venom that never seemed to go away. It showed with every word, and he took his time, spitting out each syllable with poisonous relish. "And don't you dare pretend to. What did Potter do to you? Turn your hair green for an hour? Ask you out for a few times?"

Lily didn't say anything, though he could see her fight the urge when his voice had taken a mocking turn. He could see, even now, she didn't truly understand, and she never would. Because she was Lily Evans, and he was Severus Snape. She had been blessed from birth, and he had been cursed from the moment his mother had laid eyes on a _Muggle_.

"As horrible as it is to have James Potter fancy you for five years, did you ever think about what's it's like to have him hate you? He's hated me ever since I said I wanted to be in Slytherin." Severus paused, allowing that to sink in. "How is that any different from the Slytherins?"

"It's-"

"And that's just Potter!" Severus went on, the coldness melting with his brewing anger. The more he thought about, about them, the more furious he became. He was speaking rapidly now, barely understanding a word he was saying. "Now we have Lupin, who is technically a monster according to the _Encyclopedia of Magical Beasts_. Red eyes? Check. Fangs? Check. A desire to rip people to shreds? _Check_. You can deny it all you want, but it doesn't change the facts. _Remus Lupin is a werewolf_."

He was grateful he had cast the _Muffliato_. He had shouted the last sentence at her, and if it hadn't been for his spell, Madam Pince would have slaughtered him by now. He hadn't meant to shout at her, but she had been shaking her head so furiously that he couldn't help it. _He _was her best friend. _He_ was the one who had found her on a Muggle playground. _He _was the first one who had told her that she was a witch. _He_ was the one who had been there when Petunia had first called her a freak, and _he _was the one who had been there ever since. Not them. Not Potter. Not Lupin. Not anyone else. _Him_.

She had no right to shake her head at him. No right at all. In doing so, she was denying everything that had happened between them in the last seven years and Severus refused to let that happen. All the hours spent in their little clearing, the countless snow angels she had forced him to make, the time she had fixed him up with ridiculous Muggle bandages after Tobias had done his damage… It had meant something, and he wouldn't let Lily ruin it because of a werewolf. He would tell her. He would tell her everything that happened that night.

"I saw him myself," Severus told her in a much more controlled voice, though his hands were shaking, and he was inches away from hurling the table across the library. "Your precious Potter told you all about how he saved me, well, did he bother to tell you why I needed to be saved?"

"First of all, he isn't my 'precious Potter,'" Lily informed him coolly. "And you're wrong. He didn't tell me."

She allowed Severus to digest that information before continuing, as if daring him to contradict her. He didn't. He knew Lily wasn't finished and he knew instinctively that he wouldn't like her next words. He gnashed his teeth and waited.

"And neither did you," Lily said at last. "You haven't told me anything, for I don't know, the last four years?"

His confession was still in his throat, and Severus swallowed. The urge to splinter the table into two left him, and he felt drained. He said nothing, and only looked at her. She was just across the table. If he tried, he could have stretched out his arm and grazed the tips of her fingers. She wasn't far away. Not technically. Somehow, in that minute, she seemed farther away than ever, unfathomably unreachable.

When Lily spoke again, she sounded just as tired as he felt. "Why is it that whenever we talk we always end up talking about them?"

"I don't know," Severus said honestly.

"I hate it," Lily confessed after another pause.

"I hate it too."

When he said the words, she gave a tiny smile, a gesture that Severus returned, and somehow, the corner didn't seem so dark anymore. The knowledge that she felt the same as he did made her seem suddenly less distant, and at that, he felt a little less alone in the world.

She was still there.

**1976**

There had to be some sort of answer. A logical answer. In the back of her mind, Lily knew there was, but the longer she racked her brain, the more she became convinced that there wasn't. The question had to be purposely designed to drive her mad because there was no answer. No answer made sense.

"I give up," Lily said, unconsciously twisting her wand in her hands. A shower of red sparks shot out, and looking down at it, startled, she felt a sudden urge to snap it. Maybe then she would have an excuse not to take the exam.

"Are you sure?" Remus asked, holding the thick Transfiguration textbook between his hands. Patrols had been slow lately, and they had decided earlier that they might as well quiz each other on the rapidly approaching O.W.L.s while walking the corridors. Lily didn't have much time to study between procrastinating and stressing over Severus, and Remus had even less, being tied up with the mischief that came with being a Marauder, or more accurately, being friends with Potter and Black.

Lily nodded with a wince.

"The answer is…" Remus looked down to the text that his finger was pointed to. "_Gemino._"

Lily felt immensely annoyed with herself. She peered over his shoulder, committing the word to memory. Now that it was spelled out in front of her, it seemed perfectly obvious. She let out a sigh. "Right. Of course it is."

The sound of footsteps caused Remus to slam the book shut, much to Lily's relief.

"Think it's Filch?" Lily murmured.

Remus shook his head, his voice equally as soft. "Filch is slower. His steps are heavier too."

"You have good hearing," Lily said, impressed. Most footsteps sounded the same to her.

For some reason, Remus's sickly pallor reddened into a deep blush, and he looked away, obviously uncomfortable. "You pick things up like that when you're one of Filch's most wanted, I suppose. Listen."

Lily listened. It sounded all the same to her, and she was just about to say so, but she could tell from Remus's expression that he had found something he was waiting for her to find. She tried again, straining her ears. The sound of footsteps paused, continued, and then paused again. The owner of them was careful. A little too careful for Lily's liking.

"It's someone who doesn't want to be caught," Lily realized.

Remus was frowning, his forehead puckered. "Exactly."

No student wanted to be caught after curfew. Lily didn't need a badge to know that. But after nearly a year of being prefect, she had learned something. Students were _horrible _at sneaking around. They giggled, they sneezed, they tripped, and any other inconvenient thing. They were careless, and after the initial few minutes, they grew accustomed to their freedom and became downright impulsive.

Most importantly, they rarely snuck around alone.

It was this fact that made Lily's guard fly up. That and the increasing tensions of the Houses. War had changed things. It had started out slowly at first, and sometimes, even now, Lily could forget what was happening outside the walls of Hogwarts until a newspaper headline reminded her and everyone else that it was becoming worse instead of better.

And then there were the little things. The little moments of the unknown, of possibility, that made her wonder if this was another consequence of war instead of something innocent. A laugh behind her back, a sign on the wall… All of those, Lily never would have paid much attention to years ago, but now, her suspicions had flared, and anything could be a consequence. Mary had been one. Lily didn't want to see that happen again, to anyone.

Lily and Remus exchanged glances, each weighing the possibilities. They could go out and announce themselves, give a detention or dock points, and end the matter right then or there. Or they could see what was motivating the owner of the footsteps to be so careful in a castle where no student felt the need to be truly careful while sneaking around when the worst that could happen was a detention and nothing more.

Lily didn't want to simply dock points. It didn't seem like the future Auror thing to do. Remus seemed to be on the same wavelength, and in silent agreement, they withdrew their wands, and continued quietly down the corridor. Once they were at the end, Remus peeked his head over the corner and surveyed the next hall. He glanced back at Lily and gestured for her to follow him.

"Stairs," Remus mouthed to Lily, who felt a flicker of disappointment that they had just missed whoever they were following.

They crept along the corridor. Lily wanted to ask if Remus had caught even a glimpse, if he had any idea at all, but she kept her mouth shut. After the next corner, there would be the staircase, and she would see soon enough.

They tiptoed around the final corner. Once they approached the archway that led towards the stairs, Lily ventured a peek. She frowned slightly. There was a figure on the set of stairs closest to them, though the staircase was already moving towards the…seventh floor, Lily calculated quickly. She couldn't see who the figure was, only that he was tall and clad in the standard uniform of black robes. A hood covered his head, concealing his hair color.

And then the figure surveyed his surroundings, as if to make sure no one was following him. Warily, he glanced over his shoulder, and Lily caught sight of pale skin, nearly white against a shock of dark hair.

"Mulciber," Lily whispered.

And then it really did feel like Mary all over again. She felt a hot burst of anger as she watched the staircase move. He was obviously up to something, most likely tormenting another poor girl for his own amusement. Because of blood status. Because of dirty blood.

The thought made Lily's jaw clench.

"He'll see us if we take the stairs," she said, gripping her wand more tightly.

"I know another way. If we hurry, we might even get there before he does," Remus said breathlessly, already moving. Lily was on his heels. Even with the darkened blur of shadowy portraits and dimly lit sconces, she could see that Remus was retracing their steps, leading them farther away from Mulciber, much to her frustration.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see," Remus answered confidently, as if he was perfectly accustomed to taking haphazard routes around the castle. Even though Lily had been living at Hogwarts for five years, Remus's path had thrown her off, and she had no idea where they were. Between their speed and the poor lighting, all the corridors were beginning to look alike.

Remus finally halted in front of an enormous portrait of a pretty young woman with flowing dark hair. Lily was grateful for the break, especially now that she could catch her breath and pinpoint their location. And then it sank in, and she blinked, wondering why Remus was standing there, admiring a painting, when Mulciber was probably somewhere skulking down a hallway.

"Now what?"

The young woman in the portrait sniffed.

Remus ignored Lily's question. Much to Lily's surprise, he took a step closer to the portrait, and spoke to it.

"You look lovely today, Lady Carlotta," and with the words, he gave a low, sweeping bow. Lily was just about to laugh; he looked so ridiculous, when the young woman suddenly smiled. The portrait swung open, revealing a set of narrow stairs, each step a different height than the next. Remus didn't hesitate; he dove inside, Lily not far behind.

The portrait shut behind them almost immediately with a low thud, much to Lily's discomfort. The area was too small and dark for her liking, and the stale air didn't help matters. She focused on the uneven steps in front of her, trying not to breathe for as long as necessary.

"How did you find this place?" Lily asked as she followed Remus, feeling the need to distract herself.

Remus didn't look back, but she could see him shrug automatically when her eyes darted up. "I don't remember. There's a few pretentious paintings and Sirius likes to see if he can charm them, but that could have been the passage behind Lady Elaine. I get them mixed up, to be honest."

"Them?" Lily repeated, startled. "How many are there?"

"Secret passages?" This time, Remus looked at her, shooting her a surprising smile. "A lot. It's Hogwarts."

He said the word as if it explained everything. In a way, it did.

"Where do you think Mulciber is going?" Lily asked as the stairs twisted. She nearly tripped for what felt like the dozenth time, and felt a stab of resentment for whoever thought making uneven stairs was a good idea.

"I have an idea."

Lily waited for him to elaborate. He didn't. They continued in silence, their footsteps thudding against the rickety steps. The damp air weighed down on Lily like a wet blanket, and she suddenly couldn't wait to take a bath, preferably in the prefects' bathroom. She wouldn't even play around the taps this time. She would go straight to the tap with the pink bubbles and then the one with vanilla bath oil-

"We're here," Remus said, abruptly ending Lily's little fantasy. The reality of Mulciber and the decaying secret staircase came flooding back to Lily in an unpleasant rush.

Lily clenched her wand. "Let's go."

Remus pushed open what appeared to be an ordinary wall to Lily. She couldn't help looking back to see what it was, feeling mildly startled and just a little foolish at the realization it was the same portrait of forest animals at a picnic that she had walked by countless times.

"I think he's that way," Remus said in the faintest of whispers, gesturing towards his left. Lily knew that area well; it was the path to Severus's secret room. The idea that Mulciber was going there upset her more than it should have, not because she thought Severus had told him about it, but because she was positive that he hadn't. Severus had very few treasures, and what he had, he kept close, afraid to let anyone else even catch a glimpse of it. The idea of Mulciber tarnishing one of his precious treasures with his grimy hands troubled Lily.

But all of a sudden, there was the barely audible creak of a door in the opposite direction. Remus's forehead creased in a mixture of confusion and surprise, and Lily's head whipped around.

"The West Tower," Lily frowned, more from bewilderment than anything else. Sending a letter seemed harmless enough, especially compared to the scenarios that had been running through her mind earlier. "Why is he going to the Owlery at this time of night?"

"I don't know," Remus said, still looking strangely perplexed.

"Well, we can't go up there," Lily said in frustration, sensing that their little escapade was about to come to an end with no great discovery other than the fact Mulciber evidently liked to send mail at strange hours. "He'll see us as soon as we open the door."

"We could wait," Remus suggested. "Maybe he'll leave a clue behind."

It sounded better than nothing, and more promising than simply giving him detention. Maybe if they found evidence that he was up to trouble, he would be expelled. That, Lily felt, would be justice for what he had done to Mary. It still bothered her that he was walking around Hogwarts as if he had done nothing wrong.

"Okay," Lily sank to the floor. It seemed to be a good enough place, close enough that they would hear the door open, but far enough that they could scramble into hiding if anyone came near. At that prospect, she felt a thrill of excitement. A real stakeout. It was exactly what an Auror would do. Well, instead of Dark wizards, she was sitting around, waiting for _Mulciber_, but that was close enough.

Remus sat down across from her, his legs folded up in a position that mirrored Lily's.

Lily kept her eyes fixed to the corner, ears sharp. In her hands, her wand was poised. She was ready.

Remus's wand was still out. She could see that he was ready too. There was a spark in his eyes, not unlike hers, that revealed that he didn't mind the excitement either.

A minute passed. Lily's eyes drooped and Remus's wand arm sagged. A minute later, Lily was toying with her hair, idly wishing that it was longer so she would have more to occupy herself with, and Remus was drumming his fingers quietly on the cover of his textbook. He yawned, and as he slapped a lazy palm over his mouth, he caught Lily's eye, looking rather guilty.

"Uh, do you want to quiz each other while we wait?"

Truthfully, Lily didn't. Her back was aching and her legs were sore. She wanted to mull over Mulciber and his possible motives, or do something more worthy of an Auror, but Remus had put up with her fudging answers for half an hour in Transfiguration, and she was extremely bored. The least she could do was return the favor. She reached into her bag and withdrew the Defense Against the Dark Arts textbook she had been carrying. "Is this okay?" She lifted up the book so that he could see the title.

"No Transfiguration?" Remus said innocently.

Lily shot him a dirty look. "I'll take that as a yes." She cracked the book open to a random page. Since the professors were sharing the duty of teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts, some of the material had overlapped and some of it neglected entirely. Lily, for instance, knew counter-jinxes like the back of her hand, having the same lesson being taught twice, but identifying a vampire bat was still an unfortunate mystery. Seeing a picture of one such creature in the corner, she made a mental note to read the caption later.

"Which species of bat is capable of attacking and stunning a human?" Lily asked in her best imitation of McGonagall's professor voice.

"Spectre Bat," Remus answered promptly.

"What is the counter-jinx to the Revulsion Jinx?"

"The Attraction Jinx."

Lily frowned at Remus's automatic responses, already grumpy from sitting on the floor and waiting for an absentee Mulciber. She needed to make her questions trickier. "The incantations for both?"

"_Relashio _and _Rapportio_." Remus grinned when he saw Lily's scowl deepen. "Was I right?"

"Next chapter," Lily said, making a face at him. The information hadn't even been given in a lecture, and she wondered if he had simply decided to memorize the book. She turned to a fresh page, hoping to find something more challenging, though she was beginning to have her doubts. "What is the theory behind the Impediment Jinx?"

Without needing a moment to think twice, Remus immediately launched into a detailed description, and for the first time that day, he no longer seemed quite so tired. He looked animated, his hands motioning wildly as he went on to explain something that Lily honestly lost track of somewhere five minutes into the conversation. And then Remus stopped talking and looked at Lily expectantly, and a guilty Lily realized he had finished.

"Er- right," Lily said, and smiled brightly at him. "Very good, Remus!" She hurried to find a new page, something that was hopefully less challenging for her sake. She glanced down at the text.

"What are five signs that can be used to identity a werewolf?"

Lily wanted to kick herself the moment the words slipped from her mouth. She didn't know if Remus knew about Severus's accusations, but she felt idiotic for bringing it up. She looked up from her book when Remus didn't say anything, and she could see that he was there, frozen, his light blue eyes staring at her.

The door opened. Mulciber.

Studying forgotten, Lily and Remus leapt to their feet, fumbling for their wands. Remus ducked behind the tapestry of crumbling ruins, and Lily followed. It was an uncomfortably small space, and rather dusty. Lily nearly sneezed and clapped a hand over her mouth just in time. It took what felt like forever for Mulciber to pass by, and even then, when Lily wanted to step out, Remus shook his head at her, signaling her to stay in place.

"Now you can go," Remus said after another long minute of unbearable dust and silence.

"Do you think we'll find anything?" Lily asked. The excitement had long worn off, and after the werewolf question, being with Remus was suddenly painfully awkward.

"Honestly? No. But it doesn't hurt to look."

Remus wasn't looking at her. His eyes were fixed ahead, his steps long and quick. Lily found herself struggling to keep up with him. He opened the door, and as he held it out for her, his eyes still refused to meet hers.

Lily tried not to dwell on it as she led the way to the top of the tower. It was just a misunderstanding, one that they probably would laugh about in a week, and that was if they even remembered it at all. It was time to focus on Mulciber. Lily exhaled, and as she neared the top, she felt a wave of gratefulness that the nights were warmer now, as she could already feel a cool breeze on her face.

She had never been to the Owlery at night before. It looked rather eerie, the nearly full moon bathing the tower in its glow, causing the owls to be seen as simple black silhouettes in the rafters. Lily drew in her breath when she saw the shadow of an enormous pair of wings spread and then dip down as they glided towards her, and automatically, her hands went to cover her head. Something nipped gently at her knuckles, and she looked up, feeling stupid when she saw that it was only her owl, Eirwen.

"I suppose I deserved that," Lily said apologetically. She had sent very few letters home in the last couple months, and she knew she should have written more, as Petunia had informed her so in her last letter, but there was already so much writing to be done with her ever growing pile of homework that the last thing she felt like doing was picking up her quill and writing more the few occasions she was finished with it.

"James never told me you had an owl," Remus mused to himself.

"What?" Lily blinked, not sure if she had heard him correctly.

"What?" Remus said quickly, the tips of his ears red, visible even in the moonlight. "Let's start looking."

Eirwen, already bored with human trivialities, flew off. Lily glanced around, shifting her feet while doing her best to avoid droppings and mice remains. It was difficult, and when she heard a crunch, she cringed.

Remus was having no such difficulty. He had lit his wand and was inspecting any scrap of parchment he found, tossing them aside when he realized they held nothing of interest.

"What exactly are we searching for?" Lily asked as she imitated his motions. There were the viciously shredded remains of a letter at her feet that looked promising. She gathered a handful of scraps, struggling to find a match among the jagged edges. It was more difficult than it sounded, especially when she had a wand in her hand.

"Evidence."

"I know that, but what?" Lily stuck her wand underneath her arm so she could examine two possible matches in the air, straining her eyes to see the moonlit parchment. To her disappointment, it appeared to be nothing more than the remains of an angry breakup letter. It was something Marlene would have devoured, but only left Lily with disappointment. "A signed confession of all the people he's hexed?"

"More like proof that he's a Death Eater."

Lily dropped the parchment she had been holding. The scraps floated gracefully to the ground like imperfect snowflakes. "_What?"_

"Well, not a Death Eater yet," Remus amended, "but something like that."

"But he's just a kid," Lily said. "Surely he can't-"

She stopped when she saw Remus's face because she knew what Mulciber was capable of. He wasn't just a kid. Normal kids didn't curse other kids for their own entertainment. Jinxes, yes, but what Mulciber had done to Mary…

"A Death Eater," Lily said faintly. She didn't know why she was having such difficulty registering this. Nearly all the other Houses were convinced that the Slytherins were destined for evil, and Mulciber and the others had made no secret of their feelings on blood purity. She had known most of them were on Voldemort's side, but as supporters and nothing more. She didn't expect the people she had grown up with to be players in the game, only bystanders. She expected them to mock her, maybe even curse her as they had done with Mary, but to want her _dead_? To be one of those shadowy figures on the cover of the _Daily Prophet_, running with their wands out, curses flying, a skull and a serpent high in the sky above?

Lily couldn't understand that level of hatred. She didn't want to.

"A Knight, actually," Remus corrected her.

"A Knight," Lily echoed flatly. "Like with armor and swords and stuff?"

Remus smiled, but it was humorless. "More like Dark magic and secret meetings."

"And what do they do?" Lily asked, still feeling a little shaky at the idea of sleeping under the same roof as Voldemort's future inner circle. "Sit around in a circle and talk about how great they are?"

"Among other things," Remus's smile faded. "I don't know exactly."

"How do you know about them?"

"Sirius heard about them from his family. Apparently secret societies don't have to be secret if your ancestor is one of the founders," Remus was talking rapidly. "He doesn't know much though. Or if he does, he didn't tell me. He…doesn't like to talk about it much."

Lily didn't blame him.

"Don't tell anyone," Remus's eyebrows knitted together in worry. "It would be…bad if they thought Sirius was telling their secrets."

"I won't," Lily said sincerely. "I promise. You can trust me."

Their eyes locked and there was a pregnant pause. Feeling suddenly unsure of what to do next, Lily's eyes flickered to the bright glitter of stars. She hadn't really looked at the sky until that moment, but the view from the tower was breathtaking. They were so high up that she felt as though she could reach out and touch the moon. It was even more stunning than the stars, a luminous orb that lorded over the sky.

Beside her, Remus had grown still. Lily looked at him, and she could see his face. He wasn't looking at her; he was looking at the nearly full moon. She could see the silver sphere reflected in his eyes, along with a flurry of emotions. What she saw first was pain. It contorted his features, mingled with hate and disgust, but there was something else there. Something else that was most powerful of all.

It was fear.

He didn't look like the mischievous Marauder the school saw him as, or the boy who could happily read through a book through a barrage of fireworks, or even the brave Gryffindor that Lily knew he could be.

He looked terrified.

"_To distinguish the werewolf from the common wolf, the following five signs can be used: the shorter snout, tufted tail, dilated pupils, coarser hair, and larger canines. The seven days preceding the full moon weaken the human form as the wolf becomes stronger. This weakness shares the symptoms of many common illnesses of humans such as fatigue, nausea, headaches, and fever. The human form gradually regains its strength during the seven days following the transformation. When transformed, the werewolf is one of nature's most lethal creatures, possessing no rationality or restraint. Its sole purpose is to kill. As a human, it poses no threat, but should be avoided nonetheless."_

The textbook pages, which always seemed to be a blur in her mind during an exam, were perfectly in focus now. She could hear familiar voices in her head, repeating phrases she had thought she had forgotten.

"_Remus is taking care of his furry little problem."_

"_Where did Moony go?"_

"_Remus Lupin is a _monster_."_

And Lily looked from Remus, to the moon, and back at him, and she knew what Severus had known all along.

Remus Lupin was a werewolf.

It was so _obvious_. It had been in front of her all along. All of the sick days. How all of those sick days revolved around the moon's cycle. Severus had told her multiple times. Told her? He had _screamed _it at her and it still hadn't sunk in. She was an idiot. An absolute and utter _idiot_. Remus Lupin was a werewolf. A werewolf. Remus, probably the nicest boy she knew. Remus, who had once calmly carried a spider to the window because he didn't want Marlene to step on it. Remus, who had found a sobbing first year girl during one of their rounds and had told her funny stories until she smiled again. Remus, who was so _normal_, but he wasn't normal, not really, because there always seemed to be a glimmer of sadness in his eyes, as if he knew what he was and couldn't allow himself to forget about it completely, not even for a moment.

"Lily?" Remus asked hesitantly. He was studying her face with concern, and Lily couldn't imagine what it looked like. She didn't know whether she wanted to laugh, cry, or scream. For some bizarre reason, she felt dangerously close to all three. She couldn't fully swallow it. Remus. A werewolf. Remus. He was the same creature that they warned about in the textbooks, the same creature with bloodstained fangs and wild red eyes, as pictured multiple times. Fangs that had most likely-

"Let's go. There's nothing here," Lily averted her eyes from him because she couldn't look at him just then. She couldn't do anything, but looking at him seemed to be the most impossible task of all. She didn't want to look at him and see what was right in front of her eyes, what had been there all along. She didn't want to know that Remus was a werewolf. She didn't want to know that the argument that had pushed her and Severus farther apart was her fault, and she especially didn't want to think about how it might have all turned out differently if she had believed him.

She could still see Severus's furious face, his desperate black eyes.

"_Why can't you just forget about them?"_

"_Because you don't believe me."_

"_You're right. I don't." _

She should have believed him.

**As usual, I rambled a lot on these. I'm sorry if any of these answers are incoherent, and if you asked me a basic question, I'm so sorry that you have a giant block of text. **

**rozemc- Thanks for the review! I agree; I think people can be too harsh on James. I don't blame them because if you look at the Mudblood scene, it doesn't look too good at first glance, but like you mentioned, I think it's almost important to take note of what others thought of him. Like you, I don't believe that he has the capacity for cruelty that others do just because of his life before Hogwarts. I think it being a game to him is the perfect way to describe it because I don't think he's capable of understanding the cruelty behind his own actions, just because he was never the victim himself, at least that we know of. I really don't think JKR meant for people to assume that he's this horrible monster, mainly because of the comments she makes in interviews about girls being obsessed with Draco. The only real scene we have of him is the Mudblood scene from Severus's perspective. I think a lot of people forget Severus used Sectumsempra against James in that, and though he was obviously the victim in that particular situation, I think it's telling that that one curse is darker than anything James used against him. In general though, I don't think of Severus as a victim of James. While I think it's unfair of the Marauders to gang up on him, Sirius stated that Severus didn't stop hexing James, and as a future Death Eater who has already demonstrated dark magic, I can't see Severus being completely innocent. I don't think he's the weak victim a lot of people want to see him as, but someone who is intelligent enough to learn difficult magic, and is hurt/angry enough to use it. I don't think he would hex James, even for vengeance, if he couldn't handle himself because that seems too Gryffindor for him. Being bold enough to hex someone stronger than you, I mean, not the vengeance part. I think people also forget James was 15 or 16 at the time. Who you are at 15 or 16 doesn't define you in life, and it's been stated, multiple times, that James did change. And thank you, I'm glad you like my portrayal of Lily because she's the most difficult character for me to write. I like analyzing characters and going on from there, but we know very little about her. I think of her as similar to Harry because he's not like young James at all, and like Lily, he's horrified at James's actions. I think it's also fitting that he has some similarities with Lily, just because it makes it even more painful for Severus. I think it would be a lot easier for him if Harry was as arrogant as James, and I think that's why he makes such a point of twisting Harry's actions around so that they fit his James mold. I agree, I don't like the idea that James "stole" Lily. I think of it that way sometimes when I'm writing from Severus's perspective, just because that's how he would see it, but as me, I don't agree with it at all. From the scenes we've seen of her, she seems like she has her own mind and is fully capable of making her own decisions, and from Severus's reaction, he seems to be aware of it. The Mudblood scene will be from Severus's POV and the aftermath will be from Lily's. I struggled with the decision for a while, but I felt like that would be the best way. My main goal is to explain why he could have called his best friend a Mudblood and why Lily never forgave him, so splitting the scenes up that way made the most sense to me. The beginning of Lily's POV will have her going over the Mudblood scene though, so that way we'll see at least a bit of it from her perspective because I really want to show what both of them were feeling during the final moments of their friendship. I may do the same for the aftermath and Severus. That's okay, I think it's safe to say that I wrote you a longer one back. I'm sorry and thank you again!**

**JPLE94- Thanks for the review! I definitely see Lily as a strong person overall from her her scenes in The Prince's Tale, as she starts standing up to Severus, eventually ending her friendship with him for good. I do think she's on the weak side now. I see her a lot like Harry, but unlike Harry, she grew up with a loving family. She's been sheltered and never really had an opportunity to be brave. I see the Mudblood scene as her major turning point, and that's how I plan to portray it. Right now she has her strong moments when she absolutely needs to be (Mary) or when Severus is going too far, but I still see her current state as weak, and I think her main weakness is Severus, or more specifically, the loyalty/platonic love she has for him. Nearly every time she's had a strong moment in this story, she backs down when she convinces herself her best friend will be back. She's a little immature at this point, but I think when she realizes that she can't save Severus and that she needs to end their friendship, she'll finally be able to grow up. I see Severus as sort of a twisted security blanket that's holding her back, and once she's able to realize that she doesn't need him and that he's bad for her, she'll finally be able to mature, make the right choice, and become stronger because of it. There will be much more of Sirius/Lily and even Peter/Lily (unfortunately) in year six. Remus found her with the map, which was the parchment he was holding. And thank you! I'm really fond of Regulus. There's not much of his Slytherin side yet, other than ambition, but you'll see more of his self-preservation side once he's around Death Eaters. I think self-preservation will be the main reason to why he hangs around them as long as he does. There will definitely be Black brotherly moments in Abomination. I need to write Abomination because I have so many scenes planned for it. I want to have a few good moments between them, or at least not completely horrible moments, but I have a ridiculous amount of angst planned for that story. **

**James and Lily- Thanks for the review! The confusion is partially why I'm so interested in Snape and Lily. Even though someone people think Severus is to blame because he called Lily a Mudblood or that Lily is at fault because she went out with James, I don't think either one is completely innocent, and I like how it drives you crazy because I don't think there is a simple answer. Haha, I don't see any problem with asking me here because it's at the end of chapter, but I don't think even the writers can explain the Stefan/Elena/Damon triangle. I'm having such issues with the writing lately, especially Damon/Elena and Damon/Katherine. I used to think there was more between them just because Katherine was so quick to deny her feelings for Damon and confessed to loving Stefan so easily, but after he handed her to Silas to die just so Elena could have her best friend back, I think it's just bad writing. And I'm sorry, I completely went into the Stefan/Katherine/Damon triangle instead, but I can't help it because I like Katherine, and I'll be disappointed if she dies. James wasn't in this chapter, sorry, but the Mudblood arc will take up three chapters, and he'll have an important role in one of the three. Don't feel bad! I love long reviews and I tend to stay up writing/reading anyway. **

**narratoroflife- Thanks for the review! I'm not positive, but there may be a chapter of Severus seeing a happy James, Lily, and baby Harry on the street. I haven't thought about the later years as much, but I need to decide if I want him to have that moment, or if it will be more powerful seeing baby Harry the first time after Lily is dead. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review and for letting me know!**

**Guest- Thanks for the review! Sorry that this update was late, and you're not troubling me at all. I'm amazed, but extremely flattered that people are excited to read it. The next chapter should be up sooner than this one and I'll update my profile when I have a better idea of it. **

**JadedofMara- Sirius was born in 1959 and Regulus was born in 1961, but you also have to remember the months. I'm too lazy to write this out so I'm just going to copy and paste: ****"Given that he was imprisoned shortly after 31 October 1981 and attended Hogwarts from 1971 to 1978, Sirius would have been born between 1 September 1959 and November 1959." We know that he was in the same year as James, Lily, etc who were born in 1960, and that he had to have attended Hogwarts in 1971. And we know Regulus was born in 1961. Multiple sites state that he would have attended Hogwarts in 1972. Since he died in 1980, that allows a year of being a Death Eater after Hogwarts, which makes the most sense timeline wise.**


	87. Chapter 87 The End is Near

**Thanks for the reviews! I'm sorry this is later than I expected. When I said I would post next week, I was hoping for Wednesday or Thursday. I was so close to getting it in before the midnight deadline, even though it probably would have been Monday for most of you, but I realized I forgot to do a recap and then I had formatting issues. Anyway, here it is! It's the first part of the Mudblood arc so I was especially nervous about it, and I kept making changes, which was why it took so long. The good news is that if you're a James fan, his appearance was one of the major changes, and you'll be seeing much more of him because he plays a significant role in the next three parts. **

**Thank you to my beta, sparklyscrunchies, for editing! I think I forgot to mention that in the last chapter, so thank you twice. **

**Chapter 86 Recap- Severus and Lily have an awkward and depressing conversation. During prefect duty, Lily and Remus notice Mulciber sneaking around the Owlery. Lily realizes that Remus is a werewolf- finally.**

**Chapter Eighty-Seven- The End is Near**

**1976**

It still wasn't quite right.

Severus stared the textbook in front of him in frustration, barely noticing that the sun was already slipping away and that the light that had shone on the words for the last two hours was fading with it. He was too fixated on searching for a solution. The worn page was covered in hastily scribbled scrawl, the ink long since dried. Inventing new spells was a complex process, but this one was especially difficult. It was a curse, designed for blood and vengeance, and every layer of magic he wove together was summoned from pure darkness.

It would be his greatest creation yet.

_Sectumsempra_. Always cutting. Even the name was perfect.

"What're you working on?"

Immediately, Severus shifted the parchment that contained his Herbology notes so this textbook was safe from prying eyes. A pair of almond-shaped green eyes to be exact. They were peering down at his untidy handwriting, and Severus wondered if she could hear his suddenly rapid heartbeat.

"Herbology," Lily said flatly. "I don't think I've ever seen you so interested in studying for an exam before."

Her tone implied that she believed the very opposite, and Severus half-expected her to snatch up the parchment and demand to see what it was covering, but she didn't, much to his relief. There was a time when he would have enjoyed nothing more than to tell her all about his spells, to see the glimmer of admiration in her eyes, but he knew better now.

"I don't dislike it," Severus said with a shrug.

It was then that he dared to look up and he realized that Lily wasn't looking at him either. Her eyes were lowered as she dug into the grass with her toe. She felt the heat of his gaze and looked up.

She was strangely beautiful just then. The sun had already sunk and twilight had just begun, the cooling pinks and deepening purples painting a pretty palette behind her. The gentle light made her features softer, almost hazy, as if he were trapped in a dream.

His stomach knotted, and Severus corrected himself. A nightmare.

"I didn't notice you were out here," Severus said when she hadn't said anything. It felt odd, to be the one prodding the conversation along, and almost instantly, he wished he had gone with something safer, such as asking how her studying for the Transfiguration O.W.L. was going.

"I saw you through the window," Lily said. "I-"

Her mouth snapped shut and she opened it again.

"I thought I would remind you it's getting late. Prefect duty and all."

Severus stared at her. She couldn't have cared less whether he was there past curfew or not, and they both knew it. His eyes narrowed as he studied Lily more intently, but she had already shifted her attention to the glassy, purplish-blue surface of the lake.

"Right," Severus said, and he shut his book, parchment with notes tucked safely inside. Lily turned at the sound of his voice, and he noticed her eyes flicker to the cover, and Severus waited for her to ask why it wasn't a Herbology textbook, but it never came.

A breeze, gentle and cool, swept by, sounding much like a tired sigh. Lily sighed too.

"Are you…all right?" Severus asked hesitantly. It was something that he couldn't recall asking her before. She had always been the one to ask him that, even when she was the one who needed to be asked. Back then, she would have told him before the question could have formed in his lips, whether it was her running up to him in tears or fuming loudly at a distance so that the world could know her rage.

Lily smiled at him, a faint little smile that wasn't anything like the one he was used to seeing. "Yeah," she said. "I'm fine."

She wasn't. Severus's hand lifted. For a second, he was tempted to touch her. To take her hand as she had with him so many times before. He had forgotten what her skin felt like. It was funny. There was a time when he had been nine years old with a crooked grin on his face and Lily's hand in his, absolutely and completely certain that he would never be able to forget.

But he had.

That past didn't even seem like a memory now. It felt like a dream. One of the pretty dreams Severus sometimes had, the kind that he didn't even realize he was dreaming until he woke up, when he could already feel it floating away, no matter how desperately he tried to hold onto it.

Standing right next to him, Lily seemed nothing more than a dream. More than ever, he wanted to touch her. Not just to comfort her, but to know that she was real too.

But his hand wavered with the realization that this dream-like state was because of the last time he had been too thoughtless, too bold. He wasn't meant to be a Gryffindor, brave until the very end. He was a Slytherin. A heaviness settled over him, cold and final, and Severus lowered his hand.

"It's getting dark," Lily said softly and it was then that he realized the sky was a faded, empty blue. "We should go inside."

With only a murmur of agreement, Severus stood up. They walked back to the castle as they had so many times before, his legs unconsciously slowing to meet her stride just as hers quickened. It was something they had perfected over the years, something that Severus never fully appreciated until those precious minutes.

When they reached the doors, Severus held one open for her and she ducked inside. He followed her, and once they were inside the warm glow of the castle, he wished more than anything that they were back by the lake under that darkening sky. But that dream had ended, leaving behind only a whisper of a memory and a nearly unbearable sense of loss.

Lily glanced back at him, and the corners of her lips lifted, just barely. She looked more solid now, almost harsh. "Goodnight, Sev."

"Goodnight, Lily."

And when he saw her trudge towards the stairs, he was struck by an urge to run after her, to demand to know what was wrong, but he didn't. Slytherins weren't the white knights who chased after the princesses. They were the villains of the story, as everyone else seemed to believe. The ones who plotted, who sacrificed, who succeeded. They didn't believe in happy endings. They believed in surviving.

And that was really what he was trying to do all along. Survive. If only Lily could understand that. If only she could understand that in order to survive the twisted, blackened mess that the real world was, one had to be someone. At least before they were forgotten in the ashes.

He wouldn't live the rest of his life the way it started. He couldn't.

This last thought haunted him every step of the way to the dungeons. It faltered only when he muttered the password and found himself inside the common room, but even then, he couldn't shake away the strange sensation of loss.

He heard Regulus call out to him and Mulciber say something that he couldn't understand, not that he cared to. For once, Severus didn't feel the need to stay back and play nice with the other Slytherins. He brushed them off as if they were an unpleasant thought and nothing more, and headed towards his dormitory, his footsteps heavy. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to sleep, to not think at all. He was so tired of thinking.

When he saw his four poster, Severus planned to drop down on the soft bedding, and to cover his head with a pillow so he wouldn't be later awakened by Mulciber's snores, but something stopped him.

There was a neatly folded square of parchment on his pillow.

There were moments in Severus's life that hit him like a blow to a stomach, sharp, nauseating, and impossible to ignore. It was the same feeling that came up whenever he saw Tobias with a bottle in his hand or Potter and Black whispering in the corner. It was pure instinct, and just then, his instincts were telling him to run.

Suddenly wide awake, Severus plucked the square from the plump pillow with forced calmness. He acted as though all Slytherins' eyes were on him, his face betraying nothing. The expensive creaminess between his fingers was familiar, and when he found the unmistakable, elaborate script inside, he knew why.

_Severus,_

_I wanted to wish you luck on your O.W.L.s. You have a bright future ahead of you._

_L.M._

Severus glared at the note, his annoyance stemming from dread rather than a genuine desire to read what it held. He didn't think for one moment that Lucius would waste his parchment with such a useless message. He withdrew his wand and held it to the inky swirls.

"_Aparecium_."

Nothing changed. Severus racked his mind for more spells, and after he tried three or four, he went hunting for Wilkes's Revealer. He found it, wedged between two textbooks.

Much to his growing irritation, nothing new appeared.

Severus read the message again. The bright future sounded ominous, but even with that little veiled threat, it seemed too pointless for Lucius's style. No, there was something there. Severus was sure of it.

He thought back to all the Knights' meetings. To the Initiation. To the signing of the book, the act that made even the bravest of the future Knights terrified. They didn't know what Severus knew, that the unfamiliar sensation of fear pounding through their veins was the same self-preservation inside of them that made them residents in the House of Slytherin. It was what their bodies instinctively screamed at them until ambition won the battle, ending the war for good with a simple quill.

Fortunately for Severus, he had done his reading. He felt a rare flicker of appreciation for the old Prince books, though it was extinguished almost immediately when he cursed himself for his own stupidity. He should have realized it sooner. Lucius wouldn't bother with childish invisible ink. Not when he had access to blood magic.

Severus turned over his palm and held out his wand.

"_Sectumsempra_," he whispered.

It was a tiny cut. Pitiful, really, and it irked him to see it, but even so, it would suffice for now. Severus's fingers curled above the parchment, digging into his skin, and finally, a drop of blood was spilled, marring the pristine ivory. Instantly, the letters began to swirl. Some shifted places, some vanished, some materialized, and a few seconds later, there was an entirely new message, much to Severus's satisfaction.

_Severus,_

_The Room. Tomorrow at midnight._

_L.M._

And just like that, Severus's glee was replaced by the instinctive dread again. Something had changed. Whether it was for better or for worse, he didn't know, and that the very worst feeling of all.

Not knowing.

**1976**

Lily Evans was a coward.

She knew it and she hated it. She didn't want to be. She wanted to confess to Severus that she was wrong. The words were simple. Lily had gone over them multiple times in her head: "Severus, you were right. Remus is a werewolf. I'm sorry."

But as simple as they were, they couldn't come out. They were lodged in her throat, refusing to budge. It wasn't the confession itself that was stopping her. She may have looked like an idiot, but Severus had caught her in a foolish moment more than once. They had been able to laugh and move past it back then.

And that was what caused her mouth to seal shut before anything could come out. It was fear of what would happen next, that they wouldn't be able to laugh it off this time. The werewolf fight had been their very worst fight. Severus had always believed her. As practical as he was, he had believed she had seen a _silver doe_ in the forest. Remus as a werewolf was just as absurd, maybe even less so, and still, Lily hadn't believed him. Severus's face had been serious, his eyes pleading, and still, she had chosen not to believe him. Even though the evidence had been in front of her the entire time.

Lily thought back to the Dueling Club incident, when Severus had sent Potter hanging in the air. She remembered herself telling him that she would always believe him, even though his House colors were silver and green. It had been a promise that she had broken, and that broken promise had caused a gap between the two that had never fully closed, that seemed to widen a little more with every argument they had.

It had been her fault.

She had been responsible for the first crack that had eventually developed into a gorge. More than once, she had been annoyed with Severus for hanging around the Slytherins, angry even, but this was far worse, because no matter how much time he spent with Mulciber, Lily was positive that he would have believed her no matter what. And she hadn't. She hadn't believed him, even though he was right. And once she admitted it aloud, Lily was terrified that what she had done to both of them would never be repaired.

A cool shadow suddenly hovered above her, blocking the sunlight that had been splashed all over the pages, simultaneously interrupting Lily's thought process.

"Evans."

"Not now, Potter," Lily didn't remove her eyes from her textbook, though her fingers curled automatically at the sound of his voice. "I have less than an hour to memorize this."

There was a jolt of horror when she realized that time was slipping away and she had made no progress on her reading. Potter, oblivious to her panic, seemed to take her words as an invitation to sit down right beside her underneath the willow tree, where she had spread out everything she could possibly need to study for a successful Herbology exam. He proceeded to chomp noisily on an apple.

Lily gave him a death glare.

"I'm sorry," Potter held it out cheerfully, much to her disgust. "Did you want a bite?"

"No," Lily said through clenched teeth. "I don't want a bite. If you absolutely must lurk over my shoulder and eat an apple while doing so, can you try to do it a little more quietly?"

"I don't see why you have to study. There's only the practical portion left, and that's easy."

"We can't all be blessed with your enormous brain," Lily grumbled, her eyes returning to the textbook. Devil's Snare. That one was easy enough.

"Obviously," Potter sounded smug.

"And is that why you're here?" Lily turned the page, hoping that he would take the hint. "To talk about the superior traits of James Potter that us mere mortals couldn't dream of having?"

"Actually, I wanted to ask how your studying is going. Transfiguration is coming up."

This time, Lily forgot all about looking studious and gawked at him.

"Don't look so shocked, Evans," Potter seemed to be enjoying her reaction a little too much; his grin was enormous. "I can be a very thoughtful person."

"Right."

"And, as your tutor, I think it's only fair to hear how incredible my teaching methods are."

"That's a little more believable," Lily fought back a smile when she caught an amused glimmer in his eyes, in spite of her stomach turning over at the reminder. "But I think it's going okay. Thanks for asking."

The last part slipped out, more from habit than anything else, and Lily barely noticed, her mind automatically returning to the O.W.L.s. Truthfully, she hadn't been able to do much studying for Transfiguration. She had difficulty focusing on her textbook whenever she tried, and even the O.W.L.s she had already completed were a blur in her mind, thoughts of Severus and Remus taking over whenever she tried to concentrate. She thought she had done all right for the most part. At least she didn't remember doing anything horrible, such as accidentally Transfiguring an examiner into a flamingo as Davy Gudgeon had managed.

Potter's cocky grin had faltered at the thank-you, and Lily was suddenly aware that he had become extremely interested in what remained of his apple, studying the core as though he was trying to think of a way to twist her words into something as obnoxious and conceited as possible, but could come up with nothing. "Er- that's good."

Fortunately for Potter, Lily didn't dwell on his reaction for long. Her mind went where it often went ever since her discovery. To Remus. Remus spent more time with the Marauders than with anyone else. When one was spotted, it was only reasonable to assume the other three were lurking somewhere nearby. They were always whispering, always plotting, always doing _something _that involved mischief. Potter had to know, along with the other Marauders. He had to have known.

_Moony. _

_Furry problem. _

_Time of the month._

Lily wanted to roll her eyes at the memories. Clearly, Potter knew. But he had never told anyone.

This time, Lily did roll her eyes. Of course he wouldn't have. Potter may have talked too much for her liking, mainly when she was trying to study, but he also knew how to shut up when the timing was right. Even though some of the most legendary pranks were the obvious handiwork of the Marauders, Potter rarely confessed, never sold out his friends, and never once explained how they could have pulled off something that everyone else would have deemed impossible. He thrived off mischief, and the key to mischief was the secrecy behind it. Having a best friend who was a werewolf would have been the most delicious secret of all.

"You didn't know Remus before Hogwarts, did you? Sirius and Peter too," Lily quickly added the last two names when his eyebrows flew up. She reprimanded herself at once. She didn't know exactly what she was looking for, but she knew she wouldn't find out anything if she continued to fumble.

"What brought that up?"

"Just curious," Lily said honestly, crossing her legs as she leaned back against the trunk. Between the dark red strands of hair that had fallen in her eyes, she peered at him, hoping for a clue.

"No," Potter's eyes remained narrowed. "I didn't know any of them."

Which was obvious, because as long as they been friends, no one in their year could forget the first week the Marauders had been thrown together. And there was the unforgettable fact that Lily had witnessed the first meeting of Potter and Black. She could tell from the crease in his forehead that he remembered it too.

"Oh," Lily decided it was best to feign stupidity. She smiled a tad too brightly. "It's nice that you're such good friends now."

Potter was staring at her as if she had grown a second head.

"We are good friends," Potter said finally. "I'd trust them with my life."

His suspicion was still there, but there was a new seriousness in his face that Lily couldn't recall ever seeing before, and it made her false smile dim. He had said "them" with such conviction that she realized that it wasn't just about mischief and mystery and thriving on what he knew and others did not. She believed him, that he would trust the Marauders with his life, and she believed, that if he truly did know that Remus was a werewolf, he felt the same way about Remus as he did with Black and Pettigrew. There was not the slightest bit of hesitation in his voice, no flicker of doubt on his features. It honestly seemed to make no difference to him.

With a sinking stomach, Lily also knew just then that Potter would have believed any of them if they had come forward with the same information that Severus had. Something about the realization troubled her.

"How do you know?" Lily heard herself asking. "That you can trust them."

"I dunno," Potter shrugged. His expression was serious, pensive, even. It didn't match him. It was much like seeing Mulciber hugging a puppy or Davy Gudgeon posed at a podium, acting as Minister of Magic. "I just know."

"And you've never doubted them or anything?" Lily knew she was pressing, but she couldn't understand such faith. In the back of her mind, she knew she had once been just as certain about Severus, but that time had long passed. Their friendship was riddled by suspicion, confusion, and fear.

"Well, maybe once or twice," Potter's hazel eyes clouded over behind his glasses. She wondered if he was thinking of Remus. "Not for a while. We were young and stupid then."

Lily snorted. "Have you ever even had a fight? Other than…you know."

Instantly, she felt a twinge of guilt for bringing up what she thought of as The Fight, the one that had nearly torn Potter and Black apart. Potter merely brushed off her concern with a careless wave of his hand.

"Oh yeah, we have loads of fights."

Lily perked up, immediately feeling hopeful. "Really?"

"Yeah," Potter raked a hand through his hair, but it was different from his usual dramatic gesture that seemed intent on messing up his hair until it resembled the aftermath of a tornado. This motion was absentminded, a result of contemplation on more important matters, and Lily found that it didn't bother her nearly as much. "Remus is always going after me and Sirius to clean our side of the dormitory. Sometimes I think he thinks he's our mum. And Peter gets cranky when I steal his Chocolate Frogs, but that's because he's worried I'll get Morgan le Fay before he does."

Lily's face fell. Dormitory cleaning. Chocolate Frogs. Lily would have given up anything if all she had to worry about was Severus stealing her Chocolate Frogs.

"Just the normal stuff." Potter suddenly saw her face. "What is this about, Evans?"

"I don't know," Lily said truthfully, because it wasn't just about Remus anymore. Potter had rattled her more than she would have cared to admit. "I don't understand how you can be so sure all the time."

Potter rumpled his hair, this time intentionally, and Lily had a sudden urge to hit him over the head with her textbook.

"It's a gift, I s'pose."

"And that's my cue to leave," Lily said, shaking her head, but her mind was still on Potter's words. _Normal_. She could have laughed the word off because everyone knew the Marauders were far from normal. At the same time, she knew she couldn't because she knew their friendship was what a friendship should be. What her and Severus's friendship should have been.

It couldn't be normal because they didn't trust each other. They weren't like the Marauders, prepared to stand by each other in the end. They were two opposite sides of the chessboard, constantly clashing, constantly arguing, constantly questioning each other. They were never satisfied and never happy.

Even after her mistake, Lily still didn't trust Severus completely. He wasn't the same Severus she had grown up with, and she felt that she didn't know this Severus. How could she? When he was always busy?

She had blamed him for that, for pushing her away, but when she hadn't believed him, she had pushed him away first. Maybe she had to accept her mistake in order for them to move past it. Maybe it was up to her to take the first step. Maybe then, if she made the first move and showed him that she trusted him with her confession, he would be able to trust her too.

"Thanks, Potter," Lily said breathlessly with a sudden realization of what must be done. She was already gathering her things, stuffing parchment into her textbook, and wiping off any grass that could have dirtied her robes.

"What did I do?"

But she barely heard him. She was already leaving the tree behind for one that was farther from everyone else, one where she knew Severus would be.

And sure enough, Severus was there, thankfully alone. He was slouched against the beech tree, scribbling something in his old Potions book, so engrossed in his work that his nose nearly brushed against the page. She wondered what it was. Certainly not Herbology, but as soon as the thought crossed her mind, Lily tried to forget it. She wasn't there to suspect Severus was making a mistake. She was there to confess to her own.

"Sev," Lily announced before stopping to catch her breath. "I have to tell you something."

Severus's quill hand recoiled from his book at the sound of her voice. Flustered, he tried to recover, brushing a curtain of hair from his eyes. It fell back promptly and he made no move to tuck it back a second time.

"Now? The Herbology practical is in ten minutes."

"It's important," Lily said quickly. "And it won't take long."

At least she hoped that it wouldn't.

Severus looked at her expectantly. Nerves fluttered in her chest.

Lily took a deep breath, uncertain of how to delve into the matter. There was no time to toy around. She wouldn't allow herself to because she didn't trust herself not to back down. There was no way around it; she would have to say it all at once. It would be better that way. Maybe then she would be able to focus on the Herbology practical.

"It's about Remus."

It wasn't the confession she had hoped for, but it was a start. Lily didn't have time to congratulate herself. She was too fixated on Severus's expression. At the mention of the name, Severus's face contorted into something unrecognizable. His features had darkened, his lips were twisted. He didn't look like her friend just then. He didn't even look human. He looked…

Monstrous.

That was the word that came to Lily, the word that he had used to describe Remus before, the word that the textbooks used to describe werewolves.

And that was what made Lily falter.

Because whether she liked it or not, it wasn't just about her and Severus anymore. Remus was involved. Remus her friend. Remus the werewolf.

Lily still had difficulty swallowing it. She couldn't picture Remus as a dangerous beast, yet lectures and textbook pages had drilled it into her head. Werewolves were to be feared and to be avoided at all costs. They were monsters without a conscience, built to kill and to destroy.

Remus didn't look like a monster. He looked like a sickly boy with sad eyes that tugged at Lily's heart. She couldn't imagine him hurting anyone, let alone killing them, and the idea that they were being told to fear him, to _avoid_ him, bothered Lily more than it frightened her. She should have been terrified, and she didn't deny that there had been a flicker of fear when she had seen him at breakfast, but what she truly felt was sad.

Remus had learned the same lessons she did, and Lily wondered what it was like, to write a paper on how monstrous you were, to see words printed on page after page, tearing you apart.

The textbooks lied. Lily hadn't known until that moment. Or maybe she had known all along and was just realizing it now. She finally saw what she thought Potter saw: that Remus was just as human as the rest of them. She had known Remus the human, the friend, for five years. She had known Remus the werewolf for only a few days. Werewolves weren't monstrous in their human form, or at least Remus wasn't. He had never looked at Lily the way Severus was looking now, the look that truly frightened Lily more than Remus ever had. Severus looked as though he was capable of anything, and even though Lily still wasn't sure about how she felt about Remus, she knew she didn't want Severus to hurt him.

It wasn't that she didn't trust Severus completely. In that moment, Lily didn't trust him at all. It was no longer her trying to summon the courage to confess to a mistake because she was responsible for it. For the first time since discovering Remus was a werewolf, Lily didn't want to tell Severus at all.

"Actually," Lily took a step back. "It can wait. You're right, Herbology is about to start. We should walk over there now."

"Lily, if you know something about Remus-"

Severus had grabbed her elbow in the intensity of the moment. Her heart rate quickening, Lily looked down at his thin hand, and as if he had been burned, Severus dropped it, his eyes lowering to the ground.

There was an uneasy silence.

"Let's talk about this later," Lily said, and when she saw him about to protest, she quickly continued before he could interrupt, throwing out any words she could string together in hopes of distracting him. "Tonight. It's Defense Against the Dark Arts tomorrow. We could study together."

She wouldn't tell him about Remus. She knew that much, but hopefully, by then, she would have figured something out.

"I can't," Severus said a beat too quickly. "I'm tutoring."

"During O.W.L.s?"

"For O.W.L.s. Slughorn asked me to help him."

"What about after curfew?" Lily was watching him carefully, her forehead puckering. When she had first made the suggestion, she had hoped that he would turn down her offer, but something was off about Severus that heightened her suspicions. It was as though his reaction towards Remus had finally opened her eyes, and she felt that she was seeing the true him for the first time in months.

She didn't like it.

Severus's sallow face paled until no yellow remained, only a ghostly white. "I'll still be tutoring Slytherins in the common room."

Trust. Potter trusted Remus, Black, and Pettigrew. Lily had come over here with the decision to make an effort to trust Severus, but remembering his face, hearing him now, his too quick responses and too smooth words, she was again faced with the sensation that she didn't trust him at all.

"Okay," Lily said slowly. "I have to go. I told Alice I would talk to her before the exam."

And that was a lie, but it didn't cause a pang of guilt as it ordinarily would have, because she had a feeling that he was lying too.

She had doubted Severus once, and yes, she had been wrong then, but this, this was different. Back then she had thought that it was possible that Severus believed Remus was a werewolf. This time, she knew that Severus didn't believe what he was saying, and how could she believe him, when he didn't believe himself?

Lily crossed her arms as she made her way to the castle. This was it, she decided. As of now, Severus wasn't innocent or guilty. She had made a mistake before when she had listened to her gut, which was why she felt that she owed him the benefit of the doubt now. If it turned out that he was telling the truth, then she would apologize. She would try to trust him, in spite of her better judgment.

Lily's footsteps quickened once she was inside. She was running out of time. She knew that the clock ticked with every step she took, but this couldn't wait. She had waited long enough and she had to know the truth now. As the staircase she was on slowly moved, she shifted her weight between her feet, willing it to speed up. The second the staircase started to scrape by the landing, Lily leapt and bolted for Slughorn's office.

Once she reached the door, she knocked on it urgently, squirming again as she waited for it to be answered. It couldn't have been more than half a minute, but it felt like an eternity, standing outside in that empty corridor.

The door swung open and Slughorn came into view, a ring of crystallized pineapple in his fleshy hand, a safe distance from his smoking jacket.

"Professor," Lily managed to gasp out. She had run the last half of the way, ignoring the curious and amused stares of the younger student, and she was certain she looked like a disaster. She didn't need a mirror to know her hair was dangerously close to entering Potter territory.

Slughorn gave her a look of alarm, confirming her thoughts. He took a wary step back, as though he was worried about her ruining the rich velvet of his smoking jacket in her half-crazed state. Lily couldn't blame him. "Lily, you should be in the Great Hall. Your exam-"

"I need to ask you something," Lily was dimly aware that interrupting a professor wasn't the brightest idea, especially since he hadn't finished grading their final Potions papers, but that didn't seem the least bit important just then.

"You can ask me after you finish your Herbology. My dear girl, you really shouldn't-

"Tutoring," Lily cut in for the second time. She should have been running back for the O.W.L.s, but her feet remained fastened to the floor. She had caught her breath by then, and she lifted her chin determinedly, preparing herself to ask the question that could change everything.

"Did you ask Severus to tutor students for O.W.L.s?"

To an outsider's perspective, Lily knew that the question must have seemed unremarkable, and when she saw Slughorn look at her in bewilderment, and heard him answer her question so casually, flinging her words aside as if they were no more significant than a homework question, she felt her stomach lurch.

"I've never asked any student to tutor for anything."

The words may have been spoken as though they were meaningless, but to Lily, they meant everything. For a moment, she couldn't breathe. Her face fell along with her entire world as those seven words rang in her mind again and again until the implication sank in.

He had never asked anyone to tutor. He had never asked Severus for tutor. Severus, who had been making excuse after excuse for _the entire year_ had never been tutoring at all. Lily had thought he had stretched it out as an excuse when necessary, but she hadn't thought that the _entire_ time was a lie.

Lily could feel herself wobble, and she crossed her arms tightly across her chest, struggling to hold herself together. Severus had lied again. Multiple times. Countless times. This was worse than the Mudblood lie because at least he had some good intentions for it, some sort of twisted Severus Snape reasoning behind it. What reason could Severus possibly have for lying to her for a _year_?

She had known that the older Severus was different from the best friend she had grown up with. She had felt that version of her friend slipping from her fingers long ago, but even so, he had still been Severus. Now it seemed that she didn't know him at all, and the feeling was eerie, as if she had been spending her days with a stranger.

"He told me he was tutoring," Lily said faintly even though it was more to herself than Slughorn.

And when she looked up at Slughorn, he looked truly sympathetic, but not surprised, his weather-beaten face kind. The lack of surprise made Lily wonder how stupid she had been all along. The thought stirred something inside her, and it took a moment for her to realize that it was anger.

"I'm sorry, Lily," Slughorn said gently.

Lily barely heard him. She was trembling, not with the threat of tears, but with her silently growing indignation. The Hogwarts corridors had always seemed light and airy during the day, but now she felt stifled, as though the walls were closing in on her. She had felt guilty for not trusting Severus, but there was no reason to trust him, not when she couldn't trust him with the truth of something as simple as tutoring. Maybe she had been responsible for the first blow, but the widening gap in their friendship… That was on Severus. It had never been her fault, and somehow Lily had known that, but she wasn't able to fully accept it until then.

It had been easier taking the blame because, at least then, she had been able to convince herself that there was a chance that the old Severus could be saved, that there was a chance for them. Now, Lily felt hopeless. The situation was beyond saving, and even if Severus managed to become the same boy she had met on the playground, she wouldn't be the same girl. That girl had instinctively trusted Severus even when he was nothing more than a stranger who made promises of magic and a faraway world, and Lily knew she wouldn't be capable of that trust again. Not with him. Maybe not with anyone.

What frustrated Lily the most was that she still couldn't understand the reason. What could have been so important for Severus to risk throwing their friendship away? What could he possibly be hiding that was enough for him to lie about it for so long? And where did he go, if he even went anywhere at all?

She would find out, Lily resolved grimly. She wouldn't go to Severus for the truth. No, he had proved already that he couldn't handle that much.

This time, Lily would have to search for the answers herself.

**narratoroflife- Thanks for the review! I am planning to continue Hero. I've been trying to focus on my original work, so when I do let myself focus on fan fiction, I tend to work on Always just because I've wrote so much for it already, and I still have so much more planned for it. I think I'll work on Abomination and Hero after the Mudblood scene because that's the main moment I've been waiting for.**

**JadedofMara- Thanks for the review and good luck with your songwriting!**

**rozemc- Thanks for the review! Basically, everything you said is what I'm hoping to show, so thank you. I agree, I do think Severus must have felt more resentment and bitterness after Lily's death. That's actually one of the things I'm most interested in portraying. The end of his friendship with Lily is definitely going to have an impact him, but her death will have the most drastic one. That's when he'll really become the Snape that we read about in Harry's time. I'm interested in exploring why he hates Harry so much. I'm going to show the obvious James side, but I was also thinking of making a connection between Harry and his younger self. In this story, he wants to be known, and in JKR's work, Snape talks about Harry wanting fame. If it fits with my writing, because this is much later, I may have that disgust with Harry's desire for fame be related to disgust with his younger self, though he probably won't be aware of it because he can only see James when he sees Harry. At least until his death. I like to think that his death scene is Snape seeing Harry for the first time as Harry, but also as Lily, and with the reminder that Lily is alive through Harry, he is able to be slightly less bitter in his final few moments. I agree, I doubt James thought much about Severus after Hogwarts. If he ran into him and had an opportunity to bother him, I don't doubt for a second that he would want to take advantage of it, but other than that, James had no reason to think of Severus because he had everything. Which makes Severus's life especially sad because I don't think a day would have gone by without him obsessing over his hatred for James, especially once Harry arrived. I'm becoming more excited for Harry's years because I definitely want to take advantage of his James resemblance for a few future scenes. I don't think Lily knows how hurt Severus was by her decision not to believe him. She is aware that she hurt him, as seen in this chapter, but I don't think she's capable of understanding just how much because she's not the same person as Severus, and I think only Severus can truly understand Severus. He has an unhealthy obsession with Lily, and he invests so much into her, so when she didn't believe him, it affected him more than it should have. Because of who she is, I don't think Lily can ever be aware of the full impact she has on Severus. **

**bookluver- Thanks for the review! I do think that Snape is better than magic than Harry. Like you said, he invented spells, and he's also capable of flight, something that only Voldemort is shown to be capable of. I see Snape as an extremely unlucky person, but also as an extremely intelligent one. Harry, on the other hand, is very lucky. I don't think he's stupid, just slightly above average, when I consider Snape to be way above average. Harry constantly has help, and even though he defeated Voldemort when he was a baby, which is probably considered to be more impressive than any of Snape's accomplishments, he didn't do anything. Lily did. I would say that Harry's a better person than Snape and that is what allows him to make the right choices that result in success, but I think Snape is smarter/better at magic. He just has a terrible habit of making all the wrong choices. The story will end at the letter scene in the very first chapter, but there will be a death/afterlife scene in the epilogue.**

**JadedofMara- Thanks for the idea! I love the idea of ending it in "always." I'm planning to go beyond Harry's Sorting, but I can see it working for what I have in mind. **

**Guest- Sorry, it's a little late for your first question, but to answer your second, yes, I'm on Pacific Time.**

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I can promise that there will definitely be an angrier/colder Snape in the future. There's going to be four (I think) significant events in his future that will have a huge impact on his personality, beginning with the end of Lily's friendship.**


	88. Chapter 88 The Beginning of the End

**Thanks for the reviews, and for helping me reach 1,400! This chapter is massive, I'm pretty sure my longest yet, because it's basically my last opportunity before the Mudblood scene to explain why Lily and Severus ended the way they did. I'm not sure what the reaction will be, but I hope you enjoy the chapter because I've been planning these two scenes for a while, and I think they're what was necessary for Severus to call Lily a Mudblood, and for Lily to end their friendship. I'm happy to say that a question that has been asked before will be answered in this chapter, and I'm also happy to say that Peter has two lines, after several chapters of silence. **

**Thank you, sparklyscrunchies, for editing! **

**Chapter 87 Recap- Part I of the Mudblood arc. O.W.L.s have begun. Severus and Lily talk in the courtyard. Lily feels guilty for not believing Severus about Remus being a werewolf, but is unable to confess the truth to Severus in fear of what will happen next. Severus receives a letter from Lucius, requesting his presence. After speaking to James about trust, Lily decides she needs to be honest with Severus. While talking to him, Lily is bothered by Severus's behavior, and she realizes that Remus will also be affected by her confession. Severus lies about tutoring once again. Lily doesn't believe him and goes to Slughorn for confirmation. She discovers that Severus has been lying for an entire year, and she resolves to find out why.**

**Chapter Eighty-Eight- The Beginning of the End**

**1976**

It was nearly midnight. The moon was bright; Severus could tell from the way the silvery light trickled into the green of the lake above. There was a disturbing beauty in it, in the way the luminous glow made the stone carvings of the Slytherin common room spring to life. The dungeon had never been a particularly welcoming place. Elegant, yes, but never welcoming. Just then it looked downright forbidding, the snakes that were sculpted on the walls and fireplace suddenly alive as they writhed in the moonlight. At any moment, their fangs would be exposed, venom dripping…

Severus blinked, and the snakes were motionless. The only signs of life were the sound of gently lapping water in the nighttime breeze, the occasional snore, and the even less frequent sound of pages turning from the few Slytherins that were still awake.

"Where are you going?" Wilkes mumbled from a high-backed chair, causing Severus to flinch. Evidently, he hadn't been quiet enough. He glanced at Wilkes, relaxing when he saw that his hand was barely keeping his head upright. The Slytherin was close to joining the majority that had passed out in the common room; Avery was sprawled across the cool stone, his mouth hanging open. Rosier was slumped on the floor against another fifth year, Ayesha Haggard, in front of the slowly dying fire. Across from them, Cressida and Cassiopeia were asleep on a sofa, taking turns in exchanging dainty, lady-like snores.

Other than Wilkes, only Mulciber seemed to be awake. He was lazily playing with a box of poison darts his father had bought from Borgin and Burke's. Severus knew that they were poison because Mulciber hadn't shut up about them once since receiving them.

"For a walk," Severus said shortly.

"Don't get caught," Mulciber tossed a dart into a Slytherin tapestry with a lazy arm. In spite of his half-asleep appearance, it was surprisingly sharp, right on target, straight into the emerald eye of the snake. "It's almost time for the House Cup and I don't want to lose."

Severus was certain he said the last bit to be as obnoxious as possible. Matters such as points had become insignificant compared to what they were dealing with. He didn't push the matter; he had an appointment with Lucius, and no one was late for a Malfoy, least of all a half-blood Prince. He only lifted his chin in the slightest of nods, acknowledging that he heard Mulciber and continued on, more quickly than he had before.

That night seemed quieter than most. Usually, another Knight or two accompanied him, but this time, it was only him. Severus liked that better; it allowed him to focus, and there was something about sweeping through an empty castle that made him feel oddly powerful, as though all of it belonged to him, and there was no one there to contradict him.

He was untouchable.

As he made his way to the Grand Staircase, Severus cursed the fact, not for the first time, that the Room was on the seventh floor. It was as though the founders of Hogwarts had intended on making any illegal secret societies as inconvenient as possible.

The stairs moved. Somewhere down below, a clock ticked. It should have been inaudible, but to Severus, it was deafening, rattling his nerves with every second that went by. Annoyed with himself, he clutched his wand a bit tighter and went on, moving briskly.

It wasn't until the seventh floor that his brisk walk faltered. Severus had expected to find Lucius waiting in the Room, not to have him propped up against the wall, looking bored. As insignificant as this change of events may have seemed, Severus knew that Lucius was like him, a creature of habit, and the break in habit caused a chill to trickle down his spine.

"Severus."

When he had received the message, Severus hadn't known it if was for better or for worse, believing the uncertainty to be the worst of all. When he heard Lucius's silky voice and saw the flare in his gray eyes, and knew, without doubt, that it was for the worse, Severus decided he had been wrong.

Knowing was the worst part. Unknowing at least gave you a hope for an escape. Knowing left you trapped in an iron cage, slowly sinking to the bottom of the ocean with only the realization that the end was near.

Severus quickly banished the thought. It wasn't over yet. Lucius knew something, that much was for certain, but Severus didn't know what he knew. There was still a chance for him, as slim as it was, but that possibility was enough to keep him afloat. He clung to it fiercely, and it was hope that allowed his voice to come out strong and steady.

"What is this about?" Severus asked finally, not about to dig himself deeper. Not if he could dig himself out.

"I'm disappointed in you, Severus. Surely you're cleverer than that."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"And now you play the fool? Interesting, considering you believe that you've been such the clever one, deceiving us for so long." Lucius's eyes flashed in the moonlight. In spite of his bored demeanor, those eyes told Severus that he was just as sharp as ever, prepared to do the worst if necessary. "Did you really think that I wouldn't find out?"

Severus kept his mouth shut. His grip was slipping. Fear was coming, and with it, the instinct to survive. He could feel himself begin to crack.

"The Mudblood, Severus."

Severus's blood ran cold, and just like that, any hope for an escape was stolen right from his fingertips. It was the moment he had dreaded. He had always pushed away unwanted thoughts, his practice of Occlumency causing him to perfect the art, but he was forced to realize something truly horrible: that when they were pushed away, they weren't gone. They were still there, and when they came back, the fear was more terrible than it was before.

The emotion struck Severus like the hand of an old enemy, and he staggered back, no longer the formidable Knight that he had convinced himself to be. He may as well have been back at Spinner's End, dodging broken bottles and his father's meaty palms.

He hadn't played the fool. He had been the fool.

"I told you multiple times that you couldn't have both. You made your choice. You took an oath in _blood_." Lucius's voice took a more violent turn, pausing purposefully between sentences, spitting out each syllable as if it were something vile. "Do you understand how blood magic works, Severus?"

The threat wouldn't have been clearer if Lucius had had his wand at Severus's throat. Severus winced, willing himself not to vomit.

"I understand perfectly," Severus said hotly. Even worse than the knowledge that he was no longer in control of the situation was the realization that he was no longer in control of himself. He didn't trust himself to move, to speak, or even to feel. Especially to feel, because feelings were the worst of all.

Severus had never been a strong swimmer, and when he was younger, he had fallen into the river. The feeling had been petrifying. There had been nothing to cling to, nothing to save him. There was only the sensation of water closing over his head. He felt that sensation now. He was drowning. Instead of water, this time, it was his own mess of lies.

Severus had saved himself then. He would have to save himself again.

"I had a reason for what I did. I don't want to back out, or I never would have signed-"

"Don't lie to me," Lucius hissed, and Severus was reminded of the snakes in the common room. The older Knight looked far more eerie than the lifelike stone, and unlike the stone, Severus was extremely aware that Lucius's poison was very much real.

"Do you realize that _I_ risked my neckwhen I vouched for a half-blood? I saw something in you, Severus. I believed that it outweighed the filth, but perhaps I was mistaken."

As he would have when faced with a real snake, Severus took a step back to ensure his safety. He had a sickening feeling that there would be a choice to make. If Lucius's wand came out, he could fight back, or he could take it. Every instinct he had screamed at him to fight, but if he fought, he would be destroying what little future he had secured for himself, if there was anything left after this.

But Lucius's wand never revealed itself. Slowly, his head turned towards the door, the light of the moon highlighting the sharp angles of his profile. Severus didn't dare breathe.

"Go inside and see what awaits you. See the great future Prince you'll be if you continue your relationship with the Mudblood."

There was something about Lucius's tone that brought a wave of dread. "Lucius-"

"Go."

That was an order, so sharply spoken that it could have cut steel. Severus knew he had no choice but to obey. He took out his wand, swallowing hard, and turned the knob of the door. Instantly, he was greeted by the cool, damp scent that was there whenever the Knights took over.

The dungeon-like room.

Severus didn't know what he was preparing himself for, something with blood and torture most likely, and perhaps a lot of dark-cloaked Knights, but what he hadn't been preparing for was the familiar figure across from him. It was dim, but the barely lit sconces provided just enough light for him to be certain.

"Lily?"

"Hello Severus," her voice sounded different. It was cooler, raspier, and there was something about it that was oddly familiar. It reminded Severus of something, but he couldn't place his finger on it.

And then it came to him, so suddenly and violently, like a wave of icy water crashing over him. Himself. She reminded him of himself. There was anger there, barely controlled, in her voice, on her face, even darkening the green of her eyes.

Severus didn't take the time to contemplate why she would be angry with him; the panic that Lucius had triggered in him was too strong, and there were so many thoughts and questions cluttering his head, pushing each other all at once, along with a barrage of new emotions that he wasn't ready for.

"What are you doing here?" Severus settled for the most obvious question, his head still spinning. He was at her side in three swift steps. "Did Lucius bring you?"

There was a chill at that thought. He didn't think Lucius would dare kidnap Lily in the middle of Hogwarts, but then again, he was the one standing outside as though no one would dare approach him. Severus searched Lily's features to make sure she wasn't harmed, and when his eyes drifted down, they darkened. There was a nasty cut on her wrist; new blood stained her pale skin.

"Did he do this?" Severus could hear the fury in his own voice, along with his own guilt, and a stab of frustration. She shouldn't have been there. Her being there would only hurt them both. "I've seen Pomfrey do a Healing Charm. I think I can fix this."

Without thinking twice, he took Lily's wrist, and she promptly snatched it back, glaring at him with furious green eyes.

"_Don't touch me_."

That summer day came hurtling back to Severus. He could remember the scent of the grass and flowers, hear the rustling of leaves above, and feel Lily's soft lips against his. He took a step back, color and regret flooding his cheeks.

"Lily, I'm sorry."

"Out of all the things you've done, that's what you're sorry about?" Lily gave a laugh, but it was humorless, and it pained him to hear it. "I know about the Knights, Severus."

There was a fresh wave of panic, and feeling that horrible sensation in his veins, working its way to his heart, Severus felt something that was much more familiar: frustration. He couldn't be this weak. He had to find some control again. Once he cleared his mind, he would sort out everything.

"I can explain." Severus took a breath, struggling to empty his mind. For a fraction of a second, he closed his eyes, something that he hadn't had to resort to in years.

"Can you?" Lily sounded bored. "You've made up enough excuses as it is already, don't you think?"

With those few words, she had managed to destroy what little progress he had made. Every terrible thought he had had, every ghastly memory, was there, freshly dug up, and all the more painful because of it. They were unshakeable, and no matter how tightly Severus clung to his wand, they remained, glaring.

He no longer knew what to do.

Severus hesitated, and he felt uncomfortably exposed, as though the desperation he felt was written all over him, in his face, his mannerisms, his voice. He felt as awkward as he had when he had been nothing more than a child swimming in his father's old clothes, and he crossed his arms across his chest, unsure of what to do with them.

"I know I've made some mistakes-"

"Mistakes?" Lily gave another derisive laugh. "Is that what you call it? You lied to me, Severus. For years."

"You don't understand. I had to do it. I didn't have a choice."

His voice cracked. Lily's face didn't change.

"Of course you had a choice. It was me, or them. You've been hanging around a group of people who want to kill my kind, while claiming to be my friend. Twisted, isn't it?"

"I did what I had to do," Severus snapped. He was angry now. Angry with himself for sounding, for being, so pathetic. Angry at her, for being there, for ruining everything. "You don't understand."

"No, Severus," Lily said calmly. "_You_ don't understand. I don't care."

Severus faltered. Because out of everything he had been expecting, that hadn't been part of it. He heard the words and he repeated them to himself in his mind, yet the meaning still didn't quite sink in. His forehead creased as he stared at her, hoping that he would find some answers in his friend's face, but all he saw was a stranger.

"I don't care about you. I never did. I_ pitied_ you," Lily spoke slowly, calculatingly, as if every word was purposely designed to twist a knife into his heart. "You would think someone who can invent spells would have figured that out already."

"No," Severus whispered.

He couldn't tear his eyes from her. He wanted to. He wanted to never look at her again. But he couldn't. All he could do was stare at her and listen; no matter how hard he tried to block the words out.

Lily shrugged carelessly. "And now, since you're planning to stab me in the back, I suppose I don't have to keep up the act." She wrinkled her forehead in thought. "Or would you consider it 'stabbed,' considering you already did, what? Three, four years ago?"

"I don't believe you," Severus said quietly. He couldn't believe her. If he did, then he lost everything.

And he didn't believe her. It was his worst fear, spelled out for him, but even so, he couldn't believe it. They had been through too much. He had always feared her leaving, choosing James Potter or some other idiot with a broomstick and too-white teeth, but now that she said it and so plainly too, Severus knew that it couldn't be true. They were Lily and Severus, Severus and Lily, and they would be together.

"No, 'stabbing," Lily decided casually as if she didn't hear him. "Since you stabbed me in the back the first time you chose them over me, and because you keep doing so. It's continuous."

"I don't believe you," Severus said more loudly.

This time, Lily looked at him, the corners of her lips turning up in the coldest smile that he had ever seen. It was just another knife to his heart. He refused to show it. She was angry; she could throw her words like daggers at him, but whatever she was hoping for, whatever she was trying to do, it wouldn't work. He knew her better than that, and he knew that she couldn't possibly mean what she was saying.

"You don't?"

She took a step toward him. Severus said nothing.

"You think I care about you," Lily said with a hint of wonder, taking another step. She was inches away. "You think that I could possibly love you, a…"

It was silent. Lily leaned forward, her hand just about to touch his chest. His heart pounded, because as well as he thought he knew Lily, he didn't see this coming. She was close enough that he could see every detail of her face, even in the shadows. He held his breath, afraid that even his breathing would somehow end the moment. Just before her fingertips could rest against the rough material of his robes, she dropped her hand.

"_Coward_."

The word burned him, and Lily began to laugh hysterically, moving away.

"Isn't that hilarious?"

He stood there, still numb from what had just occurred, and as Lily's laughter continued, ringing across the dungeon, bouncing off the walls in a sickening echo, Severus realized that the word hadn't just burned him. No, it had destroyed something inside of him that he hadn't even realized was there until he could feel the painful ache it left behind in his chest. The longer she laughed, the more pronounced it became until it was the only thing that was left. Just his pain and her laughter.

"Stop laughing. _Stop laughing_."

"You want to be the hero then? You're such a James Potter." The words were barely comprehensible in her cackling. "Though Potter is actually good looking. And he did save your life."

"Shut up," Severus said furiously between gritted teeth. "_I said_ _shut up!_"

He yelled the last words, and with them and his uncontrolled rage, a red flash of light burst from the wand that was hanging at his side. Lily stopped abruptly. All traces of laughter were immediately erased from her face.

"You're a coward, Severus Snape," she said coldly.

"I'm not a coward!" Severus shouted, and this time, he raised his wand, only vaguely aware of what he was doing. Before a spell could form in his mind, he glanced at the wand in sudden astonishment, and what little blood remained in his face was drained, leaving him white.

"You are. You're just like your father. Remember him?"

Lily didn't seem to have noticed Severus's display. She was too busy watching his face. Seeing it become ashen, she smiled again, looking as pleased as she did when Slughorn complimented her on her Potions work.

"Of course. How could you forget? The man who murdered your mother, though I wonder if she really offed herself because of him. Maybe it was because of you."

She waited, allowing that to sink in.

"You try to though." Her voice had taken a softer turn, one that was too much like the Lily's that he knew so well. She moved closer, her hand extended, as if to grab his consolingly as she had done so many times before. Severus found himself repulsed as he leaned back. "Forget, I mean. You even call yourself the half-blood Prince. It's not going to work because you're just another version of him, Snape." Lily paused purposefully. "No, you're worse. You're pathetic, even with magic."

Severus was still watching her, and as horrified as he was, there was something else there. His dark eyes narrowed as he absorbed her movements and facial expressions, and finally, as he settled on the empty green in her almond-shaped eyes, the truth dawned on him.

"You're not real," Severus said in sudden realization.

"That's where you'll be someday. Back at Spinner's End. A useless-"

He wasn't listening. He wouldn't listen. He fumbled for his wand.

"_Ridik-Riddikulus_."

"Drunk-"

"_Riddikulus_!" Severus bellowed with such fury that his entire body trembled. It was darker than anything he had ever felt before, and he channeled every bit of it, every bit of magic that he had, into destroying what was before him.

And just like that, Lily Evans was gone.

Severus stared at the empty space in shock, his eyes wild. He didn't move for a very long time, his wand loose in his hands until it slipped and fell with a clatter. Severus didn't notice. He just stayed there, standing in the middle of room, trying to digest what had happened.

The boggart was gone, but he could still feel it. Her. He could hear the ghost of her laughter shrieking all around the room. He could see her, gazing at him with such disgust, her laughing green eyes still laughing, only laughing at him.

He hated it.

Oh Merlin, how he hated it.

It made him dig his fingernails into skin. He wanted to rip his hair out. To throw something. To destroy anything. _Everything_.

Lily was his boggart. Lily was his worst fear. Some saw monsters, others saw the end, but what he saw was his best friend. Lily Evans was his personal demon. His weakness.

His end.

Severus stayed there, absorbing that revolting piece of knowledge until he could no longer bear it. Slowly, he reached for his wand, still pale and shaken. The wood was solid in his trembling hands, and he gripped it until his fingers were still and his knuckles were white.

Lucius was still waiting outside, and Severus felt sick all over again. He wondered how Lucius had known, how he could have accomplished it, and why on earth he, Severus, was still there. If Lucius had known the depth of his feelings for Lily, wouldn't he have destroyed him by now? Surely he wouldn't have trusted-

"I'm sorry for that, Severus," Lucius said quietly. "But I didn't have a choice."

Severus only looked at him, hate burning in his eyes because it was his fault after all. If it hadn't been for him, Severus never would have known.

"I meant what I said before. I saw something in you, Severus." Lucius paused, waiting for Severus to say something, but Severus said nothing at all. He was unable to speak. He could still feel _her_, as though she was right there like some hideous ghost at his side that would forever haunt him.

"I did not do that to be unkind," Lucius continued finally. "I did what was necessary to save us both. I needed you to see how it would end, what the Dark Lord is capable of, to truly understand. This isn't a game. It's war, when to lose means to die."

And then it became clear to Severus.

Lucius thought his fear was death. He had never meant for Severus to see Lily. He had meant him to see Voldemort, vengeful Death Eaters. Not a mere Mudblood.

And Severus almost wanted to laugh. It wasn't unreasonable for Lucius to assume so. If someone had asked Severus what his worst fear was, he would have thought the same. He was a Slytherin after all, a Slytherin playing a game in life and death. Anyone else, when faced with the realization that they were about to be found out, would have feared their end.

And in a way, he had. Lily was his end, though it was a different one from blood and darkness. It was a much more painful one, and Severus found himself regretful that it hadn't been Voldemort that he had seen in that dark room.

Severus found his voice again, and his eyes met Lucius's, his face still waxen, voice grim. "I understand now."

But it was just another lie. The boggart had been right. He didn't understand. He didn't understand anything.

**1976**

It was time.

Lily snapped her Defense Against the Dark Arts textbook shut with the same determination that had been brewing inside her all day, and swung her legs over the side of her four poster bed. There wasn't much time until it was time to leave for dinner, and if she wanted her plan to succeed, she needed to work quickly.

"Where are you going?" Alice asked from her side of the dormitory, where she, Mary, and even Marlene were avidly studying as though their lives depended on it. While Lily hadn't done much other than stare at words without really registering them, they had actually made progress. She could tell from Alice's textbook. Even from her position, she could see the seven different shades of ink her friend had used to color code her notes.

With a twinge of guilt, Lily glanced back at the textbook that was still on her pillow, and wondered how it was possible for an inanimate object to look so mocking. She turned away and quickly stood up. "The common room."

"It's impossible to study there," Alice reminded her, furrowing her brow. "Potter's there."

"Exactly," Lily said grimly, and before she could stop herself, she marched from the room.

The Marauders had two spots that they had unofficially claimed in the common room. The first was in front of the fireplace, where everyone else could admire the view, as Potter would have claimed, or suffer in agony, as Lily would swear. The other place was in a secluded corner, where they could plot in whispers, and others could steal peeks in curiosity and dread, left only to wonder and fear what could be next.

Fortunately for Lily, the need to scheme had seemingly won over the need to show off; the Marauders were in the corner. Or at least Potter and Black had been won over. They were the only ones who seemed to be doing any serious plotting. Remus and Pettigrew had their textbooks out, though Remus was reading his calmly, occasionally pausing to jot down a note or two, and Pettigrew was frantically sifting through pages, looking dangerously close to having a panic attack.

Lily made a beeline for them. Potter and Black were too busy bickering to notice her shadow hovering over them, though Remus had already set down his quill, preparing himself for a show.

"Potter," Lily said. "We need to talk."

The whispers abruptly stopped. Four pairs of eyes stared at Lily, the set of hazel especially wide.

"Evans," Potter said loudly, quickly recovering. "Have a seat. Chocolate Frog?"

"Oi!" Pettigrew made a grab for the chocolate that Potter had easily plucked from his small pile.

"Wormtail," Potter eyed his friend sternly, his voice laced with disapproval. "_Evans_ is here. Evans likes chocolate, don't you, Evans?"

Lily waved off the chocolate. "I'm fine, thanks. Actually, I'm here about something else."

"Oh," Potter was momentarily disappointed, but he quickly bounced back as he always did, never able to stay dispirited for long. "Is this about the third years? It's not my fault that they were in my spot."

"What did you do to the third-" Lily started, and caught herself before she could get into another lecture. She couldn't afford to become distracted. Not when she was so close to finally getting answers. "Never mind. It doesn't matter." She forced herself to smile brightly at Potter.

"This really must be important," Potter observed. He was grinning back, more from amusement than anything else, as if he saw right through her forced smile, and was entertaining various scenarios of what would drive Lily to such drastic measures, the more terrible the better.

Annoyed, Lily cleared her face, knowing that she shouldn't have bothered. After five years of suffering and scolding, they were unfortunately too well acquainted with each other for false smiles and pretty words. "Your Invisibility Cloak. I need to borrow it. Please."

"No-" Pettigrew broke in, but whatever he began to say was immediately overshadowed by Black's clear, matter-of-fact voice stating: "You're deranged." Remus, her one possible ally, was silent. After deciding that a bloodbath wouldn't take place and no prefect intervention was necessary, he had returned to his studying without a word.

Lily looked desperately at Potter. It was his cloak after all.

"Sorry, Evans," Potter's lips turned up in the beginning of a smirk as he leaned forward, inspecting her face for a better look. She could feel his gaze studying her intently, a bewildering contradiction to his careless air, and Lily shifted uncomfortably. "Though I wouldn't mind knowing what mischief you're up to."

"_Please_," Lily tried again, searching her mind for _something_ that would appeal to him. "I'll- I'll- buy you a dozen Chocolate Frogs."

Potter snorted, though Pettigrew did look as though he wanted to object. Before he could do so, Potter spoke. "It's an Invisibility Cloak. Not a homework assignment. Do you know how rare-"

"I need it for a few hours," Lily interrupted. "That's all."

"Wizards have _shed blood_ for them," Potter informed her self-importantly, as though he had been one of those wizards. He seemed to like passing on this bit of information to her, whether it was because he knew it and she did not, or because it was an opportunity to relish in the knowledge that he had something that others would have died for, Lily didn't know, but there was no denying the way that his chest puffed up even more than usual.

It irked her, his swelling chest, his rumpled hair, and most of all, his _stupid _self-satisfied look on his face. She wanted to say something about it, to wipe it away with a few well-chosen words, but she couldn't, not when he had the Cloak in his possession. Potter held all the cards, and worst of all, he knew it.

"You don't just hand them over for a charming smile. Or, in your case, a charming death stare," Potter concluded.

"I'll be careful with it."

"You can't just be _careful _with it. You need to have a corrupted mind and unprincipled ambition."

"And knowledge of the school layout is helpful," Remus added, not looking up from his textbook. Evidently, he had been listening.

"I know the layout," Lily took an impatient glance at the rest of the common room. A group of second years was already headed for the exit. Sooner rather than later, she knew that the Marauders would do the same. "I've been going here for five years. The same as all of you."

"You know the basics," Potter told her.

Lily opened her mouth to protest, but he beat her to it.

"Do you know what happens if you shake the hand of the third suit of armor on the third floor? Or what's behind the mirror on the fourth floor? Or for that matter, what's behind the portrait of Gregory the Smarmy?"

"No," Lily crossed her arms in frustration. It was clear that she wasn't getting anywhere, but the memory of Slughorn's pitying face and Severus's lies kept her feet firmly planted. She needed another tactic, because obviously, desperate pleas and bargaining weren't cutting it.

No, to persuade a Marauder, she had to be a Marauder.

"Like I said," Potter said, somehow managing to sound even more superior. "You know the basics."

Lily's eyes flashed, and emerald green locked with hazel in a determined stare down. Something flickered in the back of her mind, a wisp of a memory, and abruptly, she broke their eye contact to steal a glance at Black, who was looking just as smug, if not more so, as Potter.

It was only suspicion. An absurd speculation, really, one that was no more solid than the lazy musings that she sometimes had in History of Magic when her eyelids were heavy and mind foggy. Only it wasn't quite as inane as those because there was evidence. It was only a shred, not even that, because it was only a name. If it had been anyone else, Lily wouldn't have even considered it, but it wasn't anyone else. It was the Marauders, and it was no more absurd than having a werewolf in their number.

"I don't know," Lily said casually, deciding it was time to test her theory. "I know some things."

"I doubt that," Black muttered.

"I know about Padfoot."

There was an uneasy silence. Black stiffened. She had been more doubtful than anything until that little movement, and that was when she knew. This time, it was Lily's turn to feel smug.

"You know about a dog," Potter's face revealed no signs of perturbation, but the teasing and the smirks were noticeably absent. "That's hardly worth an Invisibility Cloak."

"No," Lily disagreed with a touch of satisfaction. "I know about Black being an illegal Animagus."

Pettigrew yelped. Black cursed, hissing at Pettigrew to shut up. Remus didn't say anything, but Lily could see that he was watching her warily.

Only Potter didn't change. Not really. There had been a flicker of surprise in his hazel eyes, but nothing more than that. His confidence didn't waver, not even for a moment. He continued to stare at her, looking as if he was trying to determine something.

"But you won't tell."

Their eyes locked again. Lily hesitated. It was her one opportunity to get the Cloak. Without it, she had no hope of following Severus. She wouldn't get her answers. It would always be a mystery. A humiliating mystery that was destroying, if it had not yet already, their friendship.

But he was right. She wouldn't tell. She didn't know why. It was a rule that they had broken, that Black had broken, and she didn't know Black other than he was the boy who was often at Potter's side, who never missed an opportunity to help him hex anyone who crossed their paths. He deserved detention, maybe. A century's worth of detention, actually.

But he didn't deserve Azkaban.

"No," Lily relented. "I won't."

When she saw a ghost of a smile flicker on Potter's lips, she knew what was coming, and she hated both him and herself for it.

"I know."

"Congratulations," Lily was still fuming as she spun on her heel, her strides quick and angry. The Cloak was lost, but she would find another way. At least one or two students sneaked around every week. Certainly she could do the same. Of course there was the troublesome fact that those were the same students that she caught every week…

"Evans."

"What now?" Lily whirled back to find that Potter had followed her. She had a sudden urge to resort to violence when she saw his expression. "And don't you dare gloat. I'll give you detention until the end of term."

The grin vanished. Potter shoved his hands into his pockets. He looked strangely normal without the three other Marauders flanking his sides, and a quick survey of the common room told Lily that they had already left for dinner.

"I'll loan you the Cloak."

Lily wasn't sure she had heard him correctly. She blinked, the urge forgotten, her next threat, something about the Bloody Baron that she hadn't yet decided, disappeared somewhere to the back of her mind. "What?"

"Under one condition."

"Of course," Lily sighed, crossed her arms, and waited for something impossible and no doubt illegal.

"You have to tell me what it's for."

It seemed too simple for Potter, who was never simple, and Lily felt that performing some Azkaban worthy task would have been better. She eyed him warily. "To follow someone."

She expected questions. She expected teasing. What she should have expected was more smugness.

"I thought as much."

Lily still didn't buy it. Potter wasn't about to hand over his precious Invisibility Cloak with a three-word answer that hardly answered anything at all. "You're not going to ask who?"

"I already know," Potter shrugged indifferently. "I know everything that goes on in this castle."

He saw her skeptical expression.

"You don't believe me? Let me guess," Potter said dryly. "He's tall, he's dark, and he never washes his hair."

Lily stared at Potter. She should have felt an urge to defend Severus, but all she felt was astonishment.

"I told you. I know everything that goes on in this castle," Potter spoke as if they were talking about something as ordinary and meaningless as apples or homework, and it was beginning to drive Lily mad, if he hadn't driven her mad already. "And I also know you're not an idiot, no matter how much Snivellus treats you like one."

"_Severus_ doesn't-"

"He's lying to you, isn't he? That's why you want to follow him. You don't trust him," Potter tilted his head, eyes narrowed, and Lily could tell that he remembered their previous conversation as well as she did.

She didn't deny it. She didn't say anything. Even if she wanted to lie, she knew that Potter would see right through it and become even more certain. She envied him for that, that he was able to be so certain of everyone and everything, when she couldn't even be certain of herself, much less her best friend.

"Well," Potter said when she didn't answer him. "Because I don't think you're an idiot, and because I'm naturally helpful, I'm going to give you two hints."

"You're never helpful."

"That's what I can never figure out about you, Evans." In a rare moment, Lily couldn't tell whether Potter was being serious or not. His voice was light, but something had faded in his eyes. "You're so quick to see the worst in me, but you refuse to see the bad, even when it's right in front of you."

"Severus isn't bad," Lily said quietly. It was then that she realized that the common room was extremely quiet; everyone else had left, and it was only she and Potter who remained. "I know he's made some mistakes. I don't even know all of them, but I know he isn't a bad person. Even if he hasn't been a good friend for a while."

Potter shook his head. He looked as though he wanted to say something, but changed his mind, and sighed. "Come with me."

She started to follow him, until she realized that he was headed toward the staircase to the boys' dormitory. She halted. Potter didn't notice until he was halfway up. He turned around, amused.

"You're willing to chase Slytherins after curfew, but you're scared of the boys' dormitory?"

"I'm a prefect," Lily informed him as haughtily as she could. "Either way, I'm not going to your room. You probably have Fanged Frisbees and dirty laundry everywhere."

Potter rolled his eyes. "Do you want the Cloak or not?"

She did. Which was why she ended up following him, though once Lily stepped inside the dormitory, she instantly regretted it. She couldn't leave though; it was like being trapped in the middle of a train wreck.

Posters of motorcycles, Quidditch players, and Muggle superheroes were plastered over the walls crookedly, with the visible assistance of Spellotape. A bit neater was a board that was crammed with notes and a clearly marked schedule, mostly made up in Remus's handwriting, though Lily could catch a few glimpses of three other kinds of penmanship, mostly featured in rude notes and Quidditch propaganda. Outshining them all was the massive scarlet banner with the Gryffindor lion emblazoned on it.

And that was just the walls. The entire room was overflowing. If there were such a store that sold Quidditch supplies, joke products, chocolate, comic books, textbooks, and a thousand other things, Lily wouldn't doubt for a moment that it had exploded. Everywhere she looked were piles of Zonko's purchases, Honeydukes wrappers, laundry, and even a very polished Nimbus that was arguably the most well kept item in the room.

"You keep your _broomstick _in your dormitory?" Lily said incredulously, her eyes still roaming. There was so much to take in that she could barely register it all. "And that banner. You stole it from the Great Hall, didn't you?"

"After the feast second year," Potter sounded pleased with himself, though distracted, as he was crouched by his trunk and fiddling through its contents. "It should be here somewhere…"

"It's a wonder that you can find anything at all," Lily remarked with a wince; she had just stepped on something, and judging from the loud crack, it had broken under her weight. "At least one of you remembers how to make a bed."

"That would be Remus," Potter didn't look up from the trunk, not at all concerned by the noise.

Lily wasn't surprised. Though it didn't meet Petunia Evans's standards of cleanliness, it was by far the neatest corner in the dormitory. Even without Potter's confirmation, she would have been able to guess it was his.

They were all obvious, in their own way. Potter's was easily the most recognizable, ranging from pictures of Quidditch matches to a mangy old Quaffle to messily strewn about Quidditch gear. All that was missing was photographs of himself. Black, who had become a rebel the second he had been Sorted into Gryffindor, seemed to have continued on his rebellion in his own, anti-Black family way. Or more precisely, in the way of a teenage Muggle boy through motorcycles and girls in bikinis. From the looks of it, Pettigrew hadn't yet reached the rebellion stage. His side was of idol worship, from comic book superheroes to Dark wizard catchers, where they eventually bled to the Defense Against the Dark Arts section that belonged to Remus.

While Lily had always felt that Severus was a little too interested in the Dark Arts, Remus was the opposite, and seemed to be devoted to everything that was against them. Most telling were the book titles, but there were objects that Lily was familiar with, such as the Sneakoscope on his nightstand. She frowned at what was beside it: a tank, and what it held was also oddly familiar. Lily struggled to place it, and the word came to her mind just as Potter said it.

"It's a grindylow."

Potter was standing behind her. Lily flinched, startled. She had been too distracted by the creature in the tank to notice him. Taking a step closer to the table so that she was a safer distance from him, she continued to stare at the grindylow.

She remembered it now. There had been one just like it in Collingsworth's office, the day that Potter had decided that putting nifflers in the room would be a brilliant idea. Lily frowned when she saw the angry little creature shake its fists at her, and she thought it was odd that this one acted precisely as the one in his office had before…

"And yeah, before you ask, it's the same one."

Lily swiveled around to face him. "Did you nick _everything_ in this room?"

"Only about half of it, and that doesn't count. It was a birthday present for Remus. From the rest of us. He's fond of it, I think." Potter dangled a silvery cloak in front of her, and just before she could take it, he moved it until it was high above her head. "Only if you promise not to lecture me first."

"Even though you already listed your condition, fine," Lily grumbled, more annoyed than ever at her lack of height.

"Good choice."

The robe fell into her hands. It was slippery in her fingers, like woven water, and Lily clutched it gratefully.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

She had been sincere, and in that moment, she was sure he had been too. There was a sudden pause, as if he was realizing it too, and Lily wondered if he was just as baffled as she was by it. Suddenly, the dormitory seemed too warm, and Lily could feel the heat creep to her cheeks.

"The two hints." Lily said suddenly, needing to fill the silence. "You never told me what they were."

"Oh," Potter rubbed the back of his neck. "You really want to know?"

"I don't know," Lily said honestly.

He grinned at that, but it wasn't at all like his flashing one that seemed to be vying for a place in _Witch Weekly's_ Most Charming Smile. It was the small one she saw sometimes, not enough for her to become used to it, but enough that she remembered it.

"Hint one: Don't waste your time if you're planning to go after dinner. It won't be until midnight at least."

Lily frowned at that, troubled by the precise timing, and even more troubled by his certainty. She knew Potter could be sure about a lot of things, but what she didn't understand was how he could be sure about Severus. He barely knew Severus, at least compared to Lily, yet he seemed so confident.

"And hint two will save you the trouble of going down to the dungeons. Wait on the seventh floor."

To Lily, this was more troubling than the first clue. Her immediate thought was that he was setting her up for something, just another great James Potter prank, but he didn't _seem _to be acting. She then wondered if he had been following Severus, but Potter was the sort to be too preoccupied with himself to stalk anyone for long, least of all a Slytherin that he hated. That left nothing.

"How do you know all of this?" Lily asked finally.

"I told you. I know-"

"Everything that goes on in the castle," Lily finished for him. "I know. Just stay out of this. Please."

She had seen how he worked. He turned everything into a chaotic mess, and the last thing she needed was him meddling with the already mangled remains of her friendship. If it had been anyone else, Lily wouldn't have thought he cared enough to waste his precious time, but Potter and Severus had always disliked each other, ever since that first day on the train. Even five years later, Potter hated to miss an opportunity to hex Severus, and though she knew that Severus wouldn't hesitate in hexing him with something darker in return, Lily suddenly felt uncomfortable that she was right there in his enemy's den, lies or not. The fact that Potter knew she was planning to follow Severus and gave her the Cloak in spite of it, possibly _because _of it, unsettled Lily further.

"It's too late, Evans," Potter said too cheerfully for her liking, and his usual toothy grin had returned. "I'm already involved."

That should have told her to end her plan right then and there. It wasn't as though the thought hadn't crossed her mind. It did. Several times. Lily thought of it when she left the dormitory, she thought of it again during dinner, and she thought of it for the final time as she watched the clock in the girls' dormitory slowly tick by.

It was half past eleven, and she still hadn't changed her mind.

It was too late for that. Too much had happened. Lily needed answers. She needed to understand what had happened to Severus, what had happened between them, to make him lie. Not just once. Once Lily could forgive. She could understand. But all those times? Lily couldn't even count them all. He was hiding something, she was sure of it, and she wanted, no, she _needed_ to know what it was.

The clock ticked with painful slowness. Lily dropped her head on her textbook and groaned.

"Are you all right?" Alice asked with alarm.

Lily flushed. She hadn't realized she had been so loud.

"I'm fine," Lily sat up, flicking away an irritating strand of hair from her face. "I think I need some air."

"You do look pale," Marlene observed, looking a little too thrilled to have an excuse from studying. She was already closing her textbook. "Do you want me to go with you?"

"No!" Lily said quickly. The timing was a little earlier than she had planned, but the excuse had conveniently fallen into her lap, and she wasn't about to throw it away, especially since she wouldn't be guaranteed one later. "I'll be fine."

"I don't know," Marlene said dubiously, studying Lily with critical eyes. "You look terrible."

"I'll be fine," Lily repeated more firmly, and despite her effort, she could hear the annoyance in her voice. "I'm going to take a walk. I'll be back soon." She hesitated. She didn't know how long she would be gone, and she certainly didn't want them searching for her. "Or in an hour."

"An hour?" Alice echoed.

"Or two?" Lily added quickly.

It was quiet, and even Mary was staring at Lily. Lily could feel her face beginning to grow hot, and Marlene began to laugh.

"It's a boy, isn't it?"

"It's not a boy."

"You were talking to James for a while," Marlene was no longer laughing and was watching Lily with narrowed eyes.

Potter. They thought she was sneaking around with _Potter_. Honestly, after five years of sharing a dormitory with them, Lily would have thought that they knew her better than that. She wanted to tell them the truth, that she had to convince Potter to loan her his Invisibility Cloak so she could follow her best friend around because he had been lying to her for years and she wanted to know why, and the truth sounded so absurd, so pathetic, that she wanted to laugh. The sound came out strangled and barely human sounding. "_Potter_?"

"The O.W.L. is tomorrow. I'm sure Lily wouldn't skip studying to meet a boy. Least of all Potter," Alice said reasonably.

"Maybe not Potter, but _someone_. I have a Color Enhancing Potion you could use for your cheeks," Marlene offered. "You might want to change your robes. They're wrinkled."

"I'm going for a walk, Marlene. By myself," Lily emphasized the last word, and before anyone could question her, she went to her trunk where Potter's cloak was hidden. She bit her lip, not knowing whether or not she should risk taking it out while they were there. She had thought ahead and covered it with some old robes, but she didn't even know how she would begin to explain that.

The clock ticked again. Instead of being early, she was now running late. Lily stared at the Cloak that was still folded underneath her robes. The chances that she could kick out her three roommates were slim. The chances that she could kick them out in the next minute were nonexistent.

Before she could stop herself, Lily decided to gather the robes, Cloak in the middle, until it was an enormous ball in her arms.

"You're taking that on your walk?" Alice said incredulously.

"I want to test out some Cleaning Charms. In the prefect's bathroom. I don't want to make a mess."

"At _midnight_?" Marlene asked just as Alice cried out, "_Tonight_?"

"Yes," Lily said with as much dignity as she could muster. Before they could press her further, she left, ball of laundry tightly clutched in her arms. The door shut behind her quickly, but not quickly enough. She was able to hear Marlene say, "I still think it's a boy."

Lily winced. Better they think she wanted to meet a boy, even Potter, rather than fearing she was becoming a raving lunatic, though she wouldn't be surprised if they thought both.

Lily shook her worries away. She would panic about that later. Now that she had managed to leave the dormitory with the Cloak undetected, she had to focus. Quickly, she shook the Cloak free of the robes it had become entangled with, and swung it over her shoulders.

It was an odd feeling, being invisible. She couldn't resist looking down at her vanished body, moving it around and marveling that it was indiscernible. Though she would have liked to test it out further, Lily didn't dare do so for long. With unseen arms, she gathered the robes that had fallen to the floor, and surveyed the area for a place to hide them.

She settled on the obvious: an enormous pot that held an even more enormous, gray cactus-type monstrositythat Frank had given Alice for her birthday, something most of the girls hated, due to its hideousness and its even more hideous tendency to spurt Stinksap on whoever was unfortunate enough to brush against it. Before that moment, Lily had been secretly among that number, but just then, she felt inexplicably grateful for it, careful not to prod its needles as she stuffed the robes into the pot. She would return for them later.

With that settled, Lily crept down the stairs, already hearing the faint mumbling of someone in the common room. She felt a twinge of nervousness, especially since her breathing suddenly seemed too loud, and only seemed to be getting louder. Covering her mouth with her palm in an attempt to muffle the noise, Lily peered over the banister to see who she would have to pass.

Only the Marauders were there, but somehow, they had managed to take the common room over completely. Remus was at a table in the back, avidly studying. Pettigrew had his textbook out in the corner, but he seemed to be far more interested in sorting out the flavors of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. Lily couldn't tell whether or not Black was conscious; he had draped himself over a sofa and had covered his eyes with an open textbook. Potter, of course, was stretched out in front of the fireplace, soaking up all of its heat, his textbook untouched. In his hands was a Quaffle that he was lazily tossing above his chest.

"This is boring," Potter announced.

Black didn't stir, but he made what sounded like a murmur of agreement, just as Lily was tiptoeing past Remus's table. The unexpected sound nearly made her jump, but she stopped herself in the nick of time.

Remus turned a page, his quill never slowing, and Lily's eyes widened at the mess of ink-stained parchment that littered the table. If anyone deserved a dozen O's on the O.W.L.s, it was Remus. "You could try studying."

"I'm bored, Moony. Not mental."

In spite of herself, Lily nearly smiled. As her lips quirked, she caught them, and furiously forced them down in a determined frown. She was almost to the portrait hole. She couldn't let herself be distracted by Potter of all people.

"Did you hear something?" Remus asked, frowning.

Lily froze, suddenly wishing she had walked through the common room visible, like a normal person, especially since only the Marauders were present. She was tempted to rip off the Cloak then and there, but she didn't know what Potter had told them, if he had told them anything, and she didn't need Black and Pettigrew slowing her down with more objections. And there was also the little thrill she felt, that she knew something that they did not. For years it had felt like the Marauders were pulling all the strings, and now, because of Lily, they were the ones in the dark.

The Quaffle came to a rest. Potter sat up.

"It was just a log in fireplace."

Lily felt a chill as Potter's eyes pierced into hers. Invisibility Cloak or not, she was certain that he knew she was there. She waited for him to call her out, her heartbeat steadily climbing, but he never did, and after a moment, she climbed into the portrait hole.

It was time to find some answers.

She could hear the Marauders behind her, but she didn't look back, and kept moving forward. The Fat Lady grumbled something about being rudely woken up, and Lily automatically held a finger to her lips, feeling stupid at once when she realized that the portrait couldn't see her. She swiftly stepped away and stumbled over the hem of the Cloak and onto the floor.

She was off to a brilliant start.

Her ankle had become exposed after her fall, and Lily hurriedly straightened up, careful to ensure that she was concealed from view. Seventh floor. Potter had said seventh floor, and there she was, but what if he had been lying? What if she was wasting her time and Severus was somewhere in the dungeons? Or the courtyard? Or in any of the hundreds of rooms that made up Hogwarts? He had _seemed_ sincere in the moment, but was Potter even capable of being sincere?

Once he had thought it was hilarious to turn her hair green. Lily had no doubt that he would find sending her pacing back and forth across the seventh floor all night equally humorous.

Lily thought quickly. She would scan the seventh floor, and if there was no sign of Severus, she would work her way down. Hogwarts may have been a castle, but she had all night, and she would find him. She didn't care if that meant waiting until dawn.

With a new burst of determination, Lily went to work, scurrying down the hallways as rapidly and thoroughly as she could. The exhilaration of being invisible soon wore off, though the sinister sensation of being in the castle at night did not, and Lily had to struggle to ignore the misshapen shadows and distorted portraits. She had patrolled through the castle many times, of course, but being alone was different, and any passing fear she may have had was suddenly magnified. That feeling frustrated her even more than her current mission. After all, she wanted to be an Auror someday, and being an Auror meant facing things much more intimidating than a few shadows.

Lily took a deep breath. Maybe she had been born into the Muggle world, but she was a capable witch. She had her wand in her hands and she could name more spells than she could count. More importantly, she could _do_ them, and she could do them well. There was nothing to be afraid of.

With that reminder, the urge to flinch at every little creak faded, and all that was left was too many empty corridors, and a few snoring portraits. Each deserted hallway brought a fresh wave of disappointment, and the logical part of Lily's mind told her that Potter had lied, and that she was only wasting her time. Still, there was something in her that refused to let her leave until she was finished.

Lily turned around the corner of the corridor that held Severus's room, expecting it to be just as empty as the rest of them, and what she saw caused her to skid to a stop.

Lucius Malfoy was waiting outside the room.

Automatically, Lily darted around the corner she had just come from, paranoid that he had somehow seen her through her Invisibility Cloak. She had only come across Lucius a few times when he had been at Hogwarts, but his chilling gray eyes were firmly embedded in her memory, and even then, she had the eerie feeling that he could see right through her with those eyes.

Standing next to him, even while invisible, didn't seem like the best idea.

Flattening her back against the wall, Lily turned her head to steal another peek of him, hoping that she had somehow been mistaken. He was still there, regal and bored as he leaned against the wall, but Lily had no doubt that the boredom would instantly transform to deadly attentiveness at the slightest hint of motion. He looked older than she had seen him last; his cheekbones were sharper and hair longer, but there was no doubt about it. Lucius Malfoy was back at Hogwarts, and he was only a few yards away.

Lily refrained from sighing. Lucius's presence added a new variable to the equation that she still didn't know how to solve. She didn't know why he was there, whether Severus was involved or not, but she didn't want to leave him alone. He had always seemed like a slippery figure, even when he had been a student at Hogwarts, but seeing him fully grown, standing there in a deserted corridor, suddenly made him seem a thousand times slipperier. Especially with the Death Eater rumors floating around and Remus's talk of Knights and future Death Eaters. What could he possibly be waiting for?

She would wait there, Lily decided as she made herself as comfortable as she could on the cold, hard floor. Even though Severus was probably wandering somewhere in a dungeon far below her feet, finding out what Lucius was doing suddenly seemed more critical. If the rumors were true, that he was in league with Voldemort, then it was very much possible that the mystery of his presence was bigger than Severus, and no matter how badly she wanted to know the answer to why he had lied to her for so long, she knew that revealing the answer of Lucius's appearance was more important because it wasn't just for her sake. It was for everyone's.

Lucius sighed after a while, and Lily wanted to sigh too. It could have been only minutes, but it already felt like hours, and he was still _standing _there. Surely he had more important things to do than to break into Hogwarts and stand in a corridor. At least Lily sincerely hoped he did. Otherwise she had given up searching for Severus for nothing.

And then it came, the sound of a door opening and then shutting. A new set of footsteps was heard. Lily inhaled sharply and leapt to her feet, feeling a new anxiousness to see who Lucius had been waiting for. Mulciber was her first thought. She and Remus had seen him sneaking around not too long ago, and secret meetings with Lucius, a likely Death Eater, seemed exactly like the sort of evidence Remus had been hoping for. If she observed them for long enough, then it was possible she would learn more names.

With enough proof, she could go to Dumbledore, Lily thought with a jolt. She, a lowly fifth year student, could actually have the power to play a significant part in the war. Maybe revealing the names of future, underage Death Eaters wouldn't cause considerable damage to Voldemort, but it was _something_.

A thrill of excitement ran through Lily, mingled with more nerves, and after making sure that the Cloak was secure, she peered around the corner.

What she saw suddenly made her wish that she had chosen to forget about spying on Lucius, pestering Potter for the Cloak, and most importantly, searching for answers. Because once Lily had found her answer, she wanted more than anything to forget it.

"I'm sorry for that, Severus. But I didn't have a choice."

Lily had been straining her eyes, blinking them rapidly, certain that she had been mistaken, but the sound of Lucius's voice confirmed her worst fears. He had been waiting for Severus. Severus Snape. Sev.

No," Lily whispered, and immediately, she clapped a hand over her mouth, and whipped back around the corner. Mouth still covered, she slowly sank against the wall to the ground. She needed to think. Maybe she had been wrong. Maybe Lucius didn't have anything to do with Voldemort. Maybe Severus was just a friend of Lucius. Maybe they were friends who talked about things that didn't involve Voldemort or Muggle-borns. Maybe they-

Lily's thoughts trailed off helplessly. What would someone like Lucius have in common with Severus? He was cold and cruel. He thrived off blood superiority. Severus wasn't any of those things, at least not most of the time. He was Severus. He was her best friend.

It had to be a mistake.

Lily abandoned the corner. She forgot all about Lucius's eerie gray eyes and what he would do to her if he found her there. Dread building in her every step, she walked towards them, towards Severus, until she was only inches away from him. She knew it was stupid; he could easily hear her or brush against her in an instant, but she didn't move. She needed to see him.

Lily stared at Severus, a frozen statue of her best friend, her eyes silently pleading for him to do _something _that would prove her worst fears wrong. She had thought she had seen him at his very worst, but this, this was nothing compared to that. He looked horrible, his face white and contorted, and barely even human.

"I meant what I said before. I saw something in you, Severus."

Severus didn't move. He didn't look like her best friend then. He was a stranger, his face harsh in the moonlight, with a severe expression that told Lily to back away immediately. She didn't. She stayed there by his side, feeling as wispy and unreal as a ghost in the stories she had heard growing up, powerless in the Cloak.

She was invisible, but she may as well have been nonexistent.

"I did not do that to be unkind. I did what was necessary to save us both. I needed you to see how it would end, what the Dark Lord is capable of, to truly understand. This isn't a game. It's war, when to lose means to die."

Lily held her breath. The Dark Lord. Voldemort. Death Eaters. The Knights of Walpurgis. Lucius had to be involved, and if he was...

It wasn't over yet. Maybe Lucius was trying to recruit Severus, but that didn't mean Severus _wanted_ to be recruited. Lily knew how it sounded, she knew how it looked, and she knew how Severus looked. That didn't stop her from thinking, from _hoping_, that it was true. It was better than acknowledging the newfound horror that was growing stronger with every moment that passed.

She wanted Severus to say something. Anything. This needed to end. Even if it meant that the dread that was turning over in her stomach had a reason to be there. She couldn't go on like this, always wondering, never understanding. She needed it to stop. Lily needed to know the truth.

"I understand now."

Those two words were a guillotine to any lingering hope that Lily had left, and the blade came down, sharp and final. She stared at Severus, looking at him without recognizing him at all. He may have been tall like Severus and had hair like Severus, but he wasn't Severus.

Severus had sharp black eyes and a crooked half-smile. When he laughed, he always looked startled by the sound. He devoured Potions recipes the way Muggle teenagers devoured the Beatles. He was afraid of his father but he was afraid of being his father even more.

He had never told Lily that, but she had figured it out herself. They were best friends, and best friends knew those things about each other.

But the Severus Snape speaking to Lucius was not that Severus. His eyes were cold and black, and reminded of Lily of endless tunnels. He didn't look like he was someone who cared about Potions or smiling, or even her. He looked cruel. He looked terrifying.

He looked like one of them.

He was one of them.

Severus Snape was a Knight of Walpurgis.

The two began to move away, and Lily didn't follow them. She stared at them as they left, silent horror rooting her to the floor, mingled with other emotions that were rushing in one after the other, each one too clear and far too real. Worst of all was the confusion, because even with Severus's words, it hadn't ended.

Lily may have found her answer, but she still didn't understand. She didn't understand anything.

**Guest- Thanks for letting me know! I changed it as soon as I saw your review. The funny thing is I looked up the O.W.L. schedule on the HP wiki and was proud of myself for being so exact. I didn't even think about the mention in the Mudblood scene. **

**almanera- Thanks for the review! I know what you mean, and I think it's only natural that we end up having a similar thought or two when writing about the same material, so I wouldn't worry about it. I wish you luck on your story! **

**bookluver- Thanks for the review! There will be a fair amount of Severus/Lily scenes after the Mudblood chapter. They won't talk to each other in all of them, but they definitely will sometimes. I thought about it, and I think it's difficult to cut someone out completely after they've been such a major part of your life for so long, especially when you see them everyday. I can see Severus especially having a difficult time with that, and I plan to do a few scenes with him struggling and handling it badly. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I wouldn't say Lily never fully trusts anyone again. It was more of a heat of the moment thought. She's a different person from Severus, and while I can see Severus easily sticking to that, Lily isn't trapped in the past like he is. She's a naturally more trusting person than Severus, and she's able to heal, and actually becomes stronger because of it. At the same time, I think she'll never trust anyone exactly the same way she trusted Severus, just because she was a child when she met him, and was able to believe in him in a naive, instinctive way that I think only a child, or at least someone with a young mind who hasn't seen enough of reality, can. I feel that bond isn't easy or even possible to replicate. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! You're right, "unlucky" isn't really a good word for Severus. While I do think he was unlucky to have a bad childhood, I shouldn't call him unlucky overall, because I agree with you, it's really his choices that end up ruining his life, not luck itself. I do think Harry tends to be very lucky, but he usually makes good choices with his luck. Ron and Draco come to mind when I say that. Ron was the first real friend Harry had, and he was lucky to meet him, and in that aspect, they remind me of Severus and Lily, because I also think meeting Lily was one of the few lucky moments in Severus's life. Harry was content with his luck and didn't have any hesitation in turning down Draco's friendship and never regretted it for a moment. Even though Severus already knew Lily for years before Hogwarts, I can't see him turning the same offer down so easily. Sadly, I think if he could repeat the past, he would easily be able to do so as Harry did, and wouldn't regret it for a second. To be honest, I'm still conflicted on James finding out about the kiss. I can see Lily keeping it to herself, but I can also see her telling him, and I can see that being both humorous and angst filled. I decided to see how their relationship goes, and if it feels right to me, I will write it. Sometimes I have relationships or characters in mind, and they sort of take over and end up surprising me, and I like following that direction because it feels more natural than forcing my original plan. I'm also excited to write Petunia meeting James for the first time. I think I'm going to try to do the Vernon/James scene that JKR wrote about on Pottermore, but with a few obvious changes, such as Lily will have already met Vernon. **

**Jenna- Thanks for the review! I'm happy this doesn't seem too Americanized. That's something I worry about because I don't want it to seem too American, but I also don't want it to seem like I'm trying too hard to be British, because it feels like a lot of Americans tend to do that when writing British characters. I could probably do more slang, but that's something I'm wary about because I've seen too many people get carried away with that, especially with "bloody" between every other word.**

**Amalie- Thanks for the review! In this story, they do have those subjects together, though I think I could have done without Astronomy. I chose the same electives mainly because I thought those would be the most interesting to write. I also like that they're the same classes that Harry chose because I like throwing in Harry connections. You're right, they're also taking Care of Magical Creatures, but I'm considering have Severus choose Arithmancy because that seems like a subject he would enjoy. I'm trying to decide whether or not he'll want to avoid being in Lily's classes because he'll try to convince himself he hates her, or if he's going to stay because he wants to be near her as much as he possibly can. I think it's safe to say Lily will fly again, especially with James Potter as a love interest. **

**Guest- Thanks for the luck! My keyboard shorted out, so I'm waiting for my dad to fix it for me. I'm using an old computer in the meantime. **

** Guest- Thanks for the review! I'm also feeling excited and sad about it. That scene and the Always scene are what inspired me to write this story, so it's huge for me. I know it's the scene that almost everyone has been waiting for, so I hope that I can do it justice. I'm an English major. I definitely had to do something related to literature. I love reading and writing too much not to. Right now, my main issue isn't finding time to write because I have a lot of that lately, but focusing on one story. I have to be in a certain mood to write for one, so right now I'm working on a couple. I want to try to finish one by the end of the year, hopefully sooner, so that's one reason why I haven't been updating Always as frequently as I used to.**

**noctu- Thanks for the review! While I think Severus and Lily haven't been true friends for a while, I do see Lily as a true friend in the early years. I think Hogwarts and the new obstacles that it came with was what weakened their friendship, but I also think it was growing up that really did it. Even without Hogwarts, without magic, without James, I think they would had issues sooner or later. **

**JPLE94- Thank you so much! I'm amazed that this story has 1,400 reviews, and even after all those reviews, I still feel surprised but so happy when people say nice things like that. I don't think it's a feeling I'll ever get used to, but I'm definitely not complaining. Since you're a James fan, I hope that you enjoyed this chapter too.**


	89. Chapter 89 The End

****Thank you to my beta, sparklyscrunchies, for not only editing my longest chapter yet, but for doing so in less than a day, which is amazing. If it wasn't for her, you would be reading about Professor "Flickwick," which is probably one of the more embarrassing mistakes I've made.****

**This isn't the last chapter, but I just wanted to say a special thank you for everyone who has been stayed with this story. Some of you have been reading it since the very beginning, hoping for the same answers I was, and I hope this chapter finally answers the two questions that inspired this story- why Severus called Lily a Mudblood and why Lily refused to forgive him. Thank you so much for the reviews, for all the chapters, but especially the last chapter. I don't think I've ever gotten so many at once for the same chapter and it meant a lot. I'm not sure if I've said this before, but I also wrote this story because I wanted to start sharing my work with other people. The idea is still a little daunting, but this experience has made me realize that writing is something that I need to do, that I can't imagine not doing, so thank you so much for that. **

**So 88 (though I wish it was 99) chapters, 789 pages, and 319,021 words later, I give you the Mudblood scene. Finally.**

**Chapter 88 Recap- Part II of the Mudblood arc. Severus meets Lucius Malfoy by the Room. Lucius uses a boggart to frighten Severus into dropping his friendship with Lily. He underestimates Severus's feelings, and instead of death, Severus sees Lily as his boggart. He is affected badly. Meanwhile, Lily asks James for the Invisibility Cloak to spy on Severus. He eventually gives it to her, and with his help, she tracks down Severus. She sees him with Lucius and realizes that he's a Knight of Walpurgis and a future Death Eater. **

**DISCLAIMER- The flashbacks from the Order of the Phoenix (Snape's Worst Memory) and the Deathly Hallows (The Prince's Tale) contain dialogue by JK Rowling.**

**Chapter Eighty-Nine- The End**

**1976**

Severus hadn't slept.

Every time he closed his eyes, he saw _her_. In the stillness of the dormitory, he heard her voice, felt her laughter piercing into him like a thousand knives at once. No matter which way he turned over in the cool sheets of his four poster, _she _was always there, mocking him. Lily... The boggart... It made no difference. They were the same, something untouchable, something dangerous, hidden beneath a pretty face.

"Snape. You going to finish that?"

For once, Severus was grateful for Avery. Avery with his fat face and monotone voice, who sat around like a useless lump. It was Avery that made him forget about Lily for a second, and that second was bliss.

"No," Severus said, pushing over his untouched plate to the place across from him.

Avery greedily dug in, and though Severus's eyes were still fixed ahead as he sank his head back into his hands, absentmindedly rubbing his temples, he didn't see the unpleasant way Avery's cheeks bulged with scrambled eggs and bacon. He didn't even hear the even more unpleasant sound of food being chewed with an open mouth. She was back.

He hadn't forgotten. She had never left, really. She was one of those terrible thoughts he liked to tuck away to the back of his mind until everything was tidy and organized. Like those thoughts, she was always there, lurking at a distance, refusing him any peace. When she finally came out of hiding, she tore everything apart until it was a chaotic mess, and then she tore _him _apart too.

Yet he was lucky.

The word even tasted bitter. In some way, luck was the very worst part of it. Severus had been found out. The worst that could have happened had happened. And he had survived.

It hadn't been any of his own doing.

He hadn't been clever or charming. He had just existed, playing right along like a dutiful little puppet while Lucius tugged at his strings. Lucius had let him go without a mark because Lucius was the cunning one. He had spared Severus to save himself without sparing him at all. He had known that the scars that cut the deepest were the scars that were unseen. They were the ones felt deep beneath the skin that even time couldn't heal. They were there to stay forever.

It was twisted. It was unforgivable. It was precisely what Severus had hoped that the Knights, that the Death Eaters, would be like. A league of their own, dark and brilliant, recognizing the power of psychology over physical pain and blood. He didn't want to be linked with people who simply had the nerve to use Dark magic. No, he wanted to be with the ones who mattered, the ones who could do a _Crucio _better than anyone else, but could inflict an even worse pain without lifting a finger because they were just that clever, and most importantly, because they were the ones who had the real power.

Yet Severus was uncertain.

In his imagination, being surrounded by them, _being_ one of them, had been ideal. The reality of it, having it thrown at him, was different. Severus didn't want to die. He didn't want to be weak and forgotten.

But that didn't mean that he wanted this.

Oh, it still gave him a sickening thrill. The sensation of power, of being feared, but at the same time, it gave him a headache. Just then, for the briefest of seconds, Severus didn't want it. Any of it. He didn't want magic. He didn't want Lily. He didn't want to care. He was so _sick_ of caring, of feeling, of fitting everything in only to have it fall apart all over him. He wanted-

"Snape," Wilkes's voice rudely interrupted his thoughts. "They're clearing the tables. It's nearly time for the exam."

The table came back into focus, the lines too sharp and the colors too vivid, and Severus saw that nearly everyone had already risen. His eyes lifted from the empty seats, and he looked at them, all of them, with their Slytherin badges and hardened faces, and remembering how they looked in the Room where spells flew and blood spilled, he had a sudden, disturbing urge to laugh.

It was absurd. He could contemplate the matter to death, but Severus knew that he would never walk away from them. No amount of threats and sacrifices would stop him. It would make him only more determined to survive, to rise above them. The Knights of Walpurgis had drawn him in with their secret gatherings and forbidden magic, and something about being a part of that was intoxicating. Just looking at their aristocratic features and tailored robes was enough to remind him of the power and magic that ran through his own veins, and Severus could feel that power now, its invisible fingers pulling at him, refusing to let him go. Even the mere thought of giving it all up sent a twinge of panic that made his fingers clench.

He was trapped.

"Snape?"

Severus's hands fell from his temples and heavily onto the table. He stood up, his limbs slow and heavy, and it felt as though he was moving in a thick syrup. "I'm coming."

It was then that he caught a flash of red. The pain in his head silenced the rest of his senses as the rest of the Hall seemed to blur again. Only that glimmer of red remained clear. Severus was struck by another urge to laugh, just as humorless as it had been before, but it died in his throat when she turned around and faced him.

His heart stopped, and for the first time since his encounter with the boggart, there was a new spark in Severus's once cold, once dead, black eyes. It was pained and angry, but it was also alive, and with that flicker of life was hope.

His heart began to beat again, twice as quick, as though making up for lost time. Self-preservation told him to run. The strange feeling in his chest, an inexplicable flutter that could only be felt and not told, kept his feet firmly anchored to the ground. It was this feeling that made him raise his eyes in hopes of meeting hers, and his better judgment and fear that made him do so with agonizing slowness. Finally, the feeling had won, and Severus looked at her. Instantly, the boggart was nearly forgotten, a shadow compared to the real Lily, the Lily who would never, ever...

And then she looked back at him. She looked at him with the very green eyes that he knew so well, that he had seen so many times, in life and in his mind, but in that moment, they were completely foreign. The color was right, but what lurked in the depths of green had changed. It was like looking to a mirror and expecting to see your reflection, but finding something else completely.

Abruptly, she turned away. For a minute, Severus was unable to understand what had just occurred. He stood there, frozen in his place, oblivious to his headache and the swarms of students leaving the Hall until reality settled back in, cold and unforgiving.

And then he left too.

Severus thought that he must have imagined it, that perhaps the boggart was making him mad, and when he returned to the Hall, the long tables replaced with much smaller desks, his eyes didn't rest until they found her, already sitting at a desk in the front.

He couldn't speak to her. Not after Lucius. Not with everyone there. But if he saw her...if she smiled, or if she even _looked _at him as she usually did, without leaving a chill in his bones, then he would be happy. He needed to reassure himself that the Lily he knew was still there, and not the one he had seen the night before.

She certainly looked different from the boggart. The sunlight that poured through the windows highlighted the soft curve of her cheek and the strands of copper in her hair. Her chin rested in her open palm, and she was frowning slightly, seeming deep in thought. Severus tried to catch her eye, deliberately slowing down just before he passed her, but she averted her eyes and looked down.

It wasn't his imagination. Nor was it madness.

It was Lily. The real Lily.

"Potter, don't even think about it. I want you and Black four desks apart, _at least_."

"Does anyone have an extra quill?"

"I can't find my parchment! I know I had a scroll."

As he mechanically moved through the same motions as everyone else, sitting down and taking out his quill and parchment, Severus was hardly aware of the commotion. The bitter pain in his chest that the boggart had ignited burned again. His headache was long forgotten. As he watched Lily's pale hand fish for her quill, he saw that same hand reach out towards his chest.

_Coward_.

Severus shut his eyes tightly. It was a mistake. He saw her again, but this time, she didn't ignore him. She was glaring at him, her eyes green and empty. He didn't know which was worse, having her looking at him like that, or having her ignoring him outright, as though he didn't exist.

When he opened his eyes and saw that her head was rigidly fixed ahead, as if determinedly forcing herself not to look back, he knew that the latter was worse. Severus stared at the back of Lily's hair, willing her to look back, but she never moved.

"Mr. Snape," Professor Flitwick tapped his desk with a stubby finger, and with a twinge of annoyance, Severus looked down to find that there was a new paper on his desk. The heading, DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS - ORDINARY WIZARDING LEVEL, glared back at him. The sound of quills scratching suddenly became apparent, and he wondered how he had missed the directions. The knowledge bothered Severus, but he couldn't dwell on it for long. As mundane and lacking as these exams were, they were unfortunately necessary for his future. Stifling a dreary sigh, he took his own quill, and began to write.

He was fortunate that it was this subject. _His_ subject. He knew it better than all the professors combined, and when he saw the questions, Severus felt his annoyance dissolve into an enormous sense of relief. Those were questions that had answers, answers that he knew. He focused on it, on logic, rather than the muddle of emotions inside of him. His quill quickened, and in that hour, Severus Snape was free.

It was like a dream to him. A beautiful dream wrought of Dark magic and black ink. Vampire bats and counter-jinxes swirled around him, theories and defensive charms bleeding their way through, but never her face. She was finally forgotten.

Severus drank in the respite greedily. His fingers curled tightly around the quill as he scribbled maniacally, terrified of what would happen if he set it down. In his intensity, his nose came closer and closer to the paper until it nearly collided into the still glistening ink, and his messy scrawl grew frantic and even smaller in fear of running out of room. His answers were technically perfect, but he went on, writing everything he knew on the subject that he knew most examiners would have to look up to verify.

"Five more minutes!"

The dream ended. Severus stopped writing, and after a pause, he reluctantly let go of the quill. He studied his paper, and then glanced around, purposefully skipping over a certain red-haired girl. He was gratified and unsurprised to see that his parchment was considerably longer than everyone else's, a foot at the very least.

Before he could stop himself, his eyes drifted toward Lily again. She hadn't set aside her quill, but he could tell that she was rereading her answers, stopping every so often to quickly scribble a forgotten detail in the margins. She had written a great deal too. Not as much as him, of course, but still an admirable length. And she hadn't resorted to bigger letters. Severus would have normally shot Mulciber a disdainful glance at that thought, but he wasn't in the mood just then.

Now that he was finished, the spell was broken, and the Great Hall, which had felt like a wonderful gift only minutes ago, was suddenly too small and cluttered for his liking. The desks were too close together, and he could feel the weight of Clarence Stebbins's breath on his back. Severus sat a little too still, willing his fingers not to twitch as he waited for the five minutes to tick by, slow and excruciating.

"Quills down please!" Flitwick announced at last, much to Severus's relief. "That means you too, Stebbins! Please remain seated while I collect your parchment! _Accio!_"

Severus watched as his roll of parchment sailed into the air with gritted teeth. His, along with a hundred others, collided into Flitwick at once, sending the tiny professor flying back. There was a round of laughter, most of it friendly, but some of it cruel, namely from Mulciber, who made no effort to disguise his sniggering.

Severus didn't smile. Not even when Stebbins, Alice Clarke, and Brandon Davies rushed to aid him, along with a number of goodhearted yet entirely useless Hufflepuffs. As they gathered around him and hoisted him to his feet, Mulciber's snickers grew louder, and Severus briefly considered shoving his quill, the only item that was allowed on his desk, down Mulciber's throat.

"Thank you, thank you," Flitwick managed between breaths, his face red from exertion. Alice spotted a scroll that he had missed, and he accepted it with a grateful though still flustered smile. "Very well, everybody, you're free to go!"

Severus was at his feet at once, exam paper in hand. Though he knew perfectly well that he answered every question with flying colors, he pretended to be engrossed in it, particularly when he passed by Lily. He could hear her saying something to Alice, incomprehensible with the rest of the chatter, and he held his breath, half-hoping that she would take his arm and ask him to walk with her.

She didn't. He didn't have to look up from his paper to know that she was acting as though he was invisible. As though she had never cared for him, as though she could never love him...

_Coward_.

He was walking without realizing where he was going. Fresh air filled his nostrils and the hot sun rudely beat down on his neck. He was outside. Severus clutched his exam paper tighter. This time, it wasn't about pretending to be interested in something else altogether. It was that he _needed _to be interested in something else. His emotions were clashing together, all clambering for first place, and he could feel the anxiety it wrought seep through his skin and into his movements. His steps were too quick and too short, his neck stiff, his heart pounding... He needed control.

_Question five. Describe the appearance of the boggart._

It had to be that one. Severus cursed softly and skipped ahead. Question seven was safer. Counter-jinxes. He could focus on counter-jinxes. The first step to the counter-jinx was the same as any other: to clear your mind of everything except the jinx itself.

Severus took a deep breath and mentally reviewed the rest of his steps. Already, he could feel his heart slow into its usual, steady beat. He would be fine. If he focused on logic, there would be no room for emotions. Feeling lighter with his sudden rationality, Severus stuffed the paper into his bag, no longer having a need for it.

Too soon, he became aware of his surroundings, namely the sound of laughter by the lake. There was a collision of noises: the rustling of leaves, the chirping of birds, the splashing of water, faint strains of conversation, but Severus could pick out the melody of her laugh in that hideous summer song just as easily as if it had been the unwelcome screeching of violins. She was laughing. He was miserable and she was laughing.

Just as she had before. In that Room. But no, that hadn't been Lily. That had been the boggart-

"All right, Snivellus?"

The sound of Potter's voice snapped Severus out of it. His hand automatically went for his wand, quick for anyone else, but it lacked his usual efficiency, and he cursed below his breath. He had to pull himself together. He couldn't break, not in front of Potter. Severus wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

_"You're such a James Potter. Though Potter is actually good-looking. And he did save your life."_

Severus clenched his jaw, his wand already in the air, but just as the sinking feeling in his stomach had warned him, it hadn't been quick enough.

"_Expelliarmus_!" Potter bellowed.

His smugness was even more noticeable than usual, amplified with the volume of his voice. Severus could feel his wand slip through his tightening fingers. He heard it fall behind him, but the sound was quickly overpowered by a laugh. Black. Severus felt a burst of anger as he leapt for his wand, but once again, he was too late.

"_Impedimenta!_" Potter's voice was slightly calmer now. There was no longer a need for shouting at the top of his lungs, not when he already had the attention of nearly everyone on the lawn, and Severus's lips would have twisted into a mocking scowl, but this time, it was he who fell.

Severus landed with a thud that he felt in every bone of his body. The ground was hard in spite of a thick layer of grass, and he was vaguely aware that a bruise would be there in the morning. It should have hurt, but all he felt was reality, and with that reality was hate.

It burned inside him, something that had once started out as a slowly building flame, that was already threatening to break out into a full-fledged inferno. It was the humiliation that he knew that showed on his face that angered him the most. He wasn't the child who cowered from flying fists and broken bits of glass. Not anymore.

He was a Knight of Walpurgis.

But as he stayed there on the ground, trapped by invisible ropes, he was that child again. Only this time, there was no Tobias lurking over him. It was Potter and Black. Their shadows were cool over his head, wands high above.

He wouldn't forget this.

"How'd the exam go, Snivelly?" Potter crouched down on one knee, his wand just close enough to be mocking, less than an inch away from prodding Severus's chest. Bright hazel eyes pierced into cold black tauntingly. They didn't reflect anything that the black showed. They were sparkling, as though the two of them were playing his favorite game, and Potter was about to claim his prize.

Of course they wouldn't show anything real because Potter had never felt anything real. He was the child. An overgrown child who had been spoiled with _love_ and _affection_ and endless amounts of toys, slowly rotting away as he trod over anyone and everyone just because he could. Because he had never had to learn that _life wasn't fair._

Severus felt his face contort in contempt at the thought. He was barely even conscious of it. It was as if hate had won at last, seizing his body, and giving it new strength. It would only be a matter of time before it overpowered the hex, and when it did, Potter would learn what Severus had known all along.

"I was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment. There'll be great grease marks all over it, they won't be able to read a word."

Black's voice lacked Potter's nonchalance. Each word was pointed, carefully designed to derive pain. It wasn't just a game to him. Severus could tell from the way he spit out his words. Being born to the House of Black meant that he had grown up too soon, never having a chance for any games, and though he may have tried to forget with Potter and his precious Marauders at his side, Black was still a grown-up dressed up in a teenager's clothes. Nothing could disguise that bitter knowledge of the real world in his eyes, and the sight of it made Severus glad.

Black deserved it. He deserved to know the truth of the real world, that it was cruel and unforgiving, and he deserved it even more for trying to forget. Black could run around with the Marauders for as long as he wanted, throwing Dungbombs and hurling jinxes, but it would never, ever change the truth.

There was more laughter as Potter stood up, and Severus was suddenly reminded of his own reality. There was a still growing crowd that surrounded them, and he wondered how he hadn't realized it before. From the sound of the laughter, there was a great deal of them already gathered around. Severus must have known them, passed them by in the corridors at the very least, but they were an endless sea of empty faces to him, all laughing together like a deformed beast that desperately needed to be slaughtered.

The sound made Severus squirm more violently. He knew that the jinx wouldn't have worn off by then, that it went against the nature of magic, but that didn't stop him from trying. He fought with every inch of muscle he had, feeling the sweat bead on his forehead and dampen the back of his neck, but still, he was powerless. No matter how much he tried, he remained on his back with _them_ looming above him, their faces twisted into identical, hideous grins.

"You- wait-" Severus hissed between breaths, his eyes fastened to Potter's face. Potter, the people's hero. Potter, who had oh so nobly saved his life. Potter who thought he was being so slick and valiant by hexing him behind his back, two against one, who kept looking back at the lake as if no one could tell what he was really after.

Severus's face became more hideous at the thought, his eyes wild, breathing harsh. He knew that the impassive mask he usually wore had already broken, but the knowledge that he was there, exposed and weak, didn't leave him running to collect its fragments. It only made him more savage with his rage. He didn't feel human. He was a wild animal, clawing and salivating behind its cage, eyeing his prey with hunger.

This was only child's play. Once school ended, it would be the real world, and the real world didn't have rules. Only power.

"Wait for what?" Sirius was unperturbed. He was the picture of a pure-blood just then, cool and dignified, wand aimed threateningly. He could dress himself up in red and gold as much as he liked, Severus sneered, but he was still a Black to the bone. "What're you going to do, Snivelly, wipe your nose on us?"

At that, Severus broke, and fire bled through the cracks. In fury and desperation, he let out a strangled scream, stringing together every hex that entered his mind. Dimly, in the back of his mind, he knew it would do no harm, that his wand was too far away, but that didn't stop him. He was shaking with his rage, and curse words slipped in between the spells, spells that would have brought them to their knees, begging for mercy, if it had been another world and life had been fair.

He hated Black beyond words. Nearly as much as Potter just then. It was a poisonous feeling that oozed from every pore of his body, that tainted every breath that left his lips. Severus didn't care how, he didn't care what it took, but Black would pay for this. Potter would pay for this. He wouldn't forget until his dying day. He would tear them apart with the darkest of magic until they- No, he would tear them apart with his bare hands like the animal he was just then. It would be them screaming, writhing in humiliation, while he laughed in their faces.

It was like Spinner's End again, but instead of imagining the scent of grass from the clearing and the rush of water from the river, Severus saw blood and misery. The promise of revenge barely held him together. The threads of his sanity were weakening. He was still shaking. He cursed Black, he cursed Potter, he cursed every damn-

"Wash out your mouth," Potter told him, eyeing Severus with great disgust. "_Scourgify!_"

Severus wanted to keel over, but the invisible ropes prevented him from doing so. He stayed on the ground, feeling himself gag as he remained paralyzed. The pink bubbles that were now steadily pouring between his lips were nearly as sickening as the jeering of the crowd. He coughed violently, feeling himself choke-

"Leave him ALONE!"

Not her again. From the corner of his eyes, he could see her standing there, the sunlight making the ends of her hair alight like a halo. She looked beautiful and terrible all at once, and Severus, for a second, stopped struggling.

_"You don't understand."_

"All right, Evans?"

Severus barely heard the sound of Potter's suddenly deep voice, something that he would have snorted at any other day. He could only see what he was certain that Lily saw, that the differences that had haunted him over the years were more transparent than ever. As he lay there helplessly on the ground, tasting the mixture of soap and his own bitterness, he nearly forgot his anger. For a moment, he was ashamed. There was nothing else. No contempt. No anger. Only shame. He had felt the prickle of humiliation before, but this was different. He felt it all over him, weighing him down more than Potter's magic. He was weak, and she was his weakness.

"Leave him alone," Lily said more firmly. "What's he done to you?"

Her eyes flashed with more dislike than Severus had ever seen in them, but he couldn't appreciate it, the fact that it was reserved for Potter. He could only stare at her, her voice searing, and with a wince, he looked away.

_"I don't care."_

"Well," Potter said with mock thoughtfulness, causing a few people to chuckle. His already inflated head swelled just a bit more, and his chest puffed out with it. "It's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean."

There were several more laughs this time, all blended into one. Unwillingly, Severus looked at Lily again, and his black eyes stared at her intently, willing her to disappear. He could feel something inside him starting to shift. The hate he felt for Potter and Black was unchanged, but that wasn't all that was there. In that moment, he thought he hated her too.

It was that hate that gave him new power. It broke the final strands of shame and set him free. She shouldn't have been there. Not after that morning. Not after last night. It was such a Gryffindor thing to do. To pretend to forget, to be noble. She had been a Gryffindor in the beginning too. That's what caused them to be separated, what caused all of _this_.

She should have been a Slytherin.

"You think you're funny," Lily said, her voice nearly as cold as the boggart's, and Severus's eyes darkened. "But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag. Leave him _alone_."

_"I never did."_

She should have known better. She couldn't fix everything by stepping in to play the hero, to play the _Gryffindor_. She had no right to sweep in and act as though she was doing _him_ a favor. As though he couldn't handle himself. As though she was doing him an act of _charity _because she _pitied _him_. _He didn't need her. He didn't need anyone. They may have been Severus and Lily once, but he was now Severus Snape, and he needed _no one_.

"I will if you go out with me, Evans," Potter said suddenly. "Go on... Go out with me and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."

The lawn was suddenly too quiet. Severus started to sneer, but it came out as a barely audible snarl between bared teeth. In spite of everything, he hadn't stopped trying to squirm, and Severus could feel the ropes beginning to loosen. With contempt, he spat out the bubbles, crawling towards his wand as quietly as he could, ears pricked for Lily's reply.

"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid."

At that, Severus's fingers curled triumphantly around his wand.

"Bad luck, Prongs." Black said, sounding as though he couldn't have cared less about what happened in the oh so riveting saga of Potter and Lily. It was a contrast to everyone else, who had, except for Lupin, abandoned their textbooks and were glued to the demonstration as though their lives depended on it. More than a few girls were shaking their heads at Lily in disgust.

"OY!"

Black had evidently looked back to the spot that had been formerly occupied by Severus. Severus knew he had been caught, but that suited him just fine because he was ready. His wand was aimed at Potter. He knew what was wrong with it before, why his spell hadn't worked as he had intended it to.

He had to mean it.

And when the light erupted from his wand, Severus had never meant anything more. A deep gash appeared on the side of Potter's face, and Severus watched the new blood in satisfaction, savoring the moment with heavy breaths of exertion and relief. He could feel the beginning of a smile curl on his lips, and for once, there was no instinct to disguise it.

It was a mistake. He should have been prepared. He never should have hesitated. One moment he was there, relishing the blood on Potter's robes, the next, there was a jet of light, and Severus found himself hanging in the air.

_Levicorpus_.

Potter had _stolen _his curse.

That was his first thought until the cheers rang out. Severus, in his upside down state, sought out Lily. In spite of everything he thought earlier, the humiliation and hate that still mingled inside him, he needed to see her face because then he would know that she knew too, that Potter had stolen his curse. He wouldn't be alone then, not really, because she was there too, and as broken as they were, they were still best friends.

It was that shred of hope that kept him sane. He found her almost immediately, her form distinct in the blur of the crowd. Everything seemed to halt when he saw her lips twitch. It looked as though she was about to laugh. At him. With them.

The hope that he had felt shriveled into something black and poisonous. More than Severus hated Potter, Black, and even Lily, he hated himself for his moment of weakness. Even after Lucius had cornered him and thrown his fate in his face, after the boggart had screamed his worst fears at him and had reduced him to a trembling shadow of his former self, a coward, after there was no denying that she, Lily Evans, was his downfall, he had still cared for her.

He had loved her.

Severus had never been more aware of it as he was just then. He was more certain of it than a bezoar being an antidote to a moonseed poison or the five characteristics of a werewolf. He had loved Lily Evans.

_"It's obvious, isn't it?"_

_"What's obvious?"_

_"I know what you are."_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"You're...you're a witch."_

He had loved her more than he had ever loved anything. He had loved her when he should have loved nothing. She had saved him in more ways than he could count. Not by playing the hero, but by being his friend. She was the best friend that he had ever had, that anyone could have ever had, and he would have done anything for her. If anyone had threatened her harm, he would have uttered _Aveda Kedavra _without blinking. He would have killed for her. He would have died for her.

_"I'm Lily Evans."_

_"I know. I mean... I'm Severus Snape."_

_"That's a funny name. I like it."_

He had loved her. Always.

_"It _is _real, isn't it?"_

_"It's real for us."_

Always. From the very first moment he had seen her on the swings, laughing. And _she _had ruined it. Thrown it all back at him, with the same laughter that had stolen his heart and poisoned his mind. Severus no longer heard the jeers of the crowd. He heard the sound of something inside of him breaking, and he closed his eyes tightly. He no longer thought he hated her. He_ knew_ it. He knew it as well as he knew that he had loved her. He could feel it, that hatred, stronger and more powerful than anything he had ever felt before.

"Let him down!"

_"I pitied you."_

"Certainly."

Snape's bones slammed into the ground. He leapt to his feet clumsily, his head still spinning from being upside down, the memory of Lily's twitching lips the only thing keeping him from tumbling over, when Black calmly said, "_Petrificus Totalus_!"

It wasn't the end. He felt as though he had been through hell and back, and it still wasn't the end. Once again, Severus was powerless. He would have vomited, but he couldn't move. With his limbs glued together, all he could do was watch Lily, the only person he had truly loved, the person he was forced to hate because of it.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!"

Her wand was directed at Potter and Black, and suddenly, the two Gryffindors didn't seem quite so sure of themselves. Their eyes didn't leave her wand, and they remained motionless, as though they didn't dare make a move in fear of inciting the wrath of Lily Evans.

"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," Potter's eyes were wide and sincere as a puppy's, but Severus didn't believe it for an instant. Underneath the bright eyes and cheeky grin was a rabid monster that he wouldn't mind putting down.

"Take the curse off him, then!"

Potter, with great reluctance, sighed and did as instructed. Severus felt his limbs loosen, though some stiffness remained, and it took another humiliating effort to climb to his feet. He was shaking again, not from Potter and Black's pitiful efforts to prove themselves kings of the school, but from silent rage at Lily.

"There you go. You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus-"

At her name, Severus whipped around to face Potter. As he eyed him, his dark eyes slowly moved towards Lily. It was her fault after all. Without her, he never would have had a weakness. She was always there, dragging him down, mocking him. She was a constant reminder that he would always fail, that he never stood a chance, and how he _loathed _her for that. He wanted, more than anything, for her to feel what he felt. For once in her life, to suffer as he had suffered for every day of his life. He needed her to be gone.

"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"

He didn't scream the words as they screamed at him in his mind, cutting and victorious. Instead, they came out in a strangled shout that somehow made it all the worse. There was the faintest flicker of triumph when the boggart in his mind was finally silenced, but the moment he saw her face, the look in those green eyes, he wanted nothing more than to take it back.

Lily blinked.

He could see that she finally felt what he felt, and she could sense what he did, that something between them was forever changed with that word. Severus would have gladly endured the boggart all over again if it meant erasing that sudden realization from her face.

"Fine," Lily said shortly in a voice that she had never used before towards him, but he knew it perfectly well. It was the boggart's voice. The boggart who had been banished from his mind, only to come back to haunt him in flesh and blood. "I won't bother in future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, _Snivellus._"

He felt as if she had cut him to the bone. Severus stared at her, wishing nothing more than to take his wand and yell _Ridikkulus, _but he knew it wouldn't change anything. This time, it was real, and this time, he had done it himself.

It was the end, and he realized, much to his horror, that he still loved her.

"Apologize to Evans!" Potter shouted.

Severus was dimly aware that Potter's wand was on him, but he no longer cared. He stood there, staring at Lily, his black eyes frantically telling her the apology that he couldn't voice aloud, but she wouldn't look at him.

"I don't want _you _to make him apologize," Lily shouted back, her green eyes too focused on Potter to notice Severus. "You're as bad as he is."

Severus winced.

"What?" Potter sounded insulted, but more than that, incredulous, as though he truly couldn't understand. Severus had never heard him sound so flustered. "I'd NEVER call you a - you-know-what!"

"Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can - I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK."

Lily said this all furiously, spitting out her words so quickly, as though she couldn't wait to get rid of them, but she screamed the last part. It made several people jump. Even Black looked at her in alarm, but Potter... Potter was motionless. As was Severus.

He had never heard her scream at anyone in such a way before, and as she spun around to leave, he watched her, feeling a sudden wave of shock. He had done that to her. All because of a single word.

Mudblood.

Dirty blood.

_"You may be a Muggle-born, Lily Evans, but you're still a witch, a better witch than anyone I know. You're not a Mudblood and I swear that I would never call you that."_

He wondered if she remembered that promise just as well as he did. Severus could feel his face contort, but the hatred that had ignited him was gone. It was pain that he felt, and it filled him as the hate had done, but instead of it bringing new strength, it brought something that made him feel both hollow and heavy all at once.

Potter still looked stricken. He only stood there, and after a few seconds, the situation finally seemed to sink into his thick, swollen head.

"Evans! Hey, EVANS!"

She never looked back.

Potter's forehead creased, but quickly, it smoothed again, and he ran a hand through his hair. It lacked its usual flair. The tousled locks flopped pitifully, almost looking flat. "What is it with her?"

His voice was strained beneath the forced nonchalance. Black raised an eyebrow, obviously not fooled.

"Reading between the lines," Black said casually, "I'd say she thinks you're a bit conceited, mate."

"Right," Potter spoke through clenched teeth. "Right-"

Severus barely heard them. He was still swallowing what had happened. He was numb, barely able to absorb it, what he had said, what her eyes had said. What he had done.

There was a sudden flash of light and he was unceremoniously hoisted into the air.

"Who wants to see me take off Snivelly's pants?"

For a moment, Severus didn't care what happened to him, and he hung there limply. He didn't care if Potter humiliated him because there was nothing left to humiliate. He was drained and empty. He didn't see their faces below him. He only saw Lily's, and there was a glimmer of hate reserved for himself for what he had done.

For what _Potter _had done.

Severus had said that word, but he never would have if it hadn't been for Potter. Potter had been the one to push him, to push Lily. If he hadn't meddled in his typical, arrogant fashion, then none of it would have ever happened. Severus would have never said the word, and Lily would still be there, at his side.

It was this knowledge that restored Severus, and he clung to it for dear life. A spark of hatred kindled in his chest and it grew brighter and brighter, steadily pounding into his blood every time his heart beat. With sudden determination, Severus's hand tightened around the wand that he still hadn't let go of, that Potter stupidly hadn't spotted, and he focused on the word that would save him.

_Liberacorpus_.

He was numb to the pain when he fell. He was numb to everything except for his hate. He didn't crumple on the grass this time. He was on his feet, his wand rapidly slicing through the air. Black let out a shout. Potter's hazel eyes widened, and swiftly, he lifted his own wand.

"_Expell_-"

"_Sectumsempra_!"

Potter was too late. This time, Severus didn't stop to dwell in the satisfaction. He saw the blood gush from Potter's face, more blood than before, but his wand never lowered. Black was coming at him.

"_Petrific_-"

"_Sectumsempra_!" Severus didn't want to use a nonverbal spell. He wanted to scream the word. He wanted for everyone to hear it, and even more, to fear it. He never stopped slashing his wand; his motions were automatic. There should have been pleasure, but Severus didn't feel anything at all. It was as though the world stood still and he was the only one moving. "_Sectumsempra_! _SECTUMSEMPRA_!"

There were screams. The crowd was evaporating quickly. Students, blind in their panic, collided into one another, dropping textbooks, quills, and exam papers. Some fell. Some waited to help them, while others never stopped running. Their dramatics were for nothing. To Severus, they were insignificant. His eyes were fixed on the Marauders.

Black had already fallen, blood spurting from his nose, but Potter had not. A jet of light shot from his wand, but he winced as Severus's curse struck him in the arm. The hex missed Severus by a foot, and the hazel eyes narrowed in annoyance. He was unsteady now. One more shot, and this time, it would be Potter lying on the ground while Severus watched from above.

He wouldn't smile as Potter had done because it still wasn't enough. It wouldn't ever be enough. No amount of laughter, of pain, would make Potter feel what Severus did because he would never lose what Severus had.

Pettigrew moved, whether it was a stupid effort to save them or a slightly smarter one to save himself, they would never know. Severus, who was too quick for him on an ordinary day, lashed out without any mercy. Pettigrew crumbled too. Only Lupin had escaped. Lupin who wasn't even around. He had run. It was he who was the coward. Not-

"SEVERUS SNAPE."

Professor McGonagall had never sounded quite so furious as she half-walked, half-ran down the stairs to the lawn, her sparking eyes visible even from a distance. Severus didn't want to lower his wand. He wasn't finished. They were still there, Lily was gone, and the hateful word still burned on his tongue.

When she reached them, he was still holding onto his wand tightly. Her eyes rested on him, and then the fallen Marauders, and her nostrils flared, her thin lips pinched tightly together.

"Put down the wand. Immediately." McGonagall said crisply. "Black. Potter. You too."

Severus didn't move. His fingers only gripped his wand more tightly.

"You saw him, Professor," Potter was protesting, his own wand still in hand. As slim as the chances of Potter hexing him in front of the already stern-faced professor were, Severus kept his eyes fixed on it, waiting for any sudden movements. If Potter even started to aim it towards him, he would send him flying back, regardless of the consequences.

"_Immediately_," McGonagall said in such a way that Potter and Black instantly obeyed. Their wands promptly dropped to the grass, but Severus stayed still. "Snape."

Stiffly, Severus set down his wand. It took strength to do so. His wand was a part of him, an extension of himself, and surrendering it felt too much like cutting off his own hand. For a brief second, he allowed himself to look at it regretfully, but automatically, his gaze returned to Potter and Black.

"You'll need to go to the hospital wing. I'll send for Professor Dumbledore."

"We still have the practical, Professor," Black said, his voice as sweet as honey and as innocent as an angel's, though the blood trickling down his face offered a terrifying contrast. He made no motion to wipe it, and instead, he glared at Severus rather murderously, his pale gray eyes saying more than words ever could.

"You'll attend your practical after you have a word with the headmaster. If he chooses to return your wands." McGonagall's nostrils were still flaring. "I'll be taking these."

With a flick of her wand, all three wands were delivered to her. She gathered them into one hand and lifted a pointed chin, eyes darting down to send them a final, disapproving look before turning around.

"Follow me."

The three of them were silent. Severus could see Potter and Black exchanging glances in an unspoken conversation, but he paid them no mind. He didn't care what they were plotting. He didn't care where McGonagall was taking him. He didn't even care if Dumbledore expelled him. The grim taste of satisfaction was enough. It was barely there, but it existed, and that was all he needed. He had had the last word.

He had won.

No one could take that away from him. Not McGonagall. Not Dumbledore, and certainly not the guilt and regret that he had already tucked away into the back of his mind, that was already threatening to spill out.

**1976**

The air was light, as though an enormous weight had been lifted. For everyone else, at least. It showed on their faces, in the new carelessness in their steps. All information that had been hastily committed to memory the night before could now be forgotten. They were free.

But Lily wasn't. She was trapped in questions that seemed to pile up wherever she looked. 'Why' was the beginning to most of them because things had changed, only barely. She was no longer in the dark. She had a handful of facts, enough that she could put the pieces together. She knew Severus was a Knight of Walpurgis. She knew that the other Slytherins, namely Mulciber, were also involved. She even knew that Lucius Malfoy was the leader and the Room was where Severus most likely spent his time.

Yes, Lily knew enough to put together a loose timeline, to fill in some of the blanks, blanks that she hadn't even realized existed until the night before, but those filled gaps had only led to more troubling ones. Severus was a Knight, a future Death Eater, and she couldn't understand why.

Severus had always had his dark moments. Sometimes he even scared her. But she had known, or rather, she had been so certain, that that wasn't the real him. It didn't matter if he was angry sometimes. He had a right to be angry. That didn't mean anything. Everyone was, at some time or another.

That was what she had believed. That as dark as he was, he was also a good person, a good friend. He may have lost his temper and gone too far occasionally, but he was still Severus, and though logic tried to tell her otherwise, Lily had refused to listen. She didn't want to listen. How could she? Listening would have been a betrayal.

Or so she had thought. She knew better now. Listening wasn't a betrayal. Joining a group dedicated to the slaughter of her kind was betrayal. He had lied. He had said that he wasn't one of them, but he was. Maybe even more so for lying about it.

Lily knew it was time to do what she should have done long ago. She couldn't be friends with Severus, a boy who lied as much as he breathed, who roamed the corridors at night with the same people who would gladly see her hurt. Maybe even dead. No matter what she said, Lily knew that she would never be able to trust him, not that she had for a while. The practical thing to do, the only thing, really, was to walk away.

She hadn't yet. She didn't know why. Oh, that was a lie. She did know why, as stupid, as irrational as it was.

She loved him.

He had done so much, yet in spite of everything, it didn't change her feelings for him. It only made them more painful. Severus had been her best friend for so long, and whenever she looked at him, she saw the same awkward boy who cringed at the sound of breaking glass. That boy was gone, she knew that now, but whenever she saw him, she saw that boy, and the idea of casting aside that boy, shutting him out as the rest of the world had done to him, broke Lily's heart.

She thought of the little things that had pushed them apart over the years. The argument about Petunia... The argument about Potter...about Mulciber...the kiss... The kiss had been worst of all. It was stupid now. It had been meaningless, a spur of the moment accident between friends, yet the awkwardness of it all had changed them.

Unless he had been a Knight already then. Lily hadn't considered that. She closed her eyes. Her head was beginning to hurt.

A cool splash of water immediately made her eyes fly open. Marlene, who had kicked off her shoes before she had even sat down, made no effort to disguise her wet hands. Her mischievous little smile widened at Lily's accusing look.

"Stop thinking. You did fine. We survived," Marlene planted her palms on the grass, leaning back to enjoy the sensation of sun warming her face. She looked as though she didn't have a care in the world, no O.W.L.s and certainly not a Death Eater best friend, and Lily envied her for it. "Congratulations to us. Now take off your shoes. The water feels amazing."

Lily gave a weak smile in return. She hadn't told anyone about what she had seen. She had toyed with the possibility more than once, even going so far as to consider telling Dumbledore, but she had decided against it for now. As tempting as it was to yell at Severus until her lungs hurt or to go to Dumbledore and end the Knights of Walpurgis for good, she was still absorbing the information. She knew that this was bigger than her, and she wanted to handle it carefully with the right choice.

Lily grimaced. Severus's lies were rubbing off on her. No matter what she told herself, she knew it wasn't about making the right choice. It was about Severus. If it had been anyone else, she would have already gone to Dumbledore, but no, it had been her best friend, and as hurt and angry as she was, she didn't want to sentence him to expulsion, much less Azkaban. Something about it felt petty and wrong, and even though common sense told her that Severus wasn't innocent, she couldn't bring herself to ruin his life either.

With that unpleasant thought, Lily quickly pulled off her shoes, deciding Marlene was right, and a break was more than necessary to preserve her sanity. She swung her feet over and dipped them into the sunlit waters of the lake.

"Well?"

Lily exhaled as the cool water swirled around her ankles, a welcome contrast to the warm sun on her back. "You were right."

"I usually am," Marlene looked rather smug. "You too, Mary. Before I splash you."

Mary looked a little startled at being addressed, and Lily felt another twinge of anger. Before Mulciber, before the Knights, Mary would have already been in the water, laughing hard with Marlene. She hadn't been that girl for a while, barely smiling, moving from class to class like a ghost in the corridors. _That _was exactly the sort of thing the Knights did, that they took pride in, and Lily couldn't understand why Severus would want to be a part of it.

There was another spray of water that interrupted Lily's thoughts, and she looked up, expecting to see a drenched Mary, but what she found was a soaking Marlene.

"That's what you get for threatening me," Mary said, and she cracked a smile that was more real than Lily had seen from her in a while, and Lily felt herself smile back. She laughed, and so did Alice, though Marlene had fallen into an astonished silence. Slowly, she peeled away the wet strands of hair that had been glued to her face, and seeing her friends' reaction, a grudging smile formed on her lips and she joined them.

People healed. They moved on.

The realization was bittersweet. As she looked at Mary, a wave of sadness fell over her, followed by relief, and for the first time that day, Lily noticed how blue the sky was, how the lake seemed to sparkle as though the surface was flecked with pixie dust. Her lips curved as she smiled to herself, and suddenly, she felt oddly happy.

"If we're talking revenge," Alice began in mock thoughtfulness as she scooped a handful of water, "then this is for spilling pumpkin juice over my robes this morning."

She flung it towards a still dripping Marlene, whose hands instinctively went to cover her face, but she was too late. Alice had already won. Marlene gasped at the icy shock.

"That was an accident!"

With her words, she kicked water towards Alice, and a sheet of water rose above her friend's ankles and crashed to her knees, splashing her lap. Alice let out a peculiar sounding squeal, causing Mary to laugh. Quickly, she covered her mouth with her fingertips, almost looking alarmed at the sound she had made, but she didn't need to worry. Lily's laugh was even louder.

"Was _that _an accident?" Alice demanded as she began wringing out the hems of her robes.

"A lucky one," Marlene smiled wickedly.

Lily barely escaped another splash, though she felt a few droplets sprinkle her cheeks. It should have been easy for her to scoot back a necessary inch, but her laughter was making it difficult for her to move.

"Lily."

Lily could barely speak at this point. She glanced over at Mary, too distracted by Alice's attempt at vengeance to notice the sudden worry in her friend's voice. "Yeah?"

Mary bit her lip, looking troubled and a little regretful that she had said anything at all. After a short pause, she nodded over by the trees. Lily followed the gesture, and abruptly, the laughter that was bubbling up in her chest evaporated. It left an empty space behind, one that she felt deeply.

"I'll be right back."

Blood pounded in Lily's ears. With every step she took, her walk became quicker and heavier, until she all but stomped towards the three figures, her hands quivering with anger.

She had specifically told him not to meddle. She had looked into his hazel eyes and had even said "please." Of course, there was the lingering knowledge that he wouldn't give up so easily, that James Potter was never happy unless he was meddling, but she hadn't expected... She hadn't thought...

Lily was so enraged that she couldn't think properly. She stormed to the cluster of people that surrounded her destination who, at the sight of her blazing green eyes, quickly backed away, but not so far back that they would miss out on the show. Potter hadn't seen her yet. He was with Black, standing tall and laughing. She barely saw them. Not with Severus there, on the ground, gagging as pink bubbles poured from his mouth.

"Leave him ALONE!"

His hand automatically moved to his hair. His _hair_. She was standing there, more furious than she had ever been before, and Potter was worried about his _hair_. Something about the gesture made Lily's already simmering blood boil.

"All right, Evans?" Potter's voice was too slick, too deep, and Lily's eyes narrowed. As he straightened up so that he stood even taller, she nearly shook her head in disgust. Any minute he would grin that stupid, wide grin and rumple his hair all over again.

"Leave him alone," Lily said finally. "What's he done to you?"

"Well," Potter pretended to give the matter a great deal of thought. He paused for dramatic effect, his chest swelling ever so slightly at the few laughs that it aroused. "It's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean."

There was more laughter, and Potter's eyes sparkled, because that was exactly the response he had been hoping for. He was in his element just then, in the spotlight with all eyes on him, and he ate it up with flashing grins and embellished theatrics. That was all it was, all that they were, characters in his show. A sickening show that she had no desire to play a part in.

"You think you're funny," Lily's voice was icy, and it was enough to send a hush over his audience. "But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him _alone_."

He didn't hesitate. It was as though this was the moment he had been waiting for. When he spoke, he was so certain. It was just a line that he recited, and once he did, he looked at her as if there could be only one answer, as if that answer was already marked in his script.

"I will if you go out with me, Evans," Potter's eyes locked with hers. "Go on...Go out with me and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."

And there it was again. He had asked the question before. Several times. There was a time when he would yell it when passing her in the corridor, when enchanted scraps of parchment would pelt her with the same words during class. It had been a joke then, something to humiliate her. Just another act in the Potter show to reward his fans.

Or so Lily had thought.

She could see it in his eyes, that rare seriousness that seemed to disappear just as soon as she realized it was there. It was something that Lily liked seeing in him until she saw it in him just then.

This was even worse than if he had been joking all along. Potter was serious, serious about attacking Severus and serious about asking her, about thinking that she would actually say yes. The realization horrified Lily, and it made it very clear that he was right, that there was only one answer she could give.

"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid."

And soon as she said the words, there was a hollow disappointment in her chest that became even more evident when she saw a new emotion flicker in his eyes. She didn't know what it was, or what it had been, but he, in his infuriating James Potter fashion, had crept up on her.

She couldn't begin to explain it. There were no words to define it. There had been something about him that had made Lily feel lighter, just by looking at him, and she was sorry, so sorry, to see that it was gone. If it had ever really been there at all. She didn't think it could have, that anything could have existed between them. They were too different. He was a boy who lived in a fantasy world above them all, and she was an ordinary girl who bruised and bled with everyone else.

She was real and Potter was not.

All of a sudden, she heard Sirius cry out, and Lily realized that Severus was free. Her eyes widened when she saw the blood running down Potter's face, staining his robes, and they widened even more when she saw Severus's face.

He was _smiling_.

Another flash of light, and he was no longer smiling. He was hanging upside down. In a matter of seconds, he had gone from future Death Eater to the child he had once been, the child who could always be rather clumsy when he was doing anything athletic, but would send you a death stare that would make even a grown-up shudder if you dared to notice.

Lily's lips twitched in an almost smile at the memory.

But before her smile could form, she pushed the thought away. Those days no longer existed. Severus wasn't a kid anymore, and neither was she.

"Let him down!"

"Certainly," Potter said quite pleasantly as though he didn't have a screaming Lily Evans right in front of him. He moved his wand and Severus crashed into the ground with a thud. Lily winced, as if the pain had been her own.

No, Severus wasn't a kid. He was a stranger now, a wizard who had made Potter bleed and met people like Lucius Malfoy after curfew in hopes of becoming one of them. A Death Eater. Lily knew that, but she watched Severus straighten his robes, the curtains of hair concealing his face from view as he shakily stood up, she felt his humiliation, and her heart went out to him.

"_Petrificus Totalus_!"

He keeled and Lily snapped.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!"

Lily's wand was out, her arm firm. She didn't care if Severus was a stranger or not. He may have grown up, but he was still human. She couldn't stand by and let them do this to him. She wouldn't. Her green eyes narrowed at Potter and Black, who no longer looked quite so amused. They had taken a wary step back, eyeing her with well-deserved caution.

"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," Potter's voice was light, but she detected a hint of uncertainty in his eyes. He was no longer running the show and he knew it. Lily's wand remained steady.

"Take the curse off him, then!"

There was another dramatic sigh, for his audience's benefit more than his own, and Potter turned around to face Severus. He murmured something that Lily couldn't hear, and her grip on her wand tightened, but when she saw Severus's limbs move, she relaxed. It was over now.

"There you go," Potter sounded almost sullen as Severus fumbled for his feet. "You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus-"

"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"

Severus wasn't looking at him. He was looking at her when he screamed the words, his black eyes burning into hers with contempt, resentment, and a thousand other emotions that Lily didn't understand. The world came to a halt as the final thread that held them together snapped. Everything was still, and they were strangers as they stared at each other.

For a moment, Lily was unable to absorb the meaning of what she had just heard.

_"Does it make a difference, being Muggle-born?"_

_"It doesn't make any difference."_

She looked at him, at his cold eyes, his pale face, his twisted lips, and she finally knew what she had tried to tell herself the night before. Severus was gone. There were no words to fix this, to replace what had been lost, and she had been silently hoarding the broken pieces of their friendship for far too long.

Lily blinked. He had changed, but so had she. She wouldn't break down. She was stronger than that.

"Fine," Lily's voice was steady, and hearing it made her feel steady too. "I won't bother in future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, _Snivellus_."

The words were sharp on her tongue. There was shock in his eyes that gave her no triumph. It made her feel only cold and empty. She didn't know how long the shock lasted, if he quickly brushed it away as he brushed everything else away, because Lily didn't have time to linger. Potter had already stolen the show.

"Apologize to Evans!"

Lily whirled around, suddenly furious all over again. He, like Severus, was just another bitter disappointment, another person that she had believed she had seen something in, another reminder that she was just an idiot who kept making mistake after mistake.

"I don't want you to make him apologize," Lily said, her eyes flashing. "You're just as bad as he is."

"What?" Potter was incredulous, his eyes mirroring the astonishment that Severus's had, but more than that, he was outraged. "I'd never call you a - you-know-what!"

_"You may be a Muggle-born, Lily Evans, but you're still a witch, a better witch than anyone I know. You're not a Mudblood and I swear that I would never call you that."_

She didn't look at Severus. She couldn't. Her voice trembled when she spoke, and for a second, Lily thought she was about to cry, but it was fury that she felt, and it was felt in her every syllable.

"Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can - I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK."

She said the words with more rage than she had ever felt, even screaming the last word. Everything she had felt from the night before that had been steadily building up exploded all over him. She should have felt better, getting it out of her system, but seeing Potter's stunned face only made Lily feel worse.

Lily remembered walking. She was walking away from Potter, from the crowd, and most importantly, from Severus. And then-

"Lily."

Mary's voice sounded as though it hadn't been the first time she had called her name. Lily sat up, blinking when she realized that she was still in her dormitory, and only minutes had passed since she had last looked at the clock. Seven minutes. Seven entirely too long minutes, and before that, hours.

As soon as she had finished her afternoon practical, Lily had gone straight to her dormitory, refusing to talk to anyone. She knew her friends well enough to know that they wouldn't say the dreaded "I told you so," but she would see it in their eyes and feel it in the weight of their awkward silences, and that was far worse.

"He's still here," Mary fidgeted in the doorway, clearly uncomfortable to be playing the role of messenger. Lily didn't turn around, but she could see the blonde's reflection in Marlene's mirror. "He says he'll sleep outside the Tower until you come out."

Lily didn't move from her bed. She hadn't cried. She had just sat there the entire time, replaying the scene over and over again, hoping it would finally register, but it never did. It was like a frightening scene of a Muggle horror film that she couldn't turn off.

"I think he means it," Mary said hesitantly.

Lily finally looked over her shoulder. "I'll be there in a minute."

"Okay," Mary looked relieved. Her hands that she had been silently wringing fell to her sides.

Lily looked back down, but from the mirror, she could see Mary's mouth open just before she quickly shut it, still lingering in the doorway. Lily wished that she would leave.

"I'm sorry," Mary blurted out, and when Lily looked over her shoulder again, the blonde had vanished.

Slowly, Lily swung her feet over her bed and onto the floor. It took a great deal for her to stand up as her bones suddenly felt leaden. As she reached for her dressing gown and slid her arms through the sleeves, her actions were mechanical, and she barely registered what she was doing until she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror.

She looked terrible. Her face was pale, forehead puckered, and shoulders hunched, as though she couldn't bear to stand up properly. Lily scowled at her reflection, willing herself to look alive. She took a deep breath and exhaled.

Her shoulders were now straight, and though her back was slightly too rigid to be natural, at least she didn't look as though she was about to crumple over. Lily's lips pursed in a firm line that was reminiscent of McGonagall on a bad day. She looked strong. If only she felt the same.

With a heavy feeling of resignation, Lily turned the handle of the dormitory door. She didn't want to leave. She didn't want to face them. Most importantly, she didn't want to face _him_. Her jaw clenched, and unconsciously, she drew her cheeks in.

Her movements were stiff as she moved down the stairs, McGonagall expression still in place just in case a certain pair of faces that she had no desire to see were there. Before she took the final step, she surveyed the common room, knowing it was better to be prepared than to be suddenly accosted midway to the portrait.

"They aren't here," Alice's voice was soft. She was on the armchair closest to the stairs, textbook propped awkwardly on her lap, and Lily felt a twinge of guilt for more or less kicking everyone out of the dormitory.

"Good," Lily said, stepping down to the common room floor. A few other students were there, studying, but she could tell that their ears were pricked for gossip. It should have bothered her, but Lily couldn't bring herself to care.

"But _he's _still outside. I could speak to him if you want," Marlene was already withdrawing her wand. "I would tell him that he's a bloody-"

"Marlene," Alice cut her off.

At the sound of Alice's quiet but firm voice, Marlene looked at Lily. Lily wasn't sure what was there, but it was enough to make Marlene shut up right away.

"It's fine," Lily said automatically. She shifted uncomfortably as she glanced at the portrait hole and then back at them. "You can have the dormitory back. I'm sorry for..."

Her voice trailed off.

"Lily," Alice's voice was gentle, her face understanding. "We know."

Lily meant to smile at her gratefully, but it came out rather weak, more like a grimace. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

Her footsteps were heavier than before, and it took effort to lift them up, set them down, and to do it all over again. At the portrait hole, she hesitated, staring at the gloomy, dark space, half-hoping it would disappear.

"You don't have to go," Marlene said suddenly.

Lily paused.

"I know."

She did know. Which was why she had to do it. It was tempting to walk away, to have Marlene or Alice brush away her problems for her, but Lily knew problems couldn't simply be brushed away. She needed this to end, and for it to end, she had to do it herself.

"I'll be okay," Lily said finally. "But thanks."

She climbed into the hole, closing her eyes when she heard the portrait creak open. It was too slow and too fast at the same time, and a knot twisted in her stomach.

_"Friends again?"_

_"Always."_

The memory made her catch her breath. Lily crossed her arms tightly across her chest. The corridor was dark, draped in shadows that only faltered by the moonlit window. His back was facing her, and she could see his silhouette stiffen when he heard her step out. Too soon, he turned around to face her.

"_...Filthy little Mudbloods like her_."

Lily could feel herself tense at the sight of his face. He looked paler than usual in the moonlight. His skin, normally sallow, was white, as though all blood had been drawn from his features. His lips, also bloodless, were pressed tightly together in a thin line. Only his eyes showed color. They were black and stood out on his face like hot coals. She couldn't read them. She was certain that she would have been able to decipher them once, but not now. Lily didn't know them anymore.

"I'm sorry," Severus said hoarsely.

He said the words plainly. There was nothing else there, no curling lips, no glinting eyes. They were just two words, and those two simple words seemed to take an enormous amount of effort from him, as though he was pouring everything he felt into them. His voice almost broke, and with it, Lily nearly broke too.

She nearly told him that it was fine, that she forgave him, that they could be friends again. Always. As she had so many times before.

But it wasn't fine. Maybe, one day, she would be able to forgive him, but not now. They couldn't be friends. They were two puzzles pieces that had once fit together and no longer did, no matter how much they tried to force it. They had grown up, and when doing so, they had grown apart. She had known it long before seeing him with Lucius, but even after her discovery, it hadn't sunk in until he had said that word.

That word had been the final shred of evidence she had needed, and even if she wanted to, Lily wouldn't ever be able to forget the look on his face when he said it to her. She remembered it now as she spoke.

"I'm not interested."

"I'm sorry!"

This time, he said the two words desperately. He took a step forward, out of the shadows so that his entire body was bathed in the milky light, and Lily could see that his face was contorted, as though he was in pain. His eyes were frantically trying to meet hers, but she refused to make contact.

"Save your breath."

Her voice held a coolness that startled her, but she held onto it like a lifejacket, terrified she would crumble if she let go. Severus didn't say anything. He licked his dry lips nervously, his eyes never giving up.

"I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep out here," Lily said, though it wasn't what she needed to say. It was the only words that would come out. She was stalling.

"I was," Severus said with a quiet intensity. His words were suddenly quick and eager. "I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just-"

"Slipped out?" Lily cut in. She heard herself asking Remus if one mistake could really end years of friendship, and she hesitated for the second time. She had once heard that before you died, you saw your life flash before your eyes. She saw it now. Not her life. Theirs.

She saw them at nine years old. They were safely hidden in the shrubbery outside his house, the sound of glass breaking and shouting clear, the gleam in his black eyes clearest of all.

_"I'm Lily Evans."_

_"I know. I mean... I'm Severus Snape."_

_"That's a funny name. I like it."_

She saw them in the clearing by the river. Drops of sunlight that fell between the leaves marbled their skin. Her face was anxious, but Severus looked amused, but as his dark eyes locked with her green ones, he became oddly serious.

_"It _is_ real, isn't it? It's not a joke? Petunia says you're lying to me. Petunia says there isn't a Hogwarts. It _is _real, isn't it?"_

_"It's real for us. Not for her. But we'll get the letter, you and me."_

She saw him outside his house, bloodied and bruised. He looked fragile underneath his too-big clothes, and Lily saw the tears fall down her cheeks as she threw her arms around him in a bone-crushing hug.

_"I said it's nothing. It's nothing I can't handle."_

_"Look at yourself! You look horrible."_

_"Thanks a lot."_

She saw them in the snow, flakes of it still falling from the sky as the wind whipped their hair. Something was beginning to change. His face was hardened, but hers was a canvas brimming with emotions, with hurt, anger, and bewilderment, because even back then, she hadn't understood.

_"I thought we would be able to see each other more. That's why I stayed for Christmas."_

_"We've still seen each other. At dinner last night."_

_"You were leaving when I got there. With Rabastan."_

_"I wasn't aware that we had plans."_

_"You could have at least said something. Instead of just nodding."_

_"Next time I'll be certain to address you more formally then."_

_"What is wrong with you?"_

She saw them standing in the grass of their clearing, both flushed from the kiss as they avoided eye contact. Both of them shifted uneasily, hands anxiously wringing, looking as though they weren't quite sure where to put them.

_"Sorry. I...have to go."_

_"What?"_

_"Lucius Malfoy's wedding, remember? I have to pack. Regulus invited me to stay at his house."_

_"You're leaving? For how long?"_

_"The rest of the summer. I was going to tell you."_

She saw them outside the Great Hall, Severus's face emotionless, no matter how much she tried to break through. The distance between them was unmistakable.

_"I have to go home for the holiday. I'm sorry."_

_"Fine. Is that all?"_

_"I wish I could stay, but I don't have a choice-"_

_"Don't bother. You made it clear that you would rather go with _them _than stay with me."_

She saw them in the courtyard, their bodies both stiff with arms folded over. Her eyes were flashing and so were his, their voices curt as they spat replies back and forth.

_"Grow up, Sev. I wasn't laughing at you."_

_"You were laughing at my House."_

_"I was laughing at Mulciber."_

_"I don't understand. I don't understand why you're _befriending_ these people. You _know _what they did to me."_

_"Just because you hate them doesn't mean-"_

_"That's exactly what it means! I'm your best friend. Not Lupin. Not Potter. When Mulciber called you a Mudblood, I hexed him for you. When Potter wouldn't leave you alone, I hexed him too. I almost got myself _killed_ trying to-"_

_"Trying to what?"_

_"Never mind."_

_"I didn't ask you to do any of those things."_

_"You didn't have to."_

And then she saw his cold black eyes as they fixed on hers. She saw herself staring back into those empty tunnels, and she felt the pain over the words all over again.

_"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"_

_"Fine. And I'd wash my pants if I were you, _Snivellus_."_

The memories came to a halt when Lily gazed at Severus, her eyes meeting his for the first time. He relaxed, but only for a moment, because when he saw what was in the emerald green, she saw his fear.

For Severus, it hadn't been a mistake, an accidental moment.

It had been years.

There was pain in his eyes. Pain that reflected her own. She had been wrong. He may have been a stranger, but a fragment of that nine-year-old boy she had met long ago still existed inside of him. He was just as stubborn, just as emotional, no matter how hard he tried to hide it, and still lost. She thought it went back to what Severus had been trying to tell her all along, and for the first time, Lily understood.

Life wasn't fair.

In fact, it could be downright cruel. It gave a lot to some, and none to others, and what it did give, it took away. It had given her the best friend that she had ever had, who she had tried to save, who she could not because she was just an ordinary sixteen-year-old girl and he was a boy who was beyond saving. Maybe he had always been. Maybe they had been destined to end from the beginning, and it was just another one of life's cruelties. Lily didn't know, but as she stared as Severus, she knew without a doubt that he was right. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair at all.

"It's too late," Lily swallowed. "I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends-"

She waited for him to object as he had before. Part of her wanted him to, the other part was ready to pounce if he did. But he didn't. His lips pressed together again, and his eyes were very wide, but at the same time, unsurprised, as though he had been expecting her to say it all along.

"You see, you don't even deny it!" Lily heard the anger in her voice. "You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be. You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?"

This time, he did open his mouth, but Lily went on before he could speak. She couldn't hear any more lies. She had heard enough already.

"I can't pretend anymore," Lily said at last, saying the most honest thing that they had said to each other in years. It was that realization that gave her strength, but at the same time, made her knees want to buckle. "You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine."

His eyes were panicked. He was shaking his head. He was moving towards her. "No- listen, I didn't mean-"

"-to call me Mudblood?" Lily finished. Her voice was still cool but her eyes were sad because even now, with the truth in front of him, he still couldn't see what she saw. "But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"

There was a lump in her throat. His lips parted as he struggled for speech, but no words would come out. He was a coward and Lily very nearly hated him for it. Her green eyes pierced into his one final time, and with that last look, she turned her back to him and murmured the password to the Fat Lady. The woman's eyes opened a little too quickly, as though she had been pretending to be asleep, but it didn't make the portrait open any faster.

"Wait- Lily-"

Lily silently begged the portrait to hurry up. The Fat Lady was groaning dramatically, muttering something about beauty rest. She could feel the tears gathering in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. She had done what needed to be done and she would not back down. She climbed into the portrait hole, banging her knee while doing so, but she was numb to the pain.

"Lily. LILY."

She heard him beat his fists on the frame outside, so loudly that the Fat Lady's indignant cries were nearly unheard. For a moment, Lily made no effort to move. She closed her eyes and remained in the shadows as she listened to Severus's distraught shouts. Furiously, she wiped her eyes with the palm of her hand, but she could still feel them stinging.

No, Severus had been right. It wasn't fair.

**I hope you enjoyed (I don't think that's the right word for it) the chapter. It was definitely the most intimidating one to write. I rambled a lot below. If I wrote you a novel, I'm sorry. **

**JPLE94- Thanks for the review! I actually forgot about Snape walking out, and now I want to do a scene with that, so thank you for reminding me. I definitely plan to include more scenes with Lily as his boggart. I currently have two planned. I'm happy that you can understand why he did what he did because, like I said, that's really what I was striving for. The Prince's Tale made me realize that it wasn't just about a single moment, that it was years of them, so I really wanted to show that. I think Severus calling Lily a Mudblood was just the final straw for her. It was something that she couldn't make an excuse for. About James, I'm not sure how much of it I'll reveal in Always, but he has a map of everyone at the school, and I see him as the type to use it for his advantage. I can see him checking it and being annoyed whenever he sees Severus and Lily together, but also suspicious when he sees Severus out at night, especially with former Hogwarts students. I don't know if he would care enough to spy on Severus at first, but since he and the Marauders sneak around at night, I can definitely see him using the map and easily catching Severus then. He's smart and wants to be the hero, so I think he would want to keep an eye on Severus. I don't think he could be 100% sure that it would happen THAT night, but the odds were on his side. If I ever get to that point in Hero, I plan to show James and the rest of the Marauders observing potential Knights and interfering with their plans. I think it's safe to say that James was watching her on the map and ready to interfere if necessary. I can't see him giving her the Cloak and everything, and then not looking to see what's happening. He distrusts Severus too much, and besides that, he's nosy when it comes to Lily. There's going to be a big James scene in the next chapter that goes into his actions in the Mudblood scene, but I'm not sure exactly how much I'll be able to reveal in it, so I'll say this. I don't think James did it to hurt Lily. I think he pushed Severus because he wanted Lily to see what he was really like while trying to make himself look good, not realizing that it made him look bad. When he asked her out, he sincerely thought she would say yes, because even though he's not as horrible as Severus and (formerly) Lily thought him to be, he's still immature and hasn't grown up yet. I think he actually thought it would be the best moment to ask her, just because he thought he got rid of his biggest competition, and I'll have to think about this, but I think that's why he thinks Lily rejected him over all these years. He's still immature and arrogant, and I don't think he understands why Lily wouldn't like him, unless she liked someone else. He doesn't understand how anyone would like Severus, but he's been her friend for so long, and I can see him very reluctantly seeing Severus as a threat. **

**Amalie- Thanks for the review! About the Katherine/Elena twist, I was so sure that they were going to go that route when Nadia mentioned switching bodies and Katherine said that Stefan liked her body, but when Bonnie saw her dying, I thought she was going to die, and I was so disappointed. When she woke up, I kept waiting for her to say the words to Elena, and when she finally did, I was happy with the twist because I really didn't want her to die. While I do like her as a main character over Elena, I like season 2 Katherine much better. While this goes for most of the characters now, it seems like Katherine is sort of a caricature of herself, and it's annoying because I liked her with Stefan, Damon, but especially Elijah, and it feels like the writers killed all three of those pairings. I feel sorry for the diehard Damon/Katherine shippers (if there are any left) because the writers ruined them. For Severus, the only subject that I can see him taking other than Arithmancy is the Study of Ancient Runes. I definitely can't see him choosing Muggle Studies. I really am evil when it comes to characters. If Severus's future was up to me, I would probably do the same as JKR because I find tragic figures to be strangely fascinating. **

**Fan- Thanks for the review! I know there's a lot of backlash on JKR for her interview, and while I can understand why fans are upset, I believe it's her world and she can do whatever she wants with it. I can understand her struggle of character plans versus where her characters take her because that's something I also struggle with. I like the idea of Hermione/Harry better than Ron/Hermione because I felt that they made more sense in spite of the early Ron/Hermione buildup, and just because if Harry was with Hermione then he wouldn't be able to be with Ginny. To be honest, I'm not a huge fan of Hermione/Harry or Hermione/Ron because I felt that it changed the dynamic of the group too much. I loved their friendship, and I think the romance changed it. I know they're supposed to stay good friends after everything, but it just feels like the dynamic changed from Ron/Hermione/Harry to Ron/Hermione and then Harry. Thank you! I'm amazed that it's been eighty-nine chapters. I used to have issues with abandoning my stories too, and I think the trick is to find a story that's really important for you to tell. I'll try think about one for a while, and if it's still nagging me days later, that usually means that it's important to me. It also helps that I have people reading this. When I haven't written anything and I see a review pop up, I feel guilty. **

**Greyhound687- Thanks for the review! You're one of my early readers! I'm so happy to see that you haven't given up on me. I also remember being so sure that I would be finished with this by the end of the summer, and now, three years later, I'm just a little over halfway through. **

**rozemc- Thanks for the review! I think you're right, James is an interesting foil to Snape. By their nature, as you pointed out, but also by their choices. I also see James as the unofficial leader of the Marauders, or really James and Sirius as co-leaders with James being seeming prominent in the role because of his tendency to draw attention to himself. I'm interested in their friendship because even though younger James has a bad reputation, I like to think that he made Sirius a happier and more carefree person, especially since I don't think Sirius would have had many opportunities to be happy before meeting him. That's also why I think the Marauders fell apart. Like you, I see James as the glue, and even though I do see Sirius as one of the ringleaders, I can see him falling apart after James's death because I think it was because of James that he was able to become a Marauder in the first place. Severus's attitude towards Wormtail confuses me too, to be honest. I'm not sure, but these are the two possibilities that come to mind. 1. Severus blamed Sirius for killing Lily, and when he did find out Peter was the traitor, he hated him even more for not insisting on it/for letting someone as weak as Peter be responsible for protecting them. 2. Severus didn't blame Sirius or Wormtail for Lily's death, at least not as much as he blamed himself, and he was worse to Sirius because of their history. I don't think Peter was strong enough to make Severus feel the same hatred, which would explain the less vengeful treatment. I haven't thought too much about it before your question, but right now, I think it's a combination. I think Severus blamed himself more than anyone, but for him, it was easier to hate Sirius because of their history and because he could have saved Lily if he had chosen differently. I don't think he could hate Wormtail for being a traitor, at least as much, because he had betrayed Lily himself by going a similar way. I think it was easier for him to blame the person who didn't make the same choices he had in a way to alleviate his own guilt. That being said, I think Severus would still have killed Wormtail without any regrets if it hadn't been for the cause. **

**PLH- Thank you for the kind words! I'm glad to know that you've kept up with the story. I've gotten this far so I'll finish it, even if it takes a million words. I'm happy to hear that the chapter made you emotional because that's one of my main goals as a writer. Some of my favorite books are my favorites just because they have the power to make me feel strongly about a character or scene.**

**guest- Thanks for the review! It might take me a few more years, though I really hope not, but I will eventually finish this. It's the longest story I've ever written and I need to finish it. Partly because I said I would but mostly for myself. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I still can't believe I'm at 1400, and even more, I can't believe I went from 1400 to 1440 in one chapter. Thank you for not abandoning it! The good news is that there will be a lot of Severus/Lily scenes after this chapter. The bad news is most of them won't end too happily. **

**Snily72- Thanks for the review! Someone told me it was one of the most reviewed Severus/Lily fics before, but I looked it up now, and I didn't realize it was out of 5.7k stories. I know a lot of them are probably one shots, but still, that amazes me. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! Don't worry, there will be a lot of Severus/Lily interactions after the Mudblood scene. I'm planning to continue until the letter scene in the very first chapter, and then I'll write an epilogue. **

**221B Bakery Street- Thanks for the review! I agree, I think Severus is needed for the story of James and Lily, and James is needed for Snape and Lily. I think they're what makes both stories so fascinating because they add complications and controversy. **

**Mintbreath- Thanks for the review! There's going to be a lot more Regulus now that Severus/Lily is over. Regulus is going to be Severus's best friend, though not on a Lily level. He'll go through a few changes, but I wouldn't say he becomes mean and nasty. He'll have some darker moments, a scene I have planned out in sixth year stands out in my mind when I say that, but unlike the other Knights, it's going to be something that he really struggles with. I've never seen him as a bad person, more of a misguided kid, and that's what I'm going to aim for while writing. He's going to be more conflicted as he gets older, and I'm excited to show it. I hope Lily's not Elena! Elena has always seemed a little too perfect to me, though I admit that feeling has more to do with everyone's obsession with her rather than Elena herself. I can see what you mean though, about both of them having the ability to love. I would say that Katherine is my favorite character on TVD right now, even though I liked her better in the early seasons, and Enzo is a close second. Most of my favorites are gone. I love Elijah. I loved Klaus for a while, and I know I'm probably the only person who thinks this, but I preferred him in his earlier scenes when he was only vulnerable when it came to family. I think the Caroline obsession was too sudden/out of character, and it made him too emotional for me. I also liked Kol, even though he was killed off pretty quickly, Anna, and Silas. I don't know why I like the villains so much. They're so much more interesting to me than the main group. **


	90. Chapter 90 Grief

**Thank you for all the reviews! The response to the last chapter was amazing. I think most of you found out I updated Hero, judging from the number of reviews, but just in case you didn't know, I updated it last week.**

**I'm extremely nervous and a little uncertain about Lily's half, but I decided to keep it the way it was because I've been planning it for a while and I think it will make more sense in Hero because this scene is essential to the beginning of James's transformation. ******Also, this is embarrassing to admit, but I feel obligated to mention that part of the James/Lily scene was loosely inspired by an episode of 7th Heaven.****

**Thank you to my beta, sparklyscrunchies, for editing!**

**Chapter 89 Recap- Severus calls Lily a Mudblood. Lily refuses to forgive him. **

**Chapter Ninety- Grief**

**1976**

Severus's knuckles still hurt.

He could feel the bruises that blemished his pale skin. He liked that it hurt. He _wanted_ it to hurt. That pain, he understood. He knew the blue and the black would heal, that the sting would fade, and in a few days, he wouldn't remember it.

He didn't understand the pain that he felt inside. It threatened to eat him alive, and more than once, Severus wished that it would, just so he wouldn't feel it anymore.

_"I'm sorry."_

_"I'm not interested."_

_"I'm sorry!"_

Severus's face contorted as he stared at the lake in front of him. He had been right there when he had said that word. He wouldn't forget it. He wouldn't forget the rustling of leaves as the breeze blew in, the heat of the sun on the back of his neck, and most of all, the look in her eyes that told him it was over. He wouldn't ever forget it. Not in a few days, not in months, not even in a century.

_"I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just-"_

_"Slipped out? It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends-"_

She had known about the Knights. He didn't know how or for how long, but she had known, and it had changed everything. Severus knew how to lie. He knew how to twist his words in all the right places. What he didn't know was how to tell the truth. People always spoke of lying as a mess, a tangled web, but that was because they didn't know how much more knotted the truth could be. Severus hadn't known where to begin or where to finish. All that he had known, what he still knew, was that he was sorry.

He was sorry that she was a Muggle-born. He was sorry that he was a half-blood. He was sorry that she was a Gryffindor. He was sorry that he had met James Potter. He was sorry that he had walked onto the lawn after the exam. He was sorry that he hadn't been quicker to pick up his wand.

Most of all, he was sorry that he had called Lily a Mudblood.

_"I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way and I've chosen mine."_

_"No- listen, I didn't mean-"_

_"-to call me a Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"_

She was wrong. He didn't choose anything; he had never had a choice.

She wouldn't understand that. She was born to a family of Muggles, and everywhere she walked, she felt the warmth of sunshine and obliviousness. He was a half-blood who would never truly belong anywhere. When he was on one side, there was always the reminder that he didn't quite fit, that he was dirty and tainted. When he was on the other, there was the even worse realization that he missed it, that feeling of being with them, because even being surrounded by the reminder of what he could have had and never would was better than not having it at all.

As tainted as they made him feel, Severus would rather have been around the pure-bloods in their glory than be alone in filth.

Lily wouldn't understand, not in a thousand years, what he had missed. She was a Gryffindor, the House where Muggle-borns were praised and doted on. He was a Slytherin, where anything less than generations of pure blood was looked down on with disdain. He felt that disdain every morning he woke up and saw the emerald hangings of his four poster. Every mention of the Prince name, the mere thought of what could have been his, was a bullet ripping though his body. If Eileen had chosen differently, if Tobias hadn't been a Muggle, then he wouldn't have to constantly fight for the recognition that should have already been his.

No, Severus thought again, this time with more intensity. _He had never had a choice. _

The croak of a nearby bullfrog disturbed his thoughts, and Severus suddenly became conscious of how much time had passed since finishing his detention with Filch. The sun had already been low when he had first wandered out to the lawn, and from the velvety black sky, Severus realized that it must have sunk long ago. In his mind, the lake had looked just as it had the day before, sunlit and sparkling. Now, as he blinked, it became an inky blue-black, barely distinguishable from the silhouettes of overgrown grass and the trees that surrounded it.

He didn't move with this realization. He only stared at the ripples in the lake as water gently lapped against the edge of the grass. For a moment, he thought he had heard the ghost of her laughter floating across the water, but he was wrong. All that was there was the croak of the bullfrog and a lonely call of an owl.

He was alone.

A breeze, not unlike the one that had swept through the day before, came, rustling the leaves and ruffling Severus's hair with it. He stiffened, and briskly, he stood up, not bothering to brush off his robes.

The Entrance Hall was empty. Dinner had come and gone long ago, and once their plates were cleared, students had departed to their common rooms or the library with claims of last minute studying and the probability of procrastination.

Severus was glad they were gone. He hated them. He hated everyone. He hated the portraits that lined the walls. He hated the knights of armor that stood between them. He hated the stone steps to the dungeon. He hated that damp feeling and the sound of water occasionally dripping to the ground. Most of all, as Severus came to a stop, he hated the wall that was right in front of him.

"Parseltongue."

The wall shifted with a faint grating noise as stone ground against stone. The common room came into view. With its elegantly sculpted walls and greenish gloom, it hadn't changed.

But Severus had.

There weren't many there. Amycus Carrow and Troilus Jugson were surrounded by neglected textbooks and seemed to be far more interested in a game of wizard's chess. Alecto Carrow was not so discreetly helping her twin cheat by Banishing a baffled Jugson's chess pieces whenever she had the opportunity. Though he most likely had the most to worry about with N.E.W.T.s, Yaxley was idly charming his quills into sword fighting each other. Only Wilkes was studying with any real effort, trying to explain something in his notes to a hopeless Rosier and an even more hopeless Avery.

And then there was Mulciber. He had draped himself over a stiff leather armchair, his feet resting on one of the tables, looking as though he thought he was a king on a throne. Severus could almost see a too-large crown drooping over his head.

"You're back," Mulciber's lips curled at the sight of Severus, looking even more smug than usual. "How was detention?"

"Enlightening," Severus spat between gritted teeth.

"You know, I'm surprised Dumbledore let you off so easily," Mulciber didn't seem to notice Severus's deadly gaze. He tapped his fingers against the arm of his chair in mock-thoughtfulness. "It makes you wonder, doesn't it? We all know he plays favorites. Funny that he picks you."

Severus didn't say anything. He knew better than anyone else that Dumbledore played favorites, but he knew just as well that he wasn't among them. He didn't have an explanation for Dumbledore's light sentence, unless the headmaster knew it would erase most admiration won from cursing three out of four Marauders, at least among Slytherins. Remembering Dumbledore's unreadable blue gaze, Severus wouldn't put it past the git.

"Or maybe he just pities you. You are a half-blood after all. Gryffindor material. You'd fit right in with that Mudblood-"

At that, Severus's very thin rein of control snapped. In an instant, his wand was aimed at Mulciber.

"What? Now you have something against the word?"

Mulciber flung his words with a carelessness that didn't quite match his eyes, and the sudden intensity perturbed Severus. There was something there that he needed to go over, but he couldn't just yet. He could barely gather his thoughts just then, let alone attempt to analyze the inner workings of a pureblood egomaniac.

"Shut it, Mulciber," Severus snapped. "I'm not in the mood. Or is James Potter's face not enough evidence for you?"

Jugson let out a sound of approval that was quickly matched by Amycus, Rosier, Wilkes, and Avery. A look of irritation crossed over Mulciber's face at the reminder of the sudden rise in Severus's popularity, but he didn't say anything else. Severus didn't dwell in the victory. He couldn't even feel any real satisfaction with the realization that he was finally getting the recognition that he had wanted all along. Without acknowledging any of them, he lowered his wand and stomped straight towards his dormitory, another overwhelming wave of hatred sweeping over him.

He felt that contempt in his every step. It resounded through his body, making his knuckles whiten and his jaw clench. The darkened stairs that twisted to the dormitory made Severus realize how cramped he felt, and he wondered how it was possible for one body to feel so much hate. His skinny frame didn't feel nearly big enough just then, and Severus ached to break free. He was shaking now. He felt so tired and trapped and angry-

Severus couldn't control it. Roughly, he pushed the door open so that it collided into the wall, and just as it recoiled, a jet of light flashed from Severus's wand, causing one of the posts of his bed to snap. There was a loud cracking noise as the wood splintered, followed by a much quieter swooshing sound as the hangings began to slip.

Severus's eyes narrowed, his breaths becoming more agitated, and he raised his wand. Once it was high in the air, he sliced the air suddenly, and all the books in Wilkes's bookcase came flying out, only to drop to the floor in a chaotic heap.

Hangings were torn and pages were ripped. Trunks were toppled over and lamps were tossed, shards of glass glittering like diamonds across the floor. There was nothing left. Not even Avery's beloved Quidditch action figure collection had survived. It was over and Severus was drained, but to his horror, his anger was not. It was still inside of him, still burning, impossible to extinguish. His arm was tired as he lifted it towards Wilkes's calendar, but something caught his eye, and his arm froze.

He had known the date. He had written it on his exam that morning, but somehow, it had slipped his mind until he had seen it black and bold on Wilkes's wall. Fate was cruel that way. When it knew you were at your worst, it found a way to push you down and make you bleed just a little more. Severus stared at the two numbers, a lump forming in his throat.

_"You're here, Severus, because I received news today. Unpleasant news. It pains me to say this, but I've always believed in matters such as this that it's best to be direct."_

Severus stared at the calendar, his hands balling into fists, his jaw tightening.

_"Your mother has passed on."_

It didn't matter. She had never cared for him, and he certainly didn't care for her. Why would he? She had never done anything for him. She had never baked biscuits for him like Lily's mother did or tried to straighten up his clothes or told him to be careful or-

Numbly, Severus sat down on his mutilated four poster. He drew his knees up to his chest, trying to keep himself from shaking, whether it was from hate or anger or frustration, he didn't know. He only knew that he was about to crack and he was frantically trying to hold himself together.

It didn't matter. _It didn't matter._

_"My mum died."_

_"Oh, Sev."_

_"I shouldn't care."_

_"Of course you should. She's your mum."_

Severus was shaking almost violently, and he could feel his fingernails digging into his palms. He knew that if he looked down, there would be blood.

Lily was wrong. How would she know? She didn't have Eileen Snape as a mother. She didn't know what it was like to have a mother who didn't care for you. She didn't even know what it was like to care for someone at all. If she had, she would have listened to him.

She hadn't listened. He had stayed outside the portrait for _hours. _He had _pounded _his knuckles against the frame and _shouted_, and even when his voice was dead and his throat was dry, he had sunk against the wall and waited, believing that she would know that he was still there, and she would come out.

But she had never come.

With that thought, Severus leaned forward and seized one of the fragments of the damaged post. His chest rapidly rising and falling with his rage, he hurled it at the wall with all his might. It struck the calendar, and from the force, the calendar fell to the ground in a heap.

Severus slowly closed his eyes. When everything was black, he could feel himself shudder, and he sank his head into his hands. At first, he didn't know what was wrong with him. He didn't know why the pain that the hate and anger had briefly numbed was returning, why he was breathing so quickly, or why his eyes were stinging.

When the dampness touched his fingers, he finally understood. It wasn't anger that he felt. Nor was it hate. It wasn't something that could spark fire in his blood and make him feel as though he could destroy the world just because he wanted to. No, this feeling took away everything from him, everything that gave him power. It shrank him down until he was nothing but a boy in the corner, small and worthless.

It was grief.

The realization made it all the worse.

**1976**

Lily had held it together during breakfast.

Though pale and visibly tired, she had quite nicely asked Remus to pass her the pumpkin juice. When Potter had reached over Remus _and_ Pettigrew in an effort to give her the pitcher himself, nearly drenching the entire table in the process, she had only averted her eyes and decided that she wasn't thirsty.

She hadn't cracked in her Divination exam.

The words had blurred together, but her quill had remained steady. She hadn't always been aware of what words were flowing out, but there were words filling her page, and that had seemed like the important thing. When she had handed her scroll of parchment to Professor Vablatsky, she couldn't remember a thing she had written down, but in hindsight, Lily thought she preferred it that way.

She had still been fine after the exam. While she tried to sneak away, Marlene had playfully but firmly urged her to join them, and she had sat there while her friends had talked. It hadn't felt real, then. She heard their words, but they simply floated through one ear and out the other without anything solid sticking.

It was during her Divination practical that it had finally started to sink in. Lily remembered this part of her day most clearly of all. She had been sitting down on a little pouffe in the North Tower, dazed, possibly from lack of sleep, but more likely from the air. It had been heavy and sweet with burning incense, and while the O.W.L. examiner, Professor Stoker, had fiddled through her papers, Lily's eyelids had begun to droop.

The shuffling of papers had stopped rather suddenly. Professor Stoker had nodded at the crystal ball in her front of her and, not unkindly, told Lily to begin.

Lily remembered wanting to laugh. She was expected to reveal her future. How on earth was she supposed to do that when she kept making mistake after mistake in the present? She had stayed up all night, tossing and turning, remembering Severus's every lie, every word, and it had terrified her, that she had been able to be so blind for so long. _Everyone _had warned her. Severus himself was like a walking danger sign. And even though it had been as clear as day for years, Lily had somehow blocked it all out.

Yet she was expected to decipher a fogged up crystal ball.

"You want to know what I see?" Lily had said shakily, hearing her own hysterics in her voice. "I see _stupidity_."

Professor Stoker had blinked at her.

"I see people walking around with absolutely no idea of what's happening. I see lies because _some _people can't help but lie. I see anger, despair, but definitely not forgiveness."

It was then that Lily had realized that she had jumped up, mid-rant. Suddenly uncomfortably aware of her present, half-crazed state, her eyes had widened.

"I'm sorry," she had said. "I don't know- I'm sorry, Professor."

But Stoker had held up a hand and was already scribbling something down. "That's quite all right. I have everything I need. That was _most_ unexpected..."

Lily hadn't waited to plead her case. She had felt a prickling in her eyes and an ache in her throat, and quickly gathering her things, she had fled. She hadn't known where she was running. She had torn down the tower stairs and hadn't stopped until the seventh floor. It was when her eyes began to blur that she had opened a door.

Which was how she had ended up in the seventh floor girls' bathroom. The floors were grimy and the sinks were even grimier, but it was empty, and for that, Lily was immensely grateful. All she needed was for it to stay empty until she had a few minutes to put herself together.

At least she hoped it would only be a few minutes.

That was beginning to seem doubtful. Lily had never considered herself to be a raving beauty, but she couldn't remember looking as awful as she did just then. Her face was wan and her eyes were red from lack of sleep and unshed tears. She could feel the hot liquid threatening to slip out, and angrily, she blinked away her tears before they could fall.

She wouldn't cry. She stared accusingly at her reflection.

"I don't care about Severus Snape."

The words were horrible and forced. They shouldn't have been. He had lied to her. Day after day, year after year. He was a Knight of Walpurgis, a future Death Eater. He had called her a Mudblood.

"I don't care about Severus Snape," Lily told herself more firmly. To her horror, she could see her eyes filling up all over again, and she rapidly blinked. "I don't care-"

The bathroom door opened. Quickly, Lily snapped her mouth shut and turned on the faucet, pretending to be extremely absorbed in washing her hands. It wasn't until she looked up that she saw _him _in the mirror, and she spun around, accidentally splattering water everywhere, including on his robes, with her wet hands.

"Now, Evans-"

"This is a _girls'_ bathroom, Potter!" Lily burst out, furious all over again at the very sight of him. "I know you're wonderful and amazing and a Chaser and everything else, but surely you're not a girl, too."

For once, Potter didn't swell up at her words. Miraculously, the sarcasm in her voice seemed to sink into his thick skull. Even more miraculous, he seemed to be at a loss for words, and as he ran a hand through his hair, he looked genuinely uncomfortable.

Lily was glad. She wanted Potter to feel as shaken as she did. Logically, she knew that she and Severus would have fallen apart with or without Potter's interference, and vaguely, she could remember herself realizing that she needed to end the friendship before Severus had even said the word, but Lily wasn't feeling very logical just then. She was angry and hurt and dangerously close to exploding, or worse, falling apart.

"You ran by me on the stairs. You seemed-"

"Upset?" Lily cut in, bristling. "Yes, Potter, I'm upset. My best friend called me a Mudblood. Guess why?"

Potter blinked at the uncharacteristic poison in Lily's tone, and suddenly, a look of extreme annoyance crossed his face. "Your _best friend _is aiming to be a _Death Eater._ I _helped_ you."

"You helped me?" Lily laughed bitterly. "You call humiliating someone until the point that he breaks down and loses it _helping me_?"

"Well-"

"_What's wrong with you?_" Lily demanded so loudly that Potter's eyes widened behind his glasses and his mouth snapped shut. "I know he wants to be a Death Eater and I don't need _you_ to remind me. That doesn't mean you can go around hexing people. No, that wasn't even just hexing. That was..." Lily searched her mind for the right word, but nothing came to mind. "That was...cruel."

It sounded weak in her head, but it must have been enough because something changed in Potter's face. The irritated crease in his forehead smoothed out, though his eyes remained narrowed, and he looked at her in a way that Lily couldn't begin to decipher.

"I thought," Potter said after a pause, "I was doing you a favor."

"No," Lily was shaking her head. "You weren't. You did it for yourself."

Potter's lips parted to say something, and before anything could be uttered, he pressed them tightly together, his forehead crinkling again. That suited Lily just fine. She had barely said a word since the afternoon before, and now, it was all coming out.

"Severus was my best friend. I don't care what he wants to be now. He wasn't always like that. You pushed him. You pushed him every chance you could, and congratulations, Potter, you pushed him until he called me a Mudblood."

She expected him to interrupt. She expected him to argue. He didn't do anything. He only stood there, still wearing that unreadable expression that was beginning to drive Lily mad. It wasn't fair that he could stand there, unruffled and unfeeling. Not when he had torn her world apart a mere twenty-four hours ago.

"I don't understand what I ever did to you. I know we've had our issues, but I actually thought you were an okay person!" Lily was vaguely aware that she was yelling, but she didn't lower her voice. "I- I thought you were someone I could be friends with. Merlin, I'm so _stupid_."

Potter swallowed. "You're not stupid, Lily."

It was the first time he had called her by her first name. It came out quieter than usual, barely audible, but her indignation refused to let her linger on it. It was the worst possible thing he could have said because it was such a lie and Lily was sick to death of lies. She had been stupid. She had been incredibly stupid. Potter didn't get to tell her that she wasn't, not when she knew it better than anyone else.

"Yes, I am!" Lily shouted as she moved closer to him. Water was beginning to leak from her eyes and she could hear her voice starting to crack, but she hardly noticed because her anger was the one emotion that kept her standing. "Because you and I can never be friends. I told Severus you're not that bad, but you're _horrible_." Her darkening eyes pierced into his accusingly. "You don't think about anyone but yourself. Do you even care about anyone at all?"

Potter stared at her, at her trembling chin and her watery eyes, and Lily didn't notice the lump in his throat bob as he swallowed hard, nor did she see the muddle of emotions in those no longer sparkling hazel eyes. She only heard silence, the same silence she had heard when she had asked Severus why she was any different from the other Muggle-borns. It frustrated her and angered her all at once, and Lily averted her eyes.

"You're selfish, James Potter, and I hate you."

He flinched at the word. Lily felt it, and she flinched too. Her anger came to a sudden halt, only to be replaced by shame. Their gazes locked. For the first time, Lily saw something glistening in his eyes, and she realized that she had been horribly wrong.

James Potter was real.

He was a human who bruised and bled, just as she did. Just as they all did. She was the selfish one, the one who hadn't been able to stop until she had seen evidence of it, and more than she had ever resented him, she resented herself for doing it. She didn't want to be that person, bitter and broken, and the realization that she was changing into just that...

It was too much.

When she looked at Potter, she could no longer see his eyes. He was blurred, with everything else in the bathroom.

"Please go."

He didn't move.

"I need you to go," Lily said more firmly, and when the blurry figure did not move, she lifted her hands to push him away. He was stronger than her and didn't waver, not even for a moment. She was barely conscious of her fists pounding on his chest in protest until she finally stopped and the tears had won. Her head fell against the front of his robes, and awkwardly, his arms circled around her. For the first time since Severus had said that word, Lily let herself cry.

She cried because she was an idiot. She cried because she had told Potter she hated him when she really didn't. She cried because she was so angry and she didn't want to be, yet she didn't know how not to be. She cried because Severus had proven himself to be exactly what everyone had told her he was. She cried because he was a future Death Eater and she was, as he had put it, a Mudblood. She cried because she didn't hate him. She cried because, in spite of everything, in spite of how terrible it was, she wanted, more than anything, to not lose Severus as a best friend.

He had grown on her the way people, the way friends, do, until they're attached and firmly embedded in your heart, and he had been ripped away from her so suddenly, so painfully, that it hurt. It hurt so badly. No matter how many times she said it, she couldn't suddenly stop caring for him. She had loved him, and even after everything, she still loved him because love wasn't something that people could suddenly switch off, no matter how desperately they wanted to. No matter how desperately she wanted to.

Lily didn't know how long she stayed there, her face buried in James Potter's chest with him uncertainly patting her back until he stopped and they remained there in that strange half-embrace, but finally, the tears ended, and Lily became suddenly aware of what had just happened.

Abruptly, she broke away, horrified.

"I'm sorry," Lily was hurriedly wiping her cheeks in a weak attempt to restore her lost dignity. She couldn't meet his eyes just then. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean-"

"You did," Potter said. "But it's okay. I deserved it."

He was avoiding her eyes too. His voice sounded strange, quiet and almost resigned. He didn't look like the mischievous kid who was just on the verge of trouble. It was then that Lily realized he looked and sounded suddenly much older than he should have, and something about it tore at Lily's heart.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," Lily was talking just to fill the silence as she rubbed her eyes. She could feel her tears returning, and as she hurriedly wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, she vaguely wondered how many tears it was possible for the human body to create.

Potter disappeared into a stall and returned a second later with a roll of toilet paper. Silently, he offered it to Lily, who accepted it and wiped her eyes. She wanted to say something, at the very least a thank you, but a tightness in her throat prevented her from doing so.

It was horror that cleared her throat. As he came into the light, she saw the damp spots on the front of his robes, and any shaky pride that she had managed to muster was immediately lost again.

"I got your robes wet," Lily said, stating the obvious as she winced. She held out the roll of toilet paper for him.

"They'll dry."

He was still being oddly quiet. Lily wanted to know why, but she didn't dare ask, not after she had sniveled on his robes. He was probably terrified of her, terrified of doing anything that would upset the mad girl in the bathroom who screamed at people just before she cried all over them.

"I'm sorry," Potter said suddenly.

Lily stopped drying her eyes and looked at him sharply.

"I shouldn't have done it."

She continued to stare at him, mystified.

"He's a git, but-" Potter seemed to sense that this wasn't the best route to take and quickly changed directions. He gestured at her and the bits of toilet paper around them. "I didn't think you- I didn't want this."

His head was shaking a little helplessly with his words, his voice thick. He looked frighteningly unsure of himself, as though he wasn't used to saying sorry and wasn't quite sure how to go about it. It showed in the apology itself. It was only a handful of words, alarmingly brief for someone who never seemed to run out of anything to say. There were no explanations, no grand gestures. Only those few words clumsily put together. On paper, it was a terrible apology.

Yet that was all that Lily had wanted. She didn't need explanations or grand gestures. She didn't even like explanations or grand gestures. She only wanted sincerity, as rough and graceless as it could be. She looked at him, standing there awkwardly in the yellowed lighting of the bathroom, his hazel eyes hesitantly meeting hers, and she could see that he meant it. Potter was sorry, and Lily was sorry, too.

"Thanks," Lily said finally.

She didn't say it was okay because it wasn't okay, and after years of saying it was when it wasn't, Lily knew better now. She wouldn't forget what he had done to Severus, but she forgave him for it. He knew that he had hurt her, and he was sorry because of it.

Severus had been sorry too, sorry that he had called her a Mudblood. That was the only thing he had apologized for, the only thing that he thought he had to apologize for. While that word had been the breaking point, it was the least of his crimes. Maybe he had convinced himself that she was different, but he didn't truly believe it, because he had treated her as any other Slytherin would have treated a Muggle-born. That was what hurt the most. That and the fact that he didn't seem to even realize it. He had lied to her and avoided her like she was nothing more than a tainted fool who was too vile to be seen with, yet he had chalked it up to one single word.

Which was partly why she couldn't forgive him. How could she accept an apology of someone who didn't even understand what they were apologizing for? Lily knew that she couldn't forgive him, at least not yet, and she knew she wouldn't have been able to forgive herself if she had.

That didn't keep it from hurting.

Yet, as the corner of Potter's lips turned up, just barely, Lily thought it hurt a little less, just for a moment.

She didn't understand it. She didn't understand what had happened just then, what had passed between them, how her tears had ended up getting all over Potter's robes and how they were now sharing a roll of toilet paper and a moment of mutual misery.

But life was like that. Things happened that didn't make sense. The ending of her friendship with Severus made no more sense to her than the beginning of it, and standing in the middle of the girls' bathroom with James Potter certainly didn't add any logic to the growing whirlpool of chaos and uncertainty in Lily's life.

No, Lily didn't understand any of it, but for the first time, as she gave Potter a tentative little smile in return, she decided that that little piece of senselessness didn't matter.

She was only glad that it was there.

**narratoroflife- Thanks for the review! I agree, I didn't realize how sad the story of the Marauders actually is until writing this story. There will be much more of Severus/Regulus in sixth year, and there's actually a Severus/Regulus/Sirius scene coming up that I'm very excited to write.**

**Bookluver- Thanks for the review! I'm not sure how many chapters there will be because I'm still unsure of how I will handle seventh year, but each school year has ranged from 12-19 chapters and for summer, I've done 2 or 3. That's 28 more at the very least, and I'm guessing there has to be at least 20 chapters after that, so I have a while to go. Sorry, that was really vague, I know. **

**Cricketlover- Thanks for the review! I'm glad you noticed James's reaction because I want that and his scene in this chapter to be one of the things that motivates him to change. I have a much bigger event planned for him, mostly in Hero but it will be talked about here, that will make him grow up a lot, but I wanted Lily's words to be what first opens his eyes. Other than Slytherins, I doubt anyone has ever told James what they truly think of him, and I think having it come from Lily, someone that he actually respects, would come as a shock to him. **

**the reader- Thanks for the review! I remember your early reviews and it's nice to see that you're still following this story. Lily's lips twitching was something that always bothered me while reading the scene, so I tried to work it in a way that made sense to me, because her almost smiling at Severus's humiliation because she thinks it's funny seems so out of character from what we know about her. I agree, I think that's what caused Severus to crack. **

**JPLE94- Thanks for the review! I think the Mudblood scene is James's worst moment. From the way I see it, everyone was always laughing along and agreeing with him, and I don't think he knew how far he'd gone until Lily told him. I think Remus may have tried to tell him before, just from what we know of his character, but I don't think he would do it as bluntly as Lily did, and I think James needs that bluntness so he can't just brush it off as a joke or something. I'm really glad that you can understand why Snape called Lily a Mudblood because that was one of my main goals in writing this story. While I think Snape has made a lot of mistakes, I also can't help but pity him. James will definitely have some redeeming moments. Like I told a reviewer above, Lily's words are what makes him realize that he's not as great as he thinks he is, but he won't really grow up until after sixth year, when something changes him. I'm not sure how accurate this is, but in my mind, Sirius isn't a fan of Lily right now. She's what causes James to act like an idiot and I can't see him being too fond of her, especially since she has rejected James so many times. I think he'd want James to get over Lily and find a new girl who hopefully doesn't hang around Severus Snape, at least right now. He'll change his mind about Lily once he gets to know her, and that will be during sixth year. There will be a Lily/Remus scene very soon because you're right, that scene affected him badly. I have a few Neville scenes planned for the later years because I'm also anxious to try to explain Snape's cruelty. This is just me guessing, but I think Snape hates him because it could have been easily been Neville instead of Harry, and I think whenever he sees Neville, he thinks of the prophecy, and wonders why it couldn't have been Alice who died instead of Lily. I don't know how accurate that is, but unless something comes up on Pottermore to contradict it, I think that's the route I'll be taking. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I have no idea why I'm so partial to the broken characters, especially because I think I'm a happy person for the most part, but there's something about them that fascinates me. It's funny that you mentioned Voldemort because I didn't think much about him until recently. It wasn't that I didn't find him interesting, I just found a lot of characters to be a lot more interesting. It wasn't until I started discussing him with someone that I thought about the complexity of his character, and I think I would write his story if I didn't have Always, Abomination, and Hero already started. **

**rozemc- Thanks for the review! I'm glad that James seems accurate because that's something I worry about a lot. I would say I'm very feminine and it's difficult for me to get into the mind of someone who is not, especially the mind of someone like James. Severus and Sirius are easier for me because they have their issues, and when I take those in mind, they become less of a mystery. James, however, is a regular teenage boy, and even after high school, regular teenage boys are such a mystery to me. I'm definitely planning to write the snowball scene in Hero. It's one of the scenes I'm most anxious to write. Thank you so much for your kind words!**

**Fearlee- Thanks for the review! I'm glad you're enjoying the story. It's going to be a while before it ends. I'm going to do sixth and seventh years, the years after until Lily dies, some of Harry's years after that until the letter scene in the very first chapter, and then an epilogue. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! While I do feel like I've reached one of my main goals in writing this story, I wouldn't say I'm less motivated because there are still a few scenes that I'm very excited to write. Two that come to mind are a scene that will take place from Severus's perspective right after seventh year and Harry's Sorting. I have a while before those, so I can't see myself losing interest anytime soon, though I admit I've been more interested in my own work lately. I absolutely hate what they did to Katherine on TVD too. What really makes me angry is that the writers gave her an "epic" ending because they wanted the audience to know that she's gone for good, and to me, that's such a lazy way of writing. You can't just create a new world, throw one of the most popular characters in it without any explanation, and say that's it. I dislike Elena so much right now. I actually dislike everyone right now except for Enzo. It wasn't always that way, but I feel like the writing keeps getting worse, and even the characters that I used to like are so unlikable to me right now. **

**Souries- Thanks for the review! When I first thought about it, it seemed strange to me because even though they're no longer friends, there's something about going out with someone who made your childhood best friend miserable that seems so disloyal. I thought about it, and as close as they were, I don't think Lily owes Severus that loyalty. He's involved with a group that wants to kill her kind, the same group that's eventually responsible for her death, and while he loves her, he's incapable of demonstrating that love until after her death. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! You caught up fast. I usually update every 2-3 weeks, but I should probably start updating more frequently because as much as I enjoy this story, I don't want to spend the rest of my life on it. Sadly, that will most likely be the case. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! If it makes you feel better, Severus will find some sort of closure with Lily by the end of the story. I'm not that cruel, and I think after 100+ chapters of suffering, Severus deserves some happiness. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I think a part of Lily will always miss Snape. She won't always cry about him like she did with this chapter, but Severus was her best friend for years, and I don't think you can forget a friend like that, in spite of everything that happened between them. I'm sorry! I should have worked in that detail in the earlier years, but there will be a mention in the next chapter.**


	91. Chapter 91 The Beginning

**Thank you so much for helping me reach 1,500 reviews! I'm sorry this update is so late, but I've been extremely busy.**

**Thank you to my beta, sparklyscrunchies, for editing!**

**Note- I made a few additions to this chapter after receiving the edited version, so if there any mistakes, I'm sorry because it's most likely my fault. **

**Chapter 90 Recap- Severus is upset over losing Lily's friendship. Mulciber is being suspicious. After wrecking the dormitory in rage, Severus realizes that it's the anniversary of Eileen's death and cries. In the seventh floor girls' bathroom, Lily screams at James before crying. James realizes he has made a mistake and apologizes to Lily for hurting her. **

**Chapter Ninety-One- The Beginning**

**1976**

Severus's trunk was already packed.

There hadn't been much to pack. Unlike the others, his belongings didn't float around the dormitory over the year until they had taken over completely. Severus liked keeping them to himself. Not just because his robes were worn and his books even more so, but just because they were _his_. Even so, he usually waited until the very last possible moment to shove in what few textbooks remained, not wanting to face the inevitable return to Spinner's End a second sooner than necessary.

This year, something had changed. Severus didn't want to go back to Spinner's End, but he didn't want to stay at Hogwarts either. He was tired of staring at the same green hangings every day, the same stone ceiling above him as he waited in vain for sleep to come. He was tired of lying still, hoping that his stillness would numb the pain that was threatening to eat him up inside. It was a drastic change from the serene nights when he would lie back with a faint smile on his lips as he imagined the future that awaited him, a future that was brilliant and glorious. There was nothing serene about what he felt now, the burning pain, the scorching rage, and most of all, the bitter reminder of what was lost.

That was what changed, Severus realized. There was nothing good left for him. Not at Hogwarts.

And it was because of Blaine Mulciber.

It had taken Severus longer than it should have to put the pieces together. Mulciber's bewildering behavior over the better half of the year, his recent smugness, Lucius's sudden knowledge...it all fit, and Severus hated himself for not realizing it sooner. He had noticed Mulciber had been acting strangely, and he had even questioned it, just before writing it off. He had brushed it aside because his mistake was the same as Mulciber's, as much as he loathed to admit it.

It was the mistake of underestimating the enemy.

Mulciber wasn't an arrogant pureblood who believed he could have anything he wanted and wouldn't blink twice about getting it. No, he was a _calculating_, arrogant pureblood, and somehow, that made him worse than when Severus thought he was just an imbecile. Mulciber was the threat he had always wanted to be, the one Severus had refused to see him as, and because of his stubbornness, he had lost the battle. Mulciber had sold him out. Lily hated him and Lucius would never forget. Severus would always have those pale gray eyes watching him.

Severus kicked one of the others' textbooks at that thought. It flipped over, upside down, crumpling the pages with a satisfying crunch. He wondered how long Mulciber had been watching him, how much he had seen, and the questions enraged Severus further. His time with Lily had been precious, but now those moments felt tainted, and that was what made him more furious than anything else. Lucius wouldn't forget, but Severus wouldn't either. Mulciber would pay for it. He had cost Severus Lily and very nearly his entire future, and soon, he would pay the price.

This resolution was what kept his sanity intact. Severus clung to it for dear life as he seized Mulciber's prized box of poison darts, only to hurl them to the wall with all his might. First, he would-

"Watch it!"

Severus didn't blink as the little wooden box went flying across the dormitory, narrowly missing Regulus Black's head. He hadn't noticed the younger Slytherin in the doorway, and not knowing how much pacing and object abuse Regulus had seen, Severus stiffened, feeling suddenly, uncomfortably exposed.

"You almost killed me," Regulus informed him as he knelt down to pick up the box, and when he read the engraved label, his brown eyes widened. "You really did almost kill me. These have Moonseed Poison on them."

"Vintage. From the eighteenth century." Severus recovered his mask, grateful for the safety of impassiveness. "They strengthen with age. These kill within an hour. A single scratch ought to do it."

"It's wonderful how you can talk about my possible death so casually. And in such detail too." Regulus very pointedly set the box down on the desk farthest from Severus. "You're even weirder than usual today."

Severus didn't dignify the observation with a response, though his eyes narrowed slightly at that. "Shouldn't you be packing?"

"I will." Regulus looked as though he was in no hurry to leave; he had flopped down on Rosier's bed and was idly flicking through a Quidditch magazine. "Eventually."

"Right."

There was silence for the next few minutes, except for the rustling of pages. Severus only stood there, watching with slitted eyes as he waited for Regulus to crack. He knew better than anyone that the younger Black couldn't keep quiet for long.

Sure enough, Regulus paused at a page that sported a gleaming broomstick that looked no different to Severus than broomsticks in the Hogwarts broomshed, other than the fact that those were considerably less shiny. "The new Cleansweep is out June sixteenth," he said with feigned enthusiasm. "I wonder if it will be faster than the new Silver Arrow."

"Regulus-"

"That one came out already. I've seen it. Not that impressive. At least not compared to my-"

"Regulus."

Finally, Regulus looked up from the magazine, his face the picture of innocence, but Severus wasn't fooled, and he wasn't in the mood for someone to try to convince him otherwise. He folded his arms across his chest, irritated. "Why are you here?"

"We're mates, aren't we?" Regulus gave him an impatient look, as if telling him to keep up. Instead of infuriating Severus further, it threw him off for a moment, and his arms fell to his sides in his bewilderment.

"We talk about hexes and the most advantageous ways to set James Potter's hair on fire," Severus told him firmly. "We don't sit in each other's dormitories and talk Quidditch."

"I like to talk about Quidditch," Regulus said.

"Well, I don't," Severus replied waspishly. "And I need to pack."

Regulus glanced at the bare section of the room belonging to Severus, and then at his trunk, the lid shut and locks fastened. He revealed no surprise at what he saw. "You've already packed."

"Some people would have seen that as a hint," Severus muttered to himself as he turned away. He looked for something to busy himself, hoping that Regulus would give up whatever he was trying to do and leave. Everything of his was already packed, forcing him scavenge the others' belongings. He fiddled with one of Avery's Quidditch action figures, sorely tempted to smash it into pieces when he realized it was a Chaser.

"I knew it was a hint. I chose to ignore it," Regulus shut his magazine and sat up, causing the mattress to squeak with the sudden movement. "I'm here because I thought you could use the distraction."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"I'm not an idiot. Everyone knows what happened by the lake."

"She's a-" Severus couldn't bring himself to say the word. Before he could stop himself, he snapped off the arm of the tiny Chaser. It was more satisfying than it should have been. "Muggle-born. Why should I care what she thinks?"

Regulus raised an eyebrow.

"You don't have to convince me. First of all, it won't work. Second of all, didn't I already tell you I wasn't going to tell anyone?"

Severus believed that much. Regulus had already kept his mouth shut for a while, and even if he had an urge to spill, Severus had a healthy amount of dirt on him that would make him think twice. Even so, he didn't dare give anything away. It wasn't just about war, about being exiled from the Knights, or facing the wrath of Lucius Malfoy. There was something about the confession that felt like he would be giving away too much of himself. It was humiliating. He didn't even want to admit it to himself, much less say it aloud in Regulus's presence. It was easier, _safer_ to convince them both that Regulus was delusional.

"I'm fine," Severus said shortly.

"Is that why you almost killed me with a box of poison darts?"

"I didn't almost kill you-" Severus began irritably.

"If you squint your eyes, you can see the left post on your bed is crooked," Regulus observed. "It looks like it was fixed with a Mending Charm. Charms never was your best subject, was it?"

Severus stared at him. Regulus stared back. A slow smile curled on the younger boy's lips, a little wicked and far too knowing for Severus's liking. "Quidditch talk it is, then," Regulus said brightly. "Magazine?"

Severus didn't care about how big and round Regulus's eyes could be. He was a Black to the bone and was just as conniving as the rest of them. Words were not necessary. Severus's smoldering eyes said it all as he snatched the magazine that Regulus held out to him.

The door to the dormitory opened, and Severus nearly dropped the magazine as Mulciber swaggered in, looking as though he was expecting an audience, or at the very least, a lowly house-elf to bow down and kiss his feet. He thought he was untouchable.

That was his first mistake. The same mistake Severus had made.

Mulciber thought he was clever and cunning just because he wore expensive robes and had a good name. In the five years they had known each other, he had never treated Severus like a worthy opponent. No, Severus had been someone to belittle and look down on, just to make himself feel higher.

Severus had tolerated it. He had even fought back at times. Not enough to do any real damage, because as much as he hated Mulciber, he had known better. Mulciber's place among the Slytherins was bound by blood, but Severus's was still shaky. No one would object to him learning his place, though more than a few would for Mulciber, the number depending on how many still-standing pure bloodlines were woven into his. As much as Severus despised it, there had always been a line that he hadn't dared cross.

But as Severus stood there, eyeing Mulciber with barely concealed disgust, that line vanished.

"Black. Snape." Mulciber greeted them, and his eyes drifted to the magazine that Severus was still holding, suddenly mirthful. "Thinking about taking up Quidditch? That should be a laugh considering you couldn't even stay on your broomstick during lessons."

Severus's pale face was a mottled red. Regulus's eyes narrowed.

"You would be familiar with broomsticks, considering there is one up your-"

"I want to talk to you," Severus cut Regulus off, his gaze steadily fixed on Mulciber.

"I'm busy." Mulciber said snidely as he went over to his trunk, kneeling down to undo the locks. "Maybe-"

The word had barely left his mouth when Severus wrenched his wand from his robes and aimed it at Mulciber, his arm never wavering. "Outside."

Mulciber eyed him. Severus knew he was weighing his options. While Regulus's eyes were on them, not a sound was heard, and he knew just as well as Severus that it was just them. Since Regulus wouldn't step in to save Mulciber's neck, his only use was as an audience, and while Mulciber liked an audience just as much as the next egotist, every Slytherin had his or her secrets, and there were some things that he needed to stay buried.

"Fine."

He stood up, waiting for Severus to move, and Severus only nodded towards the door, having no intention of going first. Looking more irritated than threatened, Mulciber did as demanded. Severus never lowered his wand, not especially caring if the corridor was less private than the room. He was satisfied to be in the House where the unspoken rule was what happened in Slytherin stayed in Slytherin. There was a shared feeling of superiority for themselves and disdain for the rest of the school, professors included, and it was times like these that it was enormously useful.

And it wasn't as though they would hear anything. A quick _Muffliato_ would take care of that matter. While Mulciber's back was still towards him, Severus silently executed the spell. The door fell shut behind them, sealing them in the musty corridor.

"What is this about, Snape?" Mulciber said irritably as he turned around. "I have things to do."

Even now, with a wand at his chest, he wasn't taking Severus seriously. That would change. Severus would _make_ it change.

"I know what you did," Severus informed him coldly.

Mulciber raised an eyebrow, but Severus caught a glint of satisfaction in his eye. "I've done a lot of things. Care to clarify?"

"I know that you've been watching me and Lily. I know you've been telling Lucius," Severus tried to keep the coolness in his voice, but the heat of his anger broke through the ice, and his words came out quick and spiteful. "What did you think would happen? He would expel me from the Knights?"

Mulciber shrugged, unabashed. He was supposed to be afraid, to be angry, but the only one who seemed to feel anything at all was Severus, who was nearly shaking with barely restrained rage. "I had hoped."

"You admit it, then." Severus's wand moved closer. A fraction of an inch more, and the slim wood would be digging into Mulciber's chest. "The other Knights won't like that. Loyalty and brotherhood and all of that."

"Well," Mulciber still sounded nonchalant, but his eyes darkened with the threat. "I'll just say you spiked my pumpkin juice with a Forgetfulness Potion because of the Mudblood. I don't think they'll like that either."

And for the first time, Severus wavered.

Mulciber saw, and a sickening grin twisted his lips. "You didn't think I would figure it out, did you? I was forgetful, Snape, not stupid. I knew something was wrong. I knew it got worse every time I had pumpkin juice. It meant I was being poisoned. Who would want to poison me?"

"Everyone," Severus said automatically.

Mulciber let out a laugh, but there was no humor behind it. "Maybe, but you're the only one who would feel the need to do so. And you are our Potions expert, as Slughorn is so fond of reminding us."

"It's been a year," Severus's fingers tensed around his wand with his voice. "A little late for revenge, aren't you?"

"The best plans are worth waiting for," Mulciber answered, and finally, he dropped the act. Behind the nonchalant mask was a face that was just as hateful as Severus's. "Maybe you're still a Knight, maybe you fooled Lucius into thinking you're using the Mudblood or whatever it is you told him, but I don't believe it. I know you care for her. It's _disgusting_."

"You don't know anything," Severus hissed, his wand now jabbing into Mulciber. He didn't flinch.

"You don't get it, do you, Snape? Because of me, you had to make a choice, and you did. You lost her. _I _won."

He laughed, his humor restored. As Severus watched him, the fury that had already started building up inside him began to darken. He had known what Mulciber had done, but hearing him say it all, hearing him _laugh _over it, angered him even more than it would have if Mulciber had denied it altogether.

If it weren't for Mulciber, there never would have been Lucius waiting outside that Room. He never would have had to see those empty green eyes and hear that cold laughter. He never would have said that word-

With that thought, Severus seized the front of Mulciber's robes and drew him close, jamming his wand into Mulciber's throat.

"_Langlock_."

Mulciber's laughing gray eyes met Severus's cold dark ones, and finally, the mirth began to clear as he realized that the danger was real and Severus was angry.

"If you _ever _spy on me again, if you _ever _do anything to me again, I will destroy you," Severus hissed. "Lily told me what you did to Mary Macdonald. I_nnuo_? That's _pathetic_. You're right, I am a half-blood, but I'm also a Prince, and I know spells that you wouldn't even be able to stomach."

Mulciber struggled to speak. Severus's lips curled, but as his fingers clenched his wand, he felt a sudden flicker of doubt. What he was about to do was more serious than anything he had done. Blood could be cleaned up. Cuts could heal. This would not.

But as he thought of Lily again, Severus knew with absolute certainty that he didn't have a choice. In those few minutes, he had realized that Mulciber was like him in one aspect. They didn't forget. They couldn't let go. For his sake and Lily's, Mulciber had to let go.

With that thought, Severus's mask slid back into place, grim and resolved, but his eyes never changed. They were as chilling and as merciless as the sea. Mulciber saw it, and he began to thrash, as though he thought he was on the verge of drowning. His arrogance had crumbled and he was desperate, his eyes wide and panicked. Though he could not speak, his lips struggled to form letters in a silent plea. Severus kept him pinned, never once flinching, and when he saw the undeniable fear in Mulciber, it gave him precisely what he needed. The mask became real.

"_Obliviate_."

Abruptly, Mulciber stopped fighting. His wide eyes grew hazy, and his lids began to droop. It was what Severus should have done before. The Forgetfulness Potion had been a coward's method. A Memory Charm was what a real wizard would have done. Bits and pieces of the memory could be restored, but it was never the same, and after it was done, neither was the mind.

All of a sudden, Mulciber's eyes cleared and he glared at Severus, gesturing at his throat. Severus, with a twinge of uncertainty, lifted the tongue lock.

"I told you, I don't know why I did it," Mulciber spat out hatefully.

It had been done. Mulciber had forgotten that Lily had humiliated him with a _Levicorpus_. He had forgotten about Severus's pitiful attempts to repair the damage. Severus wouldn't have to worry about Mulciber going behind his back with constant attempts for vengeance, at least not for that, and if he did so again, Severus would be ready.

"Fine," Severus said curtly, and with a slash of his wand, a cut sliced through Mulciber's cheek.

Mulciber inhaled sharply at the sudden pain, his dark eyes flashing, but with Severus's wand still pointed at him, he didn't dare utter a word. He didn't know it yet, but if he wanted the bleeding to stop, he would have to ask for the counter-curse. It had taken Madam Pomfrey an hour to figure that much out. Severus had a feeling that it would take Mulciber much longer.

"It shouldn't hurt. Remember, I'm only a half-blood," Severus said coldly. "Goodnight, Mulciber."

For the first time that he could remember, Severus was the one to walk away with all the power. When he twisted the handle of the door open, from the corner of his eye, he could see Mulciber slowly lifting his hand to feel the blood on his pale face. As Severus stepped into the dormitory, he felt nothing but pure triumph.

"What happened?" Regulus had returned to the Quidditch magazine and was looking up at him curiously.

Severus shrugged, but there was a smile lurking beneath the surface of his hardened face. "Nothing."

It was a lie. Everything had happened.

It was a new beginning.

**1976**

"Has anyone seen my new copy of _Witch Weekly_? I_ need_ it for the train."

"Where are my robes? Not the black ones that make my legs look short, but the nice ones that make my stomach look flat."

"I'm going to need to do an Extension Charm because this isn't going to work."

Lily's dormitory was pure chaos. Robes and socks were strewn over lamps and four posters. Parchment littered the ground, some of it crumpled, some of it meant to be saved. Stacks of books and packages of Chocolate Frogs made a maze that was impossible to walk through without stepping on something. It was looking strangely like the Marauders' dormitory, but Lily didn't dare tell them that. She didn't even want to think about what Marlene's reaction would be when she found out she had been in James Potter's sleeping quarters.

"Where is my wand?" Alice demanded in uncharacteristic frustration. Her face was red from exertion and stray bits of hair had fallen loose, making her look like a mad version of her usual, tidy self.

"Somewhere," Mary told her.

"I can't do an Extension Charm without one," Alice wrung her hands. "I don't understand. I had it here just a minute ago..."

"Here, I'll do it," Marlene offered, and without waiting for permission, she waved her wand, promptly replacing Alice's regular-sized trunk with a miniature one that would have been more suitable for a mouse.

"_Marlene_."

Normally, Lily would have laughed, but she wasn't in the laughing mood just yet. Her trunk was already packed, and now she just wanted to go to the Great Hall, finish the feast without making eye contact with Severus or Potter, go to sleep, and then finally, go home.

"I need some air," Lily snapped the lid of her trunk shut and stood up. "I'll see you in the Hall."

They barely heard her in the midst of Alice's trunk drama. Lily thought she heard Alice mention something about being there in a minute, but it was inaudible with Marlene's shrieking. The trunk had been restored to its former size, but somehow it had sprung clawed feet, and was moving rapidly across the floor. Before it could collide into Lily or escape, she quickly shut the door behind her.

Less than twenty-four hours to go.

As Lily ducked into the portrait hole, the traitorous thought hit her before she could stop it. It made her sad that she was so eager to leave. There had been a time when she had dreaded going home. Not because she didn't want to see her family, because she did, but because it meant leaving Hogwarts behind. Hogwarts had been everything that her nine-year-old self had hoped for, only things had happened that her younger self never would have had imagined, and it was those things that made Lily long to go home. She didn't care that Briony's toast tended to be a little burnt around the edges, or that her mattress was rather lumpy compared to the one at school. Nothing sounded better just then than crawling in her familiar old bed, lumps and all.

"Hi, Lily."

Lily looked up, smiling faintly when she saw the tired face that had just come out of the portrait. "Hi, Remus."

"How are you doing?" Remus asked as he fell into a walk beside her. It was a comfortable stride, not too fast, not too slow, but Lily had an urge to speed up when he spoke. She heard the unspoken question behind his words and saw the pity on his face. He wasn't the first, and until she boarded the train tomorrow morning, she knew he wouldn't be the last. After hesitating, Lily shrugged her shoulders, not wanting to talk about it.

"Last night to patrol," Remus said when he was met by silence.

"I know," Lily was grateful for the subject change. "It's going to be a long night."

"I'm glad it's over, to be honest." Remus rubbed his eyes and it made Lily wonder how many days it was until the next full moon. "I don't think I'm cut out to be a prefect."

"That's not true," Lily said automatically.

"No, it is," Remus said, but he didn't sound sad, only thoughtful. "You know, I've wondered why Dumbledore made me a prefect."

"You're at the top of most of our classes. You're so responsible that even Slughorn trusts you around his pineapple."

But Remus was shaking his head, more to himself than Lily. "I think it was a test."

"What sort of test?" Lily asked curiously.

"I remember something Dumbledore told me in first year. It was something about how it takes more strength to stand up to your friends than your enemies," Remus hesitated. "I think he was hoping I would be more of an influence on James and Sirius."

This time, it was Lily's turn to shake her head. "He couldn't have expected that. Not even the Bloody Baron can make them shut up."

"That's the problem," Remus said after another pause. He rubbed the back of his neck, looking immensely uncomfortable. "I've never tried. Not really."

Lily looked at him strangely. It looked as though he wanted to tell her something, though she didn't know what. Unless he was about to confess he was a werewolf. Lily felt a flicker of nervousness at that, not knowing whether or not she should pretend to be surprised.

"I'm sorry about what happened by the lake," Remus blurted out.

Lily stared at him. That wasn't what she had been expecting, and as memories of Severus's cold black eyes and Potter's mocking voice came hurtling back, she wished that he had confessed to being a werewolf because that would have been simpler to deal with. "Why are you sorry?"

"I'm a prefect. I'm your friend. I should have done something," Remus appeared to be fumbling for the right words. "James isn't a bad person. He's a bit of an idiot sometimes. No one ever tells him when he is, so I don't think he's even aware of it."

"Until I came in," Lily said wryly.

"Until you came in," Remus agreed. "But you shouldn't have had to. I was there first and I...ran."

"But you told McGonagall," Lily reminded him.

Remus's eyebrows flew to his hairline, confirming her guess. "How did you..."

"I figured it out," Lily shrugged. "No one else would have done it. The Gryffindors were too busy applauding and the Slytherins wouldn't have bothered. And you wouldn't have just run off without doing anything at all. You're not the coward you think you are."

"Telling McGonagall-"

"-Was the best thing you could have done," Lily told him firmly. "You're braver than you think, going to her." With a twinge, Lily thought of the Knights and her decision to keep quiet. "Maybe you could have said something to Potter, but it wouldn't have made a difference. He was pretty determined to humiliate Sev- Snape."

The name felt strange on her tongue and she stumbled over it. Remus didn't miss it. He looked at her with such sympathy that it made Lily feel defensive.

"It doesn't matter. I'm...glad it happened because now I know," Lily added before he could say anything. "I don't care what provoked him. He still did it."

Her words were quick and almost angry. Remus was startled; his eyes had widened considerably and he took a safe step back. "That's...good, then."

"It's very good," Lily assured him a little too quickly.

"Well, I better be off," Remus rubbed his eyes again, obviously stifling a yawn. "We still have a few minutes before the feast begins and I want to ask Slughorn about the examination."

"All right," Lily was a little relieved that the conversation was over, but just as Remus began to move, she stopped in her tracks. For some inexplicable reason, she couldn't let him leave just yet. "Wait."

Remus, already a few steps away, looked back. "Yeah?"

There was a pause. There was something nagging her, though Lily didn't know what right away, but as she looked into his kind eyes, she realized what it was.

"What made you go to McGonagall?" Lily asked finally.

He didn't bark out an answer right away. That was one of the things Lily liked most about him. He was careful with his words, sorting them out and stringing them together until he was certain that they reflected his true feelings. She could tell he was doing it now as he mulled over the question.

"All these years, I've never said a word. I've never wanted to," Remus was studying the floor. "James... Sirius... Peter... They're the best thing that has ever happened to me. I've never met people like them. They accepted me like I was a brother."

Lily waited.

"I reckon that's what made me do it," Remus said slowly, lifting his eyes to meet Lily's. "We all get carried away sometimes. A good friend wouldn't say anything, but a better one will bring you back. They've stopped me from doing things I regretted, and I wanted to do the same for them. I know what they did was stupid, and when I went to McGonagall, I was doing it for them too."

"Oh," Lily said softly. "That makes sense."

And it did make a sense, in a perfectly awful way. She knew there was a lesson in there, even if Remus wasn't conscious of it. She should have told Severus the truth about their friendship long ago, and she should have told Dumbledore about the Knights. It wasn't too late. She could still tell Dumbledore. It was for Severus's own good. He was being stupid and he was going to regret it someday. Lily was sure of it.

But there was a difference between Potter and Severus. Potter was naive and Severus knew too much. Potter... Maybe someday he would change. He could grow up.

Lily couldn't see Severus changing.

She could have gone right up to Dumbledore's office, told the headmaster everything she knew, and watched as Severus was dragged off to Spinner's End or Azkaban, without a drop of Muggle blood being spilled. But it wouldn't change anything. He wouldn't change. He was too far gone. Lily had known it the moment he had called her a Mudblood. They could lock him up in a wizarding cell on that distant island, but he would only grow harder and more hateful.

Lily wasn't the good friend. She wasn't the better friend either. She was nothing to Severus, and now, he needed to be nothing to her. She needed to let go.

That thought remained with Lily when she sat down at the table for the final feast of the year. She was able to forget for a little while, when Alice, Marlene, and Mary joined her, prattling on about Alice's stark raving mad trunk, and she forgot it even longer when Potter sat down, his eyes meeting hers before both sets quickly looked down.

It came back when Dumbledore spoke, his voice solemn, his face grave. "My apologies to the Slytherin House, but I think a change of colors are in order." With his words, the green silk hangings celebrating the House Cup victory were transformed into black, empty of any decoration.

A hush fell over the Great Hall. While most of the students were immediately somber at the telltale black, the Slytherin table was a sea of furious faces. Unconsciously, Lily's gaze drifted over them, but when she caught sight of Mulciber, she quickly came to her senses and tore her eyes away. She hadn't seen _him _yet. Nor did she want to.

"It's the end of yet another year." Dumbledore's eyes lacked their usual sparkle, and for a moment, Lily thought she could detect a glimmer of anger in the depths of blue. "And not a very happy one, I'm afraid. As you know, we are in the midst of a war. It's easy to forget, the blood spilled, when we are here, at Hogwarts. I would like to take a moment to forget the walls that shield us and to remember those who have died."

A scroll unfurled before him, and in his grave voice, he went on.

"Abernathy, Lucy. Abernathy, Mary. Abernathy, Timothy. Alton, Catherine. Alton, Robin."

The names were endless. They kept going. There were couples, families, with brothers and sisters and children. There was no way of knowing if they had died all at once or if they had suffered the loss of a loved one as they waited their turn to pass. Lily felt sick to her stomach, and before she could stop herself, she found herself looking at the Slytherin table again. She found him instantly.

His eyes were cold, his face impassive, and Lily's nausea turned to anger as she stared accusingly at the boy who had once been her best friend. She didn't understand how he could sit there, and not show an ounce of remorse or shame. Maybe if he had, she could have forgiven him for what he was becoming, but he didn't. He wanted to be one of those who were the reason why that list was created, the reason why it kept growing, and it horrified and disgusted her all at once.

She knew it more clearly than ever. She had to let go, yet there was something about the very thought that was dreary and impossible. She could feel it on her shoulders, weighing her down.

Lily lifted her goblet of pumpkin juice with everyone else, and as she did, she found herself looking into a familiar pair of eyes. Neither hazel nor green broke contact this time. Potter looked just as haunted as Lily felt.

They all looked haunted. They were ghosts of their former selves, all pale and silent. They had known about the war. They had read the papers. Even so, no one had known how many victims it had cost. Not until then.

The rest of the feast took longer than it ordinarily did, or maybe it only felt that way because barely anyone spoke at all. It was difficult, with the black drapery hanging over them like a raincloud. Finally, Lily couldn't stand it a second longer and stood up, claiming that she needed to make sure everything was packed.

She wasn't the only one. Half of the tables were empty by the time she left the Hall. The platters, which would have been bare any other year, were untouched. There was something strangely sad about the sight, and not for the first time, Lily wondered when this year had gone so terribly wrong.

The double doors had just shut behind her when she heard a familiar voice, high and haughty, that made her stop walking.

"I can't believe Dumbledore had the nerve to change our colors. You know he never would have done it if Gryffindor had won."

"Obviously," another voice said, equally as haughty. "I'm going to have my father write him a letter. He'll be _so_ angry."

Lily was hardly surprised to see that the voices belonged to Cressida and Cassiopeia. She had never liked the two girls and she had liked them even less after their encounter in the hall, when they had called her a Mudblood. Lily recalled the moment clearly, and even more clearly, was the vulnerability she had felt. They had made her feel dirty and weak, just because of her birth.

Looking at them now, Lily couldn't understand how they had ever succeeded in intimidating her. They may have been beautiful, but at the same time, they were hideous. It showed in the way they wrinkled their noses and twisted their lips with scorn and conceit. Hatred seem to ooze from their nearly invisible pores, and it became even more pronounced the longer she listened to them complain.

Finally, Lily couldn't take it.

"You could show some sensitivity," Lily spoke up from behind them. "Considering your families probably contributed to that list."

It was a stupid thing to say, especially in a deserted area. She could almost hear Severus grumbling about her Gryffindor antics. Maybe he was right. Maybe it was the Gryffindor thing to do. What Lily didn't understand was why that was so terrible.

Cassiopeia was the first to turn around, a sneer already in place when she did so. When she saw it was only Lily, it deepened, looking much like a cat relishing in its claws just before it was about to pounce.

"If they did," Cassiopeia said, "they didn't do a good enough job. Considering you're still here."

And that was when Lily did something even more stupid. She took out her wand. Dumbledore's voice was ringing in her ears, name after name burning into her mind, along with the memory of Severus's empty black eyes as he listened.

"Don't embarrass yourself, Mudblood."

It was back to that again, but this time, Lily didn't shrink.

"Don't call me Mudblood," Lily said with gritted teeth.

"Or you'll...curse me?" Cressida gave a shrill little laugh at the thought.

Lily didn't dare look down at her wand, but she could feel it in her hands. It was solid and there was something oddly comforting about it. She could have jinxed them. Merlin knew she had seen the Marauders in action enough times to have more than a few ideas of what she could do.

But she didn't want to hex them. She didn't want to be the girl who hid behind her wand, leaning on jinxes and hexes to save her whenever someone hurt or angered her. Especially when they were wandless. It was a line she didn't want to cross; it was cowardly and it felt wrong.

"No," Lily lowered her wand arm. "I'm a prefect. Which is why I'm giving you detention instead."

Cassiopeia's voice hardened into ice. "You can't give us detention. School is over."

"School is over when we take the train," Lily informed her in an equally cool voice. "Luckily for you, that isn't until tomorrow morning."

"You can't do that." Cressida crossed her arms across her chest, wearing a very ugly scowl. "I haven't even started packing. I refuse to let a dirty _Mudblood_-"

"Actually," a squeaky voice piped up. "She can."

Cressida and Cassiopeia's eyes bulged at the sight of Professor Flitwick. He was as tiny as ever, his lack of height especially noticeable next to the extremely tall Ravenclaw prefect he had evidently been speaking to. They were just outside the double doors, and Lily wondered how long they had been standing there, and how much they had heard.

"In fact, Amos and I can take you to Filch right now. It's just on our way," Flitwick said graciously, as though offering to escort them to a dinner party. "Thank you, Miss Evans."

Lily was unable to resist smiling fondly at the wizard. She had always liked him. "Of course, Professor."

"My parents-" Cressida began.

"Your parents," Flitwick said, and his face was no longer jovial but unusually stern, "Will receive a nice long letter. Discrimination will not be tolerated at Hogwarts."

Cressida and Cassiopeia fell silent. Whether it was because Flitwick had silenced them or because they didn't want to humiliate themselves further in front of the prefect, who was deemed one of the better looking males of the school, Lily didn't know, but as she watched them trail after Flitwick and Amos, she felt a very immature wave of smugness.

They had called her a Mudblood. Just as they had before, just as Severus had. The word had bothered her before, but that was just what it was. A word. People may have called Voldemort "You-Know-Who" because they were afraid of the name itself, but it didn't change anything about him, just like being called Mudblood didn't change anything about Lily. She knew that now. It meant nothing.

The knowledge didn't make her feel any lighter. Lily turned to the staircase and started making the long journey to the seventh floor.

The year had been a grim one, but as she thought back to Cressida and Cassiopeia's sneers, and the sneers of Mulciber and the other Slytherins all the years before that, Lily began to think that she had been wrong, that maybe everything hadn't gone suddenly wrong, that the world hadn't suddenly become a dark place overnight. Maybe it had always possessed that darkness, and she was only starting to realize it. Maybe it was just another unfortunate part of growing up. As Lily made her way up the marble steps, she felt as though she had aged a century, and while she felt tired, there was relief. There was no longer an endless amount of agonizing questions, a struggle to understand why everything was changing.

Everything had changed because it was meant to change. The world didn't stand still, nor did its people. She had nearly driven herself mad trying to understand why Severus had changed, but she hadn't realized that she had also changed, or rather, how much. She had known that she had grown a few inches and that her cheeks were no longer round. She had known having a decent conversation with Potter required a strength she wouldn't have been capable of even a year ago, and saying goodbye to Severus had required one even greater. She had known, in the end, that she couldn't save him. Only Severus could save Severus. Maybe she had known that too, in the back of her mind, but she hadn't wanted to. Losing Severus would be too much like losing a piece of herself.

Or so Lily had thought.

She had lost Severus, and while she had been right, that it was much like having a part of her heart ripped away, it wasn't enough to make the world end. Somewhere along the way, Lily had stopped being the girl who had begged Severus for stories, hanging onto every word once he gave in, and had become someone who was strong enough to write her own ending. Her story didn't fit with the one Severus had planned, and even though it had meant tearing out his part and leaving a gap between the pages, she had survived. Maybe she still felt like she was bleeding badly, but with time, the blood would slow down, and she would recover. It would leave a scar, but someday, she would be whole again. It would be just another change.

Lily still didn't understand why everything was meant to change, but for the first time, she accepted it.

She accepted that she was powerless. She accepted that she couldn't keep the world still, that she couldn't keep Severus locked in a box where he was safe from everyone, including himself. She accepted that she had done what needed to be done, and most importantly, that there was nothing else that she could have done. Or could do.

It was over.

And for the moment, that acceptance was enough. It was the change that made all the difference. The relief was even greater than before, easing the knots of guilt in her stomach. It still hurt, and she knew it would for a while, maybe even forever, but she also knew she would keep on surviving. She had lived too long, worrying over Severus. Now it was time to live for herself. Lily had told herself earlier that she needed to let him go, and someday, she knew she could. Maybe then, she would be able to accept what had happened between them. It wasn't perfect, but just the promise of it was enough.

It was a new beginning.

**I'm in dire need of sleep, so sorry for any incoherent rambling.**

**Guest- Thanks for the review! For Severus- I'm excited to write the return of Sirius and Remus in the POA scenes, as painful as that will be for Severus. I'm also excited to write the scene when he decides to switch sides and asks Dumbledore for help. This isn't one scene, but I'm really anxious to write the evolution of Regulus. I'm not sure how much of it will be in Always, but one but one of the main reasons why I wrote Abomination is because I wanted to write his final scene with Sirius. I want to write something in Always that references that point, though I'm not sure what yet, just because we'll see so much of Regulus and his struggle with morality in Always, and it doesn't feel right to leave out his most crucial scene entirely. I'm also looking forward to the return of Severus's boggart and two very angst-filled scenes I shouldn't give away, but one takes place in sixth year, and the other takes place in Harry's years, though that doesn't say much because there will be a lot of angst in both those years. For Lily, I would like to write the double date when Vernon meets James the first time and the scene when she'll see James for the first time after something I can't say happens to him. I'm also anxious for the Lily/Remus werewolf conversation and James's first week as Head Boy. Wow, that was a lot, and that's not even a fraction of it. I'm guessing my interest in this story won't die anytime soon.**

**rozemc- Thanks for the review! I agree, if Snape could have moved on, I think Dumbledore prevented him from doing so. Because of Dumbledore, Snape's life was focused on Harry, the son of the dead love of his life, and constantly being around him probably damaged Snape further. That being said, I do think Snape would have been damaged even without Dumbledore and Harry. His reaction in the prophecy scene before Lily's death were surprisingly intense to me, and I know it's only a few years after his friendship with Lily, but his behavior makes me think that his feelings for her never lessened, and if anything, they intensified. What really makes me think that is the part when he tells Dumbledore that he asked Voldemort to spare Lily. Childhood friend or not, I don't see many Death Eaters doing that. This is just me guessing, but I think Severus's problem is that he invested too much in Lily, and he connected everything good in his life with her, and because of that, he developed an unhealthy obsession with her, even before her death. I think feeling responsible for her death would have destroyed some part of him, making it impossible to move on completely no matter what. If he was capable of moving on, I think he would gone the selfish route, and stayed a Death Eater because he probably would have believed that to be in his best interest. His agreement to help Dumbledore is such a drastic change from his earlier behavior, and I think he agreed because a part of him died when Lily died, and that part was replaced by a deeper obsession. I think being at Hogwarts, surrounded by memories of Lily, would have been torturous for Severus, but that's exactly why I can see him wanting to be there. No matter how painful it would be, I think he would desperate for anything having to do with Lily, especially from the way he takes Lily's signature from her letter to Sirius. **

**Bookluver- Thanks for the review! While I do think James played a role in pushing Severus over the edge, I don't think he was the only one. As a half-blood in Slytherin, Severus would have been surrounded by pure bloods, and I think that would have also given him a push. I think part of the reason why James is so attracted to Lily is because she's different from anyone he's ever met. He's constantly surrounded by people who inflate his ego, and then there's Lily, who isn't afraid to yell at him in front of the entire school. That's what my impression was from the Mudblood scene, and I tried to show that here, beginning with the snowball that Lily threw at him when they were kids. While he wasn't attracted to her then, or at least aware of it, he sees her as a fascinating mystery just because he can't understand why she doesn't like him. In my mind, he starts asking her out because he has enjoys annoying her, and he can't imagine that she doesn't secretly enjoy it, so it makes perfect sense for him for them to go out together, especially since he doesn't have nearly as much fun with the other girls. In the early years, I think it's also a challenge for him, just because he's so conceited, and he enjoys the chase. Once he starts talking to Lily, he gets to know the real her, and he realizes that it's more than that, and they actually have a connection. I think another huge reason is that Lily inspires James to be a better person. She won't be the only reason why she changes, but she definitely contributes to that. From his train scene when he says he wants to be a Gryffindor, I got the impression that he wants to be the heroic type, only he originally has the wrong idea about it. James's behavior in the Mudblood scene is just another way of him handling it badly. I'm hoping to show that Lily's honesty and behavior helps him realize that being the hero isn't just about glory, and that he actually likes the person he is around her, compared to the person he is around Severus. Sorry, I did more than a key characteristic, but I'll sum it up in different, mystery, inspiration. I also think it's worth mentioning that their scenes tend to flow for me, like they have chemistry, and in my mind during the lighter arguments, I always imagine them secretly having fun arguing just because they have this connection even if they don't really understand it. **

**Smiles1075- Thanks for the review! It always means a lot when readers tell me that they've stayed up reading because I've done that so many times with books I'm really into. I'm glad that you're enjoying James's development. You'll see much more of his better side sixth year and seventh, but especially seventh. **

**the reader- Thanks for the review! You're right, I don't think Lily has gotten over the shock yet, and I don't think Severus has either. While they'll become more used to the idea in sixth year, I don't think they'll ever fully get over it. I'm glad you think James's regret fit because what you said was what I was aiming for, not a dramatic change, but a realization that he's becoming someone he doesn't want to be, motivating his change. To answer your second review- To be honest, I think it's going to be weird no matter what. I thought that both sets of parents dying naturally before they're 21 was weird before, but when planning out this story, it became really weird to me. I was thinking about killing off Lily's mother in the early years, but I decided I wanted to wait until her friendship with Severus ended because I wanted that to be what makes her less innocent about the world. I probably shouldn't say exactly when, but I will say that both James and Lily will lose a parent before they come of age. Those will be pretty close together, but the second set of deaths will be spread out a little more, though not as much as I would prefer. **

**Snape's man- Thanks for the review! I understand your confusion because I often feel conflicted while writing. I think it's perfectly understandable that you don't like reading about James/Lily as much. We've had 88 chapters of Severus and Lily, so I think it will take a lot of people some time to adjust. I'm not certain, but the way I've always seen it is that Lily probably considered what Severus did to be worse than what James did. Severus was her best friend and James was some annoying kid, so I think Severus's mistake felt much more personal. While I think what James did was horrible, I think what Severus was planning to do was worse, especially since Lily is a Muggle-born, making his betrayal even more painful for her. I do think that she would have been much more likely to forgive him if he had decided to change sooner, rather than just apologizing.**

**Kirana-Al- Thanks for the review! I responded to your PM, but there will be a lot more James isn't so terrible scenes in the future. In the first few years, you see James from Lily and Severus's perspectives, when neither one is a huge fan of him, but as Lily befriends James, you'll be able to see more of his good moments.**


	92. Chapter 92 Forgiveness

**Thank you so much for the reviews! I can't believe I'm already at 1,571. It feels like I just reached 1,500. I stupidly forgot to mention this in my last chapter, but a reader, Maragorn (for some reason it's not letting me save the full username, but there is a "." before and after "ara" ), wrote a poem that I recommend you read. It was partially inspired by Always and can be found at: s/10221202/1/Distant-Eyes  
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**Thank you to my beta, sparklyscrunchies, for editing!**

**DISCLAIMER- There is a line in here that is from DH. You'll know it when you see it. **

**Chapter 91 Recap- Regulus tries to distract Severus. Severus performs a Memory Charm on Mulciber after realizing he was the one spying on him for Lucius. Lily and Remus talk, and Remus apologizes, revealing that he was the one who told McGonagall about Severus's humiliation. At the End-of-Term Feast, Dumbledore reads a list of lives lost during the war, depressing almost everyone. Lily runs into Cressida and Cassiopeia again, but is unaffected by them, and with the help of Flitwick and Amos Diggory, sends them to detention. Lily begins to move forward from her relationship with Severus, or is at least willing to consider the idea. **

**Chapter Ninety-Two- Forgiveness**

**1976**

It was one of those days where everything sang of summer.

The scent of blooming wildflowers and freshly cut grass haunted the air. The sky was an endless azure, bright and cloudless as it stretched above the abandoned playground. In the surrounding trees, birds chirped merrily, their songs floating through the bars of the roundabout and down the slope of the slide. Sunlight made the metal of the equipment gleam brightly, almost harshly. A light breeze swept through, jostling the swing set, and as Severus stared at those empty swings, he felt as though his heart had been torn violently from his chest.

He didn't know what he was doing there. He shouldn't have been there. It was the very worst place for him to be, yet something kept Severus firmly rooted to the ground, preventing him from leaving. As much as he wanted to run, he could not. He could only stand there and gaze at the place that had been the beginning of the very best thing to happen to him, the very thing that he had destroyed with a single word.

Severus found the strength to move at last, but gone was the will to leave. With a mounting dread, he walked towards the swings, each footstep heavier than the last. His eyes were frozen to the still swaying left one was his. He didn't know how that had happened, or when it had even begun, but that was the unspoken rule. The left swing was his and the right was Lily's. Always.

Always.

Severus shuddered and reached out to touch his swing. The metal chains were hot from the sun, but that didn't stop his fingers from closing over them as he sat down. He stayed there for a little while, his feet planted to the ground. Lily's swing remained motionless. Ripping his eyes away, Severus began to kick.

Long ago, Severus had asked Lily why she liked the swings so much. She had replied that it was like flying, which only made him ask why she liked flying so much. He remembered the way she had looked just then, her cheeks flushed, eyes bright.

_"__You forget everything when you're flying. Nothing bad can exist when you're in the air."_

But he didn't forget. The higher he was, the more he thought about her. He thought about the way the sun made her hair gleam like copper. He thought about the way her eyes would light up whenever something made her happy. He thought about the way _everything _made her happy. What was an irritating insect to him was the most colorful butterfly in the world to her. She had seen the good in everything, even him, until she hadn't.

When he was at the highest point, he wanted to jump off and float to the ground as she had done all those times. That was flying, the flying that Lily claimed was the best feeling in the world, that would make him forget everything. His hands loosened, but just as the swing soared high into the air, he recovered his grip, clinging to the metal as though it was the only thing keeping him afloat in a lonely sea of memories and regrets.

He didn't want to forget.

The realization made him want to vomit. As miserable as it was, remembering her, Severus didn't want to think of what it would be like without her entirely. His dark world seemed even darker now that he had known her light, but without knowing it at all, it would have been an infinite gray.

He would rather have the darkness.

All of a sudden, Severus's world came to a screeching halt. A flash of red caught his eye. He leaned forward, still clutching the chains, and froze when he saw Lily's face looking up at him. He didn't hesitate; he dug his feet to the ground the second it came close enough, jumping without fully stopping. He stumbled a little and he could feel his face heat up with humiliation. Silently, he cursed himself, not wanting to meet her eyes, but there was no choice. With a dreaded slowness, he raised his eyes, half-expecting to see her lips twitch.

They didn't.

"Hi," Lily said.

Severus didn't trust himself to speak, and his eyes darted away from her, willing his voice not to break. "Hi."

It didn't, and for that, he was enormously grateful. His relief didn't last for long; he was becoming uncomfortably aware that an awkward silence was unfolding between them. Lily felt it too, and she nodded up at the swing that was still swaying from his movements.

"You didn't jump."

Severus's heart quickened. "I didn't."

Another silence, but Severus refused to let her slip away again. Somehow, he mustered the courage to look her in the eyes again, and once he found the emerald green, he was relieved to see that they weren't blazing with anger or, worse, cool with indifference. They were just as he remembered them, and in that moment, everything else that had once seemed so important paled into nothingness.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean it."

Lily exhaled, her breath soft and barely audible. This time, it was her turn to avert her eyes. "I know."

"Look at me," Severus said firmly, startling them both, but that surprise was forgotten when Lily looked up. The uncertainty in her eyes was clear, and it only made the intensity in his own burn brighter. "I made a mistake. I've made...loads of mistakes. I know that. And I'm sorry. I just need to know that you'll forgive me, that we can be friends again. Best friends."

His voice was cracking and desperation was beginning to ooze out. Lily's mouth opened. Severus held his breath.

"I forgive you."

His world was beautiful once again.

"But I don't know if we can ever be friends again."

In less than a fraction of a second, it had come crashing down once more. In shambles. There was a burst of anger inside of Severus, and the metal of the playground gleamed brighter, forcing him to shut his eyes. He willed himself to steady his breaths, but it didn't work. When he opened his eyes, they were wild with panic and hysteria, and he very nearly grabbed her by the shoulders in an effort to make her stay. "We're best friends. Always. You said so yourself."

"That was before."

"One mistake can't ruin seven years." Severus's voice was louder now. He couldn't understand why she couldn't see what he saw so plainly; how important they were to each other, how important it was that they stay together. She couldn't just throw that all away over a stupid word. She couldn't. He wouldn't allow it.

Something had changed in Lily's eyes. There still wasn't anger or indifference, but resignation, and that terrified Severus more than anything else. She was nearly gone, but he clung to her memory greedily, refusing to let her go.

"_Please_," Severus breathed. "Just give me a chance."

"I gave you a lot of chances."

"Please," Severus said again fervently. He had never wanted anything more. "I'll change. I can change. I mean it. I swear." His eyes were beginning to blur and his voice cracked. "You just have to give me one more chance. Aren't we worth that?"

Lily didn't say anything. She only looked at him, and in that moment, Severus didn't even want to breathe in fear of ruining it.

"It will be different this time." Severus swallowed hard. "I promise."

Their gazes remained locked. Lily took a step closer to him.

"Okay."

The word took a while to sink in, and once it had, Severus let out a shaky half-laugh, half-sigh. He lowered his head in disbelief, hardly able to comprehend what was happening. "You have no idea," he started, feeling the beginning of a stupid smile creep its way to his lips, "how glad I am to hear that. I didn't think you ever would."

"I tried not to." A brief shadow passed over Lily's face. "But you're right. We're worth it."

Severus stared, momentarily stunned that she was finally realizing what he had known all along. "Yes," he barely managed, his knees weak with relief as he nodded to himself. _"Yes."_

In spite of his relief, Severus could feel himself quickly return to his usual, solemn state. He wasn't satisfied yet. He needed to know that this was real. "So." He shoved his hands into his pockets, and looked up at her, feeling suddenly uncertain in spite of everything that had just happened between them. "Friends again?"

Lily smiled at him. Her lips parted. The single word was just about to come out, but the sunlight was becoming brighter. The gleaming equipment was now glaring, and Severus staggered back. The swing set was beginning to dissolve, as was the rest of the playground, until it was a muddle of blurry shapes and colors.

"No," Severus said frantically, knowing what was happening before it even did. Lily's face was blurring too, and desperately, he held onto the emerald green of her eyes as if they were the anchor he needed to remain. "_No_."

"_NO."_

Severus jerked up, his chest shuddering with heavy breaths. His heart was pounding so rapidly that he half-expected it to explode from his chest, and his forehead was damp with sweat, his hair sticking to his skin. It took a minute for him to adjust to his new surroundings, and dimly, he realized he was in bed, his fists curled around the blankets, his legs tangled in the sheets.

It was only a dream.

Severus bolted for the bathroom, and this time, he really did vomit. His body was still shaking when it was over. The tiles of the floor were hard and cold beneath him, but he didn't notice. It had been real. It should have been real.

He didn't understand why he _wanted _it to be real. The boy in the dream had been pathetic. He was willing to give up everything for her, the girl who refused to forgive him even though they had been friends for years and he had said sorry. She was such a _hypocrite_, refusing to forgive him because she believed he had changed, when she was the one who had changed most of all. The old Lily would have forgiven him. She would have listened.

Severus wiped his mouth and stood up, still trembling. The dream stayed with him, refusing to leave him his sanity. He remembered every detail crystal clear, and in the grime and shadows of Spinner's End, they taunted him all the more. The warmth of the sun, the bright green of the grass, and most of all, the look on her face when she had forgiven him. The feeling he had felt when she finally had.

Severus crossed his arms and moved towards the window. The glass was dirty and cracked, but he could still see down the street. Just over the hedge was where she had been when she had worked up the courage to ask him about magic. She had seen Tobias, and though she must have wanted to run off, she had stayed with him until the bitter end. She had never told a soul about him. The hole in Severus's chest suddenly felt emptier than it had before.

He had made mistakes. Plenty of them. He had underestimated Mulciber, Lucius, and most likely the rest of the Slytherin House. He had been careless. He had very nearly ruined his entire future. He had lost control, lost his friendship with Lily, and very nearly lost his mind, standing in the seventh floor corridor, screaming at her to come out. He was fortunate that the other Slytherins hadn't found out and served his head on a platter to Lucius.

But Severus had handled Mulciber in the end. He could handle the rest too. He would just have to be better. He couldn't afford any mistakes.

Because he and Lily would be friends again. It may have been pathetic, it may have been weak, but the dream had reminded him of something. How it had felt in that one moment of happiness. It had felt perfect. No, it had felt _right_. Nothing, no amount of terrible words, could change that. All Severus had to do was make Lily see that.

She would understand. Her refusing to do so would contradict years of history. It would be tossing them away, deeming them worthless, and those years weren't worthless. She knew that just as well as he did. They would be friends again.

And for the first time, Severus nearly smiled.

**1976**

Lily stared out of the living room window. Outside, the sky was a cloudy gray, and it looked as though it would begin to rain at any moment. It looked strange and almost savage through the window, where the glass was polished, clear as crystal, framed by dust-free, perfectly appropriate, perfectly complementing curtains. Petunia's doing, no doubt. The entire house reeked of lemon-scented furniture polish and floor wax, and though it was Lily's first morning back, she knew it wasn't for her benefit.

"Would you like a cup of tea?" Petunia's voice came from behind her. It was just as smooth and polished as the rest of the house. "I've just made a pot. Earl Grey. But we also have Darjeeling. I could also make coffee, if you prefer. Or hot chocolate."

Petunia continued to rattle off beverages and Lily could tell from the reflection in the window that her sister was nervously wringing her hands together. It was the speech that told her how bad it was. On an ordinary day, on a good day, Petunia would have snapped at her to magic herself up her own pot of tea. On a bad day, she would have straightened up the kitchen. On a terrible day such as this one, she transformed the entire house until it was utterly unrecognizable and devoted herself to the role of hostess, catering to everyone including freakish sisters with magical abnormalities.

"Tuney," Lily interrupted her sister as she turned around to face her. "It's bad, isn't it?"

Petunia faltered, but only for a moment. She paled and nervously wetted her lips, but that was all. Once again, she was the perfect image of homemaking and collectedness. "Don't be ridiculous. Earl Grey?"

Her sister had gone mad.

"Tuney," Lily tried again. "Is it?"

Petunia averted her eyes. "You'll have to talk to her about it."

Before Lily could press her further, she dove into the kitchen, presumably to finish up her cup of Earl Grey tea. Lily sighed, returning to the window as she wrinkled her nose. She was getting sick of smelling lemons.

"Don't be too hard on her."

Lily flinched at the sound of the familiar voice, nearly turning around when she heard it. She wanted to look away, but horror kept her eyes frozen as the shadow of Briony Evans came closer.

It hurt to even look at her. Briony's eyes were tired, her face worn, and worst of all, was how _frail _she had felt when she had reached over to hug her daughter the previous night. Lily remembered how she used to run up to her mother and bounce into her arms, but now, now, she could barely wrap her arms around her in fear of snapping her bones.

Briony saw her face. "I look worse than I feel," she assured Lily as she sat down on the window seat beside her. Even that seemed to require a tremendous amount of effort, and Lily winced, as if the pain had been her own.

"You should have told me," Lily said when she found her voice again. The anger in it surprised her and shamed her all at once. "I would have come home."

It was then that she realized that she wasn't angry at Briony or even Petunia, but at herself. She should have been there, from the very first doctor visit, from the very _moment _that they had said it was leukemia. Instead she had been at Hogwarts, moping over Severus.

Leukemia. Even the word was ugly.

"I know you would have," Briony said gently. "Which is why no one told you."

"That's not fair." Lily folded her arms across her chest, not caring how childish she looked. She stared up at Briony, daring her to object.

She didn't. She only gave a brittle smile.

"Yes, well. Life isn't always fair."

An image of Severus surfaced in Lily's mind before she could stop it. She looked down and stared at the floor, trying to distract herself by memorizing the cracks in between boards.

"We agreed it was best for you to continue your education," Briony was saying as she reached over to slip her hand over her daughter's, causing Lily to look up. Briony's eyes softened when they met hers, and Lily thought she saw a glimmer of the mother she had once known. It made her heart ache. "You're so gifted, Lily. It would be a shame to waste it."

"It's not that much of a gift." Lily returned to staring at the floor. "There's a school full of other people who can do magic." And an army of Death Eaters who didn't think she deserved it, she added to herself.

"I'm not only talking about magic. You're a special girl, Lily. I couldn't have asked for better daughters."

There was a finality in her voice that made a lump rise in Lily's throat. She didn't want to hear this. She wanted to eat treacle tart in the kitchen while Petunia grumbled about spilled flour and Briony and Edward exchanged amused smiles. She didn't care if Petunia made her clean up the flour, grain by grain. She would have done anything just then to have those days back.

"How bad is it?" Lily whispered.

Briony hesitated.

"Please tell me the truth." Lily thought she knew it already, but she needed to hear it. She wanted to tell Briony that she could handle it because she was stronger than everyone thought, that something had changed in her over the last year, but seeing her mother made her forget all of that. She could feel the tears gathering up in her eyes, and suddenly, Lily didn't feel so strong after all.

Briony studied Lily. Lily steeled herself for another lie, knowing that her mother couldn't possibly trust her with the truth, not when she was about to bawl like a child.

"It's not good, Lily. Even with treatment..."

Maybe Briony had found a strength in Lily's face, or at least thought she had, but she was wrong. Lily broke and the tears spilled.

Briony swept her up in a hug, as she had done so many times before, and the thought that she wouldn't always be there to do so, made Lily cry harder. "Shhh. It will be all right." Briony brushed away a lock of red hair from Lily's face with motherly expertise.

It was ironic, Lily thought, as she sobbed into her mother's shoulder. Briony was the one dying, yet Lily was the one in need of comfort.

The thought made her angrily brush her tears away. She tore herself away and sat up, eyeing Briony fiercely.

"You're not going to die," Lily said firmly. "Don't give up."

A look of worry crossed over Briony's features, making her look even more tired than before. "Lily-"

"I mean it," Lily said firmly. "Don't give up."

She left her mother and dashed up the stairs. She wouldn't give up. She was Lily Evans, witch, prefect, and someday Auror. Just then, she didn't care what the rules were. She would find a way.

Lily opened up her trunk and dumped her textbooks unceremoniously to the floor, knowing that somewhere, Petunia was clutching her chest in agony. Impatiently, she sorted through them, tossing aside the worthless ones. Transfiguration...No. Defense Against the Dark Arts...No. Potions. Potions was good. She stood a chance with Potions.

"_What did you do_?"

Sure enough, Petunia was standing in the doorway, ashen-faced. She looked as though she was about to be sick right then and there, but of course, that would never happen. Being sick meant making a mess, and Petunia Evans did not make messes.

Lily looked at her sister impatiently, unbothered by her sister's appearance. "Put down the furniture polish and help me look."

Petunia lowered her eyes and stared at the textbooks, the titles promising spells and potions and other undeniably non-Muggle things. Her lips twisted scornfully, and she remained in the doorway, as if the books could jump up and taint her. "With...magic."

"Yes, with magic."

"I can't do magic," Petunia said flatly. "As your headmaster was kind enough to inform me."

"But you can read," Lily reminded her, in no mood to have that old argument. Not with Briony waiting. She gestured towards a book that had fallen open. "Just look for anything useful that could help Mum."

Petunia's sneer faltered. "You think... You really think we can find something?"

Lily saw the glimmer of hope in her sister's gray eyes, and she suddenly wondered if involving Petunia was the best idea. "I don't know," Lily admitted after a slight pause. "But it can't hurt to try, right?"

She expected Petunia to scoff and walk away, but to her disbelief, Petunia immediately sat down on the floor, not seeming to notice that she was wrinkling her neatly pressed skirt. "Where should I begin?"

Lily blinked, taking a second to recover. She then surveyed the sea of books around her, hoping for one that would be useful without traumatizing Petunia. First and second year books seemed the safest. She found one and tossed it to Petunia, who caught it with an unladylike scowl and promptly set it out in front of her, as if trying to avoid as much contact with the book as possible.

"Potions!" Petunia's nose wrinkled when she read the title. "Don't tell me you gather around cauldrons."

"Actually," Lily said apologetically. "We do."

"Of course you do," Petunia muttered disdainfully. With trepidatious fingers, she thumbed through the pages, frowning as she settled on one. "What about a Pepper-Up Potion? That sounds almost useful."

"No." Lily didn't look up; she was distracted by instructions for a Blood-Replenishing Potion, silently wondering if she could use it as a foundation for a cure. "It's for the common cold."

"You have a cure for the common cold?" Petunia said incredulously. She almost sounded impressed in spite of herself.

Lily glared at the page in front of her, finding it difficult to concentrate with Petunia in the background. "We're getting off-topic."

Petunia muttered something else that Lily didn't hear, but for the next hour, they worked in an agreeable silence. Lily stayed on the floor, surrounded by books, and Petunia migrated to a much neater place on the bed. She didn't even complain that Lily's bed was unmade.

"Lily," Petunia said suddenly.

Lily looked up from her chapter on healing potions, wondering if she had jinxed herself. But Petunia wasn't pointing an accusing finger at her crumpled sheets. She was pointing at the window.

"_That boy_," Petunia pronounced with blatant distaste, "is outside."

Lily stiffened, though she felt a flicker of surprise that was abruptly extinguished by alarm. She did her best to hide it, but unlike Severus, she had never been good at concealing her true feelings. "Oh."

"He's hiding behind a tree," Petunia narrowed her eyes. "Why is he so _weird?_"

Reluctantly, Lily stood up and peered out the window. Sure enough, Severus was just outside, taking one step towards the house, and then back again, abruptly ducking behind the tree as if worried someone had seen him. If it had been any other day, Lily would have laughed; he looked so odd.

"And why aren't you defending him?" Petunia demanded.

Lily didn't say anything, but evidently, her silence was answer enough.

"You got in a fight, didn't you?"

"Try not to sound so gleeful about it," Lily said, annoyed. She turned away from the window, not wanting to see him anymore. "Let's get back to work."

"You aren't going to talk to him?" Petunia sounded surprised.

"No," Lily said flatly. She sat down again and began leafing through her book, hoping that Petunia would take the hint.

She did not. She rolled onto her stomach and rested her chin in her upturned palms, scrutinizing Lily from the edge of the bed. "What did he do?" She no longer sounded gleeful, but curious.

Lily stared at the page harder, wishing that words were enough to drown out voices. "Nothing."

"You'll work it out," Petunia said finally, neatly sweeping the subject under the rug. "You always do."

Though she was providing Lily with an escape, her dismissal bothered Lily. Severus had been her first friend, her best friend. The shattered remains of their relationship weren't something she could simply sweep away.

"We won't," Lily said shortly. "I'm sure of it."

Petunia, unaccustomed to Lily being curt, fell silent. She fiddled with a stray thread on the bedspread.

"In _The Betrayal_, when Amanda found out that Nicholas-"

"I don't want to hear about Amanda and Nicholas," Lily said tartly.

There was another uneasy silence, and Lily regretted her words. Her relationship with Petunia was still fragile, and she didn't want to ruin it. Not after Severus. Not when Briony was floating around the halls, looking like a ghost of her former self. She opened her mouth to apologize, but Petunia spoke first.

"I can chase him away," Petunia volunteered. "I just polished the frying pan."

Lily cracked a smile at that, touched and a little horrified when she realized that Petunia was being serious. "That's okay. But thanks." She glanced out the window, though she could only see the cloudy sky from her position on the floor. "I suppose I should talk to him. I don't want Mum to see him and worry."

"I'll-" Petunia's gaze drifted over the room, settling at the book still open in front of her. "I'll keep searching."

Lily nodded. "This won't take long."

It shouldn't have taken long, and when she went outside and found that Severus had vanished, it shouldn't have taken anything at all. Lily started to shut the door, but just before it clicked, she stopped. She hadn't spoken to him since that night, and now, she needed to. She was sick of hiding from him, dreading every moment their eyes could possibly meet, and she refused to do it any longer.

Lily paused. He wouldn't return home. She was sure of that. If he was lurking around her house, he was obviously thinking of her, which meant he would want to be in a place to brood. The clearing or the playground.

If it was sunny, she would have immediately said the clearing, knowing he would want to avoid laughing children at all costs. But it looked as though it was about to pour, meaning no one in their right mind would want to be at the playground.

No one except for Severus.

Lily moved quickly, knowing that leaving Petunia alone with a roomful of magic books was far from the brightest idea. The clouds above her thickened and darkened, making her run. Her feet pounded into the pavement and then the dirt, until finally, she had reached the trees.

She stopped there to catch her breath, and between the branches, she could see him. He was on a swing, high in the air, and instead of being relieved that she had found him, Lily hated that she had. She hated that she knew him well enough to figure it out on her first try, like they were still best friends, only best friends didn't call each other Mudblood.

Feeling impatient with herself, Lily let out a breath, and moved forward.

He was in the air when he spotted her. His face blanched, causing his eyes to look darker than usual. They were burning coals in the bloodless white, and when he noticed that she was still staring at him, he looked down. Quickly, he dug his heels into the dirt, his head still lowered when he went towards her.

"Hi," Lily said, when he didn't say anything. It sounded as stupid aloud as it did in her head, but she didn't know what else to say.

A lump bobbed in his throat. Severus swallowed. "Hi."

His voice was hoarse. He sounded terrible. He _looked_ terrible. Lily wondered if he had slept at all.

"I saw you outside," Lily said finally. "But you left before I could talk to you."

A little color returned to Severus's face as he flushed. "I wanted to speak to you."

"Oh," Lily said.

"I'm sorry," Severus said. "You don't know how sorry I am."

He was wrong. She knew he was sorry. He had said it before. He had said it multiple times and had even screamed it. Yes, Lily knew just how sorry he was, but he didn't know what he was supposed to be sorry for, and that was what made the wall between them unbreakable.

"I know," Lily said, and she made the mistake of pausing. Severus seized this opportunity to speak. The words came out in a tumble.

"We've been friends for so long. Seven years. Seven years, eighty-four months, two thousand, four hundred, and ninety-two days, next week. You can't throw that away. You can't _want _to throw that away. Not because of one mistake. You can't. Always, remember?"

He was eager. The eagerness was what broke Lily's heart most of all. He looked like a child just then, a child who clung to twisted logic just because it was the only kind of logic that would keep his hopes from dissolving. Severus never looked like that. He was too cynical for hope, or so he would have himself believe.

"Severus-"

"I know things feel different, but that can change. I..." Severus faltered, and this time, it was Lily who stole the opportunity to speak.

"Severus." He was still eager, looking up at her expectantly, as if he already knew what she would say because his system of logic insisted it must be so. It felt as though all of his ideals, all of his rules that made up his sanity, rested on her, and Lily had a sickening feeling that she was about to crush them.

"I'm sorry. But it's not enough."

It was beginning to sprinkle. A fat raindrop fell on Severus's nose, splashing his pale skin, but he didn't seem to notice. He looked stunned, and even before her words seemed to sink in, he shook his head quickly.

"No."

"I'm sorry," Lily repeated because she was sorry, sorry for them both. She didn't want to hurt Severus, but she couldn't live her life, waiting for him to hurt her.

"No," Severus said again, still shaking his head. "You can't possibly mean- You can't want- _Why_-"

Lily was strongly reminded of the time that Avery's cauldron had glowed a dangerous bright green instead of a peaceful lavender, and the way everyone had ducked, just waiting for it to explode across the dungeons. She wanted to duck now.

"Why would you forgive Potter and not me?" Severus burst out suddenly. Accusingly.

The rain was heavier now. Lily blinked. "What are you talking about? What does Potter even have to do with this?"

"I saw you on the train. You smiled at him. After what he did. After everything."

"That's between me and Potter."

"_I'm _your best friend. _He's _some boy who used to turn your hair green."

Lily laughed because after all this time, he still couldn't understand. "You don't get it, do you?" She was vaguely aware that she was yelling. "You were my best friend, Sev!" He flinched at the past tense. "You were the best friend I've ever had. That's why I can't forgive you. Potter is an _arrogant prat_, but he doesn't owe me anything. You do. _You called me a Mudblood."_

"_I said I was sorry_!" Severus shouted back.

_"_For that," Lily sputtered furiously. "You're sorry because you called me a Mudblood. You're right, Severus, it's been seven years. What happened between us isn't just about you calling me a stupid name. It's that you changed. It took me years to realize it, years to do something about it, and I'm sorry, but I can't forget and go back to how it used to be. I won't."

For a minute, the only sound was rain falling to the ground, thundering on the slide like bullets.

"You won't," Severus said flatly.

"I won't," Lily repeated softly, but her heart was pounding.

Their eyes locked. Severus's darkened into black ice.

"You don't forgive me? Fine," Severus said coldly. "I don't forgive you either. I'll never forgive you, Lily Evans. You ruined this. You ruined _us_. I won't forget that."

"No," Lily shook her head. "That was you."

She spun on her heel. When her back was turned, she heard something loud and metallic, as though a rock had been hurled at the slide, but she didn't look back.

She was tired of looking back.

**the reader- Thanks for the review! I agree, I think Severus restricted Lily at times. He has this unrealistic image of Lily in his head, and whenever she goes against that, it upsets him. While Lily is able to confront Severus, more frequently as they get older, I think some part of her still took his opinions seriously. Not in a way that she would have listened to him, but in a way that she would have felt some guilt, such as hanging around the Marauders, the very people he despises. Without that guilt and Severus's shadow hanging over her, I think Lily will be free to do what she wants and that she'll be happier for it. I also agree that the end of their friendship made Lily grow. I'm not saying that Severus was all bad for her, but I think she was better for him than he was for her, and I think losing him forced her to become more independent and more realistic about the way the world works. Unlike Severus, who becomes worse after the end of their friendship, probably because of his nature and his attachment to Lily, I think Lily benefits from it in some ways. Lily never saw their friendship the same way he did. She loved him, but she loved other things too, so when she lost him, it wasn't as though she lost everything. While I don't think she'll ever be able to replace Severus, she'll be able to learn how to move on and accept change, something Severus won't. I think giving up Severus was probably the hardest thing that she's ever done, or at least done so far, and she's stronger for it. I don't think Lily pre Severus is capable of being an Auror, but I do think Lily post Severus scene will be. **

**grace- Thanks for the review! I don't think I gave it as much thought as I should have when I started writing Narcissa, but I find her interesting because she has a maternal side that strongly reminds me of Lily, only a more human, more flawed Lily. **

**rozemc- Thanks for the review! For the reasons you said, my first instinct is to dislike Lucius and Narcissa, but when I think about it, I like them for it just because they feel more realistic to me. Well, I shouldn't say I like them, but I find them interesting. Most characters would stick stubbornly to the dark side, or they would make a dramatic turnaround and start sacrificing themselves, but the Malfoys continue to act selfishly and cowardly. Even in the moments when they make the better choice, I'm thinking of Narcissa and Draco when I say that, it's usually motivated by fear or self-interest, rather than a genuine desire to do good or evil. With their upbringing and their situation, that just feels natural to me. I agree, while I think Severus will be as real of a friend as they can have, I'm not sure how real that is yet. I can see Lucius preferring Severus's company over others just because he played such a crucial part in Severus becoming a Death Eater, and having him around is a reminder of the influence he has. I'm probably reading too much into it, but the way prefect Lucius welcomed Severus in The Prince's Tale made me think that he would be open to the idea of guiding him, though not purely for Severus's sake. ****No matter what, I think the Malfoys will continue to look out for themselves first. I think they're aware Severus would do the same, and I think it's possible that they'll reach some sort of unspoken alliance with that mutual understanding, especially since they're some of the smarter and higher ranked Death Eaters. I also agree that I don't think Severus is fully capable of receiving their friendship after Lily. I do know Regulus is the closest thing he has to a true friend, and Regulus sort of forced his way into that position, making Severus accept him very grudgingly. Even so, I don't think Severus will be able to realize how much of a real friend Regulus is until his death. You worded my thoughts on the Snape/James debate perfectly. I think Snape's flaws make his character. If he had been an innocent victim, I wouldn't have been inspired to write this story.**

**keyphoenix- Thanks for the review! Sadly, I don't think Severus will feel attracted to another girl. I think a girl may remind him of Lily, but instead of feeling attracted, I think he'll feel bitter and angry more than anything else. The other girls might as well be invisible. That being said, I haven't ruled out the possibility that he will go on a date. It might be a way to prove to himself he doesn't care about Lily, it might be Regulus's meddling, I haven't decided.**

**megancasey01- Thanks for all of the reviews! It means a lot that you took the time to review so many chapters. I couldn't find your HP story, but I would say just keep writing and not worry about how professional it looks. I think some my early chapters in this are terrible, and though my recent ones still feel flawed, I do feel that they aren't as flawed, and it makes me happy to know that I'm improving. I think writing more is really the one way you can improve. I'm happy you like James and Lily because there will be much more of them. I'm planning to end this story at the letter scene in the first chapter, but there will be an epilogue with Severus's death. And don't worry, I'm definitely planning to write more. May 2011 is when this story was first published, and I usually update every 2-3 weeks. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! There will be a Voldemort killing Lily scene (her last one, at least from her perspective) and many Harry and Snape scenes during Harry's time at Hogwarts.**


	93. Chapter 93 Death

**Thanks for the reviews! Another dreary chapter, I know, but I promise this story will get a little lighter during sixth year, at least from Lily's perspective. Severus's not so much, mainly because he won't have the good luck to befriend the Marauders. Also, I'm sorry this is so late, but I hope the recent chapter of Hero made up for it. I knew this chapter of Always was coming and I figured most of you could use something light in between all the angst. **

**Thank you to my beta, sparklyscrunchies, for editing this chapter!**

**Note- (SPOILER WARNING) I know the Vernon mention isn't canon, but I wrote him into the story before his section on Pottermore came out, and I thought the event that happens in this chapter was the best motivation for Petunia to betray Lily's secret. After this, I'll do my best to return to canon. Vernon will propose to Petunia during Lily's seventh year and Vernon and James will meet as described in Pottermore. The fact that this is technically not canon annoys me a little, but to be honest, when I think canon, my first thought is the books, and my main goal is to follow them. I'll try to work in anything JKR says after, as long as it doesn't contradict anything I've written so far, or anything crucial that I have planned out.**

**Chapter 92 Recap- Severus dreams of Lily's forgiveness. Briony has leukemia. With the help of Petunia, Lily tries to find a cure in her textbooks. Severus and Lily meet for a final time. Lily rejects Severus's apology, leaving Severus furious.**

**Chapter Ninety-Three- Death**

**1976**

_Let the thing be destroyed._

The words mocked him. They spilled across the crumbling parchment, faded black and flowing. If he closed his eyes, Severus could trace every slant and every curve, and the tips of his fingers would never once leave the centuries-old ink. After all, they were the same words he had been staring at all summer.

_Avada Kedavra. _

It was Unforgivable. The worst of the three. Two words and instant death. There was no escape from death. Once your eyes closed and your heart stopped beating, it was the end.

Severus flicked to the previous page of the old Prince book before him, unsurprised to see another spell, one no more excusable in the eyes of society, written out on the parchment with painstaking grace. The margins of the pages were decorated with several grisly sketches, writhing bodies and flames of hellfire splayed across invisible columns with artful precision. They were faceless creations, but just looking at them and imagining their silent screams of agony was enough to make anyone flinch.

The Cruciatus Curse. _I torture_. Severus didn't have to turn the page back once more to know that the Imperius Curse was just on the other side.

But it was the Killing Curse that fascinated him the most. The Dark Arts had always held a certain thrall over Severus. They weren't simple and transparent like the rest of magic. They were obscure with the capacity to be both great and terrible. Mastering death was the very essence of that terrible greatness. It was the best and the worst of magic, the most intricate of all curses. Severus wanted nothing more than to unlock that darkness. Not so he could mindlessly massacre the rest of the world, as he could clearly picture Mulciber doing someday. No, it was the knowledge that he craved, the complexity that captivated him. He wanted to understand what strands of magic had to be untangled in order for that final thread of life to snap.

It was the ultimate challenge.

Yet, as he returned to the _Avada Kedavra_ page and studied the lifeless figures and their empty faces, he couldn't deny that there was something else about the spell that refused to let him go.

Severus lifted his wand. It was hot from the summer sun that had miraculously managed to pound through the grime in his window. Slowly, his fingers closed over it, and he felt a rare flicker of gratefulness for Eileen. By living at Spinner's End, if it could really be considered living, she had kept away the Ministry's prying eyes; any underage magic he practiced would not raise any alarms. It was the only thing she had ever done for him, and she hadn't even done that for long, but it was enough. Magic was the only thing that had kept his sanity intact that summer.

Wand in hand, Severus eyed the fly that had settled on his lamp. Even though the shade was more gray than white, he could still see the speck of black vividly. His eyes fixed on it, he aimed his wand.

"_Avada Kedavra_."

He held his breath, but nothing came. It was nothing new; it was the same result that he had been faced with all summer. Even so, it irritated Severus. According to his book, insects should have been the easiest targets, the power required to kill them only a fraction of what would be necessary to end a human. Yet, after days and weeks and _months_ of practice, Severus Snape couldn't even harm a fly.

With a burst of sudden rage at that thought, Severus seized the lamp and hurled it across the room. He watched in relish as it broke, leaving a great black mark on the wall.

It was _her _fault. _She_ haunted every one of his thoughts, day and night. Even the few moments of sleep he had managed were tarnished by her presence. He saw the bright green of her eyes every time he inhaled, and then again when he had exhaled. Each time brought a new surge of pain and bitterness.

She hadn't forgiven him.

But that was just fine with Severus because he hadn't forgiven her either. He would never forgive her, not after she had torn their friendship to pieces and thrown them all into his face, not after he had humiliated himself, begging for her forgiveness. Lily Evans brought out the worst in him. She made him weak, and weakness was just another thing that Severus couldn't afford.

Suddenly, Severus was eerily aware of the sound of footsteps pounding on the stairs. He hadn't realized that Tobias had returned, Tobias who only climbed the stairs when he remembered he had a room to pass out in, or when he remembered he had a son. His footsteps were too quick and strong to be the former.

Something inside Severus froze, and for a moment, he couldn't move. He could only sit there in dread, hearing the shallow sound of his breathing without really hearing anything at all.

A second later, his senses came back with a jolt, sharper than they ordinarily were, and Severus snapped into action. He seized the Prince book that was still open in front of him, and shoved it under his mattress, along with his wand.

When the door burst open, Severus had just barely climbed back onto the mattress. It was still squeaking from his sudden movements. His head jerked up, a look of cool indifference already in place, but when he saw the black eyes staring down at him, as cold and empty as a pair of endless tunnels, it fell.

He didn't say anything. He knew not to say anything; it would be too much like prodding an angry beast with a stick. He could only stay there and wait.

It didn't take long. Tobias ripped his eyes away from his son as though he could no longer stand to look at him, and directed his gaze to the floor, where the broken lamp still lay. "So that's what all the noise was. Stupid boy. You break everything you touch."

Severus flinched.

"Why are you just sitting there?" Tobias snapped. "Clean it up."

Without thinking twice, Severus scrambled to the floor. In his haste, his knees pressed against a shard of ceramic, and he winced.

"Magic," Tobias scoffed, turning his head away from the scene. "I couldn't have had a son with brains."

Severus had accomplished so much. He knew almost every spell in the Prince books by heart, and had learned even more from Knights' meetings and Regulus's library. After five years, he had clawed his way up the Slytherin hierarchy and, against the odds, had succeeded in turning himself into a real threat. Maybe he was tainted with ragged robes, but he was clever, and more importantly, he was _good _at what he did. Probably better than any of the sixth or seventh years.

He forgot all that when Tobias was in the room. It was laughable that a Muggle who wouldn't know one end of a wand from the other held so much power over him. It wasn't the kind of power that could coil around your enemy's legs and bring to them the floor, forcing them to thrash around in pain no matter how much they begged for mercy. It was a power that came from his mere presence, as pathetic as it was, with his ill-fitting clothes and alcohol-drenched breath. It brought something that made Severus feel cold all over, as it had for years before that.

It was fear.

Tobias was still there when Severus had disposed of the shattered fragments. Severus didn't know why he was there, but before he could stop himself, his eyes darted to the mattress where his wand was hidden. It would have been so easy to take it out. He had taken on three of the Marauders only months ago; one Muggle was nothing.

His mind automatically went to reason. Harming flies was one thing; harming Muggles was quite another. Though the chances were still low, he was much more likely to be found out, and Tobias wasn't worth everything he had worked for. Cursing his father would be stupid. Severus _knew _it was stupid.

But that wasn't what kept him from going to his wand, no matter how much he told himself it was.

"Why're you just standing there?"

Severus didn't bother to point out that Tobias was also standing, that the only thing that his presence was contributing was poisoning his room with his foul breath. "Do you want me to do something?"

"Don't talk back to me, boy."

The fist came before Severus could blink. Dazed, he lifted his hand to his cheek, and between spots of red, he could see Tobias's tall frame.

Tobias's dark eyes flitted over his son's face and his mouth twisted in disgust. He raised his hand again, and Severus steeled himself, but the blow never came. Tobias lowered his arm.

"This place is filthy. You're just as useless as _she _was."

The words made Severus's blood boil more than any punch could. Tobias had barely held himself together out of alcohol and spite for as long as he could remember._ He _was the useless one who never tried to be anything else, doomed to live out every new day just as pitifully as the one before. He had succeeded in dragging Eileen down with him.

He wouldn't do the same with Severus.

As Tobias turned to leave, Severus stared at the stained back of his shirt, the permanently hunched shoulders, and he could feel his own fists clench in defiance.

No, he wouldn't be his father.

Severus shut the door. His teeth gritted together, he retrieved his wand from the mattress. It was cold and solid in his hands, and he gripped it tightly. His eyes scanned the room, half-expecting to find that the fly had buzzed away, but he found it against the window, black against the sunlight. It was crawling against the glass, as if looking for an escape, but when Severus's eyes narrowed, it stilled, as though it knew was what coming and had already given up.

Severus lifted his wand, and as he did so, images flooded his mind. He thought of Eileen floating around the house like a ghost even before she had killed herself. He thought of Tobias, the man who had destroyed any future he could have had, that their family could have had, because of his own weakness. He thought of Lily, the girl he had loved, the girl who had very nearly turned him into his father that summer, but she wouldn't because he still had a future, even without her. Especially without her. He was a half-blood Prince, and someday, the world would know it.

"_Avada Kedavra_."

The memory of green of Lily's eyes was blurred by the reality of the jet of light that shot from his wand. The target dropped to the sill. Hardly daring to believe what had just occurred, Severus's face hovered above the fallen fly, inspecting it for even the slightest of wing movements. He smiled, just barely.

It was dead.

**1976**

The funeral was on a Sunday.

It shouldn't have been a shock. The hospital visits had become more frequent until they stopped becoming visits and Briony hadn't come back home. She had just stayed there in the too-white room, covered in tubes that didn't even make her look human. Lily remembered sitting at the side of her mother's bed too clearly, the scent of disinfectant and medicine sharp in her nostrils. She remembered holding Briony's limp hand, knowing that the end was near and waiting for it to come, a growing dread twisting in the pit in her stomach. Or so she had thought.

She hadn't known that the end was coming. If she had, she wouldn't have felt like she was trapped in some hideous nightmare where people's lips moved and words never came out. It would have felt real.

It was over and everyone had left, but Lily was still wearing her black dress. It was ugly and scratched her skin, but changing out of it seemed unimportant, as did everything else. Edward had shut himself up in his study, and Petunia, their bedroom, while Lily floated around from room to room, feeling barely alive and utterly useless.

She _was_ useless. She had failed.

Lily stopped to linger outside the bedroom. Petunia had hardly said a word to her since Briony's death, and that had been four days ago. Lily didn't blame her. She hadn't felt like talking either. She still didn't feel like talking, but she could feel Petunia slipping away, and it frightened her. She had just lost a mother; she didn't want to lose her sister too.

Lily knocked on the door.

There was no answer.

"Tuney?" Lily said tentatively.

"Go away."

Lily's eyes widened at the coldness in Petunia's voice, but her hand remained on the doorknob. After a lengthy moment of deliberation, she twisted it and hesitantly stepped inside. Petunia didn't say anything; she was sitting on her bed, her back to Lily.

"I thought we could-" Lily began, but she faltered. She didn't know what they could do.

"I don't want to talk to you."

Lily flinched. She knew why Petunia was so angry. It was the reason why the guilt that had replaced the dread in her stomach would never leave.

"I'm sorry, Tuney," Lily whispered. "I shouldn't- I should have known."

Petunia whirled around so suddenly that Lily jumped back on instinct. Her blond hair wasn't pinned back as it had been at the funeral, nor was it neatly combed out as it had been every day of both their lives. It was tangled, falling messily around the sharp angles of her face, and looked even paler than usual next to her blotchy complexion and red eyes. Lily had never seen Petunia look as she did just then, vicious and wild like a savage beast that was about to tear up a forest and everything in it. It terrified her.

"You should have saved her." Petunia's gray eyes flashed accusingly. "You said that we could."

She had only said that they could try, but Lily didn't correct her, because she had as good as promised it. She had gotten Petunia's hopes up. She had known it would happen the moment she had asked for Petunia's help. She had brought her sister into the magic world, the world she had despised since they were children, to accomplish something that was doomed before they had even begun.

"You_ freaks _have common cold cures and broomsticks, but when it comes to something that matters, you have _nothing_."

Lily's throat was dry. "They don't have diseases like that. I should've known I couldn't-"

"So that's it, then," Petunia accused as she leapt up from the bed, planting her hands on her hips in fury. "They don't have diseases like normal people do, so they don't even bother with it. That's selfish. That's what it is. _Selfish_!"

"I'm sorry," Lily said again, but it was useless. She could only look at Petunia helplessly, silently begging her to understand.

"You should be. You go off to that _place_ every year. You should have heard the way Mum would talk about you," Petunia's voice was bitter as it raised in volume, but her eyes were shining with tears. "'_Lily_ is so gifted. _Lily _is going to accomplish so much.' What can you do, Lily? You can't even save your own mum!"

"I know I couldn't!" Lily nearly screamed back. "I'm sorry!"

"Girls!" Edward's voice was heard just before he reached the doorway. "What's going on?"

He looked so weary, as though he had aged a decade overnight, that Lily felt a new wave of guilt fall over her. It was heavy on her shoulders, and shame burned her cheeks. She averted her eyes, unable to meet the faces of her father and sister.

Petunia must have felt the same because she shut up at once, just as careful to avoid any eye contact. Her attention was focused on the cardigan she had slipped over the black dress she had worn that morning, her fingers taking an enormous amount of time with each button.

"Petunia?" Edward tried again, his voice softer this time as his eyes went back and forth between his two daughters. "Lily? What happened?"

"I'm going out," Petunia said shortly. "Vernon is picking me up."

"Tonight?" Edward looked so crestfallen that it made Lily's heart break. "I thought we would stay here tonight. Together."

Petunia bit her lip, her eyes glistening once more. She started shaking her head before the words managed to come out. "I'm sorry, Dad. But I can't."

She fled the room before any tears could fall, and Edward stared after her helplessly. Lily couldn't stand it a second longer; she gently placed a hand on his arm. "It's my fault. I'll talk to her."

She said the words before she realized what they meant, but once they were out, she didn't have the heart to take them back. Edward only nodded numbly, looking as though he was still digesting what had just occurred.

Lily caught Petunia at the door.

"Tuney, wait."

"I can't be here right now." Petunia was still doing her best to avoid meeting her eyes. She was fiddling with her cardigan again, unfastening a button only to fasten it again. "I need to talk to Vernon."

"Vernon?" Lily echoed with a sinking stomach. "You're not going to tell him..."

"About what you did?" Petunia scoffed, her hands dropping from her sweater in scorn. "Oh, Lily, he already knows."

Lily could feel the blood drain from her face. Vernon knew she was a witch. Vernon Dursley, who despised everything that wasn't strictly by the book even more than Petunia did. All of a sudden, Lily imagined the headlines, from _The Sun _to the _Daily Mirror_ to the _Daily Prophet_. After centuries of secrecy, the Wizarding world would be exposed, and it would all be because of her.

Petunia saw her expression. "Mum died and that's what you're upset about?" Her tone was thick with anger. "He won't tell anyone. He wouldn't want to associate himself with _your _kind."

"Tuney, that wasn't-"

"Oh yes, that's exactly what you were thinking. You're just as selfish as the rest of them. I don't know what I was thinking, going through those books. I actually thought-" Petunia's voice broke and she hastily recovered though her face wasn't quite the same. "I actually thought we could help her. It was stupid-"

"It wasn't stupid."

"You weren't the one who received _that _letter, Lily." Petunia's face was hard and Lily wavered. "I know just how helpful you people are."

The door slammed in Lily's face. She didn't know how long she stood there, blankly staring at the solid wood, but it wasn't until she felt her father's hand on her shoulder that she realized that she was still there.

"She'll come around," Edward said kindly. "She's just in shock. We all are."

Lily blinked rapidly and she could feel her chin quiver. He didn't deserve that, to feel the need to sort out his daughters' fights. Lily had a feeling that he was taking Briony's death harder than anyone, though he was doing his best not to show it. He was a good father. The very best she could have asked her. And she was a failure of a daughter who had once had a mother believe that she was gifted, but she wasn't gifted. If she had been, she would have been able to do something. To save Briony...to ease her pain...to not make Petunia hate her...anything but what she had done already.

"Lily?" Edward sounded concerned.

With a sob, Lily spun around, crashed into her father's chest, and hugged him tightly. As he silently squeezed her back, the tears came pouring. She had thought she had cried all the tears she had over the last four days, but now it was as though she had never cried at all. They were huge, racking sobs that made her eyes burn and body quake, and for a moment, she couldn't speak or even think. All she could do was cry.

"I'm sorry, Dad," Lily finally managed when there were no more tears left. She rubbed her eyes with her hands, vaguely aware that her head was throbbing, but she couldn't dwell in the pain.

"What are you sorry for?" Edward sounded surprised. "You were upset. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Not for crying." Lily didn't dare meet his eyes. She picked at her fingernails instead, not trusting her voice to go any louder than a whisper. "I told- I told her that I would fix her. A-And I didn't."

Edward was silent long enough for Lily to finally look up. When she did, he placed his hands firmly on her shoulders; his blue eyes, though pained, were serious. "Listen to me, Lily. What happened wasn't your fault."

"But I told her-"

"Your mother knew what was going to happen. She had already accepted it," Edward said firmly. "Whatever you told her didn't change that."

Lily wanted to believe him, but it didn't change the truth in what Petunia had said. She looked at him desperately. "I'm supposed to have magic, but what's the point of magic if I can't even help the people I care about?"

"You helped her just by being there for her. That's all she wanted."

Lily shook her head resolutely and crossed her arms. "It doesn't feel like it's enough." She glanced around the room, as if searching for answers, before returning to him. "It feels like everything I've learned for the last five years was for nothing. I can turn rats into teacups and matchboxes into mice, but I can't do anything worthwhile."

This time, it was Edward's turn to shake his head. "You're turning to magic for all the answers. Magic doesn't make what you do worthwhile; you do. You're a witch, Lily, but you're also human. Just as the rest of us are." He smiled at her sadly. "Perhaps magic can't fix everything, but maybe, that's a good thing."

Lily silently mulled his words over. They made sense, and while she knew he was probably right, it did little to ease the weight on her shoulders. No matter what, her mother was still gone, and that knowledge left a hole in her heart that made her chest ache painfully.

"Now why don't you change?" Edward nodded at her funeral clothes and straightened up. "I'll make us a pot of tea."

Numbly, Lily managed a nod back and departed for the stairs. Her footsteps were heavy, and once again, she felt as if she was lost in a nightmare, one that she couldn't wake up from, no matter how hard she tried. When she reached her bedroom and caught a glimpse of her reflection, she scarcely recognized herself, and dimly, she wondered if her cheeks had always looked so hollow. She then wondered if she even cared, and the answer was, no, she did not. She promptly abandoned the mirror for her closet.

It took more time and effort than it should have to remove her dress. Once it was off, Lily balled it up and tossed it in the back of her closet, not wanting to ever lay eyes on it again. She got dressed with the same slowness, choosing a worn shirt and an even more worn out pair of jeans that Petunia would have immediately thrown out if she ever dared step inside her closet. There. She had changed.

It was such a small thing that Lily barely noticed most days, but that evening, it felt like a great accomplishment. She was one step closer to normalcy, never mind there were at least a thousand more steps to take. It was still progress, and maybe one day, she would manage the rest.

The sight of Edward in the kitchen made her forget that thought.

She stopped in the doorway. He hadn't seen her yet; he was at the table, an untouched teapot and two mugs set out in front of him. His head was in his hands, and from the way his back shook, she could tell that he was sobbing. Lily had never seen her father cry until that moment, and the sight of him looking so completely and utterly broken was somehow even worse than seeing Briony in her final moments.

Clapping a hand over her mouth so he couldn't hear her, Lily turned away from the doorway and bolted. When she was at a safe distance, she let her hand fall down, and she cried too.

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I'm glad you're getting the impression that Severus is both a victim of circumstance and his own decisions because that's exactly what I'm trying to portray. I'm happy you're looking forward to the James/Lily scenes. James will continue to improve slowly, though he won't fully mature until seventh year. During sixth year, he and Lily will become good friends, and you'll be able to see a better though still immature side of James. **

**Guest- Sorry about the disappointment! While I have an outline I tend to stick to, I sometimes change my mind while writing the actual chapter. Sometimes it's because I realize it won't work timeline wise and sometimes it's just personal preference. James will meet Edward eventually. I'm excited for the rare opportunity to write a scene with James completely out of his comfort zone, so I have to write it. **

**keyphoenix- Thanks for the review! While I don't think Severus will ever be a hundred percent free of Lily, he'll try to convince himself that she doesn't mean anything to him. From graduation to the prophecy, he's going to go through a lot, and I think he'll be too focused on the Death Eaters to really obsess over Lily, especially since he won't be seeing her every day at Hogwarts. I'm not sure how happy he will actually be, but I do plan on giving him a few scenes with Regulus where he's at least content. That's partly because I'm excited to write Regulus's development and partly because I want Regulus to mean enough to Severus that he is affected by his death. **

**FourFandoms- Thanks for the review! Don't worry, I definitely haven't forgotten about Abomination. While planning Hero, I realized that there were going to be a lot of scene doubles, so I'm trying to catch up with Hero and work it out from there. If I ever get there, there will definitely be a chapter on the Snape/Sirius conflict. Writing Always made me more interested in Regulus, and Abomination will have a lot of Regulus, so I feel like I have to continue it for my own sake. **

**HPuni101- Thanks for the review and the recommendation! The ending of this story really is tragic, but I'm most likely going to write an epilogue that gives SOME closure to Severus and Lily, partly for them, partly for me, and partly for everyone reading. **


	94. Chapter 94 Circe

**Thanks for the reviews! Sorry this is so late, but I had family visiting and it was difficult to find time to write. This chapter isn't Hero, but it does get a little lighter, so I hope that's a relief for most of you.**

**Thanks to my beta, sparklyscrunchies, for editing!**

**Chapter 93 Recap- The end of summer. After months of failed attempts, Severus is finally able to kill a fly with Aveda Kedavra. Briony dies and the Evans family struggles with the aftermath.**

**Chapter Ninety-Four- Circe**

**1976**

They were idiots.

All of them.

Severus clung to the thought as he gritted his teeth, observing the nauseating spectacle of Platform Nine and Three-Quarters with great distaste. From the way the girls hugged each other and the boys gladly called out to one another, you would have thought that they hadn't seen each other in years. Not one lousy summer.

"What's the matter, Severus? You want a hug?"

Severus turned to find Regulus grinning at him. He didn't know how long the younger Black had been there, watching him, but he could tell from the glint in his eyes that whatever he had seen amused him immensely. Severus's scowl deepened.

"If you touch me, I'll shrivel your intestines."

He knew just the spell too. But Regulus didn't flinch. "Glad to see you too," he said brightly, tugging his trunk as he moved over to stand by Severus. "My holiday was excellent, thanks for asking. France is lovely this time of year. Have you tried their bouillabaisse?"

Severus glowered at him.

"And from the look on your face, I assume your holiday was brilliant as well." Regulus paused for a moment, allowing time for Severus to speak, but when he did not, his grin didn't falter, not even for a moment. "Should I just stand here in silence while you give death stares to everyone? The train doesn't start boarding for another five minutes."

This time, it was Regulus's turn to receive a so-called death stare.

"All right then. Silence it is."

"You wouldn't last a minute," Severus said darkly, but his jaw clenched and knuckles tightened when he caught a flash of red among a sea of blond and brown.

"More words. We're making progress." Regulus followed Severus's gaze, his eyes widening slightly. "She doesn't look too good, does she?"

"I don't know who you're talking about," Severus said coldly, but his eyes remained fixed on Lily. Regulus was right; she looked terrible, as though she hadn't slept in years. Her face was drained of any color, her lips were dry and cracked, and her hair hung limply around her shoulders. She was a ghost of the girl he had once loved, and for one beautiful moment, he wondered if it was all for him.

The moment was gone as Marlene McKinnon ran up and flung her arms around Lily. It was then that Severus decided that he didn't care about Lily's appearance or the possibility that it was because of him. If anything, he thought snidely, it was most likely her current company that was responsible.

"Idiots," Severus muttered beneath his breath. Everywhere he looked, he saw more and more of them. Gryffindors... Slytherins... Hugging. Talking. Looking as if they had missed one another, as if they _cared _about one another. It was all lies.

"Come on." Regulus elbowed Severus lightly, nodding towards the train. "It's boarding now."

With one last dark look at Lily, Severus yanked his trunk. It felt heavier than it ordinarily did, but he didn't care enough to use his wand. Just then, he didn't care about anything at all. A Ravenclaw nearly cut him off, but quickly backed away when he caught sight of Severus's cold black eyes. Severus, feeling strangely triumphant by what had just occurred, stepped onto the train and Regulus prattled on.

They settled on a compartment in the back. Fellow Knights Walden Macnair and Edgar Gibbons had already made themselves at home, which was just fine with Severus. Macnair and Gibbons were seventh years who kept to themselves for the most part, and while there was something eerie about Macnair's pale blue eyes that would make anyone's blood run cold, Severus would gladly take it over Mulciber's monologues.

Regulus didn't look at all daunted at being the youngest. He greeted the others with a confidence that Severus envied, unbothered by the fact that he only received nods in return.

"Were either of you at the Puddlemere-Quiberon match?" Regulus asked suddenly.

Gibbons nodded. Even his nods were curt.

"Did you see Bacall's Wronski Feint?"

"Bacall!" Gibbons scoffed with more emotion than Severus had ever seen from him. "I was watching Lynch. He _was _the match."

"Eh, I don't know." Regulus mulled it over and shook his head. "I think Smithison is better."

"He's only a Beater. Chasers are key to a winning team."

Regulus shook his head again. "That's what most people think. They underestimate Beaters. They're too blinded by the Quaffle to see when a Bludger is coming. It's sort of like what you were saying about chess, Severus. Have you seen him play, Walden? He's brilliant."

When Severus didn't say anything, Regulus kicked him- hard. Severus supposed it was indication that he should make the effort to join in, which irritated him, considering Gibbons's and Macnair's lack of social skills were the reason why he had been pleased with the compartment in the first place. At least he had been pleased, until Regulus had somehow managed a personality switching spell on Gibbons.

Gibbons didn't seem to notice Severus's silence. He sat up and leaned forward, eyeing Regulus appraisingly. "You're a Seeker, right? Aren't you too busy worrying over the Snitch to care about Bludgers?"

"I do both," Regulus said smugly. "How do you think I got the Snitch last time? Carroll almost caught it, just before he was knocked off his broom."

"I remember that!" Gibbons let out a surprisingly high chortle which made Severus's eyes bulge in surprise. He quickly recovered and stared ahead, only to realize that he was looking directly into Macnair's cool blue gaze. Stiffening, Severus turned to the window instead.

The compartment door slid open, and for once, Severus was grateful for the intrusion. He hoped that it meant an end for the Quidditch chatter.

"Oh no," Regulus muttered.

Severus eyed the boy who had just walked in. He was short and skinny with pale hair and a spattering of freckles across his red nose. He looked vaguely familiar; Severus thought he was a fourth year, though he could have easily passed for a second or third.

"Hi Regulus," the boy said thickly as he squashed himself in the corner next to Macnair, who made no effort to scoot back. "How are your parents?"

"Hi Barty." For once, Regulus looked extremely uncomfortable. "They're fine. Yours?"

"Mum is sick and Father was promoted to Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement." The boy, Barty, unfolded a handkerchief and blew into it- loudly. This time, Macnair inched away, looking thoroughly disgusted.

"I heard," Regulus said stiffly.

"Oh." Barty set down his handkerchief in his lap. "I forgot that was the position your dad wanted. Sorry."

It was perfectly done; his voice was apologetic, his sniffling a touch of harmless innocence, yet there was a glint in his brown eyes that Severus hadn't noticed before, and he knew that Barty hadn't forgotten, not for a second.

"It's fine," Regulus waved his hand. "Dad is too loyal to the pure bloods."

His words were light, enough to be dismissed, yet the implication lingered. Sometimes Severus forgot that Regulus had been brought up by Blacks, but in moments such as these, he remembered it perfectly.

It had the desired effect. There were looks exchanged all around, and in that moment, there was a silent vote of unanimity: Barty's father wasn't loyal to the cause, making his offspring an intruder. Barty knew it too. His eyes narrowed.

"Father can be soft sometimes," he said finally. "Sometimes I think he would have been better off in Hufflepuff."

Gibbons snorted. "Crouch? What was he, a Gryffindor?"

"Slytherin."

Gibbons raised his eyebrows at that and Barty seized the silence.

"I can see it, in a way. He's been aiming for Minister of Magic for as long as I can remember. I s'pose that's where I get it from."

"You want to be Minster of Magic," Macnair said flatly.

"No." Barty smiled at that. "I want to be with the people who matter."

Somehow, with that smile, little Barty with his damp handkerchief and red nose looked far more sinister than the hulking Macnair. There was another exchange of glances, and Barty blew his nose again.

"Anyone fancy a game of Exploding Snap?"

The rest of the train ride passed slowly. In Barty's presence, Regulus wasn't nearly as chatty, and Severus found that he didn't like the silence as much as he thought he would. He didn't want to ask to borrow one of Regulus's Black books, not in front of Barty, son of the Head of the Magical Law Enforcement department. He had a feeling Macnair and Gibbons were equally as wary. Macnair had traded in a book for the _Daily Prophet_ and Gibbons had thumbed through a Quidditch magazine twice. Having no other choice, Severus kept himself amused by working out future spells in his head. It was safe there.

Finally, the train stopped. Once it had, Barty hopped up from his seat, seemingly unaware of any tension he had created. Macnair and Gibbons were at the door after him, when Regulus stopped them.

"Severus was going to teach me a cool hex he invented after the feast tonight. It makes your enemy's toenails grow really fast. Want to come?"

Severus felt a twinge of irritation. He had mentioned the hex to Regulus, but he hadn't said anything about teaching him, and he certainly hadn't mentioned anything about wanting to teach anyone else. Though, he supposed it hardly mattered. Macnair would grimace, Gibbons would shake his head, and tomorrow morning, Regulus's moment of insanity would be forgotten.

But Macnair did not grimace and Gibbons did not shake his head. Instead, they looked intrigued. Gibbons was the first to speak.

"Depends. I won't be the test subject for this?"

Regulus laughed as though Gibbons had made a very clever joke. Severus scowled. "No, anyone else is fair game though."

"All right."

And that was that. They left, and Severus turned to Regulus, his black eyes smoldering with barely contained rage. "What was that?" he hissed.

"Making you friends," Regulus was as nonchalant as if they were discussing the weather. "Or do you want to mope over Evans all year?"

"I don't mope," Severus retorted hotly. "I contemplate."

"Well, you look like you just found the Grim in your tea leaves. Someday, when you're not a miserable old git, you'll thank me."

Severus sincerely doubted it. His face said as much. Regulus rolled his eyes.

"Just go tonight, okay? If you don't want friends, think about the Knights. Hanging around them outside meetings could do you some good."

"You mean it would purge me of any Mudblood contamination," Severus said sarcastically.

"Yes," Regulus said flatly and Severus's mouth shut. "You're a half-blood. You were already behind the rest of us. Hanging with a Mudblood for so long didn't do you any favors."

"I-"

"You didn't grow up in the same world I did. Blood purists don't just hate Mudbloods; they're afraid of them." Regulus let out a deep breath. "Mudbloods are...different from us. We inherit our magic. Where do they get theirs?"

Severus was silent.

"No one knows how or why. And they're becoming more powerful. It's changing things. Blood purists...they hate change and anything different. Being friends with a Mudblood is both of those."

"She's not my friend," Severus said curtly. The words stung because they were true.

"All I'm saying is that..." Regulus's voice trailed off and he looked helplessly at the ground before looking up again, his brown eyes meeting Severus's. When he spoke, he was his eager self again. "Things got worse this summer. You need to convince them that you're one of them. Yeah, you're a Knight, and that's really good, but not all Knights become...you know."

Not all Knights became Death Eaters.

Severus had worked so hard. He had sacrificed everything, even Lily. Becoming a Death Eater, becoming part of the inner circle, wasn't just another step to becoming someone. It was _the_ step. Without it, he might as well pick up a bottle of cheap liquor and become his father.

"I know," Severus said tightly.

And that was the end of the conversation.

**1976**

Lily hadn't wanted to go back.

It wasn't that she had been happy at home. Home was miserable. It was always quiet, always empty, and when there were people, they weren't the same people she had grown up with. They were strangers. Her father hardly smiled and Petunia never did.

Even so, she hadn't wanted to leave them. Edward especially. She hadn't seen him cry since that night, but she was terrified of leaving him alone. If he broke again, she wanted to be there to pick up what pieces she could.

But they had insisted. Or at least Edward had. Petunia had stayed silent on the subject, looking as though she had been forced to swallow a lemon whenever it came up. When it was time for Lily to be dropped off at King's Cross, Petunia had claimed she had plans that could not be changed, and muttered a half-hearted goodbye while walking out the door. Now she was probably off to dinner with Vernon.

And Lily was on her way to Scotland.

The train whistled and the floor rattled beneath Lily's feet. She stared out the sparkling glass, a Cleansing Charm no doubt, and tried to focus on the good. She liked Hogwarts. Her friends were there. Her subjects were interesting. She had a future there. It was _good _that she was going there.

Yet something about it felt terribly wrong.

"Lily, do you want the other half of my pumpkin pasty?" Marlene offered, dangling the unappetizing remains of her treat in front of Lily.

Alice's eyes widened, as if realizing she had made a grave mistake. "I have an extra Sugar Quill." Immediately, she fumbled through her things, scrunching up her nose in disconcertment as she did so. "I know it's here somewhere."

Mary held out a copy of _Witch Weekly_. One that she had not yet finished. "You can have my magazine."

Lily knew she should have forced a smile, but all she could do was stare at them in horror. Ever since she had stepped foot onto Platform Nine and Three-Quarters, her friends had been unnaturally nice, and this was just the final straw. "No." She hurriedly held up her hands, shaking her head. "No. I don't want- You don't have to do this."

Alice and Marlene exchanged looks.

"We want to do this," Marlene said firmly. "It's not that unusual. Honestly, Lily, you're acting like we're usually horrible."

Lily stopped shaking her head to stare at her friend in disbelief. "Marlene, since when do you stop eating in the middle of a pumpkin pasty and when have you ever offered me half? Alice, you guard your Sugar Quills like a dragon hoards treasure. Mary, you're not even halfway through. You haven't even done the quiz yet."

"It's a perfectly good pumpkin pasty," Marlene muttered.

"Just be normal, _please_," Lily pleaded. "Everything is weird enough. I don't need all of you being weird too. I don't want to talk about-" Her voice wavered and her face paled. "I just want you to talk about what we normally talk about."

There was another round of glances exchanged.

"We can do that," Alice said. Marlene and Mary both nodded.

"Good," Lily exhaled. She gestured at them. "So, talk."

A silence unfolded as Alice, Marlene, and Mary looked at each other blankly. Internally, Lily screamed.

"I'm going to walk around for a bit," Lily said, breaking the silence. She waved her hand. "Just continue on doing...what you're doing."

Marlene opened her mouth and shut it. Alice shifted. Mary stared at her hands. When Lily stood up, no one could meet her eyes. A little too quickly, she shut the compartment door, almost guilty at the relief that rushed over the moment it was closed.

They didn't mean harm. They were trying to help. Lily knew that. But she also knew that she was eerily close to her breaking point, and if someone offered her another magazine, she would shred it with her bare hands.

The corridor was empty. Lily stood there, looking at the rows of compartment doors without really seeing them at all. Absentmindedly, she wondered if she could stay there the entire time. It sounded more appealing than sitting with Marlene, Mary, and Alice and watching them exchange wary looks.

All of a sudden, the compartment only two away from her own opened, and she jumped at the sound, startled. Thoughts of her friends and Briony were momentarily forgotten.

"Hi Lily."

It was Remus. Lily blinked.

"Hi."

He was looking at her strangely. She wondered if she looked different. She felt different, like a stranger wearing Lily's clothes.

"Are you...all right?"

Lily gave a faint smile. She was getting that question a lot lately, yet she still didn't know the answer. "I'm fine." She didn't ask how his holiday was. Not when she knew it would lead to him asking the same.

"Uh, okay. Good." Remus cleared his throat. "Do you need somewhere to sit? We have plenty of room."

His hand was already on the door as though he already knew her answer. Lily knew what answer he was expecting. It was the only logical answer, the one she herself was expecting.

Which was why she was shocked to hear herself say, "Okay."

Remus did a double take, but he didn't look at all regretful of his invitation. If anything, he seemed pleased by her acceptance. With a slight smile, he opened the door and nodded at it. "Come on in."

Hands shoved in her pockets, Lily stepped in, already feeling as though she had made the wrong choice. The feeling only magnified when she saw three Marauders inside, lounging comfortably about. Black was lazily flicking through a magazine that had Muggle motorcycles of all things on the cover. Pettigrew was munching on a Chocolate Frog, a small stack of unopened treats right next to him. And then there was Potter...

Oh no. Potter.

_"You don't think about anyone but yourself. Do you even care about anyone at all? You're selfish, James Potter, and I hate you."_

She had screamed at him. She had _cried _all over him. Quickly, Lily's eyes darted away, and she searched frantically for something to focus on, but it was too late. She had already seen him, feet propped up on the seat across from him, hands folded behind his head. His eyes had been half-closed as if he was about to drift off to sleep, but they widened when they saw her, and suddenly, he was wide awake.

Abruptly, Potter's feet dropped to the ground and he straightened up. A hand went to his hair, but just before his fingers could ruffle his already tousled locks, his arm fell limply to his side. As much as she had resented it in lessons, the common room, the Great Hall, and nearly every time she saw Potter, Lily wished he had gone ahead with that aggravating little gesture. It would have added some normality to their situation.

But there was no normality. Only an unsettled Lily, an unsettled Potter, the latter unsettling Lily even further. Lily wondered if it was too late to bolt; sharing a compartment with Marlene, Mary, and Alice, or even Blaine Mulciber, was sounding more appealing by the second.

"Lily's going to sit with us," Remus said cheerfully, promptly dashing Lily's plans. In spite of his light voice, he sent Black a hard look, who was watching Lily with a calculating expression as she hobbled over the Marauders' belongings, en route to the seat that had been formerly occupied by Potter's feet. Black's scrutiny would have raised Lily's guard on an ordinary day, but she was too distracted by Potter to think twice about it. She couldn't look up. She wouldn't look up.

"Chocolate Frog?"

It was Pettigrew who spoke, but Lily jumped all the same, as if she had been caught red-handed. She let out a shaky laugh, embarrassed by her reaction, and focused on the blue and gold package. It didn't_ look _tampered with.

"Um, okay. Thanks."

She was relieved to have something to do with her hands, but as she tore the little box open, she was uncomfortably aware of how loud it was. It didn't help that three out of four Marauders (she couldn't be sure if it was only three, as she was still doing her very best to avoid looking at Potter) were watching her, though Black was pretending to read his magazine.

Lily glanced down at the card, grateful for the distraction. Her eyebrows quirked at the figure, a woman with flowing black hair, clad in a white chiton.

"What is it?"

"Circe."

While she sometimes thought they were interesting to read, Lily wasn't an avid collector of Chocolate Frog cards. In truth, any she had were the ones she had somehow neglected to throw out. Evidently, the Marauders felt differently.

At their suspicious silence, Lily looked up, wondering if she had said something wrong. When she saw their faces, she was certain she must have. Pettigrew's eyes had bugged out until they were the size of saucers. Black had abandoned his magazine entirely, no longer cool and shrewd. Potter was gaping at her in disbelief, any awkwardness forgotten. Even Remus, arguably the only sane one, was visibly taken aback.

Then, it was as if Lily's words had finally sunk in for everyone, and a commotion exploded.

"You're _joking_."

"Let me see that!"

"That's...unexpected."

All of a sudden, Lily had Marauders clambering over trunks and books and sweets in an effort to get close. In seconds, she had all four pressed up against her, and while she was sure there were plenty of girls who would have been more than delighted for this moment, Lily was not one of them. She elbowed Black in the ribs.

"I'll let all of you see the card if you just let me breathe."

Apparently those were the magic words; they sprang back as if they had been burned. Since he had been the one to offer her a Chocolate Frog in the first place, Lily passed the card to Pettigrew first, who gazed at it as if it were the Holy Grail.

"So...that's a good one, I suppose?"

"_Good_?" Black was looking up at her with narrowed eyes. "It's one of the rarest ones. James has only been looking for one his entire life."

"Oh," Lily said awkwardly as Pettigrew reluctantly returned the card to her. "I didn't know."

Potter seemed to have recovered his senses; he had sat back down and away from Lily, and was doing his best to look casual. He still didn't look up at the mention of his name, but he shrugged, and she could tell that he was trying extremely hard not to gawk at the card.

"Um, you can have it," Lily said after a pause.

His head shot up. Pettigrew and Black goggled at her as if she had gone mad, but for some reason, Remus did not look at all surprised. He looked as though he was holding back a smile.

"You can't give away Circe," Potter said flatly.

Lily was bewildered. "Why?"

"It's _Circe_."

From her palm, the woman in the card glared viciously at Lily, as though she should have known such a thing. It made parting with her even easier than before.

"I don't care," Lily insisted. "Really. Take it."

Potter hesitated.

"If you don't take it, I will," Black volunteered.

"Bugger off, Padfoot. You already have one." Potter didn't look away from Lily. His hand reached out, but still, he hesitated.

"Take it, Potter, or I'll hex your hair green."

Potter's lips twitched. "Always so charming, Evans."

Lily couldn't help it; she smiled back. The awkwardness was forgotten and the usual threats were ready on the tip of her tongue. She hadn't realized just how much, but she had missed it. A lot. Potter reached for the card and his callused fingers brushed against hers when he took it.

"Thanks," he said, nodding at the card. "I mean it."

His hazel eyes met Lily's, and for the first time since entering the compartment, Lily didn't have the urge to look away. This time, it was her turn to fiddle with her hair. She tucked a lock behind her ear, trying to sound nonchalant.

"It's no big deal."

"I knew I shouldn't have given up that Frog," Pettigrew said so mournfully, that all eyes zeroed in on him. Black tossed him another miniature blue and gold box from the pile of sweets.

"Cheer up, Wormtail."

Wormtail. She'd never get used to their nicknames. But as bizarre as they were, they were oddly fitting, and Pettigrew didn't seem to think twice about it. He tore open the box like a child on Christmas, sending bits of cardboard flying everywhere. His face glowed with happy anticipation, until it fell completely, and even Lily had to laugh at how crestfallen he looked.

"_Dumbledore_. Not again."

"Dumbledore's cool," Potter said defensively.

"Easy for you to say." Pettigrew flicked the card at him with a face. "You have Circe."

Potter grinned at that, and his eyes went to the card that still hadn't left his hands. "Yeah, I do. Thanks to Evans."

"Hopefully you'll remember that the next time you try to mess with my Strengthening Solution in Potions," Lily muttered, just loudly enough to be heard by everyone.

"I wasn't _messing _with it." Potter lifted his gaze to send her an affronted look. "I was trying to help you."

"You nearly blew up the classroom!"

Potter gave the other Marauders an incredulous look, as if asking _can you believe how unreasonable Evans is being? _which of course made Lily send him a glare that clearly said _are you of all people really implying that _I'm _unreasonable?_

"No good deed goes unpunished, Prongs." Remus flicked a page of his book. Lily recognized it as one of their textbooks for Defense Against the Dark Arts, and with a sinking stomach, she was reminded of the fact that she hadn't gone through her new books that summer as she had all the summers before. Nor had she completed the assigned schoolwork.

"And people wonder why I've resigned myself to a life of mischief and misconduct," Potter said with a hefty sigh. He followed Lily's gaze. "Don't tell me you're going to make me do my homework now."

"I'm a prefect, not your parent," Lily said primly. "I'd be in St. Mungo's if I were."

Pettigrew chortled, but it was cut off by a loud yelp. Lily's eyes darted down to see Black set his foot down. Wincing, Pettigrew rubbed his knee.

"Since you mentioned it," Remus began, causing Potter and Black to exchange knowing glances, "you should start on your essay for Potions. It _is _due the first day of class." There was a tone in his voice that gave Lily the impression that he was used to being the Marauders' living, breathing planner.

"We're not even at Hogwarts yet," Black said impatiently. "I'm not planning to start until tonight. What about you, Prongs?"

"Breakfast, probably." Potter let out a yawn. "But even that seems a little early."

Remus looked half-exasperated, half-amused, and he glanced at Lily, obviously expecting her to share his sentiments. What he didn't know was that Lily had forgotten all about her essay. It was as if she had been dumped in a pool of ice-cold water. Her heart began to pound and she felt completely and utterly panicked.

How could she have been so stupid? She had had an entire summer to work on it.

"You can look at mine if you haven't finished," Remus offered, evidently all too familiar with the procrastination panic symptoms.

"That's okay," Lily said quickly, and she forced a smile. "Um, which essay are you talking about?"

There was a flicker of concern in Remus's eyes. "The Potions one. The review on moonstones. Sixteen inches."

Moonstones. Lily let out a shaky breath of relief. They had learned all about those in fifth year. She could scribble down sixteen inches of parchment in no time.

"There's also the theory of _Aguamenti_ for Transfiguration and the dream journal for Divination."

Lily felt her smile freeze. "Right."

"Where is that trolley?" Black had had enough of schoolwork discussion, much to Lily's relief. He glanced around, as if expecting the trolley witch to materialize behind his shoulder. "I'd kill for a Cauldron Cake."

Pettigrew offered him a Jelly Slug, which he accepted rather sullenly and picked up his magazine again. Potter saw him, and frowning, he felt his robes for his wand.

Remus didn't look up from his book. "If you set it on fire again, I'm not buying another one."

Lily, whose eyes had been frantically darting back and forth in an effort to keep up with them all, couldn't help but wonder how he did that.

"It's just so _weird_. How aren't they moving?" Potter's frown deepened, and he reached over to give the magazine a prod, but before he could, Black expertly evaded him.

"Sorry, mate, but you heard what Moony said. I have plans for this."

"What sort of plans?" Lily asked curiously.

Black gave her another look, and Lily felt a twinge of annoyance. She and Black had never been friends, but he was acting as though she was a sworn enemy who shouldn't be trusted, let alone spoken to. Maybe she had figured out he was an illegal Animagus the year before, but it wasn't as if she had told anyone.

"Plans," Black said coolly.

"He's going to buy a motorcycle and live in a Muggle village," Pettigrew piped up. "I'm allowed to visit him on Saturdays."

"_Wormtail_."

"You want to live in a Muggle village?" Lily was flummoxed. She couldn't imagine why anyone would want to trade in magic for a world of parking meters and automobiles, where people used broomsticks to sweep things instead of flying. It just seemed so ordinary, so _dull_, for someone like Black, or Potter, for that matter.

Black shrugged. "I'm not going to live anywhere. I'm going to just go places on my bike. See the world."

"But how will you pay for petrol?"

"Petrol?" Black stared at her as though she was speaking a foreign language.

Thankfully, they were interrupted by the arrival of the trolley witch. Black brightened at that, and for the moment, seemed to forget about his mysterious grudge against Lily. After a great deal of Sickles and Knuts had been passed around, the trolley witch departed, leaving behind a miniature feast of sweets.

Ever since she had stepped foot on Platform Nine and Three-Quarters, Lily had craved normality. She had wanted things to go back to precisely the way they had been before. But as she slouched back with the Marauders, gorging on Cauldron Cakes and Pumpkin Pasties, Lily wondered if normality was what she had wanted after all. What she was doing right now was the furthest from normal she could be, yet she thought she was almost happy.

At least she was happier than she had been the entire summer, because in their presence, Lily could forget. In those next few hours, reality was a darkened haze, barely visible in the brilliance of the Marauders. They had a way of drawing all eyes, all thoughts to them. It was like being caught up in a circus. A wonderfully mad, larger than life circus where colors were bright and rules did not exist.

It ended when the train stopped. It wasn't the sickening lurch of finality that did it. Nor was it the chilly air that greeted them when the doors popped open.

It was the carriages.

For four years, carriages had picked Lily up from the Hogsmeade Station, delivering her to the gates of Hogwarts. They were sleek and black with headlamps glowing bright in the misty blue light. And they were horseless.

These were not.

If they could even be called horses. Lily stared at the skeletal creatures in horror. They looked like they were something out of a Muggle film, their faces scaly and reptilian, their wings vast and leathery. What disturbed her most of all was the lack of reaction they were getting. Everyone went on as if everything was normal and Lily was the only one who was not.

"Coming, Evans?"

She had thought she had lost him in the crowd. Lily didn't move. She swallowed, and after a slight hesitation, she nodded over to the horses. "What are those?"

Potter glanced back to the carriages and then at her. He raised an eyebrow. "Carriages."

"No," Lily said impatiently, tilting her head back so she could see his face properly, searching for any signs of amusement. It would be just like Potter to convince her she was mad. "Next to them. Pulling them."

Potter's eyebrow raised even further, as if unsure of what to make of her, and to Lily's horror, she realized that he was being serious. "Er- nothing? Are you feeling all right? You look...sick."

Lily felt sick, but she forced a smile, trying to act as though her knees weren't wobbling and she wasn't on the verge of losing her mind, if she hadn't already. "I'm fine."

Potter looked unconvinced, but Pettigrew bellowed at him, something about leaving something on the train, and his attention was momentarily diverted. Someone moved from behind Lily, causing her to inhale sharply in alarm, until she realized it was only Black.

"They're thestrals," Black said flatly when he caught her looking. "He can't see them."

Lily swallowed. "You can?"

Black gave her a look that she couldn't quite read. It was almost pitying. But then it fled, and his pale gray eyes hardened once more.

"You see them when someone dies."

He didn't linger to see her reaction. He moved on, leaving Lily staring after him in the mist. Unwillingly, she felt her gaze being pulled elsewhere until, finally, it settled on the thestrals once more. One of them lifted its head, tossing its tangled black mane in the air.

Lily shivered, and as a gust of wind blew past her, she thought she could smell the acrid antiseptics of The London Hospital, mingled with the bergamot and lemon notes of Briony's perfume. The hole in her heart tore just a little more.

**Snarky64- Thanks for the review and for letting me know! Don't worry, I'm not planning to have a graduation ceremony. I worded that badly in my response. What I should have said was post-Hogwarts. **

**PLH- Thanks for the review! I'm not sure if Snape will ever see James and Lily kissing. I know he'll definitely see a lot of them and their happy moments, so I think a kiss is definitely possible.**

**Megan- Thanks for the review! I should update Abomination soon, but I was waiting to catch up with Hero, which should be in another chapter or two. **

**SiriusTheBlack- Thanks for the review! Not dropping Abomination! While I really enjoy writing it, I'm trying to focus on my original work, and when I do have time to write fan fiction, I feel obligated to work on this story just because it's so long and I have a lot more people reading it. Like I told the reader above, I was waiting to catch up with Hero, but I may update sooner just because I've been thinking about Regulus lately. **

**rozemc- Thanks for the review! I agree, Lily and Petunia's relationship really is tragic, and while I can understand why she felt the way she did, I also think she was horrible for treating Harry the way she did. I don't think I've ever thought of James/Lily versus Vernon/Petunia, but I agree with everything you said. While writing James and Lily, I often think that they make each other happier and better, and that's the opposite impression I get from Petunia and Vernon. I'm not sure how accurate this is, but since I couldn't find any rules that contradicted it, I made it so that Severus won't get in trouble because it's not, at least it wasn't, a strictly Muggle household. I know I read that magical parents can interfere with the Trace so the Ministry tends to focus on Muggle-borns, so I decided to go that route, though I don't know if Eileen's death would have made a difference. If it turns out that he should have gotten caught, I have a backup plan that I'll most likely use anyway once Severus becomes a Death Eater. **

**EmberskyofShadowclan- Thanks for the review! I'm glad you found this story! There will be a lot of James this year, and since it's too late to tell you that he'll be in this chapter, I'll tell you that he'll also be in the next one. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I'm glad you're enjoying this story. I try to update every 2-3 weeks, but this update might be later because I had family visiting and was unable to write. **

**JPLE94- Thanks for the review! While it's too late to tell you that, yes, there's a lot of James in this chapter, I'll tell you that James also makes an appearance in the next chapter. I hope you enjoy it!.**


	95. Chapter 95 Amortentia

**Thanks for the reviews! I'm a little nervous about the end of this chapter, but I hope you enjoy it.**

**Thank you to my beta, sparklyscrunchies, for editing!**

**Chapter 94 Recap- Hogwarts Express. Severus and Regulus sit with other Knights and Barty Crouch Jr. Lily sits with the Marauders, and after some awkwardness, makes progress with James. At their arrival, she is able to see thestrals for the first time.**

**Chapter Ninety-Five- Amortentia**

**1976**

_She _wasn't at the Great Hall during breakfast.

Not that Severus cared. If he did at all, it was only to spare himself of the sight the girl who had not only torn up their friendship into pieces, but spat upon its remains. She wasn't Lily anymore. She was Evans. She was a Mud- Muggle-born.

Irritated with himself, Severus focused on the morning's edition of the _Daily Prophet_ that was in front of him, a copy someone had left on the table. As he read the article for the third time, he felt another flicker of resentment for Tobias. If it weren't for his father, he would have had the newspaper delivered to Spinner's End every day, and he wouldn't have been so behind. It was a feeling that Severus was not used to and one that he disliked immensely.

"The Minister will reveal recovery aid plans for Merwyn Valley," Severus read aloud to himself. His forehead creased with a mixture of bewilderment and irritation. What had happened in Merwyn Valley? And what had happened to the Shacklebolts? _Who_ were the Shacklebolts? And _why _was the name Potter popping up everywhere? Angrily, he sifted through the pages, struggling to make sense of it all.

It was maddening. He didn't know how many had died, which side was ahead, if the Ministry had taken any action, yet he knew that Mulciber had gotten a brand new Nimbus for his birthday _and _managed to see a handful of cursed mummies in Egypt.

With that thought, Severus lifted his eyes from the paper to glare at Mulciber, who was still boasting about how he had almost locked a Muggle-born in a sarcophagus. Severus wished someone would lock _him_ in a sarcophagus.

"Regulus," Severus said very reluctantly, in a low voice so no one else would hear them. It was almost painful to do so. "What happened in Merwyn Valley?"

Regulus set his toast down and swallowed, though a little too quickly, and he ended up choking. He guzzled down pumpkin juice while Severus waited impatiently for him to stop coughing.

"Aurors tracked down some Death Eaters and attacked. It ended badly for both sides, Aurors especially, and Merwyn Valley is a wreck." Regulus coughed again and clutched his throat. "I think it's still stuck in my throat."

"And the Shacklebolts?" Severus pressed urgently.

"It's not like I'm struggling for air or anything." Regulus made a very undignified face at him as he took another gulp of pumpkin juice. "Aurors. The wife went missing after the duel."

"And why is Potter's name mentioned everywhere?" Severus couldn't keep an ugly scowl from creeping to his lips; it seemed to contort his entire face all at once. A picture of Charlus Potter covered half the front page, and with his slightly disheveled hair and glasses, Severus had a nasty feeling he knew exactly who he was.

"Charlus Potter is Head of the Auror Office. His father. You didn't know?"

_"Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart! Like my dad."_

"Of course he is," Severus muttered in distaste.

"If it makes you feel better, they're saying his time is almost up. He's been around forever, and the war isn't going as the Ministry had hoped." Regulus rolled his eyes. "My mum is thrilled. I wonder why she hasn't blasted him off the family tapestry yet. She was more than happy to when Sirius left."

That caught Severus's attention, as much as he loathed to admit it. "Your brother left?"

"Oh, yes." Regulus's usual smile slipped. "He had a big row with my parents and he went off to live with the Potters."

Severus's eyes darted towards the Gryffindor table, and he could feel his lips curl in disgust. Of course it all worked out for Black. He didn't like his home, so he ran away, and got a new one just because he could. It was sickening.

"I didn't know," Severus said finally.

Regulus shrugged, though Severus could still tell he was troubled. His eyes dropped to his plate and he picked up his fork and pushed around the remains of his breakfast."How could you? It's not like my family is shouting it from the rooftops. When he was Sorted into Gryffindor, my parents figured it was part of his rebellious stage, that he'd grow out of it. But now, they've realized, I suppose...it's real."

Against his will, Lily's face surfaced in his thoughts, and Severus looked down at his plate too. Just then, he felt something for Regulus that he couldn't understand. It tasted sour, like regret, and his stomach knotted painfully. As he watched a miserable Regulus from the corner of his eyes, his face half-hidden beneath a shock of dark hair, Severus thought he could almost see himself.

"I'll teach you that tongue-locking curse if you want later," Severus said suddenly.

Regulus's eyes widened in surprise, and for a second, he looked as though he had almost forgotten his brother. He set down his fork. "Really?"

Severus shrugged nonchalantly, as though he hadn't spent all of last year refusing to do just that. "Yeah."

"Cool, thanks!" Regulus smiled at him, and for a horrifying moment, Severus thought he could see right through him. His next words confirmed it. "You know, you're not the heartless git you try to be."

Severus stared at him.

"At least not all the time. I'm going to be late for Transfiguration. See you later," Regulus stood up, still grinning.

Severus didn't blink as Regulus left the table. Regulus was wrong. That summer, Severus had been careful to rid himself of any weaknesses. He had to be strong, and hearts and everything that went with them were for the weak. Lily ripping his own heart in half had taught him that. He didn't care about anyone now. He couldn't.

Yet he couldn't deny he had felt something crumble inside of him when Regulus had told him about his brother. Severus knew better than anyone what it was to be betrayed, to have the one person you cared about most walk away as if you were nothing. Severus felt the hatred for Sirius Black simmer once more, and with it, anger for Lily Evans.

That hatred stayed with him through the time it took for him to receive his N.E.W.T.-approved schedule, all the way to the Potions dungeon, his first class for the day. It gave Severus a new power that showed in the sharpness of his strides. It only took one look at his scowling face and sweeping robes to send first years scurrying to the sides, and he relished it.

That power was forgotten when he saw the rows of empty desks. Severus's eyes fastened to a particular set of desks, and he grew cold all over. That was his desk. It had been his desk ever since that first day, when he had chosen to sit with Lily, a Gryffindor. Severus lingered in the doorway, staring at the ghosts of himself and Lily as she prattled on and he scowled over their chopped up ingredients. For a moment, he could have sworn it was real. He could even smell her, he realized, something floral, with a hint of vanilla.

_"Sometimes I think I like Potions even more than Charms. It's sort of like a puzzle."_

_"It does require intelligence. Something most people lack. You can bottle fame-"_

_"Brew glory?"_

_"And even stop death."_

Something hard jolted Severus, knocking him aside and into the door. He inhaled sharply when his elbow banged into the wood, more from surprise than pain. As he straightened himself up, his eyes flew towards the offender, the coal black smoldering with rage.

"Did you hear something, Padfoot?"

"You must be imagining things, Prongs," Black said just as loudly, sauntering through the doorway with Potter at his side. His light gray eyes flickered towards Severus in disdain. "Because I don't see anything."

Severus's hand flew to his wand, but just then, he was strongly aware that Slughorn was leaving the cauldrons and looking their way. With great reluctance, his hand dropped, but his gaze never left Potter and Black. They were exchanging smirks as if they thought they were clever and untouchable. They'd see. He had changed that summer. He was no longer the prey who others could curse upside down, but the predator who could kill with a single jet of green light.

With that determined thought, Severus sat down at the desk. His former desk because it was still his, and he refused to give it up to _her_. He opened his textbook, paying no mind to the instructions on the chalkboard. His own work was more important.

As he flicked through the ink-stained pages, he couldn't help the pride bubbling up his chest. He had done this. Most wizards, even ones three times his age, hadn't invented one spell, but he had almost filled up an entire textbook with notes. Just as Severus was going over _Langlock_, making sure he wouldn't be giving Regulus too many of his secrets, he heard someone say the name he dreaded most.

Severus looked up. The bubbling of the cauldrons...the warm vapors...the other students...they all seemed to fade away. The familiar scent of flowers and vanilla burned his nostrils. Lily was hovering in the doorway, just as he had done, her face even paler than usual. He wondered if she was seeing what he had seen before, and before he could stop himself, his eyes met hers.

They were just as he remembered. Almond-shaped and emerald green. From the distance, he couldn't tell if there was anger there, or if it had given way to sadness, but he didn't try to guess. He was distracted by the own beating of his heart. It was pounding traitorously in his chest.

She looked away, and as she went to the seat that Alice Clarke was motioning at, Severus's heart stopped. There was a bitter taste in his mouth when he returned to his notes, trying in vain to ignore the seat beside him. Somehow, it felt even emptier than it had before.

"Welcome N.E.W.T. students! Does everyone have their copies of _Advanced Potion-Making?_" Slughorn was in front of the classroom, waddling closer to the desks. He beamed when he saw that Severus's textbook was out and open. "Very good, Severus."

Severus didn't reveal any emotion; he hadn't forgotten their career advice meeting.

"Miss McKinnon, you'll find additional copies in the cupboard. While the rest of you take out your scales and potion kits, I thought we'd follow tradition and go over the potions you'll be able to complete by the end of the year." Slughorn's belly shook with his enthusiasm. "This one," he gestured at the first cauldron, "you ought to have mastered by the end of the day. Any guesses?"

Severus didn't have to follow his gaze to know that he was looking expectantly at Lily, but Lily's voice never sounded. Instead, Lupin raised his hand, and visibly crestfallen, Slughorn called on him.

"It's Draught of the Living Death, sir."

"Five points to Gryffindor if you can tell me the two key ingredients."

"Powdered root of asphodel," Lupin hesitated. "And infusion of wormwood."

Slughorn clapped his hands together, clearly recovering from his disappointment. "Excellent, Mr. Lupin. Now we're getting to my favorite. It's arguably the most troublesome of potions in history, and quite possibly the most terrible of all potions today."

"Snivellus's shampoo," Black volunteered, causing more than one Gryffindor to laugh.

But Slughorn wagged a finger at him. "There will be none of that, Mr. Black. Would anyone else like to venture a guess?"

Severus clenched his hands, making a point not to look at Lily. He focused on his textbook. It was on _Sectumsempra_, and as he stared at the angry letters, he had a sudden burst of inspiration. With gritted teeth, he picked up his quill, its tip digging so roughly into the page that he nearly tore it.

_For enemies_, he wrote. And for good measure, Severus underlined it with a flourish.

"A poison?" Clarke suggested uncertainly, diverting Severus's attention. He grimaced at the stupidity of his fellow classmates and looked up from his notes, curious about the cauldron that had stolen Slughorn's attention. If only the professor moved over an inch more...

And then he saw it, the mother-of-pearl sheen unmistakable.

"Amortentia," Severus said to himself in horror. Suddenly, the scent of flowers was almost suffocating, and he fought back the urge to vomit.

Miraculously, Slughorn had heard him, and he brightened as he turned toward his prized student. As well as Severus did in Potions, it was normally Lily who volunteered, while he sat back, scowling. The surprise agreed with Slughorn tremendously, and his stomach puffed out even further.

"Well done, Severus! Would you explain to the class what it is, precisely?"

It was the worst thing he could have asked from him. Severus's fingers dug into his palms and the words came out in a snarl. "It's the most powerful love potion there is."

"And what sets it apart from other potions?" Slughorn prompted.

"Its scent is determined by what attracts the one who is smelling it," Severus said more slowly. The heat rushed to his face, and for a fraction of a second, he wondered what Lily smelled.

"Well, we know he doesn't smell soap," Potter muttered, just loudly enough for Severus to hear, though it had escaped Slughorn's notice. He was still beaming from Severus's participation.

"Wonderful! The rest of you, note the pearly shimmer and characteristic spirals, something that Severus no doubt picked up on. Excellent, excellent. Ten points to Slytherin."

Potter gave a snort of disbelief, but Severus couldn't summon the proper indignation. His mind was still on the cauldron of Amortentia, and the nauseating smell of flowers that swirled all around him. Attraction. To her. After what she had done to him. It was laughable, but Severus wasn't smiling.

They were instructed to complete a Draught of the Living Death by the end of the class, and that the winner would receive Slughorn's personal favorite, crystallized pineapple, as a prize. Severus eyed page ten of his textbook with great distaste. He could make any of the potions in it without thinking twice, and he certainly could without the help of the idiotic writers who came up with it. _Counterclockwise_. For _every _turn. Any pillock with half a mind would know that something with the consistency of the Draught of the Living Death needed to be stirred both ways for the ingredients to mix properly. Not too often, otherwise it would end up translucent instead of the pale pink as desired. The seventh turn ought to do it.

Severus wondered if Lily would have figured out the seventh turn.

Black cursed loudly and Severus didn't even try to suppress a smirk when the room was filled with a burning stench. As Slughorn hurried to his aid, Severus let out a dreary sigh, supposing he might as well begin.

His motions were lazy, and though he had started later, his potion was fading to pink when the others were still struggling with violet. _Violet. _It should have been lilac. Idiots.

"Time's up!" Slughorn announced cheerfully, oblivious to the harried state of his class and their swears and groans. "Let's see."

Severus would win. He didn't doubt that for a moment. The only question was whether or not Lily would tie with him. If she hadn't figured out the seventh turn, she would have still known to add an occasional clockwise turn, making her potion light pink, though it wouldn't have been _as _light. Still, Slughorn was fond of her, even more than he was of Severus, and Severus wouldn't be surprised if he overlooked a shade or two and called it even.

"Lily, my dear girl!" Slughorn had a new spring in his step when he made his way to her cauldron. Severus frowned slightly, seeing her crossed arms and disheveled hair for the first time. Slughorn didn't seem to notice and peered into the cauldron expectantly, his mouth opening to congratulate her. Irritated, Severus waited for him to be done with it.

Yet it didn't come. Slughorn's mouth closed, and he looked at her, suddenly flustered. "Are you feeling all right, Lily?"

Lily nodded tightly. "I'm fine, sir."

Her voice was soft, but Severus knew it well enough to know that it was on the verge of trembling. As discreetly as he could, he sneaked a look at her cauldron, and to his disbelief, it wasn't even pink, but a deep magenta.

"If you're certain," Slughorn said doubtfully, and then he patted her shoulder. "Better luck next time. Now, Severus, let's see what you have."

Severus didn't say anything when Slughorn came over. His smugness was gone, not even returning when Slughorn had announced he had won. He wasn't even aware of the crystallized pineapple that had been thrust into his hands.

All he was aware of was the sickening smell of flowers.

**1976**

It was the first day, and already, Lily was behind.

Her hand was cramped and her eyelids were heavy. If she looked in the mirror, she knew they would be bloodshot. She had stayed up all night, working on her Transfiguration essay, and much to her relief, had finished just as dawn was creeping in. The relief had vanished just as she realized there was still the rest of her work to do. She had made it, but just barely, and not very well. Lily cringed, thinking of the entries she had invented for her dream diary.

Lessons themselves hadn't gone very well either. Her mess in Transfiguration was to be expected, but _Potions_? She was good at Potions, and she had certainly heard Severus ranting on more than once about the necessity of clockwise turns. But, somehow, Lily had been too lost in her thoughts of Briony, homework, and Severus (whose presence hadn't helped matters) to pay attention, and if it hadn't been for Slughorn's words jolting sense into her at the last minute, she never would have thought to toss in moonseed, transforming her potion from a horrific blue-black to a slightly less horrific magenta.

"Merlin, you look terrible, Evans."

"Thanks, Potter." Lily didn't have time to look up from her parchment. Her quill kept on scribbling.

"Did you even sleep at all?"

This time, Lily did pause. When she looked up, she found herself both irritated and envious at the way he had flopped down on the sofa in front of her, looking as though he had all the time in the world. "No, I did not. Don't you have Slytherins to torment?"

"Not until tomorrow," Potter said more cheerfully than should be allowed with the amount of homework that had been assigned that day. "Tormenting you is first of my priorities."

"I'm honored," Lily said dryly, her eyes widening as they landed on the clock behind him. An entire minute had gone by, wasted. Hurriedly, she picked up her quill again. "Sorry, but I can't talk right now."

Potter didn't get up. From the looks of it, he had no intention of leaving. He drummed his fingertips lazily on the armrest, still slouched comfortably back. "So, what's this about?"

"What's _what _about?" Lily said between clenched teeth. She kept writing, though her handwriting was looking decidedly angry.

"You look like you're on the verge of a nervous breakdown," Potter observed.

"I do not."

"You're shaking. And you have ink on your face."

"I'm tired," Lily snapped, feeling suddenly self-conscious when she realized he was watching her. She focused on the ink in front of her. It had smudged from her hand, making her last sentence worthless. "I'm sorry if I don't have extra time to sleep in like you do."

"You almost made Slughorn _cry _in Potions because you messed up." Potter was running a hand through his hair, but Lily let it pass because he didn't seem to be aware of it. "When do you mess up in Potions? You're practically a genius in that subject."

"I am not," Lily said stiffly, because she wasn't and because Severus was.

"You skipped dinner too."

Of course she had. She had wanted to avoid Severus and she had needed time for her homework. "If you go away, I won't confiscate your stash of Fanged Frisbees."

"There was treacle tart. You missed out-"

"I know where you've hidden them too. I heard you tell Remus-"

"And we took all the benches so no one had anywhere to sit-"

That caught Lily off guard. She blinked. "You _took _the House benches?"

Potter looked smug that he had succeeded in capturing her attention. A sly grin crept to his face, twisting its way around his lips. "Not even Dumbledore could find them so he had to conjure chairs for everyone. It was kind of cool, actually."

Lily wanted to tell him that that was the stupidest thing she had ever heard. She wanted to confiscate his Fanged Frisbees and his Ever-Bashing Boomerangs, because she knew he had those too. She didn't.

"I have to get back to work," Lily said finally.

"That's it?" Potter's forehead puckered in confusion and disappointment. "You aren't going to threaten to go to McGonagall or hex me or anything?"

"No," Lily said, more wearily than she mean to.

"At least give me a detention! I gave you a confession, Evans!" Potter looked almost offended. "Filch would pay his weight in Galleons for that kind of information."

"Potter," Lily began as she rubbed her temples, "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but I really have to-"

Potter's eyes narrowed. "Look, if this is about Sniv- Snape...I can throw a Dungbomb at him or something."

"It's not about Sev- Snape," Lily insisted, wincing a little at the name. "And no, you will not."

"What is it then?" Potter looked at her expectantly, as if it could be nothing more than a bad grade or a broken shoelace. Lily watched him and wondered if anything truly bad had ever happened to him, if he had ever lost anything that he had cared about. She didn't think so. He acted as though his world was made of sunshine and Quidditch fields.

"Promise you won't treat me like a freak?" Lily said slowly.

Potter raised an eyebrow. "But, Evans, you are a freak."

Lily stared at him in disbelief, and seeing the sparkle in his hazel eyes, she seized the cushion on her chair and hurled it at him. He held up his arms, but somehow, his Quidditch training had failed him, and it had landed on his head as intended. At his stunned face, Lily burst out laughing. The sound was unexpected and hurt her ribs.

"So, are you going to tell me?"

"Promise," Lily said firmly, the laugher abruptly dying in her throat. It was bad enough that her friends were treating her like a stranger; she didn't need her sworn enemy slash something acquaintance doing the same.

Potter, somehow, seemed to sense the importance of the matter and sobered. He sat up and leaned forward. "Promise."

"My mum died."

The words came out faster, more easily than Lily thought they would. Potter stared at her and cursed.

"Merlin, Evans. I'm sorry. I didn't-" He was raking his hair almost desperately. "I didn't know."

"I know," Lily said. "It's okay."

"Was it..." His voice trailed off.

"It wasn't the war." Lily was suddenly anxious to fill the silence. She had said the first words that entered her mind, but once she had, she regretted them, as memories of Briony's ashen face came hurtling back. "If that's what you were thinking. It was cancer."

His eyebrows came together and Lily realized her mistake.

"It's a Muggle disease. It's stupid, really," Lily said, unable to keep the faintest trace of anger from her voice. "It has to do with abnormal cells..." her voice failed. She didn't want to talk about that. "It just happened so quickly."

A log fell in the fireplace. Both of their heads turned, and though nothing happened, they watched the restless flames leap back and forth, cracking and snapping as fire licked the wood.

"I don't know what to say," Potter said at last, his face toward the flames though she had a feeling he was no longer looking at them. "I don't know what I would do without my parents."

"You'd find a way. You're James Potter after all," Lily said, forcing some lightness into her voice in an effort to change the mood. She could see his hazel eyes flash back to her, darting back and forth across her face, and it was making her nervous, as though he was going to do something completely uncharacteristic and offer to do her homework for her.

"I'm just...sorry," Potter said quietly. "I know that doesn't sound like much, but I really am."

"I know." Lily forced a tight smile. "I am too."

Only the crackling of the fire was heard. Potter seemed to be struggling with something, and Lily watched him curiously.

"Listen, do you want to go to the kitchens with me?"

Lily stiffened. "You promised you wouldn't treat me differently."

"Evans, I asked you out in the last few years more times than I can count." Lily smiled weakly at that. "If anything, this is normal. Not that I'm asking you out now," Potter added hastily. "Just as friends."

"We're friends?" Lily asked before she could stop herself.

"Well, yeah," Potter looked at her strangely. "Aren't we friends?"

James Potter wanted to know if they were friends. The James Potter who embarrassed her whenever he could, whether it was pointing her out at Quidditch matches or shouting out offers to meet up at Hogsmeade. The same James Potter who she had _screamed _at last June. Lily had always known that Potter wasn't fully there; after all, how sane could someone be if they thought kindling murderous desires in Filch was fun But now she knew the truth.

James Potter was absolutely out of his mind.

"You jinx me. In the halls, in class. You hide my homework." Lily couldn't stop gawking at him. "You turn my hair ridiculous colors and call me names like Firetop. We argue. All the time."

This time, it was Potter's turn to look at her as though she was mad. "...Is that not what friends do?"

Lily's eyes bugged out even further. He had to be joking. It was another one of his pranks, obviously.

"Are you okay? You look...weird."

Lily's mind was blank. "I just thought...you hated me."

Potter looked at her incredulously. "Why would you think that?"

"I don't know. Because I was friends with Snape? Because my hair was red?" How was she supposed to understand the inner workings of Potter's mind, let alone explain them? "You just teased me a lot. I mean, you asked me out a lot."

"And that means I hated you?"

"I just thought..." Lily hesitated. "You did it to embarrass me. To be funny. I mean, you used to _shout _it in the halls and everyone would laugh. Because going out with me seemed that ridiculous."

Potter was looking at her strangely. He swallowed hard and opened his mouth, about to speak, but for once, no words came out.

"Potter?" Lily asked uncertainly.

His jaw shut and his forehead smoothed out. He smiled at her, almost sadly, and Lily thought she must be imagining it. "I never hated you, Evans."

"Oh," Lily said, feeling suddenly foolish.

"Does this make us friends now?" His voice was light, but she thought she could detect a genuine question in his eyes.

Friends with James Potter. The idea was absolutely absurd, but then again, six years ago, Lily would have said that Severus calling her a Mudblood was absurd, that losing her mother so suddenly, so horribly was absurd. Real life, Lily thought, was absurd.

Yet did that mean she wanted to be friends with him?

Maybe he didn't mean any harm from it, but he had still hurt her. He had hurt Severus. He had hurt a lot of people. Lily couldn't forget that. Yet, she couldn't forget that he had also helped her more than once. He had talked to her when she couldn't talk to Severus, he had helped her figure out her future when it didn't make any sense at all. Even when she had screamed at him and said all those horrible things, he didn't say anything back. He had just stood there and let her cry. In that moment, she had seen the look on his face, and she knew he was sorry.

That was the James Potter she could be friends with.

"I suppose," Lily said, lifting her eyes to meet his. "In a way."

He grinned at her, and for a second, Lily could almost understand why so many girls thought he had a nice smile. "Good," he said. "Kitchens now?"

Lily frowned. "It's after curfew, and even if it wasn't, I don't think we're allowed-" she stopped when she saw the _is she serious? _look on his face. Of course, they weren't allowed. She glanced back at her homework, feeling nauseous at the very sight of it. She didn't want to pick up the quill and be that half-dead Lily Evans again, where she was lost in what felt like a grisly nightmare and feared that her eyes would never open. She looked back at Potter, and suddenly, she felt a spark of excitement that made her forget all about her desperation to go to sleep. Instead, she felt as though she was finally waking up for the first time.

"This is just one time."

Potter nodded seriously, but she could tell he was trying hard not to smile. "Obviously."

"If you tell anyone about this, I'll give your broomstick to Davy Gudgeon."

He nodded again, not even wincing at the image of his undoubtedly massacred broomstick. "Got it."

Lily couldn't stop the smile that had been fighting its way to her lips. "Let's go."

For the first time in months, she felt alive again.

**Roonil Wazlib- Thanks for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter! As the year goes on, you'll find more about Sirius's feelings toward Lily. I thought about it, and I felt that it made more sense for him to not like her right away. Severus will eventually find out about Briony. I'm not sure how close they live exactly in canon, but in my mind and in the early chapters in this story, they don't live on the same street. I picture Severus's street to be more neglected looking and Lily's more average. **

**thegoldensnitch- Thanks for the review! I'm glad you noticed Peter being included because that was what I was aiming for. In the early chapters, he's more of a tagalong, mostly because that's the way Severus and Lily first see him, but as Lily gets to know him, I want to show that Peter was really more than that. You'll see a lot more of Sirius and Lily as the year goes on and hopefully it starts to make more sense. With Lily's history with James, I felt that it made more sense for Sirius to dislike her, more out of loyalty than anything else. She's the girl who has been rejecting his best friend for years, and after the Mudblood scene in Hero and Abomination, you'll see a slight change in James that irritates Sirius. He's still arrogant and juvenile, but for the first time, he's starting to think about who he is, and I don't think Sirius would want him to change, least of all for Lily. They eventually will become really good friends. Since Severus is out of the picture, Lily's sixth year is going to be more about getting to know and eventually befriending the Marauders. I will be continuing Lily's story post-Hogwarts, up to her death. You will see baby Harry! I can already tell you that there will be baby naming issues, and I'm looking forward to showing James and Lily's very different ideas on parenting. **

** .gorn- Thanks for the review! I'm not sure how much I will go into Sirius's ability to see thestrals here, but I'm thinking it will come up in a Lily/Sirius conversation this year. It won't be a huge character that anyone will care about, but it will (hopefully) explain a little of Sirius's personality. **

**SiriusTheBlack- Thanks for the review! To answer your questions (I'm going to copy and paste some of my answers from above): 1. The person who died is not a significant character to the story, but the death itself will have an impact on Sirius that you'll read about in Abomination and possibly a conversation between Lily and Sirius in Always later this year 2. With Lily's history with James, I felt that it made more sense for Sirius to dislike her, more out of loyalty than anything else. She's the girl who has been rejecting his best friend for years, and after the Mudblood scene in Hero and Abomination, you'll see a slight change in James that irritates Sirius. He's still arrogant and juvenile, but for the first time, he's starting to think about who he is, and I don't think Sirius would want him to change, least of all for Lily. I think her association with Severus probably doesn't help matters either. The Marauders will find out about Briony's death. Remus was happy because he knows James likes Lily and he suspects that Lily likes him even though she's unaware of it, or that she could like him, and he's anxious for them to figure it out because he's tired of being the only one who is aware of what seems so obvious to him. That being said, I think Remus would have a crush on Lily, if James hadn't made his feelings so clear for her early on. I don't think he would allow himself to consider the possibility because he would feel that would be too much of a betrayal to James. Oh, and you're right, he also was glad to have her around because they are friends. **

**Snarky64- Thanks for the review and yes to the match-making! Unfortunately for Remus, everyone will be oblivious for a long time. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review and the song recommendation! I'm listening to it right now.**


	96. Chapter 96 Fairy Wings

**Thank you so much for all the reviews! Another early update, which is really, really nice to say. I hope you enjoy it!**

**Thank you to my beta, sparklyscrunchies, for editing!**

**Chapter 95 Recap- Regulus mentions Sirius has moved in with the Potters. In Potions, Severus smells Amortentia, and realizes, much to his horror, that it smells like Lily. Lily still isn't herself and ruins her potion, disturbing Slughorn and James Potter greatly. The latter decides to take matters in his own hands, and after finding out about the death of Briony Evans, convinces Lily to sneak to the kitchens with him. After a strange conversation, Lily and James decide to be friends.**

**Chapter Ninety-Six- Fairy Wings**

**1976**

Curiosity and concern were two entirely different things.

Curiosity meant wanting answers for answers' sake. Concern meant caring about what those answers were. Severus did not _care _about what was troubling Lily Evans, but that didn't mean he didn't want to know why.

After all, curiosity was a sign of intelligence, and Severus had an above average intelligence.

Severus knew all of this; he had told himself it often enough. Yet, uncovering the answer was easier said than done. Just because Severus knew perfectly well that his curiosity was something entirely different from concern, it didn't mean other people would. Other people didn't have an above average intelligence. Severus thought this last thought rather smugly.

But still, the issue remained. There were her...companions. Clarke, McKinnon, and Macdonald. He supposed that they'd have the answer, but he didn't fancy hanging around them all day in hopes of overhearing something, and it wasn't as though he could _ask _them. It lacked subtlety, and Severus was certain that by the end of the day, McKinnon would have the entire school convinced that he harbored an all-consuming, unrequited love for Lily Evans, or something as equally absurd, and that was precisely the sort of thing he didn't need or desire.

And then there was Lu- Severus couldn't bring himself to finish the thought. It was enough to make him grimace. Following Lupin, admitting that Lupin might know something because Lily had told him, was even worse than asking Lily herself, and asking Lily was simply was not an option.

"I must say, Mr. Snape," Professor Vablatsky's voice interrupted Severus's thoughts. He blinked, taking a moment to remember where he was: the North Tower, during his free period, to discuss his summer assignment. At his sudden notice of her appraising eyes, he felt a surge of defensiveness. There had been nothing wrong with his summer assignment; his dream journal had featured plenty of mundanities fitting for the subject. "I was surprised you continued to take Divination. I didn't think you were particularly interested in the subject."

Severus supposed that was her tactful way of referring to their conversation from the year before. _"__It often ends badly for those who do not respect the art of Divination,__" _she had said. His lips nearly curled at the memory.

"I'm surprised you didn't predict it," Severus said.

Professor Vablatsky met his eyes, unflinching. "The Inner Eye doesn't work that way."

Severus barely restrained a sneer. "The Inner Eye has a way of being very convenient."

There was a silence. Professor Vablatsky's silvery-gray eyes were blank. Severus started to shift out of discomfort, but he stopped himself just in time. The corners of her thin lips lifted, barely noticeable in the dimly lit Tower.

"Your dream diary," she said, tapping the journal that lay between them on the table. Severus looked down at the battered book with disdain. "Is poorly done. It shows no indication of thought or effort."

Severus said nothing.

"Did you even try to connect with your Inner Eye at all, Mr. Snape?"

Severus stared at her.

Professor Vablatsky took the diary with her heavily ringed fingers and found a page at random. She lifted her eyes over the book to look at Severus sternly, who had become very still, and then returned to his careless scrawl.

"'25 July 1976. I dreamt that I read a book.'"

Professor Vablatsky set down the journal, raising her eyebrows at Severus, as if asking, _"__Well?__"_

"I did dream that I read a book," Severus said defensively.

"But what book, Mr. Snape? How did you _feel _while reading it? Where were you while you were reading this book? You need details. A single sentence is an unacceptable dream summarization."

"I don't remember my dreams in detail," Severus lied. "You told us to be honest and not to make up anything. And, technically, I followed all your requirements. You didn't specify the length or anything else."

Professor Vablatsky stared at him for a long time. "But you weren't honest, Mr. Snape." He opened his mouth to protest, but she raised her frail hand. The little motion held a surprising amount of power and he fell silent. "That's another subject for another time. Returning to your journal, your interpretation states that you dreamt of the book because you 'enjoy reading.'"

"I do enjoy reading," Severus said hotly. "Technically-"

"Again, that is unacceptable." Professor Vablatsky closed the journal and rested her hands on the cover, peering at him intently, as she seemed immensely fond of doing. "Why did you decide to pursue Divination?"

"Because I wanted to," Severus said through gritted teeth. "Are you asking any of the other students why they're taking it?"

"I already know why the other students take my course," Professor Vablatsky replied, giving him a brittle smile. "Oh yes, there's a few believers. There always are. Sometimes, there's even one or two with the Sight." She ignored Severus's sound of disbelief. "But mainly, they see Divination as a _simple _course. They're oblivious to the complexities that make up the Inner Eye, and see crystal balls and dream interpretation as some form of _amusement _compared to Artithmancy or Potions. You, however, aren't one of them."

Severus watched her warily, unaware of where she was taking the subject.

"You don't consider Divination to be the lesser evil. If you did, you would at least attempt to pretend with nonsense. You would write paragraphs of vicious hippogriffs and flying teacups. You would not write two or three sentences per entry. Honestly, Mr. Snape, you're not bereft of intelligence. Imagination, perhaps, but not intelligence. What were you thinking?"

Severus's jaw clenched.

"What I think," Professor Vablatsky said when he didn't speak, "is that you do not _want _to take Divination seriously. I think that you are afraid because you know just how revealing our dreams are. Which is intriguing, for someone who clings so tightly to logic."

"I'm not-"

Professor Vablatsky shook her head at him, almost sadly. "I'm afraid I can't let you continue the course, Mr. Snape. As I stated previously, you have no regard for the art."

"And you think that everyone else does?" Severus said incredulously. "You said so yourself, they're taking it because they want an easy class to fill up their time."

"If I waited for sincerity, my classroom would be near empty," Professor Vablatsky said bluntly. "But they pretend, and sometimes, I think they believe they have me convinced. I wouldn't like to disappoint them. You, on the other hand, are incapable of even _feigning _respect for Divination. When I saw your name on the list of students, I had hoped that my earlier words had spoken to you over the holiday, but it was foolish of me in hindsight. I'm sorry, Mr. Snape, but I can't teach you."

"You can't do that!" Severus's thin rein of control snapped as he leapt to his feet, his eyes flashing. "I got an A on the O.W.L.s. You have to take in 'Acceptables' and higher."

"I don't 'have' to take in anyone. I saw your scores, Mr. Snape, they were very good."

"You looked at my O.W.L.s?" Severus repeated in disbelief.

"I did. I thought it strange that you wished to take Divination, seeing that that's the only 'Acceptable' you received. The rest were 'Outstandings.'"

"I...wanted to challenge myself," Severus said, thinking and talking quickly. He was unable to disguise his panic; it wasn't until he was about to lose it that he realized what taking Divination meant to him. "I wanted something difficult, something more...complex."

Professor Vablatsky gave him a faint smile. "Well, that's an improvement over your holiday work, but I'm afraid my mind is made up. I'm sorry."

Severus's open mouth fell shut. With a fresh spark of anger, he seized his book bag. "Fine. Just...fine," he spat, aware that he was treading on thin ice but not caring in the least bit. When he reached the door, he all but slammed it. He hoped that he shocked the old bat. She deserved it. He had needed that class. That was two days of the week, two days he had lost for the most abysmal of reasons.

It didn't matter, Severus reminded himself. _It didn__'__t matter._

It didn't matter that he wouldn't be taking Divination, as he had taken it every year since third. It didn't matter that Lily, the only decent Potioneer in their year, aside from him, of course, was turning into Pettigrew or Gudgeon. Most of all, it didn't matter that Severus had smelled Lily in Amortentia.

If he even had smelled her. After all, Amortentia wasn't mistaken, but people were. He had smelled flowers, but that didn't mean Lily necessarily. Hundreds, maybe even thousands, of shampoos and perfumes smelled like flowers. Everyone liked flowers. They were pleasant. At that thought, Severus viciously tore out his copy of _Unfogging the Future_ from his bag, hurling it at a nearby wall. He didn't need that rubbish cluttering up his things.

By the time he had reached the Great Hall, Severus's mood hadn't improved. His time in Vablatsky's office had taken longer than he had expected, and from the crowds of students moving towards the Great Hall, along with the smell of painstakingly prepared food lingering in the air, he knew that lunch was being served. He wasn't in the mood to eat, and he started for the dungeons, only faltering when he met Mulciber and the others on the way.

"Where are you going, Snape?" Mulciber said almost jovially. "Sit with us."

Severus narrowed his eyes at that. After the Memory Charm he had performed, Mulciber had no reason for vengeance, but that made him unpredictable and therefore even less trustworthy in Severus's mind. "All right," he said finally, unwilling to risk ignoring Mulciber again.

Mulciber clapped a hand on his back, much to Severus's displeasure, and Avery grinned rather stupidly at him. Wilkes and Rosier exchanged cryptic glances, and when Severus looked pointedly at them, they pretended not to see. He'd have to keep an eye on all of them.

Severus sat on his usual bench, the one closest to the wall. Rosier quickly led them into a conversation about Quidditch tryouts for a replacement Beater, as Amycus Carrow had been recently pulled from the team for using his bat on Clarence Stebbins after claiming he had mistaken his head for a Bludger. Avery expressed an interest in trying out, or at least as much interest as Avery was capable of. Severus was grateful when Regulus showed up, but only for the briefest of moments, when it became clear that the Quidditch conversation would continue, with Regulus answering all of their questions.

"You'll have to ask Gibbons," Regulus said for the millionth time. "He hasn't told me anything."

"I think I'd be a decent Beater," Mulciber continued as if Regulus hadn't spoken. "In fact, I know I would. You should mention that to him."

"I thought you wanted Chaser," Severus spoke up, unable to resist. Much to Mulciber's wrath, he'd been passed over for the part - twice.

"Beater, actually," Mulciber retorted, glaring at Severus.

"Well, whoever the new Beater is," Regulus said loudly, "I feel sorry for them. Alecto doesn't want to work with another Beater. It's only the first day of tryouts, and she's managed to send three hopefuls to the hospital wing."

There were a few winces all around at that; Alecto Carrow had a temper that was almost as legendary as Bellatrix Lestrange's.

"Speaking of feeling sorry for people," Mulciber said, his eyes returning to Severus, "did you hear about your Mudblood?" He said his words with a little too much glee, as though he had been containing this news for quite some time, and suddenly, Severus had a nasty feeling why he had been so pleased to see him before.

"I don't have a Mudblood," Severus said coolly as he focused on Mulciber, fighting the urge to look towards the Gryffindor table. "Though I'm beginning to think you want one. This must be the third or fourth time you've brought it up."

"I'm just concerned, Snape. Really, you ought to be grateful," Mulciber jeered.

"Are you going to tell us about the Mudblood or not?" Regulus asked, and though he was looking at Mulciber, Severus had a feeling that he was watching him warily from the corner of his eye.

"Oh," Mulciber said, visibly fighting back a smile. "Her mum died. Isn't that sad, Snape?"

Before he could stop himself, Severus inhaled sharply. "Tragic," he said finally, fully aware that all eyes were on him. "Could you pass the butter?"

Mulciber stared at him, obviously disappointed with the lack of reaction his news was receiving. Severus sighed loudly. "Rosier, since Mulciber seems to have gone deaf, will you pass me the butter?"

Quickly, Rosier handed over the plate. "Was she in the Merwyn Valley fires?" he asked Mulciber, not looking at Severus.

Mulciber made a disgusted sound. "Don't be thick. She was a Muggle. How do I know what she died of? She probably woke up one day, realized she had Evans as a daughter, and offed herself- _OUCH_."

Severus was gripping the table, his knuckles white, and dimly, he realized he had just kicked Mulciber. He struggled to find his voice, to come up with a possible explanation for what he had done, his _stupidity, _but it was difficult when Mulciber was staring at him accusingly.

"Sorry," Regulus said suddenly. "I thought I felt something crawling on my leg. Did I mention I hate spiders?"

Mulciber gave him a look of disbelief. "That was _you_?"

"I did just apologize," Regulus said, his voice and manner both perfectly polite. "But, to be honest, I'm worried about your pain tolerance."

"My pain... What are you talking about?" Mulciber spat.

"A Beater needs high pain tolerance," Regulus said patiently, as though he was talking to a two-year-old. "You said you wanted to try out for Beater. Frankly, I don't think you'd do well. It looks bad, having the players screaming in agony the entire time."

Mulciber looked as though he was on the verge of murdering Regulus. "_You kicked me_."

"And Beaters get mutilated," Regulus said, a little too cheerfully as he helped himself to another serving of steak and kidney pie.

Mulciber looked at Wilkes pointedly, but Wilkes shrugged. "He has a point. Maybe you shouldn't try out."

Looking furious, Mulciber opened his mouth to argue, and for the first time since Severus heard of Briony Evans's death, he dared to steal a glimpse of Lily. She was sitting between Clarke and the werewolf, with Clarke whispering something in her ear. Lily nodded, and that familiar little gesture made something in Severus's chest ache. Quickly, before anyone could see him, he returned to his plate.

Mulciber was still arguing, and becoming more and more angry by the second, but for once, Severus was unable to savor it. He heard Mulciber's cold words and saw his chilly smile.

"_She was a Muggle. How do I know what she died of? She probably woke up one day, realized she had Evans as a daughter, and offed herself-__"_

Severus swallowed hard, and for a fraction of a second, he was bitterly reminded of his own mother, but he instantly banished that thought to the back of his mind. He only saw Briony now.

Severus hadn't been close to Briony. He had a healthy distrust of all authority figures, especially parental ones. But he...he hadn't disliked her. Not as much as he could have. She had never looked at him disapprovingly when he had come over to visit Lily, as he had always expected her to. She had even seemed to sense that he wasn't fully comfortable there, and was careful to give him and Lily space, along with plenty of freshly made biscuits. Severus could still smell the fragrance of vanilla in the kitchen that lingered when he and Lily sat at the table, gobbling up those biscuits.

To his horror, a lump had formed in his throat at the memory. That single crack began to splinter into several new ones, and Severus found himself seeing Lily's pale face…her sad eyes…her tearstained cheeks. She had lived in a world built of sunshine and flowers. More than once that summer, he had scorned it, but for a moment, Severus found that he was sorry that it no longer existed.

His fingers were digging into his palms as the memories came hurtling back. Memories of being in Lily's room, of mixing potions by the river, of watching the sunlight slip through the branches of their clearing, bright at first, until it darkened and reddened with the setting sun. Severus could feel himself beginning to crumble, right then and there at the Slytherin table, haunted by would-haves and should-haves. It didn't matter. It made no difference. _It made no difference. _

His palms would bleed if he pressed any harder. It was sad, Severus thought firmly to himself, but the world was a sad place. Those who dwelled in it were weak. He was not. With that thought, Severus straightened up, clearing his mind of any threats to the walls he had so carefully built up. His mind became beautifully blank, and the ache in his chest was nothing more than a forgotten memory.

But what he hadn't counted on was the familiar streak of red again, bright in the corner of his eye. Severus was suddenly reminded of when he had seen that red glimmer under the moonlight of the Astronomy Tower, the night Dumbledore had told him the news, and it all came rushing back. There, in the Great Hall, surrounded by hundreds of black-robed strangers, Severus could still hear the soft pitter-patter of the rain above and feel the gentle warmth of Lily's hands clasped over his. Unthinkingly, he looked down at his hands.

They were empty, with their knuckles white, and suddenly, very cold.

**1976**

"Thanks, Lily. I'll bring these back to you in Herbology," Davey Gudgeon was saying, waving the sheaf of notes Lily had just given to him, as he walked backwards, still looking at her. "Really, you're-"

Lily winced as Davey stumbled back into a young Ravenclaw, who squealed as she was knocked to the ground, taking Davey with her. Parchment was scattered everywhere, floating and falling in the air like oversized snowflakes.

"Sorry!" Davey jumped up to aid the Ravenclaw, who was already standing up and brushing off her robes with a glare at the unfortunate Davey. He looked sheepishly at Lily, his ears tinged pink. "I'll just pick these up."

Lily shook her head, fighting back a smile, as the Ravenclaw stormed off. She knelt down to help Davey, but he quickly brushed her off. "You're already late."

"Slughorn will understand," Lily said truthfully.

"Thanks again," Davey said gratefully, and too soon, all the parchment was collected. He grinned at her brightly. "Like I said, I'll bring these back to you in Herbology. Or if you need them sooner-"

"Herbology is fine," Lily interrupted. When Davey had asked to borrow her Charms notes after he had been forced to miss that day's lesson, thanks to being trapped in the hospital wing, she had followed her first instinct and secretly used a Doubling Charm. After five years of being in the same year as the Hufflepuff, she was all too familiar with his luck.

"Excellent. See you then!" Davey gave her a cheerful wave, and astonishingly enough, nothing disastrous happened. Extremely relieved that she had thought of the Doubling Charm, Lily turned back to the dungeons, unable to keep away another wave of dread, something that had been haunting her all morning.

She had other classes with Severus, of course. For some odd reason, he was even in Divination, as much as he loathed the subject. Potions, however, was the very worst one of all. Potions was the one where they had always sat together, and when they were allowed to work in pairs, they had created concoctions that practically made Slughorn dance with glee. While cauldrons bubbled and ingredients were chopped, they had prattled on, and everything else had seemed to fade around them.

But that was over. Lily sat with Alice now, or at least she had the first day. It had hurt, but Lily knew that it was better that way. For everyone.

Evidently, Slughorn felt differently.

Lily was the last one walking into the classroom. Her old seat next to Severus stood out like a gaping hole, but she was careful not to look at it, and her eyes went to the board, which promptly made her heart sink.

"We're working in pairs," Slughorn told Lily enthusiastically, as if it wasn't spelled all over the board and underlined twice. "I know the beginning of the year can be difficult for everyone, so I thought this was best. After all, two minds are better than one!"

Lily forced a smile at him, trying to squash the idea that this was for her sake, because she couldn't recall anyone else disappointing him as much as she had the previous lesson. As she surveyed the desks for an empty place, she tried to quell the panic that was rising inside of her. Fortunately, Alice must have figured that she would have shown up eventually, and had saved a seat beside her. Letting out a breath, Lily took it gratefully.

When she looked up, she could see Slughorn's forehead crease in bewilderment, as his eyes darted between her and Severus. Lily willed him to say nothing at all. He hadn't mentioned it the first day, but Lily had a feeling her luck was about to run out.

"Severus," Slughorn said finally. Lily stiffened and became very interested in her Potions kit, shifting its contents around mindlessly. "Why don't you and Mr. Lupin work together?"

Lily didn't have to look up to sense the horror from the Marauder table, where they had altered the definition of pair from two to three. "But Professor," Potter protested. "He's helping us."

"Yeah," Black said quickly. "We're hopeless. Completely and utterly hopeless."

"You and Mr. Potter can do just fine on your own," Slughorn said firmly, much to their disappointment. "Mr. Lupin, there appears to be an empty seat next to Severus."

With the slowness of someone prepared to face their execution, Remus stood up from his desk. Black made a show of tossing him a towel, with a low hiss of, "Careful, it's Snivelly's table!" In spite of everything that had happened, over the summer, on that June afternoon, and all the years before that, Lily felt more than a twinge of indignation.

"I'd rather work alone, Professor," Severus's voice cut into Lily like a knife, and she nearly shivered at the ice in it. She took a deep breath and reached for her textbook.

"Nonsense, m'boy," Slughorn said merrily, oblivious to the death stare that his second favorite pupil was bestowing upon him. "This is about teamwork. Mr. Lupin, don't dally so. Is everyone on page twenty-three?"

Glumly, Lily turned to the page, feeling as though the dungeon had removed all traces of life from her. Alice tapped her book with her quill.

"Are you okay?" she mouthed.

Lily nodded with a faint smile that wasn't entirely forced. She wasn't alone; she forgot that sometimes.

The thought made her feel a little less gloomy as she focused on the chapter on Everlasting Elixirs, which began with the very first and most basic one. Last week, they had been assigned an essay on the topic, and Lily was feeling decidedly more prepared, which she took as a good omen. Most of the pairs had already gone to work, but she skimmed the ingredients and instructions, determined not to have a repeat of the first lesson.

"Lily, do you mind if I start cutting?" Alice asked, nodding at the ingredients that were neatly laid out before them.

Lily nodded absently, her eyes still concentrated on the text, and suddenly, she felt a familiar jolt, the same jolt she supposed Severus felt quite often whenever he had a spark of brilliance when correcting his Potions books. "Wait," Lily said, pressing a finger to the line. "Cut the sprigs of lavender into eighths, not fourths."

Alice looked doubtfully down at the lavender. "Are you sure?"

"Positive," Lily said, feeling brighter than she had since walking into that dungeon. "I'll work on the fairy wings. We ought to double the amount. Once we do that, we'll need about a quarter more honey water."

Alice was visibly torn, between her need to follow the instructions word for word, and her concern for Lily, who had not only ruined her first potion of the year, but had been spotted more than once speaking with the Marauders, namely Remus Lupin and James Potter, _civilly_. Lily could tell that Alice was worrying that she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, unsure of how to phrase so tactfully.

Lily stifled a smile at her expression. "You can trust me," she promised. "Really."

"Okay," Alice said, though she didn't look fully convinced. Loyalty had won out and she picked up her knife, conscientiously cutting the springs of lavender into eighths. Once she was done and it had been mixed with the honey water and chopped up nightshade, Lily was quite pleased with the dusty purple-blue shade.

"It's perfect!" Alice peered into the cauldron, delighted. "I have no idea how you did it."

"Almost perfect," Lily said, eyeing it critically. "We should add a pinch of fairy wings after every clockwise turn, not all at once. While I do that, can you get the unicorn horn?"

They worked in an agreeable silence, and once Lily was certain that their potion was beginning to take on the translucent quality required for the next step, she couldn't resist sneaking a peek at Severus's table, purely out of morbid curiosity at what Snape-Lupin interaction entailed.

To her dismay, Severus wasn't even trying, though she honestly couldn't say that she was surprised. From what she could tell, Remus was reading the instructions aloud frantically in an effort to keep up with his partner, and Severus was steadfastly ignoring him, his fingers moving so quickly with ingredients not even mentioned on the page that Lily was certain he was deliberately trying to give the other boy a heart attack.

"Lily?"

Lily's eyes widened and she stopped stirring. Thankfully, no real damage seemed to be done, other than it was a little watery, and that was easily remedied with a pinch of powdered moonstone.

"That won't harm it, will it?" Alice asked as the liquid began to lap up the moonstone.

Lily shook her head, certain. "If anything, it should enhance the silver sheen once we add the moonseed. We should do that now, actually."

They had just begun when Remus wearily announced that they had finished their elixir, the first pair to do so. His normally tidy hair was mussed from anxiously running his hands through it, a habit he had possibly picked up from Potter, and his voice was hoarse. Severus, on the other hand, appeared to be unaffected. He was scowling as he ordinarily did, but Lily thought she could detect a hint of smugness that had more to do with overexerting his enemy than being the first to finish.

Quickly, Lily looked down and focused on the moonseed. She was still waiting for it to dissolve when Slughorn proclaimed Severus and Remus's elixir to be, in his words, sublime.

"It looks good," Alice observed, looking down at their own work. .

"It will look better in a minute," Lily told her, studying the potion. Now that all the ingredients were added and it was purely a waiting game, she felt her certainty waver, the memory of the previous lesson still fresh in her mind. But, much to her relief, the blue of the elixir deepened and the cool purple warmed just barely, with the addition of a faint pink. It reminded her of twilight, moonlit with a silver sheen, which was precisely as it should have looked. "There."

Alice raised her hand, and as they waited for Slughorn to finish sorting out Wilkes and Rosier's muddled mess, she glanced at Lily. "How did you figure out everything? You barely followed the instructions at all."

"I don't know." Lily fidgeted with her fingernails. "Practice, I suppose."

It was a lie, of course, but how was Lily supposed to tell Alice of how many hours she had spent with Severus, drawing under their beech tree, stifling giggles with her colored pencils while Severus ranted on and on about the incompetence of the textbook creators? After so many years, clockwise turns and the number seven were permanently engraved on her brain, along with his indignant little frown and gleaming black eyes.

Before Alice could grill her any further, Slughorn arrived in his typically jubilant fashion, and after a brief inspection, he brightened even further, clapping his massive hands first together, and then on Lily's and Alice's backs. "Excellent... Excellent... I knew you still had it in you, Lily! All you needed was a little practice! You'll have to tell us how you did it at the next Slug Club party."

Lily smiled back, not just because of his words, but because she had survived the first pairs assignment, unscathed. It was foolish, really. She should have known that Slughorn wouldn't be content with his favorite set of students splitting up, regardless of how well their potions had done apart.

"Lily?" Slughorn asked when the lesson was over and Lily was gathering her things. "Can I talk to you for a moment?"

And Lily _knew _what it was about. She wasn't surprised, only regretful that she hadn't hurried out sooner, and she wondered if a part of her had been expecting it all along. "Yes, sir."

She waited for the others to leave. Potter and Black had been the first to do so, no doubt to wreak more havoc in the halls. Remus had been at their heels, with a few others trailing after him. Alice was nearly done. She gave Lily a sympathetic look. "Good luck," she muttered.

Lily would need it, too. She gave Alice a tight smile, and the other girl picked up her books and left. Severus was coming up from behind her, and out of habit more than anything else, her eyes went to him. They both stiffened and looked away, and Severus walked out as though nothing had happened.

And then Lily was alone.

"I won't keep you long," Slughorn said, setting down his wand; he had been cleaning up Potter and Black's rather questionable area. Lily leaned back against the desk across from him, her arms folded across her chest. "I was...concerned."

"About Severus," Lily said flatly.

Slughorn's eyebrows shot up at her bluntness, but Lily hadn't wanted to extend it out any more than necessary, pretending that they were there to discuss potions and Slug Club meetings. "Yes," he said slowly, a little uncertainly. "I was. I remember last June you mentioned something about tutoring. You were upset."

Lily chewed on her lower lip, unsure of what to say.

"You're one of my students, Lily. One of my brightest ones, I might add. And so is Severus, as well as a member of my House. Your friendship was not a common one, but it was inspirational to watch." Slughorn gestured to a capped bottle resting on the cabinet behind his desk. It contained a familiar, midnight blue liquid.

Lily's forehead puckered. "A Shrinking Solution?"

"You and Severus accomplished that your third year," Slughorn beamed. "Never saw anything like it. I use it as an example for the third years. And frankly, myself. I must have gone over those directions hundreds of times, and still, I'm not quite there yet." He frowned a little at that, seemingly disappointed.

Lily stared at the liquid. She remembered making it with Severus.

"Professor-"

Slughorn held up his hands. "I told myself I wouldn't meddle. It's only...Lily," he hesitated, suddenly looking very uncomfortable and very much unlike himself. "How worried should I be about Severus?"

Lily's eyes dropped from the potion.

"As I said, he belongs to my House, and I feel a responsibility for him. He has a bright future," Slughorn said. "Possibly the brightest I've had in years. Recently, however, I've noticed some changes in him. And then I noticed you aren't even speaking..."

Lily swallowed hard. She often thought of Slughorn as oblivious. Kindhearted, jovial, maybe more than slightly biased sometimes, but oblivious. Now, she wondered just how much he knew.

Not that it made much of a difference. He was right; Severus did have a bright future. He was brilliant and brave and more determined than anyone Lily had ever met. And he was throwing it away as he had thrown their friendship away, all for a madman and his hooded army. Even after a summer of that knowledge, she felt a surge of anger for him for it.

But that didn't change anything. Even after his betrayal, Lily didn't want him to lose that bright future. Instead, she hoped more than anything else that, one day, he would finally wake up before it was too late. And that was the crux of the matter: Severus had to wake up himself. Just as she had had to when it had come to their friendship. It wasn't up to her to decide whether his future sparkled bright, or if it crashed and burned, just as theirs had.

"I'm sorry, Professor," Lily said finally, and her voice came out clear and strong. "I don't know anything."

"Yes," Slughorn said, after a pause. "I thought as much." He exhaled, looking a little deflated. "Well, I'll let you carry on, my dear. Congratulations again on that wonderful elixir."

Lily thanked him and hoisted her book bag over her shoulder, but when she came to the door, she stopped. Looking over her shoulder, she saw the portly professor adjusting a set of brass scales, his shoulders drooping more than she had ever seen them.

"Fairy wings, Professor."

Slughorn stopped fiddling with the scales. "I beg your pardon?"

"The Shrinking Solution. You should add the fairy wings before the caterpillar."

Slughorn gawked at her, and slowly, realization sank in, lighting up his eyes. "Well, I'll be..." A slow, wide smile overcame his face and he looked as though Christmas had come early. "Lily, my dear girl, you are truly a wonder."

Lily smiled slightly. "Thank you, sir."

She shut the door behind her, and the smile remained, the memory of that midnight blue potion firmly imprinted in her mind. She thought of Severus again, Severus with his scowling face and too-long dark hair, and for the first since that summer, there was no anger or even sadness. There was fondness for that moment, and that was all.

Because as many other things, they hadn't started out black and twisted; they had merely ended that way. Once, there was a time when they had burned bright, and all was well in the world. Lily had forgotten that, but she wouldn't again.

Because that brightness, as brief as it was, as cold as the darkness was that followed it...

It had all been worth it.

**Note- I didn't want to spoil it above, but a while ago, a reader suggested a scene with Slughorn worrying about Severus to Lily. I'm sorry, I'm not positive who it was, but if you're reading this, thank you for the inspiration!**

**somanyQs- Thanks for the review! I considered writing about the kitchens, but I decided I would rather it just end there, especially because there will be plenty of time for more James convincing Lily to break the rules moments. Actually, I meant to have Slughorn at least look at Severus and Lily strangely, and I even had a note about it in my outline, but for some reason, I forgot until I read your review. I wanted to have a Slughorn/Lily conversation ever since a reader suggested it early on, and since this chapter has a Potions class in Lily's perspective, I just worked it in there. There will eventually be another Amortentia chapter from Lily's perspective. I wanted to do one scene from Severus's point of view, and another completely different one from Lily's. I may casually slip in a hint of what she smells before, but the main reveal won't take place until they actually make Amortentia in class. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I may mention something brief about what Lily smells in Amortentia, but she won't realize what it is until the actual Amortentia lesson. I should also say that nothing is set in stone because I sometimes realize something won't work or doesn't feel right while writing, and I end up making last minute changes, but I'm confident that's the route I'll take. Oh wow, you've been following this story for a while. Thank you for not giving up on me! I'm really glad that you're enjoying the character development because I think that is what is most important to me in Always. A lot of this is to explain why the characters made their choices, and I'm trying to make sure that makes sense for everyone, including me. **

**thegoldensnitch- Thanks for the review! Severus and Regulus will become closer, though he'll never be Lily. I don't mean for the obvious reasons, like the romantic angle, but just the general way Severus was with her when they were kids. Severus was still guarded around Lily at times, but he also revealed a lot of himself, and I don't think he'd be willing to do so again for Regulus, or that he's even capable of it. Regulus will understand that, and I think he'll understand that Severus cares about him even if he doesn't say so aloud. It will happen gradually, but they will eventually be close enough for Regulus's death to have a significant impact on Severus. To answer your second question, Vernon will meet James and Lily as a couple, on the double date that JKR wrote about in Pottermore. I'm not sure if they'll be married by then, I'm terrible with math and will have to double check. Originally, I was planning to write a Peter story called Traitor. That's still a possibility. Abomination and Hero will be much shorter than Always, so I'm hoping to finish one of those up first. Always will end in the letter scene in the first chapter, but there will be an epilogue with Severus's death, that will provide some closure with Lily. I don't mind the questions at all! If anything, I'm flattered that people are interested enough in this story to ask them. Thank you for saying that! I'm actually working on two books right now. Well, really, more like five, but I'm forcing myself to focus on those two until I finish.**

**Guest- Thanks for the review! It isn't mentioned that Charlus Potter is Head of the Auror Office, but I thought James would be pleased with having a dad with as one. **

**SiriusTheBlack- Thanks for the review! To be honest, I'm not exactly sure what Severus will realize yet. I know he'll think of the Mudblood scene as his worst memory because he's someone who obsesses over the past and tries to make sense out of everything. More easily than anything else, he'll blame the Mudblood scene for Lily's death, because in his mind, if he hadn't said that word, he and Lily could possibly be friends, and Lily would possibly still be alive. I'm not sure how much of that he'll actually believe if he's honest with himself because I think some aspect of him knows it's more than that, that believes that he was an idiot who wanted all the wrong things, but I think he'll fixate on the Mudblood scene because it's the easiest one for him to focus on, mainly because that's the exact moment he lost her, and that's the one tiny thing that he could have avoided if he had just controlled himself. Though the odds of him and Lily remaining odds are slim without the Mudblood scene, I think he'll cling to the possibility that it could have ended differently, and just the thought would be maddening for him. In some ways, I think he can justify his reasons to himself for joining the Death Eaters, with his history, his classmates, the war, etc, but there isn't any way to justify what he called Lily except that it was his mistake and his alone. I think that's something that would be unforgivable to him. Sorry for rambling on, but even though I'm not positive of what I'll end up writing, I've clearly thought way too much about this. **

**rozemc- Thanks for the review! I agree, I also wish the parents' deaths have been spaced out more. I'm guessing JKR made it that way for Harry's story, but when writing it out for Always, it just seems like a lot of death in such a short amount of time, especially since everyone died of natural causes. If it had been the war or a car crash or something, I think it would have been more believable. **

**SevThruAndThru- Thanks for the review! Lily did smell something, but she didn't think much of it, and you may read a hint of it again, but you won't find out exactly what she smelled until the Amortentia lesson, unless I change my mind last minute and up making it sooner, or later. Either way, there will definitely be a Lily Amortentia chapter. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! Lily will eventually become closer to the Gryffindor girls as well, though I think she'll end up being even closer to the Marauders. I don't think it will be until the Order that everyone will really bond, when they're forced to realize just how much is at stake. Right now they're reading about the war, but participating in it and losing your friends, as well as risking your own life, is a completely different story, and I think that will really change the way they see each other. **

**Mintbreath- Thanks for the review! I'm glad you're enjoying Regulus and finding that James isn't so bad. If it's any consolation, I am planning something for Severus/Lily. I wouldn't say it's huge, but it will be a…development. Their relationship will keep changing. **

**Fuchsia- Thanks for the review! Lily will definitely find out about Sirius moving in with James. **

**JPLE94- Thanks for the review! I think Lily has a hard time seeing James doing anything seriously, especially back then when he'd ask her out over hexed cupcakes. Having the Marauders around and yelling it in the halls probably made her even more skeptical. That being said, she tends to be oblivious about boys, namely Severus. I'm glad you're enjoying James's development! While James will have his serious moments, I don't think he'll ever be a completely serious person. Certain things, like family and the war, will have an impact on him, but he'll always be the type of person who will try to cheer someone up in their darkest moment, rather than someone who wants to brood in silence. You will definitely find out what Lily smells in a later chapter, what James smells in Hero, and Sirius in Abomination. For Sirius, I might have him mention it casually in Hero or Lily's chapter, but for Lily and James, I wanted them to experience it in their own chapters.**

**Guest- Thank you so much! I don't think I'm going anywhere unless my family makes plans last minute, so the rest of my summer will be pretty much all writing. I've been working on pieces of Abomination and Hero, but I keep getting distracted with Always and my own work. For my own work, I'm currently focusing on two books, which I'm hoping to finish by the end of the year.**

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I don't think Lily particularly likes Sirius right now, but James was really the one who always managed to have an effect on her. I think there will be more moments, like in this chapter, when she doesn't think he is as funny as he thinks he is, at least when Severus is concerned. I think that's partially because she doesn't like him picking on people, but there's also the fact that he's Severus, and regardless of what he did, I can't see her being comfortable with people making fun of him. I think there's also an aspect of Sirius that's...harsher than the other Marauders, and I don't think Lily will be entirely comfortable with that either, especially since it's something that may remind her a bit of Severus. I'm glad you feel that way about James and Severus because I feel similarly. I don't see either one as all good or all bad. They both have their flaws, making them much more interesting characters, in my opinion. I think those are excellent Lily/Snape songs! I Hate Everything About You, especially from Snape's perspective. I think that captures his extremes. I'm Looking Through You makes me think of Lily during the end of fifth year. **

**Kokoro No Okirimono- There will be more Severus/Lily scenes! Just because their friendship is over doesn't mean their story is. **

**Snily- Thanks for the review! It means a lot that, as a Snily fan, you seem to like the way I'm handling Lily/James. I agree, I sometimes think of that Dumbledore quote when I'm thinking about Lily, and I think that really explains why she was unable to remain friends with Severus. I think it would have been weak of her to forgive him at the period of their lives, just because it's clear that he's not about to change anytime soon.**

**Jenna- Thanks for the review! If it makes more sense, Lily and Severus have very different ideas on the word "hate." When Severus hates something, he really hates something. When he feels it, it's all he feels, and it's a scary place to be. Lily, on the other hand, hates things the way kids sometimes hate vegetables. They don't particularly like them, but they don't feel that passionate about it, or at least as passionately as Severus feels about James Potter. Instead of fantasizing about revenge or dwelling in the emotion, they would rather move onto better things like dessert. **

**stolencharm- Thanks for the review! Personally, I can't see James holding a grudge against Lily. That just seems more like the Snape thing to do. Then again, we don't know a lot about James, so I can't say that with certainty, it's really just a feeling. There will be much more Lily/Sirius interaction. Out of all the Marauders, Lily is going to have the most difficulty befriending Sirius, probably because befriending Lily doesn't really interest Sirius. **

**Guest- That's a very real possibility.**

**Poly- Not an AU! Sadly, James, Lily, and eventually Severus, and nearly everyone else, will die. **

**Person P- Thanks for the review! Severus will…talk to Lily again, but he'll never be able to say everything he needs to say to her, at least not while Lily is alive. Sadly for Severus, that's his tragedy.**

**pole553- Thanks for the review! To be honest, I didn't contemplate the early chapters as much as I should have, which is something I'll have to fix while editing. James and Sirius jinxing the broomstick is one of those things. I plan to write a scene in Hero or Abomination to salvage things. Instead of James and Sirius hexing the broomstick themselves, they'll most likely have picked it up elsewhere. Serpensortia I'm not too concerned with because Draco was able to do that in the beginning of second year. Severus started reading about dark magic before Hogwarts, and I think of him as more intelligent and more ambitious than Draco. **

**BunnytheRabbit- Thanks for the review! I feel similarly about Snape while writing, which is probably why he's such an interesting character for me to write. I agree, I wouldn't consider him "good." I usually update every 2-3 weeks. I try to keep everyone posted on my profile, but I don't think I've done it for the last two updates. I'll have to start again.**

**Guest- Enjoy!**


	97. Chapter 97 Peter

**Sorry for the delay, but I hope you enjoy the chapter! Peter actually has more than one line in this one. **

**Thank you to my beta, sparklyscrunchies, for editing!**

**Chapter 96 Recap- Professor Vablatsky refuses to teach Severus Divination. Severus finds out that Briony died through Mulciber. Slughorn speaks to Lily about Severus.**

**Chapter Ninety-Seven- Peter**

**1976**

"Blink once if it's a yes. Blink twice if it's a no."

Severus gave an irritated sigh. He had a Charms essay to complete, and as useless as it was, explaining the transformation of wine into vinegar, playing the absurd games of Regulus Black was no more appealing.

Standing in front of Severus's chair, Regulus lowered his face so that it was directly in front of Severus's. His brown eyes were unusually serious as he stared at him intently. "Bartemius Crouch."

"I'm not doing this."

"That was a blink. Two blinks!" Regulus said triumphantly, but then he frowned. "Was that three?"

In dire need of personal space, Severus pushed the younger Black away. "It was neither."

Regulus slumped in the chair across from him, remaining a comfortable distance from the emerald flames of the common room fire. It was only in the early days of October, but a chill was beginning to creep through the castle, and Severus found himself grateful for the warmth. His own robes were worn thin and offered little protection from the cold.

"You really won't give me a hint?"

Severus's eyes darted above his parchment to give Regulus a death stare. "I told you. I can't."

Regulus reached over to the table, where he had set down a box of Honeydukes chocolates, and began to take one from it. Just as his fingers brushed against one, he changed his mind, and took the entire box back with him, slinging his skinny legs across the armrest of his chair.

"If you keep that up, you're going to weigh down your broomstick," Severus observed.

"One box of chocolates isn't going to make a difference," Regulus said defensively as he stuffed a chocolate into his mouth. "I'm under a lot of pressure."

"Oh yes," Severus said, returning to his essay. "Pestering me is no doubt exhausting."

"You try listening to Gibbons scream about Quaffles and Snitches for hours every day." Regulus swallowed, and without hesitation, popped another chocolate into his mouth. "And," he said with a dramatic pause, "Alecto Carrow aimed a Bludger at me this morning."

"Tragic."

"I was in the hospital wing all morning, in case you've forgotten." Regulus rubbed his arm, as if there was still pain lingering in his formerly broken arm. "And now, Barty Crouch might become a Knight of Walpurgis. I _need _this chocolate, Severus."

"Oh, for Merlin's sake." Severus shut his textbook. "I can't tell you if he'll be a Knight, or if anyone else will. I don't know."

Regulus swallowed his chocolate. "You mean you really don't know?"

"No," Severus said flatly. Sixth year was supposedly the year where the Knights became more involved in the initiation process, at least according to Regulus, but he hadn't heard anything yet, which meant Regulus was wrong, or Severus wasn't chosen to be among the honored few.

"Well," Regulus said. "You could have told me that before."

Severus gaped at him in disbelief.

"If it didn't involve moving from this chair," Severus said finally, "I'd strangle you."

"You'd miss me far too much." Regulus sounded cheerier than he had all day. "I'm hungry. Do you want to go to the kitchens? I know how to get in."

"It's past curfew." Severus gestured at the unusually empty common room to emphasize his point. "And I have work to do."

"_Charms _work."

"You won't let me work until I say yes, will you?

"No." Regulus grinned at him.

"Fine." Irritated and more grateful than he'd ever admit, Severus tucked his essay into his textbook and put it aside. "Let's get this over with."

Regulus hopped up from his chair and took the lead, a renewed spring in each step he took. There hadn't been a meeting since mid-September, and he seemed to be even more restless than usual. For Severus, the Knights were the key to his future, but for Regulus, they meant danger and excitement.

"If we see Filch or Mrs. Norris, you should do that _Mufflio _spell to throw them off."

"It's not _Mufflio_."

"I think I have some Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder in my pocket," Regulus went on as if Severus had said nothing. "That should give us enough time to slip around the corner. If not, we should try to get to that one corridor, the one with all the suits of armor lined up. We'll be able to lose them there. Filch, at least. Mrs. Norris…I'm not quite sure."

Severus stared at him. "You've put entirely too much thought into this."

"You do remember who I'm related to, right?"

"Vividly."

The wall in front of them slid back, revealing the darkened dungeons of Hogwarts, eerily silent in the nighttime. For a second, Regulus didn't look quite as enthusiastic, but he promptly perked up right up again with false cheer. "Obviously, someone should have done something with this place ages ago. I don't know what Salazar was thinking."

"Indoor voices, Regulus," Severus's voice was softer than a whisper, but it didn't dull its sharpened edge.

"Right," Regulus said nervously. "Maybe we should turn back. I'm not really hungry. I was just craving an eclair…"

Severus lit his wand with a silent _Lumos_, the glow of the light revealing his scowl. He was annoyed with the other boy, but for the first time, it wasn't purely for his own sake. "We're not going back."

This time, it was Regulus's turn to stare at him. "You don't even want to go."

"It's no different than it would be with the other Knights around," Severus said calmly, moving forward while a motionless Regulus remained behind. "How do you expect to survive the Dark Lord's inner circle if you can't manage a walk in the dark?"

"It's not the dark I'm worried about," Regulus said defensively. "It's what's waiting in the dark. You've heard the rumors, haven't you? Slytherin's heir? The attacks weren't that long ago."

"I thought that was just a myth." Severus halted, wheeling around to face Regulus. "What attacks?"

"That's what they want you to think," Regulus said, looking triumphant now that he had caught Severus's attention. "It was hushed up to avoid the scandal. But Bellatrix used to tell us stories about it. A Mudblood _died_."

"Right." Severus wasn't fully convinced that Salazar's beast was roaming around Hogwarts' corridors at night. "Mudblood. You're a Black, remember? You have, what was it? Six centuries of blood purity?"

"Seven," Regulus said quietly, almost reassuring himself. Then a little louder, he announced to no one in particular, "That's _seven _centuries if you happen to be listening. You don't want my blood; it's one hundred percent pure."

"If you get us caught," Severus said between clenched teeth, "I promise you that your seven centuries' pure blood will be all over the floor, and it won't be because of Salazar's heir. _Come on_, Regulus. You're not backing out."

"Good idea." Regulus started walking, more briskly than necessary, as if he had just realized how foolish he had sounded. "Severus?"

"What?"

"Let's not mention this again."

Severus shook his head in distaste, but he could feel something creep to his lips, something oddly familiar that he hadn't felt for a while. With his hand, he touched his mouth, and he realized that he was _smiling_. That was absurd. That would mean he was enjoying himself and Regulus's oddities, that would, no doubt, get them both killed someday.

They continued on in silence, which was unusual for Regulus. Once they had reached the first floor, a weight that Severus hadn't realized was there was lifted, along with the shadows of the dungeons.

"That way." Regulus gestured towards his left. "It's easy. All you have to do is tickle the pear-"

"Stop talking," Severus hissed, his head whipping around his shoulder. His eyes landed on the tapestry, and wordlessly, he seized Regulus's arm to drag him behind the heavy material. Thankfully, Regulus found the sense to remain silent, and didn't utter a word, not even when a cloud of dust closed over them.

"I hate that bloody cat." A familiar voice made them both freeze. "I hope she stays in that suit of armor all night. Seven floors down. _Seven _floors, and she waits to catch us on the first one. I can't believe she followed us all the way back up there."

"I can't believe you made us go all the way back down here," another voice muttered. "Honestly, Padfoot, your addiction to eclairs is downright disturbing."

"You're one to talk," Black scoffed. "Do you remember what happened first year when Moony found your Honeydukes stash?"

"It was a gift from my mum! Anyway, he shouldn't have been there. It was obviously hidden for a reason."

"You hide _chocolate_, Prongs. Reason isn't the word that comes to mind."

"Not just any chocolate. Honeydukes peppermint. Even Evans understands."

Severus stiffened, and from Black's reaction, he knew that he wasn't the only one.

"What's going on with you and Evans? You've been rather…chatty lately."

He pronounced "chatty" as though the word was poison. For once, Severus was in complete agreement. It was reckless, but he edged towards the end of the tapestry. He could see that Black and Potter had paused by the staircase, with Potter leaning against the railing, a silvery cloak dangling from his arms. Severus's eyes narrowed in recognition.

"What do you have against Evans? You've been a prat to her ever since this year began."

"Nothing," Black said coolly. "I don't trust her. That's all."

Potter chortled. His arrogance was astounding. Even after curfew, wandering aimlessly on the first floor, he couldn't be bothered with discretion. "Are we talking about the same Evans? About this tall? Red hair?"

"That's the one," Black said flatly.

"Now that I think about it, she does have a shifty look about her."

"I'm being serious," Black insisted.

Potter's lips twitched. "I know you're Sirius."

For a fraction of a second, Black started to grin, but he folded his arms across his chest. "Just…don't forget last year. Or the years before that."

"Sometimes I forget you're a Black," Potter mused.

Black gave him a look.

"And then that happens," Potter said lightly, but his voice became almost serious. "It doesn't matter," he said, and they began walking again. "Nothing is going on. We're just friends."

Severus's blood ran cold. Black snorted.

"She's had a bad summer, Padfoot." Their voices were becoming faint. "Give her a break, will you?"

Neither Severus or Regulus moved until the first floor was silent once more. When it was, Severus was first to creep out from behind the tapestry. He lifted the edge to look at Regulus, who still hadn't moved.

"Are you coming?"

Regulus blinked as if he had just remembered where they were. He stepped into the starlit hall, and in the dim light, Severus noticed there was a little frown on his face, one that hadn't been there before.

"We shouldn't go to the kitchens," Regulus said, his voice unusually hollow. "_They__'__ll _be there."

No one wanted to go back to Slytherin territory more than Severus. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to crawl into his bed and silently contemplate what Potter had possibly meant when he had said that he and Lily were _friends_. No, he wanted to hex James Potter until the truth came tumbling from his lips between gasps of agony. But he looked at Regulus, Regulus with his pale face and slight frown, Regulus who had been, for some bizarre reason, excited over an _eclair_ from the kitchens, and Severus sat down on the steps.

"We can wait," Severus said finally.

Regulus raised a skeptical eyebrow. "You want to wait for my brother and James Potter to leave the kitchens so I can have an eclair?"

"Sit down before I change my mind," Severus said irritably.

Regulus sat down. He opened his mouth. Severus turned to give him a steely look. Regulus's mouth shut.

They sat that way for quite a while. After an unspeakable amount of time, Potter and Black came back, concealed by the Cloak but easily detectable by the sound of bickering, and Severus and Regulus dove for the tapestry. In the kitchens, Regulus found a stack of eclairs waiting for him, presented by a group of much too cheerful house-elves.

Regulus's eyes bugged out at the size of the plate. "Wow," he said. "What else do you have?"

Severus stayed behind, refraining from rolling his eyes while the house-elves happily showed off their handiwork to Regulus. It was difficult to say who was more thrilled by this. When the tour had finally concluded, Regulus had his arms packed with baked goods, and when he began to suggest a nightly delivery service, Severus decided it was best that they leave and shoved Regulus towards the door.

"Are you sure you don't want any of this?" Regulus asked when they entered the common room. Already, he was munching on a jam doughnut.

Severus shook his head; he had never had much of a sweet tooth. "Aren't you going to have an eclair? I thought that's what we came for."

A shadow crossed Regulus's face. "No," he said. "I don't think I like them anymore."

Severus half-smiled. "Night, Regulus."

"Night, Severus."

Grabbing his textbook from the armchair, Severus departed towards his dormitory, and for the first time that night, he felt exhausted. He nearly collapsed the moment he saw his bed, but a creamy square of parchment on his pillow caught his attention, and suddenly, he was wide awake. It was blank, all except for his name written across the center in elegant script, but he didn't hesitate. He turned over his hand, exposing his pale palm.

"_Sectumsempra_," Severus murmured.

A deep gash was sliced into his skin. He didn't even have to squeeze his hand as he turned it over; drops of ruby blood instantly littered the page. The letters shifted, vanished, and materialized until a new message was formed.

_Bartemius Crouch._

It was better late than never, Severus supposed. But his first thought wasn't pleasure, satisfaction that the Knights had finally decided to include him in the initiation process. No, his first thought was that Regulus Black was going to have a fit.

**1976**

Lily had decided that she needed a fresh start.

Last June, she had been distracted by Severus, and her work had suggested it. This September, she had been distracted by Briony, and her grades had more than confirmed it. There was no doubt about it: she had fallen behind and had more than one meeting with a concerned professor. After McGonagall had offered her a biscuit for what had to be the dozenth time but could only be the third, Lily decided that changes needed to be made.

And changes were made. Lily had a stack of makeup assignments in front of her to prove it, the untouched plate of toast beside her cold and forgotten. In the early hours of the morning, sitting at the almost empty Gryffindor table, she had already managed to make a good dent in that pile. If she kept this up, she would be finished with everything by the end of the week, and hopefully by then, the red marks all over her papers would be nothing more than a bad memory.

A sudden shadow loomed over her parchment, and Lily suddenly wondered if she had overestimated herself. From the sly grin on the newcomer's face, it looked as though October would be the month in which she was distracted by James Potter, the newly named Quidditch captain of Gryffindor, as he was so fond of reminding everyone.

"Fancy seeing you here," Potter spoke with far more cheer than the early morning deserved, taking a seat across the table.

"Good morning," Lily said shortly, making a point to return to her work. Maybe she and Potter were friends now, but until she finished her homework, all friendships would have to be put on hold. Particularly friendships with certain Marauders, who tended to encourage slacking and all forms of mischief.

Potter didn't say anything else, which made her eyes rise above her parchment in curiosity. He was focused on his plate, hurriedly filling it up with everything and anything. Lily's gaze returned to her work, but in spite of herself, she could feel it lifting again, and she found herself staring at him as he heaped his plate high with scrambled eggs, sausages, and fried tomatoes, even shoving a small stack of toast in the corner. Lily had been doing her best to look uninterested, but as he went on to add a bowl of porridge to his breakfast, she was unable to remain silent.

"Hungry?"

Potter's lips twitched, as though he had been expecting her reaction all along, which made Lily only feel irritated with herself for giving in.

"Don't be so judgmental, Evans. I'm a growing boy and Quidditch season just started. And I am captain after all, in case you've forgotten." In spite of it being just past dawn, Quidditch season evidently agreed with Potter; his eyes were nearly as bright as the badge pinned to the front of his robes, and his face looked even more animated than usual. "Don't tell me that's why you're up early. You couldn't resist seeing Gryffindor on the field."

"Actually, I couldn't resist doing homework," Lily said, nodding at the stack of parchment in front of her. "In fact, I really should-"

"Remind me to teach you how to prioritize," Potter interrupted, making a face. Lily nearly smiled at that. With his expression and his morning hair, which stuck up all over the place even more than it ordinarily did, he looked like a kid in dire need of a hairbrush.

"You mean skive," Lily corrected him, trying her best to inject a note of disapproval in her voice. She failed.

Potter grinned. "Skiving takes priority." His eyes flickered to her textbook and she could tell that he was straining his eyes to read it. "How's Transfiguration?"

Lily blinked. It was a normal question, but that was precisely what was so odd about it. "It's…all right," she said finally. "Not as easy as Charms or Potions, but I don't want to drown myself in my cauldron at the sight of it."

"That's progress, then." Potter cracked another smile. "Well, if you need any help, I'm always here." He said the words casually, as though he had offered to put a Jelly-Legs Jinx on Mulciber, which for Potter, would have sounded more casual, and Lily gawked at him.

"Thanks," Lily managed to say, hastily recovering. Since he was obviously making an effort in their friendship, she decided it was her turn to try. "How is Q-"

"I have an idea."

Black's announcement was loud enough to send what few people were in the Hall looking their way. Lily was still registering his sudden appearance when he slid into the seat beside Potter, unaware of, or more likely, unbothered by the attention. Remus and Pettigrew followed his example, both looking decidedly more exhausted than their counterpart. There was a heavy thud as Remus set an enormous book onto the table. Curious, Lily craned her neck to the faded letters of that day's title, _The History of Defense Against the Dark Arts_.

"You're up early," Potter observed, watching Black with both interest and suspicion. "Did you come to watch Quidditch practice?"

Black began heaping jam on his toast. "No one wants to see you practice Quidditch, Prongs. Isn't anyone going to ask me what my idea is? It's brilliant."

"I-" Pettigrew began.

"No," Remus said.

"If it doesn't involve Quaffles, I'm not interested," Potter said. "I have plans for this year and I need a clear mind. I'm visualizing-"

"A party," Black cut in. "In the Forbidden Forest. It's been dull around here."

All eyes flew to him.

"I told you it was brilliant," he said smugly, taking a satisfied bite of his toast. "And it won't be like third year, so don't give me that judgmental look, Evans. That was with James's planning and Peter's guest list. I want this to be the event of the year. Filch has some things in his office that will be…beneficial to the cause."

Potter's eyes nearly bugged out from his head. "That stash of limited edition Filibuster Firestorm Fireworks we found?"

Black smirked. "That's not even half of what I have in mind."

"I change my mind," Potter set down his fork. "I'm interested."

Black glanced at Lily, who had remained silent the entire time, watching the Marauders converse as though she was observing a train on the verge of crashing. Lily caught the pointed look and was undaunted.

"I'm not going to tell on you," she said flatly.

"You say that now but you're still wearing that." Black made no attempt to conceal his disdain as he gestured to her prefect badge that was fastened to her robes, though it was decidedly less shiny than Potter's.

"So is Remus," Lily pointed out.

"He's Remus."

"Don't involve me in this," Remus said, not looking up from his book. "I'm reading."

"The worst thing I can do to you is give you detention. Which, you would probably enjoy, seeing as that gives you extra time to torture Filch," Lily paused, unable to read Black's expression. "If you're stupid enough to try to _break into Filch__'__s office and blow up the Forbidden Forest_, then I'd rather wait and watch you get caught and see McGonagall murder you herself. So, no, Black, I'm not going to tell on you."

"Maybe I'm biased," Potter said nonchalantly, helping himself to more pumpkin juice, "but I believe her."

Pettigrew gulped. "Maybe we-"

Black sent a dark look Lily's way, his jaw clenching. "Fine," he said. "You can stay."

"And I'm leaving," Potter announced cheerfully. Lily wasn't even surprised to see that his plate was clear. "Quidditch practice is about to start."

"In ten minutes," Black reminded him. "That gives you fifteen."

"I'm captain now," Potter explained as he ruffled his hair. Lily had a feeling they'd be hearing those three words even more than usual, now that Quidditch season had begun. "I have an example to set. We'll plot later. Bye, Evans."

Along with the rest of the Marauders, Lily stared after him, more than slightly disturbed by the prospect of James Potter being responsible, even if it was for Quidditch.

"We didn't get a goodbye," Pettigrew muttered.

"Did he polish his badge?" Black asked incredulously, craning his neck, though Potter's back was already turned and receding from view.

"Yes." Remus turned another page without looking up. "He polishes it weekly. Says that the others need to see it on the field."

Lily and Black both snorted. Startled by the sound, they eyed each other, before simultaneously looking away.

"Padfoot," Pettigrew said hesitantly. He put down his fork and fidgeted with his napkin. "Are you sure that…having a party is a good idea?"

Black had already returned to his breakfast, unruffled by Pettigrew's hesitance, if he even noticed it at all. "Why wouldn't it be? It would be legendary. A party in the Forbidden Forest this size? No one's ever done it before."

"For good reason," Remus muttered.

"Don't tell me you're backing out, Moony."

"No." Remus let out a sigh, flicking to a new page. "I've resigned myself to a life of detention and the fact that I'll be a constant player in your schemes, no matter how harebrained they are."

"Your loyalty is touching," Black said, grinning. "Can you imagine how furious Filch will be? We'll need our own file cabinet after this. We'll have to do some decorating for him while we're there."

"Don't you think we should keep it small?" Pettigrew tried again. "It'll be…quaint."

"Funny, Wormtail. I should go." Black wiped his mouth with a napkin. "I have lines with Flitwick before Herbology."

Pettigrew looked positively ill.

"He doesn't usually do morning detentions, does he?" Remus asked curiously, finally looking up from his book.

"My nights were filled up for the week. And McGonagall says I need more extracurriculars." Black drained the rest of his pumpkin juice. "See you at Herbology. Remember, think interior design."

"That's something I never thought I'd hear him say," Remus murmured when he was gone. He looked at his watch in dismay. "I'm supposed to be in Slughorn's office now."

"For detention?" Lily asked in surprise.

Remus gave her an amused smile. "My essay. I was sick last week and he said I could turn it in late." He shut his book and stuffed it into his book bag. Astonishingly enough, it didn't split apart, and Lily made a mental note to ask him later which charm he had used. "Bye, Lily. Peter, stick with the toast. You look terrible."

He left, leaving Lily and Pettigrew alone at the Gryffindor table. While pretending to look over her Transfiguration notes, Lily found herself sneaking a peek at Pettigrew. Out of all the Marauders, she had spoken to him the least. He had his part to play among the four, and while it was just as essential as the other three, he tended to pale when they all took the stage. Potter demanded the spotlight with his dramatic antics, and Black wasn't to be outdone, stealing attention with his flashing eyes and cutting remarks. Even Remus held his own, the voice of reason with an occasional sarcastic edge. But Pettigrew…Pettigrew tended to slide into the shadows in the midst of chaos. He seemed to prefer watching the other three with the rest of the audience.

"Are you all right?" Lily asked Pettigrew finally. He was pushing around his bacon without eating it at all, and while she didn't know very much about Peter Pettigrew, she knew that he had a more than healthy appetite.

Pettigrew looked startled that she had addressed him, making Lily feel a twinge of guilt for not making more of an effort to do so before. "I'm fine. Why?"

"You don't seem too…happy," Lily said, trying to be as tactful as she could. "Is this because of the party?"

He was silent. Students were beginning to pour through the doors, and despite the chatter and the sound of silverware clinking against porcelain, their little area seemed deafeningly quiet.

"You know you don't have to do anything you don't want to, right?" Lily went on when he didn't speak. "You don't have to have a party. You don't have to raid Filch's office."

Pettigrew was clenching his fork so tightly that his knuckles were white. He mumbled something Lily couldn't understand. He looked up, and seeing her confusion, he quickly averted his eyes and spoke again, and as low as it was, she heard him perfectly.

"You're wrong." He swallowed hard. "I have to do it."

As ashen as he was, his voice was determined. Lily's forehead puckered in bewilderment. "Why do you have to?"

"They're my friends."

"Right, they're your friends," Lily agreed gently. "They'll understand."

Pettigrew looked at her oddly. "You've always had friends, haven't you?"

The question caught her off-guard. There had been Severus, and before Severus, there had been others. Muggle children with tea sets and skipping-ropes. Lily could sense where this was headed, but she didn't deny it. Somehow, she thought Pettigrew would see right through her. "Well, yes."

Pettigrew shrugged his shoulders, as though saying, _well, there you have it_. "It doesn't matter," he said, a tad too loudly. "I _want_ to do it."

Lily looked at him, unconvinced, but his chin had jutted out with more defiance than she had ever seen from him. "All right," she said finally. "But if you didn't want to, you could tell them. They'd understand."

"Sirius would steal Remus's prefect badge and put a Permanent Sticking Charm to my robes," Pettigrew said, "while James sings the school anthem."

"I'm not saying they won't make fun of you for it," Lily amended. "But it's what they do. I swear, Potter and Black insult each other more than they congratulate each other, and that's a _lot _of insulting. But at the end of the day, they'll respect you more for it than if you go along with whatever they do just because they want you to do it."

Pettigrew eyed her doubtfully. Lily took that as a sign to continue.

"Potter…Black…Remus…they're lucky to have you. And they know it." When he averted his eyes, she hastily went on. "They wouldn't stop being friends with you over something as stupid as that. In fact, I'm not sure there's anything you could do to make them stop."

Pettigrew gave her a bitter smile. "You're nice, Evans."

"I mean it, Peter," Lily said firmly, and when she realized she used his first name for the first time, she didn't fix her mistake. "You're just as much one of them as they are, and if you don't want to break into Filch's office so you can blow up the Forbidden Forest, then tell them that."

Peter stiffened all over again. "I told you. I _want _to do it."

Lily let out a sigh. "I know, Marauder code. Look, you don't have to tell me, but if you don't want to do something, you should tell them." Peter opened his mouth to protest, but Lily cut him off. "Just think about it."

Peter chewed on his bottom lip as he appeared to mull over her words. He frowned to himself, running a hand through his fair blond hair. Lily watched him for a moment, knowing there was nothing else she could say. She glanced down at her work, and this time, it was her turn to frown.

"I just realized I forgot my Herbology book. Do you mind…"

Peter blinked, snapping out of his reflective state, and he waved a hand as he straightened up, looking considerably less worried than he had all morning. "Go ahead."

Lily didn't know what he had decided but she hoped it was a good sign. She stuffed her papers and Transfiguration textbook into her book bag, pleased that she had done something even if it wasn't her homework. At the double doors of the Hall, she looked back, satisfied to see that Peter had resumed his meal. As the doors closed behind her, she resolved to keep an eye on him and make sure-

_WHAM._

"I'm sorry!" Davey Gudgeon cried out, uttering his trademark phrase. Lily glanced up from the floor, wearily rubbing her head as she sat up.

"It's not your fault," Lily said. "I shouldn't have been standing by the doors." Looking down to inspect the damage done to herself, she hurriedly smoothed out her rumpled robes. It was then that she noticed that the contents of her book bag were all around her. Davey rushed to aid her, but as he did so, Lily had started to stand, and their heads banged together. Lily winced, massaging her temples.

"I'm really, really sorry," Davey was saying, looking absolutely miserable as he held a hand to his own head. "Is there anything-"

"I got it," Lily said hastily, reaching for the papers that were still strewn over the floor. "It's fine. Really. You don't have to…"

Someone handed her a roll of parchment. Lily's voice trailed off as her eyes looked up and farther up, hoping dearly that Davey didn't have a doppelganger. Instead, she found another face. Amos Diggory's. "Lily, right?"

"Right," Lily said, flushing at her present state as she attempted to stand up again. She did so, collision-free. Somehow, he seemed even taller than he had before. "And you're Amos?"

She knew he was. He was one of those boys that girls liked to talk about, or at least he had become one recently, once he had finally hit his growth spurt. Amos was not only tall, but handsome and a Keeper for the Ravenclaw House team, therefore making him worthy of many Amortentia-infected chocolate attempts. Lily couldn't remember ever speaking more than two words to him before, which was why she couldn't keep the surprise from her voice.

He heard it. "Amos Diggory," he confirmed, revealing a flash of bright white teeth. "We ran into each other last year."

Lily stared at him blankly.

"Flitwick was there? And Cassiopeia Lofthouse and Cressida Bulstrode? You…told them off."

Suddenly, Lily felt heat creep to her cheeks, tinting them red. While she didn't regret her scene with Cressida and Cassiopeia, not for a single second, she didn't know how much Amos had heard, and that sudden state of unknowing made her uncomfortable. "Oh."

"I thought it was brilliant," Amos said with a grin, surprising her yet again. "Actually, I was wondering if you'd want to go to Hogsmeade with me sometime?"

That she hadn't been expecting. Lily could feel her eyes widen, but before she could say anything, Davey's hesitant voice broke in. "Uh, Lily? Your stuff?" He was holding up her bag, and evidently, while she had been distracted with Amos, he had collected everything without mishap.

Lily clapped a hand to her mouth. "Sorry, Davey! I didn't mean to make you clean that up."

"It's no problem," Davey said weakly. "We'll just say we're even?" He thrust the bag into her hands before she could say another word, not even looking back when Lily called out her thanks. A little bewildered but mostly guilty, Lily turned back to Amos.

"Hogsmeade sounds-" To Lily's horror, for some inexplicable reason, she knew just then that she didn't want to go out with Amos Diggory. She didn't know why or how to say it, but she knew with absolute certainty that she did not want to go out with him. "Nice," she finished lamely, unable to think of a polite way to reject a vague offer of "sometime."

"I'll check the schedule." Amos flashed her a grin. "I'll see you around."

"Bye," Lily said numbly, still unable to digest what had just occurred. For some reason she couldn't explain, she felt guilt, along with something else that troubled her enormously. As she watched him walk away, her book bag hanging limply in her hands, that feeling didn't falter.

It was only when she reached her dormitory that she realized it was disappointment.

**SiriusTheBlack- Thanks for the review! I think Severus does care about Regulus. In his own way, I think he was always more…tolerant of him, just because Regulus looked up to him and was impressed with his knowledge, and I don't think he ever had that before, except for Lily in the very early days. While some of his initial leniency towards Regulus had to do with irritating Sirius, I think a lot of it had to do with Severus getting the chance to play a brother figure for the first time. I also think Severus is used to shutting everyone out, and when Regulus refused to be scared off and sort of forced his way into Severus's life, I think Severus began to develop a grudging fondness for him. As for friendship, I think he does consider Regulus a friend, but it's difficult for him to admit, even to himself, because he's only become more cynical of people and friendship after Lily. I'm not sure if Severus will ever be able to fully trust the fact that Regulus is his friend and he's there to stay because Lily was his best friend and the one person he ever trusted, and her ability to walk away from him is what he probably considers to be the worst betrayal. Sirius being Regulus's brother won't help the trust factor either.**

**Guest- Thanks for the review! Regulus's death will definitely play a significant role in Snape's feelings towards the Death Eaters, and really, just himself in general. While Lily will be the main source of future Snape's bitterness, some of it will also be connected to Regulus. There's already been one major situation in this story where Severus has an influence over Regulus's choices, and there will be more of those in the future, and I don't think Severus will ever be able to forget that.**

**lanternsinsilver- Thanks for the review and for keeping up with this story! I'm not sure how far into the future you're referring to, but if you mean joining the Death Eaters, I'm going to say no, his actions were not justified. To be honest, it was a more difficult decision that I would have thought. I can definitely understand why Snape did what he did; I just don't think you can say it's justified. I think Snape makes terrible mistakes, and a lot of them are his own fault and no one else's. At the same time, I realize it's easy for me to judge him from a distance. He was a half-blood in Slytherin during the war. After he and Lily parted ways, he didn't have anyone else but his House. Yes, that's his own fault, but being Lily's best friend for five years in that atmosphere couldn't have been easy on him, and I think people underestimate that. He had a choice, but I think it would take an extremely brave person to choose one friend in a different House over everyone you saw every day, that you lived with, and have them despise and look down on you for it, especially when it's not some childish rivalry, but an actual war where people are killed. Don't get me wrong, I think what he did to Lily was horrible and I don't think Lily should have forgiven him for it, but part of me understands why he was able to call her a Mudblood. As for joining the Death Eaters themselves, I'm less understanding. I think there had to have been some pressure and fear, but we know Severus had a fascination with the Dark Arts, and I can't see that being all pressure. I think joining had a lot to do it his own desire, and while you can easily blame circumstances, if you remove them, I really think Severus still would have joined the Death Eaters. I'm not sure if this is just me, but I have a bad habit of viewing the war in two extremes, Death Eaters and the Order. We read about the Order and the people in it, but if you think about it, there's so many people in the wizarding world that that's really nothing, especially if you take in how powerful Voldemort was. I think Severus not running over to the other side to join the Order is justified; I think it's easy to forget how difficult it can be to be brave. What prevents him from being excused, in my opinion, is that he probably had opportunities to take another route, and instead, he chose Voldemort, not because of fear, but most likely because of his own desire. Sorry for rambling on so much!**

**JPLE94- Thanks for the review! I understand your disappointment because I was a little disappointed that I couldn't fit in the kitchens scene, but it just didn't feel like it would fit. I hope it helps that there will be a lot of hanging out scenes in the future. And thank you! I can't believe I've reached 1700!**

**shadowkat678- Thanks for the review! I'm glad you're enjoying the way I portrayed Lily. I looked it up and she really does sound like she fits the ENFP profile. I agree, I can't see Severus not fighting back against the Marauders. I know some of his fans would rather see him innocent, but I think it's an insult to his character to think of him as the type who would be a helpless victim. While I don't think the spells that Severus practiced were commendable, I think it's amazing that he was intelligent enough to have mastered curses that most seventh years wouldn't have known, going by that Sirius quote. I'm assuming he taught himself, which I find even more impressive. More Lily/Severus songs are always welcome, so please do, thank you!**

**dramione123456789- Thank you for all the reviews! I'm glad you're enjoying the story!**

**thegoldensnitch- Thanks for the review! I typed a more in depth answer above (the first one) but the answer is, yes, on some level, I think Severus does consider Regulus a friend. I think he'd be reluctant to refer to him as one, just based on his personality and after what happened with Lily, but I think he cares about Regulus in his own way. There are moments when he doesn't want him to be miserable, and while some of that is because Regulus reminds Severus of a younger Lily or himself, I think it's also because he has grown to care about him, even though I don't think he's capable of realizing that growth just yet. I'm not sure how long this story will be. I have a list of events and a time line, and while I originally had them organized into chapters, I haven't for a while. So far, the school years range from 11-19? chapters, the years until Lily's death will probably be similar, but I'm still unsure of Harry's years. I'm planning to speed it up quite a bit, and I think it will be mostly select scenes from the books, though I plan to add a few of my own, and instead of multiple story lines, it will focus on Severus as he struggles to adjust to life at Hogwarts while dealing with memories of Lily, the war, Regulus, and later, Harry's appearance and the return of the other three Marauders. Sorry that probably wasn't too helpful. I still have to figure out how much Severus knows about Peter and Sirius. I'm leaning towards no, he did not know it was Peter, otherwise he would have told Dumbledore, but even if I did know, I don't think he'd blame Peter. I think he'd gladly kill him, of course, but I think he'd blame himself and Sirius for Lily's death more than Peter. The reason why I say that is because (I'm going to just copy and paste part of the answer I gave earlier that's saved in my notes) "I think Severus blamed himself more than anyone, but for him, it was easier to hate Sirius because of their history and because he could have saved Lily if he had chosen differently. I don't think he could hate Wormtail for being a traitor, at least as much, because he had betrayed Lily himself by going a similar way. I think it was easier for him to blame the person who didn't make the same choices he had in a way to alleviate his own guilt." About Dumbledore, I need to give it some thought, but right now I'm going to say it was desperation. In that moment, he's panicked because the woman he loves is going to die, all because of his mistake. He's aware that he's responsible, and I think that blame and disgust for himself is what allows him to approach Dumbledore, though I think fear for Lily is the prime motivator. I don't think he trusted Dumbledore, but I think he realized that he didn't have a choice. Dumbledore was the one that Voldemort feared, and while Severus dislikes Dumbledore, he's not stupid, and I think he realized that Dumbledore was Lily's best chance of survival. At that point, he wouldn't have had anyone else to go to, and while I think it's possible that he tried to reach out to Lily himself, he was probably forced to accept that he wasn't a match for Voldemort, or if he hadn't, it wouldn't have worked because I can't see Lily going along with him willingly. I'll have to think about it before I write the scene, but I hope that helps a little. Don't apologize for the short story! I just wrote you a novel, which I'm really sorry about, especially if you felt obligated to read it all.**


	98. Chapter 98 Bartemius Crouch Junior

**Thank you for the reviews! I can't believe I'm almost halfway to 1,800 already. **

**Thank you to my beta, sparklyscrunchies, for editing!**

**Chapter 97 Recap- Severus and Regulus sneak to the kitchens and narrowly miss running into James and Sirius. Severus receives a message from the Knights. Sirius has elaborate plans for a party, much to Peter's discomfort. Lily urges Peter to tell Sirius that he doesn't want to do it. Amos Diggory asks Lily out on a date.**

**Chapter Ninety-Eight- Bartemius Crouch Junior**

**1976**

Bartemius Crouch Junior was a creature of habit.

He was also utterly bizarre.

Every morning, he took a goblet of pumpkin juice with his breakfast, which consisted of one slice of toast (meticulously buttered from the right side to the left), two strips of bacon (neatly arranged to the left of the plate), and scrambled eggs (just as painstakingly arranged, but to the right). He took an abnormally long time to chew his food, and once finished, he drained his pumpkin juice until only half remained. Why he only drank half and continued to pour himself the same amount every day was a mystery to Severus, and a very irritating one at that.

After breakfast, Barty liked to smooth out his already neat robes (Severus highly suspected an Ironing Charm), and proceeded to the second floor bathroom. Severus had followed him in more than once, and had spent an absurdly long time washing his hands as Barty did the same. Once finished, Barty tidied up his straw-colored hair with a comb kept in his robes for such occasions, blew his nose, and then straightened out his robes once more. Severus had a feeling that his routine would have continued on longer, if it wasn't for a young Ravenclaw, who had a tendency of barging into bathrooms and taking over mirrors. Though it boasted a mirror that could have easily fit a dozen wizards' reflections, Barty's bathroom was no exception.

Once he was satisfied that he was presentable, Barty went to class. This was where things became slightly more interesting to Severus. In the corridors where everyone seemed to know someone, Barty kept to himself for the most part, only casually mentioning the weather or something equally as mundane a handful of times. Each time, he was greeted by wary looks as his prey struggled to sound as polite as they could manage, which was much more difficult to carry off when they were nervously edging away.

Yes, little Barty Crouch Junior with his stuffy nose and oversized head, was somehow a thing of terror.

At first, Severus thought it was because of his father. Bartemius Crouch Senior was becoming a more frequent visitor to the _Daily Prophet _headlines, and with the Ministry's constant though pathetic attempts to sort out traitors, no one wanted to be reported for anything remotely suspicious, even something as insignificant as a Fanged Frisbee. But when James Potter of all people bolted at the very sight of Barty, Potter, who was under the delusion that his place at the top of Filch's execution list was something of an achievement, Severus realized he had discovered something rather intriguing.

He just didn't know what.

The sound of Cassiopeia Lofthouse's charm bracelet jangling against her desk, not for the first time that morning, was a sudden reminder that he was still in class. Severus glared at her and the offensive jewelry, and then proceeded to shift his glare to the blank parchment in front of him. It reminded him of the parchment he had found on his pillow only days ago.

Severus had destroyed it, of course, but before doing so, he had the sense to sprinkle his blood across the back of the card. The new letters still burned in his memory.

_Keep an eye on our friend. All information is vital. _

_L.M._

"Mr. Snape," Professor Flitwick said in his high, squeaky voice. "Are you with us?"

Severus scowled, unable to mask his impatience with the vertically challenged professor. A war was happening, Voldemort was rising, and this _imbecile_ was still under the delusion that turning wine into vinegar was important.

"Yes," Severus said curtly, and Cassiopeia's bracelet jingled again.

Fortunately for his sanity, a Ravenclaw across the room had raised her hand, and Flitwick's attention was diverted. Realizing that class would be dismissed soon, Severus fumbled through his textbook for his Charms essay, not wanting to stay a moment longer than necessary. It wasn't his best work; he didn't care enough for his best, but it was more than enough to meet the lacking standards of the school grading system. He would receive an E. An O if the Three Broomsticks remembered to bring Flitwick an umbrella with his cherry syrup and iced soda. That always put the professor in a generous mood.

But when the students began gathering their things, Severus became aware that Flitwick was making an effort to catch his eye. Not wanting to dismiss the Knights for Charms of all things, Severus pretended not to notice, and quickly tossed his essay on top of the pile. If Flitwick said his name, it was lost in the chatter, and Severus was saved.

Barty would be leaving History of Magic for Herbology. Charms was on the third floor and History of Magic was on the first, but if he hurried, Severus would be able to reach him before Barty had even left the staircase. There wasn't much time between classes, and most would have brushed the opportunity aside, but Severus was a perfectionist who believed even a handful of seconds was crucial. If Barty Crouch looked at someone new, or even _blinked _differently, he would know, and soon so would Lucius.

What Severus hadn't considered was Regulus.

"Hi Severus!" Regulus said cheerfully when he spotted him in the hall. "I know you think Pendergast is a dunderhead and everything, but I think I like him so far. Today he made a very funny joke about-"

"Can't talk now," Severus said shortly, in no mood to discuss the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. If he calculated everything correctly, and he knew he had, Barty would be turning around the corridor below.

Severus's brisk stride didn't falter, but Regulus managed to keep up with him, even though his own legs were considerably shorter. Somehow, he always did that, managing to pop up no matter how quickly Severus walked.

"Where are we going?"

"We are going nowhere," Severus informed him, though his voice wasn't quite as cool as it would have been if it had been anyone else persistently tagging along at his side. "You have Divination. It's that way."

"I can skive."

"That wasn't an invitation."

"It must be something awfully interesting," Regulus mused aloud. "Do you have a secret girlfriend?"

"North Tower, Regulus. Now."

"That's a no," Regulus decided to himself. "Which works out nicely because I've been meaning to talk to you about something-"

"I can't talk now, Regulus," Severus snapped, more harshly than he had intended, but he was distracted by his search for Barty. They were nearly at the end of the stairs and Severus hadn't seen him yet. A miscalculation on his part wasn't possible; Regulus must have been slowing him down. Severus quickened his pace, his mind quickly working out how many steps it would take to catch Barty on the grounds. Regulus let out a huff of annoyance.

"Can we slow down? I ate a big breakfast and I'm still-" Regulus paused as the back doors to the grounds swung back, the autumn air crisp around them. Once he realized that Severus was still moving, he dashed after him, breathless once he'd caught up. "What are we doing here?"

"Regulus," Severus said firmly, "if you don't want me to hex you, at least _attempt_ to be discreet."

"I'm very discreet," Regulus informed him as he lowered his voice, but promptly began chattering even more rapidly than usual. "So, we're doing something we shouldn't be doing. Spying, probably. You wouldn't be sneaking off to the Forbidden Forest or hexing anyone. Not now, at least. If we really are spying, then we're doing a terrible job."

"I'm fully aware," Severus said tightly. This seemed to excite Regulus even more.

"This must be a mission, then, right? Halloween is coming and- oh, no." He fell to a sudden stop, a horrified look frozen on his face. "_No, no, no_."

"Does discretion mean anything to you?" Severus hissed between Regulus's moaning. He already had his wand in his hand. The thought of _Langlock _crossed his mind, but for some reason, Severus was reluctant to use it.

"It's Barty!" Regulus half-whispered, half-exclaimed back. "We're following Barty Crouch, aren't we?"

"Technically, _you_ aren't following anyone."

"You are following Barty!" Regulus cried out in dismay, looking decidedly green. Several students looked towards their direction and Severus, cursing beneath his breath, jabbed him in the ribs with his wand. Regulus began to whisper, but his words were even more frantic than before. "You can't let him become a Knight, Severus. Tell them…he sleeps in Gryffindor colors…or that he collects Dumbledore Chocolate Frog cards. Just something. Anything."

Severus could see that they were getting nowhere, and it didn't look as though Barty was about to do anything but attend Herbology. With a final look at the greenhouse, he turned to Regulus. "What's wrong with Crouch?"

Regulus stared at him in disbelief. "He's Satan with a handkerchief."

"Something more specific would be helpful," Severus said dryly.

"You wouldn't understand unless your mum made you play Exploding Snap with him every time the Historical Preservation Society met," Regulus said miserably. "He was the sort who would make you regret playing if you even _thought _about beating him."

Severus's interest was piqued. "Would he curse you?"

"It's his _eyes_," Regulus said impatiently, clearly frustrated that Severus didn't seem to comprehend the gravity of the situation. "He has an evil gaze."

Severus stared at him. "And is that what I should tell Lucius? That Bartemius Crouch Junior has an _evil gaze_?"

"It's really just his general aura," Regulus explained eagerly. "Didn't you sense it on the train?"

"All I sensed was the need for antibiotics," Severus said, and when Regulus's brow furrowed, Severus frowned, irritated with himself. "Never mind that. Don't you think you're being a tad…dramatic?"

"I'm a Slytherin," Regulus said defensively. "A self-preservationist."

"You forgot lunatic." Severus was already eyeing the greenhouse again, feeling renewed frustration. "Well, we've lost him now."

"Consider yourself lucky," Regulus told him as he folded his arms across his chest. There was a silence as the wind blew through the trees, rustling the masses of red and gold leaves above and around them. Though he was reasonably tall, at least when he wasn't standing next to Severus, Regulus looked oddly small just then, and as ridiculous as his claims were, Severus couldn't help but think that perhaps there was something off about Bartemius Crouch Junior after all.

"You know just as well as I do that I don't have a choice," Severus said flatly, and after a brief hesitation, Regulus lowered his eyes.

"I know," he muttered, almost sullenly.

And he did understand. Lily had not. Somehow, that traitorous name had slipped through the walls Severus had so carefully built up, and he nearly hissed aloud.

But Lily couldn't have understood. And she never would. She would never know what it was like, to be surrounded by them, day after day, with no choice but to move up because you couldn't possibly sink lower. She thought it should have been obvious to walk away and treated him like a coward because he wouldn't. Couldn't. It was easy enough for her to say those words, but it was another thing entirely for him to live them.

He had spent his entire life living in shadows. He wouldn't any longer. Not even for her.

Still not speaking, Severus marched towards the castle, his jaw set angrily as he struggled to push back any unwanted thoughts. Regulus shuffled after him, his hands shoved in his pockets. From the corner of his eye, Severus observed him, and for the first time, he wondered how much of all of this was Regulus's choice.

"If he's half as mad as you think he is, I doubt they'll be interested," Severus said as they reached the steps, not quite knowing why he said it.

Regulus smiled, and it held a faint bitterness that was not unlike something Severus himself would have had, and Severus found himself blinking, wondering when that had happened.

"He's a mad genius with the eyes of a basilisk," Regulus said. "Of course they're interested."

Severus's lips twitched, but there was no humor in it. The corridor was empty, but he knew much time couldn't have passed. "You should go back to Divination. Vablatsky will be too busy staring into her crystal ball to realize you're late."

"I could tell you more about Barty," Regulus said hopefully, evidently in no rush to pore over tea leaves and speculate about his grim future.

"Not now," Severus said, frowning. "I have Transfiguration."

"All right." Regulus let out a dreary sigh, and as Severus stepped onto the stairway, he spoke again, his voice suddenly nonchalant. Too nonchalant. "By the way, have you ever thought about dressing up a bit?"

Severus halted, his hand frozen on the railing. Regulus's earlier words came back to him, something about his lack of a girlfriend working out nicely, and very slowly, he turned around, his expression deadly. "Why would I need to think about dressing up a bit, Regulus?"

The softness of his voice hadn't diluted its venom. Regulus no longer looked quite so certain of himself. In fact, he looked as though he was suddenly very eager to run up to the North Tower and study his tea leaves. "Because…it's possible that you might have a date tomorrow."

Severus abandoned the stairs and took a menacing step towards Regulus. "Please tell me you're joking."

"I thought it would be fun."

"Fun." The word was emotionless.

"And you've been so…you know…since…you know…and I thought…" For once, Regulus was at a loss for words, and his voice trailed off helplessly when he met Severus's murderous eyes. His own were earnest. "I just wanted to help."

A flash of emerald green streaked through Severus's memory. He blinked and looked away, causing the curtains of his hair to fall forward. He didn't push them back, and when he spoke again, his voice had chilled a degree further. "You thought wrong."

"She seems nice," Regulus offered hesitantly. "Maybe you could try-"

"No."

There was a pause.

"How did you even suggest it?" Severus whipped his head around to eye Regulus accusingly. "You weren't going around-"

"No!" To Severus's relief, he couldn't detect any signs of lying on Regulus's face. "I was talking about Hogsmeade with someone, and she mentioned a friend, and I mentioned I also had a friend, and we thought a double date would be nice."

"A double date," Severus said, in the same way he would pronounce James Potter's name. "How quaint."

"Just think about it, okay?" Regulus seemed to be breathing easier now that he was certain Severus was no longer on the verge of murdering him. "It's one afternoon. If you don't like it, you can pretend you're ill, and I'll owe you a butterbeer."

"Two."

"Does that mean you'll go?" Regulus asked hopefully.

"Is she a pureblood?"

"Yeah, it's-"

"I'll go," Severus said abruptly. "I'm late for Transfiguration. I'll see you at lunch."

He could feel Regulus staring after him, and though the Transfiguration classroom was on Regulus's way to the Tower, Severus didn't wait for him to catch up. His mind was working out the details, details that he clung to in an effort to ignore the knot in his stomach.

A public date with a pureblood was a step in the right direction, but not for the reasons Regulus thought. Severus had no use for emotions, least of all ones concerning _love_, but he did have a use for someone who would prove to the Knights that he was one of them. This year, tensions had heightened with the rise in killings, and Severus knew that his former relationship with Lily was no longer something that others carelessly mocked and scorned him for.

No, it was far more dangerous than that.

It was only when Severus reached the classroom that he realized Regulus hadn't told him the name of the pureblood he would be meeting at Hogsmeade, but after a moment of contemplation, he decided that it didn't matter.

It didn't make a difference.

**1976**

"So, you really don't like Amos?"

Their spot in the corner of the courtyard was safe, halfway hidden between trees, but even so, Lily nervously surveyed the area for eavesdroppers. Alice was the only one Lily had told. She had been the best option, really, the only option. It hadn't taken Lily long to come to that particular realization. After all, Alice knew how to keep a secret _and _was the only perfectly sane person she knew, though her decision to sign up for virtually every club and extracurricular in Hogwarts was borderline madness.

But Lily could overlook that. Alice wasn't a Marauder like Remus, and therefore, she had an advantage. She also seemed like a much more suitable candidate for girl talk.

"He _seems _nice," Lily admitted once she was sure no one was listening. "But I don't know anything about him."

"You know you don't want to go out with him," Alice pointed out, tucking a lock of brown hair behind her ear.

"It's weird, right? He's friendly, good-looking, prefect-"

"Quidditch player?" Alice suggested, her eyes twinkling.

Lily rolled her eyes. "You know how I feel about Quidditch players."

"You seem to be getting along with James Potter just fine," Alice said. There was a hint of a question in her voice, and Lily felt a sudden warmth rise in her cheeks. She found herself studying the fallen leaves by her feet, and she gave them a slight kick, trying to ignore Alice's gaze.

"Potter isn't…as bad as I thought he was," Lily mumbled. "He's still immature and a bit of a prat, but…"

"But?" Alice prompted her.

Lily thought back to Potter in the common room. Potter, who had listened when she had told him about Briony, who hadn't treated her like a freak after she had. Instead, he had snuck her down to the kitchens, and insisted she try all of his favorite desserts, all while managing to break about a dozen school rules in the process, just because he thought it would cheer her up.

It had.

Even before then, he had tutored her in Transfiguration, made her realize that she wanted to be an Auror, and managed to make her laugh when her friendship with Severus and the rest of the world was falling apart. He had done it all in his mad, Potter-like way, but he had still done it, and even when she had screamed at him to go away that night after Severus had called her a Mudblood, he hadn't. He had stayed with her until the end.

"He's also a good friend," Lily said finally, looking up from the ground at last.

It was then that she saw that Alice had a very strange look on her face, as though she was fighting the urge to smile. Lily felt a prickle of annoyance and raised an eyebrow, prepared to demand what, exactly, was so amusing, when Alice's eyes widened.

"Amos," she mouthed. "Behind you."

Lily's stomach fluttered with panic, but before she could even consider an escape route, she heard Amos's deep voice say, "Hello Alice. Do you mind if I talk to Lily?"

Alice glanced uncertainly at Lily. Lily gave her a very pointed look in response.

"Actually," Alice started, clearly racking her mind for some sort of excuse, something that wouldn't sound rude because she wasn't Marlene who could blurt anything out, and after a lengthy pause, Lily winced and shook her head slightly in defeat.

"Go ahead. I was just about to run to the library," Alice finally managed, but not without an apologetic look at Lily. She quickly darted away, her sudden exit contributing more awkwardness to an already awkward moment.

"I hope I didn't interrupt anything," Amos said lightly, looking after Alice with a bewildered arch of an eyebrow.

Lily flushed. "You didn't."

"Well, good," Amos said easily, and just like that, he somehow managed to brush away the tension, something that Lily couldn't help but appreciate. His eyes found hers, the sunlight lightening the brown to an almost amber. "I can't talk long, but I found out there's a Hogsmeade trip on Saturday. How do you feel about the Three Broomsticks?"

Lily's mind went blank. Saturday. That was the very next day.

"Or we could go to Madam Puddifoot's. I heard-"

"Three Broomsticks is fine," Lily said quickly, wincing at herself when she heard the words that had come out. She had said them out of instinct to avoid the gaudy tea shop, but it wasn't until they had left her mouth that she realized what she had agreed to.

"I have to say I'm relieved," Amos said with a grin. "I can't stand Puddifoot's. Too much lace for my liking."

"It's definitely an acquired taste," Lily said, and to her surprise, she found herself returning his smile. "What time do you want to leave?"

"Is noon all right?"

Lily nodded, and as Amos walked away, she felt the knot in her stomach slowly loosen. Maybe a date wasn't such a bad idea. And even if it was a mistake, it was only one date. It didn't necessarily mean anything. She had seen Potter and Black go on enough one-time dates to know that much.

There was still time before Charms and Lily's head was beginning to hurt. She had finally caught up with her homework, and now that she was alone, she settled down on the grass, happy to have a rare moment to appreciate the peace. She was still tired from nights of staying up, and the warmth of the sunlight slipping between the leaves above was all she needed to urge her to close her eyes. Lily was just about to drift off when she heard Sirius Black's very angry voice.

"Who the hell do you think you are?"

Lily's eyes popped open and she gawked at the fuming Black incredulously, still dazed from the warm autumn sunlight. "Excuse me?"

"You have no right," Black announced, his eyes flashing furiously. "It's none of your business. _None of it_."

Lily was fully awake now. He was angrier than she had ever seen him. No longer was he the reckless kid who boasted of girls and motorcycles, but the Black descendent who was the living result of centuries of pure blood and hatred.

Lily brushed away the flicker of fear she felt; it was only Sirius Black. A dangerously angry version, but nevertheless, only Sirius Black. She didn't like the way he towered over her and she stood up, her hands automatically dusting herself off as she glared back at Black. "Before you yell at me, could you explain _what on earth you are talking about?__"_

"Peter," Black snapped. "What did you do to him?"

"I didn't do anything," Lily said tartly.

"Then why did Peter just tell me that he wants to back out of the party?" Black demanded.

"You should ask him," Lily retorted, but she felt a glimmer of pride for Peter, who had evidently found the nerve to speak up after all.

"I did," Black said. "And he started going on about you and friends and _McGonagall_." He spat the last word out as though it were poison. Every word came out louder and louder, but Lily crossed her arms in response, refusing to be intimidated. She took a deep breath, hoping to sound calm, that it would somehow spread to him.

"Then maybe you should try listening to him."

"Maybe you shouldn't get involved," Black said harshly, and all attempts to be calm were forgotten. "They're my friends. Not yours. You already ruined James's summer. You don't need to ruin Peter's year too."

"I didn't do anything to Peter but listen to him," Lily said hotly, though the mention of Potter made her blink. "If you only listened to him, you would know-"

"Don't tell me how to treat my friends," Black said loudly enough to send more than a few people looking their way. "You don't know anything about them. I do. Peter is _happy_. He's my best friend, something you wouldn't know anything about."

Lily stepped back as though she had been slapped. "What do you mean by that?"

"You were friends with Snivellus. For five years. Until you weren't, and you went running to James," Black said, in softer tones that somehow seemed even more poisonous, and his contorted face smoothed into something stone-like. "You don't know anything about friendship and loyalty, so before you give me advice on _my _life, I suggest you figure out yours and stay out of mine."

His words had struck precisely where he had hoped they would. Lily's eyes widened, and she thought she saw a new emotion cross over Black's face, but he erased it quickly and spun around. She heard a female voice ask him what was wrong, but any hope in it was extinguished quickly with his cruel, "MIND YOUR BUSINESS."

He was gone, but Lily was still stunned. She sank to the ground again, trying to work out what had just occurred. Black was obviously not in the right state of mind, she knew that much, but still, she couldn't help but wonder if there was a grain of truth in his words.

Severus had thrown out any loyalty she owed him when he had said that word. No, when he had chosen Voldemort over her, a person who would gladly see her _dead _because of her blood.

But she still felt guilty. Lily knew she didn't owe Severus anything, but Black had been right. There had been five years of school. Five years of him _loathing _Potter, a few of them with her assuring him that he wasn't the only one. Remembering more than one occasion when Severus had been humiliated, his face hidden beneath his hair because he would rather die than admit his shame, the guilt in Lily's stomach deepened. It became worse when she thought of Potter, because she didn't hate him as eleven-year-old Lily insisted she should have. She didn't even dislike him, and remembering his pale face when she had screamed that it was all his fault, Lily could feel a painful stab of regret.

That remorse was a contradiction for the guilt she felt for Severus. They shouldn't have been able to exist simultaneously, yet somehow, they were able to sit side by side in the pit of her stomach, neither one giving any indication of budging.

They stayed with her all through Charms and dinner, and en route to the common room, Lily found herself more baffled by Potter than ever. She didn't understand how he had forgiven her so easily, if she really had ruined his summer. Even the words sounded ridiculous. After all, James Potter was the boy who relished threats and detention, at least when he wasn't admiring his hair. The very idea that Lily had the ability to ruin his summer was absurd, but she couldn't quite shake Black's accusatory expression.

"Diadem," Lily said dully, but she didn't see the Fat Lady's pink dress in front of her as the portrait began to shift. She saw Potter, as she had seen him that night. She couldn't forget the look in his eyes when she had screamed those hateful words. He had felt something then, Lily was sure of it, and all she had done was murmur a faint sorry. She had just been so preoccupied with her anger and grief that she had barely given his own feelings a second thought.

And if it was true, that that had ruined his summer, Lily didn't understand how he could suddenly be friends with her now. Maybe he thought five years of tormenting her evened the score, but she knew now he hadn't even thought of it as torment. He shouldn't have been able to just sweep it away, to talk to her about Chocolate Frogs and Quidditch, as though it had never happened.

"It's not as though I could be doing other things," the Fat Lady said, sounding annoyed.

But Lily barely heard her. She needed to talk to Potter.

The portrait hole was open and the Fat Lady was huffing her impatience, but Lily still wavered, suddenly very aware that there was a high possibility that Potter or Black was on the other side. Black had been absent during dinner and she hadn't seen him since his outburst. She didn't want to see him, yet what choice did she have? She wasn't about to spend her night in the library or roaming the halls, pretending to patrol. She refused to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he had shaken her.

It was that thought that gave Lily the courage to climb inside. The portrait slammed more loudly than usual behind her.

But to Lily's surprise, Black wasn't even there. Nor was Potter, much to her frustration and relief. Only Remus and Peter were, in prime seating in front of the fireplace, with textbooks and parchment spread out all around them.

"Hi Lily," Remus said when he saw her. Lily slid into a spot on the sofa, and to her surprise, Peter met her eyes. He bit his lip, but gave her a tentative smile, and Lily realized she was glad that he didn't seem to harbor a grudge against her as Black did.

"Hi." Lily swallowed, wanting to ask where Potter and Black were, but not knowing if she really wanted to know the answer. She drew her knees up to her chest and stared at the flickering flames as Remus quietly explained nonverbal spells to Peter, his patient voice barely more than a dim buzz in her ears. Just as she was beginning to think twice about her plans to talk to Potter, she heard his voice, and it made her jump.

"I'm about to commit a murder," Potter announced grimly, and for the first time, Lily realized that he was wearing his Quidditch uniform. Evidently, he was taking advantage of his power as captain and was scheduling late night practices as well as early morning. She wondered if that meant he hadn't talked to Black yet.

Remus set down his pen, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. "Not another one."

"I'm serious, Moony. Write me to Azkaban, will you? And smuggle me Honeydukes." Without bothering to ask for permission, Potter began to rummage through Remus's book bag, took out a shabby piece of parchment, and swung over the back of the armchair to land squarely in its seat cushion. He muttered something Lily couldn't hear and Remus's eyes widened in alarm.

"Prongs, are you out of your mind?"

Lily thought he was being quite possessive over a bit of old parchment.

"Don't talk to me right now," Potter commanded. "I'm trying to plot a homicide."

Remus, Peter, and Lily exchanged looks. Remus nodded at Lily, Lily gave him a look of disbelief, but when Peter nodded at her too, she accepted her duty with a sigh of resignation. It wasn't the conversation she had planned on having, but she supposed it would have to do.

"Um, Potter?" Lily ventured.

He murmured something inaudible, studying his parchment intently with his index finger running all over it.

"Can I ask who your victim is?"

"Amos Diggory?" Remus guessed.

Lily frowned at that, as did Potter.

"Why would he want to kill Amos Diggory?"

"Why would I want to kill Amos Diggory?"

They had spoken simultaneously, Potter not even bothering to look up. Remus's eyes widened again, and he cleared his throat.

"No reason at all," he said a tad too quickly. Lily gave him a strange look, but Potter promptly caught their attention with a loud, "HA!"

"Prongs?" Peter asked nervously.

"The coward." Potter then muttered something else Lily couldn't hear, and stuffed the parchment in his pocket. When he saw that they were all looking at him expectantly, he straightened up. "The person I am going to kill," he paused dramatically, "is Gilderoy Lockhart."

"_Who?__" _Lily and Peter had spoken together.

"Hang on." Remus was frowning. "Isn't that the kid who reserves all the mirrors in the boys' bathrooms?"

"No." Potter's hazel eyes were smoldering. "It's the kid who _defaced my Quidditch pitch_."

And that was when Lily knew poor Gilderoy Lockhart had never stood a chance.

"I'm sure 'defaced' is a bit strong-" Lily tried before Potter could dash off and strangle the unsuspecting Gilderoy.

"He carved his _name _all over it."

Remus smothered something that sounded dangerously like a laugh. Peter whistled. "He's dead, all right."

"Where is Padfoot?" Potter asked suddenly. "He shouldn't be missing this."

Peter looked down. Lily did the same, pretending to be extremely interested in a lock of hair she was fiddling with.

"Detention, I assume," Remus said, obviously not too perturbed.

Potter furrowed his brow. "Without me?" He sounded almost disappointed, but his face cleared, hardening with determination. "Lockhart is hiding out in the Ravenclaw common room, but I'll get him tomorrow. Just you wait."

"You can't-" Lily's forehead creased. "Wait. How do you even know where he is?"

"Yes, James," Remus said edgily, "how do you know where he is?"

Potter frowned at Remus, his hand darting up to his hair. "Because he's a coward, obviously. He wouldn't want to be anywhere I would be."

"Right," Lily said with a sigh, but she was too distracted by her earlier thoughts to seriously contemplate Potter's newfound psychic ability.

Remus was already trying to get Peter's attention back on schoolwork, and Potter helped himself to a new piece of parchment, courtesy of Remus Lupin. The discussion of homicide was put aside, though every so often, an angry mutter of "human Transfiguration" or "Bat-Bogey Hex" would slip out from Potter's direction, barely heard above his furious scribbling. Lily pretended to occupy herself with her assigned reading, thanks to the Herbology textbook Remus wasn't using, but instead, she found herself watching Potter.

"Potter?" Lily said after a while.

She had been too quiet and he was too focused on his work. Lily tried again.

"Potter?"

"Hm?" He didn't look up.

It shouldn't have fascinated her. How eager he was to write, how his hand swept across the page like wildfire, how his face was nearly pressed up against the page, and how his glasses would droop every so often, causing him to impatiently push them up so he could continue his inane scheming.

She was a prefect. She had a conscience. Lily knew she should have been disturbed by the way his mind worked. And she was, a little, but she would put a stop to his plans tomorrow. For now, she was content to observe.

"Never mind."

Talking to him about Lockhart, about last year, about last summer, would have to wait. But Lily found that she was no longer in a hurry to have it over and done with. There would be time for that later.

In that moment, with only the sounds of the crackling flames, Remus's hushed voice, and Potter's decidedly less quiet mutters, it was surprisingly peaceful, and Lily didn't want it to end just yet.

**Guest- Thanks for the review! Wizards do have watches. In DH, Mrs. Weasley actually tells Harry it's a traditional coming of age gift, and he is given Fabian Prewett's watch for his seventeenth birthday. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! Sirius is my favorite Marauder and Peter is my least. James and Remus are pretty close, but I think I'd have to give the advantage to Remus if we're just going by the books, just because we know a lot more about him. If we're going by characters in this story, then definitely James. I think he's so much fun to write. **

**Fuchsia- Thanks for the review! Regulus won't be in all of Severus's scenes, but he'll be in a lot of them, mainly because he's Severus's main friend and he's also a Slytherin, Knight, and Death Eater, so I see them interacting a lot. Even so, they'll both have their own lives and secrets, and I'm excited to show that eventually. I do want Lily to eventually become less naive. She hasn't had a lot of experience with boys, probably because she's always had Severus and James lurking around her, but now that Severus is no longer her scowling shadow, I think others will be less intimidated by the idea of approaching her. **

**Amalie- Thanks for the review! That's a good idea for a short story because I think it would be entertaining to read her reaction. I need to do some catching up on my current stories, but I may write a one shot when I'm less busy. If not, I'll try to work something into Abomination when/if I ever get to that point. **

**iamthegoldensnitch- Thanks for the review and congratulations on the account! You're right, Regulus and Sirius were quite close at one point. I'm looking forward to exploring their relationship in Abomination, but basically, they started to drift when Sirius became a Gryffindor, and they continued to drift as they got older because of war beliefs and family drama. I'll need to give it some more thought when I'm writing sixth year of Abomination, but right now, I see them ignoring each other for the most part, though they will have some conversations, including one this year in Always. About Severus, I think if he's being absolutely honest with himself, he realizes that a lot of it was his fault, but the problem with Severus is that he doesn't want to be honest. It's much easier for him to assign blame to others. There will be moments when he can't deny it, such as when he finds out about the prophecy and when Lily dies, but I think he'll always try to blame others, as sort of a coping method for himself. Don't get me wrong, I think he'll always feel guilt and resent himself for the end of his friendship and Lily's death, but there's so much of that resentment that it ends up being used against others. Sirius, Peter, and Neville, for example. Sadly for Severus, I think he's his own worst enemy, and while I think he's aware of it, it's easier to shift some of that hate towards Harry and everyone else for the sake of his sanity. There will be an epilogue with Severus's death, and I'm planning to do something similar to what we saw of the afterlife in Harry's years. So, while we won't see Severus and Sirius bickering with angel wings or anything like that, there will (hopefully) be closure for Lily and Severus, and everyone reading. Don't be sorry, your questions aren't annoying at all! If anything, I'm flattered that you're interested enough to ask. **

**PLH- Thanks for the review! It's funny that you asked about James's dating history because I just had a conversation with my beta about that. For me, it was always hard to picture him with a serious girlfriend other than Lily, and while he'll have another girlfriend before Lily, he'll mostly date casually. In my mind, he has been going off to Hogsmeades and such with other girls for a while, though it's nothing serious to him, mainly because he just likes the fact that they're pretty and know his Quidditch accomplishments better than he does, and also because Lily is always in the back of his mind. I think I hinted at the way he treats dating in a much earlier chapter, but another mention was probably overdue, so I slipped one in in case anyone else was wondering. **

**Love- Thanks for the review! I'm actually undecided on whether or not there will be a Severus confrontation, but I know that Severus won't hesitate using darker magic on James when they're having one of their encounters. I'm also undecided about the kiss. At first, I liked the idea of her keeping it to herself, then I toyed with having a more serious conversation when Lily tells James about her friendship with Severus, and now I kind of like the idea of her casually bringing it up or admitting to it to the Marauders, and James reacting badly. While I think Severus hates/obsesses over James a LOT more, I think James is more bothered than Severus than he'd like to admit, which is why Severus was his favorite target in the early years. There's a lot of Slytherins with a fondness of dark magic, but there's only one who was best friends with Lily Evans.**

**Patronus- Thanks for the review! I'm not for sure, but I think it's possible that Harry's Patronus took after James is because of the Dumbledore's line, "it's our choices that show what we truly are." Other than the Snape's Worst Memory aftermath, I always got the impression that Harry wanted to be like James and was pleased by the idea of having something in common with him, like Quidditch, just because they're father and son, sort of like how James wanted to be like his father. Stags are associated with nobility, pride, and leadership, so I think that definitely fits both James and Harry, well except for the pride for Harry. Complementing Patronuses are supposed to indicate reciprocal love, and while you can say Lily's took the form of a doe just because she loved James, I like to think that James's was a stag because that best represented him, Lily had a doe that best represented her, and the fact they match is just more evidence that they're meant for each other. If I go with that, that would make sense for their Patronuses to fit early on. I think JKR said something an interview that contradicted what I said above, and that Patronuses can change to complement the one they love, and in that case, I think Lily's Patronus would have changed to complement James's because I think James's always was a stag. **

**SevThruandThru- Thanks for the review! Regulus already knows about Lily because, in my mind, everyone knows because it was such a public scene, and James and Lily were both popular, and people were bound to gossip about them. Regulus hasn't really talked about it because he knows just as well as Severus how unacceptable his feelings are in the time of war, but he understands it because he is currently struggling with the idea that he's supposed to hate the brother that was once his best friend. This won't always be the case. I'm actually planning to have at least two occasions when Regulus talks about Lily in a way that's a lot less subtle than the one in this chapter. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I'm not sure if Lily will always consciously compare her dates to James, but I think there will always be something that she feels is missing, that she always finds when she talks to James. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! With a lot of procrastination. **

**Guest- Thanks for the reviews! There will be a Mary and Reginald mention soon! I've been meaning to mention them for the last two or three chapters, but I keep pushing them back. The same goes for Marlene. **

**Guest- Thank you for coming back to this story! That's funny that you found it again, but I'm glad you did, and I hope you enjoy the future updates!**


	99. Chapter 99 The Triple Date

**Thanks for the reviews! This chapter begins with Lily's perspective, something I've done only once or twice before, so I apologize it feels weird. I thought it made more sense this way, time wise. **

**Thank you to my beta, sparklyscrunchies, for editing! Thank you twice, actually, because she looked over two versions of this chapter.**

**Chapter 98 Recap- Severus and Regulus spy on Barty Crouch Jr for the Knights. Severus agrees to go on a double date with Regulus. Sirius loses his temper with Lily. After seeing what Gilderoy Lockhart has done to his Quidditch pitch, James contemplates homicide.**

**Note- There's an allusion to HPB in Severus's half. You'll know it when you see it, but I still feel obligated to give JKR credit.**

**Chapter Ninety-Nine- The Triple Date**

**1976**

Lily wasn't particularly excited for her date with Amos, but that was all right because Marlene McKinnon had enough enthusiasm for both of them, and most likely Amos too.

"Try this necklace," Marlene demanded late Saturday morning, pushing something with colorful beads at Lily, but before Lily could even examine them, she seized them back, shaking her head. "No, those are all wrong. Try these ones instead."

Lily threw a look of pure desperation at Alice, who was on her bed, still comfortably outfitted in her pajamas. After being pricked and prodded at like a living doll for the past half an hour, Lily envied her immensely.

"Marlene," Lily said as Marlene began riffling through her jewelry box, "I don't need any of this. Really. I'm-" She had to pause as Marlene began to slip a string of silver loops around her neck. "Fine."

"It's a date, Lily," Marlene said impatiently, standing back to admire the effect. "With Amos Diggory."

"Exactly," Lily said. "It's just a date. We're going to the Three Broomsticks for a butterbeer. That's all. He's not asking me to marry him."

"Yet," Marlene said smugly, or more smugly than she had been, as she had been very smug ever since she had learned about Lily's Saturday plans. "Once I get finished with you, he'll be on his knee with a diamond bigger than the one Stubby Boardman gave Cassiopeia Warbeck."

Somehow, Lily refrained from groaning aloud. She knew it was useless talking to Marlene when she was like this; she had seen it happen enough times with Alice when she was about to go out with Frank Longbottom, or with Mary, when she went off to study with Reginald Cattermole, no matter how much Mary insisted they were just friends.

"We should do something with your hair," Marlene said, eyeing Lily critically. Lily's fingers flew to the ends of her dark red hair, though she didn't deny it. Usually, Briony was the one to remind Lily that she needed a trim, and after that summer, a haircut was the last thing on her mind. It had grown past her shoulders and was looking more than a little limp.

"I could try cutting it," Marlene said after a pause, and Lily's eyes widened in alarm. "But I don't think we have time. It's already past eleven."

"You have that one hair potion," Alice suggested. "The one you say is for emergencies."

Lily turned her head to stare at Alice accusingly. "Not you too."

"This does qualify as an emergency." Marlene brightened, ignoring Lily. "Don't let Lily move."

"Lily will stand here," Lily said with a tired sigh, but as much as she grumbled, she had to admit that it was also sort of nice. Dressing her up for a date was just the sort of thing that Petunia would have relished, if Lily wasn't a witch and they were still friends who lived in the same country. Instead, Petunia was probably in Vernon Dursley's car, ranting on about the abnormalities of magic while she polished the interior with something strong and lemon-scented. Lily made a face at that.

"Don't you dare make that face on your date," Marlene told her as she returned with a small crystal bottle and carelessly tossed its lid aside. "It's very unflattering."

"I'll do it at least twice then," Lily said.

"Really, Lily, it's like you're not even excited about this," Marlene complained, dabbing a generous glob of green goop onto her hands. Lily was slightly alarmed that _that _would end up in her hair. "It's Amos Diggory! He's gorgeous and a Quidditch player _and _has a villa in Italy."

Alice muttered something under her breath. Marlene shot her a dirty look. "I'm not shallow, just positive." She glanced back at Lily, still working the potion through her hair. To Lily's relief, her hair didn't seem to be turning green. "So, what is it? What's wrong with Amos?"

"Nothing is wrong with Amos."

Marlene studied her, unconvinced, and her forehead puckered. "Is it…_him_?"

Lily stiffened. "Potter and I are just friends."

Marlene's eyebrows flew to her hairline, and just then, a mischievous little smile crept to her face. "I wasn't talking about Potter. I was talking about Snape."

The dormitory went very still at that. Lily couldn't remember the last time any of them had said his name aloud, and she realized it hadn't been since last year. She swallowed hard and stared determinedly at her reflection, pretending not to notice that Marlene and Alice were watching her.

"No," Lily said softly. "It's not Snape."

"Well, that's a relief."

"_Marlene!_" Alice cried out, now fully awake and horrified.

"It's true!" Marlene said defensively as she gave Lily's hair a little bounce. "After what he did. Even if he hadn't, do you really want him lurking around all the time? He's so creepy and…" For the first time, she noticed Lily's face in the mirror. "Never mind. Sorry, Lily."

"It's okay," Lily said dully.

Fortunately, the door to the dormitory opened just then, and Mary appeared, her eyes wide and face flushed. "Did you hear about the Quidditch pitch?" Her voice was breathless.

"Of course," Marlene said, just as Alice said, "No."

"Gilderoy Lockhart put his name all over it," Marlene was saying when Lily blanched. After being unceremoniously woken up by Marlene with the toss of a pillow that morning, she had somehow managed to forget all about Potter and his murderous intentions.

"Did he run into Potter yet?" Lily demanded, already reaching for her shoes. She found one sticking out from underneath her four poster, and she slipped it on, hopping around the room in search of the other.

"I…don't know?" Mary was gawking at Lily.

Lily cursed beneath her breath, causing the others to turn her way in surprise. "I've got to go."

"We haven't picked out your earrings!" Marlene exclaimed in horror.

"I'll survive," Lily promised, seizing a second shoe. "Thanks for the help!" She was still shoving it over her heel when she hopped through the door, leaving them gaping after her.

Potter wasn't in the common room, much to her frustration, which meant he was most likely in the Great Hall or somewhere on the grounds. There would be no need for the kitchens just yet, and the prospect of him being at the library was laughable. As she tore down the stairs, Lily glanced at the window and caught a flash of sunlight. Quidditch was another possibility, though she dearly hoped not. She did not fancy the idea of chasing after James Potter with a broomstick.

"I'm such an idiot," Lily muttered to herself, flying down the steps two at a time. "_Such _an idiot."

A passing Hufflepuff gave her a strange look, but she scarcely noticed. Her eyes were pinned to the ground floor. In just a few steps, she'd be there. Leaping to the floor, Lily grabbed the railing and spun around-

"I specifically remember you telling me that this was my hallway."

Lily blinked, realizing that she had somehow barreled into Potter, who had managed to catch her just before she could be knocked back from the impact. It took a second for his words to sink in, and she suddenly recalled the conversation that had taken place years ago.

"You gave it to me, actually," Lily said, still blinking.

"Must've forgotten about that part," Potter mused. He grinned at her, and suddenly, Lily became aware that he was still holding her up. Her eyes darted down, as did his, and abruptly, his hands dropped to his sides. "Er- sorry about that."

"Prongs," Black's crisp voice made her freeze. "I got him."

Lily didn't have to guess twice who the _him _was. Black came out from the other side of the staircase, pushing a small blond boy in front of them, who seemed blissfully unaware of the ice in his captor's eyes.

"Oh, do you know who I am too?" Gilderoy Lockhart said pleasantly, sticking his hand out to Lily and Potter. Neither one took it. "I can't say I'm surprised."

"It's difficult to not know who you are, considering your name is_ all over my pitch_," Potter said angrily. Lily elbowed him in the ribs.

"He's a _vandal_, Evans."

"As if you're a saint, Potter," Lily retorted. "He's only a second year. Be nice."

"You liked my work then?" Gilderoy brightened, and Lily never thought she would see the day, but his chest puffed out more than Potter's. "It's brilliant, isn't it? The Longer-Lasting Charm was difficult, but it was nothing I couldn't handle. Mum says I've always been good at Charms."

Potter's eyes bugged out and he turned to stare at Lily incredulously. "Do you _hear _him? He's a bloody little nightmare!"

"Actually," Lily said thoughtfully, "he reminds me a bit of you."

"Now that's cold, Evans."

"I considered trying out for Quidditch, but I decided it's a waste of my talent," Gilderoy continued as if they weren't speaking. "Flying a broomstick for the _school _team doesn't require much of a brain, you see. A mind like mine requires mental stimulation. I'm aiming to play for England."

Potter lunged toward Gilderoy, and Lily caught him by the arm, barely. Black eyed them both with disdain, and Lily dropped Potter's arm. "I've done my part. I'll let you two finish the job once you get done with your bickering."

Potter stared at him in bewilderment. "Padfoot, what are you-"

But Black was already walking away. "Get a counselor, Prongs," he called over his shoulder.

"I'd be an excellent counselor," Gilderoy piped up. Potter turned back to look at him with annoyance, and then shifted his eyes to Lily, gazing at her with utter disbelief.

"Really, Evans, you want to save _him_?"

"Yes," Lily said resolutely. She folded her arms across her chest for emphasis. "Leave him alone. He's a second year. You're a sixth. You're better than this."

"I'm very advanced for my age. My intelligence is approximately twenty percent higher than the average adult wizard," Gilderoy supplied. "Mum made me take a test. I did very well. Best of-"

Potter jerked his arm at him dramatically. "See?"

And Lily did sort of see, but even so, she wasn't about to let him torment a second year. Or anyone, if she could help it. She glanced at the clock to the side, wincing when she saw that it was nearly noon. "Look," she said, turning back to Potter. "I agree, he deserves some punishment. We'll take him to Flitwick, or even Dumbledore, and let them sort it out. He'll have detention for a week, at least-"

"A week of detention!" Potter yelped indignantly. "That's a regular day. He destroyed my pitch. It's sacred ground. It'd be like if someone…destroyed the hospital wing in front of Pomfrey or-"

"Or kidnapped Mrs. Norris and taunted Filch with ransom notes?" Lily raised an eyebrow and Potter, instead of being shame-faced, grinned slightly at the memory, much to her frustration. "He made a mistake. He's sorry." Lily gave Gilderoy a firm look, eager to put the matter behind her. "You're sorry, right?"

Gilderoy blinked his overly blue and overly lashed eyes at her. "For what?"

For a fraction of a second, Lily was sorely tempted to hand deliver him to Potter herself. "For carving your name all over the pitch."

"Why would I be sorry?"

Potter's wand was out. Lily silently screamed. In another minute, it would be noon, and Amos would be by the doors. For some reason, the idea of Potter knowing about her date made the situation even more embarrassing than it already was, and she had no desire to let that happen.

"Vandalism is against school rules, and as you can see, Potter here is very upset about it," Lily said with forced patience, but she could see, quite plainly, that Gilderoy did not see. Potter's wand arm twitched with visible impatience.

"I have to go," Lily said with frustration, turning back to Potter to send him one final imploring look. "I can't stop you, but I know you're better than this, Potter. He's just a kid. You're not."

Potter's wand was still.

"I thought you were starting to grow up," Lily said more quietly, her words nearly lost in Gilderoy's lengthy explanation of why he had switched shampoos, despite the fact that no one had asked him. "I don't want to be wrong about that."

With visible reluctance, Potter lowered his wand, his hazel eyes finding hers. "Where are you going?"

Lily suddenly felt nervous. "Hogsmeade."

"Oh," Potter said. "Well, I was thinking about-"

"Are you ready, Lily?"

Lily didn't have to turn back to see it was Amos. She winced, feeling new warmth rise to her cheeks. A strange expression flitted over Potter's face as his eyes went from Lily to Amos and then back to Lily again. Amos nodded at him.

"Potter."

"Diggory."

It was clear that they weren't the best of friends. Lily shifted uncomfortably. "I'll see you later then," she told Potter.

"Right," Potter said. "Right."

She could still feel him staring after her when she and Amos reached the door, but Lily didn't even turn around. Not even when she heard a suspicious thud, as if someone about the size of a second year had been hit with _Petrificus Totalus_.

She pretended not to notice, just like she pretended not to notice the bitter taste of disappointment on her tongue.

**1976**

"Did you bring money to pay for their drinks?" Regulus whispered.

Severus stared at him. "Can they not pay for their own drinks?"

That was how it had been all morning, with Regulus suggesting things or asking questions that were really quite obvious to Severus. No, a hair potion was not necessary, and no, for Merlin's sake, he would not need a breath mint. Though if this pureblood thought about trying to shove her tongue down his throat, they would most certainly be needing a body bag.

Regulus hadn't thought it was funny when he had said as much, but Lily had always said that he had a twisted sense of humor.

The memory caused Severus to sober and he stared at the newly scrubbed floors of the Three Broomsticks, wishing that he could disappear. If Regulus ever stopped yammering in his ear, then perhaps he'd be able to concentrate and invent such a spell.

"All right, when they get here, try to say hello," Regulus said, with an obvious attempt to sound encouraging. "Ask how her day was."

"It's Saturday afternoon in the middle of this _place_," Severus answered bitterly. "I'm sure her day is just as horrid as mine."

Regulus rolled his eyes at that, unimpressed by the deadly scowl that darkened Severus's features. "At least pretend to be pleasant. Is that table okay?" He pointed to a table by the window. Bathed in sunlight and surrounded by merrily chatting students, it was a postcard worthy scene that summed up the nauseating cheeriness of Hogsmeade perfectly.

Severus grimaced and nodded towards one in the corner, easily the darkest of the pub, though it was still too bright for his liking. "That one would be better."

"The first one it is then!" Regulus said with forced cheer, steering him towards the bright table. "We need to make a good impression, Severus, not show them the most depressing part of the pub. It looks like a dungeon over there."

"We're all Slytherins," Severus pointed out irritably. "We live in the dungeons."

"Don't use that as your opening line," Regulus said at once, and as he fiddled with his robes, Severus realized that he was nervous. He glanced out the window, half-expecting, half-dreading to see their dates on the other side of the glass.

"You never said who we're meeting."

"You never asked," Regulus said, absentmindedly tracing the surface of the table.

"Well?"

"Dahlia Parkinson and Cassiopeia Lofthouse."

Severus grimaced. "You're joking."

"What's wrong with Dahlia and Cassiopeia?" Regulus asked defensively.

"Dahlia is an idiot and Cassiopeia is a superficial idiot." Severus paused. "Not to mention that Cassiopeia despises me."

"You think everyone is an idiot. And Cassiopeia is here to see you, so don't do what you're doing."

"What am I doing?"

"This," Regulus said, screwing up his face in a look that somehow managed to be pained, irritated, and furious all at once. Before Severus could protest and insist that he had done no such thing, Regulus's face changed. "Dahlia! We're over here."

Severus's eyes narrowed. Something didn't add up. He admitted he didn't know Cassiopeia well, but her unrequited love for Lucius Malfoy, that had begun when she was only in first year, was quite infamous. Her decision to marry Reginald Doyle's son was almost as notorious, at least until his father, the Minister of Magic, had been murdered. Somehow, Severus didn't get the impression that he fit in with Cassiopeia's previous love interests.

The fact that she had barely spoken two words to him, in their six years of sharing the same House, confirmed his theory.

His suspicions soared when he saw her smile at him. No one smiled at him unless they were delusional, and while he was plenty certain that Cassiopeia qualified, he knew that Cassiopeia smiled at no one unless they were her prey and she was about to devour them.

"Severus," Cassiopeia said, seating herself gracefully at the table beside Dahlia. Severus had to admit she was rather pretty, with a waterfall of dark curls and full lips. She leaned forward on her elbow and rested her chin in her hand, her lips still turned up in what he supposed was a flirtatious smile. "Did you know? You're in nearly all of my classes."

"That would be because we're in the same year," Severus said. "And House."

He felt Regulus jab him in the elbow, but Cassiopeia let out a shrill little laugh. "Oh, Severus, you're so funny."

Whatever game she was playing, Severus wanted no part of, but he wasn't about to throw out the advantage that Regulus had given him. Cassiopeia was dimwitted and frivolous, but she was also a pureblood, and that was what he had to focus on. Severus gritted his teeth and attempted to smile. It came out more as a grimace than anything else.

"Thank you. You're so…"

Severus searched his mind for something to say, but it was as if the walls that kept his thoughts from the rest of the world had suddenly turned against him. Cassiopeia and Dahlia were looking at him expectantly. Next to him, Regulus was nodding encouragingly. Severus wanted to throttle him.

"Punctual," Severus finally managed.

Cassiopeia's eyes narrowed at him, but quickly, she laughed again, even higher this time. Seeing that she wasn't about to claw Severus's throat out with her freshly painted nails, Dahlia let out a hesitant giggle. Severus, who had been holding back another grimace while trying to narrow down Cassiopeia's motives, glanced at the other girl. He didn't know much about Dahlia either, except for the fact that he'd rather cut off his ear than listen to her speak in her overly high-pitched voice. She was also pretty, with big blue eyes and masses of strawberry blond hair, and if it wasn't for her unfortunate habit of opening her mouth, he could almost understand why Regulus had seen something in her.

"Three Broomsticks was an excellent choice," Dahlia told Regulus. "You have such good taste, Regulus."

Regulus sat up a little higher in his seat and opened his mouth to respond, but Severus snorted, his voice thickly laced with sarcasm. "It was a difficult decision for him, seeing as the other options were Hog's Head and Puddifoot's."

The words slipped out before he could stop them. If the expression on Dahlia's face hadn't told him he had made a mistake, the second jab to the elbow, courtesy of Regulus Black, certainly did. Rubbing his arm, Severus gave Regulus a death stare.

"I think Puddifoot's is nice too," Dahlia said, looking a little offended. "During Valentine's Day, there's the loveliest decorations-"

"I agree with Severus," Cassiopeia interrupted with a dark look towards Dahlia and a winning smile for Severus. "There's no choice at all, really."

Caught off guard, Severus's scowl faltered for a moment, and he looked at Cassiopeia with absolute bafflement. Quickly, he recovered, and his frown was deeper than it had been before.

"That's…agreeable of you to say," Severus said stiffly.

"I'm a very agreeable person," Cassiopeia told him, her voice silky. It was an effect that was promptly ruined by Regulus coughing loudly into his napkin. After ensuring that he was not on the verge of death, Dahlia promptly steered the conversation back to herself, a weak attempt to soothe her injured pride.

Meanwhile, Severus studied Cassiopeia the way a Muggle scientist would study a foreign specimen, barely hearing Dahlia rattle on about the wonders of Valentine's Day with Regulus dubiously nodding along. Perhaps someone had poisoned her morning pumpkin juice with some sort of potion. She certainly had enough enemies…

Suddenly, Cassiopeia leaned towards him, the front of her robe drooping slightly, and Severus inched back, watching her with morbid fascination.

"You should sit next to me," Cassiopeia suggested huskily.

"You should get something to drink," Severus said, frowning a little at the change in her voice. "You sound as though you have something in your throat."

Cassiopeia's eyes flashed. "I'd like a butterbeer."

"You're closer to the counter," Severus pointed out, and found himself glaring at Regulus yet again when he felt a sharp kick to his shin. Much to his surprise, the young Black glared right back as he mouthed, _be pleasant_.

Severus felt a flicker of annoyance. He had been pleasant. He had given her a compliment, hadn't he? What was she expecting, poetry and chocolates?

"It was only a joke," Severus told Cassiopeia with a clenched jaw. "I apologize if I offended you."

Cassiopeia tilted her head, the corners of her lips curving. "As if anything you could say would offend me."

Her voice was sweet, her eyes wide and doe-like, but Severus understood her words perfectly. He had heard them for the last five years in Mulciber's derisive tone and Rosier's patronizing voice. It didn't matter what spells he invented or which potions he perfected; it would always be there. Because his fault wasn't something that he had done, or was anything that he could do. It was simply who he was.

Severus stared at Cassiopeia, silently absorbing the delicate bone structure of her face, something that was the result of centuries of careful pure-blooded matches, and he found himself despising it all, from her high cheekbones to the arrogant little lift at the tip of her nose.

Because just then, he knew, regardless of what game Cassiopeia Lofthouse was playing, regardless of what she wanted from him, he would be nothing but a half-blood to her, and all he needed was to look at her bottle green eyes, just a shade deeper than the emerald he had once known so well, and be reminded of it.

"Of course," Severus said, but it was more to himself than to Cassiopeia, and something inside of him snapped.

"I'll get the butterbeers," Regulus said with a sigh, as if wondering why he even bothered. He left the table, leaving Severus alone with both girls, who were staring at him intently. Though he was unable to shake off the strangely disconcerting emotion that his realization had given him, Severus stared determinedly back, his eyes burning with renewed resentment.

"Did you understand what Flitwick was talking about in yesterday's lecture?" Cassiopeia asked finally. Only minutes had gone by, but it had felt as though it had been hours.

"No," Severus said, immediately averting his eyes from hers. He was finished with being toyed around with. "I couldn't hear him over your bracelet."

Cassiopeia was immune to the poison in his voice. She turned over her wrist to examine the silver jewelry, its shards of emeralds flashing in the bright lighting of the Three Broomsticks. "It's nice, isn't it? My father had it made especially for me after O.W.L.s."

"For remembering to write your name on the exam?" Severus sneered.

For the briefest of seconds, a look of pure venom flashed across Cassiopeia's face, but it disappeared as quickly as it had come, and was promptly replaced by a sweet smile. "For that and my ten O.W.L.s."

Severus's lips began to part, betraying his astonishment, and Cassiopeia smirked as she twirled her straw, looking extremely pleased with herself. That was what prodded Severus back to recovery, and when he spoke, his sneer was fully restored.

"How much did you have to pay the examiners?"

"Here are the butterbeers!" Regulus said far too loudly as he slammed the drinks on the table. "So..." He cleared his throat when no one said anything, though Dahlia did give him a small smile. "Did you...hear about the Halloween feast? Dumbledore is supposedly hiring a band of skeletons to play.

"I heard it was vampires," Dahlia said, frowning.

Cassiopeia frowned too and flicked her hair behind her shoulder. "Vampires," she announced, "are passé."

"Right," Severus said sarcastically. "It's werewolves now."

There was silence. Regulus took a long gulp of his butterbeer, looking as though he wished it was firewhisky. Dahlia began to plait her hair. Cassiopeia fiddled with her charm bracelet. And Severus stared out the window, silently contemplating his options. Perhaps there was another way he could make the Knights forget about his previous loyalties. People still spoke of the Mary MacDonald incident. Perhaps…

Cassiopeia broke the silence, much to Severus's irritation.

"Regulus tells me you're something of a genius," Cassiopeia said breathily, her knees brushing against his. "You're close to working out a potion for eternal youth and beauty?"

Severus nearly choked on his butterbeer, and suddenly, it all made sense.

"No," he said flatly when he had recovered, glaring at Regulus for what felt like the thousandth time that afternoon. "I am not."

"One day," Regulus said quickly, becoming very interested in his drink. "I said one day."

Cassiopeia gave him a look that clearly implied that he most certainly had not. She crossed her arms and sank back into her seat, her coquettish smile replaced by a sullen pout. A curtain of silence fell over the four once more.

"Are you even working on a cure at all?" Dahlia asked, also disappointed. "You're so good at Potions. You could be really doing something useful with your time."

Severus chose to ignore the 'useful' remark, only because it would require him to speak more than necessary. "No. And I'm not going to do your Potions homework either." Though it was Dahlia who had asked, his eyes had turned accusingly towards Cassiopeia, who glared right back.

"I don't need you to do my Potions work, thank you very much. I've managed an 'Outstanding' all on my own."

"You scored an 'Outstanding,'" Severus repeated, making no effort to conceal his disbelief.

"Don't sound so surprised," Cassiopeia sounded annoyed. "I can be pretty _and _clever too."

"Anyone can recite a textbook," Severus told her, and beside him, Regulus groaned aloud and sank his head to his hands. "When you see the directions say 'asphodel,' do you even think of substituting narcissus?"

"Why should I?" Cassiopeia lifted her chin in defiance. "I've managed an 'O' without tearing apart the book. What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing," Severus said coolly though he suddenly felt very satisfied with himself, "I'd rather be more ambitious. That's all."

"I have ambition," Cassiopeia said, her delicate nostrils flaring. "Only it's slightly higher than _Potions class_-"

"Let's take a walk!" Regulus announced before a bloodbath could ensue. "Dahlia, you mentioned Honeydukes' dark chocolate is your favorite, right?"

"It was caramel," Dahlia said, suddenly looking put out that he hadn't remembered her favorite flavor. "It's dark chocolate that I can't stand-"

"Right, right," Regulus said hastily, appearing as though he couldn't have cared less. "Honeydukes then?"

"I'll meet you there," Severus said through gritted teeth, not sure whether he felt more murderous towards Cassiopeia for being there or Regulus for bringing him. "I need to use the bathroom."

"We can wait-" Regulus began, seeing right through his lie, but Cassiopeia cut him off.

"Don't hurry on our account," she said, her smile adorned with pure poison this time.

"I won't," Severus said testily.

And Cassiopeia's bracelet jangled as she yanked Dahlia through the door, with Regulus hurriedly stumbling after them. Severus made no effort to leave the deserted table, though it was one of the larger ones and there was more than one group of people that was pointedly waiting for him to leave. He took his time, sipping the rest of his butterbeer, and when that was done, he decided he might as well wash his hands to take up more time. He did so twice, and when he had no choice but to leave for Honeydukes, Severus shut the bathroom door from behind him.

He was just about to reach the exit when a familiar laugh made him freeze. Instinctively, he whipped his head around and his eyes widened when he saw what was there. Lily and…_Amos Diggory?_

Before she could see him, Severus ducked out the door, suddenly numb. Hundreds of thoughts seemed to be flooding his mind, until abruptly, they stopped.

It had only taken James Potter.

It was the solid hate that Potter conjured that allowed Severus to push away his frenzied thoughts. He was able to focus on the boy he despised more than Quidditch, small talk, and Cassiopeia Lofthouse's flirtatious smile put together, and seeing him hovering by the corner of the window, his too-white smile gone, Severus was _glad_.

But then he realized why Potter was there. Why he was there. Briefly, he glanced at the window again, and just then, he didn't hate Potter as much as he ordinarily did. At least not as much as he hated Amos Diggory.

And then Potter glanced his way.

Severus stared at him. Potter stared back.

And for the first time, they both seemed to realize that Severus had a wand in his hand.

"Spying, are we?" Severus said, recovering. His lips curled, but his voice sounded flat, even to his own ears.

Potter cursed and felt for his wand, but an unspoken hex from Severus's wand caused him to stop, pinning his arms to his sides.

"Don't be thick, Snivellus," Potter said through clenched teeth. "I'm not even the one you should be angry with."

"And how did you reach that brilliant conclusion? You've only been humiliating me every chance you get," Severus spat, his wand arm steady.

Potter jerked his head toward the window. "You're telling me that you don't want to go after Diggory?"

Severus's blood chilled. "I'm not the one with my nose pressed up against the window," he said coldly.

"That's a good thing too," Potter retorted. "I don't think the glass could take the weight of that oversized-"

Severus sliced his wand in the air and Potter's tongue was glued to the roof of his mouth, granting him a blissful silence.

"I don't care about Amos Diggory," Severus sneered. "And I don't care about Lily Evans."

The words sounded piercing in the chilly air, and suddenly, Severus wanted nothing more than to get away from the Three Broomsticks. Unthinkingly, he glanced at the window again, and he froze when he saw Lily throw her head back in laughter, her dark red hair gleaming in the light, nearly as bright as Amos Diggory's grin.

As though he had just witnessed something horrific, Severus's gaze instantly shifted away, and he found himself looking at Potter once more. He was still silenced, but that didn't stop his lips from curling at Severus's expression.

"_Petrificus Totalus,__" _Severus said, and with an unspoken hex and another slice of his wand, blood spurted from Potter's cheek. He felt none of the satisfaction he should have felt. In fact, he barely saw the blood dripping down the fallen Potter's face at all.

All he saw was her, and he hated it.

On the ground, Potter's eyes were mocking. Severus turned away so that his back faced the window, aware that they had caught the attention of the few passersby. He ignored them. He wasn't Potter; he didn't need the audience, especially when there was a chance that that audience would land him in a headmaster's office where werewolves and Quidditch delinquents were favored.

But even so, he couldn't just walk away. It would have taken another person to do that, another person who hadn't been given a life wrought of injustice and rage. Shoving his hands in his pockets, Severus moved briskly towards Potter, and when he reached the motionless head, he gave a purposeful stamp with his foot, crushing the nose with a sickening crunch. Somehow, it was more satisfying than it would have been with magic, but even that satisfaction was fleeting.

"Be grateful you don't have your Invisibility Cloak, Potter, or you would be here for a very long time," Severus muttered, but even he couldn't savor that wonderful little fantasy for long. It was as tasteless as his victory.

Because, with every step Severus took, farther and farther from the Three Broomsticks, the image of the two laughing figures at the table seemed to only become engraved deeper and deeper in his mind. It didn't matter how much he tried to push it away; it stayed there, constant and cruel.

It was only when Severus felt a new dampness in his hands that he realized his nails were digging into his palms. Angrily, he wiped the blood away with his robes, but the sting remained, as did the bitter memory of Lily Evans's smiling face.

**Note- While editing, my beta pointed out the "punctual" line was similar to a quote from Aladdin. It was unintentional on my part, but since I've seen that movie more than once, I feel obligated to give it credit, just in case I unconsciously ended up stealing it. **

**JPLE94- Thanks for the review! I'm glad you're happy with how the characters are coming along. Staying true to them is one of my top goals in this story. I like to think that Remus is one of the smartest characters in this story, or at least, less self-involved than the others. I see him as this extraordinarily patient person who is forced to wait for everyone to catch up on what seems so obvious to him. Unfortunately for him, he's been waiting for James and Lily to happen for years. **

**PLH- Thanks for the review! I'm sorry there wasn't a run-in, but I hope you still enjoyed the chapter!**

**iamthegoldensnitch- Thanks for the review! I definitely won't give up on this story. It stopped being an option a long time ago. I don't mind the questions at all! Sirius lives with James, which is partially why he's so angry with Lily. It's not just for the reasons that he said, but because he's also had a bad summer, and friendship and loyalty are currently a touchy subject with him. James didn't tell him yet, he only said that she had a bad summer. As close as he and Sirius are, I'd like to think that some part of him is growing up a little, and he's able to respect Lily's privacy. Another factor is that, right now, Sirius doesn't care and doesn't want to know what happened to Lily, and therefore, James doesn't feel obligated to tell him. I think it would play out differently if Sirius did care, but he's currently too involved in family matters and himself to think that Lily could also be going through a bad time too. I have no idea how I came up with Barty. I never gave him much thought before, but while writing, he sort of became this creepy, power hungry kid with allergies. You will be seeing more of him, but he won't have a major role in this story. I would say he's more of a minor recurring character, sort of like Mulciber. Snape and Lily will try to forget about each other, but they won't succeed, and they will have another conversation. A lot more than one, actually, with the story line I have planned for them, but that won't take place until seventh year. There will be a few moments before then. I'm particularly looking forward to one scene that will take place later this year. I'm not 100% sure if there will actually be any interaction between them in it, but it will be important for both of them. Don't worry about the questions! It's nice having people interested in this story and I enjoyed answering them. **

**wetrustsnape- Thanks for the review! I'm glad you're enjoying the character interactions! There's some editing I'd like to do in the early chapters, but now I finally feel used to the characters, and their conversations are beginning to feel more natural to me. To answer your questions, Lily and Amos will go on more than two dates. While I have a difficult time seeing James in a serious relationship, aside from Lily, I can see Lily having at least one or two semi serious boyfriends before James. I don't think any of them will come close to what Lily will eventually feel for James, and in some ways, what she feels for him already, but she will care about him/them. There will be a Patronus scene during seventh year, though I'm not sure if James or Severus ever did know about each other's Patronuses. In this story, I think Severus's will remain a secret, but I'm still undecided on James's. Sirius and Lily will eventually become very good friends. From Lily's letter in DH, it seems like they were, and I like to think that Lily and all four of the Marauders were close. It will take some time, but something will happen later this year that will change their relationship for good. And thank you so much!**

**EmberskyofShadowClan- Thanks for the review! I promise there's a reason for why Sirius reacted the way he did, and even though he's not quite himself this year, I think some part of him is already angry with himself for yelling at Lily. He will redeem himself later this year!**

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I told a reviewer above something similar, but while everyone else is wrapped up in their own problems, Remus tends to be more observant. When he's reading a book, I imagine him rolling his eyes and patiently waiting for everyone to catch up on something he figured out years ago. **

**YoursInDemigodishnessAnd- Thanks for the review! I'm not positive when Lily will tell Remus. I have an idea in my head and I'm pretty sure I know what will prompt the confession, but the timing of it really depends on how I feel like their relationship is coming along. I know it will be sometime at Hogwarts. I think my favorite character in this story is probably Severus, but I'm also fond of Regulus, Sirius, and James. Thanks for the idea! I have an ending planned out and it also involves the use of "Always." Like you said, it might be predictable, but I think the word sums up their relationship and this story perfectly. To be honest, I think I forgot about James's "oi-ing," probably because he had a tendency to yell it at Lily whenever he was trying to get her attention. Now that they're officially friends, he doesn't have to try as hard. Haha, this is probably bad advice, but for starting a Marauder Era story, I'd find something that interests you, whether it's a character or a relationship, and try to work around that. If you're unsure about the plot, analyze the characters and think about the things they'd do, or things they would hate, and brainstorm until something inspires you. Good luck with your story!**


	100. Chapter 100 James

**Thank you so much for reading this story, a hundred chapters later! I'm sorry for the late update. If you didn't see my Tumblr, I got caught up with finishing up the first draft of one of my books, and I needed to make sure that I liked this chapter because it's the hundredth and I don't think I've ever written (and hopefully won't ever again) a hundred chapters for anything. Anyway, I tried to make it special for everyone, so I hope you enjoy it. Happy reading!**

**Thank you to my beta, sparklyscrunchies, for editing!**

**Chapter 99 Recap- Lily gets ready for her date with Amos, but is interrupted by James's homicidal tendencies. Lily is introduced to the famous Gilderoy Lockhart and James finds out about her date. Meanwhile, Severus goes on his own date, and much to his dislike, finds himself in the company of arrogant Cassiopeia Lofthouse. When leaving the Three Broomsticks, he spots Lily with Amos, with James waiting outside. He does not take the appearance of either one well, and handles the matter with a little revenge.**

**Chapter One Hundred- James**

**1976**

Halloween.

Once, it had been a tradition Severus had shared with Lily, a trip to the Forbidden Forest with secret clearings and fanged beasts, where fear and excitement had haunted the night air. Now, it was time spent with the Knights of Walpurgis, in a damp, dungeon-like room, where beasts still roamed through the night, hungry and vicious. The only difference was that these ones were far better at concealing their fangs.

"Antonin Dolohov."

Lucius Malfoy's voice was soft and silky, just barely above a whisper, but when he spoke, it was as if a gust of icy wind had swept through the dungeon, chilling them all to the bone. The second year candidates had already fled with shaking knees and bloodless faces. Now, it was the third years who had returned to claim victory.

Young Antonin Dolohov was already coming forward, solemn and surprisingly collected, though his wan complexion betrayed his nerves. His comrades couldn't see his face, but Severus knew they were anxiously watching his back, looking and perhaps hoping for a weakness. Dolohov's gaze then lowered from the Knights to the book in front of him, and with a steady hand, he reached for a quill to enter his name. When the tip brushed against the parchment, he paused, though he did not flinch, and slowly, he turned over his hand for inspection. Though Severus could no longer see his face, he could just imagine the horrified realization that was there when Dolohov saw the blood dripping from the back of his hand.

It wouldn't be from the blood itself. It would be from the knowledge of what came with it. Dolohov was sharp, sharper than most third years; he would know the price of blood magic. It was the same disturbing truth Severus had been faced with three years ago before he realized that no price was too high, not for what the Knights were offering.

The quill dropped and it was done.

As Dolohov strode back to the sea of ashen faces, Severus's gaze drifted over them and then to the figures on his either side, the same figures who would someday become the most powerful in all of the Wizarding world. Even their heavy dark robes couldn't disguise their refined bearing and fluid movements. Absently running his hand along the coarse cloth of his own robes, Severus felt a half-smile tug at his lips.

He loved it, this organization wrought of darkness and exclusivity. He loved the mystery of it all, how he was forever sorting out the puzzle pieces that made up the other side, rather than sitting in a brightly lit room with all the rules spelled out for him on the chalkboard. He loved that there were no limits, no restrictions to what was permitted to come from his wand, unlike the classrooms, where professors loomed over him, never giving him a moment's peace with their disapproving stares. He loved that there was interest and praise in the spells that mattered, the spells that could easily save a life or end one, rather than alarm that he was doing something _bad_, somethingthat the saintly Albus Dumbledore would never approve of.

Most importantly, Severus loved knowing that he was one of them, handpicked to carve out a new world, a superior world, and respected enough to be standing right there beside them, as if he had been one of them all along. Just then, no one would believe that six years ago, he had shown up as a lowly half-blood, but there he was, a Prince.

"Bartemius Crouch."

The name took Severus back to reality, and he found his eyes narrowing at the young Slytherin, who was by far the bravest of the bunch. Instead of suffering from wobbly knees, little Barty donned a bright smile, as though he was campaigning for Minister of Magic. Severus half-expected him to wave. Though Regulus's eyes were fixed ahead and he didn't dare elbow Severus, not with Lucius only a few inches away, Severus could read his thoughts as easily as if he used Legilimency.

_"Do you _see _what you've brought on us?"_

Severus nearly rolled his eyes, but if he was being entirely truthful with himself, the knowledge that Barty was there because he was the one to inform Lucius was not as satisfying as he would have thought. On the contrary, it was downright disturbing.

"Thank you," Barty said even though none of the initiates had spoken before, not in that ceremony, and most likely not in the hundreds that had taken place before. "It's an honor to be chosen."

There was a shift in the Knights, so subtle that it was hardly noticeable, but Severus felt as though Avery had been slammed right into him. Lucius said nothing, and though Severus wouldn't have been able to see his expression, even if he craned his neck, he had a feeling that his face resembled stone.

Barty gave no indication of noticing any change and cheerfully picked up the quill. He turned it over before he even tried to write. "A blood quill. I haven't seen one of these in ages!" And without further delay, he scribbled his name with a great flourish, and underlined the Junior for good measure.

Perhaps it was then that made Lucius decide that some fear desperately needed to be injected into the newcomers, or perhaps Paolo Zabini's fate was already set in stone before he had even walked through the door. Severus didn't know which of the two it was, but what happened next made him blink in surprise.

"Paolo Zabini," Lucius said, and when Zabini stepped forward, Lucius's voice was cutting. "Don't move."

There was a flurry of movement from the newly initiated Knights. The others knew better, this knowledge had set in with the aid of Bellatrix's fondness for the Cruciatus Curse, and they remained deadly still, with Severus among them. All eyes were on the trembling Zabini.

Lucius glided to the center of the room, his dark robes swirling around him as he came to a stop. With purposeful slowness, he raised his hood, revealing his face for all to see. The dim light in the dungeon made his features look sharper, almost inhuman, and his light blond hair was a dazzling white, only furthering the illusion.

"Paolo Zabini has failed the test," Lucius announced, and with an almost bored flick of his hand, two hooded Knights came forward, their wands already out. Zabini could hardly blink before he was on the floor, screaming as the jets of light came flying at him.

Beside him, Regulus stiffened, but Severus only stared. He wondered how close that had been to being him, three years ago, but before he could dwell on that nasty thought, he promptly banished it from his head.

He focused on the others now. Most of the new Knights were visibly unsettled by this turn of events, but Dolohov and Barty weren't among those who fidgeted in discomfort, though Barty's smile had dropped. The screams of anguish continued to rattle the entire dungeon, tearing through their ears and embedding themselves forever in their minds. Finally, after far too long, the jets of light came to a stop, though Zabini remained twitching on the floor, helpless.

"Please," he managed between gasps. "Please."

"This," Lucius said softly, "is what happens to those who disappoint."

The two hooded Knights, simultaneously, knelt down and heaved Zabini up by the arms. After seeing their wandwork, Severus highly suspected them of being Rodolphus and Rabastan. Lucius eyed the trembling boy with pure disdain.

"_Obliviate_."

Zabini blinked, dazed, but before he could register his surroundings, he was hoisted up again, his legs dragging underneath him.

"He'll have no memory of what happened here, or even of the Knights of Walpurgis," Lucius said quietly. "He'll only have the bitter sensation of loss."

The bitter sensation of loss. Severus was well-acquainted with it, and a flash of emerald green flickered through his mind, leaving him suddenly hollow. The ceremony was nearly over, but he scarcely heard a word, and it was only when they were slowly trickling out of the room that he had his senses jolted back to him.

"…A party in the Forbidden Forest. I heard some Gryffindors talking about it during Herbology," Mulciber was saying as they waited for their turn to leave. "I say we crash it."

"And arrive just in time to get caught?" Severus scoffed. "I'm going to sleep."

Regulus looked crestfallen. "But you have to go! It'll be like a real raid."

Severus didn't bother to tell Regulus that real raids didn't have Bat-Bogey Hexes and butterbeer, with detention and possible expulsion as the only consequences. He only shrugged.

"It's Halloween; you can't go to sleep yet," Mulciber said scornfully. "The night was just starting to get interesting. And when we're done with it, it will be _legendary_." He looked pointedly at the others for affirmation, and once grunts of agreement and wholehearted remarks were made, he fixed his gaze on Severus, as if daring him to announce himself a traitor to the cause.

Which was how Severus found himself resuming tradition and paying the Forbidden Forest a Halloween visit. Though a crucial part of that tradition had changed, and instead of with Lily, it was the Knights of Walpurgis.

In hindsight, it was a wonder how they weren't caught leaving the castle. There was something in the air that made them more careless than usual, whether it was a thrill from Halloween, or elation that they had survived the ceremony, scratch-free with their memories intact, Severus didn't know, but he only knew that he felt it too. They swaggered through the halls as if they were invincible, strutting and laughing as they noisily shushed each other. When it came to the forest itself, it was the same, though there was a great deal of more stumbling and cursing involved.

"If that thing scratches me again, I'm going to curse it," Mulciber muttered. "I swear I will."

"That thing is a tree," Severus said, causing Rosier to snort loudly.

"Shut up," Mulciber said fiercely, turning back to glare at them. "We need to have the advantage of surprise."

"Who are we surprising, again?" Regulus asked, gracefully maneuvering his way in between branches. "I suppose the Macdonald girl has something to do with it."

"You think she would throw a party? After what I did to her?" Mulciber gave a cold laugh. "She's never been the same since. No, this is for Sirius Black."

Regulus stopped walking.

Mulciber noticed. His voice was contemptuous. "Don't get soft on us now, Black."

"I'm not going soft," Regulus protested a bit too quickly. "I don't care that he's my brother. Not that he's my brother. He stopped being my brother when Mum blasted him off the tapestry. I was just surprised. That's all."

"Good," Mulciber said, and as there was a hint of satisfaction in it, it made Severus think that he had planned it that way all along. The weight returned to his shoulders, and while the others went on, chortling and making plans, he fell silent.

Regulus was silent too.

It wasn't difficult to find the party; it was a noisy creation with bright lights and loud sounds even from a distance, dozens and dozens of trees away. Severus didn't doubt Sirius Black's handiwork for a moment.

"We should split up," Mulciber said in hushed tones, even though he most likely could have shouted and it wouldn't have made a difference. "Remember, this has to go down in history. I want _everything_ to be ruined."

"And I want an endless supply of Sugar Quills," Wilkes muttered, but sadly for Severus, Mulciber didn't hear him.

"Sirius Black thinks he can make this night a legend, but he's wrong. It's ours!" Mulciber declared, looking at them expectantly. There were a few whoops, but Severus was not among them. It seemed to be enough for Mulciber; he rubbed his hands and looked around greedily. "Now, where's Black? I have plans for him."

But Regulus was nowhere to be found. Somehow, in the midst of plotting and snickering, he had slipped away. Severus should have been furious with him, for doing something so _obvious_, for leaving him with Mulciber and his band of idiots, but instead, he found that all he felt was glad for him, glad that he had gotten away.

Mulciber cursed.

"I'll find him," Severus said quickly. "He couldn't have gone far."

Mulciber narrowed his eyes, visible even in the dappled moonlight. "Bring him back, Snape. You're not getting out of this."

"I wouldn't dream of it," Severus said, poison dripping into his silken voice as he thought of the wand in his pocket, and the idea of using _Sectumsempra _was especially tempting just then. He turned away, leaving the Slytherins huddled up against the trees, a scowl twisting his lips. _Bring him back_. As though he was a dog trained to play fetch. There was a hierarchy system among the Knights, there was no doubt about it, but Mulciber greatly overestimated his own significance and they both knew it. After all, _he _wasn't the one who invented a spell that had taken over the Hogwarts halls, used by the very best of Knights.

Severus clung to that last thought as he meandered his way through the branches. He didn't go looking for Regulus as Mulciber had commanded, but he didn't go back to the castle either. Instead, he found himself being led deeper and deeper inside the forest, his legs taking him to a certain destination as if they had a mind of their own.

It wasn't until he reached it that he knew where they were leading him. Or maybe he had known all along and his subconscious had refused to allow him to acknowledge it.

It was the secret glade.

It looked the same as it had when Severus had first seen it. It wasn't bright and cheery as their clearing in Spinner's End had been, but it was captivating in a darker way, with dapples of moonlight softening the shadows. He stared at it for a moment, and then at the stars high above, and he could almost swear he heard Lily's voice.

_"I thought I saw something. It was silver."_

_"That might be a unicorn. The full grown ones are silver."_

_"I don't think it was a unicorn. It looked like a deer. A doe."_

_"Does aren't silver, Lily."_

_"This one was. I'll show you."_

He continued to stand there, staring at the sky and the stars above, and the unheard words in his head threatened to rip his heart from his chest. Angrily, he jerked his head away and turned around. There was no reason at all for him to be here. Not now.

"Severus?"

Severus scowled, irritated with himself for failing to clear his mind. He willed himself to push it away. There. A beautiful, blank emptiness…

"I can see you, you know."

Severus whipped around in disbelief. "_Lily?_"

He forgot she was Evans now. Or Mud- No. Just Evans. Aloud at least. In his mind, she would always be Lily. And there Lily was, standing at the edge of the clearing, almost across from him, her forehead puckering as if unsure of what to make of him. In spite of everything, of who he was now and what he had accomplished, Severus could feel himself flush, as though he was a child who had been caught redhanded, and quickly, he averted his eyes.

"I was just looking around," he said briskly. "For Regulus."

"Right." Lily didn't look like she believed him. "Well, he's not here."

"Right," Severus said.

There was an uncertain pause. Lily folded her arms across her chest, as if preparing for a battle, and the gesture unsettled Severus more than he cared to admit.

"What are you doing here?" Severus asked finally, unsure of whether or not to take a step closer. Lily seemed to realize how ridiculous they must have looked, and came toward him, though she was careful to retain a safe distance.

"The party was getting too loud. I needed a place to think. This seemed as good as any." Lily shrugged to herself, a tad defensively as well, he noted.

"Oh."

They stood there like two strangers, eyeing each other warily as if they had no idea of what to make of the other. He could tell from the way the twigs snapped beneath her feet that she was shifting from foot to foot.

"I should get back," Lily said finally. She stepped back, gesturing around the clearing with a careless toss of her arms. "Enjoy."

Severus watched as she began to leave, and no matter how much he strained, trying to empty his mind, his heart betrayed him, pounding violently in his chest.

"I'm sorry about your mum," he blurted aloud.

Lily stopped, and slowly, she turned around, though she didn't fully face him, her expression unreadable.

"I heard what happened," Severus said hesitantly. "I'm sorry."

The final word hung in the air, and as he waited for her answer, he couldn't help but think of all the things he was sorry for. He was sorry he hadn't been there for her…He was sorry that he had ever kissed her…He was sorry that he had called her a Mudblood…

"Yeah," Lily said finally. "Me too."

Their eyes locked until they didn't. Then she walked away for the second time, and this time, Severus said nothing to stop her. He only stared after her, feeling as cowardly as he had been when he was just a child, hiding in the shrubbery from an embittered father.

Unthinkingly, Severus sat down on the moonlit grass and hugged his knees to his chest. Gazing up at the sky as they had done together all those years ago, it was only then that he remembered how insignificant he still was.

The bitter sensation of loss. It was back, but not because his memories were gone. No, it was there because they were still there, locking him to the ground and keeping him from moving forward.

**1976**

Sirius Black had created a monster.

He probably wouldn't have seen it as such. In his mad mind, he would have boasted that it was brilliant or genius or some other word that was certain to trigger violent urges in Lily. He had cleaned out Filch's office, leading to a rather bizarre decor, which included Screaming Yo-yos and Ever-Bashing Boomerangs dangling from the trees, visible with the strings of lights that Lily was willing to wager were also stolen. He had obviously charmed them though, as they flashed different colors every few seconds, which was even more headache inducing than it sounded. Everyone else seemed to approve whole-heartedly; with the combination of bright lights and music (courtesy of a radio, some very rowdy Ravenclaws, and a makeshift stage Black had somehow managed) there was a great deal of dancing, jumping up and down, shouting, and really, just the general chaos. Lily had told herself that it was beyond her control, that Black would get what was coming to him without her help, but she forgot all about that when she saw a tiny Ravenclaw at one of the tables (food supplied by Hogwarts house-elves, drinks by Hogsmeade) reaching for a bottle of firewhisky.

"Put that down!" Lily commanded and the Ravenclaw froze. "How old are you?"

The Ravenclaw scrunched up his nose. "Who are you?"

"I'm a prefect," Lily said.

"And you're here?"

Lily heard the judgment in his tone and reddened, and in her mind, she cursed Sirius Black for putting her in this position. "Yes. I'm…the drinks monitor. Have some pumpkin juice instead."

The Ravenclaw scowled at her, but rather than menacing, it came off as almost endearing given his small size. Unhappily, he took the jug of pumpkin juice, poured himself a cup, and then stomped off.

"You're just the life of the party, aren't you, Evans?"

Lily stiffened when she heard Black's voice. He helped himself to the firewhisky, but she didn't dare tell him to put it down. He'd most likely start screaming at her for that too. "He's only a first year. He shouldn't even be here."

She continued watching him warily, but he didn't show any signs of exploding. Instead, he sipped his drink, looking almost pleasant. "You can't control everyone. Live a little."

Lily wanted to point out that this sounded ironic, coming from him, someone who had transformed into a raving lunatic just because Peter hadn't wanted to go along with his party, but she didn't expect Black was someone who would listen to reason. To her relief, Black didn't linger to talk, and he soon went off to talk to Wendy Hooper, who was swaying with a group of girls by the stage.

A seventh year Ravenclaw hesitantly approached her, but Lily quickly made some excuse and disappeared to another side of the party. She didn't feel particularly chatty, not after she had had her first conversation with Severus in months.

He had looked so different, yet there was a moment when he had been the same Severus she had known. She had almost forgotten what had happened between them; the only thing on her mind was that the cold formality between them was ridiculous. She had wanted more than anything to tell him to stop being stupid, and to talk to her normally, so they could drop the stranger act and continue being friends again, as they always did.

_"Always."_

The word was a ghostly whisper in her ear, but she shook it off. Reality had come back to her in the glade, just as it did now. How they had treated each other…it wasn't an act. It was real.

_"It's real for us."_

This was what they were now, strangers who were completely indifferent to one another, and somehow, it was even worse than having him hate her because she was a Muggle-born. Though he hadn't been completely indifferent in the end. He had mentioned Briony and Lily could have sworn that he had meant it… It didn't matter, Lily told herself firmly. Not anymore.

It was too late for them.

"All right, Evans?"

Lily's frown was still in place when she looked up, but it was quickly replaced by a smile when she saw Potter. "Where were you? I don't think I've seen you since I've got here."

"Around." Potter shrugged and a flicker of a mischievous smile told her that it was in her best interest to not ask any more questions. "Are you enjoying the party?"

"I wasn't expecting it to be so…elaborate," Lily admitted. "It seems like half of the school is here."

"I suppose that's a no then," Potter said lightly. "Where's Diggory?"

Lily shifted uncomfortably. "I don't think he knows about the party."

Potter looked at her incredulously.

"I thought it would be mostly Gryffindors. I didn't think it would be _this_." Lily could feel the heat rushing to her face. "And I thought it would be best to keep it as small as possible."

"Because one or two more people would really make a difference at this point," Potter said with a laugh, but his face quickly cleared. "Is it…serious then?"

This time it was Lily's turn to shrug. She still didn't know what to make of Amos Diggory. She had gone on the date, fully dreading it, but she had actually had quite a pleasant time. Nothing remarkable had happened, but it had still been…nice. Amos had turned out to be clever, funny, and sweet, and when he had suggested a second date, Lily had seen no reason to decline.

"It's too new to say," Lily said finally. "He's nice."

A shadow crossed Potter's features, and though he had quickly replaced it with a look of nonchalance, Lily couldn't ignore it. "What?"

"What?" Potter repeated, though Lily had a feeling he knew exactly what she was talking about.

"When I said 'he's nice,' you made- you made that face. Right there."

"It's not Diggory. I'm just…not a fan of Stubby Boardman." He gestured at the stage, which was surrounded by crowds of people singing enthusiastically along with the Ravenclaws.

"Right," Lily said skeptically. "So you have no problem with Amos Diggory?"

Potter made another face and Lily arched her eyebrow. "Well, I wouldn't go that far," he admitted after a pause. "I've had some issues with him about matches-"

"This is about _Quidditch_?" Lily burst out.

"It's not _just _Quidditch!" Potter retorted, and then his hand darted to the back of his neck, and he began to rub it, almost uncomfortably. "There were some…questionable things he did-"

"Like he beat you at a match?" Lily suggested, and his face, darkening like a thundercloud, confirmed her words.

"He's not better than me, if that's what you're implying," Potter said hotly.

"So he has beaten you."

"That's _not _the point." Potter's hand went from his neck to his hair, and he began to rumple it in exasperation. "We're getting sidetracked."

"I think I heard enough," Lily said coolly, turning away from him to face the party.

"You're so frustrating."

"And you're unbelievable."

From the corner of her eye, Potter grinned. "I know."

Before Lily could stop herself, her hand moved, and her pumpkin juice went flying all over Potter, splashing his face and drenching the front of his robes.

"Oi!" Potter sputtered a mouthful of pumpkin juice and stared at her in disbelief. "Did you just throw your pumpkin juice on me?"

Before Lily could say anything or even lower her now empty cup, Black rushed over, his eyes glittering in the moonlight. "I just spotted Avery in the bushes."

"Did he come for the food?" Potter asked, his interest not fully captured. He was too busy wringing out his robes and scowling at Lily, who childishly scowled back.

"I think he came to raid the party," Black said excitedly. "And he brought friends."

Potter dropped his robes, and slowly, his lips curled. "Excellent."

"Oh no." Lily's eyes darted back and forth between the two Marauders in sudden realization. Both wore identical wicked grins that told her nothing good could result from whatever madness they were cooking up in their possibly telepathic minds. It was then that she realized that she had emptied her pumpkin juice too soon. "You can't go after the Slytherins! That's the stupidest-"

"Let's not bring her along," Black said, eyeing Lily with distaste.

"We're only defending ourselves," Potter explained to Lily as he withdrew his wand, pausing to give it an appreciative glance. "It's completely innocent."

Lily narrowed her eyes at the wand. "No, you're attacking them before they attack you."

"Technicalities." Potter gave a careless wave of his hand.

"This is just what the party needs to be great," Black was musing to himself as if Lily was not present.

"I thought Fanged Frisbees and firewhisky was all you needed." Lily threw her hands up in the air to gesture at the decorations, wincing as the back of her hand brushed against a Frisbee.

Black looked at her, annoyed, as though she was an irritating fly who wouldn't stop buzzing in his ear. "Those were just the finishing touches," he said disdainfully.

Lily was just about to tell him exactly what she thought of his finishing touches, but before she could get a word out, there was a loud crack, followed by a bright flash of light that lit up their entire section of the Forbidden Forest. Someone turned off the radio and the Ravenclaws stopped massacring the songs to gawk at the sky with everyone else.

"It's the Dark Mark!" little Reginald Cattermole bellowed among the cries of confusion, the string of lights he had festively wrapped around his neck bouncing as he jumped up and down and waved his arms. "You-Know-Who is coming!"

"That's not the Dark Mark, you idiot!" Black yelled back, somehow even more loudly than the now panicked crowd. "That's the Slytherins!"

But they were both wrong. The smoke in the sky had begun to clear, and to Lily's disbelief, she found herself staring at what appeared to be a hologram of a very familiar Ravenclaw's face. It was his smile she recognized first. It was bright white and gleamed as it beamed down at them.

"It's that Lockhart kid!" Black burst out, his eyes flashing. "I'm going to kill him."

"I tried to." Potter glared at Lily. "But it was oh no, Potter, he's only a second year. Oh no, Potter, he's not an evil little git. How do you feel about him now, Evans?"

"You two do realize that everyone in the castle probably heard that and is looking at the sky right now?" Lily demanded, purposely ignoring the question. "Any minute, we'll be expelled."

"No, we won't," Potter said with a tired sigh. There was no urgency in his voice. "Padfoot, the Map?"

"Already checked," Black answered quickly. "Evacuation Plan C is clear."

"All right." Despite his approval, a brief look of disappointment flashed in Potter's eyes. "We didn't even do the fireworks."

"No reason why we can't do them now," Black said with a shrug. "It'll be the grand finale."

Potter perked up right away, but Lily stared at them. "You're impossible. Both of you."

"Before you storm off, can you start leading everyone to the north wall?" Potter began. "There's a passage-"

"NO."

"Behind the crooked tree! There's a loose stone!"

Lily stalked off into the forest with every intention of leaving the Marauders to clean up their own mess. It was about time that they learned that actions had consequences, consequences that affected everyone. But when the sky started exploding in bursts of color and the chaos doubled, she jumped into action before she could stop herself. After all, it wasn't everyone else's fault that Sirius Black had a wicked mind and an unfortunate knack for persuasion.

"Davey, go right! Your other right. Reginald, over here. You, over there, this way!"

Her voice was sore and she was long out of breath, but she never stopped moving. Explosion after explosion rattled the forest as sparks and shimmers of color rained from the sky. Some students paused to look up in awe, but Lily urged them along, half-expecting McGonagall to materialize at any moment to hit her over the head with a tin of biscuits.

Not everyone was willing to leave. A great deal of the students seemed far more interested in rescuing the confiscated items from the trees, and Lily even spotted the tiny Ravenclaw from the drinks table hopping up and down for an Ear-splitting Whistle. She was just about to grab him when Remus swooped in, carrying the protesting first year away from the scene.

"Ouch!" Remus shouted. "Stop that, Mundungus, right now!"

Peter was also yelling, but it wasn't at thieving first years. No, it was at Black, who was looking at him as if he had never seen him before.

"…not going to get expelled, Wormtail. Don't get your knickers in a-"

"How would you know? You've never been on probation for anything! You're Sirius bloody Black!"

"It's just a few low scores and a couple of pranks. McGonagall wouldn't-"

"She will and you know it! I told you I didn't want to do this!"

Lily yelled at them to move, but when that failed, she yanked a Boomerang from the trees and hurled it between them. _That _got them moving; they jumped apart and gawked at her.

Black was swearing loudly. "Are you _mental_, Evans?"

"Really, Black, you want to do this now?" Lily demanded.

He scowled at her, and Peter, his face white, fled for his life. Black eyed him in exasperation.

"You're going the wrong way, you berk!" he shouted, and when Peter didn't appear to hear him, he made a sound of resentment and sprinted after him. Lily stared after them for a moment, and quickly came to her senses, and began running too.

"Having fun, Evans?" Potter yelled from behind her. She turned her head in surprise, just in time to see him fling something in the air. She didn't have to guess what it was; almost instantly, golden sparks shot into the sky with a thunderous boom.

"You're mad!" Lily shouted back. As if anyone could be enjoying this mayhem. Any second, they would all be caught. Any second, they would all be _expelled-_

Her panic escalated when she reached the north wall, where several students were anxiously pacing back and forth. Behind a crooked tree, Potter had shouted. Lily made an unladylike face at the memory, dimly wondering if it was possible for him to be more vague. They were trees; they were _all_ somewhat crooked.

"Have you seen Remus Lupin?" Lily hurriedly asked a group of seventh year Gryffindors, and when they shook their heads, she went to a cluster of Hufflepuffs. When the answer was the same, her heart sank. He must have already gone inside with the first wave of delinquents.

Knowing that waiting around for Potter, Black, or Pettigrew wasn't an option, Lily studied the trees that ran along the wall again. While none were perfectly straight, there were two that were decidedly more bent. With frantic eyes, Lily studied the stone, hoping to spot a corner popping out somewhere.

And there it was. Hardly daring to believe her luck, Lily tugged at the stone, and the rest that made up the wall began to revolve and shift back with a low, grating noise. She whipped her head over her shoulder. "It's over here!"

Her shout was unnecessary; they were already coming in droves, hastily pushing against each other as they squeezed into the surprisingly wide space. Hopping from foot to foot, Lily impatiently ushered them in, constantly fighting the urge to look back. When the crowd began to thin, Lily decided she had done her duty and joined the line, silently vowing that she would never let herself get caught up in another Marauder stunt again. _Fun. _Potter was insane.

But Lily realized she had been wrong when she finally ducked into the passage, safe from McGonagall, Filch, Dumbledore, and any possible risk of expulsion. Her heart had yet to digest the cool darkness and rough stone walls of the tunnel; it was still pounding in her chest, at least triple of what it ordinarily did, and she began to laugh, whether it was from relief or sheer insanity, she didn't know, but it made her cheeks ache and her legs wobble.

Potter was right. It had been fun.

The concept was insane, of course, but she couldn't deny it. There was something about the adrenaline searing in her veins, the thrill of not knowing what would happen, that had made her understand why the Marauders did what they did. The sensation almost made it all worth it.

Almost.

The thrill hadn't worn off even when she was safe in her dormitory and everyone else was asleep. Restlessly, Lily turned over onto her stomach for what had to be the dozenth time, but when she closed her eyes, she was still wide awake.

Frustrated, Lily grabbed a book from the side of her bed and swung her legs over the side, planning to sneak out to the common room. If Transfiguration by the fireplace wouldn't make her sleepy, she didn't know what would.

But just as soon as she arrived to the common room, she knew sleep wouldn't come any time soon. Potter was there, on the floor in front of the fireplace, hastily scribbling something down with a slim scarlet quill. Parchment was spread all around him. Lily eyed it warily from the bottom of the girls' staircase.

"Evil scheming?"

Potter looked up, startled, and seeing it was her, he grinned. "Quidditch plays."

"Close enough." Lily hopped off the staircase and neared him, gesturing at her book. "Do you mind if I read?"

"Go ahead." Potter shrugged as he rearranged the sheets of parchment. "Not that you'll be doing much reading. I'm far more interesting."

"And awfully full of yourself," Lily observed, flopping down on the floor beside him even though there were plenty of comfortable armchairs and sofas around them.

"I'm surprised you're even talking to me, to be honest," Potter remarked casually. "I thought you were annoyed with me."

Lily had a strong feeling that "annoyed" was his way of being generous. She set down her book, irritated that he had been right about her not doing much reading after all. "Because of Amos? You're mental when it comes to Quidditch. And most things in general. I've already accepted that." She paused. "Also, I ruined your robes."

"I was waiting for that apology," Potter said, though she could see his hazel eyes sparkling with amusement and knew that he wasn't truly upset by it. "Do you know what it's like to run around the Forbidden Forest, shooting fireworks and smuggling Ravenclaws into Hogwarts, while wearing soggy robes?"

Lily cracked a smile at that, but as she looked at him, Black's words came hurtling back, and she couldn't help but wonder why he wanted to be friends with her. Potter caught her stare.

"What?" Potter furrowed his brow. "Do I have ink on my face?"

"No." Lily shook her head quickly. "You're fine."

"You're looking at me in a funny way."

"It's nothing." Lily busied herself with shifting in a more comfortable position, but she knew that he was still watching her. "It's nothing. It's just…" She couldn't meet his eyes just then. "Did I ruin your summer?"

He sounded baffled. "What are you talking about?"

"I was really horrible to you on that…day. I never apologized, not really, and if I really did ruin your summer, then I don't know why you would want to be friends with me." Lily knew she was prattling. Uncomfortable with his silence, she forced herself to look up, and found that he was looking at her with bewilderment.

"You've been talking to Sirius, haven't you?"

There wasn't an accusation in his voice; it was a statement and nothing more. Lily hadn't meant to sell Black out, but she winced and gave what she thought was a meaningless little shrug. Potter was unfortunately able to decipher it.

"You didn't ruin my summer," Potter said flatly.

Lily stared at him, unconvinced.

"Really. Sirius doesn't get…" Potter hesitated and his gaze fell on the fireplace. "What you said that day…it made me think." He paused to rake a hand through his hair, but it wasn't the ruffling motion he did on purpose to make it stick up everywhere. It seemed to be an absentminded gesture more than anything else. "Maybe I do go too far sometimes. A lot of the time. You're the only one who's ever told me that."

Lily felt a flicker of surprise. "Really? Not even your family?" When she was younger, she wouldn't have gotten away with stealing a biscuit, not with Petunia's sharp eyes around.

"My mum will say things sometimes, but I can tell she doesn't mean them. I think she thinks I can't do anything wrong," Potter said, looking back at her, his voice matter-of-fact rather than boastful.

"You need to spend time with Petunia," Lily muttered.

"Your sister?" Potter blinked.

"She's very…critical."

Potter's lips twitched. "Sounds like another Evans I know."

"I'm not critical." And then Lily heard years of herself telling off Potter and she blushed. "Not as critical. I wouldn't scold you about crumbs or not making your bed properly.

"Just about my hair and hexing innocent bystanders."

"Exactly."

Potter snorted and there was a comfortable silence between them. He returned to gazing into the fireplace, but not before Lily caught a strangely pensive expression on his face. "You weren't wrong," he murmured to himself, in a voice hardly above the crackling flames.

"About your hair?" Lily's voice was also soft, and she knew it wasn't what he had meant, but his sudden seriousness bothered her more than she wanted to admit.

"That day. That's what I realized this summer." Potter turned away from the fire. This time, his hazel eyes locked with hers. "You're right, Lily, I _am_ selfish. I think I'm the most selfish person I know."

There were so many words that she hadn't expected that Lily found herself staring at him, numb. "You called me Lily."

Potter gave her a faint smile, that was quite unlike the oh-so-charming grins she had long become accustomed to. "Yeah, I suppose I did."

A log rolled in the fireplace, the sound startling them both. Lily drew her knees up to her chest, watching as the flames devoured the wood. "I didn't mean everything I said that day," she said at last. "I was upset."

"That doesn't mean you weren't right."

"If you think that, then why don't you change?"

He was quiet, and when she looked at him, she found him staring down at the floor. His forehead was creased, as though trying to figure out an impossible mathematical equation.

"I want to _want_ to change. To be a better person, like my dad. Or Godric Gryffindor. But not yet." His small smile returned as he lifted his eyes to meet hers, but there wasn't any humor in it. "I told you I was selfish."

Lily didn't say anything and Potter busied himself with the parchment, as though now that it was revealed that James Potter had flaws, he expected her to walk away and never look back, and that little gesture of almost defeat was what made Lily reach out to him. Unthinkingly, she slipped her hand over his.

"You're not a bad person, James. Just human." Lily stood up, pretending not to notice how he looked up very suddenly. "I'm going to sleep."

James was staring at her in bewilderment. "You called me James."

"I suppose I did." This time, it was Lily's turn to give him a small smile as she stepped over the maze of parchment scraps.

He was still staring at her when she reached the stairs. She looked back and said what she had needed to say, months and months ago.

"I'm sorry for what I said to you," Lily said finally. "I never hated you. Not really."

She could feel his eyes follow her up the stairs and Lily clutched her book to her chest, unable to drop the smile from her lips.

It was time to sleep.

**Guest- Thanks for the review! The James and Snape relationship is really interesting to me, partly for the reasons you said. In Severus's point of view, James tends to become the Malfoy of the relationship, but when you look at Severus from an outsider's perspective, you realize that he's no Harry either. I think that's especially interesting when you take in their backgrounds. They're completely different, yet they're both so flawed. I do think Severus will have more moments when he seems like the Malfoy of the two, but I can also say the same for James. I really think it varies on the perspective the scene is taking place. In James's perspective, Severus will usually seem like Malfoy because he's creepy, interested in dark magic, and a Slytherin. In Severus's, James will always be the arrogant pure blood. **

**Harry Jackson 6124- Thanks for the review! I know Sirius seems horrible and cruel in this story, and while he does have his moments, you have to keep in mind that this story is told from Severus and Lily's perspectives. Severus is never going to see Sirius in a positive light. Let's say there's a scene in Severus's point of view with Sirius giving money to the poor. Severus would most likely twist into an idiotic, selfish act that's done to make Sirius feel better about himself, or he'd make assumptions that Sirius has some sort of nasty motive and is plotting something. As for Lily, she has no reason to like Sirius. To her, he's the conceited, immature friend of Potter's who really seems to hate her. Yes, he does things to seem that way, but since we're in Lily's mind and Lily isn't too focused on finding out why Sirius is the way he is, we're not given reasons for his behavior. That will change, and when it does, I promise, you'll see Sirius in a better light. He'll still have his flaws, but he'll also prove himself to be the best friend that anyone could ask for. As for Severus, that's entirely up to you. We don't know much about younger Severus, and while we do know that his unrequited love for Lily is one of the most defining characteristics of his story, we're not sure exactly how in touch with it he was before he realized that Voldemort was going to kill Lily. Since he became a Death Eater and was able to fool everyone, including Voldemort, I decided to focus on his cold and calculating side, as you put it, because I believe these are characteristics he would have needed to do achieve such things, but this is only my interpretation, and it could be completely wrong. If it makes you feel better, Severus still has a heart in this story, though he really doesn't want one. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! James…is really just a kid, probably more so than any other character in Always. I know that probably seems like I'm not answering your review, and while I don't want to give too much away, I will say that James has his reasons, and while a lot of it may have to do with his feelings for Lily, I don't think he's aware or really understands those feelings. I think he's more concerned with other matters. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I'm glad you're enjoying the increased screen time of James because he'll stick around for a while. You'll learn more about his history with Amos very soon!**

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I know it's weird to see James in a Snape-like position, but I promise, his mind works in a completely different way than Severus's. When he spied on Lily's date, I don't think he was admiring Lily's beauty or bitterly vowing vengeance against Amos. While it's entirely possible those two thoughts crossed his mind at some point or another, I think James is too self-centered to dwell on such thoughts (unless a vow of vengeance involved Quidditch), and has far too much pride to go to Hogsmeade for those purposes. Until he grows up, his true love is himself. I know that's still vague, I'm sorry. **

**Guest- Thanks for the review! I hope the Lily part cheered you up this time! I also hope you liked the hundredth chapter. I wanted to have some action, some angst, a moment for Severus/Lily, another one for James/Lily, and a cameo. I'm happy I met all of those requirements, so hopefully most people enjoyed it. I brought up Felix Felicis in an earlier chapter, but it's possible that it may make a reappearance. **

**JPLE94- Thanks for the review! I'm glad you're enjoying James/Lily! You'll get a more detailed version of their story in Hero, but the main reason why James and Amos don't get along with also be revealed in Always. I have an idea of when James will meet the rest of the Evanses, but I don't want to say because I'm not absolutely positive. I know it won't be any time during sixth year or the summer after that. One of James's parents will get sick before he finishes school, and the other sometime after that. I agree, it's really weird that they all died in such a short time, and when planning that out, I decided it was going to feel weird no matter what. I made it so each would lose a parent at school and after to space it apart, but it's still too close for my liking. Oh wow, there's a few scenes in sixth year I'm really excited to write, but I'd have to say I'm most looking forward a Regulus scene I have planned. I'm excited to explore his relationship with Sirius in general, and this year will be a big year for them. I know this isn't part of sixth year, but I'm ridiculously excited to write his final scene with Sirius after Hogwarts. That's probably one of the top five scenes I'm looking forward to, and sadly, that will mostly be for Abomination, though we'll have a glimpse of it in Always. Back to sixth year in Always, I'm also anxious for a big Remus scene, for Sirius and Lily to become friends, and for a scene in which everyone reacts strongly to a surprising development in Lily's life. Oh, I'm also excited for Lily to make a new friend. I just realized a lot of this is from Lily's perspective, but Severus has a lot of seventh year ones I'm especially looking forward to, so that evens things out a bit. **

**EmilyAtwood- Thanks for the review! Oh wow, I never would have guessed that English isn't your first language. It sounds perfect to me! Thank you so much for your kind words! There's only a few stories that have truly made me emotional and those are my favorites, so really, there's no higher compliment you could have given me. Don't worry, I have no intention of stopping this story until I've reached the epilogue. Even if I magically became a best-selling author by then, I would still finish it. Thank you for reading!**

**Snape4ever- Thanks for the review! While it looks bad, James has his reasons for spying, and while they may be absolutely terrible reasons, I can say they are most likely not the reasons that would cross Snape's mind. Like I told a reviewer above, James is really just a kid. His intentions are sometime good, but his actual thought process is terrible. **

**JennaP- Thanks for the review! If it makes you feel better, I know James looks creepy, but his intentions are slightly better. At least in his head.**


	101. Chapter 101 The Outsider

**Thank you so much for the reviews and your congratulations! I'm not sure if it's a site issue or because I updated my computer, but I had some trouble uploading this chapter. I finally managed to do so by copying and pasting in a previous upload. I'm hoping this is just a temporary problem because I won't have any way to upload new chapters once the previous ones expire. I have 70 days left so it won't be for a while, but if there's any issues when the time comes, I'll post something in my profile.**

**Thank you, sparklyscrunchies, for editing!**

** Chapter 100 Recap- After a Knights initiation ceremony, Severus and the other Slytherins plan to ruin Sirius Black's party. Regulus mysteriously disappears. Sirius finds out about the Slytherins, but before a confrontation can occur, Gilderoy Lockhart intervenes. Back in the common room, Lily and James have a talk, and end on first name basis. **

**Chapter Note- Cassiopeia's textbook answer is from the Half-Blood Prince. Also, the very last part of Lily's section was inspired by Pirates of the Caribbean.**

**Chapter One Hundred and One- The Outsider**

**1976**

Breakfast was one of the more peaceful times of the day. Severus preferred getting up early, when the sun wasn't fully awake and the ceiling of the Great Hall was still murky with the morning mist. The Slytherin table was nearly if not completely empty then, and for a while, it was just him, a jug of pumpkin juice, and his Potions textbook.

Until _they _came in.

The Slytherins may have been the descendants of some of the most distinguished pure blood families in the Wizarding world, but they also trampled like a herd of oversized elephants when they weren't fully awake. This morning was no different; their voices were loud and their footsteps heavy as they swarmed around the table, oblivious to or not caring that Severus was writing in his book.

"Hi," Regulus said as he slid into the seat next to Severus, still outfitted in his Quidditch uniform, the bits of grass and his damp hair a clear indication that practice had already started and ended. Severus's side of the table abruptly fell silent.

_That _was different.

Severus looked up from his book, startled by the quiet, only to find the Slytherins sending each other quick looks. Regulus had noticed too; he was frowning a little.

"Is it because I didn't shower? I was going to, but there wasn't time before practice to eat, and I was starving. And I need marmalade with my toast. If I wait too long, too many people have gone through it, and that just ruins it because then I'm thinking of who went through the marmalade and whether or not they washed their hands, not that they would touch marmalade with their hands, but you know what I mean." Regulus was met by silence again, and he tried again, his forehead puckering. "You realize that I'm going to shower after I'm done?"

"Regulus," Severus said quietly, "stop talking."

Regulus's eyes flickered from stony face to stony face and he swallowed. "I think that would be best."

"We're just surprised to see you sitting here, that's all," Rosier said as he resumed his meal, reaching for the pitcher of pumpkin juice. The table was quiet enough that Severus could hear ice clinking against his cup as he began to pour.

"I would have assumed the Gryffindor table," Macnair added coldly.

Regulus flinched.

Mulciber snorted before shoving a generous bite of bacon into his mouth. "Gryffindors are meant to be brave, aren't they? I would have thought Hufflepuff."

Severus stared down at his book. He wasn't used to being on this side of the equation. Regulus was a Black, and though he was younger and smiled far too much for a future Death Eater, his name had always commanded a certain respect that provided him with immunity from the other Slytherins. Veiled insults, hexes, and flat out rudeness were reserved for newer pure bloods and half-bloods.

Not Blacks.

Instinct told Severus to keep his eyes fixed to his book, but something else made his eyes dart to the side, where Regulus was sitting, his jaw clenched.

"If this is about last night-"

"Of course it's about last night," Mulciber snapped, setting down his fork. "You chose a _blood traitor _over us."

"I didn't choose anyone," Regulus said evenly, but the slight hint of red coloring his face betrayed his true feelings. "We were in a dark forest; I fell behind."

"You took a long time to catch up."

"The fireworks went off and that Lockhart kid's face was in the sky. It didn't seem like a good time to stick around."

"That's awfully convenient," Mulciber sneered.

"Don't be annoyed at me just because Lockhart's plan worked out better than yours." Regulus sounded irritated now, more irritated than Severus had ever heard him, and even Mulciber was caught off-guard, though it didn't take long for his scowl to recover.

"Is it just me or has anyone else lost their appetite?" Mulciber asked coolly.

"It's not just you," Macnair replied, also looking at Regulus hard. "There's something about a blood traitor that leaves a bad taste in your mouth."

And to Severus's incredulousness, their end of the table stood up. He wasn't alone in his disbelief.

"You're joking." Regulus stared at them, more dumbfounded than outraged. "All of this because I didn't follow through with your plan?"

"No," Mulciber's voice was scathing. "All of this because you're just like your brother, a traitor. Snape, are you coming?"

Severus's eyes flickered from Mulciber to Regulus and then to Mulciber again, who looked as smug as he did threatening, so certain that Severus would follow his orders as if he were a dog rather than a half-blood.

"I still have reading to do," Severus said coldly, wanting no part in any of it. "Reading that requires quiet."

"Best get to work then," Mulciber told him, his voice equally as frosty, but his eyes were flashing from the insult. And with those final words, he and the others left, though Avery was reluctant to leave his unfinished sausages behind, and had to be yanked by the back of his robes by Mulciber. Regulus stared after them, incredulous.

"Can you believe that?" he said. "They're absolutely mental. Not to mention hypocritical. They never walked out when you were hanging around…" his voice trailed off and he seemed to realize his mistake.

Severus turned the page.

"Sorry," Regulus said in a subdued voice.

Severus kept his eyes fixed on the page.

"Oh, you're not ignoring me too, are you?" Regulus said, exasperated. "It was the Forbidden Forest; it was practically a maze-"

"I thought Blacks were supposed to be good liars."

Regulus fell silent, but since it was Regulus, it didn't last long, not even for a minute. "You can't be that angry. You would have left with them if you were."

"Mulciber's head can barely fit through the door as it is. His ego needed deflating."

"That didn't keep you from listening to him last night."

"Last night I didn't have reading to do," Severus said, annoyed. "This morning I do, which I would finish, if you didn't keep-" But before he could finish his sentence, Regulus tugged his book right from underneath his eyes. "Give that back."

But Regulus had shut the book and was already examining its cover. "I thought so. _Advanced Potion-Making_. You finished this ages ago."

"Hand it over before I put a Permanent Locking Curse on your mouth."

"Merlin, Severus, how can you read this?" Regulus was flipping through the pages of the textbook, oblivious to Severus's discomfort. "You can't read your own handwriting, let alone the text."

"I can read it."

"What does this say? Crush with fat, no, flat, side of silver-"

Before he could finish, Severus snatched the book from his hands. "That's mine." He set it down in front of him again, but this time, his fingers remained curled protectively over the edges.

"I know, I saw. The property of the Half-Blood Prince-"

Regulus smiled rather mischievously at that and Severus snapped. "If I were you, I would be more concerned with more important matters. The rest of the Knights thinking you're a blood traitor, for instance."

"They called you a blood traitor before and look at you now," Regulus said offhandedly, but his smile had fallen.

"That's different," Severus said sharply, suddenly frustrated. Sensing that they were entering dangerous waters, he discreetly felt for his wand and performed a silent _Muffliato_. "I'm a half-blood; their expectations are lower, and I still had to prove myself in other ways to make myself acceptable in their eyes. You never had to invent spells or anything like that." He was unable to conceal the bitterness on his tongue. "Also, blood traitor brother is more concerning than Muggle-born…friend, especially when the friend, if you can even call her that, and I barely spoke."

"I don't talk to Sirius," Regulus said shortly.

"But you do live with him. Or you did, for years. Anyway, they didn't believe me until I made a public declaration of it." Severus's voice became even more bitter as a ghost of a memory flitted across his mind. Hurriedly pushing it away, he stabbed his eggs with his fork, more forcefully than he had intended. "I expect they'll want the same from you."

When Regulus didn't say anything back, Severus glanced back at him, only to see the other boy studying his untouched plate, his expression hidden.

"He doesn't get along with my parents."

Severus's forehead furrowed, but he didn't say anything.

"They've always been hard on him," Regulus said after another pause, his voice barely audible. "And he's always acted out. I thought…" He suddenly looked up, his face clouding over. "I thought he'd get over it, that he'd realize he was making a mistake. I never thought he'd actually leave us. For them. I don't think I'll ever forgive him for that, but I don't hate him. Not like I'm supposed to."

Their corner of the table was silent and Severus didn't know what he was supposed to do. Li- _She_ would have said something optimistic, if it had been them talking, as she did many times before. But no matter how pretty and light her words had been, they had never been bright enough to blind him from seeing the ugly truth. Regulus, on the other hand, hadn't been able to accept the truth even when it had been written out in front of him for the last six years, and Severus knew he would jump at the possibility to lie to himself again.

But if he couldn't stomach this, then he would never last in the Death Eaters.

"Your brother is an idiot," Severus said finally. "Don't be stupid too."

It was far nicer than the other scenarios that had played out in his mind, such as throttling Regulus and demanding to know if he was determined to get himself killed one day, because that was what would happen if he kept making mistakes. But Regulus didn't answer him and merely fiddled around with his fork without eating anything at all.

"Regulus?"

"Yeah?"

He looked tired. He even sounded tired. Severus wondered how he had managed to stay on his broomstick without falling over.

"You should shower."

Regulus blinked and looked down at himself. "That bad?"

"Worse," Severus told him.

Regulus's lips twitched and there was a faint resemblance to his usual grin as he hoisted himself up. "Bye, Severus."

"Bye, Regulus."

Regulus left, his steps more weighed down than usual, and Severus returned to his book, finding it more difficult to focus on than it should have been.

He was more pensive than usual when it was time for Potions. Slughorn was as jovial as ever, prattling on about antidotes, which Severus would have ordinarily found interesting, if it hadn't been information he had looked up himself long ago. Instead he found himself staring down at the page Slughorn was lecturing on, hardly seeing anything, not the tidy black print, not even his unsightly scrawl.

"According to the textbook, Golpalott's Third Law states that 'the antidote for a blended poison will be equal to more than the sum of the antidotes for each of the separate components,'" Cassiopeia's voice was clear and strong, though it carried a note of superiority that irritated Severus.

"Very good, Miss Lofthouse. Five points to Slytherin. All of you will be needing Golpalott's Third Law to guide you today, as you'll be creating your own antidotes for the lesson. Before you get started with your phials, will anyone tell me the first step of the identification process?" Slughorn beamed immediately when he saw Lily raise her hand. Severus tried to tune out the sound of her voice and distracted himself by mentally reciting the instructions for the possible antidotes he would be using. He would have preferred to busy himself with his textbook, but Golpalott's Third Law was so straightforward that even the idiot writers hadn't botched it up as they did with everything else.

When Slughorn had finished lecturing and it was time for Severus to take his phial, he shifted his focus to the poison it contained. The telltale color made him suspect hemlock was a main ingredient, and a sniff, which revealed a sprig of peppermint, told him everything else he needed to know. He immediately began sorting out his ingredients, focusing on the sound of his cauldron bubbling so that there would be no more unwelcome reminders.

It worked until Severus went to the cupboard for more armadillo bile. He was nearly there when he realized that someone was already there, someone with very familiar, dark red hair. He wanted to turn back, but turning back was pathetic, so he stood there awkwardly, his lips tightly pressed together, as he waited for Lily to finish.

His composure fell when she turned around and jumped, and he felt as startled as she looked, even though he had been steeling himself for the very motion just seconds before.

"Um, sorry," Lily said, her eyes darting everywhere but directly at him, almost desperately, as though she was searching for an escape. She gestured at the cupboard with a nervous hand. "I needed more leech juice."

Severus stared at her, struggling to recover his blank face. "That's fine," he half-whispered, his throat dry.

Lily stepped forward and Severus stepped to the side, stiffening as she passed by, and the faint scent of flowers and vanilla wafted with her. Not wanting to stay at the cupboard a second longer than necessary, he hurriedly collected his armadillo bile and turned around to return to his desk, only to find Cassiopeia standing right behind him, looking far too amused for his liking.

"Trouble in paradise?"

Severus scowled.

"I forgot," Cassiopeia said, widening her eyes with feigned innocence. "Not paradise anymore. You took care of that."

Severus gave her a cold look and surveyed her desk rather pointedly. "Your Common Poison Antidote is lackluster."

Cassiopeia's eyes widened again, only to narrow, but Severus didn't give her an opportunity to respond. He brushed past her, irritated.

His antidote required more attention than their usual assignments did, and he threw himself into the process entirely, not allowing anything that wasn't an ingredient or measurement to enter his mind. It was a welcome respite, and as his cauldron frothed, he returned to his textbook to make a few additional notes. It was only when he heard Lily's voice again that his quill stopped, frozen in his hand.

"Thank you, Professor," she was saying, and though her words were blurred, Severus could still hear her voice crystal clear. But she wasn't talking about her potion anymore.

_"This antidote is ridiculous. Just shove a bezoar down their throats!"_

The memory made the corners of Severus's lips lift slightly, and before he could stop himself, he scribbled the words in his textbook. He realized what he had done only when he had finished and the ink glared back from the page in front of him, and before the words could taunt him further, he slammed the book shut, unable to look at them any longer.

**1976**

Professor McGonagall had been in a particularly sour mood during that day's Transfiguration lesson, but during dinner, she looked downright terrifying.

"If she isn't careful, she's going to give Sinistra a heart attack," James observed as the Astronomy professor nervously edged away from the Head Table. "I wonder where Dumbledore is. He would have lightened the mood a bit."

"You're awfully calm for someone who is about to get a year's worth of detention," Lily said, who had been waiting for a McGonagall lecture all day. She was leaning towards the end of dinner, or afterwards, in the common room.

"You're awfully calm for someone who was also present," Black replied, the picture of nonchalance as he helped himself to a third serving of steak. "Anyway, there won't be any detention this time. I made sure of that."

"How did you do that?" Lily asked skeptically.

"You'll see."

There wasn't any use analyzing James's face for clues; Lily knew that without even looking at him. She studied Remus, who looked positively tranquil, and then Peter, who looked decidedly less tranquil, but not anything like the nervous wreck he should have been. Evidently, he and Black had already resolved their fight.

"I give up," Lily muttered, and turned to her other side, to listen to Alice recount her disastrous Charms Club meeting to Marlene. She was just getting to the part in which Davey Gudgeon made an appearance when McGonagall cleared her throat. She might as well have cast _Silencio _on them all; the Great Hall fell silent at once.

"As I'm sure all of you are aware, there was a _gathering _last night in the Forbidden Forest."

"She makes 'gathering' sound like a dirty word," Black noted.

"I'm also certain, that all of you are aware that the Forbidden Forest is off-limits, even during the day, before curfew."

"I can see her nostrils flare from here," James said, sounding mildly impressed.

"If I hadn't witnessed fireworks from the castle, not to mention an _enormous, floating head_, I never would have believed it. Fireworks! The very nerve. I'm ashamed and furious-"

Her face was white and Lily felt a twinge of guilt, but Black seemed to be incapable of such an emotion. "She's almost foaming at the mouth," he said, looking almost interested in what McGonagall had to say.

"…There will be an investigation, and those found to be in attendance will be punished accordingly." McGonagall fixed them with a stern look that seemed to be aimed at each individual at once. Lily shifted in her seat. "I highly recommend you step forward and accept my kind offer of detention. If not, you are at risk for suspension. For not only breaking dozens of school rules in one night, but for also breaking, entering, and purloining items from Mr. Filch's office, which I may remind you, is not only forbidden at Hogwarts but illegal in the Wizarding world."

Murmurs rippled through the Great Hall and several looked Black's way. If he noticed them at all, he gave no indication of it, and kept still with his shoulders back and eyes earnest, the very image of a model Hogwarts student.

"As for the parties responsible-"

"Here we go," Black said, dropping his pose to rub his hands together excitedly.

"Even though I have my suspicions of what happened, and I feel very strongly about them," McGonagall said, her nostrils flaring out even more than before, "someone has claimed full responsibility for the events of last night, and has repeatedly assured me that it was his entire doing. While I fail to see how one person is capable of such an event…"

Lily stopped listening to McGonagall to throw an accusing look at Black. "You can't make someone take the fall."

"I didn't make anyone take the fall," Black retorted. "He did it on his own."

"No one would willingly take the fall," Lily said. "Maybe you didn't make him, but you must have bribed him or hexed him or convinced him somehow-"

"Trust me, Evans, I didn't have to say a word."

Lily stared at Black. Black stared back, his eyes silently mocking. It was only when she heard a new voice that she looked up.

"-genius, wasn't it? Entirely my idea, from start to finish. The band was a wonderful touch, don't you think?" Somewhere in between her bickering with Black, Gilderoy Lockhart had moved to the front of the Hall next to McGonagall, and was beaming at them all. "Surely all these people shouldn't be punished because they wanted to come to my party-"

"_His_ party," Black said in disgust.

"Sit down, Mr. Lockhart."

"I mean, I'm going to be captain of England's Quidditch team. That is until I become Minister of Magic, which won't be long now. Surely we can come up with some sort of arrangement-"

"_Sit down_, Mr. Lockhart."

There was another wave of murmurs, this time louder, and James perhaps loudest of all.

"If anyone is going to be captain of England's Quidditch team, it'll be me."

"You want to be an Auror," Lily reminded him impatiently.

James scowled at her. "I can be both, can't I?"

"You really don't see the resemblance?"

"Between me and _him_? Are you blind?"

"_Are you?_"

"And even though I have no other names, I assume that there were guests from all four Houses." McGonagall paused to give the young Ravenclaw an irritated look. "Unless you want to take credit for attending as well as hosting the party, Mr. Lockhart?"

Gilderoy shook his head eagerly. "Oh no, everyone was there. It was the event of the season, the century, really-"

His words were met by several groans.

"Then I'll be taking a hundred points from each of your Houses," McGonagall said crisply. "The other Heads and I will also be discussing future security measures with Mr. Filch."

"More of a challenge, then." James didn't sound upset. If anything, he sounded pleased. "Good, it was getting dull around here."

"Yes," Remus said, "absolutely dreary."

McGonagall was finished, but the muttering and dark looks weren't over yet. To Lily's astonishment, not one was aimed at Black, the creator, but all at Gilderoy, though Lily had to admit he didn't seem at all upset by the attention. On the contrary, he was flashing smiles and waving, immune to any poison in their eyes.

"He's mad," Lily said, staring at him. She wasn't quite sure how she felt with him taking the blame, though as she watched him, she was beginning to suspect it would be crueler to deny him the spotlight.

"He's mad but he's happy. Which I might add, is because of me." Black looked far too satisfied with himself for her liking. "So, not only did I give everyone the best party in the history of Hogwarts, but I also kept everyone out of trouble, _and _I did a good deed."

"Didn't Lockhart keep them out of trouble?" Remus asked mildly.

Black glared at him. "I let him take the blame, didn't I? And I planned the escape routes."

"You're even more mad than he is, but," Lily hesitated before grudgingly speaking again, "you were right, after all. You did well, Black."

For once, Black's smug look disappeared, and he looked at her, completely thrown for one brief moment.

"You mean _we_ did well," James crowed. "Again."

"Not like Gilderoy at all," Lily murmured, though she sounded more amused than exasperated.

"Honestly, Lily, I don't know what you're talking about-" James stopped when he noticed the eyebrow raises from Black and Peter, and the strangely pleased look from Remus. "What?"

The rest of the Marauders looked at each other, and when Black and Remus shrugged noncommittally, Peter turned to Lily and James. "If no one is going to say anything, I'll ask then," he said. "Lily?"

"Lily," James confirmed. "Red hair, green eyes, sitting diagonally from you. Wave, Lily."

Lily gave him a decidedly unimpressed look.

"I know who she is," Peter said. "I meant, since when are you on first-name basis?"

James glanced at Lily and Lily glanced back at James.

"'James' is easier to say," Lily said. "It's only one syllable."

"Yes, because 'Potter' is such a mouthful. Are we going to sit here all night?" Black didn't seem nearly as intrigued by the topic as Peter did. "Because people are starting to leave and we still have work to do."

Lily wasn't planning to ask him to elaborate. Deciding it was best to pretend she didn't hear that last remark, she said goodbye and remained at the table with Alice and Marlene, who were clearly discussing Gilderoy Lockhart.

"…I thought carving his name in the Quidditch pitch in twenty-foot letters was mental," Marlene was saying. "But this? It's beyond mental. He'll be lucky if he doesn't get expelled."

"Oh, I doubt that will happen. Not even McGonagall believes him." Alice glanced at Gilderoy, who had found a quill and was signing napkins. "He is a bit…unbalanced though, isn't he? I feel sorry for him."

"Yeah," Marlene agreed, following her gaze. "Though I wish I knew what hair potion he uses."

"All I know is that his wave is natural," Lily said.

Marlene's eyes widened in disbelief. "Really?"

"He could be lying, but he did say so, multiple times," Lily said. "In case you were wondering, his teeth are naturally that white too."

"Now that's just ridiculous," Marlene muttered, and without further word, she marched towards Gilderoy Lockhart, undoubtedly trying to find out whether his teeth were really that white or not.

"That was a mistake," Alice observed.

"She'll regret it two seconds in," Lily predicted, also watching them with interest. And then she noticed something odd at the Ravenclaw table. She frowned slightly, feeling suddenly self-conscious. "Am I being paranoid or is Demetra Vane staring at me?"

Alice looked before Lily could tell her not to. "She is," she confirmed. "Though 'staring' is putting it mildly. She looks a little…"

"Murderous?" Lily supplied, quickly looking at Gilderoy for a moment to see if there was any possibility that Demetra was glaring at him, as the rest of the Hall was, but there was no denying it: Demetra Vane was studying Lily as though she was fantasizing the fifty ways she could strangle her with a Gryffindor scarf.

"That," Alice said, "is much more accurate."

"Is it because of James? Because we're just friends." At Alice's look, Lily felt a sudden spark of defensiveness. "Well, we are."

"But you're not just friends with Amos."

"Amos?" Lily repeated, blinking. "She likes Amos?"

"She used to date Amos."

Lily blinked again. "When did that happen?"

"Oh, I don't know," Alice said vaguely. "It was a while ago, I think." Her face suddenly lit up, and before Lily could ask why, Frank Longbottom came into view, a smile just as wide and as absurd as Alice's on his face. Lily took that as a cue to disappear.

She had just left the Great Hall when she felt a hand grab her arm. She jumped, relaxing once she realized it was only Amos.

"Sorry about that," Amos said, dropping his arm at once. Looking a little sheepish, he moved his hand to his hair, running his fingers to smooth out his already perfectly in place strands. "I didn't mean to scare you."

Lily waved her hand, but her heart was still racing. "It's okay."

"Are you going to your common room?"

Lily nodded.

"I'll walk you there."

He looked different than he normally did, not nearly as cheerful as Lily was used to. His hands were shoved into his pockets now, and his forehead was wrinkled, and as they moved up the marble stairs, he remained unusually quiet.

Lily had an uncomfortable feeling she knew why.

"It sounds like it was a big event last night," Amos said casually. A little too casually, and Lily felt a pang of guilt. He must have been bewildered that she hadn't invited him, especially since they had seen each other that day. She hoped that she hadn't hurt his feelings. She hoped that he wouldn't-

"Did you go?"

And there it was. Lily bit her lip, and looking up at Amos, she knew that he already knew her answer.

"I'm sorry," she said. They had just reached the seventh floor, but before they could move any farther, she stopped and turned to face him. "I would have invited you, but I didn't want you to get in trouble. Black was behind it, after all, and I didn't think Gilderoy would- I mean, you saw that, who would actually do that-"

"Lily," Amos interrupted. "It's fine."

And though he looked considerably happier than he had before, Lily was still unconvinced. "Really?"

"Really."

His handsome face broke out into a smile as he reached down to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. "But for future reference, you know you can tell me anything, right?"

Lily's eyebrows knitted together at that, not knowing what to say when she didn't even know what the answer was herself yet. "Mm-hm," she said noncommittally, hoping he would be satisfied with that for an answer.

His smile widened and he looked at her, and just as he did, Lily knew what was coming. As Amos's lips met hers, she tried very hard not to think of the day in the clearing.

But Amos didn't apologize, mutter his excuses, or run off. Instead, he studied Lily for a moment, his smile never wilting.

"Night, Lily."

Lily watched him disappear down the staircase, and she turned to the Fat Lady, who gave Lily a conspiring little smile. "Now that's a handsome boy. Lucky girl."

"Thanks," Lily said, feeling suddenly awkward now that she knew their kiss had had a witness after all, and a very smug witness at that.

"But then again, that James Potter is very handsome too," the Fat Lady went on, a new gleam in her eyes.

Lily narrowed her eyes. "Chocolate Frog."

"Manners," the Fat Lady reminded her, but the portrait slowly began to open, and Lily climbed into the hole, suddenly glad to leave the empty corridor behind her.

**JPLE94- Thanks for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed both parts! I know you're one of the James/Lily fans reading this, so I'm happy you like the way their relationship is going so far. I don't think I've ever imagined reaching a hundred chapters for anything. I'm proud that I made it this far, but I'm also a little alarmed because it's beginning to feel like the never-ending story, though I know I'll be a little sad once it's over. I know I'll still have Hero and Abomination to work on, if I haven't finished them by then, but I don't feel as strongly about them. And thank you so much for your kind words! I've been feeling guilty for working on fan fiction when I could be focusing on my own work, but knowing people are actually enjoying this story makes it worthwhile.**

**Jenna- Thanks for the review! I'm actually really impatient for Sirius to become friends with Lily too, and it's hard to force myself to slow down. There will be progress between them soon, and the same goes for James's history with Amos Diggory. And sorry for the wait! I hate waiting for books to come out so I know how you feel, but I admit it's strangely flattering being on the other side and hearing that people are anxious to read your work.**

**JPLE94- Thanks for the congratulations! And I'm happy to say there will be a Gryffindor vs Hufflepuff Quidditch match. **

**prydain- Thanks for the review! I'm touched you like that quote so much because I thought a lot about it. **

**SiriusTheBlack- Thanks for the review! I'm glad you're enjoying catching up! There will be a lot more of the Marauders, for the rest of the story until Lily dies, actually. And there will be important scenes with Lily and Remus, and Lily and Sirius, later this year. I noticed the same thing, but I'm enjoying the contrast. As much as I like exploring the darker side of humanity, it's always a nice break to do something light.**

**JennaP- Thanks for the review! You'll find out the story behind James and Amos by Valentine's Day. I don't want to say exactly when because I'm always moving things around as I write, but I think it's safe to say sometime by then. **

**James3Lily- Thanks for the review! And I hope JKR reads this story too, though I would be mortified about some of the early chapters. **

**iamthegoldensnitch- Thanks for the review! There will be more Lily/Remus conversations. There's actually an important scene for them coming up this year. I'm not positive, but there might be Remus and Peter stories once I finish Always. And thank you so much! That really means a lot. **

**SnapeSnapeSnape- Thank you so much! It's amazing and incredibly flattering to know that there's people out there who feel so strongly about something I wrote. That's something that I've always wanted to do as a writer.**

**Guest- I hope you enjoyed the chapter and I hope your next weekend is better!**

**the reader- Thanks for the review! I agree, I think James didn't know exactly what the Order entailed until he had become a part of it. Though he'll grow up some before then, I think experiencing war firsthand is what he needs to finally become the man who sacrificed his life for his family's. To be honest, I'm embarrassed to say I didn't think of checking Cedric's birthday. I checked Amos's, and when the HP Lexicon said he was born anytime before 1960, so I just followed that. I can still make it work without making too many changes, though it probably won't make Amos look great. Cedric was supposed to be born in September or October. I'll say October, meaning he would have to have been conceived in February, assuming he wasn't born prematurely. Lily and Amos will break up around that time, which I had already planned on. The only change will be how quickly he'll have to move on. As for Cedric's mother, people will be leaving Hogwarts as the war gets worse, and I'll just make her one of them and have her luck out (I'm not sure if that would be the best way to describe it) on the timing. It's not ideal, but that way, everything should be canon. Or at least it will be until Pottermore. **


	102. Chapter 102 Potter Intervention

**Thank you so much for the reviews! i'm sorry this chapter is delayed. It took me a while to actually sit down and write it, and when it came to writing it, I had an especially difficult time with one scene. My beta actually had to look over it again because I decided it needed to be rewritten. **

**Thank you to my beta, sparklyscrunchies, for editing twice!**

**Chapter 101 Recap- The Slytherins distance themselves from Regulus. Severus has an awkward encounter with Lily. McGonagall is furious with the school after Sirius's party, but Gilderoy Lockhart happily takes the credit.**

**Chapter One Hundred and Two- Potter Intervention**

**1976**

Quidditch was a stupid word.

It was fitting in that way. A stupid word for a stupid sport. One mistake, and you fell, snapped your neck, and died. Of course no one had died at Hogwarts to Severus's knowledge, and not at a professional match for quite some time, but it was just the possibility that made Quidditch stupid in Severus's book. An extremely stupid, not to mention, suicidal-

"I found more firewhisky!" Rosier announced as the wall of the common room entrance slid shut behind him. His words were met by cheers all around, and tucked away in the corner, huddled over his Potions textbook, Severus covered his ears, gnashing his teeth together in annoyance. The idiots hadn't even _won _the match yet, yet they were already celebrating as though they had the Quidditch World Cup in their grasp.

His only consolation was that tomorrow's match wouldn't be starring Potter, though it would be featuring Diggory. Amos Diggory. Now that was a name that was even more asinine than Quidditch.

"Are you reading right now?" From behind him, Regulus's voice sounded incredulous, and a second later, he flopped onto the chair across from Severus, a cup of firewhisky in hand, though Severus didn't have to look to know it was untouched.

"You sound surprised."

"That's more surprising if you think about it."

Severus set his textbook onto his lap and narrowed his eyes at Regulus. "Shouldn't you be celebrating? You're the Seeker of this band of self-destructive berks, after all."

"I have a headache," Regulus said, lowering his gaze to his firewhisky. "And it's getting late."

It was a lie and Severus knew it just as well as Regulus did. Severus glanced over his shoulder, where the rest of the Slytherin Quidditch team was noisily toasting each other, the liquid of their drinks sloshing over as they slammed them into one another.

"Right," Severus said, with a sudden burst of anger and frustration, but it wasn't directed at the idiots behind him. No, it was reserved for Regulus. He didn't know if the other boy could hear it, but they then fell into a silence, with only the sound of laughter and slurred words belonging to the other Slytherins between them.

"I'm going to go to sleep," Regulus said at last. "I'll see you later."

Severus didn't say anything, and as Regulus stood, he returned to his book, trying to concentrate on the already heavily marked chapter of antidotes. When minutes passed and Severus had still processed nothing but the obnoxious chortling behind him, he told himself it was futile. He closed his book.

But instead of going up to his dormitory, Severus found himself leaving the common room.

Severus was well aware that it was after curfew, that McGonagall and Filch were on the warpath after the madness of Sirius Black, but it didn't trouble him. After so many meetings with the Knights, he knew every corridor, every turn, and instead of being frightening or even bewildering, the darkness was nothing more than a blanket of protection, keeping any prying eyes from seeing his movements.

He glided down the halls like a silent ghost, the quiet a welcome change from the common room. When the cold solemnity of the dungeons was exchanged for the warmer splendor of the first floor, Severus hesitated, suddenly unsure of where he was headed.

There had been a time when he had liked nothing more than going to the Room, but after the many nights that had left him bruised with words and bleeding from curses, it was no longer the once precious sanctuary of Severus's dreams. That had been the same time when he would have gratefully met a certain green-eyed girl outside the portrait of the Fat Lady, whether it was to explore the castle or just to talk, about everything and nothing all at once.

The seventh floor, Severus decided, was most certainly not an option.

Outside seemed more promising than anything else, even with the frigid air and howling winds. Severus didn't mind the cold, especially when the alternative was watching the Slytherins drown themselves in a stupor.

The door to the grounds opened with a creak louder than Severus had anticipated, and quickly, he ducked outside before anyone could investigate. It was beginning to snow, but the flakes of frost were so small and few that Severus hardly noticed them except for the chill they left behind. His footsteps heavy, Severus began to trudge through the soon-to-be blemished white.

He stopped when he came to the Quidditch pitch, and for a moment, he could only glare at it. The oversized stands and the now frost-covered goal posts. It even_ looked_ pointless, like a misshapen metal monstrosity, and the longer Severus looked at it all, the more infuriating he found it.

She had never liked Quidditch.

Or so she had said. She had claimed that she hadn't liked Potter either.

Not wanting to see the Quidditch pitch a second longer, Severus turned around, and as he did so, his eyes fell onto the broom shed. The broomsticks of the teams playing tomorrow would be kept there. Amos Diggory's broomstick would be there.

Amos Diggory with his too-wide smile and unnaturally white teeth. Amos Diggory who now made Lily laugh the laugh that was once reserved for him when they were younger and she hadn't even known what Hogwarts was.

He couldn't even remember what that laugh sounded like now.

Severus's wand was sturdy in his hands. He could feel the power inside, both taunting and comfortable. Narrowing his eyes at the broom shed, he raised his wand, and the lock fell to the ground.

The broom shed was musty but dry. Broomsticks were neatly spaced, lined up against the walls, the school ones on one side, and those belonging to house teams, the decidedly nicer ones, on the other. Severus didn't have the faintest idea which one was Diggory's, but undaunted, he lay his wand on his flat palm and whispered something inaudible. The wand spun around until it stopped, pointing directly at a broomstick in the middle.

Severus snorted derisively. Of course it was shiny and expensive-looking. What other broomstick could the great and glorious Amos Diggory have? He was just another Potter, though a Hufflepuff, and just then, Severus didn't know which was worse. Slowly, his fingers curled around the broomstick, and he pulled it from the wall with a heavy thud.

Its handle was polished and its twigs were smooth. If he was careful, no one would suspect a thing. The gleaming paint was enough to disguise any changes, and most would assume Diggory was simply the Keeper who had lost his touch, the idiot who couldn't even fly his own broomstick.

An Unbalancing Hex was subtle enough, but if he really wanted Diggory to struggle, then he'd need something stronger. Severus set down the broom at his feet, his wand already aimed at the handle, but it remained motionless. He needed something that would make Diggory look foolish, something that people would assume was all him, rather than his broom. If he was anything like Potter, he'd manage to turn it into some heroic-

Before he could finish his thought, the broom shed door opened.

"You."

He and Potter had spoken at the same time as they eyed one another with identical suspicion. It took a few seconds for the shock to wear off, but once it had, they both seemed to remember their wands.

"Your face looks better since the last time we spoke," Severus said coolly.

But Potter only grinned. "I wish I could say the same for you, but I'll accept the compliment. It's a very good-looking face, isn't it?"

His nonchalance infuriated Severus more than anything else. "I should have known you couldn't part with your broomstick for even a night," he shot back, and the ice in his voice cracked, allowing his simmering rage to ooze through.

"Well, it is a Nimbus," Potter said. His gaze shifted to the broomstick at Severus's feet. "Funny, I wouldn't have thought you felt the same way, least of all over a Comet Two-Twenty. A Shooting Star seems more your level."

Severus bristled and Potter's eyes gleamed.

"Amos Diggory, on the other hand, seems to handle it well enough. He has one just like the one you have out. It even has the same dent on the handle."

"You seem very familiar with Amos Diggory's broomstick."

"It was a Gryffindor Bludger that put that dent there. I scored seventy points in that match."

"Or you were planning something stupid," Severus said, and Potter stilled, but he recovered quickly.

"I'm not the one doing Dark magic."

"You wouldn't be capable of it," Severus said, his fingers tightening on his wand. "No doubt you would charm the broom with Gryffindor colors or something else equally as elementary."

Potter narrowed his eyes. "You give yourself too much credit, Snivelly. You haven't even mastered the basic concept of hair potions yet."

"This is coming from the person whose hair looks like it was attacked by Cornish pixies," Severus snapped, but as soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted them, feeling suddenly foolish. He was a Knight of Walpurgis, yet he was bickering with Potter as though he was no more than a child.

Potter, though his hand had instinctively darted up to his hair, suddenly looked resentful, and an awkward silence suddenly fell between them.

"This is stupid," Potter said, letting out a breath, and he straightened up. "We both know Diggory is a git and we both don't want him to win tomorrow."

"Of course you'll bring your precious Quidditch pride into this. It obviously doesn't have anything to do with who Diggory has been spending his days with." The venom in his words was meant for Potter, but unwillingly, Severus could feel his own face twist in distaste.

The implication was not missed; Potter's face also darkened. "At least I have more of a reason than you. I'm Lily's friend. I'm not some stalker following her around, trying to make her life miserable."

"I don't stalk Lily," Severus retorted sharply, his eyes flashing. "And I never wanted to make her life miserable."

"You called her a Mudblood. She thought you were friends."

"We were."

The admission slipped out before Severus could stop it, so soft that it was barely audible, but he could tell from the way Potter's eyes narrowed that he had heard it.

"And you threw it away to join a group of prats playing clubhouse for You-Know-Who. You really are a coward."

At the word, something inside Severus snapped. A jet of violet light shot from his wand, but Potter swiftly blocked it. Severus clenched his teeth, but did not make a second attempt.

"We can hex each other all we want, " Potter began calmly, "or we can do something about Diggory."

There was a pause as the meaning of those words sank in for both of them.

"I hate you," Severus said, and there was no denying the contempt in his voice as he stared back at Potter.

But Potter, rather predictably, didn't look at all stung. He only shrugged. "And I'm not your biggest fan either. But luckily for you, I dislike Diggory even more than I do you right now."

"Right now," Severus echoed.

"Right now," Potter confirmed.

It was Severus's turn for his eyes to narrow. "What do you suggest then? We sit side by side and hex his broom to pieces?"

"No Dark magic," Potter said firmly.

"No, because Dark magic would be far too _wrong _for someone as noble as James Potter." The dislike in Severus's voice was nearly as thick as his sarcasm.

"You don't want your mates to figure out it's you, do you?" Potter glared at him, and for the briefest of moments, his eyes flickered to the broomsticks. "How good are you at Transfiguration?"

"Good enough," Severus said, but his tone clearly implied, _better than you._

But Potter did not retaliate. To Severus's disbelief, he took a step back, his wand still held out defensively in front of him.

"The school brooms are on that side," Potter said suddenly, jerking his head toward a wall as he slowly backed away. "The blue and silver one is a Shooting Star."

"You want me to do your dirty work." Severus's lips twisted with his gratification because evidently the high and mighty James Potter wasn't quite so high and mighty after all. "And you said I was the coward."

Potter's eyes darkened. "I'm not like you. This isn't for me."

"Your ability to delude yourself is astounding."

Potter was outside now, and the door to the broom shed slammed shut, but not before Severus saw his face change, and he knew, at last, he had struck a nerve. His satisfaction was hollow.

He waited for Potter to return, to strike back when he had his three armed bodyguards at his side, but he never did. Slowly, Severus lowered his wand, and his gaze flickered to the Shooting Star. Potter's description had been generous; the once blue and silver paint had mostly chipped away, leaving patches of exposed, splintered wood.

It wouldn't be difficult to make it resemble a Comet Two-Twenty, just tedious. If Potter wanted to spend his time with such busywork, that was his choice, but Severus preferred to use his far more precious moments on things more intricate.

But Potter's mention of the other Slytherins had struck a nerve. As much as Severus preferred the intricacy of advanced Dark magic, he was one of the few capable of it, and it wasn't as if he hadn't done it on a broom before. If Diggory's broom began acting up, there was a chance that Mulciber and the others could remember what he had done to Potter in third year, and everyone knew Diggory was dating Lily.

It was a dangerous connection. Too dangerous.

But he couldn't walk away from it either. Furious, Severus kicked Diggory's broom aside, and it clattered loudly. Potter had known he wouldn't be able to walk away, that he would have no choice but to listen to his stupid suggestion.

Exchanging the broomstick for the Shooting Star…it lacked imagination and skill. It was child's play.

But it would be enough.

Because Severus didn't care if Slytherin won or lost. Just then, he didn't care if the rest of the world knew what he was capable of, that he could make Amos Diggory and the rest of the Hufflepuff team bleed to death if he wanted to. All he wanted was for the Keeper to look like a fool, for her to see him as one.

Nothing else mattered.

As much as he despised doing Potter's dirty work, he despised another outcome even more. Moving in front of the Shooting Star, Severus raised his wand.

**1976**

Lily had woken up early that morning.

Lily had woken up early that morning for a _Quidditch match_.

She would have been more incredulous over it all, but it was barely sunrise, and she was having difficulty enough keeping her head from dropping into her cereal bowl. But Amos had said something Lily couldn't remember, something about her being a good luck charm that Marlene had gushed over several times, and Lily hadn't had an excuse not to be there, other than she'd rather sleep in.

All of a sudden, Lily felt something drop onto her shoulders, and her hands flew up as she spun around.

"You can't go in the stands without showing some Hufflepuff support," Amos said, his eyes far too bright for the crack of dawn.

"You aren't human," Lily mumbled as she fingered the heavy yellow and black scarf. The other Gryffindors would normally eat her alive, but Hufflepuff was playing Slytherin, so there was a chance they'd only torture her for a bit. "No one is perky this early. It's unnatural."

"It's Quidditch," Amos said with a shrug as he sat down on the bench beside her. "You're not going to fall asleep in the stands, are you?"

"I'll wake up eventually," Lily assured him. "I don't think anyone could sleep through the crowd."

"You know you can sit in the Hufflepuff section if you want," Amos offered. "My mates won't mind."

"I told Marlene and Alice I'd save them seats," Lily said, privately a little relieved to have an excuse. She didn't know Amos's friends well, but they seemed oddly…almost suspicious of her, probably because she wasn't one of them.

"Amos!" Timothy Macmillan yelled from the end of the table, already outfitted in his Quidditch uniform. It was so neat that Lily was certain he had used an Ironing Charm. "We're leaving now. Team meeting. Strictly confidential."

Lily didn't miss the wary look he sent her, and she wondered if Amos saw it too.

"Be right there!" Amos called back, jumping up from his seat. As he turned around, something seemed to catch his eye, and the next thing Lily knew was that he was kissing her.

"For good luck," Amos told her as he pulled back. Timothy shouted out at him again, sending Lily an extremely irritated look, and then Amos was gone, leaving a slightly embarrassed Lily alone with her cereal bowl.

Her mortification grew when she realized who had been a witness.

"I didn't expect to see you here."

It was Remus who spoke, but it was the appearance of James at his side that made Lily feel a wave of discomfort, which hardly made sense to her, because they were friends now. She stared into her cereal bowl.

"Nice scarf," James said, and her face heated up.

"I told Amos I'd meet him before the match," Lily explained to Remus, not knowing what to say to James. She rubbed her eyes tiredly. "I know it's early, but aren't there usually four of you?"

"Sirius and Peter aren't up yet," James said, sounding a little scornful.

"And I'm the easiest to drag out of bed."

"Sirius kicks and Peter's just heavy." James glanced at Lily's cereal and scoffed. "Is that all you're eating? It's _Quidditch _day. I know I'm not playing, but there's still a Quaffle being thrown around. That's enough to make it important, even without me."

Lily blinked. "It's too early for you."

"It's never too early for me. Or Quidditch." James was already piling an alarming amount of sausage on an empty plate, which he quickly followed up with eggs and toast. "Once you have a proper breakfast, you'll have a regular Quidditch high like the rest of us."

"Is that all for me?" Lily asked in disbelief, gawking at him.

"Have you never had a proper breakfast, Lily?"

"That's not a proper breakfast; that's a cruel and unusual punishment. No human can possibly eat all of that and especially that," Lily argued, but as she spoke, James began heaping kippers on the already full plate. "James, stop that, right now. I'm not eating that."

"Obviously you've been deprived if you're questioning my judgment," James said, unruffled by Lily's distress. To her disbelief, he then moved on to ketchup, but unlike a normal human being, he didn't do a simple squirt. No, he _kept_ squirting until her entire plate was doused in ketchup.

"What are you doing?" Lily cried out, appalled.

"Gryffindor representation," James said, pushing the plate towards her. "Enjoy."

It was Peter who ended up eating most of James's handiwork, though it had mostly grown cold by the time he and Black stumbled into the Great Hall. It soon appeared that James hadn't been lying about his Quidditch breakfast, because by the time they were in the stands and the match was starting, Peter was the most animated of them all.

"Who do you think will win? I'm leaning towards Slytherin, though Diggory has that Comet Two-Twenty-"

"Of course it's going to be Slytherin," Black said irritably. "They always win. The only decent player Hufflepuff has is Diggory, and even he can't carry them all."

"I don't think Diggory is that good," Peter said, looking warily at James. Then he seemed to remember Lily was there, and he shifted uncomfortably. "I didn't mean it like that. Well, I did, but-"

"He's good," James said curtly. "It's not any use underestimating the other players. That's the quickest way to lose a match."

"You're still better," Peter said loyally.

Lily noticed that James didn't disagree.

She was wide awake now too. It was impossible to be anything else. When someone wasn't shouting in her ear, they were jostling her shoulder. Marlene was especially fond of doing both.

"It's Amos!" Marlene said enthusiastically, elbowing Lily as Madam Hooch instructed Amos to shake hands with Yaxley, Slytherin's stone-faced Captain. Aware that others were now watching her reaction, Lily stared hard at a goal post.

The whistle blew and the players were off. The scarf around Lily's neck was suddenly suffocating, and absentmindedly, she tugged it until it was considerably looser.

"It's a little windy," a familiar voice was saying, "but I'm more concerned about the snow. Cold weather attracts nargles. They associate it with mistletoe."

"Who is that and why isn't he calling Vanity's foul?" Potter demanded with an accusing finger towards the commentator's podium.

Lily's eyes dropped to the podium, and it took her a moment to recognize the Ravenclaw who had shared her compartment only a few years before. Though he wore an enormous wool cap and strange-looking goggles, the mysterious triangular charm around his neck confirmed his identity.

Peter stood up for a proper view. "A really long name Lovegood," he said just as Lily was racking her mind for his name. He sat down again, looking pleased with himself for his helpfulness.

"Xenophilius," Remus corrected him. "I see him in the library sometimes. He likes discussing his…research."

"I know it's not December yet, but it's best to keep your valuables close," Xenophilius told the crowd earnestly, adjusting his goggles. "They don't mean harm, but they're mischievous creatures, and I think a crowd like this-"

"The match, Mr. Lovegood," McGonagall said loudly, close enough for her voice to be heard on the megaphone.

"Yes, of course, but I'd just like to say that it's _extremely _important not to startle a nargle. They're sensitive to-"

"Mr. Lovegood!"

"Vanity fouled again!" James was outraged.

"I think that may have been a foul-" Mr. Lovegood began, sounding dubious.

"Of course it was a foul!" James said indignantly, and Remus patted his arm in consolation.

"I'm not quite sure of his name, but he looks unpleasant, doesn't he? Oh, now he's giving me a look. That one. Right there. Well, now all of them are, so never mind that."

He went on, describing the Slytherins as matter-of-factly as a Muggle scientist would describe a rare specimen, clearly oblivious to the murder in their eyes. Laughter rippled through the stadium and even Black snorted. James was the only one who wasn't amused, and decided it was his duty to narrate the match for everyone around him.

"Macmillan's going to regret that move; Rowle is about to hit that Bludger and he's in perfect target position- What an idiot!" James yelped suddenly. "He nearly took out his own Seeker! How do you even do that?"

"Slytherin…Beater. I think that's the Beater. That's most certainly the Beater. Well, he's over by the post now, but he threw the Bludger at the Finder a minute or two ago. That's the Finder on his team. You can tell because they're both wearing green robes," Xenophilius said, now sounding mildly interested. "I wonder why he did that. The nargles could- Oh. The Quaffle went through. That's, let's see, one, two-"

"Ten points." McGonagall's face was quickly becoming a blotchy red.

"Ten points it is then!" Xenophilius said cheerfully. "Wonderful! Oh, I forgot, that goes to Hufflepuff. I'm not sure if Slytherin has scored yet. Oh! Another Bludger to the Finder! Very quick, that Finder, I wonder if he has Firefoot Crawler blood in him. Though they did die out a century ago, according to my research."

"He almost had the Snitch!" James shouted, and a string of curses quickly followed.

"You don't want Slytherin to win," Remus reminded him calmly. "They're your main competition to the Cup."

"It's the principle! They're _disgracing _Quidditch!" James whirled around to face Frank, who was sitting on the other side of Alice, watching the match with a mystified look on his face. "You're a Chaser, Frank! Don't you think it's a disgrace?"

Frank jumped at the sound of his name. Looking visibly alarmed at being confronted by the irate and questionably sane James Potter, he hurriedly agreed with his Captain. "Absolutely. Extremely disgusting. Positively outrageous."

"They do seem rather determined to hit Regulus," Alice observed.

Lily glanced at Black uncertainly, not knowing how he would take it, and she noticed that the others were doing the same. Black looked back at them, rolling his eyes when they quickly turned back towards the pitch as if they hadn't been gawking at him moments before.

"My brother is an idiot," he said darkly. "He probably did something stupid, like sacrifice the wrong Hufflepuff at the altar, and now they're feeling testy."

"Murderous" seemed like a more appropriate description, but no one dared to tell him that. His tone was enough to end that particular strain of conversation.

"There's no sight of any nargles yet," Xenophilius reported solemnly.

"I'm so relieved," Black said as though Xenophilius could hear him. Peter snickered; he wasn't alone.

"I put up a chart in the Ravenclaw common room, keeping track of magical creatures seen around the school, but I plan on speaking to Professor Dumbledore about moving it to the Great Hall. I was thinking a newspaper-"

"Ten points to Slytherin," McGonagall interrupted, leaning in. Evidently, she had given up on Xenophilius keeping score.

"As I was saying, a newspaper would be ideal, but even a pamphlet might work. The trick is to spread the word and make sure everyone is aware-"

"Ten points to Hufflepuff," McGonagall interrupted again.

"In the meantime, I'll be happy to tell anyone of my research. I have my office-"

"He has an office?" James asked in dismay, looking all around. "Why don't we have an office?"

"It's located between the tapestry of some Gernumblies learning the alphabet and a suit of armor," Xenophilius was saying.

"It's a broom closet, Prongs," Remus said.

James still looked put out. "We should still have an office," he muttered to himself, though everyone could still hear him.

"We use Filch's office whenever we need one," Black said, sounding too bored to be appalled. He was trying to amuse himself by changing the hair color of an oblivious Gryffindor girl in the row ahead. With another lazy flick of his wand, acid green became a vibrant purple.

"It's not the same."

"We could have a newspaper too," Peter suggested excitedly.

"Don't be thick, Wormtail," James said dismissively and Peter's face fell. The Gryffindor girl's hair brightened into pink.

Below, in the pitch, Amos blocked another Slytherin Quaffle, and Lily clapped, along with the few Gryffindors who hadn't given up on the match. Most of them were watching Xenophilius instead.

"It's a nice broom," Frank was telling Alice. "I think I might save up for that one instead of the Cleansweep. I'd love a Nimbus, obviously, but I'd never be able to afford one."

"Which one is it again?" Alice asked, and Lily silently commended her ability to feign interest.

"A Comet Two-Twenty. The one Diggory has. Did you see that twist he just did? You'd never be able to do that on a Cleansweep."

James, who normally had an opinion on anything with the possibility of flight, was silent. Marlene, however, had heard, and was gushing to an embarrassed Lily.

"He's been doing a lot of those twists. And that one really steep dip. I'm not a Quidditch expert-"

"Clearly," Black cut in. "That 'really steep dip' was a Steinhardt Save."

"Whatever it is," Marlene continued on loudly, deciding to ignore Black, "I think he's showing off for you. You have to admit that Steinwurst Save-"

"_Steinhardt_. Merlin, help me out here, Prongs."

"It was impressive," Marlene finished, glaring at Black. "You do know what they say about eavesdroppers?"

"Those who eavesdrop will have their ears cursed off?"

By this point, Marlene's face was flushed with indignation. "No one says that, Black."

"My mum does," Black said, and James broke out of his trance to snigger. For once, Lily was grateful to Black for the diversion, not knowing how to answer Marlene, least of all in front of everyone else.

"…And then, of course, there's the Crumple-Horned Snorkack, and while it has never been seen before, I have _proof _that this species is alive and well-"

"Hufflepuff catches the Snitch," McGonagall spoke into the megaphone, and Lily had never heard her sound quite so relieved. She was alone; groans resonated throughout the crowd. "Hufflepuff wins the match. That will be all, Mr. Lovegood."

"That's a first," Remus said, only sounding vaguely interested in the results.

"It's Slytherin's own fault," Black told him as the thick crowd slowly began to filter from the stands. "They almost had the Snitch even before Loonygood started going on about Gernumblies."

It seemed that nearly everyone had something to say about the match, though most of it had to do with the commentary rather than the outcome. Any discussion that had to do with the actual match seemed to be directed at Lily, oddly enough, and when people weren't telling her how thrilled she must be for Amos, they were asking her to congratulate Amos for them. Only James was silent, and while the crowd stopped, then moved, and then stopped again, he didn't even look at Lily, who was standing right beside them.

"You're quiet," Lily told James as the crowd stopped again, leaving them squashed in the middle. Someone's elbow jolted her from behind and she caught herself just before she pitched forward. She glanced at James again when she recovered, but James was so lost in his own thoughts that he hadn't noticed anything at all. "Is something wrong?"

"It's nothing," James said stiffly, his eyes focused on the restless masses around them. "But you must be happy."

"Why?"

"Diggory won. Everyone congratulating you."

"Oh, that," Lily said, and James's head whipped her way so he could eye her in disbelief. "It's nice, but it's just a match."

"Just a match," James echoed faintly.

"Just a match," Lily confirmed, looking around her shoulder before returning to him. "Did you see where Marlene went? She was just here a minute ago."

"No idea," James said, sounding distracted. Then the crowd began moving again, more quickly this time, and soon, they were freed from the stands. Lily scanned the sea of yellow and green for James, but he was nowhere to be found.

"Lily!" Emma Abbott was waving at her, and Lily braced herself for another Hufflepuff hug. When they reached each other, she could see that Emma's eyes were bright from the match, but surprisingly, no hug and deafening squeal of delight came.

"Amos is looking for you!" Emma said breathlessly, and the other Hufflepuffs around her exchanged knowing glances. "He said he'd meet you outside your common room."

"Oh." Lily's eyes automatically went toward the direction of the castle, and the still-heavy traffic that led up to it. "Thanks."

Emma and her friends didn't linger, but Lily heard their giggles and the snatches of their whispers.

"She's so lucky."

"And he's so gorgeous."

"I don't know why he has to go out with a Gryffindor. There's plenty of…"

Their voices were lost in the cheers of the crowd. Xenophilius had reached the area, and many were clapping his back and congratulating him on a well-documented match. Xenophilius was trying to use his sudden fame to spread the word of the Crumple-Horned Snorkack, but it seemed that most thought of it as a strange but still humorous joke, and the laughter grew. Gilderoy Lockhart, alarmingly enough, was the only one who was taking it seriously.

"As you most likely know, I'm Gilderoy Lockhart, and I found your idea of a newspaper absolutely fascinating-"

Lily took that as her cue to quickly hurry away, but when the castle came into view again, she found herself slowing down.

She couldn't understand why, but for some odd reason, she was feeling strangely let down.

**Chapter Note- The second half of Severus's scene was inspired by a comic by Julvett called Boyfriends. I loved the idea of James and Severus working together to sabotage Lily's boyfriends, so I tried to recapture that feeling in a more serious way. **

**Sulphur- Thanks for the review! To be honest, I was unsure about the Severus/Lily kiss, and even several chapters later, I'm still uncertain. I had a few reasons for it, the main one being it would distance their friendship even further, so I can't say I'm unhappy with it. At the same time, I can't say I'm happy either. **

**JPLE94- Thanks for the review! I'm not offended at all! I love writing the Severus-Regulus relationship. I knew I wanted to do it a while back, but while writing, they sort of took over, and I have a new fascination with Regulus's character. Things between them won't always be drama free (something that is coming up soon that will also come back later), but I think there will always be an understanding between them that Severus/Lily lacked. **

**JennaP- Thanks for the review! It may be before Valentine's Day! I don't want to give a specific date because I sometimes move things around, so I'm saying Valentine's Day as a precaution. I'm glad you're enjoying the Severus/Lily encounters because I have something planned for them next year that I'm really looking forward to. As for Dumbledore, though his business isn't crucial to the story, I wanted to hint at the war. That's okay, I don't like Amos at all either. **

**Rose- Thanks for the review! I can't believe I didn't catch that! I suppose that's what I get for wanting to be dramatic. **

**Fuchsia- Thanks for the review! I messed up on Amos because, while I looked for his birth year, I stupidly forgot to check Cedric's. Cedric isn't important to this story, and if he's ever mentioned, it won't be until after Hogwarts. People will be leaving Hogwarts because of the war and Amos's girlfriend will be among them. For readers who would rather everything be strictly canon, they can take that to mean Cedric was born after the departure of Amos's girlfriend. It's far from perfect, but it will technically make sense. For everyone else, they can choose to think he was born later or never or whatever they want. I doubt you'll ever see Cedric's name in this story so it's entirely up to the reader. **

**SnapeSnapeSnape- Thanks for the review! I'm glad you kept up with this story. I hope you continue to enjoy it!**

**Sirius27- Thanks for the review! I enjoyed the new Umbridge information. I thought it made perfect sense for her character. **

**SwordSeer- Thanks for the review! I'm happy you're enjoying the story. I can understand what you mean about not liking Snape. I don't think I like him as a person, but I love him as a character, especially for his flaws. I also can't call him an innocent victim to Lily and the Marauders. Otherwise, he wouldn't be the Snape I'm so fascinated by. Really, I think everyone in this story is just human. They all make bad choices at one time or another, some much more frequently. Snape definitely falls into the latter. I find Snape's concern over his soul interesting because, like you, I think it's highly likely he killed before. I've never thought about Snape and his possibly split/possibly mended soul, but now that you've brought it up, I think I'm going to work that in, and I already have an idea of how I will. Before I commit to any decision, I'm going to have to give it a lot of thought, because that really is an interesting aspect to Snape. Realistically though, I think he had to have killed at least one person, and he will in this story. The Snape/Lily mention is also a very good suggestion, thank you. Lily is never going to be far from Snape's mind, but after she dies and when Harry first comes to Hogwarts, he's going to struggle with her memory more than he usually does, and I think that will be the perfect time to work it in. To be honest, I have a few issues with the early part with this fan fiction. Back then, I didn't realize how much time I would invest in it, and not that many people were reading it, so it was mostly something that was just for me because I really wanted to know the story behind Severus and Lily. The meetings of the Knights of Walpurgis is one of those issues. I really wish I hadn't made it a room on the seventh floor because, I agree, that is pushing it. Even Hogsmeade or the Forbidden Forest sounds a little risky to me. If I could do it over, I would probably make it a dungeon or secret room near the Slytherin common room, that is somehow protected when the Knights are using it.**

**marauder fan- Thanks for the review! I'm flattered you read this so quickly. Getting the characters right is probably the most important aspect of this story to me, so I'm glad you're liking their portrayal. Sirius also fascinates me for the reasons you said. I think it speaks volumes for his character that he was able to turn away from his family for his beliefs, and even when he lost almost everything, he still didn't give up and resort to bitterness, though he still has his darker moments. Those moments make me like him even more because they reflect his past, and I absolutely love that JKR kept him so obviously flawed, such as his cruelty towards Kreacher and Severus. I can see so many other writers skipping over that, deciding he must be completely good, especially with children reading, and that's just not realistic to me. I'm not positive, but I think that quote is just from the movie, and I don't think it was said exactly what Lily did. I like the quote so I'm planning to use it anyway. I did a small scene with Lily and Remus in their early years, but Lily will be there for Remus again. This is a late chapter, but you're right, usually I do every 2-3 weeks. I hope to finish Abomination and Hero, but I'm not as determined as I am with Always. For Always, I've come this far, so there's no way I can quit now. At the same time, I have plans for Abomination and Hero, and part of me really wants to write them out. Don't apologize! I love reading long reviews. To your second review, I'm glad you're liking Regulus. Strangely enough, I think this story made me pay a lot more attention to him too. I knew I had plans for his character early on, but I didn't know how much he would interest me. While writing, he sort of took over and made a life for his own, and I love it when characters do that. And thanks again!**

**shadowkat678- Thanks for the review and that's okay! There's no rush.**

**spff- Thanks for the review! If it makes you feel better, I don't think we can trust Severus's feelings completely. During the Mudblood scene, there's a lot of hate, but I think it's really for himself more than anyone else, though he's probably not aware of most of it. Before he decides he hates Lily, he says he knew he had loved her, and suddenly he makes that huge shift. To me, it's not really that he hates Lily for betraying him, but he hates that he let her betray him. He's already a guarded person, and he let her in, and he can't accept responsibility for his actions, so he throws it on her. I see his love for Lily as unhealthy and obsessive, so I do think it's possible that a tiny part of him really did hate her for a second, but when you look beneath that hatred, I think it's all him. As for Regulus, I'm waiting for the end of seventh year to decide exactly how much Severus will know, but a lot of it will be hinted at, and Severus will at least know that Regulus is struggling with Voldemort, his family, and having second thoughts. Strangely enough, Regulus is probably the main reason why I'm excited for Hogwarts to end, so expect a lot more of him. **


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